The Mock Turtle - Vol. 3 No. 6

THE Mock T urtle

SEPTEMBER,

1928.

PRICE 6d.

The Mock Turtle A

Review of th e Life, T hought, an d H u m o u r of th e

H u d d ersfield E d ito r:

T echnical

College.

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A ssista n t E ditors :

M iss F l o r e n c e T a t t e r s a l l , M iss P h y l l is K a h n .

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MR. G. S. BRAYSHAW.

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VOLUME THREE. SEPTEMBER 1928.

NUMBER SIX.

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1

T he M ock T urtle CONTENTS. PAGE

4

COLLEGE NOTES OLD

YORKSHIRE IN N SIGNS

A.W.

6 7

ON D IT QUE HINTS

Beaver

8

J.B.E.

9

A n o n . , C. R.

10

Jack Bindley

12

TO T H E B R O A D - M I N D E D

ADVICE

TO T E A C H E R S

A PA G E OF P A R O D IE S CARTOON E N D OF TERM R A M B L E S

13

DR.

14

AT

WOODHEAD THE HUDDERSFIELD

STAFF

THEATRES

H.P.K.R.

16 18

NOTES

OLD S T U D E N T S â&#x20AC;&#x2122; A C T IV IT IE S

19

STUDENT ACTIVITIES

THE SKETCH CLUB

20 20 21

THE

21

THE DRAMATIC SOCIETY THE CHEM ISTRY SOCIETY

CHRISTIAN

UNION

THE M IXED H O C K E Y CLUB THE ASSOCIATION FOOTBALL CLUB THE GYMNASIUM

23

CORRESPONDENCE A NEW

CAUTIONARY

21 22 22

TALE

OUR A D V E R T IS E M E N T S

Why not join the select circle of literary artists who write for The Mock Turtle?

24

2- 17-23

College N otes. “ ‘77s so,” said the Duchess: “ and the moral of it is ‘ Oh! ’tis love, ’tis love,’ that makes the world go round! ” “ Somebody said,” whispered Alice, “ that it’s done by everybody mind­ ing their own business! ” “ Ah, well! it means much the same thing,” said the Duchess.

A l i c e ’s A d v e n t u r e s in W o n d e r l a n d .

Our S ixth A ppearance .

T is already a far cry to December, 1926, and “ Mock T u r tle ” No. 1.

Four numbers of the magazine have been issued since th a t pioneer num ber, and this issue makes six.

Perhaps it is not too early now to be confident th a t the “ Mock T urtle ” has established itself as a perm anent in stitution at the Technical College, and th a t it has won th a t popularity which will ensure its continuance independently of the presence of p articu lar individuals in the editorial chair.

There is still scope, however, for a great deal of im provem ent if the magazine is to become all th a t present E ditorial Committee hope of it. There is a disappointing dearth of contributions of the lively order which is expected from a body of three thousand young people between the ages of sixteen and twenty-two.

Brightly w ritten interesting articles, short stories, poetry and doggerel are urgently needed for “ Mock T urtle ” No. 7, wrhich will be published at the beginning of next term.

The Magazine will always be as successful as the members of the College make it.

There is no reason w7hy it should not be the best Technical College Magazine in the country if only the devotion of a few7 members of the staff and student body were backed by the enthusiastic support of the others.

I

T he N ew S ession .

W ith September comes the new7 Session, 1928-9. For the next few weeks the College will be engaged in settling dow7n after the prelim inary bustle of the opening week. By the tim e this issue is on sale long queues w7ill have begun to encumber the entrance h a ll; queues packed w ith would-be students, clutching entrance forms, and making slow b u t certain progress towards those infinitely patient masters of the opening ceremonies, our adm inistrative staff.

Heads of D epartm ents will be essaying an almost impossible cheerfulness before a swarm of new7 disciples, intoxicated by a perusal of the College prospectus.

Old timers among the students will be wearing th a t look of quiet confidence which sometimes im pi esses new-comers and always arouses th eir curiosity.

A fo rtn ig h t and work will have commenced more or less in earn est; stu d en ts’ societies will be holding iheii fiist m eetings; football and hockey w7ill have begun; and the new session will be under weigh. L et us hope th a t it will be a memorable session in the history of th e College and the lives of its students.

Off W ith T heir H eads !

The New Session, like most new7 sessions, is bringing changes, but the loss of two Heads of D epartm ents is specially noteworthy. The retirem ent of Dr. Woodhead is something more than the loss of the Head of th e Biology D epartm ent, for his long association with the College and his position as V ice-Principal gives him a special place in the gallery of distinguished men who have served this institution since its establishment. W e pay special trib u te to Dr. Woodhead on another page and it only remains here to rem ark th a t we hope th a t he w7ill enjoy excellent ea t foi many years to come, and th a t he will be able to undertake' successfully many of the little projects incidental to his scientific and historical work which we ,eei. suie h qs been saving up for the tim e of his release from regular teaching dutievS. ° 4

Dr. Lowery has been with us for a comparatively short period as H ead of the Physics D epartm ent, b u t it is w ith real regret we have to announce his departure to M anchester in October. Im m ediately upon coming amongst us D r. Lowery made himself quite a t home, and was very soon held in high esteem both by his students and his colleagues on the College staff. His enthusiasm not only for Physics, b u t also for Music and the general cause' of Education combined to make him one of the most interesting conversationalists on the staff, and if only for this small reason his departure will be regretted by many of us. We must, however, congratulate him upon his excellent appointm ent as H ead of the Physics D epartm ent a t the Manchester College of Technology, and wish him every success and happiness in his new position.

T he D ay S tudents ’ R epresentative Council.

A fter almost a year of existence it is well th a t the Day Students’ R epresenta­ tive Council took stock of its record. Set up in November of last year the Council has m et about once a m onth to discuss the welfare of th e day students’ organisations in the College and to win for the day students those rights and privileges as are commonly enjoyed by students in other similar institutions. So far success has crowned its efforts with respect to the acquisition of a special Students’ Notice Board and a S tudents’ L etter Rack. In the case of the latter day students over the age of eighteen are now privileged to receive letters by post addressed to the College. The Council has, fu rth er, undertaken the responsibility for the production of the “ Mock T urtle ” each term in co-operation with representatives of the evening students. Negotiations for the provision of adequate playing fields were only partially successful owing to the real difficulty of finding suitable grounds. I t is to be hoped th a t a more satisfactory solution of the playing fields difficulty will be arrived a t this session. Lack of adequate accommodation in the College has also been the cause of some disappointm ent to those who hoped to see a Men Students’ Common Room an established fact by this session. A provisional scheme for the use of Room 44c has, however, been adopted, and it is hoped th a t the provision of social accommodation for men students will be greatly improved this term .

F ailure !

The only signal defeat which the Council has so far received has been on the vital question of a Compulsory Union Fee for Day Students.

This question cannot be dealt with fully here, b u t it seems p ertinent to observe in these Notes th a t it is a sad thing th a t our Education Committee should have so little respect for the carefully considered opinion of an overwhelming m ajority of Day Students, supported by the Board of Studies, th a t they should have to refer back a scheme which is absurdly modest compared w ith th a t obtaining at Bradford Technical College, and considerably less ambitious th an the Union Fee arrangem ents in most other Technical Colleges. A compulsory Union Fee of Five Shillings payable on enrolm ent by ail day students, and part-tim e day students who attend three or more half-days, is not an excessive demand (the fee a t Bradford Technical College is <£1, a t Leeds U niversity £2), but it is necessary if the Council is to carry out its duties effectively. The Fee would cover all Club and Society entrance fees, and would and providing a reserve against losses on the p a rt of students’ societies and clubs.

The Council have prepared a reasoned statem ent of their position, and the Education Committee is being pressed to revise its decision.

If the students of Leeds and Bradford can be trusted to adm inister their own affairs, are we of Huddersfield babes in arms th a t we should be denied the right?

5

O ld Y orkshire In n Signs.

F all the countless signboards th a t were erected to the nuisance and danger of traffic and public alike, perhaps none b u t the signboards of our old Inns and Hostelries remain to uphold the glories of w hat was once m an’s sole means of advertisem ent.

W ith the advance of civilization and the constant changes which have taken place in trades and towns, politics and religion; and these inns deriving their names, as they did, from one or the other of these sources; the m eaning of many old Inn signs has been either lost or obscured.

Quite often the arm orial bearings of the g reat landowners on whose land the Inns were built will furnish a clue to the m eaning of many signs.

The charm of titles and of position was strong in those days, and the lowly loved to claim connection with their “ betters ” by borrowing a crest or a colour from the heraldic shield. T h at is why we' find so many Red Lion and W hite Lion Inns dotted all over the country. Unicorn and Griffin Inns, and such like, also derive their names from arm orial bearings.

And so on.

The custom of drinking at the successful conclusion of a piece of business is known all the world over, and it is quite conceivable th a t the shops of tradesmen who contracted the h ab it of storing beer and wines on th eir busisness premises for the private consumption of customers, m ight a t a later date have become taverns prefixed by the sign of th eir trade. Thus we get Fox Taverns, Cleaver Inns and H arp Inns. The Fox being the old sign of a fu rrier, the cleaver of a butcher, and th e h arp of a musician.

Politics, a rt, science, religion, the Reform ation, fables., Civil W ars, Kings and Queens, Statesmen, soldiers, sailors, saints, poets, popes, princes, angels, martyrs, all the birds of th e air, fish and fabulous monsters have been called upon to furnish signs for Inns, hostelries and taverns, and to a ttra c t atten tio n and custom.

Yorkshire is rich in quaint and curious Inn signs, as it is rich in countless other interesting directions.

On the road between Richmond and Leyburn there is an Inn known as H alfpenny H ouse.” H ere, a t one tim e, an illegal toll was enforced, and later it became the custom to drop a halfpenny into a box a t the In n. In spite of this obvious explanation H alfpenny House ” is assumed to be' a corruption of “ Halfway

O

r^ e home of the yellow wild cat a t Keld in U pper Swaledale gives the name of C at Hole ” to an In n .

Everybody knows the Y orkshirem an, Eugene A ram , who lived for so many years 3 L rllfr€8borough 1 and his name has been perpetuated not only by Lord Lytton and Thomas Hood, b u t also in an In n sign a t K naresborough.

-p near K naresborough, boasts of a q u ain t In n known as “ Ass in a r ,an r h e r e is, of course, a storv behind such a name.

In the reign of ooc Queen A nne, a Lord Treasurer received a bandbox with three loaded and ^ . hls ° s astened to the inside of the lid. F ortunately for the Lord Treasurer ie ric was iscoyered in tim e, and after the removal of the pistols the bandbox was re urne containing a pewter inkstand and quill pens, to make an ass of the recipient. * th W all and C at i ’th W indow ” are signs wffiich come from Halifax, w indow ^ ansir1^ Horn the fact th a t for many years a stuffed ca t was set up in th« 6

A common term a t one tim e for men in stocks was “ Babes in the W ood,” and a t Batley th ere is an In n of this name. W hether this sign was the outcome of this phrase, or whether it is one of the old ballad signs, is a m atter for conjecture, b u t there is no doubt— as any authority on crusted port can tell—th a t the Beeswing ” a t Y ork is a name derived from the second crust on long kept port.

The original sign of a plum pudding surrounding by flames of a brilliant blue furnishes an amusing name of “ Blue P udding ” to an In n near H ull.

The h ab it of raising local bodies of men for the Napoleonic W ars gave rise to many In n signs. A t Beverley for instance we have a “ V aliant Trooper.”

The first sign of this kind exhibited an outsize trooper standing beside an undersized horse.

Between the years 1868 and 1872 the landlord of the Tiger In n , H ull, bought several other Inns in H ull, and called them Tiger No. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. L ater there was a Tigress and a Tiger Cub, b u t although the Tigress is still in existence, the Tiger Cub passed away a t a very early age.

In the old days H ull was a great whaling port— as many In n signs bore witness.

For instance, the “ Splaw Bone ” In n got its name from a whales flapper bone— called by th e whalers a “ Splaw ” — hung outside the In n as a sign.

The “ W h aleb o n e” In n had two enormous whale jaw-bones set up as an arch outside its door.

For those who know their Bible and remember the reference in St. John to Jacob ’s W ell— “ Whosoever drinketh of this w ater shall th irst again ” —the reason why a Leeds In n was called “ Jacob’s W e ll” will not be lacking in point.

A nother humorous sign coming from Leeds is the “ Gaping Goose;” a sign shewing a goose with elongated neck and an unnaturally extended beak. Inferring, of course, an excessive th irst.

A corruption of the heraldic “ H irondelle ” is responsible for a Sheffield sign of “ Iron D ev il;” while an old 18th century game, “ Queue in a C orner,” is suggested as a possible explanation of another Sheffield sign “ Q in a C orner.”

The memory of many famous racehorses was often perpetuated in an In n sign.

There is the “ Wild D arrell ” at Oldham and th e “ A ltisdora” at Bishop B urton, near Beverley, and many others.

On the road which leads to H am bleton Plain an In n has a signboard but no name, and it bears th e following couplet:— “ W hat sign this is no man can tell.

Y et, ’tis a sign, th e re’s ale to sell.”

These are but a few of the many quaint signs to be found in Yorkshire. The solving of the riddles which they present is a real and interesting pleasure, and it is to be deplored th a t, in the rebuilding of many of these old Inns, the original names and sign-boards are being buried beneath the senseless but high-sounding names it is the modern pleasure to bestow upon hotels.

-—A .W .

ON DIT QUE.

A

T a certain O .S.U . Dance held during the summer, games rem iniscent of the Victorian era were indulged in.

Certain members are still

suffering from shock and acute nerve-strain incurred therein. Medical advice is to the effect that the organisers of the said heinous practice be sued for liabilities.

7

H in ts to th e B road-m inded.

ET your party be chosen w ith discretion and from various walks of life. This does not infer th a t the A ccountant should necessarily be in sole financial charge, indeed b etter not, b u t the practical language of an Engineer will soothe even the most refractory of outboard motors, w hilst co-ordination between the Chemist and the Physicist cannot fail to produce satisfactorily cooked meals

L

1.

W earing A pparel .

This may be dispensed w ith, b u t if you feel conventional a pair of football pants and a beret will suffice. I t is desirable, however, to exercise restraint in the m atter of this la tte r, e.g., d o n ’t m atch red h air and a fiery complexion with orange— emerald and a variegated tassel—th e effect is demoralising. Occasionally bathing costumes may be worn. Two-piece costumes of a sheath-like character are considered rech erch e, and contrasting colours are also eomme i l fa u t. That distingue Channel appearance is fu rth er enhanced by a tig h t rubber cap. You should not, however, bathe w ithout first exam ining the w ater carefully, as vutness the startling appearance of the bulky Physicist when he emerged from H ickling Broad adorned with mosses and green stream ers, and looking like F ath e r N eptune.

2.

Cooking.

A n im portant and controversial subject. Small errors on the p art of the grocer in supplying three dozen lemonades instead of one may be neglected. But it is absolutely necessary to find out beforehand w hether there is anything that “ we have a t hom e,” "whether potatoes are boiled w ith salt, or if baked beans are warmed in a tin or in a pan. A gain, are your custards B ird ’s or egg, and do you use sour milk?

Small and insignificant m atters, y et ap t to create heated and rancorous discussion.

3.

S ailing .

(a)

(b)

(c)

(d)

4.

You should carefully observe the following p o in ts:— I t is profitless to know w hether a gaff is a sail or a fish, or if the topping lift is the newest facial massage. Two bob to the old hand at the yachting station will sta rt you off w ith all sail set.

On quanting. The q u an t is a fancy name for a p u n t pole, and is occasionally used for a sim ilar purpose. Its more im p o rtan t functions consist in pushing out from the reeds on the bank after an accident, and in fending off other vessels.

On Tacking. This is easy. You find yourself running into the bank. The A ccountant stands by w ith the q u an t to push off again. The Engineer apostrophises all wind-driven craft. The Chem ist fights the sail, and the Physicist leans hard on the tiller. You miss the bank with a foot to spare and set off into the other bank. In case of difficulty see under (4).

On the W ind. This is x, a variable q u an tity and a vector to boot. Consider the m ental impressions of the A ccountant, alone in the dinghy in midstream, vhen his Alma M ater canted over 30 degrees from the vertical and proceeded on her way rejoicing, w ith m otor boats tossing in her wake, covering three miles in a q u arter of an hour.

T he Outboard M otor.

Is variously employed— t ° ^mU?e *ke Engineer, whence th e pseudonym the “ Outboard K ing.” ' 0 1J'Penpe with tacking and to proceed in the desired direction at five miles pe^ our, the assistance being appropriately applied in the rear, 8

5.

M iscellaneous.

(a) U nder bridges everything is lowered to the deck. The Chemist and Physicist found this not enough, and rap tly watched the roof scrape off the top of the mast. (b) W hen dipping for w ater w ith the bucket, make sure th a t the rope is knotted securely, otherwise it will cost you one and fourpence. (c) Beware of N orfolk cider. I t caused the Engineer inadvertently to immerse his tailored self in six feet of muddy water. (d) Beware of the anchor.

If stepped upon in the wrong place it has the ill-m anners to retaliate and pick a little skin off your shin-bone.

The slogan is “ Go thou, and do it, and then Go A gain . ’’ B eaver .

A dvice to Teachers. ..................And so, having had much experience in the practise of teaching, I offer to you, for your perusal and your consideration, these few hard-culled hints.

ON DISCIPLINE. As Professor X says: “ Discipline can be done in many ways, b u t so can killing a p ig .” You may h it it, you will realise, over th e head, hard, fifty or sixty tim es with a m allet; or you may finish it off nicely and easily with a gentle tickle from a poniard. Both ways the pig dies, of course; b u t from an artistic point of view, which is the commendable method—the one to be adopted The poniard ? Exactly. I t is th e same in teaching.

The poniard you will understand is the teacher’s personality.

F irst, of course, before you can use it, you m ust develop your personality. How? I will show you.T he eye is th e gateway of your personality. The proof? Stand before the glass and look yourself in the eye. A fter a quarter of an hour see how funny you feel. You m ust develop th a t hard, steely, fixed stare. I t is personality. If all other methods fail, procure a glass eye. You are then half-developed.

To develop the other half you will again have recourse to the m irror.

Begin w ith looking yourself in the eye. H aving done this for ten minutes, practise grinding your teeth and setting your jaw. You will be surprised how effective it looks.

Then try face disfiguration.

H aving gone through your repertoire of facial contortion, seize the most inspiring and develop it. H alf an hour a day spent before the glass should work wonders. In a very short time you will not know yourself. Three weeks should suffice.

You have now developed your personality . Your next step is to use it.

W hen a student proves refractory, look him in the eye until he feels queer.

You have then conquered him.

Should a student, in a burst of tem per, throw the red-inkwell at you, use your personality. As this is a p retty serious offence, you will need the whole of it. Merely tu rn round, look a t him fixedly, set your jaw, grind your teeth, and facially contort. T hat will quell him. There is tremendous power in the eye.

There is no need for a revolver in teaching. Once you threaten a student w ith a firearm, you have lost your personality. And it is not of the slightest use, for some day you m ight find the said student quicker on the draw than you are.

And then, where is discipline?

No, tak e it from me. Discipline is not obtained by lethal weapons, A true and efficient discipline is in the eye.

—J.B .E .

9

A Page of Parodies.

W ith appropriate apologies.

THE FELL CARICATURIST SANS MERCI. She:- “ A H

what can ail thee, long-legged youth, In College stalely loitering; The Sketch Club tea has long been o’er, And cleaners sing.

“ Oh what can ail thee, long-legged youth, Thv pencil and thy book in hand; Thine eye it has a shifty look O’er all the land. “ Thou hast a frown upon thy face.

Which once was clear and passing fair, And o ft I see thee pass thy hand Through greasy hair.”

He :— “ 0 prithee do not question me If thou wouldst spare a sorrv wretch, He says goodbye to song and dance.

Who’s born to sketch.

I seek a subject for my pen, A lecturer or lecturess; Amendments to whose face would cause Joyful distress.

I went to Doctor Dash below.

And thoughtfully produced mv p e n : I drew his nose— but then I had To start again.

And then I went to Mr. Blank.

M here bottles were all labelled neat.

It was a shame— he hurled me Into the street!

And Mr. Splash and dear Miss Splosh.

And little Him and little Her. ’Tis strange, to stop and talk with me They all demur.

And this is why I sojourn here In College stalely loitering; Though sketch Club tea has long been o’er.

And cleaners sing.

A non 10

THE ENGINEERS IN ECONOMICS. ( Wi t h deep-felt apologies to the B a r d of Grasmere.)

T W A N D E R E D lonely as a cloud

Up flights and flights of College stairs, W hen all at once I saw a crowd, A m ighty mob of Engineers, Who kicked and cried, and swayed and swore Outside a stout unyielding door.

As dense they were as all the stars W hich w ait upon a crescent moon, As all the queues a t all the bars In Huddersfield a t half-past noon: A nd fierce as ladies who compete F or tram cars in John William Street.

I joined the throng, and I too fought W ith fever frantic for a space, And sought perchance to find out what W ent on in th a t besieged place.

A t last, th e door was opened w ide: Lo—M r. C arter sat inside !

A nd oft in “ P h y sics” as I sit In vacant or in pensive vein, Strange morbid fancies come and flit A bout the corners of my brain I wonder w hat he talks about, To cause strong men to cry and shout.

— A non .

SUMMUT ON HURLING AT MY TEACHER A COPY OF SOMEONE’S HOMER, or SEVEN AT A BLOW. A A CJCH have I quarrelled since those days of old ^ A And potmen bashed in many a low shebeen; Known the air thick with knives and razors k e e n ; But things like th a t have ever left me cold.

Once only did I feel a trifle bold, W hen, as a little boy in his demesne, I hurled my Homer straight a t Mr. Green, Who said I had a crib beneath its fold.

Then felt I like some sw^atter of small flies W hen a blue bottle swims into his k e n ; Or th a t stout tailor who, wuth eager eyes.

Stared at the mess when he squashed flies seven, And in th a t moment learned with him to know T hat man m ight e’en see—Heaven at a blow.

C.R. 11

A CARICATU-RiST &ODY FOR

MUST HAVE A FLEXIBLE FOLLOWING PEOPLE ROUND

fa m n

DISAPPEARING ,CELEBR«TY disguised as ah antique, he

/must MAKE A MOTE OF . D U S T I N G U l S H E P VISITORS

AN AWKWARD POSITION [s i l e n c e

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OPPORTUNITIES'— Like this are rare^

I THE ONLY WAY OF G ETTING AT DISTINGUISHED g U T SHY CHEMISTS. INCIDENTALLY, some u n k in d PEOPLE SUGGEST t h a t th is is th e m o s t S u ita b le tk e a tm d t

FOR CARIC ATURISTS

T he

b e s t u s e f o r th ose

PICTURES

o ld

ON T H E CORRIDORS

f / n / \ l l y , i f y o u 'r e a s k e d t o s i t f o r A c a r i c a t u r e , d o n 't T h r e a t e n us EVERY PROCEEDING UNDER THE SUN - JUST REALISE THAT I T ’S OHEOFj THE PENALTIES OF FAME - AN D THAT IT’S PROBABLY THE ONLY TIME YOU'LL EVER 6E ASKED TO SIT FOR A DISTIN GUISHED A R T I S T .

w ith

"CATCH THEM WHILE LEAVING THE COLLEGE

T R IA L S

OF A

Ta c k l i n p l e y

"M O C K T U R T L E" C A R IC A T U R IST 12

'9 “

T h e E nd of Term Ram bles.

THE STAFF RAMBLE. Bus-ful of the brightest brains in Huddersfield left th e front door of the College shortly after 2 p.m . on the last day of last session, bound for H orbury. The brain congestion was considerable w ithin the bus, and two enterprising members of the p arty chose to stew unsteadily in company with the radiator.

B ut H orbury was quickly reached and the bus disgorged its cargo of tinned academics shortly before 3 o’clock.

U nder Mr. Dyson’s able leadership the party now commenced to ramble'—an excellent w o rd ! For seme time this was managed in, comparatively speaking, close form ation, b u t later in the day schools of thought arose concerning alternative routes, and th e unity of the party was ren t by topographical schisms. Some went the high road, and some w ent the low, and some (following a distinguished example) chose to go by no road at all, b u t meandered through field on field in talk and contem plation wrapped.

A t Emley there was a grand reunion over tea, and there were no two opinions concerning the excellence of the fare. Mr. Thorpe, who is Emley’s G.O.M ., gave us a discourse about the interesting features of the neighbourhood, and the Church was duly inspected.

The retu rn journey was made via Lepton, across the fields, and thence by bus to Huddersfield. A n excellent outing, which whetted many an appetite for the holidays just b eg in n in g !

A

THE COMMERCE DAY STUDENTS. A fter a prodigious lapse of tim e, following the Gramophone Recital in F ebruary, the Commerce Day Students Club held a meeting in June to decide w hether to ram ble or w hether to ride, and in any case, where?

I t was agreed to ram ble from Greenfield to C'rowden, and fourteen brave hearts promised to catch the 12-26 train to Greenfield on the day after term ended.

But the day after term ended was wet, and moreover it was the day after term en d e d ! So they were only six, including the prime mover in the whole soaking business. H e was the only male, and he was bent on getting everybody wet.

Incidentally, he succeeded.

The “ six ” bought tickets for M arsden—the weather was so bad. But they got out of the tra in a t Greenfield and paid “ excess” upon their tickets.

Then they toiled up Chew Valley. I t rained hard, b u t one of them had one umbrella.

Then they crossed the moor and waded up the bed of a raging torrent. This p art was fun, because they were so wet th a t they couldn’t get any wetter. Then someone lost a heel, and then someone else lost a heel. This was a pity !

B u t soon C'rowden was reached, and drying operations were in full swing for nearly two hours while th e “ six ” (cheering up a bit) ate an excellent tea. Then a resta rt was made just before it started to rain again.

This, too, might have been a pity, bu t, as it was, it led to a splendid joy-ride on an em pty-bottle waggon, over the hills and far away.

The p arty were deposited by the kind-hearted driver a t Den by Dale after he had given them the dimensions of the local Pie, and particulars of how it had gone bad, and what it was like to be near it after it had! He almost refused a tip, but changed his mind a t the last moment. A nother pity, really!

Then Huddersfield came soon, thanks to the Barnsley Bus Company.

This was the worst pity of a l l !

13

Dr. W oodhead. “ AVE ATQUE VALE.” N E by one fam iliar faces disappear from the usual daily routine and only reappear a t long intervals.

To the m ajority of students this recurring phenomenon hardly provokes more comment th an “ So-and-So has left° wonder w hat the new man is lik e ;” to those members of the Staff who have come into more intim ate contact with the retired member these occurrences are m atters for affectionate regret. There is pleasure in thinking th a t he has attained a position of “ greater ease and less responsibility,” sorrow in realising th a t onlv seldom will he be among us again.

O

I t is with such mixed feelings of pleasant regard about D r. Woodhead th at we recall those argum ents over the tea-table, argum ents which sometimes became heated, b u t left no b itter feelings behind, such was the nature of the man with whom we argued.

Intense local patriotism and intense conviction.

Those are the two outstanding characteristics most vividly recalled to mind. But withal there was a kindliness of nature, a tw inkle in the eyes which bespoke the hum anity of the m an. r . , To tile genuine seeker after knowledge, to those who went to him for inform ation m the branches of N atu ral H istory, no trouble has ever been too great for him to take. The help given, was given too w ith no thought of self.

H ere was no worldly fee-snatcher, th in k in g only of w hat he could make whenever ins assistance was invoked.

H ugh M iller in his ‘‘ Old Red S an d sto n e” says “ My advice to young working men desirous of bettering th eir circumstances and adding to the am ount of their enjoyment is a very simple one.

Do not seek happiness in what is misnamed pleasure; seek it ra th e r in w hat is term ed study.

K eep your consciences clear, your curiosity fresh, and embrace every opportunity of cultivating your minds . . . and set yourselves to occupy your leisure hours in m aking yourselves wiser men. Learn to make rig h t use of your eyes: th e commonest things are worth look, ing a t even stones and weeds and the most fam iliar anim als.”

Did th a t passage inspire D r. W oodhead when he was a young man?

If it was not a diiect inspiration and it would surely be well known to him since his earliest learnings were towards G eo lo g y -th e n unconsciously it would seem he has carried it out.

N ay, the more is it applicable inasmuch as D r. Woodhead is not in the usual ^ L ? ^ a“ - th a t m isiD ‘ he s™se th a t he has spent all his lif com m erce WaS U,>til ^ W38 th irties ‘h a t ** “P h e T a s in H n° “ e n tlre *y- M a“ y readers, perhaps, will be aware th at wts th.ht / TtW°° adeS emp °yed W‘th Messrs- W ashington Bros., until he naTd n o s tra k T f r e tak e" ,°°nsiderable “ “ rage to throw up a much better he himself sav ° ' ■ , i " ’ 1D oldar to become the head of a departm ent which as and half a d o z e n ° b o t£ . ** regar sits practical equipm ent, of

fTTT

^

B ut courage larkino- in in mm. v,;™ itpt needs j •. fiptPi-minnUmr p has never , . been mcKin& courage, grit and■> rm ination to proceed to a U niversity and tak e a degree when one is approaching middle age. Those who are willing to do so a t th a t tim e of Ihe are 14

few and far between. Actions like these, themselves students who come under such teachers.

are inspirations to the

The end in D r. W oodhead’s case justified his decision. To carry out research work, to obtain a doctorate degree, to w rite papers, to address societies, to m aintain an interest in and keep abreast of, not only one science b u t three, to specialise in one im portant branch of a science, and th a t to such good purpose as> to become the President of the Society devoted to th a t special b ra n c h ; to do all this, and at the same tim e ably to* teach and organise, is no mean accomplishment.

R ath er is it an indication of the intense devotion which the man has had towards his work, and a proof of his extraordinary energy and capacity for work.

Such whole-hearted toil for a life-time is neither w ithout its compensations nor its regrets. R egret th a t w hat one can accomplish in th e course of so busy a life is not all th a t one would like to have accomplished. Especially keen also is the regret of the scientific worker th a t so many things— some of which he may have worked a t himself— are, by reason of th eir inherent nature, left unsettled.

Very vividly is one regret of Dr. W oodhead’s recalled, namely, th a t no remains of early m an have been found which would substantiate his theory, idea, contention—call it w hat you like'—say rath e r his belief, th a t a t some remote period th e site of Huddersfield and its neighbourhood was occupied by a glacial lake. W ould th a t such rem ains could be found! How the discovery would brighten his retirem ent.

Com pensations there are en o u g h ; at the end of such a period of activity, the feeling that retirem ent and ease will bring leisure to pursue that special study which lies nearest the heart, the thought that the years of active life have not been spent am iss, and greatest com pensation of all to the scientific worker, the memory that not only has he helped in the building of the noble temple of Science, but also that the stones he himself has set will endure and neither have to be taken out nor replaced.

To such memories we leave D r. Woodhead in his retirem ent, in the hope of many years yet of useful work and the tru st th a t time will mellow all those regrets which fall to the lot of the worker in Science.

A PRESENTATION. On the evening of Monday, July 2nd, a group of members of the College staff and a num ber of senior students met together to make a presentation to Dr. W oodhead on the occasion of his retirem ent.

T here were speeches by the Principal, Dr. Bruce, Mr. Addy and others, after which Dr. W oodhead was presented with a Gold W atch, a L am p Stand and a Silver Coffee Jug, subscribed for by his colleague and the students of his departm ent.

Dr. W oodhead, in replying to the speeches accompanying the presentation, was deeply moved, but he was very happy in his ^allusion to the Biological D epartm ent of his earliest days at the College A lab. stool, and three bottles in a window sill ! ” T here has been great progress since that time, and we know to whom it is due.

15

A t th e H u d d ersfield T h eatres during th e A u tu m n Term .

A N Y of our students are of th e opinion (and w hat the students think to-day no doubt the staff will th in k to-morrow) th a t the th e atre is a necessary adjunct to the very m atter of fact education of to-day. S port is recognised in this light, b u t the governing bodies have long shunned any diversion of their students which may require a certain am ount of ^intelligence for its full appreciation.

We are therefore publishing below something in th e n atu re of an intelligent p ayguide to our theatres. ogoers O If there is nothing of outstanding dram atic im portance in the T heatre Royal programme it should at least come near to satisfying all tastes There are excellent thrillers “ The F o u rth W all ” by A . A . Milne, “ A libi ” and The W recker _ by the author of “ The Ghost T ra in .” W hat more amusing comedies-can be provided than “ T h ark ,” “ Yellow Sands,” or “ Two W hite A rm s.” For those who admire Mr. Dr ink w ater’s more serious work there is “ B ird in H an d to show how well he can w rite a comedy.

Few actors know th eir a rt so well as Mr. Bransbv Williams, who will appear in the “ Soul of Nicholas S nyder.”

This, at least, should be a most attractive production for those who wish to study good acting.

There is also an excellent selection of musical comedies, w ith perhaps “ H it the D eck,” “ Sunny,” and th e “ Blue T rain ” outstanding.

A t the Hippodrome and Palace T heatre we expect to see a variety of revues and musical shows. I t is difficult to m ake a selection of these, firstly, because there are so many, and, secondly, because so much depends on individual taste.

A provincial re-vue does not pretend to be b rilliantly clever, but it does provide music, light and colour to gladden our hearts when we most need them . In addition to some exceptionally b rig h t musical productions the H ippodrom e has several rem arkable bookings.

Probably the most im p o rtan t is a visit of the Biitish N ational Opera Company, when high-brow and low-brow alike will be able to lose themselves in the glory of opera. We are also promised a visit of th a t brilliant actor, Seymour Hicks.

In Huddersfield’s dram atic life it is impossisble nowadays to ignore the Huddersfield Thespians.

This company, although entirely am ateur, is known throughout England as being able to hold its own w ith m any of the best repertory theatres. The Thespians’ first production is “ The Devil a S a in t,” a Yorkshire comedy by Mr. J . R. Gregson, whose reputation as the Y orkshire dram atist is now firmly assured. I t is a play which no tru e Y orkshirem an should miss. This being the Ibsen centenary year the Thespians are celebrating it by producing “ An Enemy of the People.” The play is described as a comedy, b u t w ith Ibsen an experienced theatre-goer knows w hat this means.

In December M r. G. B. Shaw’s play, “ M isalliance” wall be produced.

This is one of M r. Shaw’s more than usually verbal outpourings. I t is w ritten w ithout any break into acts, b u t we hope that the Thespians will show a little solicitude for th e struggle for existence of the licensed victuallers and remedy this.

This list does not pretend to be complete by any means. There are many other interesting productions, both am ateur and professional. In addition, if space allowed, we would p rin t a list of films to see.

—H .P .K .R .

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Staff N o tes.

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EM BERS of the staff may come and members of the staff may go, but the Staff goes on for ever, and somebody has got to write these notes.

There are several changes in our num ber to announce in this issue; several goodbyes to say, and several welcomes. A t the end of last term came Dr. W oodhead’s retirem ent. This is referred to more particularly on another page, and we will content ourselves here in welcoming D r. W oodhead’s successor, Dr. W. B. Crow, M.Sc. (London and W ales), of the U niversisty College, Cardiff, as Head of the N atu ral H istory D epartm ent, We also learn w ith regret th a t Miss V. I. Eustice, B.Sc., of the N atu ral H istory D epartm ent, is also leaving us to take up a post in industry. A successor to Miss Eustice has not yet been appointed. * * Dr. Lowery, who has had a com paratively short stay w ith us, is to leave us on October 1st, when he takes up his duties as H ead of the Physic D epartm ent at the M anchester College of Technology, his old academic home. H e will be succeeded

by M r. D. M cKerracher, B.Sc. (Glasgow), to whom we extend a cordial welcome. * * * A t the end of October another ancient retain er is due to retire. We refer to Mr. C. B. Howdill, A .R .I.B .A ., who has been in charge of the Building Section of the Engineering D epartm ent for years. H e will be succeeded on November 1st by Mr. J . A. Clarke, A .R .I.B .A .

In the Textile D epartm ent we have to welcome M r. J . S. H ind in place of Mr. C. E. M urphy.

Mr. H ind and M r. M urphy appear to have “ swopped ” places, for the former comes from, and the la tte r has left for— Bradford Technical College. * * We are pleased to note th a t Miss E. Schippers will be back again in the School of A rt this session after twelve months leave of absence, b u t we have to say goodbye to Miss D exter, who has been holding Miss Schippers’ place tem porarily. * * * I t is sincerely to be hoped th a t the colleagues who are leaving us and the new colleagues who are to join us will have every success and happiness in their new posts. “ The Mock T u r tle ” bids the form er “ Bon voyage!” and the latter “ Bon jo u r!”

MARRIAGES. W O other interesting events have taken place during the holidays. Two esteemed members of our adm inistrative staff have taken upon themselves the happy responsibilities of the state of m atrim ony. T he two weddings took place on Saturday ^morning, A ugust 18th.

Mr. R alph W heelhouse, (late Business M anager of the Mock T u rtle ” ), was m arried to Miss Doris Sainsbury, of Birm ingham , at the Huddersfield R eg istrar’s Office. Mr. A. Bell was married to Miss Chatburn, of Queensbury, at H alifax.

In both cases the honeymoons were^ spent on the E ast Yorkshire coast.

The Mock T urtle ” is happy to be the m outhpiece for the whole-hearted congratulations which everyone connected with the College will wish to offer to Mr. and Mrs. Bell and Mr. and Mrs. W heelhouse.

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O ld S tu d e n t s A ctivities.

N A pril 18th, an enjoyable dance was held in the Y .W .C .A . Rooms.

On Ju n e 8th , a dance was held in aid of the Royal Infirm ary, when the sum of £ 3 was handed over. Thanks to all subscribers. The last dance of the Session was held on the 6th of Ju ly , and was enjoyed by all who attended.

Correspondence.— Old S tudent in Canada would welcome correspondence with present students.— A pply H on. Secretaries.

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RAMBLE TO HARROGATE AND KNARESBOROUGH. On E aster M onday, 24 hardy members turned up at the Station.

In the crowd on the Island Platform only three ticketless members caught the train . In the later tra in one maiden was plunged into dire distress by the loss of one “ H ip p o ,” b u t the “ A s s ” retrieved him for her.

A t Leeds there was a more or less joyful reunion, and the party proceeded to H arrogate in a crowded train .

Capt. W ebb was w ith difficulty restrained from lunching in the Stray, and later th a t meal was enjoyed by the less exclusive on a fallen tree trunk in the peaceful village of Starbeck, to the great amusement of the natives.

A t K naresborough the p arty made for the river, and it is feared th a t other innocent rowers narrowly escaped being brained by------ ?

The D ropping W ell, M other S hipton’s Cave, and the Castle too, were visited.

One p arty retu rn ed by the earlier tra in , and had to stand all the way home. The rear-guard, in command of J.C '.S., secured a first-class com partment, and was en tertain ed wTith music all the way home.

—W.S.

RAMBLE TO CAWTHORNE, JUNE 16th.

Guided by J . E. Schofield, 12 members went by bus to Cawthorne. Then followed a walk through th e P ark to H igh H oyland. There was great rivalry for possession of a certain dam sel’s box of sandwiches on the way. Then the church was visited, and th e tower climbed by th e energetic ones.

Despite protests from th e hungry members, the guide led the party to Bretton, where, after a long w ait, tea was joyfully welcomed.

Three im patient members passed by, bearing foaming tankards of some unknown concoction.

A fter a dam sel’s heel had been ham m ered on and secured w ith string from some g allan t’s pocket, the retu rn journey was made via Emley and Lepton.

RAMBLE TO COXLEY VALLEY, AUGUST 1st.

The s ta rt was made from Grange Moor, and the leaders went at a terrific rate, tu rn in g once every mile or so to see if the other poor strugglers w7ere in sight.

Through H orbury we w ent, and on to the lovely C'oxley Valley, v7heie tea wTa^ eaten, one m em ber lying on his back the wdiile.

L ater the p arty stopped to play rounders, and a lively bull added to the excitem ent.

A t Emley the p arty stopped for a d rin k , and Mr. S. showed great bravery m asking for w ater at the Green Dragon.

A fter a fu rth er tram p the W aterloo tram brought the faithful ones safely home again.

W.S. We should like to know if it is really tru e th a t some “ u n k n o w n ” party malevolently misplaced C aptain(?)’s H in d e’s Wavers shortly before his sudden immersion.

K . C. B rown, Hon. Secretary.

19

S tu d e n t A ctivities.

S tu d e n ts o f the College— new and old— are cordially in vited to take p a rt in the a ctivities o f the various clubs and societies, some notes o f w hich appear below. The success o f all College a ctivities depends on the keenness and en th u sia sm o f students, and we can do no more th a n hope th a t th is S essio n w ill be m arked by an increased m em bership and a growing sense o f College loyalty in all clubs and societies.

The more you p u t into College life, the more you w ill get out o f it !

THE DRAMATIC SOCIETY. H E College D ram atic Society has completed a highly successful season, 1927-8.

The innovation of running the Society in conjunction with the. official classes in D ram atic A rt, under Miss Dorothy Black’s professional tutorship, has proved a striking success. Miss Black’s classes proved very popular and were well attended, and they culm inated at the beginning of March in the production of John Hastings T u rn er’s comedy, “ The Lilies of the Field.' This performance delighted w hat was probably the largest audience th e Large H all had contained for a D ram atic performance. Moreover the audience was more appreciative than any the Caste had previously played before, and the Press acclaimed the production a great success. The Society was inundated with requests for repeat performances, but owing to numerous difficulties it was impossible to accede to any of these. This session, however, the Society proposes to give two performances of each production.

The programme for the w inter has been drafted during the summer months, and it has been decided to produce a Spanish play, “ The Rom antic Young Lady,

by Sierra, in December. Spanish students please note. The second play, in March, is to be a modern comedy. The parts have already been cast for the December production, b u t a few more players will probably be needed for a “ C urtain Raiser.

All students interested in acting and play-production are invited to join us this session by becoming members of Miss B lack’s class. We only require a strong band of enthusiastic am ateurs to enable us to have a record session. N ot only do we need acting members, b u t also people interested in stage-craft. The work of stage erection and managem ent has too frequently fallen upon the shoulders of one or two.

The Society has been honoured by the consent of the Principal, M r. Hudson, to become its first P resid en t; and under the Chairm anship of M r. A. D. K . Owen a strong working Committee has been got together.

All points to a highly successful w inter’s work.

For further inform ation apply to— P hilip B ooth (Hon. Sec.)

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THE CHEMISTRY SOCIETY. NCE more the editorial fiat has gone forth, and the long suffering Secretary of the Chemistry D epartm ent again finds himself under the necessity of producing a dissertation on the work and aims of the Society.

Since this issue of the “ Mock T urtle ” sees the commencement of a new session, we hasten to point out to the new students th a t the Chemical Society is the doyen

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of all College Societies— its records hark back into the dark and distant ages for at least fourteen years. The enthusiasm which is shown by the members of the staff and th eir interest in our movements is a potent factor in this continued life and prosperity. L ast session the series of lectures, which were given on Thursday afternoons at 4-15, were principally of a popular nature, yet of interest to the more advanced students.

F. W ood, Secretary.

THE SKETCH CLUB. H E School of A rt Sketch Club exists to encourage the pursuit and appreciation of A rt, quite ap art from class-room work a t the School. A rt is not confined to any class-room, it is an essential p art of life, and its cultivation leads to a fuller realisation of the joy and m eaning of living. To further these ideals the Sketch Club holds meetings every m onth, a t which papers are given on some branch or aspect of A rt. Competitions are held monthly, and the entries are exhibited a t each m eeting and criticised by a member of the School of A rt Staff. F u rth er, tea hour classes are held each Friday evening in drawing from life. The Sketch Club also holds an annual dance, produces a play, and holds a public exhibition of work done a t the tea hour class, entries for the monthly competitions, and so on.

M. S ingleton.

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THE CHRISTIAN UNION. H IS is not a mid-week Sunday School class or a special week-night service: I t is a Society which provides heretics and sceptical students with a chance to say w hat they th in k without shocking the community at large. I t invites the scientists to come and present th eir case, if any, against C hristianity, and men of all views on the things th a t really count to come and talk them over. I t does this in the belief th a t when correctly understood C hristianity is a religion which will appeal to th e mind of modern students as the most likely to help to mend a broken and suffering world, and a religion which can be reconciled with modern scientific ideas.

Speakers who appreciate the point of view of questioning youth are asked to give short talks and lead discussions, but any student who has a difficulty which he wishes to overcome concerning his idea of C hristianity will be welcomed and the point raised in discussion. Probably his idea of C hristianity is quite wrong.

Come along to the next meeting th a t is announced. A fter all it is a poor business to be a C hristian for the same reason as would have made you a M ohamedan if you had been born in Turkey !

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THE MIXED HOCKEY CLUB. UR season officially opens on October 6th, when we entertain W alton as visitors. W ith b u t two exceptions all our last season’s players will be available; the exceptions being—firstly, M r. J . C. Schofield, who; last season, proved such a thorn in the side of more than one of our opponents, and who, it is to be regretted, will shortly be going abroad. Secondly, the w iiter, who pleads too great preoccupation to perm it his continuing in his present capacity as captain. The club, however, is not short of recruits, so that, a satisfactory season is anticipated. . . . . .

In the event of the playing fields situation being concluded satisfactorily in the m eantim e, two practice matches will be held on the 23rd and 30th inst., to

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which all new-comers are cordially invited. F u rth e r particulars will appear on the notice-board. .

The Mixed Hockey Club Dance will be held on the evening of Saturday. Oct. 6th in the Large H all. W ill all desiring fu rth e r inform ation communicate with the Secretary, Miss C. E. A rm itage.

Our fixtures, up to going to press, are as follows:— 1928.

Oct. 6—Walton ,, 13—Thurlstone Ladies (Mixed) ,, 20—Northowram Parish Church Nov. 10—Messrs. Hopkinsons „ 17—Stairfoot & Wombwell Imps Dec. 1— ,, 8—St. Stephens ,, 15—Eccleshill

1929.

Jan. 12—Northowram Parish Church ,, 19—Thurlestone Ladies (Mixed) Feb. 2— Eccleshill ,, 16—St. Stephens Mar. 2—Messrs. Hopkinsons M 9— Chapel Allerton ,, 16—W alton M 29— Chapel Allerton

Home Away Home Home Away Home Away Home

Away Home Away Home Away Home Away Away

G. W hittle.

THE ASSOCIATION

FOOTBALL CLUB.

LL men students are invited to join the Association Football Club this season. Practice matches will begin immediately the term commences, and a series of matches has been arranged commencing October 13th.

Games will be played as last year on the Sheepridge ground, a few minutes from the tram terminus.

A

The following are the fixtures which have been arranged, up to the present,

for this season :— 1928.

Oct. 13—Huddersfield College ,, 20—Old Collegians, (Huddersfield) ,, 27—Huddersfield Y.M .C.A. Nov. 17—Bradford Technical College ,, 24—Old Almondburians Dec. 1—Old Collegians, (Huddersfield)

Dec. 14—Bradford Technical College ,, 29— Huddersfield Y.M .C.A. 1929.

Jan. 26—Old Collegians, (Huddersfield) Feb. 2—Old Almondburians ,, 23—Old Collegians, (Huddersfield) Mar. 16—Huddersfield College

Home Home Home Away Home Away

Home Away Home Away Away Away

The list is, so far, rather short this year, owing to several teams having joined leagues.

If any members of the College desire further particulars about the club, or wish to play, they should apply to the Secretary and Captain— A. J. W. Croft, (Chemistry Department).

THE GYMNASIUM. NCE more it seems necessary to rem ind students of both sexes th a t they have at their disposal an unusually well equipped gymnasium, which they may avail themselves of, both in the dinner hour and in the evening.

The classes are conducted by M r. G raham , whose wide experience and expert knowledge enables him to provide courses which are both interesting and beneficial.

Students as a class are forced by circumstances to lead a very sedentary life, and it is in no priggish sense th a t I would suggest th a t a m oderate indulgence in gymnastics would be a great advantage. I t is surely self-evident th a t in order to secure best results a certain balance should be m aintained between the m ental and physical sides of one’s character. I hold no brief for acrobats or “ strong m en,” but, on the other hand, who can respect physical feebleness, especially when it is the outcome of mere laziness.

L e t no one be deterred by lack of gym nastic skill, for it will be found that

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after a few months of regular attendance one has acquired sufficient strength and agility to perform most of th e exercises w ith certainty and precision, and once this stage has been reached the hours spent in the gym. become the best p a rt of the week and a most refreshing change after ” sw otting.”

Surely che small attendance of Day Students is not a fair representation of the total athletic prowess of th e College. C annot the Day People show something of the enthusiasm of th eir Evening B rethren?

Please make an effort and come in larger num bers this term . New students are specially invited.

C-.S.B.

C orrespondence.

ANOTHER IDEAL GONE WEST. To t h e E d ito r o f

“

T he M ock T u r t l e .”

S i r :—

IL Y th e Technical College is a great institution, and those who enter its V E Bportals do not realise a t first w hat pearls of knowledge are to be found therein.

Listen to this tale of one, who on th e Staff for several years, at last had his eyes opened, and the m anner thereof..

Perchance one day he wandered into the L ibrary, and, letting his eyes roam over th a t spacious apartm ent, discovered ‘ ‘ The Beauties of England and Wales __N o! fair reader, not the silken legged, slinky variety of which you are such a perfect specimen—b u t the book of th a t title.

Picking out the volume relating to th a t county for which he has a great affection he bore the prize home, and therein read :— ” The said 8th of February beinge come and the tyme and place appointed for the execution as aforesaid; the said Quene of Scotts, beinge of statu re tall, of bodye corpulent, round shouldered, her face fa tt and brod, double chenned,and hasle eyed, hir borrowed heare borne.”

A las! alas! how the illusions of a lifetime are shattered.

The famous Mary over whom such oceans of sentim ental tears have been shed, such rivers of slush poured out. This famous M ary was fat, moon-faced, double chinned and wore false h air! Being round shouldered she was not even Junoesque.

No wonder Elizabeth rid herself of such a virago.

Yours, etc., A .O .J.

T h e P r i n t e r s o f t h i s R e v ie w a re also p r o d u c e r s o f H ig h -c la s s L ith o g r a p h ic and L e tte rp re s s P rin tin g , Account

B ooks and G e n e ra l

B in d in g , S h o w C a rds, C atalogues, A d v e rt

F o ld e r s — in fa c t e v e r y th in g c o n n e cte d w ith print.

GEO. G R EEN W O O D & S O N , T e le p h o n e 2 5 8 7 .

M a rk e t S t.,

H U D D E R SFIE L D .

E stab lish e d 1 8 3 1 .

23

A NEW CAUTIONARY TALE

By Bil l a ir e H e l l o c .

C IR M arm aduke Fitzbloggins was W hen young a mollycoddle.

His dad sent him to E ton to Get something in his noddle; In which he got the desk-girl at A butchers,—A nna B row n; So, each day, for a m utton chop H e paid a tan n er down, And chucking A nna ’neath the chin He spake sweet nothings to her.

Alas for M a n n y ! A nna was Affianced to a brewer, Who came along one day and with Our hero picked a quarrel, And sent him home to Lord Fitzblogg, Packed safely in a barrel, W hen papa found into his son He could no learning get, He got a M inistry for him Inside the Cabinet.

M oral:— Don’t send your son to E ton, and ’G ainst love of women arm ye, Lest you should meet the shocking fate T h at came to little M anny.

— O. Cetuit .

24

“ Lest we Forget.”

The “ Earl Haig” Fund in aid of Disabled Soldiers.

T e c h n i c a l C o l l e g e S t u d e n t s ’ A n n u a l E f fo r t -

Volunteers

(men and women, day and evening students) are wanted—

T o O r g a n is e a n 11 A t-H o m e ” on the sames lines as last year.

T o a c t a s S t e w a r d s a n d M .C .’s at the 11 P o p p y D a n c e ” (Twelve strong silent men !)

T o a c t a s R e f r e s h m e n t H e lp e r s .

T o p r o v id e a C o n c e r t P a r ty .

To m ak e P o ste r s.

Names should be given to any of the following— Doris Ainley, Dora Rawcliffe, Minnie Lodge, E. R. Swift, Kathleen C. Brown, Cyril Shore, H. W . Handford.

L ast Y ear £ 3 6 .

T h is Y e a r £ P

J . H o l r o y d & C o ., L td ., Dyers, Cleaners, Furriers, Hat Renovators, Carpet Beaters, Bedding Cleaners, Laundrymen, etc.

Almost everything about the house, as w ell as all wearing apparel can be made clean and bright and ready for much further service.

TRY

OUR

NEW -W AY C heaper

th a n

WASH.

w a s h in g

at

H om e.

38 KING STREET, 18 WESTGATE, & SEEDHILL, HUDDERSFIELD. W orks: Seedhill.

Tel. 378.

Write or call for the latest Investment and Homebuyers Prospectus.

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Huddersfield Daily Branches:

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8,

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MARKETPLACE,

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and

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The Finest Investment for Savers Monthly Investing Shares in this Society give • present yield of 34% Interest plus a Bonus of 24%. Save regularly and share in the Annual division of Bonus.

Investment departments yield from 34% to 5% FREE O F IN C O M E T A X . You cannot get a better or a safer Investment. it Liberal advances granted to Homebuyers. ::

MALI FAX BUILDING /O C IETY

§

CLOTH HALL

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K 2

S

STREET. R. 8. Oldroyd, District Manager.

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c $

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The Largest Society in the World.

Head Office: Permanent Buildings, Halifax.

O ver 350 Branches.

Geo. Greenwood & Son, Printers, Market Street, Huddersfield,