The Other Comparison Problem MONEY MATTERS
WITH DR. ANDREW LEE
W
Dr. Andrew Lee is professor of English at Lee University. He also serves as a coordinator for Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. He and his wife Esmerelda have three children.
e’ve all heard that we shouldn’t compare
lifetime (late 30’s). When she looks around at her friends and
ourselves to others, which can lead to envy,
family, she notices that she is one of the few with a college
discontentment, and even depression among
degree and a salary that is above the national median income.
those who spend countless hours scrolling through social
She is not in the best physical shape, but she observes with
media posts and thinking everyone else’s life is more fulfilling
satisfaction that most of her friends and family are more
and glamorous than their own. Ironically, many studies have
out of shape than she is. Her marriage may be hanging on
found that some of the posts on social media aren’t even
by a thread, but she is proud that she’s the only one still in
legitimate experiences (can we say Photoshop?). But that’s
her first marriage compared to her friends and family. Do
beside the point. FOMO (fear of missing out) is the current
you see where this is going? Lisa consoles herself and even
trendy catchphrase for what many of us know as “keeping up
creates excuses for not improving her life, based solely on her
with the Joneses,” and it can lead to chronic discontentment.
observation that her life looks pretty good compared to her
We all know about this “comparison problem” and its
inner circle, and she knows any of them would gladly trade
dangers. But what about the “other” comparison problem?
places with her. By choosing the wrong people with which to
The other comparison problem is when we compare ourselves to those who are less successful than we are, and then we use that comparison to congratulate ourselves on our
compare herself, Lisa will never achieve the more fulfilling and more successful life she could have had. But what if Lisa believed the saying that “you will
own achievements (higher education, above average salary,
become the average of the five people you spend the most
above average health, stable marriage, etc.). This can become
time with”? Because she believed this, she began to expand
a very real and dangerous problem as well; sure, it may boost
her social network by meeting people whom she admired—
our self-esteem, but what about the long-term consequences of
people who were more educated, more financially successful,
this other comparison problem? By using less successful people
had thriving marriages and spiritual lives, were regularly
as our touchstones for evaluating how well we are doing in
involved in community service, and who were conscientious
certain areas, we may be subconsciously sabotaging ourselves,
about their appearance and physical fitness, too. What if
destroying our motivation to aspire for excellence. And
she got to know some of these people and learn how they
when I refer to “less successful” people to which we compare
did it, and then Lisa began to emulate these best practices to
ourselves, I don’t mean only in the socioeconomic context
improve her own life? Where would Lisa be in ten years from
of income and wealth; I mean every aspect of life (spiritual,
now? The answer should be obvious. So be very careful about
psychological and emotional health, physical health, education,
this other “comparison problem,” for it can lead to serious
service, as well as socioeconomic measures).
consequences as surely as the envy and discontentment of
Here’s an example of this other comparison problem—
the earlier comparison problem. Neither route is the path to a
we’ll call her Lisa. Lisa is about halfway through her working
happy and fulfilling life. Proverbs 16:3 promises, “Commit to
10 // September 2020
the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”
