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them are frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from. On the aluminum cap atop the Washington Monul People who wonder whether the glass is half ment in Washington, DC, are displayed two words: empty or half full are missing the point. The glass is Laus Deo. refillable. l They say every piece of chocolate eaten shortens No one can see these words. In fact, most visitors to your life by two minutes. I’ve done the math. Seems I the monument are totally unaware they are even there, They had just died in 1537! and for that matter, probably couldn’t care less. These l My grandchildren got me a GPS for seniors. Not words have been there for many years. Perched atop liberated a nation. only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it the 555-foot high monument, facing skyward to the also tells me why I wanted to go there. Father of our nation, they overlook the 69 square miles that comprise the l Had I known four months ago that it was the last time I would be in a District of Columbia, our nation’s capital. restaurant, I would have ordered dessert. These two seemingly insignificant, unnoticed words are out of sight and l Most people don’t think I’m as old as I am until they hear me stand up. from ground level, one might think out of mind as well, but they are very l Think you are old and you will be. Think you are young and you will meaningfully placed at the highest point over what is the most powerful be delusional. city in the most successful nation in the world. l Due to my isolation, I finished three books yesterSo, what do these two Latin words, composed of just day. Believe me, that’s a lot of coloring. four syllables and only seven letters, possibly mean? “No society l If the current power grid can’t handle a night of 20Very simply, they mean Praise be to God! ever thrived because degree temperatures without rolling blackouts, how can Though construction of this giant obelisk began in it had a large and growing it handle multi millions of plugged in vehicles? 1848, when James Polk was President, it was not until l What did our parents do to ward off boredom 1888 that the monument was inaugurated and opened to class of parasites living off before the Internet evolved? I asked my 18 brothers and the public. It took 25 years to finally cap the memorial those who produce.” sisters and they didn’t know either. with a tribute to the Father of our nation, Laus Deo, Thomas Sowell l I run like the winded. “Praise be to God!” l On average, a panda feeds for about 12 hours a day. This is the same From atop this magnificent granite and marble structure, visitors may take as an adult at home under quarantine, which is why we call it a pandemic. in the beautiful panoramic view of the city with its division into four major l Struggling to get your wife’s attention? Just sit down and look comsegments. From that vantage point, one can also easily see the original plan of fortable. the designer, Pierre Charles L’Enfant—a perfect cross imposed upon the landl Some days the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet scape, with the White House to the north, the Jefferson Memorial to the south, my demands. the Capitol to the east and the Lincoln Memorial to the west. l When I say ‘the other day,’ I could be referring to any time between A cross you ask? Why a cross? What about separation of church and yesterday and 15 years ago. state? Yes, a cross. Separation of church and state was not, and is not, in l One minute you’re young and fun. The next you’re turning down the the Constitution. car stereo to see better. When the cornerstone of the Washington Monument was laid on July l Remember how when you were little you could rip off your diaper and 4th, 1848, deposited within it were many items including the Holy Bible run around naked and everyone thought it was so cute and funny? Anypresented by the Bible Society. Praise be to God! way, I need bail money. Such was the discipline, the moral direction, and the spiritual mood given l Everything will kill you, so choose something fun. by the founder and first President of our unique democracy. l I had my patience tested. I’m negative. Here is George Washington’s prayer for America: l If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, simply remove “Almighty God, we make our earnest prayer that Thou the spoon from the cup. wilt keep the United States in Thy holy protection; that Thou l When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I ask, wilt incline the hearts of the citizens to cultivate a spirit of “Why, what did you hear?” subordination and obedience to government; and entertain a l I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me. brotherly affection and love for one another and for their felInstead, I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date, low citizens of the United States at large. and with frequent sneezes. “And finally, that Thou wilt most graciously be pleased to l If you’re paying $3 for a bottle of smart water, it isn’t dispose us all to do justice, to love mercy, and to demean working. ourselves with that charity, humility, and pacific temper of l Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going mind which were the characteristics of the Divine Author of back to bed after you pee. our blessed religion, and without a humble imitation of l I don’t mean to interrupt people. I just randomly rememwhose example in these things we can never hope to be a ber things and get really excited. happy nation. Grant our supplication, we beseech Thee, l Being cremated will be my last hope for a smoking hot through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.” body. l No politician who supports gun control should get armed protection paid for by those he is trying to disarm. l Don’t let them take your temperature on your forehead l I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you as you enter the supermarket because it erases your memory. know. l Technically, Moses was the first person with a tablet I went for macaroni and cheese and came home with two While on a logger interview trip downloading data from the cloud. cases of beer. that took him near Albemarle, NC l It’s a five-minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a l The older I get the earlier it gets late. a few weeks ago, SLT Managing l Dear Wine, we had a deal. You were to make me funnier, 35-minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is Editor David Abbott couldn’t resist sexier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video. We need staggering. snapping photos of this unique, most appropriate structure. l My mind is like my Internet browser: 19 tabs open, 3 of to talk.
The Washington Monument
The men who wrote the 2nd Amendment hadn’t just finished a hunting trip.
Random Musings
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OCTOBER 2021 l Southern Loggin’ Times
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