Place of Belonging

Gò0dNews for Rejection

Place of Belonging

by Sheneka Land

She sat in her seat watching the female church members gathered in the aisle, full of laughter and enjoying camaraderie. She was new, hurting, and in need of healing from deep wounds. She remembered the joys of belonging to a community of believers, but things had unexpectedly changed, leaving her displaced and isolated. She longed to be known and needed in a church community again.

She saw the women disperse. One of them was about to walk past her, so she began to smile, hoping to make a connection. The woman gave her a quick side glance and upon their brief eye contact quickly looked away. Burning tears stung her eyes, and she struggled to hold them back. Her throat knotted as she felt the stab of rejection. “It’s okay,” she told herself. “I’ll try again later.”

Another week passed. She followed the advice of her mentor and counselor: “Identify yourself. Tell them ways in which you would like to serve and be a part of their community. Stick your neck out.” She took the risk. It did not work. No matter how hard she tried, the lack of response seemed to send clear messages: We do not want anyone new. We do not care to know you because we are satisfied with our clique as it is. We would rather you just move on. You do not fit in here. Now, on top of feeling rejected, she felt stupid and embarrassed by her attempts to become known.

Rejection always feels so personal, doesn’t it? Once it gains a foothold in our lives, it can breed discouragement, depression, and detachment. Taking the risk to find healthy community seems impossible when we have been disappointed by people that we trusted to embrace, empower and lead us. Further, we are tempted to become victim to lies: You will never belong at the table again. No one cares about your qualifications, giftings, or passions. Just go home and forget about community. We begin to feel that we are the exception to participating in and enjoying life with God and His family.

So, what do we do when we feel stricken by rejection? We get up, dust ourselves off and risk vulnerability again, knowing that we may walk into another zone of rejection before we find that sweet space at the table where we find love and purpose. Once we recognize the reality of human fallibility, the better off we will be as we move forward in our search for life-giving environments and relationships. Others struggle with the same rejections and insecurities that we wrestle with. Sadly, competition, jealousy, and aloofness are often the by-products of our fear, lack of confidence, and self-doubt.

Nevertheless, there is good news in the midst of personal pain. Negative experiences that pierce our hearts can actually prepare and equip us to affirm and empower others who need healthy community. Instead of becoming bitter and fearful, we can become better and fulfilled as we make ourselves available to others. This means we should

no longer sit and long for an invitation to another table. We can become intentional and create a table ourselves that will provide much-needed community, while inviting others in to take a seat alongside us.

For those of us who are blessed with a loving tribe that welcomes us to sit among them, may we never forget that in the family of God, there is always room for one more. Make eye contact, smile big, and get to know the newcomer who honors your tribe with their presence. Scoot over and grab another chair. That “one more” may be the perfect addition your tribe needs.

About The Author

Sheneka Land is an ordained minister and a graduate of the Pentecostal Theological Seminary. She enjoys speaking and writing and is co-author of From Rejection to Validation (pathwaybookstore.com). Sheneka pursues opportunities in care ministry where she can spread the news of hope and transformation to the suffering. She is mother to four sons whom she homeschooled for twenty-four years. She and her husband, Jon, currently reside in Cleveland, Tennessee. www.thethreadsofgrace.com