Here & Now Issue 19 | April 2018

STORMS, FIRES & JIMI HENRIX

The Colourful Life of Worthing Pier -18 & 19

THE SUNNY WORTHING AWARDS You Voted - They won! - 28 & 29

WHAT’S ON NEAR YOU

FREE TAK E ME

What’s on, in and near Worthing - 34 to 42

THIS ISSUE WHAT THE FUNK..? CRAIG CHARLES IS BACK ISSUE 19 | APRIL 2018

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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This Award Winning Art Deco Period Building at the end of the Pier is a Multi-Purpose Venue. During the day we have a Café serving food and drink with panoramic windows on all sides as well as the best sea views on the South Coast.

The building is also hired for Weddings, Live Music Events, Conferences, Award Ceremonies, Business, Christmas and Corporate Parties.

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All Tickets & information on all live events, go to www.worthingpier.co.uk Tickets can also be purchased in person at The Southern Pavilion Cafe

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The Grade 2 listed Southern Pavilion

Wedding Venue

• LIVE MUSIC EVENTS • LIVE MUSIC EVENTS • LIVE MUSIC EVENTS •

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Worthing Pier is one of the most iconic structures in the country and has the best panoramic views on the south coast. This is a perfect place for your wedding. For all Wedding enquiries contact 01903 366017 or email: weddings@worthingpier.co.uk • www.worthingpier.co.uk

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APRIL 2018 THIS MONTH’S STUFF THAT MATTERS IN WORTHING

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ART | CULTURE Literary Local 9 COMMUNITY Eco Open Houses 11 | Pedal Along the Prom 13 | A night to Remember Midnight Walk | New school tips 22 | My Community Matters 25 | Sunny Worthing Awards 28

50,000+ readers!

WORTHING LIFE | PEOPLE | PLACES Don’t be frightened Brighton 5 | Theatre at the Castle 15 | Dadifesto 17 | The colourful life of Worthing Pier 19 | Fascinating Adur 25 | Thomas H Green’s Time Machine: In-Ter-Dance at Sterns Part-2 30-31 | #Scratchpad 32 | Joe Bunn’s Bardic Trials 41| The Worthing Bypass 38

PRINTED COPIES

HEALTH & WELLBEING Womads Bluebell Walks, Action for Happiness & Listings 22

WHAT’S ON LISTINGS | EVENTS | MUSIC | THEATRE | CINEMA | COMEDY Five weeks of listings 34 – 42 | Connor’s View 34 | Balletboyz 38 COFFEE BREAK Prize Winning Crossword 44 | Super Justice Worthing 36

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COMPETITIONS Win tickets to see Kathleen Turner 38 HERE & NOW Distribution Details & Pick Up Points 4

HELLO. I recently read a blog titled ‘We are not a charity, but we do good. And that’s ok.’ This resonated for me as Here & Now was set up as a Limited company with a vision to raise the profile of the good stuff going on in and around Worthing.

19 months on, for us at Here & Now (and that’s the Royal us; thank you very much to everyone who contributes), we continue to collaborate with and hear from you, the people who make up this fab community, enabling us to highlight just some of what’s worth sharing. In these few short months, Teville Gate’s gone (going), the Worthing Bypass is still MIA but our focus remains the same.

We must be doing something good because you guys continue to feedback so positively. And that’s more than ok for us.

Thank you. Frances, Editor

Members of the Association of Independent Magazine Publishers

With thanks to our founding partners: Worthing Pier Southern Pavilion and Worthing Direct

27,000 door to door in Worthing 7,000 via supermarkets & outlets from Ferring Southwick

LOCAL BUSINESS Business Round Up & Listings 27

BUSINESS DIRECTORY 43

34,000

It’s no wonder people say “we see Here & Now everywhere!”

Want your business to be seen in 2018?

Call Frances on 01903 686100 to discuss our great rates, our social media support and how we can help you grow your business in 2018.

advertise@ hereandnow mag.co.uk

Worthing Direct

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STUFF THAT MATTERS

HERE & NOW is published by HERE & NOW Media Ltd PO Box 5012 WORTHING BN11 9BW

TO ADVERTISE CALL 01903 686 100 editorial@hereandnowmag.co.uk advertise@hereandnowmag.co.uk

LIST ANY EVENT FREE

www.hereandnowmag.co.uk Like us on Facebook @hereandnowmagazineworthing Follow us on Twitter @hereandnow_mag Follow us on Instagram @hereandnowmag

PRODUCTION

Publisher/Editor Frances Wetherilt

Music Listings Connor Burke Distribution Worthing Direct Print Friday Media Print Page Design & Layout mintdesign.studio Social Media Support BiGiAM General Listings Susie P Smith With massive thanks to editorial and image contributors.

HERE & NOW Media Ltd are proud members of:

Disclaimer HERE & NOW Media Ltd cannot be held responsible for any errors or omissions, or claims made by our contributors or advertisers, and does not endorse companies, products or services that appear in the magazine. Information was correct at time of going to press. Readers are advised to check event listing information in case of changes. Local Business Features are advertorials.

DISTRIBUTION 27,000 door to door in Worthing.

Free download hereandnowmag.co.uk Subscriptions email subscriptions@hereandnowmag.co.uk

7,000 FREE to pick up at venues and outlets.

Here’s the key places. Many more cafés, bars, libraries and community centres hold a few copies too!

Train of Thought WORTHING Village Shop – High Salvington Baked – Rowlands Rd West End Gallery – Rowlands Rd Beach House Worthing & Adur Chamber Coast Café and networking events Corner House Colleges: Northbrook Met /Worthing Worthing Library Worthing Museum College (staff + students) Worthing Pier - Southern Pavilion Cellar Arts Club Worthing Rugby Club - Angmering Colonnade House Worthing Theatres Denyer News, Goring Rd Worthing Town Hall Dome Cinema Durrington Comm Centre FERRING East Worthing Comm Centre Asda Eats & Treats - Findon Kingsley Café Heene Road Comm Centre Pinkertons Newsagents Julia’s Kitchen - Findon SHOREHAM Lions shop - Goring Artisan Café Morrisons Basepoint Old Bakehouse Tea Room, Tarring Tesco Holmbush Passion Fruit Café Ropetackle Shoreham Ren’s Kitchen Shoreham Comm Centre Sainsbury’s - Lyons Farm Tom Foolery South Downs Leisure Centre, LANCING & SOMPTING Shaftsbury Avenue Co-Op Lancing St Paul’s Tesco - Durrington Co-Op Sompting The Burlington Hotel Deli Bean

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PEOPLE SAY “Working alongside Frances at Here & Now magazine has been a great experience. She listened to our marketing needs and created a package that was tailored for us to achieve exactly what we needed and more.

The strong distribution network coupled with the publication’s personality has allowed us to spread awareness for many of our events, in a creative and effect manner.

I would highly recommend Here & Now to anyone who lives in and around Worthing not just for a great read, but also as a strong voice to get yourself heard in the local community.”

Stephen Sheldrake MARKETING OFFICER, WORTHING THEATRES, MUSEUM & ART GALLERY

WORTHING LIFE

Don’t be Frightened Brighton Here & Now often hears from new residents who have moved to Worthing, sometimes by circumstance of jobs or relationships, and sometimes by design. They see the town through new eyes. But they aren’t the only people from the East of Adur that we see here.

THERE’S A SMALL, BUT SIGNIFICANT number of people who live in Brighton, but travel over to Worthing each day to work or study. They have the dubious pleasure of a daily commute, which involves either the restful and stately 15-20 minute approach on the dual carriageway approaching the Lyons Farm traffic light cluster, or perhaps the fun of the Southern Rail game of guessing which trains might run today, or where they might stop. Then at 5pm, they journey back over the Adur, perhaps to search for a parking space in the same postcode as their premium-priced month rented flats. It’s best to leave your Worthing workplace as early as possible each evening, as we have been told there are only seven of these parking spaces.

These brave souls from Brighton deserve a little encouragement from us to stay after work from time to time, to relax and enjoy the growing range of entertainment and activities springing up in postcodes BN11 to 14.

With this in mind, to highlight amusements that will appeal to travellers from Brighton, Here & Now conducted an unscientific poll (for ‘unscientific’, read ‘Facebook’) of the favourite nights out in Worthing, of current residents who have moved here from Brighton. Top was the unique Dome Cinema, followed closely by Corner House, Connaught Theatre, Egremont, Libertine, Cow Shed and one that did surprise us a little - the Toby Carveries (never underestimate the importance of knowing what you’ll get). Also popular were the Wandering Goose, Rose & Crown, Georgie Fin, Coast, both Pier Pavilions, St Paul’s, Rocking Horse, Bar Next Door and Bar 42. When asked what might tempt them across the Adur, Brighton people mentioned the quieter places; our beaches, the Downs, our new range of friendly, but tiny Microbreweries, most of which are slightly out of the town centre.

Johny Giles, musician and Brighton resident, works by day at Northbrook MET in West Durrington. He included in his list of Worthing places the muchmissed Rest, in Bath Place:

“Bar 42, The Rest bar was so good, Synthesize Me, Wolfgang Flur, [both of these promoted by our own Thomas H Green] and I’ve heard good things about Cellar Arts and Coast Cafe, oh and always up for a Wimpy bender in a bun- something Brighton doesn’t have!”

Chris Anderson (ex-Hove) of band Crayola Lectern: “Loads of Brighton

people come along to stuff I put on

here, as I used to put the acts on in Brighton but now have taken a leap of faith for Worthing instead. They just hop on the train and lo and behold 15 minutes later, they’re here.

“Word has spread amongst the music community in Brighton too with the more experimental scene making waves over here. People can’t believe St Pauls, Coast and Cellar Arts club. Worthing is patently not what it may have been ten years ago and most Brightoners who have curious minds will have noticed that. Worthing is now everything I hoped Brighton would be when I moved there in the 90’s” John Bailey, promoter “Got the Wave Pictures

coming up. Sold out and they chose to play Lewes and Worthing rather than Brighton.”

Norman Murchie, DJ at Inappropriate Handclap:

“We get a few Brighton peeps at Handclap but... from my experience the majority of Brighton crowds are made up of people who have moved to Brighton from elsewhere for work/study. My assumption is that they have enough new stuff to explore in Brighton without having to venture to Worthing.

“Worthing has always had its own thing going on and there’s plenty at the moment to enjoy.

St. Paul, Coast, 42, both Pavilions and numerous decent bars. Why compare apples with oranges?!?”

Why choose between apples and oranges, when you can have both? We are lucky to have both within relatively easy reach of one another. Tuck in! n

Mike Pailthorpe

Mike runs the Music Business Degrees at Northbrook MET. Twitter:@mikepailthorpe

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LITERARY LOCAL

Worthing is Blooming Guys! Guuuyys!! Worthing is blooming.

I’m not talking spring is sproinging and all that April blossom-on-the-trees jazz.

I’m mean socially, culturally, some-wheresuper-cool-to-be-ey.

Worthing: the place to be. (Shh, Brighton will never notice we’re plagiarising their tagline). So, take a deep breath, we’re doing all of these in one go…

LITERARY LISTINGS 29 March

12 April

World of Mouth: Spoken Word Fight at the Cellar Arts Club with Joe Bunn. Not strictly April but near as goddamit. Poems, storytellers, comedians, lyrical explosions and other such joyous things.

History and Fiction: Finding the Balance with Richard Buxton at Church Hall, Goring Methodist Church. Where’s the line between artistic licence and historical accuracy? Come find out with award winning author Richard Buxton.

Fri 13 April

3 April

MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, writing Lit Local means scraping together a handful of events in a mild panic because the deadline is looming and I’m crying “ermergerd why isn’t there more stuff happening?”. Then I decide that I’m going to organise one literary event every goddamn week because that’s what Worthing needs and that’s what Worthing deserves. Then obviously I never do it because I’ve got enough on my plate thankyouverymuch.

But anyway, the point is - THE POINT IS - that this month I am drowning in literary events and it’s very exciting. I’ve not even picked two or three to talk about because I want you to see just how much ace stuff is going on. n

Sarah Lewis-Hammond

The 7 Stages of Worthing 1 I’m not moving to Worthing.

2 Oh but house prices.

3 I appear to have moved to Worthing.

5 The beach is nice. It’s really,

really ni… OH MY GOD OLD PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO ME.

City Books Present: Elizabeth Day & Laline Paull in conversation with Annabelle Thorpe at the Ropetackle Centre. Three really excellent writers talk about writing. Yay.

Polari. Worthing WOW coproduction at Fraser’s Bar, Connaught Theatre.

Glamorous host Paul Burston has invited​an incredible selection of LGBT authors ​for the evening.

Supported by Arts Council England and WOW Heritage Lottery Fund.

15 April

4 & 11 April MULTIPLE MACBETHS! At Worthing Theatre. One from the Royal Opera House and one from the Royal Shakespeare Company. So good they’ve been showing it for 200 years.

7 April Julia Donaldson Signing Session, The Steyning Bookshop. ACTUAL JULIA DONALDSON! Put the Gruffalo on a leash and tell it we’re going for walkies. Remember to bring the kids.

No one get too excited. (Squee!).

An Evening With Pam Ayres, at Worthing Theatre. Exactly that. An evening with the brilliant writer and hilarity-monger. Lovely.

5 How did I end up in

Worthing again?

6 I’ve been here 10 minutes

and appear to know everyone and they’re all super pleasant and helpful and friendly and it’s like, I don’t know, a community or something.

7 Home.

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TRANSITION TOWN WORTHING

Eco Open Houses Event On 21 and 22 April, Transition Town Worthing once again present their popular Eco Open Houses event.

The properties open to the public offer you the opportunity to see and discuss simple, free or cheap to install measures (like rainwater harvesting and draughtproofing) to high tech (like Powerwall batteries and electric cars), to suit the budget and needs of everyone.

What’s going on where?

Waste, particularly plastic, is currently receiving a lot of media attention so there is an additional FREE Eco Open Houses tour on 12 April at the treatment plant in Warnham to see exactly what happens to what we throw away in West Sussex. If this is of interest, book early via eventbrite.com/e/visitto-wscc-mechanical-biological-treatment-plantwarnham-tickets-42840904298

THE 21 AND 22 APRIL WEEKEND events are FREE and mostly you can just turn up.

This year, 13 properties in Worthing, Lancing and Shoreham will feature examples of energy and water saving, surface water flood prevention and information about waste.

BE AMAZED AT WHAT IS POSSIBLE! Those who are opening their homes are ordinary people who have some great projects and personal experiences to share. Go along, find out how local people are making simple, practical changes, helping our environment while saving money to spend on food or fun things!

On the Sunday, in the interests of preventing surface water flooding, which some people in Worthing have recently had the misfortune to experience, there will be the chance to take part in a FREE hands-on workshop, Creating Your Own RainGarden, at Maybridge Keystone Centre, where there will also be other examples of how local people have helped prevent flooding. An opportunity to help

RAINGARDEN

with mapping local flood hotspots, and share any stories you have about experiences of local surface water flooding, will form part of an exhibition at West Worthing Baptist Church. Details on the website or in the brochure.

To plan what you want to see and do: n worthing.greenopenhomes.net/eco-openhouses-worthing-including-lancing-andshoreham-234 n ecoopenhouses.org/index2018.html for a downloadable copy of the brochure n Pick up a copy at St Paul’s in Chapel Road

TTW WELCOMES VOLUNTEERS Would like to help steward the participating properties? If you have a few hours to spare and would like to be part of the team, please contact Ryan on ryanh1@me.com and he’ll tell you more.

It’s fun and easy to volunteer and you can learn so much! n You can find Transition Town Worthing at www. ttworthing.org and on Facebook as TTWorthing.

The event is sponsored

by WSCC Operation Watershed, Henry House and Worthing Homes.

ELECTRIC CAR ON CHARGE

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PEDAL POWER

Help Raise Funds for Guild Care Why not join us for a leisurely cycle ride along Worthing’s scenic promenade to help raise funds for Guild Care’s vital lifeline community services on Sunday 15 April 2018.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF TWO LENGTHS OF THE ROUTE which all start/finish at George V Avenue, a 5 mile, which will turn at Splash Point and a 10 mile which will turn at Widewater Lagoon.

We will position water stops on the way and will welcome you back with your very own Pedal on the Prom Medal!

At the start/finish, we will have the brilliant South

Downs Bikes to help you with any mechanical problems as well as an opportunity to test out some of their amazing electric bikes.

Emma Hansford and her family, husband Ian and two children Evie and Ralph took part last year.

“The ride is a great day out for all the family. It really is for all abilities and can be done at a leisurely pace or even with a hint of family competitiveness. We have done it for a couple of years now, starting with Ralph on a seat on the back of his dad’s bike, now for the first year Ralph will be cycling it by himself, he’s very excited. The kids feel great when they’ve gone through the finishing line.”

Emma regularly supports Guild Care events, she added: “My nan broke her wrist and used the Home From Hospital service which was fantastic. She then went onto to regularly attend the Guild Care Day

Centre for company and friendship and used the transport minibus service too. We saw at first-hand the difference Guild Care can make, providing a lifeline for those that need it most.”

At this year’s event we are excited to say that we also have the fantastic Pizza Oven coming along to provide you with a well-earned yummy lunch.

Entry is just £5 for adults and £1 for children under the age of 16.

Register now by downloading the form from www.guildcare.org or call 01903 528613 / email fundraising@guildcare.org. Please return your forms to Guild Care, Methold House, North Street, Worthing BN11 1DU. n

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BUSINESS FEATURE

Finance Corner What is a Lifetime Mortgage?

THIS MONTH WE CLEAR UP SOME QUERIES around lifetime mortgages, the modern day version of equity release. These no longer have the bad reputation they had 10+ years ago. They are now heavily regulated and the products offer dynamic features that can offer value for those aged 60 years plus.

It’s worth noting these schemes aren’t suitable for everyone and it’s absolutely vital that before taking out a lifetime mortgage you seek advice from a qualified adviser and discuss the options available with your family.

I don’t have enough income to get a lifetime mortgage

You don’t need high earnings for most lifetime mortgages as the amount you can release often depends purely on your age and property value.

Can I owe more than my home is worth?

MATT SUTTON, MANAGING DIRECTOR OF EMERALD FINANCE, your local award winning financial advisers, is here to answer your financial questions.

Got a query? Email on info@emeraldfinance.co.uk

Most schemes carry a ‘no negative equity guarantee’ which means you can never owe more than your home is worth. If interest is paid the debt will remain the same.

an interest only lifetime mortgage and maintain interest payments the debt will remain the same. If you take a roll up scheme (where the interest is added to the debt rather than being paid) then on the current market leading rates these schemes can take as long as up to 17 years to double.

Some schemes also allow ad hoc payments to keep the debt at level you choose. Your adviser will be able to provide an illustration to show how different rates impact on future debt.

Will my children get any equity when I pass away?

You can protect a defined portion of the equity in your home if desired so that your estate are guaranteed to inherit a defined sum. With all schemes any equity left in the home at the time of death will always pass to your beneficiaries. The actual equity left will depend on how long you have had the scheme and the final value of your home and the debt.

I only need a small amount, is that ok?

With most lenders you can withdraw as little as £10,000 as an initial amount. Further funds may be available later on request.

What is a drawdown scheme?

Can I buy a home with a lifetime mortgage?

Certain lenders offer a drawdown facility where you have a defined amount of money you can take out from your equity in the future as needed. This can help support living costs in retirement and is cost effective as you pay interest as funds are utilised, rather than pulling out a large amount and paying interest immediately.

Do I have to make monthly payments?

If you would like to find out more about lifetime mortgages please contact one of the qualified advisers at Emerald Finance on 01903 222940 to explore your options and see if it’s right for you. n

Yes, a lifetime mortgage can be used to buy a new home, re-mortgage away from your current lender or to raise capital for almost any personal use.

This is up to you and schemes can be chosen accordingly. If you opt for

The missing piece of your retirement plan A Lifetime Mortgage could help fill the gap in your finances, allowing the comfortable retirement you deserve

Contact us for qualified and impartial advice

us 01903 on 01903 find www.emeraldfinance.co.uk CallCall us on 222222 940940 for for find us us at at www.emeraldfinance.co.uk This is a lifetime mortgage. To understand the features and risks please ask for a personalised illustration. Our typical advice fee would be £1495. A lifetime mortgage may impact your entitlement to means tested benefits and the inheritance you may leave.

Plan availability is subject to lenders’ criteria and dependent on their terms and conditions.

Emerald Finance is a trading name of Fairstone Financial Management Ltd who is authorised and regulated by

Emerald Finance is a trading name of Fairstone Financial Management Ltd who is authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority, FCA Register Number 475973. Your home may be repossessed if you do not maintain payments on your mortgage. theThe Financial Conduct FCA Register value of your investments can goAuthority, down as well as up and you could get back lessNumber than you paid in.475973

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THEATRE AT THE CASTLE

Bid for Freedom Lady C talks with Here & Now about renovations at Castle Goring and her play, Bid for Freedom, which opens on 31 May in the Ceremonial Hall at Castle Goring.

furnished and immaculately decorated, filled with paintings and fascinating objects.

HERE & NOW MET WITH LADY C – Lady Colin Campbell – in the private apartments of her recently renovated castle. Who knew that Worthing had a castle? And not just any old castle; Castle Goring is a Grade 1 listed building, a unique architectural gem boasting dual facades, one Gothic, one Palladian.

At the foot of a wondrous winding staircase, suspended it seemed in light from a huge glass dome, stand four suits of armour – a group of knights-in-waiting. Spiralling up another staircase is an art installation of gleaming white threads, swirling and overlapping, intricately involved. The work is ‘Love’s Philosophy’, by Sally Buchanan, inspired by the poem by Shelley, for whom Castle Goring was built, in the late eighteenth century.

The poet never lived there, and the castle was eventually sold to the Somerset family. The place declined through the post war period, its interior walls pockmarked by Canadian soldiers’ bullets, the family’s art collection destroyed by fire.

Lady C – popular contestant in 2015’s ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!’ – bought the derelict castle 4 years ago, and set about the renovation with energy and determination – and lots of buckets to catch the leaks; they were emptying a pig trough of water from the East Wing every time it rained. Hard to believe when you see the spectacular state rooms now, grandly

Out of this dereliction, Castle Goring has risen, phoenix like, to a new life. Lady C has undertaken this transformation, and Castle Goring now hosts events, weddings, celebrations of all kinds, and is a location for film and tv productions. Lady C’s son Dima promotes raves at the castle, and has plans to extend the opportunity to party at the castle to younger music fans.

THREE EVENING PERFORMANCES are scheduled at 7:30pm on 31 May - 2nd June and one matinee on Sat 2 June at 2:30pm. Doors open 30 minutes before each performance.

All performances are at Castle Goring.

Tickets £20 / VIP £35 includes a 45 minute gathering with Lady Colin Campbell over a glass of Champagne before the first show on the Friday evening. Available now from wegottickets. com/bid-for-freedom or from 19 March from St Paul’s and Anchored in Worthing.

Theatre at the Castle In 2015 local theatre director Dick Douglass approached Lady C for permission to shoot an adaptation of ‘Hamlet’ at the castle. Six weekends of work at breakneck speed produced the 80 minute film, currently doing the rounds of film festivals. Lady C said she thought it was a very worthwhile project, and that ‘if you can make a contribution, you should!’

In the spirit of making a contribution to local cultural life, and using the castle as a cultural asset, Dick Douglass and Lady C are collaborating on a production of her play, Bid for Freedom.

Bid for Freedom is a stage play in 2 acts. The intriguing and controversial content is based on conversations between Diana, Princess of Wales, and Lady C, in the early 90’s, when Lady C was working on a book which was to be the ‘official’ biography of the princess. However, as Lady C explained to us, Diana saw the opportunity for the book to become something more powerful – a declaration of ‘the truth’, and an expression of her ‘Bid for Freedom’. In spite of the potential risk to her own social standing, Lady C was convinced this was the right thing to do, and set about changing the aim of the book. It was published as ’Diana in Private’ (1992). Diana had meanwhile changed her mind about how she wanted to be represented, and Andrew Morton’s ‘Diana – her true story’ was also published in 1992.

Lady C described her play Bid for Freedom as a ‘footnote to history’ – a possible antidote to ‘the tendency to portray Diana as a saint’. The Charles and Diana story remains one of the biggest of its time; Lady C’s new play will open up the controversy again, no doubt. n

Hazel Imbert

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DADIFESTO

Stop Getting Over Egg-cited 70’S & 80’S KID RULE!!

daylight hours, which to be honest, seem to suit them fine.

We’d engage in wholesome activities like, glue-sniffing, or nipping to the corner shop for a ten pack of fags, and hiring the latest 18 + VHS release for 50p, and then watching it on endless repeat.

Or getting your mates’ dads CB radio and spend a couple of hours chatting in code with long-distance lorry drivers from the Midlands called, ‘Big Bear’ and ‘Dangerous Dave’. Nothing strange about that at all…

We’d head to the park to BMX or dream about being the ‘Karate Kid’, and employ the world’s least effective fighting technique (The Crane Kick).

I know they say time goes faster when you get old, but now it is taking the Mick.

IT’S LIKE CHRISTMAS HAS BARELY TUCKED AWAY its tinsel in the garage, then Easter is upon us once again. Well, I know it’s four months, but it doesn’t seem like that like that does it?.

Well, I might be eggs-aggerating slightly, but when the shops start stocking huge garishly coloured chocolate eggs on the 27th December, it’s no surprise.

I never quite understood that one, eggsactly. Let’s acknowledge Easter by force-feeding our kids enough chocolate, to make the average soft play centre look like the aftermath of the apocalypse.

The other thing about this time of year, is that you now have a couple more weeks of school holidays to contend with. Yes, don’t get me wrong I love the fact that I get to hang out with my small person more. What I don’t relish is, the additional costs, attached to keeping them entertained.

Back in the 70/80’s when I was a kid, it was much more straightforward and cost-effective to entertain children. As young-un’s we’d leave in the morning and barely see our parents during

Then before you knew it, it would be home for tea. We’d eat our weight in nutritionally balanced ‘Angel Delight’, before the whole family gathered around the box to indulge in giggling at the casual racism and misogyny of stars like Jim Davidson before we’d be shipped up the wooden stairs, to Bedfordshire, exhausted and happy.

Obviously, these days those pesky moodhoovers from Social-services and ‘Elf and Safety’ have put pay to all that. So being that I am the thoughtful type, I have come up with a couple of cracking ideas to help keep your small people busy and keep those hard-earned pennies firmly in your pocket.

ALL CREATURES MATE AND CALL Nip into ‘Pets At Home’ and run a David Attenborough-type quiz on the assembled species.

Believe me, the staff there absolutely love it when you spend hours wandering around, asking them repetitive questions, touching the stock, messing with their window displays and then leave without ever spending a bean.

GET IT BOOKED IN Take the kids to the library - get them to choose 10 or so books, take them over to the counter, check them out, then check them straight back in again.

Then give them back to the kids and tell them, to

by Dan Flanagan walk around HEAD BOY @ DON’T tutting and BELIEVE THE HYPE | put the books TOTROCKINBEATS back in the egg-cate places they found them. With a quick rain-proof game of ‘When I Grow Up I Wanna Be A Librarian’, now who said learning couldn’t be fun, eh?

BTW: **I would apologise for the egg-related puns in this piece, but I am not going to. Bad dad-jokes are a thing of beauty and since Brexit have actually become law, so there!

And we love our local library. Support yours, check out the activities in the listings.

Until next time pop-pickers, keep it real like Ian Beale. n

EASTER LISTINGS Here’s some stuff to do with the kids over the Easter break.

For more workshops at the Museum, visit Facebook @WorthingMuseum

Wed 4 April Easter Workshop: Jewellery Making. 10.30am12 noon. Worthing Museum. Ages 8 – 14. £5

Fri 6 April Family Art Friday: Spring Fever. 10am-3pm.

Drop in anytime. Make all things Spring, pop up garden cards, flowers, wildlife and more Worthing Museum. All Ages. £2.50/child

Wed 11 April Easter Workshop: Sketchbooks. 10.30am-12 noon. Make a clever sketchbook from one sheet of paper - a must for all budding artists.

Worthing Museum. Ages 11 – 14. £5

Every Wed Toddler time for under 5s. 2.15pm-2.45pm Goring Library.

Storytime for under 5s. 11-11.30am. Lancing Library

First Sat of Month Multi-sensory story magic for children to teens. 2.30-3pm. Worthing

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

17

STORMS, FIRES & JIMI HENDRIX

Always buying!

Coins & Banknotes.

Gold & Silver.

Medals & Jewellery.

Old Weapons, Army, Airforce & Navy items.

Old Watches & Quality Silver Plated items.

Old Car Badges, Old Postcards & Photos.

Old Leather Suitcases & Fountain Pens.

Antiques, Curios & Tribal items. & many other items.

Sussex Coin Company

Worthing pier as we know it today is a place where families can escape to relax or enjoy the entertainment of all types. However, the pier has not always had such a variety of things to do.

WHEN FIRST BUILT IN 1862 IT WAS SHORTER than it is now with no buildings on it at all other than a small toll house at the northern end. It looked much like a raised jetty. This change however between the years 1884 and 1889 when two kiosks were put in the place of the toll house and a Pavilion was erected at the southern end of the Pier. This required an extension because at this point in time a band played at the pier once a week. The southern Pavilion became home to a small stage in which people could go and watch the band or watch a play.

The Pier remained this way until 22nd March 1913 (Easter Monday) when a vast storm hit Worthing’s shores. This tore down the main boardwalk of the Pier.

There were no casualties of this collapse however the southern Pavilion was left alone out at sea. The citizens of Worthing at the time nicknamed the southern pavilion as ‘Easter Island’. The Pier was reopened in the April of 1914. This also included plans to build a much larger pavilion at the North end of the pier, however, the plans were halted when the First World War broke out and there was a demand for metal.

Tel: 01903 232080 - email: sussexcoins@aol.com

The council purchased the Pier in 1921 for nearly 19,000 pounds. Because of this, the council needed more money, so they decided to let an orchestra play in the southern Pavilion and charge the public 2 pence to listen to them.

Shop open: Mon. 9.30-3.30, Tues. & Fri. 9.30-1.00 & 2.15-4.30.

Sat. 9.30-12 [Closed Wed. & Thur.].

Free home visits. est 1968.

Due to the council owning the Pier the building project of creating the new Pavilion was started. The project was completed in 1926 and Worthing brought

20 New Broadway, Tarring Rd., West Worthing, BN11 4HP

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

The Colourful Life of Worthing Pier the Duke and Duchess of York to open it. The Duke and Duchess would later go on to become King George VI and The Queen Mother. This new Pavilion offered seating for approximately 1,000 people. It also offered a large space for musical events, plays and other events which were all on show on a regular basis.

Disaster struck the southern Pavilion in 1933 when a discarded cigarette caused a huge fire, reducing the southern Pavilion to ash in less than an hour. Again there were no casualties.

It took the council two years to rebuild but this time it was in the Art Deco style and it is the Southern Pavilion that we all recognise that stands there today.

During the Second World War, the Pier had a hole blown in it deliberately to stop enemy planes from landing on it. The main Pavilion at that time was used as an entertainment centre for troops who were stationed in Worthing. The Pavilion at this time housed musical acts, plays and comedies which allowed for light relief in a time of a lot of tension.

From the late 1950’s to the 1970’s Worthing, especially the pier, were at the forefront of music and entertainment. Acts such as Ben E King and Eric Clapton all played in Worthing as well as The Jimi Hendrix Experience who played at the Worthing Pier Pavilion on February 23rd, 1967. These acts played here due to a man called Freddie Bannister who was one of the top UK music promoters of the 1960’s and 1970’s. The Worthing Pavilion also hosted a talent show called “Star Search” which received national and international attention and coverage.

In the 1980’s the Pier still attracted high profile acts, yet it had somewhat dropped out of the media’s attention. I asked Stephen Sheldrake, the Marketing officer for Worthing Theatres, Museum and Art Gallery, why this is, he responded by saying “The reason for acts coming back to The Pavilion is that the audience are so passionate and enthusiastic. It makes the acts really enjoy what they are doing.”

In 2006 the Pier won the ‘Pier of the year’ competition. In this same competition, it has come second for the past three years, narrowly missing out at the top spot in 2017 to the newly re-built Hastings Pier. In 2008 Worthing pier was chosen to host the International Bird-Man completion, which it did until 2016.

Phil Duckett said “Since re furbishing the dilapidated listed Southern Pavilion

(the building at the sea end of the Worthing Med) in 2014 back to its original glory of the 1930s Art Deco period, we have seen a resurgence of people coming down the pier all the way down to the end.

As a multipurpose venue it now incorporates a day time café, weddings live music concerts, award ceremonies, and so much more. The future is bright for the pier and the Southern Pavilion is the beacon at the end leading the way.”

Currently, the Pier hosts all forms of entertainment and events, including plays and pantomimes in The Pavilion Theatre, live music in the Southern Pavilion and many other functions and events along the Pier as well. This year between the 18th and the 20th May there will be the world premiere of the show “Exploded Circus” which is set to be this year’s big event. There will also be circus-related events happening along the Pier until July.

We do not know what the Pier’s future holds - but we are all looking forward to finding out what it is! n John Joe work experience, St Philip Howard Catholic School I would like to thank Worthing Museum and art gallery for the images as well as to Thomas H Green, James Sainsbury, Stephen Sheldrake and Freedom Works.

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

19

BUSINESS FEATURE

ART-FUL

Party at Pottery Cafe The colourful and inviting interior of ART-FUL, the pottery café in Rowlands Road, has just got bigger!

ART-FUL’S OWNER AND MAGIC-MAKER in chief, Nina Reid, has created a gorgeous party room with a chandelier and a table long enough for lots of guests. Party princes and princesses can have Bento boxes with savoury and sweet food cut into dinky shapes, or can bring their own party food. Then they go through the golden curtain into the Disco Room, where there’s a dressing up box full of outfits, frames on the wall to draw in, and a mini photo booth and disco lights. Not to mention the dancing!

From the moment you step into Art-ful, you feel like playing; there are shelves and shelves of pottery bowls and plates and animals and things, just waiting to be decorated. There is clay to shape into whatever you fancy (Nina will fire it and you can collect it later); workshops to make fairy doors, or use foam clay; slime making (very popular - surprise, surprise!); and you can even build your own teddy bear. The party dates

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

do get booked up quickly, so early booking is recommended. Nina is currently offering 2 children go free in a party package for 10, until 31 May 2018 As well as the parties for children, Nina runs regular workshops during term time, and school holiday workshops. Nina also has plans for a studio in the basement for alginate casting, using the technique to create sculptures; you can see examples in the café - baby feet, lovers’ hands entwined, precious keepsakes.

Art-ful hosts adult get-togethers and workshops too. Every 3rd Thursday of the month, there’s an evening workshop, involving food, wine, and the pleasure of good company alongside the creativity. Providing creative opportunities for others has given Nina a job she enjoys; social, full of colour and the chance to develop new projects. She has already held workshops at some local schools and Reflections Nursery, and is looking forward to developing further schools’ contacts. Art-ful recently won ‘Sunniest Arts and Crafts Award’ with Sunny Worthing.

If you are interested in finding out more check out the Facebook page @artfulworthing n

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

Support Your Local Hospice Registration is open now and closes on Sunday 24 June. Register today at stbh.org.uk/ nightto remember

PHOTO: SKYE, ED, LUCY, EDDIE AND JASMINE SCRIVEN

Get your family together for a Night to Remember in memory of someone special and support your local hospice.

ST BARNABAS HOUSE, the local hospice for Worthing, Adur, Arun and Henfield, is excited to announce it has made some very special changes to its annual Night to Remember midnight walk for 2018!

For the first time ever, men and children can take part in the charity’s flagship fundraising event, as well as ladies, allowing families to walk together.

Now in its 11th year, Night to Remember had previously been open for ladies to participate.

This year, anyone aged 10 or over will be able to walk through the night on Saturday 30 June and help to raise vital funds for the hospice.

Since the first Night to Remember in 2008, the event has gone from strength to strength with almost 10,000 walkers taking to the streets

of Worthing, raising an incredible ÂŁ1.4 million between them!

For the past four years, walkers have raised funds for the Hospice at Home night sitting service, which provides support for patients in their own homes during the often most challenging night-time hours.

As well as being open for men and children to take part, the walk will start at an earlier time of 10.30pm and t-shirts will be teal instead of pink.

As usual there is a choice of 7, 13.1 and 20 mile routes. n

TELL PEOPLE ABOUT YOUR EVENT! CALL HERE & NOW ON 01903 686 100 editorial@hereandnowmag.co.uk advertise@hereandnowmag.co.uk

LIST YOUR EVENT FREE ONLINE

www.hereandnowmag.co.uk HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

21

New School? SOME TOP TIPS FROM WORTHING MUMS & DADS

Not long now till one of the busiest times on the Worthing Mums & Dads Facebook group: the announcement of primary school places! This year anxious parents and carers will find out which school their child has been allocated on Monday 16 April. As we have done for the last two years, we will publish a post on the group with each local primary school as a separate comment.

When you find out which school you’ve got, just pop along to the group and reply to the comment for that school to link up with other parents whose children are going there (and to hear from some whose children are already students at the school). This makes it easier to put names to faces, arrange meet ups, and generally reassure one another that it’s all going to be fine.

1. Don’t think that because you haven’t had an email by 3pm you’re less likely to get the place you want than the person who heard at 9am.

2. If you’re happy with the school you’ve got, you don’t have to do anything else. The school will be in touch in due course. Take a deep breath and relax!

3. If you’re not happy, check in with some of the other people on the school group. In past years, parents have been pleasantly surprised by the positive comments about a school they had discounted.

4. If you’re really not happy, head to www.westsussex.gov.uk/education-children-and-families/schoolsand-colleges/school-places/primary-infant-and-junior-school-places/ for what to do. Waiting lists for schools are set up 20 school days after places have been announced.

Remember that, funding issues aside, we are pretty lucky with the range and quality of primary schools in our local area. Whichever school your child goes to, we hope they have an amazing time.

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

HEALTH & WELLBEING

10 Keys to Happier Living ACTION FOR HAPPINESS

No. 1 - Giving

Based on the latest research, the national movement Action for Happiness has identified 10 Keys to Happier Living.

The first is Giving.

STUDIES HAVE SHOWN THAT WHEN WE GIVE to others it activates the reward centres in our brain. So, if you want to feel good, do good!

With giving, we tend immediately to think of giving money. But this is only one way of helping others.

I believe the best things in life are (usually!) free, so we can also give our time, ideas and our energy. For example, here’s a no-strings-attached opportunity I spotted to volunteer your time to help Worthing Churches Homeless Projects with their 36 hour DIY SOS event on 21-22 April.

But there’s plenty we can do without even stepping out the door. A smile, a kind word, a helping hand, a few moments of your full attention - these can all make a real difference, particularly to those people we’re closest to and those around us in our community. Small, simple actions that really work. n

Jacqui Moorhouse

BLUEBELL WALKS

Where are the best bluebell woods near Worthing? April to early May is the best time to go on a bluebell hunt. Here’s some top recommendations to muddy your boots from the lovely contributors on the Worthing Mums and Dads Facebook page.

CLAPHAM WOODS

From central Worthing it’s around a 15 minute drive to Clapham Woods. Mums and dads suggested parking in Clapham, perhaps at the church, and then walking up the hill. Seth said “If you can, head off the main tracks.

There are a few smaller side paths, which are really pretty.” Charlotte said “Don’t forget the lovely café up there, The Junction @ Clapham.

DOVER LANE WOODS

Dover Lane Woods were a popular choice. Again, just a 15-minute drive from central Worthing, off the A27 near Arundel.

Vicki said “It’s not a long walk at all. If you can get your car in the car park you’re straight at the footpath to them. And if the car park is full you can just park on the road and walk up.”

PATCHING WOODS

Patching Woods was another popular recommendation.

Becky suggested parking in France Lane, Patching and then to follow the footpath through the field opposite the blue and white bungalow. She says “Go over the stile and just on your left is the tree branch and the walkers have made a lovely pathway walking through the bluebells. Not the muddy path, avoid that.”

The World’s End pub in Patching was suggested as a good refuelling point – check their website for updates as at time of print it was closed for renovation.

To find out more, come along to the Action for Happiness Worthing monthly meet-up group – next one Tues 10 April, 7-9pm at the lovely Coast café.

More info at facebook.com/ actionforhappinessinworthing/

Health & Wellbeing Listings Health walking groups in Worthing includes, Broadwater Strollers Walking Group 10am on Wednesdays. Meet at Broadwater Green, Cricket Pavilion. Contact: Dave 01903 203207 or Ricky 01903 690967 to confirm.

Sat 14 April Spring Tree Walk. 10am-12noon. Walk round Homefield Park with Peter Whish, looking at the trees and learning some interesting facts. Info: friendsofhomefieldparkworthing. co.uk FREE

Sun 15 April Pedal along the Prom 10.30am. Raise money for the Guild Care Ashdown Centre for children with disabilities and people with Dementia.

Sun 13 May Walk for Wadars 10am. 5 mile sponsored walk. Starts at Goring Gap Green (close to Sea Lane Café), goes along promenade to Worthing Pier, and back. FREE entry, must register via wadars.co.uk/events. Call 01903 247111 or email enquiries@wadars.co.uk to find out more.

Sat 30 June Night to Remember walk raising funds for St Barnabas. This year, anyone, male or female, aged 10 or over can walk through the night on.

ANGMERING WOODS

Angmering Woods, part of the Angmering Estate, take in both the Dover Lane Woods and Patching Woods mentioned above. Some members mentioned a longer walk through these woods to take in the Woodman Arms pub or The Fox at Patching.

Enjoy the bluebells! If you have something to share about bluebell walks, please comment on Worthing Mums and Dads page, and tag Here & Now page. We’ll mention it when we post the article!

Worthing Mums and Dads is a Facebook page for local parents and carers to find information about what’s on offer in Worthing.

PHOTO: ALI NANCARROW

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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FASCINATING ADUR

MY COMMUNITY MATTERS

Translated from an ancient Borough Seal.

HERE’S MY FIVE FASCINATING FACTS about Shoreham Harbour:

1 In 1855, due to a

new Bill regulating the dredging of the River Adur for oysters, officers seized a dozen boats laden with them. Despite resistance from the crew, all the oysters were thrown overboard. None of the vessels, oysters included, left the harbour again.

2 King Charles II

PHOTO: SAVI, IWD EVENT FACEBOOK @WAMINORITYETHNIC

“By this sign of a ship is Shoreham proclaimed a harbour and is so right worthily named.”

PAINTING: SHOREHAM LIGHTHOUSE BY CHARLES GOGIN IN 1888.

Shoreham Harbour

Visit Shoreham Harbour this Easter when it plays host to the Shoreham Lifeboat Support Group Easter Open Day on the 31 March, from 10am-4pm

escaped both plague and The Great Fire of London. Whilst on the run from Cromwell’s forces, Charles fled via Shoreham Harbour a mere two hours before Cromwell’s soldiers arrived. Charles remained in exile for another 9 years.

3 The safe entry to Shoreham Harbour is marked by a lighthouse.

Around c1880, a gas lantern was fitted with a rotating globe and screens. The ‘winding’ of this was achieved by a man having to scale the 54 steps to the top of the lighthouse every evening. This remained the method until 1952 when electricity was finally used.

4 The existence of the harbour depends on the tide; the ebb and flow initially helping to maintain the entrance. Storms would manipulate and cause blockages to the harbour entrance. Heavy gales towards the end of 1763 caused the harbour entrance to drift eastwards at an incredible rate of 135ft per year.

5 Shoreham lifeboat, the Rosa Woodd and Phyllis Lunn, was used

during the evacuation of Dunkirk. Although it is not exactly clear what the lifeboat did during the evacuation, she did complete three trips to Dover and then return to help provide water and supplies to the troops. n Find Ella on Twitter @Grace3Dav. If you would like to highlight something fascinating in Adur message Ella and tag in @hereandnow_mag

By Ella Davies

By Susie THANK YOU SO MUCH for the fantastic response to our article in March Here & Now. It is really encouraging to hear from so many people who are willing to give up their free to become a part of the Diversity programme.

On 9 March, we celebrated International Women’s Day. Our Diverse community came together to celebrate as one. Organised by Savi at WAMEE (Worthing & Adur Ethnic Minority Empowerment) we had a series of talks, followed by an international LUNCH! The collective is made up of a wide range of community groups, if you belong to a group or are an individual and would like more info or to get involved, please get in touch. Email: worthingdiversity@outlook.com n

Celebrating Diversity

One Love Worthing, Sunday 24 June, Assembly Hall Worthing ONE LOVE WORTHING RETURNS for another fantastic FREE family-friendly community event taking place on Sunday June 24th at the Assembly Hall, Worthing. Expect live music, performances, stalls, food, talks, face paint, henna and more.

We seek to build a more inclusive & cohesive community based on understanding, acceptance and respect. Celebrating diversity, raising awareness and recognising we have more in common than which divides us.

If you would like to get involved in the event, as a performer, stall holder or volunteer we would love to hear from you. Please contact Susie or Luke on 07886093868 / 07948802907. n

Worthing Pride

Saturday 14 July, Beach House Grounds, Worthing WORTHING PRIDE IS A COMMUNITY interest company that has been set up by a team of local professionals to create the Event Worthing Pride 2018.

Worthing Pride kicks off with a Pride Parade along the Prom from outside The Burlington Hotel to Beach House Grounds for the main Pride event, where there will be live entertainment, food and drink stalls from 2-10pm.

You will need to register for this event, see info on @worthingpride Facebook page and look out for further updates in Here & Now! n

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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LISTINGS - BUSINESS

Business Round Up Free Business Advice!

THE BUSINESS LISTINGS often include free advice sessions, whether social media support opportunities or, like this month, the opportunity to access free business advice through the Coast to Capital Growth Hub. So, if like Here & Now, you are looking to grow your business, you can access the Business Navigator Service, which in partnership with Worthing & Adur Chamber of Commerce invites businesses to attend a free 1-1 business advisory clinic.

Tuesday 10 April, Sphere Business centre, GB MET College, Broadwater Rd. Limited time slots available. For each one hour advisory session, you will have the opportunity to discuss your growth aspirations with a Business Navigator and focus on a topic of your choice ranging from sales & marketing, access to finance or reaching new customers and new markets.

THIS MONTH’S NETWORKING & EVENTS Thurs 12 April

The regular (mostly free) events

Chamber Chat. 6.30-8.30pm. Join the Chamber for a talk and tour at Worthing Museum. FREE to members. Book.

Further info see Chamber website.

NETWORTH FIRST

Thurs 12 April

‘NOT NETWORKING’

#ShakeItHUB FREE help hub, 10.30am12noon. Shake it up Creative. Drop-in sessions for business people to ask design and marketing related questions and get help. Worthing Town Hall. FREE

First Tuesday of each month. 9.3011.30am. Reg. Eventbrite. FREE

Wed of month. 5.30-7.15pm. Cafalatte, Chapel Rd. FREE

BNI NETWORKING Every Thursday. 6.30am. Dome Cinema. bniworthing.co.uk to book (essential) a visit. £10 inc breakfast.

Outcomes from these sessions can range from acquiring business premises, applying for funding, taking on more staff, increasing turnover. The meeting will result in a few simple actions that make a significant difference to your business.

Friday 20 April

Friday 27 April

FIRST FRIDAY NETWORK

For more info and to book a time slot, visit worthingandadurchamber.co Places are limited!

Chamber Networking Breakfast with Louise Goldsmith, WSCC. 7.30-9am.

Local developments including The West Sussex Plan. Arundel restaurant, GB MET College, Durrington. Book.

Members £14/non-member £19

First Friday of every month 12.30 – 2.30pm. Burlington Hotel. firstfridaynetwork.co.uk. FREE

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Chamber Hub 12.30-2pm.

Impulse Leisure, Lancing Manor.

Monthly informal networking. Reg: worthingandadurchamber.co.uk FREE

Wed 2 May Chamber AGM. 5.30pm registration & networking, 6.15pm AGM. Book. Members & guests FREE. Complementary light buffet.

Tues 8 May Coast to Capital Growth hub FREE 1-1 Business Advisory Clinic.

Book time slot from 10am-5pm. worthingandadurchamber.co.uk

WORTHING DIGITAL SOCIAL Third Thursday of month. 8pm. The Corner House pub. FREE

CHAMBER HUB Friday 16 March 12.30-2pm.

Impulse Leisure, Lancing Manor.

Monthly informal networking. Reg.: worthingandadurchamber.co.uk FREE

WORTHING BUSINESS ORACLE Last Fri of month. 9.30-10.30am.

Starbucks, Broadwater. Reg. Eventbrite.

FREE

Please mention Here & Now when booking your event and check websites for updates.

visit www.randraccounting-sussex.co.uk HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

27

SUNNY WORTHING AWARDS 2018

You Voted. They won!

Sunniest Long-Standing Business Sir Softee Frostee Ice Cream Vans

Sunniest Panel’s Choice

WINNER: Worthing Children’s Parade SPONSOR: Face Media Group

The Here & Now team had a fabulous time at the latest Sunny Worthing Awards!

THE SUNNY WORTHING AWARDS recognise business and community organisations within Worthing and is organised each year by Colm Sweet and the team of Sunny Worthing volunteers. The Awards were presented by Colm Sweet and Bob Smytherman.

Nominees and guests celebrated the winners’ success at the awards evening, hosted by

Worthing Pier’s Southern Pavilion. Guests enjoyed performances by Jazz & George and Zoe Beth-Hobbs.

A collection for Super Star Arts raised over £1000 contributing towards the repair of their mini bus.

Here & Now sponsored the Sunniest Independent Restaurant – congratulations to the winner CrabShack!

Congratulations to all nominees and the winners! n

Sunniest Independent Retailer

WINNER: Lemon Fizz Gifts SPONSOR: Worthing Pier’s Southern Pavilion

Sunniest Arts & Crafts Photographs

by Ed Watts:

WINNER: Art-Ful SPONSOR: Tide of Light

www.edwatts weddings.co.uk

Music sponsored by Lemon Fizz Gifts and photography sponsored by Bright and Beautiful.

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

Sunniest New Business

WINNER: The Georgi Fin SPONSOR: Nay Nay’s Beauty Boutique

Sunniest Community Project

WINNER: Stay Up Late – Gig Buddies SPONSOR: Community Works

Sunniest People’s Choice

WINNER: Worthing parkrun SPONSOR: RSOPA - Regnante School Of Performing Arts

Sunniest Independent Café

WINNER: The lazy Brunch Kitchen SPONSOR: Inspired by the Sea

Sunniest Service Sector Business

WINNER: The Shelley Care Home SPONSOR: Girl Power

Sunniest Grass Roots Project

Sunniest Leisure, Sport & Tourism

WINNER: Dome Cinema SPONSOR: St. George’s School of English

WINNER: The Empty Plate café SPONSOR: Cellar Arts Club

Sunniest Children’s Development

WINNER: Glendale Theatre Arts SPONSOR: Freedom Works

Sunniest Worthing Event

WINNER: Tide of Light SPONSOR: Wormhole Events CIC

Sunniest Independent Restaurant WINNER: CrabShack SPONSOR:

Here & Now!

Sunniest Bar/Venue WINNER: Coast Café SPONSOR: Whitebox

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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THOMAS H GREEN - MUSICAL TIME MACHINE

In-Ter-Dance at Sterns

1990-1993 Part 2 Peak & Downfall

1991-92 was a golden period for manic, homemade electronic dance music. Rave culture was peaking. Tunes – “choons” – were created cheaply and independently in home studios across the country using analogue HE WAS ALSO synths, AN ASTUTE samples and PROMOTER chopped up WHO WAS, IT breakbeats.

gabber/speedcore movement.

This night, however, as with dance music itself, nerdy genre categorization is a few years off. Instead they hammer out juggernaut tunes as if their lives depend on it. The “hoover” sound from Joey Beltram’s seminal “Mentasm” (under the name Second Phase) is never far away. Whether 4/4 kickdrums or rampaging breakbeats, Sterns’ packed, sweaty, dripping Underground is going bananas, many doing the era’s defining hands-go-cubic dance, others blowing whistles, releasing airhorns. “Lenny D’s only for the

headstrong, the rush is comin’ on strong,” booms MC Stompy.

The average speed of the music is 140-150 BPM (compared to the fluffy, bar-friendly 125-127 BPM of most contemporary DJs)). At Sterns in 1991 and 1992 there was a euphoric, once-in-a-lifetime mania in the smoke-filled air.

TURNED OUT,

RELEASED AS 12” TOO GOOD AT VINYL SINGLES, IT FOR HIS they were played OWN GOOD.

by DJs, bought in their tens of thousands by clubbers, and sometimes even made the national charts. In short, raving was a national pastime.

In-Ter-Dance at Sterns, on Highdown Hill, just outside Worthing, was a prime location for this wild, wide-eyed scene. Last month we followed its rise through the eyes of Andy Bannister – AKA resident DJ Quantum. This

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Do you have any memories of In-Ter-Dance at Sterns? Perhaps you even have photos? We’d love to hear about it. Please email Thomas at editorial@hereandnowmag.co.uk (subject field: Time Machine). We look forward to hearing from you.

month we dive straight into the mayhem. Take a typical night at Sterns. Say Saturday 5th September 1992.

DJs included Kenny Ken from London and Lenny D from New York. The former would go on to become one of drum & bass music’s founding fathers, the latter an instigator of the

“There were lots of baggy trousers, baggy tops, Kickers,”

recalls Steve Munroe, who used to DJ house music at Sterns under the name Rhythm Twister, “It wasn’t the days of bandanas, but there were a few bucket hats and a lot of tops off. The whole thing really did affect people, took a lot of football hooligans out of circulation because they became ravers. A lot

of the faces round Worthing became no trouble because they were self-medicating. There wasn’t a person who didn’t do anything back in those days.”

The “self-medication” to which he refers was, of course, Ecstasy, MDMA pills, which fuelled the all-nighters, going under “brand names” such as Doves, Rhubarb & Custards, New Yorkers, Dennis the Menaces, Pink Callies, Yellow Callies, Speckled Callies, and the dreaded Snowballs, which weren’t actually MDMA at all, but an MDA cocktail stewed up in Latvia. The drugs were a part of it, but it was very much about music and community.

In his late 20s as the 1990s revved up, Mensa was the man behind In-Ter-Dance at Sterns, at the heart of the venue’s boom times. His real name was Adam Todd and he’d been putting on In-TerDance events with partial success prior to his involvement with the historic House on the Hill.

“How did he get the name Mensa?” Steve Munroe asks, “The answer is he was a very, very good hairdresser and could fix anyone’s hair so everyone used to call him a genius at fixing people’s messed up hair [Mensa is the name of Britain’s high IQ society]. I know it sounds funny, but that’s how he became Mensa.”

He was also an astute promoter who was, it turned out, too good at it for his own good. While the local authorities had initially been supportive of his efforts, they eventually turned on him. Ecstasy culture had become a tabloid bogeyman and local government wanted to rein it in.

“Sterns grew so popular people would park their cars along the middle of [the A259],” recalls Andy Bannister, “That’s when the police started to get inquisitive. Before that they didn’t really know what was going on, they didn’t know what this culture was all about.”

By 1993 Mensa was having regular problems with the authorities. On 5th April that year the council decided not to renew the venue’s Entertainment Licence. Mensa appealed but the final end arrived that summer with the last In-Ter-Dance at Sterns being held on 14th August.

The game, however, wasn’t quite over. Mensa relaunched In-Ter-Dance as a private members’ institution at a club called WaveNation on Hayling Island, near Portsmouth. He held a couple of successful parties there, one that autumn and one on New Year’s Eve. Another was planned for the 12th February 1994 but on the 9th he was killed in a freak car accident, a shocking and sudden loss. The community around In-Ter-Dance was devastated, but the event went ahead. Bannister and others played, an emotional celebration of Mensa’s life attended by his girlfriend and family.

The reality, however, was that this was the end.

Andy Bannister and Steve Munroe both went on to have locally successful careers in dance music for the rest of the 1990s. And, quarter of a century later, a hotel and carvery inhabits the property that was once home to a great British rave madhouse.

“We went up there to have a meal last year, my mum and auntie and uncle,” smiles Bannister, “It’s strange being up there. They still have the tea house where everyone used to congregate outside. I’ve so many memories from that place, had so many laughs. I didn’t get paid masses, it really wasn’t about money, it was all about a good time.”

There will never be another In-Ter-dance at Sterns as it was so much part of a socio-musical phenomenon which briefly, brilliantly sent Britain doolally. But the Worthing night could light up bright and crazy again. That part is up to you… n

“Initially the club didn’t get raided,” he adds, “but there was a car park on the left of the road up to Sterns and one week the police were waiting there, all these forensics vans, and they were pulling people in as they arrived. That scared people off a bit, and then there were sometimes undercover police in the club.”

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ADAM SEAMAN, DIRECTOR AS DESCRIBED

MUSIC

#Scratchpad Worthing has some incredibly talented young musicians in its midst. Testament to this, are the group of young people who descended on the town centre’s Colonnade House each week to learn how to make beats and create electronic music at Scratchpad. #SCRATCHPAD IS THE RESULT of a partnership between Adur & Worthing Trust at Colonnade House, Northbrook MET and youth music charity, AudioActive, an organisation based in Brighton determined to give young people of any background the chance to find (and lose) themselves in music.

This was their first project to hit Worthing, extending their reach along the South Coast. A recent video in collaboration with patron Rag’n’Bone Man sheds light on the inspiring work they do with youngsters throughout the Greater Brighton area.

“Our vision is ‘better futures through music’ and we are helping to create a more inclusive, diverse music industry from the bottom up… As a Charity we are committed to offering opportunities for those who have little or no access to opportunities either because of individual circumstances or because of a lack of accessible opportunities near where they live.” Adam Joolia (Audioactive CEO) At Scratchpad, experienced tutors worked with a group of keen music makers each week, creating works that draw on the wealth of ideas in the room - democracy is key and everyone gets a say in what’s

thrown into the pot here. This level playing field is a powerful force for creativity by encouraging openness and confidence in your ideas, however zany they may be. Freeto-attend sessions like these don’t come around often, especially not ones that encourage free spirited thinking such as this. A strong sense of community is felt from the moment you enter the room, and working with the same faces week after week fosters a tight knit group of curious creatives who become more fearless as time goes on.

Adam Seaman, Director As Described, said “It’s a pleasure to be

involved with this exciting Arts Council funded project providing live visual mentoring and guidance during each of the sessions to the young people at Colonnade House. I’m looking forward to seeing the culmination of their efforts at the Coast Cafe and Bar42 live music nights in April.”

Opportunities like this can only be a good thing for the youth of our town who are often left behind and disengaged by our social infrastructure. The more safe spaces there are for them to interact and connect with each other the better standing we put them in for later life.

The sessions are now over, but if you’re interested in what’s been described then head to AudioActive’s website to keep up to date with what they’re planning next @ audioactive.org.uk And take a look at a session at Scratchpad Colonnade House facebook.com/likeaudioactive Scratchpad culminates with an Industry Day on

21 March at St Paul’s and we’ll report on this next issue. Meanwhile, several performances at venues including Bar 42 and Coast Cafe. See AudioActive’s Facebook page for more details. #Scratchpad is a partnership project between Adur & Worthing Trust, Audio Active, Northbrook Metropolitan College, As Described and Adur & Worthing Councils with generous funding from Arts Council England, Worthing Town Centre Initiative and Worthing Community Chest. n

Nelson Navarro, artist, producer and creator from Worthing bit.ly/TimesTwoVid

Worthing Writers’ Retreat

No distractions. No excuses. Just writing. Perfect.

The famous one-day butt-kicking, procrastinating-busting, tea-drinking, biscuit-dunking writing retreats run on the first Saturday of the month in Worthing. Booking essential.

Next retreats (Saturdays):

7 April, 5 May, 2 June

Find out more at www.writershq.co.uk

facebook.com/writershq twitter.com/writers_hq

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

APRIL LISTINGS

Your Guide to What’s On

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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LISTINGS - MUSIC

Connor’s View LIVE MUSIC @ BAR 42

The new EP launch of local band The Etcetera on 8 March was the first gig at the new-look Bar 42, which had taken a month out of the game to renovate and improve the venue for bigger gigs in the future.

Worthing

Sets from The Azure, The Temple Runs and New Tropics preceded The Etcetera’s launch Original Music of their new EP ‘Sorry About Your Wall’.

Combining indie, punk, double bass drum patterns and rapping, their performance had a uniqueness that ensured a great reopening for Bar 42. New alterations to the venue include an expansion of the live room, new monitor speakers, a bar between the audience and the stage, and a separate riser for the drums. They all made for a much improved night, with better sound quality and much more standing room! Expect Bar 42 to deliver on the promise of bigger gigs with El Morgan’s Indie Goth Folk Pop on 3 April, followed by Punk legends The Vibrators playing on 14 April.

Get down there and support live music! n By Connor Sun 1 April The Violin Will Take You: Interview Concert w/ Polish violinist Kamila Bydlowska and visiting Russian pianist Varvara Tarasova. Seated intimately In The Round, close to the action, audience members can submit their own questions.

St. Paul’s. 4pm, £13/ family tickets/ £1 for under 19s – World/Instrumental Pangalactic Festival w/ Emily Capell at Bar 42. £5 entry all weekend - Festival Michael Jackson Tribute, Warwick. 8pm, £5 adv. (£7 otd.) – Tribute Jazz Breakfast w/ Mike Hatchard, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 11am, £10 - Jazz The Collective, Egremont. 5pm, FREE – Covers Purple Shoes, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

4pm, FREE – Country/Rock

Christelle Lamb at View Café Bar. 8pm, FREE - Acoustic Dawg and the Bones, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Blues Rewind w/ DJ Pete Mac, Warwick.

8:30pm, FREE Blind Lemons, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

9pm, FREE – Blues/Rock

Tue 10 April Simon Savage Quartet, Hare and Hounds.

8pm, FREE - Jazz

Wed 11 April Ezio, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £12 – Rock/Ballad

Thu 12 April

Strange Brew, Piston Broke (Shm).

8:30pm, FREE

Mother’s Ruin: A Cabaret About Gin, Pavilion Theatre. 8pm, £17.50 - Cabaret

Sat 7 April

Grease and Disco Night w/ Treanna, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Disco

Geno Washington and the Ram Jam Band, Southern Pavilion. 7pm, £23 - Soul

#Scratchpad gig at Bar 42, 7.30pm.

FREE

Rough Chowder, Duke of Wellington (Shm).4pm, FREE – Cajun/Zydeco

Boogie Royale at St. Paul’s. 7:30pm-late, raising funds for St Barnabas & Chestnut Tree House, £8 - DJ

Lorelei Rock, Piston Broke (Shm). 4:30pm, FREE

J-Sonics, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm).

8pm, £10 - Jazz

Tue 3 April

Rocket Dolls + support at Bar 42. 8pm, FREE

Coastal Connections w/ Snakes and Ladders, Cory Flynn and Zoe Wren. 7pm, FREE – Showcase and Open Mic

Union – 90s Night, Cellar Arts Club. 8pm, £2 for non-members – 90s DJ

80s Party Night w/ Mark Wright, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – 80s

The Bushmen, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Pop/Rock

Alex and the Middle Men w/ Mr. Steeps, Warwick. 8:30pm, FREE

DJ Spoons, Warwick. 8:30pm, FREE - DJ

KXB Band, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

9pm, FREE - Covers

El Morgan and the Divers + support at Bar 42. 7pm, £3 – Indie-Folk Dave Mattacks Quartet, Hare and Hounds. 8pm, FREE - Jazz

Thu 5 April Gary Fletcher Band, Southern Pavilion.

7pm, £17 - Blues Tony Moore, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £12 - Rock

Fri 6 April Stephen Dale Petit, Southern Pavilion.

7pm, £16 - Blues

KXB Band, Piston Broke (Shm). 4:30pm, FREE - Covers

Richard Durrant: Stringhenge – One Year On, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £15 – Folk

Mon 2 April

Drusila + support at Bar 42. 8pm, £3

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Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

Please mention Here & Now when booking or attending events.

List your event FREE! Email music@hereandnowmag.co.uk or go to hereandnowmag.co.uk

| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

Lee Ainley’s Blues Storm, Piston Broke (Shm). 8:30pm, FREE - Blues

Sun 8 April WSO: RAF Centenary Concert, Assembly Hall. 2:45pm, £19 – 28 - Classical John Crampton, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

4pm, FREE - Blues Shady Grove, Piston Broke (Shm). 4:30pm, FREE - Covers

Fri 13 April Gryphon, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm).

8pm, £18 - Progressive

Sat 14 April Kate Rusby, Connaught Theatre. 7:30pm, £23 - Folk The Vibrators + support at Bar 42. 8pm, £8 – Punk Berlin After Dark! Circus Cabaret at St. Paul’s. 7:30pm, £13 - Cabaret Jamie Smith’s Mabon, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £16 - Folk

Absolute Fakes, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Pop/Rock Covers

The Curst Sons, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

9pm, FREE – American Traditional

Mr. Steeps, Warwick. 8:30pm, FREE - DJ

Sun 22 April

Shauna Parker and the Saloon Bar Band, Piston Broke (Shm). 8:30pm, FREE

Wurlitzer: Stephen Austin, Assembly Hall.

2:30pm, £12

Jazz Session, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

3pm, FREE – Jazz

Exactly Zero and Annika Brown, Cellar Arts Club. 4pm, £2 for non-members – Indie/Singer-Songwriter

Archie Deacon & The Bishops, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 9pm, FREE – Rock’n’Roll

Sun 15 April Murdoch’s Crazy Eyes at Molotov. 7pm, FREE – Covers Porchlight Smoker, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 5pm, FREE Rough Chowder, Piston Broke (Shm).

4:30pm, FREE – Cajun/Zydeco #Scratchpad gig at Bar 42, 6-10pm.

FREE

Tue 17 April Benn Clattworthy Quartet, Hare and Hounds. 8pm, FREE - Jazz

Wed 18 April Georgie Fame, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £25 - Jazz Jazz Café: Featuring Martin Shaw, Pavilion Café Bar. 8pm, £9 - Jazz

Lee & Mel Farmery, Egremont. 5pm, FREE Buffo’s Wake, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

5pm, FREE - World Karl, Piston Broke (Shm). 4:30pm, FREE #Scratchpad gig at Coast, 6-9pm. FREE

Tue 24 April Jim Mullen Quartet, Hare and Hounds.

8pm, FREE - Jazz

Wed 25 April The Bootleg Beatles, Pavilion Theatre.

7:30pm, £31 – Tribute Greg Russell and Ciaran Algar, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £14 - Folk

Thu 26 April DJ Jazzman, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

8:30pm, FREE - DJ

Fri 27 April

Thu 19 April Miranda Sykes, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £14 – Folk Welly Wailers, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

8:30pm, FREE – Sea Shanty #Scratchpad gig at Coast, 7pm. FREE

Fri 20 April Tensheds + The Dead Reds at Bar 42.

8pm, £3 – Blues/Rock Chris Difford + Boo Hewerdine, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £20 – Singer-Songwriter Hats Off to Led Zeppelin, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £15 - Tribute Supersaurus, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Pop/Rock Covers Tangent w/ Mr. Steeps, Warwick. 8:30pm, FREE – Covers, DJ Kerjaatjat + support, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 8pm, FREE – Finnish Ska

Sat 21 April La Cantina presents Prince, Cellar Arts Club. 8pm, £2 for non members – DJ/ Tribute Dumb Waiters, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Electro Covers DJ Pete Mac, Warwick. 8:30pm, FREE – DJ Shm Allstars Showcase, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 3pm, FREE – Showcase

Craig Charles Funk & Soul Club plus support from Kat & Co and Inappropriate Handclap. Doors 7pm, Starts 8pm.

The Warren Room, Worthing College.

BBC Radio 6 pragmatic and animated music show host, Mr Craig Charles is transporting his ‘Trunk of Funk’ to Worthing. A huge evening overflowing with groove-ridden-beats, soul-jamshakers plus dance-floor funksters. Bar & refreshments. Tickets worthingevents. co.uk Synthesize Me at St. Paul’s. 7:30pm, FREE Väsen, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £15 - Folk Talk of the Town, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Covers Happy Endings w/ DJ Spoons, Warwick.

8:30pm, FREE – Covers, DJ

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

LISTINGS - MUSIC CONTINUED Weird Hot Chili Peppers, Farmers (Lancing). 9pm, FREE - Tribute The Lee Harvey Oswalds, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 9pm, FREE – Punk/New Wave Covers Dolly Dagger, Piston Broke (Shm). 8:30pm, FREE

Sat 28 April Inappropriate Handclap - Coast’s 10th Birthday Bash!! 8pm-1am. Best in Funk, Soul, Disco, House and beyond. FREE Coast Charity Concert featuring Richard Jones, Pavilion Theatre. 7:30pm, £24 - Variety

Sun 6 May Jazz Breakfast w/ Mike Hatchard, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 11am, £10 - Jazz Shady Grove, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

9pm, FREE – Bluegrass/Folk The Diablo, Piston Broke (Shm). 4:30pm, FREE

Mon 7 May Burning Organ, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

3pm, FREE – Covers The Fold, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 9pm, FREE – Folk Rock

Thu 10 May Big Yellow Taxi, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE DJ Pete Mac: Thank You, Warwick.

8:30pm, FREE – DJ

You Win Again – Celebrating the music of the Bee Gees, Pavilion Theatre. 7:30pm, £22.50 - Tribute

Jazz Session, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 3pm, FREE - Jazz Rooster Tail, Piston Broke (Shm).

8:30pm, FREE - Covers

Sun 29 April Trad Attack!, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £14 - Folk Taylor Maid, Egremont. 5pm, FREE – Swing, Jazz Vintage Hot Five, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 5pm, FREE Sun, Piston Broke (Shm). 4:30pm, FREE

Tue 1 May Maddy Prior, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £16.50 - Folk

REGULAR EVENT LISTINGS Soul In The Cellar with Amanda Mitchell, Cellar Arts Club. 3/17April and 8 May at 7:30pm - £6 booking fee per workshop

Thu 3 May

Open Mic w/ Bustin’ A Groove, Thomas A Becket. Every other Tue from 3 April at 8pm

George Michael Tribute w/ Pete Valentine, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Tribute

Secret Shore Shanty Singers at Ye Old House at Home. Last Tue of every month from 7:30pm

Crackling Griffins, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 9pm, FREE – Irish Traditional

South Downs Folk Singers at Ye Old House at Home. First Wed of every month from 7:30pm

Fri 4 May Trapper, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – 60s Covers Bloody Mary, Piston Broke (Shm). 8:30pm, FREE

Sat 5 May African Night Fever Presents: Reggae Party, Ropetackle Arts Centre (Shm). 8pm, £15 - Reggae Alice Band, Egremont. 8:45pm, FREE – Covers Cooper and Blonde, Duke of Wellington (Shm). 4pm, FREE – Old Time Dubious Roots, Duke of Wellington (Shm).

9pm, FREE – Ska/Dub/Reggae

Open Stage at Bar Next Door. Every Wed at 8pm.

Tim Keegan’s Beach House Music Club w/ guest musicians, Beach House. First Thurs of every month at 8pm Open Mic at Tangerine Bar. Every other Thurs from 5 April at 8pm Karoake, Warwick. Every Thurs at 9pm Open Mic w/ Bustin’ A Groove, Crown and Anchor (Shm). Every Thurs at 8pm Madi Laine w/ Chris Simmons, Beach House. Last Sun of every month at 8pm South Coast Blues Jam, Charles Dickens.

3rd Sun of every month at 2pm

Backbeat, Piston Broke (Shm). 8:30pm, FREE

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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LISTINGS - THEATRE & CINEMA Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

Please mention Here & Now when booking or attending events.

Want to see your event here?

Get it on here! hereandnowmag.co.uk Check websites for updated info.

What can you achieve in 14 days?

What can you achieve in Fourteen Days? A very good question.

I’M VERY MUCH A SPUR OF THE MOMENT kind of person, I remember last year I entered into the Worthing Half Marathon the month before it took place, and spent the two weeks leading up to it training, it was the longest I had ever run and thankfully it went rather well in the end (at least that’s what I remember whilst frantically gasping for breath at the finish line).

So what happens when you take one of the UK’s best male dancing troupes, and you mix them with world renowned choreographers?

This May we welcome the return of Balletboyz to the Connaught Theatre after their sell out performance of Life in 2015. This time around they are touring their thrilling new piece of work, in which choreographers Javier de Frutos, Craig Revel Horwood, Ivan Perez and Christopher Wheeldon were given just fourteen days each to create a unique dance piece alongside composers Scott Walker, Joby Talbot, Charlotte Harding and Keaton

Henson. I’m really excited to see the end product, performed in world class style by Balletboyz.

Then the second half of the show is formed by the company’s award-winning piece Fallen, choreographed by Russell Maliphant and set to a powerful score by French film composer Armand Amar, Fallen won the National Dance Award for Best Modern Choreography in 2013.

We’ve had some really exciting dance companies visit Worthing recently, who all performed to full houses. It’s great to see such a passion for this stunning art form. n

by Stephen Sheldrake Marketing Officer, Worthing Theatres, Museum & Art Gallery

BALLETBOYZ: FOURTEEN DAYS

PERFORMED LIVE AT THE CONNAUGHT THEATRE ON SATURDAY 19 MAY, 7.30PM. FOR TICKETS VISIT WORTHINGTHEATRES.CO.UK OR CALL THE BOX OFFICE ON 01903 206 206

COMPETITION WIN TICKETS TO SEE A GLOBAL FILM STAR EMBARK OF HER DEBUT CABARET TOUR

ON SUNDAY 13 MAY, two-time Tony Award nominee and two-time Golden Globe award-winner

Kathleen Turner presents her debut cabaret Finding My Voice at the Pavilion Theatre, singing classic tunes from the American songbook. To win a pair of tickets, answer the following question…

Kathleen Turner has starred in which films?

A) Romancing The Stone & Peggy Sue Got Married B) Bladerunner & Star Wars C) Pride & Prejudice & The Shape of Water To enter, email your answer to competition@hereandnowmag.co.uk by midnight Monday 16 April. To be entered, Kathleen Turner must be in the subject line. One entry per person. Winner selected at random and notified by email or phone by Wednesday 18 April. Good Luck!

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| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

April Cinema Sun 1 April Peter Rabbit (PG) Autism friendly.

10.15am. Feature adaptation of Beatrix Potter’s classic tale of a rebellious rabbit trying to sneak into a farmer’s vegetable garden. Connaught

Wed 4 April ROH: Macbeth (12A) screen arts. Live 7.15pm. Connaught

Sat 7 Apr SMP: Paddington 2 (U) 10.15am.

Connaught

Tue 10 Apr Mary & the Witch’s Flower (PG) 6.15pm.

Subtitled. Stunning animation from a team of ex-Studio Ghibli animators.

Connaught Studio

Tue 10 April Jabberwocky, 2pm. Ropetackle

Wed 11 April RSC: Macbeth (12A) 7pm. Live.

Contemporary production of Shakespeare’s darkest psychological thriller. Connaught Theatre

Thu 12 April

April Theatre

Distant Sky: Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Live in Copenhagen (15) 8.30pm. Connaught Studio

Wed 4-Sat 7 April

The Fabulous BakerBoys, Ropetackle Film Club members. 7:30pm. Ropetackle

Fri 13 April The Naked Gun (15) 8.15pm. Standard/ VIP tickets with beer & hot dog.

Connaught Studio

Sat 14th April Peter Rabbit (PG) Autistic Screening.

10.15am. Dome SMP: Coco (PG) 10.15am. Connaught

Sun 15 April Westwood: Punk, Icon, Activist (12A) 3.30pm. Documentary about the iconic designer Vivienne Westwood.

Connaught Studio

‘Disappeared’, Wick Theatre Co. 7.45pm. A haunting mystery with black comedy. The Barn, Southwick.

Thu 12 April Mother’s Ruin: A Cabaret About Gin 8pm. Equal parts historical and hysterical, lose yourself in the company of sailors, barmaids and bootleggers in this darkly comic cabaret. Inc a free G&T or soft drink. Pavillion Theatre Comedy Night @ The Cellar Arts Club.

7.30pm. Two of the UK’s up and coming comedians bring their own comedy shows to Worthing. FREE for members, £2 guest/£1 student

Thu 12-Sat 14 April Two 1 Act Plays: I am Hamlet + Being Rose. Lancing Rep Players. For info: info@lancingrep.co.uk

Fri 13 April An Audience with Geoff Hurst & Gordon Banks 7.30pm. Pavilion Theatre

Sun 15 April An Evening with Pam Ayres, 5pm.

Pavillion Theatre

Wed 18–Sat 21 April

Thu 19 April Grease Sing-Along (PG) 8.15pm. Go sing some rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga ding at the Connaught Studio

Sat 21 April SMP: Early Man (PG) 10.15am.

Connaught Studio

Wed 25 Apr ENB: Akram Khan’s Giselle (12A) 6.15pm.

Thu 26 April Victoria and Abdul, 2pm. Ropetackle

Turn of the Screw, various times.

1840. A young governess agrees to look after two orphaned children in Bly, a seemingly idyllic country house.

Connaught

Fri 20-Sun 22 April Gangsta Granny. Various times. Pavillion Theatre

Thu 26 April David Baddiel – My Family: Not the Sitcom. Ashow about memory, ageing, infidelity, dysfunctional relatives, moral policing on social media, golf, and gay cats. 7.30pm. Pavillion Theatre

Fri 27 April Paul Gascoigne: My Life in My Own Words. 7.30pm. Pavillion Theatre

MAGIC

by Tony Charles MAGICAL ENTERTAINMENT for family, venue, business or educational events

F CLOSE-UP OR

MIX-N-MINGLE MAGIC F MAGIC SHOWS F PERFECT AT WEDDINGS & BIRTHDAY PARTIES

Sat 28 April SMP: Peter Rabbit (PG) 10.15am.

May Cinema

May Theatre Thu 3 May-Mon 14 May

Meet Me in St Louis. Various times.

Connaught Theatre

BF 2018 Lexicon – World Premier By NoFit State Circus. Roll up, roll up and enter the big top. A daring, seductive and utterly contemporary take on the circus experience. Hove Lawns.

Thu 3 May

Sat 5 May

ROH: Manon (12A). 7.15pm. Live.

Performed at the Royal Opera House and streamed to cinemas. Connaught Studio

Grumpy Old Women to the Rescue, 7.30pm. Starring Jenny Eclair, Dillie Keane and Lizzie Roper. Pavilion Theatre

Tue 1 May–Sat 5 May

Call Tony on Freephone 0800 0730 940 or 07850 139925 or email tony@tonycharles.com MORE DETAILS AT www.tonycharles.com FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER @TonyMathsMagic

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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LISTINGS - GENERAL

Stuff to Do

Readers are advised to check event listing info in case of change.

Please mention Here & Now when booking or attending events.

Want to see your event here?

Get it on here! hereandnowmag.co.uk Check websites for updated info.

ADDITIONAL LISTINGS THROUGHOUT THIS ISSUE!

To Sun 15 April

Vegan Easter Fair 10-5pm. Worthing’s first vegan event. Food tasters and stalls, products and goods. Animal welfare stalls.

Assembly Hall FREE entry

See lambs and calves being born. No booking necessary, families can just turn up at between 9.30am & 4.00pm.

Please remember it’s a working farm, not a petting farm. You will see real working farm practices in action during your visit.

Tractor rides available to see the animals in the fields and fantastic views from the top of the downs. No dogs, it upsets the ewes & cows. Combes Farm Lancing. coombes.co.uk

Easter Eggstravaganza 10-5pm with market, rides, egg hunt. Worthing town centre. FREE

Tue 3 April Over 55 Singles Social 8-11pm. John Selden Pub. Breakaway 0792 0843 500 £2.50 Soul in the Cellar 7.30-9pm (& Tue 17 April & 8 May) Women for Women - Feelgood singing group. Cellar Arts Club Book - amanda@letssingsoul.com

Tue 27 March – Sat 14 April Leon Kreel – Moment, 10am-5pm.

Gallery, Colonnade House.

Thurs 29 March World of Mouth 8pm to midnight.

Spoken Word Fight. At Cellar Arts Club.

Free to members, £2 guests, £1 students

Who Let The Dads Out? 9am-10.30am.

Get together - for Dads and Male Carers.

Maybridge Community Church Caer Gwent Easter Fayre. 10-12.30pm.

For Guild Care Downview Road, £1 entry (Charity) Record Fair. 10-4pm at St Paul’s Worthing.

To mid April

Fri 30 March

Sun 1 April

A giant observation wheel is set to roll into Worthing this Easter! Standing at 35 metres high, the wheel is one of the tallest transportable attractions of its type currently available in the UK – giving those boarding the chance to see up to ten miles in the distance. 10am-10pm, seven days a week. Standard ticket £5 with concessions for children and OAPs. Steyne Gardens, Worthing.

Clash of the Titans: 3 day Ale Festival (30 Mar-1 April) The Georgi Fin Micropub, Goring. FREE entry

Train Rides Worthing Model Engineers 2-5pm. Field Place, Worthing. 50p per ride

Dubedelica - 7.30pm to late. Reggae Sound System. At St Paul’s Worthing.

FREE entry

Easter Bonnet Parade from noon. Kids Workshop and prizes at Brooksteed Alehouse

Sat 31 March

Mon 2 April

Record Fair from 10am. Vinyl, CDs, DVDs, Books. at St Paul’s Worthing. FREE entry

Beach Green Bank Holiday Market 9am4pm. Trade & Food stalls on Beach Green Lancing. Contact 07971738239

Easter Boutique Market 10am-3:30pm.

50 stalls, Live music, charity fund-raising for Chestnut Tree House, at Shoreham Community Centre, FREE entry

Easter Egg Hunt and park clean-up 10am-noon. Bring your own gloves.

Homefield Park

Thurs 27 March-Sat 7 April Echoes from the Landscape – Christopher Pledger, 10am-5pm, gallery Colonnade House.

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Craft Fair 9am-1pm (every Tuesday) Storrington village hall. FREE entry City Books Present: Elizabeth Day & Laline Paull in conversation with Annabelle Thorpe at the Ropetackle Centre. Three really excellent writers talk about writing.

Worthing Antiques & Collectors Club.

7.30-9pm. First Tuesday of month at Worthing lecture theatre (below the main library). Guest speaker Alison Kentuck The Receiver of Wreck from Southampton: History Role & Responsibilities. £5

Wed 4 April Networth Friendly Local Networking.

5.30-7.30pm. Small businesses, Charities and Community Groups. FREE entry

Thurs 5 April Quiz Night (every Thursday) 8pm.

Broadwater Greene King. Prizes. £1 entry Quiz Night (every Thursday) 8pm. North Star Worthing. £1

JOE BUNN’S BARDIC TRIALS Quiz Night (every Thursday) 8pm. The Goose. £1

Sat 7 April Artists Networking Meeting 9-11am.

Small Batch Coffee Roasters. Portland Road. info@worthingartstudios.com FREE entry Book signing 11am with Julia Donaldson. Steyning Bookshop.

Steyning Farmers’ Market from 9am.

High Street Car Park.

Antiques and Collectors Fair. 10-4pm.

Woodland Centre Rustington. FREE entry

Mon 9 April Flamenco Dance Class. Mondays 12pm to 2pm. Ferring Village Hall. ferringvh@ gmail.com Dementia Awareness Session 10.30amnoon. Rustington Library. The Alzheimer’s Society. 01403 213017 FREE entry

Tue 10 April

Great Little Farmers’ Market Goring.

9am-3pm, Produce and handmade goods. Contact on FB for info

Action for Happiness Worthing monthly meet-up group, 7-9pm. Coast. Info in this issue Here & Now. FREE

UNION - 90s Party 8pm to midnight.

Cellar Arts Club. Free to members, £2 guests, £1 students

John Hopgood: La Mer – Paintings Inspired by The Sea Tues to Sat 14th April, 10am-5pm, Colonnade House

Train Party sessions from 10.30am East Worthing Comm Centre. £5 book 01903 719973

Sigil Magic Talk 7-10pm. Sompting Village Hall. FREE but book 01903 766065

Boogie Royale 7.30 to midnight.

Fundraising event for St Barnabas and Chestnut Tree House. Funky night with DJs, St Paul’s Worthing tickets Eventbrite

Men in Sheds Every Tuesday & Thursday 9.30am-3pm. Findon Village Hall.

Contact Bob Eastabrook 01903 873963

Barn Dance in Aid of St Barnabas Hospice 6.30-10.30pm. Woodlands Hall, Rustington. Info & tickets £7 Freda 01903 782336 Street Briefing 2-5pm. Local Police Prevention team talk about any Policing issues you may be concerned about. East Worthing Community Centre Songwriting Workshop Breakaway Songstorm 2-5pm Cellar Arts Club. Free members/£2. Bookg bobburkemusic@ outlook.com Beach Green Bank Holiday Market 9am4pm. Trade & Food stalls on Beach Green Lancing. Contact 07971738239 Worthing Craft Supplies Market. 9am1pm. St Synphorian’s Church Hall. FREE entry Kids Run Free - 8.45am. Victoria Park. All small people welcome. FREE

Sat 7-Sun 8 April Lancing College Craft Show. 10.30am to 4pm. Adult £3. under 16 FREE entry

Sun 8 April Mind, Body, Spirit Event 10.30am-5pm.

The Charmandean. £3.50 Email fionahj@ yahoo.co.uk Train Rides Worthing Model Engineers 2-5pm Field Place 50p per ride

Thurs 12 April Archery Tag Taster 2-4pm Age 9+ Lancing Impulse Leisure. Book 07834 973901 Comedy Night 7-11pm. Two acts. Cellar Arts Club FREE entry members/£2 Short Stories Tall Tales 10.30am and 1.30pm. ‘Short Stories, Tall Tales’ £5 adult + 1 child. Ropetackle Arts Centre 01273 464440 History and Fiction: Finding the Balance with Richard Buxton at Church Hall, Goring Methodist Church.

Fri 13 April Polari. Worthing WOW co-production at Fraser’s Bar, Hear from LGBT authors ​for the evening. Info, see Literary page Here & Now. Connaught Theatre.

SPACE TO CREATE Recently, I’ve been looking for a new flat to rent in Worthing. And what I saw didn’t make me happy. The rent prices in Worthing are supremely high.

HALF MY PAYCHECK FOR A SINGLE ROOM with a shared kitchen. Not a big room either, a small room. Now it has become clear that most of my generation will not be able to afford to buy their own houses, surely there should be more controls on rent. No wonder so many of us are living at home with our parents. And this is when I had a thought. When you are living at home, you aren’t free to think, free to wander freely in your mind. You can’t make huge zeitgeist shifting music, the kind your parents would be affronted by, if the very people you’re looking to upset are sat in the next room, banging on the wall and telling you to turn it down. If they aren’t banging on the wall, you’re doing it wrong.

Poetry Workshop 3-5pm. Workshops with Ione. Cellar Arts Club, no booking, Free members/£2

When punk began, people found spaces to perform in, to practise in, to create in. The Roxy was started using funds from a pawned guitar. That gave them the option to experiment. But kids today don’t have that option. The owners of spaces are seemingly only interested in money, they aren’t interested in becoming part of history.

Spring Tree Walk. 10am-12noon. Walk round Homefield Park, look at the trees and learning some interesting facts. friendsofhomefieldparkworthing.co.uk FREE

I truly believe this is one of the main reasons that art as a whole has been so stunted recently. Nobody has the actual physcial area to create in.

Sat 14 April

We need to give young people Space to Create. If you have a garage, let a local band practise there, open up your living room for gigs, let artists paint in your spare room, turn your shed into a recording studio, let your loft become a writers room. Every spare bit of space you have, give it up. And don’t charge them, because they are the future.

You had space to create, so give them their space to create. n

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

41

LISTINGS - GENERAL CONTINUED Sat 14 & Sun 15

Thurs 19 April

Bluebell Family Photoshoot. Times vary.

Ana Bohane Photography. Book 07557 405480

An Examination of Culture. How culture emerges, questioning our influence.

David Freud. 8pm. The Libertine. £5

Sun 15 April

Sat 21 April

Pedal on the Prom 10.30am. Sponsored cycle to raise money for the Guild Care Ashdown Centre for children with disabilities and people with Dementia.

Enquiries. 01903 528613

Lancing Village Market 9-1pm Littlecroft Car Park Lancing.

Craft and table Fair 10-4pm Charmandean 07894069164 FREE entry and parking Craft Fair 10-4pm. Village Hall East Preston.

Donation on door to Festival Committee.

Art Auction 4-8pm. Cellar Arts Club.

FREE Entry

Mon 16 April Mindfulness Course 1-2.30pm. FREE 6 week course Meditation, Relaxation.

Sompting Big Local 07474 678479 Sompting & District Model Railway Club 6 to 11pm. Sompting Village Hall.

01903 766065

Tue 17-Sun 22 April Alan James McLeod, 10am-5pm gallery at Colonnade House

Theatre Quirkshop (Workshop) 3-5pm Themed monthly. Cellar Arts Club. No booking - FREE members/£2 Guests

“I’ve been advertising in Here & Now for 1 year now. As a small business, I was looking for a way to connect with people in the Worthing area. Here & Now is probably the best way of doing this, and I am very happy with what it’s generated for me over the last 12 months.”

Adrian PLUMBER ON TAP

Sat 21-Sun 22 April

Sat 5 May

Worthing Eco Open Houses 10am6pm. Info in Here & Now and at www. ttworthing.org

The Ladies return to the decks! 8-midnight. All female DJ line-up busting out Reggae & Soul on Vinyl.

Cellar Arts Club. FREE members/£2

Tue 24 April Just Draw Freestlye Art Class 7.309.30pm. Cellar Arts Club. Book: peasrgreenpaul95@gmail.com

Sun 6 May

Thurs 26 April World Of Mouth - Spoken Word with a House Band. 7.30-11pm Cellar Arts Club.

FREE members/£2/£1

Sat 28 April Boot Sale.Worthing Lions 10am. Pond Lane Rec, Durrington

Sussex Real Ales Ciders&Craft Canned Beers

DELIVERED DIRECT TO YOUR DOOR

www.aledelivery.co.uk Arun & Adur CAMRA Pub of the Year 2017

WE AIM TO DELIVER WITHIN 1 HOUR Tues-Fri 3pm-9pm Sat Noon-9pm Sun Noon-5pm Delivery instructions for the hard of drinking: 1 Head to the website 2 Choose your beer(s) 3 Give us your delivery details 4 Pay us some dosh 5 Wait for the beer to turn up 6 Drink beer PLEASE NOTE: It is illegal to sell alcohol to under 18s so proof of age ID may be required

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Vintage and Retro Fair. 9-4pm. St Symphorians Churh Hall. Worthing

Sun 29 April Art Deco Fair 10am-3pm. Charmandean. phone 07812510298

WORTHING MUSEUM & ART GALLERY will be hosting their second ‘Saxon Sussex Weekend’ on Friday 27 & Saturday 28 April. On the Friday they’re teaming up with the South Downs Society for a tour of the local Anglo-Saxon churches, starting at Sompting church, followed by a walk up the Adur valley to visit the beautiful churches at Botolphs & Coombes.

On Saturday they will be welcoming the Gesithas Engliscan Anglo-Saxon society as well as the Weorod Living History Group to the museum for a series of free lectures and demonstrations of life in early Saxon

Three Forts Marathon.

Devil’s Dyke – Chanctonbury Ring – Cissbury Ring – 27 miles, known as ‘The Tough One’.

Marathon starts 10am, Half Marathon 10.30am. Supporting Ferring Country Centre. Entry fee £30, all profits to charity. Reg closes 29 April or sooner if entry limit is reached. Info: threefortschallenge.org.uk

Sussex throughout the day! This will involve battle reenactments, living history demonstrations and possibly even a burial!

Keep an eye on social media for more information over the next few weeks, or email us at museum@adurworthing.gov.uk

Fri 27 April 9am Sompting Church

Sat 28 April 10am Worthing Museum & Art Gallery. FREE

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43

COFFEE BREAK - CROSSWORD

Win a £30 Food Hamper!

Crossword with thanks to Hazel 1A

2D

2A/ 1D

3A

3D

4A 6A

5A/ 5D

7A

8A/ 5D

9A

6D 10A 7D

11A

12A

8D

14A

13A

CROSSWORD COMPETITION Scan & email to competition@ hereandnowmag.co.uk To be entered, ‘April Crossword’ must be in the subject header. Or send with your contact details to: April Crossword Here & Now, PO Box 5012 Worthing BN11 9BW

CLOSING DATE Monday 23rd April 2018.

Winner will be selected at random and notified by email or phone by Wednesday 25th April. Good luck!

© Jimmy Pearson 44

| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

WINNER

Feb: Rob Hewitt

Donated by Kardinal Independent LivingProfessional Mobilty Sales and Services at 15-17 Broadwater Street West, Worthing BN14 9BT Call 01903 232326 email kardinalmobility.co.uk CLUES ACROSS The twenty third of 6A is this George’s 3A (2) Type of rainfall associated with 6A (7) See 1A (3) One of the two signs of the Zodiac in 6A (5) Choose or pluck (4) This month, may be named after Aphrodite (5) Official flower of 6A, and girl’s name (5) Animal associated with the other sign of the Zodiac in 6A (4) & 5D Essential ingredient in the PB&J sandwich (US), which has its own 3A on 2nd of 6A (6,6) 1D was one, as was Wordsworth (both April babies) (4) You might see this type of 2A in the night sky in 6A (6) Greek goddess of the rainbow and her eponymous flower (4) Opportunity for playing tricks 6A, 13A, 3A (5) The _ _ _ for 6A is the diamond (3) CLUES DOWN This playwright and 10A was born and died in 6A, 1564 -1616 Little tiny brown birds, actively courting in 6A in UK (5) Actual colour of Wordsworth’s famous flowers (6) Perfect for jumping in, after 6A 2A (7) See 9A

6A is the middle month of this season (6) Sweet _ _ _ _ , the other official flower of 6A (4) ‘Rustle _ _ 6D’ , popular trilling piano piece by Christian Sindig 1896 (2)

EXTRA CHALLENGE! Take the 16 letters in the light blue squares and make this seasonal phrase, famous in an Andrews Sisters song, 1941. _____ _______ ____ Note: You don’t have to answer this element to enter the competition.

MARCH ANSWERS Across

WIND GUST PUFF ILL LAMB AIR WILLOWS CHINOOK SETTLED SCALE TYPHOON SHEETS

Down

WESTERLIES TURBULENCE SCIROCCO BLUSTERY LOW WOOD HOT LION GALE VENT

Extra just for fun answer: FLATULENCE

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

45

THE WORTHING BYPASS

This column will not change your self-awareness “I’m an Empath” was how she introduced herself, tears streaming down her face.

Initial reaction was that I’d stumbled into a Star Trek convention, said Empath awaiting costume fitting with empathetic antennas to protrude inelegantly from her forehead.

BY JOE BUNN

AS I STUMBLED FOR A WITTY RESPONSE, mouth quavering like a pill-popping goldfish, a dawning realisation came over me. No need to indulge in dinner party etiquette, I leant back and waved an introduction to the Beloved Hackette – “so’s she” – before exiting the impending hugathon and mumbling to myself, “sob yourselves silly”.

It was some days earlier when I had inadvertently thrown a conversational hand grenade across the table at a fellow diner who’d eschewed dessert for Lent. “No chocolate,” she pronounced grandly, as if Christ were

46

| April 2018 | HERE & NOW

eavesdropping to award brownie points for non-brownie indulgence. Seems like small beer compared to a 40-day fast but who am I to comment? Well, the Ubiquitous Hack, obviously, so I did. “You know what I’m giving up for Lent?” Hushed awe swept over the table at my loud interjection. Even better, I figured, I’ve got an audience. “Empathy!” I exclaimed proudly, which surprisingly was met with guffaws, a rare treat.

“How’s that going?” enquired the chocciedodger. “None of your effing business,” I fired back in response, met this time with uproar and amplified guffawing, a virtual unknown.

“But that’s not even technically correct,” the Beloved Hackette critiqued the next day. “Yes, but it was the nearest I could get under the circumstances,” I explained, reflecting on one of life’s rare highlights, gradually eroded by her highlyevolved loving disdain.

It was why I was so happy to pass the buck when the going got hairy with the weeping woman, sans antenna. I never asked how that conversation went, fearing further accusations to compound my lost soul status, the usual complaint levied at those of us who refuse to break down sobbing at the drop of a cuddly toy. In hindsight I can only imagine they were lamenting the unrealisation of the Worthing Bypass, something we all need to reflect upon, preferably on a monthly basis.

Don’t get me wrong, I do cry at major events – deaths in the family, mortgage hikes, that kind of thing – but it’s really not my scene. If I come out wiping my eyes from the darkened catacombs of a Sunday afternoon at the cinema it darn well better be because Disney’s gone full metal jacket and slaughtered Bambi, never mind mommy. My

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THEY WERE LAMENTING THE UNREALISATION OF THE WORTHING BYPASS...

tears are well earnt, unlike my income.

No, what I aim for, dear Hackolyte, is something more grandiose. Why settle for indulgent self-reflection when you can aim to be so much better than the rest? That’s why I aspire for Integrity.

Partly, of course, because it’s largely indefinable, but mostly because it’s so much cooler than being a cry-baby. What I have learned is that a good degree of selfawareness is something of a pre-requisite. This, as it turns out, is a double-edged sword which came crashing down on me as if Damocles had materialised and gone ballistic at being abused as nothing more than a threatening metaphor.

I came out of the brilliant film, Molly Bloom, exalting the virtues of the central character played by Jessica Chastain – a real-life highstakes poker game runner who transcended the shoddy mannerisms of gangsters and overgrown, megalomaniac man-child megastars to rule the roost in a world of men behaving badly. Although finally taken to task by the US Government for failing to follow subservient convention, she refused to give up her unscrupulous allies.

“Integrity, that woman has integrity. And so does Jessica Chastain. These women are the real stars I tell you,” I eulogised to herself as she nodded patiently.

“What’s more,” I announced with pride oozing from every pour, “these women are my new heroes,” before pulling the rug from beneath my own sanctimonious sermonising, exposing the patriarchal edifice of my upbringing, tone deflating as the realisation hit home… “that’s the first time I’ve had female heroes.”

Maybe I could do with a bit more empathy after all. n

The Ubiquitous Hack

HERE & NOW | April 2018 |

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