Here & Now Issue 32 | May 2019 by hereandnowmag

WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON NEAR YOU Your guide for this month

HAVE A FIELD DAY

Festival guide for 2019 #1

EAT & DRINK

FREE TAK E ME

Interview with Kenny Tutt & where to eat

THIS ISSUE GOOD MUSIC, GOOD TIMES, GOOD MEMORIES ISSUE 32HEREANDNOWMAG.CO.UK | MAY 2019

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FROM THE EDITOR

Your essential guide to what’s going on around here. Are the weeks ahead looking quiet? Not any more. Flick through this here magazine and get a load of the hottest happenings taking place right now near you. Check out our pick of the latest shop and restaurant openings, great ways to make a difference to your community, and upcoming festivals, events and gigs you really won’t want to miss. This is the stuff that matters. And if you’ve got a tip for something fun going on around here, list it at hereandnowmag.co.uk and help us spread the word. n

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WORTHING

Baked, Rowlands Rd Beach House Coast Café Corner House Colleges: Northbrook Met / Worthing College (staff + students) Cellar Arts Club Colonnade House Denyer News, Goring Rd Diya Newsagents, Broadwater Dome Cinema Durrington Community Centre East Worthing Community Centre Heene Road Community Centre Julia’s Kitchen, Findon Lions shop, Goring Morrisons Old Bakehouse Tea Room, Tarring Passion Fruit Café Ren’s Kitchen Sainsbury’s, Lyons Farm South Downs Leisure Centre, Shaftsbury Avenue St Paul’s Centre Bar Next Door Tesco Extra, Durrington The Burlington Hotel Train of Thought Village Shop, High Salvington West End Gallery, Rowlands Rd Worthing & Adur Chamber and networking events Worthing Library Worthing Museum Worthing Pier, Southern Pavilion Worthing Rugby Club, Angmering Worthing Theatres Worthing Town Hall

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FESTIVAL GUIDE 2019 #1

Have a Field Day Whether your idea of a festival is a night under the stars, joining in an impromptu ceilidh, running around with the kids chasing bubbles or barrel-loads of beer, we’ve got something to suit all tastes and budgets in our Here & Now 2019 festival guide.

ELDERFLOWER FIELDS TOTROCKINBEATS

Worthing Surf Music Festival 5 May 2-11pm Bar 42

Kew Science Festival 25-26 May Wakehurst

Back for a second edition of all things gnarly, this all-day surf music extravaganza features Surfin’ Lungs, The Space Agency, The Squadron Leaders, Terrorsurfs and Waterboarders. Freelance journalist Travis Elborough will be talking surf music while you kick back with a beer on the sun terrace. Tickets £7 adv from Train of Thought or Skiddle.

A weekend of wild workshops, hands-on experiments and behind the scenes tours to show how science is making a difference at Kew. Set in and around the Millennium Seed Bank, meet Kew’s scientists, hold the world’s largest seed, chat to a giant glowing fungus and experience the best-tasting chemistry lesson. Adults £14/children FREE.

S’koolFest 15 May Pavilion Theatre Nine years in, this unique event showcases musical talent from local schools and colleges. Don’t miss the opening performance, put together by Siggi Mwasote of gospel choir Spring Into Soul, when singers from schools across Worthing S’KOOLFEST participate in a ‘Soul Choir in a Day’ after just one afternoon at the Lido learning and rehearsing. Tickets £4/£2.

Southwick Beer Festival 24-26 May Southwick Community Centre Have we mentioned beer yet? With over 30 gravity ales in a range of strengths, a new keg bar with the chance to meet local brewers plus a special cider bar, this fundraising community event packs a punch. Home cooked food including a BBQ and the famous festival curry plus live music throughout the weekend add to the friendly atmosphere. Tickets £6 adv.

Elderflower Fields 24-27 May Pippingford Park This award-winner is especially designed for children, offering a wild weekend of music, sports, nature and the arts in themed areas with enchanting names such as Tumbledown Meadows and Lazy Glades. There’s pond dipping, nightjar walks, a climbing wall, a huge family picnic on Sunday and even our very own Dan from TotRockinBeats. Weekend tickets £130.

Glastonwick 31 May-2 June Church Farm, Coombes Glastonwick is an annual beer, music, poetry and more beer festival compered by Attila the Stockbroker. There will be 75+ caskconditioned ales from small independent breweries, plus farmhouse ciders and perries and plenty of food. Music, tractor rides and entertainment for kids complete the line-up. Tickets from £50 (£65 camping).

Beach Dreams 21-23 June Beach Green, Shoreham Beach Now in its 21st year, Beach Dreams is a free community event run by volunteers with music, attractions, food and culture for the whole family. The festival starts with two large processions from all the local schools and samba bands filling the streets as they march towards the festival site from both corners of Shoreham Beach. This year’s theme is Beach Party. FREE.

CoreFest 2019 22-23 June Hft Sussex, Eastergate Lane, Walberton Back by popular demand, CoreFest is a two-day independent inclusive charity music festival set in beautiful orchards. Based on the belief everyone has the right to enjoy live music, it offers facilities such as reduced crowds, disabled toilets with adult changing, an accessible campsite and wheelchair-friendly pathways. FREE but prebooking advised (£15 camping).

MUSH Festival 29-30 June Various venues, Worthing Mush is a new free music festival presenting live bands and DJs and alternative art in venues across the town centre, including Bar 42, New Amsterdam, Coast and The Corner House. It also promises urban art shows at the Yard Gallery and Train of Thought. FREE.

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FESTIVAL GUIDE 2019 #1

50 SIDES WITH PHIL DUCKETT

Goodwood Festival of Speed 4-7 July Goodwood House Held in the parkland surrounding Goodwood House, the Festival of Speed is motorsport’s ultimate summer garden party. From the thrills of the cars and bikes blasting up the infamous Hillclimb to unrestricted access to legendary cars and their drivers, it’s an opportunity for speed enthusiasts to get their summer in gear. Tickets start at £39.

Brighton Kite Festival 6-7 July Stanmer Park

The hills around Stanmer Park brighten up with teddy bears, octopi and even a gigantic Superman at the annual Kite Festival. It’s a great way to give kite flying a go for the first time, and there are some breathtaking aerial displays from the experts plus food and a small funfair. FREE.

Love Supreme Jazz Festival July 5-7 July Glynde Place, Lewes With a stellar programme featuring the likes of Lauryn Hill, Gladys Knight, Jamie Cullum playing to crowds of 15,000, Love Supreme is the jewel in the crown of the jazz festival season. Choose from four stages, luxury and standard camping, chill out and relaxation zones and plenty of family activities. Weekend tickets from £135 (£159 with camping).

PHIL DUCKETT WITH WIFE ALISON

We caught up with Phil Duckett, co-owner of Worthing Pier’s Southern Pavilion, after the pier was crowned Pier of the Year 2019, the second time the Grade II-listed Art Deco structure has been awarded the title. Congratulations on the win!

Worthing Lions 27-28 July Worthing Seafront Always a winner, this seafront festival includes a funfair, vintage bus rally, classic cars on show, food stalls, street entertainment and the showdown firework display off the end of the pier. FREE.

Southdowns Folk Festival 19-22 September Bognor Regis Returning for its seventh year, this Bognor-based festival offers dancing, singarounds, music workshops, food and ceilidhs alongside performances from acts such as The Young ‘Uns, Oysterband and rock-folk legends Lindisfarne. Tickets from £75.

Oktoberfest 4-6 October Steyne Gardens New for 2019, Oktoberfest will be coming to Worthing together with dirndls, lederhosen and a live oompah band. Sited in a gigantic striped marquee on Steyne Gardens, there will be a 20-metre bar with classic German draught beers as well as wine, spirits, soft drinks and traditional hot food. Tickets from £15 (early bird). n SOUTHWICK BEER FESTIVAL

Thanks! The exciting thing is it’s partly because of the refurb, along with Creative Waves with their art and heritage projects, Worthing Theatres, the amusements, Worthing Journal initiative ‘windows on the pier’, support from the council and all the other people; everyone together batting on the same wicket has brought something to Worthing that people have acknowledged. It’s a great achievement and I am really proud to be a small part of that.

Why Worthing?

I think Worthing is a great place; it’s got so much potential, I feel like there’s a movement happening and it’s exciting to be involved in something like that. It’s a very diversified town with lots of people within their own fields and their own groups, all pushing forwards. I think I’ll be here for the rest of my life.

What piece of music has changed your life?

I grew up listening to soul: Motown, Stax and Atlantic. From the age of 15, I used to go to the all-nighters playing Northern Soul like Wigan Casino in the 70s. Even today, as soon as you hear it, it just feels right.

Who would play you in the film of your life?

Someone who has patience and hopefully a sense of humour. I’m open to anyone, as long as they have those things – and I get 10% royalty!

What would you donate to Worthing Museum?

I would donate the original drawings and plans of the Pier from 1861, designed by Sir Robert Rawlinson.

And finally, when were you happiest?

The best happiness is still to come, or there’s no use getting out of bed in the morning. I’ve got to feel that this day is going to be a great day, otherwise what’s it all about? Phil will be launching Worthing’s first-ever Oktoberfest on 4-6 October in Steyne Gardens with lederhosen, a Bavarian oompah band and a 20-metre bar. Info and tickets worthingoktoberfest.co.uk. n

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From left:

ART ROUND UP

WINNER MARK OLIVER (SITTER CAROLINE NICHOLLS, HIGH SHERIFF OF WEST SUSSEX 2018). SECOND RICHARD FISHER (SITTER SIMON FANSHAWE OBE, BROADCASTER). THIRD WENDY BARRATT (SITTER DAVID HENTY, ART FORGER)

www.revenyphotography. co.uk @cathscats5

Hundreds of art lovers filled St Paul’s on 22 March for the second Worthing Portrait Artist of the Year competition as twelve artists bravely set up their easels, brushes and paints (or ballpoint pens) and worked in public. ARTISTS USUALLY WORK QUITE PRIVATELY, so creating a portrait from scratch under the public gaze takes some courage. The sitters – David Henty, Caroline Nicholls and Simon Fanshawe – were all splendid to look at, and managed the long hours (from 5-9.30pm!) like pros. People said how amazing it was to be able to watch the different approaches to the making of a portrait, and to see the likenesses gradually emerge over the evening was...well, magical. The evening ended with the selection of three finalists by the panel of judges: Caroline Woodward (art teacher and Children’s Parade organiser), Phil Tyler (local artist and tutor) and David Freud (artist and chair of trustees of St Paul’s). The overall winner was Mark Oliver, who received a cheque for £500 donated by ‘Faith Through Action’ in memory of Bernard Lord. Runners up were Richard Fisher and Wendy Barratt. All the portraits have been on display at St Paul’s with a people’s choice decided by popular vote in April.

Worthing Artists Open Houses, our community’s celebration of art and artists living and working locally, is only a month away in June!

ART LISTINGS To 4 May Constructed Geographies Visual Arts in response to Sussex’s diverse heritage and population. Colonnade House. FREE

Tue 7 May Artists’ Networking Breakfast 9am. Brunswick and Thorn. All welcome. FREE

Tue 7 – Sat 11 May Len Brook – Sussex Sight Exhibition 10-5pm. Colonnade House FREE

Thu 9 May Mini Click 5 short talks 6-9pm. Photographers talk, plus open guided peer review session. Email jim@ miniclick.co.uk to be involved in review. Colonnade House. FREE

Wed 15 May Drink & Draw 7-9pm. Brunswick & Thorn. Fun evening of mixed ability drawing with Shona Macdonald and Nicky Bell. Ages 16y+. £15 pp

LEAFLETS SHOWING THIS YEAR’S VENUES, and a map of the trail, are popping up all over town. Pick yours up in one of the many locations supporting the event: St Paul’s, libraries, tourist information, theatres, galleries, cafes, and shops. There’s so much to see in this year’s art trail, so start planning your visits now. Look out for the Worthing Artists Open Houses public launch on 18 & 25 May in the town centre, and make a free arty badge! n

Tue 28 May – Sun 2 Jun East Beach Artists Collective Exhibition 10am5pm. Colonnade House.

Hazel Imbert

See general listings for further art. List your art event FREE at hereandnowmag.co.uk

Art Correspondent

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WHERE TO EAT & DRINK

Fever Pitch

LISTINGS

Unless you’ve been under a rock, you must have heard that Worthing’s very own Kenny Tutt won MasterChef last year, and this month his much-anticipated restaurant Pitch opens on Warwick Street on 24 May. PITCH GOES LIVE for bookings on 26 April, and Here & Now caught up with Kenny to see how he’s holding up!

Pitch is a great name for a restaurant! What’s the story behind it?

Mon 29 Apr

Wed 15 May

Pop-up Vegan Supper Club 6pm & 8pm. Cafalatte. Book 01903 366720 or email theartisanspantry@yahoo.com. £16.50 pp

Eat and Drink the Movie: Sideways 7pm. The Dining Room. Book 01903 204194 or email info@the-dining-room. co.uk.

Evening with Isle of Harris Gin 6.30pm. Bottle & Jug Dept. Tasting session.

Thu 16 May

Stand Up Comedy Night 7.30pm. Food. Two course meal and comedy from headline acts from Brighton’s Komedia Circuit. Info 01903 227780. £35 pp

Wed 1 May

My mum and dad were market traders and basically they’d get me and my brother up at four or five in the morning to go and get there first and find the very best pitch, like the corner pitch where you get the most customers. It comes from that market heritage, that this is now our pitch and the town’s own pitch.

Test Kitchen 7.30pm. The Dining Room. Be a food critic for the evening and help develop the menu. Book 01903 204194 or email info@ the-dining-room.co.uk. £25 for five courses.

What are you most excited about?

Mon 6 May

Just having somewhere that people can go, and enjoy themselves, have great food – that buzz of people having a good time. What’s drawn me to this world is the feeling of when you run a service and it goes well; there’s not a feeling like it, it’s like winning a football game! It’s something we all have in common, the love of good food, good wine, and conversation and being with people.

Brooksteed Produce Market 12-4pm. Brooksteed Alehouse. Bank holiday Monday market with local produce including Knob Butter, Findon Free Range Eggs, Becky’s Brownies and Cheesology.

Wed 8 May

What can we expect from Pitch? Good food that people want to eat! I’m going to brew my own ale for the restaurant with Harvey’s Ales, which is exciting. We’re going to have an IPA and a stout, and we’ve got the cookery school coming, the menu is coming to life and we’re using local suppliers and local producers for everything from tomatoes to fresh fish.

What’s great about food and drink in Worthing right now (other than Pitch of course!)?

Food & Drink Quiz 7pm. The Dining Room. Includes buffet. Book 01903 204194 or email info@the-dining-room.co.uk.

Fri 10 May Authentic French Market 9am-5pm. Montague Street. Variety of stalls selling traditional French foods and produce.

Not just Pitch, I think there’s a big feeling of excitement. Developers are moving in and people are spotting that this is a lovely strip of coast that we can keep investing into. There are so many great places here, but rather than it being saturated with loads of restaurants there’s lots of room to grow. I think people coming here to start up their businesses can set the benchmark, which gives them a bit more freedom in terms of what they can do. It’s all here: we’ve got the Downs on one side, we’re by the sea, we have the produce, we have the weather, we have the people, we just need some people to take a chance and start to fill up some of these disused shops. I’d be happy if they were all filled with restaurants; I don’t know if everyone else would feel the same, but I’m always hungry! If like us you can’t wait for Pitch, don’t worry – there’s a host of food and drink happenings in Worthing to get excited about right now. Family-run Crabshack was recently ranked as

Would I Lie to You? 7pm. Cissbury Barns. Game of wine tasting with Hennings Wine. £26.50 (inc wine, game and homemade meal)

Thu 23 May Only Fools: The (Cushty) Dining Experience 7pm. Indigo Restaurant. Immersive dining experience transporting audiences to The Nag’s Head for a night of wheeling, dealing and some proper posh nosh with the Trotters. £48 pp.

Fri 25 May DD’s Jerk ‘n’ Ting Pop-Up The Dining Room. Book 01903 204194 or email info@thedining-room.co.uk.

Fri 8 Jun World Gin Day 12pm. Brooksteed Alehouse. Dedicated all-day gin bar showcasing the best from around the world.

ONGOING Worthing Market E/Wed. 9am. Montague Street. Pizza Wednesday E/Wed. 5.30-8.30pm. Brooksteed Alehouse. Draw for Drinks Last Wed/ month. Finch Bar & Eatery. Pie Night E/Thu. 7pm. The Dining Room Goring Farmers’ Market 1st Sat/month. 9am-2pm. Goring Road. Shoreham Farmers’ Market 2nd Sat/month. 9am-2pm. East Street, Shoreham. Lancing Village Market 3rd Sat/month. 9am-1pm. North Road, Lancing. Shoreham Artisans’ Market 4th Sat/month. 9am-2pm. East Street, Shoreham.

KENNY TUTT

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Punjabi Street Food Last Sat/ month. 5pm. Brooksteed Alehouse.

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WHERE TO EAT & DRINK one of Europe’s top ten beach restaurants in The Guardian, while OM restaurant received a Good Food Award for 2019. Shoreham Farmers’ Market is a grand finalist at the Sussex Food and Drink Awards, to be announced 15 May, while finalist Jaki Morris from Perfectly Preserved recently won two golds at the 2019 World’s Original Marmalade Awards (find her at Goring Farmers’ Market). From established award-winners like Indigo at the Ardington, Jonathan Nulty at The Dining Room (another Sussex Food and Drink finalist) or the award-winning Proto Group (The Fish Factory, Food and The Fat Greek Taverna) to thriving upstarts like Auntie Bunny’s Hut or Sunny Worthing winners VBab, the diversity of Worthing has increased in recent years. Pop-up events from eateries such as DD’s Jerk ’n’ Ting (next at The Dining Room on 25 May) and Halloumilicious frequently sell out. Raising the profile of Worthing makes it competitive, which can only be a good thing for local foodies. In the meantime, keep ‘em peeled for newcomer The Whiskey Rooms on Montague Street, a 30s-style establishment with whiskey from all over the world plus tapas, fine wines and cask ales from the barrel. We’re also looking forward to the opening of the Fox and Finch Alehouse on Littlehampton Road in summer, which is owned Mike and Jo Saveen, who previously worked at local micropubs Brooksteed Alehouse and Georgi Fin. n

WHERE TO EAT & DRINK

Going out? Try here.

The Cow Shed

The Dining Room

Indigo

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Family and dog friendly bar directly opposite the pier. Cocktails and American comfort food our speciality. Wide range of draughts and craft beers, wines and over 30 gins. Watch the world go by, stop for pre-theatre drinks or just chill out. Open to 1pm Fri & Sat.

Fine dining. Re-imagined. Locally sourced ingredients and a feast of dining delights and masterclasses to enjoy, all from an award-winning team. From casual dining to 7-course tasting menus, there’s something for everyone. Opening times the-dining-room.co.uk

Contemporary English & European cuisine, expertly prepared & presented. Only the finest ingredients are sourced, wherever possible from local producers. Choice of a la carte or fixed menu, Sunday lunches, afternoon teas, private dining.

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FINANCE CORNER

Lifetime Mortgages What’s all the fuss about?

B U S I N E S S F E AT U R E

There has been a surge in enquiries for Lifetime Mortgages and Equity Release products by retired clients or those approaching retirement with lots of questions around how these schemes work. HERE ARE A FEW KEY FEATURES: • Lifetime Mortgages are available to those aged over 55 years with no maximum age • You can pay all of the interest, some of it, or none of it (and it will add to the debt) • Funds can be released from your existing home to: Repay a mortgage coming to the end of its term - Raise funds to help children or grandchildren get on the property ladder - Pay for home improvements for the years ahead - Supplement living costs to make life more enjoyable - Fund holidays, a new car, or even to help cover care fees • Some lifetime mortgages offer access to a large sum that can be taken as needed, called a drawdown facility, so you only incur interest as funds are utilised. • They can be used to buy a new home, or release money when you move home

• • • • • • •

You only repay the funds when you either pass away, move into full time care, or vacate the property permanently. You own your home, not the lender and can remain there for the rest of your life If you move home you can take the lifetime mortgage with you to a new property All equity left in the home on death is left to your beneficiaries You benefit from any increase in property values over time in excess of the interest charged. We recommend that family are involved in all decisions but whether they are is up to you. Lifetime Mortgages are highly regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority to ensure you get the best advice possible and are protected at all times.

Emerald Finance are Independent Financial Advisers and in 2018 won the ‘Best Financial Adviser Award’ at the Equity Release Awards which covers these products. Our experienced advisers will assess your needs, explain how these schemes work and make a recommendation for the best one that suits your needs. To arrange a no obligation discussion at your home or our offices call our team now on 01903 222940 – we will be happy to help. n

MATT SUTTON, MANAGING DIRECTOR OF EMERALD FINANCE, your local award winning financial advisers, is here to answer your financial questions. Got a query? Email info@emeraldfinance.co.uk

The missing piece of your retirement plan A Lifetime Mortgage could help fill the gap in your finances, allowing the comfortable retirement you deserve

us 01903 on 01903 find www.emeraldfinance.co.uk Call Call us on 222222 940940 for for find us us at at www.emeraldfinance.co.uk This is a lifetime mortgage. To understand the features and risks please ask for a personalised illustration. Our typical advice fee would be £1495. A lifetime mortgage may impact your entitlement to means tested benefits and the inheritance you may leave. Plan availability is subject to lenders’ criteria and dependent on their terms and conditions. Emerald Finance is a tradingEmerald name of Fairstone Financial Management Ltd who is authorised by the Financial Conduct Authority, FCA Register Number 475973. Your home may be repossessedand if you do not maintain payments Finance is a trading nameandofregulated Fairstone Financial Management Ltd who is authorised regulated by on your mortgage. value of your investments can go Authority, down as well as up and you could get back lessNumber than you paid in.475973 theThe Financial Conduct FCA Register

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COMMUNITY MATTERS

Plastic Fantastic Even in the long and uneven history of awards ceremonies, I doubt that many people have won an award for something they haven’t done yet.

“They get an award,” continues Gwen, “and we’ll spread the word about them on social media. We reward the business and we inform the consumer so that people can choose to go to the businesses that are doing their bit to help the planet. People have the power!” “We don’t want to become the plastic police,” says Jean. “A lot of places will want to use up what they’ve got before they switch, and that’s fair enough. But it could be as simple as changing from plastic cups to something biodegradable – that’s one swap. We’ll try to work with the B&Bs and the hotels, helping them to switch from the little sachets, or convincing the takeaways to move away from plastic food containers.” “It really is tiny steps we’re asking for,” insists Gwen. “It’s happening in other towns, especially along the coastline. It raises people’s consciousness. They start off saying they are going to make three swaps and end up making six. Or even more than that. Then they start engaging in other ways, like joining in with our monthly beach cleans.”

BUT THAT’S PRECISELY WHAT HAPPENED earlier this year to the organisers of Plastic Free Worthing when the people of this town voted for them to win a Sunny Worthing Award.

The goal, of course, is to have whales swimming around without 40kg of plastic in their stomachs. But there are some smaller targets along the way. Under the Surfers Against Sewage guidelines, a town needs a certain percentage of businesses to be Plastic Free Champions before the

You must know you’re absolutely bang on trend when people vote for you because you’ve got the right name, but it was still a surprise. “I

think we won it based on what we’ve said we’re going to do,” says Jean Raleigh,

“PEOPLE CAN CHOOSE TO GO TO THE BUSINESSES THAT ARE DOING THEIR BIT TO HELP THE PLANET. PEOPLE HAVE THE POWER!”

the owner of zero waste scoopermarket Larder.

“Everyone saw Blue Planet.” “And the clock is ticking,” says jeweller Gwen Le Bris. “I arrived in England two years ago. I looked at a listing of worldwide climate change events and saw one in Worthing.” And she’s already won an award.

Now they’re ready to give out awards of their own. “We’re asking for microchanges that will end up making a big difference,” says Jean.

“Any community group, school or business that makes three swaps from plastic to an alternative and that has a plan to carry on making changes will be announced as a Plastic Free Champion!”

town itself can be called Plastic Free. In Worthing, the calculation is that 34 businesses need make the change. At the time of writing, 498 communities have already achieved this status and that number grows by the day. Surely we can all do something to make sure that Plastic Free Worthing becomes a reality? Beach Clean 3rd Sunday every month (next one May 19). FB & Insta @plasticfreeworthing. Email plasticfreeworthing@gmail.com n

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Karl Allison Worthing Community Chest

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MAKE A DIFFERENCE

It All Adds Up Small actions are just as important as grand gestures. This month we are highlighting ways to help others in our community, by volunteering not time but kindness. SIMPLE GESTURES FROM US ALL can create supportive communities – where people living with conditions can continue to socialise with others, hop on the bus, go to their favourite shops or take part in local activities for as long as possible.

Dementia Action WE ALL HAVE A ROLE TO PLAY in making the UK a dementia-friendly place to live and that’s what Dementia Action Week (2026 May) is all about. Head along to Salt Water Studios in the Activus Building on 21 May from 11.30am-12.30pm when members of Alzheimer’s Society will be on hand to explain how we can support and understand those 14,000 people in West Sussex living with this disease. The society is encouraging people to become Dementia Friends, which can be as simple as committing to visiting someone you know with dementia, being more patient in a shop queue or just wearing a badge to raise awareness. Jess Hillicks, local community fundraiser for Alzheimer’s Society, explains, “We are also looking for volunteers who can give a

An Open Mind IF YOU’RE PASSING COLONNADE HOUSE during Mental Health Awareness Week (13-19 May), pop in and put together a mini well-being box as part of Worthing-based charity Coastal West Sussex Mind’s anti-stigma campaign. Dubbed ‘Human Kindness to Open Mindness’, it’s part of a wider initiative which has seen people share stories of acts of kindness that they feel have helped with their mental health, which have been printed for inclusion in the boxes. There will be two workshops over the weekend, where adults and children can choose items for their boxes from a ‘pick and mix’ stand. Theatre design students from Northbrook will add to the exhibition, while artists at The Corner House, Southwick, (with which CWSx Mind is merging) have designed unique wrapping paper. Open Minds Champion Mark says, “It’s great

collaborating with all these groups and volunteers to put on a fun event.”

The charity hopes community groups will hold similar events to support the campaign, and is offering pre-packed mini wellbeing boxes to the first 30 people to let them know what act of kindness has helped their mental health. Post on Facebook @CoastalWestSussexMind or Instagram @MindWestSussex using #NoStigmaHere.

few hours a month to unite against dementia by joining a local fundraising group. I’m also keen to speak to local businesses who want to play their part in tackling the UK’s biggest killer, perhaps by supporting us as their charity of the year.” Anyone who wants to know more can contact Jess on 07525 731530 or Jess.Hillicks@alzheimers.org.uk.

Jennie the Jams IF YOU EVER DOUBT that small actions can add up to make a big difference, remember Jennie the Jams. The 84-yearold jam maker extraordinaire from East Preston (real name Jennie McNair) has been making batches of preserves in aid of the NSPCC since 1975, and it’s estimated she has raised a staggering £100,000 plus through her efforts. Jennie, who is president of the Rustington, East Preston and Ferring district committee, said “I make about 28 different

flavours but the nectarine is the best seller, closely followed by orange and ginger. The best part is selling it and meeting people and going places. The worst part is thinking of all the jars I’ve had to wash.” Thanks to fundraising by the South and Mid Sussex branch, of which Jennie is a member, a whopping £1.7million has been raised for the NSPCC over the last 60 years. If you’d like to volunteer, email Community Fundraising Manager Kate Hershkowitz at kate.hershkowitz@nspcc.org.uk.

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MAKE A DIFFERENCE along Worthing seafront, with the 20 mile route taking walkers all the way to Shoreham and back.

NIGHT TO REMEMBER

SUNFLOWER MEMORIES The Sunflower Memories Appeal is an opportunity to remember a loved one and support St Barnabas House at the same time. In return for a donation, the hospice provides a sunflower marker on which the name of your loved one is written and displayed at the hospice during June. The sunflower will then be available for you to keep. For more info call 01903 706329 or email james.millen@ stbh.org.uk.

WALK FOR WORTHING

Get Active MAKE IT A NIGHT TO REMEMBER St Barnabas House is looking for 200 volunteers to help marshal and serve breakfast to walkers at this year’s Night to Remember walk, taking place from 10.30pm through the night of Saturday 29 June. Since 2015, the walk has raised vital funds for the Hospice at Home night sitting service and the charity plans to make this year’s the biggest to date. If you’d like to take part, registration is open at www.stbh.org.uk/ nighttoremember for men, women and children aged ten and over and includes pre-walk entertainment and breakfast upon return. You can choose from the 7, 13.1 (half marathon) or 20 mile routes

Meet wheelchair racer Nathan, challenging the limitations of disability After surgery resulted in being classed as a ‘wheelchair user’, Nathan Freeman was determined to find a sport that filled him with excitement and passion. NATHAN, who has cerebral palsy, was invited to join a local Special Olympic squad in June 2013, initially trying out for shotput before a chance opportunity to trial a racing wheelchair took him in a new direction. This was, as Nathan tells us, the start of his dreams: “Wheelchair

racing is like running for me. I love the training and competing, it’s given me a sense of independence and I feel alive really.” Nathan, who is 15 years old, is committed to his sport and refuses to see his disability as any kind of a barrier, preferring to talk about the opportunities his disability has given him. Nathan trains every day to improve his fitness and strength, including sessions on the track with the local Worthing Harriers Wheelchair Racing Club. Julian Stevens, Nathan’s coach, says, “Nathan has already achieved

in a few years what many do not manage in a lifetime. It is exciting

Take a sunset stride, stroll, shimmy, or sprint for Guild Care on Saturday 15 June to help raise £15,000 for local children and adults in need. Choose the 5km route down George V Avenue and back, or take on 10km to Goring Gap and back. The event kicks off at 8pm from Steyne Gardens, with a mobile bar and music on hand to welcome you back. Info and registration at guildcare.org/event/ walk-for-worthing.

RACE FOR LIFE Raising money for research into all 200 types of cancer, Cancer Research UK’s Race for Life comes to Worthing at 11am on Sunday 16 June, starting at Steyne Gardens. The 5k noncompetitive event is open to adults and children alike – the idea is that everyone wins the Race For Life, except cancer. Info and registration at raceforlife.cancerresearchuk.org.

to think about what his prospects may be. His dedication and determination make him an outstanding role model for all athletes.”

NATHAN FREEMAN, DETERMINATION IN THE RAIN

That determination has seen Nathan improve his times year on year, most recently in 2018 when he achieved bronze at the Westminster Mile U20s race with a personal best of 50 seconds. He represented England at the CPISRA World Games in Barcelona in the same year and has been awarded the Princess Diana Award for inspirational young people. Nathan’s belief in the benefits that sport can bring to the lives of disabled people is unshakeable, and he uses every opportunity to raise awareness. He points out how important the support of the public can be: “If you are at the Worthing 10k on 2 June, shout out

for the Worthing Harriers Wheelchair Racing Club members in the 1-mile wheelchair race.”

Info on Nathan’s fundraising and achievements can be found at nathanfreeman.co.uk. To find out about Worthing Harriers wheelchair training groups, see Facebook @WorthingHarriers or email jsharriers@aol.com. Worthing 10k info at worthing10k.co.uk n

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LOCAL BUSINESS Find business info and support, get involved – be inspired! ALWAYS WANTED TO ATTEND a networking event but not sure it’s for you? Contact us and we’ll happily chat through any of the listings below. And if you have a business event that you’d like to promote, we’d love to hear from you too.

Funding Update for SMEs IF YOU RUN A SMALL OR MEDIUM-SIZED BUSINESS, you could be eligible for an apprentice funded by the Councils. Sectors including care, manufacturing, engineering, hospitality, creative and digital are especially welcome. The deadline for applications is Friday 17 May. Info and application forms at adur-worthing.gov.uk/businesses/support-and-funding. n

GET INVOLVED

Wed 8 May

Wed 5 Jun

Thu 25 Apr

Worthing & Adur Chamber of Commerce AGM 5.30pm. Register. FREE

Adur & Worthing Business Awards Launch event 5.30-7.30pm. Care For Veterans, Boundary Rd. Book worthingandadurchamber.co.uk. FREE

Networking Hub 12pm. Basepoint (SHM). FREE

Tue 30 Apr

Please mention Here & Now when booking your event and check websites for updates. List your business event free at hereandnowmag.co.uk. Get in touch at editorial@ hereandnowmag.co.uk or tag us on social media #hereandnowmag #stuffthatmatters #worthingworks To advertise your event from just £40 + VAT, email advertise@ hereandnowmag.co.uk

#ShakeItHUB Design and Marketing Help Session 12-1.30pm. Worthing Town Hall. Info and book meetup. FREE Worthing Digital Talks: Formative Research Methods 7pm. Fresh Egg, Buckingham Rd. Terika Seaborn-Brown reviews methods used in the early stages of product development/redevelopment. Book meetup. FREE

Thu 2 May Worthing Digital Social 8-9pm. Chat with like-minded folk from across the digital sector. Cow & Oak. FREE West Sussex Business Expo 10am3pm. Fontwell Park Racecourse. FREE

Tue 7 May Worthing Digital Talks: Using Data as a Creative Material 7pm. Fresh Egg, Buckingham Rd. Mike Brondbjerg looks at how data connects projects and how it can be used it in very different ways. Book meetup. FREE

LOOKING FOR NEW BUSINESS?

WORTHING

To visit a BNI Worthing business group meeting or to find out how you can join us and grow your business, call 0333 800 0888, email Jim at info@bniworthing.co.uk or on Facebook bniworthing

Book today and join us “My business has grown, for breakfast at the my client base has grown.” Dome, Worthing, Thursdays, 6.30am JULIE, MICAWBER LETTINGS

Fri 10 May Worthing Digital Lunchtime Talks: Online Visibility 1-2.30pm. Video blogging, influencer marketing, digital PR. Freedom Works, Worthing. FREE

Fri 17 May Chamber Hub 12.30-2pm. Impulse Leisure, Lancing Manor. Informal networking for all. Book worthingandadurchamber.co.uk. FREE

Mon 20 May Community Works Lunch-Stop 122pm. QE2 Room, Shoreham Centre. Informal forum to share knowledge and ideas with light lunch. Just turn up. Info bhcommunityworks.org.uk

Tue 4 Jun Gear Up for Success 1.30-4.30pm. Northbrook College, Broadwater. Business MOT workshop to fast track your success. Worthing & Adur Chamber members only. Book worthingandadurchamber.co.uk. FREE

Thu 13 Jun West Sussex Tech Expo B2B tradeshow Butlins, Bognor Regis. Info netxp.co.uk. FREE THE REGULAR (MOSTLY FREE) EVENTS Looking to grow your business? BNI Networking E/Thu. 6.30am. Dome Cinema. This friendly business group meets over breakfast at the Dome. Members support each other to grow their businesses. For info and to book, call Jim on 0333 800 0888 or via Facebook @bniworthing. £10 inc b/ fast. Networth 1st Wed/month. 5.307.15pm. Cafalatte, Chapel Rd. FREE WorthingDigital Social 1st Thu/month. 8-9pm. The Cow & Oak. FREE First Friday Network 1st Fri/month. 12.30-2.30pm. Burlington Hotel. FREE Worthing Business Oracle Last Fri/ month. 9.30-10.30am. Starbucks, Broadwater. Book eventbrite. FREE

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MAKE ME FAMOUS, BABY!

Worthing Original Music After a couple of months away from Here & Now, contributor Mike Pailthorpe takes a look around the current music scene in Worthing and finds it in need of a brand new set of Make Me Famous, Baby! articles.

Worthing is full of talented people making original music. Here is just the first instalment explaining why, in Worthing, your neighbours are so noisy next door. IN 2019, WORTHING RESIDENT Tim Keegan is celebrating thirty years in music and twenty years since the release of Out Of Here, his band Departure Lounge’s highly-rated first album on the Bella Union label. Their 2002 third album Too Late To Die Young was BBC 6 Music’s first-ever Album of the Week. Here in Worthing, Tim plays regularly at Beach House and in September, he will reunite for anniversary gigs in Brighton and London with fellow Worthing resident bandmate Chris Anderson, who now records and performs with his psychedelic band Crayola Lectern. Often appearing with Tim is Ben Nicholls, another Worthing resident and a top UK double bass session player. Ben plays and tours with folk artists, and he cowrote the songs on Nadine Shah’s Mercury Prizenominated album. Unsurprisingly he’s in demand, so the only way to catch him right now is on screen, where he’s playing bass in Wild Rose with Jessie Buckley and Julie Walters (in cinemas from April). UNGLUED

Lizzie Curious is a prolific singer, songwriter, House music

producer and international DJ with two Billboard number one hits to her name. Originally from Brighton, Lizzie recently moved to Worthing; I met her last week and she’s loving her new home.

Paul Steel, who

was at Worthing High School, has been a songwriter and producer since the early 2000s, including co-writes for two European chart records with Mika. These were followed by a track on the IDA VALLENS Guillermo del Toro-directed Oscar winner The Shape of Water. His 2018 solo album Carousel Kites had rave media reviews including a five-star rating from The Guardian. Paul lives in Broadwater with his young family, and is making more music right now.

Ida Vallens is a new name, but it’s actually the latest identity

of the 18-year-old artist formerly known as Mëi. Since her last appearance in Here & Now, she has been awarded local music charity AudioActive’s Emerge initiative, which offers a full year of support, guidance and funding designed to deliver the last push needed to reach the next level in her career. So far, this has resulted in a new producer, new music, and a showcase performance opening Brighton Festival at the Dome in February, plus the fabulous track Mt. Whitney Motel, now on Spotify.

Josh Brown was a science teacher at Durrington High before

his reincarnation as internationally famous DJ and Drum & Bass producer Unglued, signed to Hospital Records. Late in 2018, Unglued had a number 3 in the worldwide Beatport chart with his track Deep, Dark and Dirty, with fellow Worthing resident Nelson Navarro on vocals. Martin Reeves, aka Krafty Kuts, now an international DJ, actually began his music career selling vinyl records and mixtapes from his tiny Instant Vibes record shop in Warwick Street. Huge world tours and many successful record releases later, Martin is back in Worthing again, and you might be lucky to get a ticket to see him playing at Finch in Warwick Street in June if you move fast. Many more profiles to come in the next few months, from Folk to Hip Hop to Metal. n Mike Pailthorpe runs the Music Foundation Degrees at Northbrook MET. Mike also helps run S’KoolFest, Wed 15 May, Pavilion Theatre. Tickets from Worthing Theatres 01903 206206.

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Mike Pailthorpe

HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

THOMAS H GREEN - MUSICAL TIME MACHINE Of the hundreds of bands Worthing has given the world, a few have gone on to international success. This century the likes of Royal Blood and The Ordinary Boys carved a name for themselves (the Time Machine will reach them eventually), but they were far from the first. REWIND THE CLOCK FURTHER and one of the town’s first notable breakout groups was Steamhammer.

STEAMHAMMER OUTSIDE THEIR NOTTING HILL SQUAT. LEFT TO RIGHT: DRUMMER MIKE RUSHTON, BASSIST STEVE DAVY, GUITARIST MARTIN QUITTENTON, GUITARIST MARTIN PUGH, SINGER KIERAN WHITE

Steamhammer 1968 - 1970 Part 1

Formed in 1968 and peaking in 1970, Steamhammer were a blues rock outfit whose song ‘Junior’s Wailing’ is credited with persuading Status Quo to give up pop in favour of the headsdown boogie for which they became famous. Steamhammer bassist Steve Davy still lives in Worthing. This month - and next - he takes the Time Machine deep into his past. Davy was born in Worthing Hospital at the end of 1950, his father a Fleet Street journalist and his mother a housewife. The family moved to Hove when he was two but returned to Worthing when he was 11. His brother David, eight years older, was a rock’n’roller and Steve absorbed his music collection. Not particularly academic, he was, nonetheless, an avid popular music fan, buying a bass guitar at 14. When he left West Tarring Secondary School a year later, he was already gigging with a rock’n’roll band, The Martells.

“At some point I felt myself going in a different direction,” says Steve, “I was listening to groups playing the Assembly Hall, like Cream, John Mayall’s Blues Breakers. That was where I wanted to go.”

STEAMHAMMER’S SELF-TITLED DEBUT ALBUM

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The complexity of The Martells’ gradual mutation into mod outfit The Race, then into Mo’s Blues Quarter, then into The Steam Hammer Blues Band, and finally into Steamhammer is too tangled to unravel here, although it’s worth noting that original singer Chris Slade named the band before leaving to finish college. By late 1968 Steamhammer had established themselves as a force to be reckoned with on the local gig circuit but knew they could be more. Thus Steve Davy, new singer Kieran White, guitarist Chris Aylmer,

and manager Barry Taylor upped sticks and headed for London, leaving the rest of the band behind, unable to relocate due to “girlfriends and jobs”.

AMERICAN BLUES JUGGERNAUT FREDDIE KING

“We put our things in the back of a Bedford Dormobile without anywhere to go, toothbrush plus amplifiers and guitars, and headed off,”

For the tour, the band were joined by drummer Mickey Waller, who had been in the Jeff Beck Group and stayed in for Steamhammer for a while afterwards.

“He was a close friend of Rod Stewart and arranged for Rod and Ronnie Wood to watch us play one night at the 100 Club,” remembers Steve, “This resulted in Martin Quittenton leaving to join Rod, playing guitar on his first three solo albums, and eventually writing ‘Maggie May’ and ‘You Wear It Well’. It made Martin quite wealthy. Rod wanted him to join The Faces and go to America, but Martin was a quiet backroom boy, really, and didn’t want to go through all that razzmatazz so he ended up retiring.”

Steve recalls.

They soon settled in Notting Hill, then a hive of countercultural activity (“We started

off paying rent normally, then the landlady died and it became a squat with all sorts of weird people staying”) and

STEVE DAVY, BACK LEFT, IN HIS PRE-STEAMHAMMER BAND THE RACE

replaced Aylmer with guitarist Martin Pugh (Aylmer later formed metal outfit Samson STEAMHAMMER ANNOUNCE THEIR NEW which included future LINE-UP IN MID-1969 Iron Maiden singer Bruce Dickinson). They also added classical guitarist Martin Quittenton to their lineup, then practised and gigged relentlessly, eventually signing to CBS Records who released their self-titled debut album in March 1969. Also known as ‘Reflection’, it’s a vibrant Canned Heat-style electric blues beano.

After Quittenton’s departure, Steamhammer felt they needed new blood to revitalize things for their second LP. Steve Joliffe, a flute and sax-playing eccentric who’d already spent time in an early line-up of Tangerine Dream, entered the fold. With a newly tweaked sound they started to break big in Germany, playing larger venues and longer tours, backed by what is now their best-known tune, ‘Junior’s Wailing’. “Joliffe’s stage persona went down really well with the Germans,” says Steve. “The group would stop playing at an agreed point during a

A month later they were chosen as the backing group for a 21 date UK tour by American bluesman Freddie King. King’s incendiary guitar playing was a key influence on the likes of Jimi Hendrix and Eric Clapton so the job was prestigious.

‘Junior’s Wailing’ became a hit in Germany, forging a connection between the country and Steamhammer. Status Quo were so taken with the song that, alongside The Doors’ ‘Roadhouse Blues’, they credited it with helping forge the rockin’ rhythm’n’blues boogie that carried them through the next decades. They even recorded it on their third album, ‘Ma Kelly’s Greasy Spoon’.

“We rehearsed in a London pub,” Steve recalls, “He only gave us 20 minutes then said, ‘That’ll be fine – you’ve got the feeling,’ so we turned up to play gigs without quite knowing what was going to happen. He’d just yell out the key of the number, count it in, and we’d be away. Freddie King was a huge man who wore a different-coloured suit every night. He had a bottle of Scotch in his dressing room, and each night he’d drink most of it before he’d play. Onstage he was a ball of fire; he’d get every sound out of each note, a tremendous character with huge stage presence, but a warm and friendly man. It was a fantastic experience which also gave us publicity that put our name around.”

number and he would run around the auditorium playing incredibly quirky sax on his own, sometimes without his shirt on. We also had a new drummer in Mick Bradley, an extrovert who added real power to our sound.”

By mid-1969 Steamhammer were on their way… Next month, in Part 2, read about Steamhammer’s tour with Led Zeppelin, their festival days, their best-loved album, ‘Mountains’, and their eventual split. n

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HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

FILM & THEATRE Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

FRONT ROW FILM & THEATRE MAKE THE MOST OF not one but two bank holidays this month by going to see some live entertainment or a film at your local theatre or cinema. Grab your popcorn and CocaCola (or Pepsi, if you’re one of them) because the long-awaited Avengers: Endgame will be showing at the Connaught Theatre on Sat 4 May, or head on over to Shoreham’s Artisan Café to witness the chuckle-inducing Comedy Bubble on Wed 1 May. No matter what you fancy, there’s plenty of choice this month. If you have any exciting film or theatre events that you’d like to share, list them at hereandnowmag. co.uk and we’ll add them here. n

Abi Else

Tue 7 – Fri 10 May

FILM

DTS Presents Cheshire Cats 7.30pm. Barn Theatre, Field Place. More info Durrington Theatrical Society 01903 872073. Tickets £12 (inc donation to charity).

Mon 29 Apr

Tue 14 May – Sat 18 May The Wedding Singer 7.30pm. Connaught Theatre. It’s 1985 and New Jersey’s favourite wedding singer is the life of the party until his fiancée leaves him at the altar.

Wed 15 – Sat 18 May

Red Joan (15) 11am. Connaught Cinema. Silver Screen. Shocking true-story of Joan Stanley, the KGB’s longest serving British spy.

Tue 30 Apr Faust (12A) 6.45pm. Connaught Cinema. Faust trades his soul with the Devil for youth and power in Gounod’s enthralling opera. Live from the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden.

Children in Need Show: Believed to be Seen 7.30pm. The Barn Theatre, Southwick. An evening of vibrant entertainment with the return of Jamie Collins who appeared on The Voice UK 2019.

Sat 4 May

Wed 22 – Sun 26 May

Sun 5 May

Spymonkey’s Cooped (14+) 7.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. In collaboration with Brighton Festival. A deliciously demented take on the pulp gothic romance.

Peppa Pig: Festival of Fun (U) 10am. Dome Cinema. The muddiest festival ever comes to cinema screens.

Avengers: Endgame (12A) 8.15pm. Connaught Theatre. Marvel’s epic comic book series comes to a close in this eagerly anticipated finale!

Thu 23 May

THEATRE

Wed 1 May

Fri 26 Apr – Sat 25 May

Comedy Bubble 7pm. Artisan Café (SHM). An evening of delicious food and brilliant stand-up comedy.

Shadowlands Chichester Festival Theatre. Starring Hugh Bonneville. Celebrated writer CS Lewis, author of The Chronicles of Narnia, splits his time between an ordered domestic routine at home with his brother, Warnie, and the academic rigour of his dispassionate all-male Oxford college.

Fri 26 – Sat 27 Apr The Wonderful World of Dissocia 7.45pm. St Paul’s. There’s a whole world of hilarious theatrical characters in this contemporary play which explores dissociative experiences and mental health issues.

Fri 3 May Horrible Histories: Awful Egyptians 10.30am. Pavilion Theatre. Are you ready to rumble with Ramesses the Great? It’s the history of Egypt with the nasty bits left in! Includes post-show Q&A.

Sat 4 May Horrible Histories: Terrible Tudors 6.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. Hear the legends and lies about the torturing Tudors. You might even survive the Spanish Armada as it sails into the audience.

Still I Rise 7.30pm. Connaught Theatre. In partnership with Brighton Festival. This debut work from dance company TRIBE// is a defiant and uplifting call to arms performed by an all-female cast.

Tue 28 May 3 Little Pig Tails 11am & 2pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Garlic Theatre presents a re-telling of the classic fairytale with a Parisian setting. Suitable for ages 3-7.

Fri 31 May – Sat 1 Jun Mother’s Ruin: A Cabaret About Gin 8pm. Pavilion Theatre. Raucous cabaret about the history of Gin with a free G&T with every ticket.

Mon 3 Jun The House on Cold Hill 7.30pm. Connaught Theatre. Spine-chilling thriller from the mind of best-selling author Peter James.

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Mon 6 May Being Frank: The Chris Sievey Story (15) 8.15pm. Connaught Theatre. In conjunction with Worthing Film Club. The life of maverick Manchester comedian Frank Sidebottom and his creator Chris Sievey.

Tue 7 May An American in Paris: The Musical (12A) 7pm. Connaught Cinema. The hit West End musical on the big screen!

COMPETITION

FILM & THEATRE Spank The Banker (12A) 6pm. Dome Cinema. Compelling documentary combining interviews with victims, key journalists and police investigators, plus dramatic, secretlyfilmed episodes of corporate bankers caught unawares.

Sat 11 May Dumbo (PG) 10am. Dome Cinema. A young elephant, whose oversized ears enable him to fly, helps save a struggling circus, but when the circus plans a new venture, Dumbo and his friends discover dark secrets.

Mon 13 May The Time of Their Lives (12A) 7pm. Lancing Luxor Revival Cinema. A former Hollywood star goes on an unforgettable journey to her exlover’s funeral.

Tue 14 May NT: All My Sons (12A) 7pm. Connaught Theatre. A couple’s success story is about to shatter with a return of a figure from the past. Live broadcast from The Old Vic starring Sally Field and Bill Pullman. The Apartment (PG) 2pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Much-loved comedy classic where C.C. Baxter rents out his apartment to senior coworkers to conduct affairs, which becomes a problem when he falls for Miss Kubelik.

Wed 15 May Rumble – The Indians Who Rockets the World (12A) 7.30pm. Ropetackle (SHM). A wonderfully unique documentary demonstrating the sound argument that Native Americans have made the most influential contributions to popular music.

Fri 17 May Mary Poppins Returns (U) 7pm. Ferring Village Hall. Decades after her original visit, the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious nanny makes an unforgettable return.

Sat 18 May The Greatest Showman (PG) 10am. Dome Cinema. Celebrating the birth of show business and the sense of wonder we feel when dreams come to life.

Tue 21 May Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake (12A) 8pm. Connaught Theatre. Swan Lake comes to cinemas with a fresh look for the 21st century but as bold and beautiful as ever.

Win a pair of tickets to the UK’s number one rock ‘n’ roll variety show That’ll Be The Day, which returns to Worthing on Saturday 18 May. To enter, answer the question: That’ll Be The Day celebrates the music of which era? A) The Noughties B) The 20s, 30s and 40s C) The 50s, 60s and 70s To enter, go to hereandnowmag.co.uk. Click on WIN! to give your answer (ref: 3 Choirs) or post to Here & Now, The Mill Building, 31 Chatsworth Rd, BN11 1LY. One entry p/p. Closes and winner picked at random and contacted on Thu 2 May. Good luck! Thu 23 May

Tue 4 Jun

Mary Queen of Scots (15) 2pm. Ropetackle (SHM). An examination of the power struggle between two of the 16th century’s most powerful women.

EOS: Van Gogh & Japan (12A) 6.30pm. Connaught Theatre. “I envy the Japanese,” Van Gogh once wrote to his brother Theo, and the exhibition on which this film is based shows why.

Fri 24 May My First Cinema: Room on a Broom (U) 11am. To the annoyance of her cat, a kindly witch allows a dog, a bird and a frog to ride on her broomstick.

Thu 30 May Mary Poppins Returns (U) 2pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Decades after her original visit, the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious nanny makes a unforgettable return.

Wed 5 Jun RSC: The Taming of the Shrew (12A) 7pm. Connaught Theatre. In a reimagined 1590, England is a matriarchy. Cue an explosive battle of the sexes in this electricallycharged love story. The Favourite (15) 7.30pm. As early 18th century England fights a war with France, frail Queen Anne oversees another battle over who will be her favourite: longstanding companion Lady Sarah Churchill or new servant Abigail Hill.

WHY YOU’LL WANT TO BE ‘COOPED’ UP THIS MAY

Spring has sprung, the weather is warming up and the sea breeze is cool; surely no one would want to be cooped up at this time of year? Well, we have a very good reason why you might want to be just that. PROGRAMMED IN PARTNERSHIP WITH BRIGHTON FESTIVAL, Worthing Theatres is proud to welcome the UK’s leading physical comedy group SPYMONKEY to the Pavilion Theatre as they present COOPED, the hilarious show that made them an international sensation. Celebrating their 20th anniversary, the group is taking the show on a bespoke tour which opens in Worthing on 22-26 May before heading to America. So what is it all about? COOPED is a deliciously demented take on the pulp gothic romance, overflowing with brilliant characters, rip-roaring farce and virtuoso physical comedy. Beautiful, fawn-like Laura Du Lay arrives in the heart of darkest ‘Northumberlandshirehampton’ to work for the reclusive Forbes Murdston, ignoring the unsettling rumours that surround him and his ominous manservant Klaus. If only Roger Parchment, the family

lawyer, were not so obviously in love with her! Then she could confide in him her darkest fears: Is Forbes really the killer who lurks in the darkness? Discover what happens when you combine a plucky young heroine, a handsome English aristocrat, a German butler and a Spanish soap star in a spooky mansion! This really is the event of the year; I simply can’t wait to enjoy what promises to be an evening of silliness aplenty. n

Stephen Sheldrake SENIOR CAMPAIGNS OFFICE WORTHING THEATRES & MUSEUM Tickets for COOPED can be purchased by visiting worthingtheatres.co.uk. Please note this show contains nudity and is only suitable for ages 14+.

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MUSIC Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

Thu 25 Apr

Tue 30 Apr

Retro Blue 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. £3

Live Sound Northbrook MET 7pm. Bar Forty Two. FREE

Mark Bassey Quartet 8.30pm. The Hare & Hounds. Jazz. FREE

Tubular Bells 7.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. £23.50.

Ma Bessie & Her Blues Troupe 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Blues. £16

Wed 1 May

John Doyle 8pm. Ropetackle Arts Centre (SHM). Folk. £12

Gypo Circus 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). FREE

Fri 26 Apr Icarus Falls w/support Last Seen Alive and JTR 7pm. Bar Forty Two. Metal. FREE DeadBeat Angels 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Rock. FREE John Coghlan’s Quo 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). £20 Sad Girls Club w/support Ruairi DH 8pm. The Goose. Indie/Alt.

Sat 27 Apr Casper Gomez’ 16 Hour Technicolour Dream 10am-2am. Cellar Arts Club. Sunlight Sounds: Olugbenga (Metronomy) DJ Set 4pm-1am. Pavilion Café Bar. Indie/Alt/Funk/ HipHop. FREE Rudy Warman & the Heavy Weather 6.45pm. Worthing Pier’s Southern Pavilion. Singer/ Songwriter. £13.20 Ian McNabb 7pm. Bar Forty Two. Solo show from The Icicle Works frontman. £14 Charlie Landsborough 7.30pm. Connaught. Country. £23.50 Dan Powell 9pm. Finch Bar & Eatery. Acoustic.

Sun 28 Apr Marv Cooper w/support Dave Flynn and Mark Green 2pm. Bar Next Door. DJ. FREE The Shoreham Allstars 2pm. The Lido. FREE Animals Farewell 7.30pm. Assembly Hall. 60s. £30.50 The Captain’s Beard 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Sea Shanties. FREE

The Rude Mechanicals 7.30pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). FREE

The Butchers Blues Band 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Blues. FREE

Thu 2 May – Mon 6 May

Sat 11 May

Beltane Beer & Music Festival 5.30-11pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). FREE

Wellington Cricket Club Fundraiser 2pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Jazz.

Fri 3 May AVY and Sharkboy 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. Reggae DJs. £3 Flook 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Folk. £14

Sat 4 May Reggae Saturday: Let’s Do Rocksteady 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. £3 Stacey Kent 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Jazz. £25 Break From The Groove 8pm. Bar Next Door. DJ/Funk/Soul/Hiphop. FREE

Eurotrash 7pm. New Amsterdam. Europop/Eurovision and a prize for the best dressed! FREE John Otway and Wild Willy Barrett 7.30pm. St Paul’s. £20

Tamla Motown & Northern Soul 8pmmidnight. Arundel Football Club. £4 on door The Sumerian Kyngs 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Psychedelic Jazz. FREE

Sun 12 May Delta Ladies 5pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Country. FREE

Tue 14 May Dave Browne Quartet 8.30pm. The Hare & Hounds. Jazz. FREE (inc raffle)

Wed 15 May

NewWave Night 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. NewWave DJs. £3

Northbrook MET presents: S’KoolFest 7pm. Pavilion Theatre. £4

Ronnie Scott’s All Stars 60th Anniversary Tour 8pm. Pavilion Theatre. Jazz. £24.50

The Rude Mechanicals 7.30pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Folk. FREE

Geno Washington and the Yo Yos w/ support 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). World/ Soul. £18

Thu 16 May

Never Stop w/David Balfe 8pm. Coast.

Jukebox Junkies 9pm. Egremont. Live Covers.

Sun 5 May Mike Hatchard’s Jazz Breakfast 11am. Ropetackle (SHM). Jazz. £11 WSO: Scheherazade 2.45pm. Assembly Hall. Featuring awardwinning pianist Yi-Yang Chen. £19 Beats At The Beach 4pm-10pm. Coast. Chilled/Balearic. FREE Jazz Sunday 7pm. Cellar Arts Club. Jazz. £3

Tue 7 May Martin Shaw Quartet 8.30pm. The Hare & Hounds. Jazz. FREE (inc raffle)

Wed 8 May The Rude Mechanicals 7.30pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). FREE

Fri 10 May Manoeuvres 7pm. St Paul’s. Tribute to OMD. £12.50

Alt/Indie 80s/90s with special DJ set from David Balfe (Teardrop Explodes). £6 wegottickets

| May 2019 | HERE & NOW ADVERTISE NOW 01903 686100

The Wellington Wailers 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Sea Shanty. FREE

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HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

MUSIC Fri 17 May

Sun 26 May

So Music 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. £3

Music at Northbrook MET 2pm. The Lido. FREE

Philip Clemo 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Jazz. £14 Too Many Man 8pm. Coast. DJ Fay Milton (Savages). FREE Burning Organ 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Function. FREE

Sat 18 May Cheers Queers LGBT Night 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. Disco. £3 Leo Sayer 7.30pm. Assembly Hall. £32 That’ll Be The Day 7.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. Rock. £27 Cyanide Sundae w/support Leader & Torrid 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Hard Rock/Metal.

Reggae Got Soul 4pm-late. Coast. BBQ and Funk/Reggae/Soul. FREE Time Travellers 5pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Jazz. FREE

Mon 27 May Finch, Foy & Woods 3.30pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Rock. FREE Gaz Coombes 7.30pm. St Paul’s. Acoustic. £20

Tue 28 May Thea Gilmore w/ Matt Owens 7pm. St Paul’s. Folk/Roots. £20 Sam Walker Quartet 8.30pm. Jazz. FREE (inc raffle)

Sun 19 May

Wed 29 May

Wurlitzer: Michael Wooldridge 2.30pm. Assembly Hall. Pipe Organ. £12

The Rude Mechanicals 7.30pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). FREE

Shauna Parker & the Saloon Bar Band 5pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Country/Contemporary.

Thu 30 May

Moonlight Parade with Alex Borg 8pm. Cellar Arts Club. £3 South Coast Blues Jam 8pm. Charles Dickens. Blues. FREE

Tue 21 May Steve Buckley Quartet 8.30pm. The Hare & Hounds. Jazz. FREE (inc raffle)

Wed 22 May The Rude Mechanicals 7.30pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Folk. FREE Fara 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Folk. £15

Thu 23 May Jo Harman w/special guest Elles Bailey 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Blues/Soul. £17.50

Fri 24 May DJ Steeps 7.30pm. St Paul’s. 90s DJ. £3/£5 on door Freedom with Casper Gomez 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. DJ. £3 The Restless Diesels 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Rock Covers. FREE

Sat 25 May The Shoreham Allstars 2pm. The Lido. FREE Jazz Session 4pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Jazz. FREE Transmission: The Sound of Joy Division 7.30pm. Bar Forty Two. 80s Alternative. FREE The Bushman Brothers 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Classic Rock. FREE

Good Times Music @ The Welly 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Festival Vibes. FREE Credentials Single Release Party w/support 8pm. Bar Forty Two. Trash Metal. £3

Fri 31 May Glastonwick 2019 6pm. Church Farm (LCG). Beer & Music Festival. £65 weekend King Size Slim 8pm. Ropetackle (SHM). Ska/Reggae. £12 Rubycon 8pm. The Duke Of Wellington (SHM). Rock. FREE

Sat 1 Jun Roots Rock DJ Night 7.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. Reggae. £3 Hue and Cry 8pm. Ropetackle Arts Centre (SHM). £18.50

Sun 2 Jun Mike Hatchard’s Jazz Breakfast w/ Jo Fooks 11am. Ropetackle Arts Centre (SHM). Jazz. £12 Bank Holiday Special 7pm. Cellar Arts Club. DJ. £3

Thu 6 Jun The Solid Gold Rock ‘N’ Roll Show 2019 7.30pm. Assembly Hall. Rock ‘N’ Roll. £31

Fri 7 Jun Krafty Kuts w/support 7pm. Finch Bar & Eatery. DJ Krafty Kuts joins the Bearded Beats Soundsytem for one night only. £10 eventbrite Martin Simpson – A Master Of His Art 8pm. Ropetackle Arts Centre (SHM). Folk. £17.50 Gus & Glen’s Keyboard Karaoke 9pm. Coast. Sing karaoke with live piano. FREE

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Jo Harman (Full Band)

+ Special Guest Elles Bailey Thursday 23 May. 8pm Ropetackle Arts Centre, Shoreham

Grab the rare chance to see two highly regarded soul/blues vocalists sharing the same stage when Jo Harman and Elles Bailey perform at Ropetackle in Shoreham on Thursday 23 May.

“A voice that will leave you speechless” BBC R2 “One of the UK’s finest talents” Rag ‘n’ Bone Man

HEADLINER JO IS PROCLAIMED by the Mirror as the “UK’s finest female soul blues voice” who, according to Classic Rock, writes “lip-biting beautiful songs”. Bristol-based Elles is enjoying similar success: her rootsy follow-up to her debut hit album Wildfire, entitled Road I Call Home, has 500,000 Spotify streams and sits in both the UK Official Country and Americana Charts, having been number 1 in the Hot New Releases Amazon Blues chart. Radio 2-playlisted Jo, who Rag ‘N Bone man recently proclaimed “one of this country’s finest talents” on social media, is touring to promote her double EP set Found A Place. Both Jo and Elles recorded their latest studio albums in Nashville, and will be touring throughout the summer as Elles heads off to Germany and Eastern Europe as well as Ramblin’ Man Festival, while Jo has her own upcoming festivals in Europe before appearing at Sussex’s own Love Supreme as special guest vocalist on Orphy Robinson’s Astral Weeks project. Book your tickets now ropetacklecentre.co.uk n

JO HARMAN

ELLES BAILEY PHOTO: LAURENCE HARVEY

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HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

GENERAL LISTINGS Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

MUSEUMS AT NIGHT THIS MONTH YOU CAN SEE MANY local museums in a different light (literally!), when they open after hours for the bi-annual Museums at Night festival (1518 May). Join a lamplit walk around the houses at Weald & Downland Living Museum as guides tell tales before gathering around an open fire for a warming drink (Sat 17 May 8.45pm 16y+), or tuck into a curry at Herstmonceux Observatory Science Centre before travelling through time and space, meeting Einstein and view the night sky through the historical telescopes (Sun 18 May 7pm 18y+). Keep your eye on your favourite museum to see what they’re up to or check out museumsatnight.org.uk. n Tue 23 Apr

Want to promote an event here or online? List it FREE! Go to hereandnow mag.co.uk Please mention Here & Now when booking or attending events.

Recycling Pop-Up 8.30am. Town Hall. In aid of Worthing Community Chest. FREE

Thu 25 Apr Recycling Pop-Up 8.30am. Town Hall. In aid of Worthing Community Chest. FREE

Sat 27 Apr Car Boot Sale 7am-1pm. Pond Lane Park, Durrington. Worthing Lions. 07415 847389 Car Boot Sale 8am. Adur Rec. Rotary Club of Shoreham and Southwick. Info David Maskell 07950 243 679 Craft and Gift Market 9am. Guildbourne Centre. Shoreham Artisan Market 9am-2pm. East Street (SHM). Sompting Big Local AGM 10am-noon. Sir Robert Woodard Academy. TTW Repair Cafe 10am-12.15pm. Friends Quaker Meeting House. To Be Worn Again Vintage Clothing Kilo Sale 10am-5pm. Warehouse next to Worthing Station. £15 a kilo. Entry FREE 16hr Technicolour Dream Fundraiser Sat 10am-Sun 2am. Cellar Arts Club. FREE during the day, £6/£4 after 8pm. Spring Fair Ferring WI 10.30am12.30pm. Ferring Village Hall. Entry 50p How to Make Your Own Nut Milk 11am3pm. Larder, Montague Street. Free (donations welcome) Quiz Night 7-11pm. West Park School, Goring. Info 07794464797. £10 (inc fish & chips). Mayor of Worthing’s Charity Ball 7pm12.30am. The Charmandean. Celebrate the Mayor of Worthing and the charities he has supported through his mayoral year. Email office@ferringcountrycentre. org. Tickets £45 for charity.

Worthing Storytellers: Stories From The Sea 7.30-11.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. £5/£3 on the door.

The Men At Risk Big Do 7.30pm-1am. Orchards Junior School. Raising funds for Cancer Research UK. Tickets from Orchards school office £5.

Thu 25 – Sun 28 Apr

Sun 28 Apr

Shakespeare Celebration: Shoreham Wordfest Various times & venues. A feast of events including talks, films, a performance of Macbeth and an Elizabethan ceilidh to celebrate the Bard’s birthday. shorehamwordfest.com

Angmering 10-mile Bluebell Trail Run 10am-1pm. From the Fox in Patcham. Book rawenergypursuits.co.uk

Fri 26 Apr

Arundel Castle Spring Plant Fair 10-5pm. Arundel Castle. Entry £5

All Aboard Games Night 7-10pm. View Cafe Bar. Adults £1/under 13s FREE

UK Southern Book Show 10am-3pm. Field Place. Meet 50+ authors! Book eventbrite

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Shoreham Allstars at the Lido 2-4pm. The Lido on the Prom.

Mon 29 Apr Stand Up Comedy Night 7.30pm. Info 01903 227780. £35 (inc two course dinner)

Wed 1 May May Day Morris 6am. Coronation Green (SHM). Sompting Village Morris. May Day Procession 6-8am. Sompting Village Morris celebrate arrival of Spring at dawn procession to dance up the sun and crown the May Queen. Shoreham. FREE South Downs Film Makers 7.3010pm. Meets 1st + 3rd Wed of month. southdownsfilmmakers.org.uk. Ferring Village Hall.

Thu 2 May Meditation and Buddhism Class Every Thursday. 7.30-10pm. Triratna Buddhist Comm. Donations

Thurs 2 – 6 May Beltane Beer and Music Festival 5.3011pm.Duke of Welllington. Shm. Entry FREE

Fri 3 May Worthing Youth Concert Band and Worthing Citadel Band 7.30pm. Salvation Army Crescent Road. £5 on door Worthing Astronomers Club Night 8-10.30pm. Image processing workshop. Info and register, worthingastronomers. org.uk. Ferring Village Hall. £3

Sat 4 May Car Boot Sale 8am. Adur Rec. Adur East Lions. Info Brian Teggart 01273 83493 Great Little Farmers’ Market 9am-2pm. Goring. Archaeology Walks 11am. Cissbury Ring. Three mile walk covering flint mines and ramparts. With Worthing Museum. To book email james.sainsbury@adurworthing.gov.uk or 01903 221448 Let’s Do Rocksteady (Reggae Saturday) 7pm-midnight. Cellar Arts Club. Members FREE/guests £2

GENERAL LISTINGS Worthing Behaving Badly 8-9.30pm. Meet at the entrance to Worthing Pier. Walking tour exploring sites featured when Men Behaving Badly filmed in Worthing. Info & book 07504 863867 or info@allinclusivehistory.org. Tickets £7.50

Worthing Flower Club 7.30-9.30pm. Demonstration, refreshments and raffle. 01903 537617, worthingflowerclub.org. uk. £2-£5

Sat 4 – Mon 6 May

Len Brook – Sussex Sight Exhibition 10am-5pm. Colonnade House.

Street Food & Craft Beer Festival 10am. Steyne Gardens. International street food and bars offering the best of ales, ciders, craft lagers, gins and plenty of fizz.

Sun 5 May Antiques and Collectors Fair 10am3.30pm. Woodlands Centre, Rustington. Entry £1 Three Forts Challenge Marathon 10am4pm. Hill Barn. A glorious 27.2-mile marathon across the three iron age forts on the South Downs. Organised by local Rotary Clubs and volunteers in aid of Ferring Country Centre. High Salvington Windmill 2.30-5pm. Open afternoon.

Mon 6 May May Procession 10am. High Street Tarring. Sompting Morris Dancers. Victorian Inspired Sunprint Workshop 11am-1pm. East Beach Studios. £22 eventbrite

Tue 7 May Dementia Friendly Worthing Pop Up 8am-1pm. St Lawrence’s surgery. Info dementiafriendlyworthing.org Artists’ Networking Breakfast 9am. Brunswick & Thorn. All welcome. Antique, Arts & Collectors Club 7.30pm. Worthing Library. This month’s speaker is Bex Simon, artist/blacksmith, as seen on BBC’s Money for Nothing. Worthing Photography Group 6.309.30pm. Durrington Com Centre. £4

Tue 7 – Sat 11 May

Tue 7, 14, 21 & 28 May Moving Forward – Breast Cancer Care, Worthing This free four-week programme examines some of the issues that may affect you and aims to provide information, support and professional guidance on how to cope with and adjust to life after treatment. Email movingforward@breastcancercare.org.uk or call 0345 077 1895

Wed 8 May Sompting Morris Dancers 7.30pm. The Fox at Patching. Worthing Samaritans Volunteer Open Day 7-8.30pm. Find out about volunteering. 2 Lennox Rd. jo@ samaritans.org FREE

Thu 9 May Archaeology Walks 6.30pm. Highdown Hill. Two-hour walk with artefacts from Worthing Museum’s collection for handling. To book email james. sainsbury@adur-worthing.gov.uk or 01903 221448 West Sussex Writers 7.30pm. Church Hall, Goring Methodist Church. Freelance editor Sarah Palmer explores all the elements needed when editing any piece of work, including novels, short stories, memoirs and non-fiction. Non-members £5/members £3

Fri 10 May Authentic French Market 9am-5pm. Montague Street. Whether you’re looking for a few unique items for yourself or a gift for someone special, or to stock up your food cupboard with unique items, the French market is a must visit.

Worthing Digital Lunchtime Talks 1-2.30pm. Theme: Online visibility. worthingdigital.com. FREE

prints of South Downs and Worthing on an all-day workshop. Ages 14+. Book worthingmuseum.co.uk £50

Sat 11 May

Costume Store Talk and Tour 10.30am12pm. Worthing Museum. An exclusive talk on the history of the costume collection and tour of the store with curator Gerry Connolly. Ages 14+. Book worthingmuseum.co.uk £7.50

Charity Street Fayre 9am. Littlehampton Centre. All charities welcome. Email littlehamptonstreetfayre@gmail.com Shoreham Farmers’ Market 9am-2pm. East Street (SHM). Craft and Gift Market 9am-3pm. Guildbourne Centre.

Fostering Information Morning 10.30am-12pm. Asphaleia, Liverpool Gardens.

Lino Cutting for Beginners 10am4pm. Worthing Museum. Join artist Rosemary Jones who specialises in lino

MOD Revival Charity Day 11.30am. The Empire Club Lancing. BBQ, live music and DJs. Entry £5

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GENERAL LISTINGS 5K Fun Run/Walk (Run For Isaac) 2.30pm. Worthing Prom. Raising money for Group B Strep Support. More info runforIsaac.weebly.com

Sun 12 May Worthing Model Trains 2-5pm. Field Place. WDSME. 50p a ride Diamond Open Day 2.30-5pm. High Salvington Windmill. Celebrate National Mills Weekend and the Mill’s 60th anniversary with “Our Mill – Its History in Pictures”. Photography competition. Info 01903 264409. Entry FREE

WORTHING LIONS Summer Seafront Festival & Fireworks Sat 20 July – Sat 10 August MASSIVE FIREWORK DISPLAY, HUGE STEVENS FUNFAIR AND LOTS MORE! CHARITY MARKET Sun 21 & Sun 28 July, 9am – 4.30pm LARGE SEAFRONT MARKET Fri 26 – Sun 28 July (Fri 12 noon – 4pm, Sat 10am - 10pm, Sun 10am – 4pm) FIREWORKS Sat 27 July, 10pm Sat 27 & Sun 28 July, 10am – 5pm CUSTOM CARS, STEYNE GARDENS Sun 28 July, 10am – 5pm VINTAGE BUSES between Heene Rd and Grand Ave

Street entertainment over the weekend!

Hit the Downs MTB. 30/60k off-road bike ride from Adur Rec. For St Barnabas & Chestnut Tree House. Hitthedowns. org.uk. £35

Tue 14 May Worthing General Auction 6.30pm. The Barn at English Martyrs. £1 pp

Felting for Beginners 10.30am-1pm. Worthing Museum. Learn the craft of felting with artist Mary Allen and create something unique and colourful at this fun workshop. Ages 14+. Book worthingmuseum.org.uk £7.50 Extinction Rebellion talk: ‘Heading for Extinction’ 11.30am-1.30pm. West Worthing Baptist Church. Worthing Climate Action. Free (donations welcome) LGBTQ Club Night (Cheers Queers) 7.30pm-12am. Cellar Arts Club. DJs. Members FREE/guests £2/students £1 Henty Rd hawkers table top sale 113pm. Henty Rd. FREE

Sun 19 May Roundstone Car Boot Reopens for 2019. 6am. Roundstone Farm. No booking needed. Info 01903 770670

Tue 14 – Mon 20 May

Patcham Duck Fayre 11am-4pm. Patcham village. Traditional village fair with dog show, children’s activities, circus skills, beer tent, funfair rides, craft and cake stalls and a flower show.

Coastal West Sussex Mind’s mental health champions ‘Human Kindness to Open Mindness’ event 10am-3.30pm. Get a free mini mental well-being box or stop and decorate your own in our craft sessions. Fill your box with free goodies and mental well-being tips. Mental health advice available. Tel 01903 277000. www.coastalwestsussexmind.org. FREE

Wed 15 May Live Well Active 50+ 12-4pm. Field Place Manor House. Drop-in and tasters. Entry FREE Eat the Movie: Sideways 6-9pm. The Dining Room. Info the-dining-room.co.uk S’Koolfest 7pm. Pavilion Theatre. Northbrook MET. An annual festival of rock, pop, folk, rap and all other new music, featuring the very best of our local schools’ music. The 8:01 Quiz Night (The Sky At Night) 7.30-11.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. Bring a team, or join one on arrival. £1 pp Jargon Busting: Reasonable Adjustments 2-5pm. Field Place. With Coastal West Sussex Mind. Info and book 01903 277010

British Garden Market 10am-3pm. St Symphorian’s Centre. Crafts and produce.

7 Surprising Findings from Happiness Research 7-9pm. Coast Café. With Action For Happiness.

Thu 16 May

To book a market or food stall email market@worthinglions.co.uk To apply to the classic car shows email carshow@worthinglions.co.uk For info visit www.worthinglions.co.uk

Lancing Village Market 9am-1pm. North Road Lancing. Local Sussex produce.

Wine Tasting 7-10pm. Cissbury Barns. For Guild Care. Book tickets (inc wine and dinner) 01903 528613 The Speakeasy Conversation Club 7.3011.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. Three guest speakers £4/£2

Sat 18 May Boot Sale 8am. Broadwater Green. Broadwater Scouts. Info Sam Stenlake 07802 342965

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High Salvington Windmill 2.30-5pm. High Salvington. Open afternoon. Moonlight Parade 3-8pm. Cellar Arts Club. Live music set and DJs. Members FREE/guests £2 Nettle removal at Hillbarn Wood 10am3pm. Worthing Conservation Volunteers. Learn new skills and help. Call Jay to confirm meeting place 01903 762064. FREE

Mon 20 May Worthing Rethink Mental Health Carers Group 7-9pm. (3rd Mon/month). Meadowfield Hospital (Swandean), Arundel Road. Peer support group for people interested in Mental Health issues. Info 07763 082094 (Mark & Peter). FB: Worthing Mental Health Carers FREE (donation welcome)

Mon 20 – Sun 26 May Dementia Action Week Various events all week.

Tue 21 May Dementia Action Day 11.30am12.30pm. Salt Water Studios, Activus Building. Members of Alzheimer’s Society will be on hand to explain how to support and understand those 14,000 people in West Sussex living with this disease.

Thu 23 May BAME Wellbeing Worthing Forum 11am-1pm. Elim, Broadwater. To join or for info email Eleanor at bameforum3@gmail.com

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FAMILY Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

Until 31 May The Big Bluebell Watch Help the Woodland Trust and record sightings of your local bluebells. Info woodland trust.org.uk

Sun 20 Apr Shoreham Lifeboat Easter Egg Hunt & Open Day 10am-4pm. Shoreham RNLI Lifeboat Station. Find out more about the station’s all-weather Tamar lifeboat and join in a family Easter Egg hunt.

Sun 28 Apr UK Southern Book Show 10am3pm. Field Place Manor House Barns. More than 50 authors will be signing their books. Children can contribute to The Adventures of Catkin, adding to the story and finding out what happens on the show’s website. Medals will be given to children dressed up as book characters. Entry FREE but book eventbrite. Secret Bluebells 11am-1pm. Slindon Estate. Discover a hidden carpet of bluebells off the beaten track on this ranger-led guided walk. Book nationaltrust.org/ slindon-estate

Wed 1 May Marlipins Museum Shoreham. Historic Norman building opens for the 2019 season.

Fri 3 May Springtime Stars & Galaxies 7.30pm. South Downs Planetarium. Discover dwarf galaxies, giant galaxies, weird galaxies, and some with supermassive black holes at their hearts. Ages 6-15y. Adults £7/ children £5.

Horrible Histories: Awful Egyptians 10.30am & 6.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. From the fascinating Pharoahs to the power of the pyramids, discover the meanest mummies in ancient Egypt. £16.50.

Sat 4 May Horrible Histories: Awful Egyptians 2.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. From the fascinating Pharoahs to the power of the pyramids, discover the meanest mummies in ancient Egypt. £16.50.

Sat 25 May – Sun 2 June

Mini Day 10am-4.30pm. Amberley Museum. Come and see Minis of all types from the earliest Sevens through to the final Sportspacks and everything in-between.

Spring to Life 9.30am-4.30pm. WWT Arundel. Discover new life awakening with pond dipping, daily crafts and a spring family trail, plus look out for the New Life Trolley with eggs and nests for hands-on exploration.

Making History 2pm-3.30pm. Worthing Museum. Spend an afternoon making history, inspired by the museum collection. Ages 7-11y. Book worthingmuseum.org.uk £5

Sun 12 May

Horrible Histories: Terrible Tudors 6.30pm. Pavilion Theatre. From Henry and his headless wives to Elizabeth’s epic reign, find out all about the torturing Tudors. £16.50.

21st Storrington Duck Race 12.30pm. Riverside Walk and Library Car Park. Julia Donaldson will start the first race of the day, with cash prizes for winners plus a funfair, crafts, live music and a BBQ.

Sun 5 May

Fri 17 May

Tue 28 May 3 Little Pig Tails 11am & 2pm. Ropetackle. Re-telling of the classic fairy tale with beautifully crafted puppets, music and a garlicky French twist to the tale. Ages 3-7y. £7

Thu 30 May Memory Of Clothes 10.30am12pm. Worthing Museum. Create your very own card mini-me, working from the studio gallery exhibition or from your own family history, using card, fabric and collage. Ages 7-11y. Book worthingmuseum.org.uk £5

Classic Motorcycle Show 10am4.30pm. Amberley Museum. Over 150 motorcycles on display. Talk with the owners and fellow motorcycle enthusiasts.

Short Stories, Tall Tales 11.30am & 1.30pm. Ropetackle. Immersive storytelling for babies and toddlers. Adults £5/children £4/babies £2

Horrible Histories: Terrible Tudors 11am. Pavilion Theatre. From Henry and his headless wives to Elizabeth’s epic reign, find out all about the torturing Tudors. £16.50.

Home Front Weekend 10am4.30pm. Amberley Museum. Two days of 1940s dancing and music and a display of military vehicles used in the Second World War.

Build A Memory 2-4pm. Worthing Museum. Visit the main gallery and see the work by artist Robert Koenig. Be inspired and create your own artwork using collage and card. Ages 13y+. Book worthingmuseum.org.uk £5

Sun 19 May

Fri 31 May

Find Out About The Fort 11am. Shoreham Fort. Discover the past, present and future of this unique fort with a guided tour at 2pm, volunteering opportunities and sometimes cake!

Wed 8 May Happy’s Circus 4pm. Shoreham Village School. Community event for all with games, entertainment and food.

Fri 10 May Short Stories, Tall Tales 11.30am & 1.30pm. Ropetackle. Immersive storytelling for babies and toddlers. Adults £5/ children £4/babies £2

Sat 11 May

Sat 18 – Sun 19 May

Find Out About The Fort 11am. Shoreham Fort. Discover the past, present and future of this unique fort with a guided tour at 2pm, volunteering opportunities and sometimes cake!

Sat 25 - Mon 27 May STEM Family Fair Bluebell Railway, Sheffield Park Station. Find out about the STEM skills involved in running a steam railway at this annual fair, with live shows, family challenges and interactive games and exhibits. Adults £10/children £5. Heritage Craft Weekend 10am4.30pm. Amberley Museum. Celebrate traditional woodcrafts this weekend with craft makers and demonstrations.

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Family Art Friday: Creature Crafts 10.30am & 1pm. Worthing Museum. Come and make some fun spring crafts including butterflies, birds, origami and more using recycled materials. Book worthingmuseum.org.uk The Goose Who Flew 11am & 2pm. Ropetackle. Using charming storytelling, playful puppetry and an assortment of quirky characters, this delightful show offers an age appropriate exploration of the issues facing people who seek safety in a land. Ages 3-7y with the chance to meet Goose after the show. £7.50

GENERAL LISTINGS

STORYTELLING ARMY

Only Fools, The Cushty Dining Experience 7.30pm. Ardington Hotel. Includes 3 course meal. Book ardingtonhotel.co.uk 01903 230451. £47 p/p.

“It’s important that we share our experiences with other people. Your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else. When you tell your story, you free yourself and give other people permission to acknowledge their own story.”

Fri 24 May Pick Your Own Reopens for 2019. 9am. Roundstone Farm. 01903 770670

Fri 24 – Sat 25 May Southwick Beer, Cider & Music Festival Various times. Southwick Community Centre. Real ales and ciders with live entertainment. Info southwickcommunitycentre.org.uk

Fri 24 - Mon 27 May Beer Festival Various times. Thomas A Beckett pub. Live music and raffle supporting The Fire Fighters Charity. Info 01903 266643

Sat 25 May Car Boot Sale 8am. Adur Rec. Davison Worth Youth Concert Band & T.S Intrepid (NTC). Info Jill Stedman 07766 562176 Stamparama Worthing 10am-4pm. The Charmandean. Stamp collectors. £3 on door Shoreham Allstars at the Lido 2-4pm. The Lido on the Prom.

‘V’ performed by Sean McLevy 2.30 pm and 7.30pm. 45 min performance, very strong adult language. Cellar Arts Club. wegottickets £4/6 Transition Town Worthing Repair Café 10am-1pm. Friends Meeting House, Mill Rd. FREE

Sun 26 May Worthing Model Trains 2-5pm. Field Place. WDSME. 50p a ride

Tue 28 May – Sun 2 Jun East Beach Artists’ Collective Exhibition 10am-5pm. Colonnade House.

Tue 28 May Dome Film Quiz 7.45pm. Dome Cinema. Must watch Bohemian Rhapsody beforehand! £1 pp

Thu 30 May Bounce World 10.30am-1pm & 2-4.30pm. Maybridge Keystone Centre. Child £7/adult £1

Iyanla Vanzant

The Storytelling Army is returning to The Pavilion Café Bar in Worthing with more incredible tales to tell at 4pm on Sunday 9 May. FOR £4 PER TICKET, participants are encouraged to openly share their own stories and lend an ear to others, all whilst enjoying a simple meal together. The theme for 2019 is food and flavours that people have enjoyed, so prepare to enjoy retellings of people’s culinary discoveries through live music or just speaking. Described as “An alternative experience for people who don’t think theatre is for them”, the Storytelling Army event aims to get everyone sharing their stories. n

Mary Murton

So you’ve never... STARGAZED Where can you do it? It doesn’t cost anything to appreciate the beauty of the endless sky,

and you may even spot some constellations or planets. It can be done together as a group, or alone as an escape. Whichever way you choose, stargazing can be an opportunity to put aside a busy lifestyle and relish the peacefulness of night time.

Where can you do it? The South Downs National Park was awarded Dark Sky Reserve status in 2016 (one of only 13 worldwide) due to its spectacularly clear skies, and has several observatories and officially recognised dark sky spots.

When can you do it? Stargazing is not easy in the summer months given the light, and most

stargazing events are held during the ‘observing season’ (from when clocks go back in October to when they go forward in March). However, any evening in spring, autumn or winter should provide an equally fascinating experience.

Who does it? Anybody can stargaze! Worthing Astronomers Club hold regular club nights and events for the public to try hands-on astronomy, and members range from complete beginners to experienced observers.

Any alternatives? South Downs Planetarium in Chichester runs 2-3 hour-long shows in its

star theatre, or there are regular astronomical events and courses at the Observatory Science Centre at Herstmonceux.

How do I find out more? Check out the ‘Go Stargazing’ website for more about stargazing and the South Downs Dark Sky Reserve. Take a look at Worthing Astronomical Society or Worthing Astronomers’ websites, or head to the South Downs Astronomy Festival on Saturday 8 June from 10am-5pm at Bury CofE Primary School in Pulborough if you’re interested in getting involved. n

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HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

NEW TO WORTHING

High Roller

Watch Your Step Stretch your legs this spring and discover the hidden secrets of our seaside town with two new walking trails that show off a different side to Worthing. DESIGNED FOR ALL AGES, the Crumbs City Trail is a walking trail, treasure hunt and trivia quiz rolled into one and includes local ‘eye spy’ clues perfect for younger family members. The trail can be downloaded for free on your phone and takes you on a trip from the museum all around town to the pier.

Worthing is on the up - and this time, we’re talking literally. This summer, the landmark Worthing Observation Wheel (or WOW) arrives on the prom at a record-breaking 46 metres tall, making it the largest observation wheel on the south coast.

Those preferring a more traditional approach can pick up the Worthing Society’s relaunched historic Blue Plaque Trail Leaflet, which highlights the homes of some of Worthing’s most prominent local residents. Leaflets can be found at Worthing Museum, the Pavilion Theatre Foyer and many hotels and B&Bs.

distance it is estimated you’ll be 10 miles The able to see those 360˚ panoramic

views. That means on a clear day you’ll see up the coast towards Brighton and Bognor, with views over the South Downs towards Arundel, Pulborough and Dial Post.

100,000

The number of extra visitors a year it is hoped the wheel will attract

2021

The wheel will be in Worthing every summer for the next three years

It will be open every day of the week between 10am-10pm March to November (this year it should be ready in time for the summer holidays) The number of gondolas on the wheel, each holding up to six people. That’s a maximum of 216 people able to enjoy the views, maths fans.

The bespoke wheel will be all in white and situated at the bottom of Montague Place between the Beacon and the beach office. When operating the electric-powered wheel should make the same amount of noise as an electric car. Tickets £7 adults/£5 children/£20 family. n

The two trails are being promoted by Discover Worthing, the Council’s tourism arm, which has joined with the Worthing Society to offer a unique insight into the town’s local history and heritage. Councillor Kevin Jenkins, Worthing Borough Council’s Executive Member for Regeneration, said: “I’m delighted to see

the positive reaction so far to these trails, with even those who have lived here for years discovering new parts of our town. “WIth the summer on its way, I look forward to seeing more people take up this offer so that they can find out for themselves all about our amazing heritage on their own two feet.” More at discoverworthing.uk. n

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JOE BUNN’S BARDIC TRIALS

GENERAL LISTINGS Worthing Storytellers: Tales from The Kitchen 7.30-11.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. £5/£3 on the door

Durrington’s Got Talent 6pm. Pond Lane, Worthing. Enter durringtonfestival. co.uk

Fri 31 May

Sun 9 Jun

Jazz Night with Sally Jane Hurst 7.30pm. The Honeypot Café, Rustington. Dinner and jazz. Tickets from café £20

Worthing Model Trains 2-5pm. Field Place. WDSME. 50p a ride

Sat 1 Jun

Summer Fair and Dog Show 9am-4pm. Clapham and Patching Village Hall.

Great Little Farmers’ Market 9am. Goring. Costume Store Talk and Tour 10.30am12pm. Worthing Museum. An exclusive talk on the history of the costume collection and tour of the store with curator Gerry Connolly. Ages 14+. Book worthingmuseum.org.uk £7.50

The Seeds of an Idea

Men of the Sea 10.45am. The Friends of Broadwater and Worthing Cemetery. This tour will explore the work of the coastguards and fishermen as well as the heroic and daring rescues performed by lifeboat men who were called to the many shipwrecks along the shores. www. fbwc.co.uk

Recently, I had the busy month for birthdays in my family. Three birthdays, one month.

TWO OF MY SISTERS, and my mum, and classically, despite having asked each one of them what they wanted, their only response was to say ‘I have no clue’ or ‘Who is this?’. Now, usually you have the old classics to fall back on. A small bottle of their favourite perfume, perhaps, or a CD of a band they might like but actually you like, or perhaps something tenuously related to the one thing you know they like, like a tea set with footballs on it. But I’d hit a fallow year, because somewhere in my cycle of gift-giving I’d grabbed them all an ‘It’s the thought that counts’ gift last year. So, what to do? Easy. I dragged out of one sister and one of my mums what they wanted through persistent badgering. I was left with one gift to get. That’s when I walked through the automatic doors of the large chain shop at the front of the Guildbourne Centre. Right there, by those doors, was the answer. I bought my sister a small orchard. Trees. Fruit trees. Five quid a pop. I bought three. Cherry. Pear. Apple. And no one can complain when you give them an orchard for their birthday. Even if they didn’t drive to the pub where you’re having the birthday meal and they have to walk home with them. They really honestly don’t mind one bit. Of course, me being me, I had another idea of something we can collectively do with these trees.

REGGAE Saturday 7.30-midnight. Cellar Arts Club. Member FREE/guests £2

Walk for Worthing 8pm. Steyne Gardens. Charity Guild Care fundraising team. Info 01903 528613

Sun 16 Jun Race for Life Fundraising for Cancer Research. Register raceforlife.org

Annual Military History Weekend 11am-4.30pm. Shoreham Fort.

Memory of Clothes Worthing Museum. An exhibition of sculptural work and a podcast documenting research by artist Helen Barff and writer Suzanne Joinson. Runs until 8 June

Sat 1 – Sat 8 Jun Durrington Festival Various times & events. Promoting the community of Durrington with fun, music and fireworks. Info durringtonfestival.co.uk

Sun 2 Jun Worthing 10K 9am-12pm. Marine Parade, Worthing. Register 01903 528613 High Salvington Windmill 2.30-5pm. High Salvington. Open afternoon.

Fri 7 Jun

South Downs Astronomy Festival 10am-5pm. Bury C of E Primary School, Pulborough. A celebration of astronomy in the South Downs with sun observing, telescopes on show and guest speakers. Archaeology Walks 11am. Chanctonbury Ring. Barrows, temples and vistas. Book at worthingmuseum. org.uk or email james.sainsbury@adurworthing.gov.uk

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Quiz Night 8.30pm. Beach House. Fundraising for Superstar Arts. E/Tue Pub Quiz 7.30pm. Cow & Oak. Cash prizes! E/Wed

LGBT+ Night 8-12pm. Warwick Pub. All welcome. Entry FREE. E/Wed

Sat 8 Jun

World Gin Day 12am-9.30pm. Brooksteed Alehouse.

Run The One Various times & places. This group isn’t about how fast or how far you can go. The aim is to get active, make friends, and most of all have a lot of fun while training to run, jog or walk one mile. Info independentage.org

The Big Quiz 8pm. Hare and Hounds. E/Wed

Artists’ Networking Breakfast 9am. Brunswick & Thorn. All welcome.

Everyone who can spare a fiver buys a tree, and we find somewhere to plant. We all get together, and we plant them. And when summer kicks in, we’re gonna have a whole load of fruit. And everyone should be able to eat that fruit. No one’s gonna be scrumping, because that fruit is everyone’s. FREE FRUIT.

Fruit tree and fruit bush planting in plots in and around Worthing has begun. See Facebook AWGS Partnership. [Ed.]

Who Is My Body? 12.30am-6pm. Heene Community Centre. Workshop. Info 07467 472753. Tickets £38/45

ONGOING

Why don’t we set up a community orchard?

Joe Bunn

Worthing’s Children’s Parade and Guild Care’s Family Day 10am-3pm. Starting at Beach House Park Grounds and moving along the seafront and through the town centre to end at Steyne Gardens. More info worthingchildrensparade.co.uk

Sat 1 – Sun 2 Jun

Rustington Charity Street Fayre 9am. Churchill Parade, The Street, Rustington. Hosted by Littlehampton District Lions Club

Well, as usual, it’s an idea, do what you want with it, Worthing. I’m out for another month. Talk soon. n

Sat 15 Jun

Pub Quiz 8.30pm. The North Star Pub. Chance to win £100! E/Thu All-Aboard Games Night 7pm. View Café. E/last Fri Pub Quiz 8pm. John Selden. E/2nd and 4th Sun Roundstone Car Boot 6am. Roundstone Farm. No booking needed. Info 01903 770670. E/Sun Transition Town Worthing’s Energy Shop offers FREE impartial advice on tariff comparison, switching and eligibility check for further assistance. Every Wed, 10am-3.30pm. St Paul’s.

HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

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CLUES ACROSS 1. Looking out for you on the beach or at the swimming pool (9) 2. Olympic city 2016 (3) 3. Elizabethan adventurer, or popular make of bicycle (7) 4. Snatch or grab (3) 5. Small hot salad vegetable (6) 6. Nickname and title of current BBC3 comedy series (7) 7. Injure (4) 8. Local weekly (6) 9. As well (4) 10. As hard as (5) 11. Tigress, lioness, princess, waitress, for example (6) CLUES DOWN 1. Whitish fat for cooking (4) 2. Tasty fried balls of chickpeas and herbs (7) 3. Prince Hamlet or delicious flaky pastry with fruit and icing (6) 4. Traditional quickie divorce city in the US (4) 5. Official person who deals with complaints against an organization (9) 6. ‘Hand of God’ footballer (8) 7. _ _ _ _ _ flower, makes nice cordial (5) 8. Popular or unpopular road outside a town (6) 9. Lord of the Rings wizard (a good one ) (7) 10. Black grape sunbathing (6) 11. Plastic peg for resting your golf ball on, before hitting it (3) Go nuts in May trying to complete this quote from a Shakespeare sonnet, using the golden letters from the crossword solutions ‘Rough winds do shake _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _’

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HERE & NOW | May 2019 |

THE WORTHING BYPASS

Ever been haunted by something you said? I think we all have, unless you’re a politician, in which case you never said it. BARELY A DAY GOES BY without the Ubiquitous Hack dropping some sort of a clanger. And I’m not an indiscreet man. I’m just a man. What really tickled my existential sweet spot was a passing comment I made in the last column which, even if you’d read it, you’d instantly forget. I do. But this one got inside me like a nagging, burrowing mind worm, digging away at my moral compass with the righteous ferocity of a cutting put-down by the archduchess of disdain, the Beloved Hackette, after I’d forgotten to put the bins out. That woman’s as cutting as an unwrapped shattered vase nestled near the top of a black bin liner on a defenceless refuse collector’s unprotected hand.

It’s no better with plants. What’s that flower called Grandhack? the eldest would ask. She’s nearly six so there’s no pulling the wool over her eyes. It’s the yellow one darling, the one with the pretty little spiky bits in the middle. But what’s it called? Go and ask your nanny, she knows everything. And she does. I call her a pub quiz bore, which she really appreciates. I, being that type of man, settle for a wicked imagination. This is how I want the next stint of stargazing to go. Do you believe in extra-terrestrial life Grandhack? one of them will ask. I’m no expert, I reply (I lie, I watch little else apart from National Geographic UFO documentaries, knowing more about alien abduction and flying saucers than Mulder, Scully and the CIA combined). I don’t see why not. Chances are good, I reason with the solemn assuredness of a conspiracy nerd.

ILLUSTRATION: JOE BUNN

This Column Will Not Change Your View

Ouch, I often proclaim as she unfrocks my dignity at a dinner party whilst close friends scrutinise their napkins and I bury the insult in several gulps of something strong. We do make up though. At the next day’s inquest I’ll apologise for the provocative inanity, she’ll tell me off again, and we’ll retire to our respective domains shielded by Kindles and headphones. I’d simply bracketed myself as ‘a certain type of man’. It was in reference to not throwing out old clothes but the statement stuck in my mind. It got me reeling off all the areas in which I am a ‘certain type’. For someone who loathes a label – designer or otherwise – I’d slipped down a self-analytical sinkhole of uncertainty and claustrophobic self-reflection. The list of imperfections and inadequacies stacked up like an unpaid Google tax bill. And what a list. Turns out I know very little. About anything. Anything. At. All. Take the night sky. The Beloved Hackette can reel off constellation after constellation whilst yours truly stands mouth agape in consternation at all the twinkly thingies. Look, there’s Andromeda and Ursa Major and Ursa Minor and Cassiopeia and Sagittarius and the Venus Star Fly Trap Flying Boomerang, she’d recite with her headmistress-like specificity, as the grandkids jump up and down with delight and I mope like a muddy puddle with the bored agitation of a seven-year-old boy wrenched from his favourite Nintendo shoot-‘em-up killing spree. What’s that Grandhack? the littlest would ask, pointing at a bright spark at the end of her fingertip. It’s the twinkle, twinkle little star darling, the one you wonder about, I’d explain patiently, quickly dragging her indoors before she aged sufficiently to penetrate my veil of stupidity.

Then why don’t they visit? she enquires, with the excited expectation and naivety of one too young to have caught Independence Day. Well, I deliberate, maybe they checked out the reviews of our planet and saw that we only had one star. Boom! Or maybe, just maybe, I whisper whilst stroking my chin and gazing into the heavens, they’re observing us right now. A wise astronomer-sayer-witticist called Douglas Adams once posited that earth would one day be destroyed to make way for an interstellar bypass. Not dissimilar to what we’re thinking about doing with Lancing as it happens. But keep that one to yourself, we don’t want to whip up a panic. For a certain type of man, and sadly I am that man, all the facts and figures in the universe amount to no more than a great opportunity to tell a tall tale and keep the grandkids guessing and/ or laughing. So, as we celebrate International Astronomy Day, spare a thought for all those Lancings in far-off galaxies currently being surveyed to make way for intergalactic superhighways. And if you can’t remember the name of a constellation, just make it up – kids love a good story. n

The Ubiquitous Hack

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