Happiful January 2018

Hea l thy Ideas t hat Chang e the Wor ld

CHANGE YOUR LIFE IN

90 DAYS

Turn Big Dreams Into Reality

Learn to Hypnotise Yourself

Jan 2018 / £4

JASMINE

HEMSLEY 'Cooking Helped Me Cope With Emotions'

!

Mental Health Myths

373000 772514 9

Face To Face With TV's Most Daring Presenter

happiful.com | £4.00

01

Debunked

TRUST THE MAGIC OF NEW BEGINNINGS Now is the 󰇴erfe󰈛t time to refle󰈛t on 󰇬ow fa󰇶 󰈠ou’ve 󰈛o󰈩e an󰈧 conside󰇶 what 󰈩ore 󰈂o󰇻 󰇭󰈜ve to offer t󰇬e world. Set intentio󰈡s, b󰇶e󰇧the 󰈧ee󰇵, an󰈧 e󰈩b󰇶󰈜ce t󰇬e 󰇩l󰈜n󰈬 canv󰇧s t󰇭󰈜t 󰈛o󰈩es 󰇿ith t󰇬e 󰈡ew 󰈂ear.

Life LESSONS

January 2018

The Uplift

January 2018

6 NEWS

Are we happier after Brexit?

The 9 THE Uplift WELLBEING WRAP

A quick review of this month’s good news

Features 16 ANNA RICHARDSON

69 69 16

The daring TV presenter on her mental health issues, and bringing therapy to the masses

Features

16

24 ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS! 16 RICHARDSON JoinANNA the Happiful 90 Day Challenge and make

42 ESTHER RANTZEN

34 MENTAL HEALTH MYTHS 24common ACHIEVE YOUR 50 mental health GOALS! misconceptions,

51 MONEY MATTERS 42 RANTZEN Our ESTHER mental health is priceless, but what happens

34 MENTAL HEALTH MYTHS

51 MONEY MATTERS

The TV presenter on her mental health yourdaring New Year’s resolutions become reality issues, and bringing therapy to the masses

Joinhow the Happiful 90 Day Challenge and make and to shut them down your New Year’s resolutions become reality

66

50 common mental health misconceptions, and how to shut them down

Childline’s founder on the “loneliness epidemic”, self-esteem, and the importance of more funding

Childline’s founderinto on the “loneliness epidemic”, when we stumble a cashflow crisis? self-esteem, and the importance of more funding

Life Stories Our mental health is priceless, but what happens when we stumble into a cashflow crisis?

56 JAMIE

An autism diagnosis allowed him to address his eating-disorder and find family support

Life Stories

66

56 63 JAMIE NAOMI

An autism allowed Opening updiagnosis about anxiety andhim of to address his eating-disorder androad find to self-harming helped her on the family support recovery

63 NAOMI 72 LOLA

Opening with up about anxietypartner, and of this Trapped an abusive self-harming helped on vulnerable the road to Youth MP now helpsher other recovery people

72 LOLA 76 PHOEBE

Trapped withdepression an abusivefor partner, Battled with manythis years Youth nowthe helps other vulnerable beforeMP finding inner strength to people reach out

63 63

76 80 PHOEBE SAM

Battled for many years Epilepsywith anddepression severe anxiety ruled his before finding the inner to of life, until he realised the strength importance reach out self-care

80 SAM

Epilepsy and severe anxiety ruled his life, until he realised the importance of self-care

6 NEWS Are we happier after Brexit?

10 THE EXPLAINER What is drunkorexia?

9 THE WELLBEING WRAP

A quick review of this month’s good news

Happiful Hacks 10 THE EXPLAINER What is drunkorexia?

14 WELLBEING CALENDAR

12 ways to tune yourself into 2018’s seasons

Happiful Hacks

22 TOO MUCH DRINKING?

How to talk about worrying drinking habits

14 WELLBEING CALENDAR 12 ways to tune yourself into 2018’s seasons 32 EMOTIONAL DECLUTTERING Filter your excess energy into positivity

22 TOO MUCH DRINKING? How to talk about worrying drinking habits 40 SELF-HYPNOSIS Hypnotise from the comfort of your home

32 EMOTIONAL DECLUTTERING Filter your excess energy into positivity 48 GYM MOTIVATION

Tips for maintaining a passion for working out

40 SELF-HYPNOSIS

Hypnotise from the comfort of your home

Sex &MOTIVATION Relationships 48 GYM

Tips for maintaining a passion for working out

60 GEORGINA CAMPBELL

Seven minutes with the BAFTA-winning actress

Sex & Relationships

69 THE ‘ON POINT’ PODCASTERS Meet the comedy duo reclaiming your sexuality

60 GEORGINA CAMPBELL

Seven minutes with the BAFTA-winning actress

Food & Drink 69 THE ‘ON POINT’ PODCASTERS Meet the comedy duo reclaiming your sexuality

58 FREE-FROM FOOD AWARDS

The innovative restaurants making the shortlist

Food & Drink

66 JASMINE HEMSLEY

The culinary queen fine-tuning the body and mind

58 FREE-FROM FOOD AWARDS The innovative restaurants making the shortlist 74 THE WHITE STUFF Putting plant-based milks to the test

66 JASMINE HEMSLEY The culinary queen fine-tuning the body and mind 78 MYTHBUSTER: PEANUT BUTTER Seriously, what are the health benefits?

74 THE WHITE STUFF

Putting plant-based milks to the test

78 MYTHBUSTER: PEANUT BUTTER Seriously, what are the health benefits?

OUR

TEAM

Introducing the professionals behind Happiful magazine who help to ensure we deliver the highest quality advice

EDITORIAL Jake Hamilton | Editor Rebecca Thair | Writer Kathryn Wheeler | Editorial Assistant Amy-Jean Burns | Art Designer

MUKCP

(Re

g),

M

CP MBA

FE ROBINSON Fe is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor.

Fe advises on our content.

cr

ed

BA CP

(Re g

)

), B AC PR

eg Ind

Fe Robinson | Expert Advisor

c (A

GRAEME ORR Graeme is a counsellor who specialises in relationships and advises on our life stories.

CONTRIBUTORS Gemma Calvert, Samantha Hearne, Fe Robinson, Jenny Cole, Ellen Hoggard, Becky Wright, Kat Nicholls, Maurice Richmond, Bonnie Evie Gifford, Jesper Mattias, Dani DiPirro, James, Lola, Sam, Naomi, Phoebe, Kitty Waters SPECIAL THANKS Emily Hargreaves, Alison Kerry, Jillian Levick, Lauren Richardson, Victoria Hartley-Wilson, Harriet Jackson, Lucy Cavendish, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Jo Ferguson, Emma Shearer, Noel Bell, Conner Sinclair

M

str

PR & MARKETING Maurice Richmond | Digital Marketing & PR maurice.richmond@happiful.com LP AN BA M

RACHEL COFFEY Rachel is a life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation.

P AC MB

LUCY CAVENDISH Lucy is an integrative counsellor and a regular contributor for The Times.

Matt Holman | Advisor matthew@happiful.com THE HAPPIFUL NETWORK Amie Sparrow | PR Manager Lauren Richardson | Digital Marketing & PR Assistant Carl Burton | Digital Brand Ambassador Ali Yates | Membership Marketing Ross East | Marketing Executive MANAGEMENT Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Steve White | Finance Director

CP

EXPERT PANEL

Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor

Ps MA PG Dip

UK ych

NOEL BELL Noel Bell focuses on personal growth and recovery from addiction.

DANI DIPIRRO Dani is the founder of positivelypresent.com and a contributor for The Huffington Post.

Happiful c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley Surrey, GU15 3YL Contact Us hello@happiful.com

This magazine is FSC certified. Please help us preserve our planet by recycling Happiful. Why not pass on your copy to a friend afterwards? Alternatively, please place it in a recycling bin.

Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC certified sources. The FSC label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values.

Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837.

Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

SUBSCRIBE Print

EDITOR’S

MESSAGE

We need to talk about people who don’t know what they’re talking about. People who say “mums with postnatal depression don’t love their babies” or “only middle class girls self-harm”.

We live in an age of wonders. We’ve sent space probes to explore the outer solar system and built particle colliders to discover the origins of life. But when it comes to exploring our mental health we stick our heads in the sand.

What are we afraid of? Who knows, but this fear breeds secrecy, and secrecy breeds ignorance.

£36

For 12 print issues!

Happiful delivered to your door before it hits the shelves. £6 donation to charity included.

Post and packaging included.

Exclusive offers.

Competitions and prize draws!

Ignorance happens to the best of us. I knew a great man who devoted his life to helping the poor and feeding the homeless. But he was sniffy about depression. “Depression is for the middle classes,” he liked to say. “The rest of us have an early start in the morning.” He was the local priest.

Digital

My point is, if ignorance exists in the most unlikely of places, it can exist anywhere.

In this issue we’ve listed 50 common misconceptions about mental health, and then debunked them. We hope it inspires others to do the same. Only by working together can we end the stigma. That’s a great goal for 2018.

FREE

Yes, completely free online!

Same great content as in print.

Happy New Year! (Let’s make it a good one.)

Exclusive offers.

Competitions!

Don’t forget to join us on social media, we love getting to know you!

Jake Hamilton Editor happiful.com

happifulhq

@happifulhq

@happiful_magazine

OUR PLEDGE For every tree we use to print this magazine, we will ensure two more are planted or grown.

Visit happiful.com

Positive news that transforms the world

Photography | Brooke Cagle

Positive ISSUES

SOCIETY

Are we really happier after Brexit?

Post-referendum England has reported a small but significant rise in public happiness and wellbeing – but it depends on who you’re asking RANKING HAPPINESS IN THE UK (0-10)

Brexit means... happiness?

Northern Ireland: 7.64 England: 7.52 Wales: 7.51 Scotland: 7.45

THE HAPPIEST PLACES Craven, North Yorkshire Orkney Mid-Suffolk

THE SADDEST PLACES Hertsmere, Hertfordshire Brentwood, Essex Glasgow

T

he statistics are in – and the “Remoaners” aren’t happy.

According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the first full year in post-referendum England has reported small, statistically significant increases in happiness, life satisfaction, and feelings that our lives are worthwhile.

Not so great news for those in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, where results remained flat.

The poll, taken between June 2016 and July 2017, put average life satisfaction among those polled at an all-time high since measuring personal wellbeing began, back in 2011. Overall the stats look promising: life satisfaction was reported at 7.7 out of 10, happiness was at 7.5, and a feeling that “life is worthwhile” at 7.9.

Given the public’s all-time low confidence in Brexit negotiations, could this be an indicator that our current political situation has very little influence on our personal happiness? Possibly.

While the ONS did not ask individuals to give the reasons behind their scores, speculation suggests that strong economic figures could be responsible.

Employment rates are at their highest since comparable records began in 1971, with unemployment at its lowest since 1975, and net national disposable income per head up. Things sound positive.

Unfortunately, real household disposable income per head has fallen for the fourth quarter in a row, with consumers reporting a worse financial situation between April to July 2017 for the first time in two years.

There’s more worry on the horizon.

The pound is down again, more than 10% against the dollar, and driving up the cost of living, thanks to the higher cost of importing goods.

Inflation reached 3% in September 2017, with expected further rises and a failure of average wages to keep pace, leading to six months (and counting) of negative real earnings.

The downside doesn’t end there.

Household debt has grown at almost five times the rate of growth of wages, levels unseen since the 2008 financial crisis.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, anxiety levels are on the rise again following a record low in 2015. So, why are we happier? Perhaps it’s the English ability to always look on the bright side of life. Bonnie Evie Gifford January 2018 • happiful • 7

The Uplift | News

Social media: it’s how we use it that counts

HEALTH

Fishermen offered free mental health services Finally, we’re addressing the mental challenges of working at sea TECH

Social media isn’t linked to poor mental health – study Surprising new research shows it’s all about how you’re spending your time This decade, two trends are on the rise: social media and the number of young people developing mental health problems. It’s too easy to link the two, but new research from the University of Central Florida, which looked into the way social media affects young people’s mental health, has yielded surprising results.

The study, led by Chloe Berryman, analysed the responses of 467 young people who were asked about the amount of time they spent using social media each day; its importance in their lives; and their habits online.

People were then questioned about their mental health, specifically about the level of social anxiety they experience; their relationship with their parents; and about their support structure.

The study found few links between social media usage and mental health problems such as loneliness, a decrease in empathy and social anxiety. “We propose that research focus on the behaviour of individuals, rather than assume media is the root cause of all sociopersonal problems,” said Berryman.

So, are fears about social media misplaced? Perhaps.

Considering the findings, Berryman said the results are “generally consistent with other studies which suggests that how people use social media is more critical than the actual time they spend online with regards to their mental health”. Kathryn Wheeler 8 • happiful • January 2018

In 2016, a service provided by Big White Wall – an anonymous online community that supports people who are experiencing mental health problems – was trailed for merchant navy personnel. A year on, the digital service has been extended to the entire UK fishing community.

Speaking of the decision, Peter Coulson, Seafarers Hospital Society (SHS) secretary, said fishermen openly talk about the physical challenges of working at sea, but rarely the mental challenges. “We recognise [it’s a problem] and we want to do something about it, which is why we’re extending the service to fishermen,” said Coulson. To date, Big White Wall has helped more than 40,000 people. The free, anonymous service can be accessed via the SHS website.

COMMUNITY

Volunteer police team praised for crisis work Essex Police’s mental health volunteer team has been shortlisted for the Special Constabulary Team award. The team’s 14 special constables spend their spare time staffing two mental health triage cars. In each car, a police officer and a mental health nurse are available to support those attending incidents where an individual may need immediate mental health support. Last year, from April to June, the team attended 723 incidents, and through professional assessment and appropriate handling, were able to prevent 144 people from being sectioned.

Positive ISSUES

The

wellbeing wrap Weird, wonderful and welcoming news

TIME TO RETHINK GYM FOR GIRLS A new study involving 250,000 secondary school pupils in England and Northern Ireland found just 8% of girls take one hour of physical exercise each day. The Youth Sport Trust and Women in Sport survey said 66% of girls were “less than keen” on PE lessons, and more than a third felt insecure, self-conscious about their bodies, and disliked competitive sports.

Croatia celebrates!

A mental health institution in Osijek has challenged its harsh government by successfully relocating 172 of its 200 “patients” back into the community, with carers available when needed. Staff also replaced the sign outside (“Home for the Insane”) with “Centre for People Like Us”.

Toddlers embrace wellbeing lessons Pre-schoolers in North Lanarkshire could be leading the way in our understanding of wellbeing with a new learning kit called The Wellbeing Wood. With cuddly toys, games, books and a handy rucksack, the project will roll-out to 300 nursery staff, children and parents to develop the importance of wellbeing in child development.

Horsing around improves wellbeing!

A new therapy in North Canterbury, New Zealand, is promoting positive mental health by working with horses. Salta Horses therapy retreat uses EAGAL (Equine-assisted Growth and Learning Association) methods to assist with recovery from trauma.

DOES SPANKING AFFECT OUR MENTAL HEALTH?

Cornwall gives boost to local communities Cornish residents are to create a wellbeing housing project aimed at improving local communities.

The Smartline partnership will install environmental sensors into 350 homes to measure air quality and power usage. Neighbours can “keep in touch with people” through technology and data, with the aim to improve residential wellbeing and connections.

Too much texting makes you anxious Constantly texting friends may help us deal with daily problems, but in the long run it could increase anxiety, says Dr Danielle Einstein, clinical psychologist at the University of Sydney.

Rather than firing-off WhatsApp messages, we should face our own problems, stop relying on other people for constant reassurance, and learn to live with life’s uncertainties.

6 Ways to Improve Mental Health at Work

The recent “Thriving at Work” study, which made headlines last year, revealed 300,000 people left their jobs due to mental health issues. What wasn’t reported are the report’s six core solutions: implement “mental health at work” plans; develop awareness; encourage conversations; provide better work conditions; promote effective management; and monitor employee wellbeing. Yes!

A new study in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect says spanking can lead adults to feel depressed, attempt suicide, or misuse alcohol or drugs. “Placing spanking in a similar category to physical/ emotional abuse would increase our understanding of these adult mental health problems,” the study said. Researchers also raised the burning question of whether spanking should be considered an adverse childhood experience, such as abuse, neglect and household dysfunction.

CHARITIES JOIN FORCES TO WARN TORIES

Twelve mental health bodies have sent an open letter to the government demanding more funding for mental health services. The letter accused the PM, Theresa May, of setting “unambitious” targets and called for increased budgets. The 12 signatories included the UK Council for Psychotherapy, the Mental Health Foundation and Young Minds.

The beach is best for beating stress More time spent on the beach, or in the countryside, is better for you than a trip to your city park, a new five-university study finds. Researchers said 30 minutes or more spent in rural areas or along the coast can improve your wellbeing. Lead author Dr Kayleigh Wyles added: “Time spent in nature can be beneficial to us, but we’re still exploring why.” Err, maybe it’s the fresh air?

January 2018 • happiful • 9

The Uplift | The Explainer

More and more people are skipping meals in favour of binge-drinking later in the day. This alarming new trend is now ‘prolific’ in the UK, so it’s time we talked about why we are practising self-starvation Writing | Samantha Hearne Illustration | Russ Tudor

H

ave you ever skipped a meal because you’re just too busy? Or stopped yourself eating certain foods at certain times of the day to prevent bloating? Or cancelled lunch plans because you’re on the town later that night?

Drunkorexia – a colloquial, nonmedical term to describe someone restricting food calories in the day (or purging their food) in order to make room for alcoholic drink calories later in the evening – sounds much scarier than it needs to be.

It’s a word that can be fuelled with judgement and negativity.

We don’t want that.

According to studies, drunkorexia affects 30% of women aged 18-23.

In other words, this is something so many people struggle with – without even knowing it. So it’s time to unpick this worrying new trend.

10 • happiful • January 2018

Drunkorexia has a two-pronged meaning: skipping meals to save our calories for a night out, and depriving ourselves of vital nutrients throughout the week so that we can binge on “treats” at the weekend.

Essentially, it’s working hard and playing even harder.

After work (which never quite ends when it should), she has things to do – go to the gym, do a food shop, pick up the kids from school, wash and blow dry her hair for tomorrow’s meeting. “I have no energy to cook dinner, I’ll just have a quick ready meal instead,” she tells herself.

So many of us live our lives on autopilot – rushing from WE ALL DO IT place to place, jumping Picture this person. of people from to-do list to to-do She wakes up at aged 25-34 have list, errand to errand, the crack of dawn, skipped food in deadline to deadline. jumps in the We never just... stop. shower, and then the day to save the Simple things like eating rushes to make it to calories for drinking healthily, or taking time to her morning meeting. later on actually unwind and take care “I’ll skip breakfast and of ourselves, are slipping so far just grab a coffee,” she down our priority list that we forget says. Her working day is manic; to do them, which means we spend surrounded by deadlines and endless the majority of our working week emails to answer. “I’ll grab a quick neglecting our health and nutritional sandwich and just eat it at my desk,” needs, and for what? A job deadline? she thinks.

40%

Trending UPDATE

Now, let’s talk about the weekend.

Even from waking up on a cold Monday morning, it can be so hard not to fantasise about the weekend and wish the days away.

We dream of that Saturday lie-in, that pyjama day, that social event, that birthday party, that special time So many of us live our lives on to relax and unwind.

Yet, when it comes to autopilot – rushing from place the weekend we get so fixated on cramming to place, errand to errand, in the fun that we feel deadline to deadline we should “make the most of it”. After all, we only get one full day before the Sunday blues. Who doesn’t say: “If I don’t do something with my weekend, it’s a waste!”

CHANGE THE MINDSET

Our weekend mindset leaves us almost feeling panicked into having more fun than we actually want to have. So now we are

drinking more, staying out later, burning the candle at both ends, and all just to say we’ve had a “fabulous” weekend when we go back to work on Monday.

With this in mind, I want to take a moment to think about why and how we ended up in this worrying cycle of modern day living.

When we go out partying (which is what our Friday or Saturday nights are all about, right?), do we ever stop to think about how we truly feel? Ask yourself: 1) Is getting drunk and binge drinking really making the most of your weekend?

2) Is the headache and the Sunday hangover in bed worth it?

3) Do you feel great afterwards?

4) Are you left feeling nervous about what you may have done the night before?

5) What did you actually achieve by having that extra shot at 3am?

Now, think of a weekend where you can just switch off. Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 11

The Uplift | The Explainer

Seriously, what a heavenly time you could have with a nice relaxing bath instead of a quick shower-changeand-out-the-door? Might you have a delicious dinner and relax, or is there no time – but just enough time to swig a third glass of wine to really get the night started?

RELAX & UNWIND You see, without even realising it, drunkorexia is far more common than we first thought. All told, it’s simply neglecting your health, your wellbeing and your welfare to ensure that we can get everything done on time, meet our daily deadlines and still manage to see all our friends and enjoy the weekend, like we always think we should.

Seriously, what a heavenly time you could have with a nice, relaxing bath instead of swigging a third glass of wine

How to make 5 positive changes Prepare your lunches on a Sunday evening so you have something yummy to eat every day at work.

Go outside for five minutes a day to give your brain some fresh air, and to leave your desk!

Meet your friends 30 minutes later at the weekend, so you can have some down time before the night begins.

This hectic lifestyle not only damages your health but will start to hinder your mental health too, as you are not allowing your mind and emotions to truly switch off, refocus, and reflect on how your day or week has been.

Being motivated, driven and ambitious are priceless attributes.

You should never dilute them.

However, everything in moderation!

Because of our new-found push for success and acceptance, it has created a lifestyle that, in the long term, isn’t sustainable for our health and mental wellbeing.

It can be hard to balance everything, to get everything done, to see everyone, to go to every event. But that doesn’t make you a failure or any less of a person for wanting a night in with your pyjamas. Your mind needs time to switch off and you need to give yourself some self-love – this will give you much more success and energy in the long term!

You want to be happy and healthy in all aspects of your life, and in all the areas you can’t physically see, like your digestion, mental health, nutritional needs, and your sleep and brain function.

Drunkorexia is a way of life, but it’s only a quick fix. Focus on you and your wellbeing. Think about the long game and ask yourself: “What can I change today to better enhance my life?”

Don’t plan anything for Sunday morning.

Just enjoy a few hours of your own time.

If you’re having a big night out, drink water in-between your rounds to keep hydrated.

12 • happiful • January 2018

Trending UPDATE

tick on s ets ale

now £37.5 !

0

now! p u n Sig

inc V AT

*

A unique event dedicated to the practice and benefits of mindfulness and meditation

70 EXPERT SPEAKERS INCLUDING:

TIM DUERDEN

VIDYAMALA BURCH

University of Salford

Breathworks

RICHARD BURNETT Mindfulness in School’s Project

LI V E S P I R FR O M I T RO CK !

JAMES BAR AZ

Awakening Joy & Spirit Rock Meditation Center, CA

ANNABELLE APSION The Rosen Method

SPONSORED BY

mindfullivingshow.com twitter.com/Mindful_show

www.facebook.com/MindfulShow

instagram.com/mindfullivingshow

enquiries@mindfullivingshow.com

*Price for one day only. Includes access to all seminars & workshops (subject to availability).

January 2018 • happiful • 13

Happiful Hack

12

MONTHLY GOALS

2018 Wellbeing

Calender

The new year will fly by more quickly than you anticipate. By planning these simple monthly tasks, you’ll be able to stay in touch with the seasons Writing | Dani DiPirro

January Openness

February Imagination

Be open to removing old habits by taking part in Dry January.

Take a week (or the whole month!) off from drinking, and see how it feels. Don’t drink?

Identify a habit you’re better off without and give that up.

Finding new experiences will feel refreshing.

Love finds itself in the spotlight. Use your imagination to express your love to someone close. Consider what they love doing most and express your feelings through that medium.

March Awareness International Women’s Day is here! Search online for inspiring women and follow their work to increase your awareness of the countless ways women positively impact the world.

May Spring Cleaning By now, spring is in full swing, making it an ideal time to dive into cleaning! Choose one area of your home, put on your most uplifting tunes, and clean out the old with passion!

14 • happiful • January 2018

April Gratitude As spring bursts forth, turn your attention to the gifts of the earth. Give thanks to our precious planet by visiting a park, planting a tree, or picking up a potted plant to bring the outdoors inside.

June Perspective In honour of International Yoga Day, give the ancient Indian practice a try – or attempt a new position if yoga is already part of your life. Yoga helps you see the world from a new perspective.

Life LESSONS

July Friendship Parents’ Day is 23 July, so celebrate your friendship by spending time, calling, or taking them out to dinner. If you don’t consider a parent a friend, celebrate the people in your life who offer friendship and support, much like a parent would.

August Patience Autumn will soon be upon us, making it a wonderful time to practice patience with deep breathing. Each day this month, begin the morning with a big breath in and a long breath out.

September Connection

October Focus

Connect to the outdoors by embracing the autumn season the way a child would – by jumping into a pile of leaves, gathering up beautiful foliage, or going apple-picking to celebrate the changing season.

As Halloween draws near, use October to focus on the spiritual realm (whatever that means to you!). Even if you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, focus your attention on an enlightening experience – by observing the stars, spending time with dear friends, or walking in nature.

November Compassion Prepare for the holiday season by putting compassion into action.

Reflect on those who had difficulties this year and offer to support them by donating your time, unneeded goods, or money.

December Transformation As the year comes to a close, make and reflect on two lists. Firstly, write down everything that’s changed this year. Secondly, make a list of things you’d like to change in the year to come.

Competition

We’re giving away FIVE copies of the wonderful, activity-focused diary Every Day Matters 2018. To win a FREE diary, send your name and your New Year’s resolution to: editorial@happiful.com Dani DiPirro is the founder of Positively Present.

Every Day Matters 2018 Diary (Watkins, Desk £12.99/Pocket £6.99).

Terms & conditions apply.

January 2018 • happiful • 15

THE NAKED

TRUTH ABOUT Anna Richardson TV presenter Anna Richardson is known for her daring documentaries and risky dating game shows, that tackle sex, body image, and social taboos. Off camera, however, she has battled a series of mental health issues, from anxiety and panic disorder to depression and agoraphobia. Now back in rude health, she’s on a mission to bring therapy to the masses. ‘It’s really important to know yourself,’ she tells Happiful. ‘It’s the 21st century!’

INTERVIEW | GEMMA CALVERT

O

n the Sunday before meeting Happiful, Anna Richardson was at home with her partner of four years, former Bake Off host and comedian Sue Perkins, discussing one of the most remarkable news reports of that weekend – plans for drag queens to visit primary schools to read stories to children in a bid to boost LGBTQ+ awareness.

“Sue and I were going, ‘Yep, I’d want my kid to go to that school!’” says Anna, 47. “I’d teach my children to be tolerant. I’m not a parent, but my gut reaction is that if my kid wanted to be Ziggy Stardust one day and Beyoncé the next, knock yourself out. I’m very open and accepting and easy around gender and sexuality.

I don’t tend to label people.”

That goes for herself too. Before getting together with Sue at a Halloween party in Devon in 2013, Anna was in a relationship with film director Charles Martin, her boyfriend of 18 years. Since going public with her love for Sue, she’s never attempted to categorise her sexuality.

“I’m not gay, I’m not straight, I’m not bi. I’m Anna and I happen to have fallen in love with somebody called Sue, who happens to be a woman,” she says in her gentle Midlands accent. “People think it’s about sex. It’s not about sex. It’s about the person.”

Anna, the daughter of retired RE teacher Janet, and father Jim, a canon in the Church of England, was raised in a household where tolerance ruled. The door of their family vicarage in the Staffordshire village of Abbots Bromley was, she says, “always open” to those needing support, irrespective of class, race or sexuality.

Anna has clearly inherited her parents’ openmindedness. She is deliciously frank when we meet in the rooftop bar at London’s Century Club. It’s the same frankness that makes her Channel 4 programmes so eminently watchable. In 2008, The Sex Education Show was aimed at improving the nation’s knowledge of sexual issues and, more recently, she has hosted the controversial dating game show Naked Attraction.

She’s also been willing to act as guinea pig in the name of journalism. For her Revenge Porn series, Anna uploaded naked photos of herself to the internet.

She also tried a variety of extreme diets for TV documentary Supersize vs Superskinny.

“I’m not afraid to talk about anything and I want to try to dispel any taboo,” she explains. “You shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about being vulnerable, so I’m OK

18 • happiful • January 2018

with nakedness and being mentally naked.” Although her parents were big on community compassion, Anna explains to Happiful that they lacked emotional depth. In her teenage years, in the aftermath of her parents’ divorce, Anna struggled to connect with mum Janet, who had been profoundly scarred by her own mother’s suicide when she was 19.

“I think because of that trauma she became emotionally stuck at 19,” says Anna. “When we were children, she was an amazing mother; but as a teenager I couldn’t get to [her]. Once, when I really needed a lot of emotional support, mum turned to me and very coldly said: ‘I will support you practically, but I will not support you emotionally’. I think that was a combination of ‘I can’t because I don’t know how to’ and ‘I won’t support you because why should you get it when I didn’t?’”

Last summer, Janet, now 74, had a mental breakdown at her Lake District home and was rushed to A&E. With no mental health specialist on duty (it was a bank holiday), Janet was prescribed valium and told to go back home. Anna, despairing and frantic, paid for a series of private therapy sessions to ensure her mum received treatment. She knew, from personal experience, there was no time to waste.

Anna believes she is genetically prone to mental health issues.

As well as her mum’s and her grandmother’s mental health histories, one of her brothers also suffers from OCD. She first sought therapy 15 years ago, following a horrifying incident at a hotel in Cannes where she was presenting for ITV. In the early hours of the morning, Anna awoke to find two men in her room, rummaging through her suitcases.

“I was terrified,” she recalls. “I just wanted to get out of that room.” What happened? “I went for them; they went for me. It was a scramble trying to get out of a very small hotel room.”

A month later, Anna – who also once had her house burgled while she was naked – began experiencing serious mental health problems.

“I suddenly became utterly overwhelmed by severe anxiety and panic disorder,” she says, describing the physical symptoms as a “thumping, beating heart, sweating, shaking and palpitations”. She also found it difficult to breathe, speak and sleep because of an overwhelming fear off the dark, and experienced flashbacks that pointed towards post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

“On a couple of occasions, I woke up in the middle of the night terrified and shouting: ‘Be careful, watch out!’ I was left severely shaken. I was also very fearful of being in crowded situations. I felt very vulnerable and found it very difficult to leave the house. Night, the darkness – everything frightened me. I thought I was going mad.”

I’m not gay, I’m not straight, I’m not bi.

I’m Anna and I happen to have fallen in love with somebody called Sue, who happens to be a woman

Anna’s doctor prescribed her antidepressants but when they made her symptoms worse, he recommended a course of anti-psychotic drugs, which she pooh-poohed: “Why the fuck would you give me those for anxiety?”

By the time a friend recommended a “brilliant” private psychotherapist, Anna’s agoraphobia was at a peak. “I was getting to the point where I couldn’t leave the house and couldn’t use the car,” she recalls. “One day, I rang [my psychotherapist] saying: ‘I can’t make it to see you because I can’t leave the house, I’m too shaky’.”

The therapist told her to leave the house, get in the car and drive herself to her appointment, because if she didn’t her world would “become smaller and smaller” and she would end up in a psychiatric ward. “She was being the strict parent that I needed,” says Anna.

As well as advising meditation, her psychotherapist used cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) to help Anna understand why she was experiencing anxiety and panic.

In addition, she tried cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to teach her how to break the negative cycle of thinking and behaviour.

Anna now swears by CAT. “Different things work for different people and, without question, CAT therapy works for me. Sometimes just talking about an event isn’t going to necessarily help you deal with it. I personally believe you need a toolkit to prevent future attacks.”

WHAT IS CAT THERAPY? Cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) combines ideas from analytic psychology and cognitive therapy. Through looking at past events and experiences, CAT aims to understand why someone thinks, feels or behaves the way that they do; then helps them develop new ways of coping.

Main images: Mindbox | Sue Perkins: Shutterstock.com | Featureflash Photo Agency

Typically lasting for 16 sessions, CAT relies on the formation of a trusting relationship between the individual and their counsellor. Together, they look at learned behaviours or beliefs from the individual’s past to see whether or not they may be contributing to any current difficulties, and to help them to focus on ways to make better choices in the future.

For more information, visit counselling-directory.org.uk Above: Anna’s partner of four years, comedian Sue Perkins. Right: With her beloved rescue dog, Tig

Anna no longer experiences panic disorder or agoraphobia, although she still refuses to use the London Underground. She manages her anxiety with ad hoc therapy sessions and a low dose of daily antidepressants which helps stabilise her perimenopausal hormonal fluctuations.

Her first actual anxiety attack happened when she was a 20-year-old undergraduate, immediately after she needed an emergency two-hour operation to treat a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy. Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 19

“That trauma [of that experience] left me with a very deep anxiety,” says Anna. “Throughout my 20s and 30s, if I ever became very stressed, I’d slip into panic attacks.”

What were her anxiety triggers?

“Anywhere I felt threatened,” she says. “Also, flying, lifts or enclosed spaces. After my second breakdown in Cannes I was very bad with cars, motorways and driving.

Anywhere where I couldn’t get out.”

Anna says her ectopic pregnancy generated a deeprooted fear of conception which led her to “consciously” delay trying to have a baby.

At the age of 37, she took a fertility test as part of The Sex Education Show and the results revealed she had an ovarian reserve of just 0.01%.

Anna discovered she was completely infertile.

“This was a head-mash for me. I couldn’t believe I’d missed that window,” she says. “Suddenly I felt out of control again and it was very difficult to get my head around. It knocked me for six. I got quite low and anxious.”

When asked if she experienced depression at this time, Anna nods.

“We know that anxiety and depression go hand in hand, so for me it’s been more about the anxiety disorder as opposed to being depressed, but I have had moments of depression – the ectopic pregnancy; being robbed in Cannes; being told I couldn’t have kids; splitting up with my boyfriend. Big life events have resulted in depression.”

Anna is a cocktail of buoyancy and vulnerability. Despite her mental health troubles, she describes herself as “emotionally robust”, “extremely comfortable” with herself and “attuned”, thanks to the years she invested in therapy.

Remarkably, Anna recently became a qualified cognitive hypnotherapist.

Her curiosity about the subconscious was sparked when filming Supersize vs Superskinny, where she was hypnotised by the celebrity therapist Marisa Peer to help her lose weight.

“I’ve always overeaten,” says Anna. “Marisa asked me to take her back to the first scene in my life where food became a problem for me and my mind went – zip! – all the way back to when I was four years old and my mum was taken into hospital to have my little brother. She had placenta previa so was gone for weeks and my dad fed me to comfort me. I then made the association between loss and love: food. Whether it’s drinking, smoking fags, taking drugs or overeating. There’s always an emotional trigger.”

Anna says she still battles with her relationship with food.

“I still struggle because in times of stress or temptation – booze, chocolate and food – but I know where it comes from, so if I need to, I can control it. Your subconscious mind is always much stronger.”

Armed with a “library of information”, Anna is now on a mission to get the public “more conversant” with our minds. It’s why she started MindBox, a mental health website offering 24-hour, affordable access to therapists.

She’s passionate about the project, and truly believes in the normalisation of therapy.

20 • happiful • January 2018

Anna: ‘I would, at some point, like to have a family’

You shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about being vulnerable. I’m OK with nakedness and being mentally naked

“We’re happy to pay for our hair, our nails and an amazing dinner on a Saturday night, but we [question] paying £120 to see a psychotherapist. It’s about changing the mindset. This is an investment in your health. It’s really important to know yourself. It’s the 21st century!”

Her partner Sue, 48, is also aware of Anna’s passion, and her anxiety triggers. Anna also understands that a non-cancerous tumour in Sue’s pituitary gland that was diagnosed nine years ago can make her partner overly emotional. But unlike Anna, Sue is more protective of her private life. When conversation turns to the possibility of the couple adopting, Anna prefaces her answer (“I can’t talk for what Sue wants”) before admitting a growing urge for motherhood.

“Now that I’m careering towards 50, I’m sad that I didn’t have my [own] children. It’s something I’m preoccupied with,” she says. “I would, at some point, like to have a family.”

HOW TO CHOOSE A HYPNOTHERAPIST Ask around for recommendations While you shouldn’t solely rely on someone else’s experience, it can be a good method to help you find a reliable hypnotherapist. If you know someone who has already undergone hypnotherapy, ask them about their experience.

Decide on the important factors Do you have a budget? Are you looking for someone who is close to home, or someone based near where you work? Do you have a specific time frame in mind? Be open and honest – your hypnotherapist can set your expectations about what is achievable.

Look for a specialist You have something specific that you’re looking for help with, so go with someone who specialises in that area. If they’ve worked in their field for some time, they’ll have a solid knowledge base of what is most likely to help you.

Make a connection Trust your initial reaction. Your connection is vital – it’s important you feel that your hypnotherapist understands you personally and cares about your well-being, as well as understanding what you want to achieve through hypnotherapy. Becky Wright

For more information, visit hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

Fellow Channel 4 presenter Kirstie Allsopp famously (or infamously) urged young women to be more aware of their biological clock, and to consider having babies before embarking on a career. Does Anna, who tried and failed to get pregnant using the fertility drug Clomid after she realised her fertility woes, agree with the TV property expert?

“I’m not sure I’d say: ‘Forget your education, go and knock out some kids’. Knowledge is power. Your job, your education and your independence are extremely important. However, you do have a window,” she says.

“If you want your family, try to find the time.”

For what it’s worth, Happiful reckons Anna would make an incredible mum. She’s completely loving, full of warmth, and wonderfully accepting of diversity.

She’s also blissfully in love.

For Anna, the night she got together with Sue in Devon was a “karmic” encounter.

“We stayed up until about 6am, flinging clothes off, partying. It was a fancy dress party, a crazy, amazing, hedonistic night where the planets aligned”.

Anna’s decision to leave her boyfriend of 18 years for a woman shocked some of her friends (“they thought I was taking the piss”). Did she ever question entering a same-sex relationship?

“Of course!” she says. “But it really felt like something I had to do.”

Tellingly, Anna says she’s never encountered negativity from the British public. “People have been wonderfully open and accepting. That’s why I love the UK – it is incredibly tolerant.”

At their home in north London, Sue’s GBBO credentials are not going to waste. Sue takes charge of kitchen duties and wakes early to walk their rescue dog, Tig, allowing Anna a lie in. It sounds blissful. “She’s incredibly nurturing,” says Anna, smiling. “She brings me a cup of tea in bed. It’s brilliant!”

Anna does her fair share of domestic duties too, namely picking up after “messy as hell” Sue. It’s impossible not to chuckle when Anna describes the hazards of a night visit to the loo. “Sue drops her pants and socks on the floor – it’s like a slalom, I trip up on the knickers!” she says. “I do all the picking up, all the laundry and tidying away.”

As for her most risky TV show, Anna says that “God willing” Naked Attraction will return for a third series.

She’s not quite ready to quit television for a full-time career in hypnotherapy, but she does hope to reach as many people as possible through MindBox. Having survived her darkest days, Anna now says she’s learned one of life’s greatest lessons.

Which is?

“That I’m safe,” she says. “My biggest fear, which is where my anxiety comes from, is that I’m not safe. Now I know that my emotional safety is down to me.”

To find out more, visit mind-box.co.uk January 2018 • happiful • 21

Happiful Hack

7

PRACTICAL PROMPTS

Talk to a friend about

Their Drinking

Approaching someone you love about their drinking habits can be daunting, but showing your concern sooner rather than later could make a huge difference Writing | Jenny Cole

A

ccording to Alcohol Concern, 7% of adults in England regularly drink more than the Chief Medical Officer’s low-risk guidelines suggest, and 2.5 million people report drinking more than 14 units on their heaviest drinking days.

But when the culture of getting a bit tipsy is acceptable, it can be difficult to spot the signs that someone has gone from enjoying a few drinks to becoming dependent on alcohol. If your friend has problems controlling their drinking habits and it’s beginning to interfere with their career, relationships or their health, these tips can help you start a conversation:

Look for the Signs

Websites like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon and NHS Choices have a wealth of information, so you know what signs to look for. Once you have more knowledge about alcohol misuse, decide whether you feel your friend might have an issue needing treatment.

22 • happiful • January 2018

1

DO YOUR RESEARCH

2

Practise what you want to say

3

Choose the right moment

Before you say anything, it’s important to do some research to satisfy yourself that your friend does have a problem.

Websites like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon and NHS Choices have a wealth of information, so you know what signs to look for. Once you have more knowledge about alcohol misuse, decide whether you feel they might have an issue needing treatment. If in doubt, offer them help – it’s better to discuss it sooner so that your friend can seek support and begin recovery.

Speaking to a loved one about their drinking won’t be easy. They may become angry, defensive or upset with you for bringing it up, so you need to feel confident and calm when you have the discussion. It can be useful to practise what you want to say with another friend first, and write down your key points. Gather a few facts together, such as how excessive drinking can increase the likelihood of developing cancers of the mouth, throat, stomach and liver, to back up your concerns.

Avoid broaching the subject when your friend is under the influence of alcohol. Find a time when you’re both feeling calm and not too emotional. It might help to go to a neutral location, such as a café or park. Being somewhere relatively peaceful will give you the chance to discuss the issue in a reasoned and non-threatening way. If you or your friend become too emotional, it’s probably best to leave it for the time being and try again when everyone is a little calmer.

Life LESSONS

4

Be honest

5

Use positive language

6

Be patient

7

Point them in the right direction

As hard as it is, honesty is the best policy. There isn’t going to be an easy way to tell them you think they have a problem with drink, so it’s best to be direct but sensitive. Dr Sheri Jacobson, psychotherapist and counsellor at Harley Therapy, says: “It can be humiliating to be told they may be drinking too much and their first response might be to be defensive and deny they have a problem. Show concern rather than disapproval and tell them you’re worried about their wellbeing.” If they can see you’re bringing up the issue out of genuine concern for their health, they’re more likely to listen.

Avoid using negativity, making judgements or placing labels such as “alcoholic” on them. Emphasise that you understand addiction is a disease and it can be treated. Using “I” and “me” can help communicate how their behaviour impacts on you and others. Encourage them to think about the effects alcohol is having on their life and how they feel about this.

There’s only so much you can do – understand that you cannot make your friend stop drinking; you can only offer support. They need to want to change their behaviour and this might take time. You might need to have the same conversation a number of times, which can be frustrating.

But it’s important not to get angry. Let them know you’re there if they want to talk.

As much as they need your support, it’s important to remember that you’re not a trained professional. If they’re receptive to the offer of support, help them to make an appointment with their GP or show them charities that offer support. Alcoholics Anonymous hold 4,487 meetings across the UK and their figures have emphasised that regular attendance at meetings, as well as having a home support group, is important to maintain sobriety. A massive 64% of members state they’ve been sober for two years, which should offer your friend hope that things can improve with the right treatment.

If you or your friend need further support, Drinkline provides a free, confidential helpline: 0300 123 1110.

Alternatively, your friend may benefit from speaking to a counsellor – visit counselling-directory.org.uk

January 2018 • happiful • 23

90-Day Challenge

24 • happiful • January 2018

Action PLAN I am so

ready for change!

THE 90 DAY HAPPIFUL CHALLENGE! New Year’s resolutions, eh? They barely survive past mid-January.

Well, not this year! We’re going to turn your dreams into reality.

Simply follow our 90 Day Challenge and you will achieve your personal goal. Still unsure? Happiful will join the challenge too.

We’re in this together now. Let’s make the change!

Writing | Samantha Hearne

Are you ready for a change?

Before we start, let’s remember that setting a goal for yourself will deliver three positives to your life: empowerment through what you can achieve; motivation in how you will get there; and determination – because now you’re aware of how much progress is possible.

So, let’s get cracking.

Goal setting is a way of growing, uplifting and developing yourself. It’s not about pressuring yourself to get something done, or ticking a box, or feeling deflated when you haven’t reached your destination. Think for a second about previous goals you’ve set yourself. Be honest with yourself. Now answer these five questions:

• • • • •

Was your goal real? Or was it just words you spouted on New Year’s Eve? Did the goal hold genuine and personal meaning for your life?

Were you able to visualise the end result every day?

Overall, how did the goal make you feel – excited or pressured?

Was it a new goal, or was it something you always see on your to-do list?

Think about these questions as we start to dig deeper into goal setting. After all, the objective here is to create a positive, lasting impact on your life.

Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 25

90-Day Challenge

THE FIRST 30 DAYS CHOOSING THE RIGHT GOAL Raring to go!

Before we create the right plan for you, it’s important to understand a few vital things about mapping your goal journey. A goal shouldn’t be something you can barely achieve in your current situation. Nobody can say: “I will own a cottage in the country and work from home” – because that’s too tall an order.

Instead, ask yourself: • • •

Is my goal realistic?

Have I set this goal before and never achieved it?

Can I make this goal happen in my current situation?

Your goal needs to be real and true to you. Don’t set yourself a goal on what you think you should be achieving, or how you think others would regard you as successful. Make sure your goal is personal in that it holds real meaning to your life. And remember, goal setting is a journey, and something that progresses over time.

But you’re not alone. Happiful is right there with you. We will be going on this journey together.

26 • happiful • January 2018

Action PLAN

Work out every day Eat salad for lunch See friends twice a week Read a book a month

‘I am going to start to eat healthier and take care of myself when work gets crazy.’

NEW HABITS How do you create a new habit, something that will stick, something that will lead you to achieving your goal? New habits can form in an instant – when we have the immediate drive and motivation to do it.

So, do any of these new habits resonate with you?

On 2 January, you do a big healthy food shop and start making fresh soups for your first week back at work. By February, however, you simply don’t have time to prepare fresh soup, so you buy them instead. Hey, it’s still soup, right?

‘I am going to join the gym and go twice a week.’

In early January you join a local gym while the New Year offers are still available. You tell yourself you’ll go twice a week after work. Yet, by early February your work schedule has become tiring, and the early dark nights means you’ve stopped going to the gym. You tell yourself you’ll pick it up again in March, but you don’t.

‘I am going to keep my car clean this year and really look after it.’

On New Year’s Day you give your car a major clean. It looks spotless! However, by February, you’ve got too many things on your plate and your car looks a mess. You’re back at square one.

Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 27

90-Day Challenge

THE 60 DAY CRUNCH Woop!

Nailing life!

FIVE COMMITMENTS YOU MUST KEEP How do we maintain new habits? That’s where the real effort comes in. When the going gets tough, these five realistic commitments will help you maintain your focus in February:

1 Get yourself an accountability buddy Determined to get fit?

Having someone to share your journey not only makes it more fun but also helps to keep you driven. If you book two gym classes with a friend each week, you are more likely to attend because you don’t want to let your friend down, nor do you want them to go and feel great without you!

Want to keep your car tidy?

Tell your neighbour and invite them to join you. When you next see their shiny clean car in the driveway, it will remind you to spend 10 minutes at the car wash after work!

Eager to eat healthily?

You and a work colleague can take alternate weeks to make lunch for each other and share the burden. This lightens the load and time commitment.

28 • happiful • January 2018

Action PLAN

along the way!

4 Celebrate Recognition and acknowledgement are important for

mini-goals 2 Set What can you do every month that will edge you

closer to your end goal? If you want to go the gym, set yourself a monthly target of going 10 times a month.

You won’t be filled with guilt if you miss a session on a certain week, and if you only went to the gym once this week, you can fit in an extra session the following week.

By creating mini-goals along the way, it will support you reaching your final destination. Mini-goals allow flexibility and the awareness that life may get in the way on occasions. But remember: don’t use this flexibility as a reason to “write off ” the week. Let your mini-goal fuel your desire. Mini-goals allow you to achieve what you want to set out to achieve.

fool yourself 3 Don’t Creating a new goal comes with its own challenges.

Nobody is perfect. You are going to struggle along the way, and your goal will seem harder on some days and nearly impossible on others. If that happens ask yourself: • • • •

Why did I set this goal?

Why do I want to achieve it?

Why now?

Why will it make a difference to my life?

Use your answers to lift you up on the hard days when you find yourself struggling. Let them be your true motivation. The more personal the goal, the bigger the benefit it will have on your life. The more emotion you feel when you visualise the end result, the more determined and focused you will become.

achieving goals, so reward yourself in a positive way.

Make a weekly list of the ways you are successfully working toward your goal. For instance, jot down things like: gone to the gym twice; made fresh soup; gone for a 20-minute walk; attended a language lesson; completed another chapter of my manuscript; called an extended family member; cleaned the car, saved £10 on shopping; drank green tea all week.

Remember to celebrate. Trust us, whatever your end goal is, celebrating the mini-goals is vital to reaching your final destination. We all enjoy praise and recognition in different ways, so make sure your “treat” is relevant for you – and make yourself feel good for the progress you have made.

You will start to associate your hard work and commitment with praise and success, and this will drive you to continue your journey. Also, bear in mind that maintaining your initial drive is the hard part. Having small rewards for yourself will heighten that drive factor and motivate you to continue doing what you are doing. Every small goal you reach will ultimately lead you to achieving your big goal.

the end result 5 Visualise From the very beginning, imagine yourself having achieved your 90-day goal. Visualise it. Keep the image fixed in your mind. Then ask yourself: • • • • • •

How does it feel?

What emotions show on my face?

What do my loved ones say?

How has my daily life changed?

What will I be like at work?

How will I celebrate?

These images and emotions should be embedded into your mind. Every day, spend time focusing on these mental images. Do it while brushing your teeth in the morning, on your journey to work, during your lunch break, in the bath, before bed – visualise as often as you can. Project your goal. If you see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand. Your thoughts will become your reality. Start to visualise the “you that you will become”. Feel the surging emotions of achieving your goal. This is your biggest motivator!

Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 29

90-Day Challenge

THE 90 DAY BARRIER Just keep going...

Here’s some wisdom from the ages: “Nothing changes until we change.” “Everybody thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing herself.” “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” These wise words are timeless because they are true. If you set yourself a new goal for 2018 but continue doing what you always do, then how can you reach your goal?

To achieve new things, you must be willing to do new things, and create new habits. This is how success is formed. Your new habits must be a help, not a hindrance, as you approach your goal. If you are starting to wobble in March, here are three simple habits that will definitely help you go the distance: 30 • happiful • January 2018

NEW HABITS WILL CREATE NEW GOALS

1 Get up 15 minutes earlier

If you want to prepare fresh lunches, to have time to eat breakfast, to feel less rushed in the mornings, to spend 10 minutes meditating, to jot down some creative notes, to make that early morning gym class – do the sensible thing and set your alarm back 15 minutes.

2 Set a daily intention

Each day should have purpose and direction. Whatever your end goal is, every day should take you that tiny bit closer to achieving success. Make each day count. Don’t let the days roll into weeks and then months; otherwise your goal will become a distant January daydream.

3 Create phone alerts

Remind yourself to go the gym, to call a friend, to wash the car. Prompt yourself with motivational quotes on your phone. Set yourself alert notifications to remind you to prepare your lunches. These reminders send a quick signal to your brain and give you an instant boost to refocus your needs. The more you listen to your “reminders”, the more they’ll become second nature.

Action PLAN

HAPPIFUL WILL JOIN YOU!

Yes, I can

As promised, we are going to be your accountability buddy and take the journey with you. In April, we will be back to talk about your achievements, how to keep the momentum, and how to build upon your success.

Remember, dear reader, this is a journey – not a destination.

You will be crawling at first, but then standing, and then running.

Happiful is with you every single step of the way. Make you goal personal, relatable and achievable.

Most of all, make it fun. Let’s make 2018 the best year yet.

HAPPIFUL TEAM GOALS

Samantha: I want to save up for a surprise holiday as a thank you to my husband.

Jake: I want to finish the final chapters of my manuscript.

Lauren: I want to learn how to cook proper meals, rather than just baking cakes.

Matt: I want to compete in a half-marathon in March.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL

We want to be honest. Some readers will stay the course and achieve their goals, and others will lose their way.

Why? Because it’s all in the mind.

People who achieve their goals keep them fixed in their thoughts. Everyone can do this. Positive or negative thinking – it’s up to you! Your mind is a muscle; the more you flex it, the better it becomes.

When you use your mind for positive, engaging, empowering thoughts it will want to work with you, not against you. Your mind will support you, give you confidence and fuel your success.

Have you ever noticed that when your day starts well, it usually ends well? But when your day starts with lousy traffic, or being late for a big meeting, your day rarely gets any better? The way you perceive a situation is what your brain will continue to give you in return.

Focus on how you want to feel, how you want your day to pan out, and what positives you can notice.

Doing this helps your mind achieve your goals, and allows your thoughts to work in your favour. Instead of bringing you down, your positive perceptions will lift you up!

Ellen: I want to devote more time to practising my calligraphy.

Amy-Jean: I want to learn Makaton language.

Maurice: I want to join a gym and get back to my ideal weight.

Samantha Hearne is a contributing writer, and the founder of A Happy Mind (ahappymind.co.uk). You can follow Sam on Instagram at: a.happy.mind

January 2018 • happiful • 31

Happiful Hack

6

MOTIVATING STEPS

EMOTIONAL

Decluttering

Bottling up your emotions can leave you feeling stuck in the past. But by addressing these feelings, you can put that suppressed energy into moving forwards with a more positive outlook on life Writing | Kitty Waters

32 • happiful • January 2018

Life LESSONS

D

ealing with our emotions and regularly getting rid of the unnecessary worries that trouble our minds is so important. This is called “emotional decluttering”, and is a great way to cleanse your mind. When emotions are suppressed, anxiety and depression can often follow, so it’s essential to clean up your thoughts for a fresh start.

Think of issues left unresolved as blocked energy that holds us back from living a happier, more fulfilled life. The more we work on ourselves, allow ourselves to feel and then let go of unwanted emotions, the more energy we have to create the lives we want. Here are some tips to change your life for the better, and emotionally declutter:

1

2

Picture this

Empower yourself by thinking about your ideal life. Would it involve a career change, embracing a passion, or doing something positive for society? By imaging where you want to get to, you can start to think about the steps it takes to get there.

Write it down

Note down all the aspects of your life now: your friends, your career, your love life, and any other areas that matter to you. Pay attention to how you feel about these aspects when you think about changing your life. Which areas do you feel you need to pay attention too?

For example, if you want to focus on your love life, but you know you haven’t got over your ex-partner yet, this is an area you’ll need to release the emotion around.

3

5

a new story

6

READ IT AGAIN

list the limits

From the process above, note down all the situations or areas you need to address. These are the things that are blocking or limiting you.

This step is essential to declutter your emotions.

You must dig deep and identify the areas you are stuck in. Putting them in writing helps you have a clear vision of the overall picture – and the work that needs to be done.

4

When emotions are suppressed, anxiety and depression can often follow

revisit

Once you’ve understood what might be limiting you from moving forwards, go into each scenario and really feel those emotions. If it’s about an ex-partner you’re not over, get a cup of tea and think about that person and how they made you feel. Often, we hold our feelings in, but for some, speaking to an expert can encourage this process. The trick here is to release the locked emotion.

Once you’ve addressed emotions that were holding you back, take the time to write the new story of how you want your life to look. You are your own best friend and advocate, so rely on yourself to define your future vision. With a clearer head, you’ll find the energy you used to use to create negative thoughts can be put to good use here.

Take simple, daily steps towards the new story to make it reality – no matter how small they might seem. Working on the story daily will give you confidence in it. Be nice to yourself along the way. It may take time, but you can get there in the end.

By reading your new story every day, you can continue to set goals for yourself in your quest of becoming who you want to be. When you have bad days, read your diary to remember how far you’ve come. An uncluttered mind can help you look to the future with optimism and hope.

Kitty is the host of the Kitty Talks podcast – visit kittytalks.com to hear more. If you’re looking to declutter your mind, talking to a life coach could help. Visit lifecoach-directory.org.uk January 2018 • happiful • 33

50 Myths Debunked

Common Misconceptions

Young People

Depression, Anxiety & Panic Attacks

Disorders

50

Mental Health Myths Debunked

You’ve heard them before – ‘People with mental health problems are weak’. ‘Only teenage girls self-harm’. ‘Mums with postnatal depression don’t love their babies’. Even today, these completely false claims can be heard throughout our society, and the negative effects can be devastating. It’s time to educate ourselves (and others) about mental health.

So, the next time you hear someone talking nonsense, you can correct them with facts.

Let’s smash the stigma once and for all

Ignorant Myths Writing | Jenny Cole & Jake Hamilton

34 • happiful • January 2018

Smashing STIGMAS

Mental illness is a sign of weakness

Addiction is simply a lack of willpower

A sprained ankle or broken leg isn’t a sign of weakness, and neither is mental illness. Mental health issues can affect people from all walks of life, at any age, regardless of personality or the ability to “handle” life’s problems.

Developing a mental health problem is not the fault of the person with the condition.

Addiction is classed as a chronic disease. It changes a person’s brain chemistry and therefore affects willpower, or self-control.

It makes it extremely difficult for a person to resist a substance because pleasure chemicals are released when it is used. If they stop using this substance they experience severe cravings and withdrawal symptoms.

People with a mental illness are violent Unfortunately, it’s often Hollywood and TV studios that lead people to believe this myth. In fact, those with a mental health problem are much more likely to be a victim of violence rather than a perpetrator. People without a mental illness commit the majority of violent crimes.

Bad parenting is to blame Mental illness is seldom caused by any one factor.

The latest research suggests mental health conditions can result from both biological and environmental causes.

Our genes, and cumulative life experience, affect how predisposed we are to mental illness, but it’s important to know that environment can have a huge positive influence when support and nurturing are available, for children and for adults too.

People should snap out of it!

You wouldn’t expect someone with a physical health condition to just “snap out of it”, and the same goes for people with mental health problems. However, with the correct treatment or medication, a lot of people can recover.

You never recover!

A lot of people can and do recover. There is a huge variety of treatments and approaches to help those suffering from a range of mental illnesses. Yes, some people will experience long-lasting conditions, but it’s possible to learn to manage these and still live a fulfilling life with the correct support.

People with a mental illness can’t hold down a job

Common Misconceptions

These myths run deep in society

The mental health stats are exaggerated Thankfully, people today are able to talk about their experiences more than in the past. Until very recently, the World Health Organisation estimated one in four people will experience a mental health problem.

However, a 2017 survey by the Mental Health Foundation found two-thirds of British adults had experienced a mental health problem.

You can get better through willpower Willpower isn’t a magic bullet.

You can’t beat cancer simply by being wilful and you need more than willpower to deal with mental health. Accessing a range of treatments such as therapy, medication, and support groups are the best routes to recovery. Researching what helps different conditions can also be useful – sometimes there is a lot you can do to help your recovery along while in treatment.

If someone has a mental illness, then it may stop them from working. However, the majority of people with mental health problems are able to work just as well as their colleagues. However, there is still discrimination when it comes to employing people with mental health issues.

Therapy is for people who don’t have good friends There’s a huge difference between talking to a friend and talking to a counsellor.

Counsellors receive specialist training to help you work through your problems in a suitable way. They also give you space to be open about things that you may not be able to talk about with your loved ones.

January 2018 • happiful • 35

50 Myths Debunked

Young People As usual, we’re not listening to our younger generation

Children aren’t old enough to know their gender identity By three, most children will begin to identify strongly with a particular gender, but others won’t conform to gender norms – and yet won’t necessarily grow-up to identify as transgender. It’s important to allow children to express their thoughts and feelings about their gender as they grow.

Eating disorders only happen to young middle class females Eating disorders can affect anyone, male or female, young or old, and across all cultural and socio-economic backgrounds.

Women, especially those going through transitions like adolescence and adulthood, are at a higher risk of developing an eating disorder, but they are not the only high-risk group.

36 • happiful • January 2018

Only boys have ADHD Boys are more than twice as likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than girls, but there is actually no difference between the two genders in having the condition. Because of this persistent “boy myth”, girls tend to be overlooked and therefore don’t get diagnosed as much.

Only teenage girls self-harm Young people are more likely to self-harm than older adults, but it definitely isn’t limited to teenage girls. Teenage boys, as well as older men and women, may also turn to self-harm as a way of coping with difficult feelings or situations.

Autistic children have special talents!

Dissociative Identity Disorder is when you have lots of different people in your head

Families often call this the Rain Man myth, after the Oscarwinning film. Not all autistic people will have a special ability, just like not all people with special abilities will be autistic. Research suggests that approximately one in 10 individuals will display this characteristic, so it is very much a minority.

Incorrectly called “split personality”, people with DID can demonstrate a number of separate identities (known as alters) but this is just a symptom of the root problem.

The disorder is caused by severe or complex trauma during childhood, and the person develops “alters” as a way of coping.

Autistic people don’t make eye contact Every autistic person is different. Some individuals will have no problem with eye contact. However, others can find it an incredibly stressful, or a highly sensory experience, which means they will often avoid it. Remember, eye contact alone is not a measure of comprehension of what is being said.

ADHD means you’re hyperactive!

There are three different types of ADHD: inattentive, hyperactiveimpulsive, and combination.

While some will display hyperactivity, others display inattentiveness – where individuals appear distracted or lack concentration skills. When people have several symptoms of each type, they have combined type of ADHD.

If a parent had schizophrenia you’ll have it too!

Genes have been found to play a role in schizophrenia – if one of your parents has the condition, you have a 10% chance of developing it. However, research shows that stress, trauma and environmental factors can also influence the likelihood of developing the illness.

Children with psychiatric disorders are damaged for life If a child’s problems are spotted early, and they receive the right support and treatment, there is every reason they will either recover completely or learn the self-management tools to allow them to lead a fulfilling life.

Smashing STIGMAS

Depression is a character flaw You wouldn’t put diabetes down to someone’s character, so why do it with depression?

Some researchers now believe depression is caused by an imbalance in chemicals in the brain and can affect anyone, no matter their personality. While antidepressants can be very effective for some, they are not the solution for everyone. For mild to moderate depression, a mixture of cognitive behavioural therapy, a good diet, and regular exercise can really help.

You can die from a panic attack!

Panic attacks can be intensely frightening. You may experience heart palpitations, trembling, nausea and dizziness. But panic attacks cannot kill you.

However, living with prolonged periods of stress can take its toll on your mind and body, so it’s important to get the underlying issues treated.

People with anxiety are feeble Anxiety may stem from feelings of worry, tension or fear, but it does not mean a person is weak. Boxing champions feel anxiety. Self-made billionaires feel anxiety. Some of the world’s most outwardly confident people struggle with anxiety, which just goes to show how it can affect anyone at any time.

Mums with postnatal depression don’t love their baby PND is very common. At least one new mother in 10 goes through PND, often when the baby is between four and six months old. Some new mothers may find it hard to develop a bond with their baby, and can often feel incredibly guilty about such feelings. Having postnatal depression does not make someone a bad mum. There is no such thing as a perfect mum.

Panic attacks and anxiety are the same thing!

Anxiety affects around one in 20 people, and is when our feelings become overwhelming. If left untreated, anxiety can have a huge impact on daily life. Panic attacks can be a symptom of anxiety. They can happen when our bodies feel under attack right now. They are sudden and unpredictable, and can last from a few minutes to several hours.

If you’re having lots of panic attacks and there doesn’t appear to be a cause, you might be given a diagnosis of panic disorder.

Depression is a choice

Nobody chooses to have depression, just like no one chooses to have a physical illness. Depression is a condition that can affect anyone. We have no control over this. Asking our doctor and/or other qualified professionals for help can be an important first step.

Depression, Anxiety & Panic Attacks

We keep confusing these conditions

Depression is brought on by traumatic events Depression can affect anyone at any time. For some people, a sad or traumatic event can trigger an episode of depression.

For others, the symptoms of depression can come out of seemingly nowhere. In both instances, if symptoms last for a prolonged period of time, a doctor is likely to diagnose you with depression.

Antidepressants change your personality Antidepressants work by boosting or prolonging the activity of particular brain chemicals in order to lift your mood. It’s important to have all the facts to make an informed choice. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right medication, so it’s important to be honest with your doctor about how you are feeling. If you experience any concerning side-effects, it is essential to seek medical advice.

Alcohol takes the ‘edge’ off anxiety

In the short-term, alcohol may put you at ease in social situations.

These effects soon wear off, and over time you could develop a tolerance, meaning you will need to drink more to experience the same feelings. Self-medicating with alcohol fails to address underlying anxiety, and in the long term may lead to dependency and addiction.

Talking about depression only makes it worse It can be incredibly isolating to cope with depression on your own, and keeping these thoughts and feelings to yourself can often make us feel so much worse. New scientific evidence suggests talking to a qualified counsellor can help you make sense of your feelings, and start to deal with them in a positive way.

January 2018 • happiful • 37

50 Myths Debunked

Bipolar is when you have wild

mood swings

People with OCD like washing their hands

People with bipolar disorder (formerly called manic depression) may experience severe mood swings, but there are different types of the condition with different symptoms and experiences.

Depending on the way you experience these mood states, and how severely they affect you, your doctor may diagnose you with a particular type of bipolar disorder and will consider various treatment options.

OCD has two main parts: obsessions and compulsions.

Obsessions are unwelcome thoughts, images, urges, worries or doubts that repeatedly appear in your mind. Compulsions are repetitive activities that you do to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession. It could be something like repeatedly checking a door is locked or repeating a specific phrase in your head. These compulsions, which are driven by the obsessive thoughts, vary from person to person.

Psychiatric medication turns people into

zombies!

As well as potential benefits, every psychiatric drug has the potential to cause unwanted side effects. Drugs don’t work the same way for everyone, so when your doctor is deciding which medication to offer you, it’s not always possible for them to predict exactly which one will suit you best. It’s important to make sure you find a medication that works for you.

People with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Complex Disorders Don’t jump to conclusions about these conditions

Borderline personality disorder means you’re an attention seeker

are vain!

Quite the opposite. BDD is a serious disorder that shares several traits with obsessivecompulsive disorder and anxiety. People with BPD can believe they are ugly, or defective, and often find it difficult to ask for help because they are scared that people will think they are vain.

38 • happiful • January 2018

PTSD

While post-traumatic stress disorder may affect those who have served in the military, it can actually affect anyone at any stage in their life.

Individuals can develop PTSD after a range of traumatic events including sexual assault, abuse, burglary, accidents, physical assault, difficult childbirth or natural disasters.

Bipolar disorder makes you very productive

Manic episodes make people very happy A manic episode (feeling high) is a condition of bipolar disorder. It’s when someone typically displays a euphoric or elevated mood but this doesn’t necessarily mean the person is happy. Manic episodes can also be distressing, disorientating, dangerous or incredibly frightening.

Only military veterans experience

BPD is where your attitudes, beliefs and behaviours cause you longstanding problems. It can be a very broad diagnosis and includes lots of different people with very different experiences. The most important thing is finding a treatment that works for you.

Everyone is a bit OCD OCD is not a quirk, nor is it a punchline. Yes, we all have little idiosyncrasies, but these thoughts don’t usually interfere with daily life. OCD is a serious anxiety disorder that gives sufferers intrusive, uncontrollable or unwanted thoughts. These force people to carry out obsessive and compulsive behaviours to try to reduce their anxiety. OCD creates vicious cycles. It’s no laughing matter.

If mania is mild, then it can result in increased productivity.

But if a mood change is more severe it can be extremely dangerous and lead someone to make risky decisions about their job, personal life or sex life. When mania becomes severe, a person may no longer be in control of their actions or thoughts. It’s important that if you are concerned about yourself, or a loved one, that you seek help.

You must be thin to have an eating disorder Eating disorders do not have a specific size. Some people with severe anorexia can be very underweight, but there are plenty of people who are not, or who fluctuate in weight. Individuals suffering from bulimia, binge eating disorder, or orthorexia come in all shapes and sizes.

Smashing STIGMAS

Self-harm is when you cut yourself Self-harm is when someone deliberately hurts themselves as a way of coping with overwhelming emotions. Cutting is certainly a highly-reported method, but there are many other ways people can harm themselves, such as burning, pinching, poisoning, alcohol or drugs, starving themselves or binge-eating. People who selfharm need understanding, help and support, rather than being stigmatised or blamed.

Selfesteem

means you need the approval of others Self-esteem evolves throughout our life. Sometimes, receiving a compliment from someone can make us feel better about ourselves, but real self-esteem comes from the relationship and experiences we have with ourselves.

Psychotic people snap without warning!

Psychosis is when you perceive or interpret reality in a very different way from the people around you. It can take the form of hallucinations and delusions. Psychosis affects people in different ways. There are a lot of misunderstandings about what it means to experience psychosis. Lots of people wrongly think the word “psychotic” means “dangerous”. In fact, people experiencing psychosis are far more likely to be the victim of violent crime than the perpetrator.

Only the elderly get

dementia

Dementia is much more common in the elderly population, but it also occurs in younger people. Earlyonset dementia affects people between around 30-65 years of age, and can be caused by a brain injury after a head trauma, stroke, substance abuse, or an infection. Sometimes, however, it can be difficult to find an exact cause.

People with schizophrenia are dangerous Hollywood, unfortunately, still depicts people with schizophrenia as violent and deranged. The overwhelming majority of individuals never display dangerous behaviour towards others. Violence is not a symptom of schizophrenia.

In fact, people with the illness are much more likely to be the victims of violence.

People who kill themselves didn’t want help In some cases, people may feel suicidal but did not want to die. Instead, they didn’t want to continue feeling the way they did.

It can be extremely difficult to ask for help when you’re feeling hopeless. Remember, if someone feels suicidal, talking to someone who can listen and be supportive may be their first step towards getting help.

SAD isn’t a serious condition Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that people experience at a particular time of year. It is a recognised mental health disorder and can seriously impact a person’s life. SAD can cause individuals to withdraw from friends and family, and people can struggle to go about their daily lives. It’s important to seek help from your doctor.

Phobias

can’t be cured

It can feel very difficult to overcome a phobia, but talking therapies such as CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) are known to really help people conquer their fears. It won’t be an instant cure, but with work and commitment, it is possible.

Most suicides will happen without warning Research suggests that suicidal people are often undecided right up to the last minute. Some may have communicated their intentions; others may not. It can be very distressing if you are worried about someone who feels suicidal. You might feel unsure of what to do, but there are lots of things that might help, such as encouraging them to talk about their feelings or to seek treatment and support.

Successful people don’t have self-esteem issues

Self-esteem isn’t just based on status or success. Yes, being successful can help to increase someone’s self-esteem, but it’s more important to focus on basic needs first. A lot of very successful people actually have very low self-esteem and are sensitive to criticism.

Ignorant Myths

These falsehoods belong in the dustbin Samaritans provides emotional support, 24 hours, on 116 123 (free).

Mind mental health charity offers support on 0300 123 3393 SANE mental health charity offers support on 0300 304 7000 (4.30-10.30pm) Happiful thanks both Mind and our expert advisor Fe Robinson for reviewing this article.

January 2018 • happiful • 39

Happiful Hack

a Guide to Self-Hypnosis The key to overcoming your fears could be as simple as making the most of meditation and positive affirmations. Best of all, you can do it from the comfort of your home Writing | Becky Wright

5

1

The term hypnosis actually comes from the Greek word hupnos, meaning “sleep”. While self-hypnosis isn’t about actually falling asleep, we are more susceptible to suggestion when we’re relaxed.

So, find a calm environment where you aren’t likely to be disturbed and place your phone out of sight.

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Slow your breathing and let yourself relax more deeply with every breath.

SUGGESTIVE STEPS

I

f you think hypnosis is something that happens on stage, complete with swinging pendants and people acting like chickens, well we’ve got news for you. While many people make this assumption, it’s far from reality.

Hypnosis is less about what someone does to you, and more about how you can facilitate your own change. Imagine it as a kind of meditation – with a dash of personal development thrown in for good measure.

Whether you’ve always wanted to conquer a fear that’s been holding you back, or you’re looking to try an alternative form of relaxation, there are many reasons why hypnosis could benefit you. All it takes is an open mind and a readiness to create change for yourself. The best bit about it is that it’s personal to you; there’s no wrong or right way to go about self-hypnosis.

But, to help you get started, here’s a five step guide loaded with handy hints to help you find a method that works for you:

40 • happiful • January 2018

RELAX

2

Close your eyes?

Hypnotherapists have different opinions on this.

Some think that by keeping your eyes shut, it’s easier to block out distractions. This can help with concentration and imagination, allowing you to relax easily and your unconscious mind to be more open.

However, if this feels uncomfortable (or you find yourself falling asleep!), just leave your eyes open.

The choice is yours.

3

Focus on the outcome you want

Push away limiting habits from your mind, and provide a healthy alternative of how you’d like to think or feel. Put firm belief in what it is you want to achieve. The important thing is to visualise yourself accomplishing your goals. For example, if you want to give up smoking, imagine yourself cigarette-free, fit and healthy, and breathing in fresh air.

This helps to place you in an “achieving” state of mind that allows you to believe in yourself, and to manifest positivity in your life.

Life LESSONS

4

Practise affirmations

Use positive, simple statements to reinforce your thoughts. To successfully plant these ideas in your unconscious, these statements need to be genuine, honest and simple – the more straightforward the better.

Use “I”, focus on something specific and always prepare your statements as present-tense facts. Remember, this is you telling your own unconscious that you can do it. To relieve stress at work, you might say “I am relaxed at work”. To overcome public speaking nerves, you might say “I am a confident speaker”.

Concentrate on one or two statements and really commit to them. Repeating this process is key and will strengthen the connection you have with this new way of thinking.

Did You Know?

Albert Einstein was known to go into trances through self-hypnosis to develop his ideas. His theory of relativity actually came to him during one of these sessions!

5

Develop a routine

As with anything, consistency is important and so is regular practice.

Find a time in your day that you can commit to, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Then stick to it.

Visualise your future and how it feels to be there. Don’t worry about the process and actions it will take to get there, just believe in yourself and your power to make change.

For more help and advice, or to find a hypnotherapist near you, visit hypnotherapy-directory.co.uk

January 2018 • happiful • 41

The charity Childline

42 • happiful • January 2018

Esther Rantzen, Founder and President of Childline, November 2017

Happiful HERO

THE CONVERSATION

The Trailblazer

(who’s just getting started) For nearly 40 years, Dame Esther Rantzen has been a giant of television.

One of the most successful presenters in BBC history – her signature show That’s Life! reached 20m viewers – she later founded the 24-hour counselling service Childline. Today, the free service helps more than 300,000 children each year. But it needs more cash, and more people.

‘There’s an epidemic of loneliness out there,’ she tells Happiful.

‘Children are calling us because there’s no one else to talk to’

Interview | Jake Hamilton Photography | Jesper Mattias

C

hildline recently asked the public for money because one in four children can’t get through to you.

What’s happening?

As they say, it’s multi-factorial. We need half a million pounds to answer those one in four children who can’t get through.

We are also looking at our night shifts where, at about 11.30pm, there are 30 or 40 contacts from young people who are waiting in a queue for us to help them. But we don’t have enough volunteers to help. Obviously, there are money factors too. If we have more volunteers then we’ll need more staff to supervise them.

Just now I saw a volunteer in the Childline call-room putting her hand up.

That means she’s got a high-risk caller on the line, and maybe we have to refer that child to another agency, or send an ambulance, or who knows what.

So, it’s a challenge.

Yes, because about 73% of our contacts are now online and it takes twice as long, which means a volunteer counsellor can only help half the number of callers in their shift. Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 43

The charity Childline

What happens if children can’t get through – do they log off?

Absolutely. And we don’t know how urgent their need is, but we are desperately concerned that within that cohort of young people there are suicidal children, children with eating disorders, children who are self-harming, children being groomed. One child who was recently being groomed by someone they thought was another child (it wasn’t) into sending explicit images and videos, and now that child is being blackmailed. It can drive them to the brink of suicide.

What did you do?

We were able to refer the child to CEOP [The Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command] because that’s a crime.

If you had a magic wand, what would you wave it at?

another £20m for one of the big disaster appeals – in a week! If you give the public good information so they trust you, then they will give – very often the poorest too.

Really?

Yes. I once got sent a gold wedding ring from a widow who said it was the only thing of value she had, and that she wanted to help children.

That’s incredible.

With children, people understand.

Every time you read one of these awful stories about a child that dies, it’s a combination of huge distress and anger – “why didn’t someone save that kid?” I mean, that’s what was in my heart when we launched Childline.

Abusers will do anything to silence a child. They will do anything they can to prevent that child ever talking about it

Traditionally, what is the public response to your campaigns?

Does the government ever offer you cash, and would you take it?

Because it’s emotive?

When we launched Childline in 1986 we were inundated with donations.

Children have a much more emotional pull on the public’s compassion.

What about compassion fatigue?

We are an extraordinary nation. A while ago people were talking about fatigue yet we raised something like £23m for Children in Need and then 44 • happiful • January 2018

He was a big secret. I’m a loose cannon. The moment he died I rang up the press and said: “You need to know something about this man”.

I wanted the world to know what kind of human being George Michael was – compassionate and generous.

How many years did he help you?

Now, don’t ask me questions with numbers attached because I can’t tell you, but it was a long time.

And he gave a lot of money?

A lot. He claims he gave us all his royalties from ‘Jesus to a Child’.

What are we talking?

I think it’s £2m, but it could be more.

Does British Telecom still help?

Cash and people. That’s what we need.

We’ve got 12 bases around the country, and every base needs to recruit more volunteers. Childline has around 1,500 volunteers. If you look at the Samaritans, they have about 20,000 volunteers because they’ve got literally hundreds of bases around the country.

We just need to grow. We are hoping to expand and recruit more volunteers and we hope our campaign can raise more funds to pay for all for this.

[Immediately] Huge.

George Michael, for one.

Yes and yes. We did have a grant from Gordon Brown – £18m over three years to launch the online service – it was really valuable. In return they said: “You’ve got to guarantee to answer every child.” As far as I’m concerned, our principle aim is to give children what they want and need. It’s their choice, and that’s our focus.

You’re also funded – how shall I put this – by secret philanthropists?

Yes.

BT has always helped, from the very beginning. They have always been absolutely terrific.

And the Childline number doesn’t appear anywhere?

That’s right. Our number doesn’t show on any phone bills. We’ve got that agreement from all the providers, because they understand how crucial that agreement is. It can put children into great danger.

It’s also confidential.

It’s confidential to a degree. For example, if a child calls and says she’s being abused then we do not trace that call, or ring the police, or bring in the social services. That’s because if she gets frightened by anything we do, and retracts anything she told us, then that child is in great danger. Abusers will do anything to silence a child. They will do anything they can to prevent that child ever talking about it again.

Right, I see.

We had a child whose leg was broken by a paedophile ring. Some people had intervened, and the child was frightened, and the adults denied it,

Happiful HERO

Childline needs more funds to pay for more bases around the UK, and more volunteers

Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com

Esther with her daughter Rebecca, who adores her mum, but challenged her views

A brief history of

Childline 1986: Childline launches with British Telecom, who donated a free phone number, 0800 1111. Apart from 999, it’s the only UK number to have remained unchanged in over 30 years.

1994: Childline launches an international freephone number so that children whose parents are in the armed forces can now reach them.

1996: Diana, Princess of Wales, helps Childline raise £7m.

2006: NSPCC and Childline join forces.

and then they broke the child’s leg and said if he ever spoke about it again to anyone they would kill him.

2009: Childline Online provides online support and counselling to children.

My God.

2003: Every mobile network makes calls to Childline free and confidential.

2011: Online counselling reaches more than 270,000 sessions in a year.

2012: Online counselling overtakes phone counselling (59% to 41%).

2013: Zipit app launches, helping to combat the pressures of sexting.

2016: Childline celebrates its 30th anniversary by launching a new mobile accessible website.

How can you help?

Donate “Light up Christmas for Children” is the NSPCC’s December fundraising campaign. To donate £4, text “Lights” to 70744 (costs include your donation of £4, plus your standard network rate. The NSPCC will receive 100% of your donation).

Raise awareness Share Childline’s #LightsOn selfie with your own “light up” moment, such as a photo of yourself by your Christmas tree, or outside your house when the outdoor Christmas lights are switched on!

Get involved For more information, visit nspcc.org.uk/christmas

Yes, now I understand.

And how is Childline’s relationship with the police?

But 90% of the time we don’t intervene because our job is to make that child [feel] safe, and the best way is to move at the child’s pace, to move the conversation gently forward, until the child is confident and has got someone they can trust, where they can eventually ask us to refer them. Most of our referrals are with the child’s consent.

What happens when immediate intervention is needed?

In the 1980s and 1990s, the main issue was sexual abuse. Was that surprising or unsurprising?

You must not put the child in greater danger. You must make sure children trust you and talk to you.

It’s very good.

Then we do it. One volunteer counsellor had a long conversation with a child about nothing, but clearly the child kept going, and after about 45 minutes she revealed she had taken an overdose, and told our counsellor what she had taken. At this moment, mum came home and the counsellor said: “I need to talk to your mum because you need to go to hospital.”

So when a child is in immediate, lifethreatening danger, then we intervene.

Unsurprising.

Why?

Because we knew it was much more common than anyone knew about, and that a lot of the time it was [taking place] in the family. Children were unable to talk about it because they thought nobody would believe them, or felt they were to blame for it themselves. It was the great taboo area – the unspoken crime. Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 45

The charity Childline

Esther with a volunteer counsellor at Childline’s London headquarters

Were you surprised by how children expressed themselves on the phone?

[Thoughtful] Well now, was I? My sister, who is a trained social worker, was surprised. She said she’d never heard children describing [the abuse] in such a liberated way, because given anonymity on the phone, children will talk to you.

It still takes great courage.

Absolutely! It’s a huge step. The first thing our counsellors do is to tell them how brave they are.

What other issues do you see?

It’s a question of what children are telling us. You can say, numerically, it was sexual abuse and then it was bullying, and now it’s family relationships and mental health. But that is a sort of rough guide, because within that you can look at other trends. Abuse by adult women, for instance. That isn’t talked about at all.

I’ve read that bullying is the trait you deplore most.

With adults, I can’t bear it. It happens in organisations and I can’t bear it.

With children and young people, it can lead to suicide. It needs to be taken very seriously and it requires adult intervention to stop it. If you ignore it, it won’t go away. So many adults want to ignore it, hoping, that it will go away because you don’t want to make it worse. And if you do intervene then sometimes it can lead to retribution. But what we’ve got now is cyber bullying, thanks to the internet, which means children can’t escape it.

What else needs to be talked about?

Well, what hasn’t been talked about – even by us yet – is the number of children who hear voices. So we are talking about serious mental health issues. And children talk to us because they don’t feel they can talk to anybody else about it. They think they would be written off as mad. This is an area of stigma.

46 • happiful • January 2018

Happiful HERO

There’s been a huge rise in selfharming among young people. This must be a serious issue for you.

Yes, in every shift. This was more or less unknown in 1986.

What’s changed?

What the counsellors are telling us is social media – the illusion that it makes everyone feel a failure because they’re not attractive enough, they’re not beautiful enough, they haven’t got as many likes as their friends, or whether they are talking online about self-harming in a way that it provides a relief from pain. I don’t know. I find it incomprehensible myself, because I never came across it as a child. I don’t understand it.

Loneliness is now a major concern – it’s enough to break your heart.

If you were to ask me what one big change has created what I describe as an epidemic of loneliness, then I think it’s about the loss of the extended family, and the loss of community.

My daughter, who is a full-time mum, took her toddlers to the playground the other day and there was no one to talk to! Times gone by, sisters or friends would have gone with her.

What’s causing this loneliness?

More marriages are breaking down and more people are on their own and more people have to be much more mobile. The time of living and dying in the same community is long gone.

And yet we long for it.

We have to make time.

And we have to pay attention. That’s what the children are telling us. They are calling Childline because there’s no one else to talk to Is self-esteem a growing concern?

Self-esteem is involved when a child is being bullied, or even if the bullying is just – I say just – emotional or mental.

It’s an attack on their self-worth. They are attacking the child’s confidence.

With that abuse, the child thinks they are to blame for it. We tell them first of all it’s not their fault. But again, some of it is social media.

We’re obsessed with posting perfect photos of ourselves online.

We as a species, as human beings, didn’t evolve with mirrors and cameras. If we were to destroy every camera and mirror in the world, I think we would be happier people.

Of course! That’s what we are!

You’ve also talked about the ‘decline of the housewife’ as causing more loneliness in children.

[Laughing] I have, but I thought I was being quite bland.

No, Esther, I think you were lighting a touch paper.

Yes, so it seems. Let’s be frank with each other.

OK. People said to me: ‘Esther is being hypocritical because she was one of the most independent women in the business.’

She bloody was! I think they are absolutely right, but I have never said “do as I do”. I’ve never said that, and I also don’t think I’m a role model.

But you did touch a nerve.

Everybody struggles with this, and it’s got worse, not better. Working hours have got longer. Shops are open over the weekend now. There’s no day of rest anymore. One Childline counsellor asked a child caller to speak to her mother and the answer was: “I can’t talk to her; she’s always working and always tired.” Both parents are expected to be wage earners just to put

food on the table. Now, I understand there is a lot of poverty. I really do understand that. All I am saying is: “Think about the kids.” Do you know what I really hate?

What?

I hate it when [BBC Radio 4’s] Woman’s Hour, a programme I love and respect, brings on a group of women and starts a hate-fest about children. The other day the creators of that new TV series Motherland were merrily laughing about what a pain it is to have children. What? This is not the way we should be discussing our own children. As women we shouldn’t, and as people we shouldn’t.

But you were the trailblazer!

Well, where’s my bleeding trail leading to, I ask! I am just drawing attention to the most important commodity we have – time.

Just being present?

Make time. Have that family meal where you all sit down together.

You just need to be there to listen to children. We have to make time. And we have to pay attention. I say that to myself as well as saying it to everyone else, because that’s what the children are telling us.

They are calling Childline because there’s no one else to talk to. from every Listening to children is Happiful sold in an something ongoing subscription we all should goes to Childline do.

50p this month

Childline is here to help anyone under 19 in the UK with any issue they’re going through. Childline is free, confidential and available any time, day or night. You can talk to them by calling 0800 1111.

January 2018 • happiful • 47

Happiful Hack

6

ENCOURAGING STEPS

How to Stay Motivated

at the Gym

Working out is something we’d all like to do more often, but never quite get around to. Exercise has been proven to benefit both your physical and mental health, so sticking with it can do wonders for your wellbeing Writing | Rebecca Thair

48 • happiful • January 2018

Life LESSONS

I

t’s that time of year when we think about where we’d like to be in 12 months’ time – healthier, more productive, or learning to cook! We dust off the gym membership card we’ve not seen since March, and wait for a machine to free up in the newly-packed workout room.

But in a month or two, this room won’t be so busy. We’ll say, “I’m too tired,” “It’s too dark outside,” or “I could just binge watch Breaking Bad again instead.”

But working out doesn’t have to feel like a chore – it’s not about comparing yourself to the people around you, or #fitspo images you see online: it’s an act of self-care.

While we all know that exercise has physical benefits, it also has a wealth of mental health benefits too. In particular, exercise has been proven to have a positive effect on our mood, with researchers finding that when people were asked to rate their mood immediately after periods of activity and inactivity, those who had been more active felt “more content, more awake and calmer”.

And yet, according to a report by National Statistics and NHS Digital, in 2015/16, 26% of adults were classified as inactive – spending fewer than 30 minutes a week doing physical activity. So Happiful has come up with a guide to help encourage that new year motivation, and most importantly, maintain that exercise enthusiasm:

150

1

Develop a routine

2

Find a gym buddy

3

Mix it up

4

Try classes

5

Take your exercise gear to work

6

Record your stats

While it’s never easy to get into a new habit, making that conscious minutes of moderate effort initially will pay off. If you aerobic activity every factor exercise on certain days into your weekly plan, and put the effort week is recommended in to develop that routine initially, for adults aged it’ll become almost instinctual. While 19–64 the old myth says habits form in 21 days, recent research says it averages at two months, but don’t be disheartened. The good news is that study author Phillippa Lally says: “Over time it will start to happen more easily and require less effort.”

Having someone to work out with can make it a more sociable experience. Some people like zoning out into their own bubble when exercising, but if you’re struggling to find the motivation to go, having someone to encourage you along the way can help on days when you’re flagging.

Some people find it incredibly dull to spend 20 minutes on the treadmill each visit, so shake it up. Research shows that varying your workouts not only helps prevent boredom, but it’s more physically effective too – working different muscle groups and keeping your body on its toes.

Having something booked in means you’ll be less likely to skip out – someone is expecting you to be there. You’ll know you need to leave work at a certain time to make it, and you’ll have an instructor to give you that energy boost and enthusiasm, even on days when you’re not quite feeling it!

One excuse I’ve told myself plenty of times is that it’ll be too late to go to the gym by the time I’ve gone home and changed. The solution is simple. Pack your workout clothes the night before and take them with you. You can save travel time between places, and there’s less of a chance you’ll end up back home, distracted by the TV.

For some people, knowing there’s direct improvement in their fitness helps keep them enthusiastic. Perhaps take note of how far you can run without stopping, and see how it increases week on week. You can even have a little competition with yourself to give you that mental boost alongside those exercise endorphins. But remember, even if you’re having a day where you don’t make a new PB, the fact that you’re up and trying is always a win.

January 2018 • happiful • 49

Financial Fears

SHOW YOURSELF KINDNESS ‘If 󰈂o󰇻 󰈟󰈣ul󰈧󰈡’t 󰇷a󰈠 󰇮t 󰇹󰈣 a 󰈆r󰇮󰈥󰇳󰈨, do󰇳’t 󰇷a󰈠 󰇮t 󰇹󰈣 󰈠o󰇻r󰇷󰈥󰇱f.’

- Jan󰇪 󰈓󰇶󰈜󰇾is, co󰇻󰇳󰈤󰈥l󰇰o󰈦

50 • happiful • January 2018

Money MATTERS

Counting the cost on our mental health Money matters, but our mental health is priceless, so how is one damaging the other?

Writing | Ellen Hoggard and Rebecca Thair

O

ur finances and mental health go hand in hand – when one is suffering, the other is almost certainly affected. But once we better understand this relationship and how it’s impacting us, we can start to address the problem and support both a healthier mind and bank balance.

The cycle of poor finances causing mental health problems, and mental illness affecting our finances, is destructive and difficult to break free from. In fact, there are more than three million adults in the UK with both mental health problems and financial difficulties. And this number is on the rise.

It’s all encompassing. Rarely a day goes by where we don’t hear about the

state of the economy in the UK: the rising cost of living, stagnant wages, zero-hour contracts, ever-increasing student debt, and house prices hitting the roof. Each can affect our mental health as we struggle with the pressures of our outgoings, or juggling saving for a future home with paying extortionate amounts of rent each month. More and more people are struggling and slipping into debt, with a report from the Office of National Statistics in 2017 finding that 4.6 million people in the UK have experienced persistent poverty in 2015.

Additionally, StepChange Debt Charity was contacted by more than 326,000 people looking for debt support in the first half of 2017 – the charity got a call every 48 seconds on average.

For those battling mental health problems, it can mean an even bigger financial burden. Charities and campaigners are encouraging greater understanding of mental health in the workplace, yet some people lack support from their employers. Taking days off for mental health, or time out for doctor’s appointments, can face scrutiny at work. Organising job seeker’s allowance or welfare benefits can be stressful and confusing, and then there’s the overwhelming cost of professional help if you can’t wait for support on the NHS. Continues >>>

30% FROM 2012-2015

of all Brits were at risk of poverty

* Source: Office for National Statistics (ONS).

January 2018 • happiful • 51

Financial Fears

THE IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH

A cashflow crisis can bring stress, anxiety, fear, shame and frustration.

As the problem grows, panic attacks and sleeping problems could become commonplace.

Self-esteem is affected and in some cases, substance misuse, self-harm and suicidal thoughts may occur.

HAPPIFUL READER CHARLOTTE SHARES HER STORY: “It was right after graduating from university and getting my first job that money troubles began to really impact my mental health. I had a degree and got an entry-level job in my field of study; I was ecstatic to start the career of my dreams. The real truth was that I was putting on a brave face at work. Hiding my mobile phone in shame as it rang constantly with debt collection calls - I barely had enough money to cover living expenses, let alone to pay any bills. After bill collectors started contacting me at work, which put my job in jeopardy, and therefore, my source of income, I soon became too scared to answer the phone at all.

At home it was even worse, I was too scared to answer the door or open the post. I started putting my post in a bin bag - which I hid in my closet - I couldn’t bear to open those angry letters. The debt filled me with a profound amount of shame, self-hatred and depression.

I had just ridden out a panic attack in the bathroom at work when I noticed a flyer for the company’s employee assistance programme.

It felt like the flyer was put there just for me - and maybe it was, as I’m not sure if the brave face I was putting on was convincing anyone anymore.

52 • happiful • January 2018

EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROGRAMME

I rang the hotline listed on the poster when I got home, and after explaining how I felt and describing my financial situation, they offered me a few free counselling sessions. Although it wasn’t much, that little bit of extra help was the hand I needed to take those first steps out of shame and find the courage to start slowly digging myself out of the situation I was in. It wasn’t easy, and when my bank balance gets low even now, 15 years later, I still feel like that same young woman in that bathroom stall, full of shame.”

Money MATTERS

FINANCIAL STRESS

Needing to pay a bill before payday, forking out for a birthday or event, most of us will have had that heartdropping moment of looking at our bank balance and seeing less than we’d hoped.

We talk about money often, or at least, other people’s money. But when it comes to our own cash, we stay silent. Guilt, shame and embarrassment keep our lips sealed.

We isolate ourselves, skipping social occasions due to the cost and our relationships break down. The stress makes us irritable and emotional.

The London living wage is £10.20 an hour, and £8.75 in the rest of the UK. However, the national minimum wage is just £7.05 an hour for those aged 21-24, and £5.60 for those aged 18-20

COUNSELLOR COMMENT Why do you think mental health and money are so closely connected?

Counsellor Noel Bell says: Our prime psychological drives to survive and to affiliate have been developed from evolution. We can’t survive on our own.

We need others to help us to make our way in the world. Money troubles impact on our sense of social well-being and the ability to provide shelter and food.

When feeling low, we feel more sensitive to the threats posed by mounting debt. People with mental health difficulties might start to become preoccupied and obsessed with the money troubles, to the exclusion of their own self-care.

Financial difficulties and worries about future income streams can exacerbate mental health problems. Financial pressures and actions from creditors can create a form of lethargy and apathy, that can see people suffering from poor mental health withdraw from social support structures and activities. This isolation can deepen feelings of shame and guilt and potentially lead to suicide ideation.

FACTS

Noel Bell, MA, PG Dip Psych, UKCP

What is the most common money-related reason why people may seek counselling?

Studies have consistently shown that money is the main reason for divorce in the early years of marriage, and is a common area of conflict for couples. Invariably, people come to the consulting room when they feel they can’t cope anymore on their own, and when their money worries have impacted all areas of their lives.

In a survey of nearly 5,500 people conducted by the Money and Mental Health Policy Institute, 86% of respondents said their financial situation had made their mental health problems worse. When asked if anyone had fallen behind on their bills, more than half said yes. A further 67% said this was due to their mental health and 60% said it was due to difficulties managing their finances.

For someone with mental health problems, financial difficulties are often only exacerbated. Depression, for example, impairs our ability to focus and affects our memory – 95% of people with depression report they spend more when unwell.

Whether you’re ready to talk to loved ones, or you’d rather keep it on the down-low, that’s OK. But it’s important you know that help is available. You don’t need to go through this alone. Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 53

Financial Fears

MONEY TROUBLES

Dealing with money troubles on your own can be very difficult.

Talking about the issue is essential for improving mental health for the long term. Of course, your first port of call can be your friends and family. But if you’re not ready to open up to them, consider seeking further help. There are many free helplines available, and talking can provide a great relief.

5 MONEY-SAVING SUGGESTIONS

Seeking professional help can be beneficial, the bonus is that a lot of resources provide advice for free. But, for anyone looking for some tangible tips that you can take away today, Happiful has put together suggestions to help: Avoid payday loans: it might not seem like a big deal, but these loans often come with extremely high interest.

What may start as borrowing to pay one bill can lead you to spiralling debt.

Prepare a budget: a quick run through of your outgoing expenses every month helps to avoid getting overdrawn. Often you might splurge on something, forgetting you have a car payment coming out before your next pay cheque. Doing the maths can help you focus more on your spending, making you aware of places you could perhaps reel it in.

Do your research: so often we sign up with a bank, internet provider, TV package and never change – it’s too much hassle. But those introductory rates run out and 12 months later you’re paying double the initial price.

Try comparison sites and see what you could save yourself. Often when you call to cancel, a much better deal to stay magically appears from your provider!

Shop around: who else pops into the supermarket to pick up dinner and comes out with a new soap dispenser, an expensive candle and more 54 • happiful • January 2018

13th THE UK H AD THE

highest

poverty rate in the EU *Source: ONS (2015)

chocolate than Willy Wonka’s factory?

When you’re walking down the aisles, it’s easy to be drawn into signs offering brilliant deals and discounts, but it’s not saving money if you weren’t going to buy it in the first place. Get into the habit of making a list so you know exactly what you need, without temptation. Alternatively, try doing your weekly shop online – you’ll only be putting what you need in your basket, and can see the exact total cost before the tills, meaning you can ensure you remain within your budget.

Socialise from the sofa: it may be awkward to tell your friends you can’t afford to attend all the events they have planned – cinema trips, dinners out, the pub or club every weekend – but you might not be the only one wanting to rein things in. If you’re honest about needing to be careful with your spending, they’ll understand if you can’t make every event – a movie night round yours means you won’t miss out on the fun.

SOCIETY

While the Government has promised an extra £1bn for mental health services each year until 2021, many feel this falls short in meeting the needs of the 16 million people with a mental health condition in the UK. The economic and social cost of mental illness is £105bn – close to the entire annual NHS budget of nearly

£124bn. Only around 10% of the NHS’s annual budget is dedicated to mental health services.

Given the Government’s policy of “ending discrimination in mental health treatment”, perhaps it’s time that the people holding the purse-strings finally put their money where their mouth is?

SEEKING HELP

If you need help with your mental health: Mind Rethink NHS Choices Samaritans (24-hour helpline) 116 123

If you need help with money: Citizen’s Advice Stepchange National Debtline Debt Support Trust Debtors Anonymous – a 12-step fellowship that runs meetings for people whose use of unsecured debt causes problems and suffering in their lives and the lives of others.

If you need a more immediate form of support, private counselling is also an option.

Bear in mind that cost of sessions will vary, however, some counsellors may also offer reduced payment plans for clients in financial difficulty.

For more information and to find a counsellor near you, visit counselling-directory.org.uk

Real people. Amazing journeys.

Young Adult Special

True Life | Jamie’s story

I grew up with zero desire to eat Jamie, 24, didn’t recognise he had an eating disorder until he was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum.

With support from his doctors and his family, he learned to reintroduce eating into his daily life

W

hen I was at school, I was bullied because of how small and undeveloped I was – this was before I even knew I had autism or an eating disorder. When my nan passed away seven years ago, it all started coming to my attention. I’d never been a big fan of eating before she passed, and the little amounts I was eating felt normal to me. After she died, I just had this sudden need to eat less and less.

56 • happiful • January 2018

It’s only recently that I’ve been diagnosed with autism, and the nurses explained that part of my autism was having this dissociation with food.

I’m glad I know now, but back then I didn’t have a clue, which made it harder for me to manage.

Eating feels like a chore to me. I started off with no desire at all to eat – I couldn’t touch food, I didn’t like the smell of it, I had a complete dissociation. My stomach would growl and I would feel so hungry, but the battle I had was my

body craving food and my brain just not being interested. It didn’t matter how loud the growl was, or how bad the pain in my stomach was, I just couldn’t eat.

Eventually, I became numb to the pain.

Being autistic hasn’t helped me at all. I couldn’t tell you how much weight I’ve lost because I was so underdeveloped due to my autism. That, added to the fact I wasn’t eating, meant I just couldn’t put on any weight at all.

The less I ate, the worse it got. My body started to get used to working without food, or at least minimal amounts of it.

I hate the fact I can’t eat. I wish I could go into a restaurant and choose any meal on the menu, and be able to just eat it.

I could think, “Oh, that looks nice,” but my brain wouldn’t want it. I know I have to eat, but it’s easier said than done.

It’s almost like I had to get used to food being in my life.

Food is giving me energy and keeping me alive, but when I eat the most is when I’m ill. I would be able to pick at food, cereal bars, biscuits, and perhaps bits of fruit. However, when I’m really ill and can’t keep food in my stomach, afterwards I could eat five days’ worth of food quite quickly and then the appeal would wear off again.

One of the things I had to do was find a meal I like; it was just a compulsion, I just had to keep the meal the same. One meal I always go for is a beef burger, but I’ve always been self-conscious about eating in restaurants. I get anxious that people are watching me eat and are judging me. I almost feel like I need to hide, with my back turned to everyone, so I can relax and eat my food without worrying.

I keep battling every day to eat something new. I know I have to stretch my stomach; at this point my stomach is so small that when I do eat three days’ worth of food, it becomes really uncomfortable. My mum buys new things, like chicken and chorizo, and I have to just eat a handful to introduce my body to food again. I’ve realised that having small portions is less painful and not as overwhelming.

At one point, I was being fed through a tube in a hospital, so being able to eat a small portion is such a big thing to me. I know the amount I eat at the moment is probably something that won’t massively change, and I may never be able to eat three full meals a day, but I now know how I can cope with food. It’s become easier and it’s better now than it has ever been.

It didn’t matter how bad the pain in my stomach was, I just couldn’t eat I am so much more aware of my condition now and I know it’s my brain telling me that I can’t eat, but that my body still needs it. As an adult, I push myself more.

I know that if I don’t eat I’ll make myself sick. So, I tell myself: “I need to eat this to survive. This is what will give me energy.”

No one wants an eating disorder. It’s never made me feel good, but it’s about accepting it and finding a way to push yourself through it. It’s about inner strength and feeling like you can do it.

You must believe in yourself. Don’t fear that you’re going to throw up – nine times out of 10, the food will stay in your stomach. The more you eat, the easier it becomes.

The accomplishment of finishing a meal feels so great; my mood picks up, my energy gets higher and I don’t feel fatigued.

Jamie and his family on ‘This Morning’ Taking baby steps was the best way for me to get back to eating a full meal.

I feel so much better now that I’m able to manage my condition, but every day is still a battle because of the passing comments on my weight I receive, but I remind myself it’s because of ignorance. Each day is getting easier and I have a positive mindset for the future.

Our Expert Says Rachel Coffey, BA MA NLP Mstr

Jamie is a brave young man facing his fears. His autism means that he experiences the world differently – and that includes food. He made the life-changing decision to seek support, and now he is happier than ever, giving him the strength to overcome the challenges ahead!

January 2018 • happiful • 57

Free From Foods

FREE-FROM Eating Out Awards A snapshot of restaurants bringing innovation and excellence to allergen-free cuisines Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I

n recent years, greater public awareness of allergies and intolerances has led to the rise in popularity of so-called “freefrom” products. These foods are made without common allergens such as dairy, eggs or wheat, and have taken off at unprecedented rates, largely because “gluten-free” is no longer an unreasonable request.

Hosted by the FoodsMatter team, the allergy resource site, the Free-From Eating Out Awards were created to encourage innovation and celebrate excellence in this rapidly flourishing industry. The taste and appearance of the food is, of course, taken into consideration; but judges also award gold, silver or bronze reports, depending on how well they can safely cater for people with allergies.

With nine categories and more than 90 mouth-watering nominees, here’s a look at the shortlist:

58 • happiful • January 2018

The Rainbow Vegetarian Café and Restaurant

Established in 1979, this Cambridge cafe is named after the classic ballad ‘Over the Rainbow’. For the owners, that means a place without cruelty.

The cafe is totally vegetarian and vegan, and specialises in producing food that caters for intolerances and allergies.

They use sustainable, seasonal, local and largely organic ingredients; they also recycle everything possible. Leftovers are taken home, and even plate scrapings are recycled to the owner’s large flock of chickens.

The Rainbow has been runner-up in the 2014 Observer Food Awards and for Best Ethical Restaurant 2015, as well as a finalist in two categories at the 2015 Free-From Eating Out Awards.

Judge’s verdict:

“The service was top-notch throughout the entire meal. I was very impressed.

They really understood every kind of allergy – and gluten-free. The food was amazing. The lasagne was honestly divine – and oh my – the mint chocolate cheesecake… Very good value – and nothing was too much effort.”

Taste MAKERS

MOMMI Raw Bar & Grill

r e n n i W

Indigo at One Aldwych

In creating his menu for Indigo, in Covent Garden, chef Dominic Teague bridges a deep respect for British tradition with gentle invention.

He’s committed to careful sourcing and his menu includes an array of foraged foods and forgotten flavours.

In a recent refurbishment of the Indigo, Teague cut both gluten and dairy completely from his lunch and dinner menus, without diners noticing any difference in the taste, texture or appearance of the food.

Signature mains are delicate and bursting with flavour, including organic Rhug Estate lamb rump with samphire, smoked aubergine and capers; and fillet of Brixham brill with Chantenay carrots, confit king oyster mushroom and red wine jus.

Desserts feature decadent Valrhona chocolate mousse and a seasonallychanging Pavlova.

Judge’s verdict:

“The food is fantastic – each dish sampled offered something special.”

Knife & Fork Pop-up

Drawing on the vibrancy of US foodie capital Miami, the eclecticism of LA’s Venice Beach, the upbeat rhythms of South America, and the refinement of Japan, MOMMI brings together in Clapham a melting pot of potent flavours into one unique destination restaurant.

Pin-sharp attention to detail has gone into creating a singular dining experience, from drinks to dinner and even to the dance floor – because the eatery is not only a restaurant; they also have DJs and live music. And they exhibit art – currently showing Ben Watts, brother of Hollywood A-lister Naomi Watts. The owners recently collaborated with artist R-O-N-E who created a mural for the restaurant.

Owner, Tanya, was diagnosed as coeliac while living in Singapore, which means everything she cooks must be gluten-free. However, when setting up Knife & Fork, in Deddington, she decided not to advertise the fact, for fear of putting potential diners off.

It didn’t.

For Tanya, gluten-free cooking is a creative challenge. Rather than trying to replicate a “normal” diet, she takes inspiration from gluten-free dishes.

Judge’s verdict:

Judge’s verdict:

“So impressed with their level of staff training and flexibility. They were extremely welcoming and already had a record of my needs (coeliac and nut allergic). All staff were aware and checked back several times.

This is a seriously exciting place to eat – the high quality ingredients, the combinations of ingredients, textures and flavours – all were simply fantastic. Incredible food in a fabulous environment.”

“So understanding and knowledgeable – nothing was too much trouble. The food was stunning. The flavours put together for the evening meal were outstanding – including the most amazing apricot marshmallow which was huge!”

January 2018 • happiful • 59

Sex & Relationships | Personal Values

SEVEN MINUTES WITH...

GEORGINA CAMPBELL The BAFTA-winning actress tells Happiful about honesty, hoarding – and hamsters Interview | Jake Hamilton

When were you last utterly honest with someone?

Constantly. Honesty is key.

What’s your most treasured possession?

My hamster, Nigel. I’m always worrying about him. If there was a fire in my flat, I’d grab him over anything else. He’s a new pet so I’m slightly obsessed with him.

How well can you read a room?

Pretty well, I think. Most people can sense if things are positive or negative. That’s human intuition.

If you could change something about your personality, what would it be?

Anxiety. I get a bit overwhelmed in social situations.

Sometimes I wish I could turn that aspect of me off.

What phrase do you overuse?

I’m hungry.

When did you last lose your cool?

I’m filming a TV show called Krypton – the fight routines are insane! I might have lost my cool for a moment, but you have to pick yourself up and try again.

What’s better – hoarding or purging?

Hoarding. I like keeping things of sentimental value.

How well can you hide your feelings?

Not very well. I barely have any control over my facial expressions. It’s definitely got me in trouble a few times.

60 • happiful • January 2018

Tell me about your earliest childhood memory.

I remember the day my dad’s partner brought a kitten home, called Douglas. He was a ginger tabby. Me and my sister fell in love with him immediately.

What misconception do people have about you?

I’ve had people start speaking to me in Spanish quite a few times, because they assume I’m Spanish. If only I could actually speak Spanish!

If money can’t buy love, what can it buy?

Food, a place to live, health care. Sadly, the list is endless.

What’s more important – seeing or believing?

Believing, because that can sometimes lead to seeing.

It’s important to retain the sense of belief you have as a child, which can be lost in adult cynicism.

What was the last important decision you made?

What to have for breakfast. (I had porridge.)

If you had the power to end one stigma about mental health, what would it be?

That people use mental health problems just to get attention – that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Also, that someone with mental health problems is automatically unstable. It’s very possible to manage mental health issues and be a very stable person.

What’s your idea of earthly happiness?

Being truly content and happy within yourself. Through that, you can find happiness in everything in your life. It’s a difficult thing to fully achieve, but definitely something I aspire to.

Georgina appears in a new episode of the brilliant TV series ‘Black Mirror’, which will air on Netflix this month.

Photography | Tom Leishman

What is your current philosophy?

At the moment, I don’t want to waste the opportunities presented in life. Surround yourself with good people, follow your passions and give yourself time to really enjoy life, because it’s a gift.

Georgina RULES

I get a bit overwhelmed in social situations.

Sometimes I wish I could turn that aspect of me off

January 2018 • happiful • 61

Food Spotlight

AYURVEDA Soul Sister

Culinary queen Jasmine Hemsley is using ancient teachings to help fine-tune the body and mind. Happiful enjoys a cup of ‘golden milk’ with the holistic guru Writing | Gemma Calvert

66 • happiful • January 2018

Photography | Nick Hopper

I

n a bustling cafe near London Bridge, Jasmine Hemsley, one half of holistic food and cooking empire Hemsley + Hemsley, is clutching a cup of steaming lemongrass tea. Jasmine, make-up free and radiant, is the ultimate advert for going caffeinefree. She turned her back on coffee 12 years ago while working as a commercial model after questioning the effect that umpteen cups daily was having on her health.

“By 4pm I used to feel a bit green and I’d crash,” says Jasmine, 37. “I had to have a word with myself and think ‘as cool and delicious as it is, coffee doesn’t make me feel very good’.”

Instead, Jasmine began blending home-made green smoothies, made from greens, apple, lime and ginger, which her colleagues labelled “Jas Juice” before they slowly started following her example.

“They became interested, started coming in with their own juices and stopped the coffees because they had so much more energy,” recalls Jasmine, who subsequently educated herself about different food philosophies and launched a bespoke health food delivery service designed to encourage her clients to eat well and live more energised lives.

Soul SISTER

QUICK RECIPE: GOLDEN MILK Also called a ‘turmeric latte’ – this classic Ayurvedic recipe can help improve digestion and circulation

Ingredients: Whole milk (175ml or 250ml of almond milk, for simmering), 3 cardamom pods (cracked), Ground turmeric (½ tsp), Piece of fresh ginger, grated (around ½ tsp or 1 tsp ground ginger), Ground cinnamon (½ tsp), Freshly ground black pepper (½ tsp), jaggery (½ tbsp).

Method: 1 Place the milk in a small pot or milk pan. If you are using dairy milk, add 120ml (½ cup) of water. If you are using almond milk, add 60ml (½ cup) of water. Add the remaining ingredients, apart from the jaggery, and gently simmer for 10—15 minutes.

2 Add a splash more hot water if needed.

Stir through the jaggery to taste, strain and serve immediately.

By 2010, with her sister Melissa, 32, on board, H+H was born. Within two years they were writing a recipe blog for Vogue. Two bestselling cookbooks followed, The Art of Eating Well and Good + Simple. They opened a cafe in Selfridges and later starred in their own Channel 4 TV show, Eating Well with Hemsley + Hemsley.

Now the duo, who boast more than 300,000 Instagram followers, are temporarily flying solo.

Melissa’s Eat Happy cookbook is out this month, while wellness guru Jasmine recently released East By West, an Ayurvedic-inspired cookbook named after her Mayfair pop-up cafe and centred on 5,000-year-old theories that promote a 360-degree approach to wellness.

A mind, body and soul one stop shop, if you will.

“5,000 years can’t be wrong,” says Jasmine, who came up with the book idea on a detox retreat in India last year. As well as meditation, yoga and sleep, she says food is one “access point” to daily wellness.

“By eating a meal with friends and family or even by yourself in a really calm environment where you are connected, it looks after you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually,” she explains, adding that before her dad, Jack, a former Army officer, passed away, aged 72, in 2014, food played a pivotal role in helping the family cope with their emotions.

“During that time, with all the doctors looking after him, the one thing we could do was make dad a nice meal,” says Jasmine. “It was the one thing that dad had left. He wanted to emotionally think about where he’d travelled in the world. It was nostalgia.”

For the Ayurveda beginner, Jasmine suggests these three practices to kickstart mind, body and soul healing:

1: FOOD FOCUS

“Scientific experiments have proved that if you’re not consciously

connected to your food, you eat one and a half times or twice the amount.

Slow down when eating and remove distractions like the TV. One of the biggest problems in modern day society is we’re multi-tasking and not tasting. We expect our food to shout at us instead of us tuning into it. The next time you have lunch, say: ‘I’m really grateful for my lunch.’ Take a breath and eat instead of typing away on your computer while you eat. As soon as you take 25 minutes to eat your food, you will find a level of fullness, which is satisfaction, and won’t feel inclined to eat anything else.”

2: LIGHT AT NIGHT

“You take to bed a big heavy meal eaten late in the evening, which creates what I call a ‘food hangover’ the following morning. The moment I brought my evening meal forward an hour earlier and ate a bit lighter, my sleep improved tenfold.”

3: THE THREE HOUR RULE

“Unless you’re pregnant or doing some extreme sport and need to fuel your body all the time, snacking constantly is like filling a kettle with cold water.

It never comes to boil; it never gets to work efficiently. We’re surrounded by available food and we tend to use it emotionally. Don’t snack all the time. Instead, leave a good three hours between each meal to give your digestion a rest.”

While Jasmine says that emotions can be affected by “what you eat, how you eat and when you eat,” she cautiously refuses to list foods with any such benefits.

“For me, it’s [about being] less prescriptive because that goes into the whole superfood realm and becomes very distorted. I’m not about saying ‘a certain food will lift you’ because it’s about everything,” she says. “For me, it’s about home cooking.”

Continues >>> January 2018 • happiful • 67

Food Spotlight

One of the biggest problems in society is that we’re multi-tasking and not tasting.

We expect our food to shout at us, instead of us tuning into it

The Hemsleys’ “back to basics” style of cooking centres on the philosophy that a healthy gut and good digestion helps lead to a healthy body and their recipes include things like bone broth and natural fats, fish, meat, dairy, fruit, vegetables, pulses, nuts and seeds.

Gluten, grains or refined sugar are, however, off the menu, which has attracted criticism. Last year, former Great British Bake Off star Ruby Tandoh accused H+H of “wellness evangelism” and the sisters have come under fire for apparently promoting clean eating, which has been linked to orthorexia, an obsession with healthy food. It’s an association they both deny.

But what are her views on wellness bloggers – many of whom, like her, are unqualified?

Jasmine insists we should be “conscious” of the influence they could have on youngsters but, overall, she is thrilled with the effect that Britain’s wellness boom is having on consumer choice.

“We’re changing what the supermarkets stock and what cafes sell us, we’re creating a demand. All in all, it’s a really positive change,” she says.

Asked to predict the direction of wellness in 2018 and Jasmine returns to the Ayurvedic practise of tuning into your body to know what it requires.

“It’s about understanding your individual needs, that change from moment to moment. When you go through the book and see the recipes you can tweak them. Do I need heating up? Then I’ll put more ginger in. Am I too stimulated? I won’t put the chilli in.

If I’ve come in and feel really frazzled, I’ll probably want a bit more fat in my food because that’s more grounding,” she explains. “For the first time, it’s understanding yourself as a whole in relation to the world around you.”

‘East by West: Simple Recipes for Ultimate Mind-Body Balance’ is out now (Bluebird, £25).

68 • happiful • January 2018

Exploring sexuality

(one wisecrack at a time) With their popular anti-slut shaming podcast, comedians Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson are redefining what it means to be a sexually-empowered woman Interview | Kathryn Wheeler

W

hile working the New York City stand-up circuit under the double-act name Sorry About Last Night, Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson gained notoriety for their risqué, yet relatable comedy. But it was in 2013, following a difficult break-up, that Corinne approached Krystyna with a new venture: a podcast where they interview the men they’d slept with.

What began as a jokey concept soon developed into something extraordinary. Among the butt-plug gags and the stories of one-night stands gone wrong, the duo started taking on the heavier side of sexuality, addressing everything from consent to abuse.

Inspired by hundreds of listenersubmitted questions, their latest endeavour, the book F*CKED: Being Sexually Explorative and SelfConfident in a World That’s Screwed, is a mixture of raw anecdotal chapters and scrupulous essays.

With an astounding 38.5 million listeners, sold-out live shows, and 325k subscribers on SoundCloud, Hutchinson and Fisher are undeniably the f-bomb-wielding voices of progression and female liberation.

We caught up with the duo to find out what makes them do what they do:

Firstly, who is your book for, and what do you hope they take from it?

Corinne: Our book is for anyone who has ever been made to feel bad about who they are or what they want sexually. It’s for feminists ready to step outside the echo chamber, straight men who want an uncensored look into the mind of the women they pursue, members of the LGBTQ+ community who have said “fuck the status quo”, and parents who want to raise kids who will love themselves first and worry about romantic relationships later.

Continues >>>

Sex & Relationships

Amazing! Do you take your own advice?

Krystyna: I do! It was a difficult adjustment to make from my previous years of ignoring my own advice. But you just have to remember to take a second and ask yourself: “What would I tell me to do?” We usually know the solution to our own problem, but getting to a place of accepting that takes practice.

Corinne: I have to constantly remind real life Corinne to think like “podcast Corinne”. We’re pretty much the same person, but real life Corinne is a little more of a party animal so she makes worse choices.

Did you learn anything surprising from interviewing all these guys?

Corinne: I was surprised by the positive things people had to say about me! I think I’m a great person and a thoughtful girlfriend, but I also know I’m a tough person to be in a relationship with because I expect so much of my partners emotionally.

Unsurprisingly, I like choking people in bed.

Krystyna: For me, the biggest surprise was when we interviewed my ex, Adam. I swore that he dumped me, but after talking to him on the podcast he informed me that I was the one who did the dumping. That’s a pretty big brain fart.

Since starting the podcast, who has been your favourite guest so far?

Krystyna: Stand-up comedians have a way of talking about dark subjects with a sense of humour, so I’d have to say those are my favourite kind of guests. Troy Alan, Wendi Starling,

70 • happiful • January 2018

Blair Socci, Alyssa Limperis and Farah Brook come to mind. When you can make jokes about horrible things, it can be extremely cathartic. One of my favourite moments of the podcast was when we interviewed comedian Jessica Kirson and she told us about the time she was date raped in college. After hearing the story, we asked Jessica: “Why do you say ‘date raped’? You weren’t on a date!” There was a brief pause and then Jessica started cracking up. “I guess it was just regular rape then, huh?”

The beauty industry is counting on people to hate the way they look, but don’t fall for it

Where do you get your confidence from?

Krystyna: For me, confidence came with age. Having a comedy partner who is a genuinely confident woman also helps. Oh, and surrounding yourself with female friends who are supportive, kind and unstoppable in their chosen career fields! My girlfriends mean the world to me and being in their presence is always a confidence-booster because badassery is contagious.

And you, Corinne?

Corinne: Target.

What about body confidence?

Corinne: Your body is the vessel that’s holding your soul and your soul is the part that really matters, that’s the part you really need to love. It’s not for other people to comment on. And it’s not there to make you feel bad about yourself. Start with the inner confidence and work your way out.

Krystyna: Don’t beat yourself up. The beauty industry is counting on people to hate the way they look, but don’t fall for it. Eat healthy and exercise but also realise that your body type is your body type and that’s not something one can easily change without extreme exercise or surgery.

Even so, we all have insecurities – how do you deal with yours?

Corinne: I try to work on myself so that anything I feel insecure about becomes “better”. I always love myself, but I certainly often expect more or better from myself. I’m not into just accepting myself as I am. There’s a happy medium between pushing yourself and being proud of yourself.

When we boil it down, is everything just about exploring our curiosity?

Corinne: Not at all. I think everything is about self-confidence, loving yourself, and feeling free from shame.

Those things allow you to allow yourself to explore your curiosities, but the exploration of the curiosities are not the foundation in my opinion.

Krystyna: I disagree. I think it is!

Jon Ronson told us in an interview we did with him that when you stop being curious about people and ideas,

Podcast PIONEERS

you stop growing intellectually and emotionally and I couldn’t agree more. To me, curiosity means being open to understanding anything even if you don’t agree with the ideology.

Curiosity is also what makes Corinne and I decent interviewers.

Sharp tongues, sharper minds: Corinne (left) and Krystyna

What advice would you give parents who want to talk to their children about sex?

Krystyna: Using the correct anatomical names for body parts is a good start. Kids shouldn’t be forced to call their vaginas a “butterfly” or their penises a “wee-wee” because that sends a confusing message.

Corinne: And start early! Sex shouldn’t be one anxiety-riddled talk that happens one time when your kid is 13. If educational sex talk is always present in the household, both parents and children will feel much more comfortable when heavier topics arise.

In these modern times, anyone can access porn.

Do you think porn is a force for good, or evil?

Krystyna: I don’t feel any extreme way about the porn industry because I’ve been educated on both the positive and negative aspects of the world of porn. Interviewing porn actress Asa Akira made me understand that it’s possible, albeit uncommon, to have a truly wonderful experience in porn.

But as far as how the industry treats its performers, watching the Netflix documentary Hot Girls Wanted made me realise how the porn business takes advantage of young women.

Corinne: Yeah, the porn “industry”, like most industries, ain’t good. I’m not going to say evil, but the industry itself mostly lacks respect for the

welfare of its performers. The art of porn, however, I think can be good, depending on how it’s made.

I definitely consume porn, but I do so responsibly, meaning I don’t do it every day and I also don’t expect porn behaviour from my partners in my actual sex life.

Krystyna: Whenever I’m feeling down about the state of the world, which has been frequent as of late, I’ll stop reading the news and start reading emails from our listeners.

Knowing that we help people to overcome a traumatic event is beyond anything I could have ever hoped for.

Why did you start reading out emails, and then working on your listeners’ problems on the podcast?

What advice do you have for couples looking to spice up their sex lives?

Krystyna: Listeners started writing us and asking for advice without us prompting them to do so. I think that’s because they heard us talk so openly about our lives and about how much we don’t know, so we unknowingly created a judgement-free zone that people felt comfortable lending their personal stories to.

Krystyna: Figure out what turns you on. A lot of people, mainly women, don’t allow themselves to explore their own body and figure that out. I tell women “think from your pussy!”

From there you can entertain role playing, mutual masturbation or hell, even a three-way!

Corinne: Also, kiss more.

Do you get feedback too?

Subscribe to the Guys We F*cked Podcast on iTunes and Soundcloud.

Corinne: All the time! The podcast helps people to be more confident.

‘F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed’ is out now (Little, Brown, £12.99)

January 2018 • happiful • 71

True Life | Lola’s story

I suffer with PTSD from a sexually and physically abusive relationship At just 13, Lola was trapped with an abusive partner until a school nurse intervened and helped her escape. Now 18, this remarkable young woman helps other vulnerable people as a Youth MP

I

f you ask people to describe me, the overall consensus would be along the lines of a strongwilled, gutsy, confident, sociable girl who can make any situation fun. But those people are unaware of my past trauma, that causes me to mask my feelings.

In 2012, when I was just 13, I entered into a relationship with an older man. As many of these stories go, everything was fine to begin with and it was a happy, healthy relationship – albeit with an age gap. This all changed a couple of months in, when I was beaten for the first time.

Today, I am still able to recall exactly what that first punch felt like and how shocked I felt. When he grabbed my neck and held me to the wall, I thought he would genuinely kill me. When I left, I was relieved to be alive but knew that this was just the start.

As time went on, the physical abuse worsened. In addition to this, I was also sexually abused and raped on a regular basis. Whenever he was assaulting me, I’d always sing songs in my head to manage the pain and help speed up the time. Now, I can’t listen to those songs.

He was very clever and never bruised me in the places people would see. My bruises were mostly on my waist, stomach and thighs. In one photo I have, the whole of my right hip is browny-purple; you can’t see my normal skin.

One time I went home with a hickey on my neck (that I didn’t want but had no option) and I got in such trouble with my parents who thought it was disgusting. Little

72 • happiful • January 2018

did they know I thought it was disgusting too. It was a reminder of how I’d been violated.

Until this point, I’d had a normal childhood with such a loving family, but I couldn’t even begin to think of asking my parents for help. I was a young girl who desperately needed saving from such an awful situation, but couldn’t ask. Instead, I acted up at school and home, making life for my mum and dad so difficult without even realising.

The person who ended up saving me was my school nurse. I wouldn’t have got out of that relationship had it not been for her. I spent a lot of time with her, as we had a strong connection and she was the only person I trusted.

During the relationship, I was suicidal and she was the person who noticed and asked me what was happening.

In the end, I didn’t have to tell her – she guessed.

It turns out the man responsible for everything had been emailing her and telling her how much he loved me and couldn’t survive without me. She replied, telling him to fuck off. She told me what I needed to do, what my options were, and for the first time I felt safe and courageous because I knew she’d be there.

The first time I tried to leave was unsuccessful. I left but the guy threatened to come after my older sister, so I went back – and suffered more. The second time I tried to leave, I succeeded. I got a new phone so he had no way of contacting me and blocked him on everything.

I also made sure to be with people when I was going somewhere so he couldn’t get to me. Leaving is not as

straightforward as it seems though. After more than a year, I was finally liberated from a twisted, sick man whose power complex led me to being violated.

It should’ve been the beginning of the rest of my life, but the aftermath has been so detrimental to me that it seems like it never finished. I didn’t tell anyone else about what had happened until a year or so after, when I had to go to the NHS’s Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services because my mental health was deteriorating fast. I had attempted to take my own life several times.

Unfortunately, counselling didn’t work for me. When your counsellor says, “OK, today we’re going to talk about the first time you were raped,” you’re not exactly buzzing to be at a session. In the end, I would travel to my counselling session, get to the building, turn around and go home again.

I was under the care of a paediatrician in the hospital who diagnosed me with PTSD. For me, PTSD means severe flashbacks that occur daily; night terrors where I hallucinate and can see and touch someone trying to kill me; and anxiety in social situations. I tried to fight against the flashbacks. I’d cry and scream and hurt myself. When they happen, my eyes are shut and I’m back reliving a scenario where he’s hurting me. The common ones are the “first times” – when he hit me and raped me.

When I stopped fighting my mental illness, life began to be more manageable because I adapted to fit it. There are still days and weeks where I can’t cope – I can’t deal with people asking me what’s going on and trying to help me.

All I want to do is lock myself in a room and cry because I have no coping mechanisms. But there are good days where I feel unstoppable, and like a normal 18-year-old girl, which is amazing.

In 2015, I decided I wanted to help other young people in vulnerable circumstances, so I ran to be the Youth MP for Westminster. My campaign focused on getting young people a curriculum for life, which would include better sex education, especially on areas surrounding consent and guidance on healthy relationships, so that if they experience what I did they would know where to

There are good days where I feel unstoppable, like a normal 18-year-old girl, which is amazing

go for advice and options. I was successfully elected and spent my term working on projects that helped victims of domestic violence and youth crime. I also spoke at sex and relationships events to raise awareness of abusive relationships.

In 2016, I was elected Chair of Westminster’s Safer Neighbourhood Board – the youngest Chair to be elected.

The board held police accountable and demanded explanations for increases in certain crimes during specific time periods, such as when rape increased by 50%. We then choose to fund projects that tackle these crimes, and we work together to reduce them.

I’ve done all this partly out of guilt.

It made me feel better trying to help people, because I never prosecuted the man who had done that to me and I knew he could be doing it to other girls. While I’ve rebuilt my life, and try to live normally, I hope that one day he comes to terms with his actions. I’m no longer letting him control my life. I’m not letting him win. I accept my PTSD and all the stuff that comes with it, and I won’t let it stop me doing what I want to do in life.

Our Expert Says

Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

Lola’s shocking story brings home the terrible cost of abuse for young people. It’s humbling to hear how her school nurse was able to help her break free, and to hear how Lola is transcending her trauma and re-building her sense of self. I wish her very well in her ongoing recovery.

January 2018 • happiful • 73

The Happiful Road Test

Alternative Milk The plants challenging the dairy industry

HEMP MILK om: Free Fr Nuts Soya &

A cup of hemp milk will set you up with half the calcium you need a day, and is rich in phosphorus, B vitamins, and magnesium.

RRP: £1.60

TASTE: 5/5 PACKAGING: 2/5 HAVE IT AGAIN?: Yes

Over the past five years, the sale of alternative milk has grown by a massive 250% Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I

n recent years, the “clean eating” movement has more of us questioning the nutritional value of the food and drinks we consume.

Whilst cow’s milk has its benefits, including high levels of calcium and B vitamins, it isn’t without problems. Allergies, acne and high cholesterol are all part of the risks with dairy.

The statistics speak for themselves, with research from the US showing that people are now drinking 40% less cow’s milk than they were a few decades ago. To replace it, people are turning to alternatives – milks made from plants, all of which come with their own unique nutritional qualities.

To find out if these plant-powered super drinks stand up to their reputation, the Happiful team put five alternative milks to the test.

74 • happiful • January 2018

SOYA MILK Soya milk contains all nine of the essential amino acids your body needs. It also contains 30% of daily calcium, B vitamins, iron and protein.

RRP: £1.40

TASTE: 4/5 PACKAGING: 3/5 HAVE IT AGAIN?: Yes

I liked it! It was very creamy and reminded me of condensed milk – Ali

Alternative MILK

CONCLUSION

ALMOND MILK Almond milk is high in vitamin E, phosphorus, potassium and zinc, and is free of saturated fats and cholesterol. However, it is also high in carbohydrates and low in calcium.

RRP: £1.80

TASTE: 5/5 PACKAGING: 3/5 HAVE IT AGAIN?: Yes

We the packaging design

OAT MILK

Low in fat and cholesterol free, oat milk contains 10 different minerals and 15 vitamins with 36% of your recommended daily allowance of calcium in one cup.

RRP: £1.45

Actually, not too bad! I tried it with tea and I would have it again, but I wouldn’t choose it over normal milk – Ross

TASTE: 3/5 PACKAGING: 5/5 HAVE IT AGAIN?: Maybe

Despite the general rise of alternative milks, only 33% of our reviewers had tried these alternative milks before, and just 16% were aware of any nutritional benefits in the milks. But, despite a rather tentative start, a staggering 83% said they definitely would (or would consider) having these milks again.

On the whole, Happiful enjoyed the milks we tried.

The hemp said they’d milk was a surprise hit recommend among our the milk to reviewers, although a friend we wouldn’t be surprised to see “a soy latte to-go” becoming a more popular order for the office coffee rounds.

82%

All these milks can be found in major supermarkets.

RICE MILK Rice milk contains niacin, vitamin B-6, iron, copper and magnesium. However, it is very high in carbohydrates and sugar, and low in protein and calcium.

RRP: £1.40

TASTE: 3/5 PACKAGING: 3/5 HAVE IT AGAIN?: Maybe January 2018 • happiful • 75

True Life | Phoebe’s story

I’ve self-harmed since I was 11, but nobody helped me Phoebe, now nearly 19, struggled with depression for many years – in silence. Finally, by believing in her own inner strength, she found the support she desperately needed

Phoebe (left) has taken part in a charity parachute jump

S

ometimes, I feel victimised. I want to point a finger and say: “You did this to me, it’s your fault!” But there’s no one to blame. Is it my fault I’m ill? If I had a physical illness, people would say: “Of course not!” However, when I can’t get out of bed I’m asked: “Are you lazy?” I lie there, completely overwhelmed with the smothering feeling of nothing.

My eyes glaze over and I don’t have the energy to focus.

76 • happiful • January 2018

The first step to recovery with any mental health illness is to admit that something is wrong. It sounds simple – it isn’t. I hid behind self-harm and spiralling depression for a number of years until I truly admitted to myself that there was something wrong. No one noticed. There was a long period of time when I wanted help but didn’t know how to reach out for it. I felt like I was shouting into a void and no one was listening.

The first time I reached out for help, I went to one of my favourite teachers – I was 14. I trusted her.

I showed her the scars up my right arm. I saw her stifle a gasp. She held my hand, looked me in the eye and promised me that she was going to help me. She said that someone from the welfare team was going to come and help.

No one did.

When one of my school friends went to the welfare team six months later and said they were worried about my self-harming, the school called my mother and said it was her who needed to do something. I so desperately wanted help. I felt alone. No one should be made to feel that their mental health is insignificant.

When I moved into sixth form, it got a bit better.

There was a member of the welfare team I could go to, who I felt I could trust – but she worked parttime. A student couldn’t have a panic attack on a Monday or a Friday because there was nowhere for them to go. For teenagers and adults going through mental health struggles, their illnesses feel

very permanent. Depression envelops every thought, every feeling and every second. Mental health is not part-time. No teenager should have to fight for the help they need. I had to fight for therapy that I was never offered on the NHS, and so my parents had to pay privately. I’m very lucky in that respect; there are many people who don’t have the luxury of private therapy, and my psychotherapist was amazing.

No one should be made to feel that their mental health is insignificant

In February 2015, when I was 16-years-old, I took my first overdose. My second was in August of the same year. Being 16, I was too old to go to the Paediatric Unit and too young to go to the Psychiatric Ward. I was put in the Clinical Decisions Unit (CDU). It was like a void between two places. CDU is where patients are put who have nowhere else to go. I was distraught. I had fully intended on dying and had never considered the alternative. Yet I was alive, and hated it. I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital until I had seen the Child and Adolescents Mental Health Services (CAMHS) team, which is extremely underfunded. The staff looked horrifically stressed and tired, yet all they wanted was to make sure I didn’t have any plans to take another overdose and then leave. So, I was sent home and that was that.

I was still suicidal, and still depressed. I asked to see a psychiatrist but the mental health nurse said she didn’t see the need. I looked at her and thought: “I’ve been self-harming since I was 11 and had attempted to take my life twice.” I was no longer in school fulltime due to my mental health. How much worse did she think that my situation could get? I wanted to get better, but everywhere I turned I was refused the support that I needed.

I learned to rely on my close friends more than I should have. I put a lot on their shoulders because I lacked professional support. These girls were incredible. They helped me; we were a team. I am extraordinarily lucky to have them, but I should have had professional help.

I was refused medication by the CAMHS team too, and it was only when I turned 18 and went to the doctor that I received the medication I needed.

I’m not saying medication is always the answer for mental illness – for lots of people, therapy is what they need, or a course of mindfulness.

However, I needed the medication.

I’m nearly 19 now, and have learned an awful lot from my experience. There’s not enough support for teenagers with mental health issues in the education system, or in the NHS. I’ve also learned I am a strong person; when I hit rock bottom I still managed to find the strength to fight for the help I needed. And I’ve learned I want to pursue a career as a paramedic.

I’m slowly coming off my medication. Part of my recovery has involved raising money and awareness to help develop the mental health systems that are already in place. I’ve shaved my hair twice and I’ve done a skydive with a group of friends for the mental health charity Mind, raising over £2,000. I’m currently training to run a marathon as well.

Why? Because UK teenagers need help.

The exam process is becoming increasingly harder, and schools are becoming increasingly stricter. Our teenagers need someone to turn to in moments of stress, and to feel supported. Unfortunately, at the moment, this is not happening. As a population, we are raising our younger generation to have a whole host of mental health problems. This is not OK. We must do better. Let’s start helping our young.

Our Expert Says

Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

Phoebe’s story highlights the deeply concerning shortfall in services for children and young people with mental health issues.

We need to be doing far more to help vulnerable young people.

Her courage in speaking out and in fundraising is inspiring.

January 2018 • happiful • 77

Food & Drink: Mythbusters

78 • happiful • January 2018

Peanut BUTTER

Peanut butter me up?

It’s the creamy gloop that sticks to the roof of your mouth, slathered on toast, or wedged inside America’s favourite sandwich.

But is peanut butter actually good for your health?

Writing | Rebecca Thair

A staple in 89% of American households, peanut butter has made its way across the pond and become a cupboard musthave in many UK homes too.

In 2015, the UK’s number one peanut butter brand, Whole Earth, saw a 16.5% growth in year-on-year sales. And while the spreadable treat might be associated with more unhealthy items – Reese’s Pieces, cupcake frosting – a survey by Live Lighter found that around 72% of nutritionists actually view it as a healthy food item, while only about 43% of the public did. So, is it an utter misconception?

THE GOOD

Made from peanuts ground into a creamy consistency – though some do come with crunchy chunks if you prefer – there can be significant differences in flavour between brands. Some add sugar to sweeten, others salt and vegetable oils, there is a huge amount of variety out there.

But the good news is that the spread is full of healthy fat – in two tablespoons of peanut butter, there’s about 8g of monounsaturated fats and 4g of polyunsaturated fats. These help to reduce your LDL (bad)

cholesterol, lowering your risk of heart disease or a stroke.

In 100g of peanut butter, there’s also about 25g of protein, which is more than a lot of other plant foods, as well as considerable amounts of vitamins and minerals, including 67% of your recommended daily amount (RDA) of Vitamin B3, and 45% of your RDA of Vitamin E.

THE BAD

serving) which is known to increase the bad cholesterol, which contributes to a greater risk of heart disease.

Additionally, while peanuts are notably a saltier treat, a lot of brands add considerable amounts of sugar and other additives to sweeten the deal. In the average store-bought peanut butter jar, for every 100g, you’re looking at roughly 9g of sugar.

Regardless of nutritious content, THE TAKEAWAY anyone with a nut allergy can’t While nutritionists see the health come anywhere near this stuff. benefits of peanut butter, it’s often Food allergies affect about two what’s added when the food is million people in the UK, processed that’s a problem. When and unfortunately doing your shop, remember the number of the more natural the better. peanut allergies Opt for organic ranges in children in of nutritionists that specify “no added Western countries sugar” or “no added palm view it as a has doubled in oil” to avoid the negative healthy food processed ingredients and the last 10 years, item stick with the pure peanut according to crunch.

Or, if you’re not too Allergy UK. keen on the unsweetened version, Additionally, although it’s perhaps try other nut butters like nutritious, peanut butter is hazelnut or cashew. particularly calorific – just two While we need healthy fats, tablespoons contain about 200 and the calorie impact is relative calories, which is 10% of women’s to the amount you burn every average RDA. And while it does day, perhaps avoiding eating have plenty of healthy fats, it spoonfuls straight from the jar (as also contains some saturated fat tempting as it is) is the less nutty (around 3g in a two-tablespoon option.

72%

January 2018 • happiful • 79

True Life | Sam’s story

My epilepsy gives me severe anxiety Sam, 22, has experienced epileptic fits since childhood, but an often-unspoken part of epilepsy is the added anxiety.

Sam learned to cope through recognising the importance of self-care

M

any people around the world have medical conditions that prevent them from doing certain things.

Many people have spoken about living with a condition, but never really the anxiety that comes with it.

I have epilepsy, which is a neurological disorder triggered by episodes of sensory disturbance, loss of consciousness, or convulsions, associated with abnormal electrical activity in the brain.

I was diagnosed with it when I was just four years old, and although it hasn’t stopped me from doing a lot – I can still walk, dress myself, go swimming – it has prevented me from doing things like drinking, driving, and doing things alone. At that age, I was oblivious to it, so it didn’t really affect me

80 • happiful • January 2018

until I was more aware of myself, at around six.

I never used to be able to feel my fits, until I was 16. You’re conscious you’re having one, but there’s nothing you can do about it. You can feel your eyes rolling back, your body shaking, but all signals to your brain are cut like you’re just in limbo.

It’s a very strange sensation and not nice – very uncomfortable.

It’s been hard for me living with epilepsy; I was just turning 17 and my anxiety about having a fit when I was going out, or being too far from someone who knows how to look after me, shot through the roof. I wouldn’t leave my dad. I play for a local football team and wouldn’t play the away games because travelling was too much. I’d have panic attacks and couldn’t sleep. I can’t put into words the sheer amount of fear I had knowing that any minute I could have a fit and there’s nothing I could do about it.

After having a fit in the shower, I’m now too anxious to lock the door. I don’t like being home alone anymore, and even a simple walk to the shops can be scary. I lie in bed trying to sleep, but worry about what will happen if my dad doesn’t hear me having a fit. What if I fall, bang my head, or stumble into the road? There are so many “what ifs”, but these are all present problems for me.

I also have the problem of not being able to drive – what if I never can? I’m 22 and have never

been clubbing because the lights could trigger a fit; will I ever get to experience that? So many “what ifs” tick over in your brain, making you more stressed and anxious, making you feel not worthy or that it’s pointless to continue.

My epilepsy has affected my work massively as well.

Added to the fact I’m not able to drive to work, and being away from family and using public transport terrifies me, I’m limited in what I can do because I can only work certain hours – the medication I’m on has side effects including drowsiness, so a day’s work feels like two for me. I can hold a job down for about three to six months and then my seizures become more frequent.

I can’t put into words the fear I had knowing that any minute I could have a fit and there’s nothing I could do about it During school, I used to get bullied when I had seizures in class, which made me anxious about going to school. It wasn’t just because of the seizure itself, but everything that came after it – the name calling, and the fact it’s hard to make friends when you’re someone who doesn’t really like doing a lot.

And then I had a daughter, and as all new parents know, this is a whole different ball game. I was so anxious; I didn’t know if I’d be able to cope with her, let alone with my condition, too. But I took it slow and I eased myself into it. My parents helped and taught me a lot, and now she’s three-years-old and I’m more than confident to have her on my own.

I’ve learnt that you need to take care of yourself first in order to take care of others. Even though that sounds selfish, think of it like this: if someone was

drowning and needed aid like a lifebuoy and you jumped in without one, then there are two drowning people. You have to make sure you’re equipped before you can help others, and that’s exactly what I did with my little girl.

I’ve never really found a coping method for my epilepsy other than to sleep a lot. I try to keep my mind busy but clear. I’ve found its best for me to be relaxed, close to home, and to get as much rest as I possibly can.

Epilepsy has also brought me some sort of depression. I can’t do some things like drive, drink alcohol, stay up late, enjoy music festivals, or travel and it hurts when I see my friends posting pictures where they’re having such a good time, while I’m sitting inside my bedroom watching the world go by.

It is tough, and another effect has been memory loss.

I have a terrible memory, to the point I probably won’t remember writing this article in a few days, despite spending so long doing it. I can’t remember any of my childhood, which really upsets me. Those friends who I don’t see regularly I completely forget. There are parts of my daughter’s upbringing I can’t remember at all. I have found a coping method in photography though, which I love. When I take pictures, I remember the days much more clearly, so the hobby has such a personal meaning to me.

Despite all this, I definitely feel like I’ve managed my epilepsy really well. I still do a lot of outdoor activities that are like extreme sports. I don’t let it stop me from working or going out, I just require some more attention or more time to get over these events, but I’m definitely looking at it positively and hoping everything bodes well for the future.

Our Expert Says

Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

Sam’s experience brings home the importance of finding your own way to look after yourself. We are all unique and one size doesn’t fit all. Trial and error to work out what helps is important in finding the self-care combinations that maximise wellbeing.

January 2018 • happiful • 81

Happiful Hero

The yoga instructor empowering people to be their best selves Nominated by her husband, Cory, Lildonia Lawrence is a shining light in her local London community

L

She possesses a unique ability to sincerely ignite a fire within people’s souls 82 • happiful • January 2018

ildonia Lawrence is a fitness and yoga instructor, life coach and, in the words of her husband, Cory, an all-around amazing human being.

She first began teaching fitness and yoga classes while studying at university, in 2009. Nearly a decade later, Lildonia still teaches some of the women who have been with her since the start.

Together, they have been through marriages, divorces, births, deaths, and everything in between.

So what keeps them coming back?

For a start, her classes, which take place at the Uxbridge Community Centre, not only cover physical wellbeing, but also address mental wellbeing, and aim to empower women to reach their goals.

The women who attend the classes leave each session with higher levels of fitness, but also with a sense of confidence, which equips them with the perspective they need to grow in the many other areas of their lives.

According to the people who know her best, she possesses a unique ability to connect with people on a very deep level and sincerely ignite a fire within their soul.

When she isn’t leading fitness and yoga classes, she also runs a sexual health service for young people, delivering advice and guidance across the Camden and Islington boroughs.

With the young people she works with, Lildonia manages to take the subject of sex and relationships and define the boundaries of respect and understanding, which allows communication on a level many of these youngsters could never even imagine.

Why take all this on?

Cory says she does it for the sheer love of it, and requires nothing more than seeing the progression of her clients. He says: “It is these shining beacons within the community who we often take for granted due to their everlasting dependence and unwavering devotion, which is so easy to rely on.”

Do you know an unsung hero?

Send your nominations to hello@happiful.com

MAKE THIS THE YEAR OF LIGHT Fin󰈧 󰈟h󰇧󰇹 󰈆󰈥ed󰇷 󰈠󰈢󰇼r i󰇳󰈡󰇪r 󰇰󰇯󰈪h󰇹 a󰈡d 󰈧󰈢 󰈩󰈣re 󰈢󰈇 󰇯󰇺. Thi󰇷 󰈝󰈢󰇼l󰈧 󰇩e w󰇶󰇮󰇺󰇯n󰇫, pa󰇮󰇳󰇺󰇯n󰇫, he󰇰󰇵󰇮n󰇫 󰈣󰇺he󰇶󰈤... or 󰇷󰇮󰈡g󰇯󰇳󰈪 in 󰇹󰇭󰇪 s󰇬󰈣󰈟er. Whe󰇳 󰈠󰈢󰇼r 󰇰i󰈪h󰇹 󰇮󰈤 b󰇼󰇶󰈡in󰇫 b󰇶i󰈪h󰇹, yo󰇻 󰇨󰈥󰈝om󰇪 󰈜 󰇨e󰇧󰈝󰈣n a󰇳󰈨 h󰇪󰇰󰇵 󰈣t󰇬e󰈦s fi󰇳󰈨 t󰇬e󰇮󰈦s.