The Mock Turtle - No. 10

The

MOCK TURTLE

SEPTEMBER, 1930

PRICE 6(L

Wheatley, Dyson & Son supply all requisites for Students ON VERY ADVANTAGEOUS TERMS.

EXCERS1SE BOOKS.

Mathematical Instruments (Selected by the College).

D R A W IN G

BOARDS

T SQUARES. SLIDE RULES. SET SQUARES, Etc., Etc.

TEXT

BO O K S.

12, New Street, Huddersfield TELEPHONE 415.

X lie M o o t

I turtle,,

CONTENTS. Page EDITORIAL NOTES

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REVERIE IN OCTOBER

The Ttfftd Dog

AT EVENSONG

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THE GREATEST SENSATION OF THE YEAR TREASURE ISLAND

5 5 6

Winifred M. Spencer

THIS DAY, NEXT DAY (a Play)

Ernest Schofield

“ CHEER UP ! HAVE A ‘ MOCK ’ ” (Cartoon)

Charles Cadley

8 9 11

STAFF NOTES

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THE OLD STUDENTS’ UNION

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COME LASSES AND LADS

Laetitia lachrymose et Poeco

SOME COMING EVENTS

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THE ART OF NATATION

Sea Lion

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DRAMATIC NOTES

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THE CRICKET CLUB

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THE GYMNASIUM

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TENNIS— STAFF v. STUDENTS

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POPPY DAY

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THE CHEMICAL SOCIETY

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THE MIXED HOCKEY CLUB

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THE DRAMATIC SOCIETY

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STUDENTS’ EFFORT— EX-SERVICEMEN’SFUND

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POETIC INJUSTICE

Alec Hadfield

WHY NOT JOIN THE SELECT CIRCLE OF LITERARY ARTISTS WHO WRITE FOR THE MOCK TURTLE?

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“ They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle— Alice could hear him sighing as i f his heart would break. — ‘ What is his sorrow ? ’ she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon ans­ wered— ‘ It’s all his fancy, that : he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know.

Come o n !

So they went up to the Mock I urtle, who looked at them with large eyes full o f tears, but said nothing.

ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND.

:W STUDENTS this Session, a hearty welcome on behalf of the student organisations of the College. These announce themselves in our pages and invite your co-operation.

If you find any society to be not all that you expect, it merely means that your assistance is needed to make it “ go.” If you do not find what you want, a for it. A little energy and drive will probably wake up some kindred spiri The Association Football Club, for instance, is a regrettable absentee among September announcements.

It met with an untimely demise before the end of last season, after quite a creditable career. There was just not enough enthusiasm maintained to keep a full team in the field. If there are only a few footballers among the newcomers, we believe that a good team will be possible.

A College Need. The difficulties of the A.F.C. call to mind again the essential difficulty of all our athletic societies— the lack of a College Athletic Ground.

As the Secretary of our Cricket Club points out in his report, Huddersfield lags shockingly behind other towns in its omission to provide its one centre of advanced education with reasonable facilities for sport. A sound mind demands a sound body.

As showing what a Technical College can do with a little encouragement, we note that last year Loughborough College was admitted to the Universities’ Athletic Union, and its hockey team won the championship of the Union, beating Bangor University College in the semi-final, and the University of Bristol in the final. Such honours will not fall to Huddersfield until its clubs enjoy better facilities. We trust that some of our public spirited governors will take the matter in hand.

The Student Effort on behalf of the Local Distressed Ex-Servicemen’s Fund, the results of which are announced in our pages, has been a note­ worthy achievement of the past year. We cannot help feeling, however, that sustained tasks such as these, over and above the normal activities of College life, are more than should be undertaken, and certainly more than are normally undertaken in much larger institutions.

The work has inevitably fallen largely on other than student shoulders.

Miss Barker, our Librarian, in particular, was considerably overburdened with work and worry that some­ one had to shoulder; and the College organisations in general might be the better for less diffusion of effort. We congratulate all who took part, how­ ever, on the excellent result achieved, and on excelling their original financial objective.

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Our Contemporaries, The Melbourne Technical School Magazine has decided that it will look better in a simpler cover, and to re-attire itself for its next issue. It must have been admiring the Mock Turtle !

It has also decided to award, from its surplus funds (!), two annual prizes in the Wool School of the College. If members of our “ Wool School” would support their magazine we might be able to do the same. We refer, of course, not to the “ wool gatherers ” in all depai tments, but to the gentle­ men across the road who appear to have “ no connection with the fiim next Congratulations. We have to regret the loss of our Assistant Editoi, Miss Winifred Aked, who has rendered most valuable service during the past year. It is sad when such disasters as marriage carry off useful workers; but we congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Spencer, and wish them all happiness.

Our Congratulations to all our readers. You have made a good start this Session. The first duty of a student is to support his college magazine; so pull up your socks, stick out your chest, and say to youiself, Here s jolly good health, I’ve done a good thing to-day.’ We hope to have the pleasuie of renewing your acquaintance at Christmas.

REVERIE IN OCTOBER. Draw close the curtains, night is here, Then sit ensconced in some low chair And dream, dream deep, while all the whispering, shadowy gloom Is peopled with past users of the peaceful room.

The firelight shines on brass and delf Ranged on the dark old mantleshelf, A gilded picture frame, an ancient oaken stool, Old books, well loved, glow softly in the rose-hued pool.

And in a corner, very dim, Save when the strongest, brightest flame Leaps up, there stands a table and a fishing rod And faintest blur of golden light, a small brass god.

There, in the stillness and the flame Bright visions come of future fame And honours d u e .............. You start, half dreaming yet and half Awake, to hear the old brass god’s ironic laugh.

AT EVENSONG. The preacher speaks in stumbling words, of Faith, His tongue gone mute before his soul’s strong cries, The Congregation draws a languid breath, Nor heeds the pleading in his wistful eyes. “ 0, man of Gallilee, hear Thou our prayer, 0 come to hearts that yearn and seek for Thee.”

The Verger’s brow, once dark, grows free from care, He thinks, “ Ah ! supper will be fish and tea.”

5

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THE GREATEST SENSATION OF T HE YEAR! « rphe craze for War Novels has reached saturation point, and the tendency of the next craze seems to point definitely to historical Novels.”-The D aily Press.

ORKING on the good old principle that Anticipation is better than Realisation, the Mock Turtle has secured at ENORMOUS COST the LITERARY SENSATION OF THE YEAR; and now REGARD­ LESS OF EXPENSE, Public Opinion, or the consequences, we place THIS MASTERPIECE before you FOR THE FIRST TIME. “ THOU DIRTY HOUND !” has been boosted in every civilised country of the world. Critics have committed suicide in their ectasy of praise.

Envious publishers have dropped down dead. The author, Hecta Thee, has gained a fortune and a peerage, and himself has said, “ Poof ! what I don’t know about medieval lore isn’t worth knowing.”

NOW we confidently leave it to you to judge this mighty Novel on its merits.

This tale of sighing trees and Sherwood green; of twanging bows and singing arrows; of doe skin and cat gut; of flashing blades and tender eyes; of flowing tresses and flowing wine; of empty bottles and empty heads; of love, pathos, battle, death, life; of this, of that; of— ENOUGH—Go to it !

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i lio n U i r t y

O ound

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By HECTA THEE. CHAPTER 1.

It was the hour of noon in a quiet glade in Sherwood Forest.

The silent summer sunbeams simmered sizzlingly through the sighing branches.

CHAPTER 2.

Close by a gurgling brook, with his back against a stately oak, sat a handsome young man. He was dressed from head to foot in Sherwood green, except for his cloak, which was bilge grey, with cuffs and hem to match; and his hat, which was neither one thing nor the other.

Round his waist were girded a long sword, a short dagger and a quiver of arrows. On his lap lay a fairly long bow.

With eyes half closed he hummed gently to himself, for he had enjoyed his dinner.

Lazily picking up a pebble he threw it into the air, and ere it could return to earth he sent it up again with an arrow.

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He repeated this six times before allowing the pebble to drop, then deftly caught it in his mouth as it did so.

"Smiling gently to himself he stopped humming, and drawing his cloak about him settled himself down to sleep, for the sizzling sunbeams were taking their effect.

Soon, Harold-are-ta-Theer, for that was his name, opened his eyes and looked sleepily upwards.

Above his head, amongst the rustling leaves was a blackbird, singing as if its throat would burst. “ Ha, pretty little black— ” began Harold, then ducked, —came the twang of cat-gut, a whizz, a rush of leaves, and the pretty little blackbird was soaring heavenwards on its last and swiftest flight, impaled on the end of a forty inch arrow.

Harold-are-ta-Theer, with lips grimly compressed, watched until the tiny speck disappeared behind a cloud, then, “ thou dirty hound,” he hissed, “ that’ll teach— He stopped suddenly. Born on the airy breeze came a girlish voice calling, “ Harold-are-ta-Theer.” “ Yes, darling, I’m here,” he replied, and looked along the path.

Down the glade came a maiden. Her golden hair fell in ringlets about her shoulders to her knees; her laughing grey eyes weie like twin stars.

Her gown was russet like autumn leaves; the buckle on her girdle flashed and sparkled in the sunlight. “ Hello, Cupid,” said she playfully, as she approached the oak. “ Ah, Maid Marmite, my Marmite ! ” exclaimed Harold, and held out his arms.

With a happy little laugh the girl flew into them, much as the blackbird flew heavenwards.

CHAPTER 3. “ Oh, H a r o l d ..................” “ Oh, M a r m i t e ................ ” CHAPTER 4. “ Marmite, it seems such a long time since yesterday, where hast thou been? See ! a little buttercup, let me see if thou likes butter.”

Harold disengaged himself with difficulty, and drawing his sword, knelt to cut the buttercup.

He meditated a moment; then with a smile towards Marmite sheathed his sword and drew his dagger in stead. “ Clever boy,” said she, and as he was about to snip off the buttercup, kicked out playfully with her shapely foot.

Harold missed his flower, and with a smothered oath sprawled head-first into the brook.

He emerged smiling, and the girl’s merry laughter echoed through the forest like a peal of silver bells. “ Dost thou remember, Marmite, how 1 tied a knot in thy hair yesterday?

It was a slip knot, and I placed it over my head. Then something startled thee, and thou jumped up and dragged me with thee and nearly strangled me. Ah ! Ah ! Ah ! Let me even tie a bowline to-day, for I must pass my tenderfoot on Saturday.

Come, darling— .”

[The rest of chapter 4, together with chapter 5, has unfortunately been mislaid; but our readers may rest assured that they will appear simultaneously with the next instalment.]

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CHAPTER 6. “ Oh Harold, look 1” cried Marmite, as with wide terror-filled eyes she p0inT t r e h'annsmfolded, with big feet protruding from beneath his black rassock and bulging eyes, red with passion, stood a monk he gnashed and unenashed his yellow, twisted teeth with such vigour that they became mterH d and he had to knock his head smartly against a tree to release them.

His fingers vvorked convulsively. His eyes stood out like peg-legs. “ Dean Soddit,” gasped Harold, fearfully, “ what dost thou want? « Ha | » jeered the Dean, “ that’s telling, isn’t it? and anyway, he hissed, “ dost thou know about a boiler, hey?”

What DOES Harold know about a boiler, hey? And why is he so afraid9 Who is Dean Soddit, and, assuming he is there tor a purpose, what is that purpose? Don’t miss the next terrific instalment.

1 J 1 reasure 1Lsland

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TTF vou are wanting an entirely different, romantic kind of holiday, come with me to Sark and know the delights of a primitive, care-tree holiday A in the midst of beautiful natural surroundings; wild rugged coas. scenery, and inland the wild flowers are growing in profusion, huge masses of primroses, bluebells and cowslips among the gorse bushes and the un­ tidy overgrown hedges of black bryony, hawthorn and wild loses.

There is, in Sark, a feeling of enchantment, of glamour and unexpected­ ness. One feels that the most extraordinary things could happen there, and yet seem quite normal. It is a veritable fairyland, a paradise for the aitis , writer or explorer who does not wish for conventionality, who asks tor nothing better than to roam at will among the magic caves, with their wealth of marine wonders, or to clamber down the cliffs and over the rocks to tne beautiful Venus’s Bath, a pool of translucent water, full of reflections ot e blue sky and the grey granite cliffs; or to the Pool of Adonis, where the water is clear and green, and the water nymphs play.

Go prepared to scram e whenever the beach is desired. There is no easy way to the sea, unless one falls over the cliff edge ! But the result of a precipitous descent to the sancs fully justifies the efforts made in reaching it. ...

Wonderful little bays are scattered with innumerable rocks, covered wi ^ long strands of seaweed and marvellous sea anemones. Here and there, n one searches diligently, there are Sark stones to be found and polished yellow, green and blue. . { In fact “ Treasure Island” is a most appropriate name for this gem o the Channel Isles. .

Another interesting point about Sark is the fact that it is still under tie feudal system. “ La Seigneurie ” is the old manor house, and there lives La Dame de Sercq (Mrs. Hathaway), who has absolute authority on t e island, and demands a landing tax from all intending visitors, so be prepaie for that ! The tenants hold their land from her, and pay their feudal dues, 8

and their system of taxation is calculated from the number of fireplaces they have in each house. At the rate of 4/2 per fireplace !

The island is allotted in 40 divisions, originally held by forty families, settlers from Jersey who came at the instigation of the de Carteret family who were lords of the manor in the sixteenth century, the time of the settle­ ment.

The old windmill is still standing on high ground, a landmark from any point, but as the island is only 3 | miles by 2 in extent, that is not very remarkable.

The interesting feature is that it dates from 1571—the old weathercock, in the form of a fish, bearing that date even now.

For the last hundred years it has been disused, but until then it was kept in good repair.

If Alphonse Daudet had seen it, he might have converted it for his use as a house in the summer months, and perhaps have written some more “ Lettres de mon Moulin.”

The harbour, the smallest in the world, is perfectly constructed, although so minute, and it is necessary to walk through a subterranean passage to reach the road which leads up to the plateau, which is the main part of the island.

Sark is joined to Little Sark by a narrow strip of rock called “La Coupee,” six feet wide, with steep precipices, and the sea on either hand. By moon­ light this place is grotesque.

There are bats flying round and huge black rats run along the edge of the Coupee, and hide themselves among the rocks as one approaches. It is eerie, but fascinating.

Remember Sark when you are planning your most important holiday.

It is easily reached from Guernsey by steamer or by motor boat. The chief difficulty lies in getting to Guernsey. Charter a “ Moth ” aeroplane, and the difficulty is solved ! You will not even be sea-sick !

WINIFRED M. SPENCER.

IN e x t D a y

F=*

A Play, potted, canned and condensed.

CAST: MYRA, a Sophisticated Maiden.

BERTRAM, a Young Man in Love.

Incidental Crowds of Normal Folk.

TIME—Anytime.

ACT 1.—A CERTAIN PLACE. It is a long space with doors on each side. A bell is ringing, it may be a fire alarm; on the other hand the time is 7-15 p.m.

Trips lightly the Sophisticated Maiden. Stationary, as carved out of marble, stands our Young Man in Love.

SOPHISTICATED MAIDEN. Cheerio, why the frown, old bean?

YOUNG MAN IN LOVE. Hello, Myra; you’re just the person I want to see.

I’ve been waiting ages for you. I say—er—well you know— I think—. (Gulps like a cod fish).

S.M. Get it over quickly, sonny, for the o l d ---------- raves when I’m more than half an hour late.

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Well— ah— it’s the College Dance on Saturday.

Would you like to go?

You should get up in the morning. Yours is only the seventh offer.

S.M. Y.M.I.L. Do you mean to say someone else has asked to take you?

Oh, boy, you do me good and proud. Must scoot now.

Might S.M. wave to you if you come.

Collapse of Y.M.I.L.

Y.M.I.L.

ACT 2.—THE COLLEGE DANCE. This should suffice, but for the sake of the uninitiated a large square, thickly populated with gyrating couples. The females are wearing a smile and flimsv attire. The males who are not dancing revert to the tribal instinct and stand in groups.

By clever manoeuvring Bertram has managed to bag Myra in the Paul Jones. They gyrate.

Y.M.I.L. (conversationally): Warm, isn’t it?

S.M. Good for slimming. Easier than dieting, like Rosy Budnot does. She only has three nuts, an orange, and shucks of water every day.

Y.M.I.L. Good lord, do girls live on that?

S.AL Depends on the girl, my lamb. Yours truly lives on work, plus work, mostly. Haven’t been to a dance since Thursday. Just hold my hanky a moment.

Y.M.I.L. (Absently pockets it). I say what about------.

Oh, that cursed whistle.

They separate, t’is fate alias the M.C.’s whistle.

ACT 3.—THE BEDROOM SCENE. Introduced because all good modern plays have one. The room is dark.

Myra snores peacefully, but the noises heard off stage are not supposed to be snores; it’s only the stage hands. At the window a face appears, and thoughts arise of cat burglars. Dismiss such; it is only the faithful Bertram.

When the action takes place the female section of our audience will notice that Myra is not wearing her best pyjamas. They are in the wash.

Y.M.I.L. (Raises window cautiously). I say, Myra.

S.M. (Sleepily). ’T isn’t eight yet.

Y.M.I.L. Er—Myra, it’s me. I’ve brought your hanky back.

S.M. (Still sleepy). Run away and play.

Y.M.I.L. (Becomes bolder and climbs into bedroom).

I hope you don’t mind me calling.

S.M. (More awake). Mind, there’ll be a holy row if ma hears you, so get out quick. (Jumps out of bed and leads him to window).

Where did you get the ladder?

Y.M.I.L. Borrowed it from the builder’s yard at the bottom of the street.

S.M. (Obviously touched by such an act of devotion). Smart kid, never thought you’d have the brains. Now be a good child and run along, and I’ll see you on Wednesday.

Y.M.I.L. (Clambers out and in his ecstasy misses the ladder, falling into a rose tree, to the great annoyance of Myra’s father the following morning). Good-bye, Myra; Wednesday, 7-30.

S.M. Pip-pip. Take your ladder with you, sonny.

Curtain (if any).

— Ernest Schofield.

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Mr THOMAS THORPE. All who knew him will have learned with sorrow of the death, on August 2nd, of Mr. Thorpe, for many years, until his retirement in 1925, Secretary of the College. Mr. Thorpe was one of the first o'entlemen in Huddersfield, in the real sense of the term. Those who, like the present writer, joined the staff as young members during his Secre­ taryship, will have been'indebted to him for much kindly help and considera­ tion. Everyone butted right into his office on all occasions; he was often busy, but always helpful and never annoyed. He retained a tolerant spirit, a flexibility of mind, and a sense of humour, which made the experience of age a more genuine asset than youth will always admit it to be. A tireless worker in many good causes, as organiser of the “ Mrs. Sunderland Musical Competitions,” a Guardian of the Poor, Chairman of the Kirkburton Education Sub-Committee, Secretary of the Denby Dale Free Church Council, a preacher and Sunday School worker, the district is the poorer for his loss.

We congratulate Mr. J. R. Gauld, A.R.C.A., on his appointment as Head of the Bolton School of Art. Mr. Gauld leaves among us the imprint of his handiwork in the College War Memorial painting and other works of art in various parts of the town.

We welcome, as his successor in the Art Department, Mr. Donald P. Carrington, A.R.C.A. To Mr. Ashworth, congratulations on his marriage. ni

1 lie S ta ff W a !

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For those versed in varied phraseologies we hasten to add that the heading above may not be translated, “ The Staff down tools” ; nor does it mean that they start courting; but merely that they went by tram to Outlane on July 4th, classes having closed for the session. It is by wild orgies such as this that the Staff celebrate—tell it not in Gath—their temporary freedom from the ubiquitous student.

Arrived at Outlane, they walked through Blackburn (or Deanhead) Valley to Deanhead Church. It rained at convenient intervals, when shelter was handy; so spirits, and gamps, were not unduly damped.

When the Brown Cow was sighted it was raining again. All good Yorkshiremen would sooner be wet inside than out; so they walked in. Later they rolled out again—quite steadily.

Mr. Buckley has the receipt, we believe, showing that it was tea that was consumed. A few made for Outlane again; but the majority set out for West Vale. Signs of a bus produced the inevitable split— some finished their walk inside the bus. When the remainder reached West Vale no one seemed desirous of walking to Huddersfield, and the tram was carried, and carried us, unanimously.

C. R. 12

O l d S tu d e n ts

U n io n ,

Students leaving the College are earnestly desired to communicate with the Honorary Secretary of the O.S.U., especially those leaving to take up appointments in other towns.

Membership is open to all students of the College, day and evening.

The subscription, 1/-, payable in January, is required merely to cover postage charges incurred in sending out terminal reports of what old students are doing, social activities, invitations and other information. Two re-unions are held during the year, at Christmas and Easter, and summer excursons and rambles during the long vacation.

Our Congratuations to The Rev. John Stephen Hollingworth, M.A., LL.D., who has recently been appointed Vicar of St. Bartholomew’s Church, Sheffield, and has also been awarded a Doctorate in Laws of Dublin University.

Dr. Arnold Kershaw, on his recent success.

Sylvia Hines and Arthur Cooke, who have both received Civil Service appointments.

Dora Rawcliffe, B.Com., who has received an appointment under the League of Nations Secretariat at Geneva.

Mrs. J. Herbert Spencer (nee Winifred M. Aked, Assistant College Librarian). We wish Mr. and Mrs. Spencer every happiness and prosperity in the truest meaning of the words.

KATHLEEN C. BROWN, Hon. Sec.

C o m e L asses a n d L a d s 0 OR “ THROUGH CUT-GATE to DERWENT CHAPEL.” CAST:— The Person with the Tremendous The dark-haired, flashing-eyed One. Boots.

SHE of the auburn locks, or Rosetti’s The Man from Roubaix.

Ideal.

The Quiet Person.

Juliet Fairbanks.

Owen Nares, or the Matinee Idol.

Imogen.

The Man from London.

Hebe, the Youngest Member.

The Vice-President.

The Jolliest of Girls.

The Chemist.

The Nicest of Women.

The Man from Manchester The Girl Guide. (or Opulence) Miss Laura Knight.

Three Others who made history.

The Oldest Member. i 13

T last—the long promised and anticipated Easter Re-union.

Those of us who were unable to join (a) the Hike in Wharfedale, or (b) the Walking tour in Derbyshire, contented ourselves with joining up for the modest (c) “ Twenty-four miles through moorland and lakeland scenery ” (we quote from the Circulars issued and displayed upon the College Notice Boards). b In agreement with the Wireless and other Reports, the weather proved far from favourable; but a good number of the Old Brigade turned up at the meeting place. Actually when we were assembled we mustered twenty in spite of the counter attractions of Excursions (b) and (c) We missed several cheery old faces, including “ Romeo,” Pickford, or “ The World’s Sweetheart,” and our Honorary Secretary (we pictured the latter in company with our Bonnie Jean ’ creating great havoc by the sad sea waves).

Some of us were at the station at the correct time for assembly__some of us were not—but the greater number rolled up in instalments as is the usual O.b.U. custom—but everybody does turn up somewhere along the line but where, oh where, was our respected Vice-President—our Doctor of hilosophy, our guide, philosopher and friend—he who was to have been our leader—he whose name was attached to all those intriguing Circulars and Notices—but that is another story, and one perhaps which may never be chronicled. Suffice it to say that our Vice-President is somewhat of a close disposition.

We stopped, waited, looked, listened and wondered ' SternJy were we commanded to book our own tickets (thereby hangs a tale’ in these days, after long experience, we do not book for batches !) by the Man rom Roubaix and a very authoritative Person wearing “ tremendous boots ” (of these, more anon). In a very able manner the Commandants shepherded i L l f compartment—or half the party, seeing that the most charming and w,fre being conveyed to Flouch by the Manchester Man nown as Opulence, and we all settled down for a good time.

When about to leave the platform a loud shout was heard, both from the “ Two «n authority and from an unseen person outside, “ He’s here,” and unon the bTT^TTTa ^°\rn’ p ith- o, nef fly»;g ,eaP> breathless, hatless, ticketless ni=>> the Vice President made his welcome appearance and P 6" ‘t°hok J he Ro“ P 11’ and by s0™ small additions and calculations, apart from the Beauty Chorus by this time at Flouch we were still one member short.

However, later we managed to disentangle the missing one from large companies of Girl Guides, Boy Scouts' and the havin" 'sna!dC™odrShave°l1o 0f ‘"T S0U'fUl and S°od-<°°k''ng young curates, and par v con nVte^ When y°u-k".°w-who, the Man from Roubaix declared the party complete When we arrived at Penistone Opulence made his annear ance again with the said chariot, and we were conveyed by instalments to At°Fih’ ,Thereby hangs another tale which may never beThronicIed M i r At Flouch we collected our party who had been waiting someTme and in consequence the Juliet Fairbanks, Laura Knight, and two ofThe olh’est of Gills seemed rather annoyed about something ! ! i As the Man from Rnnhaiv puts i t _ “ somewhat peeved,” but knowing f?om experience^^hoTagg^avatfng *be Man from London can be, we felt very sympathetic. & ^ Then we took the road to Derwent Chapel. Over Cut-gate through arT sm T ln Shand H1eSi 0f S/o and boggy ,and>° ’er the beds of streams which are said to have dried up (?) years ago, we slithered down inclines we fell ver various obstacles, and climbed more obstacles (here someone was 14

heard lustily shouting about the famous rock-climbing ropes of Sturdy and Company) and how he wished they could see us climbing, climbing, climb­ ing; but we all remained cheerful, and the superior remarks of “ Big Boots ” as to feminine footwear were passed over in silence.

Then we heard all the latest news from the Universities and other centres of interest; we were enlightened upon local topics, the latest engage­ ments, both existing and anticipated, and marriages; of those who had got jobs and of those who hadn’t, who wanted jobs and who didn’t; we were thrilled to the very bone by the latest scandals, tit-bits, common-place mat­ ters—the Man from London taking the lead in the discussion, whilst his appallingly insatiable curiosity was only second to that displayed by the other University contingents.

Not one detail might be omitted. We learnt that whilst the historic game of “ Push-ha’penny ” had survived to the present day, the famous old Common Room Table Tennis with its weekly tourna­ ments had declined, and that the S.C.M. Friday tea-fights were no more.

The Debating and Literary Societies—what of these—in response to tender enquiries we learned that we still had with us the “ Chemical Society,” the Tea-hour Sketch Club, the Dramatic Society, the Mixed Hockey, Football and Cricket Clubs.

Everything was discussed with the utmost candour, and good humour was the order of the day; yet we were not altogether surprised to find towards the middle of the afternoon that our numbers had somewhat reduced.

Four were missing, “ sweet Imogen ” and “ the nicest of women and theii attendant stalwarts. We are not prepared to say whether Jupiter, Pluvius or Cupid had the more to do with it, or whether the “ sadness and bogginess ” had been too much for them. We heard later that they had been successful in obtaining four seats—altogether—at a Penistone show, which was after­ wards described as the “ rottenest they had ever visited,” but here at least they could rest their weary feet ! Nor shall we attempt to find, dear readers, the reason why the party should arrive back at the Flouch in four, five or even more detachments ! ! ! Even the immortal bard advises “ hunting in couples” ; but these items are, after all, characteristic of the O.S.U. Rambles.

Other reminiscences of the walk are centred on “ Margery,” who was undoubtedly the success of the day.

One remembers her snowy white brow, the lunch taken at her feet after a fall from her high esteem, and very painful climb back to grace—what a day ! One remembers also the kindling of the fire at the feet of Margery by “ Boots,” assisted by the dark-haired starryeyed one. and “ SHE ” of the glorious auburn locks, and how we all stood round the dying embers and promised—-oh—wonderful things for the future.

At four o’clock we came to Derwent Chapel, when only the Oldest Member and Opulence had sufficient will power remaining to visit the won­ derful pack-horse bridge designed by the White Canons of Welbeck, and finding themselves the only ones interested, retraced their steps and joined the others who were waiting until tea should be served.

After a first-rate tea, and the annual speeches with musical interludes, the return journey was contemplated.

The Vice-President, with his customary brilliance, advised us that we should “ keep smiling.” We set forth with song—after the style of Gilbert and Sullivan— 4‘ 0, wandering one, surely thy love hath stray-ed-ed-ed-ed, Take heart of grace, they steps retrace, Poor wandering one, wandering one, and so on.”

15

Other pleasant memories are of the unending walk up the far side of Derwent, with the detour of “ only a quarter of an hour’s difference,” but in cold fact three and a half miles distance more, “ and so pretty” ; of the valiant efforts made by two young gentlemen to induce “ the crows ” to sing—and the painful results thereof.

The Person of the Big Boots and the Man from Roubaix were with the greatest difficulty restrained from swimming across to join the Advance party who, under the magnificent leadership of the Vice-President, were rapidly making for the Flouch. But chivalry forbade ! Faint and weary on they trudged, regaled at intervals by Opulence with “ York ” Milk.

The flashing dark-eyed one, “ Rosetti’s Ideal,” and “ the Gibson Girl ” in turns fell by the wayside; but, cheered by the vocal powers of the said two young gentlemen, again took heart. Next the Oldest Member collapsed— thoroughly worn out, falling into a deep boo\ Shouting loudly for help, the valiant Girl Guide sprang to the rescue, but unfortunately joined her companion in distress.

At last they struggled to safety. _ It must be placed to their credit that the Girl Guide and Opulence did their Good Deeds for one day.

The Flouch at length appeared in view. “ Only a few miles more,” cheerfully sang the Vice-President to his party. “ Smite him,” cried “ one °f.the nicest girls ” ; “ that is the fiftieth time he has said that.” “ Onward,” cned Hebe, the youngest member of the party; but the “ Man from London’” walked remote from all, a melancholy man,” in gloomy silence, for the first time that day.

Having arrived at the Flouch the chariot of Opulence was again requisi­ tioned, and some of the weary trampers were conveyed to Penistone Station in comfort. ^ But of the last group—what of them? One memory at least will ever be theirs _ Those weary and footsore trampers who were accosted by indignant inhabitants of Penistone as being “ inebriated and totally unfitted to have the charge of young ladies” (on account of their sore feet and , u !?? i1 not ^east> those cheerful words, heard on parting 3tH^ dersfiedJStatlon> “ w llo’s for Grassington to-morrow?” “ Who’s that !?{?*:, c §r0W^ d 3 weary one> and in sepulchral tones came the answer, Hoots.

We have it on exceedingly good authority that on the next and everal successive days ‘ Boots ” was the only member of the party reported to be sitting up and taking nouishment. Nevertheless we are all looking forward very keenly to the next O.S.U. tramp.

— “ Laetitia lachrymose et Posco.”

SOME COMING EVENTS. Oct. 11—Hockey Club Dance.

Oct. 25—Grocery Students’ Dance.

Nov.

8—“ Poppy Day ” Whist Drive and Dance.

Dec.

12—Distribution of Prizes by Lord Gorell, C.B.E., M.C., President of the Royal Society of Teachers.

16

I lie A r t o f N a t a t i o n .

Motto:— “ Unum lengthum non impossibilibus est ” (Horace).

T OW what about it.

According to the text-book the average density of the human body when the lungs are filled with air is less than unity. Hence about lib. or thereabouts of your miserable carcase will stick out of the water.

In the case of a good swimmer this portion is the head. The inexperienced person puts the wrong pound into the atm.

Perhaps a foot, a hand or more humble portion of the anatomy may project, island-like, above the surface. Put it under and stick your head out. Begin by learning to float.

You just lean backwards and wait.

If your face remains underneath more than five minutes lift out same and rest a bit. If you drink the wmter, don’t mind, it is extra strong and prevents that sinking feeling (sometimes). The water is kept in good condition by chlorination, filtration, and bioaeration—just like the sewage works, you know.

Then there is the breast stroke. A frog swims a kind of breast stroke, so it is suggested that aspirants to this should commence learning when they are tadpoles.

Also the back-stroke. You float on your back, kick with your feet, waggle your hands and snook water up your nose. There are many other strokes, but you will not be able to execute these.

And diving; if you find yourself fighting shy of this, some friend will be decent enough to push you in free of charge.

I would like to say to all non-swimmers that they are missing a great deal. For instance, by going to the baths you may— 1. Soften those corns (I love to dance, but oh ! my feet).

2. Find the undies you lost at the seaside last year.

3. Be sea sick without railway travel.

4. Wash away those years of fat.

5. Pay a sub. to the Tech. Club (only 6d.).

This is all at present.

Yours w'etly, SEA-LION (but not quite).

fcc

e v e r y t h in ©

ELECTRICAL

CONSULT

G uy V. L a y c o c k , L t d .

ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS and CONTRACTORS,

12, CLOTH

HALL STREET, HUDDERSFIELD.

Tel. 1023.

17

.D r a m a tic N o te s , “THE TWELVE POUND LOOK.” N the Saturday evening, the last night of the Bazaar, four members of the Entertainments Section gave a splendid performance of Barrie’s one-act play, “ The Twelve Pound Look.” Florence Tattersall gave us a magnificent interpretation of Kate, the disturbing element, whilst Maurice Holderness was up to his usual standard in the difficult part of the millionaire, Sir Harry Sims.

Jack Dawson was a very acceptable Tombes and Helen Wyllie, with her charmingly modulated Highland accents, gave a most delightful rendering of the gentle Lady Sims.

We were greatly in­ debted to Mr. Rushworth and members of the Thespian Society for many kindnesses received in connection with this production.

O

H.T.C. STUDENTS AND THE THESPIAN COMPETITION. A group of students, styling themselves “ The Independents,” entered “ A Kiss for Cinderella ” for the Thespian competition.

In this play Barrie’s genius for touching pathos, engaging humour and his sincere appreciation of romance and fantasy is revealed. The time is during the Great World War; place, London.

The characters are Jane, the Cinderella (played by Florence Tattersall), who still believes that her Prince will appear bringing with him the celebrated glass slipper; Professor Bodie (Joe Nixon), for whom shcleans house; David, a policeman and her prince (Leo Lawson), a lovely and charming V.A.D., pre-war the haughty Lady Charlotte (Kathleen Lockwood), and No. 7 pre-war plumber Daniel Duggan (Maurice Holderness), nc many other minor characters, who move us alternately to laughter and tears. Cinderella the pathetic forlorn little waif living in the realms of fairym ayS l° okinS j° ™ ard to the pleasures and triumph of her social CaSt 6 ° l th? Pr,nce’ is a wonderful character; but in spite of fn. r She 1S, Piact»cal, as is indicated by her efforts to provide food for She 1P^Pi7c!a0rphan”r ^ h0m she has adcT ted>even supporting them although traved hv n n n T ^ f ,EartS d these children were wonderfully port h / i i c yfliP„fPr S °J M,.SS M°1na Benson- The closing act of the play reveals chhdhkP foft, Cml ere lf ln h o direst traSedy stiI1 stains her angelic and does ckon!< r UtUre> Ber ,°Ptimistic faith is rewarded, for her Prince anc1 Sir Hmp^ ha s bPPei^ and ad- ^ is indeed a wonderful word picture, artist’s palette S pairded 1 111 words that compare with any colour from an second^o?ac? with Vp n C i110^ sacDessful ,in winning the prize, we satisfied^wifh fh > P 7 C+S Ba Dramatic Society, and we were hio-h marks for t pUnS ? raise ^ ven to our Cinderella, who throughout n Rn * ? P endld interpretation; to Leo Lawson, characmrs^’ xAmfUe"merits !ke+flgUre’ and last> but not least> to the ciiaracteis, whose were good.

tied for the thoroughly gained very who was “ additional

“ NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH/' on S a t u S P e r f o r m a n c e of “ Nothing but the T r u th ” was given 7' t ri 5th, by members of the H.T.C. Friday Evening Dramatic 18

Class, the producer being Miss Joyce M. Waddy. Outstanding was the work of Clifford Scott, a newcomer to the class, who played the role of the young man who makes the bet that he will speak the truth, and nothing but the truth, for twenty-four hours.

His work was easy, and he invested the part with a good sense of character. Leo Lawson, as E. M. Ralston, the stock­ broker, spoke his lines very clearly and with good point, and his work was always unforced.

Rita Lawson gave a splendid and amusing interpretation of Mrs. Ralston, whilst Kathleen Lockwood played the part of Gwen very creditably, and is evidently an actress of promise. Margaret Cocks was a most charming and entertaining Ethel.

The difficult part of Mabel, one of the flighty gold-diggers who invade the office and peaceful home of the Ralstons with such farcical consequences, was entrusted to Florence Tattersall, the only member of the cast who made anything like an attempt at the American accent. There were passages in which she showed herself to be an unusually capable and clever actress, especially in the second act, where, in collusion with her companion, Sadie, she “ pulls the leg ” of the kindly Mrs. Ralston to the great discomfiture of the stockbroker and the perfectly truthful person. The other parts were competently played by Ella Crabtree (Sadie), Arthur Fitton (Dr. Doran), Clarence French (Van Dusen), Maurice Holderness (Donelly), and Helen Wyllie (the maid). Ernest Schofield and Allan R. Dawson were stage managers. I*

THE CRICKET CLUB. The Cricket Club has again had a successful season. Of nine matches played, five have been won and four lost. After a weak start, a strong team has gradually been built up.

The fact must be faced, however, that the Cricket Club cannot progress much further under the present conditions. The Club has again had recourse to rent the Y.M.C.A. ground, Laund Hill, for its home matches.

Although this arrangement was the best possible under the circumstances, it is very far from being an ideal one, for the following reasons:—Firstly, the arrange­ ment of fixtures is made much more difficult owing to danger of clashing with Y.M.C.A. home fixtures; secondly, practices are limited to two nights, Tuesday and Friday, per week (sometimes only one night, owing to work­ shop matches); thirdly, evening matches are difficult to arrange, owing to the ground being booked by other clubs. There are also other objections, which lack of space forbids me to state.

I would like to point out most emphatically that no sports club in the College can really progress until the Technical College has a sports ground, as an example of which I cite the Bradford Technical College sports ground.

In this matter Bradford leaves Huddersfield far behind. When this sports ground is forthcoming, and only then (shall it be said that Huddersfield is content to remain so far behind Bradford in this matter?) the Cricket Club will take its rightful place amongst the activities of the College.

Evening matches could be regularly played. An Inter-Departmental League could probably be organised. But it is futile to discuss what might be.

Is it too much to hope that the College will ever have a sports ground of its own?

— H. Clay, Hon. Sec. 19

THE GYMNASIUM. The student, by nature, tends to enjoy a somewhat sedentary existence, and so it is to help him to prosecute his studies with a sufficiency of mental and physical fitness, so essential for present-day examinations, that gymna­ sium classes were inaugurated.

It is to day students in particular that 1 must appeal.

Comparison between the number who daily attend at the College, and those who regularly attend the “ Gym.” during the dinner-hour, becomes ludicrous. Whether this is due to the prospect of missing the “ noon-day feast,” or merely to the lack of desire to participate in what they must believe requires unlimited powers of strength and endurance, it is difficult to say. True, it requires a certain amount of hard work and perseverance before one is able to accomplish certain feats, but as these are only accomplished after a period of time (vary­ ing with the individual) during which the body is becoming more and more capable of undertaking them, they can hardly be put forward as an objection by anyone contemplating joining the classes.

Many seek to find objection in the times at which the classes are held, and to these people I suggest the night classes. Speaking personally, however, the little sacrifice which I might have made has been far outweighed by the advantages derived from it, not the least being the ability to forego the usual mid-dav orgy.

— G. Whittle.

STAFF v. STUDENTS’ TENNIS MATCH. The annual Staff v. Students’ Tennis Match was played on Saturday, July 5th, at Ravensknowle Park, and resulted in a win for the Students by 12 setts to 7, 97 games to 80. Scores:— W. M. Wilcox and W. K. Rooney beat R. Smethurst and C. B. Shore— 6-4, 6-3. Beat C. Wood and F. Thomas—6-3, 6-3. Lost to E. P. Sheppard and J. Walton—5-6, 2-6.

G. M. Green and M. B. Thompson lost to R. Smethurst and C. B. Shore —4-6, 6-3, 1-6. Lost to C. Wood and F. Thomas—2-6, 4-6.

Beat E. P. Sheppard and J. Walton—6-4, 6-5.

A. O. Jones and B. Mettrick lost to R. Smethurst and C. B. Shore—4-6, 4-6. Lost to C. Wood and F. Thomas—2-6, 4-6. Lost to E. P. Sheppard and J. Walton—2-6, 4-6.

—A. O. Jones.

FOR THE POOR. “ The Mock Turtle ” will shortly be obtainable (by instalments) free of charge from the Chemistry Department Stores, together with small portions of washing soda, soap, Kruschen salts, or whatever it is that chemists demand on small pieces of paper. (Back numbers only).

WE BOW ! An editor of the College Magazine (a forerunner of “ The Mock Turtle” ) many years ago, Mr. John Drake, M.A., B.Sc., Principal of the Grammar School, Kidderminster, when sending his subscription, expresses the hope that the students of the College may have progressed as much as the Magazine.

20

“ P o p p j B a y .”

EARL HAIG FUND. ANNUAL EFFORT, NOVEMBER 8th, 1930.

SATURDAY,

WANTED ! STUDENT VOLUNTEERS. SALE OF POPPIES.—Women students willing to organise and help in the sale of poppies at the Huddersfield Technical College Centre.

ANNUAL WHIST DRIVE AND DANCE.—Men and women students to help in the sale of tickets and to render services as stewards and helpers.

Offers of assistance may be placed in Students’ Letter Rack (Enquiry Office) or may be given in at the Library.

CHEMICAL SOCIETY. Although the Society is styled the “ Technical College Chemical Society,’* I wish to assure all newcomers to the College that it is neither highly techni­ cal nor purely chemical. If you don’t believe me, ask any of the old members.

The lectures, which are given every other week by students or members of the staff, are of a very general and popular nature.

During the last session only one lecture could be described as strictly chemical. The others covered a very wide field, and included such topics as “ The Age of the Earth,” “ Mosquitoes,” “ Sugar from the Beet,” and even “ Picture Printing.”

In addition to the series of meetings, two half-day works visits are arranged. Breweries, gas-works, glass-works, and a host of other works have been visited, and the secretary is hard at work trying to discover some new works, as yet, unvisited.

During the Summer Term a whole day trip is fixed up. This summer we visited Rowntree’s Cocoa Works at York. Next year we hope to visit Lever Bros, at Port Sunlight.

The annual subscription is only 2/6, and, as secretary, I appeal to all members of the College who are scientifically inclined to join the Society, which, incidentally, is the oldest and best established in the College.

J. Nixon, Hon. Sec. FOR THE REALLY BEST

Waterproofs, Rubber Footwear, IN FACT RUBBER FOR ANY PURPOSE

E. Hellewell Carter & Co. Ltd. THE RUBBER STORES, 2, BUXTON ROAD. 21

MIXED

HOCKEY

CLUB.

The season 1930-31 officially opens on October 4th with an away fixture at Walton, but during the three weeks prior to this date, on Saturday, the 13th, 20th and 27th September, it is hoped to arrange for practice matches at Glebe Street, Gledholt.

On the evening of October 11th the Mixed Hockey Club Dance will be held, as usual, in the Large Hall of the College. It is timed to commence at 7 p.m., and tickets (price 2/-, including refreshments) may be obtained from the Secretary, Miss M. Tuplin, 390, Wakefield Road, Dalton, or from the Treasurer, Mr. R. W. Wheelhouse, at the Office, as well as from members of the club.

Several old members having departed from the College with the close of the past session, several vacancies have occurred in the team which will require to be filled. Prospective members desirous of joining the club are cordially invited to apply for particulars of membership to either the Secre­ tary or Treasurer, and to attend at the practice matches on the abovementioned dates.

— G. Whittle.

Oct. ,, ,, ,, Nov. ,, ,, „ ,, Dec „ „ „ Jan.

FIXTURES FOR SEASON 1930-1931.

4— Walton......... ......... away Jan. 10— 11— Stairfoot ... ......... home 17— B a t l e v ...............

18— P u d s e y ........ ........ away yy 24—South Bradford 25—Stairfoot ... ......... away 31—Thurlstone ...

1— Ovenden........ ........ home Feb. 7— 8— St. Wilfred’s ......... home 14—Ovenden .........

15— Hopkinson’s ......... away 21— Hopkinson’s ...

28— South Bradford 22— 29—Thurlstone... ......... away Mar. 7— ......... home 14— P u d s e y ..............

6— Batlev 21— 13— 28—W a l t o n ..............

20— St. Wilfred’s ......... away Apr. 4 27— 3— yy

yy

... home ... home

yy

... away ... home ... away

yy

... home

yy

yy

yy

yy

THE DRAMATIC SOCIETY. The Technical College Dramatic Society now meets on Friday evenings throughout the year, and gives two performances annually. This session the first of these will be “ To Have the Honour,” the well-known comedy by A. A. Milne, and will be produced towards the end of October.

The second production will be given next March, the play yet to be decided.

For the Conversazione on September 12th the Society is giving two sketches at the end of Messrs. Whitfield’s gramophone recital. Any further particulars may be obtained any Friday evening from 7-15 to 9-15, Room 44G. L. Lawson, Hon. Secretary and Treasurer.

THIRSTY PUPIL’S HOWLER, guinness came out of the ground.”

“ Aladdin 22

rubbed the lamp and a

THE HUDDERSFIELD TECHNICAL COLLEGE STUDENTS’ EFFORT IN AID OF THE LOCAL DISTRESSED EX-SERVICEMEN’S RELIEF FUND. On Shrove Tuesday last the students of the Huddersfield Technical College brought their twelve months’ effort to a close with a highly success­ ful dance held in the Drill Hall, by kind permission of the Adjutant, Captain J. H. Smith.

The twelve months’ campaign has included a number of dances at the College, the Drill Hall and the Y.W.C.A.; a concert organised by Hilda Allured, L.R.C.M. (O.S.U.), given by students from the Huddersfield College of Music under the direction of Mrs. Hull; a play, “ A Kiss for Cinderella” ; an American Tea; a Bridge Drive; the sale of toffees, chocolates and pencils, and, lastly, the publication of the College Quotation Book, “ Wise and Other­ wise,” for which much of the credit must be given to Miss Jenkinson and her committee.

Our thanks are due to Messrs. Addy, Cryer, Mettrick and Walker for their services as masters of ceremonies at dances throughout the season, and to Gordon Whittle and many of the senior men students for services in many directions. Elsie Kaye, Minnie Lodge and Kathleen Brown were the general organisers, with the assistance of Winifred M. Aked, Freda Clarke, Kathleen Lockwood and Dorothy Sunderland as honorary secretaries for the various sections. Florence M. Lee and Ronald Neaverson were very capable treasurers. The “ Collegians ” Band also rendered us great assist­ ance by giving their services for two dances when the prospect looked very dark for raising the £100 which had been guaranteed. Miss Florence Brown, B.Sc., also helped us greatly by her organisation of the working party. The representatives included a day and evening student from each department, from the School of Art, and from the various societies of the College.

The “ Blue Bird ” Stall at the British Legion Bazaar was staffed on the first day by the “ Old Girls ” in the afternoon and the Executive Committee in the evening; by the Staff, Commercial, Domestic Economy and Science Departments on the second day; and on the third day the School of Art in the afternoon and the Athletic Societies in the evening were in charge.

Saturday evening was very enjoyable, and the one-act play, “ The Twelve Pound Look,” was given at eight o’clock in the Patents Library at the Town Hall by members of the “ Old Dramatic Society.”

We wish to thank all students and friends who helped us LETTER RECEIVED FROM MAJOR L. B. HOLLIDAY, CLB.E. Would you be so kind as to convey to the members of the Technical College my very best thanks for the support that you all gave me with regard to the £5,000 Appeal, and for the truly great effort that you all made to help.

It was magnificent, and I want you to understand how thoroughly it is appreciated, not only by me, but by all ex-Servicemen, and especially those responsible for the scheme. We have not got the £5,000, but we have got a good figure, and we can now deal with a great amount of distress.

Again thanking you, yours sincerely, L. B. HOLLIDAY.

FINANCIAL RESULT OF THE EFFORT. Nett result of the organised Twelve Months’ Effort....................

Nett profits from the “ Blue Bird ” Stall (H.T.C. Students) at the British Legion B a z a a r .......................................................

Sale of Remainders from Stall and Subscriptions.........................

Entire takings at the Students’ Play, “ The Twelve. Pound Look,” March 1 5 t h ...................................................................

£111

5 10

30 9 1 2

2 6

4 12

0

£147

9

6

POETIC INJUSTICE. Reggie had the “ coupon complex.” He was not a heavy smoker, and for several years had been smoking “ Boatman ” cigarettes because they had a free gift scheme. With each packet of ten cigarettes they gave one coupon and a list of the wonderful presents which could be obtained in exchange for various numbers of these coupons.

Reggie, as we have said, was not a heavy smoker, his average consump­ tion being something like twenty cigarettes per week. Thus, after smoking thi,s brand for three years, he had only amassed about three hundred coupons.

Looking through their free gift list he shook his head dubiously. There was nothing really worth having for three hundred coupons. A pipe case for 250, but he didn’t smoke a pipe. A model saxophone for 300, but lie couldn’t play the saxophone. A motorist’s first-aid outfit for 225, but he had no car. He sighed. Then his eye fell on a paragraph he had not pre­ viously noticed. It ran as follows: In exchange for 500 coupons we offer a magnificent free gift which must appeal to every smoker of “ Boatman ” Virginia cigarettes.

In order to make this stupendous offer the more intriguing we refrain from stating the nature of our magnificent “ Mystery Gift.”

This decided Reggie, and he continued to smoke “ Boatman ” at his usual rate in order to procure the wonderful surprise packet. But the more he smoked of them the less he liked them.

Before the two years were up fae had vowed many times never to touch “ Boatman ” again once he had secured his prize. Alas for his vows. The very week he applied for the “ Mystery Gift ” his throat became painful, and he hurried to his doctor with a sinking heart. His worst fears were well founded. “ Boatman,” had ruined his throat, and he was forbidden to touch another cigarette as long as he lived.

But at last the great day came when surely he must leap the harvest of his venture.

He came down to breakfast to find a large package waiting for him.

Feverishly he undid the string and tore off the brown paper. Sud­ denly the smile faded from his face. A large square box of strangely familiar type was revealed to his startled gaze. “ It can’t be,” he muttered hoarsely.

With a sinking heart he threw back the lid. There, in neat packages of 20, were 1,000 “ Boatman” Virginia Cigarettes.

—Alec Hadfield.

Smith, Hodgson & Co., Ltd., Park Row, Brighouse.