Happiful January 2022

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING

ISSUE 57

All in

DISCOVER

There are wonders to be found in every phase of life

TURN UP THE HEAT

good time

Techniques to melt tension & induce calm

There’s more to intimacy than just sex

Reduce your carbon footprint Get your finances in 'cheque' Psychosis signs & support

The next chapter

Have you ever had a moment when you suddenly feel lost in your own life? The days of a familiar rhythm seem like a distant memory, and you’re constantly learning, adjusting, and facing new challenges.

Throughout our lives, we enter different stages – whether it’s leaving home for the first time, starting a new career, or approaching retirement. And while we know who we were, and what we needed to do yesterday, today it’s like someone has spun us around on the spot until we’ve lost all sense of direction.

Rebecca portrait | Studio Rouge

Entering this unfamiliar territory can be unsettling. Your goals may appear different, your support systems may have changed – it might even feel like you’re not the person you were 10 years ago. It can be like starting over, whether you’re quite ready to or not...

As scary as reaching a new phase in your life can be, with all the unknowns and uncertainty, we can reframe that fear into possibilities.

We can make it the life we want, spending our time how we want, focusing on what we need at this point in our lives.

With this in mind, on p28 we’re facing the fears of approaching

new life stages, exploring how this can be an opportunity for growth, and a chance to find freedom in being ourselves.

On p53, we reflect on the pressure to hit certain milestones, and how we can adjust this outlook to go at our own pace. Plus, on p65, we navigate the ever-changing landscape of the road to recovery.

The dawning of a new age isn’t the end of our story; in fact, it’s just the beginning of a new chapter waiting to be written.

Although it may seem, at times, as though we’re meeting a new version of ourselves, the truth is they’ve been there all along.

We’re evolving, and at each new stage we’re discovering what we’re capable of – why not enjoy getting to know ourselves?

It’s time to turn the page, and let your story unfold...

W | happiful.com F | happifulhq T | @happifulhq

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR

I | @happiful_magazine

28

Words of wisdom 20 Skill swaps

How can we share our knowledge to better support each other?

23 The girl who lived

Our columnist, Grace Victory, returns to tell her story, in her own words

28 A new age

Challenging attitudes towards ageing, and embracing new life stages

53 Missed milestones

Tips for when life doesn't go to plan

89 Under pressure

Relieve anxiety with pressure points

Food & health 39 Dealing with health anxiety 48 Tastes like teen spirit

Nutrition tips for adolescence

50 Life with chronic illness How to find balance

58 Recipes to start your day 79 Supercharge breakfast Give your morning a boost

Relationships 16 Know your self-worth

It's time to recognise our true value

72 Turn the heat up

Positive pointers 26 Drop a verse

Practise poetry for your wellbeing

32 Sleep tight

The ultimate bedtime routine

36 Curb your carbon

Creative ways to build intimacy, that aren't sex

61 Finding joy, at last

82 Calling all people-pleasers

75 Winter wildlife

Expert advice on how to overcome this detrimental habit

Jules Von Hep shares his journey

85 Yoga for kids

61

76

Try this at home 38 And... relax 76 Back to nature

79

True stories 45 Claire: food for thought How cooking brought Claire's family together through grief

69 Ali: facing the fear

A phobia of childbirth shadowed her future dreams, until she reached out

95 Beth: my calling

IBS took over, but she found a creative way to express herself

Wellbeing 14 What is toxic positivity?

33 Psychosis explained Be aware of early signs

42 Your financial wellbeing

16

65 The road to recovery

Why it isn't always straightforward

92 How to find motivation As an adult with ADHD

Culture 8 Good news

This month’s uplifting stories

13 The wellbeing wrap

32

56 Things to do in January 64 Unmissable reads

Is it time to take exercise outside?

84 Help for depression 98 Leave it in 2021

*

Expert review Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively.

The process of growing older as time passes by is inevitable, however, many people still hold negative feelings towards ageing. There are likely to be a host of reasons for this – though, in most part, they’re socially constructed by the world that you are exposed to. Check out p28 for some fresh perspectives that can be applied to growing old, and what that can mean for you – it does not have to be feared.

With a shift of perspective, the process of growth can be embraced to support you with the direction you are headed in. This can be a truly positive experience. The question is, are you ready?

RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred)

Rav is a counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 10 years' experience.

Expert Panel Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue

GERALDINE JOAQUIM DFSH HPD MCNHC MAFSFH MCTAA

Geraldine is a clinical hypnotherapist specialising in stess and women's health.

Our team EDITORIAL Rebecca Thair | Editor Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer Chelsea Graham | Editorial Assistant Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer

CAROL PEARSON

ANDY GILL

Bsc (Hons) PGCert Hyp PCC

BA NLP E-RYT JSY500 AC BWY

Carol is a leadership and life coach supporting clients to reach their goals.

Andy is a therapist who uses coaching, hypnotherapy, and yoga.

Grace Victory, Andy Gill | Columnists Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor

ART & DESIGN Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product

MICHAEL SWIFT

SARAH HANRATTY

BSc MSc MPDCBT MBPsS MBACP

BSc N.Med MCMA

Michael is a senior psychotherapist, consultant and lecturer in CBT.

Sarah is a clinical nutritionist at the Brain Food Nutrition Clinic.

Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead Rosan Magar | Illustrator Tamlyn Izzett | Graphic Designer

COMMUNICATIONS

Alice Greedus | PR Manager

CONTRIBUTORS

DEE JOHNSON Pract.Dip CBT MRSPH MBACP MNCS

Dee is a counsellor interested in working with individuals and groups.

UTA BOELLINGER DipNut mBANT rCNHC

Uta is a nutritionist specialising in women's health and energy.

Sarah Young, Maxine Ali, Caroline Butterwick, Kayleigh Rose McManus, Sarah Hanratty, Victoria Stokes, Jenna Farmer, Charlie Swarbrooke, Pragya Agarwal, Gemma Calvert, Katie Hoare, Claire Gillies, Ali Lawrence, Beth Coldrick

SPECIAL THANKS Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Andrew Harvey, Carol Pearson, Michael Swift, Dee Johnson, Uta Boellinger, Kate Dimmer, Sonal Shah, Jessica Rogers, Geraldine Joaquim

GRAEME ORR

RACHEL COFFEY

MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind

BA MA NLP Mstr

MANAGEMENT

Graeme is a counsellor working with both individuals and couples.

Rachel is a life coach, encouraging confidence.

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder

SUBSCRIPTIONS

SONAL SHAH

KATE DIMMER

BSc (hons)

MSc mBANT CNHC

Sonal is a nutritional therapist, health tutor, and director of Synergy Nutrition.

Kate is a registered nutritional therapist and health coach.

JESSICA ROGERS

ANDREW HARVEY

BA (Hons) CPCC PCC

FD (Open) MBACP (Accred) AP APM

Jessica is a leadership and executive coach.

Andrew is a psychotherapeutic counsellor.

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The Uplift

TECHNOLOGY

Artists reimagine masterpieces in a zero-carbon future Technology may hold the key to widespread, long-lasting change, but what does that look like in practice?

In a bid to explore a future supported by tech innovations, the Royal Academy of Engineering commissioned digital artists to rework masterpieces by Monet, Van Gogh, Constable, and Pissarro, all to prompt conversations about how engineering could help us to reach net zero carbon emissions by 2050.

Chosen because the artists were working during the industrial revolution, which we now know triggered the start of rising carbon

8 | January 2022 | happiful.com

emissions, the pieces feature innovations such as agricultural robots, smart thermochromic windows, vertical farms, and flying taxis, to illustrate how our landscapes might change with the development of new tech.

One of the pieces was Constable’s The Wheat Field, which was reworked to include solar powered pruning robots, autonomous grass cutting machines, and crop-monitoring drones. You can also see hydrogen planes in the sky – with futuristic shapes that maximise fuelefficiency and range of travel.

“If Constable were to walk in the British countryside in 2050, he’d see smaller fields with strips of different coloured crops, and less productive fields rewilded with trees, wildflowers, and shrubs to boost biodiversity and pollination,” said Kit Franklin, senior lecturer in agricultural engineering at Harper Adams University, in Shropshire.

Celebrating the power of tech, with the aim of encouraging bright minds into technology, the reimagined masterpieces open a window to the possibilities ahead.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

HEALTH

First live, uncensored breast check reminds us to give our chests some TLC When was the last time you checked your chest? According to the charity Breast Cancer Now, more than a third of women in Britain don’t regularly check for potential signs of breast cancer.

So, to empower more of us to get up close and personal with our chests, the charity teamed up with Twitter UK to stream the first-ever uncensored live breast check.

With the help of three volunteers, the broadcast gave viewers the chance to see it really is as simple as TLC – touch, look, and check.

Clinical nurse specialist and host of the broadcast Addie Mitchell also offered ideas for making it a habit, including checking in the shower.

The research by Breast Cancer Now found the main reasons for not checking regularly were forgetting (53%), not being in the habit of checking (39%), and not feeling confident in checking their breasts/ not knowing how to (16%).

The charity’s chief executive, Baroness Delyth Morgan, said: “Checking your breasts or chests takes just a couple of minutes but

could make all the difference – twothirds of breast cancers are found by women noticing unusual breast changes, and getting them checked by a GP. “While most breast changes won’t be cancer, it’s vital to contact your GP if you find anything new or unusual, as the sooner breast cancer is found, the more successful treatment is likely to be.”

Check out the charity’s #TouchLookCheck campaign on Twitter (@BreastCancerNow) for more.

Writing | Kat Nicholls

WORK

Portugal makes it illegal for bosses to contact staff after-hours In a landmark new law dubbed as the ‘right to rest’, Portugal has banned bosses from texting or emailing their staff outside of working hours, all as part of the country’s dedication to improve work-life balance.

Prompted by an increase in the number of people who are working from home, companies with more than 10 staff could be subject to fines if they contact their employees when they are not on the clock.

But this isn’t the only move they have made to better support employee wellbeing. Parents will

now be able to work from home indefinitely until their child turns eight, without needing to seek approval from their employers.

And companies may also need to contribute to household bills – such as energy and broadband costs – if their workforce is homebased. What’s more, in order to address any feelings of isolation, companies are also expected to organise regular face-to-face meetings.

Portugal is one of several countries that have introduced ‘digital nomad visas’, looking to attract entrepreneurs and

freelancers to the country – the Portuguese island of Madeira even has a ‘digital nomad village’, where you can log in with free wifi and office facilities – and these updates to the laws around remote working set the way for achieving a healthy and fulfilling work-life balance.

So, whether it prompts you to jet-set to sunny Portugal, or to reconsider the boundaries in place in your own life, the new law highlights the importance of rest, and a large-scale change in the way we think about work.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | January 2022 | 9

WELLBEING

Study reveals the power of a hearty cup of coffee In good news for coffee lovers, research presented at the European Society of Cardiology Congress has revealed that up to three cups of coffee per day is associated with a lower risk of stroke and heart disease, in the largest study to assess the effects of regular coffee consumption.

Including 468,629 UK participants, the study looked at people with no signs of heart disease. They were then divided into three groups depending on their usual daily coffee consumption – none, up to three cups, and more than three cups – with researchers estimating the association of daily coffee consumption with incident outcomes over a median follow-up of 11 years.

As part of the process, researchers made adjustments for a range of lifestyle factors such as age, sex, smoking status, and diet.

What they found was that, compared with non-coffee drinkers, light to moderate coffee drinkers were associated with a 12% lower risk of all-cause death, 17% lower risk for death from heart disease, and 21% lower risk of having a stroke.

They also found that even high daily intake (more than three cups a day) did not pose a cardiovascular risk.

While further research is needed to fully understand why exactly this is happening, it sits alongside the wellbeing benefits of sitting down with a warm drink, which has been shown to decrease our stress and anxiety levels.

That’s some cool beans.

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

happiful.com | January 2022 | 11

Take 5

How did you do? Sea rch 'freebies ' at shop.ha ppiful.co m to find th e answe r s, and mor e!

Switch off from the outside world and put your mind to these puzzles

Funky mazes

Can you find the right path to exit the mazes?

Then use the letters revealed by the correct paths to create a new word

A

W R Y A

T

G

L

S

P Winning letters:

Answer: Hint: Radiating from within

The

wellbeing wrap A spring in your step iHeartDogs, based in The Cambridge Dictionary has crowned ‘perseverance’ the word of 2021

A new law is being proposed that will see dognappers face up to five years in prison

Expedia, the travel company, is to stop selling holidays that include captive dolphin and whale shows

Apparently, all it takes is a good deep clean. Keeping up with household chores as we age can boost brain function, with a study from Singapore finding cognitive scores to be 8% higher in those aged over 65 who did high volumes of housework – time to get out those Marigolds.

the US, created ‘dogangel’ Christmas tree toppers in 2019, with the promise to donate 30 meals to shelters animals for each one sold. So far, it’s donated more than 1 million meals to animals in need.

And it was called yellow?

Maybe Coldplay should change their iconic song to ‘Green’, given their upcoming tour is utilising revolutionary eco-friendly technology. Having previously vowed not to tour again until it found a sustainable way to do so, the band announced that its 2022 shows will be powered by renewable energy, featuring a dancefloor that can capture the kinetic energy of the crowd!

Having a laugh?

A new study has explored how, and when, our sense of humour develops, and it could be earlier than you’d think! Researchers from Bristol University found that by the time we’re one month old, we can start to appreciate humour, but most of us won’t get the true giggles until eight weeks old.

Safety & support

A new update to health guidance, by the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence, looks to help pregnant people at risk of miscarrying. The recommendation is to prescribe progesterone to those at high-risk for miscarriage, and it’s believed this could prevent an estimated 8,450 miscarriages in the UK each year.

In November, a man from Dublin set out on an incredible challenge in order to raise funds Make a wish for men’s health A 13-year-old from Mississippi, who has a rare blood charity Movember. disorder that required a bone marrow transplant in 2020, was granted a wish by charity Make-A-Wish, and Having gone through his own difficulties used it in the most selfless way. Abraham Olagbegi asked to feed the homeless, and it’s a wish that will keep with depression and on giving. After giving out meals to about 80 people in anxiety, Sean O’Hara September, the charity has agreed to help Abraham ran 30 marathons in 30 feed the homeless each month for a year, after which days, raising more than Abraham hopes to continue the good work by setting €26,000 to help others. up his own non-profit.

Lidl has become the highest-paying supermarket in the UK, with minimum wages of £10.10 per hour

North Lincolnshire Council put the power to name its new snow gritter in the public’s hands – and they delivered in the form of a royal tribute.

In honour of the late Prince Philip, the new machine has been dubbed ‘The Duke of Spreadingborourgh’.

Rental roots

Planting the seeds for a brighter future, a fantastic initiative in the UK allows people to rent their Christmas trees, then return them to be nurtured at a farm for the rest of the year, to be collected as festivities resume. London Christmas Tree Rental is on a mission to reduce the seven million Christmas trees that end up in landfill each year, with its sustainable alternative.

What is toxic ? y t i v i t i pos We explore the impact of brushing aside emotions, and not accepting the full range of our feelings Writing | Sarah Young

Y

ou’re sitting in a café with a friend, sipping on lattes while talking about your recent break up that’s left you devastated. You saw a future with them, and now they’re suddenly gone. You’re on the verge of bursting into tears, and your friend shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

“Ah well,” they say. “Everything happens for a reason. Now you can move on and find someone better. After all, there’s plenty more fish in the sea!”

The conversation moves on to something else before you’re ready, and you leave feeling like you haven’t really been heard.

Positivity is something we all want to possess. It’s a mindset we often need to motivate us, and to see the brighter side of things. But what happens when that crosses over into becoming something that’s no longer beneficial, and instead a way to suppress appropriate negative feelings in yourself or others?

Toxic positivity is often caused by a discomfort with emotions such as anger, sadness,

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disappointment, and grief. “Toxic positivity can speak to our desire for all things to be good and in order,” says psychotherapist Andrew Harvey. “This, for some, might provide a feeling of safety and hope, which are positive things.

However the toxicity part can be found if this denies realities, or distorts what is possible.”

It’s important to remember that it’s OK to feel the full spectrum of emotions, and that they are part of being alive This can result in pressure on those who are experiencing things like loss, or mental illness, to look for positives in their situation, or to move on from grief before they are ready. Alternatively, it can be something we impose on

ourselves, like forcing ourselves to put on a happy front when inside we’re struggling.

“Toxic positivity can often leave people feeling less than positive,” explains Andrew. “That’s one indicator that what is being shared might not be your truth.”

Toxic positivity places demands on people to get over their difficult feelings without processing them in a healthy way, and it can end up dissuading people from seeking further support, or causing them to feel shame, for having negative thoughts.

The pressure to learn a new skill, or get fit, while trying to survive a pandemic, is a recent example of toxic positivity. Other examples could include: telling people to focus on the good things in their lives, rather than acknowledging their pain; saying “It could be worse”, or minimising, by comparing what they’re going through to a subjectively worse experience; telling someone to ‘just get over it’; dismissing pain by saying that everything happens for a reason; not acknowledging barriers that certain people face.

TOXIC POSITIVITY

Toxic positivity doesn’t necessarily sound serious, but it can cause a lot of damage. A 2020 narrative review of 29 studies of domestic violence, found that misdirected or overgeneralised positivity exacerbates harm and abuse. It suggested that optimistic bias can put victims in danger; encouraging resilience, hope, empathy, forgiveness, and acceptance increases the likelihood of victims staying with their abusers and experiencing further, often escalating, abuse.

Another concern is that toxic positivity can encourage people to hide, avoid, or ignore negative emotions. This can cause further distress, and lead those feelings to become even more powerful, coming out in unhealthy and destructive ways. It’s important to talk about these feelings so that we can explore and process them.

Toxic positivity can also mean that problems within relationships are not addressed, leading to communication breakdowns and damage to the relationship. Stigma around mental illness paired

with toxic positivity can ensure that someone doesn’t seek the treatment they desperately need. And demeaning other people’s grief or anger can make them feel like no one cares about them, exacerbating their negative emotions further.

It’s important to remember that it’s OK to feel the full spectrum of emotions – both those perceived as positive and negative – and that they are part of being alive. Being able to identify how we’re feeling is crucial to understanding ourselves, and working through those feelings.

A few other ways to combat toxic positivity include:

- Talking to people you trust when you need support, or to vent – but respect boundaries, and check that they have the emotional capacity to listen, especially if venting.

- Sharing if you don’t feel listened to. You could say something like: “It would really help me if you could listen to my feelings without trying to change them.

It’s OK for me to feel sad and

wellbeing

I would really like to just talk it through with you.”

- Encouraging others to share their feelings honestly as well.

- Avoid trying to fix the problem immediately if someone is talking to you about their struggles, and instead focus on listening, understanding, and empathising.

Positivity can be helpful when navigating tough situations, but only when there’s room for difficult feelings, too, and it isn’t at the cost of suppressing them. After all, we can’t be positive all the time.

Sarah Young talks about body confidence, eating disorder recovery, and chronic illness on her Instagram @bodypositivepear

Andrew Harvey is a psychotherapeutic counsellor.

Get in touch with him via counselling-directory.org.uk

happiful.com | January 2022 | 15

Know your worth

relationships

It’s time we recognised that how we might look to others does not dictate how we should feel about ourselves. Go out and celebrate the real you, and enjoy the liberation it brings Writing | Maxine Ali

B

eauty – or rather, the socially constructed appearance norms that are assigned the label of ‘beautiful’ – has long been framed as a measure of worth.

From a young age, we’re faced with an onslaught of idealised images, and taught to appraise aesthetics as central to our status and identity.

Lifelong exposure to unattainable body ideals leads many of us to develop an allconsuming preoccupation with our own appearance, basing our feelings of worth on what we see in the mirror. This is known as having appearance-contingent self-worth.

Those whose self-worth hinges upon their appearance are more likely to internalise the gaze of spectators, resulting in an objectified body consciousness.

This means that we view ourselves not as a whole person, but as an object existing for the visual gratification of others.

We seek recognition not for our individuality, creativity, generosity, or kindness, but for our alignment with beauty standards, beating ourselves up when we inevitably fall short.

In a society that places tremendous emphasis on

aesthetic traits, and teaches us that physical appearance is the currency we trade in for love, success, and acceptance, disentangling our sense of worth from how we look is by no means easy. Recalibrating our selfperception to derive value from more than our bodies defies what we’ve been told about how our image-obsessed world works.

While it’s difficult to challenge the culturally salient belief that our bodies are the most important thing about us, doing so is also hugely liberating.

Through disrupting the influence that appearance standards have over us, we gain back valuable time and energy to channel into other activities that can enrich our lives.

Resisting and rejecting appearance-contingent self-worth enables us to become architects of our own value. Here are five ways we can get started down the path of accepting ourselves, and recognising our true worth.

Prioritise positive self-talk

It’s easy for the conversations we have with ourselves to be swayed by our cultural tendency to critique and criticise. Selfdirected body shame can feel like second nature when the >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 17

world has programmed us to believe that we’re ‘not enough’.

However, it goes without saying that launching verbal assaults on our bodies does no good for our mood or self-esteem.

Instead of perpetuating a pattern of negative self-talk, try to nurture a more encouraging and supportive inner dialogue.

Notice when you begin to ruminate over negative body thoughts, and make a conscious effort to say one positive nonappearance related thing about yourself. Remind yourself that you are more than a body, and you don’t exist for the viewing pleasure of others. You have so much more to offer the world than how you look.

Though it might feel a little uncomfortable at first, the more you practise speaking positively about yourself, the easier positive self-talk will come.

Opt out of body monitoring

With the proliferation of activity trackers or ‘wearables’ over the past 10 years, many people have grown increasingly dependent upon self-tracking technologies to guide their understanding and relationship with their bodies.

However, research suggests that those who closely monitor and manage their bodies in this way are more likely to reduce themselves and their worth to their physical characteristics.

A recent study published in the journal Body Image found that adolescents who engaged

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in vigilant body monitoring experienced higher body shame.

Another article, in the journal Sex Roles, suggested that using self-tracking technologies may exacerbate appearance concerns, and increase objectified body consciousness.

Opting out of body monitoring, shifts our focus away from our physical selves. By ditching selftracking apps, and renouncing our reliance on their feedback, we open up space to explore and recognise others parts of ourselves from which we can draw our sense of worth.

Limit social comparison

There’s no denying that our society is set up to provoke comparison. With social media and influencer culture constantly presenting us with a curated feed of highly-stylised content that sits in stark contrast to our own imperfect day-to-day reality, we’re often compelled to compare ourselves to these idealised versions of life.

If you regularly compare yourself to others online, it may be worth minimising the opportunities you have to engage in this. Set yourself a limit on how much time you spend on social media, and unfollow people who make you feel negatively about yourself. Fill your feed with content that doesn’t centre on physical appearance, and remind yourself that there is always more to what we see on the internet than meets the eye.

Focus on self-care

With every industry, from wellness and beauty to stationery and home decor, adopting the capitalist command to ‘treat yourself,’ self-care has become a bit of a buzzword to market living luxuriously. However, engaging in self-care is about so much more than bubble baths, and building a ‘hygge’ home.

When we pledge to care for ourselves, we are not only preserving our wellbeing. We are engaging in a powerful act of resistance In her book, A Burst of Light, poet and activist Audre Lorde wrote: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

Confronting issues relating to civil rights, disability, and explorations of black queer female identity through her work, Lorde spoke of periods of rest and respite as integral to survival in the face of adversity and injustice.

relationships

Body ideals are undeniably political. They’re entrenched in wider structures of oppression and discrimination, intent on keeping marginalised identities small, silent, and subordinate.

When we abandon the cycle of shame and self-punishment that arises from appearancecontingent self-worth, and pledge to care for ourselves, we are not only preserving our wellbeing, we are engaging in an act of resistance.

Practise self-compassion

After a lifetime of being taught that our appearance determines our worth, it can be difficult to unlearn this belief. We are, after all, shaped by the culture we live within, and rejecting this tyranny of aesthetics can feel like a total worldview overhaul.

If you find yourself struggling not to let how you feel about your appearance dictate how you feel about yourself from time to time, don’t beat yourself up for it. Show compassion, you are doing your best.

Not every moment will be filled with an abundance of unadulterated self-love. But every second you strive to know your worth beyond your appearance is a triumph that is worthy of celebration.

Maxine Ali is a health and science writer, and linguist specialising in body talk and body image. Follow Maxine @maxineali or visit maxineali.com

happiful.com | January 2022 | 19

Five ways to share your skills Spread knowledge and hone your craft with these skill-sharing tips Writing | Caroline Butterwick Illustration | Rosan Magar

W

hether you’re a pro at poetry, knowledgeable about technology, or love getting creative in the kitchen, we all have skills we take pride in. But why not take these beyond our own enjoyment, and share them with others?

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Sharing my creative skills as a writer has been a great chance for me to connect with others, develop my craft, and harness a sense of fulfilment in getting to talk about something that matters to me. It’s also a chance for us to further develop, too; sharing your skills is a great way to dedicate more time to your passion, and reflect on the areas you want to build on.

Here, we explore five ways you can share your skills with others.

1. DO A SKILLS SWAP A skills swap involves giving someone your help and then being able to get support from them in return. Perhaps you have a friend who works as a careers advisor and could help you freshen up your CV. In return, you could share your skill – showing them how to grow herbs, or designing a website for their side hustle, for example.

There are also skill swap groups across the country, where communities pool together to share their time and skills with each other. If you help someone with their book-keeping for an hour, you then have an hour’s credit you can use to get support from someone else for something you’d like help with – anything from learning to put up shelves to baking the perfect soufflé.

Websites like Timebanking UK (timebanking.org) are great for finding a group.

words of wisdom

2. JOIN OR START A COMMUNITY GROUP Joining a writers’ group as a teenager was a way for me to develop my writing skills, and connect with like-minded people. Groups like this often provide mutual feedback, where you all give each other advice and encouragement. Search engines and social media are great for finding out about groups related to your interest.

Maybe your friends admire your crochet skills. Why not invite them round and have a go at it together? You could take it in turns hosting, so each person shares a different skill each time you get together.

3. START A BLOG OR VLOG When we want to learn about something new, chances are we head to Google and search for websites or videos about the topic. If you enjoy writing, try setting up a website or blog where you share guidance about your skill. Or if films are more your thing, how about a videoblog (a ‘vlog’)? Social media is also a great way of both sharing your interests, and connecting with others. Could you use Instagram to document your painting process?

These are all ways of sharing your knowledge with other people, and can also be fantastic for meeting others with similar interests, and becoming part of an online community. I enjoy connecting with the

#WritingCommunity on Twitter as a way of learning from others, and sharing my ideas.

A skills swap involves giving someone your help, and then being able to get support from them in return 4. VOLUNTEER YOUR SKILLS Charities often value having volunteers to teach their clients a new skill, or support their existing work. A mental health day centre or local refugee support charity might appreciate someone helping with an arts session, or a community kitchen could make use of your particular culinary skills.

Websites like volunteeringmatters.org.uk are a good place to find opportunities.

If you have somewhere specific in mind, it’s worth getting in touch directly with them to see if there’s any way you can offer up your time and skills.

Volunteering like this is, of course, a great way to help others. It can also be good experience if you’re looking to get paid work sharing your skills later down the line.

5. LOOK AT TEACHING Community teaching is a wonderful way to share your skill. It’s also a chance to make an income from your passion.

I found leading writing workshops really rewarding.

I reached out to local arts organisations that I knew ran community creative workshops, to ask whether they would be interested in me running a session as a writer. Seeing participants enjoy the writing activities and grow in confidence was a wonderful feeling. It was also nice to meet the other artists involved in the group.

Search online to find organisations near you that might look to use freelance facilitators. Organisations like the WEA (wea.org.uk) often recruit people to teach their adult learning courses.

If you’re keen on the idea of teaching, it can be worth getting a qualification, such as the Award in Education and Training. This can help you further develop your teaching skills, and potentially make it easier to apply for opportunities. Whether at a community hub or a classroom, teaching is a satisfying way of sharing your skills, and helping others.

Caroline Butterwick writes on mental health and wellbeing.

Visit carolinebutterwick.com, and follow her on Twitter @CButterwick. happiful.com | January 2022 | 21

In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer ALBERT CAMUS Photography | Nick Linnen

22 | January 2022 | happiful.com

@GRACEFVICTORY

The girl who lived...

A year ago, our incredible columnist Grace Victory began her maternity leave – but no one could ever have predicted the chain of events that would unfold. With raw honesty, Grace shares the traumatic journey she’s been through, after catching Covid-19 late in her pregnancy, and being put in an induced coma. Now, she’s back, with her baby boy, recovering and discovering ‘normal life’ again – and she intends to live every moment

I

t’s 22:32 on a Sunday night in November, and I can’t sleep. Maybe it’s that weird ‘night before the week begins anxiety’, or the day three ‘period insomnia’, or just the fact I’ve got so many thoughts whizzing around in my head. Probably a combination of them all.

So here we are, it’s me, it’s Grace.

And it’s been a whole 12 months since you’ve heard from me.

Last year I was blessed enough to become pregnant, so of course I planned maternity leave (something I was so looking forward to because the excitement for my baby to arrive was real). I had it all planned. I

wanted to nest, rest, and enjoy spending quality time with my partner before our bundle of joy arrived. Cheese and crackers over

the festive period, a staycation for a few nights, pregnancy massages, and days, possibly weeks, away from my phone. Yes, yes…yes! >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 23

And then, shit hit the fan.

And I mean really hit the fan. If there were a description in the dictionary of what “shit hitting the fan” looks like, this was it.

I caught Covid. My baby boy needed to be delivered at 33 weeks, and my breathing needed so much support, the safest option was to be placed in an induced coma and eventually a trache (a tube directly into my lungs).

I obviously don’t remember much during this time, but waking up in the ICU nearly three months later, not being able to speak, or move, or do anything at all, was single-handedly the most horrific time of my life. Although I wasn’t particularly frightened of the physical recovery, the pain of being away from my baby boy and partner will remain etched on my heart forever.

It was hell.

Mentally and physically, things were bad. I had constant nightmares and hallucinations, which caused crippling confusion. I had such a high temperature and fever, my insides felt like they were on fire. Then, of course, came the horrific realisation that I couldn’t 24 | January 2022 | happiful.com

and wouldn’t see my baby for a while. I couldn’t hold him, breastfeed or, in my mind, just be his mum.

For any mother, being away from your baby (especially your newborn) is just unimaginable, but for me and so many other Covid mummy survivors, it was our reality. Hell was on earth, and we were living it.

I’ve told parts of this story already, and you may have read interviews or followed my recovery on Instagram, but I wanted to write about it in my safe space, which is Happiful.

Here, I don’t really have to pretend or beautify how I feel.

I simply just write it, and the wonderful team behind the scenes at the mag supports me.

I think it’s important for me to have my say, so I guess this is it.

Christmas Eve I had my baby boy. On Boxing Day 2020, I was put into a coma, and what followed after, up until May 2021, was: multiple organ failure; a clot on my lung; pneumonia; cardiac arrest; a tracheostomy; seeing my baby for the first time; learning to walk again; experiencing life

Although I wasn’t particularly frightened of the physical recovery, the pain of being away from my baby boy and partner will remain etched on my heart forever again and re-discovering who I am (which is ongoing).

Going through something so traumatic is life-altering, and I will never be the same again.

The physical scars are a constant reminder of what I went through, but the mental scars are the ones I struggle with the most.

The flashbacks. The shock. The grief. I know humans are capable of empathy, but if you’ve not gone through this type of medical and birth trauma, it’s really quite hard to understand the magnitude of such an experience, and the effect it can have on someone.

Then there’s the shame and guilt, and the ‘Why me?’ I’m not one to stand in my victimhood, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel sorry for myself at times. I wondered how this happened.

Photography | Alex Cameron

@GRACEFVICTORY

Why couldn’t I just remain healthy? Why couldn’t I keep my baby safe and full-term? Why did I go outside? Am I a bad mum for not being able to breastfeed?

These are a few examples of the questions and thoughts that would enter my mind.

There were often moments of sheer hysteria, disassociation, and rage, too. Many days (often nights) I’d be in distress, convincing myself I’d die or remain in hospital forever, or that Cyprus (my baby boy) would not know who I was. Although all of these feelings and emotions are normal for what I’d gone through,

I really battled with my mind every single day I was away from my boys. I just wanted them. I wanted to sniff them, hug them, kiss them, love them.

But I couldn’t. Instead I was watching my baby boy through FaceTime, and having to pee in a tube, and poop in an adultsized nappy – it’s OK, you’re allowed to laugh at that part.

I was discharged on 7 May 2021 – four months and 17 days after I was initially admitted to hospital. After a month in rehab, I was finally allowed home to integrate back into life and society. I literally had to

learn everything again – from climbing the stairs to making a drink. The very simple things we often take for granted, suddenly felt like a mountain to me.

But I did it. I bloody did it.

And now, six months after leaving hospital, I am on my way to making a full recovery, and thankfully living a ‘normal’ life. I put Cyprus to sleep every night, and I see his smile, and he sees mine, every morning.

I make vanilla iced oat lattes, listen to the birds chirp, and watch way too many episodes of Virgin River in one sitting. I now get to make my own bed, kiss my partner’s forehead, and eat Chinese food on a Friday night.

I’m alive.

I’m the girl who lived, and I hope when I’m 80 I get to look back on my life and also be the girl who really lived.

Love Grace x happiful.com | January 2022 | 25

Spoken word

How to utilise the power of poetry to benefit your wellbeing

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he healing power of words has long been understood, with journaling and creative writing often go-to activities to help us process emotions, and express ourselves. But they aren’t the only creative outlets we could explore…

The idea of writing a poem might feel intimidating initially – do you need to follow a certain structure, does it need to have a set rhythm, or do you need to have swallowed a thesaurus to be a ‘proper’ poet?

The truth is: absolutely not.

While there are ‘types’ of poem that offer structure if that’s helpful to you, to serve as a guide, the reality is that poetry doesn’t have to follow a set of rules – it’s much more about conveying a feeling, and that opens up a lot of creative freedom for us to explore.

How can poetry help your wellbeing?

As with any creative outlet, poetry provides a means to express difficult emotions, particularly those you might find tricky to say out loud. The beauty of using a form such as a poem to detail this, is that your rhythm, pace, where 26 | January 2022 | happiful.com

Writing | Rebecca Thair

you break a line etc, can all play a part in building that feeling, helping to explain it without always using words themselves.

There have even been ‘poemtherapy’ groups over the years, started initially by poet and pharmacist Eli Griefer, with the support of two psychiatrists, back in 1928. And since then, the practice of writing poetry has often been used as part of therapy treatments, helping individuals with self-reflection, and building self-awareness.

As well as emotions, poetry can also help you to explore, and make sense of, challenging circumstances and events, writing about them in expressive forms, or from differing perspectives.

There have even been reports that poetry therapy can be beneficial in the treatment of depression, as it helps to improve self-esteem and self-understanding.

Ready to give it a go?

If you’re keen to try writing poetry as a form of creative expression, here are a few techniques and tips to help you get started...

1. Allow yourself to be completely free – go into this with no inhibitions or judgement, or second guessing. This needs to be truly expressive, so focus less on fitting a rigid structure or rhythm, and instead say what you feel, as naturally as it comes. This will be more raw and honest, and you can always hone a piece later on if you wish.

2. Utilising metaphors can help to express emotions or events, and get people to understand your perspective and experience from a new angle. It’s a handy tool to make an individual feeling more universally recognisable.

3. As a prompt, you could try to write about a recent conflict, or difficult situation. You could do this initially from your own recollection, and then try again from the perspective of the other individual involved. This may help you to gain a greater understanding of what has transpired, and perhaps even find some closure.

positive pointers

Poetry therapy can be beneficial in the treatment of depression, as it helps to improve self-esteem and self-understanding

4. If you’re worried about writing things down, or feel intimidated by a blank page, you could use voice notes on your phone, allowing you to speak aloud your thoughts, as a stream of consciousness. This method means the initial ideas can flow, without second-guessing yourself – and then could prompt a written piece when you’re ready.

5. You could explore mindful poetry by focusing on the moment at hand, and all your senses. What are you feeling at this very moment? What’s going on around you that you can hear, see, smell, taste, or touch?

6. Take inspiration from poets you admire – watching videos to hear their words spoken out loud, or reading widely – to spark creative ideas on how you could approach poems. Perhaps you want to recreate a subject they’ve covered, but from your own experience, or try a rhythm they followed. The idea is to find something that helps your creativity to flow.

Read on…

If you’re looking to dive into poetry about mental health further, the following verses might inspire or resonate with you:

• ‘OCD’ by Neil Hilborn • ‘Tulips’ by Sylvia Plath • ‘I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud’ by William Wordsworth • ‘The Road Not Taken’

by Robert Frost

happiful.com | January 2022 | 27

A new age

Where do our fears of growing older come from, and what can we do when we reach a new life stage, and feel a sense of disorientation?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

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Illustrating | Rosan Magar

y the year 2050, the UN estimates that one in six people in the world will be over 65 years old, and nearly half a billion will be older than 80. This estimation brings up numerous questions about social care and public health, but another aspect of getting older is the role it plays in our culture, and our personal relationships with reaching new life stages.

A study conducted by Orb Media found that people who have a positive attitude towards getting older have better mental health and, incredibly, actually live longer. But despite the fact that ageing is one of the most natural parts of life, in a culture that fears it, it’s very easy to see how that ‘positive attitude’ is easier said than done. And, as we hit milestones in our lives, and take a look around us at the

28 | January 2022 | happiful.com

other people who are doing the same thing, that process can be somewhat destabilising, as we try to work out who we are in relation to the sturdy rules we have in place about growing older, and the things that we believe we really ‘should have done by now’.

So, how can we foster a better relationship with ageing, and what can we do if we find ourselves feeling unsettled as we hit a new stage in our lives?

Fear of the unknown “The fear of the unknown is a key element in the ageing process. This might be fears of failing health, financial and employment challenges, changing relationship dynamics, and, of course, fear of death,” says life coach Carol Pearson.

“Not having achieved things

It’s much healthier and more rewarding to allow your lifestyle to evolve, and to incorporate optimism and dreams we wanted to, and feeling less relevant in a youth-oriented world, may also make us feel less optimistic about the future.”

In the media, older people – in particular, older women – are less visible, which the charitable foundation, The Centre of Ageing Better, highlighted this in their report ‘Exploring representations of old age and ageing’, looking at how, when they are represented, they are often shown as the ‘perfect grandparent’, or as part of examples of either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ ageing.

Of course, there are exceptions – Netflix’s Grace and Frankie, and Richard Osman’s The Thursday Murder Club often being heralded as a refreshing look at later life – but we’re a long way from perfect, and these unhelpful messages sink in, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Acting your age As Fiona Dalziel – an intuitive holistic therapist – knows well, this fear of ageing can creep up on us, and wax and wane throughout our lives.

“Looking back, in my 20s and 30s, I remember always wanting to be younger, look younger, and feel younger, and would do everything I could to do this,” she explains. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 29

In her late 30s, Fiona began to experience severe anxiety, which led to a breakdown, and her exit from a corporate career. With the help of a counsellor, and a lot of soul searching, she spent time considering what was really important to her.

But it wasn’t just growing up and hitting her own milestones, but her daughter’s, too, which brought on new emotions.

“When our daughter left home, she didn’t just move house, she moved to Italy! It had a huge impact on me at the time – I would stand in her room and cry every day for weeks. Her leaving left quite a gap in our lives, but we found that life after children really does exist, and being ‘home alone’ does have many benefits.”

Rather than forcing these kinds of emotions down over the years, Fiona started to take stock of the qualities and values that were important to her, working on herself as she moved through middle age.

“I felt a real need to embrace that woman, the real me. My 40th year was one big party, it was the greatest decade of my life until I reached my 50s! I embrace my age completely now – that doesn’t mean that I want to be old – I am just entirely comfortable with it.”

In a similar way to Fiona, Michael Facherty also experienced a destabilising knock earlier in life, and the quarter-life mark.

“When I turned 25, I struggled to accept it. A quarter of a century seemed such a long time,” he said.

“Never again have I felt like that.

30 | January 2022 | happiful.com

Fiona Daziel

Michael Facherty

6 7

“The second half of life is the time to fully embrace who we are. For many, ageing brings the benefits of more self-reflection, acceptance, greater emotional regulation, empathy, and a sense of calm.

“As we get older, it’s likely we have developed greater perspective, anticipate problems, and can reason things out. Gratitude and wisdom take over from ego and ambition.”

For Michael, retirement gave him a new lease on life. And since then, he’s published three children’s books, become a live storyteller, portrays Father Christmas, and finds unbridled pleasure in spending time with his first grandchild.

“The greatest day so far, for me is 21 June 1975, when I married the love of my life. I suppose, my one concern with growing older is that it leaves less time for us to be together,” he says.

When asked how he would describe the relationship he has with himself at this stage of his life, Michael says: “Well, I really like me. Though I sometimes get cross with bits of me that ache, or aren’t as strong as they once were – we have a thing to clamp on to bottle and jar lids, to make it easier to get them off.”

Fiona | Aga Mortlock Photography

On time

None of the big birthdays have caused any bad feelings – 30 through to 70 are all fine so far.”

So what is it that brings up these feelings in our 20s and 30s?

“In the first half of life, we tend to focus on achievement, acquiring knowledge through education and experiences, and financial resources through employment,” Carol explains.

What is it that makes ageing hard?

Life coach Carol Pearson shares four factors: The physical and psychological ageing process. It can be difficult to come to terms with the loss of youthfulness, and embrace the ageing process with its wrinkles, grey hair, and other physical changes. This is especially significant if we work in industries and environments which place emphasis on this, or if we have linked our self-worth to our physical appearance. Instead, we can try to appreciate the qualities that maturity and wisdom bring, and manage ageing in a healthy and positive way, increasing focus and commitment to our wellbeing, vitality, and longevity.

Disorientation. Children leaving home, health issues, divorce, redundancy, etc. – this disorientation is a natural part of the transition period, as we develop our new identity, priorities, and direction.

Having grey hair and enjoying being in my 50s doesn’t make me old, it makes me free Age-old wisdom For some final words of advice, Carol suggests cultivating a ‘growth mindset’, one which means that you’re constantly trying new things and developing your skills, everything from hobbies to self-knowledge.

With this comes greater selfawareness, where we can really understand ourselves and tap

Disappointment at not having achieved goals. As we age, it’s natural to take stock of our life journey, and this may bring sadness if we haven’t achieved key goals, or if we realise that we no longer find them meaningful. We may be left feeling bored, restless, discontented, and disillusioned. At this time, we can try to accept where we are, acknowledge and be grateful for what we have achieved, and develop new goals in line with our current values and interests.

Clinging to the past. It can be easy, yet futile, to cling to habits and perspectives of our past, and think about how things used to be. It’s much healthier, and more rewarding, to allow your lifestyle to evolve, and to incorporate optimism and dreams. It is possible to explore and grow in new ways, to acquire new skills, knowledge, wisdom, and experience.

into a sense of confidence and acceptance.

“In recent years I have become really comfortable with who I am – I love me! I am open and honest, I embrace my age, I am learning new things, and I am growing,” Fiona says. “Having grey hair and enjoying being in my 50s doesn’t make me old, it makes me free – free to be me.”

It could be at 23 or 83, but it’s clear that destabilising moments, where we’re confronted by the inevitability of growing older, touch all of our lives. And though unpleasant, they prompt an opportunity to self-reflect, to assess the relationship we have

with ourselves, and to scrutinise cultural pressures that may be the culprit behind those feelings.

Ultimately, we can then choose to turn our backs on the things telling us who we are and what we should be doing, and forge our own paths towards a happy and contented future.

Carol Pearson is a leadership and life coach. Find out more by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk happiful.com | January 2022 | 31

Your ultimate bedtime routine A simple five-step guide to create healthy night-time habits, and set you up for slumber Writing | Rebecca Thair

FORWARD THINKING

SET THE SCENE

Set aside 20 minutes to prep for the next day, meaning you can go to bed with a clear head, and rise in the morning ready for the day. It could be picking out your clothes, doing the washing up, gathering the essentials (keys, wallet, anything for work), or getting out your gym gear. When your home is clear of clutter, and you don’t have to rush around first thing, you can start with a better mindset and save your time and energy for the bigger decisions and activities.

Keep in mind all the senses when creating the perfect atmosphere for your bedroom.

Ensure you have good curtains or blinds to block out light, and use lamps, or even candles to create a soothing space that’s not too bright. You could use wax melts to release a relaxing aroma, or try an aromatherapy diffuser. For sound, ask: what calms you? Perhaps it’s a sleep story, a guided meditation, or the gentle sound of water.

Having a glass of milk encourages sleep, as it contains tryptophan, or you could have a few nuts or a banana. Plus, one of the simplest things you can do is put on a clean set of sheets – there’s truly no better feeling.

WIND DOWN Consider your evening rituals – not just the time you’re getting ready for bed, but the build up in the hours before. Avoid caffeine six hours before you plan to sleep, and consider shaking up the evening Netflix marathons. Try to stay away from blue light with electronic devices by listening to a podcast, doing a jigsaw, or taking up a creative hobby such as writing, drawing, or crochet.

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REFLECT Making specific time to process your day, especially to consider your achievements – every small win – and the things you are grateful for, can help to set you up for a peaceful night.

Can’t sleep?

If you’re struggling to switch off, try to avoid lying there stressing about it. Instead, distract your mind with a relaxing activity or change of scene – you could sit elsewhere to read for a bit, or listen to an audiobook.

Gratitude journaling in particular has been proven to reduce stress, boost your mood, and improve self-esteem.

TIME TO RELAX Once you’re settled in bed and are ready to snooze, try to let go of all the extraneous thoughts running around your head. Instead, try a full body scan, where you focus on every part of your body, starting at the top of your head.

Think about how each aspect feels – each arm, leg, your chest, your shoulders. Is there any tension, pressure, lightness, any other sensations? Take slow, deep breaths, and try to release any tension you feel.

wellbeing

When psychosis first strikes...

Prompt action aids recovery – so here’s how to spot the early signs of this distressing condition, and where to go for help Writing | Kayleigh Rose McManus

A

round 80% of people who experience psychosis for the first time are aged between 16 and 30 years old. These years are pivotal for a lot of us and, although psychotic symptoms don’t make you any less capable of success than others, for some it can make the journey a little more difficult. Psychosis, in a nutshell, is where someone’s reality is different to the rest of the population.

I know what you’re thinking, and sure, we all have different beliefs. But when these beliefs start to have a negative impact on our lives it can be distressing.

Thankfully, lots of research over the years has proven that you can recover from psychosis and, just as with physical health conditions, the earlier we spot the

signs, the faster we can recover.

So, what are the first signs of psychosis?

The initial signs of a possible emerging psychosis are called ‘early warning signs’. By recognising these, we are able to seek support early in order to prevent an acute psychotic episode. The pattern of early warning signs is different for everyone, however there are some common themes.

A sense that something odd is happening, but finding it hard to explain.

Some people describe feeling ‘different’ but not quite being able to put their finger on why.

It could be that they think they’ve changed, people around them have changed, or there is something unusual about the

whole world. This can range from a general feeling of unease to more specific thoughts; perhaps that you’re receiving personal subliminal messages from the TV or other media. You might not be convinced by these ideas initially, however the timeline of when they started could be a good indicator of when your mental health began to change.

Suspicion of others.

Suspiciousness is often described as the distrust of others, which is a natural reaction we have when we are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt (physically or emotionally). We all slide up and down a trust continuum, depending on our life experiences and personality types. At one end of the scale is having absolutely no worries >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 33

about someone’s intentions, and at the other end, feeling extremely uncomfortable and doubtful. We want to stay somewhere in the middle. If you notice you are becoming more suspicious of others, this could be an early warning sign.

Every single one of us will have experienced a symptom that can be associated with psychosis, and if we haven’t, we almost certainly will at some point

34 | January 2022 | happiful.com

Unusual sensory experiences.

Our senses can play tricks on us and make us see, hear, taste, smell, or feel something that others cannot – sometimes known as hallucinations. It’s very likely that every one of us will experience a hallucination during our lifetime. Sometimes they are signs that we need to change-up our lifestyle, such as getting more sleep, reducing stress, or drinking more water.

Hallucinations aren’t necessarily indicative of psychosis and, remember that even if they are, they won’t necessarily last forever.

If you are experiencing unusual sensory experiences that other people aren’t, and they are making everyday tasks difficult or causing you distress, you may want to speak to a professional about this. They will ask you specific details about these experiences, such as how long they last for and how often they’re present, and explore whether you have any other ideas

wellbeing

as to why these experiences are happening. Usually, with psychosis, hallucinations become part of your reality.

Some people live their entire lives with hallucinations, either becoming part of their norm, or providing comfort and reassurance throughout the day. When this is the case, some people may choose to decline interventions that are likely to reduce these experiences.

• Is there anything I no longer do, but wish I could?

• What would my perfect life look like?

• What am I doing to work towards this?

Finding it hard to do the things you used to.

It’s important to remember that these symptoms affect people in different ways. For some, their life goes unchanged and they accept these experiences as part of them – and who are we to say that this is ‘unusual’? For others, these experiences can change their way of life. If they’re frightened, they may become socially isolated and find it hard to concentrate on anything else. If they’re preoccupied in this way, they may not value things that were previously important to them – such as their job, family, hobbies, or personal-care. It’s hard to know how much your mental health is impacting your life, but by asking yourself these three simple questions, it will help to identify any changes...

Seeking support

If you aren’t yet achieving or working towards your goals, explore what the barriers to this are. If a barrier is mental health symptoms, it may be time to seek professional support.

One or more of these experiences could be an early warning sign or symptom of firstepisode psychosis. Similarly, these experiences can also be otherwise explained. It’s important not to jump to conclusions, however getting a professional opinion could be useful. After all, if you choose to accept treatment, it is always more effective when you spot the signs quickly.

When we think ‘treatment’ we often jump to hospitals and medication, but this outdated assumption is no longer the goto. Psychiatric hospitals do exist, but are only used to help people urgently when they are most in need. Similarly, medication isn’t always first-choice either (although they are available and can be effective). We now have

lots of different evidence-based interventions to offer people experiencing psychosis for the first time, including different forms of therapy (such as cognitive behavioural therapy), and education about these symptoms to develop a plan.

Whether you’re worried or just curious, talking about these experiences is nothing to be ashamed of. Every single one of us will have experienced a symptom that can be associated with psychosis. Opening up the conversation about psychosis will allow everyone to notice that we’re not all that different.

After all, we all have our own realities, so whose is the right one anyway?

If anything in this article has made you question whether you are experiencing early warning signs of psychosis and you want help with this, your GP will be able to discuss options with you. Now, in the UK, NHS England have implemented Early Intervention in Psychosis (EIP) teams to prevent and treat psychosis quickly and effectively.

You can find self-referral details for your local EIP team online, or via your GP. If you’d prefer to have a confidential chat, you can also contact mental health support lines, including those detailed on p7. happiful.com | January 2022 | 35

How to cut your carbon footprint We’re helping you find your feet when it comes to going green, with these simple ways to reduce your carbon footprint

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ndoubtedly there’s been a lot of talk about climate change recently, from the COP26 summit to activists like Greta Thunberg taking to the streets to protest, and demanding the leaders of the world commit to action.

Hearing about climate change might prompt eco-anxiety, or worry that you don’t know what you can do to help. It might feel like this insurmountable problem, but the good news is that we all can make a difference. Every small action adds up. And one place to start is by taking proactive steps to reduce your carbon footprint.

What is a carbon footprint?

Put simply, your carbon footprint is the total amount of greenhouse gases (e.g. carbon dioxide, and methane) your actions and lifestyle produces – including things such as fuel consumption, the food you eat, and the energy used in your household.

36 | January 2022 | happiful.com

Writing | Rebecca Thair

And while there are so many things that need to change on a global scale, and big businesses that need to be held accountable, your personal carbon footprint is something that you can have direct control over.

The UK government says the average person in the UK has a carbon footprint of 6 tonnes of CO2 equivalent per year, but other reports argue that this is an understatement, and the true figure could be 10 tonnes (or more)! To put that into context, just 1 tonne of CO2 is equivalent to a petrol car driving about 10,000km in six months, and it would take roughly 50 trees growing for a year to remove that CO2 from the air.

By 2050, the UK government has set a goal of reaching net zero emissions, but we have a long way to go. While averages serve as a guide, you can calculate your individual carbon footprint for a more accurate measurement

on sites like carbonfootprint.com, and check back in after making changes to see your impact.

Why does it all matter?

If you’re wondering why we’re doing this, it’s because we, as a collective of people living on this planet, need to protect it from rising global temperatures – which would have a devastating impact on ecosystems, risk deadly heat waves, lead to increased deforestation, rising sea levels, and could result in food shortages, among other consequences. Estimates say that everyone on Earth will need to aim for an average annual carbon footprint of 1.87 tonnes by 2050.

It’s scary stuff, yes, but the good news is we all have the power to do something about it; starting today, we can make choices to reduce our personal footprint, to play our part in protecting our planet.

positive pointers

What can I do to reduce my carbon footprint?

Food The further up the food chain we go, the more carbon that goes into the meal – the agriculture emissions of growing plants, to feed animals, to feed humans.

Estimates state that a vegan diet could reduce your footprint by 0.8 tonnes per year, and if you’re not sure you could completely

change your diet, there are still options such as having ‘meatfree’ days, or flexitarianism.

Trying to eat local and seasonal produce is another big way to save on emissions, as it reduces transportation. And another simple thing is to only buy what you need, to avoid waste.

Transport This is probably the biggest area we can make an individual difference. Lockdowns have made most of us rethink about journeys, and what we need to get around. Perhaps you’re working from home more, and could share a family car, or use public transport instead? Reports say that going car-free could reduce your footprint by 2.04 tonnes per year, and even going electric could save 1.95 tonnes.

For those who do need their vehicles, you can still try to group trips together, so if you’ve got errands to run, try to do them at the same time.

Conscious consumerism Speaking of reducing waste, this applies to your wardrobe, too.

Avoid fast fashion, and instead focus on responsibly sourced pieces, and quality items that will last longer. You could buy more from charity shops to give preloved items a new lease of life, or rent clothes for events, rather than purchasing for one-off occasions.

Another good idea is to look up sewing tutorials online to try repairing pieces rather than discarding them – especially when there are clothes that might mean something to you, hold special memories, or just make you feel amazing.

Household When we spend so much of our time at home, it’s no wonder our energy usage can skyrocket here.

Simple habits can make a big difference though; for example, make sure you don’t leave the tap running when brushing your teeth and doing the dishes, and try to cut down on the length of your showers. Try to have more energy-efficient appliances, and

turn off plug sockets when not in use – that phone charger doesn’t need to be on 24/7.

You could also turn your heating down by just one degree, or try to limit how often you even have the heating on, by keeping toasty with extra layers. Using renewable energy is also a key step, so take a look online and see what options are out there. happiful.com | January 2022 | 37

Progressive muscle relaxation

Follow this step-by-step guide to promote calm and serenity

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he aim is to systematically tense and relax the various muscle groups around your body, to promote relaxation, and enable you to easily distinguish how stress and anxiety manifest physically. When you know what tension feels like in the body, you can

regain control, and use this exercise to prompt a release in your muscles.

Start by finding a quiet space, free from distractions and disturbances. You may want to lie down, or sit in a comfortable position, and breathe deeply for a few moments.

Step one: tense

Step two: relax

Step three: repeat

Start by focusing on one muscle group, and try to isolate this. Squeeze those muscles for 15 seconds, really noticing them tense up and recognising how this feels. For example, if you’re starting with your hands and arms, you could ball up your hands into fists in front of you and squeeze tightly.

Gradually release the tension in that particular muscle area over 30 seconds. Be present, and focus on how the muscles feel as the tension lifts and you begin to relax. Try to be aware of how different the muscle feels when fully tensed versus fully relaxed.

Do this simple exercise on each muscle group around the body, focusing on the feeling in those areas and how tension presents there – as well as how it feels as the tension melts away and your muscles are completely at ease.

If you notice tension arising at points throughout your day, why not try this exercise to regain control and infuse some calm?

Muscle groups

• Arms and hands

• Forehead

• Buttocks

• Jaw

• Legs

• Neck and shoulders

• Feet

When does worrying about our health become a problem?

We’re thinking about our health more than ever, but there comes a point when this in itself can become a health problem Writing | Kat Nicholls

O

ver the past couple of years, the topic of health has become front and centre in our minds. As the Coronavirus pandemic spread, so, of course, did our fear. This is natural – there are very few of us who can be unfazed by a virus of this scale. As awareness and media coverage increased, more of us began worrying about our health.

What does this headache mean?

Is that a new continuous cough, or is it allergies? Does that chest pain mean something, or is it anxiety?

Wearing a mask, regular handwashing, testing ourselves, and checking symptoms have all become part of our routine.

Moving around our day-to-day lives with a sense of low-level anxiety feels almost normal now. So, at what point does this natural worrying instinct become something more problematic?

Health anxiety is what I’m alluding to here, a term more of us are becoming familiar with. Previously known as ‘hypochondria’, this form of anxiety is when we are persistently worried about our

health, to the point where it interferes with day-to-day life – and this is the distinction we should be aware of. Psychotherapist Michael Swift tells us it is completely normal for us to worry about our health, and Google the odd symptom here and there.

“The signs that this worry is becoming increasingly difficult to manage is when thoughts, emotions, behaviours, or physical sensations interrupt day-to-day life, and stop you from doing what you want to do,” he explains. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 39

“Many of the people I work with often feel unable to go to work, spend time with their children, or enjoy social gatherings due to the fear of developing a severe health condition. For others, they may be spending an excessive amount of time Googling their symptoms, or visiting their GP, to rule out the possibility of illness.

When we see this transition from manageable worry to intense anxiety that interrupts your normal routine, it may be time to seek some further support.”

For Maddie Ace, content creator at She Be Red, a family holiday that saw her entire family fall ill triggered the start of her health anxiety. “I remember just automatically going into protector mode when those around me didn’t seem able to handle the situation, and that feeling never went away.”

This led to obsessive and compulsive behaviours, that eventually resulted in a breakdown.

“I don’t think I was super conscious of it until it vehemently started to take control of my everyday behaviour,” Maddie says. “Sometimes the gradual 40 | January 2022 | happiful.com

build-up of subconscious behaviours makes it difficult to recognise you have a problem until you’re already in the thick of everything that’s changed.

“About two years after the triggering event, I had a breakdown after there was a national outbreak of the norovirus. There was too much for me to control and, at that point, my nervous system just collapsed. After a couple of weeks at home, I remember looking at my university applications and realising I wasn’t going to be able to live the life I had dreamed of.

So, I walked into the living room and simply said, ‘I think I need help’ to my mum.”

Maddie notes that getting the right support wasn’t simple, and required her to go down the private route after NHS support didn’t work out. “But the dream of going to uni pushed me to keep going. The first thing you try might not be what you need for your own healing, so keep going until you find what does.”

If you think you may have health anxiety, knowing the signs can help you know when to reach out for support.

“Health anxiety presents itself in different ways for most people,” psychotherapist Michael says.

“However, there are a range of common symptoms including: • Constantly thinking or worrying about your health • Frequently checking for bodily changes, including lumps, bruises, moles, or areas of pain • Seeking reassurance from medical professionals, friends, or family that you are not ill • Worries that medical professionals have ‘missed’ a lifethreatening illness or symptom • Avoiding medical-related shows or news articles • Obsessively reading forums online, or Googling healthrelated symptoms.”

If these symptoms are ringing true for you, you are certainly not alone – Michael notes that health anxiety affects around 4–5% of the population. Understanding how to move forward with this knowledge is key.

“I would always recommend speaking with your GP, as they will be able to support your treatment process by guiding you towards

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It’s all just about finding and learning a new way forward. It’s both never too soon, and never too late, to get help

resources, talking therapies, or commencing medication if needed,” Michael says.

“There is also a fantastic range of self-help tools available online for managing health anxiety that will guide you through relaxation techniques, and help you to manage negative thoughts when they arise.”

In terms of what therapies can support, Michael says for those experiencing severe health anxiety, speaking to a trained cognitive behavioural therapist who is familiar with this area is recommended.

“Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based talking therapy that allows you to explore the interactions between your thoughts, emotions, behaviours, and physical sensations. It works by breaking the cycles which maintain health anxiety, and allows you to challenge the negative thinking patterns you have developed.”

Michael also highlights that the aim of CBT is not to completely stop worrying about your health, but instead to be able to weigh up the evidence for and against your thoughts, so you can reach a more balanced outcome.

For Maddie, while she still has tough days, she says therapy has helped her learn tools and strategies that allow her to take back control of her life.

“For anyone reading this who thinks they may have health anxiety, just know, there’s nothing wrong with you.

You’re not broken. Of course, your mental health is trying to protect you, especially after all

we’ve been through with Covid.

But if we don’t know how to manage the emotions, the habits we build can harm instead of help us.

“It’s all just about finding and learning a new way forward. It’s both never too soon, and never too late, to get help.”

Learn more about health anxiety, CBT, and Michael Swift’s work on counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | January 2022 | 41

Ask the experts Leadership and executive coach Jessica Rogers answers your questions on creating positive financial habits Read more about Jessica Rogers on lifecoach-directory.org.uk

Q

Why is it important for more of us to feel empowered financially?

A

When you feel in control of your money, you feel in control of your life; you can make empowered choices.

It also sets the tone for how you do business/work. When you charge what you know your product, service, or skill is worth, it takes away any doubt or resentment. Money doesn’t need to be a ‘dirty word’, and you should feel confident enough to have open and honest discussions about it.

Financial empowerment is not just about the financial transactions, it’s also about financial literacy – making good investments, saving, and spending effectively. When we feel financially empowered it leads to good planning and, ultimately, a good level of freedom.

Q

I’ve always considered myself ‘bad with money’.

How can I change this mindset?

A

It’s important to understand your relationship with money, and this is influenced by your early experiences with it. How was money spoken about when you were younger, and what were you taught, directly and indirectly, about money? When

Q

What small steps can I take to get to grips with my finances?

A

Start by writing down and tracking your incomings and outgoings. You can do this with a simple Excel spreadsheet, or there are various simple software programs you can use.

Do your outgoings exceed your

you take an honest look at this, it usually gives you a steer as to where your current beliefs about money come from.

Decide how you want to be about money – what does it mean to you? When you get to the root of where your ‘bad with money’ mindset comes from, you can unpick this, and separate the truth from the ‘story’. You can then make some conscious decisions about how you want to be about money, and then take action to change your mindset.

incomings? If so, where can you start to cut back?

Create a clear separation between the money you need to pay essential bills, and the money you need for the ‘extras’.

Try to save every month, even if it’s a nominal amount – this helps to create positive psychological feelings around your finances.

Remember that you control where your money goes, be careful not to let your money control you.

Life Coach Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

wellbeing

JESSICA’S TOP TIPS FOR CULTIVATING POSITIVE FINANCIAL HABITS: 1. Save a percentage of all financial incomings. Set up a direct debit, so as soon as the money hits your main account, that percentage goes to a separate savings account.

2. Actively keep track of your weekly outgoing expenses.

This helps you identify any unnecessary spending, particularly unproductive direct debits and subscriptions.

3. Talk openly about money, and remember that you control your finances – don’t let them control you!

happiful.com | January 2022 | 43

Let go of the past, but keep the lessons it taught you CHIARA GIZZI

Photography | Hannah Xu

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true story

Cooked with love A passion for food helped bring Claire’s family together in times of grief, as well as giving her a positive mission to help others Writing | Claire Gillies

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osing three very close family members has taught me a lot about myself. Yes, it has been hard, and there have been plenty of tears, but what I have been through has made me stronger, and given me a new focus.

My journey has been one of self-preservation: a journey I had to embark on in order to stop myself from drowning in the waves of grief that I endured. This journey has not only saved me, but has also enabled me to inspire others on the way.

I have learnt how to channel my grief, and turn it into something positive.

It all started in July 2016 when my dad was diagnosed with cancer – it was terminal. When you are faced with such a diagnosis you feel helpless, as there seems to be nothing that you can do; you can’t make things better, and it’s difficult to know how to help. But I decided that I would use my love of food, and I began to cook for my parents.

I would take food around when I went to visit, which not only lightened my mum’s workload, but also showed them how much I cared and gave me an excuse to pop round more regularly. There was one particular soup that my dad loved – I called it my ‘souper bowl of slow-cooked goodness’ – that was the last meal he ate, and now holds a special place in my heart. Food has an amazing capacity to evoke memories and emotions in us.

During my dad’s illness, I also continued to host regular family get-togethers – something I have always done, but with my dad’s diagnosis, it seemed even more important that we got together as a family. I love entertaining; there is no better feeling than sitting down with friends and family and catching up over a delicious home-cooked meal. It always tastes better when it is cooked with love!

Food and cooking have always played a big role in my life, but my dad’s illness made me think about how important what we eat is; I became even more conscious of what we were consuming as a family, and began to change some of our ‘bad’ habits.

At the same time, I decided to start Facebook and Instagram pages to share tips, hints, recipes, and inspiration with others – I wanted to show people how easy it is to cook from scratch. I whole-heartedly believe that our diet plays a massive role in supporting our general health and our wellbeing – you really are what you eat!

Sadly, my dad passed away in February 2017, shortly after his 70th birthday. The hole he left in our family was immense, and although I knew that it would never be filled, I knew that with time the grief would become easier to manage. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 45

Visit Claire’s website deliciousandreal.com and follow her on Instagram and Twitter @deliciousandreal

I cooked lunch for the two of us each Tuesday, and we ate it together and chatted – for a couple of hours he was no longer my brother who was dying of cancer, he was just my big brother again My dad became my motivation and drive. I continued on my mission to inspire others to ditch the processed food, and to cook from scratch. My social media presence slowly gained momentum, and I began to really enjoy the feedback I received from followers – there is nothing better than receiving a photo of one of your recipes, especially when it has been successfully created by someone who thought they couldn’t cook!

Just as the grief of losing my dad was becoming more manageable, we received the terrible news (in December of the same year) that my older brother had cancer – his was also terminal. As a

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family, we were devastated. It seemed so unfair and there were so many questions in my head: Why us? How can life be so unfair? What have we done to deserve this?

As the waves of anger and grief built, I knew that I had to do something; positivity became my super-power as I embarked on another cooking mission.

This time, I used my love of food to help me cope with my grief, and to support my brother and his family. I cooked lunch for the two of us each Tuesday, and we ate it together, and chatted – for a couple of hours he was no longer my brother who was dying of cancer, he was just my big brother again. I am so grateful that we were able to share this time together and I know that without the excuse of taking round lunch, I probably wouldn’t have visited him as much.

While I was in his kitchen, I would also get things ready for dinner that evening, so that my brother could sit down with his wife (who was working at the time) and their young children to eat a home-cooked meal. My time and cooking was such a small gesture, but it meant so much to us all.

My brother sadly passed away in July 2018, aged just 49.

Again, I channelled my grief, deciding that I would turn my social media presence into something else. I started on the journey to

true story

publishing a website packed with my simple home-cooked recipes that even the most reluctant cook could manage. My plan was to offer a subscription service at minimal cost to show others that planning meals leads to healthier choices and saves money, and to demonstrate that cooking from scratch isn’t complicated.

I was now doing this for my dad and my brother – they were both my motivation. Inspiring others to lead healthier, happier lives was helping me deal with my grief. Whenever a follower commented on how they had enjoyed a recipe, or explained how meal-planning had helped them make healthier choices, I did a little happy dance!

But then, in August 2019, tragedy struck again when my other brother (aged just 47) suddenly died of a heart attack – no warning and no time to say goodbye. It really makes you realise how precious life is, and how you have to make the most of the time you have.

None of us knows what is around the corner, but I want to give my family the best possible chance of a long and healthy life. By cooking from scratch every night, I am teaching my children (aged 10 and 13) good habits that will hopefully stay with them into adulthood.

But it’s not just about my family; I want others to follow my lead and plan home-cooked meals.

And I want to show people that by channelling your grief, you can have a positive impact on not only your own life, but also on the lives of others.

OUR EXPERT SAYS It’s hard to imagine the emotional journey that Claire and her family have had to navigate.

Dealing with feelings of grief, disbelief, and the innate sense of unfairness that goes along with that is a real challenge.

At the heart of this story though, is love. A love of others, a love of food, and a love of sharing

– all fundamental to who we are as human beings. The way she has managed to channel her experience into something to enrich the lives of others is truly an inspiration!

Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr Life coach

happiful.com | January 2022 | 47

6 nutrition hacks for supporting teen mental health The teenage years come with their own set of challenges. But did you know that you can use nutrition to your advantage?

Writing | Sarah Hanratty

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ur diet provides the building blocks for maintaining both our mental and physical health, and yet the influence of nutrition on mental wellbeing is often overlooked, despite the fact that physiological factors, such as brain chemistry and blood sugar imbalances, can contribute to the development of anxiety and low mood as much as emotional and social issues can. In the teen years, when growth and puberty increase demand for nutrients, mental health can suffer as a consequence.

Understanding how diet can both support and impact mental health can give you tools to support your teen through trickier times. Here, we share tips to help teens take care of their mental wellbeing with nutrition.

Improve digestion

If your teenager complains of stomach aches, bloating, or if they have ongoing constipation 48 | January 2022 | happiful.com

or diarrhoea, then check-in with a doctor or nutritionist to identify whether their digestion needs support. If there are signs your child isn’t digesting their food well, then they may not be able to process all the nutrients from their diet. If you have ruled out medical issues, then focus on encouraging your teen to sit down and take time to eat. A stress-free, unhurried meal, and chewing each mouthful well, will help the absorption of nutrients.

Find the right fats

Omega 3 fats are vital for supporting brain chemistry and lowering inflammation, both of which have been associated with low mood and depression.

Although omega 3 fats can be found in walnuts, chia seeds, and flax seeds, some people struggle to convert these to the longer chain omega 3 fats, found in oily fish. If your teenager isn’t keen on salmon, mackerel, or sardines, it might

be worth considering a good quality omega 3 fish or algae oil supplement. Don’t let your teen shy away from healthy fats in a misguided attempt at weight control. Healthy fats from olive oil, avocado, nuts, seeds, olives, and oily fish, play an important role in keeping our minds and bodies healthy.

Support sleep

Circadian rhythms, that keep us awake during the day and sleepy at night, shift slightly in the teenage years. This could go some way to explain why many teenagers are generally night owls, and can struggle to wake in the morning. Allowing the sleep-wake cycle to shift too much can disrupt mental wellbeing – any loss of sleep can also negatively affect mood. If your child struggles to get off to sleep due to worries or concerns running through their mind, I recommend using either Epsom salt baths before bed, a magnesium oil applied topically

food & health

poorly balanced vegan diet. You may also notice other signs of low iron, which include fatigue and pale skin. You can ask your GP to check the levels of the iron storage protein ferritin. Iron from animal sources, like red meat and eggs, are generally better absorbed than plant-based sources. However, pairing beans, dark green leafy vegetables, dried apricots, pistachios, or other high iron plant-based foods, with foods rich in vitamin C (think berries, peppers, and oranges) can enhance absorption of iron.

Balance blood sugar

Don’t let your teen shy away from healthy fats in a misguided attempt at weight control to the feet, or a magnesiumrich smoothie containing milk, banana, and almond nut butter.

Magnesium helps to promote gamma-Aminobutyric acid (GABA), the neurotransmitter that helps us to feel relaxed, calming the mind before bed.

Include vitamin D

Low levels of this vitamin have been linked to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. We need exposure to the sun to maintain our levels, but with more and

more teenagers opting to spend time indoors, this can be a factor in developing poor mental health. If your teen’s anxiety or mood worsens during the winter months, speak to a GP about how this might be related to vitamin D, and consider supplements or spending more time outdoors.

Teenagers sometimes choose starchy or sweet snacks over more nutrient-dense meals. These foods are digested quickly, and glucose enters the bloodstream rapidly.

Insulin is released to control the amount of glucose in the bloodstream, and subsequently, blood sugar can drop too low.

When this happens, anxiety can increase and panic attacks can occur, and low blood sugar can affect mood and cause irritability.

Keep blood sugar stable by increasing the amount of protein, vegetables, and healthy fats in a meal, and by avoiding too many sugary snacks or caffeine.

Be aware of iron levels

Low iron levels have also been linked to anxiety and depression.

Teenage girls are at risk of iron deficiency anaemia if they have very heavy periods, or follow a

Sarah Hanratty is a clinical nutritionist at the Brain Food Nutrition Clinic, and a tutor at the School of Health. Find out more by visiting nutritionist-resource.org.uk happiful.com | January 2022 | 49

How to bal a n h t c i hron ce lif w e ic il lness

Learning to live with constant pain, fatigue, nausea, or other debilitating symptoms, can be really tough – but there are a number of techniques you can use to help meet the challenge Writing | Pragya Agarwal

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“

ife isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain,” wrote Vivian Greene.

I suffer from a chronic health condition which causes acute fatigue, muscular pains, nausea, and anxiety. For a long time, I ignored my issues, veering between stress and shame about not feeling 100%, and self-pity about being ill.

Sara Tasker is an Instagram expert, author, and creative business coach, who has created a hugely successful career while living with a chronic health

50 | January 2022 | happiful.com

condition. Sara suffers from dysautonomia, which presents with a wide range of symptoms – her biggest being fatigue and accompanying brain fog.

She reiterates my feeling of shame around chronic illness, and says: “British society has a tendency to link tiredness with laziness, and I felt like my fatigue was a moral failing, somehow.”

Elma Glasgow, from Felixstowe, runs a consultancy, while also training to be a wellbeing coach.

Her myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) was triggered by a breakdown in 2017. Elma experiences intense fatigue,

brain fog, and dizziness every day. For her, travel became a problem. She says: “I was also worried that my legs would give way in front of other people.

I would walk closer to walls; when my legs started to go, I had something to hold on to.”

Acceptance is the first step

For me, I stubbornly refused to accept that I would have to accommodate my chronic health conditions in my professional life, or that an ‘always-on’ culture I was part of as a senior academic was not a perfect fit. As a single parent, and an ambitious

food & health

Because you know your illness the best, it’s up to you to decide what your limits are academic, I was living a highpaced and very demanding life.

I wanted to appear reliable and professional, and was worried that discussing or admitting to my health condition would impact negatively on my career.

But, slowly I realised that this was not a sustainable way to

exist. Often the first step towards living more mindfully with a chronic illness comes from an acceptance of the illness. I finally went freelance just after my twins were born, five years ago.

This has allowed me to be more flexible, and adapt my work to suit my life and my health.

Sara says: “Accepting a chronic illness means accepting you’re never going to get better. That can be tough in a world where somebody is always trying to sell you a new miracle cure. But that acceptance, for me, has been really key; once you know a certain symptom is never going away, you can start the work of figuring out how to live your life, and do your job, around it.”

Elma also had to start by accepting that her illness was a part of her. She tells me: “I had to reframe my illness as a huge learning experience, because I couldn’t turn to an expert who could explain what was happening. ME is still a relatively un-researched illness, so there’s limited support available to the public.”

Make small changes

Acceptance means making small changes and accommodations to avoid burnout, and to start recognising triggers. For Sara, it’s the small changes – like getting taxis instead of the tube when she has meetings in London – that have made a big difference to her wellbeing, once she stopped trying to fight the reality of her body. Elma started learning new meditation techniques to understand her body better, and tune-in to it, which has helped her spot the signs of worsening symptoms earlier, and identify (and, therefore, avoid) her triggers. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 51

For further support...

Astriid – its mission is to help people with longterm, chronic illness find meaningful work. Visit astriid.org.uk Pain UK – an alliance of charities providing a voice for people in pain. Head to painuk.org For me, a huge part of this acceptance has been acknowledging that I might need more help than before. I used to be reluctant to ask for support, but I have learnt to articulate to my partner when I might be feeling tired, or when I might need to rest during the day. Elma also found a local ME support group which really helped her, and, she says: “I changed my mindset; I’m now a lot less hard on myself, and much more accepting of my body.

If I feel unwell, I rest. If I have to cancel plans, I get frustrated but I accept that I’m frustrated.”

Recognise limits

Part of acceptance is recognising our limits. It’s much easier to work remotely now, because of technology. But, being freelance can have its downfalls. There are fewer boundaries between home and work, and there’s also a tendency to take too much on at times, because there’s the fear of an inconsistent income stream.

But, prioritising and careful planning to focus on things that bring the most benefit is crucial.

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Sara says: “For years I tried to push myself to do more in-person workshops and retreats, because my peers were doing them so successfully. But once I accepted that I just couldn’t physically handle them, and made the switch to teaching online from my home, my profitability quadrupled overnight.”

Elma also recommends setting strong boundaries and sticking to them. Because you know your illness the best, it’s up to you to decide what your limits are. “Be utterly realistic and honest with yourself,” she tells me.

Design your own template

Both Elma and Sara propose finding your own way to work, rather than conforming to the template society has imposed upon us. In Sara’s words: “That rulebook was written for an able bodied, neurotypical 1950s white man with a Stepford wife waiting at home with his slippers. It doesn’t apply here in the real world. You don’t have to work 9–5; you don’t have to sacrifice your humanity to make money; your productivity does not define your worth.”

Elma reminds me that health always comes first, without any compromise. Our tendency is often to just power through, but the repercussions can set us back by a few days if we’re not careful.

I am now an author, speaker, and consultant, and have written three non-fiction books in the past two years, with the next book out in 2022. I run my own consultancy research think-tank, ‘50 Percent Project’, that examines global inequities, and have given talks and workshops for clients such as the United Nations, the NHS, and the Environment Agency.

People often ask me how I do it, with five-year-old twins. And, I always say that I have focused on my skills and my experience, slowly chased away guilt and shame out of my life, and learnt to ask for help.

I have created a life and career I am proud of, in a way that suits me, my health, and my family, and not worrying about how I am perceived by the world. I do believe that work-life balance is a myth, and it’s better to be flexible, and prioritise according to what suits your health and lifestyle.

There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ template to living and working with a chronic health condition.

We must find what works for us.

Dr Pragya Agarwal is a behavioural and data scientist, author, speaker, and consultant. Visit her website drpragyaagarwal.co.uk

words of wisdom

Delayed milestones

There’s a sort-of unspoken, but widely acknowledged, ‘life path’ we’re all expected to follow – but none of our journeys are exactly the same.

Here, we’re exploring the mental health impact of deviating from the predicted ‘life milestones’ course, and how to handle it Writing | Victoria Stokes

T

he word ‘milestone’ is said to date back to the third century. While building a 53,000-mile network of roads around Europe, the Romans would mark their progress by placing a stone every 1,000 paces.

These stone markers allowed road builders to marvel at just how far they had travelled along the road, while calculating how far they still had to go.

Today, we chart our progress in similar ways, but instead of using milestones as a celebration of our successes, we often use them to measure where we’re at in comparison to everyone else, leading us to berate ourselves for not being any further along the metaphorical road.

In a world that lauds overnight successes, and compiles ‘30 Under 30’ lists, we’ve become accustomed to setting timelines for what we feel we should accomplish, insisting that we must get married, start

a family, or buy our first home before we reach a certain age.

But what happens when we miss the mark on those goals, and fall short of our self-imposed deadlines while everyone else seems to be racing ahead? Counsellor Dee Johnson says it can spark feelings of unworthiness, shame, and comparison.

“I see so many people burdened with shame, fear, and even embarrassment, that they’re not ticking these boxes in the unsaid timeline we seem to operate off,” she says. “This sense of failure can create a poor sense of self, which, on the more extreme end of the scale, can lead to maladaptive responses, ranging from depression and isolation to self-harm and substance abuse.”

Falling behind

Whether you’re sad to be single while all your friends are getting

engaged, or approaching a big birthday without landing that high-flying career, missing a perceived milestone deadline can be a potent cocktail of disappointment, frustration, and inadequacy – and there’s proof that the pandemic may have added to the pressure.

A nationally representative survey from the Stanford Center for Longevity in the US, found many of us have delayed key milestones in the past 18 months. It discovered 68% of people are putting off getting married or entering a long-term relationship, 40% are putting the brakes on childbearing, and 30% of first-time buyers have decided to press pause on purchasing a home.

The scenario begs an obvious question: why are we in such a rush to achieve these milestones in the first place? Dee puts it down to social conditioning. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 53

I began to realise that my milestones weren’t any less valuable than the ones my friends had accomplished; they were just different, and that’s OK “There are strong cultural and social influences that suggest we need to achieve these markers in life. They’re unconscious expectations of what a successful life pattern looks like,” Dee explains. “When these things have brought happiness and security to someone we know, then it’s natural that we want the same for [ourselves]. It’s about personal fulfilment, and finding security emotionally and physically.”

From an evolutionary sense, we’re also hardwired to suss out where we are in the pecking order, and may feel desperate to fit in. “Making comparisons as to whether we are a success or a failure is ingrained in us right back into childhood. Just look at high achievers at school and sibling rivalry,” Dee points out.

Moving forward

The pressure to keep up with others may be driving our desire to have it all, but is it ever possible to make peace with being 20 paces behind where you want to be? With a willingness to see things differently, and consciously address your fears, it can be done.

54 | January 2022 | happiful.com

1. Celebrate what you have achieved It can be easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing, but have you ever stopped to think about all that you have accomplished? According to Dee, doing so can really shift your perspective and bring relief.

It worked for Claire, 33, who says that as soon as she stopped getting wrapped up in the fact all her friends had mortgages, and started appreciating the amazing life experience she’d gained from travelling, the pressure to reach certain milestones melted away.

“I’d been so caught up in feeling like a failure that I’d failed to recognise all the amazing things I had achieved,” she says. “I began to realise that my milestones weren’t any less valuable than the ones my friends had accomplished; they were just different, and that’s OK.”

2. Don’t put conditions on your worth One of the reasons missing milestones hurts so much is that it brings feelings of inadequacy.

“It’s a fallacy that you are only good enough if you have the new house, the latest car, the best engagement ring, or the big promotion,” she muses. “Sure, these things are good to have if they genuinely bring you joy and you haven’t sacrificed your values to get them, but it’s who you are that matters, not what you have.”

When you feel as though you’re falling short, do your best to remember that.

3. Fill in the gaps It can be tempting to fixate on what we feel is missing in our lives. Dee’s advice? “Try to fill the gaps with interests and new skills like travel, creative pursuits, or sports. These activities build your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence.”

While you’re at it, try practising gratitude. Dee says doing this daily allows you to change your “automatic response of focusing on what is missing in your life” to recognising your blessings, as well as your progress. Studies show it has the power to reduce social comparisons, too.

4. Seek help When sifting through difficult emotions, it might be time to get some additional support.

“Talk to a mental health professional to process your understandable fears, jealousy, and lack of confidence,” Dee advises. “Allow yourself to let go, and explore where these feelings have really come from.”

words of wisdom

There may even be value in opening up to trusted friends about how you feel. “You may well discover that their lives are not all rose-tinted,” Dee points out.

5. Find a new definition of success Recently, across social media, a new wave of thought has urged us to celebrate those ‘later in life’ wins. Publishing a book at 50, getting married in your 40s, or landing your dream job at 35, are all still worthy of recognition.

If you feel your life is moving at snail speed, even small day-to-day achievements can be recognised and celebrated – and may help to bolster your self-esteem.

So, three cheers for Lucy, who got out of bed this morning despite not feeling her best. A round of applause for Daniel, who plucked up the courage to have that tricky chat with his boss. And put your hands together for Sarah, who laced up her running shoes today for the first time in two years.

Finally, a big pat on the back for you, for finishing this feature and facing your delayed milestones head on.

Try to fill the gaps with interests and new skills like travel, creative pursuits, or sports. These activities build your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence Dee Johnson is a counsellor interested in working with individuals and groups. Find out more by visiting counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | January 2022 | 55

HAPPIFUL TOP 10

January

From learning about the creativity of others to diving into what makes us happy, we share 10 things to do this January

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PAGE-TURNERS You Coach You by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis A must-read for anyone who is re-assessing where they are in their career, or wanting to build their confidence, this book provides the perfect opportunity to look inwards at your goals and motivations, guided by those who have done it themselves.

Coaches are wonderful for development, but who better to carve out the path bestsuited to you, than well… you?

(Out 13 January, Penguin Business, £14.99)

Beat the Streets

The annual music festival returns this January to continue raising funds and awareness of the rising homelessness crisis in Nottingham. Each year the proceeds from ticket sales go toward eradicating homelessness in the city. With hundreds of local and national artists performing across the two-day event, it is going to be a glorious weekend! (Visit beatthestreetsuk.com to find out more)

4

LEND US YOUR EARS ‘Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris’

After suffering from panic attacks and anxiety himself, journalist Dan Harris set out on his own journey toward happiness, and in the process wrote a bestselling book. Chatting with doctors, celebrities, and scientists, the podcast involves Dan sharing his opinions on everything from training the brain to feeling joy and accepting progress, to techniques for productivity. (Listen to the podcast on iTunes and Spotify)

OUT AND ABOUT The Tate Galleries

With rotating free events throughout the year, the Tate galleries are wonderful places to visit with the whole family. From mesmerising light shows and mirror rooms to artistic exhibitions, the galleries across the country offer something to be impressed by. With tours and refreshments available at the venues, why not make a day of it and soak up as much creativity as you can!

(Visit tate.org.uk to find out more) 56 | January 2022 | happiful.com

5

PLUGGED-IN @gretathunberg

Greta Thunberg is an 18-year-old Swedish environmental activist who is well-known for challenging world leaders to take climate action.

Her Instagram feed reflects her aims for raising awareness and campaigning for real change across the world. Not only great for educating yourself on climate change, but her posts will also have you inspired to do your part to save the planet. (Follow @gretathunberg on Instagram)

Live music | beatthestreetsuk.com

2

PUT ON A SHOW

culture

6

TECH TIP-OFFS Stress & Anxiety Companion

Companion provides its users with the tools and techniques to manage stress and anxiety at work, so that you’re able to make the most out of your day. Complete with hundreds of expert guides for different scenarios, the app seeks to improve your overall workplace wellbeing. (Download from the App Store or Google Play)

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Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift | betsybenn.com

Dry January

Every year, Alcohol Change UK runs the Dry January campaign to raise awareness of the effects of alcohol. It encourages us to join in with the UK’s one month alcohol-free challenge, and to consider the way that our bodies feel during this time. With previous participants noting that they saved money, and slept better, it sounds like a challenge to get behind! (Visit alcoholchange.org.uk for more information)

SQUARE EYES The King’s Man

Another film based on the comic book The Secret Service, the Kingsman series is back with a prequel-style film exploring the establishment of the Kingsman Agency in the early years of the 20th century. Directed by Matthew Vaughn and starring Ralph Fiennes and Gemma Arterton, this is one not to be missed! (Available in cinemas from 22 December)

8

THE CONVERSATION

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GET GOING RED January

January can be full of ‘new year, new me’ conversations. But, for 2022, RED January is encouraging us all to set realistic and healthy goals for ourselves.

With their ‘realistic everyday movement’ campaign, RED wants us to move to improve our minds, doing simple and easy things to get ourselves outside, without pushing ourselves to the limit.

(Search ‘RED January’ to sign up)

TREAT YOURSELF Betsy Benn’s Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift

Finding time to take a moment to breathe and pause can be challenging, but it really can do wonders. The Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift is the perfect present for friends or loved ones.

A lovely reminder to take a break, this gift includes a personalised journal, a wall print, and a selection of caffeine-free tea bags to enjoy during the quiet. (RRP £26.50, visit betsybenn.com)

WIN!

Win Betsy Benn’s Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift For your chance to win a Moment of Calm Letterbox Gift, simply email your answer to the following question to competitions@happiful.com What is the colour of a standard Royal Mail second-class stamp? a) Red

b) Blue

c) Green

*Competition closes 20 January 2022. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!

happiful.com | January 2022 | 57

Back to basics

Two breakfasts to help you get back into your healthy eating routine Writing | Uta Boellinger

S

o, the holidays are over.

We’ve had a chance to relax, indulge, treat ourselves, and hopefully spend time with loved ones. But with this often comes a loss of routine, and even the most diligent of us (nutritionists included) have probably lost all sense of structure when it comes to our food intake.

If you feel a little sluggish, and want to get back into a rhythm, the best place to start is breakfast! It really is the

Protein overnight oats Serves 2 Prep time: 5–10 minutes (plus 8 hours in the fridge overnight) Ingredients: • 8 tbsp oats • 2 tbsp chia seeds • 2 tbsp linseeds • 600ml unsweetened almond milk • 2 tbsp nut butter of choice (almond, peanut and cashew all work well) • 1 tsp cinnamon 58 | January 2022 | happiful.com

most important meal of the day because it sets you up for success in terms of energy levels, avoiding sugar cravings, and for balancing your mood.

But what does a balanced breakfast look like? You want to make sure that you’re getting plenty of proteinrich foods, fibre, and a small amount of carbohydrates. This will give you the energy you need to start the day, and keep you full until lunchtime.

Method: • Mix all ingredients together in a bowl and stir well.

• Stir again after 2–3 minutes, and then leave in the fridge overnight.

• Add fresh or frozen fruit of your choice in the morning.

• This can be stored in the fridge for up to three days, so you can make a bigger batch and prepare breakfast in advance.

• Garnish with zest of orange, and sumac. Can be served hot or cold.

Yet, what if you don’t have the time to prepare a balanced meal first thing? Well, fear not.

I have the perfect recipes that can be made in advance to save you time during the week.

Here are two of my favourite breakfasts, which are quick and easy to prepare, super nutritious, and delicious. Say goodbye to jam on toast, and hello to starting the day right!

food & health

The healthy bit

Find a ist on nutrition iful our Happ app

Spinach and sweet potato frittata Serves 4 Prep time: 25 minutes Ingredients: • 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil • 1 sweet potato (large, peeled and cut into small cubes) • 4 cups of baby spinach (washed and chopped) • 8 eggs whisked • Salt and pepper Method: • Preheat the oven to 200C. • Heat the oil in a cast-iron frying pan (or another oven-safe pan) over medium heat. Add the sweet potato and cook, stirring occasionally, for about 10

minutes, or until the potatoes are just tender.

• Add the spinach and stir until wilted.

• Season the whisked eggs with salt and pepper, then pour the eggs into the pan with the vegetables.

Let the eggs cook for about 30 seconds, or until they begin to set, before gently stirring with a spatula to ensure the vegetables are well incorporated into the eggs.

• Transfer the frying pan to the oven.

• Bake for 10–12 minutes or until the eggs have set and are firm to the touch in the centre of the pan.

Let it sit to cool before cutting into wedges.

• Serve and enjoy! Keep leftovers in the fridge for up to three days.

Chia seeds and linseed are both excellent sources of omega 3 essential fatty acids, which can be hard to come by. Omega 3 plays an important role in brain health, skin health, immune system function, and inflammatory processes, as well as many other areas of human health.

By soaking the seeds overnight we are making sure that these fatty acids, as well as the numerous other vitamins and minerals, become easy for our body to digest and absorb.

The seeds and nut butter also provide a source of protein. It’s so important to include protein in our breakfast to ensure blood sugar balance which, in turn, improves our energy levels throughout the day, and may help reduce cravings later on.

The frittata (and other savoury breakfasts) are a great way to include more vegetables in our diets. I especially like that we are getting a mix of green leafy vegetables, and bright orange from the sweet potato. This gives us a great variety of nutrients, including essential magnesium and B vitamins for energy, and beta-carotene (later converted into vitamin A) for immune function, skin, and eyesight. The eggs and sweet potato give you the perfect combination of protein and carbohydrates for optimal energy.

Uta Boellinger is a registered nutritional therapist and lecturer who specialises in helping busy women improve their energy levels.

Find more on her profile at nutritionist-resource.org.uk happiful.com | January 2022 | 59

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positive pointers

Life lessons with

Jules Von Hep Self-acceptance advocate and creator of Isle of Paradise tanning products, Jules Von Hep reflects upon the past, and shares his personal life lessons for a brighter future. Spoiler alert: it all starts with you…

Writing | Lucy Donoughue

J

ules Von Hep is motivation in human form. His presence on Instagram is full of playful reminders to laugh and be in the moment, as well as very honest discussions about body image. His vegan and cruelty-free self-tan brand, Isle of Paradise, is now stocked world-wide, and he recently

launched a sustainable British knitwear company, Yan Tan, to support UK farmers and promote ethical consumerism. He uses his platform to talk about issues that really matter – from body confidence, to self-acceptance, and the impact of fast fashion – and he looks like he’s having a blast doing it.

However, Jules’ arrival at this point has not been plain sailing.

He’s had to work on himself along the way, and says that he really only found his feet in the past five years, after a long stretch of selfloathing, body dysmorphia, and disordered eating.

Here, Jules reveals the lessons he’s learned along the way. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 61

Ultimately there’s always a positive and a negative route, we’re taught that in physics – you can’t have one without the other

Search for the positive As a gay man going to school in the early noughties, before social media, homphobia was rife. I suffered from both physical and emotional homophobic abuse, and that really knocks a person.

In my early 20s, there were times when I stopped eating because I believed that my value was based on my appearance, and success was linked to a number on the scales.

Now I realise that pessimism is a form of self-protection. Actually being an optimist, for me, is saying: “If the glass is running out and it’s half full, let’s top her up!” Ultimately there’s always a positive and a negative route, we’re taught that in physics – you can’t have one without the other.

It’s up to you which you choose.

Practise speaking kindly to yourself I am someone who has stood in front of the mirror and picked my body apart countless times.

Having come out of that, I now know how much having a negative conversation with yourself affects so many other areas of your life. I’ve cancelled plans, parties, and dates because I didn’t like how I looked. I’ve had intimate experiences, apologising for my body as I undressed. That’s not sexy!

62 | January 2022 | happiful.com

I started to change by working on my internal dialogue. Instead of focusing on the negative (I hate my love handles), I focused on the positive (I love my eyes, I love my humour). By changing my internal narrative, I became more optimistic and open-minded in my approach to day-to-day life, which enabled me to do wonderful things like launch Isle of Paradise, Yan Tan, and meet my partner.

Changing your inner dialogue comes with regular practise. The ship of body confidence is a big one to turn. You’ve got to turn that steering wheel a little every day, and eventually the ship will find its course.

It does take time. I’m 35 now, and I think I’ve only felt body confident and happy in myself for four or five years of my life, but I’m so glad I’m here!

positive pointers

Listen to Jules share more on Happiful’s podcast ‘I am. I have’.

Listen to what calls you During lockdown, I massively changed as a person. I’d been flying around the world, hosting events with the Isle of Paradise, which was incredible, but I don’t think I took a moment to stop.

Lockdown slowed me down.

It made me think about where I was going. I think that lots of people dealt with issues with their inner child during that time, and we were forced to connect with nature in ways we’ve not before.

My partner and I moved out of London, and one night we were watching a Countryfile report about farmers in the UK burning their wool because the fast fashion industry doesn’t support the British wool trade.

My grandparents were sheep farmers; I remember going to sheepdog trials as a child and I was really disturbed by this.

I messaged a couple of my friends who are knitwear designers, because I felt like it was a massive crisis that no one was talking about. As a result, I launched Yan Tan, a sustainable British knitwear brand to support the UK’s wool industry.

We use 100% British wool, and our garments are biodegradable so we operate on a complete farm-to-wardrobe and back-toearth mentality.

The ship of body confidence is a big one to turn. It’s a huge tanker and it’s not moving in seconds!

I think because I’ve found inner confidence, and worked so hard on learning to like myself and be my own best friend, I’ve been able to take on this new venture and embrace the fear.

Chart your heart’s progress All too often business and life can be all about the bottom line, all about the profit. I think we’re conditioned to believe that progress is moving up, stepping up the ladder but, actually, I don’t think it is. Sometimes it’s sidestepping, stopping, or turning in a different direction altogether. As long as you’re doing something that makes your heart happy and fulfilled, you’re making progress.

For me, it’s about flicking on the switch that wakes you up and makes you question what’s right and wrong for you personally. I always go back to the questions: ‘Am I enjoying this?’ and ‘Will I enjoy it tomorrow?’ and if the answer is no to either of those, then I have a problem and I need to change that.

We only have one shot at this, no one has found the elixir of life (and if you have, please do get in touch!), so just feel the fear and do it anyway. Get on that roller coaster, because it’s not going to be there forever.

Follow Jules Von Hep on Instagram @julesvonhep and visit yan-tan.com to find out more about his brilliant, sustainable British wool brand. happiful.com | January 2022 | 63

Happiful reads...

From learning about the power of crystals to chasing adventure, we share four books you won’t want to miss this month Writing | Chelsea Graham

D

r Julie Smith has not only hit our screens as part of documentaries and breakfast shows, but has become a social media sensation after she began sharing her tips and advice.

She has since amassed more than three million followers with whom she shares her daily insights into the world of mental health and wellbeing.

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? by Dr Julie Smith Out 6 January

Having worked for 10 years as a clinical psychologist, in this book Dr Julie Smith sets out to share tools for anyone struggling with depression, anxiety, or poor mental wellbeing, and who may not feel they are ready to see a professional. Detailing ways to

break negative thought patterns, or find motivation when you’re feeling low, this is a great guide for anyone looking to improve their mental resilience.

Eat More, Live Well by Dr Megan Rossi Out 30 December Dr Megan Rossi, AKA the Gut Health Doctor, shares with us her thoughts on why healthy eating is about inclusion and not exclusion. Packed full of 80 delicious and balanced recipes, this book is a great way to shake up your meals without sacrificing flavour or, most importantly, your favourite ingredients.

Anything Could Happen by Lucy Diamond Out 6 January Bestselling author Lucy Diamond is back with another comforting and warm novel. We all have secrets, right? But what happens if your best kept secret goes on to spark the beginning of your greatest adventure yet? Find out as we follow Lara and her daughter Eliza on the journey of a lifetime.

Must reads Crystals for SelfCare: The Ultimate Guide to Crystal Healing by Kirsty Gallagher Out now For many, crystals can offer a powerful influence over wellbeing. But, delving into the world of these beautiful fragments can be complicated.

Kirsty Gallagher is renowned for bringing ancient practices into modern everyday life in an accessible way, and her third book is no exception.

64 | January 2022 | happiful.com

wellbeing

THE ROAD TO RECOVERY It’s easy to beat ourselves up over relapses when it comes to eating disorders, but it’s all a unique journey. Here we share essential tips to help you through the rough patches of recovery Writing | Sarah Young

R

ecovering from an eating disorder is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When we start our journeys into the hellfire that recovery can often feel like, we begin by envisioning this journey to be linear – onwards and upwards! We imagine things getting gradually better day by day, in a way that is exhausting, yet straightforward. However, recovery usually doesn’t go as planned.

If we were to plot the path of recovery on a graph, it would probably look more like a looping, squiggly mess than a simple diagonal line. Recovery is

filled with pitfalls, lapses, three steps forwards, two steps back, and sometimes even full-blown relapses. But this doesn’t mean we’ve failed. Every step back teaches us new things, even when it doesn’t feel like it at the time.

Every time we trip, we learn to look out for what caught our feet the next time we’re there. Each time we stumble, we can be ready to grab on to something and steady ourselves if we cross that same path again. Recovery will never be simple, or easy, or we would have done it sooner.

It’s easy to become impatient with yourself when recovery feels

like it’s taking too much time.

You berate yourself every time you find yourself falling back into unhealthy behaviours. But recovery cannot be rushed, and the times we fall backwards make us ever stronger for when we reach forwards again.

Like with all journeys, it’s not just the destination that is important; it’s also what you learn and discover along the way that makes for a robust and stable remission, and this includes the mistakes and pitfalls just as much as the steps that take you forwards.

So what do you do when you find you have stumbled into a relapse? >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 65

• Remember that eating disorders make empty promises to persuade us that it’s worth listening to them. But ask yourself: what did your eating disorder give you? How did you benefit from it? For some, you felt in control, but were you just being controlled?

Sometimes we use eating disorders as a distraction; a way to numb out other painful things. But is replacing one painful thing with another painful thing really worth it? Did your eating disorder give you stable, healthy relationships? Did it find you a fulfilling job? Did it buy you a nice home? Did it contribute towards your education?

Did it make you feel better about yourself? Did it bring you happiness? I imagine the answer is no. Eating disorders help us feel in control, but they don’t give us anything real.

66 | January 2022 | happiful.com

• Think about your reasons for recovering. Write them down and stick them on your wall. Is it worth abandoning those goals for this demon of a disorder? Your reasons to recover might include the things mentioned earlier. They might also include things like decreased anxiety, meals out with loved ones, being present in your day-to-day life, having children, engaging fully in your passions, having fun at social events, enjoying food, improved sleep, dedicating your energy towards enjoying life, and regaining your identity.

• Use your support network.

Friends, family, partners, doctors, therapists, helplines, online support forums, social media communities – they can all be sources of support that are often crucial to remaining strong in your journey. You may feel ashamed, or like you’ve failed when asking for help, but that isn’t the case – we all slip up. It’s part of the journey.

Don’t suffer in silence; seek support from the people that you trust.

wellbeing

You’re going to be OK. You’re going to make it through Eliminate negative influences.

Get rid of those triggering magazines that encourage disordered behaviours, and openly criticise other people’s bodies. Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, or that you’re doing recovery wrong.

Follow people who don’t set rules for what health looks like – because it’s different for everyone. Cut toxic people out of your life. Assert your boundaries with your loved ones who comment on your body/food choices/lifestyle/ exercise habits, or who won’t stop talking about the diet they’re on. Surround yourself with people and influences that push you towards true health and happiness.

• If you find yourself missing meals, create a schedule or set alarms to ensure you eat regularly and consistently.

If you find yourself making excuses not to eat, then you may want to think about putting yourself on a bit of a meal plan until you’re able to go back to eating intuitively.

• Know your warning signs!

This could be giving yourself excuses not to eat, cutting out certain foods, avoiding situations involving food, increasing your exercise, weighing yourself more regularly, increased thoughts around food/weight/exercise, body checking, becoming more withdrawn, or feeling guilty for resting or eating. If you know your own warning signs, you’ll be able to notice these red flags and address them a lot quicker before it snowballs into something more ingrained.

It may also be a good idea to tell your partner, friends, and family what your red flags are, so that if you’re unable to see them in yourself when they occur, they can watch out for them and support you in getting back on track.

• Keep busy and use distraction techniques. When you are sitting with anxiety, guilt, or relapse temptations, distract yourself with something you can get absorbed in. The more you’re thinking about something else, the less energy

your brain will put towards those negative thoughts. You could watch a movie, read a book, write, get out a jigsaw puzzle or a crossword, pick up the knitting needles, game on an Xbox/PC/phone, call someone, meet up with a friend, play an instrument, paint, collage, or take photos – basically anything that you can engage yourself in.

Write these tips down. Find other tips online. Ask people in a similar position what helped them. Make a ‘reasons to recover’ poster or screensaver. Remind yourself that you’re going to be OK. You’re going to make it through. You can, and you will, beat your eating disorder.

Keep reminding yourself that recovery isn’t linear, and that every setback is an opportunity to learn and take bigger steps forwards. Some of my most important lessons were learnt during the slip ups that I made during my recovery. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and don’t let the tide sweep you off course.

Keep wading upstream, and take the knowledge for next time. happiful.com | January 2022 | 67

Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong MANDY HALE Photography | Brock Wegner

68 | January 2022 | happiful.com

true story

Family born out of fear After keeping her deep-rooted terror of childbirth secret for years, opening up and sharing her fear enabled Ali to find support and create processes in order to have the children she always wanted Writing | Ali Lawrence

I

don’t ever remember not knowing where babies came from. I don’t just mean how they’re made, but the whole process of labour and childbirth. Being the youngest of a large family, and an auntie to six children while still a teenager, I was all too familiar with the gruesome details of childbirth. I remember holding my tiny nieces and nephews for the first time, distraught by the reality of their arrival, and what I would have to endure to have my own children one day.

I didn’t know then that I was suffering with tokophobia, a severe fear of childbirth and pregnancy. It took me almost 30 years to talk about it, but it was the best decision I ever made.

Unfortunately, the tension between desperately wanting to have a family of my own, but knowing I couldn’t face the pain of childbirth, continued for many years. Throughout my 20s, I wrestled with this conflict inside, and my mental and physical health deteriorated. I had disrupted sleep, numerous stomach and digestive problems, and struggled with anxiety attacks at the thought of someday giving birth. Seeing pregnant women, or knowing a friend was in labour, were both particularly challenging; I had to hide the panic and anxiety that I felt flooding through me, and try to carry on as normal.

At the age of 28 I got married, but I still kept this fear hidden from my husband. It wasn’t due to lack of communication or a reflection of our relationship, I just couldn’t physically bring myself to talk about it. I felt that people would be dismissive of my concerns, and respond with comments like, “All women worry about giving birth,” and “You’ll be fine.”

One evening, three years into our marriage, the weight of what I had been carrying for so long finally broke me. Every muscle tensed, and the tears flowed as I forced myself to open up to my husband about having tokophobia. He had no idea my fears were so crippling, and felt devastated at what I had been going through.

A week later, with his help, I reluctantly went to see my GP. I sat there sobbing and shaking as my husband explained the reason for our visit.

The doctor was every bit as understanding as I could have wished for, and she referred me to a gynaecology consultant straight away, to talk through my options.

I explained to the consultant that I couldn’t allow myself to get pregnant, as I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with going into labour and having a natural birth, but that I also couldn’t face the thought of having a caesarean section under local anaesthetic either. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 69

Visit tommys.org for more information on tokophobia

She was incredibly supportive, and said the words that I had been longing to hear since I was a child: “If you need to have a caesarean under general anaesthetic so you can become a mother, then that’s what we’ll do.” I got out of the hospital and cried with relief.

However, more hardship was to follow. In January 2016, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome. I was given medication to take, and after seven cycles lasting a year, but only ovulating twice, I was emotionally and mentally exhausted, and so I stopped the treatment.

We bought a house and started thinking about adoption. But God had other plans for us, and in June 2017 we found out I was pregnant!

Instead of feeling excited, the fear kicked in straight away. Thankfully, I was able to see my consultant early in the pregnancy, and get a date booked in for the caesarean. She even requested I was first on the list for surgery that day to help with my anxiety. Early in the pregnancy, I had a few panic attacks, worried that I would go into labour prematurely or lose my baby. But this calmed down as the pregnancy progressed, and in February 2018 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Aurelia, exactly as planned.

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Speaking out loud the fear you’ve kept inside could be the start of the life you’ve been dreaming of I recovered very quickly from the physical effects of the birth, and was absolutely in love with my precious girl. But I knew that I wasn’t dealing well with not being awake for her birth, and due to the effects of the anaesthetic, I had difficulty remembering meeting her for the first time. I couldn’t watch anything on TV about women seeing their babies for the first time; I felt distraught at what I had missed out on.

In January 2019, we had another surprise when I found out I was pregnant again! I was delighted, but knew that I needed to ask for help to come to terms with Aurelia’s birth, before going through it all again. I contacted the maternity counselling service at the hospital, and within a few days I had been referred to the Birth Afterthoughts service, which I had never heard of before. I had multiple home visits from an incredibly helpful woman who

true story

went through the detailed notes of Aurelia’s birth with me – when she took her first breath, how soon she cried, what time my husband first met her, and even where he fed her for the first time. It was such a relief to know all the tiny details about her coming into the world that I had missed out on.

In September 2019, we welcomed our baby boy, Levi, into the world, again via caesarean under general anaesthetic. This time, however, I was encouraged to ask for things to make the experience better for me and, incredibly, a midwife even filmed Levi being born for us! The staff were all amazing, and took lots of photos and videos so I didn’t miss out on any of his

precious first moments. It was such a healing experience, and it meant I could put my fears behind me, and start our life together.

My advice to anyone struggling with tokophobia, whatever stage of life you’re at, would be to talk about how you feel with someone you trust. Making yourself vulnerable and speaking out loud the fear you’ve kept inside, although incredibly challenging, could be the start of the life you’ve been dreaming of.

I would also strongly encourage you to speak to your GP as soon as possible, and to take someone with you. You’ll be surprised just how much help and support is available to you.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for what you need; having procedures in place every step of the way will help you to manage the anxiety and create better mental and physical health. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

OUR EXPERT SAYS The experience that Ali shares with us is brave and heart-warming. The impact of tokophobia and its debilitating nature is evident – a condition which I assume is relatively unknown for many people.

Ali openly shares her truth, directly challenging her fears and overcoming

them to give birth to her two children. Her strength throughout the process is present, and has the ability to provide hope to other people in similar circumstances.

Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred) Counsellor and psychotherapist

happiful.com | January 2022 | 71

5

5 activities to build intimacy (that aren’t sex) Strengthen your bond and feel a deeper connection with these five activities designed to build intimacy Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

T

here’s a joke that goes something like this: “Yeah, sex is great, but have you ever x, y, or z?”

It could be nabbing the parking spot closest to the supermarket, discovering a fiver in an old coat pocket, or slipping into a warm bubble bath at the end of the day.

The point of the joke is a cheeky nod to life’s other pleasures, the things that bring us joy, soothe us, or simply give us something to smile about.

When it comes to relationships, yeah, sex is great, but have you ever deliberately worked on the intimate bond you share with your partner?

That connection in a relationship is often the driving force behind good sex, but it’s also what makes you feel safe and secure, like you’re on the same team and can take on the world’s challenges together.

On the topic of ‘intimacy’, there’s a tendency to run straight to fourth base, but here we’re sharing five sensual activities, to help you harness a sense of closeness with your partner outside of the bedroom.

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Cooking for, and with, each other

Food and romance go together like, well, sugar and spice – and food can also be a wonderful way to get experimental and explore new flavours and sensations with each other, as well as to relive shared memories. You might have a favourite food that you both can’t wait to sit down and tuck into together, or perhaps there’s a dish that has meaning to you – for example, a meal you ate on your first date, wedding, or a memorable trip together.

What’s more, a survey by cookware brand Calphalon asked 1,000 adults how cooking influences their relationships, and saw 87% report that cooking is one of the top activities couples can do to strengthen their bond – the reason being that it encourages communication. So, if you’re looking to get hot and steamy, getting creative in the kitchen is a great place to start.

Dancing

You don’t need to be a regular Anton Du Beke to take your partner for a spin around the living room floor, in fact, the only requirement for tapping into the power of dance is willingness.

A study published in Biology Letters highlights how dance can strengthen social bonds, offering escapism, boosting mood, confidence and – importantly – intimacy. Let go and bop along to your favourite belter, or take things down a notch with a sensual slow dance to a romantic classic. Let your hair down, and explore what music and movement mean to you as a couple.

Micro-affections

A micro-affection is a small gesture or action that conveys our love and appreciation for someone. It could be physical: hand-holding, cuddling, playing with someone’s hair, lingering eye contact, or gentle passing touches throughout the day. Or, it could be a quick “I love you” as

relationships

So often in life, it’s the small things that add up to make a real difference

you pop out to the shops, showing gratitude, taking a focused interest in your partner’s day, and remembering and recognising important details and events.

So often in life, it’s the small things that add up to make a real difference – and micro-affections in relationships do just that.

Couples yoga

Couples yoga is all about moving together, tapping into each other’s strength and sense of calm, and spending dedicated time working on both your bond and overall wellbeing.

Some poses may focus on assisted stretching, enabling you to help each other to feel soothed and relaxed in your bodies,

others may be more focused on the intimacy in the partnership – tantric yoga working more specifically on sexual intimacy, with the poses designed to help you give and receive energy.

You may be able to find classes near you, but there are a wealth of both free and paid online classes and videos that you can follow from the comfort of your own home.

Vulnerable conversations

In 1997, Arthur Aron, a social psychologist and director of the Interpersonal Relationships Lab at Stony Brook University, set out to learn more about vulnerability and its connection to intimacy.

He paired up students who were strangers and gave them 45 minutes to ask each other questions – half the pairs were given questions that were factual and shallow, and the other half were given questions that started off as factual but became deeper, their final question being: “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the most disturbing?”

What the researchers saw was that the second group formed a much deeper bond, many went on to be friends beyond the study, and two participants even got engaged!

There’s something truly special about creating a relationship where you can be entirely vulnerable with each other. When this happens, you create a safe and secure base from which to spring into the rest of your life with confidence and resilience.

So, dig a little deeper, and see what you can uncover.

For more relationship insight, visit counselling-directory.org.uk happiful.com | January 2022 | 73

The Happiful family

Are you a wellbeing professional?

Register now!

Whether you’re a counsellor, life coach, nutritionist, hypnotherapist or therapist, we appreciate just how much of a difference you can make to someone’s life – which is why we want to help you to help others.

For 15 years, our family of directories has connected more than 1.5 million people with mental health and wellbeing professionals like you. If you’re a qualified therapist or coach, why not join Happiful to help make support more accessible to everyone?

Why you should join the Happiful family Your own instant, dedicated web page to promote your services

Publish articles and access exclusive press and media opportunities

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Plus a free exclusive listing on our Happiful app

Register your interest at professionals.happiful.com Members of our directories must hold relevant qualifications/insurance and/or professional body registration, depending on the approach they practice. For more information, please register your interest, and a member of our support team will be in touch!

74 | Month 2022 | happiful.com

positive pointers

Winter wildlife Help the inhabitants of your garden to thrive through the colder months with these simple suggestions Let it be

Wild, that is. Try to save pruning, and clearing up the back yard until spring, to provide undisturbed spots of sanctuary for critters.

A little shelter

Gathering leaves or logs into piles offers a cosy home for hedgehogs and insects. You could also put up a bird box, or tie together some bamboo stems and leave for bugs to settle in.

Leave a treat

With food sources being scarcer this time of year, putting out bird feeders, or leaving out some nuts or leftovers, can be really helpful.

Things like cheese, pastry, and bread, always go down a treat, but be careful not to put out anything with salt (as this can be poisonous to birds), or porridge oats as these can stick birds beaks together.

Water world

With the lower temperatures, putting out fresh water in a dish each day can be really helpful for local wildlife – or investing in a bird bath if you have space!

Icebreaker

If you have a pond, you could try floating a tennis ball in the water to help prevent it freezing over completely, or if it already has, create some holes in it to release gas that might build up beneath

the surface, and impact hibernating animals at the bottom. But try to do so gently, so as to not harm any fish or frogs within – placing a hot pan on the surface should hopefully melt through the ice. happiful.com | January 2022 | 75

INTO THE WILD

Could taking your workouts back to nature come with some wellbeing gains?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

76 | January 2022 | happiful.com

try this at home

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ccording to statista. com, 10.3 million people in the UK have a gym membership, and the gym and fitness market’s annual turnover is predicted to be worth an eye-watering £2 billion. It’s safe to say that going to the gym is part of our cultural fibre, and you’ve seen the gym selfies to prove it. But, of course, sweating it out in the gym isn’t the only option when it comes to working on our fitness, and there are wellbeing gains to be had from taking out the structure, and following your feet towards movement that feels best to you.

Dubbed ‘green exercise’ by a study published in the journal Extreme Physiology and Medicine, researchers believe that exercising in nature can have both physical and mental health benefits – including stress reduction, restoring mental fatigue, improving mood and self-esteem. They also note that green exercise also leads to an increase in physical activity, as it lowers the levels of perceived exertion – just think, how long can you walk on a treadmill compared to strolling through beautiful landscapes?

But what does rewilding your workouts look like in practice, and what else do you have to gain from it?

Opening the door

When Rachel Rodgers’ personal trainer suggested leaving the gym to exercise in the park, she was mortified at the thought of exercising where she walked the dog, and in front of people who

knew her. But there was a good reason behind this suggestion.

“At the time, I had accepted a promotion for the large dog rescue charity I was working for,” Rachel explains. “I had gone from being outside with dogs to being on a computer 8am to 6pm. I was always inside. She had noticed my engagement in our sessions had dipped, and that I was not in a good place emotionally. I was cancelling sessions regularly because of ‘work commitments’, but really I had just lost all interest.”

Listening to the b i rd s , f e e l i n g t h e g ro u n d b e n e a t h your feet, it all p l ay s a ro l e Although reluctant at first, Rachel soon saw that the fresh air was taking her workouts to the next level.

“With any workout, no matter how reluctant you are to do it, you always feel better afterwards.

But the difference was huge for me when doing my personal training sessions outside. I was much more upbeat, happier, and more relaxed. We even then went to outdoor yoga with sheep!

“Even though the early starts can be hard to get into, my mood and productivity at work following the sessions are so much better. Listening to the birds, feeling the ground beneath your feet, it all plays a role.”

Her anxiety and stress levels, and even her skin, improved, to the point where Rachel is considering ending her gym membership to workout exclusively in the outdoors.

One foot out the door

But, of course, it doesn’t have to be a case of either/or. Sheryl Morris is a personal trainer who works in an indoor gym and also an outdoor gym, called Cargo Gym. It operates from a shipping container in a sports ground, a huge open space surrounded by trees, using typical gym equipment like free weights, and also running circuit style classes in a beautiful setting.

Sheryl tells us that many attendees say that they prefer the outdoor gym to the indoor gym, saying that they feel they work harder with fewer distractions, and they feel closer to nature, feeling cleaner, and more relaxed – many also feeling safer since the start of the pandemic.

“During the first lockdown I had to think on my feet with regards to not only my clients, but my own training, and this is when I started to use the South Downs Way to train people and myself,” Sheryl says.

Famous for its stunning scenery, the South Downs in East Sussex provided her with climbs up hills, vast expanses of fields, and many obstacles to take advantage of.

“I would plan a session based on a circuit route, and the client and I would hike, jog, and sprint – but also take advantage of various benches and steps for >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 77

Taking it back to nature

some tricep dips, jumps, or toe taps along the way. We would stretch at the start and end the workout on top of the cliffs, often watching the sun come up over the ocean. It’s given me a big rush of serotonin just recalling it!”

If that sounds idyllic to you, you’re not alone.

“One of my clients, in particular, benefited from this training as they were experiencing a lot of anxiety. They got into incredible shape both physically and mentally, which they wouldn’t have done at an indoor gym, because they had no desire to train in that kind of environment.

Reconnecting them with nature was the perfect way to help them find fitness that they loved again.”

Sheryl highlights a good point here, that good health is so often about finding out what works for you and following that route, rather than sticking to what is more familiar and which works for others – who might have a multitude of needs and desires that differ from your own.

“I can say with absolute certainty that working and training outside works wonders for your 78 | January 2022 | happiful.com

physical and mental health. It’s so beneficial for everyone, not just those who experience poor mental health. It’s something I never thought I’d end up doing and, even though my own training is currently indoors, I walk miles outside each day as it makes me feel great, and I now can’t do without it.”

On the right track

At a time where we’re talking about the concept of ‘rewilding’ in a lot of different areas of our lives and processes, it makes sense that we might want to apply that to the way that we take care of our health.

Yes, it might be hill-sprints out in the open, but it might also be getting a group of friends together to do an exercise routine in the park, doing a spot of yoga in the back garden, or just going on a cheek-warming walk around your local area.

However you choose to do it, it’s safe to say that combining the benefits of exercise with the extra boost of being out in nature sets a solid foundation for good health.

Ravi Davda is the CEO of Rockstar Marketing, a digital marketing agency. Here, he shares how he found new joy in getting outside and breaking away from structure: "I'm someone who's loved the gym for many years now, so when the pandemic started, one of my main concerns was not being able to go there. The gym is somewhere where I can be in my own space for an hour, somewhere go to destress.

“I'd always been strict about my workouts, too. Every workout would be logged in a gym diary. The pandemic changed all of this. I started walking more. I don't mean walks to the shops, but walks in nature. I started running again (I hadn't run outside for a long time, it was always on a treadmill). Sometimes, I would go to my local park, lake, or field, and do random bodyweight exercises, such as press-ups, burpees, planks, or whatever I felt like doing. It wasn't about what I did, but more about being outside, embracing nature, and getting some exercise. I loved it. Especially during the summer.

“When gyms opened up again, I got a membership but didn't go back to my old routine. I loved being outside too much! Instead, I did a couple of days in the gym, and a couple of days of exercise outside. Now that the weather has got dark and cold, it's harder to enjoy being outside, but I still get out when I feel like it. It just goes to show there's more to workouts than being in a gym."

food & health

ys to S a w 0 1 UP ER

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our b r e a GE y k f a AR s t We’ve all heard that ‘breakfast is the most important meal of the day’, but how many of us opt to grab a slice of toast on the way out the door or skip it all together? Isn’t it time we ensured that we’re having a nutritious start to the day? Here, Jenna Farmer discusses how to supercharge your breakfast in 10 simple steps...

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t’s been reported that nearly a third of us skip breakfast, and a recent survey by Rowse Honey found that 84% of us have felt our usual breakfast choices are boring.

For some, there simply isn’t time between the school run and commute to cook a healthy breakfast, while for others, hunger doesn’t kick in until much later in the day.

Whatever our reason is for missing this meal, the truth is breakfast is important: studies have shown that skipping breakfast >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 79

can increase your risk of heart disease and diabetes.

It’s not all about what you eat either; taking time to enjoy your breakfast and setting up a healthy morning routine is equally important.

“Breakfast is important as it is the first meal of the day. In essence one is ‘breaking the fast’ after a night of sleep,” explains nutritional therapist Sonal Shah. “It really does refuel the body.”

If you don’t have time to batch cook oats, whizz up a fresh frittata, or start your morning off with a 10K run, don’t despair. Here are 10 quick and easy ways to supercharge your breakfast, and get your day off to the best start.

1. DON’T REACH FOR THE CAFFEINE STRAIGHT AWAY. Most of us roll out of bed and pop the kettle on as soon as we wake up, but research has shown it’s best to drink your coffee after breakfast rather than before it. The study published in the British Journal of Nutrition found that drinking coffee before eating increased the blood glucose response to breakfast by 50%.

Instead, you could either swap your morning coffee for a herbal brew, or make sure you’ve eaten something substantial before reaching for that caffeine.

80 | January 2022 | happiful.com

2. DON’T PUT IT OFF UNTIL MID-MORNING. While some of us don’t feel hungry when we wake up, Sonal Shah advises not waiting too long before you tuck in. “My personal and professional opinion is to

have breakfast within one hour of waking if possible, and to make sure it is nutrient-dense and substantial. This is because it will keep one fuller for longer and also prevents overeating later in the day.”

3. MAKE SIMPLE SWAPS. Most of us can make healthier changes with a few simple swaps.

Start with your morning juice and toast; could you swap your regular OJ for a fresh veggie juice, or one packed with multivitamins – such as the Benefit Juice range (Waitrose, £2.80) which provides 50% reference daily intake of 12 key vitamins? There’s no reason you can’t tuck into toast, but you could swap the bread to wholemeal for a fibre-fix, and add peanut butter and chopped banana for a dose of healthy fats and potassium.

4. PACK A PROTEIN PUNCH. Studies have shown that those who ate a high protein breakfast had more energy throughout the day.

Protein can be found in breakfast staples, from cottage cheese to greek yoghurt.

“If you include wholefood proteins such as nuts, seeds, eggs, dairy yoghurt, fish or meat at breakfast, you do not need to add a protein powder to breakfast,” explains Nutritionist Resource member Kate Dimmer.

Of course, if you tend to grab a smoothie each morning, then a scoop of protein powder might be a useful addition. Either way, adding some protein to your breakfast will ensure you feel fuller for longer, and get your day off to a great start.

food & health

5. LOOK FOR NATURAL NOOTROPICS. Another way to supercharge your breakfast is to look for a herbal tea that includes nootropics – a natural substance that’s proven to boost brain function. Try a tea such as Theenk Tea’s ‘Morning Glory’ blend (£12.99, theenktea.com); which also includes rosemary and ginkgo biloba.

6. DON’T FORGET TO BREATHE. “Just two minutes a day can help maintain good mental health, and the best time to do it is first thing,” explains hypnotherapist Geraldine Joaquim. “Focus on long slow deep breaths. You can rest your hands to feel your body moving with each breath: one hand on your stomach and one on your heart. Aim for six to 10 breaths per minute.”

Taking time to do a short breathing exercise before you begin the day can stop your body automatically turning to ‘fight or flight’ mode 7. SPEND FIVE MINUTES JOURNALING. Another way to supercharge your morning without changing what’s on your plate is by incorporating journaling. It’s far more than just a notebook, as studies have

8. BULK BUY BREAKFAST BITS SO YOU DON’T RUN OUT.

10. MAKE YOUR OWN JUICE.

Bulk buy, or even set up recurring subscriptions for your favourite breakfast goodies, to ensure you never run out. You could try My Breakfast Box (mybreakfastbox. co.uk) which gives you the option to subscribe monthly to receive breakfast blends that can be used for overnight oats. Alternatively, there’s the Squirrel Sisters Breakfast Box (squirrelsisters. com, £30) which includes on-thego snack bars for breakfast in a hurry, muesli and porridge oats, and a range of breakfast toppers.

“It’s better to make [juices] homemade or get them delivered cold press, than buying them ready-made as the nutrient level will be lower in supermarket ones,” explains nutritional therapist Sonal Shah.

But it’s important to remember that fruit juice is high in sugar.

“If you do enjoy juices and smoothies, stick to a small glass no more than once daily,” explains Kate Dimmer.

9. OPT TO FOR A LOW GI BREAKFAST. Glycemic index represents the rise in blood sugar after eating certain foods. What’s worth noting is that many breakfast foods (such as white bread toast and sugar-packed cereals) are high in GI. However, research suggests that aiming for a low glycemic index brekkie could have its benefits if you find yourself snacking mid-morning.

Examples of low GI breakfasts include rolled or steel cut oats, apples, yoghurt, eggs, and beans.

shown that journaling can help with everything from your immune system to your selfconfidence. You can use a journal to write your action plan, for setting intentions, or keeping track of things you’re grateful for.

There’s no doubt that prioritising breakfast is a great way to support your overall wellbeing, so get involved to get your day off to the best possible start.

Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who specialises in writing about gut health. She has Crohn’s disease and blogs about her journey to improve gut health at abalancedbelly.co.uk Sonal Shah is a nutritional therapist, health tutor, and director of Synergy Nutrition.

Kate Dimmer is a registered nutritional therapist and health coach.

Geraldine Joaquim is a clinical hypnotherapist specialising in stress and women’s health.

For more professional support, check out our Happiful app happiful.com | January 2022 | 81

Andy Gill BA NLP E-RYT JSY500 AC BWY Andy Gill is a multi-modal therapist who uses coaching, hypnotherapy, and yoga to meet his clients’ needs.

Find out more by visiting lifecoach-directory.org.uk

A

s a recovering people-pleaser, I am very aware of the personal cost of this habit. Many of us ‘people please’ in some form or other, and it remains something that I have to work hard not to slip into.

In interactions with other people, we want them to be happy with us, we want to feel accepted by them, and viewed positively.

People-pleasing is one way to do this, and while it can be effective, it’s not a mature or healthy approach to human relations.

We can define a people-pleaser as a person who has a compulsive emotional need to make sure others are happy. There is nothing wrong with wanting people to 82 | January 2022 | happiful.com

Deconstructing people-pleasing

What are the signs that you could be a peoplepleaser, and how does it affect our wellbeing?

Our expert columnist Andy Gill explores the tendency, and has tips for breaking free Writing | Andy Gill

be happy, but a people-pleaser will make this more important than anything else in order to be approved, accepted, liked, or loved. This comes at the expense of meeting their own needs, desires, or preferences.

They will say ‘yes’ to a request even when they want to say ‘no’, because the latter would risk critical judgement, rejection, or even abandonment. For a people-pleaser, this is a terrifying prospect, a threat to their very survival.

People-pleasing comes from a younger part of us. It is a strategy we adopt as young children when we feel vulnerable and powerless around authority figures. When we feel threatened – or fear

rejection or abandonment – people-pleasing keeps us safe.

It is compliant and submissive in nature: we do what we can to be seen as good and worthy.

The problem comes when we continue to people please into adulthood, and it hinders our emotional development.

In my own experience, peoplepleasing affected my ability to form and maintain healthy personal and work relationships.

When you build relationships on a foundation of pleasing others, you end up in relationships that are unsatisfying and fail to meet your needs. There are also many people who will use people-pleasers for their own gratification, as people-pleasers

EXPERT COLUMN

Are you a people-pleaser?

Ask yourself these questions.

If you answer ‘yes’ to any or all of the below, you may have some people-pleasing tendancies.

have poor or non-existent boundaries, and in shifting themselves to meet the needs of others, they can get bent out of shape or trampled.

But while learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is an important part of recovering from people-pleasing, the key step is to understand who you are, and what you stand for.

After spending so much time focusing on others, and perhaps even adopting their beliefs, you may have lost sight of what is important to you. But you can find them again by identifying your values, the core beliefs that represent what you stand for.

Take time to identify your values; search online and you

will find a range of tools and exercises that help you with this.

Once you have your core values, you will have a framework to guide your behaviours and actions in any situation, and the information will come in the form of feelings as well as thoughts.

People-pleasers have learned not to listen to, or value, their feelings in the past. Yet feelings are an invaluable early warning system for the self, so that when someone requests something of you that feels wrong or uncomfortable it is an indication that the self is being compromised.

My clients often feel that they need to justify themselves with logic and reason. I tell them that

1. Do you say ‘yes’ to requests from others, even when you want to say ‘no’?

2. Do you feel unworthy or that lack value?

3. Do you feel unsure about your boundaries, or that they’re not always healthy?

4. Do you struggle to stand up for yourself?

5. Do you adopt the values and beliefs of others to fit in and be accepted?

6. Do you struggle to meet your emotional and physical needs? Do you feel exhausted all the time? a feeling is reason enough to either ask for time or say no.

Your feelings will tell you when something is ‘right’ for you. And when you can respect and act on your feelings you will naturally set and maintain healthy boundaries. When you can maintain healthy boundaries, you will know when to say no. happiful.com | January 2022 | 83

Practical ways to help someone with depression

When a loved one is struggling with their mental health, it can be hard to know how to help them – as much as you want to. Here, we’re sharing seven simple, practical ways you can be there in their time of need.

Offer to help with chores.

If you’re already stopping by with food or household bits, you could quickly do a bit of washing up if you see plates stacking up, or ask if they need help to pay any bills, or make appointments.

Drop off some food. If you make something that can be portioned off, or kept as leftovers, taking it round for your friend so that they can simply heat it up can be a big help.

Pick up essentials. Grab a few extras when you’re at the shops to help tide your loved one over, such as bread, milk, or some loo roll.

Signpost support. If your friend voices that they need help, that’s a huge step in itself. You can support them if they don’t know what to do next by sharing helplines, helping them to look into or book therapy, or attending doctor appointments if they want you beside them.

Celebrate their little wins.

Whether it’s making it out of bed, doing the hoovering, or brushing their teeth, cheer them on for every small step.

Lend an ear. Listening, without judgement, can be invaluable – you don’t need to have all the answers or a magical solution. Above all, being there will mean so much.

Send the invitation. They may want to withdraw and not socialise right now, but it’s important to let them know they’re still welcome, whenever they’re ready.

positive pointers

A moment of calm Who better to share essential tips and insight on how to create calming techniques for children, than Jaime Amor, founder of Cosmic Kids Yoga?

Writing | Gemma Calvert

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efore taking to the stage to host a live story-telling yoga session at Camp Bestival last summer, Jaime Amor – the genius behind Cosmic Kids Yoga – laid out 50 yoga mats.

“I thought I’d get about 30 people in the crowd because it was 10am… then 700 people turned up!” She laughs, in apparent disbelief.

It’s certainly been a whirlwind two years for the classicallytrained actress. A decade ago, Jaime was working as a children’s entertainer, dressing up in character and telling stories at kids’ parties, then after retraining as a yoga teacher, she launched a story-infused yoga after-school

club. The uptake was so good that Jaime later rolled the initiative into 14 more schools. Then Jaime’s husband Martin had a brainwave.

At the time, broadband was on the up, and more and more people were creating shared content, so the couple hired a videographer, recorded some yoga stories, and uploaded them to YouTube. Then they watched as, slowly but surely, Cosmic Yoga Kids developed a global following.

By 2020 – and 400 videos, plus a dedicated app later – the brand was achieving 100,000 views daily, then when Covid hit, numbers soared to above a million as thousands of teachers

wrote Cosmic Yoga into homelearning timetables, and frazzled parents became reliant on the bumper library of videos to captivate their kids.

“Kids will sometimes do three yoga adventures in a row – that’s an hour and a half’s worth of yoga, which rewards the children with exercise and mindfulness, and gives the parent the space and time to cook the dinner or have a shower. That’s a gift to a lot of parents,” says Jaime, whose blend of cheerily-delivered stories and sun salutations also promotes emotional intelligence by delivering messages of gratitude, empowerment, and self-confidence. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 85

Find out more about Cosmic Kids Yoga on their website cosmickids.com where you can download the Cosmic Kids App for hundreds of ad-free yoga and mindfulness videos for kids. Or head over to YouTube to explore the Cosmic Kids Yoga channel. calm, you’re building resilience in motion in that moment because you’re calming yourself down in an uncomfortable spot. It’s about getting comfortable in the uncomfortable.”

She adds: “Kids need space sometimes to process their emotions, build awareness, and get to know themselves. Life is about understanding yourself, and that time to reflect really only happens when we’re in calm, in silence.

As well as building core strength, supporting and strengthening the immune system, and improving balance and posture, yoga helps rebalance energy levels, and is proven to benefit sleep patterns, increase confidence, and improve memory retention. It’s no wonder Jaime has been labelled a modern day Mary Poppins, such is the magic of what she does with children.

Here, Jaime Amor shares her guide to creating calm for kids...

1. Create a worry box

“It’s the stories, the theatrics, the mindfulness, the movement,” she adds. “It’s a fantastic formula for wellbeing, and a lesson about how to live.”

According to Jaime, who felt a deep sense of “responsibility to children during lockdown”, the physical and mental benefits of yoga, the very nature of sitting quietly with their thoughts, help kids to not just process tricky 86 | January 2022 | happiful.com

emotions, but also to identify them in the first place.

“Our bodies can teach us a lot about what’s going on mentally,” she says. “The word yoga means a union of body, mind, and spirit, so when you practise yoga, you’ve got a channel between your body and mind, using your breath to notice what’s going on. When you’re feeling challenged in a pose, if you use your breath to become

Take an old tissue box and make it your own – paint it, put on some googly eyes, make it look like a monster mouth. Then take some paper and encourage your child to write down things that might be worrying them. Once they’ve popped the paper in their monster worry box, they can go back the following day and ask themselves: “Am I still worried about that?”

Putting the worry in the box is like a bit of mental housekeeping. It removes it from them. For kids who don’t yet have the language, they

positive pointers

can get out their crayons and let their worries out through drawing and colour.

2. Make a mind jar This is a bit like a snow globe.

Squidge glitter glue into a jar with some water, mix it all up, then put it down and watch it settle. It’s like a metaphor for your child’s mind. All those little flecks of glitter represent the thoughts and feelings whizzing around in their brain, but if they settle down and are calm and still for a while, the thoughts and feelings slowly sink.

Then they can see through the glass again, because it’s clear.

3. Petal breaths When a child is in a ‘whoosh’ of emotions, if we reflect their energy we can get into a bit of a tangle. If we go to the opposite extreme, and approach the situation from a grounded place by breathing calmly, it diffuses the negative energy. Petal breaths are very grounding and good for both children and adults.

Draw all your fingers up together and as you breathe in, open your hands out really wide then as you breathe out, draw them back up together again.

The physical action of opening and closing your hands in time with your inhale and exhale – a long deep breath – will settle any turbulent emotions.

4. Ring that bell Bells are a great way of training your little one’s attention. By

tuning their listening sense, they’re focusing on one thing, so all thoughts trickle away and they reach a place of stillness. Doing this regularly, helps train their attention so they’re better able to concentrate at school, or listen when they’re being spoken to.

If you have a bell and so does your child, encourage your child to ring their bell whenever you ring yours. It’s a call and response action that says, ‘we’re both here’.

If you don’t want to use a bell, find a word or a signal to bring your child into the moment.

5. Pose like a pro Tree pose Absolutely cracking for helping kids feel long, tall, and strong in their spine. It also practises their sense of balance so when real life wobbly moments happen, they can use this pose to feel more capable and confident.

Do it by… Standing tall, place the heel of your foot on top of the other. Use your toes for balance, so your knee sticks out to the side. Bring your hands together at your heart, and grow your branches (your arms) up tall.

Mountain By feeling their feet on the ground and lifting the top of their head towards the mountains, the child fills their space and uses their physical power to power up internally.

Do it by… Stand tall, feet hip distance apart, arms relaxed by our sides. Roll the shoulders back and down and clear your mind completely, like you’re on top of a mountain, breathing the freshest air. Totally powerful in complete stillness.

Downward Dog A go-to pose post lunch if your child is feeling a bit sleepy. After getting upside down with the heart above the head, more oxygenated blood runs down into their brain, which revitalises and refreshes. In the pose, they’ll feel a stretch all the way down the spine and legs.

Do it by… From all fours we tuck the toes and press our feet and hands into the floor. We lift our hips to the sky slowly, stretching our legs long, letting the head and neck be loose. Spend 30 seconds to a minute in the pose to feel energised.

6. Brain Breaks A five to 10 minute movementbased sequence – a dance or twisting and turning all parts of the body, patting the body, or doing a little sequence of yoga poses – to refocus your child after they’ve done something a bit ‘thinky’. Physically moving gets the body oxygenated, and gives their brain time to refresh and reset for the next activity. happiful.com | January 2022 | 87

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Sign up at redtogether.co.uk 88 | January 2022 | happiful.com

words of wisdom

Under pressure Discover how to stimulate pressure points to relieve anxiety Writing | Katie Hoare

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e’ve all been there: a gentle nudge and classic puppy-dog eye plea, while proffering a foot in your partner’s direction. We do this in the hopes that our partner or ‘lucky’ family member will soothe our aching muscles, tense shoulders, and busy minds. And the power of massage can do just that. But while our efforts with our other halves may not always be fruitful when they’ve had a long day as well, there is one practice you can do yourself to reap the benefits of massage.

Known to focus on certain points in the body to promote selfhealing, acupressure is a specific massage technique that is believed to reduce pain, release emotional

distress, and aid toxin expulsion to contribute to whole-body health.

Acupressure practitioners believe that illness occurs when the body’s ‘qi’ – natural energy – becomes unbalanced or blocked, and disease and negativity can therefore settle in the body. To restore equilibrium, acupressure can be practised by putting pressure on certain ‘acupoints’ around the body to clear meridians (energy pathways).

Alongside clearing meridians, the gentle pressure and circular motion of acupressure – known as ‘acupuncture without the needles’ – helps to ease muscle tension and promote blood flow, contributing to optimum physical health.

The ancient practice can also be particularly helpful for mental health conditions such as anxiety

and depression, due to its energybalancing properties, and calming nature.

Acupressure for anxiety

Stimulating specific pressure points in the body through selfmassage is thought to help ease anxiety in the moment. So whether it’s at work, on public transport, in the supermarket, or at home, acupressure can help to calm your breathing, allow stillness in your mind, and bring back an overall sense of control.

While more research needs to be conducted to determine the effectiveness of acupressure for anxiety, early research does support it, and Chinese medicine has practised this holistic treatment for centuries. >>> happiful.com | January 2022 | 89

Of course, depending on the anxiety you struggle with, certain pressure points may ease anxiety more than others, and a trained practitioner will be able to administer the therapy most effectively, but here we can still explore six pressure points in the body that you can try at home, which could provide some relief from anxiety.

1. Hegu

Located between your thumb and forefinger, open your hand and find the ‘webbed’ area. Close your thumb and forefinger (from the other hand) together around the webbed section, and slide down slightly so you reach the base of the thumb. Hegu is thought to release endorphins that dull pain and contribute to reducing your anxiety levels.

Apply firm pressure in a circular motion for approximately five minutes, and repeat on the opposite hand.

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It’s important to note that acupressure should only be practised when your physical symptoms have been diagnosed as anxiety. If symptoms persist leading to nausea, shortness of breath, and dizziness, seek medical assistance immediately.

2. Taiyuan

Helpful for calming the physical symptoms of anxiety, such as heart palpitations and chest pain, Taiyuan can be located at the very edge of the wrist, on the side closest to the thumb.

Turn your hand so the palm is facing upwards and look for a slight indent at the edge of the wrist, directly below the thumb.

Apply gentle pressure, and massage for approximately one minute.

words of wisdom

Acupressure is a specific massage technique that is believed to reduce pain, release emotional distress, and aid toxin expulsion 3. Lao Gong

When you make a fist, see where your ring finger lands in the palm of your hand, this spot is called Lao Gong. When Lao Gong is stimulated through gentle massage, and coupled with mindful breathing, it can be helpful in easing anxiety and any trauma-related distress. Apply moderate pressure, and massage for two to three minutes, focusing your attention solely on this point.

4. Shou San Li

In acupressure, it is thought that Shou San Li affects the energy flow to the large intestine, so symptoms such as nausea, diarrhoea, and vomiting may be eased through stimulation of this acupoint.

To find Shou San Li, bend your arm across your body, palm facing upwards. Find the elbow crease, and move your thumb two fingers’ width down the arm, palpate the area until you find

the most tender point, and then massage with medium pressure for approximately three minutes.

5. Yin Tang

Located between the centre of the eyebrows, the Yin Tang point is believed to help with feelings of agitation and restlessness. This acupoint is considered to be where your third eye is located, which in Hinduism is thought to improve mental clarity. Apply gentle pressure, and massage this area for no longer than five minutes.

While more research is needed in relation to chronic anxiety, a 2018 review published in the journal Medical Acupuncture did suggest that Yin Tang acupuncture or acupressure helped reduce acute anxiety in people who were about to undergo surgery.

6. An Mian

If anxious thoughts keep you awake at night, stimulating An Mian while in bed may be able to help quieten the mind in preparation for a restful sleep.

The two points of An Mian are located on either side of the neck, behind the ears. Place your forefingers behind each earlobe and move your fingers backwards, just past the bony bump behind your ears, and apply light pressure for two to three minutes.

As well as helping those struggling with anxiety, acupressure and acupuncture is believed to aid those experiencing nauseous feelings, and with the potential to help relieve allergy symptoms. So, if you’d like to explore the practise further, or find a verified acupressurist who could support you, visit therapy-directory.org.uk – part of the Happiful family. happiful.com | January 2022 | 91

How to stay motivated as a working adult with ADHD Navigating the workplace as an adult with ADHD isn’t without its unique challenges, but there are steps you can take to nurture motivation, and continue to thrive Writing | Charlie Swarbrooke

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f you live with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), you know it can be hard to push yourself to do the things you need to do. You can focus on something you love for hours on end, but you just can’t find the same energy for the other areas of your life.

As an adult with ADHD, you can find yourself becoming easily distracted, hyperactive, bored, and impulsive, when faced with tasks you don’t want to do. These symptoms crop up most often in the workplace, and they can seriously hamper your professional success – and you may even feel like you’re being held back.

As someone with ADHD, you may find it hard to recognise time constraints, or make decisions when necessary – but your ability to stay motivated and on track in this working situation can be made much more manageable with the following methods.

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Illustration | Rosan Magar

Start with 10 minutes

Bulk tasks together

Sometimes known as the ‘Pomodoro Technique’, this is a method to stop time from getting the best of you, and to enable you to get on with tasks without having to pull everything together at the last second. You take a task, set a timer for about 25 minutes, then take a five-minute break when the timer goes off. After four blocks, take an even longer break, and repeat.

However, we can make this even simpler. If you’re someone who hates the idea of scheduling your day, and you can’t pull together the energy to do so, just start with 10 minutes.

Why does this work? Because you get the gears going. Start with the task you’re dreading the most, and just spend 10 minutes on it. Once the timer goes off, you might actually find it difficult to pull yourself away from the job at hand.

When you’ve got a lot to do, you might as well get it all done at once, right? In a perfect world, you’d be able to take on three or four tasks at once. However, having to make decisions to do this can feel like they’re causing physical pain when you have ADHD. So cut out the steps and ‘bulk up’ instead.

While you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, why not put those dishes in the sink? While you’re waiting for your computer to boot up, why not put those clothes in the washing basket?

Create a fun challenge ADHD brains respond very well to a puzzle or a challenge. Those of us with ADHD love to get stuck into interesting things that require solving – it’s why so many of us can fall down a ‘Wikipedia rabbit hole’ that started with a single, simple search! And it can be a good idea to apply the same principle to your working needs.

wellbeing

Note down all of your positive ADHD traits whenever you feel like an imposter So, try to turn the task you can’t face into a challenge. Set a timer, and see if you can ‘beat the clock’ by getting something done in the shortest time possible. You can also come back to this, again and

10

again, to see if you’ve improved your ‘score’. Similarly, if you’re someone who often struggles to pay attention during meetings, challenge yourself to take down three to five notes about what’s been said.

Talk to yourself differently The way you talk to yourself has a huge impact on the way you adapt to your environment.

Maybe your inner voice has been cultivated by negative comments from parents, other relatives, teachers, and your old boss, and now it’s hard to think any

other way, even without their influence.

But your ADHD does not make you a lazy or unintelligent, or undeserving person. So try to speak to yourself in a more soothing and productive manner. For example, stop telling yourself you ‘should do’, and instead use the much more gentle and self-motivating ‘want to’. Note down all of your positive traits whenever you feel like an imposter, and remind yourself of the creative, detailorientated, and innovative person ADHD makes you.

One day you will look back and see that all along you were blooming MORGAN HARPER NICHOLS Photography | Isiah Jackman

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true story

Discovering my true calling Beth’s passion for wellbeing and natural skincare inspired her to channel her creativity into a new business, and, fortunately, helped her to manage symptoms when she endured inflammatory bowel disease flare-ups Writing | Beth Coldrick

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grew up in Sandbanks, Dorset, right by the sea, and have always felt like I was destined to do something creative to help people. I have more than 10 years’ experience in the beauty industry, and have been in love with natural skincare for even longer. I literally used to make face masks and body scrubs from ingredients I found in the kitchen – my mum wasn’t that impressed! So, you can imagine my delight when I finally began living my dream of running my own natural organic and vegan skincare brand, but it has been an adventure getting there!

I attended university in London, studying graphic design and photography, and while these are creative subjects, I knew in the long run I wasn’t the type of person to be stuck behind a computer. So, in 2002 I decided to go travelling; I lived in Cape Town, South Africa, for 10 months where I learnt to surf, met so many amazing people, and I was exposed to a whole new way of living.

I then went on to Australia in 2004, and stayed for four years. Living there I experienced a newfound holistic and nourishing lifestyle; it was an eye-opener and one that I hadn’t experienced in the UK. I believed then (and still do) that Australians are way ahead in the wellness industry.

My day job was teaching surfing to backpackers – this was the main reason I moved to Oz, and I loved it. Then I would spend my weekends visiting gorgeous markets and music festivals, where I got to sample new foods and natural skincare products – I was in heaven and discovered my true calling.

I was so inspired that in 2006 I completed my diploma in Natural Beauty Therapy and Nutrition, and then started my career in the beauty industry.

However, in 2009, upon returning home from Australia, I became very poorly, and was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and Crohn’s disease.

Ulcerative colitis is inflammation of the lower end of your digestive system, including your large bowel and rectum, whereas Crohn’s disease is the inflammation of anywhere throughout the entire digestive tract. Being an auto-immune disease, it can be tricky to manage as every person is different.

I have always experienced stomach issues, but nothing like the severity I had in 2009. I was rushing to the toilet 15 times a day, losing blood, being sick, and not eating. Some days I was not able to even move, and I had to be put on drugs, including steroids. It was a harrowing time, and I saw both my body and mind change in a matter of months. >>>

happiful.com | January 2022 | 95

It was a harrowing time, and I saw both my body and mind change in a matter of months In spite of this, I managed to get into remission.

So, in 2010 I opened my own beauty business. I started from home with only three customers, but in the space of six months, I was working full-time offering waxing, massages, and facials.

I knew my passion lay with treating the skin, so in 2012 I travelled up to London to study more, completing courses in making natural skincare products. I then went on to expand my business and opened a high-end beauty salon in 2014, which was a massive success but came to an end in early 2018.

I had been handling my IBD (inflammatory bowel disease) well up until then, but it really began to take its toll, and after years on medications, I began to get terribly ill again. Unfortunately, this led to the closure of my salon, and the physical effects were devastating compared to my previous flare-up.

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One of the symptoms that came with my IBD was my skin’s extreme sensitivity – it was sore, red, and I often would break out with painful cystic acne, which really impacted my mental health. Skin is the first thing you see when you look in the mirror, and it was so bad that I was reluctant to leave the house, or to see friends.

My saving grace was my knowledge, and my determination to make myself feel better. I put 100% of my energy into creating skin products that would calm, nourish, and heal my skin. I mixed natural balms, oils, and creams, which dramatically improved my skin, and with it, my confidence. I then decided to launch BAO Skincare, to help other people with similar problems to myself, as well as those who wanted luxury, ethically sourced, no-nasty skincare!

BAO stands for Beth’s Aromatherapy Organic.

I had a loyal customer base, and was gaining new customers from all over the country. But again, my IBD continued to raise its ugly head, and I spent the majority of 2019 in hospital. I was very sick, and when I wasn’t in hospital, I was housebound and constantly using the toilet.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t getting better, so the last resort resulted in me having two very major operations, and I am now living with a stoma bag. They discovered that my IBD was mostly ulcerative colitis, which led to having my large intestines removed. This procedure means the

true story

Visit baoskincare.co.uk for more.

disease is mostly gone from my body, although I still deal with a lot of other physical and emotional issues daily.

I have always been a strong woman, and I am able to ‘cope’ with a lot, but this past year my mental health has also really suffered. Gaining weight from steroids completely knocked my confidence, and even now I try on five outfits before I leave the house and feel comfortable.

I was put on antidepressants for six months while having my operations, and during my recovery. I felt it was the best thing I could have done, and they really helped me with my battles.

I am now off them and feeling better, although I still have my down days, and I am being active

and eating healthily. Thankfully, I love exercise and I have my wonderful dog, Walter, that I walk every day, and living right by the sea helps!

And then we reached 2020. It’s safe to say it wasn’t the best year for anybody, however for me, it was a reflective time and I am very happy to say, a busy time for BAO! I am a small, one-woman brand (with the help of Walter), and I make all of the products by hand, label the jars and bottles, create our social media, and if you ever contact BAO you will come through to me. I have so many exciting things planned for BAO Skincare and now my health is better, I am going full steam ahead.

I am very blessed that my boyfriend has been through everything with me, along with my wonderful parents and close friends. People are my true passion in life, and I love talking to them, I love making people feel good about themselves, and I love to inspire them.

OUR EXPERT SAYS As someone who had a clear idea of how to use her creativity, Beth grasped her life with both hands – but that journey has been changed

by IBD. While there are many unpleasant symptoms, and an impact on her business, Beth uses her knowledge to battle it. Thanks to her determination and strength, she has fought

both the physical and mental challenges, and using her strong support system shows us the value of accepting help, and taking time for recovery.

Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor

happiful.com | January 2022 | 97

Things to leave in 2021…

Commenting on people’s weight or bodies.

Even if what you’re saying seems like a compliment to you, we can’t know what another person is going through, or if a comment could be triggering. The best solution therefore, is to simply take the conversation off the table.

The idea that if you’re not rushed off your feet all the time, you’re being lazy.

Asking people when they’re buying a house / getting married / having kids etc.

You can have the best intentions, but it’s important to respect people’s boundaries. If they don’t instigate the conversation, these questions could bring up painful, or difficult feelings. You don’t know anyone’s journey, and their life path is only your business if they choose to open up to you directly.

Self-sabotaging

Letting fear hold you back.

Self-doubt is so last year. In 2022, be your own personal cheerleader.

You’ve got this.

Always putting other people first at the expense of your own needs, procrastinating so you don’t have time for your development, or allowing negative self-talk to convince you not to go for what you want – you deserve better than this!

If you force yourself to work at 100% all the time, it’s not performing at your best anymore – it becomes the ‘norm’, and means you’ll always be striving for more when there’s no reserves left in the tank. All this is, is a fast track to burnout.

Making choices based on what’s expected of you.

– or because it’s what everyone else is doing.

You have to live your life for you.

‘DON’T GIVE UP YET MY LOVE, IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE IT’S TIME. HOPE IS COMING’

DECEMBER 2ND Publishing the best books to help you live a good life @YellowKiteBooks Twitter

@YellowKiteBooks

@YellowKiteBooks happiful.com | December 2021 | 99

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