R.E.m. Cycles
By Chuck Van Drunen
Dream tidbits from noctural notions
1. How to properly “Cross” yourself
I
n my dream I was unsettled and anxious because I was hanging out with some catholic friends at some sort of vague relgious event. Being raised protestant, I was quite unadept and unsure at being able to perform basic catholic protocols like “crossing yourself.” I wasn’t sure how to do it confidently in my dream, (which is also true in reality), and it was bothersome as my friends were able to cross themselves so fast and effeciently that I couldn’t even catch or mimic their reflexive motions. Why does everyone do it so fast? What’s the hurry? It was really starting to piss me off.
I
decided to step into a nearby confessional booth to escape the public scene and get this crossing thing figured out privately and in my own sweet time before emerging to join the ceremony. I had assumed there was no one on the other side of the confessional, and it certainly appeared that way, but as I began to frustrate clumsily with how to start the right motions of crossing, a voice came from the other side of the booth. It was a gentle, warm soft voice that simply said, “It starts with your thoughts.”
S
tartled I looked closely, but there was no one there on the other side? The voice then repeated itself, “It starts with your thoughts.... so you start with your head.” I put my right hand on the center of my forehead as I conceded to listen to whoever or whatever was speaking. “Your thoughts create emotions. The thoughts move downward to your gut and create emotions.” I moved my hand straight down to an area a bit above my belly button that now had a warm sensation. The voice continued, “The emotions arise and they float up.” I paused unsure what or where that implied my next movement would be? My hesitation was clarified as the faceless instructor continued, “Emotions float up and create more thoughts, and thoughts sink down and create more emotions. . .and they meet in the middle.”
I
moved my hand up to the center of my sternum, in line with my nipples. “The thoughts and emotions meet here and pass through each other, often they may collide, or get stuck, and become unhelpful. . . problematic.” A certain tension filled that area of my body, as I began to feel, to corporeally experience what was being described. The energy of thought and the energy of emotion fueling each other and converging into my bodily space.
M
y hand stayed center sterum on this spot of metaphysical collision, and the voice softly asked “Who will direct these thoughts and emotions in the right way?” Who will guide them to a proper path of action? Who is is strong enough to tame and absorb them? Who is wise enough to transmute and refine them into higher forms?” I knew without being told that the answer to these gentle questions was surely my heart, and I moved my hand directly left and over my beating organ.
I
stayed there with my hand on my heart for a bit as the confessional booth voice came again “The heart, she cannot do her work from over there, you must pull her into place, into your center of thoughts and emotions.” Suddenly the physical distance of my heart from
46 November 2021
the center of my chest felt great and vast. My hand reached in and grabbed my heart and tried it bring it back to my center line, but there was great resistance. I pulled with signifcant strength and yet my metaphysical heart was moved just a tad, and then bounced back in place.
T
here was obviously something holding it in place, well rooted, keeping it on the left side of me. I bent my head and looked down through my skin at my heart and there I saw all sorts of connective tissue, sinew, and fleshy material surrounding it. These tissues were bonded and woven around her, and she wasn’t going anywhere without removing, cutting, or tearing these anchoring tendons. I was stymied at the situation?
S
tupidfied the voice came to my assistance, “You will have to pull and push hard. It is labor.” I looked again and I saw some of the tissues holding my heart in place were thick strands that I was able to see by name... they were “Money”, “Vanity”, “Family Expectations”, “Faces of People who Hurt Me”, “Toxic Beliefs”, “Failure Fears”, and “Wanting to Be Liked.”
I
took to task, and with a deep breath pushed and pulled my heart with great might. The connective tissues stretched, a couple of them tore and snapped, some of them remained firm but weakened, yet the heart had clearly, semi-permanently, moved a small distance and did not bounce back. Then my hand became free and it smoothly flowed to the center of my chest. “This is the human task. To free the heart to center. Crossing yourself is simply a focusing reminder of this task”
O
pening the door to the confessional booth I exited and tried the motions: head, gut, center, heart and then a slow drag of heart back to center. I felt as if I had known it and done it for decades. It felt confident.
A
nd then I woke up.
