Gò0dNews for Everyone
Restoration
C
by Kaeli Standridge
ome on, Adeline. Do it. It’s easy. Get out of bed. It
“You have never confused my voice with yours, Adeline.
shouldn’t be this hard. But it was. The internal battle
You convince yourself my voice is only yours when you are
raged within me. I dug deep down within me, to a part
frightened. You then shut me out, afraid of what my plan is for
that was so tired of fighting, and made myself get out of bed and walk to the shower. As I stepped inside, the water began to sting, courtesy of last night’s addition to the collection. Coward. You did this to yourself.
you. You don’t have to be afraid, my child.” I realized He was right. I had been afraid this entire time. But I didn’t want to live like this anymore. So I let go. I gave Him everything. All of the emotions and burdens I’d been carrying for
I scrubbed last night’s tears away and then finished
so long, I gave to Him, and He casted them away. I became filled
my shower. I needed to find something nice to wear today.
with a sense of peace. I had never felt so calm, so at ease. I could
Something to make people think, “Wow, she’s really got her life
breathe. I could live. I could love. I could love myself.
together.” I tried to shimmy into my jeans and flinched. It stung too much. Suck it up. You deserve this. I sat down on my stool, looked into my mirror, and curled my lips in disgust. Wow. You’re hideous. I didn’t have a choice, though. I had to look at myself to begin my “make yourself look alive” routine. I put on simple things like mascara and lip balm. There wasn’t really a point in trying to do more. Nothing could hide my insecurities. I triple-checked that I looked somewhat presentable before gathering my things and heading toward the door. Adeline, you’re forgetting something. I looked around my room. I had everything I needed. But I didn’t. Take it.
The tears that streamed down my face were now ones
I grabbed it and left.
of happiness and relief. I then took what I had become so
I got in my car and turned on the radio to try and calm my
dependent on into my hands. The knife reflected the sun’s light
nerves. It wasn’t helping, though, so I shut it off. My head was swarming with anxious thoughts. What if someone notices I’m not okay? What if they suspect things? I have to make them believe. I checked my rearview mirror, and upon seeing my
on my palms. It looked so pretty, but looks can be deceiving. You disgust me. For the first time, these words were not about myself, but about the devil: of his weapon that I held in my hands. I would
reflection, I broke down into tears. I couldn’t live like this
no longer be controlled. I opened my door and threw the knife
anymore. I was so tired of fighting. In that moment, when I was
far away, where no one else could ever use it for what I had.
ready to give up, I heard a voice. “Adeline.”
As I sat in my car, I began to think. My scars may or may
“Who’s there?” I asked out loud.
not fade. My pain may or may not come back. I knew, whatever
“It’s me, Adeline.”
the battle, it wouldn’t be easy. However, I would face it with
It wasn’t possible.
my God, my King, and my hand in His.
“Don’t ignore me any longer. I’m here, my child.” I lifted my head to the sky, feeling like I could see His face.
I then put my car into reverse and looked into my mirror. I didn’t hate my reflection then. Instead, I smiled. I was happy,
My True King’s face. “I’m scared,” I told Him. “I’ve gotten your
and because of God, it wasn’t fake. I didn’t have to fake it. I
voice confused with mine. How do I know it’s really you?”
didn’t. Have to. Fake it.
30 // May 2020
