Gianluca Floris

GIANLUCA FLORIS

To be a man is complicated nowadays, mainly due to the fact that we are experiencing a time when there is so much change happening. Being a man in the past, it was a general thing. Men went to work, men did all the typically masculine things. Whereas nowadays, because of equality and more openness towards different ways of life, it opens up different genres of what men can be. I grew up in a traditional way, so there are things that I think I should do as a man: be a gentleman, respect people and have manners. I had an amazing upbringing, but the values and concepts and ideas were conservative. My dad being Italian, they are very traditional, men do one thing and women do the other, and that’s accepted there. I think there are so many different aspects of being a man; where I fall into some, others fall into different ones, it’s a collective of things. Anyone who disrespects another person, whether they’re male, female, whoever they are, no matter where they come from, no matter who they are, they should be held to account. We are all people and should know better. We all have access to the knowledge of what is right and what is wrong. Especially in the world today. With social media, you have access to every type of perception that there is, so you should be able to make a logical decision about what is acceptable and what is not.

Danielle Goodland

Male suicide is a difficult topic. We are obviously missing something about understanding how men cope with pressure and unexpected issues that face us in life, whether that’s to do with feeling a sense of failure about something, or being unable to express who we think we really are, which is something I struggled with growing up. I guess I can only speak of my own experiences, but I know I’ve always been that person who’s very good at giving advice but reluctant to take it myself. Maybe that’s due to my opinion that I shouldn’t put the burden of my own personal issues on anyone else. I’ve always felt that I would never want anyone to feel as close to rock bottom as I have. If I’m not making someone else’s life better every day, then what’s the point in living? It could be anything from a smile to just a general chat, but doing something positive gives both you and the recipient something to remember. You don’t know what anyone is going through, so why is everyone not just kinder to each other? We need to bring back empathy. I am still reluctant to tell people how I really feel because I don’t know what they’re going through, so why should I burden them with my problems too? That, I expect, is one of the main reasons for male suicide.

I am still reluctant to tell people how I really feel

Anyone who experiences that kind of rock bottom is having issues that no one else can really comprehend. Whether it’s that they’re gay and they hate the fact that this is who they are, which was the case for me. I really hated it for years. Now, I accept it and live with it, but I still struggle. It was right from the start of secondary school, when you realise that you’re not quite who you think you should be, or act quite like how other people do. The problem I had was that my parents owned a pub and had quite a big presence socially due to their success and reputation. I felt I had to match that, and still do. All of my life, I’ve been inspired by their kindness and resilience through times of hardship, so upon realising who I was, it felt like a total sink in the stomach. I hated the fact that I was gay. For years, I was in denial, or not so much denial but more ashamed about it, because I enjoyed the life I had, or thought I had. Growing up in a thatched-cottage village, with both very rich and very poor, it was not the place to be a gay teenager. Therefore, I hid it for years because I loved and was loved by everyone in that village. I thought if people knew, it would be a totally different story. People grow up with different backgrounds, so I’m not resentful of people that don’t approve of homosexuality, because it’s just how they were brought up. Although it annoys me greatly, I’m not the type of person to get into an argument about it, because there’s still a part of me that wishes I was straight. My main issue with my sexuality was how I was perceived by people. I wanted to maintain the relationship I had with everyone, including my parents and family, so to effectively come out, or be ‘outed’ as I was, was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had happen to me. It’s liberating yet incredibly uncertain, it’s like I started a completely new chapter, but one that I’m so happy now to be living. Whether my feelings during that time could have turned into something worse, made me feel so bad that I wanted to kill myself, I don’t know. I had people around me that supported me through it, but there are a lot of people who don’t have that. They go into this downward spiral that they can’t get out of. It’s all about support really. It all comes down to people, not necessarily talking about it, but knowing they can talk about it. People have just got to be nicer to each other.