2 minute read
Ali Vaile
ALI VAILE
I guess the stereotypical image of men would still be the Chris Hemsworth or the chiselled, fairlystrong, man. I think ‘man’ is, I hate to say it but,robust, tough. I think that is already on the roadto change. I’m kind of a paradox, part of me believesthat men should be men, but at the sametime, I believe that men should be able to expresstheir emotions and, for god’s sake, cry of all things.Otherwise, you’re just suppressing a basic humanemotion. In years to come, I think it will change.I think we’re taking very good steps towards that.The Mental Health Awareness Day that happensevery year, and the thing that’s been goingaround on social media with “it’s okay not to beokay”. It’s small steps, but it takes generations. Ithink toxic masculinity causes a lot of problemsin the male population. Handshakes, that’s wheremy old-school mentality kicks in. It’s all about afirm handshake. It’s little things like that with men.It’s almost an insecurity shield, “I am totally calm,confident and a man, so here’s my firm handshake.”Realistically, most of it is an act.
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Danielle Goodland
I struggled a lot as a teenager because masculinitywas a problem for me. I’m typically masculinein my hobbies, but not in my personality. Comingto terms with being a fairly emotional guy was actuallyquite a challenge. I suffered from insomniaand depression from 15 through to 18. Insomniamainly, depression on the side. I think a lot of itwas caused by me not being able to find my feet inmy own emotions, so I’d take everything very personally.I’d struggle socially because I struggled toget on with guys. All my friends during secondary school were girls, apart from a very few select guy friends. I was very much the guy who hung out with the girls, which has paid dividends in later life because I can now be more understanding of girlfriends and female friends.
I think it causes a lot of problems for guys because they don’t feel like they can be themselves, and that in itself causes massively deep-rooted problems in people. As I’ve got a little bit older, gone past being a teenager, I’ve pulled myself out of that mental health threat. Part of it was just being who I am and trying to be me, genuinely, every day. Sometimes though, you need to learn to curb your emotions a little bit. Men can have the potential to be very angry people, so it’s finding that balance between curbing negative emotion but being able to express that negative emotion in a healthier way. I think a lot of guys struggle with that because it’s either nothing or it’s everything. Then you get these massive explosions of frustration, angst and anger, and it’s really unhealthy.
The male suicide rate speaks volumes. It’s because they don’t have the opportunity to talk about it. I feel like a lot of guys struggle, become depressed, become uncertain and insecure, because of this lad culture. Men need to learn to be more empathetic. I’ve always been someone who’s had people come to them. I’ve always sat, listened and helped them. I think men are afraid to talk about it with other men. It’s a social thing more than anything. You can provide as many helplines, talk services and suicide prevention charities, but it doesn’t change until the generational ideals change. You know in time things will change but it’s frustrating, especially for me as a teenager, because it isn’t changing fast enough. The stigma needs to be broken. I’ve had friends who have gone to very dark places and I have gone to some dark places as well. It’s horrible that men get pushed to such levels. It breaks your heart.
