Happiful December 2018 by Happiful

The Magazine Devoted to Mental Health

Dec 2018 / £4

Putting your

BEST FOOT

forward

10 metres or 10 miles... you are making a difference

THE TRAILBLAZING CHARITY

CHANGING THE WORLD Read our special themed issue for Mind

YOUR SECRET SANTA SORTED Give the gift of reading & share the love

Getting

HYGGE WITH IT

BIG dreams Little People.

Let kids know there's more to the story

Warm, cosy & completely free

The body positive queen & mental health supporter speaking out for us all

Festive prizes up for grabs

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THE INTERVIEW

I find it empowering to help others 12

Stacey

Frank Bruno happiful.com | £4.00

(You'll love this on p14)

CURL UP AND GET COSY

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.” – Edith Sitwell

Photography | Tyler Nix

Guiding Light As the year draws to a close, people often fall into two distinct camps: those feeling festive, basking in the glow of a million fairy lights, energised by copious amounts of mince pies and yuletide tunes; and those feeling isolated, alone, overwhelmed by the excitement around them, their emotions juxtaposed by the flood of feel-good TV specials seeming to miss the fact that this isn’t the most wonderful time of the year for everyone. But what we want you to know is that we haven’t forgotten. We want to help you get through this time of year – and even enjoy it if you can.

And like Mind, who offer support to both those experiencing mental illness, and those looking to support a loved one, we hope this issue helps everyone. From special hacks on coping with grief at this time of year, to RED January’s incredible campaign, and our fantastic cover star and Mind supporter Stacey Solomon, speaking words of positivity and comfort, we hope you’ll find something to inspire self-acceptance, and ways you can help someone else in need. As Maya Angelou said: “Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.”

And we’re not alone. For our December issue, we’ve joined forces with the mental health charity Mind, who are at the forefront of the march for better support with our mental health. In this special themed issue, you’ll hear from the people whose lives they’ve touched, campaigns you can feel inspired by, and the people behind the charity – the “brains” if you will.

Is there anything better to be? Happy reading,

Rebecca Thair Editor

Get in touch with us on social media, we love hearing from you! happiful.com

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This Month in Happiful

40 53

Look INSIDE

Features

The Uplift

READER OFFER

18 Stacey Solomon

8 In the news

The Loose Women panellist chats about anxiety, self-acceptance, and standing up for what you believe in

36 RED January

Learn about the campaign that is challenging you to dust off your trainers and get active in the new year

40 Frank Bruno

From boxing legend to mental health champion, Frank Bruno talks about finally finding his footing

66 Winter gift guide

Give your loved ones something memorable with our guide to thought-provoking books for all ages

Life Stories 33 My ME metamorphosis

After ME almost confined Julia to bed in her late teens, she's now managing her energy to fuel her passion for music

45 Climb of my life

Gemma has experienced anxiety and panic attacks since childhood, but found support in Mind's online community, and went on to complete the challenge of a lifetime

71 Learning to accept myself

Jasraj always felt like an outsider, leaving him with low confidence and an online addiction. But he found that, when you ask for it, help comes in many forms

87 Getting life back on track Extreme anxiety in social situations led Rebecca to develop a problem with alcohol. But a diagnosis helped her understand and manage her behaviour

Happiful Hacks 16 Coping with grief 30 Learn to enjoy you-time 50 The truth: bipolar disorder 78 Talking MH with your boss

12 The wellbeing wrap 14 What is hygge?

Roaring fires and fuzzy socks, what's the origin of the cosy Danish wellbeing trend?

84 A closer look at Mind

ENTER CODE:

HAPMAGDEC

One of the UK's largest MH charities and the people who make it

Lifestyle & Relationships 27 The Self-esteem Team

Meet the organisation touring UK schools to talk mental health with kids

48 Self-care corner 53 The Naked Professor

The Instagram influencer opens up about his journey to self-discovery, and lays bare his 10 tips for you to get involved

AT THE CHECKOUT

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Digital

62 Karen Clifton

The Strictly star on MH lessons and the pressures of the glitterball

75 Switching off with Jo Love The founder of Lobella Loves talks burnouts and screen-time sabbaticals

Culture 39 MH documentaries

Our top five to watch this winter

65 Things to do in December 80 Not Just A Princess

The brand calling for an end to career stereotypes, inspiring future generations

90 Quickfire Qs: MH matters

Food & Drink 56 Christmas canapés 59 Sports nutrition

Nourish your body and get the most out of exercise

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EXPERT PANEL Introducing the professionals behind Happiful Magazine helping to ensure we deliver the highest quality advice

BEN BIDWELL

Lucy Donoughue, Kat Nicholls, Maurice Richmond, Bonnie Evie Gifford, Nora Allali-Carling, Ellen Hoggard, Sofia Zagzoule, Eleanor Segall, Gemma Calvert, Susan Hart, Claire Hargreaves, Fiona Thomas, Julia Scott, Gemma Lupton, Jasraj Singh Hothi, Rebecca Fussey

Ben is a life coach, personal trainer, meditation teacher and blogger.

SPECIAL THANKS BA CP

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BA BSc Hons

Mind, Joseph Sinclair, Krishan Parmar, Penelope Jane Smith , Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Janette Owen, Caroline Macmillan

CLAIRE HARGREAVES

NORA ALLALI-CARLING

Claire is a nutritional therapist, who specialises in areas including sports nutrition.

Nora is a counsellor and psychotherapist specialising in bereavement counselling.

Lucy Donoughue Head of Content and Communications lucy.donoughue@happiful.com Amie Sparrow PR Manager amie.sparrow@happiful.com

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FE ROBINSON

GRAEME ORR

Fe is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor, and an EMDR therapist.

Graeme is a counsellor who specialises in relationships.

MANAGEMENT Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Steve White | Finance Director Happiful c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL

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Printed by PCP

RACHEL COFFEY

SUSAN HART

Rachel is a life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation.

Susan is a nutrition coach and food writer, and vegan chef.

FURTHER INFO

Happiful magazine is FSC® certified. Please help us preserve our planet by recycling this magazine. Why not pass on your copy to a friend afterwards? Alternatively, please place it in a recycling bin. Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC® label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions,

views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

Photography | Htet Aung

LIFE IS A JOURNEY “Nothing is absolute. Everything changes, everything moves, everything revolves, everything flies and goes away.” – Frida Kahlo

The Uplift

CHRISTMAS

Study: Personality influences our Christmas spending How does our personality shape the way we shop over the festive season?

an your personality affect the way you spend over Christmas? Personality psychology researchers say yes. In a study comparing the spending habits of more than 2,100 people during the festive season, links have been found between certain personality traits and the way we splash the cash over the holidays. “We’ve known for a while that personality is related to what we call ‘broad outcomes’ – how much money you make, or how happy you are, or how long you live – but we know less about why personality is related to those things,” says Sara Weston, co-lead author of the study. So what is it that leads to greater spending? According to the research from University College London and

8 • happiful • December 2018

Northwestern University, those who have a “stable” emotional state and lower neuroticism are more likely to spend over the festive period. People with lower stress-thresholds and higher neuroticism tend to spend less. In addition to these findings, the study revealed that those with more artistic interests and active imaginations spend less, and those with higher levels of conscientiousness spend more. The researchers highlighted that personality only forms a small part of consumer behaviour, with other factors such as income and household size also coming into play. What the research does offer however, is a “big picture” view of consumer habits, and it looks like our personalities can have more power than we think. Kat Nicholls

Deck the halls with boughs of jolly Do your Christmas decorations go up the moment December rolls around, or do you have an argument with the tinsel on Christmas Eve? According to a study published in the Journal of Environmental Psychology, those who display decorations in their homes oh-so-proudly are thought to be more friendly and sociable. Speaking to Unilad, psychoanalyst Steve McKeown says that those who put up decorations early may be happier than those who don’t, as they can bring back happy feelings from their youth. “In a world full of stress and anxiety, people like to associate with things that make them happy, and Christmas decorations evoke those strong feelings of childhood,” Steve said. Steve also said that, of course, there are exceptions to this and, for some, the season can be seen as a form of escapism, or even a way to compensate for neglect in the past. On the whole though, those of us who embrace the festivities are believed to be more jolly than those who shun the season! Is it time to bring out the novelty jumpers yet?

Positive ISSUES Good news for inclusivity at the BBC

WORKPLACE

BBC pledges £1 million to recruit more journalists with disabilities Broadcaster doubles its initial investment in ‘Extend in News’, which comes as it increases the number of disability-related stories featured across the corporation

BC bosses say they are determined to tackle under-representation in the media, and will continue to recruit journalists using their Extend in News programme – a year-long scheme to place candidates in various roles in the newsrooms of Newsnight, Radio 5 Live, BBC’s Politics Live and Digital Current Affairs. Six successful applicants are picked from hopefuls, and are then supported with tailored training plans, a personal mentor, and guidance into permanent BBC News positions over the course of a year – from junior levels to more experienced senior editorial roles. The extra funding announced by the BBC aims to further bolster the scheme, launched in 2017. It remains open to those with a hidden or visible disability, who are interested in journalism or production management assistant roles. The initiative has also seen a spike in disability-related stories being told on the BBC, including a Newsbeat documentary about accessible clubbing in Ibiza.

Ellis Palmer, an Extend in News participant last year, and now a BBC World Online digital video journalist, praised the scheme for its inclusiveness. He said: “At the BBC, my condition has not been a barrier in any way shape or form. “The support I’ve received here from day one has been absolutely fantastic. Journalism is about telling stories: we all have powerful stories to tell about ourselves, our friends, our families, and our communities. “That is why, if you believe you have a story to tell, and can tell it in a powerful, engaging way, I would urge you to apply to the BBC. Extend your horizons: join the BBC and change perceptions.” Katie Lloyd, development director at BBC News and Current Affairs, said: “BBC Extend in News is central to our commitment to reflect the society we live in and recruit people with a wide range of perspectives and experiences. “The success of this programme is down to the talent of its participants. We are extremely proud of the stories

they have told in the past year and the contribution they have made to BBC News so far. “I’m looking forward to welcoming the new participants in 2019.” To apply, or for more information, visit bbc.co.uk/careers Maurice Richmond

A call to address the race pay gap A trade union has urged bosses to conduct diversity audits and release details on race pay gaps, amid concerns that nearly half of black, Asian and minority ethnic (BAME) workers have experienced racism at work. Prospect, which represents more than 140,000 people across different sectors, says a survey of 500 members found that 45% of BAME workers have seen overt racist behaviour at work. The union also reported pay disparity with their colleagues, as 46% said they were aware of a white colleague with less experience or expertise being paid more than them.

December 2018 • happiful • 9

The Uplift

When a picture says a thousand words (literally)

CREATIVITY

Kids who love to read and write found to have better mental wellbeing than those who don’t

survey of nearly 50,000 UK school children, carried out by the National Literacy Trust (NLT), has revealed that eight to 18-year-olds are three times more likely to have higher levels of wellbeing if they like to read and write in their free time, when compared to classmates who don’t. Jonathan Douglas, director at NLT, explains how the pressures children face need to be addressed. “It is imperative that we do everything we can to enable our children to develop the resilience they need to cope with life’s challenges – and our latest research shows that the joys of reading and writing can be hugely beneficial.”

10 • happiful • December 2018

Stories, both reading and writing them, can be incredibly helpful for young people experiencing stress. Chief executive of children’s mental health charity Place2Be, Catherine Roche, explains: “Escaping in a good story is not only a great way to cope when you’re feeling stressed or worried, but can also be a fantastic opportunity for children to explore difficult feelings, understand them, and feel less alone. “Whether you relate to Harry Potter or the Hulk, if we want to help children to build their resilience and cope with life’s inevitable challenges, spending time with your child and encouraging a love of reading and writing is a good place to start.” Kat Nicholls

Anna Richardson for the ‘Let’s Talk’ campaign

Let’s Talk | kateforrester.co.uk

Reading and writing for pleasure linked to improved mental wellbeing in children

Photographer Charlie Clift and illustrator Kate Forrester joined forces recently to create “Let’s Talk”; a photographic campaign revealing the inner thoughts of those struggling in a visual form. Celebrities and public figures including Bryony Gordon, Anna Richardson, Jordan Stephens, and Alastair Campbell opened up to the duo, allowing Kate to write their experiences of mental illness on their faces for Charlie to photograph. “I wanted to find a way within visual images of not hiding people’s thoughts,” Charlie explains. Struggling with depression while at university, Charlie knows firsthand how important it is to talk about these kinds of thoughts. Kate explains how the experience was for her: “Painting on someone’s face is a very intimate act, made more so by the sensitive content. But the creation of these images was a surprisingly joyful experience. It was humbling that these people had agreed to be so open with us.” The moral of the story? Own your story. Expression is important, it’s time to step out of the shadows.

Positive ISSUES

SOCIETY

What type of kindness do you share? Are your good deeds really that altruistic, or do you consider what’s in it for you?

ccording to the latest research, there are two distinct types of kindness, both of which affect our brains differently – altruistic kindness, and what’s called strategic kindness. Think back to the last time you did something kind for someone else. What were you thinking; did you focus on that warm, fuzzy feeling inside? Or were you contemplating how good it might make you look? If you were focused on what you may get in return, or receiving recognition, a favour, or a small gift, that could have been strategic kindness. If you weren’t expecting anything in return, your good deed falls under altruistic kindness. Looking at more than 1,100 brain scans from previous studies that focused on people making kind decisions, the new study published in the journal NeuroImage focused

on finding out if our brains looked different depending on the type of kind act being performed. Scientists discovered that although some parts of the brain lit up for both types of kindness, those whose acts fell under the strategic category showed more activity in areas associated with reward, whereas altruistic acts resulted in a more emotional response. You might ask if it really matters what our motivations are, as long as we continue to be kind? Scientists believe it might. When we are offered a small gift as thanks for donating to a charity or giving up our time to help a friend, this may actually undermine those warm, fuzzy feelings, and replace them with more of a feeling that we have had a bad deal. Perhaps we should focus on doing good, without reward or recognition, and see how we can help others altruistically this winter. Bonnie Evie Gifford

The health benefits of hugs Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, Pennsylvania, have discovered the positive effects a hug can have, lowering our stress levels and boosting our mood following an experience with conflict. The recent study spoke to more than 400 people and found that, regardless of age, gender, marital status, and the number of hugs received, those who experienced conflict and were hugged at least once on the same day had more positive feelings than those who had not been hugged. A similar study in 2015 at Carnegie Mellon also revealed those who receive higher levels of social support and frequent hugs are at less risk of falling sick when feeling stressed. Sounds like the perfect excuse to make sure you hug it out over the holidays this year.

December 2018 • happiful • 11

The

wellbeing wrap

Discover how to add years to your life, the primary culprit keeping pregnant women awake, and how you can help the homeless this Christmas, in our quick guide to the intriguing, engaging, and inspiring news this month

Walk it out

In an extraordinary feat to raise money for the Mental Health Foundation charity, Charles Compton from London is walking the entire British coastline. Having started his journey in London in January, he’s due to complete the incredible challenge at the end of November. Five years ago, his depression resulted in him quitting his job, feeling “isolated from the world”, and scared to leave his own flat. Now, he’s come an amazingly long way – both figuratively and literally! Follow his progress at charleswalk.squarespace.com

Happy days What’s the happiest region in the UK? Drumroll please… The southeast! According to a study by richveintravel.co.uk, which reviewed data from the Office for National Statistics, this region also has one of the highest percentages of people engaged in arts or cultural activities, at 87%. It could be a sign we all need to take a little more time to explore our passions, or maybe take up a new crafty hobby!

Holiday healing

Taking more than three weeks’ holiday each year could lengthen your life, according to a 40-year study to be published in the Journal of Nutrition, Health & Aging. The research found that those who had less than three weeks of holiday from work over the course of a year, were 37% more likely to die during the 40-year study. With vacations allowing for us to de-stress, this study shows how vital downtime and work-life balance is. Time to plan that 2019 holiday of your dreams maybe?

Cat colony calling For anyone considering a career change in 2019, we may have spotted a job that would have you feline fine. Richard and Joan Bowell recently advertised for some help, and received more than 35,000 applications. Why were people so keen? The role is running the couple’s

12 • happiful • December 2018

6,100 miles

cat sanctuary on the Greek island of Syros. Being paid to care for cats on a paradise island – yes, this is genuine, but unfortunately the role has now been filled. From what we hear though, the couple plans to expand and open new sanctuaries, so watch this space!

Hole in one It turns out there may have been more to Happy Gilmore than a name, with an article published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine claiming a game of golf is really great for our wellbeing.

As a sociable pastime that gets you out in nature, and with a lower risk of injury than many sports, it’s a great exercise for both our mental and physical benefit. Maybe shake things up and have a tee-off and talk on the green this month?

Wonderful and welcoming news Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive

Lifesaving tunes

You’ve probably heard of the potentially life-saving trick for keeping the beat when performing CPR – doing hands-only chest compressions in time to ‘Stayin’ Alive’ by the Bee Gees. But for those less familiar with 70s disco, one hospital in America has put together a Spotify playlist of songs all matching the 100–120 beats per minute rhythm. Whether you’re more into a bit of Beyoncé with ‘Crazy in Love’, or ‘MMMBop’ by Hanson, it’s not only a great playlist, but could help you save a life – tune in by searching “Songs to do CPR to” on Spotify.

LOVE Helping the homeless Somewhere To Go (STG), a support centre for rough sleepers and vulnerable people based in Westonsuper-Mare, recently opened its doors for a special wellbeing day. Joining forces with local healthcare specialists, the charity gave homeless people the opportunity to speak with nurses, dentists, vets, and organisations such as the YMCA, and Addaction. As this time of year brings even harsher conditions for rough sleepers, if you want to help people, please alert professionals who can support them – visit streetlink.org.uk

Good tidings for all Christmas is all about giving, and Crisis centres for homeless people give each person a chance to have a delicious Christmas dinner, a bed for the night, a health check and treatment from a doctor, expert help with mental health and addiction, and much more. You can donate £28.18 and reserve a place for someone now at crisis.org.uk

zz Body clocks

The cure for hangovers

With the festive season fast approaching, it’s likely you might be getting into the Christmas spirit at a party or two – and perhaps drinking too many spirits as well. But the good news is that researchers have revealed what could potentially be the hangover cure we’ve all been waiting for – and it’s bananas! Research from George Mason University, Virginia, recommends eating the fruit after a night of drinking to help restore depleted potassium levels. Obviously the best way to avoid a hangover is to drink moderately, but on those occasions where you’ve had one too many, a big glass of water and a banana could be the Christmas miracle you need.

Pregnant women get an average of just five hours’ sleep a night, according to a survey commissioned by Happy Beds. Many of the top reasons for being unable to get that precious shut-eye included worrying – over the baby’s health, the birth, finances. The main thing keeping women up though? Being unable to turn over when they wanted. Couples are in it together though, with one third of partners sleeping in a spare room or on a sofa so as to not disturb their other half’s sleep.

December 2018 • happiful • 13

The Uplift | The Explainer

h ygg e? What is

When you hear the word hygge, what first comes to mind? Cozy fires, cool white walls and a warm wooden floor, stylish wool blankets, and fuzzy socks? Well, you’d be half right… Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford Illustrating | Rosan Magar

Hygge Hygge | noun | Danish Pronounced Hue-gah There is no direct equivalent in the English language, but it roughly encompasses a feeling of cosiness and wellbeing.

n German, gemütlichkeit refers to a sense of wellbeing based on good food and great company (often accompanied by a stiff drink). In Scotland, còsagach is all about that snug, warm feeling in the cooler months, and in Norway, they have koselig to express that contented cosiness. But the phenomenon that’s really gained momentum and international attention over recent years, and so many now embrace over winter, is hygge.

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If you search online, you’ll find no end of businesses trying to sell you the “hygge lifestyle” and a “taste of hygge” with mountains of sheepskin rugs, stylish candles, tasty pastries, and warming mugs of thick soups. While many of these things can indeed be hygge, they don’t really capture the true essence of the Danish concept – hygge isn’t something you buy, it’s a feeling. While its origins are a little fuzzy, some attribute the modern concept of hygge to the old Norwegian word for wellbeing, with others speculating it may have come from the Swedish for hug. But hygge first appeared in Danish at the end of the 18th century. Denmark is known for its long, dark winters, with up to 17 hours of darkness each day and temperatures averaging zero centigrade. Many Danes credit the presence of hygge in

It’s the art of creating intimacy with yourself, others, and your home their daily lives as part of the reason why Denmark is ranked as one of the happiest countries in the world. In essence, hygge is creating a warm, cozy atmosphere. It’s enjoying good things with good people; whether that’s basking in the warm glow of candlelight with a good book (and an even greater glass of wine), snuggling up with your partner to watch a movie with a roaring fire in the background, or taking a moment to enjoy a pot of tea with friends, embracing the chilly

Trending UPDATE

Small ways to embrace hygge in your home and heart

mid-afternoon sunlight, and relishing a moment spent with loved ones. It’s the art of creating intimacy with yourself, others, and your home. Hygge can differ from person to person, but some attributes remain the same. It often focuses on cosiness, enjoying life’s small moments (together or alone), creating everyday rituals to savour what could be mundane, and make it into something that boosts our sense of wellbeing and contentedness. Hygge is more of a state of mind, combined with a homely environment. It’s about being present to enjoy each moment, relaxing, and letting life’s worries fall to the side as you bask in the comfort and warmth of time spent together.

For many, embracing the idea of hygge means being kind to themselves, connecting (with others or our environment – the cosier, the better), and focusing on our own wellbeing. A particularly timely idea during the cold, wet winter months in the UK, where we go from one extreme to the other; overindulging in the lead-up to the holidays, then denying ourselves and focusing on a single, fix-all resolution when the new year rolls around. Instead of falling into the trap of too-much or not-enough this winter, embrace the hygge mindset. Try being just a little bit kinder to yourself and others. Recognise, embrace, and savour those small, everyday moments of cosy contentedness. Take time to

•T urn teatime into a ritual. Enjoy a brew in your favourite mug with a friend. • Let it glow. Create a warm, welcoming environment with the help of candles, fairy lights, or dimmers. • Share the love. Focus on friends and relationships, whether that’s a coffee and a chat, or opening your home for a winter feast. • Keep it cosy. Embrace the fuzzy socks, oodles of blankets, and a copious amount of throw pillows. • Indulge. Hygge is all about enjoying the good, little things that make us truly happy. • Put down your phone. Live in and enjoy the moment without getting swept up in hours of scrolling. • Relish the stillness. Take time to get outside, listen to the birds, and experience nature. It can make getting back inside to the warmth and dimly flickering lights that much sweeter. curl up with a great book, go slow, and try to enjoy the tiny, mundane moments for what they can be; chances to reflect on and acknowledge your sense of wellbeing.

December 2018 • happiful • 15

Happiful Hack

Coping with grief Christmas is a time to spend with those we love the most. So, how can anyone be expected to cope during the holidays when a loved one has died? How can we celebrate togetherness, when it feels like we’re apart? Writing | Nora Allali-Carling Illustrating | Rosan Magar

hen you are grieving, alongside the overwhelming sense of missing the one you love comes the crushing awareness of all that you’ve lost. You may feel stunned at the normality of life around you, as people go about their business, totally unaware that your world has stopped. For some, there is no worse time of the year to highlight this than Christmas.

16 • happiful • December 2018

The traditions and celebrations that add so much joy and meaning to the festivities can be punctuated with painful reminders of the person who is no longer here to share in it. You may be reluctant to turn to others, either because you haven’t learned to accept or ask for help, or perhaps you’re afraid others won’t know what to do with your feelings. For many people this is the hardest part of grieving, and a time when

we miss our loved ones even more than usual; Christmas can feel like something to endure rather than enjoy. But while you may want to hide away, getting together with family and friends might give you a chance to laugh and remember fun times. It’s important to know that having fun isn’t a sign that you don’t miss them, and it is OK to enjoy this time, if you can. Here are some suggested steps to cope with grief and loss this Christmas:

Life HACKS

1 Consider your traditions

It’s important to acknowledge that this Christmas will be different to other years, and will be tough. You might want to think about your usual traditions, and decide if there are any you want to change if they bring painful reminders – you might want to re-arrange the furniture, for example, to reduce “absence” feelings.

2 Understand your emotions

This pain of loss can feel magnified at Christmas; the sadness feels sadder, and the loneliness goes deeper. According to the Office for National Statistics, in 2018 5% of adults in the UK reported feeling “lonely” and “alone”, with women and those widowed being most at risk. In order to lessen the loneliness after the death of a loved one, you have to find a way to accept what is, and try to find fulfilment in the reality you are now presented with.

Grief is ongoing and never ends. It isn’t something you go through, but something that becomes a part of you, forever 3 Become self-accepting

When you feel ready, it’s important to accept help, support, and company from those around you. Open yourself up to the love of the people in your life, and try to embrace new people in the process. As well as accepting the current circumstances, it’s important that we are self-accepting too. This is where we’re able to embrace all facets of ourselves – not just the positive, “loveable” parts. To do this, we need to cultivate self-compassion, let go of any guilt, and learn to forgive ourselves.

4 Continue bonds

A 1996 study by Klass et al. suggested that it is normal for the bereaved to continue their bond with the deceased. They observed many cases in which remaining connected to the deceased provided comfort and support in coping with the loss and adjustment. The process of continuing bonds acknowledges that grief is ongoing and never ends. It isn’t something you go through, but something that becomes a part of you, forever. The theory also validates your grief, because it is normal to stay “connected” to your loved ones, and carry them throughout our lives. Some ways you can look to continue your bonds through the holidays would be to share a funny story about your loved one. You might want to do an activity you always used to do together, or revisit a place you spent time with each other. It might even be nice to include one of your loved one’s favourite dishes during celebrations.

SUPPORTIVE STEPS

5 Focus on your needs

Listen to yourself, and allow yourself to feel what you need to. Don’t be afraid to express your sadness when you’re feeling it, and know it’s OK to excuse yourself to have a good long cry as often as you need to. Remember that you can’t always expect those around you to know what support you need, so it’s important to communicate and tell them – whether that’s being hugged, listened to, distracted, or time to remember and share stories about your person. If you’re struggling with grief, speaking to a therapist could help you. Visit counselling-directory.org.uk to find a professional near you. Nora Allali-Carling is a counsellor and psychotherapist in Surrey, specialising in bereavement counselling, loss and grief. Find out more by visiting her website, yourlifematters.co.uk

How to support your bereaved friend I f a loved one is struggling with grief, here are a few starting points to support them: •L et them know you are there if they want to talk • Think about any small tasks or chores you can do to take something off their plate •A llow them to talk about their loved one •U se their loved one’s name – it keeps the person alive in their hearts and minds

December 2018 • happiful • 17

Jumper and skirt | & Other Stories

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT

Stacey

Stacey Solomon has been on the public’s radar since becoming an X Factor finalist and Queen of the Jungle almost a decade ago, with her beaming smile, talent and energy winning the nation’s hear ts and votes. But today, it’s her willingness to see the good in every situation and speak up for herself (and others) that makes Happiful love Ms Solomon the most. As a panellist on ITV’s Loose Women, and a suppor ter of the mental health charity Mind, Stacey boosted our Christmas spirit levels as she got stuck in with the fake snow and fairy lights, chatting to us about self-acceptance, anxiety, fighting for what she believes in, and the impor tance of family Interview | Lucy Donoughue Photography | Joseph Sinclair

Stacey Solomon: Kind in Mind

collective cheer went up at Happiful HQ when we heard that Stacey Solomon would feature on our festive front cover. She’s universally loved in our office – her positive and honest personality is a breath of fresh air in a society that can be relentlessly cynical and downbeat – so we’re excited to meet her. Four hours of Stacey’s infectious enthusiasm, combined with a photoshoot boasting a large dose of Christmas spirit, fake snow, and a playlist of cheesy yuletide tunes, seems like a pretty wonderful way to spend a Tuesday morning. When we meet, Stacey tells me about her previous week, which was a busy one, but full of happy moments. She recently celebrated her birthday with partner Joe Swash, and her two sons Zachary and Leighton, glamping in an aeroplane, spending time together on the beach in Tenby, Wales, where they saw dolphins, and visiting her nan who is “the best”. She’s also launched a collection in collaboration with Primark (including a T-shirt emblazoned with “Living My Best Life”, where a percentage of the proceeds go to the NSPCC to fight bullying), and is in the middle of moving in with Joe, creating a blended family unit. Knowing that house moves can test even the most easy-going people, I ask how she’s doing. “I’m excited. It’s stressful, moving is stressful – there’s always bumps in the road, and it’s a really long and agonising process – but we’re just focused on the endgame, and that will be such a huge reward that everything in between is manageable.” This is the first of many examples that show how Stacey seems to be

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able to flip what could be viewed as a negative, into something joyful. I wonder whether this attitude of gratitude is something that comes naturally to her, or if it’s an approach that she’s worked on over the years? Stacey suggests that it’s a bit of both.“I have such amazing parents, and I was brought up so well – that is my biggest privilege, and I will always say it. I wouldn’t be who I am, have the skills or mindset I have without them; they are a massive influence on my outlook in life. “But I do work hard on my mindset as well. I work hard to remind myself all the time how lucky I am, and I make sure I spend time with people who haven’t been so lucky, and who haven’t had the opportunities I’ve had. That brings me back to reality, and that reality is I’m living my dream. That’s also a real privilege.” Our chatter during the first 10 minutes of meeting confirms that Stacey genuinely has the positive outlook and warm disposition I thought she would. I’m aware, too, that she must also have drive, determination, and an incredible work ethic to have achieved all that she has to date. Stacey first arrived on our screens almost a decade ago as an X Factor contestant singing ‘What a Wonderful World’, eliciting an immediate cheer from the assembled crowd, and high praise from the judges. She went on to reach the finals, belting out ‘Feeling Good’ accompanied by Michael Bublé, watched and voted for by millions. Since then, she’s been crowned Queen of the Jungle after a sterling stint on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, presented and appeared on numerous programmes, and is now a panellist on ITV’s Loose Women. To have the CV that Stacey does takes

stamina, skill, intelligence, and talent. According to comments from her peers, Stacey also brings a large amount of loveliness to the table too. Described as “one of the brightest lights in a room”, “famously lovely, funny and priceless”, and “one of the most funny, genuine, beautiful people I’ve met”, it’s clear that she’s held in high regard within the entertainment industry, as well as by the public. It was easy to find comments praising Stacey on Twitter. In August of this year, thousands of people took to social media to respond and protest to a cruel and unfair representation of her on a celebrity magazine front cover. They were scathing about the publication, and supportive of Stacey. Stacey was no silent victim in the whole episode. Upon seeing the magazine, she tweeted a picture of it, noting it was “the meanest thing she had ever seen”. After the outpouring of support she received (including from Stephen Fry who told her he thought she was wonderful), she wrote a longer response adding: “The best thing to come out of this is that thousands of people disagree with this awful, bullying, insecurity-pushing journalism, and won’t stand for it.” Stacey continues to be vocal about the disdain she feels for this kind of reporting. “Those tweets showed me that the attitudes of most people are not reflected by certain publications. They are not reflected by gossip and negative narratives.” She smiles. “It was so heartwarming to know that people don’t want to hear that, they don’t want to read it, and they think it’s horrid. “Obviously I was really excited to be supported by Stephen Fry – but I was equally excited by the fact that anybody would even stand up and Continues >>>

Feeling GOOD

Jumper | Michael Kors Collection, Skirt and belt | Marks & Spencer

I work hard to remind myself all the time how lucky I am, and I make sure that I spend time with people who haven’t been so lucky

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say: ‘This is wrong.’ I then felt I had the power to say: ‘This is absolutely unacceptable, I won’t stand for it, and you won’t use my name to teach anybody who is reading your magazine that this is an OK way to treat women.’ I don’t want to be associated with that.”

If there’s anything I can do to ease the tension for people who feel like they have to look a certain way to be valued, to be heard... I’d like to be doing that As well as addressing negative media representations, Stacey is also keen to discuss how we talk about and treat ourselves. She has spoken out on many occasions about body acceptance, sharing natural and unfiltered photographs of herself on social media. She wants to show that it’s OK to be who you are. “I feel really passionate about body confidence. It has been and probably always will be an uphill struggle for men and women to feel completely happy, because we are always being told who we should be, and what we should change. “If there’s anything I can do to ease the tension for people who feel like they have to look a certain way to be valued, to be heard... I’d like to be doing that. What you look like doesn’t change who you are as a person fundamentally.” Stacey reflects that her inner critic and struggle doesn’t necessarily centre upon her appearance. “Just because I don’t look at myself and say, ‘You’re ugly, gross and disgusting’, doesn’t

mean that I don’t criticise aspects of my personality. I’m often thinking: ‘Did I say that right? Did I do that right? Am I working hard enough?’” It’s not an issue Stacey believes is hers alone. “We’re all constantly asking ourselves: ‘Are we good enough?’” She pauses. “For me, I have to flip that dialogue on its head and say I am good enough. My intentions are always good, and we can’t always be perfect, so I’ll just carry on trying to be the best person I can be.” Stacey’s words really resonate with me, and I think they would with many other people too. Her positive perspective on self-compassion and acceptance is inspiring. I ask her whether she has had any professional guidance, counselling or life coaching to help her with these realisations? Stacey tells me her first experience of being counselled was by her mum, who helped her through post-natal depression (PND) after the birth of her first son, Zach. Stacey’s mum had experienced PND too, so she knew what was happening. This episode was a pivotal moment in terms of Stacey’s mental health. “Childbirth opened my eyes to my mortality; I felt so fragile and like anything could happen to me at any point. Now I was responsible for another human being, and it made me really anxious.” Along with help from her mum (“her understanding of PND was essential to my recovery”), Stacey went back to college “to take her mind off it all”, and subsequently started her now famous X Factor journey. After the competition had finished, Stacey says the thought of the overwhelming task she’d just completed, and what was ahead of her, left her experiencing anxiety, and she felt vulnerable once more. Continues >>>

LOOSE WOMEN LIGHTEN THE LOAD

Hero Award

Along with the lovely ladies who make up the Loose Women panel, Stacey is backing the mental health charity Mind, by getting behind the Loose Women Lighten the Load Hero Award for the second year running. The Loose Women Lighten the Load Hero Award will honour someone who has gone to extraordinary lengths to be there for someone living with a mental health problem. “Loose Women love Mind, and are so pleased to be working with the charity,” Stacey says. “Mind helps so many people. They provide advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem, campaign to improve services, and promote understanding. Sometimes mental health doesn’t receive the same funding as physical health, because you can’t see it – but it’s just as important. “We all have someone, if it’s not ourselves, who has been affected and struggled with their mental health. The great thing about TV, social media, and radio today is that we are having conversations about mental health problems now, and those conversations make a massive difference. They open up opportunities for anybody to talk, and they raise awareness of mental health issues that people may not even know they are dealing with. “It’s so lovely to be working with Mind again, as we know that together we’ll be able to reach out to the people who deserve this award.” The Loose Women Lighten the Load Hero Award will be presented on Thursday 29 November at the Mind Media Awards in London. For more information about the awards and mental health support, visit mind.org.uk

“I tried cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which didn’t work for me, because talking about what scared me made it worse – although the tools they gave me were excellent, and I still use them in other areas of my life. Then I tried eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR), which definitely made a difference. EMDR is used for trauma, and they thought that the trauma of childbirth triggered my anxiety. “Ultimately, I think all of these methods are incredible. They just work for different people in different ways, and you have to try them to find what works for you. It’s a shame that it takes so long to get that treatment through the NHS; I know it’s not as easy as ‘give them all a go’, but help is out there if you need it.” Stacey still experiences anxiety to this day, and has found her own way of managing it. “The best way for me to cope with it, is to just accept that it is a part of me. There are good sides

If I embrace [anxiety], rather than trying to push it away, it’s actually a lot easier to manage to it, and bad sides to it. The good side is that it makes me vigilant about my health, albeit too vigilant. The bad side is that it leaves me feeling very anxious sometimes, and unable to focus on anything else. “Now, if I have an anxiety attack, I know that there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. I spent so long trying to fight it, and eventually I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s part of me, and if I embrace it, rather than trying to push it away, it’s actually a lot easier to manage.”

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I share with Stacey that we’ve seen a growing trend on our sister site, Counselling Directory, for people searching for support with anxiety. It appears that more people than usual are experiencing this. “It doesn’t surprise me that anxiety levels have gone up,” Stacey says. “If you think about how we get our news now, its everywhere – we get it from all angles and we are constantly being told the worst of what is happening in the world. I feel it.” Stacey tells me about a documentary she recently watched about plastic in the ocean, which made her question the eventual fate of the planet, and what she could do to help this very dire situation. “That also gives me anxiety, the anxiety of feeling insignificant, unable to change the situation and make progress on a mass scale, because I’m just me. “The only way I deal with those thoughts is to remember I only have limited control over this tiny universe, which is my own life. I can choose to do as much as I can within my universe – say, my recycling – to help what is happening on a world scale, but I cannot change the world. Sometimes we have to accept that the bigger picture is out of our control. “You just have to do your bit and maybe if everyone else does their bit too, then the situation will end up changing, you never know.” Along with this practice of selfacceptance, taking individual responsibility, and the tools she’s gained through CBT and EMDR, Stacey believes the support she receives from family and friends helps to keep her balanced. She is immediately effusive about her Loose Women colleagues and the role they play in her happiness. “Working at Loose Women is just incredible. I’m surrounded by

intelligent, kind and funny women, who have so many different dimensions. They’re not judgemental of who I am, what I think, or how flippant I can be. They teach me so much. I’ve huge respect for every woman I work with, and I know they have huge respect for me, and we all care for each other. “That’s such an important part of Loose Women, there is a genuine friendship, a genuine camaraderie. We know that if we’re all together, we’ve got each others’ backs, and there’s nothing better than that.” Whenever Stacey talks about her family and friendships, she becomes really animated. They are her bedrock and she’s deeply grateful for them. “I am surrounded by really amazing, nice, kind people…” she starts. Her friend and make-up artist Penny, who has been listening while getting Stacey ready for the shoot, pauses and looks at her. “You get what you attract,” she says softly. The interview is coming to an end and I can hear the Christmas music coming through from the photographer’s studio, so I take the opportunity to ask Stacey for some festive focused thoughts. Firstly, what are her hopes for Christmas 2018? “That everyone comes to our house, because it’s our first Christmas in our new house together, and I am not leaving,” she laughs. And finally, what’s important to her at Christmas, and life in general? “My family, the people I love, and the people who love me,” she says definitively. “What’s it all about otherwise?” Stacey is supporting the Loose Women Lighten the Load Hero Award at the Mind Media Awards on 29 November. Watch Stacey on Loose Women, weekdays from 12.30pm on ITV. Instagram: @staceysolomon

Dress, belt and bodysuit | River Island, Shoes | Jimmy Choo

Hair and make-up | Penelope Jane Smith using cruelty-free products Styling | Krishan Parmar

Conversation Starters

JOY MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE “There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humour.” – Charles Dickens

Photography | Ivana Cajina

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SAY HELLO TO THE

Self-Esteem Team

With a goal of reaching ‘every kid in every corner’, the Self-Esteem Team are touring schools across the UK to talk mental health Writing | Kat Nicholls

hen I look back to my school years, certain things come flooding back. Feeling like I didn’t fit in. Being called a “freak” by classmates. Eventually internalising all of this into a melting pot of anorexia, self-harm, and self-loathing. I can honestly say my school years were the worst for me. Back then (I’m 32 now) there was no mention of mental health from teachers. I didn’t know that my experience was shared, or could have been prevented. I think this is why I felt such a sense of relief when I first heard about the Self-Esteem Team. Co-founded by Nadia “Nadz” Mendoza and Grace Barrett 2013, the organisation started with the aim of helping young people navigate mental health. Over the years, Nadz and Grace pushed forward with the organisation, touring schools in the UK to share their experience, knowledge and energy. Continues >>>

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Conversation Starters

We hope to build on our little army and have more speakers talking to young people, helping them understand their brains better WHAT IS THE SELF-ESTEEM TEAM? “We describe the Self-Esteem Team as a hobby that kind of snowballed,” explains Nadz. “When Grace and I met, we realised we had experienced some similar things growing up, both of us feeling like the misfit. We both wanted to go back to our old schools, and maybe a few others in the area, to talk to young people going through issues that we could perhaps help them navigate.” Working on the Self-Esteem Team alongside their day jobs – Nadz is a showbiz journalist and Grace is a singer/songwriter – the duo found that their message was resonating with schools. “No one was really talking about it at the time,” says Nadz. It’s worth noting why it’s so important for us to talk to young people about these issues. According to the Mental Health Foundation, an incredible 50% of mental health problems are established by the age of 14. This means, for a lot of school-aged kids, mental health is already affecting them – whether they understand it or not. It’s also been found that 70% of children and teens who experience mental health problems have not had appropriate interventions at a “sufficiently early age”. The moral of this scary stat story? We need to be talking to our kids about mental health earlier. 28 • happiful • December 2018

Educating ENGLAND

MENTAL HEALTH EDUCATION This summer, the government announced that health education will be made compulsory in schools from September 2020. According to the Department for Education, this health education will include: “Teaching children how to build mental resilience and wellbeing, along with how to recognise when they – and others – are struggling with mental health, and how to respond.” With an ambitious aim of “reaching every kid in every corner”, Nadz and Grace are determined to do their bit, recruiting more speakers to help achieve their goal. “Over time, we hope to build on our little army and have more speakers talking to young people across the country to help them understand their brains a little better,” Nadz tells me. DELIVERING THE PLAN “We believe adults have a huge role in helping boost self-esteem because, ultimately, these are the people who children and teens learn from.” Nadz explains how it's pointless teaching young people about these issues if they don’t feel comfortable having conversations with the adults around them. “There does seem to be a common theme of shifting the blame and asking whose responsibility it is to teach young people about mental health; is it the school, is it the parents, is it the government? “We believe it’s cumulative. It’s everyone’s responsibility to ensure the kids of today turn into a prosperous generation of tomorrow and, to us, it feels illogical that people would not want to play a role in that, and instead pass the buck.” Working with students, parents and teachers, it’s safe to say we're making an impact, reaching hundreds of schools every year, touching the lives of several thousand students each term.

“For us, that is where the magic happens – in the human element rather than the numerical one,” says Nadz. “A large proportion of the schools we work with come back for repeat bookings, which tells us all we need to know – that their students connect with our message.” Grace Barrett

wellbeing education. We want people to be able to access this information from their bedrooms.” I think back again to my teens and wonder whether things might have been different if Nadz and Grace had visited my school. I can only assume the answer to be, yes. Nadia Mendoza

According to the Mental Health Foundation, 50% of mental health problems are already established by the age of 14 Taking their knowledge out of the classroom, the Self-Esteem Team wrote a book, The Self-Esteem Team’s Guide to Sex, Drugs & WTFs?!! in 2015, which answers the top 20 questions young people ask them. The book was approved by health professionals and added to the Reading Agency’s “Reading Well On Prescription” programme. WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD? Nadz tells me what she hopes for the Self-Esteem Team in the future: “Our dream is to take our message from inside the classroom out into the world, so it’s not just schools that have

When you’re going through dark times, the power of someone who’s been through it themselves saying, “you’re not alone” can't be underestimated. When we lack self-esteem, especially as kids, we’re left with a gap – where mental illness can flourish. I, for one, am grateful that people like Nadz, Grace, and everyone else on the Self-Esteem Team, are working on filling that gap with education, understanding and community. To discover more about the Self-Esteem Team and their incredible work, visit selfesteemteam.org December 2018 • happiful • 29

Happiful Hack

Staying in going out

is the new

It’s time to enjoy your own company. Yep you heard us, it’s a date between you and, well, you Writing | Ellen Hoggard Illustrating | Rosan Magar

eing busy is trending. Closely followed by being tired. These days, a full schedule seems to be a sign of success, or so we think. But are we really happy with our busy lives? When invited to social occasions, are you more often than not wishing you could stay at home, or at least spend some time on your own? Human beings crave relationships and socialising, but we also enjoy comfort and ease. How many times do you feel guilty for wanting to say no, or say yes just to get it over with? Perhaps you want to save a bit of cash, but aren’t comfortable saying no to the fifth wedding of the year. Maybe you just want to have an evening to yourself with your new book. Remember, life is about balance, and wanting a night in alone doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, in some ways, it can make you a better one.

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That’s quite a claim, we know, but it is important to spend time on yourself, without the guilt. So, next time you’re invited out but really don’t fancy it, think “Hakuna matata!” – it means no worries. Your friends won’t disown you for skipping one event. Just tell them you’re busy taking yourself on a date, because, well, you and your mind deserve it.

1 Get some culture

Skipping an event doesn’t mean you have to stay inside. Why not go to the theatre to see the show you’ve wanted to watch, or visit an art gallery. Why should you wait for someone to come with you if it’s something you’re interested in? Take some snacks and enjoy the experience. If that seems too much, why not head to the shops? I love nothing more than a solo shopping trip, with a coffee or lunch for one thrown in.

SOLO SOLUTIONS

Life LESSONS

2 Netflix and chill

Similar to point one, if there’s a film you’ve been dying to see, why not go alone? You don’t talk to anyone during the film anyway (at least we hope not…), but if you’re not quite ready to hit the cinema solo, pick your favourite film and watch it at home. Make yourself a tasty dinner, put your comfies on, and pour yourself a glass of your chosen tipple. Netflix and chill indeed.

3 Sort out your s**t

Our busy lives can mean that we either procrastinate, or do the more mundane tasks at the weekend, which are supposed to be for relaxing. Remember it’s OK to turn down going out for a bit of life admin sometimes. In fact, studies have shown that some privacy is great for productivity, so why not put on your favourite playlist and do all the things you’ve been meaning to?

4 Time to relax

Of course, it was going to be here somewhere, but many of us need reminding. A pamper night doesn’t just mean a bath bomb and a face mask (although...), it’s about doing what you want to do, and doing the things that relax you. There is nothing wrong with passing up a social event to chill out on your own, so make the most of it. Maybe have an early night, or snuggle up in bed and read a book. Delightful.

Next time you’re invited out but really don’t fancy it, think ‘Hakuna matata’ – it means no worries! 5 Get moving

Late-night exercise anyone? You may be laughing, but this can be a really pleasant experience. We’re usually so rushed to go from gym to work to home, or vice versa, that we’re constantly surrounded by people, and fall into a routine. Gyms are pretty empty post8pm, and it can be an opportunity to try out some of the equipment you’ve otherwise been too worried to use. It’s your very own play area! Feeling guilty over doing what you want is a horrible way to live. You may spend hours fretting over what your friends or colleagues will think when really, they’ll love you regardless. If you want to have a day to yourself – whether for your mental health, to tick something off your to-do list, or simply because you’ve had enough of socialising – absolutely do it. Be honest with your friends and suggest catching up another time. Who knows, you may even inspire them to spend more time enjoying their own company too! December 2018 • happiful • 31

Life with a Chronic Illness

Feeling lonely? 5 ways to cope with loneliness Deﬁned as a subjective, unwelcome feeling of a lack of companionship, loneliness is a deeply painful feeling that any one of us can experience. While feeling lonely in itself isn’t a mental health problem, chronic loneliness can have a massive impact on health, happiness and wellbeing, and is associated with depression, sleep problems and stress. So, how can you address loneliness?

If you are lonely or feel like you have nobody to talk to, a counsellor can help. Find a professional nearby with counsellingdirectory.org.uk

Reach out to loved ones

If you miss someone, call them and invite them over. Life can get in the way, but they will likely appreciate the call, and would love to spend quality time with you.

Develop a sense of gratitude Make a list of the people and/or things you are grateful for in your life.

There are othe r ways for you to connect with people. Elefriends is a supportive online comm unity from M ind where you ca n be yourself. Visit elefrien ds.org.uk for more inform ation.

Find ways to help others

Volunteering your time for those less fortunate instils a sense of usefulness.

Explore a new hobby

Move and sing

Listen to happy, uplifting music that makes you smile and dance.

Make a list of the activities you d previously enjoyed, or always wante to try. Be brave, you deserve to be ty happy. Plus, it’s a great opportuni to meet new people!

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Of course, overcoming loneliness isn’t always simple. There are many forms of loneliness, and it can affect all of us differently. But small steps to changing your life can help you cope with those feelings, and ﬁnd yourself again.

counselling-directory.org.uk

Julia’s Story

Me, my ME, and my metamorphosis

Julia Scott went from an energetic and activity-fuelled childhood, to almost confined to her bed in her late teens. Receiving her diagnosis of ME finally came with an understanding of how to manage her energy, and how to channel it into her passion – her music

ack in 2004, I would never have believed my future held a successful music career that allowed me to travel the country, or that I would be releasing my debut album into the world. In 2004, aged 18, getting out of bed to crawl down the stairs, just to crash on to the sofa after the stairs had taken it out of me, was a mammoth enough daily task. It wasn’t easy, but I’m so glad I didn’t lose hope along the way.

As a child, I had the boundless energy of youth. I’d be up before 6am on weekdays to muck out my pony before school. I enjoyed taking part in as many sports as possible, attending after-school sports clubs, before coming home to cram in homework and another quick ride before dark. It wasn’t until around 2003, when I was 17, that I had multiple bouts of what my doctor called chronic tonsillitis (which later turned out to have been glandular fever), and my life changed.

I could no longer focus on my school work, and found processing information extremely difficult. Learning new things became an impossible task, and I struggled to get out of bed. The sports I had once loved now made my body hurt, and a quick sprint or relay on sports day would exhaust me for days afterwards. I started to sleep more, until it reached a point where I was lucky if I was awake for more than a couple of hours a day. Continues >>>

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Life with a Chronic Illness

Julia’s Story During those times, I was in intense pain, and physically couldn’t do much more than the absolute basics. My throat had swollen to a point where it was almost closed, and I struggled to eat solid foods. Simply swallowing was so painful that I didn’t want to do it, and every movement hurt. I was repeatedly given antibiotics for the sore throat, which didn’t make a difference, and I constantly rasped my way through speech. By this time I had left school, aged 19, and had started going to art college. It was here that I discovered my true passion was music, and decided to try to start a singing career. Initially I was performing at the odd pub and club, and was trying to juggle this alongside college when some days I was barely able to get out of bed. I found I was cancelling gigs and

I started to sleep more and more, until it reached a point where I was lucky if I was awake for more than a couple of hours a day 34 • happiful • December 2018

Julia’s ME means she has to manage her energy carefully

calling in sick to college regularly. Finally, it got so bad that I started looking online to find out what was wrong with me. Eventually, I discovered something called Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) – better known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at the time. It ticked a lot of the boxes, and I approached my doctor with the possibility that I may have this rather than tonsillitis. It took years to be taken seriously, but eventually I was referred to an ear, throat and nose specialist in 2009. By this time I was 22, and he said I had clearly suffered a very severe case of glandular fever judging from all the scarring in my throat, and he suspected I had a viral infection. Following a referral to another specialist, I was diagnosed with ME. It was months later that I was finally referred to a cognitive behavioural course with the NHS so I could learn to manage my condition. The lady running the course actually had ME, and it was the first time I’d met someone else with the condition – the first time I’d met someone with ME who was holding down a job. Suddenly I could see that it was possible to achieve some stability in my life. Not everything on the course helped, but some of it allowed me to come to terms with some very difficult realisations.

I had an invisible disability that there was no guarantee I would ever fully recover from. I needed to accept that I would not be able to push myself the same way I had done before. I learned that sometimes, no matter how much I want to do something, I had to say no for the sake of my own health. I learned that if I want to be able to do things, I have to manage every second of my time to fit things in. I stumbled across The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. A short and sweet version is that we all begin our day with a number of spoons, and each task requires one of these to be handed over in payment. Someone without a chronic illness will rest at night and regain all their spoons, ready to go again in the morning. Someone with a chronic illness does not, so they begin their day with fewer spoons to do the same tasks, and this goes on and on until they have no more spoons left to give. Once I had read this theory,

True LIFE

I needed to accept that I would not be able to push myself the same way I had done before I began applying it to my life, understanding the cost of tasks, social situations and even getting out of bed in the morning, and how much it would cost my energy reserves. It has taken me several years to improve and get my health back to something manageable, but now, as long as I continue to manage my time and energy expenditure, I am able to live life my way. I’ve been able to use my experiences as someone with an invisible chronic illness to shape the message of my music. Occasionally, when things outside of my control come into play, I am still caught out by it and reminded of how bad my condition can be. A recent holiday turned into a nightmare when we suffered a 27-hour delay which sapped all the energy I had meticulously saved, and put me in a wheelchair for two weeks. The music came as I was starting to see an improved quality to my life. I began to look to the future and what I wanted to do, which was to return to singing. Only this time, I decided I wanted to sing my own songs that reflected my life more. I was very lucky to stumble across the Steelworks Studios and Eliot Kennedy, a Grammy award-winning and Ivor Novello-winning writer and

producer based in my hometown of Sheffield. Together, my Metamorphose album was created, featuring two songs relating to my ME, chronic illness, and mental health. The music I created, as my stage act Alice’s Night Circus, felt very much like me finally finding my feet, and coming to terms with the changes that had taken place during my life – so the name Metamorphose seemed appropriate. I have indeed changed from that energetic pre-teen I once was, through being nearly bedridden, to where I am now. I get to travel the country playing gigs, meeting some of the most incredibly creative people I have ever come across, and have even been featured in the unique book The Imaginarium by fine art photographer Gary Nicholls. I have the most wonderfully

supportive and dedicated fans that anyone could ever ask for, and I’m so thankful to have learned everything I have, because it’s made me who I am today. Metamorphose is available on Julia’s website, alicesnightcircus.com, as a CD and a limited edition vinyl featuring artwork from Gary Nicholls’ second book in ‘The Imaginarium’ Trilogy.

Julia’s stage act is Alice’s Night Circus

Our Expert Says Julia’s long road to a correct diagnosis of ME is, unfortunately, not uncommon. This debilitating condition can have far reaching effects, and leave those affected with mental health problems. Julia finding her passion and learning sustainable ways of managing her energy is inspiring – it can give hope by showing what is possible. I hope Julia’s story will encourage others to find what it is that makes their heart sing, and how they can both accept their condition, and find ways to live fulfilling and enjoyable lives. Fe Robinson | MUCKP (reg) MBACP (reg) psychotherapist and clinical supervisor

December 2018 • happiful • 35

Running Every Day

RUNNING OUR MENTAL HEALTH In life, we all travel at different speeds, but I am sure we can agree the key is to keep moving. Backed by Mind, the ‘Run Every Day’ campaign aims to do just that. Every January it seeks to get us doing something active, every day, and at our own pace Writing | Maurice Richmond

ounding the pavement in the name of mental health, nearly 23,000 of us got 2018 off to a flying start – by getting active every day in January. A month-long community initiative, Run Every Day (RED) encourages people to support their mental health, by doing something active each day. It’s got the seal of approval from Fearne Cotton and Dame Kelly Holmes, who became “REDers” this year, the latter showing her athletic prowess by recording a message to those taking part – from her treadmill. RED January went on to raise a staggering and unprecedented £1 million for its charity partner Mind – only the London Marathon raised more for the organisation.

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However, those behind the fundraising initiative aren't stopping there – in 2019, they're ready to go even further. But there is much more to it than running trainers and cold mornings. So here’s an explainer on the campaign, and how you can get involved to get 2019 off to an energetic start. BEGINNINGS RED’s journey began in January 2016, when Hannah Beecham got it out of the starting blocks, revealing to Happiful how it was inspired by her mum, who experienced depression. She says: “I was inspired to start RED January after witnessing the life-changing effect that a physical challenge had on my mum, and how getting active is helping her continue to support her mental health.

Regular exercise can help improve mental health, and decrease the risk of depression by 30%

Wellbeing EXERCISE

“I learned that mum’s experiences are supported by research that suggests regular exercise can help improve mental health, and decrease the risk of depression by 30%.” So in January 2016, Hannah formed the idea for RED January, with running as her main focus. She’d always been a runner, from her school days getting muddy on cross-country runs, to taking part in marathons during her 20s. Hannah adds: “Running brings communities together, so it seemed like a natural fit as part of an initiative to help people manage their mental health by keeping active, while supporting each other.” January was pinpointed for the campaign as a way of kick-starting the year in a positive way, and putting dark days, and post-Christmas feelings behind us – for free. You can take part in RED January at your own pace

Initially, Hannah started RED as a grassroots movement, its foundations built mainly on word-of-mouth, while juggling a full-time job in the film industry for the first couple of years. But it was the support of friends and family, which helped RED on its first steps. January 2017 proved a watershed moment as Hannah teamed up with Mind, which became the initiative’s exclusive charity partner. THE UPLIFT So what does physical activity do for our mental health? Lucy Lyus, information manager at Mind, explains how the close link between our physical and mental health is vital. She says: “We all know that being physically active is good for our bodies. But our physical health and mental health are closely linked – so physical activity can be very beneficial for our mental health and wellbeing too. “One of the main benefits of getting physically fit and achieving personal goals is that it boosts our confidence and self-esteem, and helps combat feelings of hopelessness, which can often come over us when we’re feeling low. “Regular exercise such as running is known to be very good at boosting mood, with research suggesting it can be as effective as antidepressants in treating mild to moderate depression.” RED stress that over-exercising is something to watch out for, and that the beauty of its January campaign is that goals can be tailored to different levels of athleticism. Additionally, you don’t have to fundraise in order to take part in RED January. But if you do decide to collect cash, all proceeds go towards Mind and its work in the community. Continues >>> December 2018 • happiful • 37

Running Every Day

RED-Y FOR ACTION: CAROLINE MACMILLAN’S STORY “Doing RED January isn’t just another race I’ve signed up for, or a crazy challenge. I really see it as a movement – a movement of REDers all together going forward to help raise awareness for mental health and Mind. “Maybe, like me, you have been running on and off for years and could take or leave it, and maybe you never thought that the small act of going for a run could improve your mental health – but it can. “I can remember runs where I’ve tackled some pretty dark thoughts, when I’d never even intended taking my mind there. Runs where I’ve left the house in tears after an argument with my husband, with the rain pouring down on my face, and about half way through the run, my thoughts reshuffled, the tears stopped, and I just kept going. "Then there are other runs where I’ve felt really kick ass, bounding along like a gazelle. I have all these experiences in my runs, and they are all unique to me, and I want more people to have that.”

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THE NEXT LEG So with the baton being passed on to 2019, what can we expect? Prepare to see a greater emphasis on variety, with activities outside of running. Its focus will be on a flexible exercise schedule, encouraging “REDers” to “get active every day” to support their mental health. Hannah says: “Whether you’re planning on swimming lengths every morning, walking 10 minutes a day, attending your favourite fitness class, or running 100 miles in the month, every achievement is celebrated, no matter how big or small. “I’m proud to be a REDer. I feel lucky to be a part of our growing community, and love watching other people own their RED January journey – from taking on the winter weather with grit and determination, to preparing for their first Parkrun, and the incredible support everyone shows each other. They’ve not only helped make a difference to their own lives, but thousands of others too.”

Whether you’re swimming lengths every morning, walking 10 minutes a day, or running 100 miles in the month, every achievement is celebrated, no matter how big or small For RED, January is just the beginning. Many taking part are keen to continue their newfound (or rekindled) relationship with exercise into the future. Hannah says its mission is to celebrate the positive power of physical activity for both body and mind all year round, ensuring the healthy habits picked up in January are continued. With every step, pedal or splash, you can join them on their quest.

Documenting Our Mental Health 5 Stills | Simply Complicated: Philymack Productions, Kids in Crisis: BBC, Jonny Benjamin: Postcard Productions,Channel 4 Television Corporation

Top

Capturing the story and portraying it accurately – the essentials of any good documentary. When it comes to our wellbeing, some pieces tread one step further. Educational, insightful, and treating mental health with sensitivity, here are our top five picks to watch this winter Writing | Maurice Richmond

documentary is so often a piece of material which informs, but also challenges – whether this is challenging preconceptions, decision makers, or even challenging ourselves to watch the footage unfold. The five shows on our list have stepped up to the plate, not only by refusing to shy away from their subjects, but also because they make compelling viewing.

1. Simply Complicated (2017) Issues covered: Self-harm, bipolar disorder, addiction, eating disorders A first-person piece from singersongwriter Demi Lovato, documenting her personal struggles with mental health, and how she manages it while in the public eye. It takes the viewer on a journey through bullying in her years at school, drug use as her career unfolds, and her management team’s desperate attempts to help her towards sobriety, punctuated by interviews with her mother, a childhood friend, and her sister. Simply Complicated also talks about the one subject Demi believes she is yet to conquer – her eating disorder. (YouTube, 1 hr 30 mins)

2. Kingdom of Us (2017) Issues covered: Depression, suicide, grief, men’s mental health An extraordinary insight into a family coming to terms with suicide. Paul Shanks completed suicide in 2007, leaving behind wife Vikie, six daughters, and a son. Explaining life now through the family’s reflections, it’s intricately punctuated with home videos shot by Paul that capture the gregarious, fun-loving dad, as well as moments of his severe depression. Director Lucy Cohen has created a raw and real account of a sensitive subject. (Netflix, 1hr 40 mins)

4. The Stranger on a Bridge (2015) Issues covered: Depression, suicide, men’s mental health Previous Happiful cover star Jonny Benjamin’s journey to discover the man who saved his life on Waterloo Bridge in 2008. Six years after they first met, we follow Jonny’s search for his saviour (Neil Laybourn), which went viral. A powerful piece giving background to the mental health advocates’ story, along with their emotional reunion. (Channel 4, 50 mins)

5. Me and My Mental Health (2018)

3. Kids in Crisis (2018) Issues covered: Children’s mental health, obsessive compulsive disorder The steps between child and adult mental health systems, told candidly through the eyes of a worried parent. TV presenter Sean Fletcher has previously witnessed his son Reuben’s path to treatment and subsequent hospitalisation for severe obsessive compulsive disorder, and has taken it upon himself to investigate the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service. (BBC Panorama, 30 mins)

Issues covered: Anxiety, suicide, psychosis, drug addiction Me and My Mental Health reveals the complexities of MH conditions. Amongst others, comedian and radio host Iain Lee discusses depression, talk show host Trisha Goddard explains how anxiety led her to attempt suicide, and actor Adam Deacon reveals how a drug habit led to psychosis. (Channel 5, 65 mins) If these suggestions still don’t whet your appetite, a bite-size documentary series from BBC Three could do just that. Life Through My Lens has produced an array of videos talking about anxiety, compulsions, and body image. These are supported by other pieces looking at sexuality, disability, and current affairs. December 2018 • happiful • 39

Photography | Barry Marsden / Mirror Books

S P E A K I N G F R A N K LY

After years of crippling mental health struggles, Frank Bruno has perfected the practice of slowing down and switching off. Here we chat to the boxing legend about mental health being the toughest fight of his life, and how he has found his footing again through simple lifestyle changes Writing | Sofia Zagzoule

rank Bruno is midway through a BBC Radio 5 Live interview ahead of our meeting – his booming voice and rumbling laugh making the faces of everyone in the studio instantly light up. The man himself is a giant and flanked by fans when we shake hands. In fact, throughout our chat there are knocks on the door, and on the other side of it, a string of people who want to meet him. Alongside his engaging personality, what’s instantly clear is Frank’s great vulnerability – which is unsurprising given what he has been through. At 57, he is one of Britain’s most famous and well-loved boxers, and a man very much in demand, but what he’s truly a champion of is mental health advocacy. Today, we’re here to chat about Let Me Be Frank; Frank’s second book, which is a searingly honest account of his battle with bipolar disorder, and how he learnt that there’s no shame in asking for help. Frank describes writing the book as a form of therapy, saying it’s as open

as he’s ever been. By speaking out about his own struggles, he hopes to help others and bring about change. Born in Hammersmith in 1961, Frank started boxing aged nine at Wandsworth Boys Club near where he grew up. After boxing as an amateur until 1980, he turned pro in 1982, and became heavyweight champion of the world in 1995, after beating Oliver McCall at a packed Wembley Stadium aged 34. But crushing lows followed the heady highs, with Frank struggling with depression, and fighting a wellpublicised battle with bipolar – being sectioned twice in 2012. Let Me Be Frank is illuminating about the treatment Frank received at the hands of the mental health services. He is now trying to bring about some change as his personal mission – something he’s campaigning hard for. “I went from boxing to panto, but little did I know then that there was a very rocky road still to come,” says Frank. “I had to speak out about the treatment I received after being sectioned, and being forced to take

medication. And I will continue to talk about it – I was treated very badly. “People don’t know what goes on in hospitals and too many people are so lost in there, unable to see a way out. I was on so many different drugs; I was numb, my face would swell up, and I was biting my tongue. “I was told I’d be on medication for the rest of my life, but three months later they discharged me. “Someone needs to speak out for the people going through this.” Continues >>>

I try and calm my mind – I did it throughout my boxing career. Sometimes you’ve got to just shut your eyes. You can overload the computer, so I take it easy when I can December 2018 • happiful • 41

Frank Bruno: Mental Health Champion

Out of his struggles came some light, with Frank being named a government ambassador for mental health, being awarded an MBE, and launching The Frank Bruno Foundation in 2017, supporting those with mental ill-health. And, thankfully, happier times are on the horizon for the boxing legend, who became a grandfather for the first time this summer when his daughter Rachel gave birth to a girl. His elder daughter Nicola also gave birth to her first daughter in early October this year. A settled, steady and quiet presence now, Frank has realised that he has to live his life in a certain way, and with a particular order, to make sure he feels physically and mentally well. And top of the list on this new world order is exercise. “I’ve got a 24-hour gym just 10 minutes away. I get treatments and do classes to keep myself well, on track, and focused,” Frank says, detailing how he keeps his diet basic with a lot of fish, pasta and fruit.

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With this exercise, Frank looks for variety, and ways to really benefit his mind. “At the gym I run, cycle, row, do weight circuits, go for a steam, sauna and massage. I’m doing a little bit of yoga and meditation. I try and calm my mind – I did it throughout my boxing career. Sometimes you’ve got to just shut your eyes. You can overload the computer, so I take it easy when I can.” From his gated home in Bedfordshire, Frank is able to dip in and out of London, and lead a quieter life away from the hustle and bustle of the city – another way to achieve that quiet and stillness for his mind. But alongside his setting, Frank truly values having a “structure” to his days, noting that “you have to plan and get yourself together”. In order to stick to a routine, he aims to wake and go to sleep at the same time every day, reading motivational books before he beds down. He also steers clear of the news in the morning and at night to avoid negative headlines. Additionally,

FRANK'S TOP TIPS F O R S TAY I N G W E L L • Don't be afraid to admit you need help, and to ask for it – it's crucial. • I really advise a routine; look after yourself regarding what you eat and drink, and how you map out your day. • Practise gratitude, and count yourself lucky when you wake up in the morning. Try to be content and humble with what you have. • Exercise to get yourself in the zone – it helps you to become more focused and disciplined. • Music is very powerful in lifting your mood; I love to listen to classical R&B, Ray Charles, George Michael, Sting, Dire Straits, and Elvis. because personal appearances and after-dinner speeches are such a big part of Frank’s work, he keeps socialising outside of this to a minimum.

Disciplined CALM

Let Me Be Frank sheds a light on how small tasks can quickly overwhelm him if he's not feeling on point. For Frank, having to adjust to life without boxing, and the sport’s tight discipline was the clincher. He was unused to doing everyday things for himself, but realising he needed to get help was critical. “If I’m busy, I’ve got a lot on my mind, and I worry about small things,” says Frank. “After I got divorced, I just burnt myself out. I’d be trying to do it all myself, and all of a sudden I didn’t have anywhere to unload all that pressure. You’ve got to get things in perspective, and have some me time.” One way of unloading that pressure, is in reaching out to the people around you, yet this is something Frank acknowledges he struggles with. “I’m cautious of trusting people, because so many have let me down.” This is a sentiment so many of us can relate to, but Frank now understands the importance of opening that trust up. “Accepting help is crucial,” he says. “Forget whatever else is going on. It’s important not to put pressure on yourself.

“I’m a grafter, but now I have days off. Next week we might not be here so I chill out and have fun. There’s a history of cancer in my family with my mum, dad and grandmother all having it. We are only here on borrowed time.” For anyone retiring from a career or profession they’ve spent years dedicated to, it’s a big life adjustment. And for those in the sporting world, this is no different – moving from a strict structure to your day, to having more free time than expected, and potentially feeling at a loss. This is something that concerns Frank. “Everyone struggles in sport when they retire; what do you do?” he says. “You need something to occupy you, and you have to find something to replace what you’ve lost. I do worry about what the future holds for today’s fighters, and the way some struggle after retirement. When the music stops, life can be very difficult.” While Frank would love to make a positive change to support others, he recognises “the most important thing is to stay well”. For now, his goals are to travel, help others as much as he can, and try to enjoy the simple things in life. “I find it empowering to help others, and now I’ve got a trainer’s licence I can do that,” Frank notes. “We can be greedy and just think about ourselves, but you’ve got to sow the seeds of goodness around you. “I am still on a journey and I’m still learning. I’ve done a counselling For a signed copy of ‘Let Me Be Frank’, published by Mirror Books, visit frankbruno.co.uk

We can be greedy and just think about ourselves, but you’ve got to sow the seeds of goodness around you course to help young people. It’s draining and takes a lot out of you, but it’s a good thing. I’m also getting a gym together for my foundation, but I don’t want to overload myself.” Alongside helping others, Frank’s come to understand the things that give him that perspective, and a sense of gratitude. “I get a real buzz from meeting new people and I like to travel. Seeing different cultures gives you a real sense of perspective and opens your eyes to how lucky you are,” Frank explains. “You realise some people live without things we just take for granted, like shoes.” Despite the trying times over the years, Frank’s self-awareness, enthusiasm for helping others, and concern for the mental welfare of future generations is something positive that’s come from his experiences. And it acts as a reminder to us all that even when we’re knocked down, we’re not out for the count. “I had a dream when I was very young to become world champion, and fulfilling that at 34 was amazing,” says Frank. “But everything I've been through means I’ve had to learn to recharge and relax. Stress is very powerful, it can wake you up, but you have to be able to put it to one side and try to be happy.” One thing is for sure, we wish Frank all the happiness in the world.

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The Height of Success

WE HAVE MORE IN COMMON “Friendship... is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself...’” – C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

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Gemma’s Story

Worth the climb

Gemma Lupton experienced a lifetime of anxiety, from panic attacks during her childhood, to managing it on her own at university. But, thanks to the mental health charity Mind and its online community, she felt supported in conquering her crippling anxiety, and was inspired to complete a fundraising challenge for them – climbing Mount Kilimanjaro

ental health can often feel like climbing a never-ending mountain – and I took that literally! As I gazed at the sunrise over the glaciers of Uhuru Peak, 5,895m above sea level, I felt the tears spill down my cheeks. It had taken five days to get here. I was physically and mentally exhausted. But the elation I felt on seeing that sunrise on Mount Kilimanjaro, in

Tanzania, made everything else seem insignificant. Despite the obstacles, I had made it! From an early age, I was a worrier. I remember in primary school worrying about whether my friends liked me, or if my parents were OK. I didn’t know what anxiety was, I just assumed it was normal to feel that way. I remember my first panic attack – age 14, after my parents split up – as if it was yesterday. I suddenly felt this overwhelming sense of fear and dread. I was

sweating, couldn’t breathe, and began to shake. I managed to sit down, feeling dizzy, and as if time had stopped. There was a pain in my chest and I honestly thought I was dying – I’d never been so scared. I had a few more incidents like this before I told my mum. She took me to the doctor, and I was referred for counselling. I decided to study psychology at university as I wanted to be able to help people the way my counsellor had helped me, Continues >>>

December 2018 • happiful • 45

The Height of Success

Gemma’s Story I found a white feather in my bag, which I took as a sign from my nan that she was with me, pushing me on but it was here that I felt my anxiety returning. I recognised the signs and symptoms, but I was too proud to admit I had a problem, so didn’t seek help. As a psychologist in training, I thought I could “cure” myself. One day I was surfing the internet and I came across the website of the mental health charity Mind. I read a lot of their information and found it really helpful. I loved the work they were doing, so I signed up to be a campaigner. I joined their online community, Elefriends, and found the people really friendly and helpful. We understood each other’s issues, which I think made it easier to open up. But I was still experiencing terrible anxiety, to the point where I sometimes didn’t dare to leave the house. I had zero self-esteem or belief in myself. I knew if I didn’t get help, I would soon hit rock bottom. I saw my local GP, and broke down as I explained everything I had been experiencing, not just recently, but for my whole life. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders, but at the same

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time I felt ashamed, almost like I had failed. I was prescribed antidepressants, and was put on a waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy, which I am currently receiving. I have always liked physical challenges – and having trained as a personal trainer, they are something I know about. So I threw myself into it, getting lean and fit, because it was the place where my mind switched off for a while. I decided I wanted to take on a charity challenge to raise money for Mind, who had been – and continue to be – amazing with me through everything. I turned to Google for inspiration, typing in “charity challenge ideas”. Loads of results came up, but one in particular caught my eye – Kilimanjaro. Before I knew it, I had signed up. After I told people why I was doing it, they were so supportive. My training was in full swing, when, in August last year, I was hit with a devastating blow – my nan had fallen down the stairs, and after various scans we were told that she had metastatic cancer in her spine and brain.

Just 14 days later she passed away. She was the first close family member I had lost, and I felt a pain like no other. The grief was overwhelming. I questioned if I could go through with Kilimanjaro. But my grandad convinced me that I should. I read a Facebook message my nan had sent me when I had first announced the challenge, telling me how proud she was of me and that she knew I could do it. I decided that I was going to do it, for Mind and for my nan. The day of my flight to Africa came and I was terrified. What if none of the group liked me? What if I hurt myself, or got sick, and couldn’t complete the climb? I was a nervous wreck, but everyone was lovely, and I felt more relaxed. I was ready. I decided to keep a diary of the climb – for me, and so that my family could have a taste of what I experienced. Here are a few extracts:

Gemma had some spectacular views on her climb up Kilimanjaro

True LIFE

Gemma completed her challenge, raised almost £2,500 for Mind, and learned more about herself on the way

Day 1: We had a steady five-hour trek through the forest, I got some amazing photos and bonded with my campmates. I kept telling myself that there was no pressure to reach the top, and that people were proud of me no matter what, but I so badly wanted to get there. Day 2: A tough day of trekking, with many points where I felt I could go no further, but I made it to the camp. Our view of the mountain from the campsite was spectacular. Day 3: This was a tough day. I got a headache from altitude sickness and definitely felt more fatigued, but I was reassured I could handle it. When we arrived at each camp, the local crew would sing and dance with us, which was such a nice thing after a hard day! Day 4: We scaled the Barranco Wall. It was tough, and involved a lot of strength, and trust in each other, but the views rewarded us no end! I found a white feather in my bag, which I took as a sign from my nan that she was with me, pushing me on. Day 5: This was a shorter day, as we were attempting the summit that evening. We had a storm in the afternoon, and the sound of the rain hitting my tent was surprisingly relaxing. It was at this point that I really realised how far I had already come, and how scared I was of falling at the last hurdle.

We set out at 11:30pm for the summit. With every step, I could feel myself becoming more fatigued. As it was dark, we all had head torches on, but I still fell and cut my knee. Just after 6am, as the sun was rising, we saw it – the sign for Uhuru Peak, Africa’s highest point and the top of Kilimanjaro. I had made it! I collapsed in elation and exhaustion at the top, and I admit that there were tears. It meant so much to me that I had been able to reach my goal. As I posed next to the sign, proudly waving my Mind T-shirt, I had never felt more capable of doing anything, and had never cared less about what anyone thought of me. Screw you, anxiety! Back at the hotel, we had a celebration where I was presented with a medal and a certificate for my achievement. But the real achievement for me was that I had stepped so far out of my comfort zone, succeeded, and raised almost £2,500 for Mind!

I learned so much about myself on that journey – that I am capable, strong, and tougher than I look. Up there, I didn’t care that my hair was a mess, that I had no makeup on, or a spot on my chin. I felt badass. I look back with such pride that even now, writing this, I have tears in my eyes. Mental health issues can sometimes feel like climbing a mountain – so I took that literally! To join Mind’s online community Elefriends, head to elefriends. org.uk. If you’d like to do your own fundraising challenge, find inspiration at mind.org.uk/ get-involved

Our Expert Says Gemma didn’t know if she’d be able complete the huge challenge she’d set herself. However, despite unexpected events, she took herself out of her comfort zone and persevered; she found her inner strength, and learnt so much about herself on the way. Having faced severe anxiety and reaching out to Mind for support, Gemma reminds us that even the most knowledgeable and resourceful amongst us can benefit from seeking outside help. Gemma took control, raised money, and literally ended up feeling on top of the world! Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr Life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation

December 2018 • happiful • 47

The

Self-Care Corner

As we approach the end of the year, we’re thinking about time and, specifically, how to make the most of it. So who better to share their thoughts and reflections on life than those with decades of experience? Here, we chat with some wise elders, to learn where we should be putting our energy, and crucially, where we shouldn’t waste it! Brenda Batt, 74 “Looking back on my life, I wish I had known what I know now. I have two mantras: do it now, and talk to people. “If you’re struggling with money problems, don’t hide it away – problems will only get worse if you ignore them. If you’ve fallen out with a friend, ring them to apologise and explain. If you don’t hear from a friend, call them. They might be having problems, or feeling stressed by something. “There is an old saying: a problem shared is a problem halved. Don’t live with regret. “Write down a list of jobs or actions that need doing, and try to cross one thing off the list, even if it is only tidying a drawer, doing the ironing, or ringing family. “Don’t put off telling family, friends, or partners that you love them, and most of all, be kind to yourself.”

Not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing – Seneca

Steve Maunders, 64 “My philosophy is you only get one life, so you have to make sure you live it to the full. “I’m lucky enough to have been married to my wife for 42 years, and she’s not just a wife, but a friend; we discuss everything so it’s very easy for me to confide in her, and deal with stress when it arises. “But whoever you speak to, it’s important to tell someone what’s worrying you, as often you’ll find it’s not as bad as you first thought, or felt it was at the time. “Spend time with the people who mean most to you – family and friends. I’ve been blessed with five beautiful grandchildren – granddaughters, actually – and they keep me young. I love spending as much time as I can with them.

Make time for the things you love, and what relaxes you

“Make time for the things you love, and what relaxes you. I enjoy long walks in the countryside, I take my camera, and get back to nature. “As a retirement present I’ve bought myself a motorhome, and I’m now travelling around Europe, meeting lots of incredible people. “Most importantly, don’t take life too seriously, you only come through here once – it’s not a practice run. Have a laugh. Happy days.”

Fold into 4, then rotate 90 degrees

Get in the festive spirit!

Flaps facing down

Fold flaps up to create a layered effect

Carefully flip over

A CRACKER OF AN IDEA

4 Fold in both sides centrally

Carefully flip over

Doing crafts is known to really benefit our mental health – reducing stress and anxiety, improving our confidence with a sense of achievement, and giving us time to reflect with some calm. Knitting has even been shown to slow the onset of dementia! But, if just the thought of yarn has you tangled up, there are other things you can do – why not take five minutes to try our Christmas tree napkin origami guide? It could be an interesting alternative to the classic table crackers!

6 Fold up flaps, tucking in each flap underneath the previous one

FINISHED!

I'm never sure one is exactly ready. You jump in, with both feet, into a very big fish pond

– Julie Andrews

How about making little handwritten notes to pop inside your origami napkins? A kind word, something you don’t say enough, or a classic cracker joke if you fancy, to add an extra thoughtful element to your table setting.

*WIN*

Win a self-care bundle worth £50 and get serious about you-time by entering our Christmas giveaway. To be in with a chance of winning, send us an email telling us about your favourite way to wind down over the festive season to competitions@happiful.com

Happiful Hack

KEY INSIGHTS

The truth about

bipolar disorder

You’ve almost certainly heard of it, but how much do you actually know about bipolar disorder? To set the record straight, Eleanor Segall, who is diagnosed with bipolar one herself, explains the condition, and what you need to know to better support and understand others Writing | Eleanor Segall Illustrating | Rosan Magar

ipolar disorder (formerly known as manic depression) is a chronic mood disorder, where moods oscillate between “high” manic states, normal functioning, and “low” depressive states, often for months at a time. Those with bipolar can take mood stabilising medicines, along with antidepressants to keep these moods

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more balanced. Many people with bipolar can live fulfilled and happy lives, despite the trauma that episodes can bring. According to the charity Bipolar UK, between 1% and 2% of the population experience a lifetime prevalence of bipolar, and recent research suggests as many as 5% of us are on the bipolar spectrum.

In 2004, aged just 16, I was diagnosed with bipolar affective one disorder – the most serious type of the illness. It’s a condition that runs in my family, but it can be managed with medication and therapy, as well as having a good support network. Here, I’ll share the things that you need to know about bipolar disorder:

Life LESSONS

1 There are different types of bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder happens across a spectrum. Those who have bipolar one disorder will have more severe manic states, potentially leading to psychosis (hallucinations or delusions). Those with bipolar two disorder will have lesser manic states, known as hypomania, and also more mixed states where depression and mania override. However because the manic episodes aren’t often severe enough to warrant hospitalisation, bipolar two is often misdiagnosed as depression. Additionally, there is a mood disorder called cyclothymia, which is similar to bipolar two, but where the low and high mood swings aren’t as severe or long-lasting as full depressive or manic episodes.

2 The illness often starts in adolescence

Doctors and psychologists aren’t sure why bipolar symptoms appear in adolescence, but believe that the changing hormones during puberty could spark the changing mood states, especially if mental illness runs in someone’s family.

3 Manic episodes and depressive episodes often have a set of symptoms

Depending on the type of bipolar disorder you have, you may get some, or all, of the following symptoms. Some people rapid cycle, meaning that they have regular changing episodes. For others, separate manic or depressive episodes last for months on end, and people may have to be medicated to improve their state of mind. Symptoms of mania include: • Feelings of euphoria, and grandiose thoughts (thinking you can do or be anything) • Increased speed of speech and energy levels • Decreased sleep

• Delusions and psychosis (losing touch with reality). Some people also have hallucinations or hear voices • Appetite changes • Aggression and irritability • Impulsive behaviour (doing things out of character, e.g. spending more, sexual promiscuity, risk taking, or drug and alcohol abuse) Symptoms of depression include: • Feelings of hopelessness, leading to thoughts of death, suicide, or self-harm • Changes in sleep (too much or too little, or not being able to get out of bed) • Loss of interest in friends and activities • Feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem • Inability to go to work • Inability to concentrate • Changes in appetite

Research suggests as many as 5% of us are on the bipolar spectrum 4 There are different causes of bipolar disorder

While the exact cause of bipolar is unclear, some studies suggest bipolar may be genetic. It’s believed that if you have bipolar, there is a 10% chance it can be passed on to your child. Another accepted theory is that those with bipolar disorder have faulty brain chemistry due to serotonin changes – too much serotonin could cause manic states, and too little, depressive – however, further research is needed.

Others suggest that bipolar disorder can be environmental – the result of trauma, abuse, or a difficult upbringing.

5 There are many treatments for bipolar If you suspect that a loved one has bipolar disorder and is not at crisis point, the first port of call would be their GP. They can get you an urgent referral to a psychiatry team where they will be assessed. For children under 18, this would be the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), and for adults, a general psychiatry team. Treatments include taking medication to control the mood states – mood stabilising medications, and potentially antipsychotic medications. Antidepressants or anti-anxiety medications may also be discussed. Other non-medicinal treatments include counselling, such as talking therapies, cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, or art therapy.

6 Having bipolar is not a curse – it can boost creativity Yes, bipolar can be life limiting at times, but there is so much to live for too. Once treatment has taken hold, those with it can go on to live happy and fulfilled lives. But remember that support networks are so important – visit bipolaruk.org for information, find local support groups, and join an online community to support with your diagnosis. Bipolar is also said to boost creativity – many famous people including Stephen Fry, Demi Lovato, Mariah Carey, and Britney Spears have the condition, and have extremely successful careers. Remember, having bipolar disorder is not the end. Eleanor Segall is a freelance journalist and mental health blogger with bipolar one disorder. Find out more at beurownlight.com December 2018 • happiful • 51

Photography | Jacob Postuma

FIND YOUR BALANCE “Be moderate in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.” – Epicurus

Photography | Alin Ostafe (@alin.ostafe)

STRIPPED BACK

One year ago, Ben Bidwell was running a tech start-up business. Today he’s one of Instagram’s rising mental health stars, posing nude in public to inspire people to lead better lives. Here, The Naked Professor reveals his journey of self discovery, and lays bare 10 tips for freeing your mind, discovering your true self, and being proud of who you are

Writing | Gemma Calvert

ust after sunrise, before commuters spill onto the pavements and the city wakes, Ben Bidwell stands in front of a London landmark, peels off his clothes, and a camera starts to click. The resulting photography isn’t tacky, sleazy or indecent. It is, more accurately, art with a very powerful message – to

encourage people to be more vulnerable and self-connected. Ben’s blog, The Naked Professor, was born a year ago when he was running a tech start-up business and feeling overwhelmed, financially stressed, and struggling with anxiety. A creative distraction from his worries, the blog also gave Ben a platform to share Continues >>> December 2018 • happiful • 53

The Naked Professor

his education in mental wellness, which began six years earlier when he employed a life coach to help combat a sexual complication – delayed ejaculation. What Ben initially deemed a physical problem, he now believes was rooted in being historically shut off from his emotions. “Your body talks to you, and if you’re not showing up and being yourself, it could manifest itself in anxiety, depression, emptiness or, in my case, sexually,” explains Ben. “As the youngest of three, I’d grown up struggling to get my voice heard, thinking I wasn’t of value, and I lacked the confidence to show who I really was. When I met people, I felt I had to validate myself.” After university, working as a chartered surveyor, Ben had lots of friends and a good income. On paper he was living the dream, but inside he felt dissatisfied, and uninspired. “I was the person I thought society wanted to see,” he says. “I was trying to be a man, so I wouldn’t show vulnerability or insecurities. I wanted to be creative and follow my heart, but I wasn’t inspiring myself. I didn’t feel alive.” 54 • happiful • December 2018

Ben, who recently closed his tech company, now works as a life coach and meditation teacher, and is proud of the man he is. He lives by honesty, truth and vulnerability – qualities reflected in the message behind his naked snaps – and this month launches a mental health podcast with pal, TV presenter, and mental health advocate Matt Johnson. The pair have secured a host of highprofile contributors, including Davina McCall and Matt Willis. “This isn’t the glitz and glamour of their Instagram page; we want to know how they are, really. This is their truth,” says Ben, adding he wants to make mental health relatable to the masses. “Learning about mental health isn’t only relevant to you if you’re feeling anxious or depressed. Just like training your body, training your mind is an everyday investment in order to become a better version of yourself.” BEN’S TOP 10 TIPS FOR BARING YOUR SOUL AND BECOMING YOUR BEST SELF: 1) Develop self-awareness Spend time alone and ask yourself: “Am I living a life that’s inspiring myself? Am I proud of who I am by my actions?” If the answer is “no”, think what you can do. Society points us in the direction of quick pleasure fixes – a scoop of ice cream, going to a party, or getting likes on Instagram. Do these things make us proud of who we are? No. Self love comes from looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking “I’ve done good things today, I’m integral, I’m honest.”

2) Mentor and meditate Awareness is the first stage of change. The next can be finding a mentor to help you. When I realised I needed to improve, I tried hypnotherapy, but a month later changed to life coaching and NLP, because the conversation seemed more rational to me. Meditation has also helped me understand myself. At a basic level, when we shut our eyes, there’s nothing to see, so you go inward. Finding the right way of meditating is like therapy – it has to be right for you. For me, classical music gets me into a lovely calm place.

Photography | Top Left: Louise Hawkins (@louisahawkinsphotography), bottom right: Vicky Chiltern (@vicky_chiltern_photography)

Our body reacts to our thoughts, so if you freak out, stress levels rise, and in comes anxiety. Get rational not emotional

Photography | Alin Ostafe (@alin.ostafe)

Self-BELIEF

3) Speak honestly The biggest lie we tell every day is in response to the question “how are you?” Most of us reply “fine”, when often we aren’t. I now always speak what comes from my heart, not my head, because I’m not trying to impress people. Be vulnerable enough to not need other people’s validation. “How are you?” is also the most important question we could ask, and yet the most irrelevant because it’s become a formality. Empower that question. Really ask how someone is, and really listen to their response. 4) Be thankful Being grateful for the things we have, rather than envious of the things we don’t, is the pathway to happiness. A good place to start is writing down three new things you’re grateful for every morning. 5) Understand that thoughts affect behaviour Get into a habit of thinking in a way that is positive to your day. On the way to a public speaking engagement, two schools of thought come into my head. One is: “Do you know what you’re talking about?” The other is: “What an opportunity to be able to help and influence people.” If I dwell on the voice that doubts my ability, I’ll be a quivering wreck on stage and won’t inspire anyone. The voice inside your head has a big impact on how you operate. 6) Don’t be afraid of flaws I struggled with self worth; I didn’t choose to be that way, but my responsibility was recognising why I wasn’t as confident and healing that. The next step is sharing your flaws so others can’t hold them against you and, in turn, you become more accepting of yourself. By being open about delayed ejaculation, I’m saying: “I know it’s not perfect, but

Exercise is an amazing form of therapy. It generates positive endorphins, feelings of selfworth and pride I’m working on it”, and I’m then empowered. The negative emotions are flipped because suddenly I feel no shame. Talking out loud relieves mental strain. 7) Flip negativity to positivity Our brains are set up with what psychologists call a “negative bias” – they are here to keep us safe, so focus on the challenges and threats in our lives to find a solution. We’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others on social media – envying the size of someone’s house, their car, clothes, and bodies. Learn to compare up, not down. Follow people who inspire you. I never need a break from social media, because my feed is full of inspiring quotes and spiritual messages, and mental health. 8) Know that stress is not reality Stress isn’t what happens to us, but our response to what is happening. Your computer’s crashed and you’ve lost an important document. Your natural reaction is probably: “I’m so annoyed, I’ve got to write the whole thing again!” But try to think: “Not great, I’ve got to write it again, but I’ll probably do a better job the second time.” Our body reacts to our thoughts, so if you freak out, stress levels rise, and in comes anxiety. Get rational not emotional. 9) Give back Helping other people is a fundamental of happiness. Earlier this year, I volunteered for Age UK,

visiting the elderly. When Matt Johnson gets a 20-minute break between meetings, rather than sitting on his phone, he talks to a homeless person to brighten up their day. 10) Get committed and be consistent In the New Year, we all feel inspired to become more healthy. The commitment comes from being loyal to that promise long after the emotion you said it in has passed. I’ve lost track of the times I’ve walked into the gym tired and with problems on my mind, and walked out feeling energised. There is no substitute for consistently nourishing your mind and body on a regular basis. Exercise is an amazing form of therapy. It generates positive endorphins, feelings of self-worth and pride – and when we feel proud of who we are, we’re in a much better place to silence anxiety, depression and emptiness. The Naked Professors Podcast is coming soon. Follow Ben on Instagram @thenakedprofessor December 2018 • happiful • 55

Food & Drink

Christmas

Canapés

It’s time for party perfection, with our three festive appetisers to impress your guests Writing | Ellen Hoggard

hether you celebrate Christmas or not, it’s difficult to avoid the abundance of sweet and savoury treats filling up the supermarket shelves at this time of year. For many, it’s a time for indulgence, celebration, and giving. It’s warm inside, with candles burning, and the smell of mulled wine filling our homes. We dress in sparkles and our conversations are constantly accompanied by the jingle of sleigh bells, or the hum of Mr Christmas himself, Michael Bublé. So, to get you in the mood, or at least warming up your hosting skills once more, we have collected some of our favourite festive appetisers. These are perfect if you want a small starter before the main feast, party snacks to impress your friends, or simply if you want to nibble on something delicious (before dipping into the selection box, of course). Each of the recipes have a maximum of just four ingredients; they are simple to make, but when presented with a delicate hand, look fit for a king. It doesn’t matter how good you are at cooking – make it, taste it, and if you can tear yourself away, serve it. Remember to have fun while you’re doing it too – did you know that cooking is a great way to relax? Just what you need before the party begins...

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Pear, camembert and prosciutto wraps Makes 12 Ingredients 4 ripe conference pears 12 prosciutto slices, halved lengthways 12 small slices of camembert cheese • Preheat the oven to 180°C (fan 160°C/gas 4) • Wash and halve the pears. Slice each pear half into 3 wedges. • Lay the prosciutto slices flat on a work surface, then put 1 pear wedge onto each, along with a slice of camembert. • Roll up the prosciutto, then bake on a lined baking sheet for 10–15 minutes, until the ham is crisp and the pear is soft.

Want an extra crunch? Swap the lettuce cups for crisp breads or blinis!

Salmon and cream cheese lettuce cups Makes 12 Ingredients 65g spreadable cream cheese 3 tsp horseradish cream 1 baby cos lettuce 125g sliced smoked salmon • Combine the cream cheese and horseradish cream in a small bowl • Using the centre lettuce leaves (perfect “bowl” size!), separate, wash and pat dry. Arrange the 12 smaller leaves on a serving plate. • Tear the salmon and divide between the leaves. Top with a dollop of cream cheese and season with pepper. • Chill until ready to serve.

For nutritional support, visit nutritionistresource.org.uk

Fig and goat’s cheese puffs Makes 16 Ingredients 1 sheet, ready-rolled puff pastry 1 egg, beaten 100g log goat’s cheese 4 small figs, quartered • Preheat the oven to 200°C (fan 180°C/gas 6). • Lay out the pastry. Cut out small bite-sized (4cm) circles, and put on a non-stick baking sheet. • Brush with the egg, then add a slice of goat’s cheese and push on a piece of fig. • Bake for 15–20 minutes, or until puffed and golden.

Our expert says… The pear, camembert and prosciutto wraps... It’s important to watch your intake of processed meats, so a tasty alternative to the prosciutto could be ribbons of courgette, baked in the same way. This would also appeal to the vegetarian diner (though, check that the cheese doesn’t contain animal rennet!). For the vegan guest, use some vegan cream cheese instead of camembert, and the courgette ribbons. The salmon and cream cheese lettuce cups... Like walnuts, salmon is high in omega 3 fatty acids, which is great for brain and heart health. Using grated horseradish that is cream-free will slightly reduce the calorie and fat content of the dish if that’s what you’d prefer. Using the lettuce as a bowl is a great idea, and increases your intake of vitamin K for bone maintenance. For vegans and vegetarians, use slices of ripe avocado, with (non-dairy) horseradish mixed with hummus. The fig and goat’s cheese puffs... The ready-rolled pastry is a quick cheat and is usually made with oil, which is lower in saturated fat than buttery versions. These puffs make a tasty vegetarian canapé, but again, make sure the cheese is vegetarian friendly. To veganise the dish, use plant-based milk instead of egg, vegan cheese instead of goat’s cheese, or use walnuts, which will increase your omega 3 fatty acids. Susan Hart is a nutrition coach and speaker. She hosts regular wellbeing workshops at Maggie’s Cancer Support Centre at Nottingham City Hospital, and runs vegan cooking classes. To find out more, visit nutrition-coach.co.uk

December 2018 • happiful • 57

Build your own soup our festive favourite

If your fridge is stocked full of festive titbits and scraps, but you’re unsure what to do with them, don’t worry. Making a soup is a great way to use up your leftovers, and you can get away with adding pretty much anything with a bit of ﬂavour in your cupboard. Not only a deliciously satisfying meal during the winter months, soup is also relatively cheap to make. You can make a big batch to last the week, and pack it full of vegetables – an easy way for you and your family to reach your ﬁve a day!

Get creati ve, feed the family an d avoid was te!

Pick a base (1 litre) Vegetable stock

Beef stock

Chicken stock

Pick a protein (500g) Chicken Turkey

Beef Bacon

Beans Tofu

Pick 3+ vegetables Parsnips Sweet potato Potato

Celery Peas Broccoli

Cauliﬂower Spinach Onion

Add a whole grain (2 cups) Brown rice Quinoa

Bulgar wheat Barley

Add some ﬂavour Garlic Black pepper

Bay leaves Thyme

Put all the ingredients in a slow cooker or large pan, and cook on a low heat for 4–8 hours. For more recipe ideas, cooking tips and tricks, and tailored nutrition advice, visit nutritionist-resource.org.uk. Find a nutrition professional near you and start your journey.

Appetite for exercise With the mental health benefits of exercise being well-documented, more and more of us are being encouraged to find activities that help us de-stress, and improve our all-round wellbeing. But making the most of your exercise also means nourishing your body properly, whether you’re practising yoga, training for a 10K, or going for long walks in the country – sports nutrition isn’t only for professional athletes Writing | Claire Hargreaves

any of us think if we’re not attempting to run a marathon, or a 100 metre sprint in 10 seconds, then we don’t really need to pay much attention to sports nutrition, and the kinds of foods that would improve our athletic performance. But this is simply not the case. Of course, optimal nutrition is vital for improving the performance of an

athlete or sports professional, but the right foods also provide the best fuel, or improve exercise performance and stamina for any type of person who keeps active, so it really doesn’t matter if you are Mo Farah, Usain Bolt, or someone who jogs round the park once a week on a Sunday! Many of us are becoming carbohydrate phobic, and increasingly follow low carb diets, but too few carbs will greatly impact your energy

sources for exercise. Carbs are a must if you are doing regular cardiovascular or weight training exercise. “Reducing your intake of healthy carbs can lead to the following problems: a sluggish metabolism; lower levels of muscle/strengthbuilding hormones; and higher levels of stress hormones,” says John Berardi, a professor specialising in exercise physiology and nutrient Continues>>> December 2018 • happiful • 59

Food & Drink

biochemistry at Precision Nutrition. “The result? You might find yourself feeling cranky, tired, weaker, or even sick.” It all boils down to the specific types of carbs that are going to be beneficial for fuelling us. “The definition of that ‘enemy’ carbohydrate varies from person to person. For some folks, carbs means bagels, bread, and pasta. For others, carbs means any food made with white flour and sugar,” says Nancy Clark, a sports nutritionist and author from Boston, Massachusetts. “For me, carbs includes grains, fruits, vegetables, and all forms of sugars and starches. They all digest into glucose, feed the brain, and get stored as glycogen in the muscles. If you eat too few carbs, your muscles will feel needlessly fatigued.”

If you are planning to do exercise, ideally avoid eating a heavy meal up to three hours before, as this can make you feel sluggish, or even sick What to eat… The best way to fuel your body properly for exercise, is by eating a combination of complex carbs and protein. This would be something like: Breakfast: • Porridge oats with fruit, such as berries or banana, and some chopped nuts or ground seeds • Wholemeal toast with two poached eggs Lunch: • A chicken breast with brown rice/ wholemeal pasta and vegetables • Fish with sweet potato and vegetables Snacks: • Brown rice cakes with peanut butter • A small organic live yogurt with some chopped nuts and fruit • Even one of those protein energy balls would suffice if you are not able to make a snack when on the go The specific quantity will vary based on your individual Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR), plus protein and carb requirements, as someone who weighs eight stone who does yoga is going to greatly differ from someone who is 15 stone who does weight lifting.

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When to eat… The timing of your meals is important; too close to exercise can affect your performance just as much as not eating enough before. Ideally, it is best not to skip a main meal, and use this combined with regular snacks in between to fuel you properly. An ideal eating schedule may look like this: breakfast at 7am; snack at 10am; lunch at 1pm; snack at 4pm; and dinner at 7pm. However, this can change due to people’s work schedules, or a hectic lifestyle that might mean skipping meals is common, so these tips for fuelling even when meals are skipped will help towards nourishing you better for exercise. If you are planning to exercise, ideally avoid eating a heavy meal up to three hours before, as this can make you feel sluggish, or even sick. If you've missed a main meal and it's close to when you're going to exercise, then add in a balanced snack of protein and complex carbs (like the ideas to the left). If you are really low on energy, but are planning to exercise soon, some simple carbs would be better as these are broken down much faster to release energy, and would not cause sluggishness – a banana on a couple of rice cakes would be suitable in this case.

Sports NUTRITION

Tips for improving your athletic performance: •E at a breakfast containing protein and complex carbs within one hour of waking to balance your blood sugar – this supports a steady release of energy through the day. • Work out what you need in terms of protein and carbohydrate intake per day to sustain your exercise schedule, as this can vary greatly. • Work out your basal metabolic rate so you know the specific amount of calories you need per day to fuel your body properly, which is based on your weight, height and activity level.

•K eep hydrated throughout the day, and add in some electrolytes from either Himalayan salt or coconut water to prevent fatigue and muscle cramps.

•D o not over-train as this For more insight into how to fuel your body for exercise, or nutritional advice in general, visit nutritionistresource.org.uk

may cause an imbalance in the hormones due to excess adrenaline, and cause your system to crash. Every other day for an hour is sufficient, or if you would like to do every day, 30 minutes is more beneficial.

•M ake sure you eat a combination

of protein and complex carbs with every main meal.

The benefits of fuelling properly • Increased stamina throughout exercising, so no dips in energy • No feelings of sluggishness or nausea • Improved performance, due to increased focus and concentration • Reduced sweating or dizziness, that some people may experience • Preventing crashes after exercising and muscle cramps/aches

Do not over-train as this may cause an imbalance in the hormones due to excess adrenaline, and cause your system to crash

•A void eating a main meal at least two hours before exercising to prevent indigestion or feeling sluggish. If you need something, a snack with a little protein and complex carbs will suffice.

Claire Hargreaves is a nutritional therapist who specialises in many areas including sports nutrition. To find out more, visit nutrikindnutrition.com December 2018 • happiful • 61

Karen Clifton: Real Relaxation

KAREN CLIFTON:

Lucky number seven

Latin Dance specialist, World Mambo Champion, and Strictly Come Dancing star, Karen Clifton is no stranger to high-stakes environments. But even under the spotlight, Karen’s sunny outlook continues to shine. As she embarks on a new chapter in her life – and her seventh year on Britain’s best-loved Saturday night show – she shares the unique pressures of the series, the key to sustaining a supportive relationship after a split, and the practical mental health lesson passed on by her mum Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Hi Karen! This year will be your seventh series of Strictly Come Dancing – we can hardly believe it! Lucky number seven. I’m the oldest female – the last one standing! To do it for seven years, there must be something special about the show? Well, I love the fact it’s such a beautiful family show – and it’s great to have something like that on a Saturday night. You have people of all different ages, different ethnicities, and different backgrounds, and they all connect over this beautiful thing that we call our work. How do you deal with the pressure of Strictly? It’s knowing how to switch off. Yes, there’s a lot of enthusiasm and happiness that comes with it but, behind the scenes, it’s pretty intense. There’s a lot on the show that you have to carry as an individual. But the best thing that I’ve learnt to do throughout the years is to just go home and do something that completely relaxes me, such as cooking or spending time with my two dogs.

62 • happiful • December 2018

Motivation is something you have to practise, it’s not just in your body When you first meet your celebrity partner, how do you go about building chemistry? It’s such a happy show, and I guess everyone is on the same page. The professionals want to give them everything, and as professional dancers, we’re dance and acting teachers all in one. Once you get to know each other, you connect right away. It’s about being nice and being kind, and understanding that your partner is in a place they’re not used to being in. You take total responsibility for making sure they’re having a good experience, and that’s how you give the best performances – when they trust you. Continues >>>

Photography | Philipa James

Strictly SELF-CARE

December 2018 • happiful • 63

Karen Clifton: Real Relaxation

Since the split from your husband and dance partner Kevin Clifton, you’ve maintained a really supportive relationship. What was the key to that? Kevin and I have a lot of admiration and respect for each other. At the end of the day, you just have to be grown-ups and we both want each other to be happy. I don’t think there’s a specific thing that we did, it was just being kind to each other. We’re really good friends and working with him, on and outside the show, has always been brilliant. I’m always going to be proud of him, no matter what. You’re a very active person. Does exercise help your mental health? Absolutely, I think it’s one of the best things! Sometimes, in these hectic times, you forget what’s really important. You have to take care of you first, and for me that’s with exercise. I’m not doing it to look a certain way, it’s about how I feel – that’s something my mom taught me. She was a softball player for the Venezuelan national team, she loved yoga, and running. I saw that all of these things kept her mentally and physically stable, and a happy person. I learnt everything from my mom.

What's your advice for those who struggle with motivation to exercise? Don’t put pressure on yourself. You’ve got to find what works for you and give yourself time. Motivation is something you have to practise, it’s not just in your body. As long as it works for you, don’t worry about what other people are doing. How do you wind down? Well, you know what? It’s taken me a really long time to learn how to relax. I always want to be active, but lately I’ve tried to find more time off. I’ve been grabbing a book, or listening to a podcast, or meditating – there’s this amazing meditation app I use called Headspace, and I have another app called Sleepaid that tracks my sleeping habits. It’s just the little things that really help me. Do your dogs help with your mental health? Absolutely. I’ve had Betsy for two years, and recently got Marley – he’s three months old. The best thing is when I come home from a stressful day and they’re just there. They put their heads on my lap and breathe with me. It makes me feel like there’s nothing wrong, and it’s all going to be OK.

It’s taken me years to work out what’s good for me and what makes me a better person. That’s been eye-opening; making sure that I’m OK, and that I give myself value And they’re rescue dogs? I'm a big believer in adopting not shopping – there are just so many animals who need a home and want to be loved. Seriously, if I got a bigger house I would probably get 150 of them! I want to become the dog-lady – or the dog-dancer... or have my own dogdancing school!

Catch Karen on Strictly Come Dancing, Saturday nights at 6.30pm on BBC 1. Follow Karen on Instagram @karencliftonofficial 64 • happiful • December 2018

Photography | Chris Mann

You have such a sunny outlook on life. How do you cultivate that? I’m 36 years old now, I’m not a young girl any more, and I’ve been through a lot in my life. What’s important for me, now, is being happy. It’s taken me a couple of years to work out what’s good for me and what makes me a better person. That’s been eyeopening; making sure that I’m OK, and that I give myself value. Sometimes you give yourself away, and forget about what you have to do to be happy. In the past, I've just given myself out, which I love doing and I will continue to do, but sometimes I have to take care of me first. Then I will be able to give out even more!

Images Images | Mary | Mary Poppins Poppins Returns: Returns: Photo Photo by Courtesy by Courtesy of Disney of Disney - ©-(c) © (c) 2018 2018 Disney Disney Enterprises, Enterprises, Shay Shay Neary: Neary: Instagram Instagram @watchshayslay, @watchshayslay, Grassington’s Grassington’s Dickensian Dickensian Christmas Christmas Festival: Festival: grassingtondickensian.co.uk grassingtondickensian.co.uk

PAGE-TURNERS PAGE-TURNERS

A Life Less Lonely by Nick A Life Less Lonely by Nick Duerden Duerden With loneliness fast becoming an

With loneliness epidemic in the fast UK, Abecoming Life Less an epidemic in thestories UK, A Life Less Lonely shares of social Lonely shares stories of social isolation and offers practical plans isolation offers practical plans on how toand future-proof ourselves on how to future-proof ourselves against this “insidious affliction” against this the “insidious affliction” and to spot symptoms in and to spot the symptoms in others. others. (Bloomsbury, out now, RRP: £12.99)

DECEMBER

Take a trip down memory lane this December as Mary Poppins returns, Take a tripisdown memory for lane this December as Mary Poppins returns, Hogwarts transformed the winter, and hardy swimmers take part in Hogwarts is transformed for the winter, and hardy swimmers take part in a frosty dip for the annual Peter Pan cup a frosty dip for the annual Peter Pan cup

LEND US YOUR EARS LEND US YOUR EARS

Best-selling authorartists Elizabeth Gilbert interviews Gilbert interviews about how they overcame theirartists fear of about how they overcame fear of the creative process in thistheir podcast all the creative process in this podcast all about harnessing joyful creativity. about harnessing joyful creativity. (Available on iTunes, Google Play and (Available on iTunes, Google Play and elizabethgilbert.com) elizabethgilbert.com)

3 SQUARE EYES 3 SQUARE EYES Mary Poppins Returns

Mary Poppins Returns With an all-star cast, including Emily Blunt,

With an all-star cast, including Emily Blunt, Colin Firth and Meryl Streep, Mary Poppins Colin Firth and the Meryl Streep, Mary Poppins is back to help Banks children is back toafter helpher theoriginal Banks children decades visit. decades after original visit. (In cinemas 21her December)

ShayNeary’s Neary Instagram feed oozes Shay Shay Neary’s Instagram oozes confidence and self-love.feed Follow Shay for an confidence self-love. Follow Shay an insight into and the life of a plus-size, transfor model insight into the and life of a plus-size, model making history bringing downtrans barriers. making history and bringing down barriers. (Follow Shay:@watchshayslay) (Follow Shay:@watchshayslay)

Travel back in time as the village of Grassington, Yorkshire, is transformed for its famous Dickensian festival and Christmas market. Munch on a mince pie as you enjoy an array of Dickensian entertainment for the whole family.

(Bloomsbury, out now, RRP: £12.99)

Magic Lessons Magic Lessons Best-selling author Elizabeth

8 PLUGGED-IN 8 PLUGGED-IN Shay Neary

OUT AND ABOUT

OUT AND ABOUT Grassington’s Dickensian Grassington’s Dickensian Christmas Festival Christmas Festival

(1, 2, 8 and 9 December. Find out more at grassingtondickensian.co.uk)

THE CONVERSATION THE CONVERSATION International Day of Persons with International Day of Persons with Disabilities 2018 Disabilities 2018 An annual awareness day, originally

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December 2018 • happiful • 65

Gifts With Meaning

WINTER GIFTING GUIDE Give the gift of inspiration this holiday season, with these thought-provoking books for all ages Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

etting someone a gift that is not only memorable, but meaningful can be tricky for any occasion – you don’t want to fall into the trap of gifting socks, calendars, and novelty ties that will be left gathering dust in a drawer. But sharing your favourite book, or a new-found literary gem, should be a cause for celebration. Finding just the right story, advice, or inspiring words to share can show not only how much we love and care for someone, but how much thought we have put into giving something that they can truly enjoy, and hopefully even benefit from. Here, we share our top nine books worth picking up this holiday season, to share with loved ones – or to keep you company on those cold winter nights snuggled up indoors.

66 • happiful • December 2018

For compassionate young readers The Eleventh Trade by Alyssa Hollingsworth For ages 10–14 Inspired by her time spent with her sister working for a nongovernmental organisation in Afghanistan, Hollingsworth’s debut novel aims to give voice to the victims of war who struggle with both hope and healing, even when they have reached somewhere “safe”. We follow the story of Sami, a young refugee living in Boston with his once famous musician grandfather, as he attempts to reclaim the stolen link to the home they have fled. When his grandfather’s prized instrument, the rebab, is stolen and appears for sale in a local shop, Sami has nothing to sell to buy it back. Determined to get the rebab back in time for Eid, Sami realises he does have something he can trade – but he’s going to need to do the last thing he wants: ask for help. A powerful, compassionate story written for readers aged 10–14, if you’re looking for a story filled with kindness and compassion to share with fans of Palacio’s Wonder, or Zephaniah’s Refugee Boy, this is the book for you. (Piccadilly Press, £6.99)

Happiful BOOKS

For teens struggling to find their place Final Draft by Riley Redgate For young adults All-round good girl Laila does everything right. She doesn’t drink, smoke or sneak into clubs. Funnelling all of her passion into her creative writing, Laila’s teacher has always said she has a special talent. Mere months before graduation, when her teacher dies and is replaced by a Pulitzer prize-winning novelist who sees nothing special about her writing at all, Laila grows obsessed with gaining her new teacher’s approval – no matter the cost to her own safety and wellbeing. Perfect for teens and young adults who struggle to meet the impossible standards set for them, Final Draft asks the question: is it worth sacrificing your happiness in the quest for perfection? (Amulet Books, £12.99)

For pressure-fuelled millennials Be Everything At Once by Dami Lee For all ages / YA+ Based on cartoonist Dami Lee’s experiences navigating relationships, misunderstanding basic human interactions, and her identity as a South Korean immigrant growing up in the US, Be Everything At Once presents a mixture of classic and never-before-seen comics from the popular web series, As Per Usual. Earnestly relatable and enduringly funny, anyone who obsesses over snacks, struggles to balance their passion with their day job, or feels like they are trying to find their place in life, will find this book unnervingly relatable. (Chronicle Books, £10.99)

WIN

For your chance to win a special bundle of all the nine books in this list (worth more than £140), send an email to competitions@happiful.com, explaining what your favourite book of all time is and why. One winner will be selected at random – best of luck!

*Competition closes 31 December 2018. Open to those living in mainland UK only – sorry!

December 2018 • happiful • 67

Gifts With Meaning

For readers interested in hard-hitting issues A Spark of Light by Jodi Picoult For adults If you’ve never read a novel by Jodi Picoult, you’re missing out. Known for tackling sensitive issues, her latest book, set in a women’s reproductive health clinic, asks the divisive question: whose choice is it? As a lone protester with a gun takes staff, patients and visitors hostage, Picoult unravels the stories of seven characters whose past, present and future tangle together. A daring and enthralling story exploring the many complicated issues surrounding a right to choose, Picoult’s novel looks at the stories of: a doctor who works at the clinic not in spite of his faith, but because of it; a pro-life protester disguised as a patient; a young woman who has come to terminate her pregnancy; and 15-year-old Wren, whose father, a police hostage negotiator, begins communications with the gunman. With the action unfolding in reverse, Picoult creates a gripping novel that explores the tough decisions people face every day. (Hodder & Stoughton, hardback £16.99)

Picoult creates a gripping novel that explores the tough decisions people face every day 68 • happiful • December 2018

For curious kids The Questioneers written by Andrea Beaty, illustrated by David Roberts For children aged 4–6 Filled with sweet illustrations, memorable rhymes, and inquisitive, passionate characters, The Questioneers brings together three beloved picture books in one beautiful boxset. Celebrating STEM, perseverance, and passion, this book set includes: Iggy Peck, Architect; Rosie Revere, Engineer; and Ada Twist, Scientist. Encouraging children to follow their passions, persevere through mistakes, and keep an inquisitive mind, The Questioneers makes the perfect gift to share with children aged four to six. (Abrams Books for Young Readers, hardcover collection £35)

Happiful BOOKS

For those searching for inner courage and strength Be A Warrior Not A Worrier by Elizabeth Archer For young adults and adults

Fight

Discover simple but your fears and embrac effective tips for e your inner breaking free from warrior anxiety. With our hectic modern lives, many of us find worries about money, jobs, friends or family get the best of us. While we can’t always change the things that make us feel stressed, we can change how we let them affect us. Tackling anxiety, stress, positivity, natural therapies, seeking help, and more, discover how to embrace your inner warrior, and overcome your worrier tendencies. (Vie, £12.99)

Go on a world tour of joyful living The Happiness Passport written by Megan Hayes, illustrated by Yelena Bryksenkova For young adults and adults Uncover the secrets of living well through this world tour of happiness. Exploring concepts from the Danish hygge to the Japanese ikigai, each cultural concept of happiness is evocatively illustrated with original art. Share and experience the essence of wellbeing from around the world. (White Lion Publishing, £12.99)

For inquisitive young minds The Kitchen Science Cookbook by Dr Michelle Dickinson For children aged 4–14, parents and caregivers Combining science and cooking for hours of entertainment, The Kitchen Science Cookbook puts a twist on the traditional cookbook. Each recipe is a scientific experiment that can be done at home using everyday ingredients. With more than 50 experiments from world-renowned nano scientist Dr Michelle Dickinson, it introduces kids to hands-on science that is as educational as it is fun. Guide children and tweens through making solar energy-powered cookies; watch kids make an electrostatic “magic” levitating ring; or help them make their own edible slime. Making the process of science just as exciting as the results, get this book to inspire children of all ages to uncover a newfound love of science. (Nanogirl Labs Limited, hardcover £19.99)

Cultivate se and practi e d tu ti gra

Give the gift of gratitude Letters for a Year of Gratitude by Lea Redmond For adults We all have things we are grateful for, but many of us may struggle to share and express those feelings. This short, special book offers a unique way to begin cultivating and practising gratitude. Filled with 52 prompt tear-and-send letters to inspire a year filled with notes of love, appreciation, and thanks, to share with friends and loved ones, prepare to make 2019 a year of gratitude. (Chronicle Books, £17.99) December 2018 • happiful • 69

Learning to Accept ENTER CODE:

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Jasraj’s Story

Challenging my negative thoughts

After a lifetime of feeling like an outsider, with body confidence issues, and an online addiction, Jasraj Singh Hothi dropped out of university and found himself on a path that wasn’t fulfilling. But, in eventually admitting he needed help and discovering various forms of support, he’s finally understood his needs and found some positivity

wish my mental health story was this perfect narrative with a clear start, middle and end. Unfortunately, mental health doesn’t work like that. So where to begin? I thought I was a normal kid with a pretty privileged upbringing, and no reason to be unwell. I’d always been sensitive, timid and reserved, but when I came out of my shell, I seemed like any normal, functioning child. School had largely been a place of comfort for me, where

I knew what to expect and who was who. But I struggled with direction as school got “serious”, and I had to make decisions (A-levels and university) that would set me on this seemingly unalterable path. When a number of new students joined in sixth form – new people, new faces who seemed a lot older and cooler than me – I felt like a complete outsider. I lacked a lot of confidence in myself, my body, and the opposite sex. My familial upbringing (I’m a British-born

Indian) an all-boys secondary school probably played a part. I was this short, skinny brown kid who was constantly told how unhealthy I looked, and how I needed to eat more by folks who didn’t mean to be malicious, but whose comments slowly ate away at my already-questionable levels of self-esteem. One of my uncles dragged me along to the gym and showed me the ropes of weight-training around this time, and so began a period of bulking with one goal in mind: to get bigger. Continues >>>

December 2018 • happiful • 71

Learning to Accept

Jasraj’s Story At one point, I was eating six to eight meals a day to put on weight. Body image in men is an issue for sure, and with the likes of Instagram, men’s health magazines, and celebrity-culture, I feel it is only getting worse. When I went to university, I felt even more like a fish out of water – lost, alone, and younger than ever. I definitely didn’t find “my people” there like I’d hoped – probably because I hadn’t fully embraced the person I was. I missed the familiar and safe surroundings of home, and I didn’t know why I was doing the courses I’d chosen – full disclosure: I dropped out twice. I ended up hanging around with a group of people I shared halls with, who I didn’t have much in common with; friends by circumstance. I’d go out, drink more than I needed and wanted to, and spend the next day holed up in my room, unhappy. During my teens, I developed an online addiction, beginning innocuously with MSN Messenger and chat rooms, seeking the connection and relationships online I had so wanted in real life, but didn’t know how to attain. This only continued at university. I thought at some point through going out and drinking, stuff with the “opposite sex” would just happen. In short, not a lot did happen. So I’d come 72 • happiful • December 2018

home drunk and jump onto the computer, compensating for what I was missing out on in real-life. It became both addictive behaviour, and an avoidance strategy for what was happening in real life.

I was constantly told how I needed to eat more, by folks who didn’t mean to be malicious At the time, I was hardly eating. I was wasting away. It was another way to suppress my feelings. A couple of friends staying in my halls would knock on my door, and I’d just lie there motionless, physically and mentally exhausted. Behind closed doors, I was crumbling and self-destructing. Having dropped out of university, I found myself working in recruitment. While I loved meeting and connecting with people, the commute and hours were long, and the job became exhausting and unfulfilling. I handed in my notice the day I received confirmation to study a year-long Masters at the University of East London in

2015, and I also began a careerchangers’ course with Escape The City (an online community to inspire people to do the work they love). The trouble was, with lectures only every three weeks, I had a lot of alone time. Oh, and there’s also no single answer to what you’re supposed to do with your life. On top of everything else, I found myself in this existential angst – what is sometimes referred to as a “quarter-life crisis”. I felt lonely and isolated again, with all sorts of thoughts cropping up and tumbling around inside my head. After finishing my Masters in late 2016, ironically in positive psychology, I hit another major low-point. It was the first time my family had seen me like this, now under their roof as opposed to in my university halls. I felt very low on energy, and mood.

Jasraj with a friend at the World Domination Summit in Portland, Oregon in July 2016

True LIFE

If you are feeling lost and alone at university, there are many places you can turn for support. Speak to your personal tutor, or visit the wellbeing section of your university’s website. Alternatively, visit studentminds.org.uk

At Mum’s insistence, I eventually succumbed and went to a psychiatrist in December 2016. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but it took several months for me to acknowledge and accept this. As far as I was concerned, I hadn’t been suicidal or self-harmed, so I wasn’t unwell. But through therapy, antidepressants, and observing similar personality traits in the patients in group therapy, I eventually accepted it. I also had individual therapy, and was also exposed to art therapy for the first time. As an outlet for self-expression, I was able to work through some long-stifled emotions, and both anger and tears emerged. It felt like those emotions needed to come out. Since 2016, I have begun implementing things in my daily life to help manage my mental health. I am pleased to say I am probably in the best place I have been in for many years. Yoga has helped massively with my body image, amongst other things. I am learning to love, accept, and be kind to myself. I still get thoughts creeping in – especially when things seem to be “going well” – which my therapist says is my saboteur coming into play. When this happens, instead of avoiding it at all costs, I write it down to get it out in the open, and challenge those thoughts.

Jasraj is in a much better place now, with tools in place to help manage his mental health

The challenge I initially had with my mental health was that I failed to put a finger on exactly what was wrong, and so what I needed to work on. It was a mix of low self-esteem, lack of direction, high sensitivity, and other things linked to my general energy. Connection and strong social relationships are really important to me – and yet I am also someone who craves downtime to recharge. I am a lot more conscious now about who I give my time to, and have the confidence to do the things I want to do, not just what I feel I’m “expected” to do. It’s a work-in-progresss but, on the whole, I’m managing well. After a couple of years on-and-off therapy, I’m soon going to be ending this latest course, hopefully for the long-term, though knowing it is always a resource for me to use if I need it. I have a list of “happy habits”, ranging from getting enough sleep, through to carving out space for down-time which I know, as long

as I am leaning into, will keep me in a good place. Whether it’s medication, therapy or changes to my lifestyle/mindset, the important thing is I know I have a wide range of tools at my disposal. And that’s really reassuring. Perhaps the most important thing is the mindset that I have mental health, and that needs to be looked after and nourished just like my physical health. You can find out more about Jasraj at jasraj.me

Our Expert Says Jasraj’s story highlights that we each have our own unique experience of mental health, and the stereotypes we hear about may not fit with what that. It is good to hear that his recovery has involved a number of different things, and that he now has plenty of options and tools to utilise in order to manage his mental health, and support his wellbeing. Staying mentally healthy is something we all need to dedicate time and energy to – it is not a given, and having flexibility in how you keep yourself well is a great idea. Fe Robinson | MUCKP (reg) MBACP (reg) psychotherapist and clinical supervisor

December 2018 • happiful • 73

Social Media & Boundaries

A KIND WORD WILL NEVER GO AMISS “One kind word can warm three winter months.” – Japanese proverb

Photography | Rawpixel

74 • happiful • December 2018

Left Image: photography | Nancy H Gibbs nancyhgibbsphotography.co.uk. Right Image: Instagram | @lobellaloves_jo

Love to

swi tch off

In the digital age, it’s all too easy to become a slave to social media, particularly when more and more of us are utilising it to build our brands, and follow our passions. How can we switch off? We chat to Jo Love (mental health advocate, and founder of Lobella Loves and PND Tea events) about the perils of burnout, screen time sabbaticals, and Therapy Thursdays Writing | Lucy Donoughue

’m sat in a cafe with the person who has finally managed to settle a long-standing dispute between my husband and I on the subject of who is the worst culprit when it comes to excessive social media scrolling. It turns out it’s me, most definitely me, and thanks to my coffee companion for the afternoon, I now have the sorry evidence to prove it. Continues >>> December 2018 • happiful • 75

Social Media & Boundaries

I’m with Jo Love, mental health advocate, founder of PND (Postnatal Depression) Tea events, and Lobella Loves. Jo laughs when I tell her about my findings, but we quickly both fall into praising the ScreenTime app she introduced me and many others to, through her Instagram account. The app shows how much time you spend on your phone, and the sites you linger on. It’s a real wake-up call when you understand the toll your scrolling is taking on the precious little downtime you have in your day. Along with sharing this invaluable hack, Jo has started an Instagram campaign encouraging her followers to embrace “Switch Off Saturday” – making one day of the week scroll free. It’s a call to in-action that was triggered by her own experience of downing social media tools, after a major realisation that she needed a break, prompted by a discussion with her counsellor. “My counsellor told me that she’d been worried for some time, and felt that we’d reached a critical point; that I was destroying myself,” Jo says. “I had burnout and I knew I needed to take a step back – but I was petrified about doing so. I felt I had to be on social media, or my engagement would drop, and that wouldn’t have a good effect on my mental health either. I needed to keep my presence up, as well as being a mother, a wife, a friend, a business person, and all the other plates we try to spin.” This conflict is understandable. Jo has built up a deeply engaged social media community and online business, following what was one of the toughest times in her life. After having her daughter, Jo experienced PND, and was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD, as a result of the trauma she experienced in her daughter’s early months. However, Jo turned her experience into a force for good. She left her job as a lawyer to develop 76 • happiful • December 2018

Lobella Loves, an online marketplace that gives money from every sale to charities who support women with perinatal mental ill-health, and organised PND Tea events to bring groups of mothers, along with mental health professionals, together in a safe environment to talk. Jo also launched the Depression Wears Lippy campaign in 2017 to extend the conversation about what depression can look like, urging people not to judge someone’s mental state by their appearance. She’s done all of this in the past few years, as well as speaking at mental health events, and keeping up with her Instagram community. So, understandably, Jo was hesitant to step away from the online world she’d carefully cultivated, telling her counsellor about potential issues with engagement and algorithms, unsure it was even possible to pause her content sharing. “She said to me: ‘If you had a normal job, I’d be recommending that you had a four-week break.’

My counsellor said to me: ‘If you had a normal job, I’d be recommending that you had a four-week break.’ That’s when it hit me, the severity of the situation That’s when it hit me, the severity of the situation. We agreed a break of one week as that’s what I thought was realistic and manageable.” Jo didn’t start her switch-off immediately. She went to Feastival – a festival in Oxfordshire where Lobella Loves had a stall. After a stunningly hot summer, the heavens opened and it rained continuously. To add insult to injury, sales were disappointing, her tent leaked, she had a puncture on the way home, and the roof box on her car burst open, spewing stock all over the road.

Photography | Nancy H Gibbs nancyhgibbsphotography.co.uk

Jo LOVE

I felt so connected with the world, and for the first time in a long time I was having proper conversations with people, and not thinking about content or when I’d check my DMs As she tells me about the this, I imagine her alone, cold, wet and on the side of the road – feeling every inch of the burnout she had discussed with her counsellor days before. “It was like I had entered this vortex of negativity that weekend. After that, I had to be honest to myself – I needed that break, I just felt terrible.” It’s not surprising that Jo disconnected from social media shortly after this happened. She wrote a post, telling her followers why, admitting to her concerns about sales, finishing with: “But none of that really matters when you feel like you’re falling apart at the seams. See you on the other side.” And how was switching off? “Wonderful,” Jo beams. “The hardest thing wasn’t coming off social media, or reaching for the phone. It was learning what I should do with my time instead – when you’ve been going a hundred miles an hour for so long, it’s hard to stop, but gradually I learned to. “I read Matt Haig’s Notes on a Nervous Planet, went to yoga, sat in my local cafe, without a laptop, phone, or notebook. I felt so connected with the world, and for the first time in a long time I was having proper conversations with people, and not thinking about content or when I’d check my DMs.” And when Jo returned to social media, just over three weeks later, she had a wonderful response. Upon posting about the catalyst for her break, she received hundreds of messages of support. After social media silence, Jo confesses, the

continuous dopamine hits from these comments had her glued to her phone for the entire morning. This is when she knew that she had to find a way to move forward with social media that was healthy, and more sustainable – hence the creation of Switch Off Saturday. Towards the end of our conversation, talk turns to Therapy Thursdays, the Instastories Jo posts before and after visiting her counsellor. I ask what inspired these? “I was talking about my counselling anyway, and getting so many questions,” Jo responds. “Obviously I couldn’t film my sessions, but I could talk about counselling around them. It’s normally a quick sound-bite as regurgitating the whole session wouldn’t be good for my own boundaries, but the posts always get a massively positive response.” With the remaining stigma around counselling, Jo’s stories demonstrate the reality of therapy – it can be hard work and emotional at times, but it can also be incredibly helpful and empowering. She’s received messages from women who have arranged counselling for themselves after learning more about it from her, which just shows that social media has positive powers too.

Jo is clear throughout our chat that while she can signpost support, she’s not a mental healthcare professional, and social media is not the place for many important interactions. But she is keen to lend her voice to the wider conversation, in a boundaried way, wherever and however she can. I would say that she’s doing a brilliant job already. Jo's company Lobella Loves is proud to donate money from every sale to charities supporting families experiencing perinatal mental health issues. Visit lobellaloves.com To find a counsellor, or learn more about different types of therapy, visit counselling-directory.org.uk

December 2018 • happiful • 77

Happiful Hack

Approaching mental health at work

WELLBEING WONDERS

With initiatives like Mental Health First Aid, more and more workplaces are becoming mental health aware. But unfortunately, not everyone will feel comfortable or confident in speaking to their boss yet. If this is you, read on, as we detail how to tackle talking about mental illness in your workplace Writing | Fiona Thomas Illustrating | Rosan Magar

t Happiful, we like to think the stigma around mental health is changing. While the tide may be turning in the right direction, individually circumstances might feel different. For some, talking about your mental illness to those close to you may seem hard, or even detrimental. This is certainly true for many people concerned with mental illness in the workplace. In 2016, the UK had a reported 15 million sick days related to mental health issues such as stress, depression, and anxiety. Sadly, mental health charity Mind found that 93% of workers who have taken stress-related leave have lied to their boss about the real reason behind their absence. Although conversations around mental health are becoming more commonplace in the media and in the

78 • happiful • December 2018

home, work environments still feel like a dangerous place to open up. In fact, 67% of employees feel scared, embarrassed or unable to talk about mental health concerns with their employer. The good news is that employers are legally obliged to make reasonable adjustments to accommodate your illness, but they can only do that if they know about your condition in the first place. If you feel uneasy about opening up to your boss regarding mental health, read on:

1 Talk to your GP first

If you haven’t already, make an appointment to discuss your mental health concerns with a doctor. Based on your history, they should be able to help you decide if talking to your employer will negatively affect your state of mind. They should also be able

to give you some clarity about what to request from your employer, such as reduced working hours, time off, or counselling. Even if you aren’t quite ready to discuss your issues at work, you can get extra medical support such as helpful websites, support groups, and medication, if required.

2 Set your own boundaries

Make a point of setting boundaries to minimise work-related stress, even if you don’t feel brave enough to vocalise them to your boss. Take your lunch break every day, and schedule regular breaks outside if possible. Don’t check your emails in the evening, and consider uninstalling your mail app from your phone altogether. Unless you’re contractually obliged to respond to emails out of hours, there’s no reason for you to get notifications then. If there’s an emergency, people can always call.

5 Set up regular meetings/ check-ins

67% of employees feel scared, embarrassed or unable to talk about mental health concerns with their employer 3 Confide in a colleague or HR instead

If you don’t feel able to talk to your boss, then you need to find the next best thing. Fellow colleagues will understand the complexities and internal politics of your particular workplace, so have a catch up with a trusted friend outside of the office. If you’d rather keep it private, then contact your HR department to organise a confidential meeting to go over your issues. They can also advise if there are any occupational health or counselling services in place to assist you.

4 Think about what you need

Depending on how much experience your employers have with mental illness, they may not have a clue that you need to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Before you set up a meeting, make a list of changes which would have a positive impact on your mind. Would the opportunity to work from home help? Are there any stressful projects or big responsibilities which can be delegated to someone else on the team? Can you schedule in some unpaid leave or holiday to allow yourself a break?

Once you’ve found someone at work to confide in, set up future meetings so that you can continue to draw on their support. Having someone to talk to is an invaluable tool, especially if you still feel like your boss is unapproachable. These types of meetings are always best when conducted in a relaxed environment, away from prying eyes. This could be a private meeting room, or even a local coffee shop.

6 Suggest wellbeing activities

Take the opportunity to draw your team’s attention to mental health in the workplace by suggesting some activities that promote wellbeing. For example, you could encourage walking meetings outside instead of being cooped up in an air-conditioned room. You could also ask them to organise mindfulness classes, or yoga taster sessions. December 2018 • happiful • 79

Generation Game-changers

Not Just A Princess

Gotta see it to be it Throughout life, we’re bombarded with messages about who we should be. From the films we watch growing up, to the clothes we’re dressed in, and the toys we play with. When business psychologist Jennifer Toll stopped to think about the messages that were seeping into her young daughter's life, she knew she had to do something – and so Not Just A Princess was born. More than a brand selling modern, aspirational slogan T-shirts, Not Just A Princess runs deeper to fuel a movement of parents who want to show their daughters that the sky truly is the limit. And it’s right on time

“

t all started when my daughter was given a plastic plate with a fairy princess on. I looked at it and thought: what else is out there? What about all the occupations she could go into? And then I started seeing that actually, really, you’ve got a choice of a mermaid, princess, and the occasional unicorn.” Jennifer Toll is addressing a room full of career-driven, game-changing women, here to celebrate the launch of Not Just A Princess, Jen’s start-up brand set to challenge the restrictive career stereotypes that hold women and girls back from reaching their full potential. In one corner of the room, there’s a rack of child-sized T-shirts with slogans that read things like “little scientist” and “little architect”, to name but a few. On the walls are quotes from women who are thriving in male-dominated careers: a data analyst, a pilot, a vicar. These two things are the cornerstones of Not Just A Princess’s

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Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

mission to empower girls, and banish the messages that cap their potential. The plan is two-fold: first, sell inspirational T-shirts where 12.5% from each sale is donated to Inspiring Girls International – the charity that provides face-to-face or virtual sessions with women talking about their jobs to school-aged girls. Second is to create an online archive of inspirational stories from women who are thriving in their careers. Coming together, Jen hopes Not Just A Princess is the movement that will banish gender-specific messages that are internalised in a second, but leave us with a lifetime of restricting self-image. The opening speech is met with applause and, as the room begins to mingle, I grab a quiet moment with Jen to chat more about her mission.

THE PRINCESS AND THE TEE

In her “other life” Jen is a business psychologist, and she notes that it was this background that first drew

her attention to the level of gendered messaging in children’s clothing, toys, and – in Jen’s daughter’s case – dinnerware. In all these, she recognised “limiting beliefs” (ideas we hold on ourselves that constrain our potential) and messaging (the subtle, often social, messages that we unconsciously internalise) in the branding of items aimed at our children. But it was Jen’s lived experience that showed her how limiting these messages can be. In her welcome speech, she introduced herself as a “recovering perfectionist”, and she refers to it again in our interview when she explains that this perfectionism came hand-in-hand with a fear of getting things wrong, and of taking risks. “Women are a lot more prone to perfectionism, and they struggle more with risk-taking when it comes to something like career resilience, or asking for pay rises,” Jen says. Continues >>>

Inspirational IDEAS

Once you see it, you can’t stop seeing it; it’s like putting on a pair of glasses and then not being able to take them off

Win a Not Just A Princess T-shirt of your choice, RRP £16.00. To enter, simply email us at competitions@happiful.com telling us about your own Not Just A Princess career story* *Open to UK mainland only. Closes 15 December 2018

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Generation Game-changers

“It’s difficult to know exactly where that may have come from, but then all you have to do is look at the clothing, look at the messaging and stories, and you can see that’s got to be part of it.” In February, Asda came under fire for selling T-shirts with sexist slogans. Hung side-by-side, the boy’s T-shirt read: “Future scientist”, while the girl’s was: “Forever daddy’s girl”. Similarly, in July Morrisons’ offering was: “The future is mine” for boys, and for girls: “Sparkle & believe in unicorns”. And while these may seem like harmless words on the front of T-shirts that we can choose to take or leave, psychologists like Jen identify how messages creep into our subconscious from a young age, as we’re busy piecing together our place and identity within society.

LADY AND THE LINGUIST

“I had a conversation with my husband. We were talking about ‘fireman’ vs ‘firefighter’,” says Jen. “He said: ‘Aren’t we being a bit too PC? Surely fireman is just a word for the job.’ And I said: ‘Well why don’t we call it firewoman for both genders then?’ And he went: ‘Ah, yes. I see what you mean now.’” Language has an immeasurable effect on the way we navigate our role in the world, and Jen references a 2015 study in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology which found that, following minor injuries, parents were four times more likely to tell their daughter to “be careful” than their sons. In their conclusion, the authors write: “Frequently encouraging girls to be careful in the future may contribute to lesser injury risk in females. [...] The downside is that girls may be less likely than boys to try challenging activities, which are important for developing new skills.” “It’s only when you have those conversations that you spot it, and it’s so easy to do because it’s so ingrained,” says Jen. “The more organisations out there that are doing things like this, and the more that we check each other, the better.” “Once you see it, you can’t stop seeing it; it’s like putting on a pair of glasses and then not being able to take them off.”

BEAUTY AND THE BELIEF

In the UK, there are more FTSE 100 CEOs called David than there are women overall. It’s a disheartening statistic that highlights a systemic problem. But often real change comes 82 • happiful • December 2018

Photography | Jessica Jill Photography

Inspirational IDEAS

Jen (centre) and friends at the Not Just A Princess launch

In the UK, there are more FTSE 100 CEOs called David than there are women overall about when we lead with hope and aspiration. That’s Jen’s vision, and the reason why the online career profiles are such an important part of what Not Just A Princess does. “In my work, I’ve met a lot of different women doing incredible things, but not all girls have that,” says Jen, who explains that without those role models in your life, the jump to entering a new industry is much further, and much scarier. “You have to see it to be it,” she notes. Jen points to industries out there that are doing similar things with designated recruitment programmes for girls, such as STEM industries that are working to address the root

of the problem that has lead to women making up only 23% of those in STEM occupations. “That’s great,” says Jen. “But what there didn’t seem to be is a place to bring those stories together in one place.” That is, until now. By hosting the career profiles on the Not Just A Princess Site, and by partnering with Inspiring Girls, Jen has taken what could just be a marketable, modern take on slogan T-shirts, and turned it into a movement.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

I’m rounding off our interview by asking Jen’s advice for parents who want to raise aspirational, confident daughters (“Be mindful of your language, especially little comments like: ‘Don’t throw like a girl’”), when we’re interrupted by a friend of Jen’s, Gemma, who accidentally walks in on our chat. By way of apologising, Gemma offers a short comment on Jen for the tape: “She’s fabulous, you know?”

Later, the interruption gets me thinking. If our “little throwaway comments” always came from a place of such automatic support and encouragement – like the one Gemma quickly dropped without prompting – and if we could always offer our friends, our sisters, and our daughters, a limitless level of belief in their talents, well, the sky truly would be limit. Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with princesses, fairies and unicorns – nor is there anything inherently right about high-flying careers. It’s not the choice we make that matters, rather that we’re given the option to make a choice. “I’m not anti-pink,” says Jen as we finish up. “Pink is great, and princesses are great. Just get a science kit as well.” Find out more about Not Just A Princess by visiting notjustaprincess.co.uk and follow them on Twitter @ntjustaprincess and Instagram @not_just_a_princess December 2018 • happiful • 83

Charity of the Month

Mind

The people who make it Founded in 1946, Mind is one of the biggest mental health charities in the UK, going from strength to strength every year, with agenda-setting campaigns and life-saving services. From online support and information, to representation in the media, and out in our communities, we take a closer look at the people behind the scenes Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

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ON THE AIR

t the heart of one of the UK’s biggest mental health charities is its people. People who are motivated to eliminate the stigma around mental health, not because it’s their nine-tofive, but because they are genuinely passionate about making a difference. For many, it’s personal. Back in March this year, Paul Farmer, Mind’s CEO, told us that coming from a family with a history of mental health problems, and seeing close friends struggling, is what led him to work in the sector and join Mind. It was similar for Mind’s director of fundraising, Kathleen Miles, who told us: “I’ve had my own experience of anxiety and depression, and have known a few people who have sadly taken their own lives. So what Mind aims to achieve is very much part of my own values, and it's an enormous privilege to do the job I do.”

ambassadors, as are Fearne Cotton, Duke McKenzie, Ruby Wax, and Zoe Sugg, to name but a few. For Mind, these endorsements are not just about reach, they’re also about sending a message that mental health problems can and do affect us all. “One in four people will experience a mental health problem, so it should come as no surprise that celebrities will face these issues too,” says Sophie Corlett, director of communications at Mind, who points to their research which shows 25% of people said that hearing a celebrity talk openly about their own mental health directly inspired them to seek help for themselves, while 52% said it helped them to feel like they weren’t alone. “We are so proud to have the support of a number of passionate, highprofile people, who champion us to a wide audience,” says Sophie. “Mind’s many celebrity supporters make huge

One in four people will experience a mental health problem, so it should come as no surprise that celebrities will face these issues too For so long, the thing that prevented people with mental health problems from speaking out was shame, stigma, and a feeling of isolation. For that reason, the fact that community and a sense of shared-experience is at the heart of Mind’s work is not only a breath of fresh air, but also of vital importance.

CELEBRITIES: THEY’RE JUST LIKE US In 2011, Mind welcomed national treasure Stephen Fry to become the charity’s president. And Stephen’s appointment is just one of many high-profile celebrity supporters that the charity counts on. Friends of Happiful Denise Welch, Matt Johnson, and Alastair Campbell, are proud

contributions to our work, supporting fundraising events and campaigning work, and speaking in the media to raise awareness of mental health.”

WATERCOOLER TALK This year, a lot of Mind’s focus has been on workplace wellbeing – and it makes sense. For many of us, a large part of our lives is spent at work, and too often it can be a highly stressful, pressurised environment that can leave us feeling drained, both physically and emotionally. “When you consider that nearly one in three people have experienced mental health problems while in employment, it clearly becomes an issue that needs some focus,” says Sophie. Continues >>>

If you’ve noticed that the representation of mental illness on UK TV has improved in recent years, there’s a fair chance it’s down to the invaluable work of Mind’s Media Advisory Service. Jenni Regan, media engagement manager at Mind, tells us more: “Our media advisory service works with sections of the media who want to tell a story about mental health. “We provide feedback on scripts to ensure that the portrayal of a mental health problem isn't stigmatising, and is as realistic as possible. We also work with researchers, writers, producers and actors on storylines that involve mental health problems, set up workshops for production teams to meet volunteers with experience of a specific mental health problem, and can provide advice when an idea is in development. “People get their information about mental health from all areas of the media, not just the news. Soaps and dramas are watched by millions of people every week, and the storylines about characters with mental health problems can have a real impact on viewers. Many learn something new, change their attitude towards someone with a mental health problem, or are even encouraged to seek help themselves.

Storylines about characters with mental health problems can have a real impact on viewers “Mind's Media Advisory Service has worked with EastEnders, Coronation Street, Hollyoaks, Holby City, Emmerdale, Casualty, Pobol y Cwm, River City and Doctors so far, and we all love receiving a storyline about our favourite soap! “Our aim is to make mental health storylines as realistic and sensitive as possible, so as to dispel the many myths and stereotypes that have been seen on television in the past.”

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Charity of the Month

LORRAINE’S LOCAL MIND STORY Lorraine had experienced depression for some time, but always found that exercise helped her. In May 2016, after a serious asthma attack which led to a week-long spell in hospital, she became terrified about running again. It was during this time of uncertainty that she first found Maidstone and Mid-Kent Mind: “I was at Maidstone Leisure Centre when I spotted a poster for the running club, and decided to get in touch – and I haven’t looked back since. “MMK Mind’s running group gives me confidence, and it helps to reduce my stress levels. It gives me a chance to do something good and healthy for myself.

Mind’s running group gives me confidence, and it helps to reduce my stress levels “I’ve had depression for a long time, but I find that exercise and running really help me. As I continue to improve with my running, it makes me want to help others at the club more, as I feel I can really show them that they can do more than they think, and to believe in themselves. It’s really motivated me to prove to myself and others that no matter what, you can achieve anything!”

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“We also know that poor mental health costs the UK economy up to £99 billion every year, with up to £42 billion as a direct cost to employers. But evaluations of workplace interventions by Deloitte show a return to business of between £1.50 and £9 for every £1 invested. So there is clearly a benefit to the wider society to have a mentally healthy workplace.” Mind works tirelessly to campaign for parity between mental and physical health, and the way that they are viewed in the workplace. Kathleen Miles points to Mind’s Workplace Wellbeing programmes – which act as a benchmark for best policy and practice – as one of Mind’s achievements she’s most proud of in recent years.

LOCAL MINDS: A CLOSER LOOK

Local Mind branches are the backbone of the charity, and support more than 513,000 people across England and Wales. At a time where NHS services are being cut, these local branches are more necessary than ever before. Independently run and responsible for their own funding and services, we caught up with Julie Blackmore, CEO of the Maidstone and Mid-Kent Mind branch, to find out more. “These organisations are rooted in their communities, and are trusted by the people they work with. They have a long history of social action and userled interventions, sit outside of clinical settings, and are able to offer significant and effective levels of support. “I’ve worked in the voluntary sector for more than 17 years. Within weeks of working at Mind, I was overwhelmed by the amount of support needed. I have seen the ups and downs first-hand in my own family. To be able to work for

Local Mind branches are the backbone of the charity Mind and lead a local Mind in frontline delivery is something I am very proud to do. “I am inspired by the people who have experienced mental health issues and continue to work towards rebuilding their lives, and focusing on the positive aspects of life that help our mental wellbeing. “The quality of the support we provide is down to the incredible team we have at MMKM. They work with compassion and understanding to help people recover. My team are the thing I am most proud of. Without their tireless work, enthusiasm and support, MMKM would not be able to provide the fantastic service we do.”

TO THE FUTURE

If you needed evidence of the incredible impact that a community of people pulling together can have, look no further than the achievements of Mind across the years. From the agenda-setting information and guidance at Head Office, to getting hands on in the community and being there for people at their time of need, Mind’s relevance and significance cannot be understated. “People with mental health problems can and do recover, and lead full lives where having a mental health problem is just one of the parts of their life, and not the only focus,” says Sophie. “Whatever we can do to help people get the support and respect they need is well worth doing.” To find out more about Mind, visit mind.org.uk, and if you’re feeling inspired, head to mind.org.uk/getinvolved to donate or sign up for fundraising opportunities.

Rebecca’s Story

Never be afraid to talk

Growing up, Rebecca Fussey never felt like she fitted in. She experienced extreme anxiety in every social interaction, and went on to use alcohol as a coping mechanism for her depression. But once she received a diagnosis, Rebecca understood herself and her behaviour much more, and has worked hard to get her life back on track

am a 26-year-old woman, with two beautiful children, and an amazing support network. My physical health is good, and I have a roof over my head – a “picture perfect” life, right? This could not be further from the truth. From a young age, I’d obsess about everything – worried that if I didn’t do something, it would have terrible consequences. I believe this set the pattern for the mental health battles I was to face in the future.

All through primary school I was a bit of a loner. I kept my head down and was determined to do my best. I’d get teased for being the “boffin”, but I don’t remember it having a negative effect on me. However, as secondary school approached, I wondered what it would be like to be the “popular one”, and decided to try to fit in more. For the next few years I made lots of new friends. But I did get picked on by boys for being “ugly”, and I would blush in front

of everyone. What started with me being scared to blush in class rapidly crept into every aspect of my life. I was increasingly self-conscious, and scared to be asked a question in class, as I knew I would be overwhelmed with embarrassment. Looking back, I’ve always been a “people pleaser”. I’ve changed my persona to fit into different friendship groups. If one of my close friends wasn’t at school, I’d feel anxious and lost, as if I relied on other people to bounce off. Continues >>>

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The Road to Wellbeing

Rebecca’s Story So when faced with work experience I felt overwhelmed. Someone there asked me a question and I froze. I knew the answer, but was cut off from my thoughts by sheer dread. This started to happen often, and I would make myself scarce at lunchtime to avoid interaction. I felt so anxious that I just stopped eating. In the final year of secondary school I met my first proper boyfriend. He was a singer, gorgeous and charming. But it wasn’t long before another side of him emerged – a compulsive liar, manipulative, and controlling. When I found out he’d cheated on me, we had a huge argument. Next thing I knew, he was holding a knife, threatening to hurt himself if I left him. I reached for his arm to lower it, and he turned the knife on me. Luckily, he dropped it and started crying, but in that moment I knew it was over. I ended the relationship, but I was still madly in love with him. I would cry as soon as I woke up, and felt like I was in mourning.

Rebecca as a child, with her supportive family

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I was low for so long that my mum encouraged me to go to the doctor. I was put on medication, which I am still on, to try to lift my mood. At college I became increasingly anxious around people, and turned to alcohol to escape from what I was feeling. I missed a lot of classes purely because I couldn’t bear to face the human interaction. I ended up failing all my exams and dropping out after the first year. Between the ages of 16 and 21, I was very much a drifter. I moved to Spain, intent on “finding myself ”, but it dawned on me that no matter where I was, I still had the same feelings. Being around people made me feel on edge and paranoid. I felt I was boring, and was too scared to interact with people properly if I was sober. The only time I’d feel happy or normal was with a drink inside me. I ended up spending 90% of my time out there drinking. I worked in a nightclub and I’d drink so much I’d black out. But at the time, I had such low confidence that I didn’t even care. After getting fired from two clubs, I decided it was time to come home. My mental state was worsening. I was drinking more and more, to try to erase negative memories and give me some temporary happiness.

I was drinking more and more, to try to erase negative memories and give me some temporary happiness I looked at other people – from worse backgrounds, or who had traumatic life events – and felt guilty for feeling depressed. I didn’t understand what was going on in my head. In December 2013, a couple of months after meeting the future father of my children, I attempted suicide, and was admitted to a private mental health clinic. Most of my time in there was a haze. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and attended a course of cognitive behavioural therapy. But they had me on such strong medication that I couldn’t feel anything, and assumed I was getting better. The battle continued from as soon as I left the clinic in March 2014, until September last year, when I hit rock bottom. I was taken to the Bridge Centre, Basingstoke (an NHS recovery facility), where I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, social phobia, recurrent depressive disorder, and harmful use of alcohol.

True LIFE

They altered my medication, which helped me remain more stable. Finally there seemed a logical reason for the way I was feeling! The more I researched my diagnosis, the less alone I felt. I never considered myself as an alcoholic, because I believed that meant someone who drinks all day, every day. I knew I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, but I thought this was just a generational thing. However, as time went on, I noticed my drinking was affecting relationships. I realised I needed to change, needed help, and to surround myself with the right people. There were many false starts, but one day was the last straw

I came out feeling recharged and full of determination to continue this part of my journey to wellness and I took myself to Alcoholics Anonymous. Since going to my first meeting on 1 April, apart from one lapse, I have remained sober. Being able to sit in a room knowing there is no judgement there has been unexpectedly therapeutic and inspiring. I thought I’d dread the meetings each week, but no matter what

frame of mind I’m in when I go, I came out feeling recharged and full of determination to continue this part of my journey to wellness. The other major factor in my recovery journey is the local wellbeing centre, run by Mind’s Andover branch. It offers therapies in the form of writing, art, gardening, and mindfulness. The activities have given me a sense of purpose and helped me reconnect with myself. I’ve also attended courses there about overcoming anxiety and building your confidence. These lovely people did more for me in a week than the Priory did in all the time I spent there. It is such a laid back environment, and the staff have a non-judgemental approach, which immediately puts you at ease. They also offer days out, which usually I’d avoid like the plague, but there’s a sense of belonging and being with

Rebecca taking part in a Tough Mudder challenge to raise money for Mind

like-minded people which is a great comfort and builds your confidence. Lastly, I don’t know where I’d be without my support network. My parents have continuously been there for me, and I have grown to know my true friends. Without their company or support I’d feel so lost. I believe recovery from any type of mental issue is an on-going journey. But over time, the lows are less frequent, and the highs are core reminders of what we have to live for. For the rest of the time, we just have to learn to live in the in-between and know that all these bad feelings will pass – because we have made it this far.

Our Expert Says Rebecca recognises that her experiences in childhood and as a young adult have affected her life – making it difficult for her to interact with others, and to feel confident in herself. She kept the world at bay and relied on alcohol to manage her mood – and so many people can fall into these unhealthy coping mechanisms. Yet, finding the right, healthy therapy, and having support can make a difference. For Rebecca, connecting with others who, without judgement, listened and shared their experiences, has been an instrumental step. Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP Reg Ind counsellor

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Happiful Hero

nM E NTA L

H E A LT Hn

Matters

This month, we chat to author, blogger, and mental health advocate Fiona Thomas about her essential advice, recommendations, and reflections

Follow Fiona on Instagram @fionalikestoblog

Mental health matters to me because… when my mental health suffers, it has a knock-on effect on the rest of my life – my productivity at work, my relationships, and even my physical health. When I’m feeling mentally fit, I feel like I can take on the world! When I need support I… reach out to people who really understand how I feel. Some of my closest friends have experienced depression and anxiety themselves, so having a little rant to them is always good because I know they really “get it”. When I need some self-care, I… take it back to basics and prioritise sleep, and wholesome food. I try and get an early night as things always seem a little less overwhelming after a long sleep! Getting out in the fresh air

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is also very healing for me, so I take a walk along the canals near my house as much as I can.

It calms a lot of the self-doubt I have as a writer, and also reminds me that it’s OK not to be perfect The books I turn to time and again are… Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, because it speaks to me so much as a creative person. It calms a lot of the self-doubt I have as a writer, and also reminds me that it’s OK not to be perfect. I’m reading Quiet by Susan Cain, which is helping me see the strength in my introverted nature. I also love

People I find inspiring online are… I have so many, as I spend a lot of time chatting to fellow mental health advocates on Instagram! Amy Holland from I Can Cards is my good friend, but I’m always in awe of how she manages to run multiple projects and look after two young kids. I go to her for advice on how to disconnect from the negative aspects of social media. I also love Busy Phillipps, Bryony Gordon, and Estée Lalonde. Three things I would say to someone experiencing mental ill-health are… be kind to yourself, celebrate the small wins each day, and get plenty of sleep. The moment I felt most proud of myself is… when I submitted the final draft of my manuscript to my publisher. I can’t believe that a period in my life that was so painful has turned into such a force for good, and I hope it can show people the light at the end of the tunnel when they are dealing with depression. Fiona’s book, ‘Depression in a Digital Age: The Highs and Lows of Perfectionism’ (Trigger, £11.99), is available from 20 November.

Photography | Amie Thomas

Emma Gannon’s Ctrl, Alt; Delete: because it captures a snapshot in time, similar to my own book, which discusses what it was like to grow up just as the internet was becoming accessible in every home.

DO NOT BE DETERRED

Photography | Narayan Gopalan

“Survival can be summed up in three words – never give up. That’s the heart of it really. Just keep trying.” – Bear Grylls

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