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Tabby Caton-Rose

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River O. B

TABBY CATON-ROSE

I guess the story of my relationship with gender is unlike most people’s. I was assigned femaleat birth, but I identify as non-binary, which meansI’m not female or male. I have struggled so muchwith understanding my gender and being comfortablewith it, especially since I came out. When Iwas younger I liked Playmobile and Polly Pockets,but I was also obsessed with dinosaurs and AncientEgypt. Toys don’t define your gender, but ithelped me work out that something was different.In primary school, I didn’t really have that manyfriends. I didn’t relate to the girls or the boys. I gotbullied for being different and I didn’t understandthat, because I was just trying to be myself, eventhough I didn’t know what I was.

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Danielle Goodland

One of my clearest memories of primaryschool was when we were making printing blocksout of cardboard and string. Everyone paired withtheir friends, but I didn’t have a friend at the time,so I worked with a boy. Other kids were laughingat us, saying we were dating. Truth be told, I felt the most comfortable doing the project with him. We were both very artistic, we worked well together and our prints turned out great. Rather than it being a girl and boy sat together, I saw us more as equal. It felt better than working with any of the girls in the class.

In sixth form we had a uniform. I preferred wearing the suit uniform rather than a kilt but some days I’d still wear my kilt. One person said to me, “I know what you are and I’m proud of you”. I think they assumed I was female-to-male transgender, so I tried identifying as female-to-male transgender for a while. I thought, maybe they’re right, maybe I am, but it still didn’t feel right. Forcing myself into a binary box made me miserable. I would rather be non-binary and happy.

The thing I have struggled with most since coming out is my relationship with my family. They still love me as their child, but they aren’t very accepting of my gender. It is frustrating, but I know it’ll take time, and I’m happy with the small steps of progress we are making, such as my mum calling me Tabby instead of my birth name. I guess I also struggle with people taking me seriously when I say I’m non-binary. I’m very used to ignoring it when people use the wrong pronouns and name for me, but I should be correcting them because my gender and identity are important to me.

I have struggled so much with understanding my gender

I’ve faced quite a bit of hate for being non-binary. I received the usual words: tranny, dyke, faggot. I got called most of these when I was figuring out who I was, and that set me back for a while. I was researching all this gender stuff and then I’d get called these things and I’d think, “Wait, is what I’m doing wrong? Am I wrong?”

I remember when I got my first chest binder. I put it on, looked in the mirror and cried with joy because it felt so right. It was just the start of figuring out my gender, but it was a huge step in the right direction. The next few years were rough as I faced a backlash from people online, and by some people I knew. Non-binary was very new to everyone (it still is), so I was accused of making things up for attention. Nowadays, a lot more people are accepting. I’m blessed to have wonderful friends that respect my pronouns, and even some family members too! It’s not perfect, but it’s so much better than how it was a few years ago.

Danielle Goodland

I can now say I’m the most comfortable with my gender that I have ever been. I used to just wear masculine clothing because no-one was taking my gender seriously, but I think I’ve reached a point where I wear what I want because my clothes don’t define me. I have feminine and masculine days, but I’m always non-binary.

I completely understand that gender differences are difficult to wrap your head around if you don’t experience it yourself, but it does exist! I’m living proof! I don’t mind too much if people don’t understand my gender, but they do need to respect my name and pronouns. I think the best thing to do is to show respect. Just treat us like normal people, because that’s what we are!

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