The Mock Turtle - No. 18

THE MOCK TURTLE

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COATES & BAIRSTOW SUPPLY ALL TEXT BOOKS REQUIRED AT THE HUDDERSFIELD TECHNICAL COLLEGE, AND ANY NOT IN STOCK CAN BE OBTAINED IN TWO DAYS.

THE BEST FOUNTAIN PENS AND PENCILS ARE HERE, AND EXPERT ADVICE IS GIVEN.

Coates & Bairstow, 3, 5 and 7, STATION STREET, HUDDERSFIELD. Telephone 475.

TO STUDENTS AND OLD STUDENTS. THE NEW HUDDERSFIELD

TECHNICAL

COLLEGE

Blazers and Badges (also SPECIAL NECKTIES to match)

®

ARE NOW READY AT

Washington % THE OUTFITTERS,

5, Cloth Hall Street.

THE

MOCK

t

NUMBER EIGHTEEN

SEPTEMBER, 1933

WHEATLEY, DYSON & SON SUPPLY

ALL STUDENTS' REQUISITES.

MATHEMATICAL

INSTRUMENTS

(Specially selected for the College) DRAWING BOARDS T-SQUARES Etc.

:

EXERCISE BOOKS, SLIDE RULES, Etc.

TEXT BOOKS. ANY BOOK NOT IN STOCK PROCURED PROMPTLY.

WE HAVE THE LARGEST SELECTION OF

F O U N T A IN

PENS

&

P

S “

IN THIS TOWN AND DISTRICT.

Our Quick Pen Repair Department IS ALWAYS AT YOUR SERVICE.

12, New Street, Huddersfield TELEPHONE No. 415.

A

R e v ie w

o f tlie

L if e ,

I luouglit

a n d H u m o u r o f file H u d d e r s f i e l d T e c h n i c a l C o lle gOe Editorial: CHARLES RECORD. E. P. SHEPPARD. IRENE TOPPING. ALBERT LOWE.

“

STAFF: Business: A. J. W. CROFT (Manager) F. W. PICKLES (Sales).

ELAINE SYKES. H. DONKERSLEY (Subscriptions).

MARY SMITH. H. WHITAKER (Advertisements).

Thou didst w ell; for wisdom cries out in the streets and no man regards it.

—Henry IV. i.

T

^ HERE is a story told of a people who dwelt in a secluded valley, where the soil was fertile and yielded abundantly, where water flowed from a cool crystal spring in ample sufficiency, where men worked and enjoyed to the full the fruits of their labour; in short, a place where human happiness reached perfection. If you cast your eyes to the ground you saw rich fertile plains which told of contentment; if you looked to the far horizon you saw mountains high and foreboding. No one man had ever crossed these mountains, because none ever thought of beyond. A few old men gave laws to the people, laws handed down from time immemorial. The most severe law of all was that none should go over the mountains, and yet the law was not severe because no one wished to cross them and leave their paradise behind. And so the years passed.

One day the revolution came (for one man could be a revolution in himself here); a young man expressed a desire to reach the horizon. His friends pleaded with him to no purpose—then they reviled him. Leaving all behind he set off. They watched him down the valley, saw him commence to climb, gazed at him till he became only a blurr in their sight, and soon they saw him no more. This was the beginning. Others followed him later, but none ever returned. The rest were content to remain. A severe drought destioyed this paradise. The water no longer came from the spring. Men at last began to think. The younger ones urged that they should cross the mountains. The older ones resisted. The law was inexorable. Yet the choice was certain destruction or a journey into the unknown. Soon the cause of the younger men gained ground. Defying the law and the wisdom of the ancients they set out. After what seemed an intermitiablc march they reached 3

the summits.

Half-afraid and wholly apprehensive they looked ahead.

Nothing but barren wastes. Less afraid, but more anxious, they journeyed on. Then they saw a heap of bones spread on the barren soil. They looked at one another, and each glance was significant. Some venturer had paid toll for his curiosity. Still they journeyed, some died, others collapsed and were left behind.

Then one dawning a handful of men gazed ahead of them, and saw greener pastures than they had left behind, and pastures greater in extent.

Life had a new significance for them. Here they could realise all their potentialities. Their prosperity could be increased a hundred-fold.

All this may have taken place a hundred thousand years ago, —or has it never actually taken place ? It has taken place in every generation of the human race. It will take place in ours. We, too, live in the valley of con­ tentment, false contentment. We believe the economics of private enterprise is a perfectly satisfactory arrangement, we believe the various Churches answer admirably to all our needs, we pride ourselves that our judical system is the perfect expression of equality, and we think our social system could not be fairer. Woe betide the creature who would look beyond the mountains ! We believe ourselves secure in our middle-class environment, and refuse to con­ template the eventual or the ultimate. You see, thinking is destructive to human happiness. We refuse to believe that our security is but false security, and that the economic system of to-day can bring our paradise shattering down upon our heads. We are a generation cursed with creeds. Each has his own political, social and religious creed. Within the narrow limits of his creed he blinds himself to greater issues and purposes. The very nature of a creed in source and purpose is that of vested interest. Politically, we profess the democratic, yet there is not one single democratic institution in the country. Socially, we profess the creed of equality of opportunity, and yet there is no opportunity at all which is not conditional on external circum­ stances. Religiously, we profess a thousand creeds, and not a single one of them leads anywhere.

The modern world is a world of shams. We tackle the problem of peace ?n a Shavian harangue, and those who debate are invariably those who work hardest at the infernal war machine. We leave the problem of spiritual welare to benevolent gentlemen with a taste for poetry and choice hors d’oeuvre, and material welfare becomes a secondary consideration. We have a “ No more War demonstration with troops in attendance and massed bands and blessing *0 16 Stra'n Patnot,c ballads, and accompanied by a spiritual ^e. ciev°utly thankful that some unfortunate creatures are fntnlprahio p 36 PI0neers with a spirit of revolt, or else the system would be c ve*7 generation has men whose purpose is greater than them* nhcrnr! 2 °f are known to the public by a long way. Most of them one nr twn m ° ^ cure circumstances. It has been my privilege to know for constitution'll6*?' + x*as a Russian Jew. Another a miner with a liking vou can fnnl ,,hlstory- rA were si§ns °? a coming change. It is said that world all the timp6 ^ ? 1"^ *°r S° me °* the time, and you can fool some of the The f itnrp T ’ U7 ° U * f001 a11 the world 311 the time, and not hamrvpr i,e.s. W1)h Youth. The world must have faith in youth, P with the traditions of the past. Why must we always 4

concede social reform under pressure ? After untold suffering we had factorylegislation, and after great hardships we had National Health Insurance. The only remedy for social disorder is State action. Why, then, must the State wait for the emergency to arise, instead of taking the initiative ? One answer is simple—there is no co-ordination between the interest of the State and the community, except where co-ordination benefits vested interest. Yet why continue ? Who cares for the future or for the possibilities of youth ? Not even youth itself. So we continue to eat the lotus plant, regardless of the consequences. The horizon we see is the limit of our own thoughts. Few care to extend it, seemingly conscious of the misfortunes attendant upon such an action, or thinking perhaps— “ What is it that will last.

All things are taken from us, and become Portions and parcels of the dreadful Past.

Let us alone.”

—ALBERT LOWE-

C o u n c il (f])NCE more we come to the beginning of another college year, and I think it can be said that the last was a very successful one for the above Council. In many directions things have been done that were merely ideals twelve months ago.

1 should like to thank the various members of the Staff for their kind assistance given so willingly and cheerfully whenever requested, in particular may 1 mention Mr. Jones; he has been a good friend to the Students’ Council, and as Chairman of the Interim Committee I am sure we could not have a better man.

As old students will be aware, it is the aim of everybody interested to form a proper Students’ Union at the College, and as Secretary of the retiring Council, I hope that no effort will be spared to get permission for this venture from the proper quarter.

There will be a general election at the beginning of this term to elect the new Council, and I should like to appeal to the Staff in every department to help us to make this election a thoroughly general one, as it should be for a body of this description.

A reception, the arrangements of which are in the hands of Mr. Houghton and Miss Johnson, has been arranged for all the students during the first week of the new session. The object of this is to stimulate interest in the sporting, literary and other activities of the College. Much enjoyment and recreation in its best form can be gained from active membership of the various societies and clubs, and a hearty invitation is given to all students, old and new, to join in making the Technical College the power it should be in the town, and to banish for ever the entirely wrong impression that it is only a glorified evening school.

H. F. 5

An

O de

To that indiscribably mysterious, unfathomable College Smell.

What is it that 1 dream of when 1 sleep ?

The College Smell !

What is it that I know makes strong blood creep ?

The College Smell !

What is it that 1 dread, That makes my head like lead.

What is this—with a head ?

The College Smell !

What is it that I think of when I eat ?

The College Smell !

That takes the edge off meat, that isn't sweet ?

The College Smell !

What is it that 1 breathe, Till all my innards heave, That sticks when last I leave ?

The College Smell!

6

c o r re s p o n d e n c-e A LETTER FROM A NEW STUDENT. Dear Sir,—I came clown to sign on soon after the College started. I ran the gauntlet of glaring youths dirtily smocked, trousered in ankle-length plus fours, or capped with diminutive brown berets—most of whom I have since found to be exhibition specimens, which the chemistry department have on daily display in the entrance hall for advertisement.

1 told a young gentleman at the swing doors that I wanted to join the classes. He said brusquely, “ See Bell,” and pointed left. I spotted the bell and looked for some notice, and as there appeared to be none, I rang. A man with a mass of curly hair was gesticulating with a fellow in uniform. I rang again. Neither appeared to notice me or even the bell.

Someone coming in behind me said, “ Go round to the side.” I knocked on the door he indicated. After knocking repeatedly I pushed open the door and went in. The room was empty. I knocked on another door, and someone shouted, “ Come in ! ” 1 asked the man with the hair, who was watching some dirty towels being packed by the porter, if I might see the Principal.

He finished his story which, though good, can hardly be repeated here, then turning, directed me, “ Half way down the passage, first room past the steps.”

Along the corridor I passed the steps and found two doors. Youths were going in and out of one, and all were either just lighting or extinguishing cigarettes. This appeared to depend on whether they were coming in or going out. One fellow passed some comment on the smell, another said it was the d----- d “ chemy ” dept. I knocked on the opposite door.

In due course a bald-headed little gentleman with specs, popped out, hitching up his trousers. “ The Principal,” he replied to my enquiry, “ same room on the opposite side of the building,” and I found it without difficulty.

The Principal’s door was opened slowly, and someone said, “ Who are you . . . oh . . . yes, classes . . . Well, er . . . Come in—no stay out wait there . . . yes, there.” The door was not shut. Someone was discussing student hours. As he came out with a stack of papers I was ushered in the room, and I explained that I wanted to join a course, and get a College Diplo­ ma for collecting, pressing and staining botanical specimens. “ Yes, it can be arranged . . . though we have no definite class; . . . heads of departments will confer . . . and the Board of studies will discuss it.”

I left with a slip of paper indicating that I must see various Heads. Dr. Crow, Biology, for research in cosmetics and colour applied to nature; Dr. Ward, Engineering, for sheet metal work, practical pressing and dynamics; Mr. Lodge, Mining, for properties of soil manures and coal tar products; Dr. Hodgson, Chemistry, for research into dress, ancient and modern; Mr. 7

McKerracher for the effect of light on various fungi; and Mr. Holmes for Art, most important of all, to combine the work in other departments, and also in the event of finding myself unsuccessful in other subjects, then taking up Art as a profession.

I had now been in the building so long that my whole self seemed to exude the college odour, so I hurried outside.

Yours faithfully, JOE LONGBOTTOM.

A HELPFUL SUGGESTION. My dear Mr. Editor, I have read the latest edition of “ The Mock Turtle” with pleasure, but note with some alarm your remarks concerning the financial position and circulation.

It is my sincere wish that the journal may live much longer than the average turtle, and in financial security, too. While 1 do not wish to lower the dignity of that Holy of Holies, the editorial sanctum, by turning it into a second-hand or pawnshop with three golden balls outside the door, I submit for your approval a scheme for securing financial stability and increased circulation of “ The Mock Turtle.” Beside being a boon to the journal it will also assist the less financially fortunate who wish to subscribe.

The scheme is as follows. Every subscriber shall sell his or her copy for 5d. The purchaser then sells again for 4d., and so on, until the price is nothing, and everyone has read a copy for Id. That should appeal to Tykes.

Those not spending what they sell out for, could return the money to the Turtle office boy. Alan will be glad to receive it. Now, having worked up interest in a good paper selling at a low rate, less numbers should be pub­ lished until only two are printed, one for filing, the other for sale. ^ Competition by this time will be world wide, since a latest edition of e Mock Turtle will be as rare and valuable as a 15th century bible.

Just imagine this scene at Christie’s Sale Rooms, London. The auctioneer announces the sale of a rare latest edition of “ The Mock Turtle.” Someone K s a OU, then a collector of rare manuscripts, etc., bats an eyelid (his way ,nfoe!Jvv ’>K !° ^ 0 0 ) , another pats his nose with his forefinger (thus tn AI o £250)> ancl so on until the copy is knocked down at £750 and goes ^ / nCMCa,‘ editorial heart will swell with pride, if an artificial neart can do so, because you will be using one by then, Mr. Editor. rnst Af ! ^ iS,nate a university, built and equipped regardless of will bo th \ P 'ocee^s apd funds of “ The Mock Turtle,” and Huddersfield will be the world centre of Education and Literature.

1 remain, yours faithfully, —F. B. P.S.—I start the scheme by returning 5d.

I’ve sold out.

8

—RUTH GREENWOOD.

IMPRESSIONS OF HUDDERSFIELD.

The first view of Huddersfield brings to the mind the northern sayingr “ Where there’s muck, there’s brass, lad.”

Sandwiched between the Pennines, the “ Backbone of England,” and the coal measures which form her industrial backbone, lies this parody of a town.

Architectural beauty it has none. As one looks at the facade of the r^ w a y station, one is tempted to misquote “ Nothing in the place becomes it lik the leaving of it.”

This centre from which emanate the rainbow hues of the Empires clothing has everywhere the drab hue of sooty stone; the very people on e streets, despite their remarkably well-dressed appearance, give the impression that the grit rock of the moors has entered into their whole being. With Belloc we would say: “ The men that live in North England; We saw them for a day.

Their hearts are set upon the waste fells, Their skies are fast and grey.”

From Marsden to Bradley, from Outlane to Waterloo there is a cong­ lomeration of ugliness, fit only, to use its own phrase, to be dumped in cut.” Perhaps sometime it will perform its greatest service to mankind,,.anp use some of its own T.N.T. to remove from the map the blot of Huddersfield, Elland, Halifax.

—“ COMER IN.” The impressions of Huddersfield which decorate our title page and page H are from blocks cut by Lewis H. Fairbank.

9

o

H

ERE are some little known facts, and a few possibilities, concerning the people of Huddersfield.

If one quarter of the adult males living within the Borough were stood one on top of the other, and in this position transported to the region of the Himalayas, the one at the summit would be in a position to look down and say: “ I can see the peak of Everest quite clearly”—providing he had a telescope.

If all the adult males were laid end on end in three straight lines Manchester-ward, and the feet of the first were in the Market Place, the heads of the last would be somewhere amid the heather on Marsden Moors.

If all the people in the Borough were to congregate on the Fixby Golf Links and shout their loudest all together, the housewives in Brighouse would hurry out to take in the washing off the line, saying to each other: “ There’s a thunder storm coming; thank goodness they’re nearly dry.”

If, after this, all these Huddersfield people at a given instant were to give a single clap with their hands, a stout gentleman in Halifax, stooping at that moment to fasten his boot lace, might possibly exclaim: “ That’s done it !

There go my braces.”

If these same people in this same place were, at a given signal, to emit one shrill whistle, several West Riding wireless experimenters might go slightly hysterical, thinking they had brought in Mars.

If all these people now suddenly decided to go to the seaside, and travel by road, they would require some 4,000 large charabancs; or 20,000 large motor cars; or 60,000 tandems; or 120,000 bicycles. And if, when they got there, they all suddenly decided to go for a bathe, they would displace, at a conservative estimate, about 1| million gallons of water—not reckoning that they swallowed—which would probably cause a tidal wave somewhere.

Suppose now that all these people decided to return home on foot, and m single file possibly because they were hard up—and suppose that Scar­ borough was the town from which they were returning. Then, counting infants as pedestrians, and allowing a distance of one yard between each person, the one in the van would be just marching up Kirkgate when the one in the rear was taking his last look at the sea. aIStl?T-blLss1ful bought—h each one of the adult population living with­ in nr? f uf c!e r s ,ld borough boundary was to give me a shilling, I could live h■ or , . rest of my life on the interest which this, invested, would it mU-mV anC 111 bequeath to the College—for whatever useful purpose it might serve—the sum of at least £3,000.

—P. B. 10

o n e u e o f ou r

Fatli ers,

OW that the B.B.C, is giving serious attention to the question of what is, and what is not King’s English, it may be that our dialect is doomed to a lingering fade-out. English lessons broadcast to schools may, as it were, nip the young idea in the bud—or the throat, and in future such expressions as: “ Otta bairn tut schooil ’Arry?” may become “ Are you going to school Harry?” or “ Aye, by gum ! it wor that ” might become I should just think it was ! ” Just suppose for a minute, for explanation’s sake, that this order of things was reversed, and that dialect, in­ stead of being strangled was, as it were, given oxygen by the cylinderful. There’s no telling what might happen.

Standing close to the door of a certain classroom, in a certain Technical College not a hundred miles from here, at, say, 7-45 p.m. some evening, it is quite on the cards that the following would be overheard: “ Na then; dun yer all un’erstand watt A’n bin sayin’ ? Does tare Smith?” “ Well, serr, Ah do an’ Ah doan’t. Ah c’n see weir tha gets t’first paht throo; but t’last bit’s gett’n mi moppled.

Wud ta mahnd explainin’ it a bit ?”

Or, passing quietly along to another classroom, the lecturer’s voice might be heard coming through the door saying: “ This lahn ’ere cuts this t’other lahn ’ere, an’ thus wi get a raht-angle; but yer moan’t mak th’errer a thinkin’ at its alius soa, ’cos it’s nooan bairnd ter be. Watts that tha ses lad ? Nay, lad, tha’t wrang; it’s a rhumbus at tha’re i’ thinkin’ on; wi’re i’spaikin’ abairt trahangles nair.”

Now, withdrawing quickly, but softly, in case the lecturer should un­ expectedly open the door, and finding someone in a position that looked suspiciously like eavesdropping, demand shortly: “ Watts ta want?” Let us make a beeline for the English Department of this mystery Technical College.

Here—but no, on second thoughts I think we’d better leave this department alone, else things might get a bit complicated. Let us, instead, hurry away, while the going’s good, and just look in for a moment on a Dressmaking class.

Scarcely are our heads in the room before one dressmaker says to another dressmaker: “ Aye, lass; all A’ did wor ta cut a bit off t’bottom, an’ shorten t’sleeves, an’ tha cahn't tell but what it’s a new un. It fair capped me, A’ll tell thi. Ee ! yer’d nivver believe watt a diff’rence it made. See ! Do you know, when A’d trahed it on . . . ” and so on, and so forth, ad finem.

But a determined dialect revival would naturally get hold on other mem­ bers of society besides Technical College lecturers and students; and although, no doubt, the butcher and the baker would succumb to its persuasive influence sooner than the bishop and the barrister, it might easily happen that some unlucky prisoner, waiting anxiously for the verdict, would hear with a sinking 11

heart the fateful words: “ It’s seven days ahd labour fer thee. Bring on t’next case.”

Perhaps, too, some fine night we might hear a well-known voice, sudden­ ly gone all Rastrick-cum-Meltham, float down from the hills above Slaithwaite, saying: “ This us t’North Regional Programme. ’Ere’s t’weather forecast fer terneet ’n ’termorn. A ridge o’ ’igh pressure extends thra Iceland tut th’ Azores, an’ the’s a depression ovver Timbuctoo. Winds ’ll bi mod’rut ta middlin’, but a bit on t’wahm sord, an’ scattered shavers ’ll ’appen bloo ovver.

Feather airtluk: none ishered. Wi’re i’shuttin’ dairn nair till termorn-ut-mom, an’ Nothern lis’ners ’ll year dance music thrut Tayer Ballroom, Blackpool Sooa, gooidneet iverybody; gooidneet.”

To be consistent, of course, a general dialect revival would not stop at our own West Riding variety—of which, alone, there are several distinct shades—but would embrace all the numerous vernaculars of the English speaking peoples, including the Americans. And as time went on, and the air became thicker and thicker with a multitudinous number of tongues, ail fundamentally the same, yet all superficially different, it might come to pass that the people would endeavour to do what, seemingly, the^B.B.C. are intent on doing; namely, to establish for speaking purposes a standard diction; and, m tune, instead ol a man saying: “ Well ! Who would have thought that some , y I should speak like this?” he would very likely say: “ Och^Aye ! Who’d a thowt at zum dye I should spill sich a gradely mouthful as this begorrah?”

And echo answers, “ Who’d?”

But to return to earth. There are two mellow old proverbs which come “° r w thf firSt lsJ “ Enou§h is as good as a feast,” and the second: a ca" have t0° much of a good thing.” Take these two ripe old proverbs; Strnnl “ Dialect should be stifled ! ” a perhaps not quite so sh°ulct be revived,” shake the lot into an alphabetical cocksee ” and h W1 be 3 m,Id’ but infal,ibIe: “ We shall see what we shall —A. T. prentice nens hv m i 'r 6 1S ITluCb I110,r e th an . a medium for the exercise of their It is the means nf dm^ author^ though in that it serves a useful purpose, essential comnlempnt^Tel* w ^arts °* tbe.College together, and as such is the of the Old Students a ° be y mon’ ar,d it is the only means by which members Sent of the C ol£~ ?f?iatl0n Ca" be kept in fouch with the life and developside of College life' 'S 3 Permanent and useful record of the more human SIR FREDERICK MAURICE, (Principal of East London College).

Your Requirements in RUBBER, ASBESTOS or GUTTA PERCHA can e quickly and cheaply supplied.

WE ARE SPECIALISTS.

E ™fEELEWELL CARTER & CO., LTD. BBER STORES, HIGH STREET, HUDDERSFIELD. 12

CRITICAL TIMES. (A genuine Examination answer).

Q.—Explain clearly what is meant by the critical condition of a substance.

A.—A substance is in its most critical condition just at that time or particular period of time when it is unable to defend Itself, shall we say.

Imagine some kind of solid, or a metal which gives salts with acids, having two acids set upon it like dogs upon meat. Each acid wants its own half and tries hard to get it, while the substance does not know which way to turn, and just lies down for punishment. Now, if the substance were not in that particular condition, and it were able to fight for itself, it would have some say in the matter of ownership and decide for itself how much, if any, it would give to “ A ” acid and how much to “ B ” acid.

For instance, nascent hydrogen is in a critical condition, although it is only nascent for the merest instant of time.

ANTICIPATED APPENDAGES. Biology. “ Live and let live.”

Chemistry. “ Goutte a Goutte.”

Trans.: “ Drop by drop ” or “ Search and research.”

Coal Tar Chemistry. r*’*-I ■ “ Good-morning. Have you used your Wrights?”

Commerce. “ Truth begets hatred,” or “ Never tell a lie.”

Common Room. “ Dulce et desipere in loco.”

Trans.: “ It is pleasant to play the fool in the proper place.”

Cloth Manufacture. “ A stitch in nine saves time.”

Debates.

When there's nothing more to be said, some fool always says it.”

Cookery.

J : “ It is not permitted to taste all things.”

Painting and Decorating. “ To err is human.”

Ping-Pong Chib. “ Fortune favours the weak.”

Physics. “ De Profundis.”

School of Art. “ Culture w'ith cunning.”

Staff.

5 ^Everyone to his own peculiar habit.”

Phone 2176.

ARCHARD,

F.B.OA, FJJ.A.O, F.1.0, Consulting Ophthalmic Optician, 48-49, UPPER MARKET HALL, HUDDERSFIELD. Consulting Hours: 10 till 7 Daily.

13

IV fem eiito

IV iori,

(Another Libel).

The Bakery Students always swore That chemistry “ fed them up to the neck.”

So they formed the habit more and more To eat less and less of their daily peck.

Their end in this sad state of affairs Was not to become blown up like dough, But dry up to mere bone, skin and hairs Peroxide bleached from top to toe.

At last there remained but little else But to grind them into meal for bread, Sift it and bag it and store on shelves, And label it “ Bread Improvers—Dead.”

A. 0. J.

FOR SPORTS' REQUISITES OF EVERY KIND CONSULT

EMMERSON'S. EXPERT ADVICE IS AT YOUR SERVICE. INDOOR GAMES OF EVERY KIND ARE

STOCKED.

THE SPORTS’ OUTFITTERS, BROOK’S YARD, MARKET STREET. 14

’Phone 1371.

STAFF NOTES. Their tennis and cricket exploits as well as the unveracious story of their literary activities appear elsewhere in this issue, so little remains to be said here about those objects of interest and awe to the students, namely, the Staff. “ What,” it may be asked, “ do they do?” Well, some of them get married, like Mr. Carrington and Mr. Izzard, who, since our last issue, have hitched their wagons to stars and now run in double harness. Congratula­ tions, felicitations and all the best to them. Others, like Miss Quick and Miss Mann, retire from their arduous labours, hoping doubtless to find more rest in doing nothing than in working. The former retires from teaching students how to care for the inner man, and the latter from actually caring for that important department of Staff and Students alike. At the last Staff Tea, which by the way was a very crowded function, Miss Quick was presented with a wireless set and Miss Mann with a cheque. We here present them with our best wishes and extend a welcome to Miss Quick’s successor, Miss G. C. Worrall, of Liverpool.

Others again clean up their departments with furious energy.

All the junk has now been cleared out of the Engineering Department. The Staff remains the same. Students now have an opportunity of studying the arch let into the wall of the forge. It is in the best Roman style but is stated to be modern.

The same department also boasts a structure reminiscent of the old-fashioned high pew; for the benefit of the uninitiated we may say that this is sacred to the mysteries of acetylene and electric welding.

The Staff as a whole are also interested in the cinema industry. It is rumoured that free shows will be given in the Large Hall every Wednesday, special provision being made for students in and under the gallery. Whisper­ ing will be prohibited and holding hands only allowed under proper super­ vision.

At the end of the Session the Staff took a walk from Meltham round Deer Hill across to the Old Moor Cock (unlicensed), and back to Marsden, via Pule Hill. No casualties were recorded, but we are anxious to know exactly what Mr. Dyson means by “ comparatively easy and suitable for ladies.” If staggering amongst a lot of hummocks at the foot of Deer Hill is a “ comparatively easy ” walk, Mr. Dyson may go by himself next time. The sensation of the afternoon was Mr. Dyson in the role of “ Little Bo Peep ” when all his sheep suddenly disappeared into the Rifle Range Canteen at Deer Hill. We advise Mr. Dyson to remember the well-known line, “ Let nothing you dismay,” especially on a hot summer afternoon and when all the sheep are very thirsty.

We have to record the following appointments:— Mr. j. Walker, A.I.C., Research Staff, to Clayton Aniline Co., as Staff Chemist.

Mr. G. F. Hinchliffe, formerly of our School of Art, to Guilford School of Art, as Headmaster.

Mr. j. Lindley, formerly of our School of Art, to Halifax School of Art, as Assistant Master.

15

Lewis H. Fairbank

S c lio o l o f A r t E x h i b i t i o n .

By the ART-LESS CRITIC.

T is rather jolly to be an ordinary person knowing no more of art than whether a picture pleases or not when visiting an exhibition of this kind.

Thoughts and sensations can be recorded without having to worry about form, line, colour, tone, chiaroscuro and all the other obscure (and often meaningless) arty-jargon words which the recognised art critic strews around with lavish hands.

Hence also the recognition they deserve can be given to those common objects by the wayside in such exhibitions, namely, the chairs suitable for the torture of the damned in the “ Inferno,” the bottles of such lunatic design that no one could get a drop of liquid out of them, and the Cubist painting that looks like a nightmare in an epileptic fit.

I can say right here that this Exhibition contains none of these things.

It is a stout effort and should wake the burghers of Huddersfield to a realisation of the talent in their midst; and if only a few things are mentioned in this untutored critique it is because they are the things which struck me most.

In the junior Section there are Broadbent’s studies in the Bottle and Jug department and Berry’s lamp-post and Ever-open Door. The jugs do look as if they would hold liquid without leaking and the door of room 54 has the air of having been left open by the last man out. In the Painters’ Section one picture is ideal for a question on Ratiocination in an exam, on Psyschology.

In the absence of a title I finally came to the conclusion that it represented a room viewed from above through the ceiling. I may be wrong.

Thomas has succeeded in making the railway station look so “ posh ” that I had to go and take a look at the real thing. You have gilded the lily, Thomas, and it does not deserve it.

Hollywood is suggested by Firth’s swimming pool. It shouts aloud that luxury amid scenery and sunshine which we so rarely get, and when we do, is always regarded as vice by every Mrs. Grundy and Killjoy in the country.

That the Puritan, with his intense desire for a mansion in the sky, should always be so averse to a palatial structure on the earth, is a deep mystery.

The cottages and council houses of Hallas et alia lack the one thing essential to their cottage-iness and week-end-iness, namely, eaves. All the budding architects whose work adorns the walls should remember that a house is the outward and visible sign of the inward and invisible soul of its builder. Absence of eaves reveals a cramped soul.

The Poster Section is good, but speed is not sufficiently indicated in one poster advertising oil, and the writer has no desire at all to emulate Jonah by venturing on a P. and Q. cruise in cruisers of such whale-like shape.

Decency compels me to draw a veil over the sketches of the nude.

I

—A. 0. J. 17

A

G re a t E v e n t.

ITH the passing of the Long Vac—that one period of the year when the Staff scintillate and give to the startled world the ideas which leap from their nimble brains—we are privileged to receive advance proofs of their magnum opus. A joint effort, the response of the Staff to the nation’s call for help in grappling with the housing problem Ever alert, our technicians have steeped their brains in barley water and bilge, and the out­ come is “ The Technical Home authoritative—no doubt about it; modern— up to the last minute; fascinating—full of beautiful theorising; gripping—vital with human interest.

But we must stop praising it in order to find room for other material. We cannot pass on, however, without a word about one stupendously novel feature. We refer to the ‘ get up.

This is ai ranged to avoid that useless appendage, an index. We emphatically state that after the appearance of “ The Technical Home indexes will disappear. Every one else will follow our example. The book forms its own index. Each section is printed on pages cut to the shape of the features being described, e.g., the Gardening section is printed on pages in the shape of a lawn-mower; a tastefully cut tortoise guides one to the section on Home Pets, and so on.

What could be simpler?" The solution of the binding problem was easy. It was left to the binder. This unique feature has other advantages. Fresh editions can be printed on different shapes. A complete set of these entitles one to a free house exchangeable at will for a wireless set, motor cycle, ukulele or typewriter. To give praise where praise is due, we may say that this brilliant idea is the work of our super card-index experts—the Office Staff, and was evolved to meet the needs of hikers and campers, who, as everyone knows, have no knowledge of what the inside of a home is like.

Now cast your eye over this synopsis of the principal chapters and then descend to the Underworld (Room 10) and order a Basement Bargain. Piece of wire—invaluable for your set—free with every copy ordered.

W

THE TECHNICAL HOME. J. Campbell.

Chap. I. Building it. With hints on jerrybuilding it.

G. R. Carter.

II. How to pay for it out of Income Tax. III. Its Goverment. (a) Theory.

A Married Member.

His Wife. (b) Practice.

K. Holmes.

IV. Its Decoration, (a) Picture Hanging. (b) Painting & Whitewashing. D. P. Carrington F. Darlington. (c) Wall Texts.

S. Brierley.

V. Household Linen.

H. H. Gray.

VI. Conversation in the Home.

J. Milnes.

VII. How to Address the Children.

VIII. Fi res—and how to light them.

W. M. Wilcox.

IX. Music and Broadcasting.

G. M. Green.

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X.

Household Accounts,

(a) How to Keep Them. H. W. Houghton. (b) Bill Paying.

R. S. Ashworth. (c) Pin Money.

Miss M. Holmes.

XI. Household Pests—Moths, Fleas, Bugs and Book Worms.

W. B. Crow.

XII. The Garden—How to Keep Out Cats and Dogs. Miss F. M. Brown.

XIII. The Great Cataclysm—What to do till the Plumber Comes.

J. J. Elliott.

XIV. The Greater Cataclysm—How to Accommodate Motherin-Law. J. H. Smith.

XV. Ancient Homes and Dry Rot. J. Walker.

XVI. Building Stone, Rock Cakes and Domestic Geology. A. 0. Jones.

With many other chapters telling you precisely what to do if you want to win a Corporation house, avoid paying rates, couple up to your neigh­ bour’s meters, make the best use of his fence, obtain fresh vegetables, fruit or flowers, etc., etc., etc. Every chapter by an expert, in a sealed envelope.

C.O.D. LIBRARY NOTICES. MEMBERSHIP OF THE LIBRARY. Students may become members of the College Library on production of the College Entrance Card. Facilities are provided for private study, preparation of homework, etc., in addition to the privilege of borrowing books and consulting the works of reference. No fee.

Members of the College Library may obtain books from the Drama League Library, London, on payment of the postage to and from London.

Three books may be borrowed at a time. Particulars may be obtained from the College Librarian. The Library contains books of Plays, Essays on the Theatre and Acting, Music, Dancing, Puppets and Marionettes, Mechanised Drama, History of the Theatre, Dramatic History and Criticism, Biography and Reminiscenes. Also students visiting London may use the Reference Library and Club facilities (reading room, lunch, tea, etc.) at small charges.

FATNESS BRINGS MENTAL FITNESS. “ Daily Mail ” Headline, 28/7/33.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

In this connection, we are given to understand that:— The College Staff is noted for its ponderosity.

Weighing machines will replace examinations in the near future.

References to the tonnage of the students will become a feature of the Principal’s Reports.

The next Principal’s Report may be in the nature of a “ Fat Stock ’ record.

Future examiners will be prominent agriculturalists.

A well-known preparation for developing the figure will be on sale at the Office.

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STUDENT CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT. New and old students are invited to attend the discussions and meetings of the above College Society.

The discussion group meets every Tuesday at 1-15 p.m. New members should not be afraid to attend, as these discussions are very informal, both religious and everyday problems being studied.

Meetings are held every other Friday, when addresses on widely varying subjects are given, and students are encouraged to take part.

II is hoped that there will be a large number of nÂŤw member this session.

Further particulars may be obtained from MARY SMITH, Hon. bee.

OLD STUDENTS. Our sincere sympathies go out to Miss Constance E. Armitage, Hon. Secretary of the O.S.U. and Social Service Section of the College, in h^r deep sorrow. We very much regret her resignation as Assistant L'braria^ glad to report that she has consented to continue as Hon. Secretary of the above Societies.

CONGRATULATIONS. On Marriage. Dr. Thomas A. Jenkinson and Muriel Sykes. Dr and Mrs. Jenkinson will reside at Marsh Villa. Acton, \krexhatn. North \Aales.

On Appointments.

Barbara Wood, to the Huddersfield Building Society.

Florence Tattersall, to a position in Port Erin, I.O.M. Dr. Reginald Holderness, Medical Officer of Health in Hull. It will be remembered that Mrs. Holderness was the gifted musician, Betty Crowther, of the Inter Arts Classes. Both took a very large part in the social activities of the College during their student days.

Doreen Pomphrey (Commerce). Cecily Pomphrey (English) to London; Nellie Robinson (Pharmacy). Ida Liversedge. Annie Bland. Mabel Sykes ana Brian Watkinson to local commercial appointments.

Vernon Eastwood, to be one of the four assistant general managers of Lloyds Bank.

Arnold S. Haigh. on the award of an Alfred Lund Scholarship at Leeds University.

Mary Roddy has gone to Peterborough Training College (specialising in Music).

R. Ilellawell to Borough Road Training College. London. |, V. Sutcliffe to St. Mark's Training College. London.

I'. YV. Pickles to St. Mark's Training College. London. lames Walton to University College. Leicester.

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here displayed for the reader's admiration belong to those ancient and honour­ able College corporations, the Sketch Club and the Print Club. Their Secre­ taries will doubtless find some respite from their arduous labours in time to complete their reports for our next issue.

RAMBLING CLUB. The Rambling Club formed at a meeting held on March 8th, 1933, has had a very successful season and, in spite of bad weather on several occasions, a regular attendance has been in evidence each week. The most successful rambles were to Cook’s Study, the Derwent Valley and Haworth, with a maximum attendance of twenty-six on the Derwent trip. We trust that the Club, having had such a good start, may continue its activities next season, when we hope for still better support.

F. W. PICKLES, Hon. Sec.

AN APPEAL. (With all due apologies).

Won’t anyone come on our hikes?

1 want your attention for half-a-minute !

What ! you’re not really interested in it?

We sometimes sing, at least we’ve tried !

Won’t anyone come on our hikes?

Miss B-------- , won’t you come on a hike?

They go in the country, they aren’t town ones.

We feel so lonely on the long white way, With no one at all to liven the fray.

Won’t anyone go on our hikes?

J. B. HART. 21

SOCIAL SERVICE SECTION. Report on the past Session’s work undertaken on behalf of local charities: Earl Haig Fund, for the relief of disabled and distressed local ExServicemen (Poppy Day Whist Drive, Dance and Sale of Poppies throughout the College) ......................................... £29 0 0 Christmas Effort in aid of the “ Cinderella ” Children’s Treat— a small party which realised the sum o f .............................

2 2 0 The Royal Infirmary Effort for the medical treatment of the local sick p o o r................................................................................... lb 15 0 £46 17 0 Which brings the total for the last seven years up to £384/7/6 raised by the Huddersfield Technical College for local charities.

The Infirmary Secretary and Superintendent, Mr. H. E. G. Hall, writes:— “ I think you are to be sincerely congratulated on your organisation and on the enthusiastic way in which you have entered into the spirit of helping the Infirmary, and I can assure you that we are indeed grateful.”

In response to the Mayor’s appeal at Christmas on behalf of the local un­ employed, a large number of dresses were made for poor children by the women students. These little garments went into the poorest homes in this district. Some of the little ones had never known what it was to have a really new dress before. Little vests and undergarments were also made to accompany the dresses. The Hon. Secretary will be very pleased to hear from students willing to help in this branch of the work. Service has also been rendered on flag days, and women students have acted as relief workers during meal hours, etc. (no sinecure). Another interesting part of the work has been the dramatic section, including the entry for the National Competi­ tion Drama Community Festival and the production of the annual Infirmary Play. Students interested are asked to give in their names to Irene Topping or Albert Lowe (for the dramatic work) and to George E. Crowther or Horace V. Shaw (for the musical section). It is hoped to form another entry team this year if possible, and elocutionists and all interested in music, literature and dramatic art willing to give their services for the benefit of those less fortunate than themselves are invited to join. Evening students interested in the above may have particulars from the Members of the Students’ Council or address their enquiries to the undersigned, c/o The Students’ Letter Rack, the Enquiry Office.

CONSTANCE E. ARMITAGE, Hon. Secretary.

MARJORIE INMAN, Hon. Treasurer.

COMING EVENTS. September. 1 he Conversazione Concerts given by students in the Large Hall.

November. The “ Poppy ” Dance.

December. “ Cinderella ” Children’s Effort.

March. The Community Drama Festival.

Latei in the Year. Infirmary Effort—Annual Play.

22

STAFF v. STUDENTS. The annual tennis match between the staff and the students was played at Ravensknowle, and resulted in a win for the students by one event. The play was of a very high standard throughout. The match was hotly contested, and the last event provided the most exciting moments of the day’s play.

With the score at four events all, Ward and Rothwell were down to Pilling and Thomas at 5—7 in the first set. In the second set the latter pair were twice within a point of winning, but they were defeated by 7—5. Pilling and Thomas won the next set for 6—2 and thus secured the match for the students.

Results (staff names first):—W. K. Rooney and W. M. Wilcox lost to J. Walton and E. P. Sheppard, 3—6, 6—3, 3—6; beat B. Pilling and M. Thomas, 6—2, 6—4; beat R. Smith and H. Shaw, 6—4, 8—6.

G. M. Green and H. France lost to J. Walton and E. P. Sheppard, 4—6, 8— 10; lost to B. Pilling and M. Thomas, 3—6, 7—5, 3—6; beat R. Smith and H. Shaw, 8—6, 6—4.

J. Ward and H. T. Rothwell lost to J. Walton and E. P. Sheppard, 7—9, 2—6; lost to B. Pilling and M. Thomas, 5—7, 7—5, 2—6; beat R. Smith and H. Shaw, 6—0, 6—4.

LADIES’ HOCKEY CLUB. A new Club welcoming new members ! Day and Evening, past and present, beginners and practised hands all eligible. Support your College !

Our field is a good one at Moor End, Crosland Moor—one of the Educa­ tion Committee’s Inlaying Fields.

Please make yourself known to any of the following:—Misses M. Dugdale, E. Battye, M. Windle, F. Calderbank, M. Sykes, M. Schofield.

Leave the rest to the Hockey Club, and watch the Notice Board by the Cloak Room.

23

THE DRAMATIC CLASS. Last term the D r a m a * Z S d ^ in to " a it to ‘ Psmith, at tlie g a)| who mean anything in the College delightful evening s entertamme , d t0 eni0v ourselves. Not quite life (?)—climbed to the gallery and Broadbent, Clifford so jolly, though, as in our own g Y, t form, and their family Scott and jack Barr were all m the r usual great m ^ ^ ^ activities and troubles wer . P ? ' ■ { Clifford, as the tiresome step-son, The financial and other lld'™ '°“* * s tart so we were able to withstand the enlisted our sympathies fi on ’ k j he romantic exploits and wellappalling heat of the Highfre^ Gall ^ held us spellbound—from his meant endeavours ot Psmitl t dahlia rhododendron, or whatever appearance first wearing the cabb § ’ t his ’excitino- adventures with the

,oNr ! »

" i ' w . w“ S I

The producioe, «

«

,

The Dramatic Class hope this year to enter for the: Nat^ nal C Drama Festival Competition. The entry was sent in to° , f \ he class interested in the College Dramatic work may have particulars ot the L from Leo Lawson, the Hon. Secretary. ti pp^YGOER.”

THE PROFESSOR’S LOVE STORY. According to the “ Examiner,” and an enthusiastic audience, an excellent performance was given of Sir J. M. Barrie's “ The Professor s Love Story, at the Temperance Hall, last term, under the patronage of the Mayor and Mayoress Prior to the play, an excellent orchestra, by the kindness ot m r.

Arthur Kaye, contributed a deservedly appreciated programme, and* entered selections during the intervals, under the direction ot Ml- ^ ° ^ r ^ t gfo cts One has been criticised in a former issue. Newcomers to the cast tor acts two and three were Bessie Dixon, as the unpleasant sis er of the Professor and Leo Lawson and Eric Gledhill as the rustic rivals tor the hand ot winsome Effie. In Act Two, the cornfield, Helen Wyllie, Barbara Wood and Marjone Gray, in their desperate efforts to obtain husbands, caused the house to roc with mirth. Mr. Wilfred Watkin is to be congratulated upon his inspiredana delightful interpretation of the foggy-minded, but lovable, Professor and up the production of the piece.

CONSTANCE E. ARM1TAGE, Hon. Sec. 24

Huddersfield’s ‘ OPEN-FOR-ALL’

Walk Round Store WALK ROUND AND LOOK ROUND, YOU WILL NOT BE PRESSED TO BUY !

KENNETH LEYELL ™. “ The Home of Light and Music,” MARKET ST., HUDDERSFIELD. Tel. 2294.

Do you really admire beautiful things? You do ! Then you owe it to yourself to make a tour of our Open-for-All Walk Round Showrooms and inspect the hundred and one beautiful suggestions for home adorn­ ment ! Home music in the shape of the World’s Finest Radio Receivers should also claim your attention . . . but please remember you WILL NOT BE ASKED TO BUY . . just look !

G O O D S FOR EVERY PURSE AND PURPOSE. Let us Quote you for your next ELECTRICAL JOB. We guarantee to place the entire resources of our Electri­ cal Organisation at your disposal. Guaranteed work by Qualified Engineers.

Visit “The Home of Light and Music.”

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