ALI VAILE
school were girls, apart from a very few select guy friends. I was very much the guy who hung out with the girls, which has paid dividends in later life because I can now be more understanding of girl-
I
friends and female friends. I think it causes a lot of problems for guys because they don’t feel like they can be themselves, guess the stereotypical image of men would
and that in itself causes massively deep-rooted
still be the Chris Hemsworth or the chiselled, fairly
problems in people. As I’ve got a little bit older,
strong, man. I think ‘man’ is, I hate to say it but,
gone past being a teenager, I’ve pulled myself out
robust, tough. I think that is already on the road
of that mental health threat. Part of it was just be-
to change. I’m kind of a paradox, part of me be-
ing who I am and trying to be me, genuinely, every
lieves that men should be men, but at the same
day. Sometimes though, you need to learn to curb
time, I believe that men should be able to express
your emotions a little bit. Men can have the poten-
their emotions and, for god’s sake, cry of all things.
tial to be very angry people, so it’s finding that bal-
Otherwise, you’re just suppressing a basic human
ance between curbing negative emotion but being
emotion. In years to come, I think it will change.
able to express that negative emotion in a healthier
I think we’re taking very good steps towards that.
way. I think a lot of guys struggle with that because
The Mental Health Awareness Day that hap-
it’s either nothing or it’s everything. Then you get
pens every year, and the thing that’s been going
these massive explosions of frustration, angst and
around on social media with “it’s okay not to be
anger, and it’s really unhealthy.
okay”. It’s small steps, but it takes generations. I
The male suicide rate speaks volumes. It’s
think toxic masculinity causes a lot of problems
because they don’t have the opportunity to talk
in the male population. Handshakes, that’s where
about it. I feel like a lot of guys struggle, become
my old-school mentality kicks in. It’s all about a
depressed, become uncertain and insecure, be-
firm handshake. It’s little things like that with men.
cause of this lad culture. Men need to learn to be
It’s almost an insecurity shield, “I am totally calm,
more empathetic. I’ve always been someone who’s
confident and a man, so here’s my firm handshake.”
had people come to them. I’ve always sat, listened
Realistically, most of it is an act.
and helped them. I think men are afraid to talk
I struggled a lot as a teenager because mascu-
about it with other men. It’s a social thing more
linity was a problem for me. I’m typically masculine
than anything. You can provide as many helplines,
in my hobbies, but not in my personality. Coming
talk services and suicide prevention charities,
to terms with being a fairly emotional guy was ac-
but it doesn’t change until the generational ide-
tually quite a challenge. I suffered from insomnia
als change. You know in time things will change
and depression from 15 through to 18. Insomnia
but it’s frustrating, especially for me as a teenager,
mainly, depression on the side. I think a lot of it
because it isn’t changing fast enough. The stigma
was caused by me not being able to find my feet in
needs to be broken. I’ve had friends who have gone
my own emotions, so I’d take everything very per-
to very dark places and I have gone to some dark
sonally. I’d struggle socially because I struggled to
places as well. It’s horrible that men get pushed to
get on with guys. All my friends during secondary
such levels. It breaks your heart.
