Happiful November 2017

Hea l thy Ideas t hat Change the Wor ld

The Importance of Being YOU on Social MUST READ

Revenge Shut It Down. Porn

5

WAYS TO GO VEGAN

...IN A NUTSHELL!

We Talk Recipes & Relationships with Bake Off’s Bossy Judge!

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Happiful Contents November 2017

THE UPLIFT

26

Features

6 NEWS Google’s depression diagnosis, sleep therapy, and ‘crazy cat ladies’

26 KATIE PIPER The inspirational survivor on pioneering a positive new world

11 THE WRAP Weird, wonderful and welcoming news

34 REVENGE PORN Uncovering the truth about image-based sexual abuse

12 BLOGGER OF THE MONTH Emma Blackery battling her demons

42 PRUE LEITH We speak with Bake Off’s new judge about her incredible life

42

18 CHANGE THE WORLD Amy’s Place: a haven for recovery

47 FAST FASHION Ethical designers weaving a new future for the fashion industry

HAPPIFUL HACKS

58 SANE Marjorie Wallace, founder of SANE, on the frontline of mental health 66 TALKING THERAPY Uncovering how CBT could help you

Life Stories 74 REBECCA Had a magical pregnancy, but felt a failure as a new mum

86 CAMILLA Was a professional dancer on the verge of burnout 92 ANGELA Survived a horrific car crash, but lives with brain damage

23 TRAVEL ANXIETY Advice for a smooth ride

47

I prepared myself for everything, except life after giving birth

81 CHRISTOULLA Experienced severe panic attacks, until she found her faith

16 THE EXPLAINER A snapshot into ‘image crafting’

24 CONTRACEPTION Understanding your options

74

32 BREATHING Exercises to try at home 56 FINDING A COUNSELLOR Who’s right for you 64 MEDITATION Peaceful benefits for children

86

HEALTHY IDEAS

81

78 FIVE TYPES OF VEGAN 84 MYTHBUSTER: AVOCADOS 90 ROAD TESTING: RAW SNACKS 95 EXPERT ADVICE

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EDITORIAL

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FE ROBINSON Fe is a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor. Fe advises on our content.

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GRAEME ORR Graeme is a counsellor who specialises in relationships and advises on our life stories.

Jake Hamilton | Editor Rebecca Thair | Writer Amy-Jean Burns | Art Designer Kathryn Wheeler | Editorial Assistant Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Fe Robinson | Expert Advisor

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CONTRIBUTORS Bonnie Evie Gifford, Maurice Richmond, Samantha Hearne, Lauren Richardson, Rose Elliot, Jenny Cole, Ellen Hoggard, Graeme Orr, Vikki Scott, Kat Nicholls, Rebecca Walker, Christoulla Boodram, Camilla Sacre-Dallerup, Angela Molineux

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RACHEL COFFEY Rachel is a life coach looking to encourage confidence and motivation.

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JOSHUA MILES Joshua is an integrative psychotherapist and bereavement counsellor.

SPECIAL THANKS Jesper Mattias, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Mark Rackley, Melody Mackeown, Biodun Ogunyemi, Varalakshmi Yanamandra, Caroline Rushforth, Joshua Miles, Lucy Cavendish, Gemma Calvert PR & MARKETING Maurice Richmond | Digital Marketing & PR maurice.richmond@happiful.com Matt Holman | Advisor matthew@happiful.com THE HAPPIFUL NETWORK

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Amie Sparrow | PR Manager

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CAROLINE RUSHFORTH Caroline is a life coach, passionate about helping people feel uplifted and happy in their own skin.

BIODUN OGUNYEMI Biodun is a hypnotherapist with a variety of specialties, including phobias.

Lauren Richardson | Digital Marketing & PR Assistant Carl Burton | Digital Brand Ambassador Ali Yates | Membership Marketing Ross East | Marketing Executive MANAGEMENT Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Advisor & Co-Founder Steve White | Finance Director

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VARALAKSHMI YANAMANDRA Varalakshmi is from Ayur Wellness and Pain Centre, specialising in Ayurveda.

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Happiful c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley Surrey, GU15 3YL PA

EXPERT PANEL

Introducing the professionals behind Happiful magazine who help to ensure we deliver the highest quality advice

A ol ych CPs

Contact Us hello@happiful.com

DR MARK RACKLEY Mark is a psychologist covering topics including anxiety and trauma.

This magazine is FSC certified. Please help us preserve our planet by recycling Happiful. Why not pass on your copy to a friend afterwards? Alternatively, please place it in a recycling bin.

Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC certified sources. The FSC label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values.

Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837.

Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.

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EDITOR’S MESSAGE Welcome to the launch issue of Happiful, the UK’s only lifestyle magazine devoted to better mental health. Take a look inside. You’ll see a fresh, exciting, beautiful-looking magazine that talks about the big things that really matter.

£6 donation to charity included.

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Things like love, family, relationships, life, sex, death, work and society.

In other words, the events that shape our lives.

Here’s a fact. You or someone you know has a mental health issue, but we still find it difficult to talk about. We can chat about our physical health all day long, but when it comes to our internal thoughts, there’s an uncomfortable silence.

Happiful wants to fill that silence with compassion and understanding. Our goal is to cut through the stigma and give clear, sensible advice about the struggles we all sometimes face. We’ll be informative and down-to-earth, but above all we’ll be inspiring.

I see our magazine as an experiment in total communication. We’re still a work in progress (let us know your thoughts!), but we do stand for something: positive change.

And we’re full of hope, as you can see.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for connecting with Happiful. Your personal journey is our magazine, and we want to be the best companion we can be for you.

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Positive news that transforms the world

Photography | Kyle Head

Positive ISSUES

ONLINE DIAGNOSIS

Raw data: Google says it will protect your privacy

INSTAGRAM: FAST FACTS

Google asks nine questions about how often you have been bothered by the following problems: 1. Little interest in doing things?

2. Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless?

3. Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much?

4. Feeling tired or have little energy?

5. Poor appetite or overeating?

Google image: 10 FACE / Shutterstock.com

6. Feeling bad about yourself?

7. Trouble concentrating on things?

8. Moving or speaking slowly?

9. Thoughts you’d be better off dead, or hurting yourself?

SOCIETY

Google is offering a test for depression The tech giant is offering a free online questionnaire for Americans in the hope it creates a positive impact on the number of people seeking official diagnosis – UK may follow in 2018 Have you ever felt unwell and searched your symptoms online? Almost certainly you have. In fact, 72% of Americans look up health information online before visting a doctor, while Google reports 5% of all searches relate to medical matters. Now, the tech giant has made it even easier for users to find relevant, helpful information about health concerns. Only this time their focus is on depression.

Launched in August, American citizens googling for depression-related terms via their mobile now see a “knowledge graph”.

Featuring an illustration, summary and a prompt to check if you are clinically depressed, users have the option to take a “PHQ-9 screening questionnaire”, as used by professionals. Results are then displayed alongside advice and links to the National

Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and National Suicide Prevention Line. If it becomes a success, Google will launch the programme in the UK. Concerns have been raised about the tech giant’s hunger for data collection, but Google assures users that no individual data linking them to their answers will be used without their consent. Anonymised data, however, may be used in conjunction with other elements in order to improve their user experience.

CEO of NAMI, Mary Giliberti, highlighted the potential benefits to people experiencing clinical depression. “The PHQ-9 can be the first step to getting a proper diagnosis. Statistics show that those who have symptoms of depression experience an average of a six-to-eight-year

delay in getting treatment,” said Giliberti.

Through providing the questionnaire on the world’s largest search engine, NAMI hopes to enable quicker access to diagnosis and treatment. But with so many questionnaires already available online, can one more really help?

Apparently, yes.

In a 2015 study, people trusted highranking Google results. A recent experiment found that search engine results could also be used to manipulate people’s views on the safety of vaccines. By creating this “knowledge graph”, and then placing it in the number one spot after paid adverts, Google has created a scenario that should see a positive impact on the number of people seeking official diagnosis and treatment. Bonnie Evie Gifford November 2017 • happiful • 7

The Uplift | News

Universal dream symbols don’t exist Seeing hidden messages in your sleep? You must be dreaming!

NEWS

Police ‘first resort’ in helping mental health issues prompts positive national debate Pressures raise awareness for better professional resources Senior police figures say the lack of mental health provisions is placing an unacceptable drain on the force, prompting calls for better formulations and treatments of people with serious mental health issues.

Martyn Underhill, Dorset’s police and crime commissioner, passionately called for an improved system of how we care for people with serious mental health issues, saying police officers “are not mental health professionals”.

A record number of calls are now being handled by the Metropolitan Police concerning people’s mental health – 115,000 were made in the last year, an average of 13 calls every hour. Last year, UK police forces dealt with almost 300,000 incidents involving mental health issues – more than 820 incidents a day.

Inspector Michael Brown, mental health coordinator for the College of Policing, said officers are picking up the pieces due to the NHS being “overwhelmed”, and called for an improvement resources. He said: “The inability to access a mental health professional is the problem, and that generates a lot of work for the police.”

Although the figures are alarming, the current pressures facing the police demonstrate that high-quality mental health services, care and treatment are essential for our modern society. Maurice Richmond 8 • happiful • November 2017

SANE RESPONSE Marjorie Wallace, CEO and founder of the mental health charity Sane, told Happiful: “We have admiration for the police who are picking up a lot of the pieces, spending 30% of their time on mental health crises. But they’re not trained to do that. It takes more than seven years to train a psychiatrist, and it’s just dumped on the police.”

Read Happiful’s in-depth interview with Ms Wallace, page 58.

Dreams don’t contain universal symbols, according to Harvard Medical School psychologist, Deirdre Barrett. General themes may be present where dreamers share cultural metaphors, but many symbols have opposite meanings to people. Barrett’s example is that of a dog: where one person sees “man’s best friend”, another sees “a threat”.

So, what are dreams?

Scientists believe they provide clues to how the external world is influencing our subconscious mind. A dream interpretation app, uDreamed, studied trends from life appearing in dreams during students’ exam periods. More than 22% of students’ dreams referenced personal internal conflict, 19.8% included relationship concerns, while 16.3% related to family worries.

REGIME

Good mental health can help your skin – study For years, bad skin and weight gain during bouts of depression were considered consequences of neglect and lethargy. Research now shows bad skin during mental illness could be the result of a “mysterious mindbody connection”. Dr David Gitlin, of the America Psychiatric Association, said better diets and hygiene can help your skin, but “there is also something physiological happening”.

Image: Drop of Light / Shutterstock.com

MIND

Mental health crisis: Police now take 13 calls every hour

Positive ISSUES

THERAPY

SNOOZING

8 Bizarre Facts Humans are the only mammals that willingly delay sleep.

Struggling to get out of bed in the morning is called “dysania”.

Divorced, widowed and separated people report more insomnia.

80% of people with sleep issues admit to misusing sleeping pills.

Online sleep therapy may reduce depression A remarkable breakthrough in digital therapy research A new study undertaken at the University of Oxford suggests that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can be used to help reduce depression, anxiety and paranoia. Daniel Freeman and colleagues tested Sleepio, a digital CBT therapy programme intended to help people with insomnia regain healthy sleep patterns, to see if it impacted other problems.

More than 3,700 students with difficulty sleeping were split into two groups; half using Sleepio, half following standard insomnia advice. Both groups completed questionnaires before, during, and after the experiment to assess their sleep patterns.

Treatment consisted of six 20-minute sessions presented by a sleep expert. Participants were encouraged to create a pro-sleep environment, as well as to set aside reflective time before bed.

Most healthy adults need seven-to-nine hours of sleep a night (this is still debated by scientists).

Unsurprisingly, cats spend 66% of their lives asleep.

Involuntary muscle spasms when drifting into sleep are called “hypnagogic jerks”.

Caffeine is the world’s most consumed drug.

Results showed those using the Sleepio programme slept an average of 50% better than the control group, with 30% seeing a reduction in hallucinations, 25% in paranoia, and 20% reporting lower levels of anxiety and depression.

Head of the Oxford Sleep and Circadian Neuroscience Institute, Professor Russell Foster, spoke of the excitement caused by the study, saying it “suggests a new therapeutic target for the treatment of psychosis and other mental illnesses”.

However, Freeman’s recent study experienced a drop out rate of ~50%.

Just 18% of participants in the Sleepio group accessed all six CBT sessions.

That being said, the first results remain promising. With more students than ever reportedly suffering from poor mental health, CBT and insomnia expert Nicole Tang highlighted the importance of the study, saying: “Investment in proving sleep-related interventions is a logical and possibly cost-effective way to tackle this growing problem.” Bonnie Evie Gifford November 2017 • happiful • 9

The Uplift | News

ANXIETY

Neurotic people live longer!

Researchers find excessive worrying has a ‘protective effect’ ‘Life is suffering – and it’s over much too soon!’ Famous neurotic Woody Allen might have a point

Neurosis, an umbrella term to describe functional mental disorders, is defined by psychologist C George Boeree as a “poor ability to adapt to one’s environment [or] to change one’s life patterns”. With symptoms including irritability, impulsiveness, and obsessive behaviours, neurosis can sometimes lead to OCD, phobias, and increased levels of anxiety.

This all sounds very life-limiting, but a remarkable new study has linked neuroticism to a reduction in the risk of early death.

The UK study asked more than 500,000 people between the ages of 37–73 about their lifestyle, medical conditions, and health levels over a six-year period, and found those who had shown characteristics of neurosis typically outlived those who didn’t.

Although researchers found no difference among people who rated their health as “excellent” with those who rated their health as “fair” or “poor”, participants with higher levels of neuroticism had a slightly reduced risk of death. Lead researcher, Catherine R Gale, also noted that “people who scored highly on one aspect of neuroticism related to worry and vulnerability had a reduced risk of death regardless of how they rated their health”. Gale said the next step for research is finding out why this was the case. Kathryn Wheeler 10 • happiful • November 2017

LIFE

Autism – it’s different for girls

Largest ever study shows support can be better tailored Autistic women and girls struggle more with organisational tasks than their male counterparts, according to the largest ever study into executive functioning in autism spectrum disorders (ASD), published in Autism Research.

With the ratio of male to female people with ASD being 3:1, most previous research focused on the male perspective. Recognising that autistic females struggle more with these two elements means that future support can be better tailored.

Researchers interviewed the parents of 237 autistic children between the ages of seven and 18 (79 girls and 158 boys).

They found that females with autism have more weaknesses with executive functioning and adaptive behaviour.

These two functions relate to how well someone can manage decisions and organise information, such as the ability to understand a sequence of steps in a daily routine. Rebecca Thair

PETS

Creative Geniuses are Born Worriers Wild imaginations Imagination is a crucial ingredient for creativity, but those with a strong imagination may often find themselves obsessing over problems that don’t really exist, as Virginia Woolf did.

Problem-dwelling Dwelling on problems can lead to an increase in anxiety levels, but can also be a way to “discover” solutions.

Picasso dwelled on his masterpieces.

Thinking differently A study in Iceland found people with creative careers were 25% more likely to suffer a mental illness.

Researchers also believe certain mental disorders help people think differently, thereby increasing creativity, like Frida Kahlo.

‘Cat ladies’ may shed light on new hoarding disorder The much loved “little old lady with 100 cats” may have created a new medical term. Brazilian researchers studied 33 pet hoarders. On average, each participant had 41 animals; 75% were single women, and 60% were elderly. Researchers found they had trouble identifying with other humans, and concluded that pet hoarding, like regular hoarding disorders, should be recognised as a mental illness.

Positive ISSUES

The

wellbeing wrap Weird, wonderful and welcoming news

THE POWER STANCE? IT’S OVER

Power-posing your way to success has been debunked by 11 new studies at Michigan State University. Researchers say the “expansive stance” – legs spread, hands on hips, toes inward – has no effect on job interviews or business negotiations.

“Feeling powerful may feel good, but does not translate into effective behaviours,” the study concludes.

Truth be told, we all had a hunch!

CCTV

IN SLAUGHTERHOUSES – IT’S NOW THE LAW Finally, after years of campaigning, all slaughterhouses in England will be fitted with cameras to enforce laws against animal cruelty. The new plans will also give official vets unrestricted access to footage. UK supermarkets quickly backed the motion, insisting all suppliers now follow it, or else.

Feeling bad? It helps Embracing negative feelings can provide positive benefits, says a new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

“When people accept their mental experiences, those experiences run their short-lived course, rather than being exacerbated,” say researchers.

Selfies ‘offload’ our memories Social media dictates that if something isn’t captured on camera, it never happened.

This isn’t so dumb after all.

New research in Psychological Science suggests photography helps us remember moments through “cognitive offloading” – which eases our brain when storing information.

Snapping meaningful moments actually helps us focus on the visuals, which we can then “recall” years later.

Emotional diversity rules Happy people tend to live longer, that’s a fact. But an intriguing new study in the journal Emotion says embracing a spectrum of emotions, or “emotional diversity”, is better for our health. Enthusiasm, pride, inspiration and strength are equally as important as happiness, according to the 175-particpant, 30-day study.

The bottom line? Allow yourself to benefit from a range of emotional experiences to improve your outlook.

Chat to yourself – it works a treat!

We all talk to ourselves, but have you ever talked about yourself to yourself?

A new study in the journal Scientific Reports says thinking of yourself as another person can lessen stress and anxiety.

It’s easy! Just switch “I” or “me” in your thoughts to “she” or “you”. This third person technique, called psychological distancing, helps us to place our experiences into context.

WOMEN’S PLEASURE GETS SERIOUS A fascinating (and long overdue) study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy has gathered results from 1,000 women on a timeless subject: better orgasms.

Prolonging the build-up, discussing what you like (and don’t like) with your partner, and more emotional intimacy came out as winners.

The best advice of all?

More communication and patience.

SNEEZING DOGS Scientists have learnt that African wild dogs vote on whether to go hunting by sneezing. The more sneezes, the more likely they want to hunt. “We can’t believe it,” say amazed researchers.

“Sneezing acts as a voting system.”

GOOD MONTH BAD MONTH

SNEEZING HUMANS The NHS reckons we should brace ourselves for one of the worst “flu winters” on record.

Hospitals are expecting (but not guaranteeing) the strong H3N2 strain to arrive on our shores.

Let’s prepare for endless sneezing in the office.

MANAGE THOSE MIGRAINES! A survey by three UK migraine organisations says 64% of employers don’t know enough about migraines. Symptoms include a throbbing head, nausea, dizziness and double vision. Some 25 million work days are lost through migraines each year. If you have a migraine, visit your GP.

A bad job is worse than no job Do you walk to work with knots in your stomach? You’re not alone. A new UK study says bad office environments could be worse for your wellbeing than being unemployed. Published in the Journal of Epidemiology, the results came as a new US study revealed hostile work atmospheres (bullying, being treated disrespectfully, verbal abuse, etc.) have negative impacts on employees’ mental health.

November 2017 • happiful • 11

Emma Blackery

“

Opening up to someone about my mental health was terrifying.

I’d never done it before

Photography | Ian Collins

12 • happiful • November 2017

Happiful INFLUENCER

YouTuber, musician, and now author, Emma Blackery talks candidly about depression, separation anxiety and the importance of speaking up

Battling the Dragon, Taming the Bear Interview | Kathryn Wheeler

s

ince launching her YouTube channel in 2012, Emma Blackery has seen some dramatic changes in her life. Initially known for her no-nonsense videos that tackled both hard and humorous topics head-on, she quickly built up a loyal following of fans, not least because she was also a talented musician.

Now, five years on, and still only 25, Emma has collected over 1.4 million subscribers and released five EPs. But there’s more. Based on a YouTube advice series she first created in 2013, Emma is releasing her first book, Feel Good 101, which covers a myriad of topics, from mental health to relationships.

Secretly battling depression and intense separation anxiety since she was 13, Emma is now a brave advocate for speaking up about mental illness. Happiful met her in London to find out what makes this vulnerable yet remarkable writer and musician tick...

Could you tell us what first triggered your depression when you were 13?

My parents were divorcing, I was being bullied, my friends weren’t being the best friends they could be, and then you have exam stress and hormones. I don’t want to give that excuse of “you’re young and hormonal” but it’s true – it does play a massive part. All those things add up, and I started feeling depressed. Back then, no one spoke about depression. It wasn’t something I felt I could talk about.

You also suffered with separation anxiety. How did that develop?

It started when my dad was battling illnesses when I was 12, then nothing for a while, and then, at 17, it just hit me like a brick wall. I realised that people in my life are not immortal, and I started having specific anxiety about the mortality of my dad. I would have panic attacks when my dad didn’t answer the phone straight away, and I couldn’t leave my home town in case something happened to him. But I didn’t say anything. How do you tell your dad: “I have anxiety based around the fact that you’re going to die.” It lasted until a year ago when I actually took steps to try to do something about it because it was hindering my life.

Did you try counselling?

I’ve had one appointment. In 2014, my YouTube management were telling me they had some things I could do in America, and I immediately said I couldn’t go. When they asked why, I explained: “I have a real thing about not leaving my hometown and family.” They encouraged me to see a therapist, and within 20 seconds of the guy asking what was wrong, I burst into tears.

How did that feel?

Opening up to someone like that was terrifying. The therapist said: “Your brain’s stuck in a loop. Imagine it’s like a knot in your brain. We have to unpick it.” He put me on SSRIs [selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors] and they helped slightly. But what helped more was that I admitted to myself that there was something irrational going on. My anxiety used to be triggered by my lack of control, and now it’s calmed by it. I don’t know how I managed to twist it. But my favourite saying in the world right now is: “Worrying makes you suffer twice.” Something will happen, but worrying about it makes it worse.

Continues >>>

November 2017 • happiful • 13

Emma Blackery

“

Emma won the Song of the Year Award at Summer in the City this year

My anxiety is like a roaring dragon, but my depression is a limping bear We read that you personify your mental illness as a coping mechanism – can you tell us more?

Anxiety is like a roaring dragon, but depression is a limping bear. At its worst, this dragon would come out of nowhere.

I would be trying to get to sleep, and this dragon would come through and burn everything, every rational thought I had, every feeling of pride and accomplishment from the day would be gone because all I could do was panic. Right now, this dragon is sleeping, and I don’t know when, or if, it’s going to wake up again.

And the bear?

With the hurt bear, I view it like that so I can feel sorry for it. You know how when you were at school and being bullied?

Adults would say: “They’re only doing it because they’ve got a bad life and they’re struggling.” When you start seeing [depression] as something not ferocious and scary, but as something else that’s suffering, it’s easier to deal with.

Do you feel pressure to give expert advice to your audience?

A tonne! It can be daunting at times. I might say: “Stand up for yourself ” and someone could interpret it as: “I should punch this person.” Everything I say is like giving a sermon on a mount. You’re putting advice out there and you don’t know how people are going to take it.

What I’ve learnt is that in the last 10 years, the rate we’re feeling more comfortable about mental health as a topic, that’s something we can be happy about. I mean, this is a magazine published on the shelf, and it’s about mental health!

Thanks Emma!

That wouldn’t have happened 10 years ago!

14 • happiful • November 2017

Emma discusses her public persona “For me, I chose to become this public figure. If I’m anxious about something, no one can make me do it – my manager will tell you that! There was an award show a year ago and I didn’t want to do it, but I felt I’d be letting people down if I didn’t go. As soon as I sat down, I burst into tears. Out of nowhere I started crying and having this panic attack. People were asking what was wrong, but I didn’t know.”

“For the most part, book and music tours are something I’ve chosen to do. Before recording my EP, I know I’m going to be performing it to crowds. I have problems where things are out of my control, like when I’m asked to go to conventions and I don’t know what I’m doing.

But when you’re surrounded by good people, like I am on my book tour, I know that I’m safe. I know everything’s OK.”

Having such a big following, what pressures have you felt?

My self-esteem has sometimes taken a knock, and that’s contributed to my depression. When I was working as a waitress, I would have random strangers come in, look at me, and go: “Your nose is ugly, get a life,” and then just walk back out. But because of the anonymity online, every day I get strangers saying: “You’re ugly, go die.” It’s easy to say: “You must have so much money,” “You have it so easy,” or “Try getting a real job.” But you can’t negate people’s mental health like that.

You’ve been described as the ‘original alt-YouTuber’ – how does that feel?

I suppose it means alternative to content that’s been put out before in terms of honesty. I don’t necessarily go out of my way to be different from other people. All I care about is being myself and being honest.

If that makes me “alternative” then I don’t know what it says about other people.

Happiful INFLUENCER

Feel Good 101 was a video series back in 2013. Why turn it into book?

In 2015, my friend Carrie [YouTuber, Carrie Hope Fletcher] released her book All I Know Now. The book was fantastic, but there were bits where I thought I would probably say it differently. Where Carrie’s advice was: “Count to 10 and walk away,” I’d probably say: “Stand up for yourself.”

Back then, it seemed every YouTuber was releasing a book!

It was the thing of 2015. Publishers asked me to write a book too, but it didn’t feel right. My whole thing is about being genuine, and not just trying to sell products. I had some things to say about YouTuber books because I felt, at the time, they were disingenuous and just a cash grab. And I certainly said that.

Photography | Ian Collins

What changed your mind?

Late last year I was in a newsagents with my 8-year-old sister, and she saw a kids’ magazine with Zoella on the front. Seeing that magazine made her eyes light up, and suddenly it all clicked. If it makes a kid happy, who cares? If it has a positive impact on just one person’s life, then why am I so against YouTuber books? So, I made a video about it, and the next day I woke up to an email from my publishers saying: “We’ve wanted you to make that video for so many years!” They sat down with me and asked if I were to write a book, what would I like to write about. I went away and thought about it, but I knew I wanted to write an advice book, just like Carrie’s all those years ago.

How did you write the more difficult chapters about anxiety, self-harm and sexual assault?

Anxiety was the hardest chapter for me because I wrote from my own experiences.

With the sexual assault chapter, it was more a case of just write the story and process it later. I expected to feel really upset about it, but I wasn’t. I was shocked that because it had been so long – I was 18 at the time – I had distanced myself from it. With selfharm, I have a friend who went through it, and I know that person is now healthy and happy, and has overcome their issues.

How did it feel handing over the first copies to your friends and family?

Terrifying! Because I mention my parents, for legal reasons they had to sign off that they were OK with every instance they were mentioned. That was nerve-racking.

Especially the parts about depression, because I couldn’t tell my parents about it at the time. But they were so supportive, which kind of made me angry because I realised they would have been supportive when I was 13. Yet, because of social stigma of talking about sexual assault, self-harm, depression and anxiety, you don’t feel like you can talk. That’s why there’s a part of the book where you can rip out a page to give to your parents when you need to talk.

“

What’s written on that page?

It simply says: “Your child needs to talk to you. Please listen to them, love them, just hear what they have to say. They think they may be struggling.” I put that in because I didn’t have that as a teenager.

I would have left that on my dad’s pillow, but there was no way of opening a dialogue when I was that age.

And that’s the whole idea.

Yes, talking in my language but not talking down to anybody. While you have irrational thoughts, that doesn’t mean you are irrational. You are not your mental illness. It’s not OK, but it will be OK. That’s why I wrote a book.

The chapter on anxiety was the hardest one for me to write, because I wrote from my own experiences

Feel Good 101 (Little, Brown Book Group, £14.99).

The Uplift | The Explainer

What is

Image Crafting?

We seem to be obsessed with crafting our social media profiles with gorgeous, sun-filtered moments of perfection. But we are fooling ourselves. The sooner we embrace our imperfections, the greater and happier our lives will become

TRY IT

Writing | Samantha Hearne

D

o you take 10 consecutive selfies to find that “perfect” angle?

Or strike 20 different poses to ensure your cheekbones, eyelashes and hair look fabulous? Or play with filters and endlessly crop your image so as to appear “causal”? This is how we craft ourselves in the modern age. We are masters of visual illusion. And, yes, the camera always lies.

The internet is now a fundamental tool of communication, and with booming social media grabbing more of our attention, we have learnt to be masters of self-publicity through posed pictures, curated timelines, and breathless status updates. Indeed, if social media serves one overriding purpose, it’s to convince the world that our lives are fascinating, exciting and near perfect. This is known as image crafting. And to some degree, we all do it.

The detrimental effect

Why are we hiding from ordinary life?

When you spend a great deal of time on social media, you cannot help but be influenced by the “ideals” of image crafting, so much so that it can be very difficult to find the same ideals in our own everyday lives. Take out your phone and go to your fave social media app. Now look at the five latest posts.

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YOURSELF

On my phone, right now, I can see: 1. A kid playing on a scooter in the sun 2. A couple about to fly off on holiday 3. A couple kissing 4. A couple on a summer holiday 5. A friend completing a 5km run Although these posts are from my personal account and are genuine people in my life, they will have undoubtedly been considered, checked and constructed before making it on to the social feed. Does your feed look like my feed? And if so, how are you left feeling?

If I was single, I would probably be feeling even more alone after looking at my latest posts. Living the everyday, ordinary life is not “social media worthy” anymore, not considered “exciting enough” to share with the digital world, and certainly not exciting enough to like, love or share.

This has a significant impact on how we perceive our own lives and whether we deem a moment “important enough”, irrespective of social media. As I write this article, in my living room, on the laptop, with Moana playing in the background – I ask myself: should I take a snap and post it online? Or is this moment unworthy of sharing on Instagram?

Take a look at the last five posts on your social feed. Recognise any image crafting going on?

Mistakes don’t happen

Social media is the perfect way to vet (or curate) what we want the world to see of us. Face it, we all have friends who micromanage their image online, and we very possibly do the same ourselves. And heaven forbid we are tagged in a photo without our permission – friendships have been ruined forever by tagging.

Image crafting reinforces the illusion that mistakes are not made in the real world, or happen to other people. Scroll through your Insta feed and you’ll notice that people don’t have tough times, don’t experience set-backs, and don’t suffer failures anymore.

Instead, they have endless love, sensational happiness, breathless adventure, and a life crammed with excitement. This is nonsense.

First and foremost, we are all human and live in the real world. Failure is inevitable and something we all grow and learn from.

Remind yourself of this fact when you see the next perfect “chilling with my girl squad” photo on your social feed.

Trending UPDATE

If you met someone on the street, you wouldn’t stop, pose, smile and filter! You would say hello and get to know them – social media should be the same

How to be yourself: Why be authentic?

If you told someone a problem that you’re having, chances are they would know someone (or even be someone) who is struggling with the same problem.

Real life connections emphasise just how many people understand your struggle and have been in your situation. These are the genuine, true life connections that we need to help us learn, understand and grow in strength.

Spending time on social media looking at everybody’s “bump-free” life can be a lot of fun, but it’s utterly meaningless in the context of actual living, actual experience.

If more people showed themselves honestly, and shared their true self, the level of online support and empathy would skyrocket. Why do we hide our frailties from the online world?

The texture of our lives is what truly makes us feel alive. Surely we should embrace our frailties and imperfections, rather than drenching them in sun-kissed filters and HD brightness?

Real life is impossible without human connections. Being yourself online will enable you to make genuine connections with people. If you met someone on the street, you wouldn’t stop, pose, smile and filter! You would make eye contact, show good manners, and so on. Social media should be the same. Forget image crafting. Instead, spend time being yourself, getting to know genuine people, and sharing authentic connections.

Also, we humans are savvy. We can smell integrity a thousand yards away.

Equally, we can smell inauthenticity from the same distance. There is only one you in this world, so own it. You are the only person with your smile, your eyes, your laugh and your wrinkles – don’t hide or mask them. Being the real you is, secretly, what everyone really wants to do. So why conform with fakery? Remember, a like on Facebook, a heart on Instagram, a RT on Twitter won’t come running when you need a hug in the middle of the night. Focus on the real you and the real people who love you first. That’s reality.

When you show yourself to the world, people will naturally resonate with your actions. Take the first step and think less about the perfect angle, perfect lighting or perfect background and think more about what people can take away from your picture or post. How do you want them to feel? Empowered and uplifted or envious and disheartened?

Embrace the times when you fall over, make a mistake, dance like Beyoncé, or smudge your mascara from laughing so hard you cried. These are the true moments that should fill our mobile screens; the moments we should capture and share with the world.

No amount of filtering will change the truth we know in our hearts. The feeling of being yourself, and then sharing that self online, will encourage others to do the same. You are so much more than worrying about the number of likes you have on a photo that was filtered, tweaked and softened so that it hardly even looks like you.

Image crafting is great when we have a fairy tale, idyllic life – but for the other 99.9% of people, let’s be our true authentic selves and embrace the fact that we are all human and living a real life.

November 2017 • happiful • 17

The Uplift | Hope After Rehab

Amy’s Place Where Vulnerable Women Can Flourish The Amy Winehouse Foundation is helping young women overcome their addictions by bridging the divide between rehab and re-entering society Writing | Rebecca Thair

Photography | Jesper Mattias

A

WHAT IS AMY’S PLACE? For young women experiencing addictions, seeking support can be one thing, but there are so many other factors that make adjusting to the wider world very difficult. Leaving

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rehab can mean going back to accommodation where your neighbour was your drug dealer, or you don’t have a job lined up and so find yourself falling back into old habits without the support to stay clean.

Amy’s Place is a facility to change all of that.

Young women aged between 18 and 30, who have completed a rehabilitation programme and have three months of sobriety under their belts, are eligible to come to Amy’s Place, which features eight single-occupancy flats and a further four shared-occupancy flats. Women here have the support of keyworkers and staff to help them transition back into society, as well as access to relevant training so they can progress in their careers.

The best thing about Amy’s Place? The girls have each other. Rather than facing the harsh world alone, and returning to toxic environments that initially perpetuated addictions, these women are surrounded by others who have gone through similar experiences. They understand the difficulties each other are facing, support each other moving forwards, and inspire one another with their recovery. Continues on page 21 >>>

Robin Atzeni / shutterstock.com

my Winehouse’s stunningly unique vocals and soulful songs are her unforgettable legacy, but her tragic death at the age of just 27 is, unfortunately, an unalterable part of her story that also remains in our minds. Her death by alcohol poisoning, after years of substance abuse and several stints in rehab, is a stark reminder of the issues facing vulnerable young women.

But Amy’s family didn’t want her heart-breaking death to be the end of her story. They’ve seen where support can be improved following treatment, and are bridging the gap between rehab and re-entering society in order to help women stay clean and sober, and survive on their own.

In 2016, Amy’s Place, a women-only recovery house in London, was born. This means Amy’s legacy can live on, saving other young women from the same tragic fate.

Mindful SOCIETY

Chantelle's Story

Chantelle has been a resident at Amy’s Place for over nine months

I’m now one year sober, and feel I’ve changed a lot since I walked into Amy’s Place

W

hen I was around six years old, there was a lot of sexual abuse in my family.

That went on for a couple of years, with the police involved and ongoing interviews. My mum was an alcoholic, and family weren’t supportive. It was dysfunctional and we were neglected.

When I turned 10, I moved into my dad’s care.

I’d never been shown love, so it was hard for me to accept it, and to know what love was. I didn’t know how to react. I rebelled and my anger got the best of me. My dad couldn’t control my behaviour, and because I would answer back, he would hit me. I ended up moving into care, then foster care, and then back to my dad’s. That was about the time my drinking started to progress.

When I was 16, I moved back to my mum’s home, and nothing had changed. She was still the same, the lads in the family were all selling drugs and getting off their face. Mum wasn’t feeding me. She couldn’t look after herself, so she couldn’t look after me.

When I was 17, I got moved into a homeless shelter, and the people there got me involved with the charity Addaction. They were helping me, and eventually

I went into treatment. I’d come out of an abusive relationship, and then was in another unhealthy relationship where I was getting off my face with someone all the time. That was the danger point where I knew I had to do something to change it.

Addaction and my support worker suggested rehab, and told me about Amy’s Place. It felt good to know there was Amy’s Place for me after treatment. Going into a treatment centre for nearly six months, and seeing your life change from there, it’s the unexpected, the unknown, and it’s amazing how much I progressed.

I’m now one year sober, and feel I’ve changed a lot since I walked into Amy’s Place. Before, I was angry all the time. I didn’t want to connect with others. I was stubborn and blunt, but it was more to do with trusting people and letting them in.

I’ve been here nine months now. I believe if I keep thinking positively, good stuff is coming.

I recently enrolled in a Level 3 beauty course at college. I’ve got another year with support at Amy’s Place, and the course is also a year, so by the time I leave I’ll be able to travel and work on cruise ships.

I’ll be another year clean and sober, and with two years of sobriety, I’ll be strong enough to keep going.

November 2017 • happiful • 19

The Uplift | Hope After Rehab

Catherine's Journey Other people recovering at the same time as you – I can’t explain how helpful that is

AMY WINEHOUSE FOUNDATION After Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning in 2011, her family founded the Amy Winehouse Foundation, which looks to help as many disadvantaged, vulnerable young people as possible through their initiatives, including an annual gala, which took place at the Dorchester, London, on 5 October.

As well as Amy’s Place, the Foundation runs a Resilience Programme in schools, where volunteers educate children, teachers and parents about substance abuse and why people fall into misusing, applying their own personal experiences.

There’s also Amy’s Yard, which supports disadvantaged young people with a passion for music.

They select people with mental health problems, homelessness, or substance abuse, and provide a holistic music course with industry professionals, which gives them a qualification at the end.

Head to amywinehousefoundation. org.uk to find out more.

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Catherine has been clean since April this yea r

I

started drinking when I was 13. I always drank more than everyone else, and used to get really sick. When I was 16, one of my friends said: “You should take drugs because you can dance all night and they don’t make you sick.” I took MD for the first time and was like: “This is wonderful.”

When I was 17, I started taking cocaine.

I grew up quite quickly, because I was like the third parent in my house. The only way I was out and doing something considered a “teenage thing to do” was when I was doing drugs.

My parents are the kind of people that want everything to be fine. They noticed about the drink and drugs a long time ago, but were scared to open up the conversation until it got quite bad. Then I moved out four years ago when I went to dance college, so I was away from them a lot.

Around January this year, I became physically unwell because of it all – in and out of hospital.

My friends and family were upset, saying: “You need help.” I thought it wasn’t affecting anybody else

because it was my thing. But then I realised it wasn’t just about me.

One of my dance teachers was in recovery herself and took me to my first meeting. I kept going so I could say to people: “I’m going, I’m getting better.”

It wasn’t until the end of April that I actually got clean.

I don’t remember the exact moment I realised I wanted to keep going, but I think it was because of the other people in the group. They’d all worked hard at getting clean, and were genuinely happy facing life without drugs and alcohol.

The one thing I did know the whole time was that I was really, really miserable.

I was never under some illusion that I was happy. When I saw those people, I thought: “How is this possible?” Other people doing the same thing as you, recovering at the same time as you – I can’t explain how helpful that is.

I love it here. I lived in a flat before with people who were still using and I didn’t really know, so I was completely on my own. But now I feel safe and supported.

I’m about to start a part-time course at RADA because I want to be an actress, so I’m focused on that goal at the moment. I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to get there yet. You just have to think if others can do it, so can you.

Mindful SOCIETY

Hannah Chrystal, Project Manager of Amy’s Place

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE WOMEN ARE READY TO LEAVE? Amy’s Place can house and support women for up to two years, and the staff work with them individually to look at moving-on options after six months, such as applying for housing with the council. Hannah says: “Some girls have made such a transformation in a year, and are probably ready to move on now. Then there are others who need more support because they’ve never lived alone before.”

Having positive goals to work towards is a huge part of the transition, motivating the girls with a vision for their life after they leave Amy’s Place, and the steps they need to take to get there.

This service feels like a community, rather than a supported accommodation service

HOW DOES AMY’S PLACE SUPPORT WOMEN AIMING TO GET BACK INTO SOCIETY? When Happiful visited Amy’s Place, Hannah Chrystal, project manager, told us about the facility, its mission and how her team supports the girls.

“Our aim at Amy’s Place is to help develop these young women’s skills to live independently. Our residents have a tenancy as if they’re in the outside world, but we have the support package downstairs as well. We’ve got two keyworkers that work with them on things like setting up a direct debit, getting energy suppliers, budgeting. We do healthy eating communal meals, where the girls are responsible for cooking and passing on their skills to other members of the house,” said Hannah.

“We engage them in a programme where we have relapse prevention sessions, counselling, Yoga, Reiki, all to keep them busy and involve them in outside activities,” she said.

“The aim is to move towards them engaging more with outside the service than within it.”

“This service feels like a community, rather than a supported accommodation service. The girls get on really well and they’re really supportive of each other,” Hannah says. “The relationship the staff have with them is like we’re a part of that community as well; it’s not like ‘us’ and ‘them’.”

DOES IT HAVE SUCCESS STORIES? Hannah says most of the girls are success stories.

“Chantelle is a real success in terms of engaging in the community,” she says. “She came from a background where there was a lot of trauma and chaos. She didn’t trust people, especially women. When she arrived, she had a very closed attitude, and the other girls found her quite rude. We actually ran a mediation session, and challenged her and the other girls to look at things from each other’s perspectives. Chantelle’s attitude completely changed.”

“Another lady came here with no custody of her children, and couldn’t even have visitation with them,” Hannah says.

“Now, she’s very close to getting full custody of them.”

HOW CAN AMY’S PLACE MAKE A DIFFERENCE? In 2011, public attitudes towards mental illness looked a lot different. In the past year, strides have been made in spreading awareness, breaking down stigma, and educating ourselves as to what mental health is, and the reasons behind people’s difficulties.

It makes you wonder whether, if people had been more compassionate to addiction and mental illness at the time, maybe Amy could have been saved?

Initiatives such as Amy’s Place are saving lives. They’re supporting vulnerable young women on the road to recovery, and turning their lives around. If we had more safe, supportive spaces in our society, who knows how much brighter the future of our society could become?

To find out more about Amy’s Place, visit amywinehousefoundation.org/our-work/amys-place

November 2017 • happiful • 21

The Uplift | Hope After Rehab Fans pay tribute to Amy Winehouse outside her house in Camden Square, London, shortly after her death in 27 July 2011

Mitch Winehouse

Preserving my daughter’s legacy

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started back in education. Even after just one year, the results are incredible.

Our long-term vision is to help as many disadvantaged young people as we can.

As well as Amy’s Place, we have two projects in the Caribbean, and two in North America. In the UK, we have music therapy at the London Centre for Children with Cerebral Palsy and Haven House Children’s hospice. We also have Amy’s Yard, which develops underprivileged young people through music. But our biggest project is the Resilience Programme, where people in recovery visit schools up and down the country to talk about the things that affect kids today, including drink and drugs. In the past three years, we’ve addressed more than 200,000 school kids.

I think Amy would be rightly proud of what we are doing. Even six years after her passing, Amy is helping literally thousands of young people. We need to continue to raise money so that we can reach even more disadvantaged kids.”

Featureflash Photo Agency & Dutourdumonde Photography / Shutterstock.com

Amy would truly love Amy’s Place. She would understand that everyone deserves a second chance

Happiful spoke to the founder of the Amy Winehouse Foundation, Amy’s dad Mitch: “We decided to set up Amy’s Place because there are so few ‘women only’ recovery houses. Many of the women who come out of treatment have nowhere to go.

Subsequently, they return to the places that caused their problems. We want young women to be able to continue their recovery in a relaxed fashion without added distractions. There are so many activities and courses, including Yoga, gardening, and art therapy, that residents can have full and enjoyable days.

We now have a sizeable waiting list so we would dearly love to open further houses, finances permitting.

Amy would truly love Amy’s Place. It’s so loving and nurturing – just as she was. She would understand that everyone deserves a second chance. Most of these women have been victimised and coerced into addiction. Amy would want to help these women re-enter society. Many of them have already re-entered the workplace or

Life LESSONS

Overcome

Travel Anxiety

4

PRACTICAL TIPS

Writing | Lauren Richardson

We’ve all experienced spells of anxiety on crowded buses and busy trains.

Our writer, who’s visually impaired, knows all about it – and has some practical advice

A

London Underground sign | Julia Sanders / Shutterstock.com

1

s a 20-yearold, my friends regularly swap stories about owning and driving their first car. Being visually impaired, I will never be able to drive. But like one in six in the UK, I experience travel anxiety. Mine, of course, is a little trickier to manage. My disability is invisible ('scuse the pun), so getting out and about can sometimes be daunting. Thankfully, my parents always encouraged me to push the boundaries, which has helped me to navigate busy airports, bustling railway stations, and crowded public squares, often on my own.

The reality is, current events on London’s public transport can send our commuter anxiety into the stratosphere. When facing strong emotions, sometimes you just have to prepare, breathe and accomplish. Here’s some practical advice on how to handle four typical situations:

2

3

The local bus

Crowded town centres

4

Tourist routes

The horror we know and love as “Christmas shopping season” is just around the corner, which means your local town centre is going to be jam-packed for the next four weeks. If you feel anxious in crowds, having a “second pair of eyes” is crucial, particularly when shopping somewhere unfamiliar.

Major cities can be more challenging. Thankfully, there’s an army of apps – including the omnipresent Google Maps – that help you to weave through the mazes of Birmingham, Manchester and inner London. Time is crucial, too. I usually give myself a “break in case of emergency” hour, just in case I get totally lost. The result? I don’t always need it!

Airports

Let’s be frank, airports are no longer part of the holiday vibe.

Increasingly, you’ll be met with long queues, computer glitches, overpriced food and troublesome security checks before you can finally relax. It’s also easy to get overwhelmed by the array of boards and signposts. If you’re alone and starting to feel anxious, I suggest a set of headphones to drown out the white noise, plus a good book to get lost in while you’re waiting. A well-crafted Spotify playlist of your favourite tunes also works wonders.

For me, buses are the hardest of all. The last time I hopped on a bus alone was a year ago. I don’t use them for personal reasons.

Namely, buses make me feel stupid because I can’t read their numbers, even when they pull up at the stop. I’m conscious that my confusion makes my disability obvious, which only further heightens my anxiety. But I know the answer: ask someone for help! If you’re in a strange place and a bus draws near, it’s fine to flag it down and ask the driver, politely, if they’re going to X or Y. If they’re not, kindly apologise. You haven’t broken any laws.

If you’ve planned a New Year’s city break, chances are you’ll visit the local tourist attractions. This can turn into a long afternoon of walking down blind alleys, making wrong turns, and doubling-back on yourself. Plus, there’s nothing worse than being lost and unable to speak the lingo. Once again, technology is important. There’s a slew of apps that offer translation services, and taking time to learn the basics (asking for directions, food, a taxi, the loo, etc.) works a charm on the residents.

Navigating the Remember, it’s the journey that London Tube can be tough. counts, not the final destination.

Apps like NAVITIME and

helpful apps

Trainline can save a lot of time and hassle.

Happiful Hack

4

QUESTIONS TO ASK

Choosing the Right

Contraception Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

F

or many women, contraception is a necessity. But what works for one person may not for another, and there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to your health. The decision to start a new form of contraception should be thoroughly researched and discussed with a doctor. Still, it’s a good idea to look at all the options, consider your needs, and make a choice that’s right for your lifestyle, body and mental health:

1

Hormonal or non-hormonal?

Last year, a study was published showing a correlation between the pill and depression. Researchers from the University of Copenhagen found that those on the combined pill were 23% more likely to be prescribed antidepressants. But this problem isn’t restricted to the pill. Any form of contraception that uses artificial hormones, including patches, injections, the implant, Mirena coils, and vaginal rings pose the same risk.

While hormonal contraception suits many women, if you start experiencing severe mood swings, depression or anxiety, it’s worth considering nonhormonal options such as condoms, the copper IUD, diaphragms, cervical caps, and the rhythm method/ fertility tracking.

Women on progesterone-only pills are 34% more likely to be prescribed antidepressants, up 11% on those who use the combined pill

Beat the PMS blues If PMS is the bane of your life, consider hormonal birth control. The dip in your body’s progesterone levels during your cycle causes symptoms like mood swings and depression.

2

24 • happiful • November 2017

Oestrogen, progesterone, or both?

When it comes to hormonal contraception there are two options: combined (oestrogen and progesterone) or progesterone-only.

Some women find that they react badly to synthetic oestrogen and it’s not suitable for those who suffer with migraines and other conditions, such as diabetes. Contraceptives that work with progesterone, including the progesterone-only pill, the implant, and injectables, can be used by most women and are generally tolerated better than combined hormonal methods.

However, those on progesterone-only pills are 34% more likely to be prescribed antidepressants, up 11% on those who use the combined pill, so be mindful of any changes in your mood.

Life LESSONS

Some medications may make your contraception less effective, so you should look into using additional contraception, such as condoms

3

Age dependent?

While there is no age limit for contraceptives, there are benefits of taking different forms throughout your life. Young women suffering from teenage acne may find some relief from the combined pill.

Some older women who are not planning on having children choose sterilisation; however, this is not an option that everyone is comfortable with. If you are experiencing heavy perimenopausal bleeding, oral contraceptives and IUD can help control this.

However, contraceptives that have a “withdrawal bleed” may mean it’s harder to tell when you have reached menopause. For this reason, over 50s may want to consider non-hormonal methods.

4

Lifestyle choices?

If you’re not yet planning on getting pregnant, you may want to choose a long-acting reversible contraceptive (LARC) such as an IUD/IUS, which lasts up to 10 years, or the implant, which can last between three and five years. It’s worth thinking about what kind of frequency works best for you. Injections are administered every three months, vaginal rings monthly, patches weekly, and pills every day. Progesteroneonly pills should be taken at the same time every day, whereas the combined pill has a buffer of a few hours either side. Consider your routine and pick a contraceptive that suits your lifestyle.

Three additional factors 1. Clashing with other medication

Some medications may clash or make your contraception less effective. While your doctor will be able to give you specific advice, there are general guidelines to follow when choosing contraception.

Firstly, the only forms of contraception that will be affected by medication are hormonal, with some worse than others. For example, the combined pill cannot be taken with epilepsy drugs, or antiretroviral medicines used to treat HIV. If you’re taking antibiotics, or medication that causes diarrhoea, the effectivity of your contraception could decreased and you should look into using additional contraception, such as condoms, throughout the course of medication.

2. Treating PMS, anxiety and depression

While in some cases hormonal contraception can cause feelings of anxiety and depression, for others it can control these symptoms. During your period, it is common to experience premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Everyone experiences PMS differently, but common symptoms include mood swings, irritability, restlessness, lowered self-esteem, anxiety and depression.

PMS is caused by changing hormone levels. Hormonal birthis different control stabilises the hormone Over 150 symptoms of PMS have been identified, levels in the body, meaning including psychological, behavioural and physical that the anxiety and depression that comes with PMS is prevented. Progesterone-only contraceptives are effective as it’s the dip in progesterone during a natural cycle that causes the PMS symptoms.

Everyone

3. Dealing with periods

Periods are not always easy and, for some, dealing with your time of the month can be a nightmare.

Whatever the problem, be it painful, heavy periods, gender dysphoria, or simply the annoyance, hormonal contraceptives can be an effective way to tackle period problems while also protecting you from pregnancy. It’s possible to skip a period by taking two packets of the pill back-to-back, which is handy for holidays and important dates.

But it’s also possible to completely, and safely, stop periods long-term with “extended” or “continuous” contraception such as the hormonal IUD, implant and injectables.

November 2017 • happiful • 25

Cover Feature: Katie Piper

Katie Piper

UNBREAKABLE

UNSTOPPABLE

UNBELIEVABLE With acid attacks becoming an all-too-frequent headline in recent months, Katie Piper faces constant reminders that the world has yet to learn from her own traumatic attack 10 years ago. But as Happiful speaks with this truly exceptional and inspirational woman, it’s evident that her own world is changing.

And most certainly for the better Interview | Rebecca Thair

Photography | Ruth Rose Photos

Pioneer SPIRIT

Cover Feature: Katie Piper

atie Piper’s daughter, Belle, has reached that inquisitive age of three – she’s energised to discover the world around her, and keen to learn about everything. She’s a happy, spirited toddler for whom it’s perfectly normal to see her mummy on TV, or on the cover of a magazine. When it’s all you’ve ever known, what’s the big deal?

Still, Belle’s admiration for her mum is ever-present, because she looks for her face wherever she goes. Katie playfully describes what happens whenever the pair button-up and head outside for a stroll. If Belle sees a beautiful woman on a billboard, she’s excitedly and assuredly convinced it’s her mummy. “I’m like, ‘Actually, that’s Claudia Schiffer!’ But I’ll take that,” Katie laughs.

Along with the normality of her mum’s public life, Belle sees Katie’s physical scars as just another part of her mum, and something she’s always known. As Katie explains, her daughter doesn’t see any difference between her and other women... most of the time. “But then,” says Katie, “other times she’ll ask me, ‘Have you hurt yourself there, what happened? Are you OK?’ I think she worries I’m in pain. I won’t lie, I just say, ‘It did hurt years and years ago when I first hurt myself, but it’s better now.’”

For those who don’t know, Katie’s scars are from a life-changing incident in 2008. After dating now-convicted Danny Lynch for just two weeks, she was assaulted by him in a hotel room. What transpired was a sustained and horrific attack. Lynch raped her, beat her, and threatened her life. The full details are too devastating to print, but things got much worse. Lynch spent two days phoning and harassing Katie, demanding to know her every move to ensure she didn’t report him to the police. Eventually, she agreed to read an email he had sent. On the way to her local internet cafe, a man – who Lynch had “hired” – threw sulphuric acid in her face. The acid not only burned Katie’s face almost to the bone, it blinded her in one eye, and also went down her throat. Katie has issues with her digestive tract to this day.

To think all this happened to the same strong, confident, charismatic woman I’m speaking to today is almost beyond belief.

And yet, with 601 acid attacks in the UK last year – a staggering 454 of these were committed in London – I shouldn’t be surprised

by Katie’s fortitude. Earlier this year, Katie wrote an open letter to the medical journal, Scars, Burns and Healing, to emphasise the utter destruction of these attacks. On behalf of all burns survivors, she wrote: “For acid attack survivors, the aftermath is a life sentence.”

Experts believe the rise in these horrific attacks in the UK is due to the police crackdown on knife and gun crime. Gangs, in particular, are turning to corrosive substances, which are often readily available over the counter. Katie’s heartfelt letter refers to the need for stricter laws to make it more difficult to purchase

28 • happiful • November 2017

these substances, and for sentencing to reflect the devastating impact of the crime. For one thing, survivors live in fear of the day their attacker is released back on to the streets.

Discussing Katie’s article, I’m curious about one line in particular where she says she will “need therapy for life”. She’s thoughtful as she explains: “I think you can never predict when somebody’s had something that causes PTSD – people are in and out of treatment for the rest of their lives. And that’s why we call it a life-changing injury.”

And with recovery, Katie’s been open about getting support, and the importance of taking care of your mental health. She has a strong support network, with her amazing family and incredible husband, Richard, whom she married in 2015. But alongside support from loved ones, Katie is a keen advocate for professional help to deal with trauma.

I think Belle worries I’m in pain.

I won’t lie, I just say, ‘It did hurt years and years ago when I first hurt myself, but it’s better now’ In 2016, NHS England reported they were referring more people than ever to psychological therapies. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), meanwhile, found one in five people have now consulted a counsellor or psychotherapist. There’s no denying that our society is facing incredible challenges in the care and treatment of mental health illnesses, but public opinion on therapy – and its benefits – seems to be changing for the better.

Like Happiful, Katie recognises the incredible impact that speaking about our mental health can have on people’s perceptions, awareness and understanding. She discusses how it’s not just the number of people talking that speaks volumes now, but how people you wouldn’t expect are breaking down the stigma around mental health by openly saying they’ve experienced depression, or received counselling. “They are people who outwardly look happy, and we are realising that, actually, mental health doesn’t just affect people who look miserable,” she says. “I almost make a joke of it saying: ‘How would you get through all this without help?’”

This is the thing about Katie. She constantly catches me off guard with how at ease she is with her past experiences. Her sense of humour in the face of such trauma is astounding.

Katie reveals she started receiving counselling immediately after her attack, and still goes to this day. “It’s not like I’m necessarily going to the therapist to talk about what happened to me now,” she says. “It might be regular things like work pressures, or my own relationships.”

For some, trauma makes people retreat protectively into their shells. For Katie, it’s propelled her forwards. She fully embraces life, and never takes a moment for granted. Here is someone who’s faced the unimaginable and shown superhuman resilience. She has never let her scares define her. She defines herself.

Pioneer SPIRIT

“I would hate people to look at my story and think I just decided to chin up, be positive, and it happened. Because sometimes that advice – be positive – is patronising,” she says. “You could wrongly look at people you see as role models and think you’re a failure because you’ve not dealt with something the same way. That wouldn’t help people’s recovery.”

Katie is truly one of a kind. She’s also bringing more light into the world, currently pregnant with her second child, and due to give birth over the Christmas period. Her energy and excitement is contagious. “Because it’s further down the line now, it’s really real! My husband can feel the baby kick, and my belly button is showing through my dresses.”

And her dresses are certainly gorgeous – designed by Katie herself. She’s recently launched a maternity range with Want That Trend that radiates playful glamour, very much like the creator. “Being able to put my name to something, and design it from scratch, was a little girl’s dream come true,” she says.

With Belle to look after, as well as her busy public life, pregnancy number two would understandably be tiring. But Katie’s focus is on her family, ensuring Belle feels as special as ever.

“You’ve got to do your normal stuff with your toddler,” Katie says. “You’ve got to be conscious you’re not making them feel things are changing because of the baby.”

Is Belle ready to become a big sister?

“She’s really excited. She’s told everyone at nursery that she’s pregnant, which is a bit weird when she’s three-and-a-half! We talk about it as if it’s our baby, so she’s going to help look after it.”

And while her little family are keeping the sex of their new arrival a surprise, it seems Belle has her own predictions. On a recent motherdaughter shopping trip, Belle was excitedly selecting items of clothing for the baby, until Katie explained they weren’t sure if it’s a boy or a girl. “No, no, it’s going to be a boy!” said Belle, refusing to entertain the idea of a little sister.

“That’s pretty confident!” says Katie.

It’s no surprise Belle is growing up to be so selfassured. Katie is a strong believer in empowering others to feel confident, having written her own book on the subject – Confidence: The Secret.

She says she’s conscious of how susceptible children can be to the way adults present themselves. “I’d never say around Belle that I felt fat or ugly, because I think that’s setting the bar for negative, low self-worth.” she says. “When you have children, maybe you become more aware of society, because you’re thinking this is the future and this is where your children are going to grow up.” Continues >>>

‘I’d never say around Belle that I felt fat or ugly, because I think that’s setting the bar for negative, low self-worth’

November 2017 • happiful • 29

Cover Feature: Katie Piper

‘I try to be as authentic as I can so as not to create this superwoman persona’

30 • happiful • November 2017

Pioneer SPIRIT

Katie’s parents gave her daily skin massages after the attack, and her sister vowed to wear a protective face-mask in solidarity with Katie, who wore hers 23-hours-a-day to help her scars heal. So it’s no surprise that family means everything to Katie. She even mentions she was initially unsure about having children of her own, after everything her body had been through. I ask how having Belle changed her.

“It’s definitely changed my priorities,” she says. “I suppose it’s that funny thing of, ‘God, what did I do before?’ Because now she’s my world – my husband and her. It’s like I can’t imagine life before, without them. It feels like it’s all I’ve ever known.”

For anyone, being pregnant comes with challenges, but for someone like Katie, with burns and scar tissue both internally and externally, each phase comes with additional serious health hazards. With her daughter’s birth in 2014, Katie had a caesarean so as to not put too much pressure on her wounds. Second time around, it will be the same again. Is she worried? Apparently not.

As ever, Katie’s humour shines through. “I’ve done it once and it was fine. In fact, it was the easiest operation I’ve ever had to undergo!”

With over 300 surgeries under her belt, including stem cell surgery to restore vision in her left eye, Katie’s been through the unimaginable. Yet she remains as candid as ever – honest about the daily realities and reminders of her past, but with her own optimistic twist. “I think it’s just a little bit harder in the pregnancy, because when you get to this stage it gets painful where the scar tissue is – you can feel it stretching and tearing.

But there are other people who can’t get pregnant because of their condition, so you have to look at the glass half full.”

You might think Katie would want to shield her daughter from the harsh realities of the world, particularly given the current spate of acid attacks in the news. But as a mother, Katie keeps an objective, optimistic perspective. “I think I’m protective of her privacy, online and in public, but I try to make a conscious effort not to smother her with my past experiences,” she confides.

“I want her to go out into the world and be adventurous. I don’t want her to be anxious and fearful.”

It would be easy to think that Katie has miraculously made a conscious decision to be happy, to see the best in the world, to emerge from the darkness emotionally unscathed. But she’s keen to be seen as a realistic role model – someone who has struggles too. Being a beacon of hope for those in recovery is a selfless act, but is also a huge responsibility.

“It’s not a good pedestal to be on,” says Katie. “It’s difficult and not sustainable. But I think the mind is the most powerful muscle we possess. It’s important [to be positive], but it’s also about recognising when you do have down days, and not beating yourself up about it.”

Take Katie’s raw and unfiltered social media. She’s more than comfortable posting pictures without makeup, and she doesn’t use Photoshop at all. Rather, she bares her true identity to the world, regularly posting about the impact her injuries still have on her mind and body, 10 years on. A particularly nasty eye infection earlier this year meant she missed her daughter’s birthday after being rushed to hospital. People learned about it from her social media accounts. “I try to be as authentic as I can so as not to create this superwoman persona,” she says, “because no one is that person.”

What constantly surprises me is Katie’s vast reservoir of strength. She seems even more of a superwoman because she’s so honest in explaining that she’ll continue to emotionally and physically recover from her trauma for the rest of her life.

I need to ask – because I’m in awe – where on earth she finds this strength.

“For me, family is a big thing – my husband – but also my community online. I find strength in connecting with people, sharing positive mantras, reading books. You can never have learnt or read enough.” Katie is a big believer in balancing out the negativity she hears in the world. “Surrounding yourself with positive communication enriches your life,” she says.

I try not to smother Belle with my past. I want her to go out into the world and be adventurous When it comes to enriching others’ lives, Katie is a pro. It’s clear from the outpouring of love on her social media what a difference Katie and her charity, the Katie Piper Foundation, have made to the lives of burns survivors. And they’ve truly touched her too.

“Everything they’ve done, they’ve made it happen for themselves,” she says. “A charity can help you or mentor you, but ultimately it’s personal responsibility.”

One of Katie’s key messages is about confidence. She dreams of a world where self-belief is a by-product of recovery, where people recognise self-esteem as a choice, and not exclusive to those who look a certain way. “There’s strength in numbers,” she says. “It’s easier to be the person you want to be when you’ve got others doing the same thing and rallying round you.”

Katie has a wealth of support now, but 10 years ago there must have been times when she doubted if she would even live through her ordeal, let alone become a mum and have her own growing family.

Her response, of course, is perfectly honest and perfectly optimistic. “I’m 10 years’ post-injury now. It took me six years from my own injury to meet my husband. It’s proof that things do get better, but recovery is that – an ongoing thing. When I’m mentoring at my charity, I’m able to use that example for other burns survivors who may be at the beginning of what is potentially a long road.”

Katie is now on a new road.

The devastating trauma she faced is part of her journey, making her the awe-inspiring person she is today. But the road ahead is uncharted territory. Hers is not the path of a victim. Her attack did not defeat her, nor will it defeat the countless others she is inspiring and supporting. Her journey is a steadfast march from darkness to light, tragedy to triumph, strength through adversity.

Katie Piper isn’t just a survivor, she’s a pioneer for change.

Follow Katie on Instagram @katiepiper_, or visit katiepiperfoundation.org.uk. Katie Piper’s debut live show, What’s in My Head, will tour the UK in spring 2018.

November 2017 • happiful • 31

Happiful Hack

5

CALMING METHODS

Master Your

Breathing

There are hundreds of ways to bring calmness into your life, but the easiest (and cheapest) is by simply taking a deep breath Writing | Rose Elliot

32 • happiful • November 2017

Life LESSONS

B

uddhist monks always teach their students the immense value of “noticing the breath”, otherwise known as mindfulness breathing.

It’s a wonderful technique that can be used to induce calmness and a sense of inner peace. Best of all, it’s free and easy to learn. Here’s how:

3

As you breathe, say to yourself: “Breathing in, I am aware of how I am feeling now. Breathing out, I am aware of how I am feeling now.” Really open yourself to the feeling, whether it is pleasant, or not. Remember, you are just being aware of it, being “mindful” of it, just as you were mindful of your body. You are not judging it or trying to fix it.

You are simply observing it, noticing it, allowing it to be. When you have had enough, take another mindfulness breath or two, perhaps feeling the breath go right through your body, healing, nurturing and protecting you.

You can find freedom from difficult feelings 4

Breathe mindfully

Sit down comfortably in a quiet place with your spine straight. Close your eyes and focus your attention on the tip of your nose, looking slightly downwards with your eyes shut. Notice the breath going in, and then out, through your nose. Keep your awareness on your breaths all the way through without interruption, if possible. If a thought comes, simply take yourself back to your breathing. Don’t consciously try to change the length of your breaths, or anything else.

Instead, just really notice the feeling of your breath.

Start with 2–3 breaths, two or three times during the day, or whenever you think about it. Every breath you take mindfully is helpful, and you can gradually build up the time and focus on the different aspects of your life, benefiting your body, feelings, mind and heart.

2

Heal your body

Breathe in, as described, while saying to yourself: “Breathing in, I am aware of my whole body.” As you breathe out say: “Breathing out, I am aware of my whole body.” Continue the process for a few breaths, noticing tensions and feelings in your body, and letting them go. Feel your body relax and surrender to the breath, the life-giving oxygen entering your blood-stream, reaching every part of your body, every atom, then leaving your body replenished, healed, and strengthened.

Soothe your mind

Get comfortable, with your spine straight. Gently close your eyes and notice your breathing. Take one or two breaths to prepare, then, as you breathe, say: “Breathing in I am aware of my mind. Breathing out, I am aware of my mind.”

Take one or two mindfulness breaths as you repeat the words. Then allow yourself to get a sense of what is going on in your mind. How does your mind feel? Restless? Confused? Damped down? Worried?

Wanting something?

Whatever is going on, let it be, without judgement.

Keep breathing, noticing, accepting, allowing. Feel the peace.

...even if only for a moment or two 1

Calm your feelings

Three Timeless Ideas Do not dwell in the past.

Do not dream of the future.

Concentrate the mind on the present moment.

5

Free your spirit

As you practice breathing regularly, you will realise that you can find freedom from aches and pain, difficult feelings and troublesome thoughts, even if only for a moment or two. You may begin to experience what the Buddha called the “clear mind” – a place of space and clarity within, like a clear lake.

You will learn to let your breath take you there any time, any place, and you will know true freedom.

Whatever is going on, let it be, without judgment.

Keep breathing, noticing, accepting, allowing. Feel the peace.

Rose Elliot, a renowned vegetarian chef, is author of Every Breath You Take (Watkins, £7.99).

November 2017 • happiful • 33

Special Report

You’re browsing through Facebook.

Suddenly you see something familiar.

You freeze. Your heart is pounding.

It’s a topless photo you sent your ex.

You feel exposed. Degraded. Helpless.

Your blood runs cold.

What happens next?

34 • happiful • November 2017

Cyber CRIME

REVENGE PORN:

Exposing the Epidemic

Writing | Rebecca Thair and Kathryn Wheeler

I

n a leaked document from Facebook this year, it was revealed that the social media giant investigated almost 54,000 potential cases of revenge porn on the platform over a single month.

This crime – and it is now illegal in the UK – ruins lives. Victims find their private photos and videos distributed without their consent to porn sites, posted across social media, sent to family and colleagues, and used to blackmail them.

Commonly known as “revenge porn”, this crime isn’t limited to vengeful exes. It can include “upskirt” pictures, sextortion, or hacking into a phone with private images contained on it, and there are an estimated 2,000 sites solely dedicated to publishing these images. The term “image-based sexual abuse” reflects the global epidemic more appropriately, depicting the severity and variety of the crime.

Many will remember the celebrity iCloud hacking scandal of 2014, where private images of stars including

Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton were stolen and released on the forum 4chan. High-profile cases bring the issue to the headlines, but there are countless incidents destroying lives that don’t make the papers.

Happiful spoke with survivors of this abuse, as well as legal professionals, helplines, academics and activists to give you a full overview of the impact of this crime, your cyber rights, and what to do if someone threatens to, or does, distribute private, intimate images of you. >>> November 2017 • happiful • 35

Special Report

THE SURVIVOR Amanda Scotland was 17 when she met her boyfriend. After the birth of their child, the relationship became abusive and, once she turned 18, he pressured her to film a porn video chosen to Amanda has tity private en id r keep he

I

was born and raised in Ontario, Canada and it was there, seven years ago, that I met my ex-boyfriend.

We were best friends and became a couple five months later. I was 17 and he was 18 when I got pregnant with our daughter. We were very young, but excited.

After our daughter was born in January 2012, my ex started to change. He became very abusive. I was terrified, but felt trapped because we had a child together.

When I turned 18, his behaviour changed again. He asked if I wanted to make a porn video. I told him no. He told me that if I didn’t do it, he would take our daughter away from me and send me to a women’s shelter. I felt like I had no choice.

If I wanted to keep my daughter in my life, I had to do it. So we did.

A few days later, we got into a bad fight and he threatened to post the video. We kept fighting and then he left for hours.

When he came back, he told me he’d uploaded the video to the internet. I felt broken inside.

In August 2012, my ex was arrested. I took We kept fighting and the chance and then he left for hours. ran away with my When he came back, he seven-month-old daughter to our told me he’d uploaded local women’s the video to the internet. shelter, where we I felt broken inside stayed until we got our new home.

36 • happiful • November 2017

In May 2013, I got full custody of my daughter, and an order against him stating that he couldn’t be around us.

Some years later, I found a couple on Youtube named “Bria and Chrissy”. One of them was going through a revenge porn case; it felt amazing to see someone who had gone through a similar situation fighting for what she believes in. She gave me the courage to take legal action.

I started to build my case, but it felt like I was getting nowhere. I was losing hope, until our local victim witness centre suggested I should report it to the police.

I reported it in 2014, but there was no law against revenge porn at the time. In 2015, the law was passed, and the video was investigated. On the 21 September 2017, the police informed me that because the video doesn’t show our faces, there isn’t sufficient evidence that it is actually me and my ex in the video. This means they can’t take the video down, and my ex won’t be charged.

When I found out, I was completely devastated and felt lost. I’m currently in counselling to help me move on and heal.

From the start, I was prepared that this outcome was a huge possibility. But just because my case didn’t work out, doesn’t mean yours won’t.

I’m now 23 and in college, working towards my dream career: working with LGBTQ youth. After some time, I came out, and now identify as lesbian. I’m engaged, and my fiancée is amazing with my daughter, and my daughter loves her too. I still suffer with PTSD and depression after the abuse, but I take it one day at a time. For anyone going through a similar situation I just want to say, don’t give up.

Cyber CRIME

The Barrister WHAT IS SPITE? We launched SPITE (Sharing and Publishing Images to Embarrass) in February 2015, just before the Criminal Justice and Courts Act came into force in April 2015. This statute made it against the law to distribute a private sexual image of another person, where the person in the image hasn’t given their consent. We give free, one-to-one client advice. We partnered with Revenge Porn Helpline, who do incredible work getting images removed from online platforms, so we cross-refer a lot of clients.

With SPITE appointments, anyone under 18 needs to be accompanied by a parent or guardian. A lot of our clients come to us just because they want to know their legal options.

There’s a lot of variety in the type of cases we’re contacted about; we were initially surprised at the number of male clients. The cases are varied and can range from an ex-partner distributing images for revenge, to sextortion and blackmail, or someone’s sexuality being revealed – perhaps in communities where this isn’t widely accepted. Revenge Porn Helpline get a lot of calls where the person doesn’t know who the perpetrator is, and we are able to work with clients who are in this position.

From launching SPITE, we realised there was a real need to do preventative work, so we launched a community project called SPITE for Schools in 2015. We send teams of three undergraduate law students into secondary schools, to deliver a bespoke workshop designed for the pupils, under the supervision of a qualified barrister or solicitor. Last year we worked with 11 schools, and next year we’re aiming for 18.

You can contact SPITE via: · Phone: 0207 882 3931 · Email: lac@qmul.ac.uk · Website: lac.qmul.ac.uk

We speak to Frances Ridout, deputy director of the Queen Mary Legal Advice Centre, which runs SPITE – a specialist service dedicated to helping victims of image-based sexual abuse

A HISTORY OF REVENGE PORN Writing | Jenny Cole

1980s – Reports of vengeful exes submitting photos to pornographic magazines without the women depicted giving consent 1995 – Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee’s sex tape is stolen and distributed

WHAT ARE YOUR RIGHTS? If someone shares an explicit image of you without your consent, there are two main legal avenues you can go down: criminal or civil action.

It is against the law to distribute a private sexual image of another person without their consent. There’s a twoyear maximum prison sentence. The difficulty, and this is also the case with civil action, is evidence, i.e. proving the offence. This is why we advise victims to keep screenshots and save as much evidence of the offence as possible. It’s also important to remember that under the new criminal statute, every act of disclosure is equally liable. If a load of university students keep sharing a private sexual image without the consent of the person depicted, each one could be individually guilty as the prime defendant.

In a civil action, the client initially funds the proceedings rather than the Crown Prosecution Service. If the people involved are associated, an application could be made for a non-molestation order. Disclosing private images may be a breach of privacy or harassing behaviour, for which damages may be awarded. It’s also potentially a breach of copyright if the victim has taken the picture themselves, as they will automatically own the copyright to that picture. >>>

2007 – The current meaning of revenge porn was first defined by a user of urbandictionary.com 2007 – Kim Kardashian’s sex tape with R&B singer and rapper Ray J is released 2009 – Nude images of Rihanna are leaked, shortly after her split with singer Chris Brown. He denied responsibility 2010 – “Is Anyone Up”, the first known platform for revenge porn began by Hunter Moore, featuring naked photos alongside subjects’ full names and links to Facebook profiles 2010 – A 20-year-old from New Zealand is the first person to go to prison for posting revenge porn on Facebook 2010 – In a gender-reversing example known in Australia as “DickiLeaks”, a teenager uploaded naked photos of two famous Australian-rules football players and said: “I just want to let them know what it feels like to have your reputation absolutely ruined” Sept 2010 – Tyler Clementi, an 18-yearold American student at Rutgers University in Piscataway, New Jersey, jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate, Dharun Ravi, used a webcam to view and share footage of Clementi kissing another man Dec 2011 – Facebook moved to prevent the website “Is Anyone Up” from providing links to the profiles of Facebook users alongside explicit photographs of them posted without their consent November 2017 • happiful • 37

Special Report

2012 – Following rumours of an FBI investigation, Hunter Moore closed “Is Anyone Up” and sold the URL to an antibullying charity 2012 – Tulisa Contostavlos accused an ex-boyfriend of putting footage of the pair in “an intimate moment” online 2012 – Dr Holly Jacobs, a victim of revenge porn, set up the campaign “End Revenge Porn” in America, which is part of the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative. She was instrumental in helping California pass a law against revenge porn Aug 2012 – Nude pictures of Prince Harry are leaked online after he spent a weekend partying in Las Vegas with friends Sept 2012 – The French magazine, Closer, published shots of Kate Middleton sunbathing topless on the terrace of a French chateau, which was thought to offer complete privacy 2014 – A hacker posted naked images of about 100, mostly female, celebrities including Rihanna and Jennifer Lawrence, on online bulletin board 4chan Jan 2014 – Hunter Moore, who ran revenge porn website “Is Anyone Up”, is arrested along with colleague Charles Evans, following an FBI investigation 18 Feb 2014 – The first “revenge porn” case of its kind was brought in New York Criminal Court by a woman who alleged that her ex-boyfriend sent naked pictures of her to her sister and employer. The exboyfriend was arrested and charged with aggravated harassment, dissemination of unlawful surveillance and public display of offensive sexual material. The charges show that the defendant was not charged with specifically doing what he actually did – sharing explicit images without the consent of the person in the images 25 Feb 2014 – The above case made headlines when the judge dismissed the case because the conduct was not covered by the crimes charged against the boyfriend. Although the judge recognised that the girlfriend did not grant permission to send the images, no laws in New York could support the criminal charges Apr 2014 – Charities including The National Stalking Helpline, Women’s Aid and the UK Safer Internet Centre all reported increased use of revenge porn websites by UK Internet users

Jun 2014 – Former Culture Secretary, Maria Miller, announced her campaign to ban the rising tide of revenge porn.

The subject was the source of much discussion in government after the publication of intimate 38 • happiful • November 2017 images of David Cameron’s nanny

The stigma and shame that often comes with being a victim of revenge porn can make it difficult to confide in friends and family. We speak to Laura Higgins, founder and manager of Revenge Porn Helpline, a free resource, offering a sympathetic ear and practical advice and assistance in getting content removed from websites

The Helpline Founder Online safety is my specialism. When people ask what my job is, I say: “I keep people safe on the internet.”

The first thing you need to know about Revenge Porn Helpline is that we’re non-judgemental. When it comes to revenge porn, there can be so much victim blaming, but we pride ourselves on the fact that we’re very much about saying: “Hold on a minute, you’re the victim here.”

It’s often cathartic to just talk about what’s happened, and that’s why we’re here. The conversations may start in a garbled way, and then it’s about helping them unpick the whats, whens and whos. We also run a scheme with Queen Mary’s University called SPITE, where law students give clients free legal advice.

We work closely with the internet industry, so we’re very effective when it comes to getting content removed.

Social media sites have tools in place to filter content, such as Facebook’s dedicated reporting flow for nonconsensual images. We worked on the language of this with them to ensure it’s appropriate for victims. In theory, if they follow that process, the image should be taken down straight away.

On occasion, someone may report something and the mechanism doesn’t pick it up. In those cases, we know people to contact and say: “You didn’t take action on this report. Please can you re-visit it.” We have a nearly 100% takedown rate when that happens.

The only problem is with websites that are purely there to host revenge porn. Sometimes we have to prepare clients that we may not be able to get it removed, but we always try our hardest. However, if the victim is under 18, they legally have to take it down.

From our point of view, a victim is a victim, and we will do everything we can to help

Technology is a part of all of our lives, so it makes sense that it’s a part of our relationships too. Couples who have been married for 10 or 15 years share images, and we do get a lot of clients in their 40s. It’s not just young people, and not just women. A quarter of our calls are from men. We get quite a lot of male, celebrity victims who have got into “honeytrap” situations. From our point of view, a victim is a victim, and we will do everything we can to help.

This year our call numbers have gone up by 50%, and the average length of calls have doubled. After the recent Rob Kardashian story, we had a lot of clients calling after recognising that what happened to them wasn’t OK. We’re not defined by the legal definition of revenge pornography, so from our point of view the content doesn’t have to be explicit. Even if it’s just suggestive, if the client is unhappy about it being online, we take action.

People’s first priority is just to make it go away, and that’s where we’re very effective. We hate the idea that once something’s online, it’s there forever.

Because it’s not, and we do a really good job of making sure it’s not.

Clare McGlynn is a Professor of Law at Durham University, specialising in the legal regulation of pornography and image-based sexual abuse. Clare discusses the term ‘revenge porn’, and what more governing bodies can do to support victims

THE PROFESSOR

T

he term “revenge porn” fails to cover all the different ways in which intimate photos and videos are created and shared without the consent of the people in them. Images might be shared to make money, for notoriety, for a “laugh”, not just revenge.

And perpetrators are not just ex-boyfriends, but hackers, opportunists, neighbours, and former friends. Victims describe their experiences as forms of sexual assault or abuse: the images are sexual, the abuse is sexualised, and it is about non-consent.

“Image-based sexual abuse” includes “revenge porn”, but also other forms of abuse like sexualised photoshopping, upskirting, voyeurism and sexual extortion.

By seeing these harms as part of a pattern, we can better understand and appreciate the depth and extent of it happening. It also means that education and campaigns can be better targeted.

The language and terms we use shape our understanding, and influences public and political debates. In terms of changing the law, the term “porn” often distracts politicians, and they think only if images are “pornography” are they harmful.

It’s hard to believe, but it’s only in the last five years or so that smartphones have become so common. This has meant it’s

‘Victims describe their experiences as forms of sexual assault or abuse’

easier than ever to take images.

Consequently, it’s easier to share a photo – and easier to take one without someone noticing.

Celebrity cases, such as Blac Chyna’s, help to raise awareness, and highlight how victim-blaming our culture is. But, we must remember that these abuses happen to all women (and it is mainly women who are victims). And most don’t have the financial resources to take legal action against perpetrators.

This is why we need criminal laws to challenge these actions, as well as properly-funded support services.

We can reform the law to ensure it covers all forms of imagebased sexual abuse. However, these laws will only be effective if the police and prosecutors take action. Ultimately, however, what we need is cultural change such that people all agree that it’s wrong to take or share images without consent. This means effective campaigns and education. Support for survivors is vital, which is why sustainable government funding is required for services such as the Revenge Porn Helpline. >>> November 2017 • happiful • 39

Special Report

THE ACTIVIST When it comes to activism, Leah Juliett is a force to be reckoned with. They became a victim of revenge porn at 15, before founding the ‘March Against Revenge Porn’

A

s a young activist during a tense era of civil rights in America, I know that having a strong voice is my most powerful tool to combat injustice. The ability to be outspoken is a privilege, and yet finding your voice after a trauma is incredibly hard.

My initial foray into activism was as a young gay person in a conservative public high school. I began volunteering for regional pride organisations and was inspired by the courage of the LGBTQ+ community in fostering areas of visibility in traditionally discriminatory locations. I was always confident in my queerness and had no problem amplifying my voice to represent others impacted by homophobia and transphobia.

But when I needed to be my own activist during my darkest time, I could not find my voice.

In 2012, at age 15, nude photos of me were posted online to humiliate me and punish me for being gay. At the time, there was no name for what was happening to me, which increased my feelings of isolation and shame. Today, the words “revenge porn” and “nonconsensual image sharing”’ are used to describe how I was exploited and exposed like a sexual trading card. I sunk into a silent depression of suicidal

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ideation and deep despair. I continued to advocate for the LGBTQ+ community while staying silent about my own personal trauma.

Sometimes it’s easier to advocate on behalf of others than to speak out for yourself.

Five years later, I found my voice in the mugshot of the man who’d exploited me. As his picture stared into my soul, I was angered into action.

I founded the March Against Revenge Porn, a cyber civil rights organisation dedicated to helping victims of revenge porn by fostering communities of victims and allies, advocating for federal legislation, changing the

Sometimes it’s easier to advocate on behalf of others than to speak out for yourself narrative around cyber sexual assault, and building a base of resources. The movement began with a march across the Brooklyn Bridge. I began travelling to universities to tell my story and educate students about the impact of revenge porn. I’ve learned that revenge porn victimisation largely

targets people of minority gender identities and sexual orientations, and creates a greater risk for human sex trafficking.

After holding the first march, I was noticed by national and international media organisations, and have been given opportunities to speak on CNN, BBC, MTV, Sky News, The Daily Mail, and Snapchat.

Being an activist has been both therapeutic and daunting.

Despite the attention I’ve garnered, revenge porn still remains a highly underserved social issue. Nevertheless, there is hope.

At age 15, I thought I wouldn’t live to turn 20. Today, I’m almost 21 years old. I am openly nonbinary and queer.

I have interned for a US Congresswoman, a prestigious domestic violence coalition, and an international human rights organisation. I currently serve as a Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) Campus Ambassador, and have spoken at the Human Rights Campaign national conference.

In order to get therapeutic value from my activism, I had to face the trauma that haunted my soul and silenced my voice.

My experience devastated me, but I built a movement from the devastation on which I stand to tell my story.

Jun 2014 – A landmark ruling by a German court ordered a man to delete intimate photographs of his former girlfriend, despite not having any intention to publish the images. The court ruled that the women’s personal rights trump those of the photographer, thus preventing revenge porn from happening

‘With the new law criminalising this action, the seriousness of this life-destroying crime is starting to be realised’

Oct 2014 – The Crown Prosecution Service updated its legal guidance to explain how revenge porn cases could be prosecuted Apr 2015 – Section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act (2015) was amended and it made it: “An offence for a person to publish a private sexual image of another identifiable person without their consent where this disclosure causes distress to the person who is the subject of the image” 13 Sept 2016 – Tiziana Cantone from Naples, Italy, commits suicide following videos of her performing sex acts going viral. That month, a court had ordered for the videos to be removed from certain sites and search engines, but also instructed her to pay £17,200 in legal fees Sept 2016 – It was announced that, since the Criminal Justice and Courts Act statute had come in, there have been more than 200 convictions

The Call to Action While social media companies are beginning to take note of the urgency of this crime, the numbers reveal that this is a problem on a terrifying scale.

What’s clear is that the government, with support from initiatives like Revenge Porn Helpline and SPITE, must continue to preserve the rights of victims. With the new law criminalising this action, the seriousness of this life-destroying crime is starting to be realised.

No matter the circumstance, age, or gender; once we recognise revenge porn as the abuse it is, we can take the steps to hold perpetrators responsible, and to prevent it completely.

If you’ve been affected by the issues in this article, please contact Revenge Porn Helpline, SPITE, or the police.

HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF ONLINE: – Check your social media privacy settings regularly.

Mar 2017 – Mischa Barton took legal action after reports that an alleged sex tape of her was being touted to porn companies 5 Apr 2017 – Facebook announced a new plan to fight revenge porn. People will be able to report the content to Facebook, where specially trained representatives will review and remove the image if it violates the Community Standards. In most cases, they also disable the account for sharing images without permission.

Using photo-matching technologies, they look to purge these images from Facebook, Messenger and Instagram

– Google yourself now and then or set up a Google alert for your name

24 Apr 2017 – It became an offence under the Communications Act 2003 to threaten to disclose intimate material or sexually explicit images of anyone

– If you’re a victim of image-based sexual abuse, recording evidence is essential. Save screenshots of as much as possible – messages, the image itself, who has shared it.

3 Jul 2017 – The Abusive Behaviour and Sexual Harm Act came into force in Scotland. It will see offenders facing five years behind bars

– You can report an image through Facebook, but contacting Revenge Porn Helpline (0345 6000 459) also helps – they’re experts in ensuring it’s taken down swiftly.

Jul 2017 – Rob Kardashian posted private and explicit photos of his ex, Blac Chyna. He could face up to six months in jail under Californian law Sept 2017 - French magazine Closer is ordered to pay more than £91,000 in damages to Kate Middleton for publishing topless photos of the Duchess without November 2017 • happiful • 41 her consent

The Lives and Loves of

PRUE LEITH Restaurateur, traveller, author – and now the straight-talking judge on the Great British Bake Off, the indomitable Ms Leith speaks exclusively with Happiful about the mental health benefits of baking. She also has a word to say about the sauciness of a good innuendo Interview | Jake Hamilton

The secret of Bake Off’s success?

‘We all love cake!’ says Prue

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Main: Andrew Crowley/Camera Press; Paul Hollywood: Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com

Firstly, congratulations on the success of the all-new Bake Off! Thank you!

How did you prepare yourself for this huge change in your life? And what changes have you noticed already?

Well, everyone warned me that it could be a problem. I’d heard how Paul [Hollywood] was harried by the paparazzi, so I asked Mary Berry and she said that, yes, people did recognise her, but they are nearly all nice and she found it flattering! I’d always thought I had just the right amount of fame – that is, not very much – when doing the Great British Menu, but I have to say GBBO is in another league. I just had a fortnight holed up in a village in France to get some writing done, and whenever we emerged into the local cafe, some Brit would ask for a selfie.

Do shows like Bake Off help to tackle the nation’s diet by encouraging the baking and cooking of good food?

I haven’t got the stats to prove it, but I suspect many people come into cooking by the baking route. They see someone making a cake and they think: “Maybe I could do that?” And what is proved, and well documented, is that people who cook tend to care more about what they put into their bodies, to eat less junk and more veg, for example. My attitude has always been there are no bad foods, only bad diets, and a bit of what you fancy...

The point is, it should only be a little bit!

Bake Off has a reputation for cheeky innuendo – do you plan on bringing a bit more sauciness to the show?

I’m not a prude, far from it, but at first I thought I’d be rather disapproving of feeble puns and bad jokes. I mean, how many jibes can you make about a soggy bottom? But it’s catching, and I now find myself joining in. Paul is the devil.

He will see something rude in the most innocent remark, and once he starts laughing on camera, we all do. I’m afraid innuendoes are here to stay.

What’s the secret ingredient that brings the whole family together to watch it?

I think the secret is cake! We all love a bit of cake and watching people baking cake is the next best thing to eating it.

But it’s also such a wholesome show, with not a mean streak in it. No one is out to humiliate the contestants or make them cry or watch them make idiots of themselves for the sake of compelling telly. Everyone, the judges, the team, even the competitors, want all the bakers to do well. And because the bakers are chosen for their skill, and are all driven by the same obsession with baking, they make engaging, real, fascinating viewing. We get to care about them, root for them, and we are miserable when they are eliminated. And since so many people share the experience of watching, it gives them something pleasant and safe to talk about, to neighbours, colleagues, strangers, or your family.

You married the designer John Playfair in 2016, who you affectionately call your “toyboy”. How would you describe your relationship – fun and playful?

It’s certainly fun and we laugh a lot.

John can be very funny. But we also read chunks of whatever we are reading to each other, swap books or articles, and share an interest in politics, business and art – though not always the same view.

We’ve been together for six years and have only had two or three tiffs in all that time, always because when I get stressed I get bossy and peremptory, and John feels taken for granted.

Paul is the devil.

He will see something rude in the most innocent remark, and once he starts laughing, we all do

How are your tiffs usually resolved?

It’s amazing how much you miss someone you love if they just go quiet on you.

What advice do you have for couples who struggle to make time for cooking together?

If you have time for watching telly (and the average adult watches four hours a day) then you have time for half-an-hour a day to make supper, or a couple of hours once a week to make a delicious Sunday lunch for the whole family. Continues >>>

November 2017 • happiful • 43

Happiful’s Star Baker: Prue Leith

Does physical affection become more enjoyable with age, or is it about one’s state of mind?

I’ve no idea. I used to see old couples holding hands in the street and imagine they did it to hold each other up. Now I think it’s more likely to be affection. Anyway, everyone likes to be held.

What about advice in maintaining a healthy sex life in long-term marriages?

I’m sure there are pundits for every problem, but I’m not about to be a sexfor-oldies-agony aunt I’m afraid. I’m just very lucky to have had three great love affairs in my life.

How do you keep mentally positive?

I think it’s more luck than anything. I’ve always had a glass half-full attitude, and a pretty cheerful disposition. If things don’t work out, I don’t feel a failure. I tend to think: “Ah well, let’s try something else,” or “Damn it, that was a good idea, let’s give it another go!” Spilt milk and crying spring to mind.

Unlike Paul, Prue is no fan of baking innuendos, but admits they are ‘catching on’

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Cooking is a joy I couldn’t live without.

Almost everyone who does it loves it, and many find it calming

Have you ever sought counselling?

Only once when I was so overwhelmed with work I was having to turn down stuff I badly wanted to do. And someone suggested this “personal life strategist” could help. She made me list all the things I wanted to do in the next 10 years.

I found myself saying things like, “Learn to sing; write a novel; go on hols with my grown-up children, one at a time; see the Grand Canyon.” Then she made me write a list of what I spend my time on, all the jobs I’d undertaken, commercial boards I sat on, all the committees and charities I served on, contracts I had to deliver on.

Then she read out the list and watched my face. Every time I leant forward and talked enthusiastically about the project, charity, business or school board or whatever, she’d give it a tick on the list.

If I started to look glum, sigh, explain without enthusiasm what it was about, she crossed it off the list. Then she told me to quit all the crossed-out activities and I’d have time for the stuff I dreamt of doing. She was dead right. I’ve done all that now, and a heap more. But I still can’t sing!

You had a very long marriage and wonderful family with the writer Rayne Kruger, who passed away in 2002. That must have been a very difficult time.

What helped you through your grief?

A friend said to me – and I have said it to dozens of bereaved widows since, because it’s the only homily that really helped – she said: “Look Prue, if it didn’t hurt so much, what would that say about the 35 years you had together? If you didn’t miss him, it would mean you’d wasted your life on something worthless. The unhappiness now is the fair price you are paying for all that happiness.”

How best can people cope when mental health issues enter the relationship?

My second love affair, four years after my first husband died, was with a wonderful man, a brilliant entrepreneur, philanthropist and pianist. But he was bipolar and I couldn’t handle it. I have no advice for anyone coping with a mentally unstable partner. How could I? I failed, and would fail again. I think you need the patience and the selflessness of a saint.

What has your role as adoptive mother taught you?

Before we adopted Li-Da, I had nightmares that I wouldn’t love her like I already loved [son] Daniel. I would think, who would I rescue from a sinking boat?

But within days of her arrival I knew the answer: whoever was nearest.

What sort of wellbeing benefits do you get when working with food?

I don’t see it in that clinical way. I just know that cooking is a joy I could not live without, that almost everyone who does it loves it, and that many people find it calming and relaxing, or just a fascinating hobby. I have never met a child who didn’t enjoy it, and I think we should ensure that everyone gets a chance to develop such a creative, useful and worthwhile pleasure which will last a lifetime and probably benefit their health and happiness. End of speech!

What’s your favourite thing to cook?

Cassoulet.

If you had one last meal on earth, what would it be?

Cassoulet.

What food do you wish had never been invented?

Cheese Strings.

Mindful BAKING Prue once sought counselling when she was ‘overwhelmed with work’

5

WAYS BAKING INCREASES WELLBEING 1. SELFEXPRESSION Do you identity with rainbow cakes? Perhaps a devil’s chocolate cake? Or maybe a classic, reliable Victoria sponge? Express yourself in cake form!

2. SHARE THE LOVE In many global cultures, the giving and receiving of food is used as a way to express feelings when words just aren’t enough.

3. SELFLESSNESS The act of selflessly doing something for another person has had proven positive effects on our wellbeing. It can feel amazing to watch people enjoying something you made.

4. DISTRACTION Baking can take a lot of concentration to get right, but it can also be a great way to escape the daily trials of life.

5. SATISFACTION When you’re done with all that measuring, kneading, greasing and baking, you get to sit down with a cup of tea and a fresh bit of baked goodness you can be proud of.

You’ve created your own cooking schools, Leith’s School of Food and Wine, and the Prue Leith Chef ’s Academy. Are you more creativeminded or business-minded?

Heavens, how would I know? I think I get my creative side from my actress mother and my business side from my businessman father. I always say I get as much satisfaction out of a profit and loss account with the right number at the bottom of the page in the right colour, as I do from seeing a perfectly set-up and beautifully cooked wedding buffet before the guests come in and trash it. I love cooking, writing, gardening, teaching, business. In fact, I guess, I love my life.

Your novel The Prodigal Daughter is all about one girl’s relationship with food, and with lovers. To what extent is the book autobiographical?

Yes, this book, the second in the Food of Love Trilogy (shortly to be republished as the Angelotti Chronicles) is the most autobiographical of the lot. The heroine is only a few years younger than me and her life (Paris, cooking in London, early days of television, writing for newspapers, being a caterer and restaurateur) are all a bit based on my life. All my novels have a lot of cooking and food in them but particularly these three novels which have, as their background, the changes in food and farming from rationing through to the rise of junk food.

I used to see old couples holding hands in the street and imagined they did it to hold each other up. Now I think it’s likely to be affection

In Relish: My Life on a Plate, you talk about how, in your early career, you felt increasingly terrified about television presenting. Does this anxiety still plague you?

No, I’m much less nervous now, though the first sight of the big Bake Off tent did make my heart bang a bit. But frankly, being a judge is much easier than being a cook on telly. You don’t have to plan anything, time your recipes, see you have the right equipment, the right ingredients, the right assistant behind the scenes, and, if it’s live, you get no second chances. With judging, you turn up, get made up, coiffed, dressed, stuck in front of delicious food and you just have to eat it and say what you think. Pretty nice, huh? Continues >>> November 2017 • happiful • 45

Happiful’s Star Baker: Prue Leith

How did they do?

The new gang: Noel, Sandi, Paul and Prue

Bake Off is such a wholesome show with not a mean streak in it

HOW BAKING IMPROVES MENTAL HEALTH New Zealand researchers recently studied 659 students before and after they engaged with baking, knitting and painting. Results showed the students overwhelmingly felt calmer, happier and even reported having more energy.

Activities like baking, which are known as “projection activities”, can be used in therapy as a way to transfer negative emotions into constructive, creative projects. Decorating cupcakes, or kneading bread for 10 minutes, can leave you feeling calmer and more satisfied.

Baking can even bring you closer to your purpose in life. Professor Donna Picus, who specialises in brain sciences at Boston University, said: “Baking for others can make you feel like you’ve done something good for the world, which perhaps increases your meaning in life.”

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You initially refused opportunities to write about widowhood, but then changed your mind. Did you find the writing process healing?

Not healing exactly, though people do say writing about grief helps. But I did find it satisfying. I felt I was somehow paying Rayne back for all he’d done for me, taught me about love, given me a happy life and family, helped me build my business, shared his life with me. And I think I wrote well about that chapter of my life and I am proud of it, so yes, writing it was good.

You received public criticism about your love life. Do you have any techniques for coping with negative attention?

I guess I asked for it. If you admit to an adulterous affair in a memoir and publish it, you cannot complain when the press use this to pillory you. But I can’t say it didn’t hurt. And it hurt members of my family too. I am not looking forward to a repeat of all the publicity when Relish is republished. But I think I wrote an honest book, and if readers will just read the thing and not some made-up twist believed by the tabloids, then I think they’ll judge me less harshly than a cynical hack bent on selling newspapers.

You’ve lived all over the world as a food journalist, and sourced and cooked food from many different cultures. Do you consider food a unifying force?

I’ve never thought of it in geo-political terms but I do have one good example.

There is a charity in Tel Aviv which brings Arab Palestinian and Israeli women together to cook. They inevitably become fast friends and their children become friends too.

Relish: My Life on a Plate (Quercus, hardback £20)

Active CHANGE

The British Fashion

Disruptors

Glamorous, attractive and highly addictive, the fashion industry is a place where dreams are made. But wipe away the sparkle, and what lies beneath is a dark and murky place that’s lacking in morals, indifferent to poverty, and impervious to criticism. But change is in the air.

Independent labels are fighting back against fast fashion by creating cool clothes that benefit the consumer and society. Happiful meets five British designers who are taking ethical fashion to a whole new level >>> Interviews | Ellen Hoggard

The Fashion Disruptors

Isobel Davies: ethical entrepreneur and animal lover

The

Fashionable Farmer Hi Isobel! Tell us about yourself.

I’m Isobel, an ex-singer/songwriter, an ethical entrepreneur, and an animal rights campaigner. I started Farmaround – a vegetarian company and the first ever organic box scheme – which I still own today. Izzy Lane is my fashion label and has animal welfare at its core. I’ve rescued more than 600 sheep from slaughter to provide the wool for my label. Farming is a ruthless business.

That can’t have been easy?

It’s all been incredibly hard, thankfully.

There’s nothing quite like entering an industry you know nothing about and having to learn your way through it. I think it makes for finding your own way of doing things, rather than perhaps the right way, like everyone else.

48 • happiful • November 2017

How did you run a startup fashion business while also running your own flock?

Thankfully, I found a shepherd, Ernest, in the early days. I do like to spend time with the sheep – they’re a great tonic to all life’s stresses. They are beautiful, sensitive creatures and don’t deserve what humans inflict on them.

You’ve won awards and done many catwalk shows. What’s next?

We had a new collection in early September, the first for two years. Most designers will buy their fabrics from fabric fairs but, having to do everything from the very beginning, from the nurturing of the sheep to the finished pieces, means we only bring out a collection every few years.

Founder | Isobel Davies Label | Izzy Lane Kind | Knitted Apparel

Active CHANGE Shepherd Ernest rounding up the sheep

Seaside

sophist

ication

We have to be vocal in expressing what we want.

Nothing will change unless we change it How do you use your brand to campaign for animal rights?

Every time I talk about Izzy Lane, and the story of my brand, it enables me to tell people that there is no traceability of animal fibre in the fashion industry. There is no way of knowing if the wool you’re wearing has come from sheep that have been liveexported thousands of miles for religious slaughter, or if your angora socks are made with the hair ripped out of a rabbit as it screams in a factory farm.

Your label has two goals: help save the British textile industry, and give animals a voice. Have you made a difference?

I guess that’s for others to judge, but Izzy Lane has certainly played its part on both counts and helped precipitate change and raise awareness. When I started this, I found that British textile mills were closing by the day. I found the very last remaining worsted spinner in Calderdale – previously there had been 52 spinners. The likes of Burberry and M&S were all moving production to Asia and our industry was falling to pieces. I was determined to highlight this and I did. Now everyone is clamouring to come back to the UK to manufacture – sadly it’s too late.

How do you heighten awareness of animal welfare in fashion with the general public?

Since leaving London to live in Yorkshire, I’m confronted with the brutality of farming on a daily basis. Like any animal, the bonds between mother and child are strong – they’re inseparable. But the clock is ticking. Born in April, by July they are rounded up. Lambs are sent in preparation for slaughter, ewes the other way. Their cries fill the valleys and the lambs are never joyful again. This is the reality of the sheep system, which is where wool comes from.

2017 Collection

As consumers, how can we be more conscious with our fashion choices?

We all have the power to change. The world is in our hands, in our purses. If we don’t buy it, they don’t make it. Fashion is a big business and shareholders want return on investment. That’s their primary concern, not the ethics. As consumers, we have to be vocal in expressing what we want. Nothing will change unless we change it. “Buy less and buy better” is a sensible mantra.

izzylane.bigcartel.com November 2017 • happiful • 49

The Fashion Disruptors

Sophie (left) and Sarah (right), leading the change in feminist fashion

Co-Founder | Sophie Slater Label | Birdsong London Kind | Women’s Apparel

The Feminist Fashionistas Hi Sophie! What you do is incredibly inspiring. How did it all begin?

Me and my business partner, Sarah Beckett, met in 2014 while we were both working for charities. I had a background working as a model, and as a shop assistant at the ethical (but hugely problematic) clothing chain, American Apparel. I was really interested in ethical fashion production and the industry, but couldn’t stand objectifying advertising.

Sarah was working at an elderly people’s day centre, and the knitting circle there kept churning out scarves. They had knitted stuff coming out of their ears because it was so calming! It helps with arthritis and makes the women feel purposeful.

For us, feminism was becoming more mainstream and consumers were wising-up to sexist advertising.

Street-casting, working with feminist photographers, and including women left out by budget cuts felt like a good way to start a fashion brand that we really believed in. All the pieces of the puzzle were there, so we decided to build a fashion brand as outsiders with no experience, but doing each step without exploitation.

50 • happiful • November 2017

Fashio n

served

sunny-s

ide up

Active CHANGE Strong and sassy sweaters

Most of fashion is made in sweatshops, and 80% of people working in them are women or girls aged 18–24. We want to challenge that You work with women’s organisations Knit & Natter, Mohila Creations, and Heba. Why them?

Sarah was working with the Bradbury knitters when we founded Birdsong. We were put in touch with the other organisations, and sort of built our business around there.

The women are all super-talented. However, they face a lot of barriers to selling, such as language, lack of digital skills, and confidence. Having access to an organisation gives these women support – many of whom will have been widowed, experienced domestic or sexual violence, or other gendered challenges.

Is fashion still focused on photoshopping and editing models?

What do you make? And how do you make it?

We make clothes, shoes and accessories – all here in London. They’re manufactured by highly skilled women’s groups. Some work together independently, some are affiliated with larger charities. All our collection pieces are made by migrant, low-income women for living wages, and the hand knits by two groups of older women.

It seems like the tide is turning. I think when technology developed it was a means of creating a “fantasy” – if you sell an unrealistic image of a woman, then you can also sell her loads more products to fill the self-esteem gap you’re creating. That was the logic back then, it seems. I think people are now realising you don’t need to make people feel awful about their bodies to sell things. If anything, a product that has a realistic promise and makes you feel great will sell even better.

Are the younger generation driving the fashion industry into a more sustainable future?

What inspired the name Birdsong?

Definitely. Ethical fashion is growing at a faster rate than “regular” fashion and young people are more and more concerned with how things are made. But I don’t think it’s just our generation – there are plenty of people who still remember clothes being made in Britain fairly, and to last, and who appreciate our designs for that very reason.

Your company has a really fantastic message: ‘No Sweatshops, No Photoshop’.

How does your future look?

We were reading Maya Angelou’s I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, so when a friend suggested we call the project Birdsong, it stuck.

Sarah came up with it as a means of articulating what we do.

Women’s bodies are great the way they are, so we don’t edit them. We use street-cast models who are all friends of ours or Birdsong, and often activists. Most of fashion is made in sweatshops, and 80% of people working in sweatshops are women or girls aged 18–24. For a company with feminist principles at its core, our slogan communicates why both these issues are important to us, and what we’re challenging.

We have our first full own-brand collection launching this month. We also have pop-up shops in Warsaw, London and Berlin; the launch of our second magazine; exciting partnerships in the pipeline; and our first presentation for Spring next year. There’s lots to be getting on with!

birdsong.london November 2017 • happiful • 51

The Fashion Disruptors

New Girl

The on the Block Long-lasting fashion

Sarah Jerath, a woman with a dream

Hi Sarah! Can you tell us about your brand.

We aim to produce clothing that transcends the seasons, so when we design a garment, we try to design it with the aim of it becoming a hardworking item for your wardrobe – not something you will wear once and discard.

Previously you were a teacher.

What inspired the change into the fashion world?

I taught for 12 years and loved it, but after having two children I felt that it wasn’t working for me anymore. I was getting worn down by the paperwork involved and the constantly changing education system.

Luckily, with the unconditional support of my husband, I was able to make a change.

And why fashion?

Founder | Sarah Jerath Can you tell us about your ‘Forever Giving’ ethos?

I think we can make small changes that can benefit others, and I wanted to run a business that could make a difference to the wider community. From each sale on our website, we make a donation to the Mayamiko charity.

What’s Mayamiko and why did you choose it?

Mayamiko is a UK-based charity that offers training and funding to establish and develop businesses in Malawi and other parts of Africa. They work on a variety of projects, some of which revolve around enabling women to achieve their goals. As a femaleled business, I want to support charities working in the clothing sector that actually empower women.

Why sustainable fashion?

We’re also working with the Christie cancer I want to know if my clothes have been made treatment centre in Manchester to design in a factory where workers are treated fairly. T-shirts, where 50% of the sale price will go The Rana Plaza disaster [in 2013, a garment to them. The Christie is very important to factory collapsed in Bangladesh, killing me. Not only are they a bastion of excellence 1,134 people] really made me stop and think in Manchester, but also because I lost my about where some brands’ clothes were being mum to cancer. My dad and others close to made, and the true cost of fast fashion. me have also had cancer.

The UK high street is amazing, but I felt the options were either fast fashion (which doesn’t appeal to me) or very expensive items I couldn’t justify spending money on. I decided to create a brand of “forever essentials” – well-priced, good quality, staple items for your wardrobe.

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Label | Two for Joy Kind | Womenswear 2forjoy.co.uk You’re trying to be totally transparent in terms of breaking down the ethical cost of your garments.

We’re not there yet. Our aim is to be totally transparent, but it takes time. I feel we’re only just beginning our journey, and there so many issues I’d like to address to make our company as ethical as possible!

Finally, what are your views on our addiction to fast fashion?

At the moment, I don’t think the fast fashion industry is truly sustainable – for suppliers, for brands, or for the consumer. However, we’ve had really positive responses so far and it seems like people are looking for an alternative to the fast, disposable, noquestions-asked fashion that seems to be everywhere.

Active CHANGE

Global

Two brothers giving fellow orphans a brighter future: Rob, left, and Paul, right

The Dreamers Hi Rob and Paul! Can you tell us about your beginnings?

Gandys is a lifestyle brand inspired by travel and fuelled by giving back. [Founders, Rob and Paul, set up Gandys after they tragically lost their parents in the 2004 Tsunami.] We wanted to build a brand which was able to help other orphans who’ve had a hard upbringing.

Have you always loved travelling?

Yes, we grew up travelling through Asia and lived in India for a few years, so it has since lived through us, and we try to get away as much as possible to explore new places.

You turned a life-changing tragedy into a remarkable story. Can you tell us about your ‘Orphans for Orphans’ initiative?

The initiative was set up to help other orphans in a similar or worse off positions than us. We wanted to create something that meant a lot to us and would help as many people we could. We have helped with numerous projects across Asia; we’ve built our first children’s home in Sri Lanka, and we’re now on our way to build our second in Malawi.

How much do you give back?

We donate 10% of our profits towards our foundation, while also running lots of fundraising events to raise more funds.

100% of our donations go straight into our foundation and fund education, medication and nutrition to enable the children to have the best life they can.

Founders Rob and Paul Forkan Label | Gandys Kind | All Apparel Cool tees, cool mess

age

Do customers feel a stronger emotional connection to a label where some of the price is going to worthy causes?

There’s definitely an element of customers buying our products due to an emotional attachment. But we do think our products also sell for themselves as we use unique designs, all of which are inspired by our bohemian upbringing. We spend a lot of time making sure the products look great and feel nice, too. We ensure we use soft fabrics, so that they feel really nice when the buyer wears them.

Do you think the bigger fashion brands will become more ethical?

Who knows, but we don’t think there are any brands like us – hopefully this will help us in our mission towards building more children’s homes around the world. We’re totally inspired. Whether you’re an up-andcoming brand paving the way for the ethical movement or, like us, a consumer and lover of fashion, there is a way you can make a difference. Be passionate, choose wisely, and buy clothes that have a story to tell.

gandyslondon.com What’s next for you guys?

Everything is starting to get a little bit more manic now, as we have ventured out from flip flops and have launched a ladies and mens’ clothing collection. We’re also opening stores across London and the south of England, which is really exciting.

November 2017 • happiful • 53

The Fashion Disruptors

Founder | Talia Hussain

Talia Hussain: farm girl to fashion frontier

Label | Ramnation Kind | Menswear

The Rural

Storyteller Sharp jumpers

Hi Talia! How did your label Ramnation begin?

There wasn’t one particular light bulb moment. It grew out of a number of conversations I was having, trends I’d noticed, and gaps I could see. For example, I know a lot of guys who have professional jobs but don’t need to wear suits. There weren’t many interesting, wearable, smart but comfortable options for them. I grew up in a rural farming area and felt that our current way of living separates us from the natural world. I wanted to shorten the journey from farm to fashion and create a way for people to connect to, and celebrate, the countryside.

And why menswear?

Because men are less influenced by shortterm trends and are more likely to spend more on an item that will last longer. I also saw there was space for items that were smart, casual and multifunctional – something you could wear to work, on a bike ride, or a countryside walk.

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How important is sourcing?

The importance of sourcing and raw materials are the core of Ramnation. We’ve become very familiar with these ideas in the food and drink sector – no one would buy wine without a country label, yet most people have no idea what’s in their clothing, or where the material comes from. There are so many problems associated with fibres and fabrics, so I’m trying to make something which minimises these types of harmful impacts, by using a local, natural material and natural and organic dyes.

How are you different?

The biggest difference is that our garments are made from the fleeces of specific and rare breeds of sheep. The Manx Loaghtan is my favourite: it has a nutty brown fleece, and is native to the Isle of Man. Also, I don’t want to use synthetic fibres or chemical dyes, so I go to great lengths to eliminate them.

I couldn’t find a polyester-free label, so I screen-printed my own on to silk with an organic ink.

Active CHANGE

Wool for urban men

The fashion industry has done a great job of promoting a fantasy world entirely disconnected from reality. We need new stories that are real

Classic knits

What is it about the countryside that inspires you?

For me, the countryside and nature are my design touchstones. My mind is quiet. I feel free when I’m in contact with the natural world; that might be on a mountain or appreciating a garden flower. I hope that wearing my garments will help people feel a connection to the countryside and nature.

How can we heighten the awareness of ethical fashion?

People respond to stories, and the fashion industry has done a great job of promoting a fantasy world which has become entirely disconnected from reality. I think we need to find and tell new fashion stories that are substantial and real. What’s a more compelling story, to say “Kate Moss modelled it,” or “It belonged to my dad”? We need to connect our clothes to the things we value. That’s one of the ideas behind Ramnation – a true story about provenance, the British countryside and local production.

Most clothes are made cheaply in developing countries and then marked up for the West. Why is there not more transparency in the fashion industry?

The simple answer is that some people are profiting from this situation. Of course, it’s not simple. A factory owner may feel he needs to underpay his workers in order to keep costs low. He may feel he needs to overwork them to meet tight deadlines.

Is he responsible? Or is he trapped in a system which is exploiting him, too?

I don’t think these problems have easy answers. I do think we all bear some responsibility for supporting change by buying better. Brands can exercise their procurement power, supporting suppliers with good employment and environmental practices. Consumers can support those brands by buying their products.

ramnation.co.uk November 2017 • happiful • 55

Happiful Hack

7

POSITIVE SIGNALS

Signs you’ve found a

Great Counsellor Trying to find a counsellor can feel like you’re trapped in a maze. Don’t worry! Here are a few signposts that will let you know you’re on the right track Writing | Graeme Orr

A

recent British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) survey found that one in five people in the UK have consulted a counsellor.

Choosing a therapist is never an easy decision.

And, if you have never tried counselling before, the process of finding a professional can be extremely daunting. Yet as with most things, by doing some homework you can recognise a good therapist and make sure they’re the right fit for you.

1

Trained and registered

Great therapists register with a professional body like the BACP or the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP).

The BACP found that 84% of surveyed people would be more likely to consider counselling if they knew that their therapist was fully trained and registered. When you chose a counsellor who meets professional standards, you have confidence that your therapist has studied, meets recognised standards, and participates in on-going professional development.

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2

Insight to help your situation

3

Builds a good working relationship

A great counsellor will listen carefully and show that they can empathise with your position. They provide an environment that’s safe to explore all that’s happening, and is free of judgement and preconditions. However, they’ll also be prepared to challenge you, pinpoint obstacles and identify behaviours that hold you back. In this strong, therapeutic relationship, your counsellor empowers you to make lasting change.

Great counsellors develop a rapport with clients. Through listening and accepting you, they work to establish goals for the therapy. You should be in no doubt that the therapist wants you to achieve your aims. This relationship is key and a good predictor of the successful outcome of therapy. A great therapist will develop that chemistry over a few sessions. When it’s not there, talk to your counsellor about a change. Do you have that connection with your therapist that makes you feel comfortable?

Life LESSONS

4

Working to get you out of therapy

Good counselling is about making clients independent of therapy, not dependant on it. A great therapist will offer you genuine encouragement that you can change. They develop your confidence and independence, noticing changes and successes. They help you build upon the strengths and resources that you have. By helping you become independent, a great therapist is making sure that you have confidence in yourself and the future. Do you feel that your counsellor focuses on helping you to cope independently, to become your own therapist?

5

Professionalism

A good therapist maintains a professional relationship with you at all times. They are clear about what you can expect. Although their demeanour will be friendly, effective therapists are clear about their limitations.

They are accepting of you and the changes you want to make, but they don’t present therapy as an answer in itself. Therapy requires process and change. They don’t give advice, but are your companion on your journey, empowering you to change and helping you grasp the best in yourself.

Seeking Help?

Every counsellor listed on the UK’s Counselling Directory is registered with a professional body. To find a counsellor in your local area, visit: counselling-directory.org.uk

Graeme Orr is a member of Happiful’s panel of experts

1 in 5

A recent survey found that 20% of people in the UK have consulted a counsellor.

6

Interested in your therapy

7

Pays attention and keeps it relevant

Good therapists do not have a one-size-fits-all approach.

They concentrate on your situation and your experience.

They have a willingness to listen to what’s going on. They establish a professional relationship and are interested in your goals for therapy. They focus on your experiences, assess your situation, and bring a range of skills to therapy, to offer insight and acceptance, allowing you to move forward. They encourage you to make meaningful, practical alterations that start to change things for the better. Does your therapist tailor your treatment to your needs?

Good therapists recognise that therapy is a process and that in exploring our emotional state, we often uncover the unexpected. Our personal, work and life environments can throw up changes that affect us. Great counsellors will check in to make sure that therapy stays relevant to you. Ethical frameworks, such as the BACP’s, recommend we do this on a regular basis. Do you feel that your therapist is asking enough questions to be familiar with your problems?

A great counsellor will help you to make great changes in your life. Take your time to choose; call a few therapists and ask questions. Great therapists will be happy to help you find the right counsellor for you.

November 2017 • happiful • 57

THE CONVERSATION

The War Reporter on the Frontline of Mental Health Interview | Jake Hamilton Photography | Jesper Mattias

Marjorie Wallace CBE was a celebrated journalist involved in some of the greatest scoops in British journalism. It was never her intention to found the independent mental health charity, SANE. Rather, the charity founded her. Now, 30 years later, Ms Wallace says our treatment of people with mental illness has barely changed. And it could be getting worse. ‘I set up SANE as somewhere to turn to,’ she tells Happiful.

‘Now there’s nowhere to turn. People are crying out for help’

Y

ou’ve called yourself an outsider who gives a voice to other outsiders living on the edge. How can you be an outsider and such a gifted networker?

I think that’s one of the most difficult questions I’ve been asked. It’s like a poacher turned gamekeeper. I do still feel I’m an outsider. I’ve never really joined the establishment. I’ve always seen the perspective of the person who feels there’s a screen between them and the rest of the world. But at the same time, you can’t just sit there looking through the screen. If you want to change things you’re going to have to move and shake. And to move and shake you’re going to have to involve people who’ve got the power to do so.

So you are a doer, not a thinker?

No, I think I’m a thinker. I spend a lot of time reflecting and distilling people’s thoughts and emotions into a form of poetry. But then if you want that poetry to have any dramatic effect, you have to go out there, you have to be on stage.

You’ve got to face the cameras. You’ve got to say things that could get you into terrible trouble, but you’ve got to be counted and you’ve got to take the responsibility. Sometimes, I get up in the morning and think: “Oh I hope I never have to do another interview!

Surely I can just curl up and have a little bit of peaceful sunlight?” >>>

The Frontline Report

Really? I can’t see you saying that.

But the other half of me gets up and says: “If you’ve said you’re going to try to help someone, you better damn well do something about it, and you better tell the world what’s happening!” I’ve always been very, very feisty I suppose, especially about hypocrisy – I hate hypocrisy of any kind. I feel that if I can use words as weapons, then I can actually fight the hypocrisies that have led to so much unnecessary suffering.

You were a wildly creative child. I’ve read that your mother said you were obsessed with other people’s suffering.

Was she right?

I think she used to think I had too much imagination and that I became too involved in other people’s suffering. From a very early age I was reading and writing all these poems about heroes and heroines fighting the forces of darkness.

Did you see the battle between good and evil very clearly?

Really clearly. I saw myself at the forefront, you know, up there fighting against the shadows. There was always a sense that I had to go out and try to save people from suffering.

You were a mighty investigative journalist, and part of the greatest scoop in British journalism – exposing the Thalidomide scandal in 1972. Why did you leave journalism to found SANE?

In a way, it founded me. It was born out of a series of newspaper articles called “The Forgotten Illness” in the Sunday Times. The response to those articles was unprecedented.

We were inundated with phone calls and letters. It was such an explosion that even the government was taken unawares. The response got focused on me as a single journalist who showed what it was like for someone to suffer a mental illness and to feel so lonely and desperate.

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Because you were uncovering what lived in the shadows...

Well, I had wanted to be a war reporter and was terribly upset when [Times editor] Harold Evans wouldn’t send me to any war zones because I had children. But then I found this war at home that nobody knew was a war – the war of ideologies surrounding mental illness. The frontline was the houses I visited, some were lovely cottages, some were tower blocks, where I was exposed to the utter devastation of mental illness that most people didn’t want to accept. I exposed the bomb sites of people left in the gutter. So it focused on me.

Until we know what causes serious mental illness then treatments, drugs, and even therapies will be hit-and-miss

What happened next?

I didn’t know how to deal with someone who was suicidal, or these distraught families, so we created an appeal that was to become SANE. It was born out of this tsunami of distress these articles had triggered, so we set up a way to deal with it.

One in four people will have a mental health issue, but we still can’t discuss it. Why does this paradox exist? Is it because mental health is intangible?

You may be answering the question better than I could. I think you’re right that a paradox lies right at the heart of mental illness. It’s partly the polarisation on what mental illness is. Some people think it’s part of the human condition and that we’re too ready to medicalise normal emotions; others believe it’s the wrongs that have been done to them.

I think mental illness is illusive.

The best comparison is the idea of malignancy. You can live with all of these emotions, but it’s the point at which your mind gets hijacked by those thoughts, where the depression so overwhelms you. But there is a dividing line between living with very dark human emotions and having those emotions dismantling your life.

An extraordinary life: Marjorie after chemotherapy, 1994; with the Prince of Wales at the launch party for SANE, 1986; Lord Snowdon presents Marjorie with the Snowdon Special Award, 1988; and with her four children: Sacha, Sophia, Stefan and Justin.

SANE is the only charity with a research centre, The Prince of Wales International Centre for SANE research. Why the focus on research?

Fight the good fight: Marjorie’s office wall shows photos of public figures who have supported SANE over the past 30 years

It’s still my firm belief that until we know more about what causes these serious mental illnesses, then treatments are hit-and-miss, drugs are hit-and-miss, and even therapies are hit-and-miss.

Let’s play God. If you could dismantle the entire system and start over, how would you do it?

That’s a really big question! I’d first go back to the idea of what people do when they face inner turmoil. Where do you turn? Too often we hear about people who go into A&E and they have suicidal thoughts. They’re just left an hour, and then allowed to walk back out again because they’re not considered as serious as someone with a chest pain. I would like to see people being able to go to a place, not necessarily inpatient care, but somewhere they can turn to at the point of crisis.

Would it be in a hospital?

It could be a unit next to the hospital.

I’ve often talked about this idea of sanctuary. What people need at a time of mental crisis is some form of sanctuary – a place where somebody is able to lift the pressures and ease the pain. People know when they’ve hit that crisis. They really do. If they could go somewhere and talk about it, be assessed and given time, I think that would make a difference. People are crying out for help.

What’s lacking is this moment of connection when you cry out. We have a more complicated society with less tolerance for frailty

What would this place look like?

Emergency services are overwhelm...

I would like to see the equivalent of Maggie’s Centres [the network of free drop-in centres for people affected by cancer]. It can be a digital place, and a physical place. It’s somewhere to turn to. That’s what’s lacking.

When I set up SANE, 30 years ago, it was somewhere to turn because the hospitals had closed. Now there’s nowhere to turn, because the hurdles of getting help are so complex, so drawn out, and the threshold to qualify for treatment is so high.

What’s lacking is the moment of connection when you cry out. We are not less compassionate as people, but we’ve got a more complicated society with less tolerance for frailty.

[Interjecting passionately] The sad thing is we get calls from people saying they try to avoid their community team because they’re so full of retribution. Like: “You’ve only got five minutes, we can’t get involved in your life story. Have you taken your medication and why are you complaining?” You know, rush in, rush out. Some people actually prefer the police. We have admiration for the police who are picking up a lot of the pieces, and spending 30% of their time on mental health crises. But they’re not trained to do that. It takes more than seven years to train a psychiatrist and now it’s just dumped on to the police.

Do you still see media headlines calling people ‘bonkers’ and ‘nutjobs’?

So, the pace of change is still glacial?

I have to say that I really applaud the media. I have seen tectonic changes in the awareness and understanding from the media. They’re very willing to learn, and I greatly admire some of the articles. And now you’ve got this incredible exposure with the Royals.

How about the general public?

I think understanding is still very limited. There’s still a great deal of fear, secrecy and shame surrounding mental illness. The psychiatric services have become so demolished that they are no longer able to offer the compassionate response they might have done 30 years ago.

Yes, you can still be frozen out.

There’s a paradox that people can accept it with celebrities, but when it comes to their next door neighbour, as always, it’s kind of less known. I actually put a little bit of blame on the way the psychiatric services, not always their fault – they’re working under pressure and cuts – have failed people, because the public is still frightened. You can’t ask the public not to be afraid and to accept people with severe mental illness. If the public knew [someone] could be looked after properly and not go to a bridge and jump off it, or take an overdose, then they wouldn’t feel the nervousness and the fear. >>> November 2017 • happiful • 61

The SANE Life: (clockwise) Marjorie pleading for funds from Prince Turk

al-Faisal, 1993; KinksReport legend Ray Davies launches SANE’s Black Dog The Frontline Campaign, 2011; Marjorie with her other passion – the piano

You’re still a very creative soul. Do you believe art is suffering?

Part of your job is fundraising, which you’ve described as ‘humiliating’. But you’re very good at it!

Fundraising is the least favourite part of my job, but I’ve been doing it for 30 years and more. You have to face being ignored. You have to face going to a dinner party and people avoiding sitting next to you just in case you ask them for money.

But you also learn that if you want to raise money, then you need fresh ideas. I always try to do it with a lightness of touch. I back away immediately if a person feels they’re being plagued. You learn the balance between wanting to raise funds and not making the people who don’t give those funds feel embarrassed.

Community teams are so full of retribution: ‘You’ve got five minutes, have you taken your medication, and why are you complaining?’

But how do funds affect Mrs Miggins in Southport? That’s what I want to know.

That’s exactly how I look at it.

Every time I do a broadcast, I think of people like a Mrs Miggins in Southport. There has to be a lot more understanding, patience, and just common sense. People need to care.

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I feel on a very human level that we all understand psychosis, because when the lights go out at night, it’s just us and our mind.

But when the light goes out of someone’s life and it isn’t just for a night – it’s night on night, and they don’t have anywhere to go, and they don’t have someone coming in to switch that light back on again, that’s the gap we need to fill. That’s why I go on working. I’m very happy when I come by the SANE office in the evening and see the lights on in the helpline room! I think, well, there’s somebody here, the lights are on at least for a few people who get through to the marvellous volunteers who take these calls.

Is it very important to you that SANE, as a charity, remains independent?

We like to be an independent voice.

If you’re dealing with individual people whose lives have been shattered, then you have to be able to speak independently of government.

You once said – it was many years ago – that you must atone for your life. Surely now you have atoned?

I don’t really go in for what you call religious guilt, but I always had this slightly Victorian belief in redemption. I always thought there must be some way of redeeming life, of making sense of the random suffering of life, or help make sense of it. I would have liked to achieve that sort of redemption.

Ah, that’s a hard one! I think to create anything is very painful. I think there has to have been some pain in producing anything, even a pop song. Some people are lucky, they have happy genes, sunshine personalities, and they can somehow ride through life without feeling a great deal of pain. I know some people like that. I think, well, they’re terrible lucky but they haven’t really lived. They have smaller spectrums of emotions.

Yes, happiness isn’t the main goal.

You can’t just reach happiness, because that concept is really not made for the human condition. And this “Happy Index” thing, I think it’s a manufactured concept.

A businesswoman said of my magazine, ‘It must be so annoying to be always happy in your office!’ But that’s not us.

I think happy is lovely if, behind the happiness, is the fact that it’s full of pain as well. Happiness is full of joy and full of pain, and full of light and full of shade.

How good are you at reading people?

[Pause] I think I have almost a sort of… Well, it’s uncomfortable for me. I see too clearly what people are thinking, what they’re feeling, and the conflicts they’re in.

Can you take the temperature of a room very quickly?

Yes, I would agree with that. If I walk into the room, I know immediately how this is going to turn out. It’s awfully boastful, but when I feel something strongly, I’m rarely wrong.

I’ve made terrible mistakes in my own life – my love life – yet in my professional life, I have a slightly uncanny ability to read people’s feelings and agendas. I’m always anticipating. In a way I’d rather not.

It’s been a bit of a burden in my life.

Happiful HERO

Have you suffered for it, Marjorie?

I’ve suffered from having too much empathy. My instinct is very sharp, but so is my empathy, too much sometimes. A few times, I feel that my empathy has been wasted on people who didn’t deserve it.

It has taken me down some quite painful paths in my life. I should have been more careful and set more boundaries. I was born with this kind of imagination to know what people feel, and I think that has made it harder for my own life.

I was born with this kind of imagination to know what people feel, and I think that has made it harder for my own life The upside, of course, is that you see the reality quicker than most people.

I get to the essence quite quickly. I can articulate things in a way that makes people see the situation very clearly. It’s a two-edged gift or curse, but it’s helped me to understand how terrible it has been for people with mental illness.

Marjorie with one of SANE’s Black Dog statues in Edinburgh

WHAT IS SANE? Writing | Jenny Cole

SANE is a leading mental health charity established by Marjorie Wallace in 1986.

It has three core objectives: 1. Raise awareness and combat stigma 2. Provide care and emotional support 3. Initiate research into the causes and treatments of serious mental illnesses Can I volunteer?

Yes, volunteers work on SANE’s telephone helpline and its Textcare service, or respond to letters and emails. SANE gives training, development and support to all volunteers.

Who are they looking for?

People who are compassionate, warm, empathetic, resilient, and ready to take on a new challenge.

What’s the Black Dog Campaign?

This campaign aims to reduce stigma and encourage people to seek help early, rather than suffering in silence. A “Black Dog” is a universal metaphor for depression, notably used

by Winston Churchill. Black Dog sculptures are found in public areas across the UK to encourage people to express their feelings.

How can I donate?

1. Donate online at sane.org.uk 2. Donate by cheque, made payable to SANE More information: Helpline: (4.30pm–10.30pm) 0300 304 7000 Website: sane.org.uk Volunteer: volunteer@sane.org.uk Raise money: fundraising@sane.org.uk

Marjorie with SANE supporter Rory Bremner; staff at SANE’s indispensable Helpline centre

November 2017 • happiful • 63

Happiful Hack

9

PEACEFUL IDEAS

Meditation for

Children

Kids and adolescents face many emotional challenges, but learning to quieten the mind can do wonders for their self-esteem Writing | Vikki Scott

Ages 5–8

1

Visualisation

2

Music

One of the main characteristics of this age group is a short concentration span. Young children need to be fully engaged in what they’re doing. Introducing meditation successfully to this age bracket means spending just a short period of time on each of the activities, and offering as much variety as possible.

Ask your child to keep their eyes closed and imagine a white screen above their nose and between their eyes. Ask if they can see pictures on the “screen”. Encourage discussion and ask them draw pictures of the images. While praise is important, praise the effort and not the content – otherwise they may tend to visualise previously praised images.

Visualisation encourages concentration and self-knowledge.

Music is very conducive to meditation. Play relaxing music in a calm room, and then ask your child to make their own music as part of the exercise. Young children love percussion instruments (plastic bottles filled with dried peas are just as good!). As the child becomes more centred, they will play their instrument softly without direction. This activity increases concentration and cooperative team skills.

3

Counting the breath

Encourage your child to breathe in slowly to the count of three, hold, and then breathe out to the count of three. When they breathe in, ask them to focus on the feeling of coolness at their nose and the feeling of warmth as they breathe out. Suggest they should look on any thoughts as simply distractions and take no notice of them. This is a good exercise for starting to develop breath control, concentration and self-awareness.

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Between the ages of 5–8, most children can have a vocabularly of up to 3,000 words

Life LESSONS

Ages 13–18 Adolescence is often the most painful and confusing period of childhood. Hormones are unbalanced, issues of identity become of great significance, and there are many added stresses, such as preparation for important exams. These children are the most likely to resist any attempts to tell them what to do, so framing meditation in the right way is crucial.

Teen Dreams From the age of 15, teens become more self-assured and begin to resist peer pressure. They can be excited, but also overwhelmed about the future.

Ages 9–12 Older children are less easily persuaded into activities that do not have instant appeal, and may be selfconscious and need to see a convincing reason for doing anything new, so it’s important with this age group to explain the benefits of meditation.

1

2

Creative writing

Begin by asking them to imagine a doorway, to notice its features and then open it carefully and step through it.

Suggest they are now in a tunnel where they can see a bright light. There are people there, who greet them with warmth and love. Perhaps they can communicate with these people.

Ask them how they feel. If the children are going to write about this experience, they should do so straight away, while the experience is still vivid in their minds.

Consider the orange

1

Five minutes of life observation

2

Letting go of physical tension

Play soothing music and encourage them to flop on the bed or floor and progressively relax each group of muscles.

They should begin with their feet, then legs, and concentrate on each body part one at a time, working their way up the body, transferring consciousness to each part as they go, and allowing any thoughts that interrupt to float away on a cloud.

This practice can often help with sleep issues.

Ask your child to look at an orange placed in front of them.

Tell them they’re going to experience everything there is to experience about that orange – its shape, colour, smell, peeling and taste – without actually touching it. This exercise requires considerable focus and is a powerful way of leading children into the world of their imagination.

3

Moving with mindfulness

Mindfulness means focused awareness and is not an easy discipline. If your child is walking from one place to another, ask them to become aware of their body movements. They can be invited to keep up a silent running commentary on everything they’re doing, for example: “I’m walking from my desk to the bookshelf. Now I am sitting on the floor.”

Alternatively, if they’re drawing, they could focus their awareness on the movement of the pencil on the paper.

This is a demanding exercise that older children may particularly enjoy. Spending five minutes being totally aware of every activity they engage in, noting their senses, their feelings and reactions, and then recording them as accurately as possible. For example, they might tell themselves: “I awake, it is morning, I feel the softness of the sheets. I see the ceiling of my bedroom. The ceiling is white and smooth.” With practice, their focus will improve.

3

Mantra meditation

The repetition of a single word or phrase, a mantra can really help in keeping an otherwise too active mind focused. One mantra technique is to watch the space left by the phrase on the outbreath. For example, your child could say: “I create my world” (or any phrase of their choice) as they breathe in, and then observe the space as they breathe out.

‘How To Teach Meditation to Children’, by Vikki Scott, David Fontana and Ingrid Slack (Watkins, £12.99) November 2017 • happiful • 65

Talking Therapy

NOW WE’RE TALKING CBT

I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. SHOULD I TALK TO SOMEONE?

THERAPY MIGHT BE YOUR ANSWER

Over the past 50 years, cognitive behavioural therapy – or CBT – has become one of the world’s most popular talking therapies. Peeling away the technical jargon, Happiful shows you how CBT works, what it entails, and how it can help with your everyday life Writing | Kat Nicholls

Special SESSION

A LITT LE BACKGROUND...

WHAT IS IT? Falling under the umbrella of talking therapies, cognitive behavioural therapy combines two approaches – the cognitive (how we think) and the behavioural (how we act). The theory is quite simple: our thoughts and actions affect each other, so by changing the way we think or act in certain situations, we can change the way we feel.

CBT looks at behaviours we have learned over time, habits we’ve picked up, and negative ways of thinking. The aim is to challenge these habits and behaviours, and ultimately change them to be more positive.

While some talking therapies encourage you to explore your past, CBT is very much rooted in the present, and looks towards the future.

Past experience will, of course, be taken into account and considered, but the focus is on your situation in the

here and now. The name of the game here is to help you break negative cycles. CBT does this by taking what may feel like an overwhelming problem and breaking it down into smaller, easier to manage chunks.

The therapy is a hands-on approach, with structures, goals and tangible tasks.

It requires effort (you’ll even have some homework!), but it’s a collaborative therapy, meaning your counsellor will work with you to find solutions.

HOW DID IT START? CBT was founded by psychiatrist Aaron Beck in the 1960s. At the time, he was working in psychoanalysis – an approach looking at deep-rooted thoughts and repressed memories from childhood. Beck noticed that his patients were having a dialogue with themselves in their heads, but were only reporting a fraction of this back to him. Beck recognised the link between thoughts and feelings, and coined the term “automatic thoughts”. This much-

misunderstood term describes the emotion-filled thoughts we have, though we are not necessarily aware of why we have them.

Beck also found that identifying unhelpful or negative automatic thoughts was key to helping clients understand and overcome difficulties. The process was known simply as cognitive therapy, but as behavioural techniques were slowly introduced, it became known as cognitive behavioural therapy.

T he theory is quite simple: our thought s and actions affect each other, so by changing the way we think or act in certain sit uations, we can change the way we feel

November 2017 • happiful • 67

Talking Therapy

WHAT IS COGNITIVE DISTORTION? This rather scary-sounding term describes the inaccurate thoughts that fuel negative emotions. Essentially, they are “faulty” ways of thinking that make us believe things that simply aren’t true. There are many different types of cognitive distortions. Below are just three types that CBT can help to change:

2. Filtering

Filtering is when we ignore all the good things in our day and instead focus on that one tiny negative thing. So, while almost everyone is praising the amazing dinner you prepared, you dwell on that one dry comment about the pudding. Night ruined!

3. Black & white t hinking 1. Catas t rophising

This happens when we blow negative events out of all proportion, or when we expect the absolute worst to happen.

For example, if you feel you’ve made a mistake in a personal relationship with someone at work, instead of thinking reasonably, you think your boss will give you a written warning; or worse, you’ll lose your job! And then what?

Also called “polarised thinking”, black and white thinking happens when we fail to appreciate the complexity or nuance of a situation. Someone sent you a vague text? Instead of brushing it off, you ignore the grey and see only black or white.

It’s usually black.

WHAT IS BEHAVIOURAL ACTION? This sounds even scarier! Fear not, behavioural action is used in CBT to help reverse your cycles of depression and low moods. It works by encouraging you to engage in “valued activities” – basically, things you love doing. It usually involves the following steps:

Activity and mood monitoring – becoming more aware of your mood fluctuations.

Relationships between activity and mood – understanding how certain activities affect your mood.

Better mood activities – scheduling more activities that improve your mood.

68 • happiful • November 2017

Achievement activities – balancing the activities you enjoy with those you don’t, but get achievement from.

Action before motivation – doing activities even though you don’t really feel like doing them.

Rewards – rewarding yourself for completing activities to keep your mood lifted, and to reinforce change.

Special SESSION

TIME TO EXPERIMENT Experimentation helps you understand which thoughts and behaviours are helpful in your progress, and which are unhelpful. Behavioural experiments encourage you to test out some thoughts on yourself. For example, you could say: “If I am hard on myself at work, I will be more motivated.” Or you could say: “If I am kind to myself at work, I will be more motivated.” Here are some examples:

1. T hought Records

This experiment is when you gather evidence for and against certain thoughts. For example, if you had the thought: “My friend doesn’t like me anymore,” then you would think about the evidence for and against this thought (for: she doesn’t reply to my texts; against: she calls me to see how I’m doing). The aim is to come up with balanced, logical thinking.

2. Pleasant Act ivity

This is all about having something to look forward to. Activities could include meeting a friend for coffee, enjoying a long bath, or even taking a long walk through the park.

3. Imagery Based Exposure

This involves visualising a past negative event (say, an argument with your partner) and identifying your feelings or urges. The aim is to expose you to tough emotions so that you can survive them, thus taking away some of their power.

A HAPPIFUL READER SAYS...

“I tried counselling previously but felt it didn’t help at all. I’ve been living with high functioning depression and anxiety for the last six years or so, but it was only last year that I came to terms with it, and tried to get some help.

My depression stems from my anxiety, so CBT is helping me to control and understand my anxiety, which helps reduce my depression. I have social anxiety, and currently feel like I’m stuck at the current stage of my life.

CBT helps me to recognise my negative thoughts, to break the habit of these thoughts, and to find a more positive way of thinking. So far, it’s helped me greatly, and I am grateful I’ve had the chance to go through with my sessions.

I have almost finished my sessions now and am using the techniques learned daily. I would highly recommend CBT.”

Jessica Day shares her experience November 2017 • happiful • 69

Talking Therapy

FIVE KEY TECHNIQUES There are lots of different techniques and tools that can be used in CBT, depending on what’s bothering you. Here are a few essentials you’re likely to come across during your treatment:

1. PMR

Progressive muscle relaxation focuses on one muscle group at a time, as you’re instructed to physically relax them. You can practise this at home by listening to an audio recording or following a video online.

3. Struct uring

Once you’ve identified distorted thoughts, you can learn how they took root in the first place. You can then build a structure of more positive and helpful ways of thinking.

2. Interoceptive Exposure

Exposure to bodily sensations (interoceptive exposure), used to treat panic and anxiety, is a technique that requires you to actually feel panic. The aim is to expose yourself to panicky sensations to recognise that they aren’t dangerous.

4. Honest Communication

Working with your therapist through talking (and journalling outside of sessions), you can recognise which cognitive distortions are actually affecting your thinking.

ADVANTAGES & DISADVANTAGES T he Pros

T he Cons

CBT can teach you practical coping skills to help you deal with different problems.

CBT may not be suitable for people with complex mental health conditions, or people with learning difficulties.

It can be carried out in different formats: one-to-one, group therapy, or online!

It requires effort and work outside of the session on your part, which some people can find difficult.

It offers a structured and practical way of work.

It focuses on the individual’s ability to change, rather than looking at wider problems in systems or families.

70 • happiful • November 2017

5. Journalling

Writing about your moods and thoughts is an easy way to gather “data” for CBT sessions. You may be asked to keep a mood journal or to note down negative thoughts.

This can help you to spot patterns and triggers.

Special SESSION

HOW CAN CBT HELP YOU? Studies show CBT is helpful for many different mental health conditions, but it’s particularly effective for problems that involve depression, phobias, or anxiety.

CBT can also help the following:

Eating Disorders

Panic Disorder Phobias

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Problems related to alcohol misuse

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Sleeping Disorders

READY TO TRY CBT? If your doctor recommends CBT, you can go through the NHS or go private. If you go private, it’s simply a case of finding a counsellor (read our special guide on finding the right counsellor on page 56). You can visit the Counselling Directory online to find a CBT counsellor in your local area.

With the NHS, you’ll need to refer yourself to a local organisation that offers CBT – your doctor will provide you with contact details.

After a telephone assessment, you’ll join a waiting list. Please be aware, this waiting list can take one to six weeks.

If you can’t really wait, and if you can afford it, then maybe going private is an option. If you go down the private route, chances are your wait will be far shorter.

However, this comes at a cost. The

price of private CBT will depend on the individual counsellor, but expect to pay around £40 per session.

Usually, you’ll be face-to-face with a counsellor, but you may have telephone sessions or online CBT. In some cases, you may be advised to try group CBT, by joining people with similar struggles.

In face-to-face sessions, you typically meet your CBT therapist for between five and 20 sessions, either weekly or fortnightly. Sessions usually last between 30–60 minutes and you’ll be asked to complete “homework” outside of sessions.

You may be asked to complete some cognitive behavioural activities during your therapy sessions. These can include:

Mindfulness meditation: focusing on the present moment Successive approximation: breaking large tasks up to smaller, manageable steps Visualising your day: bringing to mind the positive Reframing negative thoughts: countering negative thoughts with positive thoughts Evidence is proving CBT to be a helpful form of therapy for many people, but like any therapy it may not be suitable for everyone.

Together with your doctor, you can discuss your options to see what’s working for you and what isn’t.

Whatever you decide, remember, everyone deserves support.

You can search for a qualified counsellor in your area using Counselling November 2017 • happiful • 71 Directory

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True Life | Rebecca’s story

I

had high expectations of motherhood. Until I was 35, I’d never been overly maternal and felt somewhat alienated by the “mummy vortex” that I’d watched so many of my friends slip into. I was an ambitious, career-focused, independent woman who worked hard and travelled frequently, so I always felt somewhat detached when I listened to them gush about their offspring and complain of the challenges of parenthood.

After 35, something softened. For the first time in my life I met a man who ignited my desire to be a mother.

We consciously conceived and I levitated my way though a dream pregnancy. No mood swings. No fat ankles. No fear of what was to come. Never in my life had I felt so empowered and aligned. So feminine. I was utterly in-tune with my body and baby to the point where I felt psychic.

I knew what to eat, when to rest, how hard I could push myself. My baby told me everything without speaking a word. I felt like the child growing inside me held the magical key to the deepest sense of peace I’d ever known.

Truth be told, my mind isn’t the most peaceful place. I’m a perfectionist, a recovering control freak. Mental health has challenged me since I was a teenager, and I have to work harder than most to keep the garden of my mind free of fear-driven weeds. Which is why pregnancy was such a magical time for me. It was the first and only time in my life that I felt completely at ease.

I became a certified prenatal yoga teacher the week before I fell pregnant, and taught yoga daily in the lead up to giving birth. Through my classes, I consolidated my belief in the power of the female body and its ability to grow and birth a baby. Moreover, I learnt (and taught others) how to calm the mind, control the breath, and positively channel energy through meditation. I practised mindfulness every step of the way during those nine months. In retrospect, I prepared myself for everything except the most important thing: life after birth.

While my son’s birth went to plan (I birthed him drugfree, with no complications or interventions, at home with my husband, midwife and doula), I will never, ever forget the intensity of that experience. The shock of it.

When I look back, I think my shock got in the way of celebration. Don’t get me wrong. I was ecstatic that I had birthed a beautiful, healthy boy (although the boy part was also a shock because I was convinced I was pregnant with a girl for nine months), but I felt like my body was a volcano that had violently erupted. Weeks after the event, I was still psychologically reeling from the experience.

The challenges of post-birth reality began immediately when my baby wouldn’t latch to my breast. A few days of constant trying passed before the midwife realised he had a severe posterior tongue-tie that required laser surgery to 74 • happiful • November 2017

correct. So on day five, we headed to a paediatric dentist for the procedure.

However, despite her hopeful promise that he would latch afterwards, he didn’t.

The following days and weeks were spent visiting paediatric chiropractors, osteopaths and lactation consultants. I tried everything: nipple shields; hand expressing my milk into a syringe so I could drip feed my baby like a bird; a “supply line” (a contraption that feeds the baby milk through a tube strapped to the breast). I then took to pumping and feeding him my breast milk from the bottle.

I practised mindfulness every step of the way during my pregnancy.

I prepared myself for everything, except life after birth In the midst of all this I developed mastitis due to a blocked milk duct.

All the while I was starting to downward spiral. I desperately wanted ‘For me, pregnancy was pure bliss. to breastfeed my baby. The view I held I loved every was that feeding your child is the most minute’ important, basic thing a mother can do (actually, loving them is, but I was too obsessed with my inability to breastfeed to acknowledge that), so I felt like I was already failing motherhood. Failing my son. And as strange as this may sound, it also felt like my baby was rejecting me.

I’m Australian and gave birth in Australia, but I live in Bali. So when my son was eight weeks old, I flew home to begin the really real part: parenthood on an island.

I was exhausted and scared. By this point my son was underweight and still wasn’t feeding properly.

Consequently, my milk supply plummeted and I had to take medication to keep my milk flowing. Breastfeeding triggers a powerful hormone called oxytocin. Known as “the love hormone”, oxytocin acts as a neurotransmitter

I had a magical pregnancy, but went into psychological shock after giving birth In this unflinching account of postnatal depression, Rebecca Walker explains how she felt a failure as a mother. Through time, she finally realised she was the student, and her baby was the teacher

Moments after birth

to the brain and regulates mood. It also cements the mother/infant bond because every time the baby suckles on the breast, oxytocin is released. When you replace a baby’s mouth with a breast pump, the natural hormone boost doesn’t happen.

The bond I had with my son was strong.

I loved him fiercely. But feelings of deep deflation, disorientation, inadequacy and fear were starting to surface, which began to skew my perspective. My self-worth was dwindling by the day and it felt like

the bright lights of my pregnancy were dimming, leading me into murky territory.

In the past I’ve used exercise, meditation, journaling, spiritual rituals and nature (swimming, long walks) to pull me out of my depressive funks. My ultimate medicine though, has always been sleep. But when you’re glued to a baby, these self-care strategies suddenly seem indulgent. I didn’t have time or energy to process or integrate any of it. I simply kept going.

Continues >>>

November 2017 • happiful • 75

‘My beloved family. The steadfast support of my husband kept me going through my darkest days’

‘Desperately trying to get my baby to latch on during my first week of motherhood’

On a practical level, my son was thriving. I began supplementing my breast milk with formula and his weight increased. Eventually I switched to formula feeding when my milk couldn’t keep up with his appetite. The week I stopped breastfeeding, I was slammed with migraines that had me bedridden for a week. A heavy darkness infiltrated my head and heart. I just felt so lost, confused, disillusioned and bewildered.

Like many young babies, my son developed reflux and colic which induced pain and tears at any given hour. Then his teeth started breaking through. When I spoke to other mothers about the challenge of sleep deprivation, they all said the same thing. “Sleep when the baby sleeps!”

But my baby was a cat napper. He’d only go down for 20–30 minutes, so I’d never get a solid block of sleep. He was fine with these short nap bursts and woke from them refreshed and happy. I did not.

A large part of my insecurities stemmed from my inability to trust my intuition and instinct. Because I was confident we’d be a telepathic team, I felt baffled by his “language” after he was born. He was still communicating with me (by crying) but I couldn’t decipher the code.

I began second-guessing myself and feeling utterly overwhelmed by the responsibility of keeping another human alive. My feelings of inadequacy 76 • happiful • November 2017

morphed into anxiety. I was consumed by a foggy cloud of despair. I felt so horribly guilty that my selfish emotions were getting in the way. I was terrified that he would feel sad by osmosis, and that I was messing him up by being a mess myself.

The more I judged myself for not being a natural mother, the worse I felt. These feelings were compounded by sleep deprivation. From the outside, I seemed fine. I’d wear a smile and if people asked me how I was, I’d downplay my real feelings with a simple: “Tired but good.” I was unable to look people in the eye and say: “I’m drowning.”

Everyone kept telling me: “Kids grow up so fast. Make sure you savour every moment!”

This made me panic because I felt hugely conflicted. I desperately wanted to relish my son’s infancy and cherish every precious minute, but felt so drained and depleted that I found it hard to wholeheartedly enjoy him.

This of course led to more guilt. I also added self-flagellation to the list and would beat myself up for feeling bad. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, and hadn’t yet recognised I had postnatal depression.

My pressure to be superwoman wasn’t helped by social media. Looking at other women’s picture-perfect posts of baby bliss didn’t help my mental health. It just made me feel worse as I waded my way through my feelings of inadequacy. I felt like I was in limbo. No longer the woman I used to be, but not yet the mother I wanted to become.

True Life | Rebecca’s story My husband was incredibly supportive through all of this. son far outweighs the temporary challenges I experienced Helping with the baby where he could, telling me I was after his birth. As the Latin phrase goes, per aspera ad astra doing a great job, making me nourishing meals, providing (through hardships to the stars). for us financially, keeping the morale ship afloat with his If I could offer new, overwhelmed mums some advice it steadfast optimism. So eventually I turned to him and told would be this: every stage is just a phase. This too shall pass. him I needed more help than he could offer.

Be gentle with yourself. Ask for help. Embrace the good I needed clinical support. days. Practise compassion. Exercise patience. Make peace I jumped on a plane to Australia. I will never forget the with your exhaustion. Surrender. Drop all expectations. moment when I walked through arrivals straight into the Trust your intuition. Express, don’t repress, all emotions arms of my waiting mother. I dissolved into tears as she that arise. Look in your baby’s eyes and know that they stood there doing what mums do best: enveloping her child chose you. Find a tribe of likeminded mothers to support (and grandchild) in supportive, unconditional love. In her you through the journey. Above all else, assume the mindset presence I could dissolve. I could admit that her fiercely of a student who knows nothing. Walk into your child’s independent daughter really needed help. classroom and let them teach you everything you need to I saw a psychiatrist who helped me make sense of my know. They will show you the way. experience and prescribed antidepressants. I went to a brilliant multidisciplinary clinic that specialised in evidencebased healthcare for mothers and babies. I saw an infant sleep specialist who gave me advice. I met with a “Birth Story Healer” who helped me integrate lingering memories Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) and unresolved emotions. I swam in the ocean. I ate mum’s pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes: home cooked meals. I went to the cinema with friends. I I read this harrowing but beautiful story with tears in my eyes. slept. I strolled in the sunshine with my son. I spent time What better advice can be offered than the conclusions Rebecca at our family farm in the countryside. I was in Australia gives? Letting go of pre-conceptions and expectations is critical when we face any significant life change. When we stop judging for a month and by the end of it, a huge, positive shift had and evaluating, we are free to be in the moment with what occurred. arises, and listen to our heart, letting it and the situation guide us I look back now and realise I was going though such a towards what we should do. common experience: the birth of a mother. I think part of me was afraid that people would judge me and make assumptions. I assumed they would think I didn’t love my son or that I was weak, immature or selfish. I was also ashamed. Ashamed that I ‘One of the precious was finding motherhood so moments when the joys of motherhood made all the difficult when other women challenges worth it’ seemed to be taking it If I could offer new, in their stride. overwhelmed mums some I placed far too advice it would be this: much importance on every stage is just a phase. breastfeeding and put way too much pressure on This too shall pass. myself. I was so disoriented Be gentle with yourself by my new world, and so focused on loving my son that I forgot to love myself.

I am happy to say the fog lifted when my son was seven months old. I’ve learned a lot and forgiven myself for gracelessly trying my best to be a good mother. When people ask me how motherhood is, I tell them the truth: “It’s humbling.” In the same breath I wholeheartedly tell them my son is my greatest joy. Because it’s true.

Motherhood opens my heart wider by the day and the pure, potent, fierce, unconditional, boundless love I feel for my

Our Expert Says

November 2017 • happiful • 77

Food Explainer

5 Types of

VEGAN

Some vegans see animals as sentient beings, and that it’s not our place to ‘take’ from them

According to a new survey, 11% of UK consumers say they’ve tried a vegan diet, and 19% would consider going vegan.

But what exactly does that entail?

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

1. ETHICAL Perhaps the most common and unifying reason that people decide to go vegan is in the pursuit of a more caring, compassionate lifestyle.

Vegans believe in ending the exploitation of animals, which is why veganism often expands into lifestyle choices such as avoiding cosmetics with animal ingredients, or that are tested on animals, wearing wool, silk and leather, or visiting zoos and aquariums. While some protest at modern mass-market meat and dairy industries, others take the view point that, as sentient beings, it’s simply not our place to take from animals, be that by eating their meat, using their skin, or taking milk or eggs.

542,000

2. PLANT-BASED Some people chose to follow a vegan diet for health reasons or to lose weight, without engaging with the troubling ethics. For this reason they may choose the label “plant-based vegan”, as they continue to use animal products such as leather, silk, and honey. While it is 78 • happiful • November 2017

The number of vegans in the UK (42% are aged 34 or under) still very possible to be an unhealthy vegan (Pringles, Oreos, and even Pot Noodles are vegan!), a plant-based diet is only about eating things that have been grown in the ground, and cooked in a way that preserves as much of the natural nutrients of the food as

possible. By avoiding meat and dairy, vegan diets automatically cut out a lot of saturated fats, but plant-based diets take this notion one step further by also avoiding processed foods altogether, with a stern focus on “clean eating”.

Going VEGAN

If you’re thinking of adopting a vegan diet but aren’t sure if it’s right for you, consider speaking to a qualified nutritionist: nutritionist-resource.org.uk

3. RAW

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High carb low fat (HCLF) vegans will eat huge quantities of carbs in the form of fruit, vegetables and grains, and as little fat as possible. HCLF has various options depending on what the individual is looking for in the diet. Some want carbohydrates from fruit and veg, similar to raw vegans; others have a lot of potatoes, rice and pasta.

Healthy fats (avocado, seeds and nuts) are still essential in the diet, but are eaten in smaller quantities.

For newbies, the HCLF diet plan can be a nice guide to eating a balanced, healthy diet without the restrictions of “raw” or “plant-based” diets.

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4. HCLF

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Raw vegans chose not to eat anything cooked or heated up, so this diet mainly consists of fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds and grains.

Some may choose this diet for health benefits. Others choose the diet for spiritual reasons, looking to recreate a new Eden. Some raw vegans will follow an 80/10/10 diet: 80% carbohydrates, 10% fat, and 10% protein. Another option is “Raw Till 4”, popularised by vegan bloggers, by eating raw food until 4pm, then a cooked meal for dinner.

1 in 5 people would consider going vegan 5. ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS More people are trying to make changes in their daily lives to better take care of our planet. Mass consumption of meat and dairy puts a lot of pressure on the environment. The space needed to home animals has resulted in huge areas of deforestation. In Brazil, the world’s largest exporter of beef, the Amazon rainforest has been hugely affected by the livestock industry. What’s worse, both the animals and their transportation release a huge amount of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. By boycotting the livestock industry, environmentally conscious vegans hope to cut down their carbon footprint and reduce their impact on the environment.

November 2017 • happiful • 79

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True Life | Christoulla’s story

I battled my internal voices for seven long years TV presenter Christoulla Boodram thought her erratic behaviour would deny her a happy life. But when she embraced her faith, the whole world grew brighter

W

here had this sinister voice in my mind come from? It would make me do strange things and tell me that if I didn’t “obey” its command, my loved ones would die. I would hear it while picking up other people’s rubbish in the street. If I walked past a billboard, it would order me to go back to the billboard and read every single word on it… or else! I was a puppet, doing things that didn’t make any sense, but I was terrified that if I didn’t do them I would cause the death of someone I loved. This was just one of the many things I had to deal with during my seven-year battle with mental health issues.

My early life had been great. My parents told me they loved me every day and I wanted for nothing. But I was very quiet as a child and liked my own company. My sister, on the other hand, was funny and outgoing, and I often wished I could be like her, but I was very shy and insecure. At around 16, I developed a phobia of death that brought on anxiety, panic attacks and depression.

A lot of people develop issues because of some sort of trauma they go through. But I had it all, a great family, a nice house, financial stability, a good education – there was no apparent reason for me to have these kinds of problems. But depression isn’t fussy – anyone will do.

I will never forget the day I had my first panic attack. Only someone who’s had one knows how terrifying it is. I was left dazed and trembling uncontrollably. I developed so many complexes after that and, at one point, gained a lot of weight and hated the way I looked.

I will never forget my first panic attack. I was left dazed and trembling uncontrollably. I developed so many complexes that I hated the way I looked My poor parents tried to help me as best they could. They took me to my GP, who said I was too young to take antidepressants, so I was referred for counselling instead. After a few sessions, I asked my counsellor: “What do I do to get better?” He replied: “I’m just here to listen, not to tell you what to do.” I didn’t see the point in continuing, so I lied and said I was better so I wouldn’t have to see him anymore. I felt so let down.

I threw myself into excessive weight-training. The weight I had previously gained just dropped off. Continues >>>

November 2017 • happiful • 81

True Life | Christoulla’s story I had achieved the body I’d always dreamed of and I was so fit and strong that a coach approached me and asked if I wanted to train professionally. But inside, I was the same depressed, insecure, person.

One of my worst moments was when I had a terrible panic attack and burst into the living room where my parents were watching television. I ran straight into my father’s arms, shaking and sobbing. All my poor dad could do was hold me. He sighed and said: “I don’t know what to do anymore.

I don’t know how to help you.” His voice was so sad, so desperate. In my mind I was thinking: “If my own dad, who has always been there with the best advice, who always knows what to do, who has always protected me, can’t help, then I’m done for.”

I knew I was hurting my family, and though I loved them so much, I withdrew emotionally. I became distant. I didn’t want to cause them any more pain.

I went through college and university and I didn’t tell anyone about my issues apart from a close friend. I was so afraid of being judged, or of people not wanting to be around me. I saw my issues like some sort of disease that would make people run away from me. I used to look at other people and actually be jealous that they would be smiling and laughing – yet my smiles were fake. Inside I was a mess.

It was like I depended on him for a little bit of happiness, where I had tiny glimmers of feeling “normal”. But I didn’t realise how destructive I was. I was very jealous and wanted his full attention. It’s like I didn’t value myself whatsoever and would go to any lengths to get his affection.

But despite all the fighting, we loved each other and I moved in with him and his family. Things got even worse and we would sometimes be up until the early hours arguing and fighting with no regard for his mum, brother or neighbours who could hear us. After having a fight, we would sometimes cry in each other’s arms as we couldn’t understand why we were hurting each other so much.

Despite having tried so many things to recover, and failing, I didn’t lose hope because something deep inside was telling me that life wasn’t supposed to be this way – that I was meant to be happy. I didn’t give up. Even though there were times where I thought I’d lose my mind completely, I somehow held on until the day I discovered faith in God.

I learned how to fight my problems and not give into them. I was no longer going to be pushed around by depression, panic attacks, or that voice inside my head When my friend told me her brother (who was twice my age) was in love with me, wanted to marry me and would treat me like a princess, I was actually quite tempted. I wasn’t attracted to him, but I thought that perhaps if I got married and had kids it would ease the depression as my focus would be elsewhere – on a husband and children. That’s how desperate I was to feel better. Thankfully, my sister made me see sense and I turned him down.

I met my husband, Michael, at university. We were friends for a couple of years before I started developing feelings for him. Our relationship, however, became a combination of obsessive behaviour, arguments and eventually physical fights – all caused by me. Because I felt a little better when I was with him, I latched on to him and was extremely needy.

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Chrissy with her dad (above) and friends. ‘I knew I was hurting my family, and though I loved them so much, I withdrew emotionally’

True Life | Christoulla’s story I came across the Universal Church of the Kingdom of God (UCKG) Help Centre and it was truly a lifeline for me.

I was never a religious person and certainly not interested in going to church, but this place was different and I had nothing to lose. I walked into the Centre in Brixton for the first time, still shaking from a panic attack the night before, and was made to feel at home immediately. The person I spoke to seemed to understand me completely, and the best part of it was that he believed my life could be different, that I could be happy one day, and that I would learn all the tools to get there. That meant so much to me because it was the first time someone had spoken to me with so much conviction that things could get better.

Combining the practical and motivational advice with the spiritual help was a winning formula for me. I learned how to fight my problems and not give into them. I was no longer going to be pushed around by depression, panic attacks, or that voice in my head. Week by week, I started getting better. Unbelievably, since that first visit, I’ve never had a panic attack again. Within a few months, the depression had completely lifted, and of course that had an impact on my relationship. I now valued myself and wasn’t the needy, obsessive woman that Michael once knew. We learned to communicate properly. We now have a beautiful relationship. He’s my best friend and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband.

Gaining confidence and overcoming my shyness was a bit of an uphill struggle for me. But when I was offered my own TV show – The Chrissy B Show – to help others with mental health issues, I couldn’t say no. I can’t say that I love the TV world, but what I do love is helping people, and a TV platform allows me to reach lots of people. What drives

me is my passion to help others not be afraid to open up and get the help they need. Mental health issues can feel so terribly lonely. I don’t want anyone to suffer in silence or be stigmatised in any way. There is help out there. There is a happy life waiting for anyone who dares to look depression in the face and say, “No more!”

Our Expert Says Graeme Orr, MBACP (Accred) UKRCP Reg Ind counsellor, writes:

Christoulla has a life-long battle with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Despite a happy childhood, she struggles with her own self-confidence and valuing herself. She finds relationships difficult and often feels isolated. She struggles to find the right treatment that will work for her. When she connects, through her faith, with someone who listens without judgement, she gains the confidence to overcome her illness. She discovers how to deal with her problems effectively and live her life to the fullest.

Mental health issues can feel so terribly lonely.

I don’t want anyone to suffer in silence or be stigmatised in any way.

There is help out there Chrissy with her husband, Michael

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Food & Drink: Mythbusters

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FOOD & DRINK MYTHBUSTERS

Avocado or Avoca-don’t?

Avocado fever has swept the nation, but after you dig a little deeper into this amazingly popular fruit, will you still be lathering it on your toast, or leaving it on the shelf?

Writing | Rebecca Thair

Whether a component in a healthy smoothie, a topping for your morning toast, or purely because you love the guac, avocado-eating is at an all-time high. In 2016, UK shoppers spent almost £50 million more on avocados than previous years, making it the singlefastest growing food or drink item, and the UK’s eighth best-selling fruit.

So, what’s attributed to the avocado craze sweeping the nation? Nigella Lawson was the instigator of the avocatoast phenomenon, but the general desire of the country to eat healthier, and the influx of foodie bloggers posting delicious recipes and Instagram pics are likely to have had something to do with it as well.

THE GOOD STUFF

Avocados are a brilliant source of “healthy fats”: in 100g of avocado, you get about 12g of monounsaturated fats. These have been found to help protect against heart disease and lower blood pressure.

Additionally, avocados are a great source of vitamin E, which helps to maintain

healthy skin, eyes, and boosts the body’s immune system. Just half of one of the green fruits counts as one portion of your recommended five-a-day for fruit and veg, and a small study published in Nutrition Journal has found that avocados can help prevent hunger pangs thanks to their higher levels of healthy fats.

THE NOT-SO GOOD STUFF

Despite feeling a like tasty treat, and technically being a very large berry, avocados are calorific. One whole avocado counts for about 240 calories (more than a Mars Bar), and while we’re not ones to count, overindulging could certainly add up.

Aside from the calories, there are a few more problems with numbers. The huge popularity of avocados has led to mass deforestation to make way for more avocado trees in Mexico, with between 30% and 40% of the country’s annual forest loss being due to converting the land to avocado trees – equating to about 20,000 acres every year.

Additionally, the trees need a huge amount of water to grow – as much as 272 litres for just two or three avocados, making them

an environmental nightmare, and unlikely to be a sustainable crop for small farmers.

With avocado exports earning Mexico an estimated £1.2 billion in 2016, the mass demand has caught the attention of the drug cartel in the country as well, who are forcing farmers to hand over percentages of their profits, and killing those who won’t. The term “blood guacamole” was born from this, and has led to an illegal militia forming in Tancítaro, the avocado-growing capital of the world, acting as a public security force to defend against the cartel.

THE TAKEAWAY

This creamy fruit might taste great and do wonders for your skin, but the environmental and societal impact can be devastating. Avoiding the avos completely stops money going to criminal gangs, but also to farmers. The best solution?

Moderation. Make positive choices with your shopping lists.

To help protect society, look for products labelled as Fairtrade, and preferably sustainable, ensuring that communities growing avocados are benefiting as well.

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True Life | Camilla’s story

Six years of Strictly Come Dancing left me on the verge of burnout – yet I couldn’t see it Professional dancer Camilla Sacre-Dallerup had the world at her feet, until mental and physical burnout arrived. By sharing her feelings with her husband, she learned to take a step back – and became an inspiration for others

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s I write this, I’m sitting on my balcony in Los Angeles with my feet up, feeling far more relaxed than I used to. Although I still have a busy schedule, the word “success” in my world now equates to having balance in my life, where previously it meant one thing: winning. I’m painting this picture of relaxation for you because this is not something that comes naturally to me. The importance of relaxation is something I’ve learned to appreciate the hard way.

For as long as I can remember, I was the one who my friends would turn to if they were feeling down about something. I always believed in looking at the bright side of life, even as a teenager. I was also hugely ambitious, motivated and extremely driven throughout my life, until one day when I found myself with none of these tools.

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to do anything. To be frank, it was a rather unpleasant experience and it scared me to not recognise myself at all.

Up until this moment, I had known exactly what I wanted to do in my life. I felt inspired and excited. Now I was 34 and burned out.

I am writing about my burnout because there was a time in my life when I thought it would never happen to me. I had everything sorted and under control. I was superwoman. I handled everything thrown at me with strength and a smile. I realise now how ignorant and naïve I was. The athlete in me knew only one way of doing things: to keep going no matter what. I had spent my entire life preparing my mind and body for competitions, never allowing myself more than a week off at a time.

When I was two years old, my mum brought me along to a dance class. She thought it would be fun for me to interact

with other children. I don’t know what it was at first that got me hooked, but dancing and performing became my entire life after that.

I was not very old when I resonated with the words, “I’m a dancer.” Because I got into dancing so early, competing, travelling and training hard became part of my life, and daily schedule. I suppose somehow I must have decided that if I’m going to do this I might as well do it to the best of my ability. It wasn’t that it came completely naturally to me; rather I learned that when you work hard at something, it pays off. And I believe that is how my inner drive, laser focus, and determination was created. These skills followed me though life and helped me achieve my goals and dreams.

But this kind of ability, to push through everything – even injury and tiredness – also became the reason why I didn’t notice the burnout approaching before it arrived and seriously slapped me in the face.

When I turned 30, I actually started to consider retiring as a professional dancer. I felt grateful for my achievements and I was beginning to wonder what the real world looked like outside of the four walls of a rehearsal studio, the airplane, and a hotel room. I suppose looking back, that was the time my body was telling me that it was time to take a long vacation or add in some more rest time. But just like any other sore muscle in the body, that got ignored when word came of a new show called Strictly Come Dancing that was about to launch. They needed professional dancers to be part of it. Suddenly my thoughts of retiring and opting for a quieter schedule were replaced with the excitement of being part of the original cast of this exciting new show.

I remember friends and family saying to me: “I don’t know how you do your schedule.” The truth is, I was on auto-pilot. It was almost easier to keep going than to stop, because when I finally stopped I realised how tired I was. Dancing is both physically and mentally challenging, and the years of “keep going” were catching up with me. Looking back, I realise that I wasn’t very good at setting boundaries and saying no, mainly because I didn’t want to miss out, and because someone way back once told me that “when you’re selfemployed, you take the work when it’s there”.

This is true, but at what price to the mind and body? And if you wear yourself out, what’s it all been worth? Continues >>>

‘I was not very old when I resonated with the words, “I’m a dancer”’

I had no urge to do any projects. I was numb, lost and not myself.

I realised I needed to make changes

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True Life | My Story

I realise now that my burnout was a blessing. The key word for me was acceptance

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True Life | Camilla’s story I managed to put tiredness to one side and push through six magical seasons of Strictly Come Dancing, which I will treasure forever in my heart. But when I finally walked away and stopped, I was truly burned out. To me, the feeling was beyond tiredness. It’s the kind of tired where you just know it’s going to take more than a few good sleeps to recover. What I found strangest was the lack of drive I now had felt. I had no urge to do any projects at all. I was numb, lost and not myself. I realised I needed to make changes to the way I ran my career.

Over that year I slowed right down. I studied Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), life coaching and hypnosis. I also read so many inspirational books. I immersed myself in doing things that felt good for the soul, like learning new things and enjoying Saturdays at home with my husband – which felt like such a treat, because up until that moment, I hadn’t known what it meant to have a Saturday at home just chilling out. I also worked with a life coach and hypnotherapist.

It can be hard to ask for help when you don’t even know what’s going on within you. Thankfully, I opened up to my husband Kevin about how I felt. He was very supportive and told me to just take my time to figure everything out.

These were very healing words to hear. It was amazing.

By him giving me permission, I gave myself permission to accept the lost feeling and the uncertainty of the direction of my life. Most importantly, it allowed for the energy to build up over time.

The key word for me here was acceptance.

I realise now, after writing my new book, Reinvent Me, that my burnout was a blessing. It taught me so much about myself, and ultimately guided me to this point. I am a life coach who has walked the walk. I take great pride in helping others achieve their goals and I help support them through stress and their own burnout. Everything that has gone before this moment – highs as well as lows – has brought me to this happy point in my life, where I am able to share the learnings in my work.

Three years ago, my husband and I decided to move to Los Angeles in the pursuit of creating a more balanced life. I am proud to say we have achieved this. However, being

a workaholic is still within me – it’s just that I have learned to spot the warning signs and get myself in check before it’s too late. I am thankful for meditation and mindfulness.

These are wonderful tools that keep me (and my clients) on track. The one thing I know for sure is that our body and intuition tell us a lot, including when to rest. Instead of ignoring the signs, I now choose to follow them.

Our Expert Says Rachel Coffey, BA MA NLP Mstr, writes:

Camilla’s story is uplifting. It shows us how everything we experience in life, even the tough times like Camilla’s burnout, can be used to create a brighter future.

It was only when Camilla stopped to listen to her body and mind, that she understood what she really needed. Though we may not all be on national TV, many of us will identify with having a busy life so full of expectations that it can leave little time for ourselves. Camilla shows us that whoever we are, there is always the opportunity to reinvent ourselves and move toward an inspiring new future!

Camilla studied NLP, life coaching and hypnosis, and wrote the book Reinvent Me abut her experiences

November 2017 • happiful • 89

The Happiful Road Test

Raw Is it the future of nibbles?

Raw snacks are dominating the ‘Free-From’ supermarket aisles, but how do they taste?

Happiful gave them a whirl Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

T

hought to have originated in Switzerland in the late 1800s, “raw eating” is all about taking healthy eating to the next level. Raw foods are not heated above 40°C, so as to preserve all the nutrients and enzymatic value. They’re also made with unprocessed ingredients, often making them vegan and gluten-free. The health claims are bold, with raw food diets being associated with decreased risks of cancer, heart attacks and strokes.

But how does raw food hold up at snack time? Happiful put eight raw treats to the test to find out what bites.

RAW MILLIONAIRE BITES Livia’s Kitchen

A “raw” twist on classic millionaire’s shortbread. RRP: £5.50

VERDICT: “It has a

strong chocolate flavour and didn’t taste like ‘raw’ food at all!” - Lou

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RAW MACA & CINNAMON MUNCHIES Raw Gorilla

Small fruit and nut bites, made from sprouted sunflower, buckwheat seeds, almonds and sweet dried fruits. RRP: £1.19

VERDICT: “I

wouldn’t choose these over my normal snacks, to be honest. But they do go well with green tea! The taste is unique.”

– Lauren

Taste Look Packaging

snacks RAW FOOD

THE SNACK BAR

KALE, GARLIC AND BLACK PEPPER CHIPS Raw Health

Dehydrated kale “chips” seasoned with garlic and black pepper. RRP: £2.39

VERDICT: “It tasted nice, but a bit

too strong a flavour for me. I’m not sure I could eat a whole bag.” – Kat Taste Look Packaging

COCAO ORANGE BAR Nakd

A soft fruit and nut bar with a chocolate orange flavour.

RRP: 75p

Taste Look Packaging

VANOFFEE RAW CACAO The Raw Chocolate Co

BRAZIL NUT & THYME CRACKERS

Sweet “chocolate” made by blending cocao butter, Peruvian lucuma, and Ugandan vanilla. RRP: £2.29

Rawlicious

A dehydrated cracker with strong thyme and nut notes. RRP: £5.49

Taste Look

VERDICT: “If you like thyme

Packaging

(and nuts), you’ll love this; so much flavour and amazing texture too!” - Amy

RASPBERRY RIPPLE RAW ENERGY BAR Squirrel Sisters

CONCLUSION In our 49 reviews, only 22% had heard of these snack brands, and yet after trying them, 77% said they would consider buying the snacks again. While some of our team found these healthy treats “didn’t match up” to the regular afternoon snacks, 68% of us said “yes” or “maybe” to choosing a raw snack over an unhealthy one. Overall, Happiful enjoyed the raw treat test, but we’ll definitely skip the Raw Maca & Cinnamon Munchies next time they go round the office.

You can find these raw snacks in major supermarkets, or online at planetorganic.com Tickled your tastebuds? Tweet us your thoughts @happifulhq

77% of Happiful said they’d buy the snacks again

Two 20g raw fruit and nut bars, with a tangy raspberry flavour.

RRP: £2.15

Taste Look Packaging

RAW SUPER FOOD FLAPJACK Creative Nature

A cold pressed flapjack flavoured with cacoa and goji berry.

RRP: 99p

Taste Look Packaging

November 2017 • happiful • 91

True Life | Angela’s story

I survived a car crash that left me with brain damage Just as her career was flourishing, professional singer Angela Molineux narrowly survived a horrific crash.

Through courage and self-belief, she learnt to embrace life again

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T

“

here could be swelling in your brain and you might lose consciousness at any moment” – that’s what the paramedic told me when I asked if it was really necessary to put me in a neck brace. I looked back briefly at the wreck of the car we had just been in. In that moment, the overwhelming sensation of being alive was replaced by the most intense fear I’d ever known. What if these were my very last moments of consciousness?

The night before had been exhilarating. I was back on home soil in Canada, performing Ireland’s Call at the Canada vs Ireland rugby match. My dear friend and insanely talented designer, Colleen Morris, had kindly designed the most stunning dress for me. I sang my heart out to a crowd of 20,000 rugby fans. As I sang, I thought of my mum watching back at home, her heart full of pride.

The previous year had been trying to say the least. I had sacrificed so much to release my debut EP. In London, I had a few wonderful friends cheering me on, often letting me sleep on their sofas when I was between flats. It was non-stop, 14-hour days of writing and recording sessions, performances, vocal coaching sessions, and I was often subsisting on one meal a day. It was the life of an emerging artist: feast or famine.

My family in Canada were worried. My physical and mental health and wellbeing were at risk, yet I was absolutely determined to succeed. I had a degree in psychology to “fall back on”, but that would have meant essentially giving up my dreams. As an adoptee, I had spent too many years of my life struggling with always trying to fit in and be who others wanted me to be. It was finally my time to truly be myself. I pursued my passion with intense determination and perseverance, resulting in some of the most amazing experiences of my life.

The day after the rugby match performance, a friend offered to give me a ride to the airport. Merging into the exit lane, my friend swerved across two lanes of heavy traffic and lost control of the car. I grabbed on to the dashboard as we flew off the motorway into the air. My friend’s friend in the backseat was screaming. So many thoughts raced through my brain. “Is this how my life ends?

Will I never see my family again? Will I never sing again?

Will I never marry or have a child?”

I remember my head hitting the roof. Everything went black. I felt another hit to my head that was so intensely painful I saw stars. I’m not sure how many times the car rolled, but we finally landed in a grass ditch. Everyone vocalised that they were OK. I was just able to open the car door to get out. We stumbled up to the side of the motorway, looking like war survivors. We were extraordinarily lucky to be alive. I was diagnosed with a mild brain injury, neck and back injuries, and PTSD. But

there is absolutely nothing “mild” about any kind of brain injury. My world became a long, lonely, challenging journey of recovery, with a whole team of doctors, therapists and specialists. In the ensuing months after the accident, I had difficulty keeping my balance and walking up and down stairs. I often couldn’t understand what people were saying.

I had difficulty dressing, applying make-up, and washing my hair. My short-term memory was practically nonexistent. I would buy apple juice four times in a day because I forgot that I had already bought some. I was afraid to go to sleep for fear I would slip into a coma. Indeed, my nights were a mixture of passing out from intense exhaustion or having nightmares.

My friend swerved and lost control of the car. We flew off the motorway into the air.

I thought, ‘Is this how my life ends?’

I went back to A&E a few times for more scans and tests.

A plethora of prescriptions for painkillers, brain stimulants and antidepressants were prescribed. At one point, doctors thought that I might have a blood clot travelling to my heart, based on my low oxygen level and the horrible bruising on my legs. They explained that I might have to undergo emergency surgery. I have never felt more alone.

Thankfully, the tests came back clear, but I was still not out of the woods.

Everything became a constant dizzy fog. I couldn’t handle lights, noise, or too much outside stimuli. I had difficulties communicating to friends and family. I was most comfortable alone in a quiet, dark room, listening to selfhealing meditations or having baths. I also had constant headaches and sharp stabbing pains in my head. I suffered through anxiety, panic attacks, debilitating depression and flashbacks every day. Emotionally, I relived every trauma I had ever experienced as if it was happening all over again. So many times, I wished I had died in the accident. I wondered why I was still alive.

No one has had any real answers for me in terms of recovery time, or which symptoms I may have for the rest of my life. So many of my friends fell away after expressing initial platitudes of care and kindness. I fought with my mum on the phone as she struggled to lend support from overseas. Continues >>> November 2017 • happiful • 93

True Life | Angela’s story How do you explain the symptoms of a brain injury to someone who has never had one?

I kept trying to push myself to recover because I was beyond frightened that I would be in this state forever. I missed singing so much it physically hurt. Vocally, all was fine, but I couldn’t stand for longer than a couple of minutes without my back hurting. I felt like an unhealthy senior citizen, trapped in a young woman’s body.

For a long time, I refused to accept the impact and full extent of my injuries. As a performer, there is the expectation that the show must always go on.

It’s now been four intense, challenging years since my accident. I try to take each day one day at a time and each symptom at a time. I have good days and bad days. I dance and sing and try to celebrate life to the fullest on the good days. I deal with chronic pain in my neck and back from the soft tissue damage, and ibuprofen has become one of my best friends. On days when I’m in a lot of pain or when I’m having a “bad brain” day, I have to rearrange my schedule, remind myself to take time out, meditate, and remember how blessed I am to simply be able to I’ve learned see, to walk and talk.

I’ve done a great deal of to live in research into resources the present. and information on PTSD and brain injury Our lives are recovery, and which foods extremely fragile and vitamins are helpful.

I’ve finally accepted that and what we my life will never be the so easily take same again.

Slowly, I’ve been trying for granted can to pick up the pieces of be gone in a my career. I’m working on new music, a book, heartbeat and I’ve launched an inspirational podcast.

I’ve learned to live in the present more fully and not to judge a book by its cover. Our very lives are extremely fragile and what we so easily take for granted can be gone in a heartbeat.

I’m no longer afraid to die. I’m simply afraid of not fully living. I’m humbled and amazed at not only the kindness

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shown to me by strangers and new friends along my recovery journey, but also the human body’s immense ability to heal physically and emotionally.

Whatever challenges you’re facing physically or mentally, know that even if you’re by yourself, you’re never truly alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for support.

Everyone is going through something you may know nothing about. Give people the opportunity to care. Practise simple compassion and empathy. We’re all in this together, whatever our differing pains may be.

Dig deep for courage, strength and faith. If you find you still come up empty, keep digging. Keep going. You’ll get there. Breathe. Celebrate the little things. Eat dark chocolate.

Find solace in your best friend’s smile. Take comfort in music. One sunrise at a time.

Our Expert Says

Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg) pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

Angela’s powerful story exposes the difficulty of living with longterm health conditions. The mind-body system is complex, so her advice to reach out for support, and to keep on digging inside yourself is crucial. We have so many more resources than we realise, and the one truth is that, deep down, when we are truly honest, we ourselves are the person most worth listening to.

Angela with her closest friends (below), and promoting her in-themaking first EP

Practical ADVICE

Ask the Experts Troubled? Confused? Need advice?

Our Happiful professionals are here to help

COUNSELLING

Is stress damaging my physical health?

Understanding how our physical and mental health are connected

For many, minding their physical health may seem like common sense, but this attitude can be a stark contrast to our attitude towards mental health.

The link between stress and our physical health has been well researched. Stress releases cortisol, which helps us deal with stress by shutting down unnecessary functions, such as the immune system, to allow the body to direct all energies towards dealing with the stress at hand. These reactions are intended to be temporary, and once the body calms down, cortisol release stops.

Chronic stress facilitates too much cortisol being in the body, and when present for prolonged periods, the body develops a resistance to cortisol. Lymphocytes are a major component of the immune system, killing invading organisms that would cause disease, and defending against harmful substances. Cortisol suppresses lymphocytes production and activity. With fewer lymphocytes, the body

is vulnerable and exposed to increased risk of infection and the possibility of disease.

Recent research has also looked at the link between anxiety in men, and cancer. The largest ever study to explore this link tracked 15,938 Britons over age 40 for 15 years.

Even after taking into account factors that boost the risk of cancer, including age, alcohol consumption, smoking and chronic diseases, researchers found that men with a diagnosis of generalised anxiety disorder were more than twice as likely to die of cancer.

Being aware of the impact that our mental health has on our physical health will help us to be mindful of looking after both, and ensures that we give ourselves the best chance to stay healthy in a holistic way.

Written by Dr Mark Rackley Read the full article on counselling-directory.org.uk November 2017 • happiful • 95

True Life | Ask the Experts

NUTRITION

I’m 27 but still get acne! How can I combat my spots?

Exploring how diet can contribute to glowing, healthy skin

Acne can be distressing, undermining self-confidence and is often a reason why girls start taking the contraceptive pill earlier than they might otherwise have. The most common cause of acne is changes in hormonal levels, such as when you’re about to get your period, or throughout puberty. But did you know your diet could help prevent acne, and improve your overall skin health?

2. Increase your intake of zinc Our skin contains around 20% of the body’s zinc, so acne can be a symptom of zinc deficiency. Zinc controls the production of oil in the skin, and can help control acnecausing hormones. It’s essential during teenage years because it’s involved in growth and sexual maturation.

Foods rich in zinc include fish, eggs, meat, and nuts.

1. Cut back on sugar High sugar and high glycemic load (GL) foods may contribute to acne. Too much sugar or fast-releasing carbohydrates in white bread, sweets, and sugared drinks, as well as too much fruit juice, leads to surges in your blood sugar level. These trigger the release of insulin, which promotes fat storage sebum production.

Include wholesome, unprocessed foods in your diet, as they contain vital vitamins and minerals for energy production, detoxification and good skin. Try wholegrain versions of bread and pasta, and eat plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Eating protein with carbohydrates lowers the GL of meals as well, which also helps with weight, as it reduces the likelihood of fat storage.

3. Try eliminating dairy from your diet Some studies have shown a link between dairy intake and acne. Try avoiding dairy products for two weeks. Only total avoidance can produce a clear result.

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4. Essential fatty acids If your skin is dry or inflamed, try upping your intake of essential fatty acids (EFAs). EFAs contribute to the moisture content of our skin and help repair it. The body can’t produce its own EFAs, so you need to obtain them through your diet, with oily fish, nuts, and vegetable oils.

Written by Melody Mackeown Read the full article on nutritionist-resource.org.uk

Practical ADVICE

AYURVEDA

Arachnophobia covers the fear of all arachnids, including scorpions

Home remedies to help cure your cough

Depending on the phobia, it may be appropriate to have the client imagine it on a more manageable scale. For example, if the client is afraid of dogs, the hypnotist may ask the client to imagine a tiny, helpless puppy and build from there.

If the phobia is really bad, the person may show the symptoms of being phobic even at the mention of what they fear. A photo of a spider may result in them shaking as if it was in front of them. Rationally, they know it’s not real, but the phobic reactions are, resulting in the same sensations manifesting.

Most phobias are able to be tested at the end of a hypnotherapy session by gauging the client’s reaction whilst speaking about the cause of fear. Once the phobia has been dealt with, the person can lead a full life, free of fear.

A cough is a reflex action to clear your airways, and typically falls into one of two categories: a dry cough is caused by a foreign particle irritating the throat and feels like a tickle; or a productive cough caused by phlegm irritating your chest, as a secondary cause to respiratory infection, allergic rhinitis, or bronchitis.

Ayurveda is a medical system that originated in India more than 3,000 years ago, and can help with home remedies for a cough.

For a dry cough, honey is considered a universal remedy for soothing the irritation (but note, honey isn’t recommended for infants under one).

Eat a ripe banana with one teaspoon of honey, and two pinches of ground black pepper two or three times a day.

For a productive cough, the simplest home remedy is black pepper. Eat a quarter of a teaspoon of black pepper powder with one teaspoon of honey/ ghee (a form of clarified butter, recommended for a hoarse voice).

Or perhaps prepare a tea by adding half a teaspoon of ginger powder, plus a pinch of clove and a pinch of cinnamon powder, to boiled water.

For children with a cough, try giving them half a cup of pomegranate juice with a pinch of ginger powder and a pinch of pippali powder.

Written by Biodun Ogunyemi Read the full article at hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk

Written by Varalakshmi Yanamandra Read the full article at therapydirectory.org.uk

HYPNOTHERAPY

Can hypnotherapy help cure my extreme fear of spiders?

Sourcing the subconscious solution to phobias People often accept their phobias, assuming there’s no cure available.

For some, it can be debilitating, causing daily, unnecessary suffering.

But hypnosis has a high success rate in helping people overcome phobias once and for all.

Hypnotherapy deals with underlying causes of phobias, by addressing the unconscious mind, which hosts the phobic reactions. No one is born with a fear of spiders; phobias develop over a number of years, or may be the result of an incident, usually occurring in childhood. Other phobias are learnt from parents or siblings.

Hypnotherapists will guide the client into a state of deep relaxation. Even if the client can’t consciously remember the incident that led to a lifelong fear, the memory will be stored in the unconscious memory and, while in a trance, the hypnotist will help the client put those memories into perspective.

Can honey soothe my tickly throat?

November 2017 • happiful • 97

True Life | Ask the Experts

LIFE-COACHING

RELATIONSHIPS

I think I’m in an abusive relationship.

What can I do?

Top performing teams give five positive comments for each criticism

Identifying emotional abuse and how to break free from it

I’m sensitive to criticism at work.

How can I be more positive?

A guide to responding to negative feedback Generally, people who criticise should have a positive intention.

In reality, this isn’t always the case.

Consistent negative feedback can be draining and upsetting, and while we can’t control what other people say, we can control how we respond to it.

4. Be open to other people’s feedback. We can learn a lot from the relationships we have with other people, as they act as a mirror for us to understand ourselves better. Could this person be giving you useful advice after all?

1. If you’re sensitive to feedback, notice if the comments reflect a feeling you know has relevance.

You may have pushed these feelings to the back of your mind to avoid confronting them.

5. If you have hiccup at work, it’s good practice to take responsibility for any oversights. People will respect you more for your honesty and integrity, which leads to them being more understanding and less critical.

2. If a comment hurts or upsets you, think about why. It may have made you feel vulnerable – revealing something you’re trying to hide. If so, what could you do to confront it? The more you push down emotions, the less you tune into your mind.

6. Not all criticism is intended to be nice. If you feel you’re being picked on, it’s important to discuss this with someone. We have a choice about who we let in to our life, so if someone is impacting negatively on you, consider if it’s useful to stay connected to them.

3. What could you do to change these feelings? It’s important to release stress so it doesn’t manifest as pain in your body.

98 • happiful • November 2017

Written by Caroline Rushforth Read the full article on lifecoachdirectory.org.uk

Emotional or psychological abuse is the ongoing emotional mistreatment of a person by another. It can involve deliberately trying to scare, intimidate, or humiliate, and allows the perpetrator to gain control over someone.

Features of emotional abuse vary, but can include belittling, blaming and highly critical behaviour. The abuser is likely to deny the abuse through manipulation of a person’s emotions, and minimises abuse by making their victim feel they’re overreacting.

Signs of emotional abuse might be your partner isolating you from friends or family, and threatening to hurt themselves if you leave. They might be extremely jealous, constantly demanding proof you’ve been faithful, and will often be highly controlling.

You may be concerned about upsetting them, or feel a drop in your self-esteem.

Causes of emotional abuse vary, but the root is often feelings of powerlessness, hurt, fear or abuse. These underlying issues can be linked with childhood experiences that have often not been fully processed.

Seeking help is an important step in stopping abuse before it can become entrenched. A counsellor can work with you to understand your thoughts and feelings, and to build your confidence and self-belief.

Written by Joshua Miles Full article: counselling-directory.org.uk

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