happiful - Issue 1 April 2017

Healthy Ideas that Change the World

LET’S TALK!

Why Counselling Can Work Wonders

SOCIAL ANXIETY

April 2017

magazine

LAUNCH

ISSUE Your New Guide to Finding Happiness

TEASE DATING

6 Quick Ways to Conquer Public Shyness

Learn How to Decode that Facebook ‘Friend’

TRUE LIFE STORIES

How I defeated my eating disorder

EXPERT ADVICE

Self Body

Family Society

Mind

Relationships

HA P P I F U L . C OM | £ 3 . 9 9

04

9 772514

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DJ PANDORA

“I’m a strong believer in the fact you’re only here once”

The happiful journey

MARCH 2017 All these brands came together to create happiful magazine.

Healthy ideas that change the world.

MARCH 2010 Therapy Directory was launched.

JANUARY 2010 Nutritionist Resource was launched.

How did we get here?

We now have over 21,000 professional members across all of our sites, with more than 10 million visitors over the last year.

DECEMBER 2008 Hypnotherapy Directory and Life Coach Directory were launched.

DECEMBER 2005 Two sisters had a dream to help connect people in need with professionals who could help them.

Counselling Directory was born.

Since then, we have connected over 1 million people with counsellors and psychotherapists.

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contents April 2017

The Uptick 6 Why your personality changes with age 7 The diet that helps reduce the risk of breast cancer

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8 Disposable drones that save lives 9 The young Samaritan 10 What is breadcrumbing?

12 happiful hacks 18 Cover story: DJ Pandora

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20 Mental health first aid training

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Features 22 A quiet moment with Ruby Tandoh 25 Musicians singing out against the stigma of mental health

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34 Therapists at the movies 36 Effective ways women can help the environment 44 The life and sole of reflexology

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True Stories

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48 Personal journeys

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60 Ask the experts 62 Small things that make life happiful 63 Write for happiful

p56 Visit happiful.com for extended articles, features and interviews

Welcome to happiful

Editorial Editor | Jake Hamilton jake@happiful.com

Writer | Rebecca Thair

rebecca.thair@happiful.com

Graphic Designer | Amy-Jean Burns amy.burns@happiful.com

Contributors Kat Nicholls, Ellen Hoggard, Becky Wright, Aimi Maunders, Phil Tysoe, Sophie Coster, Rob Kirby, Edward V, Margaret Welsh, Harry Newman, Amie Sparrow, Matt Fleming Special Thanks Erica Sosna, Gordana Petrovic, Andrea Harrn, Sandra James, Hulya Kusella, David Wilson, Geoff Lamb, Nicola Dingley, Laura Hollywood, Louis Oliver, Caroline Georgiou, Amanda Ellwood, Fe Robinson Marketing Marketing Manager | Matt Holman matthew@memiah.co.uk

PR Manager | Amie Sparrow amie.sparrow@memiah.co.uk

Digital Marketing and Brand Ambassadors

In a world where we have so much, why is it we can feel so lost?

With a never-ending barrage of what happiness looks like, we can often feel overwhelmed by expectations and feel like our lives are not good enough.

Sometimes we lose sight of what true happiness is.

A kiss from your daughter, support from your partner, a feeling of wholeness. An emotional connection can spark so much joy, yet we rush around, filling our lives and forgetting to stop and look at what we have.

happiful is here to remind us that it’s the relationships and connections we have with ourselves and others that make life sparkle. Full of real life stories, inspirational messages and advice from professionals, we hope you find something that connects with you.

Mel Cann, Carl Burton, Harry Newman, Emily Attewell

Communications Communications Team Leader | Kat Nicholls katherine@memiah.co.uk

Communications Executives

Ellen Hoggard – ellenhoggard@memiah.co.uk Becky Wright – rebecca@memiah.co.uk

Management Director & Co-Founder | Aimi Maunders Director & Co-Founder | Emma White Advisor & Co-Founder | Paul Maunders Finance Director | Steve White

happiful c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley Surrey, GU15 3YL hello@happiful.com happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited.

The opinions, views and values expressed in happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only.

We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties.

Aimi Maunders & Emma White Founders

Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

happiful Issue #1 ‘Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom’ – Thomas Jefferson

The Uptick Positive news that transforms the world

Healthy news 6 The young Samaritan What is breadcrumbing?

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happiful hacks 12 KISS FM’s DJ Pandora

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Mental health first aid training

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The Uptick | News

Research reveals your personality can change A remarkable 63-year study discovers the person we are in adolescence isn’t the person we become in later life For anyone living with a moody teenager, or thinking they’re nothing like their eccentric nan, we have some news. The longestever study into human behaviour, looking at people from when they’re 14 to 77, has found you’re not the same person in your golden years as you were in childhood.

In other words, you could be more like your grandparents than you think, and that moody teenager may turn out to be just like you.

Researchers from the University of Edinburgh have used data from 1,208 participants in The Scottish Mental Survey in 1947, where 14-year-olds were rated on six personality traits by their teachers.

In 2012, the researchers tracked down the original participants, finding that 417 had died, 89 had emigrated, and 68 couldn’t be traced. But 174 participants agreed to a ‘follow-up’ study in 2013. The participants completed another intelligence test, rated

happiful • April 2017

themselves on their personality traits again, and had a friend rate them too.

The six traits were self-confidence, perseverance, stability of moods, conscientiousness, originality, and the desire to excel. Results showed that only conscientiousness and stability of mood were consistent throughout a person’s life cycle, but even those weren’t guaranteed to stay the same. Mathew Harris, who performed the research, told The Times, “We hypothesised that we would find evidence of personality stability over 63 years but our correlations did not support this hypothesis.”

While this isn’t the first study to look into how a person’s personality changes over time, it is certainly the longest, and gives us a clearer picture of the effect of time and life experiences on our personalities.

By showing we may change with age, the survey hints that we should make steps to become the person we want to be now.

Dr Chris Boyce, the lead author of the study, said, “Fostering the conditions where personality growth occurs – such as through positive schooling, communities, and parenting – may be a more effective way of improving national wellbeing than GDP growth.”

Dr Boyce’s words infer the government should put more money and consideration into factors that influence people’s personalities in order to help develop more wellrounded individuals in society. While a leopard cannot change its spots, it seems we all have room to grow.

Best of all, we have 63 years to do it.

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Mediterranean diets ‘cut deadly breast cancer risk by 40 percent’ – study Maximising your intake of plant-based foods and cutting refined carbs could help prevent one of the most deadly forms of cancer A Mediterranean diet could reduce the risk of a form of breast cancer, a new UK study has found.

Scientists have found that women following a Mediterranean diet, which is high in fresh vegetables, fruits and lean proteins, and low in sugar and saturated fats, are 40 percent less likely to develop oestrogenreceptor (ER-) negative breast cancer.

The study, published in the International Journal of Cancer last month, monitored postmenopausal women over a 20-year period to ascertain the impact the diet had on developing ER-negative breast cancer.

The study found that women who adhered most closely to the diet were 40 percent less likely to develop ER-negative breast cancer than women who adopted the diet the least.

Each year in the UK, one in three cases of breast cancer is categorised as ERnegative, which is found to have higher fatality rates due to the cancer not having receptors for hormones, meaning that it is unresponsive to hormonal therapy.

The study’s results could save thousands of lives a year.

Every 10 minutes, someone in the UK is

diagnosed with breast cancer. That equates to nearly 62,000 people a year. Of these, 11,400 women in the UK die from breast cancer every year. While the main risk factors of breast cancer are gender, family history of the disease, and aging (most breast cancers occur in women over 50), scientists are increasingly looking at other contributing factors, and what can be done to help reduce the risks.

The Mediterranean diet first piqued interest in 1978 when American nutrition scientist Ancel Keys started his ‘seven countries study’, and found the rate of fatal heart disease in Crete, Greece, was 20 times lower than in the US. People in Crete also had

the lowest cancer rates and fewest deaths overall.

The classic Med diet has similar health benefits to a vegetarian diet such as a lower risk of heart disease, cancer, inflammation, type 2 diabetes, reduced risk of strokes, and depression.

Professor Piet van den Brandt from Maastricht University in the Netherlands, who led the World Cancer Research Fund sponsored study, said, “We found a strong link between the Mediterranean diet and reduced oestrogenreceptor negative breast cancer risk among postmenopausal women, even in a non-Mediterranean population.”

Those on the diet need a reduced intake of refined grains such

as white bread, rice, red meat and sweets. Alcohol was excluded from the criteria, even though it was part of the diet due to it being a known risk factor for breast cancer.

More than 12,000 cases of breast cancer could be prevented each year in the UK if alcohol was cut from people’s diets.

While the diet itself is a key factor, the ‘Med lifestyle’ that comes with it could also be a contributor.

Emma Pennery, clinical director of the charity Breast Cancer Care, said, “It’s important to remember that while lifestyle choices like eating a well-balanced diet and taking regular exercise can help reduce the risk of cancer, they don’t guarantee prevention.”

Remember, while choosing a more balanced diet and lifestyle will certainly help with your overall health, it’s also very important to regularly check for symptoms and contact your GP if you have any concerns.

To find out more, visit Nutritionist Resource for expert articles and to find a nutrition professional in your area.

Additionally, you can find more information on breast cancer on the NHS website.

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The Uptick | News

Disposable drones that could save your life Cheap paper aeroplanes are being developed to deliver emergency first aid to places where doctors can’t travel Drones aren’t typically known for bringing joy to people’s lives. Think drones, and you’re likely thinking spies in the sky. Amazon wants to deliver packages to your doorstop by robotic helicopters, which is worrying enough, but news of the US military testing ‘drone swarms’ that, once airborne, will think for themselves how best to attack the enemy, sounds downright terrifying.

Fortunately, some drones are being developed for good.

San Francisco research outfit Otherlab is creating disposable ‘paperaeroplane’ drones that can deliver crucial medical supplies to places where doctors can’t go.

Not only will they save countless lives, but these low-cost throwaway planes could prove invaluable assets in war-torn regions, natural disaster zones, places where a disease

outbreak has occurred, or territories where road and runway conditions are treacherous.

Funded by DARPA, the US Department of Defence’s clandestine technological agency, these prototype paper planes are made almost entirely from cardboard and masking tape.

Launched from other aircraft, they fly on their own to pre-programmed locations thanks to a small GPS system, some nifty wing adjusters, and a disposable battery fitted under the hood.

Otherlab says the drones can travel distances of up to 95 miles, and will land within 10m of their target.

Crucially, the drones have been designed for one-way missions.

No return flights here.

Once they deliver their payloads they become unusable, and will degrade on their own.

Like Ikea, the drones will come in a flat

pack with assembly instructions inside, written in various languages. The plan is to make the construction process as simple as possible. You just fold and fly.

This means nontechnical humanitarian and medical staff can prepare them, load them with essential medical

– perfect for a disposable paper glider.

Otherlab said their disposable drones are ideal for carrying low thermal loss canisters and medically sensitive fluids, as well as blood and vaccines – often most critically needed in regions with harsh terrain, undeveloped roads, or poor runways.

“Like Ikea, the drones will come in a flat pack with assembly instructions” supplies, and pack them on to cargo planes.

Once airborne, they’ll lock on to their target and then slowly spiral downwards to what developers are calling a controlled crash landing

Best of all, they’re cheap.

Very cheap. The project is still in development, so Otherlab won’t say how cheap just yet, but allegedly you won’t lose any sleep worrying about a return policy.

Photography | Otherlab

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The moment I realised

I was always a Samaritan Laura Rutherford speaks to us about her experience as a volunteer Writing | Rebecca Thair

Laura Rutherford is a modern-day superwoman. She’s a solicitor, the director of Samaritans’ Carlisle branch, and a listening volunteer. How does she juggle it all?

What first inspired you to volunteer?

I’d done some volunteering for the Citizen’s Advice Bureau when I was working part-time, so when I got a full-time job, I knew I wanted to do something that fitted in with that. There was a particular draw to Samaritans because I’d had a couple of friends with suicide in their family.

The good thing about Samaritans is you don’t need to have any sort of expertise when you come to do it. We train people on the service we want them to give. We don’t give advice, so you don’t need to be an expert in mental health to be able to help people. We want them to provide emotional support, and that’s something anyone can do.

What’s the best thing about volunteering?

It’s making sure you’re doing something worthwhile with your time. There are always one or two really good calls during a shift where we’ve felt like, “I’m really glad I was there for that person”, and that gives you a sense of why we’re doing it.

What have you learned about yourself?

I’m 30 now, so my life’s changed massively in the seven years I’ve been a volunteer, but I don’t know whether that’s apparent when I deal with calls. The only real change would be how I am afterwards, because you get a lot better at coping with difficult calls.

I certainly remember the first calls I got where people would be suicidal, feeling very upset and thinking about those people for a long time afterwards. The longer that I’ve done it – it’s not that I’m desensitised because I still find suicide upsetting – I don’t take it to heart as much as I did.

How do you process the calls?

We can’t discuss calls outside of the branch, so if we’re

upset we try to deal with it before we go home. We’re always on duty with somebody else, so we talk about the calls. Then at the end of the shift we ring a ‘leader’ to talk and it’s a way of getting it off your chest. If you’re upset, the leader will follow up with you for the next few days to make sure you’re okay.

Do more people come to you with their problems since you joined Samaritans?

I think most Samaritans are the type of people that everyone went to anyway. We hear it a lot when recruiting new volunteers.

I was sat on a train with an older guy recently. He ended up telling me his whole life story, and that he’d decided he was going to kill himself at one point. He didn’t know that I was a Samaritan. When we got off the train, we hugged like old friends. I bumped into another friend and she asked if I knew him. I said, “No, he’s a new friend from the train,” and she was like, “This is typical you! Everywhere you go, you end up listening to somebody’s life story.”

What advice would you give someone who is considering becoming a volunteer?

You need to consider the practical things, like whether it’s open when you’re available – it’s good with Samaritans as we’re open 24/7! But also whether the ethos behind the charity is something you feel passionate about. Samaritans are there to try to reduce the number of suicides, so talking about suicide with callers is something we do, and not everyone is comfortable with If being a voice on the end that. When we do bring it of the phone when someone up, research shows that needs it appeals to you, you can’t put the idea head to samaritans.org to find out more. Phone lines into a person’s mind, and are open 24/7 and all calls sometimes they’ll need that are confidential. They’re free encouragement from us to to call on 116 123 (UK). open up because it’s such a hard thing to talk about.

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The Uptick | The Explainer

Writing | Rebecca Thair

The Explainer

What is breadcrumbing?

This hot new social media trend is a recipe for disaster

In the world of modern dating, where people are more likely to meet over an app than an apple martini, it’s easier than ever to play mind games – especially when not all of us know the rules.

First there was ‘catfishing’ (where your Tom Hardy look-a-like Facebook friend turns out to be Jeanette, 45, married with three kids). Then came ‘ghosting’ (where your potential mate vanishes without a word). Now the latest digital dagger to the heart is ‘breadcrumbing’ – and it’s not just Hansel and Gretel who can’t see the wood for the trees.

Breadcrumbing is the art of feeding morsels of hope to another person that a relationship might be on the cards, with no intention of giving them the actual baguette. If you’re on the receiving end of this digital tease, it can really mess with your head.

As with the fairy tale, these breadcrumbs aren’t lasting and

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you’ll just end up wondering if you’re out of the woods. The sooner you recognise the signs of breadcrumbing, the sooner you’ll save yourself a lot of wasted time hanging on to something that’s just not going to happen.

Breadcrumbers are those people who make contact, but not an actual conversation. They’ll ‘like’ that photo of you from two birthdays ago, send you a video link of a monkey riding on a pig without attaching a message, or tag you in a random meme about eating your bodyweight in pizza, but completely ignore your comments back.

Connections are always on the breadcrumber’s terms, and you’ll feel at a loss for what you can do to pique their interest. It’s that random notification that pops up when you’ve almost forgotten them, like they have a sixth sense for the ties being cut.

Being breadcrumbed is not only

frustrating, but can lead to a lack of self-confidence, questioning why the person doesn’t want to commit, or meet up, or have that date. You might start thinking it’s your own fault, and spiral into that selfdoubting misery everyone faces at some point, whether single or coupled-up.

So now this person is not only messing you around, but screwing with future relationships you might have. In some cases, this type of tease-and-release could lead to serious issues like loneliness or depression, with the person receiving breadcrumbs unintentionally sabotaging other potential relationships whenever the ‘crumber’ rears their head.

Offline, the dark art of breadcrumbing is nothing new.

Remember Kate Winslet’s character in The Holiday? She was pretty much force-fed breadcrumbs by her ex, who despite being engaged, and knowing full well her feelings

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for him, refused to give her space. And how about Sherlock leading on lovedup pathologist Molly Hooper just to get her help with a case?

You don’t need to be Dr Watson to see the trap that many people fall into, but it’s often harder to spot and snap out of the cycle in our own lives.

There are two ways to look at someone who feels the need to breadcrumb: they could be self-centred, enjoying the ego boost of your attention and knowing that they have you as a back-up option; or they could have self-esteem issues of their own and need to feel wanted by others.

It’s possible you’ve even scattered a few crumbs yourself without realising it – but keeping someone on the hook to make yourself feel better is pretty selfish, whatever the motive. Breadcrumbing isn’t necessarily a romantic trend. You could be breadcrumbing your friends or family with comments on their status update, or vowing to meet up soon but with no intention of following through.

If a few late-night ‘likes’ are starting to haunt you, the best thing you can do

“If you have a breadcrumber lurking in your life, make a stand, take back control, and don’t let them invade your head any more”

is to become the previously dreaded ‘ghost’. It’s much kinder to stop breaking bread in one swift motion than linger in someone’s life. And, if you are brave enough, you could also acknowledge leading someone on and apologise. It may be awkward, but you’ll both be better off for it.

If you’re unfortunate enough to have a breadcrumber lurking in your life, make a stand, take back control, and don’t let them invade your head any more. After all, where’s the fun in dating a breadcrumber? You deserve someone who can’t wait to see you, who in the olden days would have used all their minutes to phone you until the early morning.

As much as technology is allowing this trend to occur, it also provides you with the tools to stop a breadcrumber in their tracks. There are oodles of privacy restrictions at your disposal, from changing your profile settings, unfollowing someone, or just turning off notifications.

The ultimate tool, of course, is the beautiful ‘block’ button. Don’t be afraid to use it. You don’t need a time-waster in your life. Stick with people you can rely on for real conversations. Who wants stale breadcrumbs anyway? Go get yourself some freshly baked buns instead.

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The Uptick | Healthy Fixes

S K C A H Having trouble navigating through this thing called life? happiful is here to help.

Hack your way to better health with these wellbeing quick fixes...

happiful • April 2017

13 Remember: by taking this first step you are opening yourself up to the possibility of change and, ultimately, happiness.

#1

Questions you should ask yourself when searching for a counsellor Writing | Katherine Nicholls

If you’ve decided you would like to speak to a counsellor, you may be feeling apprehensive and even overwhelmed. We would like to make this task less daunting, and – dare we say it – enjoyable. Seeking counselling is an incredibly positive step, so you should feel calm and confident when searching. To help with this, we’ve put together a few questions you should ask yourself when choosing a counsellor:

3. Is there a certain ‘type’ of therapy for me?

1. What am I comfortable with?

4. Should my counsellor be qualified?

When people think of counselling, they tend to picture themselves in a face-to-face scenario with just themselves and the counsellor. While this is a popular option, it is not the only option. If you don’t feel comfortable doing this, or you aren’t able to travel, you may want to consider online or telephone counselling.

These methods aim to make talking therapy accessible to everyone. You may even want to consider group therapy, where a counsellor facilitates meetings between groups of people who share similar challenges.

2. How do I identify what I need help with?

The truth is, you may need to talk to a counsellor about how you’re feeling to identify what you need help with.

Alternatively, you may want to try counselling simply to help explore yourself, rather than ‘fix’ a problem.

If there is a particular concern you want to address, it can be worth seeking out a counsellor with specific experience who can understand what’s troubling you.

There are many different types of talking therapies available, but how are you supposed to know which is right for you? This is best left to the professionals.

However, if you want to explore your options, the National Institute of Health and Care Excellence (NICE) outline their recommendations for which therapy types help with which mental health concerns.

The term ‘counsellor’ isn’t legally protected, meaning that technically anybody could call themselves a counsellor. With this in mind, we advise you to check the counsellor is a member of a professional body, as they will have had their qualifications verified.

5. How do I know if counselling is for me?

Counselling is all about connection. If you are unable to connect and open up to your counsellor, you may struggle to get what you need from them. Learning more about how they work can give you a better idea of whether or not they are right for you. Be open to contacting a few counsellors and asking them some initial questions if there’s anything you want to know before booking a consultation. Try Counselling Directory, where you can view an array of counsellors in your area. Your consultation then becomes a great opportunity to talk more, so you can see what they can offer you in terms of support.

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The Uptick | Healthy Fixes

#2

Four signs you might be in a codependent relationship The warning signs can be hard to accept, but there are ways to reclaim your love life Writing | Becky Wright

What if your relationships are a mask to help you cope with negative selfjudgement? Or a coping mechanism to assess your value and self-worth?

Indeed, what if you subconsciously choose certain types of people because you want to care for them, or try to fix them in some way?

If that sounds familiar, it’s possible you’re caught in a pattern of codependency. Most healthy relationships have some level of codependency, but it becomes a problem when one person is continually overcompensating for the other. Here are the main signs:

1.You always sacrifice things for your partner

We’re not talking now and again, we’re talking all the time. When your sense of purpose in life is centred around making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner’s needs, you’re probably in an unhealthy relationship. Learn to say ‘no’. The next time you think about

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making a sacrifice for your other half, stop and consider if it’s fair on you. If it’s not, tell them.

2.You’re the only one committed to working on the relationship

Are you consistently giving your partner another chance, accepting excuses, or fixing all the problems?

You don’t have to do everything in order to prove your self-worth. Give and take is important; you can’t make this relationship work on your own.

It’s important to set boundaries – for both of you. Talk to each other and set relationship goals (both big and small) that satisfy all your concerns.

3.You’re unable to find satisfaction in your public life

When people find themselves deeply in love with someone, it’s common to question what their life would be like without them, or even if they could live without them. But developing your own sense of identity

is important. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is the first step to having a healthy relationship with another person. So, remember to make time for yourself.

4.You keep doing things that your partner should be doing

It’s natural to want to take care of your partner, right? But, what are you getting back in return? Your partner should be able to lean on you when life gets tough, not rely on you to solve every problem in the world.

Stop trying to What to do next? solve all their Try talking to one another issues or truthfully and honestly about complete all the issues. Or you could try the tasks they counselling. Talking to a should be doing trained professional could help you to rebuild your sense for themselves. of self-worth and understand They need to why you rely on the other develop the skills person so much. to deal with their own lives.

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#3

Things confident women do differently Fixating on flaws is easy as pie, but finding opportunities in failures can lead to a more confident, successful you

Photography | Debby Wong / Shutterstock.com

Writing | Rebecca Thair

Confidence is sometimes too closely associated with arrogance, and therefore some women feel they should act more modestly, often doubting themselves, and using self-depreciating humour to cover all bases. But a lack of confidence can mean a resistance to stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself to achieve your goals.

There are countless charismatic women in the public eye who are showing that we can be confident, successful and likeable. Former first lady Michelle Obama, straight-talking Essex girl Adele, and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg are just some examples. And they all share the following characteristics:

along the way; it’s not neatly paved.

Confidence stems from perseverance, from knowing you are good at something and being respected for it. The difficulties you overcome are exactly why you should feel you’ve earned that confidence in yourself.

1. Turn negatives into positives

Confident women are open to listening and understanding others, but make sure their voice is heard too.

Don’t be afraid to say no, and don’t accept what you’re told at face value.

Question things. If something doesn’t feel right, look deeper into it before you make up your mind.

Confident women accept critical feedback and find the value in it.

They also recognise the power in using someone’s negative feedback to fuel their own drive. They do everything they need to prove people wrong through research, practice, and never giving up. As Michelle Obama famously said: “The one way to get me to work my hardest was to doubt me.

And I took that as: ‘I will show you who I am’.”

2. Give it your all

Often the path to success has hurdles

3. Don’t dwell on the small stuff

Nobody’s perfect. Confidence means not being afraid to admit your mistakes. Taking everything personally can make you fret over the small stuff and miss the bigger picture. See the lighter side of things, don’t let negativity bring you down, and trust in yourself. You’ll feel happier for it.

Confidence in yourself means you aren’t afraid to be fully supportive of others as well, without feeling intimidated or envious.

6. Trust your decisions

You don’t have to be quick on the draw when making choices. Whether you weigh up options for informed decisions or go with your gut, be happy with your choices and don’t worry or second-guess yourself.

4. Speak your mind

5. Know your worth

We all appreciate acknowledgement from time-to-time, but a sign of confidence is when you don’t crave it. You don’t need to boast about your achievements, because your actions should speak for themselves.

“The one way to get me to work my hardest was to doubt me. And I took that as: ‘I will show you who I am’” – Michelle Obama

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The Uptick | Healthy Fixes

#4

Effective ways to overcome

Social anxiety We all experience butterflies, but when does it become a problem?

Writing | Rebecca Thair

Social anxiety is where a person feels intensely nervous in the build-up to, during and after a social interaction.

It can range from the milder forms of blushing and butterflies, to extreme cases where sufferers will lose sleep worrying about all the negative possibilities weeks in advance of an event.

It’s the fear of any situation where they might be the centre of attention, or perhaps even in the peripherals.

Sufferers want to remain as inconspicuous as possible, blending into the background where they can’t be judged.

Here are some positive steps you can take to overcome this:

NEED TO TALK? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can be one of the most effective treatments for social anxiety disorders.

According to the NHS, CBT allows you to identify ‘unrealistic beliefs and behavioural patterns’ and then work with your therapist to amend these patterns. To find a CBT counsellor in your area, visit Counselling Directory.

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1. Newsflash – your nerves are not as transparent as you think

3. Try hypnosis

Many people associate hypnosis with swinging pocket watches and looking deeply into someone’s eyes. In reality, it’s a therapy that helps tap into your subconscious and suggests positive changes to help overcome the anxiety, whether it’s helping to calm your mind, or boosting self-confidence.

4. Build up your tolerance to social situations

Facing your fears is naturally a horrifying thought, but easing yourself into situations means that you maintain control. The situation isn’t coming as a surprise and therefore you can tackle it as you feel comfortable. If the first few social activities are manageable, build yourself up to something bigger.

Your body reacts to your internal emotions and the more you feel yourself getting anxious, blushing or shaking, the more anxious you become. But remember, what might seem like a big thing to you isn’t anywhere near as noticeable to anyone else – they’ll be focused on their own worries too.

5. Focus on the conversation

2. Talk to someone

Nerves can put you off food when your stomach is full of butterflies, but putting the right stuff in you can also help calm you down. Avoiding stimulants like caffeine and sugar help to regulate your body, as these increase your heart rate and exacerbate feelings of anxiety.

Regular exercise will boost endorphins that will improve your mood, and help you to sleep better.

It may sound simple, but having social anxiety can make you feel alienated.

Even though people will experience different levels of anxiety, you are definitely not alone. Just the act of sharing may alleviate some of the pressure you feel, and it’ll help you to get to the root of the issue and find the best way to tackle it.

Really listen to the person you’re interacting with, and lose yourself in the conversation. The more you distract yourself by being present in the moment, the less time you have to worry about those nervous physical ticks.

6. Look after your body

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#5

How to avoid the

‘Instagram comparison’ trap Comparing yourself to others is part of human nature, but it doesn’t have to control your life

Photography | © Instagram / @oneslicemore @samjohnsonwrites @iskra @madeleine_shaw_ @alphafoodie @thevisualveggie @busybeefitness @clean_eating_ali @the_sunkissed_kitchen

Writing | Ellen Hoggard

Instagram can present a distorted version of reality. Some users may fall into the ‘comparison trap’, where they see beautiful images of perfect food, perfect body shapes or perfect lifestyles, and then compare their own appearance and lifestyle choices to them.

While some will scroll past these images unconcerned, others can take it to heart, believing they need to look or live a certain way in order to be accepted. It’s unsurprising that mood and selfesteem can be seriously affected.

If you love Instagram but feel lost in an unreal world, follow these five tips for taking a step back, building self-love, and utilising the platform for its best qualities:

1. Tidy your feed

If you’re following accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, whether it be about your diet, physical appearance or lifestyle,

unfollow them. Instagram should be fun. If it’s making you feel bad, it’s not worth it.

2. Go offline

We spend countless hours scrolling on our phones. Why not do something offline instead?

Seriously, give it a whirl. If you’ve always wanted to visit Edinburgh, grab some friends and go (just turn off your social media alerts).

It’s important to live your own life, rather than looking at photos of someone else’s.

3. Question what you read

Unfortunately, there are many people on Instagram who give dietary advice without any form of nutritional qualification or accreditation. If they’re not a registered dietician, or accredited nutritional therapist, take their words with a pinch of salt. An influencer sharing information does

not mean you should follow the same plan. Their body is different to yours. If you’re looking to make a change, contact a nutrition professional who can support you.

4. Focus on yourself

Remember, many beauty influencers are showing a certain highlight of their life. Nobody looks like that in real life. Focus on what you love about yourself and what you love about others.

5. Follow inspiring people

Some of our favourite influencers include Tally Rye (@tallyrye), Chessie King (@chessiekingg) and Sam Johnson (@samjohnsonwrites).

If there are people you enjoy following, look for similar accounts in their followers. By following likeminded people you can ditch the fakery and make Instagram what it used to be – a joyful, inspiring experience.

happiful • April 2017

DJ Pa n dora The KISS FM broadcaster talks about her life philosophy, and why she’s head over heels about her four-legged friends

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Writing | Rebecca Thair

ow did you get into radio?

I actually started out wanting to get into acting. I was doing loads of auditions for films, music videos, adverts and had a great few years doing that. But I started to get knock-backs, a lot. I’d be going up for big stuff, would get to the final two, and they’d never pick me. I decided I’d had enough of acting as other people and wanted to be me. Music videos where I’m literally myself, and adverts where I’d be an overpersonified version of myself, that’s where I shine. So I thought, what can I do? How can I just be me in a job that I want to do? And it was presenting.

KISSTORY is such an iconic show. How do you get past the pressure of being live on radio?

My first show, it was horrendous babe. I’ve listened to that show, I can’t even tell you how many years. I was so hyped for it; these are the tunes I’ve grown up with, that I’ve got all of these memories I want to talk about. It’s nerve-wracking, putting up that mic for the first time and millions of people hearing your voice. That does fade with time, but I don’t think you ever lose that buzz.

We all have good days and bad days. Like today, I was so mischievous and mucking around a lot, which was great because it comes out on radio brilliantly.

But it’s always those days where something might just trip you up, so you always have to be on your toes.

You don’t want to make mistakes, but when you do it’s about having the ability to relax and laugh about it.

You’re always expected to be upbeat on the radio – is that difficult to maintain?

The power of radio is it will change your mood, because of the music. It can bring you up and it can definitely take you back down. Having that KISSTORY hour, I don’t know if anyone can be in a mood and

happiful • April 2017

do that! You go in, you don’t feel so great, but you’re banging out the tunes and you’re talking to people so it’s really interactive. You vibe off of them, so they give you the positive vibes and you’re giving it back to them. It’s a really nice circle.

You’ve also got your own lifestyle blog. What’s it like to be so open with readers?

With radio, you get a snippet of me, but obviously it’s in small doses. So I treat my blog how I would on the radio if I’ve got something on my mind. I found it quite easy at first, but maybe I am a bit too open and honest. There was a tongue-in-cheek one I did recently about when you get so close with someone, the little things you do that you probably wouldn’t admit to anyone else. I’m quite open with things like that.

We hear you also skydive!

Do you enjoy being outside your comfort zone?

I’ve always been a strong believer in the fact you’re only here once. Putting up too many barriers will stint you in life, silly little things like not doing a skydive because, quite honestly, it’s petrifying. If I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t have had that life experience and be planning to get my AFF licence. I’ve now done two solo dives with instructors either side of me, but on the last one they both let go so I was literally free-falling on my own, which was incredible!

You’re obviously a massive dog-lover, with a whole section dedicated to dogs on your blog. How did you get involved with dog charities?

I’ve always loved animals from when I was a little girl. When my first dog died, as with most people, I was like, “I’m never having a dog Want to make a donation again.” I could not go through or sponsor a puppy with Hearing Dogs for Deaf the pain and the trauma, People? because I had him for 10 and a Visit their website half years. www.hearingdogs.org.uk I used to live near Battersea for more details.

Dog’s Home, and I went down there and that was really the end

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It’s such a beautiful thing to watch the connection between a deaf person and their dog, and how they really are so beneficial to each other

of that. I was like, “The work you do is amazing. I want this dog. I want that dog!” That’s where I got Henry. And then I decided to help as many dogs as I can.

You’re planning to do some fundraising for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People. How did that come about?

I learned sign language at school because I had a really good friend who was deaf. I remember really trying to make an extra effort because it’s so hard for deaf people to be involved in a group situation. I used to go clubbing with this guy and he would tell me about feeling the vibe off everyone else. He could feel the vibrations through the floor.

Then I went to an awards show with these dogs. It touched on that personal connection, and I thought this charity is incredible. You hear some of the stories of how these adults and children are so isolated in society because of not being able to hear, and it’s a really strong, defining sense that we can’t really comprehend not having it. This gorgeous little doggie basically becomes your ears for you, and you’ve got a pal there, someone who’s going to alert you. What I found incredible is that there are different ways the dog will alert you for different situations. For example if it’s a dangerous situation or even if it’s just to wake you up, there are different ways the dog will let you know. It’s really quite heartwarming, because it’s such a beautiful thing to watch the connection between the person and the dog, and how they really are so beneficial to each other.

I went to see how they train the dogs, and learned how

trainers stay with their specific dogs until they’re put with the people they’re going to help. I thought that was really special because they spend all this time with the dogs, learning the needs of this specific person, so if it was a really outgoing person or really shy person, they would obviously have to find the right dog for them. They don’t just partner any dog to anyone.

How are you planning to raise money for the charity?

I haven’t made a definite decision, but I think I’m going to abseil down the Shard, because it’s something I’ve never done before. But with the height thing again, I mean who wants to be going backwards down the Shard? I really don’t, so I think it might be a good thing for charity. I haven’t put a definite yes on that, but I think that’s where I’m going to go.

How about a bungee jump?

I’d pretty much do anything apart from a bungee jump. I mean you’re going head first off a bridge!

So when can we see you abseiling?

In the summer, so I have to make a decision soon because I want to raise as much money as I can for them. I’m looking at July-ish. I need it to be long enough to raise a lot of money, but not too long where I start wondering what I’ve signed up for! Watch this space.

Catch Pandora on KISS weekdays 10am-1pm, read her blog, or follow her @pandoratweets. happiful • April 2017

Mental Health First Aid

Mental Health First Aid training is the mindful equivalent of physical first aid training. It’s a practical and hugely beneficial two-day course.

Here’s a taste of what it entails: PART ONE

UNDERSTAND UNDERSTANDING MENTAL HEALTH We all have mental health, just as we all have physical health. Our mental health includes how we feel, think and behave; how we cope with life; and how we feel about ourselves.

DEPRESSION

PART TWO

HOW TO HELP

1

Depression occurs in around 10% of the population. Symptoms include: persistent sadness or low mood; loss of enjoyment in previously enjoyed activities; loss of confidence; and difficulty concentrating.

ANXIETY Anxiety can interfere with work and social lives. Physical symptoms include a racing heart, chest pains, and shaking. Psychological symptoms include irritability, worry, and racing thoughts.

PERSONALITY DISORDERS Personality disorders are patterns of behaviour which cause longterm challenges. Symptoms include being overwhelmed by negativity, impulsive behaviours, and emotional distress.

Noticing changes in behaviour, whether emotional or physical, can help identify whether you or someone you know may be experiencing a mental health issue.

3

SUICIDAL CRISIS 20% of people have had suicidal thoughts at some time. If you are worried that someone is at risk of acting on suicidal thoughts, call for assistance – through their GP, 999, or Samaritans on 116 123.

SPOT THE EARLY SIGNS

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RESPOND IN A CRISIS

Mental Health First Aid gives you the skills and confidence to assist in a crisis – to assess and de-escalate a situation, reassure a person in distress, know where to call for help, and how to keep yourself safe.

HELP SOMEONE RECOVER FASTER

Help is vital. The sooner a person gets support, the sooner they can recover or learn to manage their symptoms healthily and return to a normal life.

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REDUCE THE STIGMA OF MENTAL HEALTH

Nearly nine out of ten people with mental health issues have been affected by stigma.

There are growing concerns that the experience of stigma leads to people with mental health issues receiving second-class physical healthcare.

Course provided by

Graphic created by

FIRST AID FACTS To date, MHFA England has trained over 1,200 instructors and delivered courses to over 172,000 people. MHFA courses are internationally recognised in 23 countries.

EATING DISORDERS

2

BE A GOOD LISTENER

Choose an informal, neutral setting.

Ask the person how they are. Keep your posture and tone relaxed. Listen nonjudgementally.

4 6

STOP THINGS FROM GETTING WORSE

Just like a physical injury or illness, a mental health issue can get worse without the appropriate treatment or support.

SELF-HARM People self-harm to cope with emotional distress or to communicate that they are distressed. Self-harming behaviours are often associated with mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

PSYCHOSIS

GUIDE SOMEONE TOWARDS SUPPORT

Mental Health First Aid courses give you an understanding of the range of support sources and self-help resources that are out there for different issues.

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The term eating disorder covers a wide range of problems with food, including starving (anorexia), binging and purging (bulimia), and binge eating. The reasons and causes are varied and complex.

HELP DISPEL THE STIGMA

Mental Health First Aid training helps to dispel the misconceptions people often have about those who may be experiencing mental ill-health, as well as educating people on how to look after their own mental health.

WANT TO KNOW MORE?

Visit mhfaengland.org to learn how to train as a Mental Health First Aider.

A person with psychosis experiences a range of symptoms that affect their thinking. Their perception of reality becomes distorted. Early intervention and treatment is vital.

SCHIZOPHRENIA Schizophrenia is a psychotic illness.

Symptoms include delusions (false beliefs), hallucinations, thinking difficulties, loss of drive, blunt or inappropriate emotions, and social withdrawal.

BIPOLAR DISORDER Bipolar disorder affects a person’s mood with episodes of depression and mania, often with periods of ‘normal’ moods in between.

Symptoms include hyperactivity, and rapid thinking/speech.

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Feature | Ruby Tandoh

A quiet moment with Ruby Tandoh The Great British Bake Off finalist is launching her own one-off mental health magazine. Here, she speaks with happiful about anxiety, body positivity, and being true to herself...

Interview | Jake Hamilton

F

rom 16, I had bulimia and anorexia.

I had a five or six-year period of bulimia and anorexia in my teens. It changed as I got older, but it was very much linked to my anxiety and depression. It was a maladaptive processing mechanism. I was very nervous talking to people and a big part of me thought I didn’t deserve to come forward and speak about it. I thought I should just suck it up and deal with it. You end up feeling you need to be very, very thin before you’re deserving of care. It was only at the age of 22 that I started to read other people’s stories that gave me the confidence to seek help and go to counselling.

I’m happy I went to counselling.

Both me and Leah, my partner, have gone to counselling in the last year because we have been able to talk in depth with one another. It really encouraged us and pushed us forward, and if I didn’t have Leah, my temptation would have been to not say anything. I’m so happy I did go to counselling because it was a really important and helpful resource. Once I came forward, people were very supportive. If I’d had the nerve to open up a bit earlier, I would have been able to access that support earlier, too. It’s funny how we internalise that stigma and just assume that everyone else will be as judgemental as we are to ourselves.

My Great British Bake Off experience was sometimes difficult.

I had more attention on me than I had ever had, but in a sense I was too busy to sink into being as ill as I would have been in the past. I was very busy at the time, so my mental health was channelled into stress and anxiety. It was a very strange experience. At public events, there was a temptation to come across as the most together person in the world and I was very anxious about that. I was thinking, “Do I have to make an excuse?

Do I have to feign a physical illness to cover my mental illness?” But it can be tough to navigate or justify your mental health by pretending you’ve got a cold or something.

happiful • April 2017

Photography | Leah Pritchard

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My coping mechanisms are very poor.

There is no public or private divide with me. That’s my problem. I am incapable of playing the polite public face. Maybe I should have done that! But it’s a good thing in a way because I reached a point where I had enough confidence in myself that I was happy, more or less, to be myself and hope that people liked me.

I’m so happy I went to counselling because it’s a really important resource.

Once I came forward, people were very supportive

Shaving my hair was a liberating experience.

I’ve got rid of the thing that was a big marker of what I was.

In the past, a huge part of my anxiety was about the way I looked. If I was stressed out, I would have an extreme reaction against being seen. It was a real visceral thing when people were looking at my face or my body, and it would make me sick with nerves. So, I cut my hair off. I didn’t have this big mop of hair to hide behind any more. For me, it was a brave thing. I no longer had a safety blanket. I feel that if you’re going to exist in this world then you have to face the fact that people are going to see you and therefore you should develop ways to cope with that kind of stress. I felt liberated. It meant I could go forward feeling confident in knowing that whatever bad haircut I have, or bad hair day, it’s not the end of the world.

LGBT movie characters need to improve.

It’s very disheartening not to see your own life experiences mirrored in films. Quite often, the portrayal of LGBT characters is less than sympathetic. Gay and lesbian or bisexual characters are still a kind of shorthand for being psychopathic or insane in the movies. They’re synonymous with weirdness and nastiness. It’s a really common trope and it doesn’t surprise me that films play into how people feel.

happiful • April 2017

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Feature | Ruby Tandoh

When I cut my hair off, I no longer had this big mop to hide behind any more.

I felt liberated Food should never be linked to guilt.

There’s more choice, more availability, and more options to nourish yourself than ever before. It’s such an exciting time for food. It’s wonderful. And yet food is still often reduced to a moral issue by using terms like ‘clean eating’ or ‘guilty pleasure’ or ‘feeling naughty’. When you give food that kind of morality, then you’re giving it a characteristic that it just shouldn’t have. It makes people think what they eat is a reflection of who they are, which of course it’s not.

Instagram can make me anxious.

When I research articles about wellness and clean eating, and I look on Instagram, it doesn’t take long before I start to feel anxious. I would love to say that real life doesn’t look like this, but it’s really difficult. The most important thing is that you surround yourself with people who enjoy food, who like their bodies, or who are willing to help you like yours.

Bisexual women, like myself, are forced to justify themselves.

There’s this damaging idea that if you like men or have ever liked men, or been with men, then you are used goods, and not as desirable or legitimate in your sexuality, which is obviously ridiculous. It’s a dangerous stereotype in our community. I’ve met loads of bisexual women who refuse to apologise for it, and who refuse to box themselves in.

We’ve created a mental health magazine.

It’s called Do What You Want. It’s a one-off zine curated by me and Leah to raise money for Mind, Beat and some smaller local charities. We want the magazine to be accessible to everybody, and the aim is to give people an opportunity to read and talk about mental health issues.

Do What You Want will be published in late April.

happiful • April 2017

Photography | © Instagram / Ruby Tandoh @ruby.tandoh

Body positivity is a tricky subject.

People will talk about body positivity and post lots of inspirational quotes about it, and then in the next post they will talk about losing 10lbs in three days. You’ve got to look at it with a degree of scepticism. My advice is to make sure you’re following social accounts that are advocating health at any size, rather than what healthy is apparently meant to be, which is slim and white.

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ShouT To The ToP happiful meets four musicians who are singing out against the stigmas of mental health. Let’s dance!

Interviews | Jake Hamilton & Rebecca Thair

happiful • April 2017

Feature | xxxx

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Lily-Jo This burgeoning singer-songwriter mixes her music career with her experiences as a trained counsellor

I

’m from Manchester. My grandparents were musicians who played in tea dances in the 1940s. My nana played keyboard and my grandfather accompanied her on drums. My parents were both in a band too, so I grew up around sound checks and was familiar with the microphone. I studied performing arts from 16 to 18 – singing, dancing, acting – an amazingly fun experience, but I didn’t have the confidence to step out and have a solo singing career. I still hung around musicians and ended up being part of the choir for Damon Albarn’s Gorillaz for five dates in Manchester, but it was not a full-time job.

Now, in my early 30s, I want to do music as a job and I’m very serious about it. I’ve launched myself as a solo artist, working with a label in the northern quarter of Manchester. It’s been very cool.

I’m also a trained counsellor. When I was young I had a mission statement in life – I was deep for a young person!

Mine was to bring inspiration, freedom, and hope to myself and others, so with everything I did in life, I looked at that mission statement and said, “Is this going to bring hope in my life or not?”

I was always interested in psychology, and I promised myself I would go back and do a qualification in it. But actually, I had my first child, and that brought music to a halt. I went back to college and did my training in counselling, which took four years. I qualified as a young mum at home, so I did essays while the child had naps! I still applied my mission statement in myself and in others.

My parents split. It was a very difficult time and it rocked me up, so I sought counselling myself during that period. In fact, for happiful readers, I want to say that experiencing a really hard time in life can bring amazing changes, and make you a stronger person, because you’ve been through

that stuff. I see that time as a blessing, but at the time it was horrendous. My father-in-law passed away. My nana, the great inspiration in my life, died as well. Having therapy was amazing for me. It was a safe place to go to share and feel.

The world of music and the world of counselling crosses over easily with me. I spent a couple of years working as a counsellor in the NHS, and I suddenly got this urge to start writing songs again because I was surrounded by all these amazing stories. My writing came from those stories in the counselling room, and it fired me.

Once I played my new songs live, and got such a reaction from the audience, I wanted to create a website where people could go to and get further help. That’s the Lily-Jo Project. It’s an online self-help resource designed to help people help themselves and make those first steps into healing. I cover topics such as eating disorders, depression, low mood, anxiety, self-harm, child trauma, grief and loss.

I’m not surprised people come forward after my gigs and talk about their issues after hearing songs such as Bring Me Back.

I’m also not surprised that many musicians suffer from mental health issues like anxiety and depression. This profession is such a rollercoaster. I tour with a band called LZ7 who support people like Kasabian in 30,000-seater arenas. All day you build up to the gig – the nervous anxiety, the energy – then you go on stage and get a massive high. I can’t describe it. Afterwards you fly home and go back to reality. After a day or two I hit a low and think, “So what now?” It’s pretty intense, and that’s just me on a part-time basis.

I’m now touring around the UK with X-Factor winner Ben Haenow. I’m his support act. I’m super excited – as it’s my first UK tour in my own right. My website is also one-year-old this month, and I’m hoping to get charity status in the next few months. The future looks good!

Listen to Lily-Jo.

happiful • April 2017

Photography | Lucy West

“My songwriting came from listening to these amazing and hard stories in the counselling room – it fired me”

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happiful • April 2017

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Feature | xxxx

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Emily Lee This London performer found salvation through the healing power of music

I

loved music as a kid. My mum and dad used to play a lot of records, but I didn’t start being a songwriter until I was 25. I bought a guitar, but couldn’t actually play. I brought in a guitarist to help and would hum the tunes in my head. He would find the chords, and it would become a song. But we split as partners, and I realised I couldn’t play any of my own songs, which was awful. So I had to learn.

It didn’t really become a serious thing until when I was 24 and played at an open mic night. The whole room just stopped, like the room wasn’t breathing.

I remember thinking, “Well, this is fun.” And then I immediately felt exposed. After that I reckoned I could give it a proper go.

The reason I got properly into music was because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was doing quite a lot of drinking, drugs, and I ended up sleeping with this guy who turned out to have HIV. I wasn’t taking care of my body, and I was in a dark place. They gave me an 80% chance of having it.

I just thought, why would I voluntarily mess up my life? Getting an illness is something you have no control of, but I’m actively ruining my life. That’s when I started really playing and writing because I couldn’t tell anyone. I was so ashamed, so I wrote about it.

Then I went to a gig at the Lexington in London, and saw a band called Duke and the King. I went to them and said, “You’re amazing!” and one of the singers asked, “Are you a singer?” I was acting at the time, and he was like, “Nah, you’re a singer. Get rid of the day job, just sing”. It was a sign. The next day I thought, that’s what I’m going to be. I had two songs, and I could barely play guitar, but I was going to do it.

In November, I was given the all-clear. I didn’t have HIV, and I was very lucky. That’s when I started trying to take care of myself physically and mentally. That was the biggest motivation to get me into music. I know people with HIV and they live rich lives, and medication has come so far, but having been in that position where you know you’ve been stupid, you haven’t cared about yourself at all, that’s when you say,

‘What are you doing?’ Music was really healing for me.

It healed a lot and it continues to heal whenever I put pen to paper.

Everyone will listen to you when you’re singing about mental health, but they don’t want to talk about it. You’ll cry or say, “I’m really depressed” and everyone acts like you’ve got a contagious disease. But when you sing about it, it’s fragile, and there’s a beauty in being at the end of your tether emotionally.

One of my friends has really bad depression, and she said, “Everything is fine for me, until I wake up.” I wrote a song and the lyrics go, ‘I lay down and drown in an ocean of black / and when you’re down that far there’s no turning back. When I close my eyes, it’s no big surprise to feel tears falling down my face / Still I say I’m going to face the day, I’m going to be okay, until I wake’. It’s like this never-ending battle. Writing about the dark stuff can be horrible, but necessary.

I wrote a song called Special about being bullied by some musicians back in 2013. I sang it last night at a gig, and when I looked out into the audience, I was right back there at the gig where that guy heckled me and made me feel so small. But I’m pushing back and every time I sing it, I feel like the motion gets stronger, until I feel absolutely unstoppable.

When I first started busking, I was basically trying to find my self-worth through other people’s faces and how much change was in my guitar case. If I didn’t make any money that day, it told me I was shit. I had to relearn why I was doing music. I went to therapy and learned that when I go busking, I go because I want to sing my songs. I’ve got to do what I want to do and if I make no money, I have to be okay with that.

I started a second EP last September. I didn’t want to record again after my first EP because it was so much money and it’s a lot of effort, but I kept writing. There was extra time on someone’s session, so I recorded, and it ended up being really great. We’re hoping to release it this year. I’m still busking and saving like a mad lady to try and get it going. I can’t wait to finish.

Listen to Emily.

“When you sing about mental health, it’s fragile, and there’s a beauty in being at the end of your tether emotionally”

Photography | Liza Marie Dawson Photography

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Feature | xxxx

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Melissa James The London soul and jazz singer found she could face depression by shining the light of truth on her lyrics

I

grew up in northwest London. I was born to West Indian parents in a household that was very musical in the sense that we all loved music. My parents were very much church-goers, so we would enjoy singing at church as well.

I studied media at Sussex University and never considered music as a career, but I ended up falling in with the music crowd and was influenced by what they were listening to, people like Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald and Bessie Smith. I started performing in the campus bar, just sort of pitching up each Sunday.

The first song I sang in public was Sam Cooke’s Wonderful World. I remember feeling painfully embarrassed and aghast that I’d sung anything at all.

I would always be the one at home by myself with a hairbrush in hand in front of the mirror, imagining I was performing to an adoring crowd. But it remained a secret vision of mine for years. Singing at university opened the door into a new world.

I started doing little private performances at weddings, and then a few years later I moved to Paris with my partner.

In Paris, I started to take singing more seriously.

When I returned home, it still took a few more years before I started wanting to make a record.

I was in my 30s, and it was quite a long journey, but things happen when they happen. I needed to go through all those processes. I then wrote the song Live Again, which had a big impact. I was writing around a certain person’s life experiences, but when I came to record it for my album Stripped Back, I realised I was having difficulty recording it, because acoustically there is absolutely nowhere to hide. It was the time of starting to explore a lot of my own deepseated issues. Live Again is about what somebody might feel when they’re lonely and isolated and their head is caught up in really tormenting thoughts about themselves and what they feel about themselves, and what other people might feel about themselves. It’s a real, subconscious honesty. But, in truth, that song was really connected to my own feelings about myself.

I was totally unaware of my own depression. The word depression didn’t even feature in my vocabulary.

I never suspected there was something wrong until a friend suggested that I was depressed. Only then did I see the reality. It’s still part of my journey to learn to talk without feeling embarrassed or ashamed, or feeling I’m saying something I shouldn’t be saying.

I met a singing group and asked if they would like to sing Live Again with me. Everything seemed so right when I was singing it with other people, so I started thinking it would be nice to do another performance of the song in public with other people joining me, and to use that song to raise awareness for mental health issues.

One day I heard Marjorie Wallace, the founder of Sane, speaking on Desert Island Discs and it was really that simple. I called Sane and they were happy for me to do a fundraising ‘big sing’ event with them in mind. I greatly admire Marjorie’s passion and her vision, so I was more than glad to work with her charity.

The healing power of music is incredible. People speak to me after my gigs and it’s heartwarming to know that my songs connect. All I’m doing is documenting how I feel. I’m not forcing anything. I’m just allowing it to come through, like it’s out in the atmosphere and I grab it.

I now allow myself to see the truth. Once you unscrew the cork from the bottle, you can decide if you are going to sink to rock-bottom and see the darkness, or you can see what’s there and face up to it.

It’s not possible to put the cork back in again. You’ve got to let it all out. Once you face the darkness, you’re not scared of it any more, because you’ve felt it for what it really is. It’s a far more honest way of living. I guess I realised that I can no longer live without truth.

I’m going to release Stripped Back as a special limited edition album. It documents a huge part of my life. When you’re putting so much of yourself in your songs it’s like you’re giving birth. It’s a big thing.

So I want people to be aware of what’s gone into it and what’s coming from it as well.

Listen to Melissa.

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Photography | David S James Photography

“Once you face the darkness, you’re not scared of it any more, because you’ve felt it for what it really is”

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Feature | xxxx

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Kirsty Heggie A remarkable nomadic existence led this Scottish songwriter towards a deeply transformative experience

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was born in Stirling, Scotland, into quite an unstable situation. My birth mother and father had mental health problems, so I was in and out of foster care with my younger brother and older sister. It was a frightening and confusing time. We were raised by our Heggie parents who wanted us to feel as normal as possible, but also kept us informed of the reality of our situation. Our adoptive parents immediately felt like our parents and it was a magical transition.

I was definitely always creative. I wrote extensively.

I didn’t rebel much (though I had my moments) as I felt I could express and live whatever I wanted to in my writing. After university, my partner at the time sold our possessions, gave up our flat, got some equipment together, and embarked on a pilgrimage from France to Santiago in Spain. When we came back to the UK we were still in the habit of living in a tent and busking. When we came to Edinburgh, I felt an overwhelming urge to be an independent woman.

It was quite intense. I literally ran away – a habit I’d formed and still haven’t outgrown.

I wanted to be a free spirit, a nomad. But I was isolating myself from friends and getting lost in my own world. I lived in Aberdeen, Glasgow, London, Grangemouth and Edinburgh. I lived with artists and bohemians, drop-outs and junkies. I hitchhiked, couch-surfed and went from relationship to relationship. I stole from supermarkets to feed myself, ate in convents, lived in homeless hostels, accepted clothing from clothing banks and, at one point, went walking for days non-stop without anything but a thin blanket and a ‘Beat Poet’ anthology. I was periodically disenchanted, paranoid, unable to be around people for more than a few minutes without feeling extremely disturbed, and I also romanticised the hobo existence. It was wild and fun at times, but I can say for sure that I was motivated by turmoil.

It was due to severe distress that I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, but it was a transformative time and space. A sweet boy named Tony taught me my

first chords in hospital. I wanted to smash something or hurt myself, but instead I spotted a guitar and started playing it with very little knowledge. I wrote my first song there and then. I discovered my voice and felt ecstatic to share it with the other patients.

Since then, a guitar has been by my side. Not long after hospital, I was stranded in Stirling. I just sat on a bench and sang songs, like Blowin’ in the Wind.

Someone came up to me and liked my sound and invited me to my first gig.

That first gig felt golden. Shaky, but golden. It was like making an inspirational speech, and then having a few pints afterwards and listening to somebody else’s inspiring speech. It’s easy for people to fall in love over music too, which makes life more interesting.

People will notice I tilt the guitar upwards. This, for me, is a symbol of freedom, pointing towards the sky. I’m flying when I sing. I am who I really am, not the personality that has been built as a defence mechanism or an awkward response to the confusion of social life. I have progressed at a rate that I never believed possible.

Music has undoubtedly saved me. It has to save me every day, actually.

My stage name is Roelle Blue, but I feel I can be myself with a crowd: no tricks, no gimmicks, just me, and that brings something out in people. It is very reciprocal. I have my bad days. I’ve even had meltdowns on stage but just moulded it into the performance and people react so kindly with openness. I am learning to bring wit and humour into my songs. There’s also a lot of confessional stuff, profundity, profanity, philosophy, sexuality and social commentary. I’ve yet to write a simple love song. I don’t think I would change anything in my life, even although I want my mental health to improve. If you stick to your goodness, you can connect with the goodness in others. I’m now on my fourth album. My aim is to play festivals and find a record label. I’m just putting one foot in front of the other and listening to the voice inside me.

Listen to Kirsty.

“Music has undoubtedly saved me. It has to save me every day, actually”

Photography | Gavin Hill

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The happiful guide to movie therapists Hollywood loves counsellors. Celluloid shrinks come in all shapes and sizes – from the brilliant and charismatic, to the downright bizarre Writing | Jake Hamilton

CROSSED WIRES

The Terminator

Therapists who ignore the warning signs

HIDDEN PLANS

Psychologist, Dr Silberman, is fascinated by a soldier who says he’s come from the future to destroy a robot. “This is great stuff.

I could make a career out of this guy!” says Silberman. Moments later, he passes the robot in the hallway. Oops.

Therapists who give you a warm glow all over

EXTRAORDINARY TREATMENTS

Mickey’s Magical Christmas Intellectual psychoanalyst, Ludwig Von Drake, explains the concept of time travel to the audience. He’s obviously a genius. So why isn’t he wearing pants?

1995

Psychiatrist Jack Mickler (Marlon Brando) takes on a suicidal young man (Johnny Depp) who claims to be the great lover, Don Juan. In truth, the case helps Jack become a kinder, wiser, more understanding therapist.

1945

Therapists who go their own way

Thriller

Spellbound This masterful thriller was the first studio picture to seriously tackle the subject of analytical therapy. It shows brilliant psychologist, Ingrid Bergman, helping her fellow doctor, Gregory Peck, with his trauma.

1976

Drama

Sybil

Therapist movies that created public debate

UNIQUE MINDS

Comedy

Don Juan DeMarco

Hollywood’s boldest therapists

CROWD HEALERS

Animation

2001

Therapists with secret agendas

DR FEELGOODS

Sci-Fi

1984

Originally released as a TV special, this outstanding film about a therapist helping a young woman who developed 16 different personalities brought dissociative identity disorder into the mainstream.

Drama

1977

Equus Adapted from the award-winning play, Richard Burton plays a psychiatrist trying to uncover why a 17-year-old boy blinded six horses with a scythe. The answer is literally epic in scale.

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1993

Comedy

1998

Comedy

1999

Thriller

Groundhog Day

There’s Something About Mary

The Sixth Sense

Arrogant TV weatherman (Bill Murray) finds himself trapped in a time loop, repeating the same day again and again. His therapist misunderstands his condition, and asks him to come back tomorrow.

Hilarious psychiatrist, Richard Jenkins, ignores his client, Ben Stiller, and slips out for a sandwich while poor Ben, facing the wall, continues talking about his relationship issues.

Grieving child psychologist Dr Malcolm Crowe tries to help a nine-year-old boy who thinks he can communicate with ghosts, while remaining completely unaware he’s dead too.

1970

1990

Comedy

Catch-22 Captain Yossarian asks his doctortherapist about health procedures.

Apparently, there’s a catch. “In order to be grounded I’ve got to be crazy, and I must be crazy to keep flying?” he asks.

“Yep, that’s catch-22,” says the doctor.

Yossarian is stunned. “That’s some catch!”

1999

Comedy

What About Bob? Psychiatrist Dr Marvin (Richard Dreyfuss) finds an unstable client, Bob, at his vacation home, which promptly sends the doctor over the edge. Bob later writes a self-help bestseller and – twist! – becomes a famous therapist.

1980

Drama

Prime

During a group therapy session, Carrie Fisher’s jolly psychologist refuses to believe that Dr Evil wants to kill his son, Scott. On hearing the truth, her facial expressions are sublime.

Therapist, Meryl Streep, discovers that her son is dating one of her clients, a recently divorced older woman. Moral dilemma! However, Streep’s empathy helps to solve the situation.

Drama

2011

In Hitchcock’s most famous film, a psychiatrist ‘explains’ why Norman Bates did what he did. It divided professional opinion for decades. Hitchcock later admitted he should have cut the scene.

Drama

A Dangerous Method

Will Hunting is a troubled janitor with a gift for mathematics. He finds salvation with the help of an unorthodox psychologist (Robin Williams). The film contains the now celebrated mantra, “It’s not your fault.”

The very first film to explore what happened when the father of psychoanalysis (Sigmund Freud) met with the founder of analytical psychology (Carl Jung).

Drama

1990

2001

Drama

Awakenings

A Beautiful Mind

Based on neurologist Oliver Sack’s 1973 memoir, the film tells the true story of Sack’s treatment of catatonic patients with the drug L-Dopa. When administered, the patients awaken to a new life (temporarily).

Based on the life of Nobel Laureate John Nash, it touchingly explains what it feels like to live with schizophrenia, and shows the importance of family support.

Sci-Fi

2001

K-PAX

Psycho

Drama

Good Will Hunting

This quadruple-Oscar-winning drama, directed by Robert Redford, follows a charismatic therapist helping a suicidal young man. It helped promote the values of therapy to American households.

Horror

2005

Austin Powers

1997

Ordinary People

1960

Comedy

1997

Shrink Unstable psychologists are nothing new in Hollywood, but Kevin Spacey’s rendition of a thoughtful, self-questioning shrink with an addiction problem was highly praised within the profession.

Comedy

The Silence of the Lambs

Troubled psychiatrist, Ben Sobel, is hired by mafia godfather, Paul Vitti, to fix his anxiety problems, and ends up fixing his own problems. Moral of the story?

A problem shared is a problem halved.

Drama

1991

FBI trainee Clarice Starling enlists the help of psychiatrist Dr Hannibal Lector to catch a killer. She ends up sharing details of her unhappy childhood, which in turn helps her crack the case, which in turn helps Lector escape. Smart plan.

Analyse This

2009

Horror

Prot (Kevin Spacey) is a patient who claims to be an alien. His psychiatrist, Jeff Bridges, tries to help him through regression hypnosis. The upshot?

Bridges thinks it might be true!

2015

Animation

Inside Out Pixar Studios turned therapist in this masterpiece about a young girl’s emotions. The film is remarkable for showing children that ‘sadness’ can also be a positive emotion.

Groundhog Day / Columbia Pictures | The Terminator; The Silence of the Lambs / Orion Pictures | Shrink / Ignite Entertainment | Awakenings / Columbia Pictures | Mickey’s Magical Christmas; Inside Out / Walt Disney Pictures Equus; Spellbound / United Artists | Catch-22 / Paramount Pictures | Good Will Hunting / Miramax Films | Prime; A Beautiful Mind; K-Pax / Universal Pictures | The Sixth Sense / Buena Vista Pictures Distribution

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Effective Ways Women Can Help the Planet Right Now According to the Women’s Environmental Network (WEN), there are many connections between women’s issues and environmental issues. Here, a WEN project officer explains how we can become positive agents for change in our own community Writing | Margaret Welsh

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lobally speaking, women will be affected more by climate change, despite statistically contributing less to emissions, and being more likely to consider the impact of their consumption.

In addition, women are still under-represented in key positions of environmental decision-making, despite having crucial perspectives to bring to the table. Closer to home, women in the UK still make the majority of household purchasing decisions. At least 27 percent of CO2 emissions are generated by household activities, which means that women are powerful untapped agents of change.

Climate action involves everybody, but if you’re keen to know more about specific issues (such as landfill waste from nappies and menstrual products) that are often ignored by the mainstream media, then there are many highly effective things you can do.

You can help protect your local environment by using your consumer power to reduce your own greenhouse gas emissions, as well as calling for more transparency, getting your voice heard, and inspiring others to take action. In this feature, we present nine environmental topics that we hope will inform, engage and encourage further discussion

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Feature | Climate Action

Grow your own organic food Don’t have a garden?

Ask your local council for a list of allotment sites, or use sunny windowsills to grow herbs and salad greens.

Industrial food production is damaging to the environment and human health. It’s energyintensive, threatens the livelihoods of independent farmers, undermines seed diversity, and endangers people and wildlife with chemical herbicides, fertilisers and pesticides.

You can control your own impact by growing some of your own produce. Growing your own can save money, keep you fit, and give you access to cheaper, healthier (and often better tasting!) organic fruits and veggies than you would find in the shops.

Make sure to use only organic methods to protect local wildlife. If you don’t have a garden, ask your local council for a list of allotment sites, or use sunny windowsills to grow herbs and salad greens.

For extra eco-points, learn how to store seeds – this helps preserve genetic diversity and tailors your garden to your local growing conditions.

There’s a wealth of free gardening information online, but if learning to grow food by yourself sounds daunting, why not join a community garden and connect with other growers in your area?

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Composting

The UK throws away around seven million tonnes of food and drink each year. Keeping this waste out of landfill is essential. When food sits in landfill it releases methane (a far more powerful greenhouse gas than CO2) into the atmosphere. We need to reduce this waste.

It’s incredibly easy to make your own compost from kitchen and garden waste, and you’ll soon have a free supply of nutritious compost with which to grow more veggies. It’s also part of a good organic gardening practice that helps you to avoid chemical fertilisers. Composting also adds nutrients back into the soil as it breaks down, and healthy soil acts as a carbon sink.

Many councils offer discounts on home composting bins you can put in your garden. If you don’t have a garden, visit your local council’s website to see if they will recycle your food waste.

Real nappies

We throw away around eight million nappies a day. The average baby using disposable nappies will generate 874kg of nappy waste. The vast majority of these end up in landfill, where they can take hundreds of years to degrade, eventually releasing methane gas into the atmosphere.

Cloth nappies might seem intimidating to new parents, but with the right information and support they offer a natural, easy to use and cost effective alternative to disposables.

Investing in ‘real nappies’ can save parents hundreds of pounds, even accounting for the cost of washing, and these savings increase when nappies are used for more than one baby. Celebrate Real Nappy Week from 24 April, and check out Go Real for more information and guidance.

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Feature | Climate Action

Cosmetics

Quick Thought Stepping away from conventional cosmetics can encourage us to detach from the limiting standards of beauty companies.

A staggering 93 percent of British women use cosmetics, the majority of which are complex mixtures of industrially-produced chemicals. Many synthetic chemicals are harmless, but the longterm use of some have been linked to serious health problems. In addition, synthetic chemicals and microbeads washed down the drain can find their way into streams, rivers and seas. Packaging is often made of difficult-to-recycle PVC. Watch out for ‘green-washing’ – products labelled ‘organic’ only need to derive 1 percent of the product organically; and the word ‘natural’ is a completely meaningless term. Instead of relying on marketing buzzwords, understand which ingredients to watch out for in cosmetic products.

It can be easier (and more fun!) to make your own cosmetics at home using household products, castile soap, coconut oil, and essential oils. There are plenty of recipes online to learn how to do this. The cosmetics industry creates unattainable beauty standards to encourage women to spend their income on cosmetics. Stepping away from conventional cosmetics can also encourage you to detach from the limiting standards of beauty companies.

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Environmenstrual

If you get periods, you are likely to use over 11,000 disposable menstrual products in your lifetime.

Tampons, pads, and panty liners all contain plastic and, like nappies, will end up in landfill or worse, in seas and rivers. Non-organic cotton sanitary products are sprayed with chemical pesticides, the production of which threatens biodiversity and is linked to poisoning in cotton workers.

The bleaching of these products can lead to future health problems. In addition, tampons can upset the natural pH balance of the vagina, and leave microscopic fibres in vaginal tissue, creating a breeding ground for harmful bacteria. Disposable sanitary products also tend to market a culture of secrecy around the totally natural process of periods, making it difficult to discuss positive alternatives.

The good news? It’s never been easier to find healthier and more sustainable sanitary products. From menstrual cups and washable cloth pads to menstrual lingerie, the markets are full of excellent solutions that are sustainable, comfortable, and will save you money in the long-term.

Healthy flooring If you are replacing your flooring, consider the following:

•

British houses tend to favour fitted carpets but these contain pollutants, are not biodegradable, and gather dust allergens.

•

Wooden floorings are more sustainable than carpets, but only if they are sourced from ecologically managed forests. Look out for the FSC certification.

•

Solid wood is more environmentally friendly than manufactured wood, as the latter is constructed with harsh glues and sealants.

•

Bamboo is often seen as the most sustainable option, as it matures quicker than hardwood and sequesters more carbon. However, certification is lacking so remember to be a critical consumer. happiful • April 2017

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Feature | Climate Action

Household cleaning

Like cosmetics, household cleaning products often contain synthetic chemicals which have been shown to be harmful to human health and the environment. Luckily, it’s easy to take it back to basics and make your own effective cleaning products from household products like baking soda, vinegar, or lemon juice. Here are some simple ideas to get you started:

• • • •

Blocked drains: use bicarbonate of soda until it fizzes, and then put boiling water down the drain.

Spills on carpets: shake bicarbonate of soda or corn starch – leave for an hour and then vacuum.

Dishwashing powder: combine one part borax and one part bicarbonate of soda.

To descale a kettle: add one part water and one part vinegar. Bring to the boil, leave to cool, and rinse thoroughly.

Transport

Transport is a huge contributor to climate change.

The best option is to walk or cycle to your destination.

This is largely free, with zero carbon emissions, and it’s also wonderful exercise. If this isn’t an option, take public transport, and encourage your local authority to invest in low-carbon buses.

Flying is one of the most carbon-intensive activities you can do. If you are able, enjoy a relaxing train ride to your destination and avoid airport stress. Alternatively, decide to explore holiday options closer to home. If you aren’t able to avoid flying, then remember to fly less, fly shorter distances, and fly economy – like public transport, the more people there are in the plane, the more the emissions are spread between everyone.

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Diet

Top Tip Try to buy local produce wherever you can!

Food production causes between 20 to 30 percent of greenhouse gas emissions.

Meat is the most resource-intensive and emission-heavy food source. Simply exchanging your beef and lamb for pork and poultry could save a tonne of CO2 every year – that’s the equivalent of six short-haul flights!

Over half of the crops in the world are grown to feed livestock, using up valuable resources. The fewer animal products you consume, the smaller your carbon footprint. And it’s never been easier to find delicious vegetarian and vegan food.

Take food miles into consideration. Eating a vegan diet of produce that has been shipped halfway across the world isn’t going to do much for your carbon footprint.

Try to buy local produce wherever you can, and make use of those vegetables you’re growing in your garden!

If you aren’t able to grow your own food, veg box schemes exist in many towns in the UK, and often source the most local, organic and seasonal produce possible.

The social network, Climates, has launched the Climatarian Diet: a way of eating with reducing carbon emissions in mind.

Founded in 1988, The Women’s Environmental Network is the only UK charity focusing on issues that link women, food production, health and the environment. happiful • April 2017

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Feature | Reflexology

From stress reduction to relaxation, this holistic therapy can do wonders for your mind, body and sole

Reflexology The world at your feet Writing | Rebecca Thair

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eeing the foot as a road map to the body may seem strange, but think how a pain in your hip can adjust your gait, how a bad back may affect your walking, and how your poor feet take the full brunt of your daily struggles. Reflexology isn’t just about giving the foot a quick rub to soothe those tired toes. It’s a treatment that sees various points on the foot connected to places on the body through the nervous system. By applying pressure to those areas, a therapist can target where you’re having issues, and look to alleviate them.

Reflexology has been practised for thousands of years, but pinning down its exact origins is a bit of a mystery.

According to health historians, the therapy has been practised in China since 4,000BC, and some ancient Egyptian tombs have images of the therapy detailed on their walls. The term stems from the idea of a ‘reflex’ action: something done unconsciously in response to a stimulus.

A good example would be a knee-jerk reaction, where the lower leg will kick out involuntarily when the knee is hit sharply. The idea here is that the stimulus of rubbing the foot in certain places causes a reaction elsewhere in the body. But regardless of where it started, reflexology has stood the test of time.

So how does reflexology actually work?

It’s all to do with your nerve endings, and since you have more than 7,000 in each foot it’s no wonder stepping on a plug hurts so much! Reflexologists divide the body up into 10 zones, and believe that nerves from these zones all travel down to the feet. While it’s difficult to find scientific evidence to prove the healing effects of therapy, there are multiple theories as to why reflexology is effective and beneficial.

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“Reflexology can help reduce stress, improve relaxation, reduce specific pain in the body, and enhance your overall wellbeing”

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The central nervous system

Neurologist Sir Henry Head and Nobel Prize winner Sir Charles Sherrington’s research from the 1890s argued that there is a relationship between the skin and internal organs. They believed that through applying pressure to the feet, hands, or even the tongue, the brain receives a calming message and the central nervous system reacts by reducing tension in the body. This allows organs to operate more efficiently and promotes that overall relaxed, healthy feeling.

The placebo effect

The timeless idea of being told something will be beneficial to you, and your own belief in making it so, has been around for years. Even if it’s primarily psychological, placebo effects can actually help improve some physical problems. If you believe rubbing a point on the foot will help with your headache, you may become less stressed and, therefore, your body could sort itself out accordingly. As long as the therapy – even if it’s just the idea of therapy – is helping you, that’s all that matters.

There are 26 bones in each foot, and interestingly there are 26 vertebrae in the spine. With 25 percent of all your bones in your feet, it’s no wonder they feel the strain after a long day.

The body posture

With all those nerves in your feet, some people argue that pressure on your soles and toes sends signals to the brain to adjust your posture. Better alignment of your skeleton means your organs will sit properly for optimal functioning. If your organs are working at their best, you’re less likely to have those aches and pains from your joints taking extra strain, and your overall health will improve, whether getting extra oxygen in your blood, or not slouching in order to help your digestion.

The treatment

Lots of people book reflexology sessions to help reduce stress, calm anxiety, improve relaxation, reduce specific pain in the body, or to enhance their overall wellbeing.

Each session is tailored to your specific needs by having a thorough discussion before the session so that your reflexologist can address your issues, from helping that shooting pain in your left shoulder by working the area outside your little toe, or by helping with your tummy troubles through focusing on the arch.

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Feature | Reflexology

Reflexology and pregnancy

As well as targeting areas of the body, the overall relaxing nature of the experience is often extremely beneficial for mothers-to-be. The holistic nature of the treatment means that balancing the body can help reduce anxiety, which in turn helps regulate blood pressure, as well as looking to reduce any specific pain as the baby grows. While delighted to hear that your brood may be growing, therapists will advise to wait until after the first few months of pregnancy to continue sessions.

Although reflexology is all about balance, and entirely non-invasive, those first few months are a delicate time in pregnancy, and so it may be best to avoid any alternative treatments at that time, more for peace of mind than anything else.

Jumping in feet first?

With countless therapies available, how do you know if reflexology is right for you? One thing that might attract (or repel) you is the fact that the therapist only needs to touch your feet. Some people may feel uncomfortable undressing for a massage, but just taking your socks off isn’t quite so intimate. For others, the exposed foot can bring up feelings of selfconsciousness, from the fear of smell after a long day enclosed in shoes, or the thought of rough skin, or

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“Although it’s primarily psychological, the placebo effect of reflexology can actually help improve some physical problems” funny-shaped toes, or maybe you’re just very ticklish. If you have reservations about getting your little piggies out for a stranger, just remember: this is a trained professional who specialises in working with feet. They have seen thousands of feet before, and they haven’t been put off yet.

If you decide to give reflexology a go, make sure you research and find a certified professional in your area (Therapy Directory can be a goldmine for this).

Beforehand, think about what you want to get out of the session so that your therapist can make it the most beneficial experience possible. Whether you have a specific issue or just want to relax, reflexology can be a great step in the right direction.

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True Life Real People.

Amazing Journeys.

Rob’s story 48 Sophie’s story 51 Edward’s story 54 Aimi’s story 56 Phil’s story 58 Ask the experts 60 Little things that make life happiful

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Write for happiful 63

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True Life | My Story

I lived through 13 surgeries in 12 years Rob Kirby’s extraordinary battle with ulcerative colitis is a testament to hope and resilience

I

have ulcerative colitis, which affects the large intestine. It’s an inflammation of the bowel, so ulcers will form on the lining of your bowel.

They bleed, they’re really painful and they stop you absorbing nutrients, so you get dehydrated and you lose weight, and because you’re bleeding you probably get anaemia as well. It makes you go to the bathroom quite frequently, and you’re probably sick.

When I was 16, at college, I used to get cramps, but dismissed them as tummy aches. They would pass after a few days and I’d forget about it. I went to Tenerife to celebrate my 21st birthday with my best friend; two young guys going crazy, and halfway through I was in so much pain that when I got home I went straight to A&E. They did an endoscopy and I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. It was 2005.

I remember reading this leaflet saying one in four people diagnosed with UC could end up with a colostomy bag. That’s all I was fixated on. I didn’t want surgery, but I was also in denial. I was very scared.

I just buried my head. I went on steroids and really powerful drugs that boost your ability to repair, but the high doses can put you at risk of heart attack too.

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It worsened over time. The drugs weren’t working.

At this point I was doing enemas where you have to inject a baby’s bottle worth of steroids into your backside every night. I didn’t know how to do it. I’d lie on the bathroom floor and my wife Shelley would help me. You know, we’re not medical professionals, we’re two young twentysomethings. We didn’t know anything. I agreed to trial a drug called Infliximab.

I was having eight weekly infusions where I’d go to hospital and they’d administer half a litre of this stuff.

The drug was powerful, and being administered through the vein.

I still went to work every day. I didn’t want to give up things I could control, like my job. That was very important to me. There are times I probably shouldn’t have gone, but I’m an analyst and I have a very analytical way of thinking. Ulcerative colitis has always been a competition to me: am I winning at this moment or am I losing? It’s very black and white.

During this period I was also put on anti-depressants, and I still take them today.

Also, my best friend was killed while all this was going on. It wasn’t his fault and I didn’t deal with it

49 very well either. That was a massive shock. And we were being evicted from our rented house. So lots and lots of things mounted up really quickly.

I did go to counselling. I sourced my own counsellor, and just by chance I found somebody where I was working who does it outside of work. She was incredible. I learned to concentrate on what was important.

One day I turned up to hospital and they said, “We’re not treating you today; the funding on Infliximab has been cancelled.” They wanted me to go to theatre there and then. I was at a critical level. They didn’t want me to leave hospital.

I begged and pleaded with the surgeon to let me go home and speak to my wife. She was three months pregnant with our son, Alfie. I didn’t want to go to surgery without seeing her. Try and understand, they were talking about removing all of my large intestine, putting a colostomy bag on me, and then only after the surgery would they know if the bag could be reversed.

I was very scared.

me from hospital. Your intestine actually protrudes through your skin like a five pence piece. I had no idea. The first time I saw that, I nearly passed out. I just wasn’t prepared to see that. But the next day, I decided to do it myself.

Sarah Burton, from Frimley Park Hospital, Surrey, became my surgeon for the next five years. She was really good. I had to have another surgery where they built a new rectum out of my small intestine and let that heal. And then a third surgery. My son had been born by that point. I was told not to hold my baby because he was too heavy for me. F*ck that. I’m not listening to that. I’m not going to get this chance back, so I ignored their advice because it just seemed ridiculous.

But that wasn’t the end of it. Eventually, I had to have 13 surgeries.

I had adhesions inside, so where they’d cut me on the inside, things were sticking together and causing obstructions in the bowel. I’ve had very invasive surgery. After one, I went home after five days but then Rob with his son, Alfie

I went to theatre. I remember lying on the bed, crying, and they put me to sleep. I woke up and thought my body was on fire

I thought, “Will I survive?” Because it was lifesaving surgery. I went to theatre. I remember lying on the bed, crying, and they put me to sleep. I woke up and thought my body was on fire. The pain was just incredible. I’ve since learned that I’m allergic to all painkillers, so no morphine, tramadol or codeine.

It was coming back to the winning and losing thing again, and this time I was losing.

I had bruising from the top of my chest down to my private parts. Everything hurt. But I wanted to be self-sufficient. I wanted to take the bag off, clean myself, and put a new bag on before they would release

within 24 hours I was back in hospital because my bowel had gone to sleep. At one point, I had a 34-inch waist but only weighed eight stone. I had a distended stomach. My rectum had split and the waste was leaking into my body, so I had to have more emergency surgery.

Throughout all these surgeries, I had other scary situations – a suspected heart attack (misdiagnosed), suspected liver failure (my liver reacts to medication), and a suspected cancerous lump (which turned out to be scar tissue.) Finally, my surgeon she said, “I don’t think there’s anything more I can do for you.”

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True Life | My Story I was sent to St Mark’s Hospital in Harrow, London, and was referred to professor Sue Clarke, who is recognised as being the best in the world. She decided to take me on.

Sue gave me three options: 1) take everything out and have a permanent bag, 2) try to fix what’s there, which isn’t an option, or 3) remove the bad stuff and see if there’s enough left to build a new rectum.

I didn’t want a bag, so I went for the most difficult option. The surgery took place on 9 May 2015. I was in intensive care for a few days because waste was leaking into my body. Then, in May 2016, I had surgery to take out the bad stuff. Sue could see it was horrendous. I was in surgery for nine hours. It was Sue and her assistant, another world-class surgeon.

They managed to build me a new rectum, but they couldn’t connect it. I’m quite a small person. They couldn’t get their hands deep enough into my pelvis to connect what they’d done to my backside, so it looked like they were going to fail.

Sue telephoned a surgeon who was visiting the country, an Italian expert. He had this new technique and, luckily for me, he agreed to come in

Rob with his wife Shelley, and their son, Alfie

If my wife Shelley and our son Alfie weren’t here I would have given up. Definitely

and conduct the surgery. Two surgeons work from the front through the stomach and two work through the backside. They managed to get things connected. It was the first time this surgery had ever been done in the UK. They were thrilled.

When I woke up, I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve got all the good stuff but now I’ve got all this unknown stuff too. But everything worked out.

I function normally now. I’ve put on weight. I don’t have pain. And I don’t go to the loo as much. Seriously, I don’t know how I got from there to here.

One thing I do know, if my wife Shelley and our son Alfie weren’t here I would have given up. Definitely. I was ready to go. I never thought I’d get better because after every surgery I’d had, something else would go wrong. I owe Shelley my life. I owe Sue my life. I owe everybody that’s worked on me my life.

Today, I manage my son’s football team. I used to hobble my way there just to watch them. Now I coach them. Isn’t that incredible? I’ve got my life back.

I started getting massage therapy with a lady called Jane Ashley, who’s helped to relieve the tension across my body. It’s made a huge difference.

Through this whole process it was really important to

happiful • April 2017

talk with my wife. We found that if I express to her how I’m feeling and she can express how she’s feeling. Then we’re going to be okay. The same goes for my friends and family. If I get a hug, a simple human connection, then it’s enough for me to know that someone cares about me. And I’m going to do it for them. I’m not going to be selfish, and I’m not going to give up.

Ulcerative Colitis

UC is a condition that causes inflammation and ulceration of the inner lining of the rectum and the colon (also called the large bowel).

UC is a chronic condition. It is ongoing and lifelong, although people may have periods of good health.

For more detailed information about UC, please visit Crohns & Colitis UK

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I was in complete denial about my anorexia Professional dancer Sophie Coster found the strength and courage to conquer a life-threatening eating disorder “My life fell apart. I lost my job, my friends, my perspective”

A

t 16, I was blissfully happy.

About to train as a professional dancer, I had dreams of being in the West End and my scholarship to dance college was my pathway to this.

I couldn’t have predicted that instead of my future looking so bright, I’d spend seven long years in the depths of anorexia.

At 27, I still wouldn’t say I’m fully recovered, but I’m a lot closer than I was. And although I’ll probably never achieve those things I once dreamed of, at least I’m alive, which is more than many can say after suffering from what is statistically the most fatal mental health illness.

Although certain signs were present from a young age (perfectionism, self-criticism, body image pressures), I’d always had a healthy relationship with food.

It wasn’t until I started my first professional dance job in Japan that I suddenly became more conscious of what I was eating and the effect it would have on my Western body, which is proportionally larger than the standard Eastern build.

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True Life | My Story “When I was at my thinnest, I felt the most disgusting of all”

Eating disorders aren’t just about dieting and wanting to look thin. This is a definite misconception. In fact, when I was at my thinnest, I felt the most disgusting of all. Eating disorders are incredibly complex, and for me it was a combination of different factors that initiated my downfall. My desperation to be the perfect dancer, my belief that if I worked hard I would succeed, the lack of control in my life with auditions, and mainly as a form of self-punishment when I felt I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t believe I deserved to eat nice things and I couldn’t afford to relax like the rest of my peers.

I had to be disciplined to avoid that crushing guilt I endured if I ‘let myself go’.

This is all easy to see in hindsight, but at the time, restricting food and exercising was just a coping mechanism I wasn’t really aware of. In fact, when I was dancing on a cruise ship and had lost so much weight that I was barely five stone, I was outraged when the ship’s doctor diagnosed me with anorexia.

Clearly I was in full denial.

However, when I began treatment back in the UK I realised I was terrified of having to eat and gain weight.

As those around me desperately tried to offer their

happiful • April 2017

support, I felt like they were the enemy by making me do something that was so torturous. I never could have predicted then what a battle recovery would be, the hatred I would feel towards myself for putting my family and friends through such stress, and that not being able to ‘just eat’ was fuel for the fire.

Anorexia is incredibly cunning, blinding, and suffocating. It thrives on secrets and it somehow validated actions that dragged me miles from my human values. I know that as I declined physically, my cognitions became more severe and I was so fixed in my beliefs and behaviours that numbers were all that mattered to me. Day by day I’d eat less and less, which then set the bar for adequacy even higher. No goal was ever enough, which perpetuated the cycle; a cycle I was so trapped in that I couldn’t see the only destination anorexia had for me was death. Someone once described me as being possessed. They couldn’t have been more accurate. My life fell apart. I lost my job, my friends, my perspective, and in all honestly, I was just desperate not to exist.

After various admissions to day-patient treatment and two inpatient hospital admissions lasting over a year, I feel like I am now at a place in recovery where I am starting to see the light. Being in hospital was a tough regime with strict boundaries, and I had to wait four months to be able to step outside the building. But the therapy and groups helped me to understand that I needed to change my relationship with myself if I ever wanted to recover, not just with food.

I think those anorexic thoughts will always be there to a certain extent, but I’m working on being in a place where I am in control of the illness, rather than it being in control of me.

“Today, I feel I am able to make the right decisions”

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“It wasn’t until I started my first professional dance job that I suddenly became conscious of what I was eating”

Anorexia is incredibly cunning, blinding, and suffocating.

It thrives on secrets

One thing that being ill has made me realise, is that I am incredibly blessed to have a wonderful family who have never given up on me, even when I have given up on myself. My amazing friends have showed such compassion, while taking the time to gain invaluable insight into the illness, and I have these people to thank for where I am today.

So where am I today? Although I still have anxieties around certain foods, I feel more able to make the right decisions based on what is in my best interests. I would give anything to just ‘eat what I fancy’ or have a slice of birthday cake without feeling fear, but I pray that one day this will be a reality. I have moved into a new living space and I have made the decision to transition into dance teaching, which I know is better for my mental health. I still have outpatient treatment and I will continue to have my weight monitored to check that I don’t slip down that black hole of relapse, which is sadly so common in eating disorders.

Occasionally, I’ll find myself thinking back to a time when I was in tears of terror staring down at a slice of toast, and I realise how far I have come. The future looks a lot brighter than it once did. But that future is now in my hands. I shall keep choosing recovery every day so that hopefully sometime soon, rather than looking back at that 16-year-old with nostalgia, I’ll realise I’m her again. I’ll realise that finally, I am free. happiful • April 2017

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“The main feeling that I remember was of being isolated.�

True Life | My Story

I overcame

Being a drug addict exhausted my relationship, my finances, my trust in myself, my confidence, my values, and my emotions

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e years of addiction and drug abuse Cocaine left Edward isolated, afraid and feeling empty inside.

Then he found the strength to ask for help

I

t all started in my early teens. I wasn’t happy with who I was or comfortable in my own skin. I started smoking cannabis at school and it seemed to fill a hole. Others could take or leave it, but I couldn’t and I would steal for it, and lie and manipulate.

The progression to cocaine didn’t take long.

By 18 I was using at least weekly. At first it was fun and confidence-building for me. I would take it on every social occasion. As I went through my early twenties, my usage got heavier. The stress of running my own business also made me need a release, and the only way I knew back then was to get high. The main feeling that I remember was of being isolated.

I thought I had no-one to turn to, no-one to tell I was struggling. Looking back, I wish I had screamed for help there and then. I was using cocaine against my will. I took days off work to isolate myself and use it.

I would sit there, gram after gram, to try and fill this feeling of emptiness and stress inside of me.

A side-effect of excessive cocaine use is paranoia, and some days it would grab hold of me so bad that I would be looking for people in the bushes, or convinced that someone was in my house. I even found myself scared of my own shadow. My mental health was deteriorating. I knew I was slipping but I was so fearful of telling anybody the truth for fear of being judged.

It was a Tuesday morning at 3am, after another £2,000 week. Something inside my head said, “no more”. I went home and told my fiancée I’m addicted to cocaine and that I don’t know what to do. Suddenly it was all out and there was no turning back. I was completely done with it and I knew it was over. Being a drug addict had exhausted me, it had exhausted my relationship, my finances, our finances, my trust in myself, my confidence, my values, and my emotions.

The next day my fiancée marched me to the local GP who found a local drug counselling service in

Aldershot, called Step by Step. We walked in there and had a chat with a counsellor. She reassured me I could get off this drug and turn my life around and informed me that there was a local 12-step meeting called Cocaine Anonymous.

We went to my parents that night and I told them.

We had a very emotional chat about how much of a mess my life had become and how broken I was.

Suddenly I had a support network. I had three people who were on my side and who were rooting for me to get better. All this time I had been hiding my emotions from them. All this time I should’ve just told them and stopped hiding my double life. It was killing me.

That day was 6 November 2013. It was my clean date, the day I turned my life around and got happy. It was the date I stopped hiding from my own emotions by using narcotics, and faced them head on for the first time in over 14 years. I embarked on a 12-step programme. I went to 90 meetings in 90 days which was what was suggested to me. All these years I thought I was unique and just disgustingly greedy, but I soon learned (and accepted) that I was an addict. I was on the right track. I was recovering.

I also had some cognitive behavioural therapy counselling, which was helpful and I plan to carry this on. Recovery is hard. It’s extremely emotional and self-searching, but it is an absolute breeze compared to being a drug addict! Recovery is also an incredibly enlightening, humbling and joyous experience.

Recovery saved me. My wife, my parents, and my support network saved me. I reached out for help and help came. If you don’t tell anyone you are suffering, they don’t know. Just tell someone. Reach out. After all, you are at rock bottom and you have nothing to lose. Life now is great. I think about cocaine every day but now I have a defence mechanism within me. I am extremely grateful for life.

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True Life | My Story

I lived with OCD without telling my friends or family

happiful co-founder Aimi Maunders learned to manage her obsessive compulsive behaviour through counselling and sharing

A

s a young child, I was bullied for a short period of time. My childhood was very happy with a loving family, lovely surroundings, and a lovely house. I don’t remember anything negative. When I started secondary school, I was bullied for a while. It didn’t last long, and it did get sorted, but it affected me quite badly. I became a bit of a recluse for a while.

Soon after that, I started having feelings of wanting to be more in control, feeling that something was changing in me but not really sure what or why. I had this urge to do ‘nutty rituals’, as I liked to call them.

Things that would seem completely unnecessary to anyone else, but I felt if I didn’t do them something bad was going to happen, so I had to stick to these rituals

I like to think of my OCD now as a tap dance: my legs were going really, really fast but on top I was calm and still

very, very rigidly. At the time I did not know these were classic signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).

My OCD was very private. It was just me. I like to think of it now as a tap dance: my legs were going really, really fast but on top I was calm and still.

The earliest thing I remember was stepping on drains.

If I was with friends and approaching a drain on the street, I’d be planning in advance how to avoid it and

happiful • April 2017

not be discovered. Then I had to touch things twice, like door handles, light switches, tables and other household items. I’d put my hair up twice. I even got to a point where I started looking in mirrors eight times.

If I was having a conversation with someone near a mirrored wall, I would make an excuse to get out of there. I tried to avoid mirrors.

Some rituals I was happy to do twice, but sometimes I needed to do things eight times. It depended on the ritual. I’m not obsessed with numbers, but I am obsessed with counting and order. I became obsessed with how things went together.

It’s about control. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to anybody I loved. I didn’t want anybody to bully me again, and I didn’t want anything negative to happen in my life – so I did rituals to keep things even.

It became unmanageable at times.

When I was 14 we got the internet at home and I looked up what I was doing and saw the word OCD. I still didn’t really understand why I was doing it, but I realised it wasn’t just me doing it, there were lots of people doing this.

When I finished my ‘tasks’ I would feel relief. But sometimes it was difficult, like writing my name, which I would have to write out four times. Exams were hard.

I would pre-write my name three times in advance so when I wrote my name at the top of the exam paper it would be the fourth. If I didn’t do this I was convinced I would perform badly. That was so exhausting.

When I was 15, I decided this was absolutely ridiculous behaviour. I can’t control everything that happens in the world. I’m just a person. I thought, right, today’s the day I’m going to knock all the rituals on the head. I got up, got dressed, walked on the drains, went to school, and went against every urge I had within me. Then at break-time all of my friends had a massive argument and didn’t speak to each other for days. I blamed myself.

It reinforced the fact that I had to keep on going with

Need to talk?

If you would like to talk to a professional about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, please visit the Counselling Directory

this, because we’d had an argument like never before.

At 16, I started drinking and going out in the evenings. I relaxed a bit more and became a little less tense. I felt more aware that these things were going to happen anyway, whether I did rituals or not. That was a bit of a revelation. My husband Paul was the first person I told about this. When we were dating, I opened up to him. I was really scared to tell him.

At 18, I decided to set up a business with my older sister. She came to me when she was just leaving university with an idea to set up an online Counselling Directory. I wanted to help others just like me and loved the concept immediately.

The idea was to create an online portal, somewhere you could get help without visiting your doctor, because your doctor is normally your family doctor.

We wanted to give other people access to somewhere

“My OCD was very private. It was just me”

they could go that was private, personal and confidential. That was the biggest thing. It was all about the confidentiality because I didn’t want anybody to know about my OCD. As the directory grew, so did we and now we want to inspire people to talk about their feelings and lift the stigma of mental health. When you’re in the situation, you feel like you’re the only person in the world who’s going through it but this just isn’t true.

It turned out my sister had experienced the same feelings as me growing up, but we didn’t know this about each other until a few years into the business. In fact, it was only last year that we told everyone at work why we started Counselling Directory. Today, I will openly tell people about my experiences and I hope it helps them to open up.

I can manage things better now. I know it’s still there inside of me but I’m not thinking about it all the time.

I lead a normal life, I can work, look after my children

Aimi with her husband, Paul

and I feel very relieved to not have it overwhelm me and overtake my life like it did when I was younger.

I’m so happy I found my counsellor; working with her has really changed my outlook on life. Sometimes the anxiety flares up in other ways: I will over-focus on my appearance, what I’m eating or keeping my children safe.

When this happens, I know it’s my mind’s way of telling me that something is off-balance. When I work through the anxiety with my counsellor, and start trusting myself, I start to feel better and more whole. This process of working through the anxiety is often very uncomfortable, but in my opinion, it’s definitely worth it.

I feel at peace with my experiences now. They are the reason I am the person I am today, and the reason I started this business, which has now helped over one million people connect with a counsellor.

“I feel at peace with my experiences now”

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True Life | My Story

I experienced a

midlife meltdown After turning 40, Phil Tysoe encountered a storm of depression.

This is how he learned to cope

Y

ou seem a little... grey.”

This is the considered medical opinion of the doctor I met barely 20 minutes ago. A routine executive medical that had now veered into uncharted territory, away from the relative safety of losing some weight, cutting down the booze, and doing some exercise.

You seem a little grey. I knew she didn’t mean grey in a 50 shades sense either; this wasn’t the prelude to nipple clamps and ill-fitting bondage gear. Not that kind of grey.

Washed out. Faded. Colourless. That grey. “Have you considered anti-depressants?”

happiful • April 2017

I didn’t really consider myself depressed until I hit 40. In truth, there had been plenty of warning shots before that but I’d attributed my near constant low mood as just an expression of who I was; it was something to be lived with and tolerated, like emotional tinnitus: a background white noise of sadness. At times, I suspect I even mistook it for depth or a deeper sensitivity to the world, rather than the reality, which was just an imbalanced tendency towards melancholy. No peaks to leaven my troughs. It took me a long time to understand that sorrow carries no more intrinsic meaning than joy.

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Honesty with people was key for me in stepping back from the brink. It always felt like a risk to show vulnerability, but the reward was unexpected empathy

At 40, however, I tipped into a full-blown midlife meltdown and my depression, possibly realising that an abiding sense of numbness wasn’t getting it the attention it deserved, threw anxiety and panic attacks into the mix. The triggers were easy to see in retrospect: redundancy, various intrusive pieces of surgery, and, yes, that oh-my-god-I’m-40-andfacing-down-my-own-mortality period of my life. Just ordinary, banal facets of life. Perhaps that was why it was so difficult to spot as it happened.

It had been easy to ignore the darkening skies in my 20s and 30s, but impossible to maintain the pretence once the storm broke. It’s hard to ignore leaving meetings at work fighting for breath. Hard to ignore yet another appointment with your GP to take reassurance that the tightness in your chest isn’t an imminent cardiac arrest. Hard to ignore regular tears on the commute each day. Harder, frankly, to ignore the sudden onset of tears in almost any unguarded moment. Weeping in recognition of Frozen’s Elsa giving free reign to her full range of emotional expression in a small cinema in Gerrard’s Cross was a particular favourite. I’d love to say that my personal epiphany about my depression was some grand piece of art or a redemptive passage of music, but it may well have been a cartoon princess with abandonment issues.

Getting better didn’t happen on my own. I have a loving and supportive family. I think I drove a very kind therapist to distraction over several months.

Talking therapies tend to be more effective when you’re prepared to talk. I doubt I patented the counselling filibuster – racking up hours talking about anything but the matter at hand – but I got pretty effective at it. I have good friends. I found new communities by joining a writing group and taking up Pilates: it’s hard to feel too down when spry retirees are pulling poses that you can only imagine persuading your aching limbs to copy.

Honesty with people was key for me in stepping back from the brink. It always felt like a risk to show vulnerability, but the reward was unexpected empathy and warmth and colour. People will surprise you.

In a good way. I did consider the anti-depressants proffered by my perceptive doctor. They made it as far as my bedside table but I never started the course.

Rightly or wrongly, I still hold on to the belief that an underlying sadness is part of me and to mask that pharmacologically risks something fundamental, risks changing who I am. It seems to be one of depression’s great lies that it tells you that all you have is sadness but it’s a pervasive and persuasive untruth, difficult to give up. Instead of the pills I have worked on trying to bring some colour to my grey. A mental health ‘Just For Men’.

It does require regular reapplication or those roots start to show again. I have found release in focused tasks. I started to write fiction and took up guitar lessons. If I ever check in with that doctor again I think she will find me a little less grey. It’s still there, still a part of me, but it’s no longer the only colour on my palette.

“Getting better didn’t happen on my own. I have a loving and supportive family”

FURTHER HELP? If you or someone you know has been affected by the issues covered in our True Stories, and would like to talk to a professional about them, or any other issues, please visit Counselling Directory.

The views expressed in True Stories are not necessarily those of the Publisher.

happiful • April 2017

Ask the Experts Troubled? Confused? Need advice?

Our professionals are here to help

NUTRITION

“No matter what I do, I can’t lose weight” Long-term weight loss can be challenging, so it’s important to understand the following connections that could be contributing to your struggle 1. Prolonged stress When stress is a constant part of your life, the body produces a stress hormone called cortisol. People with high cortisol levels tend to have higher insulin levels, which makes the body store fat, especially around the waistline.

Skipping meals while stressed causes the body to produce adrenaline. This can make you feel great in the short-term, but can make you break down muscle for energy rather than breaking down fat, reducing your resting metabolic rate (RMR).

2. High sugar diets Eating refined carbohydrate foods and sugars can lead to excess insulin (the hormone that helps the body move sugars from food into the cells of our bodies) as they cause sharp spikes in blood sugar and signal the body to make more to process it. Eating protein and fat with each meal reduces the speed at which glucose is absorbed into your bloodstream. This will balance blood sugar levels, reduce insulin spikes and keep you satiated for longer.

3. A lifetime of dieting Going on and off diets may have reduced your RMR. Our bodies adapt to our environment, so by consuming less calories it will adapt to this and

happiful • April 2017

“The body sees inflammation as stress and likes to hold on to fat when stressed”

becomes your normal set point. When you go back to your old eating habits, your body treats the calories as surplus to requirement and stores them as fat.

4. Inflammation The body sees inflammation as stress and likes to hold on to fat when feeling stressed! The key is to address the inflammatory conditions first – then the body will be ready to address any excess weight. Once we understand the causes of excess weight, they’re much easier to address and reach our goals.

Read the full article on Nutritionist Resource.

THERAPY

“A friend tried acupuncture and now I’m keen to know more” Acupuncture treatment restores the equilibrium of the body and mind, and is always devised around the personal constitution of the patient, rather than just the symptoms they are experiencing. Acupuncture has been studied and researched much more in the past 30 years, and is acknowledged for its beneficial effects in treatment of lower back pain and migraines, in support of IVF, digestive issues, and we now see a significant increase in patient referrals from general practitioners, gynaecologists and fertility specialists.

Fine, hair-thin needles are inserted into certain points on the body to stimulate the healing process or reduce pain. A combination of points in a prescription is assessed according to a very specific diagnosis, following taking an extensive medical history, observation of the pulse and tongue, and gentle abdominal palpation. During the treatment, the sensation felt is described as a tingling or dull ache. The needles are single-use, sterile and disposable and the common post-treatment response is to feel calm and relaxed. If you have been prescribed medication, it makes sense to tell your doctor that you are planning to have acupuncture. You should always tell your acupuncturist about any medication you are taking as this may affect your response to the acupuncture treatment. Enjoy acupuncture. It will gently steer your body into what it knows so well – healing itself.

LIFE

“I’m miserable at work. How do I make a strategic career change?”

Exploring your best route for career success and happiness You know how it goes: the Sunday night dread, the ache in your stomach. All the signs are there; you have outgrown your job. Maybe you loved it once, but times have changed and you have changed.

Maybe you’ve reached a dead end. Maybe you now have other dreams. Whatever the reason, you know it’s time for a change. So, how do you get started?

1. Ruminate on what you want to keep If you’ve had a certain amount of success in your career, there are probably elements that you would like to hold on to. Find the things you want to keep and make a note of them – you will do best if you find a career that keeps the best bits of your former life.

Read the full article on Therapy Directory.

RELATIONSHIPS

“Somebody called me passive aggressive. What do they mean?”

3. Decide what success looks like for you We are constantly bombarded with messages about what success is supposed to look and feel like, but if you are thinking of choosing again in 2017, you need to be able to hear the voice inside that has a very personal definition of success. When you combine what you love with what makes you feel successful, work never becomes a chore.

Passive aggression is a destructive pattern of behaviour that can be seen as a form of emotional abuse that bites away at trust between people. It happens when negative emotions and feelings build up and are then held in on a selfimposed need for acceptance by another, dependence on others or to avoid further arguments or conflict. It could be seen as a defence mechanism that people use to protect themselves – possibly automatic or stemming from early experiences. What they are protecting themselves from will be unique and individual to each person, although might include underlying feelings of rejection, fear, mistrust, or low self-esteem. To overcome the effects of passive aggressive behaviour, you need to become aware of the underlying feelings causing your behaviour. Take responsibility for your actions, and try not to feel attacked when faced with a problem, but instead take an objective view of the situation. Learn to be assertive in expressing yourself. You have a right to your thoughts and feelings, so communicate them with honesty and truth to strengthen your relationships. When facing the passive aggressive behaviour of others, try to be understanding and explain how their behaviour is affecting you. Communicate calmly without blaming and be honest about your part in the situation. If the aggressive behaviour continues to affect you, set clear rules for what you will and won’t accept. Stay strong and focused to get on with your life in a positive way.

Read the full article on Life Coach Directory.

Read the full article in Counselling Directory.

2. Work out what you have grown out of What are the things you would happily never do again? Take an inventory of the things you will gladly leave behind and be sure to check that these are not major components of a new role.

THIS MONTH’S PANEL NUTRITION

Sandra James ND, NT Dip CNM, MBANT, MCHNC.

THERAPY

Gordana Petrovic BScHons TCM RSM MAcS.

LIFE

RELATIONSHIPS

Erica Sosna Career Coach and New Business Coach.

Andrea Harrn A leading expert in passive aggressive behaviour; author of the best-selling The Mood Cards.

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True Life | Final Thought

Little things that make life happiful #1: Crossing the last thing off your ‘to do’ list

happiful • April 2017

Do you have a story you want to share?

Writing can be an emotionally rewarding experience.

The purpose of happiful is to build a happier, healthier society by empowering readers with inspiring true stories. For that to happen, we need your help.

If you’ve been on a personal journey and want to share your story, then we would love to hear from you. Send us a quick message at:

hello@happiful.com Remember to write ‘My journey’ in the subject line. Our editorial team will reply within 24 hours to discuss your story in more detail.