THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
IMAGINE. CREATE. LIBERATE. Free your mind & soothe your senses as we embrace the power of crafting
OCT 2020 | £4
A little respect Our bodies deserve better – it's time to let kindness lead the way
JAY SHETTY
10
top tips to transform your mindset
Do your deskercise!
Under pressure? What can happen when a negative news feed distorts your view
Shed light on SAD IVF & mental health Mood-boosting food 10
9 772514
373000
HAPPIFUL.COM | £4
Ease those aches & pains
A change of view It’s funny how much the world around us, and even our own circumstances, can change depending on how we choose to look at things.
French critic Alphonse Karr once said: “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” Sometimes, what we really need is to see things from a different point of view. Whether that’s shaking up our perspective, exploring new ideas, or putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes for a moment. In this issue, Jay Shetty shares his essential learnings on how to change our mindset, plus in our special feature on crafting, we share how powerful creativity can be – by taking something simple and turning it into art. But a fresh perspective doesn’t just benefit our own wellbeing, it can offer education and awareness that allows us to support others who are struggling, too.
See the world from another’s eyes as we investigate the mental impact of IVF treatment, and consider how current world events are impacting the deaf community’s wellbeing more dramatically than you may have realised. While it can feel like we’re more physically disconnected than before, emotionally we have the space to appreciate what others are going through, and search for the means to address the imbalance. Perhaps it’s time to adjust our view, and see all the good we can do for those around us.
W | happiful.com F | happifulhq T | @happifulhq
REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR
I | @happiful_magazine
Features 22 We need to talk about IVF
IVF can come hand in hand with stress and anxiety. It's about time that we spoke about the realities of fertility journeys
28 Jay Shetty
The public speaker and former monk on how to transform your mindset
43 Embody love
Discover the steps you can take to build a better relationship with your body
49 Meet the menopause
Author Sam Baker chats menopause: the good, the bad, and the liberating
52 What you make of it
Switch off and get stuck into these six simple yet mindful crafts
The Uplift 8 In the news 13 The wellbeing wrap 15 What is mean world syndrome?
Could the news cycle be negatively affecting how we view the world?
90 You are worthy of love
Lifestyle and Relationships 33 MH in the deaf community
We explore the unique mental health challenges faced by those with hearing loss
40 Back to school
Our counsellor answers question on how we can support children as they return to class
46 The next chapter
10 top tips from an expert on how to manage the menopause
82 The plastic-free challenge Could you reduce your plastic waste with some simple changes, in just seven days?
52
27
Culture 27 Craft a gratitude attitude 60 Clean and green 10 eco-friendly DIY hacks
62 Things to do in October 81 Into the pages
Discover this month's biggest book releases
Life Stories
22
37 Jane: No more hiding
The global movement against racism opened up old wounds for Jane, but with the help of therapy, she's learning how to embrace her culture and the person she is today
75 Kim: A good sign
Learning new skills helped Kim when things got tough. When she turned to sign language, it lead her down an enlightening path
87 Emma-Jane: speaking out With the help of therapy, Emma-Jane began to process her trauma. But the most liberating tool was telling her story
82
Our team
43
EDITORIAL Rebecca Thair | Editor Kathryn Wheeler | Head Writer Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls | Senior Writers Becky Wright | Content & Marketing Officer Katie Hoare | Digital Marketing & Content Officer Grace Victory | Columnist Lucy Donoughue | Head of Partnerships Ellen Hoggard | Digital Editor Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor
ART & DESIGN Amy-Jean Burns | Head of Product Charlotte Reynell | Creative Lead Rosan Magar | Illustrator Emma Boast | Designer
COMMUNICATIONS
Alice Greedus PR Officer alice.greedus@happiful.com
CONTRIBUTORS
Claire Munnings, Jenna Farmer, Gemma Calvert, Fiona Thomas, Ellie Pilcher, Lindsay George, Jane Tran, Kim McGregor, Emma-Jane Taylor
SPECIAL THANKS
Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Lana Walker, Carly Chamberlain, Beverley Hills, Katie Cakirer, Libby Palmer, Rebekah Esdale, Sonal Shah
MANAGEMENT
Wellness 18 Need to nourish?
71
Columnist Grace Victory explores self-care and the ways you can harness it
78 That's a stretch
20 Beat the 3pm slump 58 Freelance your way 66 Put it down in words 84 Soothe SAD symptoms
SUBSCRIPTIONS
For new orders and back orders, visit shop.happiful.com, or call Newsstand on +44 (0)1227 277 248 or email subenquiries@newsstand.co.uk
CONTACT
Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL Email us at hello@happiful.com
Ease back pain with these desk stretches
Happiful Hacks
Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder Emma White | Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder
Food & Drink 68 In the mood for food
Recipes to help fuel a happy mind and body
71 Ready on time
Learn how to get the most out of ready meals with these nutritious tips
HAPPIFUL FAMILY
Helping you find the help you need. Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource, Therapy Directory
Expert Panel One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each individual is a journey – what works for one of us will be different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you on your way. Bringing together various arms of support, each of our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your wellbeing – from counselling, to hypnotherapy, nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy.
Rav's review 'Creativity' can mean many different things to each of us. But it's a commonality we all share and that will very likely enhance our wellbeing. Head over to page 52 to explore practical ways you can create that positive feeling while trying something new. The ability to create can exist externally and, equally, on an internal level, too. The liberating power of creating something comes from within and is at your disposal. You are the master of your own fate. Be mindful and create with love. RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred)
Rav is a counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 10 years' experience.
Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue
LANA WALKER
KATIE CAKIRER
CNHC EFT
BSc (Hons) dip MBACP
Lana is a holistic massage therapist and an EFT practitioner.
Katie is a psychotherapist and founder of Chester Psychotherapy Centre.
LIBBY PALMER
CARLY CHAMBERLAIN
Dip MCNHC MISRM
BA Dip
Libby is a remedial and sports massage therapist at the Brixton Therapy Centre.
Carly is an author who has 15 years' experience in holistic health.
BEVERLEY HILLS
LINDSAY GEORGE
MA PG Cert Dip MBACP
MA Dip RGN MBACP (Accred)
Beverley is a relationship counsellor and psychotherapist.
Lindsay is an integrative counsellor and psychotherapist, as well as a trained nurse.
SARAH CLARK
REBEKAH ESDALE
BA Hons PTLLS MAC
DipNT RMN mBANT CNHC
Sarah, from Mariposa Coaching, specialises in wellbeing and relationships.
Rebekah is an integrative health practitioner and nutritional therapist.
RACHEL COFFEY
GRAEME ORR
BA MA NLP Mstr
MBACP (Accred) Reg Ind
Rachel is a life coach encouraging confidence and motivation.
Graeme is a counsellor working with both individuals and couples.
Find help
Reader offer
CRISIS SUPPORT If you are in crisis and are concerned for your own safety, call 999 or go to A&E Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email them at jo@samaritans.org
Head to happiful. for more com se and supprvices ort
GENERAL LISTENING LINES
ENTER CODE:
SANEline SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm: 0300 304 7000 Mind Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk Switchboard Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: 0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt
p22
SUPPORT FOR IVF AND FERTILITY TREATMENT For more information on fertility treatment, as well as expert advice, visit fertilitynetworkuk.org or call their support line in 0121 323 5025.
p33
INFORMATION ON HEARING LOSS Discover more about life with hearing loss and connect with others in the community by visiting actiononhearingloss.org.uk
p68
CONNECT WITH A NUTRITIONIST Find expert nutritionists, discover everyday tips, and start your plan for a healthier life by visiting nutritionist-resource.org.uk
p87
UK RAPE AND ABUSE SERVICES The Survivors Trust is an umbrella agency for those who have experienced rape or sexual abuse. Visit thesurvivorstrust.org
THE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH
IMAGINE. CREATE. LIBERATE. Free your mind & soothe your senses as we embrace the power of crafting
OCT 2020 | £4
A little respect Our bodies deserve better – it's time to let kindness lead the way
JAY SHETTY
10
top tips to transform your mindset
Do your deskercise!
Under pressure? What can happen when a negative news feed distorts your view
Shed light on SAD IVF & mental health Mood-boosting food 10
9 772514
Cover artwork by Rosan Magar
373000
HAPPIFUL.COM | £4
Ease those aches & pains
Our two-for-one tree commitment is made of two parts. Firstly, we source all our paper from FSC® certified sources. The FSC® label guarantees that the trees harvested are replaced, or allowed to regenerate naturally. Secondly, we will ensure an additional tree is planted for each one used, by making a suitable donation to a forestry charity. Happiful is a brand of Memiah Limited. The opinions, views and values expressed in Happiful are those of the authors of that content and do not necessarily represent our opinions, views or values. Nothing in the magazine constitutes advice on which you should rely. It is provided for general information purposes only. We work hard to achieve the highest possible editorial standards, however if you would like to pass on your feedback or have a complaint about Happiful, please email us at feedback@ happiful.com. We do not accept liability for products and/or services offered by third parties. Memiah Limited is a private company limited by shares and registered in England and Wales with company number 05489185 and VAT number GB 920805837. Our registered office address is Building 3, Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL.
HAPPIOCT AT THE CHECKOUT
£48
£40
For 12 print issues!
Pay for 10 months, get 2 free Happiful delivered to your door before it hits the shelves Competitions and prize draws!
Visit happiful.com
Discover the latest articles from happiful.com, browse through expert advice, and connect with professional counsellors, life coaches, nutritionists, hypnotherapists, and holistic therapists in your area by downloading the Happiful app – available for free from the App Store and Google Play Store.
Prices and benefits are correct at the time of printing. Offer expires 31 October 2020. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com
WELLBEING
The therapy that helps alpaca your worries
The Uplift
What’s cute, fluffy, and the perfect thing for soothing an anxious mind? Try an alpaca co-counsellor. You’ve no doubt heard of the incredible healing effect animals can have on our wellbeing, which inspired the founder of Simply Alpaca, Victoria Barrett, to create a sanctuary that offers people from all walks of life unique alpaca therapy sessions. When Victoria first welcomed alpacas into her home 11 years ago, she had no idea it would lead to where she is today. At that time, working as a paramedic and a counsellor, Victoria simply threw herself into caring for the alpacas. “It made sense to me to combine what I had learned about working with alpacas, with what I knew about working with people,” Victoria says. Whether it be for trauma, depression, addiction, anxiety, or behaviour issues, clients are taken through a six to eightweek programme where they work alongside counsellors while caring for, and spending time with, the alpacas. “Their very presence is quiet, inducing a sense of calm; and their fluffy, novel appearance, with big eyes, is endearing,” says Victoria. “Working alongside alpacas and llamas offers a different way of exploring and sensitive issues, as clients may find it easier to express their feelings, and recount painful experiences.” As we continue to talk about our unique needs for mental health support, Simply Alpaca has arrived right on time. Visit simplyalpaca.co.uk for more. Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
WORK
Food delivery company offers staff ‘period leave’
CHARITY
Sew kind: Becky sells masks to support her local food bank Caring crafter makes the most of a difficult situation No one expected face masks to be this year’s fashion must-have, but protecting ourselves and others has never been more ontrend. Taking matters into her own hands, Becky Armstrong started making masks for herself and friends. But when her pals offered to pay, Becky took a different approach. “I didn’t feel it was fair to make money from the enterprise – I’m very privileged to have not been too adversely affected by Covid-19 so far, so I wanted to help in some way,” Becky says. “I decided to set up a Localgiving page to raise money for our local food bank, House of Bread.”
When the fundraiser finished, Becky had raised more than £3,000 for the Stafford charity. Becky says the experience has taught her that most people are uplifted by kindness. “I think it’s important to perform acts of kindness when things around us seem bad. From complimenting strangers to picking up litter, you can make yourself, and others, feel better with such little effort.” So next time you’re feeling defeated by 2020, perhaps it’s worth taking some time to think about how you can make someone else smile behind their mask. Visit Becky’s Facebook page at facebook.com/sewingforfood.
For those times when period pains get so bad that you simply cannot, a day on the sofa glued to Netflix and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s is the ultimate dream. Well, food delivery company Zomato, based in India but operating around the world, is making this dream a reality with the introduction of ‘period leave’. The new policy offers 10 days of period leave each year for staff to use when necessary – noting that transgender people can also experience periods, and creating an inclusive policy to reflect this. Sending an email to employees, Zomato CEO Deepinder Goyal also made an important point for men within the company: “Our female colleagues expressing that they are on their period leave shouldn’t be uncomfortable for us. “This is a part of life, and while we don’t fully understand what women go through, we need to trust them when they say they need to rest this out.” In India, those who follow the Hindu religion typically celebrate the first time someone menstruates. After this, however, in more traditional areas, it can be seen as taboo, with those who menstruate banned from temples, kitchens, and even sleeping on beds. Hoping to change attitudes with its policy, Zomato is shining a light on period stigma and leading the way for other companies. Writing | Kat Nicholls
October 2020 • happiful.com • 9
RELATIONSHIPS
Are eco-friendly men more attractive? Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but could being ecoconscious impact how attractive we find a potential partner? According to a new study, now could be the time to embrace our green fingers, and brush off those reusable bags, in the name of long-term romance. A recent study published in Psychology & Marketing has revealed that men who show an interest in ecology could be more attractive to those looking for a long-term relationship. Of the 1,500 Americans taking part, it was revealed that those who were found to be more ecologically responsible were perceived to have the ideal qualities of a life-long partner, including appearing more altruistic, faithful, and displaying perceived signs of being a good father. While results of the study went on to suggest that many ‘green’ products were found to be associated with increased femininity, they also showed that this didn’t translate to an association with a reduction in masculinity. No matter which gender showed signs of eco-friendly behaviour, the associations were shown to be more desirable. Taking time to make eco-friendly choices to save the planet, while boosting our chances of finding love? Sounds like a win-win situation all around. Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
October 2020 • happiful.com • 11
Take 5
Put those thinking caps on, and carve out some quiet time to solve this month’s puzzling fun…
H
C
U R
C
Circlegram
Unscramble the word in each of the three circles to discover the centre letter that links them all. HINT: Crafting
O
S
? T N
C L
How did you do? Search 'freebies' at ul.com shop.happif nswers, to find the a and more!
20 16 13 20
Complete the grid so that the numbers in each row and column add up to the totals at the edge. You can use digits one to nine, but remember each number can only be used once in a sum!
H
S
I
Kakuros
B
3 6 4
10
The
wellbeing wrap A 3D printed ultrasound has allowed a blind mum to ‘see’ her baby in the US
Kenya’s elephant population has more than doubled in the past three decades
Winner, winner...
Chicken dinner! Designer Tadelayo Sodipe has an innovative solution to support people on the autism spectrum who may find ordering food at some restaurants overwhelming. He created a simple QR code menu with pictures, and tweeted it to Nandos, who are keen to work on it more with him. Accessibility is certainly heating up.
Need a chat? Apparently a car is the ideal place, according to a survey by Zipcar UK. In fact, 76% of Brits have had deep chats while driving, and it’s thanks to a lack of distractions, and not being able to physically leave. So next time you need a meaningful conversation, get in the driving seat.
A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN
Scientists create biodegradable flip-flops made from algae
On 26 March, the government issued an ‘everyone in’ direction to councils, requiring them to provide emergency housing for homeless people to help prevent the spread of Covid-19. And now, Oxford City Council has devised a plan so no rough sleeper need return to the streets, by continuing its leases on student housing and hostels.
Waste not, want not
‘Wine windows’ used during the plague are being opened in Italy during Covid-19 to keep up the community spirit
No suprises here: Bounty is named the ‘most-hated’ Celebrations chocolate in a LadBible poll
When bars and restaurants had to close for lockdown in Australia, huge amounts of beer went stale. But the Aussies weren’t about to let the booze go to waste – they turned it into biogas, powering 1,200 homes in a month! In fact, outside Adelaide, 40,000 gallons of expired beer has been donated each week. Cheers to that!
Forget about your worries...
‘The Bare Necessities’ has been voted Disney’s most uplifting song in a Radio Times poll. The classic song from 1967’s animated The Jungle Book pipped two other popular tunes to first place – ‘You’ve Got a Friend in Me’ from Toy Story, and ‘Hakuna Matata’ from The Lion King. Let it
snow!
Christmas came early for the Swiss town of Olten, when chocolate began to fall from the sky – in August. Strong winds, combined with a small malfunction with the ventilation system at the Lindt factory, resulted in particles of fine cocoa powder dusting the town. Some may see it as unfortunate , but the issue was quickly fixed. Yet for a brief time, Olten inhabitants lived every chocolate-lover’s fantasy - walking in a chocolate wonderland.
Life’s a beach
As social restrictions lifted, and people surged to the coast, Deliveroo decided to do its bit to keep our beaches clean. In its Roocycle campaign, backed by Clean Up Britain, the food delivery company encouraged Brits to pick up rubbish at five beaches across the UK, in Reveal your pride WHAT ARE THE TOP exchange for a £10 voucher It’s never too late to own SEXUAL HOTSPOTS IN to be used on its app. With ‘UK your story, as proved by THE UK? ACCORDING 90-year-old Kenneth Felts, holiday’ seeing a 103% search TO RESEARCH BY increase this year, it’s more who recently came out SUPPLEMENT PLACE, important than ever to protect as gay in a viral video. WALSALL COMES beauty spots from the influx The Colorado resident IN FIRST, WITH of waste that comes with the kept this secret all his life, extra footfall. So it’s good that BASINGSTOKE AND but found so much love STOCKPORT ROUNDING and acceptance when he Deliveroo is cleaning up our plates, and the countryside! OUT THE TOP THREE. finally opened up.
Photography | Caju Gomes
“
Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think 14 • happiful.com • April 2020
A A MILNE
What is mean world syndrome? We all need to keep up with current events, but what happens when the news cycle starts to feel too heavy? It turns out that what we hear and see being reported, could be negatively impacting how we view the world... Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford Illustrating | Rosan Magar
>>>
T
he news cycle: it’s inescapable. Whether we chose to get our updates from newspapers, television reports, online, or social media, if we want to keep up with current events, there’s no avoiding it. Yet have you stopped to think about how it could be affecting you, and your view of the world? There’s no denying it, 2020 has been a tough year. The news cycle has been dominated by injustice, riots, and a global pandemic unlike anything we have seen in our lifetimes. While it’s been a heavy few months in the headlines, according to one sociology concept, the news could actually be affecting each of us more than we might think. What is mean world syndrome? First coined in the 1970s by Dr George Gerbner, mean world syndrome revolves around the idea that we each develop a cognitive bias where, over time, we start to see the world as more dangerous than it actually is. Thought to develop due to long-term, moderate to heavy exposure to violence-related content through mass media (such as news reports and television shows), those who are affected may experience increased feelings of fear, anxiety, general pessimism, and even feel a heightened state of alertness thanks to the perception of threats around them. What we see, hear, and read – whether it’s something we know to be true, such as a news report, or something we know is fiction, such as a drama or horror movie – can have a huge influence on our overall beliefs and attitudes about the world around us, and our place in it. The way in which the same piece of
16 • happiful.com • October 2020
The way in which the same piece of information is framed – through cleverly angled photography, or carefully chosen words – can create an entirely different view of the same set of events information is framed – through cleverly angled photography or video footage, or carefully chosen words – can create an entirely different view of the same set of events. Since the theory was first proposed, numerous studies have supported the hypothesis, with findings highlighting the emotional toll that violence-related content can have on us. But is there anything that we can do to help combat these negative effects, without cutting ourselves off from the latest news?
How can it affect us? When something begins to make us feel anxious, uneasy, or even fearful, it can be easy to try to dismiss it as ‘just in our heads’ – yet for many, these feelings can have real, physical symptoms. We spoke to Beverley Hills, counsellor and lead partner at The Practice, to find out more. “The all-pervasive media keeps us in a constant state of alert, from entertainment to the news. Thanks to increasingly sophisticated production values, our brains sometimes find it confusing to tell the difference between exciting fact
and thrilling fiction. We get caught up in a cortisol loop, and begin to believe that dangers exist all around us in real life. “Mean world syndrome plays right into our innate fears: fear of the unknown, fear of death, FOMO (fear of missing out). It triggers our self-protective fight, flight, or freeze instinct, whereby the body is flooded with hormones and chemicals originally designed to put us on alert in order to save us from the very real big bad world out there in the days before civilisation. Our instincts are there to help defend us from harm, and are the reason we may feel at unease with the unfamiliar.” When our fight, flight, or freeze instincts are triggered, we often cannot choose how we will react – our bodies do so automatically. We can’t blame ourselves for how we instinctively respond to situations of high stress, anxiety, or trauma. But what can we do to help take back control of how we are thinking, feeling, and reacting to the constant stream of negativity and bad news we see in the media? How to combat it “One of the ways to combat mean world syndrome is by challenging the way we think,” says Beverley. “The first thought that pops into our head is what we call ‘automatic thinking’. This is our conditioning,
whether those thoughts, or messages, were given by an attachment figure or the media, it was a repetitive message that played on our fear and it stuck. “Some questions we can ask in order to challenge ourselves are: is this thought fact or fiction? Am I thinking all-or-nothing thoughts? What real evidence is there that these thoughts will come true? Speaking with a counsellor may also be useful, as they can help to not only unravel these thoughts, but the right therapist can also help identify where they came from, thereby demystifying them.” Another good option is to ensure there is balance to your social media streams, by also following positive news outlets, or those that give a broader view of current events. Carefully selecting our news sources can help to balance out the negativity that can be rife, and provide you with some much needed uplifting news and events to act as a buffer. The important thing to remember is, that while it’s good to be aware of what’s happening in the world, the saturation of negative news, and the way stories can be portrayed, is often overwhelming. To protect your mental wellbeing, and ensure you see a more rounded view of events, we need to hunt out and savour the positive moments, too.
Some questions we can ask to challenge ourselves are: is this thought fact or fiction? What real evidence is there that these thoughts will come true? NEWSFEED POSITIVITY: •T ake stock of who you’re following on social media. Is your feed filled with good vibes, or knee-jerk reactions to negative headlines? Don’t be afraid to mute or unfollow people if they aren’t right for you at the moment. • Pick your sources carefully. Online news platforms like Positive News and the Good News Network provide a daily dose of positivity without cutting you off from the latest headlines. If print media’s more your thing, The Happy Newspaper or Happiful magazine are available via subscription or in stores across the country. •B e kind to yourself. We all go through bad patches. It’s OK to put yourself first. If things are feeling too heavy, take a break from the media and come back when you’re in a stronger place. Your wellbeing should always come first.
October 2020 • happiful.com • 17
A practical guide to self-care...wit h
Grace
When we’ve never been taught to nourish ourselves – mind, body, and soul – it’s not surprising that so many of us feel burnt-out and overwhelmed by the world around us. But here, columnist Grace Victory shares essential steps towards accepting that your health and wellbeing matter, plus ways to start taking better care of yourself today
T
he concept of ‘self-care’ was first introduced to me in 2016, when my therapist at the time asked: “So what do you do to look after yourself?” And I didn’t have an answer. I was 26 years old, and seriously lacking the knowledge of how to care for myself in a way that was kind, intentional, and multidimensional. Back then, I was the queen of self-sabotage; I used food as a coping mechanism, and the thoughts I had about myself, particularly my own body, were horrendous. In the beginning, the idea of self-care felt like too much for me. I hadn’t put my health first before, so when I started to treat myself with love, it felt foreign. There was a complete disconnect from my inner child, adult, and ego – I was blind to who I really was, because I never took the time to actually face her. Self-care forced me to slow down, and ultimately led to me knowing myself on a profoundly deep level. Of course, therapy and emotional education helped, but my life changed when I began to value myself through taking care of me – mind, body, and soul.
The problem is that self-care is rarely taught, especially where childhood trauma is concerned. So many of us are operating from a place of disconnect because of trauma. Society as a whole is in a constant fight-or-flight mode, just trying to survive, and add systemic racism, systemic fat biases, and a global pandemic, self-care can often be the last thing on people’s minds. So how do you know when some self-care is in desperate need? Listen to your body. Are you tired? Stressed? Physically unwell? Overspending? Arguing with loved ones? Thinking you’re not good enough? Always working? These are just some of the tell-tale signs that you are struggling to take care of yourself. In my opinion, self-care is our lifeline. It is the way in which we can come home to ourselves, feel connected and balanced, and ultimately lead a more fruitful life. It is learning how to manage our finances, it is having boundaries with ourselves and others, it is saying no and not feeling guilty, it is feeling our emotions – even the ‘difficult’ ones – and it’s about
stimulating ourselves in a way that makes us feel content. Here are just a few suggestions if you are searching for some inner peace.
Sit with your feelings
Often, our relationships break down due to miscommunication, and sometimes that’s because we listen to respond instead of listening to hear. Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you zone out, and think about all the things you want to say? I have! This can happen at work with a difficult boss, or at home with your partner – either way, it can lead to a heated argument where you both say things you don’t mean.
Self-care forced me to slow down, and led to me knowing myself on a profoundly deep level
@GRACEFVICTORY
I learned the importance of evening routines when I worked in a children’s care home. If I dimmed the lights, made them warm drinks, and we collapsed on the sofa an hour before bedtime, the kids would sleep so much better. In the mornings we need to give our nervous systems a chance to wake up, and in the evenings, we need to give them a chance to calm down. So, at night, make your space cosy and chilled, to prepare you to switch off and rest. Again, define what this means for you, but eliminating any harsh lighting is a good place to start.
Get creative
A great way to slow down and prevent this from happening is to sit with any feelings that arise before you respond. I am known to say: “Give me 10 minutes to respond as I need to process how I feel,” and 99.9% of the time this allows me a moment to reflect. Of course, responding in this way, and advocating for yourself, can be extremely difficult, but over time it really does get easier. Sitting with your feelings is a way to connect to yourself, learn your subconscious triggers, and to start processing your feelings.
Develop routines
Nothing screams self-care like having a mindful morning and night-time routine. It doesn’t need to be long, but it does need to exist so you can start and close your day right – even if you’ve had difficulties in between those times. When you wake, set something in place that makes you feel good – maybe it’s a hot shower with music playing, and then a nutritious breakfast, or a quick walk in the park at sunrise and taking the time to journal. Whatever it is, define it and do it!
A wonderful way to connect with your inner child is through play. Our inner children are the scared and silly ones, and no matter how old we think we are, our past selves are deep within us, often longing to be seen, felt, and accepted. We cannot go back and change our early childhood experiences, but now as adults we can honour our inner children, and connect to them. Whether it’s through painting, drawing, dancing, or writing poems and stories, anything that is playful and creative helps to ground us, and come home to ourselves. Love yourself enough to give time to every part of you. We are never too grown up to play!
Love Grace x
How to beat the 3pm slump
Do you often lose concentration and find yourself devoid of energy in the afternoon? If so, you’re not alone – but there are ways to boost both your vitality, and your productivity… Writing | Claire Munnings
C
ome 3pm, and most of us are seriously flagging. Our energy levels are low, our brains are foggy, and yet there are still a good couple of hours before we can think about stopping for the day. And to make matters worse, our new working habits can often compound this issue. With many of us squeezed in small spaces at home, and dealing with a never-ending schedule of Zoom meetings and emails, it’s little wonder we can sometimes feel sapped of motivation. According to experts, there are lots of reasons why we experience a 3pm slump – including the way we treat our body through the day. “If you regularly hit an energy wall in the afternoon when you can’t think straight, or get irritated with colleagues or family members, then you are probably stuck on a blood sugar rollercoaster,” explains certified health coach Suzy Glaskie, who adds that our sedentary lifestyles have a part to play, too. But, as she says, with a few simple tweaks, you can see your energy levels soar. Try the following advice and reap the rewards…
START THE DAY RIGHT The way you begin your morning can have a big impact on how you feel throughout the day, and making time for a healthy breakfast can help keep your blood sugar levels – and your energy – stable. “Ditch breakfast cereals and all the other processed junk that’s pitched as a ‘healthy start to the day’,” advises Suzy. “Instead, choose to eat some high-quality protein and good fats; these will keep you feeling full and your blood sugar stable.” Avocado on whole-grain toast with eggs is an ideal option. HAVE A GLASS OF WATER Go on, admit it – how much water do you regularly drink in a day? For the vast majority of us, it’s not nearly enough to keep our body functioning at its best. “Even the mildest dehydration of only 1–2% can damage your ability to concentrate, your level of alertness, and your short-term memory function,” Suzy warns. Not a fan of plain H2O? Add slices of cucumber, lemon or orange to your glass, infuse your liquid with fresh berries, or enhance the taste with herbs such as basil or mint.
TAKE YOUR LUNCH BREAK Yes, we know it can be tempting to power on through your lunch break, but this isn’t necessarily good for your afternoon concentration levels. Research has found that workers feel refreshed and recharged after a break from work, and other studies have revealed how getting outside in nature, doing exercise, or enjoying a meditation session, can boost our motivation – all of which can be perfect lunchtime pursuits. INCLUDE PROTEIN IN YOUR LUNCH Making sure you’re eating enough good quality protein throughout the day can keep you feeling buoyant, and ready to focus. Swap your usual packet of crisps for some nuts, and reduce sugary, processed snacks such as biscuits as much as possible. Also think carefully about your lunchtime food choices. “If you’re having a salad for lunch, make sure it includes protein – top it with last night’s chicken or salmon, and throw in some pumpkin or sunflower seeds for extra healthy fats,” recommends Suzy.
Studies have revealed how getting outside in nature, doing exercise, or enjoying a meditation session, can boost our motivation
TAKE A DEEP BREATH A lack of oxygen can severely impact our ability to focus on a task, and many of us are guilty of breathing in a shallow way that doesn’t make the most of our lung capacity – especially if we’re feeling stressed at work. “The 7/11 breathing practice can help you feel more grounded, alert, and clear-headed,” Suzy says. “This involves breathing in to the count of seven, and then out to the count of 11, slowly and deeply through your nose. If you can, place one hand on your stomach – you should feel it rising and falling with each breath. Keep going for a couple of minutes, and see how much better you feel.”
STAND UP Sitting down all day isn’t good for our physical or mental health, as Suzy explains. “Being stuck in a seated position can lead to ‘stuck’ thinking, blunt our creativity, and leave us feeling lethargic,” she says. “In this way, just the mere act of standing up can shift our thinking – so get up from your desk and stretch every half hour or so.” Why not try our stretches on p78? If you’re working from home, consider investing in a standing desk, or making all your phone calls standing up. If you’re back in the office, try to set aside time to stand up and move – you could even download an app to your phone to remind you to do this.
TURN ON YOUR HEADPHONES Research has shown that listening to music can help your concentration levels, and Suzy agrees. “Listening to music is one of the most enjoyable ways to shift our energy and emotional state,” she says. “Whether you’re into Beyoncé or Beethoven, put some music on that you love, and let it wash over you.”
Suzy Glaskie is a functional medicine certified health coach, founder of Peppermint Wellness, and host of the Wellness Unwrapped podcast. Find out more at peppermintwellness.co.uk Claire Munnings is a health and wellbeing journalist. She enjoys writing about how we can live more mindfully and be kind to our bodies and minds. October 2020 • happiful.com • 21
THE MENTAL IMPACT OF IVF More than 20,000 IVF babies are born in the UK each year. But, for every success, there are many heartbreaks. Could more be done to support the mental health of those going through the stress of fertility treatment? Writing | Jenna Farmer
I
Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
njecting yourself night after night. Endless prodding while the sonographer figures out whether your lining is perfect, and your follicles are the optimum size. Then, it’s time to go under anaesthetic to collect your eggs; to jump every time the phone rings as you wait to find out which embryos made the cut, until the time comes to put them back in again. Time slows down – from waiting to get started (something that can take years due to NHS waiting lists, or saving to self-fund), to waiting to see if it’s actually worked.
22 • happiful.com • October 2020
If you’re reading this and nodding along, then chances are you’ve experienced IVF. I sometimes feel a fraud for talking about how IVF affected my mental health. Why? Because I was one of the lucky ones. I was one of the large percentage of women for whom IVF didn’t work but, after the tears had dried, I found out that I had naturally fallen pregnant with my son. Yet, since my son celebrated his first birthday, I realised how much my failed IVF played a part in my antenatal and postnatal anxiety.
And it’s only now that I’ve felt ready to talk about it. To t e l l o r n o t t o t e l l ? Women are often told to keep their pregnancy hidden until they’re in the ‘safe zone’ (although, there really is no such thing), making IVF an isolating experience. Fertility issues can affect mental health before IVF has even begun (a study showed that women undergoing IVF were more likely to experience depression), and this is exacerbated by the fact many tell no one what they’re going through.
We feel our body has let us down with infertility. This feeling is further heightened during an IVF cycle when we have so much hope, mixed with fear
I hid the hospital trips, the injections, and the side-effects, from everyone but my husband and parents; creating anxiety over turning down work without explanation, or cancelling plans because my egg collection was suddenly moved forward. But telling terrified me – with the pressure of ‘any news?’ messages, and the pain of telling someone it hasn’t worked when you’ve barely processed it yourself. It’s difficult to know exactly how you’ll cope when you see a stark white pregnancy test. Telling the
few I had confided in was awful. And yet, equally, having to go on as normal with those I hadn’t, was just as painful. Is there a right choice? Mandy Worsley, a freedom fertility specialist who herself has been through six IVF cycles, says: “One of the burdens we carry around is the fact that we are having fertility issues, as it can be a very private journey. “But research shows that not feeling able to share with our close family and friends, can add to our stress levels. I encourage those undergoing IVF to choose a support network
who will help them at this very emotional time,” explains Mandy. The blame game Much of my anxiety has always stemmed around control, so when IVF failed, my question was: what did I do wrong? It’s hard to accept that IVF is very much a numbers game, so my brain would attempt to answer an unsolvable question. Was it that glass of wine I drank, or did I overdo it the day after transfer? It’s something Mandy Worsley knows well. “As women, we feel >>> October 2020 • happiful.com • 23
our body has let us down with infertility,” she says. “This feeling is further heightened during an IVF cycle when we have so much hope, mixed with fear. Having been a nurse for 26 years, I trained in emotional health support, and specialised in fertility. The work I do aims to help people 24 • happiful.com • October 2020
reprogram these thought patterns by understanding how our brain works, and how our emotions have a real physical impact on our body.” When IVF fails I can always remember somebody telling me that my failed cycle wasn’t a miscarriage. And,
perhaps, technically it wasn’t, but the overwhelming sense of grief remained. For all purposes, I was pregnant until, just like that, I wasn’t. An IVF failure occurs earlier than a miscarriage, so usually medical intervention isn’t necessary. I was simply told to give my body a few
If I hadn’t had a successful pregnancy with all the medical intervention I’d been given, how could my body do it alone?
months to recover. My menstrual cycle reset itself soon enough, but what about my mind? When I fell pregnant naturally, two months later, IVF changed how I viewed my pregnancy. I was constantly cautious, and waiting for something to go wrong. After all, if I hadn’t had a successful pregnancy with all the medical intervention I’d been given, how could my body do it alone? It is a cautiousness which remains. I have one embryo ‘in the freezer’, and I’d like to think if I try IVF for a second time, I’ll be more open and forgiving of myself. But, in all honesty, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through it all again yet. W h e n I V F w o r ks It’s important to remember that IVF is an innovation that has changed so many lives. So, what happens if it works? Well perhaps we underestimate how much support those women still need, too. Denise Stringer, who runs dog business Slumbering Hound, fell
pregnant at 37 with her last fertilised egg after three IVF cycles. Later, in her 40s, she had a miscarriage. “I’m one of the lucky ones and have an almost 13-year-old daughter, but IVF had a profound impact on my life, and 14 years ago it was a lot more difficult to talk about,” she says. “My pregnancy was tinged with worry the whole way through. I’d just accepted my infertility before falling naturally pregnant six years ago. I went on to miscarry and it brought back all of the grieving and distress of IVF. I think I’d have coped better if I’d have talked it all out when it was happening, but the support I had from the infertility network seemed to dry up when I had a baby. I’m so glad there are more avenues now.” D o n’ t s u f f e r a l o n e Whether you’re struggling with infertility, or dealing with fertility treatment, it’s important to know you’re not alone, and help is there.
• Fertility Network is the national charity for anyone struggling with fertility issues. Their support line is run by a former fertility nurse, and can be accessed 10am to 4pm Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (0121 323 5025 or email support@fertilitynetworkuk.org). • World Childless Week (14–20 September) is designed to shine a spotlight on those who are childless not through choice. • ‘Big Fat Negative’ is a podcast all about IVF and infertility (bigfatnegative.com). • For friends and family who want to show support, Brown Paper Packages sell a baby loss and miscarriage care box to support women (available from £24, brownpaperpackages.co.uk). Jenna Farmer is a freelance journalist who specialises in perinatal mental health, and gut health. She has Crohn’s disease, and you can read more on her blog at abalancedbelly.co.uk October 2020 • happiful.com • 25
“
You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have MAYA ANGELOU
Photography | Marco Xu
The gratitude attitude Writing | Katie Hoare
I
s there any feeling more satisfying for the soul than practising some daily gratitude? It can have a truly positive effect on your mood and perspective, with numerous studies revealing it has a significant impact on both your physical and mental health. And the idea is simple really – practising gratitude is about truly appreciating the things in our life that serve us well. But when times are tough, it can be hard to think of anything we’re grateful for, because sometimes we’re not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, or the silver lining. This is why using a gratitude board to create a habit of daily practise can be just the trick to help get you into a positive mindset. A gratitude board captures the people, places, pets, experiences, and anything else in your life that brings you joy, and you’re thankful for. It can be words, images, crafts, whatever resonates with you or evokes a happy memory each time you look at it. Here’s a quick guide to get you started with your own gratitude board. GET IN THE MINDSET We can often get sucked into constantly thinking “What’s next?”, forgetting to live in the moment or relish those former experiences that brought us to the here and now.
Find a quiet place and take five minutes to sit and reflect. Try to recall memories that instantly make you feel good. It can help to prompt your thoughts by asking yourself: “What am I grateful for today, this month, this year?” You will need: • Glue and staples • Scissors • A corkboard or poster board • Coloured pens and paper • Meaningful photos START SIMPLE Focus on some of the common things we find gratitude for – the immediate things that come to mind. This could be your pet, a best friend, or a roof over your head. You could represent these with a friendship bracelet, a picture of your pet, or a cuddly toy. BE SPECIFIC Once you’ve covered some common ground, try focusing on specific experiences that are unique to you. Did you have a teacher at school who revolutionised education for you, or a past love that changed your perspective? These may be fleeting moments or current relationships,
but they all contribute to your experience of gratitude. FOCUS ON FEELINGS Gratitude is all about a feeling, but try not to be too literal. If you can recall a moment when you felt completely free, try adding a picture of a bird, or get creative with your feeling of joy and paint a rainbow. Anything that connects with you deserves a place up there. KEEP IT VISIBLE To ensure an attitude of gratitude becomes a daily practise, keep your board somewhere visible where you will see it every day. Whether it is next to the bathroom mirror, or on the fridge door, having a daily space to reflect will set you up for a more positive day ahead. You could even use this as a prompt to practise a daily gratitude journal, a chance to check-in with yourself, wipe the slate clean, and start the new day afresh.
THINK LIKE A MONK When it comes to finding your purpose, Jay Shetty has been on quite a unique personal journey. But now, the former monk-turned-global keynote speaker, life coach, and host of number one podcast ‘On Purpose’ is sharing the insight and wisdom he’s learned over the years, to help transform your mindset Writing | Gemma Calvert
I
“ ’m excited to read this article, because I’ve shared so many things I haven’t said before,” declares Jay Shetty as we bid farewell. It’s been an enlightening hour in the company of a man who, only a decade ago, after graduating from London’s Cass Business School, swapped slick suits for saffron robes, and abandoned his pursuit of corporate life to become a Vedic monk. For three years, Jay’s existence was devoted to service and purpose. He spent hours each day studying Buddhist teachings and volunteering until, encouraged by his elders, he left to share what he had learned with the world. Since then, the global appetite for Jay’s teachings has been insatiable. His motivational videos on life, love, business, and health have been viewed by more than 7.5 billion people. A-listers – from Russell Brand, to Deepak Chopra – line up to appear on his podcast, and as a go-to for purpose, positivity, and wellbeing guidance, Jay, 32, is one of the most respected motivational speakers on the planet. To learn that Happiful has elicited some fresh thinking from such a spiritual mastermind is, naturally, thrilling. Speaking from the LA home he shares with wife Radhi, Jay is in the midst of a promotional drive for his debut book, Think Like A Monk: Train your mind for peace and purpose every day, and our conversation explores how detaching from our
so-called “monkey mind” is the key to living a less anxious, more meaningful life, improving focus and relationships, and clearing roadblocks to achieve our true potential and power. “The monkey jumps from branch to branch, gets distracted, and is easily entertained – and the monkey mind is the same,” says Jay. “It goes along in default, autopilot, numb mode. The monk mind stops to observe, be present, gain awareness, and is proactive, not reactive. It is constantly trying to find ways to improve, as opposed to finding ways to instantly gratify. We all need a little bit of guidance in our lives.” Here, as he shares his top tips for thinking like a monk, Jay reveals how teachings from 3,000 years ago are still as relevant today as then… Audit your time and energy The first way of thinking like a monk is to get into alignment. For a lot of us, we think one thing, say another, and do something else, and consequently feel out of alignment. Ask yourself what you value, and does your time, schedule, and energy reflect that? If I asked you, “What do you value more: being happy or watching TV?”, you’d probably say, “Being happy.” But when I say, “What do you spend more time on?”, you might say, “Watching TV.” Wisdom traditions teach us that the majority of stress and pain we experience is because we live in the past or future, so you need to
think, “Where in my life can I start implementing habits that make me more present?” One of my favourite tips is the acronym T.I.M.E. – thankfulness, insight, meditation, and exercise. Just as we must feed our body every day to stay alive, we need to feed our mind and soul, too. Connect to your breath A younger monk once told me that the only thing that stays with us from the moment we’re born to when we die is our breath. What changes when you experience different emotions? Your breath. If you’re late for work, nervous, or feeling stressed, your breath changes. Most of us become fiction writers when feeling pressure. You create a story in your head about what’s happening in your life that’s not based on fact. Breathing helps bring clarity, and returns you to the present moment. By learning to navigate breath, we can navigate our emotions. Breathing is a very tangible experience of meditation. As you breathe deeper, you can feel your heart beat slower, and your body calm down. So get meditating! Get honest about using social media Whatever’s on your newsfeed feeds your mind, so be selective about what you’re exposed to, and set boundaries. You might say, “I’m really passionate about starting >>>
October 2020 • happiful.com • 29
Photography | Steve Erle
this social entrepreneurship business,” but realise that for the last few weekends you’ve spent your time scrolling on social media. When you stare at it in the face, almost like a mirror, you’ll feel the enthusiasm and energy to redress the balance. Reframe negative internal dialogue Become aware of what triggers feelings of unkindness or judgement towards ourselves. Is it a feeling from the past? Is it a statement from a friend or family member? Every time you spot yourself talking negatively to yourself, reflect on it and say, “Why am I having this thought? Do I really deserve this?”, then swap it with a different statement. Instead of saying, “I am so exhausted,” say “I am energised when I exercise.” The mind then trains itself to think, “I can feel energised or productive when I do this activity.” Don’t write-off other people When dealing with a challenging person who has negative habits, remember they’re a human being, and their negative experiences have conditioned them. Ask yourself, “Do I have the strength to uplift this person, or do I end up being dragged downwards?” If it’s [the 30 • happiful.com • October 2020
latter], chances are you need space to strengthen before you can uplift that person. Sometimes you might not be the person who can inspire them, but you can introduce them to someone who can. Own your failures I’m not proud of what I did in my teens. I experimented with drugs, fought, and drank too much. I hurt people and caused pain. In the monk mind, it’s important to use those mistakes as anchors to keep us humble and grounded, so we never take for granted how hard growth and evolution is.
In the monk mind, it’s important to use mistakes as anchors to keep us humble and grounded, so we never take for granted how hard growth and evolution is When we grow and evolve, it’s easy to think of everyone else as ‘less than’. When you remember where you came from, you realise we’re all on our own journeys, and all have our own process of growth. Most of us believe that forgiveness is about the other person. We wait for
My biggest test has been living my passion and purpose in a world that forces us into safety and security
others to say sorry, or for them to change. You may be waiting forever and while you’re waiting, you’re worrying about someone you have no power over. Try implementing unconditional forgiveness. It frees us from that worry. Serve others… but first serve yourself Service makes us happy, because it creates the deepest connection with another human. Scientific studies show that you’re always happier when you spend money or time on others rather than yourself. In the monk tradition, when you take care of your health, add self-love, and then serve, that service is fully realised – but if you don’t manage your health and apply self-love, the service feels like a burden. That’s why so many people feel overwhelmed by giving because they think, “Is someone helping me back?” You’ll be a better partner, parent, and person if you feel you’re giving yourself what you need. Of course, we need people in our lives who go out of their way for us, but doing things for ourselves fills us with so much more strength and confidence. Be what you need There’s a beautiful statement by Timber Hawkeye, which I love:
“Don’t wait for the storm to calm, calm your mind and the storm will pass.” Instead of waiting for a perfect situation and the sunny day to feel happy – things we can’t control – become the sunny day. The monk mind [thinks], “Let me be what I need, let me not need it.” So if you need calm, become calm. So many of us, when we’re feeling pain or stress, search for a distraction. Instead, just sit with it and think, “OK stress, I see you, I know you’re there.” Understand the stress and talk to it. Stress is an emotion that’s trying to tell you something. Don’t ignore it. Get comfortable with conflict A 75-year Harvard study shows that the number one indicator for human happiness is the quality of our relationships. That quality isn’t based on the amount of people in our life, or attending our birthday or funeral, it’s about the depth that we feel understood. The majority of relationships fail because people don’t know how to deal with tough situations. Learn how to be comfortable having uncomfortable conversations. When you’re having a fight, remember it’s not you against each other, it’s both of you against the problem. Become a team against the challenge as opposed to thinking you’re on
opposite sides. If in a relationship you want to win, and for the other person to lose, guess what? You both lose. The only way to win in a relationship is to realise you either win together, or lose together. Find your passion My biggest test has been living my passion and purpose in a world that forces us into safety and security. When I came back from India in 2013, people were saying, “Jay, you don’t have any money, you’d better just get a job to pay the bills.” I did that for a few years, but I realised I wasn’t satisfied. I had a passion and purpose to share what I’d learned, and through the monk teachings I learned to protect my purpose. A lot of people are scared of trying things, but how would it feel if we didn’t try? How scary would that be? I feel humbled and grateful for the life I live today, and that people take the time to listen to my podcasts, read my book, and learn from it. I hope I can continue to do that for many decades. ‘Think Like a Monk’ by Jay Shetty (Harper Thorsons, £16.99) is out now. October 2020 • happiful.com • 31
Photography | calicadoo
“
I dwell in possibility EMILY DICKINSON
Unmasking the truth:
the mental health crisis in the deaf community
More so than ever before, the mental health of the deaf community is being impacted by world events – and yet awareness and support remains lacking. It’s time to read the signs, and lend a hand to those in need Writing | Kim McGregor
T
he coronavirus pandemic has impacted the world greatly, and we’re all getting used to the ‘new normal’ list of leaving-the-house essentials – your keys, wallet, bag and face mask. And while putting on that mask is something most of us can manage just fine, for someone with a hearing impairment, putting on a mask can have a great impact. Face masks may protect us from the virus, but they also create more communication barriers for those in the deaf community. YouTuber and deaf awareness advocate Louise Goldsmith spoke of her struggles as a deaf person during the Covid-19 crisis. “I walked past a retail worker who smiled politely while wearing her mask, but what I didn’t realise was that she was speaking to me. It was only when my partner, Jack, who is hearing, pointed out she was complimenting my mask that I became aware.” >>>
But alongside these difficulties in communicating, Louise highlights how individuals have been kind and supportive during the pandemic. “Retail workers have been great – when I tell them I am deaf, they often lower their masks behind the clear screen so I can see their mouths.” As a lot of people with hearing impairments rely on mouth patterns and lip reading, wearing a mask has made many people feel more isolated. Since face masks have become mandatory, there has been no formal acknowledgement of support for the deaf community with regards to how they cope with this requirement. However, members of the public have taken the initiative to address the issue, with seamstresses creating masks with ‘windows’ to help those with hearing loss to see others’ mouths, while keeping faces covered. While it’s clear that Covid-19 has impacted the mental wellbeing of the deaf community, it’s important to be aware that even before the pandemic, deaf individuals have disproportionately struggled with mental health issues. Out of the 66 million people living in the UK, 11 million experience hearing loss. While we’re all familiar with the stats on one in four people in the UK experiencing mental illhealth, in the deaf community the prevalence of mental illness can range from 30–60%. The question is, why is mental illness more common for those with hearing impairments, and how we can help? The main thing it often comes down to is communication. Some 34 • happiful.com • October 2020
Even before the pandemic, deaf individuals have disproportionately struggled with mental health issues deaf individuals feel incredibly isolated due to not being able to hear or speak with others easily, which can have a knock-on effect on their mental wellbeing. In particular, the Mental Health Foundation reports that childhood is the peak time for deaf people to experience mental health issues, with deaf children tending to show more signs of depression, anxiety, and low self-concept. Part of the issue could relate to being deaf within a mainstream school, which can result in a wide
range of communication barriers. One report revealed that hearing individuals who are not confident in how to communicate with their deaf peers, may simply choose not to communicate at all. And yet, when communication between both deaf and hearing individuals is effective, this can greatly impact their development, with both being found to show an increase in intelligent speech, social skills, and positive interactions, according to a study published in The Journal of Deaf Studies and Deaf Education.
It’s critical for deaf individuals to have access to interpreters in their therapy sessions, or to find a BSL counsellor SUPPORT FOR DEAF INDIVIDUALS: For those with hearing loss in need of support, or who just want to speak to someone, please visit signhealth.org.uk or actiononhearingloss.org.uk, who have amazing in-depth knowledge to help those who need it most. For hearing individuals who want to support the deaf community, Action Against Hearing Loss also accepts donations, or you can find out more about learning BSL at British-sign.co.uk.
Another issue is the lack of information on mental illness provided to individuals with hearing loss, whether that be due to medical professionals not speaking British Sign Language, or the difficulty translating screening tools. In fact, research from the University of Bath revealed that only a small number of deaf individuals understood the term ‘psychosis’. This can result in people not being aware of the signs, symptoms, or that they should reach out for help.
“It’s hard for deaf people to gain access to mental health services due to their inability to seek help,” explains Emma Baird, who has deaf relatives. A lot of health information outlets for hearing individuals – such as radio and TV – simply aren’t accessible for the deaf community. The good news is that in recent years, the number of mental health services that specifically target people with hearing loss has risen greatly, which, in turn, has meant that more deaf individuals are seeking help. In the UK, there are currently three specialised deaf mental health services – in Manchester, London, and Birmingham. However, having access to information and help is one thing, the next step of actually speaking out is another. A lot of hearing individuals will know how hard this can be, and for the deaf community there are even more challenges when doing so. When searching for face-toface therapy, it’s critical for deaf individuals to have access to interpreters in their therapy sessions, or to find a BSL counsellor. Interpreters would need to be booked in advance, and emergency appointments can cause even more disruptions and stress when trying to get help. It’s also worth bearing in mind that while therapy can be an incredibly useful tool for a lot of people, it’s not the right support for everyone. In particular, for some deaf people, requiring an interpreter may mean they feel unable to freely express themselves, or there could be a
concern that something could get lost in translation. While there are a wide range of counsellors for hearing individuals, there are currently around 20 specialists who use BSL within the UK – so options are far more limited. Nowadays, and particularly since the increase in social restrictions, technology has helped to support our mental health. Minicams and text-phones are widely available in health services, which offer those with hearing loss more autonomy, plus there are many speech-to-text apps that people can download to support with real-time conversations. So while strides are being made with regards to providing more access to mental health support for the deaf community, it’s still so important for hearing individuals to raise awareness around the difficulties these individuals face, and what we can do to better support them. One way to support those with hearing loss is by learning the basics of BSL. As well as formal courses, thanks to lockdown restrictions, teachers and online information has never been so accessible, including via social media. A good person to follow is the deaf YouTuber Jazzy. She has the most positive attitude and uses BSL, but adds subtitles so hearing individuals can watch her vlogs, while also learning BSL! Kim McGregor is BSL level 1 teacher, and a hearing advocate for the deaf community. She is the founder of Help2Sign, which raises awareness of the hearing individuals learning sign. Instagram @help2sign. October 2020 • happiful.com • 35
Photography | David Lezcano
“
Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow ANTHONY J D’ANGELO
TRUE LIFE
Black Lives Matter opened the wounds I had tried to hide The global anti-racism protests convinced Jane it was time to embrace her heritage, stop trying to fit in, and confront the prejudice she had faced for years Writing | Jane Tran
H
ow did I cope, as a millennial Asian migrant, during the global anti-racism demonstrations? I was surprised how the Black Lives Matter movement really affected me. Everywhere I turned, in the news and on social media, white supremacy was mentioned. I had uncomfortable feelings that made me sick, and I became withdrawn. The image in my head was of New Year’s Eve 2011, and a young girl saying goodbye to her family,
and boarding a flight to another country to pursue a ‘better’ life. The events of recent weeks have cracked open my past wounds, which I thought I had done such a great job in locking up. Coming to Australia from Vietnam to study, and calling this new country home, is the story of my younger self. The fantasy of living in a first world country for a person from a developing country is a dream come true, isn’t it? It’s a better life because of a more stable job, a more
democratic government, so people have more freedom and can thrive. Most people perceive my journey as glamorous and comfortable. That’s because I only choose to show people what I want them to see. I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me, because I would hate it even more than when they say “How privileged is she?” or “Who does she think she is?” Study and work have been my life since the moment I stepped on to Australian soil. It keeps me going and surviving.
My family, and some of my friends, know how much of a toll this journey has taken on me. I still don’t like Christmas and New Year, as I feel so lonely as everyone celebrates with their family and friends. It took me four years of tears to finally get my degree. Then, after graduation, I was not allowed to apply for a particular job with a well-known organisation – even though I was fully qualified – simply because I was an international student. I felt so discriminated against. >>> October 2020 • happiful.com • 37
The Black Lives Matter movement was pivotal for Jane
I have come to terms with the fact that I am Vietnamese living in Australia, and I have an accent. This is a fact, and it has nothing to do with my worth as a human being Thankfully, I got a job in the private sector, and another visa allowing me to legally work in Australia. In 2017, I got my citizenship, which was such a big milestone. Now I would be treated fairly and equally. I was now one of them, an Australian. But the only question in my head the day after my citizenship ceremony was: “What now?” That piece of paper and an Australian 38 • happiful.com • October 2020
passport still did not make me feel like I belonged. My Asian heritage is always the topic for conversation with white people. Some are more sensitive than others. People always ask: “Are you Chinese?” As a millennial migrant in Australia, you constantly hear: “You people look exactly the same”, “Are you speaking English?” or “You don’t look Vietnamese”, “So, where are you really from?” For
years, I never knew what to say. The older generation of migrants laugh it off. My Asian friends, who are actually Australian with Asian backgrounds, have similar experiences, but they are born here so their accents are never brought up during a racist conversation. Looking back now, my heart breaks for my younger self. The only thing I felt safe enough to do was write everything in my diary. Looking back, I now realise how hard I had been trying to please the outside world with a cheerful smile, trying always to be recognised as an Australian, which I would never be. I have come to terms with the undeniable fact that I am Vietnamese living in Australia, and I have an accent. This is
a fact, and it has nothing to do with my worth as a human being. More importantly, it should never be considered a weakness or a reason to be mentally bullied. All of these positive thoughts were triggered by the Black Lives Matter movement, and on my 29th birthday I decided: “Enough is enough.” I decided to change the narrative that I had been telling myself for the past nine years. In June 2020, I had my first Zoom call with a therapist. And guess what, she is white, a white ally. Ironically, it has taken two white people – my mentor and my therapist – to teach me to recognise what is racist and unacceptable. As my therapist says: “If you don’t stand up for yourself, what you are saying is ‘I don’t matter.’” It hit me hard. I realised that
‘It took me four years of tears to finally get my degree’
I got caught in the idea of changing the whole culture, without doing my inner work first. We have to heal as an individual first, before healing the society. The society, after all, is made up of individuals. At this moment, I am taking things one day at a time, which requires a lot of physical and emotional courage. It has never been easy – even the decision to get professional help took me nearly two years after my worst mental breakdown. My story does not have a happy ending yet, as I am only starting to reveal who I truly am. For the past couple of years, I have been hiding behind a mask, trying to fit in, to be ‘more white’, to please others. But the more I try to fit in, the more I lose myself.
OUR EXPERT SAYS The Black Lives Matter movement’s message made Jane question the identity her younger self had accepted. She had lived behind a mask others had forced her to wear through prejudice and judgement. But the movement helped to start the process of change to find true self-worth and supremacy – they need to live authentically. It is do their own learning, and still a work in progress unlearning. Moreover, I for Jane, but it’s work that don’t tolerate their racist she can be truly proud behaviour anymore. of. Working on our true So how do I feel now? selves and having the Happy? Peaceful? Not vulnerability to show it really. I feel more to the world is vulnerable, but more hard for us all, resilient. I can 100% say and an even that I’m so proud of myself higher hurdle – and I have forgiven when facing the younger me for not intolerance. Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) counsellor knowing any better.
It is not my job to teach white people about their supremacy – they need to do their own learning, and unlearning At least I am not walking on this path alone any more – my therapist is silently cheering for me. She is teaching me about what it actually does to my self-worth if I remain silent when treated unfairly. More importantly, the lesson that the anti-racism movement has taught me is that it is not my job to teach white people about their
October 2020 • happiful.com • 39
Ask the experts Counsellor Katie Cakirer answers your questions on children’s mental health as they return to school Read more about Katie Cakirer on Counselling Directory
Q
My youngest (primary school age) is feeling worried about returning to school. Do you have any suggestions for how they can manage this, and what I can do to help them?
Q
Are there any warning signs I can look out for to tell if my child is struggling with being back at school?
A
Children display worries, anxieties, and insecurities in a variety of ways, including
A
As anxiety is largely based on the fear of the unknown, preparation is key to managing those worries. Communication with the school, checking the website for any changes made, and hopefully pictures, are all incredibly useful. Reassure your child that although things may look a little different, there will be lots of
things that stay the same. For example, seeing their friends, doing maths, English, and science classes, the building and playground, will largely be the same as well. Finding out about school lunches, drop off and pick up routines, can also be helpful. Information helps us to feel more in control, which in turn decreases the anxiety.
undereating or overeating, not sleeping well or sleeping too much, being clingy with particular ‘safe’ adults, constantly questioning things, being generally disruptive, or what may be described as ‘misbehaving’. They could also be showing signs of being withdrawn by staying in their room a lot and
not seeing friends, being particularly quiet, and maybe regressing in age-appropriate behaviours. If you are concerned about your child, it is important to communicate with their school, as staff may also report misbehaviour, difficulties with concentrating, or social problems such as falling out with friends.
Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need
Top tips to help kids with the transition back to school 1. Normalise and reassure. A lot of children will be feeling anxious with the return to school, and the changes that may be happening. Reassure them that they are not alone in their thinking, and help them to problem-solve to feel calmer. 2. Gather information, and prepare them for the changes that may lie ahead. This will help them to know what to expect, and feel a sense of control over what they can do to feel less anxious. 3. Communication is important. Sit down and talk, find out about their day, the best bits and the things they wanted to change. This will help build a secure relationship with your child, and you can offer support if it’s needed.
Q
My child has become used to being with us in lockdown, and is worried about being apart. Do you have ideas on how we can help them cope with the separation?
A
Reassurance is important, but don’t ‘over-reassure’, as your child may interpret that as confirmation there’s something to worry about! Gentle reassurance and distraction
works. Transitional objects can work well with kids, so maybe they could take something small in their bag that reminds them of you, which would reassure them, and psychologically connect to you. It’s good to take the focus off the worry by having fun things to do when they get home. I always use an evidence base with anxiety, to show that when they were worried about X yesterday, and their day went fine, they have evidence that today would likely be the same, which minimises the worry.
Happiful free downloads
Child panic attack support poster
DIY self-care booklet
Postive mantra cards
Printable vision board kit
Download free at shop.happiful.com
Be kind to your body There are moments when we all speak negatively to our bodies, but it’s time to stop begrudging our stretch marks, moaning about our shape, or resenting our poor eyesight – and instead remember just how wonderful our bodies really are... Writing | Claire Munnings
O
ur bodies are amazing – they help us explore the world around us, and enable us to live our best lives possible, and yet, so often we grumble about them, and treat them with contempt. But what if we tried switching our mindset and celebrated our bodies instead of resenting them? “We’ve all become used to the idea that there’s a ‘perfect’ body,” says Lana Walker, a holistic massage therapist, and EFT practitioner. “But that’s not reality. The truth is that the human body comes in a huge range of sizes, shapes, and differences, and that’s to be celebrated. Our bodies do an amazing job, and we need to applaud that.” With so many pressures on us to look a certain way, perhaps it’s little wonder that our self-esteem
can sometimes take a hit. And of course, with the added stresses of lockdown – and the heightened focus on what we’re eating and how we’re exercising – many of us haven’t been able to escape from our individual body hangups in the past few months. Worryingly, a number of eating disorder charities have reported a sharp rise in demand for their services since we entered lockdown, with charity BEAT saying calls to its helpline increased by 50%. And this is the problem: disliking our bodies can have a serious impact on our physical and emotional wellbeing. In fact, research suggests that a poor body image can be associated with a poorer quality of life, anxiety, psychological distress, and a higher risk of unhealthy eating behaviours.
So what’s the answer? “Certainly not looking in the mirror and feeding ourselves with more selfhatred,” says Carly Chamberlain, a holistic health expert. “We must break this cycle by moving forward with positive internal dialogue, and other acts of selflove and self-worth. “Having space and time is the real key to connecting with ourselves, and tuning-in to our body’s needs,” she adds. “We need to reset, stop punishing ourselves, and cease sabotaging our greatness.” Keen to put this into practice? Our experts share their advice… REPEAT POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS Changing your internal dialogue and the way you speak to yourself is the first step in altering your perception, according to both >>>
Lana and Carly. “Positive body affirmations are very important in changing your mindset, and therefore how you feel,” Lana explains. “Your mind has learnt its negative beliefs through years of repetition, but by incorporating positive affirmations into your life every day, you’ll soon feel the benefits.” TRY THIS: Lana recommends focusing on three parts of your body that you (think you) don’t like, and considering ways in which you can appreciate them. Write these affirmations down on some Post-It notes, and display them where you’ll see them regularly. “These affirmations could be things like: ‘I love my freckles – they are unique to me,’” she says. “Another powerful affirmation is simply, ‘I am enough.’ This works for all the aspects of your entire life, and reinforces the fact that right now, you are enough.” LISTEN TO YOUR BODY How often do you stop to check-in with how you’re really feeling? The truth is probably very rarely, but as Carly explains, by taking note of what our bodies are doing and what they may need, we can help them function better, and improve our relationship with them. “If we’re too busy and chaotic, we can’t hear (or we may ignore) the messages our body is trying to give us,” she says. “Whether it’s a niggling ache in our shoulders, a monthly headache, or an ongoing knee pain, these are all red flags that tell us our system needs nourishment, support, and a possible shift in our habits.”
We need to reset, stop punishing ourselves, and cease sabotaging our greatness TRY THIS: Many experts recommend a five-minute body scan meditation to help you listen to what’s going on inside. Simply sit or lie somewhere comfortable, close your eyes, and take deep breaths. Draw your attention to your feet, taking note if you feel any specific sensations. Gradually move your focus up through your legs and torso, all the while checking in with how you feel,
and tuning-in to the different parts of your body. Continue mentally scanning your form until you reach your head, and finish the meditation with a few deep breaths. USE SOOTHING TOUCH Enjoying the feeling of your own hands on your body can feel like an indulgence you don’t have time for, but spending a few minutes massaging your limbs and gently stroking your face, can promote feelings of self-love, and allow you to appreciate all aspects of your form. TRY THIS: Lana recommends using self-massage techniques to connect with your body, and
show it some kindness. Start by pouring some oil into your hands (this can be olive, coconut or vegetable oil if you don’t have massage oil), and slowly move it around in your palms and fingertips. “Let yourself slow down,” she advises. “Gently place your oiled hands on top of your chest, below your neck. Then gently move your hands around your shoulders, with smooth, slow strokes. After you’ve massaged your shoulders, move up towards the back of your neck, always avoiding the spine. You can then move your hands around your face, starting from under the jaw, and moving upwards to around your eyes and eyebrows. Your hands will naturally gravitate to a place that feels good. Enjoy that feeling, and know you can show your body self-love at any time.” STRETCH The simple act of stretching has been enjoying somewhat of a resurgence in recent years, after being seriously under-rated for too long. Not only can stretching help improve blood-flow and enhance our posture, but it can also enable your body to work more effectively. Carly is a big fan of yogainspired stretches for this reason. “Practising holistic movement is the key to systemic balance in the body,” she says. “Stretching moves that are founded on the ancient science of yoga take into consideration both the strengthening and stretching of the agonist (prime moving muscles), and the antagonist muscles in the whole body.”
TRY THIS: Carly recommends a number of yoga stretches: “A standing forward bend is a great grounding technique that encourages us to reach for the earth, stretching out the spine from the top of the neck to the bottom of the coccyx. Start by squeezing the tummy muscles, bending the knees, and rolling the body forward into a folded, hanging rag doll. Drop the head and arms towards the ground, and gently move your back from side to side to feel a nice stretch, and use deep, slow breathing.” The cobra also offers a really great stretch for the thighs, hips, stomach, and throat, she adds, and a spinal twist can help strengthen our core, spine, and back muscles, too. BREATHE DEEPLY How you breathe can have a dramatic impact on the way you feel, and by breathing deeper we can be kinder to our bodies, and give them the tools they need to function efficiently. “We all know how to breathe. It’s simple, isn’t it? Well, yes and no. Sometimes, we breathe in a shallow way, and we’re not getting oxygen into the full capacity of our lungs,” says Lana. “Lungs can expand more than you think, and we need to take advantage of that.” TRY THIS: “Begin by placing one hand on the top of your chest, just below your neck,” Lana says. “Place the other hand on your belly. Breathe at your normal depth and pace, and see how much your lower hand moves. If it’s not moving, visualise your
DON’T PUNISH YOURSELF Do you constantly berate yourself for reaching for a tub of ice cream instead of a banana? Stop! There are times when we need to be extra sensitive to our needs and mental wellbeing, says Carly – and the global pandemic we are all facing is one such instance. “Rather than punishing ourselves for a lack of discipline, we could look at this situation through a different lens,” says Carly. “We can’t always be expected to mainain discipline when experiencing trauma. This is when we often revert to comfort, safety and stability wherever we can find it – and this is part of our human survival mechanism.” lungs expanding to allow the oxygen into the lower part of your lungs. When this happens, you’ll feel your lower hand move out, and once you get the hang of this, you’ll be able to bellybreathe whenever you need it.” Claire Munnings is a health and wellbeing journalist. She enjoys writing about how we can live more mindfully and be kind to ourselves.
Lana Walker is a holistic massage therapist and EFT practitioner, and the founder of Body and Mind Holistics. Find out more at bodyandmindholistics.co.uk Carly Chamberlain has 15 years’ experience in holistic health, and is the author of ‘Listening through my Hands: What is your body saying to you’ (Filament Publishing, £10.99). Find out more at carlychamberlain.com
Making the menopause work for you Reaching the menopause is a huge milestone, so to help you through this new chapter, life coach Sarah Clark shares her 10 top tips Writing | Sarah Clark
W
e hear so much about what the menopause can be like from friends, family, and the media – and not all of the information that comes through is positive. But the good news is that despite the outdated negative narratives of the past, we are moving into an age where we can talk more freely about what we think and feel, and discuss sensitive issues more frankly – we can, therefore, benefit from supporting each other through this next phase in our lives. Menopause comes from the Greek word “pausis” (pause), and means “the end of monthly cycles”. As we are living longer nowadays, we generally go through the menopause just over halfway through our lives – typically anywhere from 45 to 55, with the average age being 51 – so I think it feels more like a ‘new phase of life’ rather than an ending. Here are some essential tips to help you reclaim the power over this new chapter in your life.
46 • happiful.com • October 2020
Spirit drinks), and coconut sugar, which can be used as a helpful alternative. 3. Move it Menopause can leave us feeling fatigued and, ironically, the more exercise we do, the more energy we tend to find we have. I started belly dancing 16 years ago, and find that combining this with yoga, pilates, and walking, is a really fun way to keep moving. Find the form that you like best, and aim to do at least 20 minutes of activity a day – regular and often keeps you feeling more like yourself, and helps combat the fatigue. 4. Cool it down If you are finding that hot flushes are having a negative impact on you, then there are a range of cooling drinks that can be helpful. Experiment to discover your favourite. I find that coconut water (in moderation) is great, as it hydrates and has a cooling effect. Don’t forget to pack a cold drink for when you are out and about.
1. Eat organic When we aim to improve our healthy lifestyle, eating organic whenever possible is a great place to start in order to benefit our body, as we are putting fewer toxins in. If you can’t always get organic, it is worth Googling the ‘clean 15’. These are veggies that are not organic, but either fewer pesticides are used when they’re growing, their skins are thicker, or insects don’t like them – particularly asparagus!
2. Reduce alcohol, caffeine, and refined sugar As we enter the world of hot flushes, which I prefer to call ‘power surges’, it is worth aiming to reduce the amount of alcohol, caffeine, and refined sugar in your diet. Try to see if it makes a difference in how you feel. Often after having a coffee or a glass of wine, we can feel the ‘power surges’ more intensely. There are some lovely herbal teas, nonalcoholic drinks (I like Three
5. Layer up One of the real benefits at this time of life can be the fact that you may need less central heating and fewer jumpers. If you wear layers, then you can adjust how you feel as the day goes on, and enjoy wearing more strappy clothes. Cotton and natural fabrics are a bonus if you are perspiring. 6. Take care of yourself As our hormones change, then so too can feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. This gives you a >>> October 2020 • happiful.com • 47
reason to be extra compassionate to yourself, so don’t forget to give yourself some treats. A massage, a yoga session, or acupuncture, for example, can be really helpful to ensure you get some ‘me time’. It’s worth letting people around you know if you need some alone time as well, or if they can do anything to support you. 7. Share it It can be helpful to talk to others who have been or are still going through similar symptoms, and although we are all different, talking through your feelings can be a great relief. If we are going to have red cheeks or suddenly need to take off a layer, then it can be a good idea to share this with others. Using the phrase “Just having a power surge” around people we are comfortable with can be helpful! It is a normal phase of life, after all. 8. Clean sleep As hormones change, some women find that sleeping patterns can change, too. There is a wealth of information on clean sleep which can be useful. This means that before we go to bed, we use some helpful habits to calm our body down in preparation for sleep. We can avoid caffeine, dim the lights, and focus on our breathing, as a way to help get us in the zone for sleep. Turn off our mobile phone, try out some calming herbal tea, and think to ourselves: “Relax”. If we wake in the night, rather than worrying about not getting back to sleep, try to do some mindfulness practices, by letting thoughts come in, and then letting them go again. 48 • happiful.com • October 2020
9. Communicate with a partner As we go through body changes, it can mean that things feel different, and we can find erogenous zones are altered. We might need to use lubrication, and it can be a time of rediscovering what we want in the bedroom. It’s really helpful to communicate with a partner if you are in a relationship, and take this opportunity to make more time for you both to enjoy yourselves! 10. Create a new you My final tip is to see yourself as a wonderful individual. There are
See yourself as a wonderful individual. There are a wealth of benefits as we move into a new phase of our lives
a wealth of benefits as we move into a new phase of our lives, with an abundance of life experience behind us, and it is time to celebrate this! Sarah Clark is a coaching practitioner at Mariposa Coaching, with 20 years of experience. She uses evidence-based coaching psychology approaches to support everyone from doctors to teachers, to small businesses, parents, couples, and young people. Find out more about Sarah, and enquire about a consultation with her, at lifecoach-directory.org.uk
A shift in perspective Menopause is a significant time for any woman, yet it’s often misunderstood. But no more! Author, journalist, and all-round champion of women Sam Baker shares the good, the bad, and the liberating
Photography | Claire Pepper
H
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
ave you ever read something that resonates so deeply with you, that it feels as though it was cosmically sent your way? Sam Baker’s The Shift: How I (Lost and) Found Myself After 40 – and You Can Too, is that book for me – a big claim, but it’s true. Sam – former editor-in-chief of Cosmopolitan and Red, and co-founder of The Pool – shares experiences of perimenopause and menopause in her new book. “I wrote it for me – or the equivalent of me – at the point of perimenopause,” Sam explains. “Partly to say, ‘This is what’s coming for you and it might be shit, but there’s also a light at the end of the tunnel, and it might be great...’ because nobody told me those things.” This was the case for me too, which explains the unbelievable sense of relief and recognition I felt reading Sam’s powerful latest offering. Being told that I was perimenopausal around the age of 40, blindsided me. None of my close friends or colleagues were going through the same experience and, mentally, I felt very lonely, angry, and as if my body was suddenly completely unknown to me. >>>
October 2020 • happiful.com • 49
This is what’s coming for you, and it might be shit, but there’s also a light at the end of the tunnel, and it might be great Feelings of isolation and estrangement from yourself upon menopausal ‘diagnosis’ are by no means unique to me – so many women also feel alone, and struggle in silence. “Going into the menopause, I felt that I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it,” Sam says. “So when I started writing The Shift, I put out a call on social media for other women’s experiences, and I was inundated with responses. I was just astonished. So many of the women said: ‘I’ve never told anybody this – I haven’t told my best friend, I certainly haven’t discussed it with my husband, wife, or partner.’” During these discussions with her newfound community, Sam’s belief in the importance of sharing personal experiences grew, as it became evident that many issues are still being whispered about – or left unsaid – and too many women feel alone as they negotiate menopause. As a result, Sam and her contributors have tackled a plethora of menopausal-related subjects, bringing a wide spectrum of perspectives to The Shift’s pages. From hot flushes to fluctuating weight, vile antiaging rhetoric, the societally perceived ‘end of fuckability’, vaginal atrophy (dryness and associated discomfort), and the last egg. And, with the end of
ovulation, conversations and reflections on children and the removal of a choice, signalled by the menopause. “I didn’t particularly want, or not want children – we believed if it was going to happen, it would happen, and it didn’t,” Sam says. “But I could never have anticipated the force with which it struck me that I no longer had that option when I started going through perimenopause.” Choice and individual circumstances around having children require more discussion, Sam suggests, so as to fully retire binary and outdated thinking. “Not having children, except for in the context of
infertility, isn’t spoken about enough. It’s very much ‘you’re a mother or you’re other’.” While unhelpful assumptions need to be challenged, the continued judgement and questioning of women as to when, or if, they are going to get pregnant, is a personal bugbear of mine, and one that Sam and many others share, too. How do we also stop the intrusive and insensitive enquiries about our plans for our wombs? “I think we have to take a leaf out of the millennials’ book, and call people out when they ask about it,” Sam responds assuredly. “One of the things that really struck me when I wrote The Shift was how
many times I’d been asked that question, and yes it’s disgusting, but I’d answered it. I should have never answered it, ever. I should have said ‘It’s none of your business,’ whether I was being asked by my boss or my mum.” Sam is buoyed by a seeming willingness from millennials to lead the discussion around active choice, rather than being led by others’ expectations. The all-too-often reduction of women to such stereotypes and labels, as well as society’s ongoing desire to fit them into neat little boxes, is addressed throughout The Shift – and so
“But I certainly feel that as a result of that perception, the way I supressed my anger throughout my life led to depression, and ultimately I exploded. “You hear a lot of jokes around menopausal women’s rage, ‘revenge of the menopausal women’ gags, plate smashing and all that,” she sighs. “I did go through a phase of torrential anger during perimenopause, but now I feel like I have very purposeful anger. I know what I am, and what I’m not prepared to put up with – and somebody mocking me, or saying I’m hysterical is not going to cut any ice.”
So many of the women said: “I’ve never told anybody this, I haven’t told my best friend, I certainly haven’t discussed it with my husband, wife, or partner’ are the opportunities to blow those boxes up as we move into perimenopause and beyond. The second half of the book calls for claiming the future you want, and acknowledging what needs to go from your life as well. My favourite chapter? ‘Never pick a fight with a woman over 40. She is full of rage and sick of everyone’s shit!’ “Women’s anger is frowned upon – we’re hysterical or we’re out of control,” Sam explains.
Sam came to know and treat herself better during the menopause. This involved seeking professional mental health support, something she notes, she’d never have considered previously. “I was the person who would have taken it as an insult if someone had suggested therapy to me,” says Sam. “I was the same with antidepressants. I thought it was a sign of weakness, but taking them made a huge difference.”
Sam was referred for cognitive behavioural therapy and eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing, but the process was, initially, far from easy for her. “I was reluctant to see a therapist. I’m very outcomeorientated, and I wanted her to say, ‘This will be done in six weeks!’” Sam laughs. “My therapist dealt with me really well, and actually by the time the therapy was over – 18 months later – I was really reluctant to relinquish her. Seeing her was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.” As our conversation draws to a close, I take the opportunity to tell Sam that her book gave me reassurances, and a sense of normality about my current life stage, that I hadn’t managed to find anywhere else. “Good,” she says kindly. “Tell your friends.” I can honestly report that I have.
‘The Shift: How I (lost and) found myself after 40 – and you can too’, by Sam Baker (Coronet, £16.99). Subscribe to Sam’s podcast ‘The Shift (on Life After 40)’, available on all major listening platforms.
The art of wellbeing Get stuck into these easy, effective craft projects to help soothe a busy mind, challenge your creativity, and leave you with something to be proud of Writing | Kathryn Wheeler
I
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
f life is what you make of it, when you choose to make art, things get a little brighter. Of course, sometimes the things that knock us off course are out of our hands, and we need extra support to get through. But when it comes to our everyday wellness, there can be real joy to be found in getting creative. And that’s a tip backed up by science. Research from University College London found that engaging in arts can reduce anxiety, while further studies also point to benefits including increased self-awareness and levels of the happy hormone dopamine, as well as a sense of pride and satisfaction. So roll up your sleeves, because it’s time to get crafting as we share six projects to inspire you to harness your creativity, and get lost in mindful moments. >>>
Cross stitch affirmations
Affirmations help us to visualise our goals, as well as harness positive and empowering mindsets. Cross stitch pieces are made up of a series of small – you guessed it – stitched crosses. These patterns will help you create beautiful, affirming pieces that you can hang in your home as reminders of the values you want to embody. If you have never attempted cross stitch before, don’t be put off by the chart! We recommend watching Peacock & Fig’s ‘Cross stitch for beginners’ playlist on YouTube, to help you understand how to create the stitches. You will need: • 14-count fabric (common cross stitch fabric) • One skein of thread in your chosen colour • A needle • A pin • An embroidery hoop • Scissors
Affirmations help us to visualise our goals, as well as harness positive and empowering mindsets How to: • Mark the centre stitch on your pattern. • Find the centre of your fabric by folding it in half twice and mark this with a pin. • Attach your fabric to your hoop. • Thread your needle with two threads from the skein. • Remove your pin and begin stitching from the centre stitch. • Follow the pattern. • When you are finished, knot and carefully trim your threads.
You may want to display your cross-stitch affirmation in a frame – but if you want to keep it in the embroidery hoop for a rustic look, head over to Peacock & Fig’s YouTube channel to learn how to create a sturdy backing.
QUICK DIY FACE MASK RECIPES
Monthly weather painting
These beautiful, effective pieces of art are so easy to do, and are a nice way of tapping into a creative space each day. The idea of this project is to paint a line a day in the colour that corresponds to the temperature. Assign your own colours to temperatures or use our guide below. Work in straight, blocked lines or blend colours together with watercolour paint. However you chose to do it, express yourself. Once you have completed a month, proudly display it in your home, or use it as a background to create a scrapbook or memory board by attaching photos or other pieces of memorabilia, like tickets or notes. Create a monthly series, or take it up a level by doing a whole year! You will need: • Canvas or card • Paints in a selection of colours • A paintbrush
You can also use this technique as a mood tracker, by assigning moods to different colours, and taking some time to assess how you felt that day before painting a line. This can be a great way to tunein with yourself. Read more about creative journaling techniques on p60.
Temp (☐C) 38–39 36–37 34–35 32–33 30–31 28–29
Example
26–27 24–25 22–23 20–21 18–19 16–17 14–15 12–13 10–11 8–9 6–7 4–5 2–3 0–1 -2–-1
Colour
You don’t need to go out and spend a lot of money on shopbought soothing face masks. These recipes use ingredients you probably already have in your kitchen. So whether you’re looking to wind-down at the end of a long day, or indulge your skin with some TLC, it’s time to mixup your self-care routine. TIME OAT For oily skin Whisk away excess oil with this soothing oat-based mask. You will need: 45g cooked oatmeal 1 egg 1 tablespoon lemon juice Allow the cooked oatmeal to cool. Whisk the egg and mix all the ingredients together. AVO REST For dry skin Leave skin feeling soft and smooth with this creamy mix. You will need: 1 avocado 1 tablespoon honey A handful of oats Blend the avocado and honey together, and then stir in the oats. MINDFUL MASH For the minimalists out there, revitalise your skin with a mashed banana applied directly to your face. For a refreshing twist, blend up a frozen banana.
At its core, art and crafts are about selfexpression, and taking on projects allows us the opportunity to explore who we are Recycled wooden gratitude jar
When we take the time each day to consider the things that we’re grateful for, we’re granted the opportunity to really reflect on the little joys in our lives. A gratitude jar is a great way to collect these pockets of happiness and return to them when we need them most. The idea is to write down on a small piece of paper something that you are grateful for. Fold this up, and put it in the jar. Add to the jar whenever you like, and return to it to read the notes when you feel as though you need to. Plus you can make the process of creating this jar a mindful one, by going out on a slow walk to collect sticks for the project. This recycled wood gratitude jar is easy to make, looks beautiful in your home, and is the perfect way to store the moments you want to hold on it. You will need: • A glass jar • Wooden sticks • Secateurs • A hot glue gun or other strong adhesive glue How to: • Trim your sticks to the size of the jar. • One by one, glue sticks in place.
Map coasters
Throughout our lives, we develop deep connections with the places we’ve lived and have visited. Create a reminder of a place that brings you joy with these coasters. Think of an area where you remember feeling happiest, or which served as the setting for a pivotal moment in your life, and craft a practical piece of homeware that will transport you there on a daily basis. You will need: • An old coaster or one from a craft store • A map • Scissors • A ruler • A pencil • Mod Podge (or PVA glue) • A paintbrush
How to: • Lay the coaster over the area of the map you want to use. • Trace around the coaster with the pencil, then add on half an inch. • Use the scissors to cut around your template. • Stick the map to the coaster using the Mod Podge, folding the corners over the back and securing these down. • Paint over the coaster with a thin layer of Mod Podge. Allow this to dry completely before repeating the process two more times. At its core, art and crafts is about self-expression, and taking on projects allows us the opportunity to explore who we are. If you decide to try one of these ideas, be sure to share your results with us on social media. We can’t wait to see!
Worried about a friend? Here are some message ideas to help you reach out
Just checking in! How are you feeling?
Do you fancy a chat later?
Is there anything you need? If I can help, just let me know.
I want you to know that you’re not alone – I’m here if you need me.
Take as long as you need, but if you want someone to listen, call me any time. Just to let you know I’m here if you want to talk. Was just thinking about you. How’s everything going?
You are so special and loved.
5 ways to be a happy freelancer
I
With her new book, Out of Office, being your go-to guide for all things freelance, who better to share the secrets of how to protect your mental health while bossing your own business, than regular Happiful contributor Fiona Thomas?
f you’ve struggled to get back into the regular nine-to-five rhythm, or are in need of a career change, then setting up as a freelancer might seem like the perfect solution. No boss, no problem, right? Being selfemployed certainly comes with some mental health benefits. Flexibility, creative freedom, and a sense of accomplishment – not to mention the option to plonk yourself down in the trendiest
58 • happiful.com • October 2020
café and call it your office. But the truth is that freelancing can be just as mentally draining as the traditional workplace. Here are my top five tips on how to support your mental wellbeing, and give yourself the best shot at being a happy freelancer...
1. Get paid on time
Late payments are, unfortunately, a common problem for most freelancers. I have lots of lovely
clients who pay on time, but that’s not always the case. To keep your stress levels in check, don’t hang around. Always send invoices as soon as work is completed. Make sure that your payment terms are clear and set out in writing — ideally as part of a contract — before you start work. If possible, take payment upfront (or at least a percentage) to make life easier. Use a spreadsheet to keep track of what date you sent each invoice,
and don’t be afraid to send email reminders when they are overdue. Remember, you’re legally allowed to claim interest and debt recovery costs on late payments. More information on this can be found at gov.uk.
2. Increase your rates
They say money won’t make you happy, but as a freelancer who has spent a lot of sleepless nights worrying about my finances, I can tell you that increasing your income, even slightly, will have a tangible impact on your mental health. Having the “I’m putting my prices up” conversation is a toughie, but one that I’ve had success with on multiple occasions. First up, don’t just pluck a figure out of thin air and expect your client to blindly accept the increase. They can research your competitors and find out what they’re charging, so you should do the same. This will give you a range of figures to work within, taking into account what your current rate is. Open up a dialogue, either on email or by phone, and make it a two-way conversation with a professional tone. Don’t get angry or upset. Just be honest about your expectations, and cite examples of the work you’ve done before to back up your right to be compensated fairly.
3. Financially plan for holidays In the UK, full-time workers are entitled to a minimum of 28 days paid annual leave, and yet research by IPSE, trade body for the self-employed, shows that the average freelancer takes just 24
days of holiday per year. Time off can feel like a luxury rather than a necessity, and when time off equals a loss of earnings it’s even harder to down tools. But with careful planning, you can (and should) schedule regular time off throughout the year. The secret is to build paid holidays into your pricing strategy. When setting future income goals, assume that you will only be working 45 weeks out of the year as opposed to 52. Then take your goal salary and divide it by the number of weeks you can carry out paid work. So for example, if you’d like to earn £30k a year you’d need to earn £666 a week (over 45 weeks) to hit that target. This gives you a great starting off point for pinpointing your day rate or pricing packages that will give you enough money to take the time off that you deserve.
4. Socialise with other freelancers
Studies show that being socially disconnected can have a real impact on your physical wellbeing, so if you want to minimise your sick days (and improve your networking skills) then make an effort to talk to other freelancers. The social support that comes from freelancing communities – such as membership sites, group business coaching, or Facebook groups – can help to reduce the stress that comes from selfemployment. Friends and family often have no frame of reference with the complications that come
from doing your first tax return, or dealing with toxic clients. But you can bet your bottom dollar that a fellow freelancer will not only get it, but they’ll have some sound advice to help you rise to the challenge.
5. Be the boss you wish you’d always had
Don’t fall into the trap of letting your business run your life. The whole point of being freelance is to break away from the shackles of the rat race, and build a career that works for you. Be bold and set working hours that allow you to do the things you love, whether it’s sleeping until midday or going for a run in the afternoon. During lockdown, I didn’t sit down at my desk until 10.30am most days, and it felt like such a luxury to give myself the time I needed to get my motor running each morning. Think about all the perks you wish you’d had in previous jobs. Maybe you would have liked a daily yoga class, access to counselling, or an extended lunch break. As a freelancer you’ve got the power to implement these things into your working life, so do it!
Fiona is a freelance writer and author, whose new book ‘Out of Office’ is available in print from 1 October. Visit fionalikestoblog.com for more. October 2020 • happiful.com • 59
10
eco-friendly life hacks Save the planet, save money, and save time with these DIY, environmentally-friendly tips Writing | Rebecca Thair
Glow-up Whether you manage to get abroad this year, or are venturing to the coast for a staycation, the last thing you need is to miss out on fun because you’re left guarding the valuables. SOLUTION: Clean out an empty sunscreen bottle and use it to house your keys, money, and potentially phone (depending on the size of the bottle) while on the beach – it won’t attract attention, and despite a growing consciousness of sun safety, is unlikely to be stolen.
Uncrossed-wires From headphones to charging cables, it’s like there’s a mystical presence that tangles up your wires the moment you look away. And if you keep all these electrical goods in one drawer, good luck ever undoing that Gordian Knot. SOLUTION: Fill a sturdy box or your chosen drawer with empty cardboard loo rolls, standing upright. Then neatly wind up each individual cable, and store within a separate tube. What you’ll have is great organisation, and countless hours saved scrambling through a mess of wires to find what you’re looking for!
60 • happiful.com • October 2020
Good vibrations When you’re working from home, or having a socially-distanced hangout, you may want to blast out some tunes. Speakers aren’t hard to come by, but they can be an expense, and another thing using electricity. You might even find yourself outside more with no power outlets – so what can you do to keep making that music? SOLUTION: Turn an empty loo roll tube into a phone speaker! Although it’s not quite the same as a Bose system, this simple trick still amplifies sound. Simply cut a slot big enough for your phone to sit in, then use a couple of drawing pins to act as feet, and stop it rolling around. Sounds good to me.
BONUS TIPS Put a clean, dry towel in your tumble dryer with wet clothes, and it will absorb some of the water. This means that you don’t need to run the machine for as long, making it more energy-efficient. Instead of throwing away silica packs – the little gel pouches used to draw moisture out of boxed items such as shoes – pop them in your jewellery box to help keep silver items from tarnishing. If you need food bag clips, and don’t have a bottle to hand, you can also remove the clip from a trouser hanger! Fresh food, no hang ups. Trouser hangers can be useful for other things, too. Do you know the struggle of following a recipe when your cookbook won’t stay open? Simply use the hanger to clip each side of the book open on your required page. Now we’re cookin’!
Keep it fresh If you’ve got more restraint than me, and can leave a bag of sweets or crisps before the end, then you’ll know the agony of the remainder either spilling all over your cupboards, or going stale when left opened. SOLUTION: Cut the top third off a plastic bottle, thread the top of your packet through it, then fold it down over the bottom and screw the cap on. Signed, sealed, delicious.
Water great idea If you’ve been inspired to get green-fingered during lockdown – whether that’s growing your own little veg patch, or simply a few pots on your windowsill – we have a simple trick to save you from splashing out on a new watering can. SOLUTION: Rinse out an empty milk bottle, and poke some holes in the plastic cap. You can now easily give your thirsty, leafy friends a gentle sprinkling of water! Plus, you can put your crafting skills to the test by giving the bottle a mini-makeover so it can look nice and appealing on your counter as well.
Pencilled in With a lot of us setting up our own home offices, you may find yourself making a mess with all your essential items sprawling out, and yet there’s never a pen to hand when you need it! SOLUTION: Take a clean, empty milk carton, safely cut the bottom off from below the handle on one side, leaving a nice tray for you – the perfect makeshift pencil case. You can leave it neatly on your desk space, or even attach it to a wall. Inspiration strikes.
October 2020 • happiful.com • 61
HAPPIFUL TOP 10
October
Express yourself through all creative outlets. Make colouring mindful, get busy in the kitchen, and create a safe space for you to express your own thoughts and feelings
1
PAGE-TURNERS
In Their Shoes: Navigating Non-Binary Life Award-winning editor, writer, and public speaker Jamie Windust shares their own experiences on everything from fashion, dating, relationships and family, through to mental health, in their debut book. This read is a call to arms for non-binary self-acceptance, self-appreciation, and self-celebration. (Out 21 Oct, Jessica Kingsley Publishers, £12.99)
OUT AND ABOUT Virtual Book Club
3
PUT ON A SHOW The Colouring Sessions
Pick up your pencils, put on your favourite playlist, and take a mindful moment with The Colouring Sessions. These album covers have been stripped back to basics for you to download and create your own design, while pressing pause on the worries of everyday life. (Browse the templates at thecolouringsessions.com)
‘The Different Minds Podcast Series’
Celebrating the variety of ways our brain can work and interpret information, ‘The Different Minds Podcast Series’ is hosted by broadcaster John Offord, who is joined by guests including our very own head writer Kathryn Wheeler, to talk about topics from building better mental health, to the power of the subconscious mind. (Listen to the podcast on iTunes and Spotify)
5
PLUGGED-IN Blair Amadeus Imani
2
Connect with your fellow bookworms, choose a book, and share your thoughts over Zoom. If your friends don’t fancy it, you can join an online community such as ‘Between Two Books’, run by musician Florence Welch from the band Florence and the Machine, with a group of more than 30,000 readers you can connect with. (Search @BetweenTwoBooks on Facebook) 62 • happiful.com • October 2020
4
LEND US YOUR EARS
Follow historian, author, and activist Blair Imani for insightful and uplifting content. Blair hosts ‘Learn o’Clock’ every Sunday, to educate her online community on topics such as LGBTQ+ rights, racism, and political issues. It’s clear from her feed that Blair is dedicated to making the world a better place, and she’s doing exactly that. (Follow @blairimani on Instagram)
6
TECH TIP-OFFS Deliciously Ella app
Make plant-based cooking easier with the Deliciously Ella app. Discover more than 400 healthy, plant-based recipes, with instructional videos and stepby-step images. You can also get moving with a wide selection of yoga videos, ranging from beginner to advanced. Fresh content served every week! (Download from the App Store and Google Play)
7
National Baking Week
It’s time to get creative in the kitchen! A spot of baking is great for our mental health, so dust off your old cake tins and bake to your heart’s content. You could even hold a bake sale to raise money for a charity that’s close to your heart. Check out our dark chocolate and banana muffins recipe on p68 to get you started. (14–20 October, follow #NationalBakingWeek)
SQUARE EYES The Great British Sewing Bee
Knitting needles at the ready… It’s time to find Britain’s best amateur sewer. Hosted by comedian Joe Lycett, each week sewers take on exciting new challenges as they compete to be named Britain’s best home sewer. Crochet away! (Available on BBC iPlayer)
8
9
THE CONVERSATION
10
GET GOING The Paw Runner
The power of pets to improve our mental health is limitless. The Paw Runner is on a mission to get humans and their dogs fit, healthy, and happy, helping you to bond with your four-legged pals as well. Take up the challenge of one of its bronze, silver, and gold activities to keep you motivated, as you enjoy the wellbeing benefits of spending time outdoors with your pooch. (Get involved at thepawrunner.com)
TREAT YOURSELF The Wellbeing Journal: Creative Activities to Inspire
Creativity and reflection can have a powerful, positive influence on our lives. Developed in partnership with mental health charity Mind, The Wellbeing Journal includes activities, quotes, and space for you to write about your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences. (£9.99, available to buy on amazon.co.uk) Win your own The Wellbeing Journal For your chance to win, simply email competitions@happiful.com with your answer to the following question: What year was mental health charity Mind founded? a) 1944 b) 1945 c) 1946 Competition closes 22 October. UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. Good luck!
WIN!
THE HAPPIFUL PODCAST
SHAHROO IZADI
FEARNE COTTON GRACE VICTORY
MEGAN CRABBE
JAMIE WINDUST FIONA LAMB
• Listen • Like • Subscribe •
Listen to conversations with Shahroo Izadi, Fearne Cotton, Megan Crabbe, Jamie Windust and many others who share their passions, and reveal the moments that shaped them
Megan Crabbe | Joseph Sinclair
I am. I have
DR EAM
O N
Essential – and unusual – ideas to help you sleep Download ‘Freedom’ This app is available on both Apple and Android, and allows you to reclaim control over night-time scrolling. You can schedule ‘blocks’ on certain distracting websites and apps, e.g. between 9pm and 7am, to help you get a screen-free night. Birthday suit-up! While cosy PJs and lots of blankets might be your bedtime go-to, they could be keeping you up at night. Your body naturally drops in temperature to help you drift off, so keeping things cool in the bedroom could help. One way to do this could be to embrace your bare body, and strip down to enjoy the sheets on your skin! Restflix and chill New streaming service Restflix launched in July, with the aim to help people start snoozing. Videos on the service utilise binaural beats, which is a proven method to harness our brain’s reactions to sound to help you drift off, plus it features guided meditations, bedtime stories, and peaceful visuals – tune-in to what works best for you. Tr y reverse-psycholog y If you’ve ever had the experience of laying awake, desperately struggling to catch those Zs, then trying to stay awake could help. As strange as it sounds, studies have found that
simply lying in bed with your eyes wide open can help you relax, as you stop feeling anxious about not being able to sleep, and actually become more tired. Brinner is ser ved If you’ve been struggling to find sleep, treating yourself to breakfast for dinner could
help prepare you for a night’s rest. Toast is a light source of carbohydrates, which can help to regulate blood sugar, so perhaps pair it with some eggs, as these are high in protein and can aid sleep. A banana could also be a good choice, as it contains potassium, which is known to help relax muscles.
Put it in writing If you go into your bedside drawer or a box under your bed right now, how many untouched notebooks would you find? It seems to me that notebooks reproduce while we’re sleeping, as there’s always an empty one lying around, just waiting to be scribbled in! Well it’s time to put those journals to good use, as we explore how they can actually support our mental health Writing | Ellie Pilcher
T
here are many ways to use a notebook, from the traditional uses such as keeping a diary or writing to-do lists, to the more crafty uses such as scrapbooking. But have you ever considered using a notebook specifically to benefit your mental health? According to the Univerity of Rochester Medical Center, journaling boosts our wellbeing in several ways, including managing anxiety, reducing stress, and coping with depression. The simple act of writing down our thoughts and feelings can help us prioritise our problems and manage any intrusive thoughts throughout the day, as well as monitor our dayto-day mental health over long periods of time.
66 • happiful.com • October 2020
Illustrating | Rosan Magar
However, there is more than one way to use a notebook to maintain our mental health, and there’s no reason why you can’t experiment with an empty notebook to find out what works best for you. It’s time to put pen to paper, and discover the four creative ways you can use journals to support your mental health.
Bullet journaling
Bullet journaling is a form of organisation that was invented by Ryder Carroll in 2013. Instead of having separate lists of things
strewn around the house or on your phone, a bullet journal allows you to keep track of all this information in one notebook. It’s effectively a planner, a to-do list, and a diary all in one. You can document anything from your weekly food shop to drawing a table to keep track of your mood throughout each month. To specifically use a bullet journal to monitor your mental health, try a daily habit tracker. Draw a table split into 28–31 days, depending on the
number of days in the month, and check off each day whenever you do something you want to encourage yourself to do. For example, drink eight glasses of water, get some exercise, eat a healthy lunch, call a friend, etc. You can find lots of inspiration for ways to monitor your mental health with a bullet journal on Pinterest and YouTube as well.
Junk journal
Clutter can be a major trigger for anxiety, but it can be helpfully stored away with a notebook. Find those small bits and pieces that you’re keeping stashed around your home – such as cinema tickets, receipts, photos, labels, and other mementoes – and glue or Sellotape them into a junk journal. Alternatively, if an item is doublesided or something that you might want to pull out one day, glue an envelope into your junk journal and place the item inside the envelope for safe-keeping. Now you don’t have to throw away any good memories, but you won’t have clutter piling up all over the place either.
Vision book
You may have heard of vision boards, but have you ever heard of a vision book? Our dreams and desires can change throughout our lives, and sometimes we have more than one vision at one time. I, for one, know that whenever I’m feeling down I often end up thinking about the things I haven’t achieved in my life. So, to help with this I create a vision page in my vision book. Not only is it a
The simple act of writing down our thoughts and feelings can help us prioritise our problems
helpful creative outlet, which is a great mood elevator, it’s also a great way to feel proactive at my lowest moments. To create your own vision book, find an A4 or A5 notebook and start writing down your dreams. Cut out pictures or headlines from newspapers or magazines and stick them into the notebook to create a collage of inspiring images for you to look at whenever you feel like you need to be grounded.
Gratitude journal
A gratitude journal can be a great way to maintain your mental health, particularly when you’re really struggling with low mood or anxiety. To start with, find an empty notebook and write down one thing that happened during your day that you’re grateful for. It can be as small as having a bacon sandwich for breakfast, or not arriving late for work! But it can also be as big as a relationship with a loved one, or having a breakthrough in therapy. The reason for having a gratitude journal is to encourage you to write down a daily note expressing positivity, putting any intrusive, negative thoughts to one side. There are many ways to use a notebook to maintain your mental health, you just have to find the way that works for you. From writing lists to doodling, keeping a daily journal, to summarising your month in bullet points, the next time you come across an empty notebook, pick it up and dive in – you might be surprised at what you discover about yourself. October 2020 • happiful.com • 67
Good mood food
Feel-good foods that fuel positive mental health Writing | Katie Hoare
S
tudies have shown that what we eat can have a profound effect on our mood, and certain foods can even give us a little boost when we’re feeling below par. We’re not just talking about fruit and veggies – although they are classic mood-boosters – but some tasty treats can also help bolster us up!
It can be easy to reach for the chocolate or biscuits – that’s certainly my go-to – but bloodsugar spikes and crashes from ‘quick-fix’ foods could leave us feeling worse off. So we’ve cooked up three recipes that are easy to try at home, and are packed with vitamins and minerals that promote positive mental health. Enjoy!
Berry breakfast smoothie Makes 4
Ingredients • 100g strawberries • 150g blueberries • 150g raspberries • 450g Greek yoghurt • 100ml milk (or non-dairy alternative) • 2 tsp of honey • 25g porridge oats
Method • I n a blender, whizz the berries, yogurt, and milk until smooth. •A dd the honey and oats, and whizz again for 30 seconds. •P our smoothie into 4 glasses. •S erve with sprinkled oats and berries, or store in the fridge. Simple!
Find a ist nutrition the on near you l app Happifu
Dark choc, banana muffins Makes 12
Ingredients • 3 bananas, mashed • 2 eggs • ½ cup milk (or non-dairy alternative) • 130g maple syrup • 1 tsp pure vanilla extract • 1 tsp baking soda • 50g dark, unsweetened cocoa powder • 130g all-purpose flour • 50g dark chocolate chips • 1 tsp sea salt Method • Preheat the oven to 180˚C and grease the muffin tins. • Mash the bananas in a large bowl, combine with the eggs and whisk. • Add the milk, maple syrup, and vanilla to the bowl and mix. • While mixing, gradually add the baking soda, cocoa powder and flour until the mixture is a smooth texture. Fold chocolate chips and sea salt into the batter. • Pour mixture evenly into a greased muffin tin, filling each cup up approximately ⅔ full. • Bake for approximately 30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean from the centre of the muffin. Set aside to cool for 10 minutes. • Enjoy with your mid-morning cuppa!
Feta salad with beef & beets Serves 2
Ingredients • 3 00g lean beef • 5 0g kale • 2 tsp olive oil • 2 tsp of wholegrain mustard • 5 0g rocket •½ red onion, sliced • 1 00g walnuts • 1 beetroot, chopped • 2 tsp feta, crumbled •S alt and pepper, to season Method •P reheat the grill to approximately 140˚C. •S eason steak with salt and pepper. Place under the grill for approximately 8 minutes each side (cook to your liking). •L eave to stand for 5 minutes before slicing. • Massage the kale leaves with olive oil and wholegrain mustard. Mix the kale and rocket with chopped onion and walnuts. •P lace the salad in a serving bowl. Chop the beetroot into small pieces and place on top of the salad. Crumble on the feta. •P lace sliced steak on the salad, and drizzle with olive oil. Serve.
Our expert says... The berries in the smoothie have a lower glycaemic load compared to most fruit, meaning their energy is released steadily, which helps avoid energy spikes. Greek yoghurt is a fermented food that has probiotic cultures – great for digestive health. Opt for plain Greek yoghurt, as excess sugar and sweeteners can lead to dysregulated blood glucose levels, which is a stressor for the body and brain. The bananas in the muffins contain L-tryptophan – an amino acid involved in the production of our happy hormone, serotonin. This neurotransmitter helps regulate mood, as well as sleep, appetite, digestion, learning, and memory. Dark chocolate is a tasty source of antioxidants, which support blood flow to the brain. This aids memory and concentration, which are often affected when feeling low in mood or anxious. The salad is packed with nutrients! Leafy greens such as kale contain iron, B6 and folate. Vitamin B6 is an essential cofactor in the production of serotonin and dopamine. Beetroot is a great mood-boosting addition to the salad. This vibrant vegetable can increase blood flow to the brain, which ensures adequate oxygen and nutrients are supplied to our most energy-demanding organ. Rebekah Esdale is a mental health nurse and nutritional therapist specialising in women’s mental health and wellbeing. She empowers women to flourish with her ExploreNourish-Balance-Restore programme. Find out more at rebekahesdale.com
£48
£40 CODE: ENTER
IOCOTUT HAPE P H C ECK
AT TH
Reader offer
Save on an annual subscription using code HAPPIOCT at shop.happiful.com Excludes postage and packaging. Prices and benefits are correct at the time of printing, using code HAPPIOCT, which expires on 31 October 2020. For full terms and conditions, please visit happiful.com
THE RISE OF THE READY MEAL
By the time we’ve finished work and are looking to unwind, many of us just can’t face cooking – so we reach for a ready meal. They may well have a bad reputation, but is it actually deserved? We say they don’t have to be unhealthy, and have some tips to make them a little more nutritious… Writing | Jenna Farmer
Artwork | Charlotte Reynell
>>>
T
he humble ready meal offers a lunch or dinner solution in a matter of minutes. Whether you’re craving a bowl of pasta, a hearty stew, or something more exotic, a comforting meal can swiftly emerge from the microwave. Yet we’re often made to feel guilty about not making more effort and cooking from scratch. It’s worth noting that, for some of us, the simple act of ensuring we’re hydrated and fed with three meals a day, is an achievement worth recognising in itself. Whether it’s due to health struggles, fatigue, or just life overwhelming us, no one should feel guilty for not spending hours cooking up a storm in the kitchen. If a ready meal is what you need to get through your day, then absolutely reach for one! Just because it’s a ready meal doesn’t automatically mean it’s unhealthy. Nutritional therapist Sonal Shah, of Synergy Nutrition, says: “There are ready meals available which are lower in salt, free from trans-fats, and balanced with carbs, proteins, and healthy fats.” However, they do vary wildly in nutrition levels, so it’s worth checking the label to see the amount of salt, trans-fats, and fibre they contain. “It’s helpful to remember that the ingredients on the back of packaging are listed in order of quantity. So, if fat, salt, and sugar are listed high up, this means that the product is made up mostly of these ingredients,” adds Sonal.
Upgrade your ready meal
No time to cook, but want to make your ready meal a little healthier? 72 • happiful.com • October 2020
Follow our simple suggestions to quickly upgrade your ready meal into a nutritious dish… • Protein is really important for energy, but can be lacking in ready meals. Keep sources of protein in your fridge to chuck into your bowl at the last minute. Cooked chicken is a great idea, while tofu, which only takes a minute or two to cook, is a nutritious veggie option. •O ne thing to look for is the amount of fibre the meal contains. We need around 30g a day, so if you can’t find a high fibre ready meal, stir some fresh veg into a microwaved meal instead. Sonal says: “Add a side of fresh vegetables or salad to make the meal healthier. Steam, lightly boil, or roast vegetables such as broccoli, cauliflower, kale, and asparagus, to boost the nutritional value while you wait for your meal to cook.” Remember, frozen veg is just as nutritious as fresh veg, and can be defrosted in minutes. • I nstant brekkie options (such as on-the-go drinks and quickcook oats) have their place, and are better than skipping it altogether. But with a few add-ons you can turn an instant breakfast into a nutritious powerhouse, that will keep you going until lunch. Sprinkling a teaspoon of chia seeds into oats provides a great source of omega 3, while a spread of peanut butter on your toast adds fibre and healthy fats.
If you’ve got a busy weekday schedule, consider dedicating a few hours each Sunday to meal prep for the week ahead Make your own ready meals
Of course, a cheaper alternative is to make your own speedy ‘ready’ meals. If you’ve got a busy weekday schedule, consider dedicating a few hours each Sunday to meal prep for the week ahead. Sonal says: “Many dishes – such as stews, soups, lasagne, chillies, and curries – can be cooked in batches and then frozen or refrigerated.” If you hate messing around with spices and sauces, why not pre-marinade your meats before freezing? You can then simply chuck them in the oven with some vegetables for a quick supper. If you haven’t got time to batch cook, Sonal also advises that meals such as stir fries, pasta, and veggie stuffed pittas, all take just a few minutes to make. Investing in a slow cooker – which requires just a few minutes of morning prep for a hearty evening meal – is another great option.
Ready meals: our top picks
The healthiest options for when only a speedy ready meal will do. Mandira’s Kitchen: Homecooked Indian ready meals that are far healthier than a takeaway. It’s all fresh produce, contains no preservatives, and there’s plenty of gluten-free and vegan options (mandiraskitchen.com). Après Food Co: This London restaurant offers ready meals and meal kits that are free from gluten and refined sugars. With options such as free-range burgers, lentil and sweet potato dahl, and creamy chickpea stew, it’s healthy gourmet dining in your living room (apresfood.com). My Breakfast Box: A weekly subscription that sends nutritious high-fibre granola, porridge, and breakfast bars to your door (mybreakfastbox.co.uk).
Recipe: smoky chickpea stew This super-simple chickpea stew requires just a handful of ingredients, and can be batchcooked to serve with different foods throughout the week. Serve as is, or with some grated cheese, for a yummy snack. Stir in frozen veg for a quick supper, or sprinkle in some cooked chicken or leftover meat for a heartier dish. Makes 4 servings Ingredients • 2 onions, chopped • 4 garlic cloves, crushed • 2 teaspoons tomato purée
! Super-simple Recipe source: Dominique Woolf, founder of The Woolf’s Kitchen Sauces
• 2 teaspoons smoked paprika • 2 tins of chickpeas, drained • 2 tins of tomatoes • ½ tsp sugar • Salt
2. Next, add the garlic and cook for a couple of minutes, stirring constantly to avoid burning.
Method
3. Now, add the tomato purée and smoked paprika, and cook for a further minute or so.
1. Heat a good glug of oil in a large saucepan, and add the onions along with a pinch of salt. Sauté over a medium heat for 5–10 minutes, until soft and browned.
4. Add the chickpeas, tinned tomatoes, and sugar, and simmer for 15–20 minutes until you have a rich, thick sauce. Season well. October 2020 • happiful.com • 73
“
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself BRUCE LEE
Photography | Trung Thanh
TRUE LIFE
A sign of the times
During the recent pandemic, the importance of human connection became even more clear to the world, and was the catalyst for Kim McGregor’s drive to support and raise awareness of the deaf community – as well as the incredible impact of the beautiful language of sign Writing | Kim McGregor
O
ver the years, I’ve had many ups and downs, and have struggled with my mental health – experiencing depression, anxiety and, most recently, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). But through it all, learning a new skill and using that to help others has given me purpose, and helped me pull through. In late 2016, I started my degree in psychology at Royal Holloway University of London. I have always been fascinated by psychology, and how the
brain works – but my other passion is British Sign Language (BSL). I started learning BSL nine years ago by watching YouTube videos, and teaching myself in my free time. Once I was confident with signing the alphabet, I realised how much I enjoyed it, and was keen to do more. An online search helped me to find BritishSign.co.uk, which had a flexible level one course that was ideal for me. I loved learning new signs and increasing my BSL vocabulary – even
though the online course wasn’t perfect – and after a few months, I got my certificate in level one BSL! It was amazing and I was so proud that I knew the basics of BSL and could communicate, even just a little, with the deaf community. What I’ve learnt over the years is that this language helps so many other groups of people too, as well as those who are deaf – including individuals who are on the autism spectrum, who have Downs Syndrome, or painful chronic
illnesses – because sign language allows them to communicate without the strain of using their voice. And I’ve personally found it useful as well. Back in 2010, I was diagnosed with bronchiectasis. Since then, I have been hospitalised numerous times with other respiratory infections. When my chest is bad, I feel weak and am in a lot of pain. So I keep communication to a minimum, as I get breathless and can’t talk due to the pain. >>> October 2020 • happiful.com • 75
Teaching BSL only deepened Kim’s love for the language
Being able to use sign language has helped me tremendously with communicating when I am severely ill However, being able to use sign language has helped me tremendously with communicating when I am severely ill. In 2017, I was approached to teach level one BSL at Royal Holloway. It was a scary concept to teach 25 students, and I thought I couldn’t do it. But after my first lesson ended, I fell in love with teaching the language of sign. But in December 2018, my dad suddenly died. I stopped learning BSL, and 76 • happiful.com • October 2020
became very detached. I was in my third year of university, which I struggled with. My dissertation, which my dad helped me with, was a research piece looking at the deaf community’s mental health compared to those with hearing. It made me open my eyes to the adversity that people with hearing loss endure every day, and the impact this has on their mental health. It sparked something within me;
I wanted to do more, and to raise awareness surrounding the deaf community. Even though my dad didn’t get to read my dissertation, or see me graduate, he knew that I would always go above and beyond to accomplish whatever I set my mind to. After graduating in 2019, I, much like every graduate, was scared and anxious about what to do next. I looked into studying a Health Psychology MSc at the University of Surrey, as I always wanted to get a Masters. However, halfway through the course, my PTSD and mental health were really suffering, and in January 2020, I made the decision to stop and return to part-time work.
Then one Sunday, I was with my mum when I mentioned the idea of becoming a BSL level one teacher and helping hearing people learn the basics of BSL – but mostly, I wanted to support businesses to communicate with deaf customers. My mum mentioned the Prince’s Trust, and that day I signed up to attend its Enterprise course. I loved the course and met some of the most wonderful people, including my mentor, Richard. He believed in my idea, and helped me through the process of making it into a business. But just after I started putting my plans together, in March 2020, coronavirus hit the UK, I became furloughed, and due to my chest condition I received
Follow Kim on Instagram @help2sign
Every day, I receive lovely messages from many hearing individuals learning BSL, which makes me so happy an NHS letter saying I am considered vulnerable, and had to self-shield for more than three months. This greatly impacted me starting my Help2Sign business, and made me anxious about what the future would hold – especially as being on furlough increased my anxiety and mental health.
On 26 March, 2020, I uploaded my first video – which was nerveracking, but I loved so much. I couldn’t believe the positive feedback I was getting. Every day, I receive lovely messages from many hearing individuals learning BSL, which makes me so happy that people are actively learning such a beautiful language. After just four months, I went from 10 to 6,200 followers, have been featured in Stacey Dooley’s documentary Locked down Heroes, and was nominated for a Diversity Award in the Excellence Entrepreneur category, which was an incredible and lovely surprise. Recently, I was approached to collaborate with Tea
Please UK, to combine my love of art with BSL, and have now got a range of mugs and T-shirts with my illustrations on, with the proceeds going to SignHealth. This is a charity I have supported for many years, that has played a huge part in helping deaf individuals with their wellbeing and mental health issues, and is particularly close to my heart due to experiencing mental health issues as well. In a world so focused on promoting diversity and raising awareness, there is still a lot to do regarding accessibility for those with hearing loss – such as interpreters. I hope that I can, even just a little, make a positive impact in the deaf community.
OUR EXPERT SAYS We have all seen the world differently in the past few months. We’ve noticed just how important it is to connect with our loved ones, but also to be able to communicate our needs to others – and be ‘heard’. It’s really great that at a time when many were drawing away from society, Kim found she could reach out and engage. She reminds us that there are so many different ways to experience the world, and opening our eyes to how others see it can broaden our own horizons, and allow us to feel part of something bigger. Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr Life coach October 2020 • happiful.com • 77
TIME FOR SOME
deskercise
How are your muscles and joints feeling post-quarantine? Whether you’re still working from home, or are transitioning back to office life, here we share four desk-based exercises to ease your aches and pains Writing | Becky Wright
N
one of us had an identical lockdown. You may have been working from home, like me, at a makeshift desk (aka the kitchen table) for months on end. Perhaps you became head of your child’s homeschool, spending hours stooped over them, decoding worksheets that may as well have been written in another language. However your quarantine days were spent, it’s safe to say that our bodies and minds have been put to the test this year. The days of access to ergonomic chairs and workstation health and safety assessments, feel long ago. And not having the same supportive set up that you would in an office means you may find that your shoulders, neck or back are hurting after long days spent sitting awkwardly. Libby Palmer, massage therapist at the Brixton Therapy Centre, who specialises in treating workrelated and postural pain, says she often sees a pattern of injury and alignment issues arising from poor posture while working seated at a desk.
78 • happiful.com • October 2020
“A client with typical desk posture presents with the neck being in an unnatural forward position, which, in turn, leads to the shoulders becoming rounded and protruding forward,” says Libby. “Migraines, numbness, and tingling in the arms and hands, are frequent problems, as well as carpal tunnel syndrome due to nerve impingement. “Back pain is also very common due to long periods being seated, which can result in the abdominal muscles becoming weak, further contributing to lower back pain.” These aches and pains are not only making us uncomfortable, but we’re also less productive as a result. People in the UK take a staggering 28 million days off work a year because of muscle and bone problems. So it’s likely that, whether you’ve been working from home since the start of the pandemic, or are now starting to return to office life, those familiar aches and pains may be causing you a problem.
People in the UK take a staggering 28 million days off work a year because of muscle and bone problems The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. “Looking after your posture doesn’t have to be time consuming or expensive,” says Libby. “Take time to stretch the neck, back and shoulders, rotate your arms, and vary what you do. There are many free, online short stretching routines to choose from. Booking a regular massage
can also be beneficial as this can address desk posture issues before they become a real problem,” advises Libby. EXERCISES FOR SITTING AT YOUR DESK When you start to feel stiff, the following tension-releasing stretches can help prevent and ease muscular pain – and you can do them discreetly without disturbing your colleagues. Or, better yet, why not get your colleagues involved? SEATED BACKBEND Bring yourself to the front of your chair. Firmly place your feet on the floor and inhale deeply. Place both hands, palms down, behind your back. Gently push your body forward as you lower your shoulders, relaxing your head towards the back of the chair. Hold for 10 seconds before releasing. SHOULDER CIRCLES Sitting up straight, begin circling your shoulders forward slowly. After 10 reps, change direction and circle the shoulders backwards. The slower the movement, the more tension you will release. OBLIQUE TWIST On your swivel chair, sit towards the front. Sit up straight and place your hands, palms down on the desk. Squeeze your knees together and lift your feet off the floor slightly. Without moving your chest, start gently twisting the chair from side to side. Twist as far as comfortable and repeat five times on each side. FIGURE OF EIGHT Place your right hand on your left shoulder. Take your left hand under
ARE YOU SITTING COMFORTABLY? “To keep healthy while working from home, it’s important to find a suitable space with a desk and chair that allows you to work without straining the neck and shoulders,” Libby says. “You should be able to sit upright with your back supported and your legs should fit under the desk, so you can reach your keyboard without the neck and shoulders protruding forward. The wrists should also be supported, as bad positioning while typing can result in extreme pain, and even cause disability.”
your right arm and place it on your right shoulder. Your elbows should be aligned in front of you. With your elbows, trace an imaginary figure of eight in front of you. It should be no bigger than 15cm tall. For an extra stretch, you can then swap and put your left arm above the right, and trace the figure of eight in the opposite direction. This is excellent for improving movement through your upper and mid-spine. Remember, be mindful of the amount of time you’re spending seated. Be sure to get up every hour or so, and get your shoulders, neck and upper back moving again. Keep hydrated, too. Getting up to refill your water bottle is a good sign that you’re drinking enough and, better still, is likely to mean that you’re getting up to go to the loo regularly, too! October 2020 • happiful.com • 79
Photography | Toa Heftiba
“
What keeps life fascinating is the constant creativity of the soul DEEPAK CHOPRA
Happiful reads… From candid memoirs to books that are definitely not ‘self-help’, we share four upcoming reads you won’t want to miss Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford
In her latest book, clinical psychologist Lauren Callaghan shares eight key ways you can support someone you love who has anxiety or obsessional problems. Aimed specifically at supporting those who care for friends or family who are struggling with their mental health, How Can I Help? shares how we can continue to look after our own mental wellbeing at the same time. With fears around our future, current events, and even dayto-day stresses and strains,
it’s perhaps not so surprising that the latest statistics show 8.2 million of us in the UK experience anxiety. Added to that the fact that one in four of us will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year, and one in six people report common mental health problems (like anxiety) in England in any given week, a lot of us will be asking what we can do to support the people we care about in their time of need. With the help of this accessible, no-nonsense guide, author
How Can I Help? By Lauren Callaghan Out now
Lauren talks us through the tools, tips, and strategies we can use to help our loved ones on their journey, without damaging our own mental health and wellbeing.
Must reads Sh**ged. Married. Annoyed by Chris & Rosie Ramsey Out now From the hosts of the chart-topping podcast ‘Sh**ged. Married. Annoyed.’ comes the couple’s debut book, focusing on all things love, sex, and relationship related, and filled with honesty and hilarity. Sh**ged. Married. Annoyed. might declare itself not a ‘self-help book’ with ‘absolutely no advice you should follow yourself’, but it’s a must-read for couples (and singles) at any stage of their relationship.
Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass by Lana Del Rey 29 September Internationally acclaimed singer-songwriter Lana Del Ray’s first collection of poems is set to hit the shelves this autumn. Eclectic and honest, this collection of 30 poems is accompanied by original photography taken by Lana. Alongside the release of the hardback edition comes a mustlisten-to audiobook version, featuring 14 of the poems read by Lana herself.
This is me by Mrs Hinch 1 October Following up from her bestselling Hinch Yourself Happy, the social media star and cleaning sensation Mrs Hinch opens up in her latest book – and it’s all about Soph, the person behind Mrs Hinch. While her journey has often felt like a fairytale, it’s also been filled with highs, lows, fears, and challenges. Discover more about her whirlwind journey in this extraordinarily candid memoir.
The seven-day plastic-free challenge We’ve got a problem with plastic. The world produces more than 380 million tonnes of the stuff every year, and these products can take up to 500 years to decompose. So is it possible to kick the habit? Happiful’s Kathryn Wheeler gave it a go
C
ards on the table, when sustainable online shop Let’s Go Plastic Free challenged me to give up plastic for a week, my first reaction was a nervous: “But how?” I try to live an environmentallyconscious life, but the idea of living ‘plastic-free’ had me stumped. Yet, armed with some reusable goodies from Let’s Go Plastic Free, and some extra treats, I was up for the challenge and ready to face my own plastic habit. So where to begin? How about, the trusty toothbrush – the first thing you reach for in the morning? This week I swapped my electric toothbrush for a bamboo brush from Truthbrush, along with some natural, plastic-free toothpaste, floss, and mouthwash
tablets from Georganics. I love the way the bamboo toothbrush looks, and it feels the same as any ordinary toothbrush – though if you’re used to an electric brush, it obviously has less ‘omph’. Into the shower and I’m trading my normal bottled shampoo for some eco-alternatives. I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of solid shampoos and conditioners, but just never got around to trying them – until now. The handmade solid shampoos from Proud Mary smell divine, and go on easily once you’ve worked it through your hair. My tip: don’t be surprised if they don’t lather up the way that common products do – persist, and know that they’re working their magic!
Around the home, I had everything under control. Reusable cleaning cloths? Check. Beeswax food wraps? Check. Natural surface sprays and washing liquid? A squeaky clean check. But then it came to venturing out to do a food shop – the part of the week I was most concerned about. Zero waste shops are starting to pop up around the country, and you can find one near you by heading to zerowastenear.me. But for me, it was off to my local supermarket and while, when I had a choice, I picked items that weren’t wrapped in plastic, some things were unavoidable and this marked my first collection of plastic in the
Truthbrush, bamboo toothbrush, £4.50 | Georganic, natural toothpaste, £6.90, mouthwash tablets, £8.90 | Proud Mary, shampoo and conditioner combo, £20.20, face bar, £6.60 | KAIRN, pencil razor, £37, skin balm, £22 | Bambaw, reusable makeup remover pads, £14.28.
form of packaging. Total count for my single-person household? Seven pieces of single-use plastic. Tapping into a bit of self-care in the evening is one of my favourite ways to wind down, and a good skincare routine can be really soothing. This week, I tried out the Bambaw reusable makeup remover pads – which are like large cotton pads – along with the Proud Mary Honey-Bee all-in-1 Face Bar. The result? A clean, makeup-free face, pampered by the gentle texture of the bamboo pads – that feel like an indulgent treat on the skin. A winner in my mascara-free eyes. Shaving is another wasteful area of the beauty industry, so I gave up my reliable plastic razor for a metal pencil razor from KAIRN – a plastic-free, genderless shaving company – pairing it with some gorgeously scented shaving oils and balms from their range. I’ll admit, the safety razor did intimidate me at first but, after watching a couple of how-to videos on YouTube, I was off. For now, I may be sticking to using the pencil razor on the straight lines of my leg, but with time I’m sure I’ll build up the confidence to try a knee, or two. By the end of the week, I was actually surprised at how easily the challenge fitted into my daily life. Yes, there were areas that were more difficult than others, but if there’s one thing I’m going to take away from this challenge, it’s that it doesn’t actually have to be hard to make some simple, eco-conscious changes that have a big impact in the long-run. So often when it comes to these things, we deal in absolutes. But by making small swaps in our everyday lives, we have the power
WE RECOMMEND: Bee Green Wraps Reusable Beeswax Food Wraps £4.99–£10.99 These gorgeous wraps will keep your food safe so you can ditch single-use clingfilm. Bee Green W raps Reusabl e Beeswax Fo od Wraps
Georganics Dental Floss
Georganics Dental Floss £4.90 This compostable floss comes in a smart glass bottle, and delivers the results you’re used to. Onya Bread Bag £13.95 Carry your bread home and have it to hand, or freeze it for later in this ‘vintage-inspired’ airtight bag. KAIRN Bergamot, Juniper, & Orange Shave Oil £19 This shave oil will leave your skin soft and soothed, and comes in stunning plastic-free packaging.
Onya Bread Bag
Juniper, & ergamot, KAIRN B have Oil Orange S
to make a huge difference. You don’t have to give up everything at once – and you shouldn’t feel pressured to throw away all your plastic in favour of fashionable eco-
Happiful readers can get 10% off at Let’s Go Plastic Free using the code HAPPY10. Head to letsgoplasticfree.co.uk to discover the range
products, that’s counterintuitive – but with time and a little bit of experimentation, we can all find methods of making a difference in a way that works for us.
7 steps to
tackling the symptoms of SAD
Do you find your mood takes a dip over the winter months? If so, you may be experiencing seasonal affective disorder. But the good news is, there are ways to lift the effects and boost your mood
D
uring the dark winter months, many of us may notice a drop in our mood. With shorter days and gloomy weather, research commissioned by The Weather Channel and YouGov, found that as many as 29% of adults experience symptoms of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), with 8% experiencing it to a severe degree. We aren’t certain why some people get SAD, but it’s believed that seasonal changes disrupt our circadian rhythm – the 24hour clock that regulates how we function during sleeping and waking hours – which is responsible for making us feel energised and alert at certain times, and drowsy at others. For some people, the symptoms of SAD can be severe and have a significant impact on their dayto-day activities – plus all forms of depression can limit our ability to live life to its fullest, so it’s important to treat SAD seriously. So, what can you do to help yourself manage the symptoms of SAD?
Writing | Lindsay George
1. Make the most of the sunlight Try to find time to get outside during the day, and take advantage of what sunlight there is. Going on a gentle stroll around midday is ideal, as that’s when the sun is at its brightest – though if it’s cold, be sure to wrap up warm. Once you’re back indoors, keep your blinds open to let in as much natural light as you can. You want to be in bright environments whenever possible.
2. Light therapy A useful tool to treat SAD can be a light therapy boxes, which is a special lamp that mimic sunshine. To qualify them for light therapy, lamps must have a brightness of at least 2,500 lux, and you can buy them in stores and online, with prices ranging from £20 to well into the hundreds. Sitting in front of a lightbox for about 30 minutes a day will stimulate your body’s circadian rhythms, and suppress its natural release of melatonin – the hormone that helps to promote sleep. To get the most out of your lightbox, try using it
first thing in the morning when it’s most effective.
3. Talking therapies Because SAD is a form of depression, it’s best diagnosed by your GP, who will additionally be able to establish whether you’re experiencing SAD as opposed to another form of depression. Counselling, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), could also help you work through your feelings, and become more in control of your mood.
4. Antidepressant medication If light therapy or counselling does not sufficiently boost your mood, a prescription such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) may be appropriate. Some people think it’s only necessary to take antidepressants during the winter when they’re feeling the blues, but they must do so every winter as it’s important to recognise when the symptoms of SAD start, and to see your GP before they escalate.
According to the NHS, symptoms include: • A persistent low mood. • A loss of pleasure or interest in normal everyday activities. • Irritability. • Feelings of despair, guilt, and worthlessness. • Feeling lethargic and sleepy during the day. • Sleeping for longer than normal, and finding it hard to get up in the morning. In the UK, 29% of adults experience SAD
5. St John’s Wort
6. Diet and nutrition
St John’s Wort is a natural herbal remedy that some people find to be effective for depressive symptoms, including SAD. Although there is limited evidence to prove the effect of St John’s Wort, some small studies have been published to support it, and the NHS notes that this over-the-counter remedy could soothe mild to moderate symptoms. That said, the herbal remedy can interact with other common medicines, so be sure to speak to your GP before giving it a go.
Food can have a huge influence on our mood. Did you know that 90% of our serotonin and 50% of our dopamine is produced in our gut? Therefore, eating more oily fish, red meat, liver, egg yolk, and fortified foods such as most fat spreads and some breakfast cereals, will not only improve your gut health, but also increase your overall wellbeing.
7. Vitamin D supplements A study published in the journal Nutrients in 2014 found that people who took vitamin D (the sunshine
vitamin) supplements saw significant improvement in their depressive symptoms, and Public Health England even recommends that we take a daily supplement containing 10 micrograms of vitamin D between October and March. For many, this is an inexpensive way to treat mild SAD. Lindsay George is a counsellor, psychotherapist, and registered nurse. Find Lindsay on the Happiful app.
“
The richness I achieve comes from nature, the source of my inspiration CLAUDE MONET
Photography | Ameer Basheer
TRUE LIFE
Please note this story contains details which some readers may find triggering or distressing.
Breaking the silence Following childhood abuse, and feeling abandoned by her father, Emma-Jane Taylor experienced trauma that no one should have to. Over the years, she tried every type of therapy you can imagine, but the most liberating thing was finding the courage to speak up Writing | Emma-Jane Taylor
I
n 1981, I was sexually abused by the restaurant owner who befriended my family on a holiday overseas. I was nine years old. I had no idea what had happened to me that night, or that it was going to be a trigger later in my life. I lived with my mum and stepfather, but every other weekend I would spend with my biological father. My parents separated when I was about three years old, and I was happy with my life – I knew no different. Some of my earliest, happiest memories were of the weekends with my father. I idolised him; he was my hero, someone I couldn’t wait to see. He had a twinkle in his eye, and
would make me laugh. I loved him deeply. But that was about to change. In 1984, when I was 12, my father picked me up for the weekend. After a short drive, he stopped the car. He told me there was a “problem in our relationship’’. I felt sick. I wasn’t sure what he meant until the next night when he called and told me he couldn’t have a relationship with me again until I was older. I replaced the receiver and ran out the house with my mum and stepfather in hot pursuit, with hot tears streaming down my face. In the blink of an eye my hero had gone. I was devastated.
My father abandoning me has affected my relationships ever since. I struggled to make decisions for a long time for fear of the consequences. Life became a sea of darkness; I was a nervous wreck and suffered with abandonment issues. I went off the rails at school, at home, and with myself. I was deeply insecure, vulnerable, with low selfesteem, and desperate to be loved and needed. I lost my memory for a big chunk of time, and cried constantly. The once happy child was fading away, and in her place became a withdrawn, nervous, and sad girl.
High school became a troubling time, and I had no enthusiasm. It wasn’t long before I was labelled a ‘juvenile delinquent’ and sent to a child psychologist. I also had a weekly meeting with one of my teachers, but it was a waste of time – I just cried and skirted around the truth, too afraid to say anything. In 1985, aged 13, I fell into a sexually abusive relationship with a much older man who, until this point, had been known to my family, and was someone I completely trusted. He took advantage of me, carefully groomed me, and became my friend – I guess he became my missing father figure. >>> October 2020 • happiful.com • 87
He showered me with affection and gifts. But there was a price to pay; I was degraded, tortured, raped, and manipulated. He controlled my every move, would follow my bus to school, and watch me go in through the gates. He would be there when I got on the bus to come home. He was obsessed. He would manipulate me to sneak out from my house in the middle of the night. He would give me alcohol and drugs, and then take advantage of me. My schooling suffered, I became addicted to painkillers to numb the hangovers. I drank heavily, smoked, took drugs, laxatives, and became bulimic. I was lost and broken with suicidal thoughts. I trusted this older man, and no one else. Hindsight 88 • happiful.com • October 2020
I spiralled into an abyss of darkness, afraid to talk, scared to let go of the secrets inside of me is a great thing, and I can now see how easily this happened. I was a sitting duck, a child abandoned by her biological father, vulnerable, who had no self-worth. In 1987, aged 15, I started to realise right from wrong, and I mustered up the strength to step away from him – but it wasn’t easy. He was everywhere I went. He would threaten me, and at times I was unsure if I’d survive his temper, but other days I didn’t care if I lived or died. I spiralled into an abyss of darkness, afraid to talk, scared to let go of the secrets inside of me.
For years I questioned why I let this happen to me – why didn’t I talk about it? I have learnt that abusers are good at making you feel like everything is OK, and even though I was scared of him, and what was happening, I was more scared that no one would believe me. Through my recovery years in therapy, I’ve learned to forgive, I’ve understood that my perpetrators need help, and I understand I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I believe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong people, but I’ve been taught
valuable lessons that can now help others. I’m open to therapy at any time, and I encourage others to speak up. It’s OK not to be OK. We can’t fight pain with pain. I did an A–Z of therapy over the years. I had regular counselling, but I felt that hypnotherapy and psychotherapy helped the most – though it was tough. Some days my therapist would take me back into difficult situations (with my consent) to help me release locked memories, and other days we did gentle sessions to aid my recovery. I remember one particular hypnotherapy session where we went deeper into
If I had my life again I would prefer to not experience what I have, but I have found my strength to speak up, to stand tall, and I have learnt to use my voice to support others
‘Don’t Hold Back’ by Emma-Jane Taylor is available on Amazon, and visit emmajanetaylor.life for more from her.
my locked memories, which I can categorically tell you was the toughest day of my life – but equally the best day. So much pain was released, and after a few quiet days resting, I started to regain my strength. I’ve tried many treatments to support my mental state, including acupuncture, meditation, yoga, clairvoyance, EFT, and reflexology. If I feel wobbled now, I usually check-in with my clairvoyant. She is a great focus for me, and someone I wholeheartedly trust. If I had my life again I would prefer to not
experience what I have, but after nearly 36 years I’ve found my strength to speak up, to stand tall, and I have learnt to use my voice to support others. I don’t want anyone else to suffer in silence as I did. In 2018, I took part in a BBC Three documentary, and was asked what my biggest regret was. I don’t like to have regrets, but having to give an answer it was simple: I regret not speaking up sooner. I started my therapy in 1994, aged 22, and I also launched my business – they ran in parallel lives. I have faced many fears, risen to many challenges,
and in 2018 I published my first self-help book, Don’t Hold Back. I’m an entrepreneur running a series of lifestyle businesses, and I now do public speaking engagements. I’ve worked with the BBC, That’s TV, and my new YouTube Channel ‘The Emma-Jane Taylor Show’. I present the Mid-Morning Matters show for Marlow FM Radio, and am thoroughly enjoying my freedom. I feel liberated since I found the confidence to speak up. I’ve opened up many opportunities, and learnt to support others suffering in silence.
OUR EXPERT SAYS Emma’s powerful story shows bravery and courage. Having faced such traumatic experiences, her determined attitude to seek help and overcome her personal difficulties is inspiring. Emma is a shining example of how speaking out about what’s going on internally can have a truly life changingimpact.
Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred) Counsellor and psychotherapist
October 2020 • happiful.com • 89
Other people make me feel small
That inner voice tears me down
I don’t find myself on the life course I had planned
I need space The world around me seems scary and uncertain It feels like there are bigger things to focus on than myself
I compare myself to others
I am still worthy of love, even when... I don’t achieve everything I hoped for
I am full of self-doubt I don’t meet other people’s expectations I’m struggling with my mental health
I can’t help someone I love I say the wrong thing I feel at my lowest I feel frustrated with myself
I am healing
Discover plant-based postpartum essentials made with the fourth trimester in mind, to help Mums heal, rest and recover.
10% off when you use code HAPPIFUL10 at checkout Valid until 31st Oct 2020
MUMBUBHUB.CO.UK A Community Interest Company supporting women, and empowering mothers and families through their transition into parenthood.
UPLIFTING NEWS IN YOUR HANDS
The Happiful App
Happiful App is a product from the Happiful family, which includes: Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource and Therapy Directory. Helping you find the help you need.