The Mock Turtle - No. 7

THE Mock T urtle

MARCH, 1929,

PRICE 6d.

The Mock Turtle A

Review of th e Life, T hought, a n d H u m o u r of th e

H u d d ersfield

T echnical

College.

E d ito r: CHARLES RECORD. Assistant Editor : Business Manager: Assistant Business Manager:

“

PHYLLIS KAHN. F. A. STOTT. R. C. LlGHTBODY.

There’s a purpose just behind me, and he’s treading on my tail.”

NUMBER SEVEN.

M ARCH 1929.

F or E v e r y t h i n g N ew IN

Ladies’ & C hildren s W ear.

FOR FINE L I N E N S and HOUSEHOLD DRAPERY THE LINEN HALL 17 C L O T H H A L L ST.

GEORGE HALL’S 2 0 K IN G ST.

:

H U D D E R S F IE L D .

T he M ock T urtle ------------- ----------------

CONTENTS. PAGE

COLLEGE N O T E S

4

BU BBLES G.S.B. SPRING THOUGHTS ON SUMMER HOLIDAYS A. D. K. Owen

5

GUEST HOUSE H O L ID A Y S -A

7

GUIDE

TH E WORLD, THE F L E SH AND THE D E V IL L O N E L Y AS A C L OUD

Romeo

8

Phyllis Ka hn

10

T H E T A L E OF T H E G R E A T K H A N

CARTOON

Anon.

Charles Cadley & Joe Car r ut he r s

T H E COOK GO E S A S H O R E

C.R.

CHRISTMAS IN TYROL

Do n a l d A. Robinson

THE MORNIN’ AFTER THENIGHT BEFORE A N E W B R A N C H OF C H E M I C A L S T U D Y

6

Anon

Spdl t er von R.

11 12 13 14 15 16

A N I M P R E S S I O N OF T H E C O L L E G E D I N N E R

Hundred-per-cent A t t e n d e r

18

STAFF NOTES

19

O L D S T U D E N T S ’e U N I O N

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STUDENT ACTIVITIES ASSOCIATION F O O TBA LL CLUB DRAMATIC SOCIETY THE CHEMICAL SOCIETY T H E S. S. S. S. E F F O R T M IX E D H O C K E Y CLUB T H E SK E T C H CLUB THE GYMNASIUM E A R L HAIG FUND EFFORT AND POPPY DANCE

Why not join the select circle of literary artists who write for The Mock Turtle ?

20-24

College N o tes. “ ‘Tis so ,’’ said the Duchess: “ and the moral of it is ‘ Oh! ’tis love, ’tis l o v e t h a t makes the world go round! ” “ Somebody said,” whispered A lice “ that i t ’s done by everybody mind­ ing their own business! ” “ Ah, w ell! it means much the same thing,” said the Duchess.

,

Alice’s A dventures

T he

in

W onderland.

H E E d ito r bows, R aises his hat, Presents his com plim ents, and to an adm iring College— the Seventh N um ber of the “ Mock T u rtle.”

P ausing for the ap p lau se—we m ay rem ark that your regret at not h av in g p u rch ased a copy more promptly is understandable. W e w ould suggest th at you now share your good fortune by h a n d in g this copy to your uncle and purchasing another. (A nother copy, not uncle, we mean.

Mock T urtle ” is w arran ted harm less if treated kindly).

T h e E d it o r ia l C h a ir .

It is w ith great regret th at we have to announce the loss to the “ Mock T u rtle ” of its E ditor, Mr. A. D. K. Owen. W e refer to this elsewhere, and will only say here th at Mr. Owen brought to the paper, both in its initiation an d in its control, such a h ap p y com bination of qu alities—in particular, such a capacity for infecting others with his enthusiasm —th at his loss will be severely f e l t ; and it is not too w illingly, an d not w ithout trepidation, th at we occupy his C hair for the time being.

Dr. Cooper, who stepped into the breach on one occasion last year, when the E ditor w as exceptionally busy, and turned out, m ay we say, an excellent issue of the paper, is now u n d ertak in g Chem ical R esearch in connection w ith the F aculty of M edicine at L eeds U niversity.

Events.

T he p rincipal events of recent m onths—outside the regular work which, sad though it m ay seem, is our raison d'etre—have been the College Dinner and the Prize D istribution. T he form er is the subject of a report by our special correspondent. O ur p rin cip al recollections of the latter, from behind the speakers chair, are, first of the very p atern al address by Mr. Philip Snowden ; second, of the enorm ous num ber of prizes and certificates which had to be d istrib u ted—so m any th a t we w ondered why the powers that be had not, as in the Mrs. S u n d erlan d C om petitions, run off prelim inary heats on the earlier nights of the w eek ; thirdly, of one of our ingenious “ Mock Turtle ” cartoonists, who brought w ith him to the platform a sketch of the speaker and got it autographed, and lastly of a little liveliness tow ards the end of the proceedings, w hen the m over of a vote of thanks took the opportunity to get in a th ru st at Mr. S now den for a suggestion of his, m ade elsewhere, th at certain Y orkshire wool m agnates lacked enterprise.

Mr. Snow den explained th a t he w as not, of course, referrin g to this part of the W est R iding, and that, in any case, he w as m erely actin g on the principle of the em ployer who adm itted the excellence of his servant, but “ blew him up once a week just to keep him up to the m ark.

4

T h e D a y S t u d e n t s ’ R e p r e s e n t a t i v e C o u n c il is again turning its attention, we understand, to the finance of the College Athletic Societies.

These are now—despite the claims made in this issue by the Chemists_ undoubtedly very live bodies working under not inconsiderable difficulties.

The funds available are no longer adequate to the needs of their growing activity. The Football Club is so conscious of the poverty of its accommo­ dation that it feels bound, as a matter of courtesy apparently, to let its visitors win when it plays at home. This should not be so ; but whether, as we hope, increased financial assistance is immediately forthcoming or not, it should be possible for the Council to perform a useful function by systematising the allocation of funds, and proportioning them to the needs and claims of the various Societies.

B e w a r e .—Just as we go to press we learn that a student of the Paris Conservatoire has been excluded for drawing a caricature of a professor.

We tremble for the fate of some of our assistants.

Bubbles.

HIS title has nothing whatever to do with the subject I am going to discuss ; nevertheless, it was chosen for two reasons. Firstly, because no one can regard anything that is written under such a frothy heading seriously, and secondly, it serves as a pleasant reminder of a recent visit to a local brewery.

Though not of their profession, I was lured into joining a certain well-known college society by their irresistible programme of lectures. Who has not been thrilled by announcements such as this :—Professor Lipsticksky will lecture on “ The Physicology of an Inebriated Protoplasm ” in the Large Hall at 7-30 p.m.

Not that one goes to these lectures, of course, but their existence gives a pleasant “ High-Brow ” tone to the college.

To return to a more serious subject, let me quote the following, hitherto unpublished, scientific discovery, " If a liquid drips, no single drop drips, without another drop dripping after it.” Hence the Frothblowers’ proverb that “ One drop leads to another.” Which remark somehow brings us back to breweries.

A rumour has arisen that several members of the above mentioned brewery thought that the visiting party was a troup of actors. This is no doubt accounted for by the behaviour of one of the party who, on leaving the premises, delighted his audience by giving an imitation of a drunk man imitating a man who was drunk. The gentleman in question was, of course, perfectly sober.

The latest reports from the Gymnasium state that all sun-bathing has been abandoned owing to the frost, and that the absence of certain members, formerly staunch supporters, is due to the debilitating effects of an intensive study of the production of alcoholic liquors. It is also said that the lady athletes can do much better work without stockings ; but that they want more than one period a week.

The rumour that a mixed class is about to be formed is again denied.

After this introduction I would like to proceed to my real subject, which is "T h e Pleasure of Swotting.” But this is such an obvious lie that I will refrain from further embellishment.

—G. S. B.

T

LINES O N A RECENT VISIT. Said a certain gay Chemist from Marsh, “ Thish Chemishtry clarsh ish a farsh.

Fanshy bringing ush heah To shtudy, Hie! beeah Without a pot, bottle, or glarsh."5 5

Spring T houghts on th e Sum m er H olidays T V T I T H th.e coming of E a ste r it becomes decent at last to talk as well as yy to think about the sum m er holidays, except in very pessim istic circles If you do so earlier you risk dam age to your person. I have had things thrown at me for less. B ut a fte r E a ste r the long spells of work are over, W hitsuntide is near—and, for m ost people, the sum m er holidays are a h t topic for speculation. W here, indeed, shall we go this year ?

The choice of where to go for the holidays is exciting, w hatever your taste in the m atter. 1 have heard strong and athletic youths debate sturdily and with closely-reasoned argum ent, the respective m erits of Bridlington and Blackpool, much as elderly peripatetic invalids discuss the rival m erits of H arrogate and Bath. And I have also heard the fairest spots in Cum berland and W estm orland dispraised in favour of some obscure Snowdonian vallev and such claims rebutted heartily with a considerable adm ixture of contempt.’

God gave, all men all earth to love, B u t since our hearts are small, Ordained fo r each one spot should Prove Beloved over all. *. ? UtJ ! n e.Ve,n ™°re excitin2 subject for discussion is w hat to do when you p t to the beloved spot. I find th at for some folk the discussion of this h^fPh°/rffntf^ latter haS n? special charm . Of course, they will boat, and maybe T rm T th ?" la? 7 ear)’ enjoy the band and the promenading, m eet new people and perhaps friends of some previous holiday. These things of course ; but no great plans for m agnificent undertakings—a m idnight tramp

rivXatnghea, ndg, \ the exploration of some valley or cave or ancient fort a R ^ aced to its source or a mountain top to be placed under heel.

But these things make great talk which it would be a sorry thing to miss thee batatl e ? f tl-!up,a,ns t0 lay and stra te getic moves to consider, for so of en may be i n en^my. e 'em ental th,n8s’ E a rth ’ W ind a "d W ater, knd Time too ^ Germ an student I once met told me th a t he thought th a t young English than t h e T Very m eSS *m.aS'native and adventurous in their recreafions have no e o n h /^ e r fgei1feifatl0n ln Germ any. In part, this is quite true. We rest h o u ^ f n J T V 0 hlS count7 of the G erm an Youth M ovement with its chean (alhpit- C u ' cam Ps sPread over the countryside, providing incredibly in d cvchnn h T g a an1 reaJdy) llosPitality for the hosts of tram ping and the onen a i r ^ u / 1 §llds and men and women, who spend their holidays in tram ner^ anH U. C ° Ur en tbusiastic cam pers-out, our cyclists, our E n S fsh holwav m , T Un 1eers“ b^t they re Present a small m inority of our of holidav malZ 7 tuS’ a.nd a Pa rt from the cam pers out (most independent in the m atter ofTnnd ^ ^ e!r | ame), they are inadequately catered for tour can count- n n 1- a ” d ^ eep\ ^ .Germ an boy or girl planning a walking less than thi<? w U W° and a night’s lodging for 2/6, and in many cases figure. In the and ^/6 is usually looked on as a rock-bottom has to do his or hpr u*f f 6 Sma charge in G erm any, of course, the tram per as everythin^ i« 1 tow ards the work of the hut-cam p or rest-house, but as everything is very simple this never am ounts to much. enjoyable soc't^hoH H ov^ever’ there are m any facilities for spending very by manv vounc* ia y si nu most beautiful country which are not realised course maketh«Mrr>P 6 . ^ o j e who are keen on independent holidays will, of and they will eninv n tu ? an? *-°r walldng> climbing, cycling, camping or sailing;

the satisfaction of the craftsman who has fashioned a 8

thing of beauty and interest by his own skill. B ut for those who seek guidance in th eir excursions, and long to m eet new people and share communal pleasures, th ere are the excellent G uest H ouses of the Co operative Holiday Association, the H oliday Fellowship, and other kindred organisations, at which splendid out-of-door holidays can be spent in many cases for 45 shillings a week. At the G uest H ouses of these organisations in N orth W ales, the Lake D istrict and Scotland, m em orable holidays have been spent by young people who would never otherw ise have been introduced to the glories of the inner recesses of the hills or to the jollity of guest house evenings among friendly folk who are at home with each other a fte r their first meal together. Boarding houses and seaside lodgings become nightm are m em ories a fte r evenings such as these.

But I suppose we have all our own private idea of an ideal holiday. Not that we would care to divulge it to the rest of our crowd. They might not understand—and we are all a little thin skinned. So we make it Blackpool (or some other congenially promenaded sea-front) again this year. And, after all, how pleasant those parades, emaculately enflannelled, with one’s cigarette at the right lie—one’s stride easily adjusted to that of the crowd—and maybe one’s eyes on the glad look-out !

Pleasant easy days—short spells of innocent plutocracy. We would not change them !

But wouldn’t we ?

Just when we are safest comes the disturbing thought that we may have been missing what we were born to enjoy. Mountain water dashing over rocks, and white clouds blown to tatters in a blue sky above the ridges.

—A. D. K. Owen .

GUEST

H O U SE

HOLIDAYS.

H O S E who are attracted to the G uest House type of holiday referred to in the above article may be interested in the following inform ation concerning the two largest organisations in this country which provide delightful, social holidays in guest houses in very beautiful surroundings.

The senior organisation—The Co-operative Holidays Association— commonly known as the C.H.A.—has guest houses at W hitby on the Yorkshire c o a s t; at Hebden in W h a rfe d a le ; at Eskdale (for m ountaineers), and G rasm ere in the Lake D istrict; at Llangallen, B angor and B arm outh in N orth W ales ; at Onich in Scotland ; at Hope in the Peak D is tric t; at Peel in the Isle of Man ; and several other centres at home and abroad. P articu lars of these guest houses, charges and excursions can be obtained on application to— the C.H.A,, College House, Brunswick S treet, M anchester.

The Holiday Fellowship is a sim ilar organisation, with m ountain centres at Langdale and Newlands in the Lake D is tric t; at Conway in N orth W ales ; at Devil’s Bridge, near Aberystw yth in C entral W ales ; at Glenganriff in the South of Ireland ; at Inverness in the H ighlands and on the Island of A rran.

It has m oorland centres at Alston, high up in the P e n n in e s; F roggatt and Longshaw in the Peak D istrict; Lynm outh in Devonshire, and M elrose in the Scottish Lowlands. P articulars can be obtained from “ H. F .” Highfield, Golders Green Road, London, N.W. 11.

The charges at the guest houses vary with the degree of com fort provided and with the season in some cases, but in most cases they are between 45/-, (in a few rough m ountain cen tres—best beloved of all by some), and 56/per week.

Intending visitors should book very early indeed, because the centres are often filled up two or three m onths in advance.

T

7

T he W orld, th e F lesh a n d th e Devil.

(Comments on the Inner Workings of a Famous Institution).

O n Bec o m in g

a

T e c h n ic a l C o l l e g e S t u d e n t .

T is a lang, lang time now since we first filled up those Enrolment Forms ; but I don’t think we’ve forgotten it. W hat a laborious task it was, having to borrow a half-inch pencil from someone or other and then having to write against the wall from lack of other facilities. W hat a host of questions we were asked to answer. Of course, we filled up our forms very thoroughly—we were very young then, and anxious to please. W e gave complete particulars of our previous scholastic successes, etc., (not forgetting that Certificate for writing an essay on Alcohol, or the Medal presented to us far, far back in 1918—you know, the lead one with the red, white and blue ribbon). W e were asked about our forbears (no connection with the Three Bears), and gave a full account of the decoration of our great-grandfather by the Duke of Wellington at Waterloo (not the one served by No. 3 tram route), in recognition of his (grand-papa’s) bravery. Undoubtedly, we filled up our Form well, tho’ I don’t suppose the powers that be ever need half the information they asked for. Next came the Q U E U E , and the dreary hours of waiting, until at long last we became duly enrolled students at the Great House of Learning. Sometimes now, we wonder if it was worth while undergoing all those first-week trials. Often in class we gaze absently at the corners of the ceiling and wonder and wonder and wonder.

I

T h e C o n v e r s a z io n e .

Everybody knows, or should know, that our noble College is the best Matrimonial Agency in the town : that’s why dozens of lonely spinsters enter its portals every year with hearts filled with renewed hope. They don’t go to a dancing class or join a Literary Society (well-known last resources), but come to Tech, instead. It holds far more possibilities.

Now the Conversazione is the occasion on which all the cooing and goo-goo eye business reaches its height. More romances owe their beginnings to this event than to any other, whether it be Carnival Night at Greenhead Park, Christmas Eve or Bonfire Night, and many a man now weighed down with care will moan “ Yea, verily, I fell at the Conversazione.”

It all happens like this. Firstly, the Conversazione is free—hence the crowds: nextly, everyone has something to wear (those Summer dresses and flannel suits aren’t worn out yet), and, just back from the holidays, all and sundry are full of health and vigour. So under the melting influence of the sweet (?) music rendered by the Tech. Orchestra, glances are exchanged, and the first step is taken on the Hymeneal pathway.

O n Be in g L a t e .

Many of our worthy lecturers often wonder why so many of their youthful charges arrive at the class at a somewhat belated hour, tho’ the solution is simple in the extreme. Let us take, for example, the case of Charles Daniel Dodger, Second Year Evening^ Student, who was never early, and whose usual excuses, “ Working oyer, sir, ’ or Car broke down, sir,” had always been accepted without question by his trusting tutor.” Actually it was not so, but in this wise, When a young fellow 8

(our hero was but seventeen), much time has spent in diligent ablution, changing his collar, cleaning his teeth, plastering down his unruly locks into a state of complete submission, etc., etc., he is not going to rush into, say, 2nd Year Maths., (all males in this particular section), without first showing off the results of his labours to the many dainty little flappers who adorn our corridors, and pose at the head of the stairs. No ! A thousand time no ! Of course not—who could expect it ?

Besides this, he has first to discuss football with other late arrivals and study the notice-board. So there’s the answer to the problem.

T h e S id e D o o r .

Have you ever thought what a very useful addition to our College is the Side Door ? How difficult life would be without it. It is a port in a storm, an oasis in the desert, or anything else you like which means an escape from a difficulty.

Firstly, by its aid, you can avoid seeing people you don’t want to see. Your creditors, the man who has sworn to kill you, or .perhaps just an admirer who doesn’t appear on your Honours List, may be waiting for you within the portals of the House of Wisdom, either before the evening commences or after the dreary two hours have winged themselves away, (on leaden wings, of course). Well, all you have to do is to come in or go out by the side door. W hat if there were no side door ? I shudder to think.

Another case where this valuable aperture comes in handy is the following :— Let us suppose you wish to meet a certain person after the last bell has sounded its joyful note; but, at the same time, you (being a person of some renown with a character as yet unsmirched) do not wish the happy tryst to be observed by the surging masses. You thereupon adopt this plan. Instruct the object of your adoration to leave by the front entrance (or exit, in this case), and to make as if to visit the Parish Church, except for taking the first turning to the right. Meanwhile, you make unhurried exit by the Side Door aforementioned, and your tryst is immediately fulfilled. Clever ! Oh, yes, I always was. Then you sneak off to wherever you’re going by way of the devious paths at the rear of our beloved establishment, or if you’re lucky enough to own a car, you both make a blissful but unobserved departure by this happy means.

O n Bu y in g (o r

not

Bu y in g )

a

“ M ock T u r t l e .”

In the course of my journeyings thro’ this weary life, I have observed many, many ways in which it is possible not to buy a “ Mock Turtle.” It is the unworthy ambition of certain misguided individuals to avoid purchasing aforementioned thrilling, instructive, amusing, soul-stirring magazine, and this ambition is often achieved. There’s the Side Door again, of course. When the “ Mock T u rtle ” is being sold at the Front Door, or a collection of any kind being made, for that matter, its strange to note what a vast excess of entries by the Side Door there is over those of the previous night. Oh, but this is not the only way. When approached by a polite salesman, complete with the Marcel wave, plus fours and persuasive accent, it is usual to reply, “Oh, but I ’ve got one thanks.” Of course this is not a lie—it’s true enough. You have. You found it in the basement last year, and it and a carefully worded sentence save you from parting with many a hard-earned saxpence, Next time, however, we are going to have salesmen at the Side Door too, who will knowingly enquire “ May I sell you a copy of the l a t e s t “ Mock Turtle,” sir.”

Then the George Washington influence in us will show its potency, and unless we have already bought the latest, we shall immediately do so.

— R omeo.

More astonishing revelations in next Issue of the “ Mock Turtle.”

9

Lonely as a C loud. “ Get thee hence,” quoth he, “ and never darken my doors again.” Thus the irate uncle.

At least, what he actually said was :—“ If you can’t do better than that, you can get out. The office boy would be more useful. Shut the door behind you.

And don’t bang it.”

Slowly, wrathfully, dejectedly, Ambrose du Vallon made his exit from the office. It was not, he told himself, regret he felt at leaving the beastly old home, but that he should suffer the humilation of being ejected, when he had had no intention of staying in any case. W as he then to brook this insult; he, a poet, to be thus dismissed by an uncle who could conceive of nothing nobler, nothing finer, nothing loftier than commerce ? No, a thousand times no.

After all, even if the local paper had returned his verses, was that any proof that he could not write ? The people of his town were too mundane, too besotted with the comforts and luxuries of life to feel the message of his lines, the delicate, inspired, inspiring lines that surged within him, and flowed off the end of his pen.

Pity was that he, solitary in his genius, should be misunderstood by the world and be forced to resort to commercialism in order to keep body and soul together.

(Incidently, it kept together a very luxurious suite of rooms in which Ambrose could find solace from the cold, hard, world. But that is neither here nor there).

Strolling aimlessly along, Ambrose reached the river ; the beauty of the scene struck him mute. Ah, what exquisite, heartrending beauty ! The water rippled gently as the fair breeze of evening caressed it lightly, and behind the distant hills, the sun was slowly sinking in the glowing sky. O, what bliss to be alive !

Ambrose suddely fancied the voice if his uncle saying, “ Not a bad little spot !

Could do with brightening up though. A little tea-place would make an enormous difference.”

Bah ! No more commerce for him !

How out of harmony he felt with finite things. Ambrose felt surging within him a wave of poetry, and verses seemed to flow. “ I wandered lonely as a cloud That floats on high o’er vales and hills ” but suddenly a thought struck him. H adn’t someone or other said something like that before ? Strange how those early people had grabbed all the really well­ sounding phrases. That was just how he felt himself. Lonely as a cloud.

Lonely as a cloud.

But even if he worked it very skilfully into one of his poems, people would soon start saying that he had been plagiarising. Not that it was his fault that it had been said before. The same thought had come to him. That was all—Lonely as a cloud.

Invitingly, caressingly, seductively, the river held out its arms to him. There he could find peace, soothing peace, lasting peace, dreamless peace. There he could lay his weary head and be softly crooned to sleep by the gentle sobbing river.

No more worry, no more care, no more sarcasm from his commercial uncle. One plunge, then nothing more. Sleep, rest, peace.

W H A T ? W hat was he thinking about ? End his life, his beautiful young life, and deprive the world of his great creative genius ? How could he ? Sacrilege, sheer, stark madness.

Feverishly he rushed away, rushed to the station and took the electric train back to town. Back in his rooms he felt calmer. Of course, his uncle knew best.

Had he not had had more experience in things commercial ? Taking a sheet of notepaper, he began a letter to his uncle, apologising humbly for his stupidity and promising to be more intelligent in the future.

The telephone bell rang.

Uncle- That you, old man ? So sorry I was irritable. Touch of indigestion, I think. See you at the office in the morning.”

— P hyllis K ahn .

10

T h e T ale of th e G reat K han.

H E G reat Khan, C om m ander of the Golden Horde, Suzerain of the Seven E m pires, Upholder of the Light of W isdom, lay sick. “ Go,” he said to his Vizier, “ send unto the College of the Maji and bring hither the Seventy and Seven W ise M en.”

And it was done as the Khan commanded, and the W ise men stood before the face of th eir Lord ; but am ong them all was none found able to cure him of his affliction.

And the great Khan turned up his eyes and glared at the purple hangings over his head and cried, “ W herein is found wisdom ? W ill no one rid me of these dolts who batten on the fatness of the land, and whose wisdom is but folly.”

And the little lad who bore the golden laver opened his mouth and said, “ Sire, Most High Son of Heaven, thy servant is but a dog th at he should open his m outh, nevertheless, m ethinks thy disease is not of the body but of the mind.

Com m and th a t thy mind be distracted from the cares of the seven em pires by tales, and so shall thy mind find re st.”

And he com m anded them so. And the first of the W ise Men stood before the king and trem bled. And witnessing the frown on the brow of the Sanctified of the Gods, he began a tale. B ut the tale lasted but an hour and a half. And the king called upon another who entertained him no longer. And so also was it with the three seventy and three th at rem ained, for one, w iser than his fellows, had removed himself thence in haste, and yet another had cast him self into the m o at; where the w ater is wet and the wild asses quench th eir th irst.

And the Khan was w rath, and cried, “ Is there none in Sam arkand, of all who have eaten of my board and filled them selves with the splinters thereof, who can ease me in my sickness?” And there was found not one. And he com m anded th a t the seventy and five W ise Men who rem ained be thrown into the common gaol, with the m urderers and false sw earers, and the robbers with violence, and the late students, and all the scum of the city, till they should learn wisdom. . . , {< .

And the Vizier ren t his garm ents, with discretion, and said, Sire, the prison is even now full to overflowing, for it was but seven years ago th at the horse of my lord stum bled on a banana skin, and all the Republican P arty in the town were arrested for complicity in the plot.”

And the Khan made answer, “ Bring forth those who for lesser crim es have been im prisoned, and th ese—let them take their places.”

And they brought forth the men who for m urder, and for assault and battery, had been cast into the dungeons ; but the late students and those who had neglected th eir homework brought they not forth. And they stood before the Khan, lest peradventure wisdom might be found in them.

And the first opened his mouth and set forth a tale ; but before the evening was spent the tale was at an end. And the Lord was w rath, and commanded th a t he be racked, and boiled in oil, and broken on a wheel, and then be branded on the forehead and released. And so it was with the next and the next.

B ut the fourth, he th at saved himself, and won the favour of Suzerain of the Seven Em pires, and had his d au g h ter’s hand in m arriage, he th at for his tales had aforetim e borne the name of Iago, stood before his Lord nothing *loath and thus began: “ O my Lord, before whom all men trem ble, whom even all the fowls of the air and the birds of the sea obey, give ear to my ta le ; for I will tell of one of thine own ancestors, one alm ost as mighty as thyself, one who lived before the w ritings of the scribes began ; behold I relate,

T

(Continued at the top of P age E leven.)

11

Will our Cartoonists be in the soup this time ?

TWO IMPRESSIONS OF MR. A. D. K. OW EN.

By Charles Cadley and Joe Carruthers.

T h e C ook Goes A shore.

HEN the cook goes ashore and leaves the cabin boy in charge of the galley there is some natural anxiety among the crew as to what the soup will be like when it next comes up. If the ship’s cat disappears and stewed rabbit appears on the menu there are further heart searchings, of course, among all who wear their hearts below their belts.

The latter calamity has not befallen us ; but the cook has gone ashore, and we are left to mix up the savoury ingredients of the Mock Turtle Soup as best we may.

Our principal Chef, Mr. A. D. K. Owen, has, indeed, been much more than that. He it was who led the famous scientific expedition in 1926, which in some dark mental labyrinth discovered the mysterious egg and brought it safely aboard.

Under his guidance the incubator was erected and the unique reptile first saw the light of day ; and term by term the now famous soup has been prepared under his guidance, to be ladled out to the needy at a mere sixpence per portion.

The magnitude of the task has been greater than it would seem. Mock Turtle Soup is essentially a co-operative production, and, on a ship where the great majority of the passengers are doing short night trips only, co-operative effort is apt to be disconcertingly spasmodic.

Ingredients, salesmen, business and advertising assistance, and funds, have all at one time or another been lacking.

No one who has not met a distracted editor vainly seeking whence he may squeeze out copy to fill half a magazine, within a day or two of going to press, will realise the task of a cook with only half the necessary ingredients in the toureen and the dinner gong about to sound.

In face of such difficulties it could hardly be expected that the soup would be served up in very grand style ; yet, remarkable though it may seem, it has been the legitimate pride of our chef that, whatever the awful stuff we have supplied for putting in the soup, the style and format of the production has been an undeniable credit to the ship.

When off duty our cook has devoted himself to instructing the passengers in economic and commercial matters. In this less important side of his activities we feel sure th at Mr. Owen’s departure will be as much regretted as it will be in the galley. The Representative Council owes much to his efforts to set it on a sound footing, and he has found energy for other activities between whiles, such as stage managing the Dramatic Society productions.

At present the Chef is still within hail. The soup now served is the more savoury for the ingredients he has prepared (we had almost added, his finger marks are still visible on the basin) ; but we understand that Mr. Owen is shortly taking up a long-shore job at Sheffield, where—by way of a change from his labours with us__he will be the professional organiser of a social survey to be undertaken by a voluntary body. As our American friends have it, he will “ make a fact-finding study ” of Sheffield’s social life and conditions. This has the backing of prominent educational and other workers in Sheffield, and, with the ability and enthusiasm which we know Mr. Owen will bring to it, should prove a most valuable piece of

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W° r5Epicures will lament the loss to the Mock Turtle. Men with wills of their own will determine that the paper shall continue to flourish, and will put a little extra effort into making it go. All will join in wishing our Cook bon voyage, and all happiness and success in the work he is taking up.

—C. R.

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C hristm as in Tyrol.

Vienna, F ebruary, 1929.

FTER months of the busy, stuffy city, I was pleased to get away from Vienna, taking advantage of the short Christmas break to get out into the healthy, invigorating mountains of Tyrol.

I celebrated Christmas Eve with the Austrian family with whom I am staying in Vienna in true Austrian style. Having lighted the candles on the huge Xmas tree, our hostess dramatically pulled a large white cloth away from under the tree, revealing all kinds of presents for and from Fritz, her nephew, Anna, the Bohemian servant, herself and myself. All accepted the gifts with beaming smiles amidst kisses and hand-shakes.

Glad of having “ survived ” these delicate operations, I was accompanied by Fritz to the Westbahnof, where I mounted the train bound for Paris, via Tyrol.

My compartment was filled with Hungarian emigrants, who told me they had sold all their possessions to enable them to go and seek their fortune in far-off Brazil.

At seven next morning, after many hand-shakes and farewell greetings, I alighted—I was going to say on to the platform, but there was no platform, I had to climb down and walk across the lines—in the station of the little village of Fieberbrunn. To my delight I was greeted by a Tyrolese friend who awaited me with his one-horse open sleigh. The village lay snugly in the valley about two kilometres distant. We trotted along a winding way lined with tall trees covered with haw-frost. Snow-covered mountains rose on every side of the pine woods, which seem sprinkled with icing sugar as they sparkled in the sunshine. No sound was to be heard save the jangling of the horse’s bells and the occasional joyous cries of groups of children on their little home-made skis. We soon came to the village, where we were greeted from all sides with “ Gruess Gott ! ” in Tyrolese dialect, which means “ God greet you ! ” Within an hour I had become like one of the family, and early next morning found me setting out with the little son of the house, he with his toboggan and I with my skis. For an hour and a half we climbed a mountain, and as the summit just seemed as far off as when we had started, we decided to have a race home.

It was great fun dashing down the slopes, scrambling up rises, gliding through plantations of stately pines, past lonely log huts, at last arriving at the brink of the last steep slope for the final sprint home. I was always the best eater in our house, but I believe I made a record that day !

The next day I ascended, in company of two acquaintances, a mountain 6,000 feet high. On reaching a deserted hut we ascertained that the temperature was about minus thirty degrees Centigrade ! Whilst we drank hot tea from our thermos flasks we left our skis outside the hut, and were not a little surprised to find them frozen to the ground within two minutes !

It was four p.m. when we started on the return journey. The peaks surrounding us were a brilliant crimson in the late afternoon sunlight. I was filled with awe at the indescribable grandeur of the scenery. The snow was ideal for ski-ing, light and powdery. We whizzed down the long slopes, and everything went splendidly until the light began to fail. Then, as we were travelling at a high speed, we came more than once to a rather sudden “ full-stop ” as we struck an unseen mound. Later we came to a steep drop in a wood, and I am sure that it was more luck than good management that no one was seriously injured. We at last arrived home with fortunately nothing worse than torn clothes, battered tin boxes, a broken thermos and a few scratches. After all it was a topping adventure, and I never regretted it.

The next day I skied to Kitzbuehel, the St. Moritz of Tyrol, celebrating, the same night, New Year’s Eve at the old-fashioned hostelry in Fieberbrunn with many sturdy Tyrolese peasants.

After a very interesting holiday I returned to Vienna, feeling healthy and fresh for the duties of every-day life.

—D onald A. Robinson,

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T h e M o rn in ’ after th e N ig h t Before.

CERTAIN individual on the morning after the last Students’ Social-cumDance went across to the Hall of Pleasure to retrieve certain property. It was immediately obvious that the caretaker of that establishment had lost his customary joie de vivre, esprit de corps, &c. He was, as our old friend Colin would have said, “ a bit peeved.” He spake thuswise :— “ There was a rare do here last night, wasn’t there ? ” “ Yes, it was a jolly good do.” “ Jolly,” says he, narsty-like, “ I should think it was jolly. I had to shift two Band of Hope meetings there was such a row. And a nice mess they’ve made of t ’room and t ’furniture. Just come up with me and have a look.”

The certain individual complied with this request, feeling sure that no chairs had been broken, though doubtful about some of the electric lights, the internal economy of some of these having been severely shaken during the preliminary canters of some exciting skipping contests. (It is rumoured that someone said, “ Surely th a t’s not the Technical College Social, where those children are skipping.”)

It transpired that the furniture was quite whole, having suffered not a loss, but a gain, in the French chalk which, intended to lubricate the floor for the benefit of those who were tread on the more or less light fantastic toes of their partners, had, with judicial impartiality, disseminated itself over the whole room and its contents. “ Look at them pictures,” the poor man said, pointing to a pre-Raphaelite portrait of some bygone Teetotaler, now partially obscured by the ubiquitous deposit. “ And them plants; I shall have ’em all to wash.” The “ p la n ts” were specimens of the well-known horticultural triumph, aspidistra everihausis, gracing the window sill with their presence and filling the atmosphere with their lovely perfume. “ They ought to have had more sense than to put French chalk on the floor, they should have put some proper stuff on. “ So they should.”

And, having got what he wanted, and a lot more, the certain individual departed.

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A N ew B ranch of C hem ical Society.

RIDAY , F eb ru a ry 8th, 1929, m ay have no h isto rical significance, but in the future m any H uddersfield (not to m ention P addock), g reat­ g ran d fath ers will take their g reat-g ran d ch ild ren upon their knees and tell them how the H.T.C. Chem ical Society p aid a visit to B entley & Shaw 's Brewery an d —here is the m iracle—cam e back.

A fter a w eek of no d rinking of any sort an d eatin g of only foods co n tain in g a high percentage of salt, (the w riter desires to th an k Mr. T .H .C . for help in g the A nalyst), the g reat day daw ned—and the m orning soon passed. T he clock struck two, an d the party bravely set off like ‘‘ L am bs to the p orter.” A rrived at the brew ery, having picked up two “ dei ex m achina ” an d w aited for the great m an from P addock, the party were first shew n round the m altings, w here the barley grain, by soaking an d heating on floors at various tem peratures an d finally drying off, is converted into m alt.

No beer was as yet how ever in sight, an d m uch to the disgust of one individual the place sm elt (he said reeked) of O valtine a d rin k w hich he (in com m on w ith the writer) only associated w ith invalids, bakeries an d the A rt D epartm ent.

T here w as some com pensation in the fa ct th a t fem ale labour was em ployed—they caused one gentlem an to suggest m issing the beer, but it w as only tem porary m adness and the w riter accepted his apology. Every cloud however, has a silver lining, (as the A berdonian said w hen he learnt to fly), and the p arty were next conducted to the brew ery proper w here the g rain is extracted, [the extracted grain not the extract is used as pig food, —teetotalers, please note], m ixed w ith hops and yeast and, in general, brew ed; and the w riter m ight say in passing, the general cleanliness was far superior to any th a t he has seen in places th at cater for the “ non-alcoholic m ind.”

T his p art of the brew ery, except for the tem perature, cam e very near to the average chem ist’s (especially P addock and L eeds chem ist’s) conception of H ea v en ; but more w as to follow , an d after a certain episode of yeast, w hereby L eeds m ade P addock froth, the party found them selves in a delightful room containing barrels (fitted w ith tap s th at w orked), and w ith bitters and m ilds galore. Close of p lay —Score : L eeds xX 2 Bitters, 1 M ild ; P addock x Bitters, 1 Mild. P addock beaten by a " neck.”

E xcept for the fact th a t there were no barm aids, the w riter thought he w as in the V ale of A valon.

D espite a certain tendency to loiter, (surprisingly noticeable in some cases) the p arty moved off to the various w orkshops and p ast the spring in the yard, (the w riter and another gentlem an closed th eir eyes an d ran) to the b o ttling stores. H ere the p arty were shown various old vintage ports and bottled w hisky, and though certain gentlem en’s hopes were raised by the guide toying w ith the capsule on a bottle of w hisky, they were doom ed to d isap p o in tm en t; as w as also the gentlem an who suggested th a t the best w ay to test wine was to pull the cork—perhaps it w as as well (’nuff sed).

A n extrem ely delightful visit concluded w ith a hearty vote of thanks to our guide, an d the party broke up and w alked, staggered, an d biked, etc., to L eeds, P addock, H uddersfield, etc.

—S p a l t e r V o n R.16

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A n Im pression of th e College Dinner.

EING late, my first impression was of community soup drinking; my second that so many well-known characters had sought to be conspicuous by their absence. Then, after the soup, an odd thought—what a zoological sight these massed academics at food !

My neighbour remarked on her pipes (the ones at home) which were frozen up. This led by a natural transition to the dish before us. We also discussed the wolf strain in Alsatian dogs. Then came College Pudding and Apple Pie. Some of those who took the former were put in mind of undergraduate days of yore.

Patriotically and teetotally we drunk the toast of the King. Our M.C.— Mr. Howdill—prayed silence for the occasion in time-honoured style.

There was biological and other singing and an interesting excerpt from the biography of a divine who underwent a gland-grafting operation conducted with surprising but refreshing publicity. Someone played the piano. And there were speeches!

Dr. Woodhead was reminiscent, but also prophetic. “ These things were ” and also “ These things shall be.” The Principal, too, caught the prophetic strain sufficiently to banish the chemists and all their works to some place cut off from the College by a gas immunity zone. At which praiseworthy sentiments— E'en the ranks of Chemistry could scarce forbear to cheer.

It was observed, in addition, that they scarce forebore to produce clouds of smoke, worthy of any dragon of the age of alchemy, at the long table at the end of the hall. This circumstance was not allowed to pass without due recognition.

Mr. Lodge proposed the toast of Huddersfield only to reveal to us one of his early indiscretions (?) whereby he got a free tea at the wrong house. This, apparently, is how things are done in Batley. But the patriotic breast of every hundred-per-cent. Huddersfieldian swelled with honest pride at the touching tribute to the simple-minded hospitableness of that unknown family which took in Mr. Lodge on his first visit to the town.

Mr. Cully responded and, taking advantage of his position as deputy speaker for the Mayor (unfortunately unable to attend), spoke as a Mayor might be expected to speak, but as few Mayors would deem discreet, dangling before our eyes visions of a new Athens by the Colne and salaries beyond the dreams of academic avarice.

Alderman Lawton spoke appreciatively of the work of our local educational institutions, and Miss Hill—in the absence of the other Secondary School Heads who were to be our guests—comprehensively represented the absent ones, and pointed this fact in the course of a neat speech by a Scottish story new to most of us.

The President of the Students’ Council, Mr. Clay, toasted the artistes, Miss Hilda Allured, Dr. Fox, Miss W. M. Aked, Dr. Crowe and Mr. Philip Booth, whose much appreciated efforts diversified the evening. Then the company broke up, and the Sixth Annual Dinner was over.

May the Dinner Committee go on from strength to strength !

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“ H undred-per-Cent. Attender.”18

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Staff N otes.

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HE Staff, apart from taking something approaching its fair share of holidays

under the excellent excuse of “ flu,” has behaved itself fairly well since our last issue, and there is, in consequence, little to report under this head.

We are glad to welcome Mr. Addy back amongst us after his bout with the doctor.

Mr. Hamer is still, unfortunately, in a nursing home. His place is being temporarily filled by Mr. B. Shernovitch, who we trust will have a happy, if we cannot wish a long, stay among us.

Miss B. Fox, Ph.D., M.Sc. (Wales), was appointed to the staff of the Biological Department just after our last issue went to press, and will by now have quite settled down in the College.

Our regrets at Mr. Owen’s departure are expressed elsewhere. His place on the Commercial Staff is being filled by the appointment of Mr. R. S. Ashworth, B.Com. (Manchester), who comes to us from Bath Technical College.

To Dr. Fox and Mr. Ashworth the “ Mock Turtle” extends its welcome—rather late perhaps in the first case and rather early in the second—but none the less hearty for that.

O ld S tu d e n ts’ U nion.

HE Annual Re-union was held in the College on Friday, the 21st of December last, Mr. and Mrs. Hudson kindly acting as Host and Hostess. An admirable programme was presented. Misses Winifred M. Aked and Dorothy M. Wood gave delightful violin solos, pianoforte solos and duets, and Mr. Ernest Schofield’s party presented the laughable one-act play, “ The Bathroom Door,” which was very greatly appreciated. Unfortunately, owing to the fact that so many old students were unable to reach Huddersfield before the following day, the attendance was not so good as in previous years. Mr. Colin Schofield and Miss Dorothy M. Wood made very amusing speeches at supper concerning “ Old Student ” Days, and Mrs. Hudson very heartily welcomed all the old faces once again. The next.

Re-union will be held during Easter week, and the proceeds devoted to the H.T.C effort in aid of the £5,000 Trust Fund for Local Ex-Service Men. All students are cordially invited to attend.

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W H A T OLD STUDENTS ARE DOING SESSION 1927-28.

Doris Ainley, accepted for two years training at Ripon College.

Joe Bolton, Transport Manager for the Anglo-Saxon Oil Company, Maracaibo, Venezuela.

Herbert Brook, Cammel Laird’s, Liverpool.

Alwyn S. Senior, Research Chemist, Coal Research Laboratories, Messrs.

Synthetic Ammonia and Nitrates Ltd., Bellingham, Stockton-onTees.

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W hat O ld S tudents A re D oing continued.

Bertha Green, Assistant Mistress at Friezland School.

Edith Mary (Daisy) Hulme, Junior Form Mistress, Corinium House School, Cirencester.

Tack Crawshaw, having worked on the land all harvesting season, is now in residence at Wycliffe Theological College, Toronto, Canada.

Maurice Bower, Medicine, Manchester.

Rupert Sykes, B.Sc., Medicine, Manchester.

J. Colin Schofield, B.Sc., Fisher Travelling Scholarship, now at Roubaix.

A. Clifford Walshaw, City and Guilds’ Engineering, London.

P. Anderson, B.Sc., A.I.C., Research Chemist, British Celanese Ltd., Spondon, near Derby.

Huddersfield Technical College students leaving the College this session in order to take up employment in other towns are requested to communicate with the Hon Secretary in order that they may be put into touch with other old students already resident in those towns. All students leaving this year are cordially invited to join the “ Old Students’ Union.” Three meetings are held in the year—Christmas, Easter (Re-unions) and a Summer Excursion.

— Kathleen C. B rown, Hon. Secretary.

THE “ OLD ST U D E N T S’ ” EASTER V A C A T IO N DANCE. will be held in the Drill Hall on Friday, April 5th, from 7 to 10 p.m. Tickets 1/6.

The proceeds are in aid of the effort for Local Disabled Ex-Service Men.

S tu d e n t’s A ctivities.

THE A SSO C IA TIO N

FOOTBALL CLUB.

HIS season has been rather a disastrous one for us ; we have had very bad luck on several occasions.

We have not yet won a match on our own ground, but no visiting team has been definitely superior to ours. The weather proved too much for us when we played the Old Almondburians at home, and when we gave up after about five minutes the College was leading 1—0. In the return game the College opened strongly and scored two before the Old Almondburians retaliated ; in the second half, however, for some unknown reason, we fell to pieces. The same thing exactly happened at Castleford against the Old Frestonians.

Our thanks are due to Mr. T. Jenkinson, who has kindly refereed at our home matches.

The matches played are as follows :—

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20

Season 1928-29.

Oct. 20 v 27 V Nov. 3 V 10 V 17 V Dec. 1 V 99

99

99

8 V

Old Collegians Milton Church Belle Vue O.B. Y.M.C.A, II. Bradf’d Tech. Coll.

Old Collegians Y.M.C.A.

H. A. H. A. A. A. H.

Lost Lost Lost Won Won Won Draw

3 4 2 4 7 5 2

Dec. 15 „ 22 Jan. 19 Feb. 2 „ 9 „ 23

2

3 0 0

1 2 2

V V V V V V

Bradford Tech. Coll.

Old Rastrickians Hebden Bridge O.B. Old Almondburians Old Frestonians Old Rastrickians

H. A. H. A. A. H.

Lost Won Lost Lost Lost Lost

2 0 3 2 4 1 6 3 6 3 2 1

—A. C.

THE DRAM ATIC SOCIETY. T is with regret that I have to announce that the production promised for March, A. A. Milne’s Comedy, “ The Romantic Age,” has had to be postponed to the Autumn. I had fully intended this season should be the last of my association with the Dramatic Society, but owing to the aforesaid I shall be somewhat reluctantly compelled to continue for another season. May I, through these columns, ask for support for the Society. Particularly we want people who are, or, who will become interested in the stage work. This is a very important side of a dramatic society, and one which has somewhat been neglected with us. Mr. A. D. K. Owen, who has been associated with so many of our productions, is leaving the College, and his place alone will be very difficult to fill. He has done very good work, and I take this opportunity of thanking him very much on behalf of the Society. Our three one-act plays, which we gave in December, were produced at Clayton West in January, where they were witnessed by a large and appreciative audience. The writer is continually being asked when our next production will be held. The enquirers are mainly members of the public, who perhaps only pay the College a visit when we are putting on a production ; so the work of this very important branch of the students’ activities is becoming known outside the College as well as inside.

—Philip Booth, Hon. Secretary.

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THE CHEMICAL SOCIETY. HE Chemical Society prides itself on being one of the very few live societies in the College. During the last Autumn and Lent Terms lectures of a popular nature on subjects of general scientific interest have been delivered by members (both staff and students) of the College. In addition, on February 8th members of the Society took upon themselves the role of frothblowers and paid a visit to Messrs. Bentley and Shaw’s Brewery. An account of same will be found elsewhere in this issue of the Mock Turtle.

Our season is now over, but for the small sum of half-a-dollar it is yet possible for any hitherto non-member to appear amongst the distinguished gathering of scientists on this year’s Chemical Society photograph, which will be taken (D.V.) at the end of the Summer Term. In any case, if this does not appeal to you, beg, borrow or steal the above mentioned sum and join the Society next session !

—H. Clay, Hon. Secretary.

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MINUTE BY M IN UTE—THE S.S.S.S. EFFORT MEETING was held in room 121 (by permission) on February 29th, 1929, to discuss the advisability of holding a fair in aid of the Society for the Suppression of Superfluous Studies (hereinafter referred to as the S.S.S.S.), and it was proposed that the stall should take the form of a Chinese Bazaar.

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This was approved b y :— Messrs.

Misses Aurora Hasbean (Grand Chief Organiser).

Leonora Anderby (Hon. Sec.) Annabelle Day (Hon. Asst. Secretary).

Mary MacDonald (Hon. Adviser).

Dolores Delamere (Grand Promoter S.S .S. I.) Cassandra Carstairs (Bus. Managing Direc. .S.S.S.)

John Bull (Hon. Chief Accountant).

Henri de Troyes (Hon. Asst. Acct.)

Basil Clairmont (Hon. Auditor).

Montagu Broun (Hon. Treasurer).

Denis Fitzherbert (Legal Adviser).

and was carried unanimously, three members refraining from voting.

It was resolved that Chinese figs, chopsticks, lanterns, lacquer and puzzles be on sale, and that the students officiating at the stall of the S.S.S.S. be arrayed in the appropriate garb, complete with pigtails.

Owing to the length of time intervening before the date of the fair for the S.S.S.S., and in order to maintain the general interest in the undertaking, it was resolved to hold weekly entertainments for which the price of 3d. will be charged, and at which a musical, dramatical and intellectual programme will be presented, followed by a substantial tea.

An entertainments sub-committee of 25 members was appointed to make the necessary arrangements, and included :— Messrs. John Bull (Entomology).

Henri de Troyes (Biology).

Basil Clairmont (Ontology).

Montagu Broun (Physiology).

Denis Fitzherbert (Ostrology).

Misses Aurora Hasbean (Commerce).

Leonora Anderby (Philology).

Annabelle Lee (Literature).

Mary Brown (Philosophy).

Dolores Delamere (Histrionism).

Cassandra Carstairs (Gastronomy).

Yet to be approached :— Messrs. Ivor Novello, Leslie Henson, Winston Churchill.

Chinese eggs will be on sale at the cycle shed on Saturday afternoons.

A souvenir programme and book of songs of the S.S.S.S. is to be issued, including the Siamese National Anthem, the Frothblowers’ Anthem and other appropriate ditties. It may be obtained from any of the above at the nominal price of 6d.

Any students still desirous of helping in this effort should apply in person or by letter (preferably the latter) to the undersigned, when their applications will be taken strictly in order and given careful consideration. As this venture is unique, and entirely unprecedented in the annals of the College, it is expected that all will do their bit, as their services are invaluable, and the support of really responsible people is essential.

(Signed) DOLORES DELAMERE (Grand Promoter S.S.S.S.).

(Signed) CASSANDRA CARSTAIRS (Business Managing Director S.S.S.S.).

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THE MIXED HOCKEY CLUB. ONSEQUENT upon the retirement of Messrs. J. C. Schofield and A. N. Handley from active service with the Club, and the subsequent disarrangement of defence, the Committee was faced with the problem of finding suitable substitutes. That it has succeeded in no small degree will be apparent from the results of fixtures. The introduction of F. Raynor to centre-half has lent strength to the middle line, and as a result a greater concentration on attack has been possible. The backs, apart from being rather prone to the giving of “ sticks," a state which may be overcome by standing further away from the ball when hitting, have worked hard and rendered good service ; while the onerous position of goal­ keeper has been very capably filled by Miss J. Westerby.

Perfect understanding between players is obtained only as the result of lengthy collaboration, and hence a team containing several new recruits must take some little time to settle down.

Weather conditions so far this season have shown a marked improvement over the corresponding period of last year, and apart from the postponed return match with Bradford St. Stephen’s on February 16th, owing to the great frost, no match has been cancelled from such causes. These conditions will, I hope, continue for the remainder of the season, and so provide opportunities for exhibiting really good stickwork.

—G. Whittle.

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Season 192 8 -2 9 Fixtures.

Date Opponents Ground H. Oct. 6 V Walton A. „ 13 V Thurlstone H. „ 20 V Northowram Church H. „ 27 V Bradford Croft li.

Nor. 10 V Hopkinson’s Ltd „ 17 V Stairfoot &Wombwell ImpsH. H. „ 24 V Keighley (A) Dec. 1 V Stairfoot &Wombwell Imps A. A. „ 8 V St. Stephens, Bradford H. „ 15 V Eccleshill Church, Brad.

A. Jan. 12 V Hopkinson’s Ltd.

Date F. A. Opponents Ground F. A 3 5 Jan. 19 V Thurlstone H. 5 o .

0 2 A. „ 26 V Bradford Croft .

Feb. 2 V Eccleshill Church. Brad. A. 2 5 2 0 H. 2 5 „ 9 V Keighley (B) „ 16 V St. Stephens, Bradford H. Post’d 3 4 4 0 A. 4 2 „ 23 V Slaithwaite Church 6 6 Mar. 9 V Chapel Allerton H. 3 1 A. „ 16 V Walton 2 5 „ 23 V Keighley (A) A. „ 30 v Chapel Allerton 4 2 A. H. 3 6 Apr. 27 V St. Stephens, Bradford

THE SKETCH CLUB. H E School of Art Sketch Club has again been very active. The tea hour classes have been attended with enthusiasm on Fridays, and we have received many new members.

We have continued to hold a Monthly Meeting, when interesting lectures have been given and the competition work has been criticised.

The Annual Dance was held in the Princess Cafe on December 20th, and more students were present than in previous years, besides many outsiders.

The Sketch Club Exhibition took place on January 31st and February 1st, and the two plays given each evening were Roland Pertwee’s light farce, “ Postal Orders ” and Stanley Houghton’s comedy, “ The Dear Departed.”

The activities of the Club have been very successful during the past year. “ In life, art moves to ecstacy, thus giving colour and moment to what might otherwise be a rather grey and trivial affair.’’

—M. R.23

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THE GYMNASIUM. _ , H F nflst two sessions have been marked by a great keenness and a big increase r p H E past two sessions ( s „ have been particularly active in this 1 m attendance. Th ] ed classes the Education Committee have respect. As a and buck have made their provided some new appara , exceedingly useful, especially for multiple

periods.

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in nirl of the above Fund realised the sum of Drevious year. The thanks of the Committee 1 £45—being an increase of £ P Walker who again nobly supported us aa M C V t o Messrs' O ^ n , M ^ o t M s s e s H & y , Schfppers, Parkin, as M.C. s , to Messrs, v > f t h i r enioyable performance of Playgoers ; solos and duets), Dorothy M Wood (violin), to Misses Aked. ana rry ei ij R T unn who so generously Nellie Vickerman (songs) and by hi^ came to our ass.s ance <at t he l a ^ m o m e i as Hostess again this wonderful ceh o p la^ng to d display of Eurythmic Dancing which was year, and to Miss least to the twelve valiant senior men T N November last the Airnu

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services as Committee Secretary.

The total was made up as follows At Home ...

••• Whist Drive and Dance ... _ Collection and Sale of Poppies

••• ... ...

•** i?

••• ^ ••• ____ £45

The collecting boxes were taken as an emergency experiment the sale of tickets, until the very last day, being very much below the number sold in p years'

E lsie K aye, \ Organisers.

Minnie Lodge^ J

THE POPPY D ANCE. T N the evening of November 10th, 1928, the greater part of y°™ 6p ^ d®r^ e£d 1 found its way to the large hall of the College, where the Ann" alJ ° P P ynpo^ ar' organised by the students in aid of the Earl Haig Fund, proved lughly popid • For the greater part of two hours there was a constant influx of w° u thoueht who accomplished the feat of occupying less space than we vj™ . . j £ the possible for successful dancing. Whether the hall became elast c-sid^ tor t ^ evening, or that the dancers came with the fixed resolve to e n j o y in^ed not recorded; but they must have enjoyed it greatly for- to a man. theyevinced great reluctance to depart at 11 o'clock—and that despite the fact that refreshi had consisted solely of ices—doled out by willing but inexperienced hands .

2i

s. o. s. £ 5 ,0 0 0 Needed for Local Ex-Service tvien, of a ^ ta !!^ U^1fptSr e|l£!lTf ^ lrI\iCai Cf 3l,e«e s t udents have accepted the responsibility Ol a Stall to be entitled An Indian Market,” and Short Entertainments at the ontish L eg!on Bazaar to be held in the Huddersfield Town Hall in November next articles110 ^ ^

^

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^ ° ^

COmprise Indian Products, Raffia and useful

PROPOSED

ARRANGEMENTS.

Entertainments—Concerts, One Act Plays, Gymnasium Displays.

H.T.C. “ SO U V E N IR ” A Souvenir of the Huddersfield Technical College is in preparation, and students and friends are heartily invited to send in Quotations, grave or gay, Recipes, Brain waves, etc.

WANTED. ( 1 ). ( 2 ).

(3)

(4 )

A short and snappy title for the proposed Souvenir.

Helpers for the sale and purchase of lead pencils (best Cumberland lead, price twopence each) and marked “ H.T.C. Students’ Effort for Local ExService Men. These pencils may be obtained from the Library. .

Purchasers for the toffee and sweets which are being made by the Committee members, and offers of assistance for the sale of chocolates will be gratefully received by the Hon. Secretary. .

Students day and evening, to volunteer assistance in the sale of tickets for the Efforts which are being made to raise the ^100 required, and in canvassing for the H .l.C . Souvenir Book. Further particulars on

Offers of assistance will be greatly appreciated by Elsie Kaye and Minnie Lodge, (c/o. the Library), and by the undersigned.

FR E D A CLARKE, Hon. Secretary to the H.T.C. Students’ Ex-Servicemen’s Committee-

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Geo. Greenwood & Son, P rinters & Stationers, Alarket S t., Huddersfield