Happiful Issue 88

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled

Photograph | Kindel Media

Inquisitive natures

“The thirst of the soul” – that’s how poet, playwright, and lexicographer Samuel Johnson described curiosity.

It’s such a simple, yet vivid, description that captures our innate desire to learn, grow, and discover. Almost as if it’s as much a human need to question as it is to drink, eat, or even breathe.

From children finding their feet and discovering the world is a little bigger with every step, to real-world history contained in a book, alongside endless realms of imagination as we age and find new sources of inspiration, our curiosity can lead us down unique paths – but it is an undeniably universal trait.

Sometimes, stepping off the beaten track, or venturing down new roads, can be daunting. But our feature on 10 steps to help you cultivate a more curious life (p80) can hopefully instill that sense of adventure and excitement about the unknown.

And for those wary of what lies ahead in life, we address ageing anxiety (p28) to help you perceive growing older as a gift.

Beyond the personal sphere, a core element of our mission at Happiful is to create a healthier, happier community. So in this edition, we’re shining a spotlight on society, and getting curious by asking big questions about the world we live in.

From getting a humanistic integrative counsellor’s perspective on what the viral ‘man or bear’ debate really tells us (p76), to exploring the mental impact

of stalking (p53), we’re investigating what changes need to take place to better support victims and create safe spaces.

Our new series, ‘Money on Your Mind’, documents how financial decisions influence our daily life, from spending guilt to the burden of responsibilities (p50). Plus, we discuss the power of physical connections – and the impact when it’s lacking in our lives – as we uncover ‘touch starvation’, along with ways to rectify this (p32).

Whether it’s recognising our individual fears, or asking how we can play a part in making the world a better place, embracing our inquisitive natures opens up untold possibilities.

Jostein Gaarder wrote: “It’s not a silly question if you can’t answer it.” So, take this issue as a signal to let your mind wander. To not fear what you don’t yet know, but to be enraptured by the opportunities to find out...

Happy reading,

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

At Happiful, inclusivity, representation, and creating a happier, healthier society are at the forefront of our mission. To find out more about our social and environmental pledges, visit happiful.com/pledges

W | happiful.com

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The big topics

12 The gaslighting spectrum

Revealing the different types of gaslighting and how to spot them

15 Walk into the spotlight

What to do if you’re feeling unappreciated (and how to get the recognition you deserve)

39 Support through mania

How to help a friend before and during a manic episode

46 Jill Halfpenny

The actor shares her grief story and what she’s learned on the way

69 A trip down memory lane

Discover why music takes us back, and how to use it as a wellbeing tool

HappifulREGULARS

18 Myths, debunked

It’s time to set the record straight on climate change

30 Ask the experts

What is Bowen therapy, and what is it used for?

36 Creative corner

Looking to pursue a creative career? Follow these steps

42 Michelle Elman

Our columnist shares tips for navigating a sudden break-up

50 Money on your mind

Patience reflects on spending guilt and financial responsibility

56 Expert column

Coping with a chronic illness

Food & health

24 Create a mindful meal plan

Follow these tips for being more intune with the food that you eat

58 Go for a grain bowl

Tuck into a delicious bowl of beautiful roasted veg and grains

Can food boost your brain?

Insight and ideas on how to use food to take care of your memory

Positive pointers

Let go of ageing anxiety

Fancy a cuddle?

What is touch deprivation, and how can hugs help our mental health?

Cultivate a community

Quick endorphin boosters

Put your mind to a puzzle 80 A more curious life 10 steps to creating a more open and inquisitive mind

Try this at home

Discover pebble theory

How to make passive income

Life lessons from dogs

83 Daily journaling promps Check in each day with this issue’s guided journaling pages

Wellbeing

Getting SEND support How to advocate for you child

The cost of stalking It affects millions of people in the UK, so how should victims be protected? 61 Beginner’s Pilates Tempted to give it a go? 76 Man or bear? What can we learn from this viral online conversation? 78 A better way to start the day

* Expert review

Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively.

Enabling growth from within often requires us to be open to the potential of growth. I have found that an attitude of being open to learning indirectly enables growth. Whatever the event or topic may be, being open creates a good mindset. Head over to p80 for tips on how to remain curious, and the power of curiosity. Embracing this creates a position of learning to explore and gain a better understanding. The ability to remain this way throughout your lifetime will have a significant impact on your development of self.

Happiful Community

Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue

KELLY FIELD

MA UKCP MBACP

Kelly is a psychotherapist specialising in trauma, abuse, relationships, and creativity.

NIKITA THAKRAR

NLP

Nikita is a multifaceted teacher, mentor, and coach, supporting people to find their life purpose.

HELEN ROBINSON

Dip ACC

Helen is a coach who helps people make the most out of their life by finding their purpose.

HUGUETTE LELONG

Ad Dip

Huguette is a nutritional therapist specialising in weight loss, digestive issues, and energy.

CARLEY SYMES

BSc Acc BPS MBACP

Carley is a counsellor who works with self-esteem issues and highly sensitive people.

JANE HICKEY

BA (Hons) DipNT DipSEN (HI) PGCE mBANT

Jane is a registered nutritional therapist specialising in musicians’ health and wellbeing.

NICOLA BAXTER

BA, PGDip, MBACP

Nicola specialises in change management, helping clients to find meaning and purpose.

JUDITH KILGALLON

Cert ECBS MBTPA

Judith is a complementary therapist specialising in the Bowen technique.

VICKY CLARKE

HDip MNCPS CMC Registered

Vicky is a psychotherapist who specialises in abusive and toxic relationships, and stalking.

FIONA BRANNIGAN

BSc (Hons) SRD BDA

Fiona is a private dietitian specialising in the care of older adults.

JONATHAN FALCONE

BA DPL TA MSc TA CTA UKCP MBACP

Jonathan is a transactional analysis psychotherapist with an interest in music.

Our team

EDITORIAL

Rebecca Thair | Editor-in-Chief

Kathryn Wheeler | Features Editor

Lauren Bromley-Bird | Editorial Assistant

Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers

Kate Norris | Content Creator & Writer

Becky Banham | Content & Marketing Officer

Michelle Elman, Nikita Thakrar | Columnists

Ellen Lees | Head of Content

Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor

Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

ART & DESIGN

Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product & Marketing

Charlotte Noel | Creative Lead

Rosan Magar | Illustrator & Videographer

COMMUNICATIONS

Alice Greedus | PR Manager

Emily Whitton | Marketing Coordinator

CONTRIBUTORS

Fiona Fletcher Reid, Jenna Farmer, Lara Green, Elizabeth Bennett, Caroline Butterwick, Patience Chigodora, Huguette Lelong, Gemma Folkard, Susan Adair

SPECIAL THANKS

Kelly Field, Jane Hickey, Nicola Baxter, Judith Kilgallon, Helen Robinson, Vicky Clarke, Fiona Brannigan, Jonathan Falcone, Carley Symes

MANAGEMENT

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

Emma Hursey | Director & Co-Founder

Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

SUBSCRIPTIONS

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CONTACT

Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building B, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL Email us at hello@happiful.com

HAPPIFUL FAMILY

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The Uplift

SUSTAINABILITY

A hot topic: The Eden Project’s climate-positive future

With the ongoing negative news around the climate crisis, it’s essential to highlight the positive stories as well. One such example takes us to Cornwall, where the biomes and plant nurseries of the Eden Project have been heated by Britain’s first operational geothermal energy project to come online since 1986.

As an education facility that is home to a diverse collection of incredible plants, positive action for the planet is at the forefront of what they do at the Eden Project. As part of its mission to become net zero and climate positive by 2030, a geothermal well was drilled and completed in 2021, which saw the biomes, offices, and a new stateof-the-art plant nursery heated by geothermal energy this winter. So, why is it something worth celebrating? Geothermal energy is a renewable energy source that

can replace gas, and experts at the Eden Project state that this technology could save up to 500 tonnes of CO2 per year. Not only that, but it allows the horticulture team to grow fruit and vegetables over a longer seasonal period, and experiment with exotic produce that would usually need to be imported. Chief transformation officer at the Eden Project, Si Bellamy,

says: “We are working with, and for, nature to develop new ways to grow, and new ways to encourage people to think differently about plants, the planet, and themselves.”

This is certainly an incredible milestone, shaping a brighter future for both the Eden Project and our planet. Learn more at edenproject.com

Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

Huge funding boost for LGBTQ+ mental health support app

In a YouGov report, it was found that 51% of LGBTQ+ people in the UK are diagnosed with a mental health condition, as compared to 32% of the general population. It’s a problem on a large scale, and finding a solution will take a lot of work. But one tool offering hope is the mental health app Voda, which has just raised £270,000 in funding in order to progress with the platform.

Designed with the help of seven LGBTQ+ psychotherapists, the app teaches the user evidence-based therapy approaches, such as cognitive behavioural therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, dialectical behaviour therapy, and mindfulness. Currently used by 4,000 people in the UK and 12,000 people worldwide, it’s hoped that the app will help to address the specific mental health challenges LGBTQ+ people may experience.

“The LGBTQIA+ community faces significantly higher rates of mental health issues due to systemic discrimination and personal trauma,” says Jaron Soh, co-founder and CEO of Voda. “This disproportionate impact has been widely documented. Yet, the financial inaccessibility of private therapy, combined with the lack of LGBTQIA+ affirming care within the NHS is worsening this mental health crisis, leaving many without the support they need. This needs to change. And the approach must be rooted in empathy, kindness, and inclusivity.

“Our personal experiences of overcoming shame, and the lack of access to genuine support, have gone on to shape the app for our users. We hope that by placing lived experience at the forefront of our approach, Voda will have more impact and foster deeper understanding and connection with queer folks.”

Voda is available to download on the App Store and Google Play Store. Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

FAMILY

Grandparents are turning to tech to fight FOMO

Grandparents play a pivotal role in the lives of their families, and yet a poll of 11,000 grandparents across the UK, carried out by The Pulse Business and BackThen, has found that 53% of grandparents feel distant from what is going on in their grandchildren’s lives, with 39% going on to say they feel lonely due to a lack of connection with their family or grandchildren.

But, in a bid to address these feelings, the same poll found that nearly nine out of 10 grandparents

ANIMALS

were dedicated to becoming more tech-savvy in order to connect with their families and fight loneliness. In fact, 87% of grandparents highlighted that photo apps are playing a key role in how connected they feel to their families, with 57% saying such apps are key to reducing feelings of loneliness for them.

Ed Botterill is the founder and director of the photo app BackThen, and he empathises with those who feel cut off from their families.

“It’s a strange thing, how the world keeps getting smaller, and yet it gets harder for different generations to see each other,” Ed says. “It’s sad that grandparents are feeling cut off from their families. But while there’s no replacement for real interaction, it’s interesting to see how they are embracing tech, and that it seems to be staving off their feelings of loneliness. And sharing photos online is a great way to give families something to talk about on that next all-family video call.”

Promising research finds service dogs could change

veterans’

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and depression are serious issues that affect a large number of armed forces veterans, sometimes having a devastating and limiting impact on their lives. But, now, a study published in JAMA Network Open has found a link between psychiatric service dogs and an improvement in the mental health of veterans.

The researchers looked at 170 veterans who had been in military service on and after September 2001, had applied for a service dog, and had a diagnosis of PTSD. They compared veterans who had received a trained service dog with a control group of those who were on the waiting list to receive

lives

one. The dogs themselves took on more than 60 hours of training, and passed a specialised skills and obedience test in order to be on the programme.

What the study saw was that, after three months with the service dogs, there was a significant difference in the odds of meeting the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis, with 75% of the subjects receiving a PTSD diagnosis at a follow-up, compared to 85% of those in the control group. Depression and anxiety scores were also significantly lower within the group with the service dogs, who also showed better social health, higher companionship, and less social isolation.

While larger scale studies are needed to confirm the link, the early results are promising and a testament to the incredibly healing bond that we share with animals.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Queensland, Australia, has been declared droughtfree for the first time in 11 years

The wellbeing wrap

SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT

Innovative technology is being utilised at St James’ Park to allow deaf and hearing impaired Newcastle United fans to ‘feel’ the noise of the stadium for the first time. CuteCircuit, the company behind the tech, utilises hidden microphones around the stadium to capture crowd noise, which is then sent to little motors and sensors embedded in replica team shirts. This essentially converts the sound into touch, allowing the wearer to experience the atmosphere and buzz of the crowd in a win for accessibility.

Dining out on a great idea

Dick Van Dyke has become the oldest Emmy winner in history at 98 years old

A community interest company in Gloucester is making headlines for all the right reasons, as it looks to address both issues of food waste and the increasing cost of living. The Long Table is a restaurant that operates on a ‘pay-as-you-can’ basis (meaning people can eat for free), while rescuing food from going to waste and paying local suppliers for the rest. Having fed 20,000+ people at below-cost price (and some totally free-of-charge) in the past year, along with saving 3.4 tonnes of food waste, the ambitious business is serving vital community support that others are looking to replicate across the country.

Eyes on the skies

The mental benefits of spending time in nature are well documented, but a new study has shown that just 30 minutes of birdwatching could see our wellbeing soar. The 2024 research, by North Carolina State University, found that that half hour alone could make us happier, healthier, and foster a deeper connection to nature. Additionally, it noted that ‘exposure to birds may be more influential than other forms of nature’. Sounds like a quacking way to spend your time.

Rain on this parade

Wild bison have been introduced in Portugal for the first time in 10,000 years

Footballer Raheem Sterling has launched a scholarship fund, with the aim of supporting more Black students in attending Russell Group universities in the UK. With King’s College London reporting that fewer than 5% of all UK students starting undergraduate degrees at these universities in 2021/22 were Black, Sterling hopes his scheme will be a ‘game-changer’ for social mobility.

Joy of giving

When it comes to where we spend our money, it turns out supporting those giving back is a big selling point. A recent YouGov poll found that 45% of people are more likely to buy from a brand that gives a cut to charity, and this is particularly important for younger generations as it increases to 53% for 18 to 24-year-olds.

As part of a new ‘climate resiliency’ trend in architecture, rooftops across Amsterdam are being converted to ‘sponges’ to absorb excess rainwater. So far, more than 45,000 square metres of rooftops have replaced typical tiles with plants, moss, and soil, that absorb rain and can then be filtered through a system to flush toilets in the buildings. Additionally, a smart valve can empty stored water into storm drains in advance of expected bad weather, so the rooftops are ready to absorb more rainwater and help prevent flooding.

A POMEGRANATE A DAY...

‘Family workstation’ cubicles are being introduced in libraries across the USA, to enable parents to study even if they can’t afford or get childcare

ON THE RIGHT TRACK

Following data from the impact of its battery-powered trains in Germany, Siemens believes that swapping out diesel-fuelled locomotives in the UK could save the country £3.5 billion, along with 12 million metric tons of carbon emissions over 35 years. Additionally, the ‘bi-mode’ trains can run both off battery or the existing overhead wires, which significantly reduces transition time, meaning it could be up and running across the country in the early 2030s.

could be key to supporting those with Alzheimer’s disease, according to new research from the University of Copenhagen. The study found that urolithin A, which is a naturally-occuring substance in the fruit, is able to improve memory, as well as alleviate other consequences of dementia.

SPOTLIGHT ON: gaslighting

Did you know that gaslighting doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships? Here are the signs to watch for, along with psychotherapist tips on what to do if you think you’re being gaslit

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

The term ‘gaslighting’ – referring to when someone repeatedly lies to someone else, denies events that happened, shifts the blame, or makes them question their own memories of events – has become a more commonly understood term in recent years. And while gaslighting between people in romantic relationships is something many of us have heard about, what you may not know is that it can also occur in other types of relationships, too. Anyone, at any age and of any gender, can experience gaslighting, and it can happen in friendships, romances, family environments, and even in workplaces. Over time, being gaslit can lead to you doubting yourself, your reactions to situations, and even how events unfolded. Questioning your own reality is incredibly unsettling, and can be extremely destructive to your self-esteem and own selftrust, so here we’re uncovering

the different types of gaslighting so you can be more alert for what to watch out for – along with advice on what to do if you are worried that you might be being gaslit.

Types of gaslighting

Some of the more common manipulation tactics used can include:

• Coercion – when someone tries to use emotional, verbal, physical, or financial means to convince you to do something that you may not want to do, or to make you change your mind about something.

• Outright lying – denying or clearly lying about something in order to gain power over a situation or person. This can lead to self-doubt and questioning your own lived experiences.

• Scapegoating – deliberately trying to shift the blame to you for something you didn’t do. Over time, this can damage your reputation, or

lead you to doubt yourself and question if you may actually be responsible.

• Trivialising – includes when someone minimises or dismisses things to make information, your actions, or accomplishments, seem unimportant or insignificant. Over time, this can lead to questioning if your thoughts, feelings, and contributions are worth sharing.

• Reality questioning – if someone manipulates things or situations to make you question yourself, your choices, and your ability to trust what you are experiencing, this is reality questioning. For example, this could mean insisting things happened differently from how you remember them, or claiming that they asked you to do something and you must have forgotten in order to shift the blame, when that never even happened.

How can gaslighting present in different relationships?

Gaslighting can take place across just about any kind of relationship. While it is most commonly talked about between partners in romantic relationships, it can also affect family relationships (between a parent and child, siblings, or other family dynamics), friendships, and working relationships (between colleagues, or a manager and employee).

Romantic: In a more intimate relationship, gaslighting might happen when one partner undermines the other. This could be through denying facts or refusing to acknowledge situations that happened, or refusing to believe or denying their partner’s feelings, needs, or lived situations. Over time, this might mean that one partner feels unable to trust themselves, or may question their own thoughts, feelings, or experiences.

Family: In families, you might experience gaslighting at any point from childhood into adulthood. Most commonly occurring between a parent and child, this can include denying things happened, minimising the impact events may have had (such as calling someone overly dramatic), framing reactions as being overly emotional, or scapegoating. >>>

Friendships: It can be easy to overlook signs of gaslighting in friendships, because we think our friends want what is best for us, and genuinely care. But a friend may be gaslighting you if they make you constantly question yourself, spread gossip that isn’t true, or to try to cause arguments and rifts between friends.

Workplaces: Whether it’s between colleagues, or a manager and an employee, warning signs of gaslighting at work can include a reluctance to work in an open, transparent way, withholding important information, constantly changing targets or goals without warning or explanation, minimising the contributions of others, or undermining others’ behaviour.

Is gaslighting always intentional?

“Gaslighting can occur unintentionally, even when the individual is aware of their actions,” psychologist Kelly Field says. “This can happen when someone fails to recognise the potential harm their words or behaviours may have. For example, they might inadvertently invalidate the other’s feelings while trying to express their own perspective, blame them for their actions, or assume they know how the other feels, without fully listening to them. Although they may understand their actions are hurtful, they may not fully grasp the impact on the other person.

“This unawareness can lead to unintentional gaslighting, despite not deliberately seeking to control

emotions. Such unconscious gaslighting can also adversely affect the gaslighter. They may experience feelings of guilt, shame, and isolation stemming from their unawareness of the impact they have on others.”

Kelly also notes that gaslighters can often be mistaken for narcissists, due to an overlap in certain traits and characteristics, such as egocentrism, coercion, and manipulation, but there is a key difference. “While narcissists usually use self-absorbed and selfish tactics, gaslighters focus more on exerting power and control over others,” she explains.

What can I do if I think I’m being gaslit?

If you think someone may be gaslighting you, it’s important to take action. Over time, gaslighting can make you doubt yourself, your experiences, and your emotions. It can even affect how you perceive yourself and the world around you, damage your other relationships, and decrease your self-esteem.

Psychotherapist Kelly shares her top tips on what to do if you think you are being gaslit:

1. Trust your instincts: Trust your feelings and perceptions. Gaslighting often makes individuals doubt their own reality.

2. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends and family members.

3. Document interactions: Keep a record of interactions or incidents to maintain clarity, and provide evidence if needed.

Kelly Field is a psychotherapist specialising in trauma, abuse, relationships, and creativity. Find her profile on the Counselling Directory.

4. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the gaslighter, and assert your own reality when necessary. E.g. if the gaslighter wants to deny your reality by claiming “I didn’t say that” or “You’re imagining things”, prevent them from flipping the script by calmly stating “That’s what I heard” or “I do not imagine facts.”

5. Focus on self-care: Prioritise activities to maintain mental and emotional wellbeing.

6. Consider professional help: If the gaslighting is causing significant distress, consider seeking support from a mental health professional who can offer guidance and coping strategies.

Recognising the signs of gaslighting can be challenging by the very nature of its impact and the self-doubt it creates, but remember it can happen in any form of relationship, so if you feel like you are on the receiving end of gaslighting, trust yourself. Support is there to help you shine a spotlight on it.

A thankless task: how to get the appreciation you deserve

Whether it’s bearing the weight of all the emotional labour in a relationship, or tirelessly going above and beyond in your work, feeling like you’re being taken for granted is extremely draining. Here, we’re exploring how to finally begin the conversation to get the acknowledgment you need, but have been missing

You spend hours preparing a gourmet meal for your family, only to be met with grunts and empty plates. You put in extra hours at work to meet a deadline, but your boss praises your colleague who did the bare minimum. These scenarios, while seemingly insignificant, can leave a nagging feeling: you’re not appreciated. But the pain of unappreciation goes far beyond a bruised ego. It can chip away at your self-esteem and damage your relationships.

The sting of unseen efforts

Feeling unappreciated is that underlying sense that your contributions are not acknowledged or valued by others. It can manifest in a variety of ways, from a lack of verbal praise to a complete disregard for your efforts. Whichever form it takes, feeling unappreciated can have a significant negative impact on our emotional wellbeing.

In the workplace, employees who feel unappreciated are twice as likely to quit, according to a study by WorkHuman, while expressing gratitude to our significant others can improve the quality of the relationship. Even friendships need appreciation, with a study published in Emotion in 2011 reporting that those who communicate gratitude to their friends are more likely to work through problems and have a more positive perception of each other person.

“As humans, we all want to be seen, heard, and valued,” says Petra Velzeboer, a psychotherapist, executive coach, and author of Begin With You: Invest in Your Wellbeing & Satisfaction at Work. “When we are putting effort in and it’s never noticed, or worse, we are criticised constantly, our morale dips, we are likely to put less effort in, and consequently feel unfulfilled. This could spiral into

doing less of the things that boost our mental health, impacting our overall mood and health.”

Feeling resentment is a normal reaction, but left unchecked it can take its toll, causing conflict, and unnecessary stress. If accompanied by chronic anger, this can trigger the fight-or-flight response, which alters heart rate, blood pressure, and immune function, heightening the risk of depression, heart disease, diabetes, and other health issues. Feeling underappreciated can also erode your sense of selfworth. You may begin to question your abilities, and wonder if anything you do matters. Not the best headspace for anyone to find themselves in, right?

Reflect on your experience

But, before you start an argument over feeling unappreciated, it’s important to recognise that everyone expresses appreciation in different ways. You may thrive on verbal praise, seeking words >>>

Writing | Fiona Fletcher Reid

of affirmation to feel valued, whereas others appreciate clear actions, such as a pay rise or a bunch of flowers. While you might not be receiving appreciation in your preferred form, it’s worth considering if others show gratitude in ways you haven’t yet recognised.

How to tell when you’re not being appreciated

There are two key areas where unappreciation shows up in life. In relationships, you may feel like you’re constantly taking care of chores, or being the main source of emotional support for others, without getting the same in return. In the workplace, you might work extra hours without being thanked, have your mistakes highlighted without any praise for your wins, or feel like you’re on the sidelines while your peers get promoted.

Unappreciation could be the trigger if you’re not feeling like your usual self. According to hypnotherapist Chloe Brotheridge, coach and expert on high-functioning anxiety, and author of The Anxiety Solution: “You may be more tired than usual, lacking in motivation, feeling resentful, or as though your confidence has taken a hit.” So, how can you address feeling unappreciated at work and in your relationships?

Plan what you want to say

It may be tempting to sweep negative feelings under the rug, but effective communication can be the bridge to a happier future. Start by writing down how you

feel, reminding yourself that your experience is valid, and make a list of the times when you’ve felt unappreciated. Summarise what you want to say in a few sentences, and practise saying it out loud before you address the situation in person.

Talk it out

Being open about how you feel is important, but it’s best to choose your time wisely to keep the discussion as calm as possible. “Choose a good time to talk, letting the person know in advance what you’d like to discuss, and express your feelings calmly and clearly,” Chloe suggests. “Avoid blaming the other person, as this can trigger their defences; instead talk about the facts and how you feel before making a request.”

Don’t enter the conversation with a closed mind, and be prepared to actively listen to them without interrupting. This helps identify any misunderstandings or hidden reasons for the lack of appreciation.

Avoid the blame game

Accusatory statements are likely to cause conflict, so try to talk openly without laying blame. “Use ‘I feel’ statements, rather than ‘you make me feel’, be specific about what actions make you feel unappreciated, and suggest ways they can show appreciation,” says Chloe. “For example, with a partner, you might say, ‘When I cooked a special dinner and you didn’t acknowledge the effort that went in, I felt unappreciated.’ At work, you might say, ‘I worked

You may be more tired than usual, lacking in motivation, feeling resentful, or as though your confidence has taken a hit

10 hours of unpaid overtime to ensure our project was completed, and a colleague took the credit.’”

Work towards solutions

Instead of simply making demands, work together to brainstorm solutions that address your need for appreciation, and value their perspective. This creates a sense of teamwork and increases the chances of finding a mutually beneficial outcome.

In relationships, you could suggest a household chore schedule to ensure a fair division of tasks, ask for your partner’s support in emotionally laborious tasks such as decision-making, meal-planning, and overseeing your child’s homework, or consider setting aside a few minutes at the end of the day to express gratitude for one other.

In the workplace, you could request a meeting to discuss taking on a project that allows for greater recognition of your skills, or suggest performance reviews where your contributions are formally recognised.

Seeking appreciation in the workplace can be challenging. “We might be worried we’ll sound arrogant, but there is an art form that can be practised to have our own contributions noticed,” says Petra Velzeboer. “Start by praising others, and naming what you admire about them – this helps create a culture where it’s more likely to have this feeling reciprocated. Saying things like ‘I’m really proud of how I got to this point’ in a way that’s uplifting and inclusive can also help the energy at work change.”

Feeling unappreciated can be draining, but open communication is the key to addressing this issue. By expressing your needs calmly, and working collaboratively to find solutions, you can take charge of your happiness, and get the recognition you deserve.

Fiona Fletcher Reid is a freelance writer and author, whose book, ‘Work It Out’ is available now (Welbeck Balance, £9.99). Visit fionalikestoblog.com for more.

6 myths MYTH SERIES about climate change

It’s time to deconstruct the misconceptions and set the record straight as we share the reality of global warming

Writing | Rebecca Thair

1

MYTH: THERE’S SO MUCH WIND AND RAIN. GLOBAL WARMING IS COMPLETELY EXAGGERATED.

It’s easy to assume that ‘global warming’ should result in heatwaves and longer summers, but it’s more complicated than that. As the surface temperature of the planet rises, it impacts our climate systems, resulting in more extreme and unpredictable weather in all forms – from droughts to floods, hurricanes, wildfires, and snowstorms. It’s important to focus on the bigger picture. We may think we’re having a cold snap in winter, but when you compare the average temperature now to decades past, there’s a notable increase. As an example, the Met Office reviewed two 30-year periods (1961–1990 v 1991–2020), and revealed the average temperature in the UK rose by 0.8°C, rainfall increased 7.3%, and sunshine 5.6%.

2MYTH: LIVING THINGS ARE DESIGNED TO ADAPT, SO CLIMATE CHANGE DOESN’T MATTER. It’s true that animals and plants are designed to adapt, however the issue is the speed at which they’re having to change to

keep up with the evolving environment is impossible, with increased habitat destruction (thanks to roads, and various other infrastructure), alongside unlivable areas as a result of the volatile weather (such as storms, flooding, and food scarcity).

The future looks bleak if we continue on this trajectory, with a 2019 report estimating one million creatures and plant species are at risk of extinction. Add to that the fact that the current rate of the temperature rise is believed to be 10 times faster than that of the previous mass extinction 56 million years ago, when 95% of marine and 70% of land species were eliminated.

3

MYTH: LIVING SUSTAINABLY IS TOO EXPENSIVE.

The cost of living is undoubtedly hitting people hard right now, so it’s understandable to be cautious about set-up costs for long-term sustainable solutions. In fact, Deloitte’s Sustainable Consumer 2023 report found 62% of people who did not adopt a more sustainable lifestyle cited cost as the reason.

One of the main reasons for the ever increasing costs of energy

and food are prices of fossil fuels, alongside volatile weather impacting crops, and therefore supply v demand. Part of the solution is turning to renewable energy sources, and governments backing these plans.

On a personal level, there are many simple things you can do that won’t break the bank – and may even save you money. With UK households generating more than 23 million tons of waste in 2021, according to Statistica, making an effort to repair rather than replace items, alongside cutting back on food waste, lets you support the planet while also saving pennies.

4

MYTH:

OTHER COUNTRIES ARE MORE RESPONSIBLE FOR EMISSIONS; THERE’S NO POINT IN US TRYING IF THEY WON’T CHANGE.

It’s true that certain counties are emitting more pollution than others each year – with the top three currently being China (14 billion tons of CO2), the USA (6 billion tons), and India (3.5 billion tons). However, everyone has a part to play in reducing climate change, as this is a global challenge with a worldwide

impact. And when we look at the historical, cumulative impact, the USA created 20% of the global total, China 11%, followed by Russia (7%), while the UK is 3%. There are other factors that impact this though, e.g. if you take into account population size, or the impact of importing goods. So, attributing blame is often debated. Regardless, a sustained commitment to reduce our emissions across the board is

what’s required to make a positive change, so focusing on how we can help is more constructive than pointing fingers.

5

MYTH: A 1.5OC CHANGE IN THE TEMPERATURE ISN’T THAT BIG A DEAL.

It doesn’t sound vast in itself, but our ecosystems operate under a delicate balance. Increasing temperatures act as a catalyst for

environmental changes that could have devastating impacts, from the increase in extreme weather and natural disasters, to environmental degradation, food and water scarcity, and economic disruption. NASA reports a few notable effects of this include Greenland losing an average of 279 billion tons of ice each year between 1993 and 2019, with sea levels rising 20cm in the last century – and yet the past two decades have seen that rate nearly double, and continue to accelerate.

6

MYTH: CLIMATE CHANGE IS GOING TO AFFECT PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE. IT’S THE NEXT GENERATION’S PROBLEM. We can’t change what’s happened in the past, but we also shouldn’t ignore the part we’ve had to play in global warming today. In line with the 2015 Paris Agreement, which united 195 nations with the goal of preventing global warming exceeding 1.5oC from preindustrial levels, the UK is looking to reduce carbon emissions 68% by 2030, and reach net zero by 2050. However, in February 2024 it was confirmed that this 1.5oC threshold was breached for a full 12 months for the first time, highlighting how pivotal it is for every single person to remain committed to environmentally conscious decisions. While the effects will be most drastically felt by future generations, the only way to reduce this is to act now. Our legacy can be one of proactive protection of our planet and leading by example, rather than taking the world we have for granted.

“I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept

ANGELA DAVIS

Photograph

How to advocate for your SEND child at school

More than a million school children in the UK need additional support, but not every family can navigate the school system smoothly. Whether it’s fighting for extra support, being on the waiting lists for a diagnosis, or not being able to get a place at a school suited to your child’s needs, many parents find it tough.

Here, Jenna Farmer, mum to an autistic child, chats to the experts and shares her own top tips on how to best advocate for your SEND (special educational needs and disabilities) child at school

Writing | Jenna Farmer

Your child starting school can be such a big milestone in many parents’ lives, but beyond the first-day photos, some parents are more than a little anxious. That’s because, for them, navigating school goes beyond playdates and parents’ evenings – it’s making sure their child gets the help they need. And it can be so difficult to advocate for your child when you are an additional needs parent. According to DFE’s 2021 survey, 40% of parents or carers of pupils with SEND felt they couldn’t access the support needed, with smaller numbers not in school altogether.

“Teachers do an incredible job, but they are not disability specialists, and the level of training in SEN in our school’s system is unfortunately woefully

inadequate, in my opinion,” says Heidi Mavir, author of Sunday Times bestseller Your Child is Not Broken: Parent Your Neurodivergent Child Without Losing Your Marbles.

With that in mind, here, we’re speaking to the experts to find out how you can best advocate for your child at school.

Switch mindset: your child is not a problem child. Having to write, read, or listen to all the things your child finds hard can be incredibly upsetting. However, throughout the process, it’s really important to recognise all their strengths, and what makes them special – as well as reminding yourself that the process you’re going through has a different purpose. You are not trying to ‘change’ your

child, but are advocating to get the support they need from the school system to have the same opportunities as any other child, and for school to be a happy learning environment.

“Knowing that you know your child best, and that they are not ‘the problem’ will be your life raft through this. Write these reminders on a Post-it note or on your phone lock screen so you see them daily as a reminder,” says Madeleine Woolgar, a neurodiversity consultant specialising in supporting autistic children who are in mainstream school.

“Within this fight, sometimes schools will imply that your child is the problem – they’re not. Your child is not the problem; it’s that they’re not being supported properly,” adds Madeleine. >>>

Where to find support

Face to face: Many local areas run parenting support groups for families of children with SEND – your local council or school should be able to signpost them to you. Club Hub (clubhubuk. co.uk) has a directory of clubs and activities for children with special needs and disabilities as well, while the National Autistic Society (autism.org.uk) has a searchable directory of local support services and groups.

Social media and online: The facebook group ‘Not fine in school’ is designed for parents whose children are struggling at school. On TikTok, SEND reform England is on a mission to Reform education for children with SEND. Expert Heidi Mavir also has a list of free training videos on her site (heidimavir. com).

Organisations: Sunshine Support (sunshine-support. org) is an award-winning SEND consultancy that offers free advice calls and resources. Special Needs Jungle (specialneedsjungle.com) offers webinars and a resource hub for SEND parents. IPSEA (www.ipsea.org.uk) is the leading charity in the field of SEND law.

Remember you’re fighting for inclusion, not special treatment.

I moved my son several times until we found a school that was able to be inclusive and supportive. At times, I’ve worried that people will think I am being too pushy, or that I’m demanding special treatment, but, thankfully, now he is at an amazing mainstream school that has taken the time to understand, I realise that all I was asking for was for my son to have the same opportunities as any other child. While I’m not suggesting everyone needs to move schools, it’s well worth remembering that you’re likely only fighting for the right support to enable your child to be able to access the same educational opportunities as others, which they 100% deserve.

“Unfortunately, our school system can be geared up for one way of learning,” explains Madeleine. “For example, if your child is neurodivergent, they need a different kind of support that requires the teachers to adapt and be flexible. Give yourself permission to be that parent – you’re not annoying, you’re being a powerful advocate for your child.”

Knowledge is power. Nobody knows your child like you do, which means you need to gather as much information

as possible for yourselves. This can help conversations and meetings with schools come from a place of information and knowledge sharing, rather than confrontation and emotion – which will allow you to get the most out of your discussions. It will also allow you to better prepare for conversations, and the process of getting support.

Thankfully, there is a lot of accessible information online, and even social media, to help parents advocate for their children. I taught myself everything from the Education, Health and Care (EHC) plan appeals process to how to navigate conversations with teachers, but don’t forget there’s emotional support out there, too.

“Arm yourself with information to know what support will help your child in school,” adds Madeleine Woolgar. Not sure where to begin? Checkout the resources list in the box on p22.

Connect

with fellow parents. While it can feel incredibly lonely at times, there are many parents fighting for the same things as you, and connecting with them can really help. I’m lucky enough to have a SEND support group for parents a

Often, the best help, information, and advice will come, not from educators, but from other parents and carers. Go find your people

few minutes away, and it’s an opportunity to chat with other local parents over a cuppa, as well as learn more about the go-to resources in my area. If you don’t have one local to you, Facebook groups can be really helpful. “Seek out other parents who have walked the path you are treading,” adds Heidi Mavir. “Often, the best help, information, and advice will come, not from educators, but from other parents and carers.

Go find your people.”

Advocating for your child at school is really tough at times, but know that you’re not alone and there are resources, people, and networks out there that can support you to make sure your child’s experience with education is a positive one.

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who talks about life as a mum with a speech delayed child on her blog mumernity.co.uk and Instagram @mumernity

Mindful meal planning Mindful meal planning

An empowering way to connect with what we consume, taking a mindful approach to eating can nurture a healthy respect for ingredients that goes way beyond the dinner table

FFrom nourishing our bodies to a creative outlet, a chance to connect or reminisce, and a moment of self-care, food and cooking hold so much wonderful potential to support our wellbeing. But, as with any daily activity, it’s easy to slip into a monotonous routine of the same meals straight off the supermarket shelf. Enter mindful meal planning to reconnect you with the joy of food.

Perhaps you want to scale up your repertoire of meals, improve your cooking skills, or get extra nutrients into your diet. Or maybe you harbour a desire to explore new cuisines or shift to eating sustainably. Irrespective of where you are on your food journey, mindful meal planning can be a wonderful way to meet those goals. The idea is to connect with what we’re consuming by deepening our awareness of ingredients,

provenance, produce, and seasonality, to help us set goals that serve us nutritionally, socially, and emotionally. And there are other benefits too, like learning about ingredients, connecting to people, and diverting away from unhealthy habits.

“Mindful eating helps you to get the most out of your food, with immediate and long-term benefits,” says nutritionist Jane Hickey. “Slowing down to eat mindfully also improves digestion, helping you to absorb all the nutrients from your food, to nourish your physical and mental wellbeing.”

A sensory approach

Intuition – AKA following your gut – is that internal sense that lives in all of us, and is integral to mindful eating. By learning to trust our intuition and listen to our bodies, we can

start to identify what serves us nutritionally, and gain better control over our eating habits. Forget what’s trending on TikTok, it’s about following our nose when it comes to selecting what to eat, and leaning towards balanced, healthy plates that open us up to new flavours and experiences.

“A mindful eating plan abandons rules and regulations which categorise foods as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, giving you the freedom of choice and permission for time and nourishment,” says Jane. “Allow yourself time to enjoy being in the moment with your meals. From the sight of food, to the aroma and taste. It’s about prioritising nourishment and valuing foods for their nutrients.”

Eat the seasons

Pesticides, waxes, and preservatives are often used to

Writing | Lara Green

Jane Hickey is a nutritional therapist who specialises in nutritional programmes to support musicians. Head to the Nutritionist Resource for more.

preserve foods that are out of season, as vegetables start losing their nutrients straight after they’re picked. So, the quicker they get from field to fork, the better.

Setting an intention to eat seasonally is therefore a win for people and the planet, too. Not only does it directly support local growers, you’ll also be contributing to a reduction in food miles, less consumption of fossil fuels, and fewer carbon emissions.

Start by looking at what’s available locally, and opt for colourful choices that feed your senses and wellbeing. Hot summer days will likely call for refreshing foods like crisp salads with vegetables, fruits, seeds, nuts, and herbs. While in winter, comforting foods like warm porridge and stews can be elevated with spices like cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, and fennel.

Go for variety

Think about flavours you love and begin a culinary exploration of different seasonal dishes to add to your weekly menu. >>>

Jane advises looking at cultural food traditions such as smorgasbord, bento boxes, Buddha bowls, or mezze. “These prioritise both cooked and raw vegetables, and can be easily balanced with a source of good protein (meat, beans, fish, pulses, or dairy) and some healthy fats (like extra virgin olive oil, avocado, or anchovies). If you need a meal to go, a bento box with compartments is the perfect lunch box.”

Take it slow

If meal prep is ‘just another thing to get done’, try reframing it as an opportunity to embrace a slower pace. Change out of your work clothes and put on a favourite apron, along with a playlist or podcast. Switch on your senses and observe the sounds and aromas that release as you chop. Let your mind wander as you watch how the food changes. Then warm the plates, set the table, and take the time to saviour what you’ve created. Through these small acts, cooking becomes transformational, creating a mindful appreciation for food that provides a wonderful boost for self-worth.

A sense of community

Grabbing something quick on the go, or eating in front of the telly, might have slipped into our routines, but research from the University of Oxford has revealed that the more often people eat with others, the more likely they are to feel happy and satisfied with their lives. Using data from

a national survey by The Big Lunch, researchers concluded that communal eating can have a marked improvement on social bonding, wellbeing, and a sense of embedding within the community. If isolated mealtimes are teetering into the norm, make shifting back to the table an

intentional practice. Invite friends over, share a recipe discovery with neighbours, and join local community food groups to share, learn, and upskill in the company of others. All of these things help to nurture a more mindful approach to feeding ourselves and others in our communities.

4 STEPS TO CREATE A MINDFUL MEAL PLAN

Set your intentions:

Think about why you want to eat mindfully, and note down the changes you want to make. Having a clear intention will help guide your choices.

Decide what you want to make:

Preparation is key to mindful meal planning. Think about what you’d like to cook and source ingredients on days off so you can relax and enjoy the process. Remember, a mindful meal plan doesn’t have to be a lengthy list of challenging recipes. Keep it simple, buy seasonally, and look to add in nutrients where you can – an extra spice here, some nuts, herbs, and veg there. Small changes are key.

Get to know the growers:

Mindful eating starts with a show of gratitude for farmers and growers who, without, we simply wouldn’t be fed. Support them directly by buying from farm shops and attending PYO sessions. Chances are the produce will be a marked improvement on what you’ll find in the supermarket – putting much-needed money in their pocket, and a delicious meal on the table for you.

Make it social:

Check in with loved ones in advance and assign tasks to make it a more sociable affair. There’s a satisfying hum that comes from the routine of people busily working together to put a meal on the table – bringing a sense of unity to the fore through the common goal of creating a delicious meal.

By following these steps, you can create a mindful meal plan that supports your overall wellbeing, and helps you develop a healthy and satisfying relationship with food, people, community, and the environment.

Rock and pebble theory

This is a valuable expression that highlights the ways we fill our lives, and how we can prioritise this to reflect our true values

While the original source is unknown, the idea here is that the glass jar represents your life as a whole, and the finite amount of space it contains. Rocks are the things you value most and couldn’t live without – this could be your family, friends, relationships, pets, and health. Pebbles signify the things that add meaning to your life, but

aren’t essential – they might come and go, or change over time like your job, or hobbies. Sand and water are metaphors for everything else; the little things that bring you joy but, in the grand scheme of things, aren’t the most important to your overall happiness.

The point is that if you fill your life with sand and water first,

you won’t have much space for the rocks and pebbles. Whereas prioritising your rocks ensures there’s always space for the other elements –certainly more than you think. It’s a reminder to spend your time on the things you value most, so as to not run out of room for them by focusing on the less significant things.

6 ways to deal with age anxiety

If your birthday is more a cause for concern than celebration, you could be experiencing age anxiety. But there are steps you can take to reframe your feelings around growing older

Writing | Elizabeth Bennett

While we all know growing older is unavoidable, it can be hard sometimes not to worry about the future. As we age, physical, mental, and emotional changes can challenge us and bring up a whole range of feelings. However, with a bit of work, we can learn to deal with these feelings, and instead embrace ageing and celebrate the positives it brings too.

Understand what age anxiety is

The first step in addressing any kind of anxiety is becoming aware of what is causing it, and where it is coming from. Generally speaking, anxiety tends to involve worrying about the future and the unknown situations that are ahead of us.

“It’s natural to think about the future, or to have apprehensions or concerns. But when it impacts us intensely or frequently, or interferes with our day-to-day life, it becomes problematic,” Nicola Baxter, a person-centred

counsellor, explains. “When we’re thinking too much about the future and feeling fearful, it doesn’t allow us to be truly present in the here and now.”

Normalise the feelings

However tempting it may be, pushing away these anxious feelings is not going to help us feel better. “There are things we can do to cope with feelings of anxiety, and a good starting point is normalising these feelings,” Nicola suggests. “The very nature of anxiety can feel threatening to us, and we can get stuck in a fear and anxiety cycle, so changing the way we respond to our thoughts is important in making a change,” she clarifies.

When you have an anxious thought about the ageing process or getting older, notice that you are having them, and try to accept them for what they are.

Reframe your thoughts

Once you are aware of the anxious thoughts and able to accept them, you can work to reframe them

in your mind. This is done by beginning to introduce helpful thoughts instead.

“Often our anxious thoughts start with ‘what if’ and we imagine the worst-case scenario, which further adds to our worry and anxiety,” Nicola explains. Instead, try introducing the idea of ‘What if that didn’t happen?’ Or ‘What if it went better than we had expected?’ “Just as we can get anxious and unsettled by ‘what if’ thoughts, we can calm our nervous system by thinking calming and positive ones,” Nicola confirms. This takes time and practice, but can help us to change the way we think and respond to our thoughts.

Focus on what you can control

Having anxious thoughts about what might happen to us as we age all comes back to a fear of not having control. We all crave control in life, but getting older is something outside of this. If we find ourselves worrying about this, it can be helpful to look at what we can control.

Nicola Baxter specialises in change management, and helping clients to find meaning and purpose. Connect with her on the Counselling Directory.

“Ask yourself if what you’re worrying about is within your control. If it is, what action can you take? If it isn’t, think about what is within your control and take action on that, however small that might be,” Nicola explains. How we choose to view our situation is one of the main things we always have control over.

See the positives

It is not always easy to see the world from a glass-half-full perspective; it’s something that takes time, dedication, and practice – particularly when we are facing uncertainty and new challenges as we age. But making a conscious effort to do this and change the narrative can make a huge difference.

“For example, rather than thinking about what we feel we’ve lost over time, it can be more enhancing and helpful to focus on the things we’ve gained over time, and what we’re grateful for,” Nicola suggests.

Incorporating some sort of gratitude practice into your life

such as making a daily list of three things you are grateful for can create noticeable change and help combat feelings of anxiety. It can also be about recognising how precious time is, and therefore having the time to ‘age’ could be seen as a gift in itself, or the things you do have to look forward to.

Embrace the new opportunities

Every age in life comes with its own set of challenges, but also opportunities. If we are open to it, ageing allows us to re-evaluate our values and passions, and to find new hobbies and interests. Also, when we are younger we can

often focus on what we ‘should’ do or what others expect of us, which tends to fade over time.

“As we grow older we can ask ourselves, what do I want? This can be an empowering exercise that allows us to think about what we want for our future,” Nicola recommends. “Take some time to write a list of the things that you value most and what’s important to you. Ask yourself where your time and energy is best placed.” By taking charge of your time, and spending it on what you value most, you may be more able to see the positive side to ageing, and feel excited about the next chapter ahead.

Ask the experts

What is Bowen therapy?

Complementary therapist Judith Kilgallon answers your questions on the Bowen technique

Read more about Judith on Therapy Directory.

What exactly is Bowen therapy?

ABowen therapy is a gentle, hands-on therapy that treats the body in a holistic way. The therapist makes gentle rolling movements on specific muscles, tendons, ligaments, and soft tissue using their fingers and

Q QWhat conditions can Bowen therapy help manage?

A Bowen may help manage many conditions including back and neck pain, shoulder, knee, ankle, elbow, and hip

thumbs. After each set of moves, the therapist will move away, and may even leave the room for a few minutes. These are ‘breaks’, which allow the body’s parasympathetic nervous system to engage, and the healing process to begin.

Busy and stressful lifestyles can mean that the body is in a constant fight-or-flight mode, so

Bowen aims to get the body to the opposite state. There is no hard tissue manipulation or massage, no adjustment or high-velocity movement, no deep or prolonged pressure, and you can keep your clothes on. The holistic nature of a Bowen treatment can mean that more than one issue can be addressed during a treatment.

pain, sciatica, headaches and migraines, asthma, stress, and anxiety. Bowen is gentle enough to help fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue sufferers, along with those with neurological conditions such as Parkinson’s disease. Bowen

is suitable for all ages, so it can help a baby with colic or an elderly person with arthritis. Treatments can be adapted to suit the individual, and the treatment can be given while you are lying down, sitting, or even standing.

you need

Q QWhat should/shouldn’t I do following a treatment?

A Following a treatment, your therapist will ask you not to have any other physical therapies for seven days, such as physiotherapy, osteopathy, and Reiki. This is because Bowen seems to tune your body into a certain frequency, allowing it to restore itself. Putting in other therapies can disturb that balance. However, you should continue with any prescribed medication, and nutrition and exercise

programmes. It is essential to drink plenty of water and move as much as possible during a course of Bowen treatments to assist with the flow of lymph around the body. Mild symptoms may be experienced up to 48 hours following a treatment, such as thirst, mild headaches, and general aching and tiredness. A warm bath in Epsom salts may help, but should be avoided if you have high blood pressure.

Are there any risks or side-effects associated with the Bowen technique?

A Unlike some other complementary therapies, there are no known risks or side-effects associated with Bowen therapy. Bowen can be used safely in all circumstances and there are no conditions where the use of Bowen is contra-indicated.

Are you touch starved?

Many of us love a good squeeze from a friend now and then, but if you’re lacking physical contact with others, cuddle therapy could be the answer to your touch deprivation woes

Writing | Kat Nicholls

How tactile are you as a person? We all sit on a scale here, with some loving any excuse for a friendly hug and others preferring to keep touch to a minimum. However, for many of us, some degree of physical contact is needed. Whether it’s a loving embrace from a friend, a touch on your shoulder to signify support, or a hand on yours to say you’re not alone, these moments mean something.

When we think about physical touch, we often think of intimate, romantic relationships. And while these do provide important moments of physical contact, platonic touch is a human need that sits completely separately from sexual touch.

Why do we need platonic touch?

The world’s largest survey on the effects of touch, which sought responses from 40,000 participants across 112 countries

from January to March 2020, found that 54% of people were touch deprived – and given the research concluded as the pandemic started, this is only likely to have increased. Developed by BBC Radio 4 and the Wellcome Collection, the survey also revealed that 79% of people enjoy receiving touch from a friend, but 43% of people feel that we’re not able to touch enough due to societal norms.

Various research into the power of touch has found that it impacts us positively, from birth right through to adulthood, so it is a valuable tool for our wellbeing. Regular hugs have been found to boost self-esteem, reduce stress, ease depression, and even boost immunity. This is largely down to the cascade of hormones released when we’re touched, such as oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. Scientists have even found a series of nerves, called C tactile afferents, which respond to non-painful stimulation like

gentle touch, with a 2017 study in PLoS One highlighting the positive effect of initiating this.

As well as feeling the benefits during the moment of touch, the effects stay with us after the person has gone. This means a good hug from a friend on Monday could be having positive effects on you throughout the rest of the week.

What can happen when we don’t get the physical touch we crave?

‘You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.’ This well-known adage can apply to many things in life – including physical touch. For many, the various lockdowns during the pandemic revealed a gaping hole where hugs, back pats, and hand-holding once were. Known as touch deprivation, skin hunger, or being touch starved, this lack of contact can increase stress and tension in our bodies and may even make us less resilient to infection.

During the pandemic, we had to find DIY solutions for our touch deprivation, such as self-massage, weighted blankets, and certain yoga practices.

Nowadays, many of us look to get our fill of platonic touch through regular socialising. However,

this option isn’t always available to everyone, and many might not be getting what they need. This may be because they have fewer people in their life, or crave more touch than their friends are willing to give. Notably, this has been found to be an issue

in male relationships, where gender stereotypes or societal expectations limit physical contact – whether this is from a misinterpretation of touch to be ‘sexual’, or a need to appear ‘strong’ and stoic, resulting in less physical affection. >>>

When this happens, cuddle therapy (also known as platonic touch therapy) can step in to fill the gap.

What is cuddle therapy?

It is, pretty much, what it sounds like. You pay a cuddle therapist for a session which involves platonic touch, such as cuddling, stroking, and hair-play.

Sessions typically start with some relaxation exercises and breathing techniques. This can help you relax into the session and move past any nerves or tension you may have about cuddling up with a stranger. Trust is key in these sessions, with you trusting your therapist and them trusting you.

Therapists may use subtle physical or verbal cues to check in with you regularly, to ensure you’re comfortable. At any point during the session, you can ask to stop or change positions, depending on what you need. Usually, it will be the cuddle therapist taking the lead and doing the holding, so that you can simply relax and feel safe within their arms.

Do I need cuddle therapy?

If you are a naturally tactile person and you feel you aren’t getting what you need in this department, cuddle therapy might be right for you. While it is a more niche type of therapy, there are organisations that certify and train cuddle therapists, such as Cuddle Professionals International.

For peace of mind, you may want to go down the route of finding someone specifically trained in this type of therapy. It might not sound like you need qualifications

to cuddle, but there are boundaries to consider, safety protocols, and holding space in what can be a vulnerable moment.

Give the therapy a go and see how it makes you feel. It could be something you come back to periodically to fill touch gaps in your life, or it may become a therapy you attend regularly.

Other options

to feed your need for touch

If the idea of cuddle therapy doesn’t sound like the right fit for you, you could speak to friends and family and ask how they would feel about increasing physical contact (remember to honour any boundaries they set here). You could also lead by example, so, while respecting what others are comfortable with, you could instigate more platonic touch opportunities by patting friends on the back in acknowledgement of news, or giving a gentle touch on the arm when emphasising a story. You could also explore regular massage therapy, dance sessions, or even yoga to see how these impact you. Even things like getting your hair or nails done can be an opportunity for platonic, consenting touch. Plus, don’t forget touch doesn’t have to just

Signs you might be touch starved

• Longing for affection

• Feelings of loneliness

• Difficulty sleeping

• Experiencing stress and anxiety

• Depression

• Fear of attachment

be with other humans. Pets do a brilliant job of giving you the touch and affection you need, so don’t forget to give your furry friends a cuddle.

The power of touch is something many of us benefit from tapping into, and it’s great to see the various ways we can reach those needs. So, who needs a hug?

Happiful reads...

From a guide to soothe overworked nervous systems to a personal story about finding comfort in an unexpected place, here are four inspiring books to add to your shelf

Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

Our nervous system acts like a music conductor that guides our thoughts, emotions, and actions in harmony. But when exposed to consistent high levels of stress, it can cause them to fall out of rhythm and become dysregulated, which is why it’s so important to

Must reads

The Secret Lives of Booksellers & Librarians by James Patterson

Booksellers and librarians play a huge part in our literary journey, and yet their influence often goes unnoticed. That is, until now. Author James Patterson opens our eyes to a whole new world of reading by delving into interviews and stories from the unsung heroes who work behind the scenes to inspire, educate, and connect us.

Soothe: The Book Your Nervous System Has Been Longing For by Nahid de Belgeonne equip ourselves with techniques that can help us maintain balance. Assisting us to achieve this is somatic educator Nahid de Belgeonne, widely acknowledged as the ‘nervous system whisperer’. She believes that somatic movement can help us regulate our nervous systems by releasing built-up emotions and uses tools from The Soothe Programme, which she founded, to help us harmonise our mind and body.

Being

with Cows by Dave Mountjoy

Healing and comfort can be found in many surprising and unique ways, and for Dave Mountjoy, comfort while grieving the loss of his brother came in the form of spending time with a herd of cows.

In this heart-warming and powerful book, he shares his personal story of finding this unexpected sanctuary within nature.

Beginner’s Guide to Cyanotype: Beautiful Projects to Print with Light by Kim Tillyer

It’s always exciting to try something new, so let’s put our creative capabilities to the test this month with cyanotype photography – a camera-less printing technique that involves making beautiful prints with surrounding objects. Expert crafter Kim Tillyer shows us where to start in this inspiring beginner’s guide.

HOW TO FIND A CREATIVE CAREER

If you’ve ever felt curious about pursuing a creative passion full-time, we’re breaking down the things you may want to consider and the steps you can begin taking

Writing | Caroline Butterwick

For years, I wanted to be a full-time, self-employed writer. But it seemed so out of reach, and there was a level of risk, too – to leave the security of an office job, to trust in my abilities, to find a way to make it work. Whether you want to make your creative passion a career or are curious about setting up a side hustle, it can be hard to know what’s right for you. But there are some steps you can take to carve out your path.

WORKING IT OUT

“We spend, on average, 90,000 hours of our life working, and many of my clients have asked the question at some point whether they are in the right job,” says life coach Helen Robinson. “While our work may provide us with compensation and a prestigious title, does it truly satisfy us? Does it give us a sense of meaning and value?”

To figure this out, Helen recommends asking yourself the following questions about your creative idea:

a. Why is it you love this hobby or passion?

b. What feelings do you get from doing it?

c. What purpose does this hobby/ passion serve?

This can help you gain a deeper understanding of how you feel, and whether it’s something you could potentially pursue.

CAREER VALUES

Getting in touch with your career values can help you decide if and how your creative passion could become a career. This, Helen says, involves establishing whether your interest aligns with your values and motivators.

“For example, if you are driven by money and prestigious job titles, and your hobby is unlikely to provide the desired level of money, then that would suggest it was best left as a hobby or side hustle,” Helen says. “If your values and motivators are related to helping people and fairness, then maybe you could find a way to transform your creative passion into a dedicated career choice – for example, by teaching baking to vulnerable people.”

TRYING THINGS OUT

For me, transitioning into being a full-time writer wasn’t a case of suddenly dropping a secure job, as much as I dreamt of doing so while willing the clock to strike 5pm. I built up freelance writing work around my contracted job, and then moved into a part-time role. This gave me the stability of a monthly salary, while also giving me more time to try to build my writing career.

Transitioning like this also allows you to try things out. Maybe you want to become a professional photographer. By dedicating part of your working week to photography, you not only build a client base and get a sense for your earning potential, you also figure out something incredibly important: do you actually enjoy it?

You might love wandering woodland taking perfectly timed photos of wildlife, or find you adore the energy of being a wedding photographer. Or you may find after a while that nature photography doesn’t play to your strengths, or that weddings are too stressful. You may be

surprised at what you do and don’t enjoy.

Whether you’re doing it in your spare time or as part of your working week, ask yourself the following about your creative passion:

• What do I enjoy about it?

• What’s challenging?

• What can I learn?

• How would I feel if I was doing this full-time?

• Is there any part of this that I wouldn’t like to continue with?

• Is there anything I would like to do instead?

• How does this work fit with my values?

• Realistically, how could this creative passion meet my financial needs?

• Who can support me on my journey?

• If I want to build my creative career, what are my next steps?

I’m still learning about myself as a writer, and a lot of that is through trial and error. I know what writing makes my heart sing – but I also have to think about what writing pays the bills. Thankfully, I’ve reached a point where most of the writing I do fits both, but that’s taken time. If you’d like a contracted job, research potential employers, even if you don’t feel you’re ready to apply yet. When you look at

job adverts, see what skills and experience they’re looking for, and then think about if and how you meet these. If there are gaps, consider what you can do to gain that experience now – whether through volunteering, education, or in your current role.

GUIDANCE AND WELLBEING

Sometimes, a creative career can unfold naturally. But it’s often helpful to get advice. If you went to university, you may be able to access support from your university’s career service as a graduate. It’s also worth seeing if your local chamber of commerce offers mentoring or sessions on setting up a business. A career coach can help you think through your values and what you want.

Even though you’re doing something you love, there can still be stressful situations and problems to navigate in any role, and that’s OK. When you’re trying to build a creative career, it can be tempting to take on anything and everything, but you need to be realistic about what you can manage. Blocking out time for yourself and having boundaries about working hours is important. I love writing, but I know I have to make time for other things, whether dinner with friends or a relaxing walk.

It’s OK if you decide that you’d rather keep your creative passion as a hobby, or if it takes time to develop a career. Try things out, see where it takes you, and enjoy the journey.

Helen Robinson is a coach helping people find their purpose. Find more insight on the Life Coach Directory

“Love yourself first, and everything else falls in line

LUCILLE BALL

Photograph | Anastasia Shuraeva

How to help someone before or during a manic episode

Being there for a loved one struggling with mental illness is challenging, but these five tips could make all the difference in giving you the confidence to do so, and ensure they get the support they need

Writing | Kai Conibear

We all want to help a friend or family member when they’re unwell. However, as with any mental illness, and in this case someone experiencing an episode of mania or hypomania, it can be difficult to know exactly what we can do to support them. We want the tools and knowledge to help, but we’re often concerned about saying or doing the wrong thing, with fears of the worst-case scenario when our well-intentioned intervention might push our loved one away and isolate them further. It can be a challenge to navigate, but there are ways to help someone before and during an episode of hypomania or mania.

Of course, first things first, if somebody shows signs of hypomania and mania, it can be dangerous for them, and they will need care and support from professionals. Make sure they are engaged with mental health services, and if not, help them access the support they need.

Beyond that, here are five tools you can rely on, from someone who has experienced it first-hand. With all of these ideas, approach them calmly and be gentle with your suggestions, so they don’t feel you’re being overly protective or critical. Your goal is to be supportive and show them you care about their wellbeing. >>>

Key symptoms of hypomania/mania:

• A drastic change in behaviour

• Erratic, fast-paced speech

• Acting recklessly, taking risks

• Change in appetite and sleep patterns

• Overspending and impulsive behaviour

• Feeling irritated and angry

• May experience delusions and/or hallucinations

1. Make a plan

This is something to do before an episode hits. When your loved one is stable, they can look objectively at their own hypomania or mania, and will feel receptive to your ideas to help them when they’re unwell. Talk to them about what helps during an episode, what you can do practically – and what you shouldn’t do. Encourage them to be honest so you can more effectively help them in the future. An example could be that they find distraction helpful when they’re acting impulsively, and which distractions work best for them.

2. Focus on triggers

Again, before an episode, looking at their triggers together can help them focus on what may contribute to hypomania/ mania. Take a look at their work commitments, projects, and personal life in order to try to determine what may be causing them stress. Given burnout and stress are major factors in triggering manic and hypomanic episodes, pinpointing areas in their life that are causing concern will help. Encourage them to talk it through with you, and work together to come up with a plan to ease their stress, and have tools to help manage it where possible.

3. Create and maintain healthy routines

This tip can be effective both before and during an episode.

It’s OK to feel upset or angry about their behaviour, and to feel frustrated and powerless

Routines can keep them healthy, especially when it comes to sleep. A constant lack of sleep can easily prompt an episode of hypomania or mania to occur, and so encouraging them to stick to healthy sleep patterns could prevent this from happening. When someone is unwell, they may forget to eat, sleep, or look after their personal hygiene. Again encouraging them to have regular meals, and to look after their basic hygiene, will mean they will be in a healthier place when the episode ends. You can support this through things such as eating a meal or cooking together, or dropping them little message reminders checking-in.

4. Join in with their activities

During an episode, be there for them by either joining in with positive activities they’re doing, or redirecting them to activities that are less impulsive or reckless if they’re displaying signs of this behaviour. This is where the first point comes into play; if you’ve planned ahead, you’ll know which activities they enjoy and can be distracted by. So, for example, if they’re being creative, join in. It will show you’re interested in what they’re doing, and it means you can set boundaries on how long they spend on the activity so it remains a healthy outlet. If the activity is turning into a fixation or getting in the way of those basic needs and taking care of

themselves, don’t force them to stop, rather gently remind them of what else they need to do in terms of eating, sleeping and looking after themselves.

5. Help with finances

With risk-taking and impulsive behaviour being symptoms of mania/hypomania, another really useful way you can support your loved one is by helping them to manage their money when they are unwell. Prior to them becoming ill, you can prepare by them consenting to you putting a site blocker on their phone or computer, that only you know the password to. During an episode, you may need to take their cards from them and have access to their bank account – obviously consented to when they are well and stable. It might feel extreme or like you’re infantilising them, but they will appreciate not being in mountains of debt when they are stable again.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too When someone is hypomanic or manic, their behaviour can be challenging and difficult to understand and deal with. It’s OK to feel upset or angry about their behaviour, and to feel frustrated and powerless. Having these emotions is fine, it’s what we do with them that’s important. Make sure you talk about your feelings and don’t let them fester. When someone is hypomanic or manic, they’re less likely to

listen to reason, or see things from your point of view, so it might be better to wait until they’re stable before having that discussion though. So, while it’s going on, write down what you want to tell them. This can help you cope with your feelings, and help you to avoid reaching a boiling point. When the time comes, try to calmly discuss how their behaviour, words, or actions made you feel. Don’t accuse them of acting in a certain way; instead, focus on explaining how their actions and words made you feel and how they may still impact you now.

If, during an episode, things start getting too difficult, it’s OK to take time out and invest energy into yourself, too. You need to be well so that you can help your loved one. There is only so much you can do, and you need to be realistic about how much support, and how much of yourself, you can give. You don’t have to make grand gestures constantly in order to be useful. If you’re worried about what will happen if you need some time away, then talk to friends and family about helping out. This doesn’t have to all be on your shoulders. There will be other loved ones who can rally round and show their support as well.

Kai Conibear is a writer and mental health advocate. His first book, ‘Living at the Speed of Light’, about bipolar disorder, is out now.

Navigating a sudden break up

When a relationship ends unexpectedly, the multitude of emotions can be overwhelming. From confusion and hurt, to grief and loss of the future you imagined together, there’s no map on how to find your way through these feelings. But here, columnist Michelle Elman shares her own ongoing journey following the end of her engagement

Writing | Michelle Elman

When you think about your future, the day you get engaged, short of the wedding, is likely the one you imagine the most. There is something uniquely special about the hope, promise, and potential of what lies ahead on this day. You know, logically and rationally, the reality of married life brings difficulties and challenges, that you acknowledge in vows and speeches, but on proposal day, you get to live in the fairytale for a bit, at least. My fairytale was cut short though. Less than 24 hours after getting engaged, I found out my now ex-fiance had been cheating on me. I discovered this because I had publicly announced our engagement, and posted a picture of him for the first time in our three-year relationship. One of my readers was one of the women he had slept with, and she messaged me to let me know.

What followed was a very quick unravelling of the life I saw before me, and in the past two months since I found out, I have found myself overwhelmed by how much my life has changed in such a short space of time. One day I was engaged, trying for a baby, and planning a wedding, and the next I was on dating apps and going on a first date.

In my book, The Selfish Romantic, I make a case for not comparing myself or relationships to other people. I say: “Love lives do not come in the linear trajectory that we have been sold: dating, relationship, engagement, marriage and kids. It just requires one match, one conversation, one date, or even one moment talking to a stranger in a club that can change your entire love life – in the same way that it takes one breakup, one divorce, one argument, and one too many mean words

to end a relationship. When you look at all of this together, you realise there is no ‘behind’ or ‘ahead’. Where you are in your love life can change in an instant, and we need to re-evaluate what we constitute as stages.” I wrote these words in 2021 and so, even back then, I knew this logically and rationally, but living it is something completely different. How I have navigated it is I rarely let myself escape into what I call the ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’; we have enough to deal with in the real world, with our reality, we don’t need to be making up fictional scenarios and ‘what if’ things had been different. Letting your brain play that game is not only pointless, but it’s unnecessarily painful. Telling yourself the story that if you had done something differently, or said something in a different way is an illusion.

Ultimately, when a partner cheats, it is not on you. It is not your job to prevent the cheating; it is their job to stick to their commitment of fidelity.

All of this is true, and I also let myself feel the ache of ‘how am I on first dates again’. There is a mixture of shock, sadness, and joy in there. I have been loving the first dates I have been on, and also it pushes on my sadness that my dreams of becoming a mother are now further away,

along with the fact that someone who has been my constant is no longer in my life.

We need to let all our feelings exist. I believe one of the ways we make break ups more painful than they need to be is that we invalidate our feelings and tell ourselves we shouldn’t be feeling what we are feeling, we are being silly, or dramatic, or simply that we can’t break down because we will never pick ourselves back up. You need to create time to break

What followed was a very quick unravelling of the life I saw before me

down. Before I told the world, I let myself have three full weeks. It is the longest I have taken off work, and the first week was largely me in shock, struggling to even eat or sleep. However you process this is the right way for you, and whatever you are feeling is valid. Ultimately, no matter how much you plan for your life, there is always a possibility that it can all change in an instant. We cannot control that, but we can control how we react to it. As much as it brings great sadness, each life stage brings different positives and negatives, and so it’s also your job to notice the wins. Even in the midst of a break up, you are still allowed your pockets of fun, laughter and joy!

Michelle Elman is an author, TEDx speaker, and five-board accredited life coach. Follow her on Instagram @michellelelman

Be empowered by community: 6 effective ideas

How could cultivating a stronger sense of community impact and inspire us? Let’s explore the influence of connection and its all-important link to self-empowerment

Writing | Kat Nicholls

What does empowerment truly feel like? The answer will differ from person to person, but, for me, the answer is capable, strong, and unafraid.

The avenues we travel down to attain this feeling are sprawling. As an example, I empowered myself today by getting a train to London, finding a cafe with wifi, and working on this article before

heading to an author event alone. A trivial act for many, but this morning my anxiety level was skyhigh at the thought of leaving my flat. Yet, I persisted through the discomfort, gently pushed myself, and now I’m here.

It wasn’t just self-talk that helped, though. It was my colleagues’ words of encouragement after I opened up about feeling anxious, my partner giving my shoulder a

loving rub before leaving, and the awareness that I’d be spending an evening with fellow fans of the author. This is a small example of the power of community.

Connecting with others helps us feel part of something larger. It can provide us with support, yes, but when we contribute to our community we recognise our own power, too. This is where the empowerment piece comes in.

So, how can we tap into this ability to empower ourselves and those around us through community?

You might notice your assumptions become challenged and feel encouraged by what you hear

1. Build connections

A crucial first step. Look around to see what communities already exist in your world. These may be location-based communities, interest-based communities, or identity-based ones. Consider what speaks to you and dip your toe with a simple: “Hi, I’d like to ask you more about X” and see where you end up.

If you’re not seeing a community that speaks to you, consider starting your own, perhaps through starting a Facebook Group, or social media page. The simple act of building connections can open your eyes to different experiences, empowering you with every conversation.

2. Speak to different generations

There’s a lot to learn from other generations when we take the time to listen. You may want to connect with the younger generation to share your learnings and listen to theirs. Speaking to the older generation can also offer new perspectives. You might notice your assumptions become challenged and feel encouraged by what you hear.

3. Volunteer

Volunteering can be an easy and fulfilling way to find community. Immediately, you and fellow volunteers will have a shared interest, offering a plethora of opportunities to connect.

If you want to speak to different generations, you may want to work with young people by supporting those in need, or sharing your skills to teach them something new. If you want to connect with older people, supporting causes that work with this demographic is a great step, such as becoming a befriender, ‘adopting a grandparent’, or helping out at a nursing home.

Find an area you’re passionate about, and explore the volunteering opportunities. Remember, a growing number of online/remote volunteering roles are becoming available.

4. Participate in shared projects

Working with others to achieve a shared goal can help you feel inspired and empowered. The shared project might be a community garden, an art project, or an activism rally. Speak to people in your community to learn more about upcoming projects. And don’t be afraid to propose your own if you have an idea – you never know where collaboration might lead.

5. Get involved in any cause that’s close to your heart

Is there a cause you find yourself thinking about often? Do you

Learn more about empowerment and the role of community in our podcast, ‘Finding What Works: Empowerment’.

wish you could do more, but are unsure where to start? Engage with your community to find likeminded people and explore ways you could get involved. This might look like political campaigning, advocating for oppressed groups, raising money for charity, or increasing awareness of a particular issue.

Getting involved in causes like this can help you find a community of others who feel the same, and inspire a sense of ‘taking action’. In this way, you’re not only empowering yourself, but those around you, too.

6. Support local businesses

Passionate about your local area? A great way to support it is by utilising local businesses. Even better, start connecting with the owners – chat with the friendly barista who knows your coffee order, strike up a conversation with the owner of the plant shop you love, attend events they run and share them with your community. These are all small ways of connecting yourself to the place you call home. Whether it’s a friendly nod as you enter their shop or kind words shared after purchasing, there’s something special about knowing people in your area have your back.

There are a lot of things in life we can’t control, but having the support of our community can help us feel stronger, together.

Jill Halfpenny: THE GRIEF STORY

From life’s most challenging experiences, the actor shares the lessons she’s learning as she navigates the ongoing journey of grief

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

There are few experiences as universal as grief. It’s something that each of us will go through at some point in our lives. But for Jill Halfpenny, that moment happened early on in life, after her dad, Colin Halfpenny, died very suddenly at the age of 33. Jill was just four years old, but the impact of the grief remained close by. Then, in 2017, tragedy returned when Jill’s partner, Matt Janes, also suddenly passed away. He was only 43. Jill has been profoundly changed by the things she has been through, something which she lays bare in her book, A Life Reimagined: My Journey of Hope in the Midst of Loss. It’s a searingly honest and vulnerable project, where Jill does not hold back from sharing the stark reality of her loss. But it’s also a celebration of the ways she has found

support and shelter throughout her life – from people who just get it (and those who don’t) to wellbeing tools that have been transformative. So, what was reliving that journey like?

“I knew it would be quite cathartic, and I knew that it would take me to places that I hadn’t been for a while,” Jill reflects. “We think because we’ve thought things, we’ve processed them. But sometimes ‘process’ can take so many different forms – like saying it to another person, saying it to a group of people, saying it out loud, saying it to yourself. I got to the point where I felt like I’d learned quite a lot through my experience, and I was so hungry for connection with other people.”

This wasn’t the first time Jill has turned to the catharsis of words. Throughout the book, she shares

diary entries from significant moments in her life and points to morning pages – writing three pages of stream-of-consciousness first thing in the morning, as created by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way. Meditation and exercise are other pillars of her wellbeing, as is yoga. But while such tools have been transformative for Jill, there is sometimes a risk of viewing them as pathways to a neat destination, rather than tools to ease an ongoing journey. Society’s response to working through grief is similar – there’s an expectation to resolve it and come out the other side. In both cases, the reality is far from this, something that deeply resonates with Jill.

“Five years after Matt died, I remember speaking to a friend and she said: ‘How are you

THE FRIENDS THAT ARE IN TOUCH WITH NOT ONLY THEIR EMOTIONS, BUT THEIR OWN VULNERABILITIES, THEY CAN SIT WITH YOU WITH YOURS AND NOT FEEL LIKE IT’S A REFLECTION OF THEMSELVES

today?’ I thought, I’ll be honest, and I said: ‘I’m actually really sad.’ And I was sad, because I felt deep in grief. They said: ‘What have you got to be sad about?’

I remember thinking, so many people must really think it comes to an end. Which is strange because everybody has grief in

some way or other, and everyone knows that they don’t always feel great. But I think our tolerance for people’s development, and how fast they get over something, can be difficult to deal with.

“I think that some people, whether they know it or not, are avoiders. They avoid a lot of their

own pain. So if someone is an avoider, my God, they don’t want to sit with someone else’s pain. Whereas for the friends that I have that are in touch with not only their emotions, but their own vulnerabilities, and they’ve done some work on them, they can sit with you with yours and not feel >>>

IF YOU GIVE THOSE FEELINGS ATTENTION, YOU’LL BE AMAZED AT HOW MUCH LIGHTER YOU FEEL WHEN YOU LEAVE. BECAUSE NOW THERE’LL BE ROOM FOR OTHER THINGS

like it’s a reflection of themselves. What I found was that the people who still had a lot of unprocessed grief incidents in their life were the ones that were the most difficult to spend any time with.”

Determined to do something about her own grief, following Matt’s death, Jill signed up for a five-day grief retreat with other people going through a similar thing. A mix of group therapy, exercises, and self-work – it may sound like an unusual, confrontational event, but for Jill it was pivotal.

“It was astonishing because what you were asked to do was literally to go back to the beginning of your life and map out your losses. And once you mapped them out, then the work began,” she recalls. “You ask questions like, what is it about that loss that you haven’t processed? Or what resentments are you still holding towards that person? What did that loss then do to you to make you make the choices you did? It was fascinating to go, OK, so if I lost my dad when I was four, from four onwards, I was living with this belief that people that I loved would leave me. Because of that, it also gave me the drive to make myself lovable by being successful. This is deeply unconscious though, I wasn’t actively thinking these thoughts. But I could look back and think, was that why I did the things I did? Who would I be now if my dad hadn’t died, would I even be an actress?

“The rest of the week was spent exploring how these feelings of grief and loss, no matter what the circumstances, live inside of us. You can’t think yourself out of those feelings because they’re primal. So what we had to do was choose exercises that would connect us with those feelings. There was a dance exercise where we danced for hours and hours. We kept going, to the point where you were just releasing. There was an exercise where we wrote letters to the people that we’d lost as our younger selves, that’s about bearing witness to a part of ourselves that we don’t usually listen to.

“I think people can be frightened of being in grief. They think, why would I want to go on a grief retreat? Why would I want to spend five days thinking about how sad I am? And my response to that would be, because if you give those feelings attention, you’ll be amazed at how much lighter you feel when you leave. Because now there’ll be room for other things.”

While a lot of Jill’s book explores the difficult experiences she went through and the deep and nuanced feelings and reactions she had around them, she also explores the moments of hope that she has found, naming them ‘grief gifts’.

“I think grief has made me a nicer person, and a better person,” she reflects. “It’s given me a huge amount of compassion. So when I find myself getting irritated or getting annoyed with someone, it’s

like I can tap into something now where, instead of getting annoyed, I think, they’re in pain.”

It’s evident that Jill’s dedication to reflection has led her to a deep sense of self-awareness. Being able to articulate the often inexplicable feelings of grief takes time and work to come to, and yet no doubt will sound familiar to many who have been there themselves. So, after almost a lifetime of living alongside grief, and following reliving it for this book, what final lesson would Jill like to share?

“It really is OK to be OK. I remember a few years ago, somebody asked me, what do you really, really want in your life? I said the ultimate for me is to feel content. He laughed in my face, but I think living a life of contentment is the most ambitious thing anybody could ever wish for. I can’t imagine many people could step forward right now and say, I’m totally content. To me, that is success. To feel OK.”

‘A Life Reimagined: My Journey of Hope in the Midst of Loss’ by Jill Halfpenny is out now (£22, Macmillan).

Patience’s week MONEY ON YOUR MIND

Welcome to Money on Your Mind, the series where we explore the reality of money and mental health in the lives of real people. In this edition, Patience shares a week in her life where she juggles guilt around spending alongside being financially responsible for her family, following the leap to working for herself

It’s Tuesday, and I have a decision to make. I’m weighing up the pros and cons of taking on a new client. Of course, I could use the money, but I’m questioning whether I have the capacity. It’s tough working for myself, because I want to grab any income with both hands, but I also want money to come from people that I genuinely feel in alignment with. It feels like I’m still on that wheel – just going, going, going for the sake of financial security. But I’m also learning to embrace that these moments of anxiety around money are on another level while working for yourself.

In the last six months of going full-time in my business as a hypnotherapist and spiritual life coach, I’ve mainly been living on my savings. But now income is coming in – I’ve even started paying myself a salary! I call what I’m going through the biggest personal development journey ever in my life.

After sleeping on it, I decided to take on the client – it’s a nice addition to my budget for the month. I was also deciding what fitness activity to do this week, as I’ve promised myself to do something outside of the house. But the first thing that comes up in my mind is ‘What if I save that £12 instead of spending it?’ I’m not sure if my discipline with money is too extreme. But, eventually, I talk myself into going, with the reminder that I do deserve to enjoy myself.

On Thursday, I treated myself to working from a café. I get a drink as a freebie with my energy provider, which is the only reason why I went. The free hot chocolate coming at just the right time reminds me of the abundance mindset that I’m working on. It’s about the power of assumption, a willingness to believe that I already have everything I desire, and openness to receive opportunities that are always coming my way.

I didn’t realise until recently that I always looked at the money I have as not enough. When I was young, my mum was a single mum and resources were tight, and I’ve been working on understanding childhood trauma with money. It awakened me to understand that money is just an energy – it links into manifesting, and believing that I always get what I need.

On Saturday I went out for lunch with a friend, and had a day of window shopping. I enjoyed this more than I expected – it made me feel motivated to keep doing what I’m doing, knowing that I’m working towards being able to treat myself. I’m having to be more conscious about doing things just because I want to do them, which is hard while working for myself, and also being financially responsible for family members.

I send a monthly allowance to my grandma in Zimbabwe, to look after the bills and her

Writing | Patience Chigodora as told to Kathryn Wheeler

Watch out for more from our ‘Money on Your Mind’ series in the next issue, and if you’d like to contribute your personal experience with finances – both challenges and lessons – reach out to us at hello@happiful.com

health. It’s a cultural traditional thing, and my mum used to do it. But, when I was in university, I saw just how much of a toll was taken on her, so at 21, I took over. I love to help, but it’s a big responsibility. When I was choosing to work for myself, that was one thing I had to think about. I’m single and I don’t have kids, but I have a family to look after. As much as I love it, it can be overwhelming.

Monday rolled around, and I swear, waiting for invoices to clear is so stressful, especially when it’s late and you’ve already spent it in your mind. This time, there is also a knock-on effect, which might result in me having to ask for an extension on a payment. But it comes with the territory, and this time I just didn’t get ahead of it in enough time. I know that I’m ready for a break because these misjudgments are a sign for me to have some time off. Thankfully, next weekend, I’ll be going away for a week, and I’m looking forward to that reset. In the end, the invoice did clear that day!

Reflecting back over the week, I realise I’m doing a lot better than I give myself credit for. I’ve got most things that I need. I am proactive in changing and reflecting on things that might not be working. And I am proud of my awareness, which means I can pivot if I need to. I give myself permission to feel that it’s all OK.

For more from Patience, head to her website theinnerverses.co.uk and Instagram @theinnerverses.

Stalking: The lasting impact

Stalking affects millions of people in the UK each year, so what’s the reality, what help is out there, and what needs to change to protect victims going forward?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

After a brief five-month relationship, I was stalked from 2011 until 2020. It started like a typical stalking story, with letters, cards, emails, and texts – but it then became something more sinister when he used the law to reverse the victimhood, and tried to destroy my livelihood in 2020 when he made an allegation to the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), claiming that he was a client 10 years previously.”

Vicky Clarke is a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in supporting those who have experienced sexual abuse and toxic relationships. But, as she shares, for nearly 10 years she was also the victim of stalking.

According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), it was reported that in England and Wales there were 709,388 stalking and harassment offences in the

year ending March 2023. This was a 43% increase compared with the year ending March 2020. However, those are just reported offences, and the ONS estimates that, in reality, closer to 2.5 million people experience stalking each year.

According to guidance from the Metropolitan Police, “stalking and harassment is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared, distressed, or threatened”, and it is an offence under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. It says that stalking may include:

• Regularly following someone.

• Repeatedly going uninvited to their home.

• Checking someone’s internet use, email, or other electronic communication.

• Hanging around somewhere they know the person visits.

• Interfering with their property.

• Watching or spying on someone.

• Identity theft (e.g. signing up to services or buying things in someone’s name).

Additionally, the Met Police identify the ‘four warning signs of stalking’: Fixated, Obsessive, Unwanted, Repeated. “The second it becomes fearful or there is a question of, ‘Surely that’s a coincidence?’ This is when to start taking it seriously,” says Vicky. “Log everything and keep all evidence and contact attempts.

“Stalking is an experience driven by fear, and will be fuelled in the stalker by a fantasy, a rejection, or, in my case, a need to reverse the victimhood to protect their own exposure and reputation,” she continues. “Taking responsibility for their own actions is not possible, and they will not learn from their mistakes.”

Getting support

• For advice for victims, call the National Stalking Helpline: 0808 802 0300. Or visit the Suzy Lamplugh Trust: www.suzylamplugh.org

• For non-emergencies, call 101 to report stalking. Or call 999 in emergencies.

• You can also report crimes online on your local police force website, or visit a police station.

Recently, there’s been more awareness of stalking in the media, following the hit Netflix show Baby Reindeer, which tells the story of comedian Richard Gadd’s experience with stalking, and which spent weeks in Netflix’s top-watched spot. In response, the charity the Suzy Lamplugh Trust released a statement, calling the show a shocking reminder of the extent to which stalkers will pursue their victims. It also revealed that 13% of victims seeking support from the Suzy Lamplugh Trust’s National Stalking Service identify as male – and while the vast majority of victims identify as female, it’s important to note there is “no such thing as a typical stalker or stalking victim”. It goes without saying that there will be a mental health impact on victims of stalking. But in a stalking information guide published by the Royal College of Psychiatrists, the extent of the impact is made clear. “Stalking is always anxietyprovoking and, if it continues, it usually causes psychological and social damage to the victim,” it says. “Stalking can produce a state of chronic fear which disrupts concentration, sleep, and effective function, as well as causing the victim to reduce their social activities.”

The Royal College of Psychiatrists goes on to highlight that stalking is associated with depression and chronic anxiety, but also suicidal ruminations in up to 24% of victims. It also points out that victims often tend to blame themselves, despite having no responsibility for what is being done to them.

“It is important not to hide stalking, and to tell everyone who it is and to keep every piece of evidence,” Vicky advises. “Essentially, become your own detective, gathering and logging any contact attempts. Reporting it to the police is also important on the day it happens. Ask for someone who deals with stalking and/or domestic abuse. A pattern of behaviour is what can instigate a Stalking Protection Order.”

In her own experience, Vicky says that being listened to and getting justice wasn’t easy. But she’s since been part of a campaign in Northern Ireland to change the ways things are done.

“I was repeatedly being ignored by the police, and they were not taking my fear seriously, just like the Baby Reindeer drama on Netflix,” she shares. “My life was on hold while this man was plotting his next event to stalk me without getting caught, and I knew he wouldn’t give up.

“After my fourth move to a rented house in 2015, I got my first re-directed letter two days after I moved in. It was a court summons; I was being accused of stalking him. I never had any dealings with the law, and couldn’t understand what I was reading. My stalker was able to start a court case, and easily mislead the law by saying I was the one harassing him. The solicitor in question didn’t mind accepting evidenceless allegations, and my stalker had legal aid, which was an abuse of the public purse. I was told my only way to help myself was to make counter-allegations.”

Luckily, Vicky had been stringent with keeping evidence, including: hand-written letters; more than 100 emails of him admitting, justifying, and apologising for the stalking; and screenshots of his slander. In the end, his court case backfired, and he was no longer allowed within 50 metres of Vicky, but she was frustrated to have had to go through the experience of being the accused.

“All along, I kept saying ‘this is wrong’,” she says. “He could use the legal system so easily to further distress me, waste PSNI time and Legal Aid, all paid for by taxpayers. And then the injustice of it, as my only way to defend

myself was to pay for it through the courts, although I was the victim.

“In the work I do as a counsellor, I was hearing the same experiences, and felt I had to do something about it. I approached my Member of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) and he suggested I explore a Private Members Bill asking for stalking laws. In 2016, I was sitting in the public members’ gallery. The MLA who represented me read out my story to the mixed-party politicians in Stormont, and it was agreed to bring stalking laws to Northern Ireland. This was purely because of the awful way my case was handled, and the police’s policies had been ignored and contradicted.”

Vicky’s story led to the Protection from Stalking Act (Northern Ireland) 2022 – and this year, Home Office updates to the statutory guidance mean that police officers no longer need to meet the high criminal standard of proof threshold in order to apply for a stalking protection order, instead evidence which reaches the lower civil standard will be accepted by courts. And while there is more to do, awareness and campaigns are making a difference for victims of stalking, and fueling change in the future.

Living with a chronic illness: a patient’s perspective

From processing a diagnosis to an uncertain future, managing life with a chronic illness is a challenge. But here, our expert columnist Nikita Thakrar shares her own lived experience, and highlights some of the tools that have supported her on that journey

Iwas a fit, healthy, and ambitious 26-year-old when I got diagnosed with an incurable illness. The initial health scare, followed by a series of medical tests and, eventually, major surgery, led me through a mysterious sequence of events. I recall feeling as though my whole world had been turned upside down during this time, as I was at the peak of my career, yet my aspirations were now sidelined. The biggest fear I faced was not knowing what I was dealing with, and later when I was diagnosed, the uncertainty of my future.

I will never forget the day that the doctor told me the name of my rare disease. I naively asked for a leaflet with more information, but there wasn’t one, and they urged me not to Google the condition. I ignored the advice and when I did some research, I read that life expectancy from the time of diagnosis was a maximum of five years.

It wasn’t instant, but after the initial shock and grief, I made a conscious decision that if I did only have five years to live, then I would

do so with maximum impact. I was determined to live life to the fullest and leave a legacy.

Today, 12 years on, I am thriving in all areas of my personal and professional life. Once I crossed that five-year mark, I felt empowered to take my health into my own hands, and subsequently started a unique healing journey. Alongside medication, here are some of the most valuable tools that have supported me:

A POSITIVE MINDSET

We hear about the importance of positive thinking, but in my situation, this really was a game changer. With a background in Natural Language Processing (NLP), I paid attention to my thought and language patterns, and actively worked on reprogramming them. Even if there were days when I was afraid, upset, or feeling sorry for myself, I would make the effort to compassionately challenge negative thoughts, using positive self-talk and reframing methods. Perceiving my situation

Nikita is a multifaceted teacher, mentor, and coach, combining transformative modalities to support people to find their life purpose. Visit the Therapy Directory for more.

differently allowed me to see the bigger picture, and be grateful for my blessings, rather than emphasising my problems.

EMPHASIS ON WHAT I CAN CONTROL

Gratitude shapes our mindset, and by being aware of this every day, it starts to become ingrained into our subconscious minds. For example, when I go to a hospital appointment, I tell myself how lucky I am to have access to medical experts. Whenever I take my medication, I feel thankful for the pills that manage my symptoms.

Adopting a positive frame of mind also initiates behavioural changes, i.e. if I go through a flare-up, I take this as a reminder to slow down, or my body’s way

NIKITA THAKRAR

Portrait

of telling me to re-prioritise and do things differently.

HOLISTIC THERAPIES

I found Reiki healing by serendipity, and have explored this alongside other healing techniques. Working with energy has been invaluable to support my chronic illness over the past decade. I believe that understanding the mind-body connection and the role of energy healing has enabled me to regulate my symptoms and side-effects. Having a daily selfcare practice is a vital part of my regime, and on days that I miss it, I notice that I often end up having

negative side-effects and less resilience.

Energy healing has contributed to my positive outlook, pain management, and increased energy levels. Today I have a very social and diverse lifestyle, and I put this down to my combination of tools and techniques that I draw from as coping mechanisms.

YOGA AND MEDITATION

Finally, the physical, mental, and emotional health benefits I have gained from yoga postures have contributed to my flexibility, range of motion, and joint health, making daily activities easier.

DISCLAIMER:

All views expressed in this article are from a patient’s perspective, and should not be taken as medical advice. Please consult your doctor before making any lifestyle changes.

Yoga helps me to manage pain by promoting relaxation, improving blood flow, and supporting muscles. I have been able to build strength and stamina, in a way that doesn’t fatigue me, while improving my overall wellbeing. On the days that I practise yoga, deep breathing, and meditation, I notice a significant difference in the quality of my sleep, allowing me to feel refreshed and ready to take on the day.

Overall, the combination of nurturing a positive mindset, accompanied by energy healing and yoga with meditation, has had a profound impact on how I cope with my condition. There are still days where I feel low and have fears, but having these tools have given me a sense of control. They have also taught me to ignite self-compassion and acceptance towards my situation.

Every person’s journey with chronic illness is unique, but I hope that if you’re looking for tools to complement support from your doctor or medical professionals, these are a few ideas that might spark your interest.

Since my diagnosis, I have developed faith, and I now draw on the belief that everything happens for our greater good. I enjoy sharing my story with others, to inspire and uplift them, as imparting my experiences gives me a great sense of purpose.

Roasted vegetable grain bowl

A meat-free family favourite!

Writing | Huguette Lelong

One of my favourite dishes that goes a long way towards helping us get our share of vegetables is a recipe from my daughter Ines, who became a vegetarian for ethical reasons. This staple on our table is both nutritious and delicious: a beautiful roasted vegetable grain bowl. While it does require a bit of preparation, the beauty of it is that you can batch-cook additional portions to keep it in the fridge for meals later in the week.

Make your own roasted vegetable grain bowl

Preparation: 15 minutes

Cooking time: 40–45 minutes

Total time: 55–60 minutes

Ingredients

• 2 cups mixed vegetables (e.g. sweet peppers, courgettes, cherry tomatoes, carrots, red onions)

• 3 tbsp olive oil

• Pepper to taste

• 1 tsp ground cumin

• 1 tsp paprika

• 1 cup bulgur (or preferred grain/ pulse, e.g lentils, couscous, rice)

• 2 cups vegetable stock

• 1 medium onion or leek, finely chopped

• 1 lemon (juice and zest)

• 1/2 preserved lemon, chopped

• Fresh herbs (mint, parsley, basil)

Optional:

• Baby spinach leaves.

• Handful of crushed walnuts.

• 1–2 tbsp of harissa.

Nutrition facts (approx. per serving):

Protein: 8–10 grams.

Carbohydrates: 40–45 grams.

Method

• Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C).

• Prepare the roasted vegetables by washing and chopping them into bite-sized pieces.

• In a large mixing bowl, toss the vegetables with olive oil, pepper, cumin, and paprika.

• Spread the vegetables evenly on a baking sheet and roast in the preheated oven for 20–25 minutes, or until tender and slightly caramelised. Set aside.

• Next, prepare the grain/pulse base. In a saucepan, heat olive oil over medium heat.

• Add the bulgur (or chosen grain/pulse) and fry until golden and fragrant (3–4 minutes).

• If you’ve decided to give it a hot kick, stir in the harissa and cook for another minute.

• Gradually add the vegetable stock, stirring constantly.

• Reduce the heat to low, cover, and simmer for 15–20 minutes.

• Stir in the chopped onion or leek, lemon juice, preserved lemon, and pepper.

• Continue cooking until the grain/pulse is fully cooked.

• Turn off the heat and gently fold in the roasted vegetables, lemon zest, and fresh herbs. If using spinach, add it here and let it wilt slightly.

Fat: 10–12 grams. Fibre: 8–10 grams.

Serve

• Divide the roasted vegetable grain mixture among serving bowls.

• Garnish with additional fresh herbs and crushed walnuts if desired.

• Serve hot or at room temperature.

The healthy bit

Roasted vegetables are always a great choice; they are so nutrient-dense and fibre-packed! Remember, vegetables are versatile and can be prepared in different ways. They are packed with nutrients such as vitamins A, C, and K, as well as minerals like potassium, magnesium, and folate, which we need to support our overall health such as our immune system, bones, and heart health. The fibres in vegetables help to regulate digestion, and promote satiety. If you have constipation, add fibres and plenty of water to your diet.

For those who like a bit of spice, the harissa (known as the ‘soul of the kitchen’) gets its heat from the capsaicin, found in chilli peppers, which may help reduce inflammation and rev up metabolism. It also contains garlic, an immune-system booster. Warning: avoid if you

have a sensitive stomach, acid reflux, heartburn, or if you are on a low FODMAP diet.

The preserved lemons add a unique tangy depth to dishes, and what’s worth mentioning is that the fermentation process involved in preserving lemons makes them a nice source of probiotics, and beneficial bacteria essential for gut health.

What’s helpful is you can always batch cook more vegetables to use in salads, or an omelette for the following days. These recipes are quick, versatile, and perfect for using up leftovers! For a salad, simply add the veg to some mixed greens (spinach, rocket, lettuce), nuts and seeds, a dressing, and add a protein such as a boiled egg. With the omelette, add the veg to some whisked eggs, any herbs or flavourings you want, and cook over a medium heat to your liking.

The grain/pulse base is fantastic for blood sugar regulation. It is rich in fibre and the complex carbohydrates are slow to digest. This prevents insulin spikes as the release of glucose into the bloodstream is gradual.

Huguette Lelong is a nutritional therapist and a foodie specialising in weight loss, digestive issues, and energy levels. Visit the Nutritionist Resource.

“You can knock me down, but I get up twice as strong

LEWIS HAMILTON

Photograph | Cottonbro Studio

5 ESSENTIAL TIPS FOR A PILATES BEGINNER

Enter the world of Pilates and reap the wellbeing benefits with these invaluable insights

Writing | Gemma Folkard

Pilates is definitely a hot topic right now, with PureGym’s global report on the top fitness trends for 2024 citing ‘Wall Pilates’ seeing a staggering 4,461% rise in searches. And, as exciting and tempting as it can be to get stuck in, it can often feel overwhelming starting anything new.

But, rest assured, you don’t need to feel worried, Pilates is generally considered a slower workout with detailed cues, which not only helps you master the practice, but also provides an opportunity to find body awareness through more mindful movement. Most of us could do with a little less cortisol running through our bodies, so as much as the practice can be challenging, you should feel relaxed and grounded afterwards.

Ready to give it a try? Here are five top tips to help you get started.

1. Find the Pilates teacher and class that suits you – and don’t be afraid to switch.

There are many different styles of Pilates these days, so if one class doesn’t suit you, there’s nothing to stop you from trying another. The principles of the practice will still remain, but the style may vary. From classical to contemporary, to reformer and equipment, odds are something will click.

This is also true with choosing your teacher. The right teacher not only instructs, but also motivates and inspires. Pilates can be challenging, and having a supportive instructor can make a significant difference in your >>>

motivation levels. A good teacher creates a positive, encouraging environment that makes students feel comfortable pushing their limits and exploring new movements. A skilled teacher will also be able to modify moves to suit you and your body.

2. Master the basics first Starting with fundamental movements is crucial in Pilates. Focus on learning key principles like proper alignment, engagement from the centre, and breathing properly. Understanding the basics will help you perform exercises more effectively and safely. It’s important to find a certified teacher that you connect with, so you feel comfortable and confident. Ask questions after class, or even take private sessions, to ensure you’re moving in the best way possible.

3. Consistency and commitment are key Regular practice is essential to gain the full benefits of Pilates, including improved flexibility, posture, muscle tone, and mental wellbeing. Your first class might not be exactly what you thought – maybe it felt too hard, too easy, or too slow, and that is OK. But give it a chance, there’s lots to learn. That being said, you must enjoy any exercise you do to have the motivation to continue and commit. Just because something is popular doesn’t mean you have to do it! So, if you try it out and feel it’s not for you, that’s OK too. For those who do want to get into a regular Pilates practice, aim to attend classes two to three times per week, and be patient with your progress. As Pilates focuses on the quality of

movement rather than quantity, it’s important to concentrate on performing each exercise with precision. Over time, consistent practice will help you develop a stronger, more toned body, and a deeper understanding of your physical capabilities.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others. It’s tempting to look around the room in any fitness class and see the strongest, most flexible people, but it’s important to consider factors such as metabolism, muscle composition, lifestyle, age,

general health – and even how long they’ve been taking classes for. By comparing yourself to others, you might set unrealistic expectations for your own journey, which could dampen your motivation. Instead, focus on your own goals and what you personally enjoy about exercise, as this is much more beneficial and motivating than measuring yourself against someone else.

Experienced Pilates students may know the names of the exercises and how to perform them, but there is always room to learn and go deeper into the practice. Everyone will be on their own journey, and generally Pilates classes are extremely welcoming with a diverse group of people all progressing at their own pace. Working to your own individual needs and goals is encouraged, as it enhances selfawareness and your mind-body connection.

5. Listen to your body Pilates is designed to work with your body’s capabilities, so it’s important to listen to its cues and avoid pushing into pain. If you feel any discomfort beyond typical muscle fatigue, adjust your posture, scale back the intensity, or speak to your instructor for modifications.

Awareness of your body’s limits and strengths is key in Pilates. This awareness helps prevent injuries, and ensures a positive and productive workout experience. As you become more attuned to your body’s needs, you’ll be able to tailor Pilates workouts to better suit your fitness goals.

Simply carving out time for exercise that lowers your stress levels yet invigorates your body will have multiple benefits for

your day-to-day habits. Whether it’s feeling calmer, or stronger and more capable in everyday tasks, consistent Pilates can help get you there. With modifications to suit everybody, no matter what season of life you’re in, it’s a practice to last a lifetime. So why not start now?

Gemma Folkard is the founder of popular pilates platform and community Shape Pilates. Visit shape-pilates.com to find out more.

How to look after your memory with food

Learn

how to take care of your brain health now, alongside ways

to protect it for the future

Writing | Elizabeth Bennett

Whether it’s feeling sharp day-to-day, or protecting our precious memories as we age, brain health is front of mind for many of us. From getting a balanced plate to eating a rainbow of fresh produce, these are some of the ways you can look after your memory with the meals you eat.

UNDERSTAND THE GUT-BRAIN AXIS

You only have to think about the phrase ‘gut feeling’ to grasp the idea that our brains and our stomachs are intrinsically linked. “Research is beginning to understand the role that gut health has to play in reducing systemic inflammation, which also appears to have a role to play in the development of long-term cognitive decline,” registered dietitian Fiona Brannigan says.

Eating a nourishing and wellrounded diet is essential in terms of keeping our gut and brain, and therefore memory, in good shape. “By focusing on consuming a diet which is high in fibre, low in saturated fats, and reducing our consumption of processed foods, we can help minimise issues with

not only our brain but our overall long-term health,” Fiona adds.

EMBRACE A MEDITERRANEAN APPROACH

Fiona highlights how dietary philosophies such as the Mediterranean diet and MIND diet (Mediterranean-DASH intervention for neurogenerative delay – a diet that aims to reduce dementia and the decline in brain health) are useful to consider. “These diets have gained interest in recent times as potential dietary mechanisms for improving cognitive health. And while research in this area is ongoing, it is a sensible approach to take due to its far-reaching benefits for overall health,” Fiona explains.

A Mediterranean diet is based around whole grains, fruits, vegetables, pulses, beans, nuts, and seeds with minimal red meat (twice a week at most). This way of eating also encourages two weekly portions of oily fish rich in omega-3 (such as salmon, sardines, or mackerel), and eating fat from unsaturated sources such as seeds, nuts, olives, oily fish, and avocados.

DON’T SKIP CARBOHYDRATES

Carbs don’t always get the best rep in our culture, but they are an essential building block of our diet, and crucial when it comes to our memory and overall brain health. “When considering how to improve our memory in the short-term it is important to remember that our brain requires approximately 120–130g glucose per day,” Fiona advises.

We get this glucose from consuming complex carbohydrates like oats, lentils, wholegrain rice and pasta, legumes, and some vegetables –and Fiona suggests eating some at every meal.

FORGET SO-CALLED ‘SUPERFOODS’

There aren’t many months that pass without another food being heralded as a health hero, and while some ingredients certainly have potent benefits, the key is actually eating a big variety.

“There is no one specific food which will boost your memory. Blueberries, leafy green vegetables, and curcumin (found in turmeric), green tea, and oily fish have all been studied

to determine if they help with cognitive decline, but at present the research is inconclusive,” Fiona explains.

PACK YOUR PLATE WITH COLOUR

Foods rich in flavonoids, polyphenols, and fibre, will all help nourish your body and mind both in the long and shortterm. The best way to access flavones, polyphenols, and fibre is by increasing your intake of vegetables and fruits – the more colourful the mix, the better. Five a day is a good start, but in more recent years, advice suggests aiming for 30 plants a week. “Herbs and spices contain flavonoids and polyphenols, as do tea, coffee, and dark chocolate,” Fiona adds.

UP YOUR HYDRATION

It’s not just about the food you eat, but also the water you drink. “Water maintains proper circulation, delivering essential nutrients and flushing out toxins. Being adequately hydrated helps with creating new neurons, the maintenance of existing ones, and the communication pathways between them, as well as improving short-term memory,” Fiona shares.

She points out that we require 35mls fluid/kg as adults up until 65 years of age, and after that 30mls/ kg, which works out as aiming for eight cups of liquid per day. While water itself is one thing, it’s also good to remember that we can get hydration through fruit and vegetables, as well as hot beverages such as herbal teas.

Fiona Brannigan is a private dietitian specialising in the care of older adults. Reach out to her on the Nutritionist Resource.

Happiful recommends

From an outdoor mindfulness activity to a lesson in supporting others with grief, enjoy these 10 wellbeing recommendations for you to try this month

Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird

1

PAGE-TURNERS

The Art of Crying by Pepita Sandwich

We know the benefits of expressing ourselves when we’re upset and having a good cry, but how much do we actually know about the history and science behind it? Pepita Sandwich shines a light on crying by delving into its healing power through creative illustration. (Out now, £16.99)

2

OUT AND ABOUT

Plane-spotting

3 4

ACT OF KINDNESS

Name one thing that you like about yourself

You are a remarkable human, but now you need to start believing it for yourself. Dedicate a few moments each day to really think about what you admire about yourself, and say it out loud. We know this is challenging, but over time, you’ll start to believe in the amazing qualities in yourself that everyone else already sees.

LEND US YOUR EARS

‘Meet Me at the Museum’

Going to a museum is great, but have you ever been to a museum with a celebrity and their mum? Art Fund (the UK’s national charity for art) have eight seasons of a one of a kind podcast that invites us to be a fly on the wall for famous faces as they take a trip to their favourite museum with their nearest and dearest. (Available on all podcast platforms)

Do you ever wonder why people are so fascinated by watching planes soar above? Aside from being a hobby for plane enthusiasts, it’s an activity that can help you switch off and provide therapeutic relief from the daily hustle and bustle. Head to your nearest viewing location, pack a picnic, and watch as the planes soar above.

5

PLUGGED-IN

Jenni

Jenni is a disabled model, content creator, and public speaker who uses her platform to inform, educate, and support. As an advocate for those living with chronic illnesses, she shares helpful tips and advice to help manage the challenges of living with a long-term health condition, and uses her feed to promote awareness. (Follow @chronicallyjenni on Instagram)

7

TECH TIP-OFFS

Go Jauntley

LESSON LEARNED

Learn how to support others with grief

We all want to be there for our loved ones when they’re grieving, but the complex nature of grief means it can be difficult to know how to show our support. To help us feel more prepared, the charity Sue Ryder has published tutorial videos created by bereavement experts. (Visit sueryder.org for Grief Kind classes)

9

SQUARE EYES

Madu

Bored of the usual walks? We hear you, and so has Go Jauntley. This go-to walking app has searched high and low to find adventurous and exciting new nature-filled walking routes local to you. And if you’re someone who likes to set the bar high, you can choose from a selection of walking challenges to keep you on your toes. (Available on app store and Google Play)

8

GET GOING

Slow running

They say slow and steady wins the race, and this is certainly the case for ‘slow running’. The idea behind this movement trend is to run at a pace that feels right for you, which you can sustain more comfortably. This allows you to still reap the benefits without over exhausting yourself, helping you to recover faster and increase your endurance in the long-term.

You might remember Anthony Madu from a 2020 viral video capturing his phenomenal dancing in the streets of Lagos. Now, you can watch as his journey as he leaves Nigeria to pursue his dream of becoming a ballet dancer. Courageous and inspiring, this film is the reminder we need to chase our dreams. (Available on Disney+)

6 10

TREAT YOURSELF

Houseplant Care Cards

Raise your hand if you’re a proud houseplant parent! As remarkable as plants are, they can sometimes be stubborn, so a bit of friendly guidance from plant-loving company Another Studio on how to nurture them can go a long way. This stunning pack of cards contains helpful tips and advice for growing happy plants. (£15, www.another-studio.com)

WIN A PACK OF HOUSEPLANT CARE CARDS

For your chance to win, simply email your answer to the following question to competitions@happiful.com

Which plant is most commonly associated with relaxation?

a) Peppermint

b) Cinnamon

c) Lavender

*Competition closes 31 August 2024. UK and Northern Ireland only. T&Cs apply. Good luck!

5 natural ways to boost your dopamine

Often called the ‘happy hormone’, here are some simple, natural ways to give yourself a positive mood boost

Writing | Rebecca Thair

As a chemical messenger in your brain, dopamine is a key hormone responsible for your mood, memory, and behaviour, and is particularly related to your brain’s ‘reward system’. Certain behaviours trigger the euphoric feeling associated with dopamine, which then encourages you to do more of that!

But, there are many reasons someone might struggle with low dopamine levels – from medical conditions like Parkinson’s disease and depression, to substance abuse, along with certain diets and medications. So, an awareness of some of the ways we can increase our dopamine levels naturally is always helpful when we need a boost.

GET SOME SUNLIGHT.

This can be particularly useful for anyone who experiences seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is believed to be linked to dopamine levels. Whether it’s going for a stroll, or simply sitting on a bench outside, enjoying some natural sunlight can give you a vitamin D and happy hormone boost.

EAT MORE PROTEIN.

An essential part of protein is an amino acid called tyrosine, which has been found to increase dopamine and cognitive ability, and which a 2019 study in Psychological Research reports is beneficial regardless of age. Sources of this to add into your diet include beans, wholegrains, and nuts, along with eggs, meat, and dairy products.

SUPPORT YOUR GUT.

They call it your second brain for a reason, with numerous studies backing up the gut-brain link, including one in Psychopharmacology which highlights how certain gut microbiota can support dopamine production. Taking probiotics is a great way to nurture the healthy and beneficial bacteria in your gut, which, in turn, can give you that mood boost reward. These can be in specific probiotic drinks or supplements, as well as being found in fermented foods such as yoghurt and kefir.

LISTEN TO MUSIC.

No doubt you have a certain song that instantly lifts your spirits, but did you know there could be a

Signs of low dopamine

• Insomnia

• Low energy

• Low libido

• Fatigue

• Lack of motivation

scientific reason behind why? A study in the journal PNAS found a causal link between dopamine levels and music, so turning up the volume could be a moodbooster to note.

HAVE A COLD SHOWER.

A quick blast of cold water can be a great way to regulate your mood, with studies, including one from 2023 in the journal Biology, revealing that cold water immersion releases numerous neurotransmitters including dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, so a real cocktail of feel-good hormones. And the good news is another study from the European Journal of Applied Physiology suggests it can increase dopamine by 250%! You can start feeling these benefits with a few seconds of cold water in the shower, building up to a few minutes if you feel comfortable.

Music to your ears

Can the songs of your youth be today’s wellbeing tools?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar

Think of your all-time favourite song, the one that instantly puts a smile on your face from the first note, gets you singing along, and holds a special meaning for you. Now, when did you first hear that song? According to a study published in the journal Music and Science, it’s likely that your answer to that question is when you were a teenager.

Looking at the presence of the ‘musical reminiscence bump’ in a group of 470 adults between the ages of 18 and 82 years old, study participants were shown the titles and artists of 111 pop songs that had been in the charts between 1950 and 2015, and were asked to provide ratings. What the researchers found was that across the participants, music that was in the charts during their adolescence was rated as more familiar, and was also associated with more autobiographical memories – with the ‘musical reminisce bump’ peaking at the age of 14.

That said, for some participants, the music with the strongest reaction didn’t always line up with the music topping the charts when they were young – but was still the music they listened to at that age, highlighting how the personal relationship we have with certain songs comes into play. Additionally, we may also have a reaction to music we don’t particularly like, but which we heard during those years, and so may be associated with specific events such as our school years, parties, and gatherings.

Neural nostalgia – memories and feelings prompted by nostalgia, often with the assistance of music – can be a healing and supportive experience, and it’s a tool many are able to tap into. So, what is it about music that makes it so powerful, and can we be deliberate about using it to support our wellbeing? Jonathan Falcone is a psychotherapist with an interest in music, and he knows first-hand how impactful it can be.

“My relationship with music is a deeply enmeshed one; I consider

music to be part of me,” he says. “As a child, my father was always playing guitar, and my childhood household usually had music on in the background. Music was the greatest gift my household gave me. All I wanted to do as a teenager was to be in a band, so I was lucky to have had nearly a decade as a musician and songwriter on independent and major record labels globally, before retraining to become a psychotherapist. For me, music is a constant companion that unlocks emotional reflection, either when writing music or listening to it. It’s also a powerful grounding and regulating force for me.”

As Jonathan sees it, music supports him in a number of ways. He says it helps him self-regulate, comparing it to a return to lullabies. Other times, a specific song might articulate a feeling that he might find himself repressing in some way, and he also points to listening to vigorous music while exercising, which helps to release feel-good >>>

endorphins, as well as process emotions.

“Through a transactional analysis lens, I see music as often occupying the function of some form of free child ego state, or permissive, nurturing parent ego state – which gives us the permission to helpfully internalise and process feelings we may be refusing to acknowledge as part of us,” Jonathan says, reflecting on why he believes music can have such a powerful effect. “I worked with someone who was a great fan of the band Oasis. When we explored this in greater depth, what came forward was the client’s desire for friendship and unity in a world that they felt was inherently hostile. It helped the client to open up about all these feelings and beliefs they were holding.

“Similarly, I love anecdotal stories about people who listen to death metal being incredibly calm in person, because they have a space where they can be immersed in their ‘not-calm’ feelings, and then leave them there. In that way, it’s incredibly powerful and helpful.”

That personal connection to music, as found in the study that looked at the song charts, is key. And Jonathan points to another study, published in the journal PLOS ONE, which found that listening to sad music when you’re feeling down doesn’t make

The phrase ‘a song saved my life’ may be cliché, but I’m sure it’s also true for many people

you feel worse, and instead could actually improve your mood due to the way it can provoke other feelings – namely nostalgia.

“I would encourage anyone who wants to use music to support their mental health to go for it, and explore what it is that music does for them,” says Jonathan. “It’s more tools in the toolbox for healthy emotional reflection, regulation, and expression. I like the idea of music as a companion. Can music articulate something for you that feels satisfying in some way, a sense of calm or excitement or motivation, or time away from feelings of isolation? The phrase ‘a song saved my life/got me through hard times’ may be cliché, but I’m sure it’s also true for many people.

“Can it be part of your social life in a way that helps you to develop a healthy support network? If you

play an instrument, can you give yourself permission to play it just for the purpose of playing, to be curious and see where you end up? I believe that the way that people can use music to support their wellbeing is individual and needs exploration. There is, of course, the chance to use music therapeutically as well, by working with a music therapist, or just bringing music into therapy, if the therapist and client agree to do so.”

It’s an easily accessible way of nurturing your wellbeing, and something you can put to the test right away. You could recreate the music chart study for yourself, listening through some top hits and noting down the thoughts, feelings, and memories that come up as you go. Or you could make your ultimate feel-good playlist, or collaborate with a friend to create something that reminds you of all the special times you’ve spent together. Whatever it may be, the effect of music can be truly profound. All it takes to start is pressing play.

Jonathan Falcone is a psychotherapist with an interest in music. Find out more on the Counselling Directory.

How to get started with passive income

The nine-to-five isn’t for everybody and, thankfully, the workplace is changing. With many of us struggling with a traditional work setting, could passive income be the key?

Writing | Jenna Farmer

Nowadays, there might be more awareness of chronic illness, neurodivergence, and mental health conditions, but many individuals with one (or more) of these still find their workplace setup far from ideal. This might be due to an unsupportive employer, e.g. 39% of neurodivergent people feel they can’t speak to their boss about workplace challenges, according to a 2023 survey by instaprint. Or because they just don’t have the capability to work full-time hours, as 3.7 million people in the UK have work-limiting conditions.

While passive income isn’t about to make you a millionaire overnight, it can offer a real alternative for these people, or anyone who needs to work around commitments like existing health challenges. But what is it?

Put simply, passive income is a move away from the formula of hours worked = money paid. Instead, you spend time and energy in the creation and setup, with an ongoing reward or payoff after the ‘active’ work is done.

And, with the trading allowance allowing you to earn up to

£1,000 from side hustles or selfemployment tax-free, you have a little breathing space to try it out before stressing about HMRC paperwork (although it’s worth chatting to an accountant if you’re unsure of the rules).

Be warned: the term ‘passive’ can be a bit misleading, since you will have to do some work, whether creating something from scratch or promoting it on social media.

“The passive or semi-passive income model simply means selling one to many instead of one to one, so you are not constrained by the number of hours in the day,” says Sunday Times bestselling author and money expert Lisa Johnson, who’s made 90% of her income through passive/semipassive streams, and teaches others how to do the same.

The key to passive income is finding something you’re passionate about. For many of us, work gives us a sense of purpose and pride, so combining a creative outlet with a business can be the perfect combo. After all, there’s no point starting a passive income business if it will cause you stress or bore you to tears!

Teaching others through creating a course.

Passionate about pottery? Buzzing about baking? Why not teach others something you’re knowledgeable about by creating an online course? This is a simple way to get going, and it’s not something you necessarily need qualifications for.

“The first thing that I tell everyone to remember when they are looking to create a course is simply this: your knowledge is not common knowledge. I guarantee, there is not one person in the world who isn’t an expert in something. And remember that the definition of an expert is simply the person who knows the most about a particular subject in an average-sized room!” says Lisa Johnson.

Creating a course can be on any topic, and the first step is to find your tribe on social media.

“To sell anything, you need an audience, and this is where the work needs to be done at the start. Being consistent and persistent is key, but remember, consistency is not the same as constantly. Work out who your average client is, and then tailor everything you do to them,” she adds.

Set up an Etsy store.

You can sell anything on Etsy – from handmade items to digital printables – so if there’s something you love to make, why not sell it?

“Setting up an Etsy shop is super easy and the upfront costs are very low, so it’s a low-risk way to try passive income,” says SarahJane Lewis, an Etsy seller who also works with others to help them grow on the platform. “For example, it’s a $15 fee to open your account. Provided you set up your shop correctly, have a product that is handmade, or ideally personalised, and learn about SEO, you can do well. It

can take three to six months for those sales to arrive, but you can speed this up the more promotion you do; I made £1,000 in my first month. What’s great is Etsy has a huge variety of products, too. I sell personalised prints, greeting cards, and sweet gift boxes.”

Start a blog.

Blogging, or any kind of writing, can be a great creative outlet, as well as a way to help you process your thoughts. So, if you enjoy writing, why not take it to the next level? “Publishing a blog is a great way to create a community around your interests,” says travel blogger and email marketing

expert Kirsty Bartholomew. But how does it translate into money? “Recommending products you have enjoyed and tried is one of the simplest ways to monetise it, and you don’t need a huge audience. Simply sign up for affiliate programmes for your favourite brands, and you can earn a commission when anyone buys through your link,” she adds. Affiliate marketing isn’t the only way, as sites like Google AdSense allow you to make money from advertising every time someone visits your site.

Write a book.

Self-publishing means you can put your ideas or stories into words and sell with minimal upfront costs. Creating an ebook has never been easier. There are many free tools, like Canva, that allow you to design your book, and sell it for free on places like etsy, payhip, or even Amazon. Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) allows you to self-publish your book (even in print) in 10 countries, and can pay you royalties of up to 70%. “KDP gives everyone an opportunity to create simple planners and journals with no upfront running costs. It means you can build a passive income around your current commitments,” says Claire Clarke, a self-publishing consultant. Passive income isn’t always an overnight success, and it’s important to research your options to make sure you’re prepared for the financial and time commitments. However, with proper planning and research, it can allow you to combine your passion with profits!

Life lessons FROM DOGS

MOVE A LITTLE EVERY DAY

It’s all about the little things

SOMETIMES, ALL YOUR NEED IS SOME FRESH AIR

Live in the moment

Chase your dreams Stay

FOLLOW

Love unconditionally

Set boundaries

Take 5

Put those thinking caps on and carve out some quiet time to enjoy this issue’s puzzling fun

Spot the difference

Eagle eyes at the ready! Can you identify seven differences between these two images?

Anagrams

Unscramble the letters to reveal famous landmarks from around the world

SENDER HYPES AYOOU

WOLFIE REFET

JAM ALATH

JUNTO MUFI

ANT AFTER GLOW AH CHILE

OLA OSPHRETIC

WOOSIER FLEAN PA TING

ANGRY CANDON

or bear? MAN

What does this viral conversation tell us about society and safety?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

Would you rather be stuck in the woods and come across a man or a bear?

It’s a scenario that shot to viral fame after the question asked in a TikTok video sparked global debate. The general consensus? Most women would choose the bear. In a street interview posted to the TikTok account @screenshothq, seven out of the eight women in the video said they would pick the bear as the safer option, with the video gaining more than 14 million views.

The debate led to further discussion on women’s safety and the way they navigate the world. But some women who spoke about choosing the bear on social media also faced backlash and, in some cases, threats of harm. Carley Symes is a humanistic integrative counsellor who followed the debate.

“I was sad, but I wasn’t surprised,” she says, reflecting on the explosive trend. “As a woman myself, as well as a therapist who works with women, I am fully aware of the ongoing sense of vulnerability that comes up when women think of spending time alone with men, especially a stranger.

“Because this debate isn’t really a question of man or bear, it speaks

to the knee-jerk reaction, the gut response, and the quick appraisal of the stranger walking towards you in the dark side of the street, whose face is hidden in shadows. This isn’t about a man who could help, an ally, someone you can see and will walk on by without much interaction, or shoot you a quick smile that reassures you. This is about the collective experiences of women at the hands of men, that have gathered over a lifetime of feeling threatened.”

As Carley sees it, the ‘man or bear’ debate is a question of are you afraid of the unknown man who shouted at you as you walked home alone, or the one who followed you in the dark, or touched you without consent? And are you afraid enough to not want to be stuck with him?

“As I have seen it explained, the debate boils down to this: A man is seen as presenting multiple risk factors, whereas a bear is seen as presenting only one; would you rather be sexually assaulted and killed, or just killed?” Carley says.

“Again, this has been a knee-jerk response that many may change if given time to sit and fully weigh the details, though many may

not. But our quick responses are based not on logic, but our primal instincts for survival and to avoid pain and suffering. It seems, for many women, the more real threat is men.”

Carley points to the UN Women UK investigation published in 2021, which found that 97% of women in the UK, aged 18 to 24, had experienced sexual harassment in a public place. Plus, according to the National

Our quick responses are based not on logic, but on our primal instincts for survival

Police Chief’s Council, a woman is killed by a man every three days in the UK, and domestic abuse makes up 18% of all recorded crimes in England and Wales. It’s likely that the online ‘man or bear’ debate is reflective of the real-world culture and threats women face, and highlights a fundamental problem in our society. But are there any positives at all to take from the trend? Carley thinks there can be.

“Rather than respond with anger, we could get curious, and become compassionate,” she says. “Women who are picking bear over man are not saying they think men are unlovable people without the capacity for empathy, agency, and growth like everyone else – many of them are saying they just cannot risk it within the context of this question; when it comes to a stranger the risk of unpredictability feels too high.”

Carley Symes is a counsellor who works with self-esteem issues and highly sensitive people. Learn more on the Counselling Directory

And it’s not just women who are impacted by the culture that surrounds the debate, men may also find it isolating and threatening, with hypermasculinity often highlighted as a component in poor mental health among men –and, of course, they can also be the victims of violence. But, as Carley explains, ‘man or bear’ can be used as an opportunity to face up to this, and to strive to make changes in behaviour that could lead to a safer environment for all.

Ultimately, though, the debate is just a snapshot of a far greater problem, and it’s worth bearing in mind that the conversation blew up online because it was relatable, but also because it was divisive.

“Everything gets condensed down within social media clips to 30 seconds,” Carley says. “This is a great example of a complex topic boiled down to a polarised question – it’s deliberately divisive to encourage views, and funnelled out through the algorithm thanks to a huge amount of angry engagement.”

However, asking yourself this question and taking a step back to think about your reaction, can still be an interesting exercise. You may agree with the general line, or have a completely different perspective, but by exploring whatever comes up with curiosity, you could unlock some self-knowledge, and an interest in making a change in the world around us.

9 quick tips for starting your day better with chronic illness

When you have a chronic illness, the hurdles to starting the day can be difficult to navigate. Here, we’re exploring quick, simple tips for making that transition smoother

Writing | Susan Adair

Living with chronic illness presents unique challenges that can affect every aspect of daily life, including how we start our mornings. For individuals managing chronic conditions or invisible illnesses, beginning the day with energy and positivity can feel like an uphill battle. However, by implementing practical strategies and embracing the importance of routine, it’s possible to start each day on a positive note, setting the stage for improved wellbeing and productivity.

Routine plays a pivotal role in managing chronic illness, providing structure and predictability in an otherwise unpredictable situation. Establishing a consistent morning routine not only helps streamline tasks, but also promotes a sense of stability and control. So, whether you’re dealing with chronic pain, fatigue, or other health challenges, try adopting some of these mindful morning habits, and see if they can make a significant difference in how you navigate your day.

1. PLAN YOUR WEEK

Managing chronic illness requires careful prioritisation of tasks and activities. Start by dividing your week into categories: essential tasks that must be completed; and those that can wait. This approach helps you allocate your limited energy more effectively. Consider using tools like planners or mobile apps to organise your schedule, and set realistic goals for each day.

2. PREPARE THE NIGHT BEFORE

Minimise morning stress and conserve energy by preparing the night before where you can. Lay out your clothes, pack your bag, and gather any necessary medications or supplies. Preparing in advance eliminates the need to make decisions when you’re already fatigued in the morning, allowing you to start your day with greater ease.

3. MAINTAIN A CONSISTENT BEDTIME ROUTINE

Establishing a regular sleep schedule is essential for managing chronic illness. Aim to go to bed

at the same time every night and follow a relaxing bedtime routine to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down. Avoid stimulating activities like scrolling through your phone or watching TV in bed, as these can disrupt your sleep patterns.

4. EMBRACE FLEXIBLE START TIMES

Recognise that your energy levels may fluctuate throughout the day, and it’s OK to adjust your routine accordingly. If you find that you have more energy in the afternoons or evenings, consider scheduling your most demanding tasks during those times. Listen to your body and prioritise activities when you’re feeling most capable of tackling them.

5. STREAMLINE YOUR MORNING ROUTINE

On days when you must get up early, streamline your morning routine to conserve energy. Opt for a quick and easy-to-follow routine that focuses on essential tasks such as personal hygiene and breakfast preparation.

Consider using time-saving products, or simplifying your grooming routine to minimise stress and fatigue.

6.

PRIORITISE HYDRATION

Rehydrating in the morning is essential for overall health and wellbeing, especially when managing chronic conditions. Keep a water bottle by your bedside, and also drink water throughout the day to prevent dehydration. Herbal teas and

infused water can add variety to your hydration routine, and make staying hydrated more enjoyable.

7. TAKE YOUR MEDICATION

Consistently taking your prescribed medications is vital for managing chronic illness and preventing symptom flareups. If doing so is something you are likely to forget, incorporate medication administration into your daily routine, whether it’s part of your morning ritual or tied

to specific activities like meals. Use pill organisers or smartphone reminders to help you stay on track with your medication regimen.

8. REST

Rest plays a vital role in managing chronic illness and promoting overall health and wellbeing. By listening to your body’s signals and prioritising rest when experiencing pain or stiffness, you can effectively manage your symptoms and improve your quality of life. So, if you can, sleep a little longer if that’s what your body is telling you.

9.

SLEEP HYGIENE

Incorporating good sleep hygiene practices into your nightly routine can have a profound impact on how you start your day when living with a chronic illness. By establishing consistent sleep schedules, creating a relaxing bedtime routine, optimising your sleep environment, and avoiding stimulants, you can improve your energy levels, mental clarity, mood, and symptom management. Prioritising sleep hygiene as part of your overall approach to managing your health and well-being should be something that you are practising daily. Remember, small changes can lead to significant improvements in how you feel each morning.

10 steps to foster a curious mind and nurture a more inquisitive life

Writing | Lara Green

Having a curious nature can open many doors in life. When we ask questions, research, learn, and connect, we invite new experiences and perspectives into our lives, nurturing a journey of self-discovery and intellectual growth along the way.

In life, a curious mindset can lead us to new experiences and skills. In relationships, it can form closer bonds. And at work, it can foster innovation as we connect with fresh ideas and information.

Proving the point are some of the brightest minds in history. Albert Einstein once famously said: “I’ve no special talent, I am only passionately curious.”

Voltaire said to “judge a man by his questions, rather than his answers”, while Canadian author Danielle LaPorte said: “If knowledge is power, then curiosity is the muscle.”

What are the benefits of curiosity?

For those with anxiety, the idea of opening yourself up to the unknown might seem unrealistic, or daunting. However, it’s worth exploring as it’s actually been found to be a method to lower levels of anxiety. A 2021 study in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine suggests that viewing the worry cycle as a habit, and applying techniques like mindfulness, allows people to respond with something more rewarding, like curious awareness rather than anxiety.

Numerous other benefits have been noted, too, including higher levels of positive emotions, and

greater psychological wellbeing. One study published in Neuron found that when participants were curious about a fact, they were 30% more likely to recall it, corresponding to heightened activity in areas of the brain that release dopamine. Another showed curiosity can increase our patience and enjoyment of tasks, while a third published in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes found that it increases creativity and the linking of ideas.

The key takeaway is this: when we get curious about things we like, we feel good, grow, learn, and form connections. Intrigued?

What hinders curiosity?

The essence of curiosity is being open to the fact that we don’t know everything. So, at times, it may feel like displaying curiosity might come with ridicule from others, or societal pressure that to show an interest in a subject suddenly means you have to be an expert in it or you’re a fraud – especially if you’re looking to pursue a new hobby. A fear of failure, or negative experiences, when it comes to learning something new can also be barriers to curiosity.

And while it’s easy to stay in a familiar space where questions aren’t asked, these spaces foster conformity rather than curiosity, and rarely present an opportunity to grow. The classic saying ‘The magic happens when you step outside of your comfort zone,’ is wholly appropriate in this sense – with curiosity as the conduit to help us take that leap.

A way to challenge any barriers you might feel is to accept the risk of sometimes getting it wrong. Remember that nobody is the fountain of all knowledge. Sometimes you might be right, sometimes you won’t, and that’s OK. By releasing that fear, you can dive straight into the heart of curiosity, and approach things with a sense of openness and intrigue.

10 ways to foster curiosity

A good place to start is to think about what you love and what you’d like to know more about. Then form daily habits that encourage questions and actions. Use our tip list below to embark on your own journey of curiosity. Cultivating curiosity is an ongoing process, but by nurturing your inquisitive nature, even when faced with challenges or setbacks, you can reap huge rewards. It’s not just about finding answers –it’s about embracing the endless possibilities that will come your way along the journey.

1. Ask questions ‘Why?’ ‘How?’ ‘What if…?’ These questions are the very seeds of curiosity and can be the link we need to fuel creativity and innovation. Don’t be afraid to ask the small – and big – questions. The answer might surprise, interest, or compel you to discover more.

2. Embrace something new

Rather than shying away from what you don’t know, try embracing it instead. Whether it’s an idea, challenge, or new >>>

encounter, approach it with an open mind, and see where it might take you. Curiosity thrives in uncertainty, and could present an opportunity for discovery where you least expect it.

3. Be open-minded

By being receptive to new ideas and perspectives, you’ll likely find your curiosity starts to flourish. Letting go of the need to be right, listening intently, and embracing an open mind (without forming a response or judgement) can help us flex that curiosity muscle, and challenge our own ideas, beliefs, and views.

4. Follow your passions

Curiosity thrives in spaces we care about. Whether it’s a hobby, skill, or activity, immersing ourselves in the things we love can serve as a springboard to dive deeper into curiosity. And the deeper we dive, the more there is to learn and uncover!

5. Take a creative approach

Creative activities like painting, photography, music, art, cooking, and travel can set us on a wonderful path to explore new ideas and approaches. Commit to experimenting and see where it might take you.

6. Don’t be scared of setbacks

Curiosity might feel a little challenging at times, but it’s important to recognise that it isn’t about a quest for perfection. Setbacks are in fact a huge part of the learning process. You might not get the answer you want. It might take five attempts

to bake that brilliant loaf of bread. Or perhaps you haven’t quite connected with that person you imagined would become a friend. Framing these setbacks as valuable lessons can propel you forward on your journey of discovery.

Rather than shying away from what you don't know, try embracing it instead *

7. Connect with others

Curiosity thrives in collaboration, and presents a direct way to learn from others. Surround yourself with curious minds who inspire, challenge, and motivate you. Curiosity can lead you to wonderful mentors in life, providing an outlet for meaningful conversations, sharing ideas, and learning from each other.

8. Get curious about familiar things

The things we use in our daily lives can hold stories all of their own: the ceramicist who crafted the mug you drink your morning coffee from; the way the garden looks as dusk descends; or the joy

you derive from that morning yoga routine. Taking the time to examine familiar objects or routines from new angles can be really rewarding.

9. Allow your curiosity to guide you

When something piques your interest, follow it. Learning about the things that spark something inside of us is instantly engaging, colourful, and rewarding. Wondering what a yoga retreat in Goa looks like? Who are the most powerful women in business? Or what you could learn from a one-day pottery class? Dive right into that rabbit hole!

10. Stay curious

As with anything in life, if you practise it enough, it grows stronger. Making a conscious effort to stay curious through things that stimulate the mind can be hugely rewarding. Reading, watching documentaries, and researching can all enhance curiosity. But the real gains can be found when we step outside the front door. Walking, watching the seasons change, wandering through the local library, or simply sitting in a café and watching the world go by. These actions ignite ponderous thoughts, reconnect us to the world, and stimulate curiosity in a way that a screen simply can’t.

Lara Green is a writer, recipe creator and sourdough bread teacher. Follow her on Instagram @_fromthegreenkitchen

Where to find help

Looking for support with your mental health?

Here are some places that can help:

CRISIS SUPPORT

If you are in crisis and are concerned for your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E

Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email them at jo@samaritans.org

GENERAL LISTENING LINES

SANEline

SANEline offers support and information from 4pm–10pm: 0300 304 7000

Mind

Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk

Switchboard

Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: 0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt

WORK WITH A NUTRITIONIST

Why not…

• Pass me on to a friend who might appreciate some articles.

• Get crafty and use me for a vision board or collage.

• Keep me on a coffee table to pick up when you need a boost

• Remember I’m 100% recyclable, so pop me in your recycling bin.

For support groups, helpful information, and community, visit cisfauk.org p24

Learn more about nutrition, connect with a professional, and create a plan using nutritionist-resource.org.uk

GRIEF AND BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT

To find support for grief and bereavement, head to cruse.org.uk or call it’s helpline on 0808 808 1677

INFORMATION ON CHRONIC ILLNESS

Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC® label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We work hard to achieve the highest possible editorial standards, however if you would like to pass on your feedback or have a complaint about Happiful, please email us at feedback@happiful.com. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building B, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.