Alex-Lee Spain

ALEX-LEE SPAIN

I think society’s idea of a man is hugely based around the idea of masculinity. They assume masculinityis power and strength and all of that,which isn’t good, because then you’re assumingthat every man should adhere to this stereotypeof being powerful, strong and big, and that womencan’t be, as it’s considered to be a masculine thing.I think that’s what makes masculinity so toxic. Societyis obsessed with the idea, like in magazineswith these big-built guys pictured saying, “Thisis a man, this is what is manly.” It’s implying thatevery other man should follow in those footstepsand anyone who doesn’t fit into that category feelsalone and separated from society.

Danielle Goodland

The concept of what a man is nowadays is completely toxic compared to what it needs to be, which is just being a human being. Saying you’re a man shouldn’t have to mean that you’re masculine, it should just be saying, ‘This is part of the person I am’. I spend a lot of time changing how I come across to different people because I feel like I have to act more masculine to people that I don’t know, than with my friends and family. My friends know exactly who I am, they know that I’m just a small cuddly person with a really big heart. When I meet people for the first time, it’s almost like there’s an expectation that I have to be someone with a really deep voice, be really aggressive, show no emotion, and sometimes that can really mess with my head. Trying to be a normal person in day-to-day life, I question myself. Am I doing this right? Am I coming across as manly to all these other guys? That’s one reason why I hate all men’s sports. Psychologically, it massively affects me having to live up to this masculine stereotype and I’m not the only one. I know a lot of guys in the same boat, who struggle because they don’t fit that standard.

I’m just a small cuddly person with a really big heart

I think only now we are starting to talk about this openly. People are starting to notice it; it’s being brought up more in media, the concept of toxic masculinity. It’s getting better, but there’s just not as much of a focus on this as there is on other things going on in the world. At the moment feminism is being talked about a lot, which is great and something we really need to push, because we’re the ones who’ve kept women feeling like they had no power at all. That, again, is to do with the whole idea of masculinity, because ‘powerful’ is not what we expect women to be. It’s wrong. Have you ever seen a woman give birth? That’s f*cking terrifying! There’s more power there than me getting a cramp in my leg or whatever. On social media, the expectations for men are starting to be talked about a bit more, but I think it’s still something a lot of people find difficult to talk to each other about, especially among guys, because you don’t want to come across as that person who’s weak. As if being weak is a bad thing! Because it’s not! But there’s still that fear… it’s a very fear-based thing.

Being a man in society, especially doing a science degree, I am expected to separate my emotions from my work, particularly if I see anything being hurt. You’re supposed to get through life and not cry at movies, and the thing is, I’m the biggest sop I know. I cry at every movie when anything sad happens! My best friends are all girls and that’s because I have no fear of showing emotion around them, I find it so hard to make friends with other guys because I don’t fit into the masculine stereotype. Other than physically, anyway, being bald and bearded.

Danielle Goodland

There’s a lot of people I meet, and I talk to, and they’ll say, “Oh, I didn’t expect your voice to be like that.” When I ask what they mean they’ll say, “I was expecting it to be really deep and growly,” just because of the way I look. It just shocks me that I’m being stereotyped before I’ve even got to know someone. We shouldn’t be doing that. We should be accepting of, and revelling in, people’s differences. I love being short, bald and bearded with a bit of a fancy voice, a bit sassy, because that’s how I reflect my personality! I shouldn’t have to be like, “Grr, f*ck you, I’ll punch you in the face” in a pub. That’s not who I am, but I guess, for some guys, that’s who they are, and that’s what they feel fits them.

I’ve never been the kind of guy who wears makeup because that’s my preference. I don’t tell other guys that they can’t wear makeup because it’s totally up to them. I throw axes and, yeah, that comes across as a masculine thing, but it’s actually just something I enjoy doing. I also enjoy watching romcoms whilst wrapped in a blanket with a cup of tea at night-time. I shouldn’t be stuck to one standard, no one should ever be stuck to one standard. I grew up playing with both Bratz dolls and Action Men. I don’t think those things should determine how I’m supposed to be later on in life. Why tell your kid he can’t dress like a princess? It’s just a piece of clothing! What are you worried about? If they’re going to grow up to be a footballer then they’ll do that by themselves, they don’t need you to decide that for them.

I think I wanted to do this because I am sick of the standards I’m held to because of who I am within society, which is a guy that likes to do science and cry at films. I think that’s okay. It’s okay to be whoever you want to be, you should never have to stick to a hypermasculine lifestyle if it doesn’t make you happy. You should only meet that standard if that’s how you want to be, not because of everyone else around you.