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Cold Case Counseling
C
by Glyndora Condon
ounselors have a most difficult job as they meet
biased; each comes from a different perspective, each has
each new client and listen to their stories. It is often
their own personal story, each has differing communication
similar to a detective who is attempting to find truth
styles, and also, we must know if they are global vs.
without any prior knowledge of the victim(s). They take
analytical, as well as if they are visual, audial, or kinesthetic
the statements, inquire as to the onset, duration, frequency,
learners. In addition, there will be differences in how a
and intensity, and create a timeline of events. When the
male brain and female brain processes information. Each
counselor is assisting an individual, then the counselor
of these helps us to discern if there is agreement within
basically only has what that one person is revealing and
the conflict as to the issues. We listen for motive and we
understands that the truth is often buried underneath layers
see if these same issues occur outside the relationship. We
of defenses, distortions, and pain. When there is a conflict between two or more, then this complicates the alreadycomplicated process. As with a crime scene, counselors seek validity and reliability; yet, unlike detectives, counselors must work to keep an empathetic and respectful environment as they question each client, with the intent to educate and aid in the discernment, so that their clients can comprehend how to do this process and arrive at truth themselves. First, the counselors must help their clients to understand that they do not know it all. Often clients have gotten stuck in the use of many thought distortions and believe their own version of the situation is the only true one. Some
also understand that not all memories are equal and that
jump to conclusions based upon their own personality,
time erodes and skews memories. Therefore, we must
understanding, experiences, and beliefs, which completely
understand what is important to each party and why. Last,
denies and voids any other’s. This is when we teach them to
we allow for human error, since we know that all humans
seek evidence that supports their beliefs and also evidence
are fallible, including ourselves.
that does not support it. We teach them how to think
It is our intent to encourage clients to forgive, apply
circumstantially: Who was there? Where did it occur? What
grace through Christ, and to seek the positives as each
happened from all perspectives? How? Having a quantity of
begins to make deposits into their mate’s, child’s, or other’s
circumstances is important.
heart as we work to increase unity and love.
We then listen to all of the eyewitnesses and compare have to remember that some witnesses lie, and some are
38 // May 2020
About The Author
stories to find congruency and to find discrepancies. Yet we Glyndora Condon, MS, MFT, NCC, LPC; Heal and Hope Counseling Services. Mother of 4, grandmother of 8; entrepreneur of a Christian based counseling service; healhopecounseling.com.
