Happiful July 2018 by Happiful

The Magazine Devoted to Mental Health

Embrace Yourself

Don’t wait another day ...there’s only one you

TRUST YOUR GUT!

July 2018 / £4

THE CHARITY

FIGHTING MENTAL HEALTH INJUSTICE

Pssst... get your knit on p42

(Easy to follow guide inside)

Things you need to know about OCD

Bryony Gordon

She’s redefining expectations & shattering limitations

Braving Burlesque

The taboo-tackling troupe baring all to strip back stigma

INSIDE

Carrie Hope Fletcher

Putting body positivity in the spotlight happiful.com | £4.00

9 772514

373000

Photography | Cassandra Hamer

WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU? “Don’t worry about what people say about you or think about you. Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.” – Ellen DeGeneres

Editor’s MESSAGE

Editor’s Favourites

Why So Serious? At the moment, it’s almost impossible to get through the day without hearing some devastating news in the media, or reading a heart-breaking story on social media, seeing the pain and upset in the world, and feeling the weight of that pulling us down.

This month, just like our enigmatic cover star Bryony Gordon, we can be serious about mental health, while embracing our own quirks and sense of humour. We want you to know that however you feel, and how you express that, is OK.

Knowing these events are happening can make us feel like laughing, playing and having moments of fun are unfair – when there’s so much suffering in the world, and people we know and love are hurting.

From our feature on six people learning to love themselves for who they truly are, to the burlesque troupe stripping back stigma (literally) on mental health, we want to inspire you to feel free in being uniquely you, and allow yourself to feel how you need to.

But taking things seriously doesn’t mean we have to let the spark of laughter die out.

You do you. Because no one else can.

Finding light in even the darkest times is what gets us through them. It’s a reminder that the pain will pass. That however we’re feeling, and whatever is going on, won’t last forever.

This July, express yourself. Happy reading,

Rebecca Thair Acting Editor

So treasure the good moments while they’re with us, and revel in guilt-free joy.

Don’t forget to join us on social media, we love getting to know you! happiful.com

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@happifulhq

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This Month in Happiful

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Look INSIDE

FEATURES

THE UPLIFT

READER OFFER

18 BRYONY GORDON

8 IN THE NEWS

Owning exactly who we are, with the journalist and charismatic MH advocate

12 THE WELLBEING WRAP

34 EMBRACE YOUR TRUE SELF

14 WHAT IS THINKERING?

Feel inspired by six very different people, who learned to take pride in their stories

Drifting off in a daydream as you do the washing up? It could be a more mindful moment than you think...

50 CARRIE HOPE FLETCHER

26 SHAW MIND CHARITY

The actress and blogger’s responsibility as an influencer, and finding her balance

68 INVISIBLE CABARET

Talking “taboobs” with the troupe baring all to strip back stigma around mental health

LIFE STORIES 31 LEARNING TO FLY

After years of treatment, Annie Belasco felt vulnerable and unprotected when she discovered she was cancer-free, but in time she discovered peace

47 FINDING MY PURPOSE

George Hodgson found that creating his own fashion brand to raise awareness about MH was the best way to tame his crippling anxiety and paranoia

65 AGAINST ALL ODDS

Adam Lanceley survived a horrific car crash, but the trauma of his injuries, depression, bullying and OCD remained, until music became his therapeutic outlet

80 INNER CRITIC BATTLE

Terri Cox felt her world fall apart, and reached the point of a breakdown. But an innovative form of therapy saved her

HAPPIFUL HACKS 16 C HANGING HABITS FOR GOOD: THE KIND WAY 40 OCD MISCONCEPTIONS 72 FOREST THERAPY 84 N ETWORKING WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY

ENTER CODE:

HAPPIPRINT

From championing MH education, to publishing stories of overcoming adversity, learn about our charity of the month

42 KNIT FOR PEACE

The charity changing the world, one stitch at a time – wool you believe it!

LIFESTYLE & RELATIONSHIPS 29 5 STRESS BUSTING APPS

Our top picks to tackle stress, combat anxiety, and build a more mindful routine

55 10 THINGS TO DO IN JULY 74 EXPLOSION OF GOODNESS Women’s rights and nurturing a generation of change-makers with Pips Taylor

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Digital

78 HAPPIFUL READS

Tackling the language debate around gender head-on

86 ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Vlogger Angela Cox shares how she has said ‘enough’ to the life experiences that once held her back

90 UNSUNG HERO

The founder of You Make It: a project transforming the lives of working class women and girls in London

FOOD & DRINK 56 INTUITIVE EATING

Fighting diet culture and learning how to reconnect with your body, with nutritionist Laura Thomas

60 COOL DOWN THIS SUMMER Four thirst-quenching and healthy cocktail recipes for any social occasion

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EXPERT PANEL Introducing the professionals behind Happiful Magazine helping to ensure we deliver the highest quality advice

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Rosan Magar | Illustrator

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CONTRIBUTORS

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SHAHROO IZADI

KATE DIMMER

Shahroo is a behavioural change specialist, encouraging people to change habits for good.

Kate is a registered nutritional therapist and registered nutritionist.

Lucy Donoughue, Maurice Richmond, Kat Nicholls, Shahroo Izadi, Bonnie Evie Gifford, Becky Wright, Stacey Barber, Gemma Calvert, Ellen Hoggard, Sarah Ivens, Fiona Thomas, Annie Belasco, George Hodgson, Adam Lanceley, Terri Cox SPECIAL THANKS Joseph Sinclair, Krishan Parmar, Amanda Clarke, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Debi Haden, Kate Dimmer, Vivienne Bonnet COMMUNICATIONS

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Lucy Donoughue Head of Content and Communications lucy.donoughue@happiful.com

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Amie Sparrow PR Manager amie.sparrow@happiful.com

FE ROBINSON

GRAEME ORR

Fe is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor. Fe advises on our content.

Graeme is a counsellor who specialises in relationships and advises on our life stories.

Maurice Richmond Media and Communications Officer maurice.richmond@happiful.com MANAGEMENT Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Steve White | Finance Director

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RACHEL COFFEY

DEBI HADEN

Rachel is a life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation.

Debi is a life coach helping women to overcome self-esteem and confidence barriers.

FURTHER INFO

Happiful magazine is FSC certified. Please help us preserve our planet by recycling this magazine. Why not pass on your copy to a friend afterwards? Alternatively, please place it in a recycling bin. Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC certified sources. The FSC label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions,

views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

Positive news that transforms the world

The Uplift

MEMORY

Toddlers and dementia patients pair up to fight memory loss Patients at a Welsh day-care centre were joined by toddlers for three days, to test groundbreaking techniques aimed at restoring memory

n a pioneering scheme devised by psychologists at Bangor University, toddlers visited dementia patients at the Llys Elian day-care centre in Colwyn Bay, Wales. It was hoped that by bringing these two groups together, the toddlers would help unlock memories that dementia patients may otherwise have lost. Each day, the toddlers and patients worked on an activity together, such as baking, singing, or gentle exercise. During the activities, experts observed interactions and arranged further tasks that tapped into the patients' passions and interests. The experiment, which was filmed for the BBC Wales documentary The Toddlers Who Took on Dementia, soon found common ground between one pair in particular: former chauffeur David Boott and fouryear-old Leo. David and Leo share

8 • happiful • July 2018

a love of cars, which lead to experts arranging for them to ride in a vintage car together. “What we want to do is to change the environment, so that they can engage, they can interact without failure,” Professor Bob Woods, a psychologist at Bangor University, told the BBC. “And in that way, we can draw on the rich vein of expertise, and experience and knowledge that’s still there.” While therapy that brings together dementia patients and young children has happened before, this was the first time it had been used to treat, and reverse memory loss; a discovery that will offer hope to the thousands of families affected by the disease. ‘The Toddlers Who Took on Dementia’ is available to watch on BBC iPlayer until 22 June. Kathryn Wheeler

Internet helps elderly couple find missing car After forgetting where they parked their car, 81-yearold Emmanuel Elliott and 79-year-old Hilda Farmer, from Cheltenham, put out a national appeal asking people to help them find it. Friends and family had been searching for the car with no success for four days, but once the couple put out a public appeal – which soon received national attention and went viral on Facebook – the car was spotted in a car park near to the hospital the couple had been visiting. “It’s been quite a five days,” Emmanuel told the BBC. “I hope I can remember how to drive!”

Positive ISSUES

SOCIETY

Mental health charities in £279,000 windfall from investment fund

Photography | Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families

The next generation of Londoners are set to benefit from the generosity of the Berkeley Foundation, as six charities across the capital will receive a share of its grant

ore than 1,000 youngsters will get access to wellbeing projects to promote their mental health, thanks to a grant from an investment fund. Six charities supporting vulnerable and marginalised children, aged 11–18, across seven London boroughs, each successfully applied for a share of £279,000 from the Berkeley Foundation, to be paid over the next two years. The selected applicants were the Anna Freud Centre for Children and Families, Free to Be Kids, Harlequins Foundation, Leap Confronting Conflict, MAC-UK and St Matthew’s Project. Each are set to lead projects involving sport, talking therapy and mentoring. It is hoped the schemes will help children and teenagers, and prevent them from becoming involved in gangs. The pilot schemes are set to support youngsters in the London Boroughs of Hackney, Haringey, Richmond, Brent, Barnet, Islington, Greenwich and Lambeth. According to the Mental Health Foundation, 50% of mental health issues in adults are already established by the age of 14. This has prompted the foundation, which is the charitable arm of property developer Berkeley Group, to commit the cash after relaunching its Community Investment Fund. The six charities have revealed how they intend to use the money: •A nna Freud Centre For Children and Families – The States of Mind project is a peer mentoring project, supporting 92 vulnerable Hackney youngsters. •F ree to be Kids – The Thrive Mentoring Project will organise an adventure trip for 15 young people from Tottenham aged 11–14, and pair up them with an adult for mentoring sessions over six months.

The Mental Health Foundation says a staggering 70% of young people experiencing mental ill-health have not received appropriate intervention at a sufficiently early age •H arlequins Foundation – Will provide 600 Year 6 school pupils in Richmond with workshops on managing emotions, food and mood, and forming positive relationships – all underpinned by the values of rugby – from the Harlequins’ coaches. •L eap Confronting Conflict – Under Our Roof is a pilot programme providing one-to-one and group sessions for 64 young people in or leaving the care system, and 135 adult carers in Greenwich and Brent. •M AC-UK – The NQ-INTEGRATE project will work with 290 12 to 18-year-olds from Barnet, Islington, Hackney and Haringey through a “street therapy” approach to mental health. • S t Matthew’s Project – The Fit for Life programme will work with 120 eight to 14-year-olds at risk of falling into gangs and crime in Lambeth. Every week, a group of young people can attend mental health and wellbeing sessions delivered by a professional counsellor. For more information about the projects, visit berkeleyfoundation.org.uk Maurice Richmond

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The Uplift

WELLNESS

New international forest festival promotes the wellbeing benefits of nature Timber, the UK’s new festival set in the National Forest, launches this month, encouraging people to connect with the woodland – and each other

he National Forest Company has teamed up with social enterprise Wild Rumpus to create Timber, a new festival that explores the transformational impact of forests on people and places. Taking place from 6–9 July, in Feanedock – a unique 70-acre woodland site in the heart of the forest on the Derbyshire and Leicestershire borders – the brains behind Timber want to create a festival that inspires offline creativity, and a space for playfulness alongside nature. The location is part of the National Forest, a bold, environmentally-led regeneration project to create the UK’s first new forest in 1,000 years. Since the 1990s, more than 8.5 million trees have been planted in an area of 200 square miles across three counties. Given that it’s proven that being outside is great for our mental health, and that just five minutes in nature can start to improve our mood, the festival creators plan on harnessing this power to encourage attendees to “explore the transformative power of forests”. Sarah Bird, from Wild Rumpus, told Happiful: “Trees and forests are at the foreground of our thinking about what it means to live healthily and happily in a modern world so dominated by digital devices and new technologies. They

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have the potential to help us unleash new ways to live as communities, playfully and creatively together.” The festival programme is very much about “togetherness” and exploring the woodland in exciting new ways – from writers, artists, scientists and philosophers reimagining our relationship with forests, to torchlight processions to appreciate the space in a different light. There will be plenty of activities to keep kids entertained, with aerial acrobatics, tree climbing, and “forest monsters” designed by local children, as well as a music programme set across three woodland stages. There’s also a chance to hear from nature writer Fiona Stafford, and BBC Radio 6 Music and Radio 3 presenter Elizabeth Alker, who will talk to Chris Watson – one of the world’s leading recorders of wildlife and natural phenomena. Visit timberfestival.org.uk to find out more. Lucy Donoughue Happiful has a pair of tickets for Timber Festival to give away. To enter, snap a picture of yourself in one of your favourite outside spots with your copy of this magazine, and upload to Instagram using the hashtag #happifulsummer, by 26 June. We’ll choose a picture at random to win – best of luck!

Photography | Museum of the Moon by Luke Jerram: @edsimmons and @visitgreenwich, Outdoor performance: Teneight

WIN FREE TICKETS

Positive ISSUES

RELATIONSHIPS

Cute animal pictures could be the key to rekindling relationships A study finds that couples can be conditioned to have warm feelings for each other after building associations between their partner’s face and photos of cute animals

recent study has found that it’s possible to improve relationship satisfaction by conditioning couples to immediately and automatically associate their partner’s face with the warm feelings triggered by looking at photos of cute animals. The research from Florida State University, published in the journal Psychological Science, studied 144 couples, all of whom were under 40 years old and had been married for less than five years. The participants were shown a stream of images once every three days for a period of six weeks and, to avoid bias, were informed that they were being tested for the ability to press a keyboard space bar in response to the appearance of a relationship-related image, such as a wedding cake. But in reality, the study secretly paired a picture of their smiling partner with a photo of a cute animal such as a puppy or a bunny and were testing people’s response to this over time.

The results showed that those who had been mentally conditioned to associate their partner’s face with a cute animal reported higher and more promising levels of relationship satisfaction. “I was actually a little surprised that it worked,” lead researcher James McNulty, told the Association of Psychological Science. “All the theories I reviewed on evaluative conditioning suggested it should, but existing theories of relationships, and just the idea that something so simple and unrelated to marriage could affect how people feel about their marriage, made me sceptical.” While mental conditioning is unlikely to turn up in couples counselling rooms anytime soon, the study shows a fascinating link between social associations and their effect on our relationships – and maybe that cute kitten your partner isn’t so keen on adopting could actually be the key to unlocking a whole new level of relationship bliss. Kathryn Wheeler

Puppies’ cuteness peaks when they need us most In a study published in the journal Anthrozoös, Clive Wynne, an Arizona State University psychologist who researches dog and wolf behaviour, has proposed that puppies are cutest at the time when human intervention is most beneficial for their survival. After becoming the world’s first ever domesticated species, being cute is of no evolutionary advantage to newborn puppies, who are still reliant on their mother’s milk. But a survey of students at the University of Florida found that puppies reach peak cuteness at 6 to 8 weeks – incidentally around the time that the dogs are weaning, and their chances of survival increase upon being adopted by a human.

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The

wellbeing wrap

From the school that’s leaving grades behind in the name of mental wellbeing, to former US President Barack Obama’s new day-job, here’s a breakdown of what’s happening in the news this month

Weight for it

Did you know?

While the emotional burden of mental illness can feel unbearably heavy at times, a new study by the University of Limerick, Ireland, has found that resistance training (lifting weights) is associated with “a significant reduction in depressive symptoms”. A trip to the gym could take some of the weight off your shoulders.

Puppy Love

A 10-year-old labrador called Fred has taken on a new role, adopting nine ducklings at Mountfitchet Castle in Essex. Staff spotted the birds alone in the castle grounds, and when one of the owners brought the ducklings inside, Fred grew attached and has been inseparable ever since.

Tech talks Microsoft is committing $25 million (£18.7 million) to its “AI For Accessibility” initiative, which aims to develop technology to improve the lives of those with disabilities. Brad Smith, president of the tech giant, said: “By ensuring the technology fulfills its promise to address the broadest societal needs, we can empower everyone – not just individuals with disabilities – to achieve more.”

Waste not! In an effort to counter food waste, Tesco is removing the “best before” labels from some of its fresh produce lines, including citrus fruits, onions, and apples. “Best before” labels indicate when the quality or taste of food will start to deteriorate, not that is it unsafe to eat (“use by” dates). With this change, we can expect to see a reduction in waste – lets hope the idea is a fruitful one.

Koala fingerprints are so similar to that of humans, that they have occasionally been confused at a crime scene. Hopefully they were quickly diskoalafied from the investigations!

TOP MARKS The Royal Welsh College of Music and Drama, in Cardiff, has decided to shake up feedback for first-year undergraduates, in a scheme which aims to prioritise and improve students’ wellbeing. Given the first year doesn’t count towards the overall degree, the changes see these students receive only written comments as feedback, rather than a numerical mark or grade. Less pressure on students? Sounds like a first class idea.

Obama | ShestakovV / Shutterstock.com

Memory transplants

No, it’s not science fiction – scientists have successfully transplanted memories from one snail to another! The research, published in the journal eNeuro, provides new clues into the physical basis of memory – but we’re still a long way from putting our memories into robots just yet!

Following the most highlyanticipated event of the year – the Royal wedding – the happy couple had a bloomin’ lovely surprise for patients of St Joseph’s Hospice in London. Harry and Meghan donated the flowers from their big day to residents, which included bouquets of white roses and forget-me-nots. What an unforgettable gesture!

oney, m y, m on e n e

Dog | Fred / mountfitchetcastle.com

Flower power

The majority of UK adults (63%) reported seeing stress caused by money affect the mental health of either their family or friends, according to a survey by the Money Advice Service. The findings also revealed that 72% of 18 to 34-yearolds have experienced mental health issues related to money, suggesting young people are particularly at risk.

Carry On Babs The Queen of Eastenders, Barbara Windsor, has spoken out for the first time since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2014, with the news only becoming public in May. In a special message recorded for Loose Women, the actress said: “Thank you to everyone for the lovely messages of support that I’ve been receiving, it really means such a lot to me. I still intend to carry on, and God bless everyone.”

Clocking on Presidential picks Netflix have announced an exciting new partnership with former President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama’s production company, to create new content for the streaming service. On their new venture, Michelle said: “Barack and I have always believed in the power of storytelling to inspire us, to make us think differently about the world around us, and to help us open our minds and hearts to others.”

Natural Talent Birds have an “aesthetic sense” and can appreciate beauty, according to worldrenowned naturalist, and national treasure, Sir David Attenborough. Perhaps it puts a new spin on the idea of a “bird’s-eye view”?

Those who struggle to sleep at night, whose body clocks get disrupted, are more at risk of developing mood disorders, according to a study of more than 90,000 people by the University of Glasgow. Not only are we more prone to mental illnesses such as depression and bipolar disorder when our body clocks are out of sync, but the study also found we’re more likely to feel lonely. July 2018 • happiful • 13

The Uplift | The Explainer

What is

THINKERING? Do you ever get lost in thought when you’re engaged in an activity, and a spark of an idea flashes into your mind from a completely unrelated topic? Maybe you’re doing the washing up, and you solve that work dilemma that’s been bothering you all day. Or you’re fiddling with a Rubik’s Cube, and suddenly you realise, you get what happened in Inception. There could be more to these mindful moments than you think... Writing | Kat Nicholls

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

rom the moment we’re born, we have an innate ability to grasp objects. We use our hands to explore our surroundings, we use them to comfort, create and connect with the new world around us. So, it’s perhaps no surprise then that our hands can be incredibly powerful tools for our mind, helping us think more creatively and ease anxiety. In Michael Ondaatje’s novel, The English Patient, the word “thinkering” was coined, linking the way we create and understand concepts in our mind with “tinkering”. This playful expression is used to describe when we use our hands to engage with something – whether it’s putting together a toy, doing the washing up, or even playing with a fidget spinner. And by utilising this connection, we can find mindful moments in everyday situations. To understand why tinkering and thinking go hand in hand (pardon the pun), we need to explore the hand-mind connection.

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The hand-mind connection If our body parts were created proportionately to their respective cortex areas in the brain, we would look pretty different. Our hands and mouths would look comically big in comparison to the rest of our bodies, given that they are our tools for sensing the world around us.

‘Embodied cognition’ recognises that physical acts help us to work out thoughts When you think back to the way babies like to grab things and put them into their mouths, this makes a lot of sense. I, for one, know it’s rare to find one of my childhood toys – or even old VHS cases, books, anything that was within reach – that isn’t covered in baby bite marks.

When we use our hands to “tinker”, we are engaging that part of the brain, generating sensory images in our minds. These images help us develop a deeper understanding of reality. Essentially, this means we are able to think more creatively when we’re fiddling with an object. So, if you know someone who constantly clicks their pen in meetings at work, or rhythmically taps their fingers on their desk, they’re probably not trying to annoy you, but instead intuitively helping themselves to think more creatively. In the psychology and biological science world, there is talk of a new idea that our thinking takes place throughout our whole body. This concept is called “embodied cognition”, and recognises that physical acts help us work out thoughts – something artists seem to have always instinctively known. So, we know how our hands can be our ticket to more creative thinking, but how can our hands help our mental health?

Trending UPDATE

MAKE A COLLAGE

Try these thinkering activities to relax your mind and think more creatively UNTANGLE JEWELLERY

PLAY WITH BUILDING BLOCKS

PRACTISE ORIGAMI

K NIT

BUILD A MODEL AEROPLANE

Mindful movements In the 19th century, doctors would prescribe knitting to help women struggling with anxiety. Ignoring the fact that men were apparently not offered the same prescription (that’s an article for another day), it seems we have always understood the calming effect of mindful activities. “Colouring books, knitting, and even gardening, all have the ability to bring us into the ‘here and now’ in a similar way to meditation and mindfulness,” explains counsellor Vivienne Bonnet. “Focusing on an activity helps to calm mind chatter that can sometimes make small anxieties feel bigger than they truly are.

“Using our hands to do creative activities can calm breathing, and help the body relax. It stimulates the production of endorphins – the brain’s mood enhancers. “Pocket-sized, portable activities can be really helpful to distract from anxietyprovoking situations. If you’re an anxious traveller, having an activity to do (like a mindful colouring book) can help to take your mind off what is going on around you. This works by keeping your focus on the task, rather than engaging your mind in spiralling, unhelpful thoughts.” Using our hands to increase mindfulness and ease anxiety is just one way that getting hands-on can benefit our mental health. Vivienne says these

types of activities also boost our selfesteem and help us cultivate a sense of achievement. These qualities are only enhanced when we connect with others. “There are small social groups popping up now that encourage people to connect over creative activities,” Vivienne notes. “One of the greatest benefits to mental health is to talk about worries rather than bottle them up. Doing an activity with others can help build the ‘real life’ support networks that are so often lost in an age of social media and online connections.” So, it appears that while our eyes may be the “window to our soul”, it’s our hands that are our passports to creativity and relaxation. Better get thinkering.

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Happiful Hack

Changing habits for good

the Kind Way

KEY IDEAS

When it comes to changing ingrained behaviours, it’s easy to beat ourselves up for every little slip-up, but it’s time to stop being cruel to yourself, and cut yourself some slack. Taking a more compassionate approach will help you reach your personal goals and stick to difficult lifestyle changes Writing | Shahroo Izadi Illustrating | Rosan Magar

hen it comes to changing our unwanted habits, we often approach the process as a punitive and difficult one, where we’re “white knuckling it” and constantly swimming against the current of a comfortable status quo. In my work as a substance misuse practitioner, and now a behavioural change specialist, I’ve heard so many clients say things like: “Something’s got to change. I need to sort this out once and for all, and stop being so lazy about it. I won’t be looking back this time.” They tend to be fed up with their cycles of behaviour, and fed up with themselves. They don’t understand why, when they want so desperately to change, it seems that they can’t. And if they do manage to change for a while, they always end up going off-track – and staying there. From my experience, the key to success, more often than not, is kindness. Taking a kind, curious and compassionate approach to yourself, and the change process, can make all the difference. In my book, The Kindness Method, I have laid out an easy-to-follow process designed to help anyone believe in their ability to achieve even their most ambitious of goals. Here are five tips and reminders that I, and my clients, have found useful when trying to start, and keep up, a difficult change:

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1 Where did your habits come from? When we’re fed up with ourselves and our habits, we are likely to think there are no good reasons to stay the same. In fact, it’s the reasons to stay the same that can give us the most insight into why our habits have developed, and what other activities may serve similar needs. By realising that, at least initially, our habits were the solution not the problem, we are better placed to forgive ourselves, and take a compassionate approach to ourselves. This gets us to where we want to be more quickly, as beating ourselves up can put speed bumps in the change journey. By identifying the “positives” of your behaviour, you can also feel more resilient against euphoric recall, which is when you look back with rose-tinted glasses and conveniently forget all the ways things were bad.

Life LESSONS

2 Take your life off hold

Often when clients talk to me about their relationship with food and their struggle to lose weight, I get the impression their lives are “on hold” until that goal weight has been reached. This simply reinforces the idea that our worthiness of enjoying life is dependent on one single thing, like how we look, or what we weigh. Since building self-esteem is a big part of making positive changes, this attitude isn’t helpful. Sometimes I tell clients to behave as though they have already achieved their goals. I ask them what they’d be eating to maintain their weight. How they’d dress, how their attitude will have lifted on a day-to-day basis. Often they say they would be choosing healthy foods to maintain their healthy body. They’d be more spontaneous and less selfconscious, taking up opportunities professionally and socially. So I ask clients to spend one week behaving as if they’d reached their goal. Call it “fake it till you make it”, but many lose weight doing this.

We’re constantly swimming against the current of a comfortable status quo

3 How would you speak to others?

How do you speak to yourself? Many of my clients discover that they’ve been talking to themselves in a very cruel manner. Think about the things you’d say to someone you love if they came to you and said they were struggling to make difficult changes. What would you tell them? Presumably things like: “I believe in you, you deserve to achieve any goal you want, you can get through this and get straight back on track. Let me help you.” Then, think about the things you say to yourself. If you’re anything like my clients, the messages you give yourself will be more like: “You’ve never had any willpower, it was silly to think you could achieve this. You always start things and don’t finish them…”

4 Why do you want to change?

Remember, your reasons to change are the most important, not the reasons of others. If you’re attempting to change a really ingrained habit, there will be times when you have to wait for an urge to pass, and it can help to remember why it’s important for you to stay on track. You don’t need to share your reasons with anyone, and don’t judge yourself or expect to have only the most noble of reasons during those testing moments.

5 Celebrate yourself

But don’t celebrate by allowing yourself to do the thing you’re trying not to do. This just reinforces the idea that you’re either being “good” or “bad”, and that you’ve been waiting to be “let off the hook”. If you’re changing because you want to, and because it will make your life better, there is no hook!

Shahroo Izadi is a behavioural change specialist, who started her career in the NHS and later worked for the charity Turning Point – which provides substance-misuse treatment – before setting up her own private practice. Shahroo is also a support group facilitator and relapse management coach at Amy’s Place, a recovery house for women set up by The Amy Winehouse Foundation. To find out more, visit shahrooizadi.co.uk

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18 • happiful • June July 2018 2018

y n o y r B

UNAPOLOGETICALLY

Writer and mental health advocate Bryony Gordon is certainly not one to shy away from baring her soul, as we’ve discovered in her first two books and award-winning podcast, Mad World. But in the past year, she’s fully embraced exposing herself – both mentally and physically – by running the 2018 London Marathon in her underwear to champion body positivity, managing her own mental health as she works on her sobriety, and chatting with the rather charming Prince Harry in an interview that propelled mental health into the spotlight. With her third book, Eat, Drink, Run, out now, we catch up with the unforgettable Bryony, to talk running, recovery – and being unapologetically ourselves

Interview | Lucy Donoughue

Photography | Joseph Sinclair

Jumpsuit by Maje | Shoes by Kurt Geiger

Run the World: Bryony Gordon

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Mad WORLD

ryony Gordon is having her hair and makeup done for the Happiful cover shoot as we start to chat, her “looks” hanging on the rail behind her. This is not something that she feels altogether comfortable with. “If you’d asked me to do the shoot in my underwear, I would have been happy to. In a way, it would feel more natural to me than this,” she laughs. Minutes later, she is showing us a hole in the bra she is wearing, which has created “a mini third boob”, before photographing it and posting the picture on Instagram. When I check the post later, there are more than 2,000 likes, with one follower commenting: “And this right here is why everyone f**king loves you.” It’s obvious from the multitude of comments that people really relate to Bryony, no doubt helped by the realness of her posts, like this one, her warmth and chatter in the Telegraph’s Mad World podcast, but mainly, I think, it's her willingness to share the dark (as well as the light and funny) moments of her day-to-day life. Bryony has shared even more in her latest book Eat, Drink, Run. It follows her decision to run the Heads Together London Marathon in 2017, her training, the run itself, and how she came to interview Prince Harry about mental health – an interview that garnered international exposure, and helped to set the tone for many of the discussions around mental health that continue today. Her latest book also explores some of Bryony’s toughest times during that period. What we couldn’t know from the images in the press is that Bryony was struggling badly on the day of the Heads Together launch in 2016, or that her obsessive compulsive disorder (Jareth, she has named “him” after The Labyrinth’s Goblin King) was raging, and that just getting up and out of the door, took the kind of effort required to run an actual marathon.

It’s two years exactly since that launch day, so in the same words Bryony uses at the start of every Mad World interview, I ask her: “How are you today, really?” “Fine,” she shoots back, and bursts out laughing. “Just joking – I am fine, I’m feeling quite perky today actually. I’ve been out for a run this morning and I’m happy to be here.” But Bryony now recognises that how she feels can change from day to day, and some days will be, in her words, “crap”. “The greatest thing I’ve learnt over the past few years is that the way I’m feeling now, isn’t the way it’s always going to be,” Bryony notes. “I used to have breakdowns, get stuck in a funk, and I couldn’t ever imagine not feeling that way. Now I know that it will pass, and I just need to hold on.”

Ideally we’re all aiming to be like St Lucia... and sometimes we get Scunthorpe The sentiment reminds me of British author and journalist Matt Haig’s weather analogy: we are the sky, and the clouds (moods and depressive periods) come and go. “Ideally we’re all aiming to be like St Lucia,” Bryony quips, “and sometimes we get Scunthorpe.” Eat, Drink, Run ends with Bryony completing the 2017 marathon, but as it's been just three weeks since she completed her second marathon, I ask her how she feels having run not one, but two, in just under a year. “The first one, I found easier – physically – and the second one I found tougher – it was 10 degrees hotter though,” Bryony says. “I thought that because I was sober now, it would somehow be easier than the first – perhaps I was a little complacent.” Reminiscing over the test of endurance, Bryony smiles broadly. “They were just totally different experiences, but still amazing. I could not believe the support we got. People we didn’t know made banners, and runners came up to us to say thank you for what we were doing.” Continues >>>

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Run the World: Bryony Gordon

Bryony and her running buddy, model Jada Sezer, ran the 2018 London Marathon in just their underwear and trainers – a feat of personal and physical strength, given that Bryony went on to pull a muscle in her chest from doing so. “We never planned to do it [in our underwear]. When I first met Jada, she wasn’t aware that people like us – not a size eight – could do marathons. We agreed to run it together, and as we got further along on training runs, we thought, ‘Why don’t we do this in our underwear to prove that runners' bodies come in all shapes and sizes?’ The response we got was phenomenal, and it really helped our confidence too – it was great for body positivity.” If running two marathons wasn’t epic enough, in the year between the first and second run, Bryony interviewed Prince Harry for the first in her series of Mad World podcasts (she also recently commentated on his wedding for ITV, as well as having a private audience with Meghan Markle for an article which ran in the Telegraph the week after their nuptials), started her recovery from binge-pattern alcohol addiction, and wrote Eat, Drink, Run. It’s a huge amount to pack into 12 months – so how does she feel looking back over that? “It’s incredible, but it’s all been very accidental. It feels like the most wonderful, weird thing that I’ve taken this negative and turned it into a massive positive. It’s all come from admitting to the stuff going on in my head,” says Bryony. This confession leads us to discuss Bryony’s OCD – a disorder we have in common – and both agree that sharing experiences about our mental health can help to dispel the shame we can feel. And it’s at this point that Bryony becomes serious. “Shame is the biggest, biggest feeder of mental illness. It keeps you silent. I always think that mental illness works a lot like abusers in that they want to operate in silence – they don’t want you to tell anyone – because then the secret is out and things might happen to counter it.” “Once you expose shame to the light, it dies,” she continues. “The reaction is never as bad as you think it’s going to be, and it’s completely liberating. I don’t feel shame about anything now, because I think it’s the most dangerous emotion.” And shame is a topic Bryony is passionate to make accountable for what it is, as an aid to dispel it taking

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a hold of so many of us. She says: “Shame just means that you don’t realise that there are plenty of other people out there just like you. For a long time I thought I was the only mother in the world who drank too much, and drank to black out. Now I realise that I’m absolutely not and, in fact, there are lots of other women going through the same thing.” One benefit of modern society, as we discuss, is that now with the likes of social media, it seems much easier to find others who are going through similar experiences. Bryony, for one, can see the positive side to it, despite the frequent criticism of social platforms: “It’s allowed people to have a voice, and it’s allowed people that were perhaps ignored by the mainstream media, to be represented. You can go online and see someone like you, in a way that you couldn’t on television. I think that’s really powerful.”

Once you expose shame to the light, it dies. It's completely liberating. I don't feel shame about anything now, because I think it's the most dangerous emotion I ask Bryony what her own relationship with social media is like. Her favourite platform? Instagram. “I try not to put filters on things, and follow people who make me feel happy rather than envious. But I do have to really catch myself, because I can become quite obsessive about how many likes or followers I’ve got, and I have to think: ‘For f**ks sake, pull yourself together – you’re a 38-year-old woman!’” But ultimately, Bryony does see social media as something that can have “a huge amount of positivity when used in a healthy way”. The unhealthy way, she suggests, seems to take people down the route of comparison or self-flagellation. “What upsets me is how much we all think about what we don’t have, or can’t do, instead of thinking about what we do have, and what we can do,” Bryony says. Continues >>>

Dress | Topshop, Earrings | Sif Jakobs

Mad WORLD

Anxiety is just a feeling. Once you can put that feeling in a box and tie a bow on it, you can deal with it

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Run the World: Bryony Gordon

Dress | & Other Stories, Trainers | Geox Hair and makeup | Amanda Clarke at Joy Goodman using Paul Mitchell, Urban Decay, and Beauty Kitchen Styling | Krishan Parmar

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Mad WORLD

“Until recently I just used to think about what I couldn’t do with my body – I can’t do a handstand, I can’t do a cartwheel. As a teenager it was: ‘I can’t seem to attract the right boys.’ Even as an adult it was, ‘I can’t even give birth to a baby properly’, and ‘I can’t feed my baby – I’m a failure!’ It gets exhausting.” Which brings us back to discuss Bryony’s latest book, where the whole ethos, as she puts it, is: “Actually, what can I do?” She says: “I can almost do a handstand now – I can do a shoulder stand. I can run a marathon… And if I can, anyone can.” Self-belief and acceptance is a strong theme running throughout the book, as is Bryony’s acknowledgement that she can be an “all or nothing” kind of person. I ask her whether she thinks the latter is part and parcel of having OCD?

What upsets me is how much we all think about what we don’t have, or can’t do, instead of thinking about what we do have, and what we can do “I think it’s part of the illness and I think I’m an addict – I’m all or nothing, there are some people who are, and that’s OK. Accept that and instead of trying to be moderate and something you’re not, work around it.” As we chat about embracing who we are, rather than trying to distance ourselves from our minds and mental illnesses, Bryony notes: “I spent a long time running away from myself and trying not to feel what I was feeling. You can put it off, but it’s going to come back and bite you at some point.” The notion reminds her of author Michael Rosen’s timeless children’s book: “It’s like Going On A Bear Hunt; we can’t go around it, we’ve got to go through it – and I didn’t want to do that. I would have done anything to stop the way I was feeling.” So, how does Bryony take care of herself when she’s “got to go through it”?

“I don’t overload myself. I’ve learnt to say no. I can’t be on the go from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed – that’s dangerous for me, because I’ll end up picking up a drink or I’ll get ill.” Bryony pauses. “I treat myself like I have a chronic condition, which I do – in the same way that I’d treat myself if I had diabetes.” And to keep herself on track with her recovery, self-care is essential. Bryony ensures she gets seven hours sleep a night, gets to bed early, and prioritises family time with her husband and daughter – alongside attending four AA meetings every week. “But the biggest thing about self-care, for me, is accepting that there is part of my brain that doesn’t always want the best for me – and I don’t have to listen to every thought that comes into my head,” Bryony says. “I may suddenly crave an alcoholic drink but it doesn’t mean I have to have one. I can let things pass.” I tell Bryony that recovery sounds like a huge mental practise in itself. “You’ve got to work at it, but it’s so worthwhile. I try to tell myself that if I just do the next right thing, I’ll be all right.” “Someone told me that when you’re going through hell, keep going – because when you get out the other side, that is when the magic happens,” she says. “You learn the most about yourself after the darkest time – and there’s been some dark, dark moments since my second book, Mad Girl, came out. I knew that it was the end of the line for the drinking. But life is so much better now.” She looks jubilant “I still get bits of OCD and Jareth appears, but I tell him to f**k off. I outrank him.” After the interview with Bryony, I sit on the train making notes and look through Eat, Drink, Run again. I see the following and smile. She’s nailed what we all need to do in just a few sentences. “Sometimes – most of the time, actually – the best thing to do is just be yourself. To accept your body, and your mind, and never be ashamed of it. To be fearlessly unapologetically you.” 'Eat, Drink, Run' is published by Headline in hardback, £16.99. Follow Bryony on Instagram @bryonygordon

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Charity of the Month

Photography | Joseph Lewiston Studios

Students at the Henrietta Barnett School, London, at an event with the SMF

The Shaw Mind Foundation:

Addressing mental health injustice From petitions calling for compulsory mental health education being debated in parliament, to a publishing house dedicated to sharing the stories of those recovering from mental illness, this is the charity dedicated to stamping out mental health stigma and injustice in all its forms

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

t was the vision of Adam Shaw, founder and chairman of the Shaw Mind Foundation, that the charity would cultivate a sustainable momentum for mental health support and conversation. And with this conversation, stigma – and consequently suffering – would end. “As a society, we are all collectively responsible and accountable for mental health issues,” says Adam. “By not engaging in conversation, we are giving mental illness more

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power than it deserves. By simply talking to, and being open with, our children, family, friends and colleagues, we can begin the process of recovery from mental health issues without even consciously trying.” The mental health charity’s mission statement is simple: “The Shaw Mind Foundation exists to significantly reduce suicide across the world.” So how do they do it?

Image | sands.org.uk

Ending INJUSTICE

‘By simply talking to, and being open with, our children, family, friends and colleagues, we can begin the process of recovery without even consciously trying’

CHIEF EXECUTIVE, KATE MAJID When Kate Majid joined the Shaw Mind Foundation (SMF) as it was launched two years ago, she came with more than 30 years of experience under her belt. “I stepped into the world of psychiatry 32 years ago, to train as a mental health nurse,” Kate tells us. “This career choice was in part thanks to a national newspaper that ran a recruitment campaign calling for psychiatric nurses, which focused on art produced by those experiencing psychosis.” One image, in particular, stuck with Kate throughout her career: a young man had drawn a picture of how he imagined his brain to work while experiencing a relapse in psychosis. Kate says: “It was an image of chaos and distress and it ignited in me a curiosity and a need to change things, and that has remained with me ever since.” Kate trained in the late 1980s, when an initiative to integrate mental health patients back into communities was just starting to come into practice. “Working in the mental health sector, alongside like-minded people, somewhat closeted you against the realities of the level of stigma that existed outside of the hospital grounds,” says Kate, who only recognised the extent of mental health stigma when she became involved in making discharge plans for patients. “I was only 18 when I started working at Middlewood Hospital, in Sheffield, full of ideals and ideas, so it came as a shock to me that some people made such sweeping judgements about others purely based on their diagnosis or presentation.”

50p from every copy

of this issue sold in a subscription goes to Shaw Mind Foundation

Since joining SMF, Kate’s extensive experience of working within the mental health sector has given her invaluable insight into what precisely is needed to dispel stigmas; and her vision to continue campaigns and conversations online, offline, and into communities, is what propels the charity forward. DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY

Unlike other charities, SMF’s financial income strategy does not rely solely on donations. It works alongside Trigger – a publishing house dedicated to sharing inspirational stories of recovery from mental illness, where at least 50% of all profits go to the SMF. The name, Trigger, was decided upon after Adam Shaw spoke about how he had spent his life avoiding things that would trigger his OCD, anxiety and panic attacks. But then, after a conversation with renowned psychologist Dr Lauren Callaghan, everything changed. Dr Callaghan encouraged Adam to not hide from the things he feared, but to face them and “pull the trigger on them”. Thus, the message in everything Trigger publishes became about standing up to and overcoming the challenges that keep us down. HEADUCATION UK Headucation UK is the SMF’s campaign to make mental health education compulsory in schools across the UK. In collaboration with allies from the charity sector, mental health activists and clinical psychologists, SMF has vowed to not stop campaigning until every primary and secondary school offers this vital emotional education. Continues

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Charity of the Month

HEADUACATION

Shaw Mind ambassador Hope Virgo, speaking at an event

Polls commissioned by the Shaw Mind Foundation found: •8 0% of British parents believe protecting their children’s mental health is a top concern •7 9% of British parents believe children should be taught more about mental health in schools •9 2% of teenagers aged 14 to 18 think mental health should be discussed in lessons •6 5% of teenagers said they wouldn’t be able to identify if they were experiencing a mental health problem, because they don’t know enough about it

LIFTING THE LID

Working in the mental health sector, alongside like-minded people somewhat closeted you against the realities of the level of stigma that existed outside the hospital grounds At present, mental health is only talked about in PSHE (Personal, Social, Health and Economic) lessons, an optional component that not all schools teach. For the SMF, this simply isn’t good enough. It is their hope that by providing young people with an understanding of mental illnesses, they will encourage open and honest conversations, and ultimately eliminate stigma. In 2017, SMF began a petition that called on the government to make mental health education compulsory in schools. After receiving overwhelming support from both the public and professionals, the petition soon reached more than 100,000 signatures and was debated in parliament on 6 November 2017. Adam Shaw, who was at the debate, said: “The point needs driving home that if it isn’t compulsory it isn’t good enough. The government is trying to patch up a school system that is decades behind in terms of the society our children are now being brought up in.” He continues: “Industry demands that future generations are educated on mental health as a matter of course, to prevent the billions of pounds of lost productivity to the economy due to mental health issues each year.” But until mental health education is made compulsory, SMF and Headucation UK will continue to campaign for change and, led by their youth advisory board – a group of young people who come together to shape the direction of the charity – will work tirelessly to address mental health stigma at its source. 28 • happiful • July 2018

The conversation around mental health has never been better. The SMF’s Lifting the Lid campaign is all about keeping this momentum going. “Transformation in the field of mental health has in many ways gone faster than other areas of medicine,” Hope Virgo, Trigger Press author and SMF representative, tells us. “But then again, it did start at a significant disadvantage whereby there was little evidence-based treatment available and people with a mental illness were often locked away for most, if not all, of their lives inside one of the many Victorian asylums. So we have come a long way, but still have so far to go.”

You can join the Lifting the Lid campaign and conversation by tweeting with the hashtag: #LiftingtheLid LOOKING TO THE FUTURE At the core of the organisation, is the deeply personal mission to put an end to mental health stigma and injustices. From leading campaigns to starting conversations, and bringing mental health awareness to the forefront of the minds of those with the power to make a real difference, the SMF’s determination to reconstruct the sector landscape, propels it to transform the lives of those suffering in silence. “The world is still in need of changing,” says Hope. “And I still believe that we can make it happen – one conversation, one connection at a time.” Visit shawmindfoundation.org to learn more about the charity and how you can support its ongoing campaigns to end mental health injustices.

'Appy Days 5

Top TECHS

Icons | play.google.com

Top

Try the apps that help users tackle stress, combat anxiety, and build a more mindful routine Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

t’s undeniable – the British public is feeling overwhelmed. According to the biggest survey of its kind, released by the Mental Health Foundation in May 2018, an astonishing 74% of adults report having felt stressed and unable to cope in the past year. But it’s not just adults feeling the pressure; according to the NSPCC, teens seeking counselling for stress and anxiety rose by 11% in 2017 alone. With so many of us struggling with pressures, finding simple ways to de-stress is essential. So, we’ve put together a list of five apps that help boost your mood, recognise anxiety triggers, and introduce a little mindfulness to your day to help you build a more sustainable, healthy routine.

1. My Possible Self Combining research from the Black Dog Institute with cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques, My Possible Self helps users look at the way they manage problems through examining negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviours as they happen. The app suggests modules based on your responses, identifying which forms of therapy should help most, while users can choose up to three areas (such as stress, confidence, and anxiety) to focus on and track daily.

2. SmilingMind A modern meditation app and website, SmilingMind helps people de-stress and learn how to stay calm. With programs designed for five age groups, ranging from seven to adults, the app was developed by psychologists and educators to help create a more mindful routine. It also helps users deal with stress using a combination of mindfulness and meditation techniques.

3. MindShift Designed to help teens and young adults struggling with fear and anxiety, MindShift helps users focus on practical things you can do to stop worries controlling your life. This free app introduces users to strategies that can help you deal with a wide variety of worries and anxieties, from social and performance anxieties, through to panic, conflict, perfectionism, and more.

4. Aura: Calm Anxiety & Sleep Named one of Apple’s best apps of 2017, Aura offers more than 1,000 sessions to help with sleep, stress, and anxiety. Encouraging users to spend three to five minutes each day meditating to create a regular routine, the app aims to help clear your mind, to find confidence in yourself, and become free from stress. Users can also enable the app to remind them to take mindful breaks throughout the day, listen to relaxing nature sounds, keep a gratitude journal, or access life-coaching sessions.

5. Colorfy With more than 25 million users, and 1,000 patterns, animals, mandalas, and more to paint, Colorfy lets users try their hand at mindful colouring anytime, anywhere. Offering a mixture of free and subscription illustrations, users can keep colouring without being connected to Wi-Fi. Research suggests mindful colouring can provide numerous benefits for all ages, as a chance to relax, refocus, and develop positive stress coping mechanisms, while decreasing anxiety and distracting from negative thoughts.

All apps listed are available on Google Play and the App Store

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MARCH TO THE BEAT OF YOUR OWN DRUM “We all can dance when we find music we love.” – Giles Andreae

Photography | Julian Howard

Annie’s Story

Let out of the cage, and learning to fly

Being given the all clear from cancer fuelled Annie Belasco’s mental turmoil – feeling vulnerable and unprotected back out in the real world, void of regular check-ups with doctors. But in disconnecting, Annie reconnected with her mental health and found peace

t the age of 25, I was diagnosed with Grade 3 breast cancer. The cruel disease had spread to all but two of my lymph nodes, and I was given just a 30% chance of survival. My body image was ruined, my hair fell out, and my confidence was banished. Annie was gone and “cancer patient” had arrived. I had never thought about my mental health. “She’s mad,” we would say, as an insult. “I’m a psycho,” I would say about my spontaneous decisions. But nothing would prepare me for starting to understand the real meaning of emotional madness and psychotic episodes. And that using mental illness as an insult could not be any more ignorant or unkind. After going through five years of cancer treatment, having my body taken apart and

then bodged back together again, what was left inside my head was an empty hole. I had officially lost my mind. I was told I was clear from cancer, and my world fell apart. It felt crazy, uncontrollable, and unsafe. “Annie! You’re free from cancer, you should be happy,” everyone said. But this was when my mental health was at its worst. I looked forward to appointments about my physical treatment because I felt cared for. I welcomed letters reminding me about check-ups and blood tests. But when the hospital discharged me, I felt completely alone and depressed. My anxiety had become debilitating, to the point where I considered making myself psychically ill just to be looked after. Continues >>>

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Passport to a Healthy Mind

Annie’s Story I met my partner, Sam, while going through cancer. Extraordinary true love, we call it. My confidence was at its lowest, but this was overridden by my determination to live. Meeting Sam gave me purpose. Our relationship blossomed, and I fled the nest of my family home. Sam and I moved in together, like two turtle doves. I finally felt full of happiness. Our love and friendship was tested at every hurdle imaginable. Life was fast-paced, loud and chaotic. But we survived. Through the cancer, two pregnancies, and a large dose of hell and back. Disease-free and let out of a cage, I was told I could fly. But I didn’t want to even try. I wanted to be cooped like a chicken in a hutch, without free range. I longed to be back in the arms of the NHS, to feel monitored and important, just in case things went wrong again. I had no appointments, and few people outside of my own nest to talk to. I felt alone, worried, helpless and started developing obsessive compulsive behaviours. I had ruminations going around and round my head, controlling my thought process. “What if… What if… What if ” was like a flashing red light. But the bulb never ran out, and I learned to live with it. My aggressive anxiety travelled with me in the car: “What if I crash and die?” So, I stopped driving. My angry anxiety followed me through my wedding day: “What if my fiancé doesn’t turn up?” So I spoke to him,

Annie and her partner, Sam

against my wishes, the night before. And my ambitious anxiety followed me through both pregnancies: “What if they don’t make it?” I increased my antidepressants while pregnant. I had to fix and delete the anxiety, which meant I would make quick, irrational decisions. My dark thoughts were extreme and shocking, especially when I tried to explain them. And sometimes I felt so overwhelmed and exhausted by the horrid thoughts that I would scream out loud – but only when no one could hear. I knew I had to “hold it together” in front of people, so they didn’t think I was “mad”. I always took pride in my appearance. I wore nice clothes, looked after my hair and skin, as I knew I should appreciate and care for them after losing both during chemotherapy. I also knew what words to use, and how to I started to look for, and experience, say them. From the outside, I would be peace. Walking in the countryside, listening composed and considerate. But inside, to the smallest sounds. Twigs breaking as I felt I was dying. It wasn’t pleasant. It we walked through the forest. The scuffling was deep, desperate depression. My head became a small circus. sound of a squirrel in a tree

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True LIFE

It played tricks on me. I would be happily involved in a task or activity and then suddenly the anxiety and fear would jump out in front of me, like a “baddy” in a pantomime, with the audience screaming at me: “It’s behind you!” I had two years of intensive psychotherapy, medication, and almost weekly check-ups to monitor my mood. I hated the clock on the wall and I didn’t wear a watch. I had a phobia of my phone; the ring made me alert and aggressive, so I turned my phone off. I wanted to feel undisturbed and in control. And just like that, I started to make my own choices again. Over time, I learned further coping mechanisms to support my recovery. I learned to say “no” to unwelcome invitations. I wouldn’t try to please people. I was determined to put my mental health first. I started to look for, and experience, peace. Walking in the countryside, listening to the smallest sounds. Twigs breaking as we walked through the forest. The scuffling sound of a squirrel in a tree. And watching seasons change on the leaves of huge, dark oak trees in the park. Peace. I started to appreciate the things that I had previously not given the time of day. Friendship, talking, the weather. One of the most calming experiences I enjoy

is listening to the rain. In the car, in my house, or walking through it with my children, seeing how many puddles we can jump in. And birds are always there, flying. Wellbeing in my own household has the highest impact on my mental health. My anxiety always follows me around, but I have learned how to manage it. There doesn’t always need to be an activity, or a noise, for me to feel alive. When we have had a busy day, we turn down all sensory triggers – the TV, our phones, even the doorbell. I use blowing bubbles to calm my children’s tears, and we go to bed before exhaustion ever hits. I use lavender oil in the children’s baths, and in all our bedrooms. And we try, even when we have had a bad day, to talk about how we feel. The passport to my healthy new mind, is to reduce chaos, increase calm, and have our own space. So, when we have a bad day, we all have our own nests to go back to, with peace. Annie Belasco is an author and speaker. She has written her non-fiction memoir ‘Love and Remission: My Life, My Man, My Cancer’, published by Trigger Press, and available from Amazon.

Our Expert Says Annie’s story is a potent account of the way physical illness can erode and damage our sense of who we are. Annie has found a path to recovery by reconnecting in the here and now, by honouring the simple, immediate connections that are always available to us. It is heartening to hear how her way of thriving is shared with her family; what a phenomenal example of post-traumatic growth.

Fe Robinson MUKCP (reg) MBACP (reg) psychotherapist and clinical supervisor

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True Self

Love Who You Are

EMBRACE YOUR

Accepting who we are is perhaps the biggest act of self-love we can make. But, sometimes it can feel like the hardest thing in the world to do Writing | Becky Wright and Kat Nicholls

People who try to resist negative emotions are more likely to experience psychiatric symptoms later, compared with those who accept such emotions, according to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So, it seems there is a positive link between emotional acceptance and psychological health...

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here have been many times in my life when I’ve wished I could be different. Prettier. Smarter. Funnier. Thinner. Growing up, I always thought that being different was wrong – maybe because qualities that are “outside of the ordinary” are not usually celebrated (as much as they should be) in the world we live in. And that’s not exactly helpful in the quest for self-love. But, the thing is, self-love isn’t about chasing the “perfection” the rest of the world envisions. It’s about seeing yourself as the centre of your own world. Embracing the “flaws” that society says make you less than perfect, as the things that make you perfectly you. Of course, this isn’t easy. Self-love, like any relationship, has its ups and downs. But, recognising that you don’t have to change to be happy can change your life. Here are six inspirational individuals who have done just that...

Perfectly IMPERFECT

Becky Young

– Founder of the Anti Diet Riot Club

I aspire to be a better person, with goals not related to how I look Becky wanted to help others redirect the energy they spend trying to change their bodies on to something more fulfilling for their life and wellbeing. So, she founded the Anti Diet Riot Club – a movement aiming to end diet culture and promote body positivity. “I’m a confident and extroverted person,” Becky explains, “but I’ve also struggled with poor body image, yo-yo dieting, and bingeeating since I was 14.” This, and the fact she has a rare bone disease in her leg (leaving her with a limp and scar), has meant her relationship with her body has been a rollercoaster of a ride. “Learning to accept my body, with all its limitations and the features I perceived as flaws for so many years, has been a huge part of my journey to embracing myself.” Finding the body acceptance movement online was life-changing for Becky. It helped her move on from fad dieting, bodydissatisfaction and wanting to be thin. She says: “Now I aspire to be a better person with goals not related to how I look. It’s liberating! I can see my worth has nothing to do with how attractive I am, how much I exercise, or how ‘well’ I eat. It comes down to who I am as a human being.” Becky’s advice for learning to love yourself? Imagine you’re reflecting back on your memories at the end of your life – what would be important to you? Becky says: “Personally, I know I’ll be so glad of all the times I gave myself a break.” Instagram: @antidietriotclub July 2018 • happiful • 35

Love Who You Are

Nicola Rae-Wickham

If you don’t own your story, it will own you

Nicola, a creativity and wellness coach, has a birthmark over her left eye, but it’s only in the past year that she’s started to embrace this part of herself: “I say ‘birthmark’ as that’s what the doctors called it when it appeared when I was about four years old. So, even though I was young, I remembered life before it. I never saw it as a ‘part of me’. It meant I was a chronically shy child, only coming out of my shell when I started using camouflage make-up at 16. “Last year I shared my story for the first time. For so long, I’d been afraid that people would find out the one thing I wanted to keep hidden. I’d completely underestimated what a weight it had been, and the freedom I would feel in taking control. I’m no longer worried about being ‘found out’. It’s shown me that if you don’t own your story, it will own you. “Embracing myself has been part of a selfdiscovery and spiritual journey, which began when I started my own creative coaching business. I’ve made it my mission to help others own their story – everyone has a metaphorical version of my birthmark.”

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Perfectly IMPERFECT

Dr Pragya Agarwal – Founder of The Art Tiffin

thearttiffin.co.uk

Pragya married young into a patriarchal family where she felt stifled. But she escaped it, and created the life she wanted for herself and her daughters, using creativity to help her to heal.

I’m carving my own path, and setting my own rules “For years I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I was too short, my legs didn’t go up to my shoulders, my nose was too big,” Pragya reflects. “But, as time has passed, what I see now is that my body has bloomed with three children; hands that hug them and create art, eyes that sparkle, and laughter lines from all the happiness I’ve had in my life.”

She notes that when she looks in the mirror now, she sees her heritage in her reflection – her mother and father, her children, and a wealth of family traits. “I pride myself on my intellect and resilience,” Pragya says, recognising that she’s turned every adversity in her life into something positive. She now sees her potential rather than her limitations, feels more confident in her opinions, and is proud to have set up a social enterprise to help others who feel anxious or isolated. “I’m carving my own path, and setting my own rules,” Pragya says. “Remind yourself that you are one of a kind, and that ought to be celebrated. You can create your own path and your own life, the way you want it.” July 2018 • happiful • 37

Love Who You Are

The only way to deal with hair loss is this: embrace it Ryan started losing his hair in his early 20s, and discovered humour was key in learning to embrace his baldness: “Going bald is no laughing matter. Well, actually, it kind of is. But only if it happens to someone else. When it happens to you, the laughter stops, and it’s even worse when you’re young. How do I know? Because it happened to me. “I was in my early 20s when my hair strands started to fly the nest. The shock was so overwhelming that it made the rest of my hair fall out even faster. My once thick, flowing locks dropped away in lazy clumps, rendering my skull characterless. My beautiful, indieboy coiffure had gone.

Ryan Pugh

“I was in denial for the first few years after I started to lose my hair. Deep down, I was hoping it would somehow all grow back. Alas, there are no miracle cures for balding. “The only way to deal with hair loss is this: embrace it. Get your head shaved, grow a cool beard and enjoy standing out from the crowd. And if that doesn’t cheer you up, just go around laughing at your mates’ terrible haircuts. In fact, often the first thing you’ll hear people say when they look at old photographs is: ‘God, look at my hair!’ “Honestly. You’re better off being bald. Having hair is no laughing matter.”

Kay Ska

Instagram: kay_ska 38 • happiful • July 2018

ryantpugh.co.uk

We are all a work in progress

Kay struggled with her own mental health, living with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia. Now she’s a selflove and confidence coach, inspiring others through her own experiences. For years, Kay hated her body and embracing herself didn’t happen overnight. But, since she started appreciating herself and her body for what it is, things started to shift. “I’ve been able to stop picking apart the negatives and give more energy and attention to the positives,” Kay says. “I realised I didn’t need to look or be like anybody else but myself, and that was really empowering.”

Kay explains how she got to that magical point of feeling happy in her own skin by listening to her body and what it needs – whether treating herself to more rest, choosing nutritious food, or working out. Mindfulness and yoga have also had a hugely positive impact on her journey. “We deserve to be kind to ourselves and our bodies, no matter what they look like,” Kay notes. “Don’t beat yourself up for where you are right now, remember that we are all a work in progress. Try to be kind to yourself and speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love.”

Perfectly IMPERFECT

Imogen May

Instagram: @the_feeding_of_the_fox

As a queer, disabled person, Imogen wasn’t sure she could ever embrace herself. Here, she shares her journey from weight loss and eating disorders, to radical body politics and embracing nonjudgemental compassion: “I spent most of my life wishing for something else; to be smaller, to be less obvious, to be invisible. The way the world reacted to me meant that I could never shrink into the background – be that due to my powered wheelchair, my fatness, or my same-sex partners, I was always the most obvious person in the room. “As I aged and became more aware of my ability to control my body, I did my best to do just what I’d been wishing for. I starved myself, changed my appearance and altered every aspect of me I could – making myself as small as I could be. But along with the smallness came sadness, anxiety and fear that was entirely different to the feelings I’d had before. The sensations of ‘never small enough’ made me want to end my life – the ultimate invisibility. “It was on Instagram that I first saw a meme saying: ‘If hating yourself worked, it would have worked by now.’ It triggered something in me, something I couldn’t shrink – my spirit. “I entrenched myself in online activism and radical body politics. I realised that I wasn’t alone. The goal should be altering the way we look as a society, rather than our individual bodies. I didn’t need to be small, or ashamed. My body doesn’t need ‘accepting’, I just had to find some comfort that I wasn’t a problem – the way society responds to me is!”

If hating yourself worked, it would have worked by now

HAPPIFUL’S GUIDE TO TRULY EMBRACING YOURSELF 1. Connect with who you are Try to block out the noise of the media, do some self-enquiry, and ask yourself what your true values are. 2. Take action Once you’ve unpicked who you are, think about how you can weave this into your everyday life. 3. S hift your self-talk The next time you berate yourself for something, try responding with compassion – you don’t need to have it all figured out yet. 4. Avoid the comparison trap We’re all on our own journeys, and these are as unique as we are. Stop looking for validation outside of yourself. Basically… you do you.

LIFE COACH, DEBI HADEN, PROVIDES SOME INSIGHT: What could you achieve if you only put your energy into things that matter; things that make you feel good and make your heart sing? We only have a finite amount of energy; do you really want to invest yours in worrying about what others think of you, or in believing you’re not good enough? The past has gone, you can’t change it, the moment you can change is right now. So focus on that, be grateful for what you have and who you are. Practise gratitude for everything in your life, no matter how small. You are wonderful in your own unique and beautiful way – celebrate YOU! Life coaches specialise in helping you cultivate the life you want. Visit lifecoach-directory.org.uk

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MYTHS DEBUNKED

t’s thought that 1.2% of the UK population has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), approximately 740,000 people, and yet it’s a term used every day to label behaviours that aren’t really OCD. With so many misconceptions, and the stigma that surrounds it, education and awareness of this disorder, that so many people live and struggle with, is key. Not only will more people with OCD get the help they need, but the wrong ideas that surround what the condition is will change!

So, what is OCD?

OCD MISCONCEPTIONS Writing | Stacey Barber

Illustrating | Rosan Magar

We’ve all heard someone describe their clean home as OCD, right? Or the myth that everyone who has OCD has a fear of germs? Maybe you’ve heard that everyone is ‘a little OCD’? Read on to find out the truth about OCD, from someone who actually has it

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OCD is an anxiety disorder that affects people in two ways: obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that can be about anything. They cause anxiety and fear, and sometimes people are too ashamed to speak about them. Compulsions are something people do repeatedly to rid themselves of the thoughts and anxiety, which can, again, be about anything but some of the well known ones are: washing hands, asking for reassurance, making sure the door is locked, mental rituals, and tapping.

1 Everyone’s a little OCD

OCD affects 12 in every 1,000 people in the UK. People confuse the fact that they like something in a certain way with OCD, however people with OCD don’t want to have it, so their compulsions are not something they want to do. You can’t be “a little OCD” – you either have it, or you don’t.

2 OCD is the clean and neat illness

Most people with OCD don’t care about neatness. For some people, their OCD latches on to keeping things clean and tidy, but that is because of a fear of contamination, or to prevent something bad from happening, not a liking for things to be neat and clean.

3 OCD is just being a germaphobe

A germaphobe has a fear of germs, but many people with OCD have no issue with germs and can shake hands, use public toilets, and not worry about germs at all! Some people with OCD may become obsessed with germs, but it’s because of the intrusive thoughts making them fear them, not the germs themselves. They will act on their compulsions, i.e. clean and avoid things, but it’s not because they are a germaphobe.

Life LESSONS

7 OCD is where people hear voices

OCD is just intrusive thoughts that are hard to deal with and cause a vast amount of anxiety and worry. It’s not the same as hearing voices that aren’t there; it’s their own thoughts working against them. Some people with OCD may have violent, scary or strange thoughts, but people with OCD won’t act on them because acting on them is their worst fear.

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4 OCD is a choice

OCD is far from a choice, it’s a disorder. Nobody would choose to live with intrusive, mean, scary thoughts every day. People with OCD can’t control these thoughts, and they act on their compulsions to try to end them. Sometimes the compulsions are strange and people feel embarrassed about doing them, but they can’t help it.

5 You can see someone who has OCD

Some people act on their compulsions physically, but for a lot of people it’s all in the mind. They might have to repeat words or numbers in their head, or they might pray a lot. Most people with OCD will act on mental compulsions as well as physical ones. Just because you can’t “see” OCD, doesn’t mean someone doesn’t have it.

8 OCD is about being organsied

Most of the time, people with OCD can’t be organised because most of their day is taken up with obsessions and compulsions. Making lists and trying to stick to them when living with OCD is hard, as you don’t know what it’s going to throw at you next. People with OCD might obsess about trying to stick to a list or deadline, but this is because of the intrusive thoughts they have, not because they are organised.

9 People with OCD don’t know that what they are doing is irrational

Most people with OCD know that their thoughts and compulsions are irrational. They know that just because they think something is going to happen doesn’t mean it will, and they know that acting on their compulsions won’t stop or prevent something, but they can’t risk it. This is what makes OCD so distressing for sufferers.

10 OCD only affects young people

OCD can affect anyone at any age. Most of the time OCD starts when someone is younger, but it can also start in adulthood. For some, OCD can start after having a baby for both men and women, because of the responsibility to protect the child. It can also start after something traumatic happening, such as illness or a death.

6 OCD is just about a few things

OCD is a disorder that can latch on to anything and is forever changing. One day someone could be obsessing about the house being burgled, and the next they believe they have killed someone. OCD creates fear, false memories, and anxiety, which are both constant and distressing.

Stacey Barber is a mental health blogger with OCD and PTSD, whose goal is to help, educate and inspire people regarding their own and others’ mental health. Visit fixmeinfortyfive.com to read more from her.

July 2018 • happiful • 41

The Power of Creativity

Knit

FOR

Peace

CRAFTING WITH A POINT

What if all you needed to change a life was a pair of needles and a ball of yarn? Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

ounded in 1979, Knit for Peace has blossomed into a global initiative that harnesses the power of creativity to transform the lives and wellbeing of everyone involved in the charity. Evolving at an astonishing rate, it is now estimated that more

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than 22,000 UK knitters are working together to create items to send to those in need. Knit for Peace resolutely believes knitting is good for people. In addition to its aid work, it hopes to prevent the mocking of knitters, and change the minds of those who

dismiss knitting as an old-fashioned or outdated pastime. One potential funder rejected Knit for Peace’s application for support, believing it was “going backwards”. The charity’s response: “No doubt a shiny new IT programme would have been more to his taste.”

Healthy WoolDRINKS PEACE

At its core, Knit for Peace is a movement propelled by people’s love of crafting, and for handmaking gifts for others. So how did it all begin, and how can crafts such as knitting help us with mental health? HELP ABROAD Originally, Knit for Peace was a project developed in Rwanda and India that sought to bring together women from traditionally hostile communities – Hutu and Tutsi war widows in Rwanda, and Muslim and Hindu women in the slums of Delhi. Together the women would knit clothes for homeless children and orphans, which Knit for Peace then paid for. But Knit for Peace soon found that a lot of UK knitters were asking if they could knit items to send to people in need around the world. Now, knitters in their thousands create and donate clothing and blankets to be distributed where they are most needed, including to refugee camps in Syria, Afghanistan,

and Kurdistan, where many are living in dire, life-threatening conditions. Last winter, UNHCR – the UN’s refugee agency – reported that refugees were dying as a direct result of the cold. So warm clothing sent by knitters is not only comforting but, on a practical level, can be vital for survival. BACK IN THE UK As the organisation grew, and the numbers of knitters sending items increased, so did the scope of Knit for Peace’s projects. It now regularly distributes items to more than 200 outlets in the UK, including hospitals, women’s refuges, prisons, community groups, and hospices. Knitters can also donate yarn and needles to people on low incomes, so that they too can reap the benefits of knitting. Crafting groups can be an excellent way to get people together. Recognising this, Knit for Peace now has around 1,000 knitting groups

across the country, who meet to produce their items together, in a social environment. In addition, Knit for Peace offers knitting holidays in the UK and in India, where knitters – both novices and experts – can explore craft-related sights, and meet like-minded people. FOR ALL AGES Just like 88% of its committed knitters, Knit for Peace’s founder, Dame Hilary Blume, learned to knit when she was a child: “I started knitting at age three, and used to hold the needles like pokers – straight up!” Although her technique may have improved over the years, her love for knitting has remained the same. “I find it relaxing, and it makes me feel like I’m not wasting my time when watching TV, or listening to the radio,” Hilary tells us. Like many craft activities, knitting comes with a plethora of wellbeing benefits for people of all ages. Continues >>>

A survey of Knit for Peace’s knitters found that: Delicious hot and cold!

Knitwear is donated to refugees in Syria

• 67% of their knitters are over 60 • 92% of those in poor, or very poor, health said knitting improved their health • 82% said knitting relaxed them • 65% said knitting for others made them feel useful • 92% said knitting improved their mood

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The Power of Creativity

Knit for Peace distributes items to people in need all over the world, like these children in Uganda

In its 2017 report, The Health Benefits of Knitting, Knit for Peace discovered that knitting: • Lowers blood pressure • Reduces depression and anxiety • Slows the onset of dementia • Is as relaxing as yoga • Distracts from chronic pain • Increases a sense of wellbeing • Reduces loneliness and isolation • I ncreases a sense of usefulness and inclusion in society

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In 2012, a study conducted by the Mayo Clinic found that crafts, including knitting, could decrease the odds of developing age-related cognitive impairment. The study looked at a group of individuals over the age of 70, and its results are in line with numerous other studies. And, while AgeUK unearthed the sobering statistic that 3.6 million elderly people live alone – and around a million of them are “chronically lonely” – crafting groups, like the ones that Knit for Peace organises, can effectively prevent social exclusion. In Knit for Peace’s 2017 report The Health Benefits of Knitting, 85-year-

old knitter Grace explains how the charity helps her tackle loneliness. “Knitting keeps my mind occupied and gives me a sense of purpose,” says Grace. “I am recently widowed and suffer from depression. I have had a very busy life, and knitting gives me something to do now I am in my 80s.” But knitting doesn’t just benefit those in old age. A 2009 study, published in the journal Eating and Weight Disorders, looked at the ways that knitting can help young people manage anxiety and eating disorders. It found that knitting reduced patients’ reported intensity of fears, soothed them, and left them with a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Wool PEACE

Knit for Peace volunteers Laura and Mags

Sacks full of donated knitting ready to be distributed Knit for Peace staff Lucy, Aida, Chris and Marie loading donations to be distributed

Knit for Peace points out that knitting offers us space for contemplation, and the 'passive release of stray thoughts' A SPACE FOR CONTEMPLATION Research from Harvard Medical School’s Institute for Mind Body Medicine showed that knitting induces a state of relaxation, where the heart rate is lowered by an average of 11 beats per minute. Further studies of this phenomenon, from the same institution, found that it is knitting’s repetitive movements that elicit the relaxation response – which is the body’s counterbalance to stress – where the breathing slows, and stress hormone levels drop. In The Health Benefits of Knitting report, Knit for Peace points out that knitting offers us space for

contemplation, and the “passive release of stray thoughts”, while at the same time leaving us with a sense of accomplishment. Another of Knit for Peace’s knitters, Sally, 59, knits for an average of seven hours a week. “It relaxes me. It helps my anxiety, depression and physical pain,” she says. “Due to disability, I had to leave a career I loved and am at home all day. Knitting gives me a sense of purpose and achievement.”

“As well as being fun and therapeutic, knitting brings people together and gives us a way of helping others in need, providing benefits for the knitter and the recipient.” From the social knitting groups in the UK, to the women weaving back together torn communities, and to the recipients of clothes, blankets and knitting tools of their own, Knit for Peace is harnessing the energy of creativity. And it has the power to change lives.

FINAL PURLS OF WISDOM “Here at Knit for Peace we believe that knitting is good for people in all sorts of ways,” Dame Hilary tells us.

For more information, free patterns, and details of how to get involved visit: knitforpeace.org.uk

July 2018 • happiful • 45

Photography | Qu Nh

LEAD A LAGOM LIFE

Lagom is the Swedish concept of moderation: not too much, but not too little. Find your Goldilock zone, and take what you need

George’s Story

Finding my purpose MDMA became a catalyst for anxiety so severe, that for three years George Hodgson felt he couldn’t leave his bedroom. But in his battle with crippling anxiety, OCD and paranoia, George found comfort through creating a fashion brand that raises awareness about mental health and helps fund a charity supporting other young sufferers

t’s 8 July 2012, a date I will never forget. I’m sitting in a small tent with three friends, and it’s pouring with rain outside. One friend opens a small, clear bag and starts rolling up a £5 note. Taking it in turns, we inhale a browny-white powder called MDMA – to have “a good time”. We were at NASS Festival, and the experience I had was the complete opposite of a good time. I was just 16 years old. I’ve always been an anxious person. Even as a boy I suffered from anxiety. I remember being at primary school and needing extra support because I always had so much energy. I used to run everywhere – “Why walk when you can run?” I thought.

Everything changed when I moved to secondary school though; I had a large friendship group and we all stuck together. My anxiety became a thing of the past, and as the years went on I completely forgot about it. But it was only three months after taking the drug that I hit the darkest period of my life. I was suffering from panic attacks and I thought everything I touched had MDMA traces on it, leading me to wash my hands at least 50 times a day. The MDMA had become the catalyst for my severe anxiety, so bad that for three years I couldn’t actually leave my bedroom. I became completely paranoid. Continues >>>

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Maison de Choup

George’s Story The paranoia I had surrounding MDMA, and being convinced I was permanently on the drug, had consumed me. I didn’t even particularly enjoy the experience I’d had when I was on it, and it was terrifying. Anxiety had found my weakness, and it wore me down. I don’t believe MDMA was the cause of the anxiety, as I had always suffered, but it was certainly the cause of the OCD and psychosis I was experiencing. One of my behaviour patterns during my illness was the need to be with one of my parents at all times if I left the house. To that end, I would often go to my father’s office. He is a graphic designer, and as I spent more time there, I began to scribble. One day, half way through my therapy, when I began to feel a little better, I came up with the idea of translating some of my anxiety drawings on to T-shirts. My father told me this was feasible. Encouraged, my brand, Maison de Choup, all based around mental health, was born and in 2015 was launched to the world.

George cycled 147 miles for YoungMinds charity in 2017

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The paranoia I had surrounding MDMA, and being convinced I was permanently on the drug, had consumed me. My anxiety had found my weakness, and it wore me down Maison de Choup played a huge part in my recovery. Without having anything to do, I had really started to lose my mind. But with this project I found focus, purpose, and something to get up for in the mornings. It pushed me to do things that I would never have thought I was capable of doing. Attending networking events, meeting incredible people, and having to interact with complete strangers almost every day – for someone who was suffering from severe anxiety, who couldn’t actually leave the bedroom for three years, to actively go out and want to talk to people was almost surreal. For me, Maison de Choup isn’t about being the next big fashionable brand, it’s all about creating a brand that is synonymous with mental health. When people say “Maison de Choup”, I don’t want them to think “Oh yeah, they sell cool clothes”, I want them to think: “That’s that brand helping young mental illness sufferers through fashion.” It’s about creating and spreading awareness of mental health through fashion, connecting people, and reassuring young people who suffer that they can do amazing things. I’m opening up, telling people about my battle with severe anxiety, OCD, and how drugs

True LIFE

‘For me, Maison de Choup is all about creating a brand that is synonymous with mental health’

be in such a dark place. It is so important to me that I can give back to a charity that helps young sufferers. In October 2017, for World Mental Health Day and the YoungMinds #HelloYellow campaign, I decided to take on the challenge and ride 147 miles to raise money. So I set about training for this mission, something I had never done before. On the day, I finished my bike ride in 13 hours, raising more than £900 for YoungMinds. I still suffer; but remember, we all suffer. I know I’ll never get over my anxiety and OCD, but I am now able to employ coping mechanisms to deal with it in my own way. Every day is a new day. I now speak at schools, colleges and universities about my experiences, to encourage and inspire other sufferers that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that they will get through it. It just takes time. Visit maisondechoup.com to find out more about George’s fashion brand, with mental health awareness sewn into its core. Follow George on Twitter @imgeorgehodgson

affected me so cataclysmically, using my brand as a way of expressing my feelings. Vanity Fair magazine summed up what Maison de Choup is about in one line: “The fashion brand with a mental health cause at its heart.” I’m partnered with the YoungMinds charity. I was lucky that my parents could send me to private mental health care, but for the young people who aren’t in the same fortunate position that I was, I don’t know what they do. The waiting list for child and adolescent mental health services is now upwards of a year, and within that time frame something unimaginable could happen. That’s why I want to give back to YoungMinds. I was that young person suffering, and I know what it’s like to

Our Expert Says Taking MDMA transformed George’s anxiety, resulting in him struggling to function with this severe mental illness. But when he discovered he could express his emotions through art, he grew in confidence, purpose and found he could address his illness. George’s story gives us insight into the power of taking your time with finding your own form of therapy, and having compassion for yourself while you do. We can challenge and beat our anxiety, one day at a time.

Graeme Orr MBACP (reg) UKRCP Reg Ind counsellor

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Balancing Act: Carrie Hope Fletcher

Photography | Darren Bell

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Centre STAGE

Carrie On

Keep calm AND

Actress, blogger and guiding light: Carrie Hope Fletcher on the responsibility of being an influencer, and why restoring her work-life balance has changed everything Writing | Gemma Calvert

“

t the warm-up, my voice completely went. I sounded like a drowned donkey, like when a fork gets stuck in a waste disposal. It

was awful.” Actress, singer, author and YouTube star Carrie Hope Fletcher, 25, is recalling the moment when, last summer, midway through a touring production of The Addams Family where she played Wednesday Addams, she buckled under the work pressure. “I’d done 150 consecutive shows, some of which when I wasn’t feeling 100%, and in the warm-up my voice completely went. It was my body going: ‘You cannot do this today.’ I sat in my dressing room and sobbed.” On the surface, with her bubbly, happygo-lucky personality, Carrie appeared to be handling her hectic tour schedule, but behind the scenes, while juggling a myriad of other work commitments, she was floundering. “I’m a massive workaholic. I say ‘yes’ to everything because I’m scared of disappointing people, then I end up with

a million things to do and find myself drowning,” admits Carrie. “When you’re just doing a show that’s fine, but when you’re [also] maintaining a YouTube channel, writing a book and having meetings about other projects, suddenly you’ve got no time for you. I’d wake up, start writing, go to a meeting, record something for the Christmasaurus [her festive stage collaboration with her musician and author brother Tom], go to the show, come back and write some more, go to bed and repeat.” The past year has, says Carrie, been “pivotal” to her mental health. Not only has she implemented steps that have rewarded her with a calmer, more creatively fulfilled and happy life, she has also found love with her Addams Family co-star, actor Oliver Ormson, 28. The stage has long been Carrie’s second home. She signed to an agent when she was three, landed her first West End role in Les Miserables aged seven, playing young Continues >>>

July 2018 • happiful • 51

Balancing Act: Carrie Hope Fletcher

Éponine (she later played the older version, the only actress to ever do so) and is now starring in Heathers The Musical. Acting, though, is just one half of her story. As one of the UK’s most famous influencers, Carrie has more than 471,000 Instagram followers and close to 800,000 subscribers to her YouTube channels, including the agony aunt-style ItsWayPastMyBedtime where she tackles topics close to her heart, from bullying to body image. In Carrie’s best-selling teen bible All I Know Now: Wonderings and Reflections on Growing Up Gracefully, she put it all down on paper. As she chats to Happiful from her home in Middlesex, Carrie is reflecting again, discussing anxiety, introversion, body image and why her wealth of life experiences are a lesson to her fans… Your YouTube channel tackles big issues. Have you always been a deep thinker? An over-thinker! I’ve always been very tightly wound, anxious and nervous, and such a worrier. I want to be that people-pleaser, but it means I sacrifice my own mental sanity by worrying about everyone else. But over-thinking every situation has given me a lot of different perspectives on a lot of scenarios! You’re often referred to as a big sister to your fans. Do you feel like a therapist to them? Yes [but what I say is] not a tutorial about how they should live their life, it’s just me talking from experience. When I get the time, I’d like to take a course in counselling, not to become a counsellor but to know that when I am giving advice online it’s coming from a professional place. How do you respond when a fan comes to you with a problem? When it’s online, I send links and phone numbers of people who are qualified and are willing to listen. Face-to-face, I’ve had young teenagers come up to me and say: ‘I’m going to kill myself next week,’ or they’re in such a dark place they’ve been self-harming and they’ll show me the scars. I’ve stood and cried with people at the stage door before because I’m so upset that they feel this way. What do you do in those scenarios? I have a pep talk ready. I tell them they’ve survived 100% of their worst days so far, which proves that they are incredibly strong. I say that even though it

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feels it will never get better, when I was 14 several times I felt that it was the end of the world, but I got through some very dark times and there’s no reason why you can’t. What a responsibility… I feel the pressure of it, but I’m glad that people see me in that way, and feel like they’re not entirely alone and that I am there if they need me. You were bullied as a child. How did it start? I started high school a month later than everybody else because I was in Bristol performing in Mary Poppins. Everyone knew what I was doing and they’d figured out that my brother was in McFly. When I arrived at school as a very timid 12-year-old, everyone had already decided who I was – that I had pushy parents or that I thought I was better than everyone else. One girl in particular made life very difficult for me. The bullying was never physical, it was manipulative and emotional. Once, I took myself into the toilet to cry and this girl and her friends climbed on the toilets either side to laugh at me crying. I felt so small, fragile, vulnerable and exposed. Did you confide in anyone? My parents were always there to listen, and my school had a counsellor who was amazing. She used to say: ‘No problem is ever too small.’ I visited Childline a few years ago to see the work that they’re doing and they said the same thing – that if something is bothering you, it’s worth talking about, no matter how small. As a society, how can we better support young girls? We need to enforce kindness. We learn maths, English and science in schools but they never have lessons on compassion, empathy, common courtesy and the value of talking to each other. What can we do to alleviate the pressure on young women to have a perfect physique? For those that are comfortable doing it, we should post pictures of ourselves being comfortable with who we are, because that might inspire someone else who isn’t. Recently, I posted my dress size, which is a 12 to 14, on Instagram and had so many comments from girls saying ‘I had no idea that we were the same size’, because

Centre STAGE

I’m a massive workaholic. I say ‘yes’ to everything because I’m scared of disappointing people, then I end up with a million things to do and find myself drowning

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Balancing Act: Carrie Hope Fletcher

autograph. By my last show in Les Mis, there were around 70 people. If I wasn’t there one night I’d get hate online, so I put pressure on myself to be there and ended up getting home at 1am. I’d miss dinner between shows and was sacrificing time, mental health, sleep, and food, because I didn’t want to disappoint people. That was coupled with people feeling like they were entitled to certain things at the stage door; I had boys try to kiss me, people ask me to sing and dance. One time someone took my phone from me and passed it around the crowd so people could take selfies, they’d touch and smell my hair. It made me feel really uncomfortable, and in those situations I felt like I didn’t have a voice, that I couldn’t say no. I started to feel safer inside the theatre, and vulnerable going out of the stage door.

the way they look at me compared to the way that they look at themselves is a different story. They said that knowing we were the same size gave them so much more confidence. What steps are you taking to achieve a healthier work-life balance? I’m definitely taking steps to fix it, because I will end up dying way before I should if I keep going the way I was. Over the past year I’ve realised that the world won’t end if I give myself 10 minutes to have a cup of tea. I’ll take a day off just for myself, I’ll watch The Great British Bake Off, or cook myself dinner instead of nipping to Tesco’s to get a ready meal. On a working day, I give myself an hour to wake up, I’ll have a cup of coffee, a shower, watch a YouTube video and then I’ll start work. Mental health isn’t just full-blown depression or bipolar disorder for it to be worth doing anything about. Mental health is how you feel on a day-to-day basis.

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Do you feel calmer now? Much calmer. This past year has been pivotal. I’m in a new relationship, and I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing it for work. I’m balancing things much better and if things suddenly start to tip one way, I’ll ask myself: “What do I need to move in order to balance it out again?”

Even though it feels it will never get better, I got through some very dark times and there’s no reason why you can’t On your website, you describe yourself as ‘an introverted actress’. Why is that? Over the past four years I’ve really shrunk in on myself, and it’s come from unfortunate incidents at the stage door. When I first started in Les Mis, five to 10 people a night would come to the stage door for an

How have you dealt with that? I’ve taken steps to keep myself mentally and physically healthy, by not being at the door as often, interacting online, for example by doing live streams on YouNow, and getting home earlier. Finally, your brother Tom has bipolar disorder. In your experience, what’s the best way to support someone with their mental health? [After the diagnosis] we rallied around and it was about letting him know that we’re all there. Tom will talk about things when prompted, and how he feels when asked. As I’m his little sister, Tom doesn’t like putting his problems on to me, but I’ll make a point of asking. It’s about making sure you give those extra messages of “I love you” and “I support you”. ‘Heathers the Musical’ is at The Other Palace, London, until 4 August. Tickets are available from theotherpalace.co.uk Keep up-to-date with all things Carrie by following her on Instagram @carriehopefletcher

JULY The Happiful Seal of Approval

THE CONVERSATION Samaritans Awareness Day: a day to get involved with campaigning and raising awareness for the life-saving work the Samaritans do. Use the hashtag #SamaritansAwarenessDay to join the conversation. (24 July)

Images | Mumma Mia! Here Go Again: Universal, Life in the Sloth Lane: Workman Publishing

S QUA R E E Y E S

Be inspired by our 10 recommendations for July; go from couch to 5K in nine weeks with our tech tip-off, whip out the strawberries and cream for Wimbledon, and join the chorus for this summer’s blockbusting feel-good film

HEAD FOR THE HILLS Tom’s Eco Lodge, Isle of Wight: take a relaxing, indulgent break with yearround glamping at Tapnell Farm on the Isle of Wight, staying in a safari tent, wood cabin, modulog or pod, all while keeping your environmental impact to a minimum. (Find out more at tomsecolodge.com)

Wimbledon: be inspired to pick up a racket, or sit back with some strawberries and cream to enjoy the highlight of the tennis calendar. That’s love to me! (2–15 July)

OUT AND ABOUT Greenwich and Docklands International Festival: soak up the carnival spirit for free at this 10-day outdoor festival in Greenwich. For a full line-up, visit festival.org/gdif-2018 (21 June to 7 July)

TREAT YOURSELF

Self Care Co.: a brand selling beautiful candles, T-shirts and reusable bags with 10% of profits donated to mental health charity Don’t Just Stare. (Discover more at selfcarecompany.com)

PLUGGED-IN Chidera Eggerue: founder of the #saggyboobsmatter movement, Chidera’s nuggets of positivity and self-love are infectious. (Instagram @theslumflower)

PAGE-TURNERS

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again: this all-singing, all-dancing, feel-good sequel will be sure to get your feet tapping on a journey down memory lane. (In UK cinemas from 20 July)

GET GOING

TOP

LEND US YOUR EARS Pressing Pause: The Podcast for Over-Thinkers: writer and teacher Gabrielle Treanor helps listeners spend less time worrying and more time enjoying their lives. (Available on Apple Podcasts)

Life in the Sloth Lane by Lucy Cooke. Take inspiration from experts in chilling: sloths. This little gem combines photos of sloths with inspirational quotes to help you master the art of living slow. (Workman Publishing, £9.99)

TECH TIP-OFFS One You Couch to 5K app: get yourself from zero-fitness to running 5K in just nine weeks, by following the step-by-step instructions on this app. (Free on Google Play and iTunes)

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Food & Drink

Photography | Liz Riley Photography

An introduction to

intuitive eating

Fighting diet culture and learning how to reconnect to your body, with nutritionist Laura Thomas Writing | Ellen Hoggard

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Body TALK

t’s a beautifully sunny Friday when I meet Laura Thomas, the registered nutritionist with a PhD in nutrition, at her office, the London Centre of Intuitive Eating – a hidden gem in Bethnal Green. A specialist in health at every size, non-diet nutrition, and intuitive eating, Laura is the social media influencer and soon-to-be-author cutting through the nutrition BS, telling people what they need to know to stay at the top of their game. She is glowing – busy, and in her words, completely exhausted – but buzzing from her fast-growing business, upcoming wedding, and book (due to be published in January next year). I’m meeting Laura to talk about intuitive eating: a non-diet, healthy, and quite simply refreshing approach to food and overall health. It’s an approach that’s gaining popularity, but as Laura states, is not one she wants to be a fad. Intuitive eating is not another trend, but a way of living that not only helps people really listen to and understand their bodies, but one that fuels life as a whole, including the goals, dreams, and any other potential challenges we may face for the future. If you truly understand and respect your body, there is so much for you to achieve – getting to grips with intuitive eating is really just the beginning. How would you explain intuitive eating? It’s actually sometimes helpful to start with what it’s not. Because a lot of influencers get the idea that intuitive eating is about eating whatever you want, whenever you want, with no regard to how food makes you feel in terms of things like energy and stamina. Because we’re constantly bombarded with food rules, with shoulds and shouldn’ts, we effectively build this elaborate, complicated system in our heads for eating, causing confusion, stress and anxiety. We’ve created a shitstorm in our heads, going through this battle every time we make a decision about food. So how do we free ourselves from that storm? The way I like to describe it, is that intuitive eating is moving away from, and completely deconstructing,

these food rules. It’s getting away from those external influences on what you should or shouldn’t eat, and instead making food decisions and choices based on internal cues – hunger and fullness, satiety, but also pleasure, and how food makes you feel. It’s also a tool to help you build a healthier relationship with food, body, and self, to help you move away from disordered eating patterns and chronic dieting. Intuitive eating is basically a system to teach you how to get back in touch with the signals that your body is sending you about food intake. What can people do to start breaking away from diet culture? The first thing I do when a new client comes in is go through their social media with them. I will get them to be brutally honest about who they’re following and why. I tell them this isn’t a permanent thing; if you want to go back to following that person you can, but maybe just clear out your feed for a while and replace them with more positive messages, and see if you feel any different. There are sort of litmus tests you can try, to help you during this step. If you cover up the caption and it still looks like a #fitspo [fitspiration] or #cleaneating then just get rid of it. It doesn’t matter how empowering the message is, if the image doesn’t connect with what the caption is saying, there’s a disconnect there. Also if they’re only promoting one body type, if they are not being inclusive or diverse in the types of bodies – and that applies to food as well – if they’re just posting pictures of salads, you might question that. Or if they’re being very militant about eating, unfollow them and see how you feel.

Intuitive eating is basically a system to teach you how to get back in touch with the signals that your body is sending you about food intake

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Food & Drink

It’s a way to get more support and feel supported in the process, and hear other people’s stories; how diet culture affected them, their relationship with food, and their journey to the other side. What do you talk about? The podcast covers the theory behind IE, but also some of the practical stuff. We recently did an episode on polycystic ovary syndrome – bridging the gap between the non-diet approach and managing a condition. The knee-jerk reaction when it comes to health is lose weight, but that might not be possible, or you might already be slim – why, then, would you put yourself on a diet? I would also recommend the book Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, as well as their workbook. Through reading these you can really learn about IE. What’s your opinion on fitness tracking apps? Get rid of all tracking apps. If you have a disordered eating pattern, or an eating disorder, this is going to be a lot harder. But if you can be brave and take the plunge, get rid of any apps that record your “progress”. But social media can be a positive tool? Yes – Tracking apps can get addictive! on the flipside of that, of course, is filling up your Clients say to me all the time: “Oh, I don’t even look social media with stuff about intuitive eating, but at it, I’m not really paying attention.” But it’s still there, aside from that, what are your interests outside of you’re always glancing at it. Are you running around food and exercise? Friends or travel, or music, or your bedroom at 10pm trying to make your 10,000 art? There are so many more important things in the steps? Are you able to respect your body’s tiredness, world to consider, and so many more important or skip a workout, if you’re still paying attention issues – and that’s kind of what the thesis to the calories burned? of my book is. We’re figuring out how My next step would be – and again, this Laura’s Top Five to break free from diet culture, how is really tricky and nuanced – to try to Recommended to get our shit together around food, pay more attention to your body. If Instagram Accounts but now what? That’s not the end you’re breaking up with these trackers point, this is the starting point, to @immaeatthat and apps, you need to reconnect with engage in these other issues, whether @bodyposipanda what your body is telling you. it’s a personal thing like starting @themindfuldietitian I know everyone is saying: “Listen to a business, or whether it’s wider, @chr1styharrison your body!” But they don’t tell you how. social justice issues. Getting your shit @thereallife_rd You need to pay attention to all the ways together around food is really a starting that hunger shows up in your body, and start point for other amazing things to happen. gently responding to those initial signs. Don’t wait until there’s a massive pit in your belly, What are your tips to start intuitive eating? So instead focus on when you’re losing energy, your I think my podcast, Don’t Salt My Game, is a good mood dips, or lose concentration. That’s when you resource to get you started, because when you’ve need to check in with yourself and question, could removed all of the fitspo, clean eating, and wellness this be hunger? Approach these signs with a sense of stuff, you need to fill the gaps with other, more curiosity, instead of being critical or judgemental. positive messages.

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The 10 Principles of Intuitive Eating Established by nutritional therapists and authors, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch 1. B reak away from the diet mentality

2. R espect your hunger

3. Challenge the ‘food police’

4. Make peace with food

100% charged

5. Respect your fullness

6. D iscover the satisfaction factor 7. Honour your emotions without using food

Finally, how do you feel about becoming a published author? I’m really excited to get this book out into the world – but I’m not claiming that intuitive eating is going to fix everything and everyone. I know it’s not this magic bullet and I definitely don’t want it to turn into the new trend. But at the same time, I know how helpful it is for the people who connect with it – it can be really liberating. So for that group of people, suffering what I call a “clean eating hangover”, or for people who have been on a dieting merry-go-round their whole lives, or if they’ve had any level of disordered eating or eating disorder, those are the people who are really going to benefit from this book, and this approach to eating. You can follow Laura on Instagram, @laurathomasphd or download her podcast, ‘Don’t Salt My Game’ from laurathomasphd.co.uk. Laura’s book will be available in early 2019.

8. Respect your body 9. E xercise – feel the difference

10. Honour your health Want to know more? Laura strongly recommends reading Intuitive Eating and The Intuitive Eating Workbook, by Tribole and Resch. You’ll learn more about the 10 principles of intuitive eating, and how you can develop a healthy relationship with food

Food & Drink

COOL DOWN THIS SUMMER Cheers to that! Four thirst-quenching recipes to give you that ‘ahhh’ moment

here’s something so special about Britain in the sunshine – the green grass, the blue skies, flower beds in full bloom. We’re a colourful country, even if grey is a shade that out-stays its welcome each winter. So, it’s no surprise that each year as the sun shines down, our social lives become a little busier. You may be hosting a party and providing the refreshments, perhaps you’re a guest looking to bring along something. Maybe you’re just making a drink for you and your partner to enjoy with a BBQ. Yes, you may have your favourites, but this summer, we challenge you to try something new. We challenge you to experiment in the kitchen and let your taste buds come alive with flavour and excitement. Of course, we’re not expecting you to create something from scratch (there’s still a recipe coming!) but when making a new dish or drink, take a moment to acknowledge the flavours. Have you tasted something like this before, or is it totally new? Listen to the ice clink against the glass and watch the condensation drip slowly down its side. Take a sip – do you have that “ahhh” moment as the refreshing liquid touches your tongue? This summer, enjoy the food and drink you consume. Make memories that will make you smile fondly, and laugh as much as you can. There’s no better feeling. Here, you will find four drinks recipes, suitable for children and adults alike. For nutritional support, visit nutritionis-tresource.org.uk

Elderflower Fizz Makes 1 Ingredients* Elderflower cordial (50ml) Apple juice (100ml) Method In a wine glass, mix one part elderflower cordial with two parts apple juice. Add plenty of ice and top with sparkling water. Mix well and garnish with a slice of apple. *For an extra kick, this tastes great with a splash of gin.

Honey Peach Mocktail Makes 1 Ingredients* 1 peach Clear honey Ginger ale Method Slice and crush half a peach. In a glass, add the peach, plenty of ice and a drizzle of honey. Mix together and top with ginger ale. *Add some spice with a drop of rum.

Watermelon and Mint Cooler Makes 1 Ingredients Fresh mint leaves Watermelon (1/2 cup) Sparkling water Writing | Ellen Hoggard

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Method In a tumbler, add the ice and mint leaves. Smash fresh watermelon and add to the tumbler. Top with sparkling water and mix well.

Healthy DRINKS

Strawberry and Lime Refresher Makes 1 Ingredients* Lime juice (25ml) Strawberries (1/2 cup) Sparkling water Wedge of lime to serve Method Blend the lime juice and strawberries. Add plenty of ice and top with sparkling water. Garnish with a lime wedge and a strawberry. *Want more fizz? Swap the sparkling water for sparkling wine.

Our Nutritionist Says… As well as being delicious and refreshing, making your own drinks is a great way of avoiding unwanted artificial ingredients, while boosting your nutrient intake. Elderflower has been used as a traditional remedy for colds and to support immunity. Thought to have anti-inflammatory properties, it may help protect against health conditions, such as arthritis. Watermelon also boasts anti-inflammatory properties; the juicy fruit is high in lycopene, an antioxidant with anti-cancer activity, and is shown to benefit heart health. Plus, watermelon is 91% water, so eating the fruit or drinking the juice is a great way to keep hydrated during the warmer days. The strawberries, peach and lime juice in these recipes are high in vitamin C, an important antioxidant with many health-promoting effects, including fighting free radicals and promoting healthy skin. Personally, I can’t wait to try the thirst-quenching Watermelon and Mint Cooler this summer! Kate Dimmer is a registered nutritional therapist and registered nutritionist who is passionate about using nutrition and lifestyle to support good health and wellbeing. To find out more about Kate, visit katedimmer.com

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ADVERTISING FEATURE

NO STONES Fruits that contain a high level of the sugar fructose, like apples and stone fruits, can cause issues for IBS sufferers – try citrus fruits and berries instead!

KIWI IS KEY Researchers have found that eating two kiwifruit a day for a month can significantly improve bowel function for people living with constipation-type IBS

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Happiful PROMO

IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME

Managing The Condition Through Diet with Nutritionist Resource Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a common, long-term condition which affects the functioning of the digestive system. Causing abdominal discomfort, bloating, constipation – or sometimes all three – understandably it is a very uncomfortable condition that, if untreated, can impact a person’s life massively. Thought to affect up to one in five people in the UK and twice as common in women, IBS is a condition that can be managed. Stress management and a healthy lifestyle is key in managing the symptoms, though in some cases, medication or psychological treatment may also be prescribed.

DIET AND IBS Understanding what triggers symptoms can help you understand what lifestyle changes may need to be made in order to manage the condition. Certain foods for example are believed to trigger symptoms, as are alcohol, fizzy drinks and smoking. There is no "one size fits all" approach to diet, particularly with IBS. Our bodies are totally unique, and so professional support can be a real benefit. A nutrition professional can work with you to break down your diet and lifestyle habits, to understand what may be causing your discomfort. Typically, keeping a record of what you eat in a food diary is recommended. This can help you to recognise any links between what you eat and when IBS flares up, and any life stressors that may also be impacting symptoms. Once your trigger foods and situations are identified, the nutritionist will begin to devise an IBSmanagement diet plan, tailored to you and your symptoms.

WHY CONTACT A NUTRITIONIST? Living with IBS can leave you worrying about food, especially when eating out. One wrong meal and you can be left with intense bloating, pain and discomfort. Over time, this can also impact your relationship with food; you may no longer enjoy food due to the constant worry. A nutrition professional will support you through this, helping you identify triggers and providing you with a diet plan, and help you to rebuild your relationship with food. By working with a nutrition professional and your GP, you can identify any other stressors that may be causing your symptoms. The link between mental health and food is huge – more important than many of us realise. If there is something in your life causing you distress, this may well be contributing to your symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome.

LIFESTYLE CHANGES IBS can have a huge impact on a person’s life and wellbeing, but with careful adjustments to diet, and any necessary lifestyle changes, symptoms can be easily managed. If you suffer with IBS, it’s important you learn as much as you can about the condition from a medical professional. As well as ensuring symptoms aren’t related to another health issue, they can teach you the best ways for you to reduce symptoms, and how to regain control of your life. As well as specific advice, there are some more general, everyday ways to manage the condition, including stress management and regular self-care practise, and regular exercise. Find a nutrition professional near you using nutritionist-resource.org.uk

SEARCH Head to nutritionistresource.org.uk and enter your postcode to see a list of nutrition professionals in your local area.

FIND

Browse through the listed professionals to find the right match for you. Look for specialist areas covered by each professional on their profile.

CONNECT

With the click of a button, you can connect with your chosen nutrition professional. Nutritionist Resource is free to use and there are no hidden costs.

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Photography | Dani Vivanco

LIFT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU “If you can do nothing else, do whatever is in your power to make the people in your life feel completely unashamed of who they are.” – Sam Killermann

Adam’s Story

Against all odds

Doctors didn’t expect Adam Lanceley to survive after a horrific car crash left him in a coma. But despite devastating injuries, depression, bullying and OCD, he now writes and records music to inspire others – and has even run the London Marathon

here have been many times when I’ve felt like giving up. After my accident, even the doctors had pretty much given up on me – they said my chances of survival were very slim. To get to where I am today has taken so much perseverance. There have been so many setbacks along the way, and there are still times when I wonder why all this happened to me. Music has helped me so much. Being able to hear my songs on the radio, and writing lyrics about my thoughts and experiences, has given me a chance to help others see that it’s always worth fighting against the obstacles in your way.

I was 10 when I was in a serious car crash. I suffered massive head injuries, and although the doctors did their best for me, they said my chances of survival were low. My accident was life-changing. I suffered a severe brain injury, a smashed pelvis, and two broken legs. I was with my family in France when a jeep came out of nowhere and crashed into the side of our car. I was in a coma for three weeks, with little hope that I would survive. I don’t really remember much, apart from later being afraid about going back to school. It took a long time to begin to recover, and schooldays could be hard. Continues >>>

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The Power of True Determination

Adam’s Story I was lucky that I didn’t get bullied more than I did; I spoke very slowly, I was vulnerable, and I couldn’t walk properly for a long time. Even today, I walk with a very pronounced limp. The bullying really hurt. I found the non-physical stuff more damaging and difficult to take. Being called, “spastic” or “a cripple” was much harder for me to swallow – the whole, “sticks and stones” argument really didn’t hold up for me. My injuries were so severe that I was one of only 150 children in the UK to receive a “McDonald’s Child of Achievement Award”, which was presented to me by Princess Diana. Next to my name, it says: “For re-learning life skills.” It’s still on the wall at my parents’ house.

Music has given me a chance to help others see that it’s always worth fighting against the obstacles in your way Although people could tell from the way I walked that I was a bit different, one thing they could not see was how it had affected my mind. When I was a teenager, I began to struggle with depression really badly, and it’s something that I still struggle with today. I also have an energy-sapping condition, that doctors haven’t been able to diagnose, which makes things difficult. Fortunately, I have got through it. There were many times when it felt like it would never end. I’m grateful I have good friends

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and family around me to make it easier, and interests that kept me striving to get somewhere. But at the same time, I know how much easier my life would have been without bullying – as if learning to walk and talk again weren’t difficult enough. I once heard somebody say that there are no winners when it comes to bullying – the one doing it will one day feel remorse, and the one being bullied carries the scars. As my body started to recover, I found one of the best ways to get all the emotions out of my system was through music. At first I tried acting, and was offered a place at the BRIT performing arts school! Call it youthful stupidity, but I turned it down. When I realised my mistake, I worked as hard as I could and was awarded a place at the prestigious East 15 Acting School. But I found it really wasn’t for me – pretending to be someone else felt like running away, and I felt restricted by not being able to express my own feelings. Music proved to be one of my true releases, and helped me deal with my obsessive compulsive disorder. I felt a need to make everything rhyme, so writing music was a huge help. At 16, I went to Richmond College and met a very talented sound engineer, who inspired me to record music.

Adam, pictured with golfer Sir Nick Faldo, at Queen Mary’s Hospital, Roehampton, shortly after the accident in 1991

True LIFE

I also realised that I had a second passion, running, which really helped me deal with life. I run roughly four miles a day now, and spend that time thinking about the music I want to create – when I’ve finished a run, I feel I’ve really achieved my challenge. Tiredness after a run has really helped me deal with the depression issues I have experienced, too. I must say that running the London Marathon was really exhausting, but thoroughly satisfying and rewarding at the same time, raising money for the Brain and Spine Foundation – even though I had to stop running because of the pain in my feet from a pressure sore! People in the crowd kept telling me to get some treatment as I was hobbling along, but I kept replying: “I’ll get it at the end of the marathon!” I have now recorded six albums and a music video, taking inspiration from an eclectic range of artists – including the Beach Boys, REM, Roy Orbison, and the Rolling Stones. When it comes to lyrical inspiration, I would say my mantra is: “As long as it means something to you, then write it!” It was the Beach Boys who made me fall in love with music. The first time I heard them, I just thought their sound was so fresh. I used to enjoy listening to stories about the West Coast music scene from a family friend who used to drum for Sonny and Cher. In fact, he was on their hit “I Got You Babe”! I always found the Beach Boys’ melodies and harmonisation truly uplifting. If my music can have a similar effect on other people, it would be great. Now, at the age of 36, I feel I have learnt so much about life and how to deal with almost anything it may throw at me. I feel proud of what I have achieved, and want to continue writing, singing, and running

Adam hopes to inspire others to never give up on their dreams

– and hopefully inspiring others to never give up on their dreams. If my music can inspire others, then I will be happy, and feel I have helped people to enjoy their lives, and appreciate the power of true determination. Adam’s new album ‘Epitaph to Innocence’ will be released in July, and his new single “A Lover Like You”, is out this summer. Adam’s music is available on iTunes.

Our Expert Says Adam has had a lot to deal with from a young age, and while most of us won’t have faced the physical challenges Adam has, the pain of bullying and struggle with depression will strike a chord with a lot of us. Despite being in such a difficult position, Adam never gave up hope, and persevering allowed him to succeed in ways others thought impossible. He also understood the importance of self expression – using his music to connect with his own feelings, and with others. His story reminds us we all have a need and a right to be heard.

Rachel Coffey BA MA NLP Mstr

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Baring All

INVISIBLE CABARET

The burlesque troupe stripping back mental health stigma

In 2018, we’re finding more ways than ever before to talk about historically taboo topics. Rosalind Peters and Rochelle Thomas are the co-directors employing the sensuous powers of burlesque to start conversations about mental health with their troupe: Invisible Cabaret. Kathryn Wheeler caught up with Rosalind and Rochelle, to learn more about this affecting creative venture Photography | Steve Gregson

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Tackling TABOOS

am sitting in the basement of the Kings Head Members Club in Hoxton. The exclusive club is disguised as a boarded-up pub, and it took me a couple of walkbys before I realised you have to knock on an impassive glass door to be let in. Inside, there’s a distinct feeling of drama and sensuality, which mirrors the performance due on stage tonight. I’m here to watch Invisible Cabaret – a burlesque troupe exploring the theme of mental health. Earlier in the day, I met Invisible Cabaret’s co-directors, Rosalind Peters and Rochelle Thomas. They’re two engaging, receptive women in their 20s, and the masterminds behind this incredible new venture. What first fascinated me about the project was the concept of combining the mysterious, sensual world of burlesque with the stark realities of mental health. So, naturally, my first question is: where did the idea for Invisible Cabaret come from? “Rosi had the idea and put it on Facebook to see if anyone would be interested,” Rochelle tells me. “And I had a connection with the venue, so it just took off from there.” While Rosalind and Rochelle knew each other at university, it wasn’t until this brief Facebook exchange that they came together to create what could only be the result of two people working on the same wavelength. The pair held open auditions in London, asking each auditionee to come with their main act, but to be prepared to talk about mental health, or incorporate it into their routine. “I was a bit nervy because it’s not something that you normally do when you first meet someone. You don’t say: ‘Hello, how’s your mental health?’” says Rosalind. “But we needed the project to be very open.” “I think people who auditioned were quite nervous. Nobody came in with an act just about mental health,” says

Rochelle on stage as Ferrero Rochelle

‘It’s political. A woman is taking her clothes off in a public place. It’s empowering for the woman, but also for the audience’

Rochelle. “A couple of the girls came in with tap or singing, and then they said: ‘Oh and by the way I have prepared something, shall I give it a go?’ Because they weren’t sure how to go about it.” As an entirely new venture, it’s not surprising to hear that auditionees were tentative to dive straight in. Which prompts the question: why chose to explore mental health with burlesque in the first place?

It can be shocking and thought-provoking, and just really visceral “It can be shocking and thoughtprovoking, and just really visceral,” says Rosalind. “The root of the word ‘burlesque’ is to parody. So, what we’re satirising is not mental health, but the fact that we’re at a point where so many people are suffering in silence. Yet, when someone does speak up everyone says, ‘me too’, or, ‘I thought I was the only one’. It’s so weird, it’s almost laughable.”

But there’s more. “The part of our mission statement that I really love is: mental health issues are taboo, and do you know what’s also a taboo subject?” says Rochelle. “Nudity. Boobs. Taboobs, if you will.” “And then we’ve got all these art-farty ideas of being naked and vulnerable,” says Rosalind. “We’ve thought about it from a lot of angles.” I ask whether they also want to challenge the misconception that burlesque is just stripping, but Rochelle is quick to check me. “We saw a burlesque show, and asked one of the performers the same question. She said: ‘Well, I am a stripper.’ That’s her job. But is she embarrassed by that? No. Should we be embarrassed by it? No.” Rosalind, who MCs the entire evening, as well as performing original songs, thinks this is part of what makes the Invisible Cabaret so powerful. “My job is to warm up the audience. At the start, I tell them to get involved when our performers begin a strip, give them a ‘woo’, and a ‘yes!’” she says. “It’s political. A woman is taking her clothes off in a public place. It’s empowering for the woman, but also for the audience, especially a female audience member.” Continues >>>

July 2018 • happiful • 69

Baring All

What we’re satirising is not mental health; we’re at a point where so many people are suffering in silence, but as soon as someone does speak up everyone else says, ‘me too’

Petit Pois, one of the performers in the burlesque troupe

Later, I get a taste of that power. The two women that I met with earlier in the day, while passionate, charismatic and confident, had completely transformed in the evening. Rosalind is a tour de force as Master of Ceremonies, with impeccable comedic timing that transitions seamlessly into the more serious notes of the night. And Rochelle’s burlesque strip tease was both equally earnest and empowering. Speaking of her “social anxiety strip”, Rochelle tells me that the piece is about the way that being in a public place can make those with social anxiety feel vulnerable and exposed. “It’s a reverse strip,” she says. “I begin the act on a train, naked. I then put clothes on in an attempt to hide myself. Midway through the act, as I’m about to leave, a mirror appears

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and it’s a moment of reflection of saying: ‘I have to ride the train; it’s my only way to get to work. If I’m going to live a normal life, I’m going to have to face my demons. I can do it… I can do it. And then stripping back and sitting back on the train completely naked and just owning it.” “I love it,” say Rosalind. “And I think in some ways it’s one of the most representative acts that we have.” I agree. Of the 10 performers in the troupe, all of them are women. I ask Rosalind and Rochelle whether that was intentional, and they reply with a unanimous no! “We’re open to having men, and I would love to have some proper drag in the show!” says Rosalind. “But at the same time, it’s uniquely lovely to be in a group of incredible women in this political

and social climate. Every single one of them, in their own way, is fighting for their living, for their cause.” And you really get a sense of that when you consider everyone’s backgrounds. By day, Rosalind is a social media marketer, Rochelle works as a receptionist, and the troupe includes a student nurse, and even a postie. I ask Rosalind and Rochelle what the audience reaction has been to Invisible Cabaret so far? Rosalind nudges Rochelle: “Tell her what your dad said.” “My dad is a cognitive behavioural therapist,” says Rochelle, “and when he came to watch the show, during the interval he didn’t go and get a drink, he just sat and listened to what people were saying. He said that every single person in the audience was talking about mental health, about their own experiences, and friends’ experiences. He said it was amazing because this dialogue started in just one half of our show. That gives me goosebumps; it makes me feel so happy.” But for the performers, the benefits of Invisible Cabaret are twofold. Not only are they helping to start a conversation, but the performance itself has holistic value for themselves. “My mental health problems are all

Tackling TABOOS

Dee Dee la Femme during the show

Rosalind’s burleque character is known as Fanny Storey

to do with negative body image,” says Rochelle. “It’s only in the past few years that I’ve become happy with my body image, and burlesque is such a massive part of that. To be able to love yourself so much that you are willing to share every part of yourself with an audience, and relish it – it’s so fun! I think a lot of burlesque performers deal with their own mental health issues through burlesque because it’s so empowering, and bold, and brave.” By the end of the night, it had become obvious to me why Rochelle and Rosalind chose this medium to discuss mental health. From the inclusivity, to empowerment, and the conversations that start under the spotlight and continue long after the last sequin has been cleaned up, Invisible Cabaret is working. It’s the first step towards something that could be a lot bigger. So, what’s next for the troupe? “We plan to get another venue in London, but then we want to get it

on the road,” says Rosalind. “We’d like to get to the point where we can donate our proceeds to mental health charities. We’re not there yet, but that’s where we want it to be. Because otherwise, for me, there’s missing something.”

A lot of burlesque performers deal with their own mental health issues through burlesque because it’s so empowering The show finishes on a high. During the interval, the audience are asked to write what is causing them stress on balloons. For the final act, Rochelle appears on stage wearing the balloons and a fetching builder’s hat. The Bob

the Builder rendition of “Mambo No.5” comes on, and Rochelle begins her routine, inviting audience members to pop the anxiety balloons. Eventually the whole troupe are on the stage, before inviting the audience to join them – and they all did. It was the high that we all needed, and I know I’m not alone when I say that I left that evening feeling rejuvenated, and hopeful. Can we work to dispel stigma around mental health? Can we break down the barriers that prevent us from speaking out when we’re struggling? Yes, we can. Invisible Cabaret is performing at the ‘Make More’ festival in Victoria Park 23–27 August. Visit makemore.art to buy tickets and see their show. To find out more about the Invisible Cabaret, visit their website, invisiblecabaret.org, or follow them on Facebook and Instagram @invisiblecabaret

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Happiful Hack

FOREST THERAPY WOODLAND WONDERS

FOREST MODE ON

The physical and mental benefits of ‘forest bathing’ and reconnecting with nature are endless. But how do you introduce more outdoor appreciation into your life when your calendar is already bursting? Sarah Ivens, author of Forest Therapy: Seasonal Ways to Embrace Nature for a Happier You is here to help you start seeing the wood for the trees

Writing | Sarah Ivens Illustrating | Rosan Magar

he best motivation to start taking regular walks in the woods will come from knowing just how good it is for you. The innumerable benefits of forest therapy are, research proves, in part down to various essential oils, called phytoncides, emitted in this landscape – airborne chemicals with antibacterial and antifungal qualities that plants and trees exude to protect themselves from germs and insects. What we now know is that phytoncides aren’t just looking after themselves. Forest air doesn’t just feel fresher and better for us, it actually is. Inhaling forest air, fortified with these phytoncides, appears to improve the immune system function of humans, too. These tree-produced chemicals are so powerful that our bodies increase the number and activity

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of natural white blood cells – the cells we need to kill tumours and viruses in the body – when we breathe them in. And it’s not just the phytoncides that help – simply gawping at the beauty of a forest reduces stress, anxiety and depression, too. A study from the Scandinavian Journal of Forest Research found that students who camped in a forest for two days returned with significantly lower levels of cortisol – the stress hormone – than those who had stayed in the city. Researchers at Environmental Health and Preventative Medicine had similar results, noting that both cortisol levels and heart rate decreased for people spending time away from a city environment and in a place of forest therapy. So how do you begin, and how do you get the most out of the experience?

Life LESSONS

Simply gawping at the beauty of a forest reduces stress, anxiety and depression

1 Check the weather

Prepare for all eventualities. Soggy shoes, sunburn, or goose-bumped skin will spoil your enjoyment of the aromas and sensations you discover. Plan ahead by taking relevant weather gear in your backpack. It’s always a good idea to carry drinking water and a snack, too.

2 Drain your brain

5 Find a friend – not a forest foe!

If you’re walking with a friend, agree to be silent and share observations at the end. Shush is necessary. Choose your fellow forest-bather carefully. Silent walks won’t be possible with children, but you can set a “60-second silence” challenge, adding time as they get used to it. If you are taking this walk alone, observe all usual safety precautions.

6 Step by step

If there’s anything that can’t wait on your to-do list, get it done before you head into nature or it might distract you and suck up your mental energy. Clear your brain’s inbox before you head into the green scene.

Tread ahead at your own pace. Listen to your body and let your feet guide you. What are you gravitating towards? Breathe steadily. Fill up on those phytoncides.

3 Stay connected

Find a good spot and go into a restful state. Let thoughts pop in and out without allowing anything to linger or niggle. Check out the big things – ancient trees, the sky above – then focus on the small, like a leaf, or a stone. Breathe deeply. Feel the tree tincture flow through your body.

Although hardcore tree bathers advise against taking a phone, for safety reasons, I suggest you might want to – just be stern with yourself and leave it in a pocket. No checking your emails or Facebook – and even taking photos should be kept to an absolute minimum. Selfies can be shelved.

4 Forest bathing is not fierce

Once you arrive, remind yourself that you are not here to hike or race. You are here to breathe and restore a sense of peace within yourself, your relationship, or your family. Set an alarm if you need to be somewhere at a certain time. If not, let Father Time take a backseat to Mother Nature.

7 Take a seat

8 Homework

Away from the woods, look back on the experience and feel for lasting effects. Were there any? What was your favourite part? Was it worth it? Would you like to do it again? Congratulations. You’re officially a forest bather. ‘Forest Therapy’ by Sarah Ivens is out now (£12.99, Piatkus). Sarah is the Editor of ‘OK! Magazine’ in New York, and is a certified life coach. Follow her on Twitter @SarahIvens July 2018 • happiful • 73

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Change MAKER

PIPS TAYLOR:

AN EXPLOSION OF GOODNESS Interview | Kathryn Wheeler

Photography | Joseph Sinclair

TV presenter, radio host, DJ, creative content producer, TEDxTeen Global Livestream Host, and voice-over artist, Pips Taylor is an unstoppable figure of broadcasting gusto. But when she’s not in the studio, Pips devotes herself to the causes close to her heart. While studying Spanish in Mexico, Pips narrowly avoided sexual assault after a cab driver attempted to abduct her. Now she’s helping women through the courts of law with charity Rights of Women, and working with global partnership Vital Voices, to nurture the next generation of world-changers Can you tell us about your work with Rights of Women? I met them back in 2012 when I was doing a documentary [I Never Said Yes] for BBC Three, which tackled issues of consent in the UK. I’m one of their patrons and together we produce films that help women navigate the courts of law. What do the films cover? Little things that not everybody knows about. If you’re navigating your way through the courts of law and you’re not a lawyer, you wouldn’t know what to do or how to prepare. It’s

so important that people have the information they need to make an informed decision. You’re also involved in Vital Voices? Yes! I’ve just been made a global ambassador for Vital Voices. They organise these amazing global networking events and walks. You go for a walk, and someone mentors you. My mentee wants to go into DJing, but support is across the board. If you invest in one person, and they’re fighting to change the world, that spreads like an explosion of goodness. Continues >>> July 2018 • happiful • 75

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Two-day first aider courses delivered by Simpila on behalf of Happiful Happiful is excited to offer our readers access to our specially commissioned MHFA training courses, provided by our partner Simpila Healthy Solutions, where you can become a qualified Mental Health First Aider. Our very own Mental Health First Aider, Matthew Holman, will be helping to deliver these courses across the country. The course will help you develop skills and awareness designed to give you: • a deeper understanding of mental health and the factors that can affect people’s wellbeing, including your own • practical skills to spot the triggers and signs of mental health issues, and the confidence to step in, reassure and support a person who is in distress • enhanced interpersonal skills, such as non-judgemental listening • knowledge to help someone recover by guiding them to appropriate support

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The course takes place over two days and is open to those aged 16 and over (due to the nature of the subjects covered), and is offered to our readers at a reduced rate of £225 +VAT per person. Additionally, as a special reader offer, attendees will also receive a copy of the latest issue of Happiful magazine, plus a three-month print subscription, delivered to your door.

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2-DAY

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Change MAKER

QUICK-FIRE ROUND: First thing you do when you get home in the evening? Get straight into my PJs! Favourite way to unwind? A bath with a beer and Family Guy. Speciality dish? Anything with prawns in. What are your thoughts on the MeToo movement? It seems like most women, unfortunately, have been in a difficult and tricky situation. But there’s a lot of stigma, and a lot of victim-blaming. When people have gone through something, they’re going to process it in their own way, but survivors should always be believed. You had your own experience in Mexico. Did you face victim-blaming then? Not from the people close to me, but there was a bit of self-blame. I’m a small 5ft 1in female, an easy target, and someone tried to take advantage of that. I thought I shouldn’t have got in the cab, and you go through the “shoulda woulda”. You do agonise over it, and there’s a lot of anxiety around that. How do you get your work-life balance right? With difficulty! I learned the hard way.

I’ve burnt out a few times from saying yes to everything. It’s only been in the past few years that I have been able to do address that. What does self-care look like for you? Going to exercise classes – but that’s something I’m really bad at! It’s the first thing that goes when I’m really, really busy,

but it’s the first thing I notice when I haven’t done it. For me, self-care is also about chilling out and having a bath, turning my phone off for 20 minutes, not doing too many double-screens, and making time for myself. Follow Pips on Instagram @Pips_ Taylor and Twitter @PipsTaylor July 2018 • happiful • 77

Lifestyle & Relationships

A Quick and Easy Guide to

They/Them Pronouns Tackling the language debate around gender head-on, genderqueer Archie Bongiovanni and cisgender Tristan Jimerson break down a complex subject into one handy, pocket-sized guide Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford

love language debates. There’s nothing more fascinating than seeing how our hodge-podge of a language has evolved and grown over the years, adapting to the growing demands of society. If you ever want to waste a good chunk of your morning, come and start talking to me about the Oxford comma – I can go on about it for hours. Every now and then though, a topic comes up where I’m just not quite sure if I’m the right person to talk about it. As a cisgender person (someone whose sense of personal identity and gender identity both correspond with their birth gender), taking a critical look at a book talking about gender-neutral pronouns sat a little uncomfortably with me at first. Co-author Tristan had similar worries when approached by longtime friend and non-binary individual, Archie. They explain that they want to address the topic

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for everyone – both those that have lived it, and those who are new to the concept. This combination of perspectives provides a greater insight for readers from different backgrounds, highlighting another side that they may not have previously considered. Delivering exactly what it says on the tin, A Quick and Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns is an introduction to gender-neutral pronouns for the uninitiated. If you’ve never felt quite sure how to explain gender neutral language and its importance, this is the book for you.

An introduction to gender-neutral pronouns for the uninitiated If, on the other hand, you are wondering why someone would choose to use gender neutral

pronouns, Archie has a great explanation ready: “There are a huge list of reasons, but the truth is… it doesn’t matter! You aren’t owed an explanation. It’s your responsibility as a decent human being to learn and use whatever pronouns they ask you to.” Being misgendered, they explain, can be mentally exhausting. It can make people feel alone, invisible, afraid, exhausted, frustrated, or angry. “Even if you don’t get it, you should learn how to use pronouns people request because you love them, like them, or want to work with them. Telling someone their pronouns don’t matter is basically telling them they don’t matter.” Unapologetic in its subject matter, the authors explain how we can use more sensitive, inclusive language in our day-to-day lives. Focusing primarily on they/ them, the authors briefly touch on other pronouns such as ze/hir. Along with including some handy

Book REVIEW

cheat sheets to help readers get started, there is also a short list of places readers can find further information beyond this gentle introduction. One important area the authors highlight is society’s tendency to assume someone’s gender based on hairstyle, clothing choices, or even their name. Archie uses a great example to help explain it to those who might struggle. “You [Tristan] look like a Bob, so I’m going to ignore your personal experience to fit into my own worldview… This is how I feel every time I’m purposely misgendered,” Archie says. The first in a new series from Limerence Press looking at gender and sexuality, A Quick & Easy Guide to They/Them

A Quick & Easy Guide To They/ Them Pronouns Written by Archie Bongiovanni and Tristan Jimerson RRP £6.99 Available from 12 June 2018 For teens, young adults, and adults. Everyone will love… the accessible, quirky graphics and unique, balanced perspective. Non-binary individuals will love… the authentic, honest tone of voice and relatable narration. CIS gender individuals will love… the frank and educational but playful approach to the subject matter.

Pronouns covers not just how to use more inclusive language, but why it’s so important. Whether we realise it or not, our choice in language can provide help, comfort, and validation for nonbinary individuals in a widely binary world. Aimed primarily at readers who are new to the concept, Archie and Tristan’s easy, humorous dialogue and quirky, distinct illustrations help create a book that encourages readers to implement the basics, practice using language that avoids alienating others, and highlights simple ways we can avoid misgendering people – and what you can do if you make a mistake! A good introduction for newbies (and a great book to share with friends, family and colleagues), the book also touches on ways non-binary people can come out to friends, ways in which they have handled loved ones who refuse to use their preferred pronouns, and the importance of having a support network ready for when times may feel tough. In essence, this is a book all about the importance of communication. This isn’t just an issue for some people; it’s something we all need to get onboard with. Ungendered language is just one of many positive moves towards change. Will it take some work to change the way we talk? Yes. Are we going to slip from time-to-time? Undoubtedly. As long as we’re striving to do better, as long as we keep making the effort – and encouraging others to as well – that’s what really matters.

IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU’LL LOVE:

Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine This modern classic tackles the way in which boys and girls, men and women, are made – not born. Using humour, Fine focuses on the influence of culture on identity. The Gender Agenda by Ros Ball From language and clothes, to toys and media, society’s unwritten rules on gender are inflicted from birth. Seeking to make people aware of the way gender is constructed and reinforced, two parents chronicle the differences between raising their son and daughter. How to Transform Your School into an LGBT+ Friendly Place by Dr Elly Barnes and Dr Anna Carlile A practical guide for nursery, primary and secondary teachers to help transform schools into a safe, inclusive place for all students. How Not to Be a Boy by Robert Webb The best-selling book from comedian Robert Webb challenges the “rules for being a man”, and the absurd expectations thrust upon them at different stages of life. A hilarious and heartbreaking look into the relationships and lifelessons that shaped who Robert is.

July 2018 • happiful • 79

Find Your Happiness

Terri’s Story

The fight against my inner critic

A perfect storm of troubles swept Terri Cox into a deep pit of depression. But now her life is back on track, thanks to an innovative form of therapy

he first couple of days of crying probably made sense to the people around me. It was understandable: I’d had a hard time. But the crying didn’t stop. I couldn’t control it, and I couldn’t explain why it didn’t calm down, even after a week. My friends and family grew very concerned – my stepdad suspected I’d had a breakdown. Had I not been drowning in pain and grief, I reckon I’d have shocked myself, too. It was the autumn of 2015, and I was 25. I knew deep down I’d been depressed and anxious for a while, but I’d buried those feelings, convincing myself that I was OK. Now though, I was in the middle of a devastating break-up after also being made redundant. I’d had to

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move out of my rented house, and all at once I lost the future I’d envisioned for myself. It was too much to handle, and I howled myself to sleep every night. Maybe I should introduce myself. My name’s Terri, and I’m from Hull. By nature, I’m the type of shiny, happy person that people like to be around. I love foreign languages, I’m a self-professed knitting geek, as well as an enthusiastic foodie, and I like nothing better than laughing with friends and family. But in 2015, I lost the real Terri. Over the years, my extreme anxiety and cripplingly low self-esteem had beaten her into submission, and it had gotten to the point where I couldn’t dig through the pain to find her again.

True LIFE

I wish I knew then what I know now: that none of this was my fault. I’d been bullied as a kid. My sisters and I – we are triplets – were tormented every day for five years at school. It was violent and horrible. The damage was long-lasting and devastating. Even after I left school in 2006, I was still being bullied. Only this time the bullies weren’t my classmates – now my mind was bullying itself. I developed crippling anxiety. I told myself that I was worthless, not good enough. In 2012, after I graduated from university, I got a job at the same DVD shop as my sisters. After a while, I started beating myself up for not having an amazing career right away. Eventually, I stopped applying for anything new, telling myself I was unskilled and useless, incapable of getting a good job. I became the master of passive avoidance, one of the main characteristics of my anxiety. I didn’t act upon any situations that threatened me – I attempted to completely ignore them, or deny their existence, choosing to run away from the fear. Of course, it didn’t work. My “comfort zone” is the least comfortable place in the world. Depression slowly took hold, but I hid it behind smiles and laughter. I convinced myself that nothing was wrong, and refused to discuss anything with my boyfriend or my family. My friends had no idea there was anything wrong. I barely knew myself. When I was made redundant from the shop in the summer of 2015, I told myself it was the chance for a new start. And yet my anxiety held me back; subconsciously I would use any excuse to not find a new job. And then suddenly one day, I was forced to face reality. My boyfriend and I broke up. In one summer I lost my job, my house, my relationship, and the only vision of my future that I had known. I was drowning in grief. This was the beginning of my breakdown,

Triplets: Toni (left), Terri (centre), and Stephanie (right)

which manifested itself in a number of ways. I lost about half my body weight; I couldn’t eat or sleep. I hid myself away from the world; I had panic attacks and couldn’t face crowds. My anxiety made my chest tight and I had a constant lump in my throat. I cried non-stop. One of the worst things was the intrusive thoughts that went around and around in my head, and wouldn’t stop. I’d ask my friends and family the same question repeatedly, seeking reassurance and relief. Was it my fault my life was ruined? Would I ever get back to normal? Understandably, it drove them crazy. It took a lot of persuading before I agreed to let my sister take me to therapy. I don’t know why I was so resistant, but saying “yes” was the best decision I’ve ever made. Peter was everything I could have asked for in a therapist. He was gentle and considerate, and put me at ease immediately. At first, my treatment consisted of talking therapy, during which I cried and cried. Continues >>>

Depression slowly took hold, but I hid it behind smiles and laughter

July 2018 • happiful • 81

Find Your Happiness

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True LIFE

I told him about my violent past, and what had happened to me. I told him I thought I’d had a breakdown. Peter assured me there was nothing wrong with me. I’d had a tough few years, and the events of the current year had pushed me into a pit. He often stopped me when I went on a self-critical rant. He told me the negative things I said about myself was the voice of “The Judge”, a nasty, unhelpful, inner monologue that told me I was worthless. Talking to my therapist was just the kind of catharsis I needed. When I finally gained some mental and emotional strength, we moved on to EMDR, a therapy that absolutely turned my life around. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing. Essentially, when we are in deep REM sleep, our brains process the events of the day. If that process is interrupted – for example, if you’re being bullied and can’t sleep – then you can develop a kind of trauma. EMDR helps you emulate REM sleep. Your eyes follow flashing lights or cues, while you think about a traumatic event in the past. You then deconstruct the meaning and impact of that memory until it no longer has power over you. This was life-changing for me. EMDR – combined with medication, finding my passions again, being creative, decluttering, reconnecting with friends, getting out into nature, and self-affirmation – helped me find the Terri that I’d lost. As a result, I am doing far better today. I remember to take care of myself, and to take the time to feed my soul with creativity. I have a new boyfriend, and we’re incredibly happy. I do my best not to judge myself, hard as that can be.

Terri (right) with her sisters Toni (left) and Stephanie (centre)

In 2017, Shaw Mind’s Trigger published my book, Shiny Happy Person. It means so much to me that my book is helping so many people. Mental health is an ongoing battle, but it’s one worth fighting. My advice to you? Be kind to yourself. Finding happiness for yourself is OK. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love, because that’s what you deserve. Don’t let “The Judge” win. Visit triggerpublishing.com to order Terri’s book ‘Shiny Happy Person’ (£11.99, Trigger)

Our Expert Says Terri’s experience demonstrates the high cost of bullying. A perfect storm of difficult losses meant her ways of coping were undermined. If you think of symptoms as an attempt to heal and grow, this was an opportunity for her to find new ways to do just that. EMDR is a powerful therapeutic process that integrates disconnected parts of our experience so that we can move past trauma and find wholeness and self-belief. It takes courage to face what is happening; I am moved by Terri’s resilience and willingness to move on.

Fe Robinson MUKCP (reg) MBACP (reg) psychotherapist and clinical supervisor

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Happiful Hack

SIMPLE STEPS

HOW TO NETWORK WHEN YOU HAVE

SOCIAL ANXIETY Writing | Fiona Thomas

IIllustrating | Rosan Magar

If the mere thought of meeting strangers, starting conversations, or even going into an office fills you with terror, then here are some tips to help conquer your fears, and get you out there forging those all-important friendships

ave you ever walked into a room full of strangers, and instantly wanted to turn on your heels and run? Join the club! Although it’s quite natural to experience these feelings of nervousness, social anxiety disorder is more severe than a simple bout of shyness. Affecting approximately 15 million adults in America alone, it’s the second most commonly diagnosed anxiety disorder, making everyday life a struggle for people across the globe. If affected, you may dread daily activities,

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such as meeting strangers, starting conversations, speaking on the phone, going to work, or just shopping in your local supermarket. For me, social anxiety started when I was off work with depression. I felt so lost without my career that I was worried I would have nothing of value to say in a group setting, so I avoided social situations altogether. Along with this fear, I also experienced physical symptoms such as sweating, nausea, and palpitations, but for others it can lead to full-blown panic attacks.

We’re often told that having a successful career isn’t about what you know, but who you know, so getting out and rubbing shoulders with people is a good way to get ahead. But how do you navigate such a scary task when just the thought of being in a crowded room is enough to bring you out in hives? I’m happy to say that with of medication and lifestyle changes, my intense feelings of anxiety have diminished greatly, I’ve successfully started my own business and learned to network along the way. Here are my tips on how to network when you have social anxiety.

Life LESSONS

1 Start on social media

Thank goodness we live in a digital age, because without the internet I’m not sure I would’ve ever plucked up the courage to network in real life. I began on Twitter by asking if there were any other writers or bloggers in my area, and I found a private Facebook group where we could all chat, share tips, and attend events together. I also used the hashtag feature on Twitter to search for other creative people online, and I actively started commenting on their work. As a result, I’ve collaborated with some writers in America, hosted live chats with people all over the UK, and appeared on podcasts. The best part is that I’ve achieved most of this without even having to leave my house.

2 Find a buddy

Social anxiety affects approximately 15 million adults in America alone

Walking into a networking event alone can be nerve-racking for most people, never mind those of us with social anxiety. So having a friendly face to accompany you is the perfect solution to help you feel more at ease. You could take along a friend for support, or alternatively, find other people online who are attending and ask if they’d like to meet up beforehand. I do this quite regularly by searching for the event on Twitter or Instagram, and following anyone who mentions they are going. Then, in the days leading up to the event, I’ll send them a friendly message saying that I’m looking forward to going and would they like to meet up at the front door and say hello. You’d be surprised at how many other people are relieved to get an invitation like this, as it makes life easier for them too!

Having a friendly face to accompany you is the perfect solution to help you feel more at ease 3 Create your own tribe

Once you’ve been sociable on Twitter and Instagram for a few months, you’ll get familiar with people who work in your area. If you’re trying to find business, or even just contacts, then it’s a good idea to nurture any friendships you make early on in your networking adventure. Organise regular meet-ups for coffee, drinks or even just brainstorming sessions to get the most out of your new tribe. Don’t forget to refer them to potential customers, and you could even offer mates’ rates if they need your services.

4 Try skill swapping

A good way to forge valuable partnerships with people is to offer a skill-swapping session. Decide on your area of expertise and offer to train someone else on the basics, in exchange for tips on their own speciality. I’ve found this is particularly good for social anxiety because it avoids the need for small talk. I can just get straight into talking about the thing that I’m passionate about, and refer to my notes if I get nervous. I’ve trained people how to use Pinterest, pitch to magazines, and even how to edit videos, and built up a really useful network of genuine friends as a result. We’re always open to sharing tips and even job opportunities with each other, as well as providing a friendly ear when we need to vent! July 2018 • happiful • 85

Lifestyle & Relationships

ENOUGH IS

ENOUGH Angela Cox has inspired thousands through A Big Girl’s Journey To Lean. Now she is sharing how she has said ‘enough’ to the life experiences that once held her back Writing | Lucy Donoughue

eeting Angela Cox for the first time felt like catching up with a friend I hadn’t seen in years. This is partly due to the fact that I have followed her journey on social media since the beginning of 2016, and partly because I have just finished reading her first book, Enough – which intimately details her life, her healthkick and weight loss journey, mindset change, and the challenges she’s encountered along the way. So, when I bump into her before our interview, in the queue for the loo at St Pancras Station, I greet Angela with the kind of familiarity that you probably should reserve for someone you actually know. Thankfully, Angela isn’t fazed. She’s as warm and conversational in person as she always seems on social media, and in her A Big Girl’s Journey to Lean vlogs – and she describes herself immediately as “a professional oversharer”.

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When we do sit down to chat (properly), she first confides in me that she hurt her back during her morning workout, shows me some of the ideas she sketched out while on holiday, and talks about her plans to encourage women to feel better about themselves. And who better to encourage them? Angela has really worked at finding a new and positive way forward for herself after years of dieting and a negative relationship with food and body image. Now, through perseverance, consistently exercising, food preparation, mindset management, and documenting her journey, she has developed a significantly leaner and healthier physique. She has also gained a huge amount of followers across her social media channels, inspiring them by sharing her own journey so far – the good, the bad and the ugly (the latter mainly involving internet trolls). She evidently works hard at wellness of both the body

and mind – including her family and friends (her children Coral and Finley often feature in her food prepping posts, or joining in a HIIT session) and she is dedicated to the life changes she has made. Angela’s upcoming book Enough confirms this, and shares so much more than we see through her social media. The book serves as a reminder that behind every post, there are chapters and chapters of life experiences that make up the person we only catch a glimpse of online. Their story is always bigger than we will ever know from the other side of a screen. Enough is a book of three – and a bit – parts. Starting with Angela’s life, from childhood to the beginning of her documented mission to change her body and mind, she then describes her “journey to lean” kick-started by The Body Coach plan (she is a huge advocate for Joe Wicks). There’s a section on actionable self-help tools and tips for readers, and finally,

Image | Twitter: @coxange78

Letting GO

It’s like that Maya Angelou quote: ‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.’ You have to tell it for your own sanity and that’s where I am at

a powerful, short epilogue that illustrates how nobody’s journey is ever linear – although Angela shows that some of the hardest of setbacks can be shared, addressed and moved through, with support. We start by discussing the writing of Enough, beginning at the end – The Unexpected Epilogue. “The epilogue was fairly emotional to write,” Angela notes. “I’d finished the book eight months before the incident happened,

and I thought I can’t not put that in the book. People who follow me on social media knew I’d had a blip, but they didn’t know why.” The blip that Angela refers to is a period of emotional eating, triggered by an unexpected phone call from a man who had abused her when she was a child. She has not talked about this sexual abuse publicly, prior to sharing her experiences in the book. Continues >>>

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Lifestyle & Relationships

‘The fear I had of letting go of the big girl, it was a really defining moment – the loose skin, I had got used to it’

She reflects further: “Writing the first half of the book, from childhood to my 30s, and then reading it back and recognising that as my story, while it was quite cathartic, lots of emotion came out of it which, as well as that phone call, caused me to fall apart. There were so many aspects of my experiences last year that kept coming

career, as someone who people look to as a strong woman, deal with the fact that you can’t cope one day, and you need some time to stop and reboot?” Thankfully, she did stop, and she sought the help of a psychologist who specialises in eating disorders. Angela was diagnosed with PTSD from her childhood experiences, as well as bulimia and bingeThis book serves as a reminder that eating disorder. I ask her whether it behind every post, there are chapters was helpful to have and chapters of life experiences that these diagnoses therapy? make up the person we only catch a and “I was quite glimpse of online frustrated during the first few weeks back into my head that had been with my therapist,” Angela says. buried for a long time – and you cope, “When we met, I told her my issues you cope, you cope, and then, wham, were nothing to do with childhood something happens and you can’t cope sexual abuse and that I had already anymore. That’s difficult in itself – how dealt with that. Her response was to do you, as a mum, as a person with a say: ‘OK, what shall we talk about

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then?’ So we talked about my eating, the binge-eating. We talked for weeks and weeks. I didn’t feel like we were getting anywhere and asked her if anything was going to happen – and she said to trust the process. “The next week she asked me a question about the sexual abuse, and the conversation that followed changed a lot for me. The flood gates opened and deeper memories surfaced. The discoveries have been really painful, but I feel like it’s been an awakening – because now, I’m actually dealing with the whole piece.” The conversation turns back to social media, and both Angela and I agree that we’re pleased it wasn’t around when we were teenagers. Angela writes about childhood bullying in the book and I wonder whether the frequent online criticism (though significantly less than the support she receives) brings back those memories?

Letting GO

Angela enjoys sharing her journey with people – the good and the bad moments

Angela is honest about the negative impact trolls have had on her. “It does get easier, but each time it happens, I get this little stab and then I think: ‘I’m going to have to let this go.’ Last year I couldn’t let it go though. I just kept thinking: Why do you do it?” The trolls were particularly harsh when she came home from having a tummy tuck, describing it as a “vanity operation”. Angela explores this part of her journey in the book (the description of which had me gripping the pages in sympathy for her and the pain she endured). It’s now a year since she had the op, and shared her experiences, and the aftermath, online. The procedure was not about vanity, Angela had been left with excess skin on her stomach that held her back, physically and mentally. “The first time I showed everyone that skin on social media, everyone was shocked – because I could hide it in photos, but when I

looked in the mirror it was all I could see. Despite all the work I’d done, I still saw a big girl.” However, the decision to go ahead with the op wasn’t an easy one. “The fear I had of letting go of the big girl, it was a really defining moment – the loose skin, I had got used to it,” Angela reflects. “I was used to being the big ‘bubbly’ girl, and I was good at it. The decision to take that away was a huge step. Once it had gone, I looked in the mirror and realised she was no longer there.” The “big girl” may no longer be there, but I see – and read – about a woman who is massively determined, warm and passionate, and keen to help others. The section of Enough that provides self-help tips is both useful and realistic to the fact that we all have to choose to take action, to observe what we are doing, reflect and change. I could have chatted with Angela all day, but we both have places to go. As

I start to wrap up, I ask her one final question – are you ready for the book to come out? She takes a deep breath. “I have days when I go, oh my God, am I really doing this? What are people going to say?” “I’m worried about the impact on my family; I’ve tried to be really thoughtful about that. There are so many people impacted by your story, you have to try to protect them,” Angela says. “But its like that Maya Angelou quote: ‘There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you’. You have to tell it for your own sanity, and that’s where I am at.” I leave the interview contemplating Angela’s words. I am glad she is telling her story, and I hope many, many people read it. ‘Enough’ is out now and available from Amazon. Follow Angela on Instagram @coxange78

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Happiful Hero

The Founder of You Make It

An endless capacity for compassion

Nominated by her collegue, Roxi Jahanshahi, Asma Shah is transforming the lives of women in her community

Do you know an unsung hero?

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Photography | Nian Canard

fter her mother died of cancer in 2009, Asma Shah felt propelled to channel her creativity and passion into helping others. You Make It (YMI) is a charity offering support and mentoring to working class girls and women in London. Asma founded YMI in 2011 with virtually no funding, and has been using her own lived experiences to help participants explore, and break down, the barriers that they face in finding success and happiness. Turning to social activism seemed natural to Asma, who has been trailblazing transformative work for women dealing with mental health issues, childhood and relationship traumas, abuse, homelessness and neglect ever since. YMI’s six-month long programme focuses on wellbeing, health, happiness and self-esteem, as well developing professional skills. Through a combination of one-to-one mentoring, workshops, work placements, and counselling and pastoral care, YMI has transformed Send your the lives of 180 young women. nominations to Of the 87% of women on the hello@happiful.com course who began when they were on benefits and struggling to make ends meet, 81% are now in long-term employment, and 82% of all graduates are employed or in further education. On a personal note, Asma is described by her collegue Roxi Jahanshahi as “an incredibly warm, giving and

Asma founded You Make It in 2011

special woman, who has given much of herself to ensure that other women from backgrounds similar to hers can break free of the chains of poverty, depression and powerlessness”. “Since founding YMI in the midst of her grief, Asma has drawn upon a seemingly limitless reserve of empathy and resilience, particularly through the first five years without a team, and also in periods of intense, personal hardship,” Roxi tells us. “She is sustained by her endless capacity for compassion – reminding each woman of their innate worth and potential.” To find out more about You Make it, visit you-make-it.org

GO FOR IT

Photography | Holly Mandarich

“Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” – John Wooden