The Mock Turtle - Vol 1, No. 1

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DECEMBER 1926.

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The Mock Turtle A Review of the Life, T hought, and H um our of the H uddersfield T echnical College.

Editor: Mr. A. D. K. OWEN, B.Com. (Staff).

Assistant E ditors:

Miss FLORENCE TATTERSALL, Miss M. WINSOME TREDGOLD.

“ There’s a Purpose Just behind me, and he’s treading on my tail.”

VOLUME ONE.

NUMBER ONE. DECEMBER 1926.

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CONTENTS. PAGE

A MESSAGE FROM THE PRINCIPAL EDITORIAL

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TO ALL WHO WISH US WELL

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TH E YOUTH MOVEMENT OF GERMANY

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ABERGLASLYN

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A DISSERTATION UPON MOCK TURTLE

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A. W ade

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A LEGEND

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G. Brayshaw

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A.D.K.O. 7

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M.H., A.D.K.O., T.M.

ON MODERN CURIOSITY ...

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THE STAFF

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CONCERNING A STRANGE MONSTROSITY ...

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"S cribed ” 14

POETRY...

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"CURIO” 12 D.S.S.

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AN EVENING TRYST

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F lorence T attf. rsai. 16

A FRAGMENT

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MURDERER!

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... E dward R. Swift 17

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DANCING WITH THE ENGINEERS

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T.M. 16

THE POPPY DANCE

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CORRESPONDENCE

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STUDENT ACTIVITIES

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STAFF NOTES

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TH E COLLEGE ANNUAL DINNER ...

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JOIN THE MOCK Y

TURTLE CLUB.

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T BM P M g jl fe

A M essage from the Principal. o ‘ T H E MOCK T U R T L E ,’ greetings! And a long life !

Let this first number be the first of a long succession.

Let the life of the new magazine be marked by one long steady growth and expansion ; let the magazine become more and more an essential and valued feature of the Col­ lege activities, prospering and growing with the continued progress and development of the College, and serving its interests, and the interests of its members more and more as the years pass.

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The magazine will exert a unifying influence in the midst of the diverse elements that make up College Life. It will serve as a means of intercom­ munication between different departments and sections of the College, a medium through which each may begin the better to understand and appreciate the others. In it will be represented the manifold interests, literary, artistic, scientific, athletic and social, which appeal to, and inspire the present generation.

1'he magazine will serve as a College Reporter, giving interesting news of recent happenings. Through it the College Societies will find the means of recording their proceedings in a permanent form, of spreading within the College a wider knowledge of their aims, and thus of appealing to a larger constituency. The magazine will serve as a link binding all together.

Likewise it will serve as a bond between past and present students, and will be welcomed at home and abroad by former students, who will look forward eagerly to its arrival, and the reminder it will bring of happy days spent at the College.

It is up to each individual member of the College to support the magazine, and to each department, society or other organization to keep the editors well supplied with information that will be of general interest.

J. F. HUDSON.

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Editorial.

I H P \ -A \ I /V CSSS V A /sJ / T y ) \\\y

O the making of School or College Magazines there is no end. For the schoolboy it is at worst a jolly game, and at best an important part of education. For the College or University student it may become a mighty serious business. Perhaps not for the casual contributor: he has too little at stake however great his pride. But for the would-be-editor there are searchings of heart in store. The would-be-editor of ‘ The Mock T urtle’ is no exception to this rule, the magic of an assistant-lecturership does not exclude him. He gaily put his hand to a plough twice tried and said to be found wanting, since when he had been remembering Lot’s wife! But more potent than Lot’s wife, despite the undoubted weight which her scriptural and saline authority carries, has been that haunting line from the best of all children’s books— “ There’s a Purpose just behind me, and lie’s treading on my tail.”

You will find it on the title-page, printed in italics to show that it is now registered as a motto. The Mock Turtle suggested it, in order I suspect, to make sure of his appearance in public. He is a creature of many parts, as you will discover if you have patience to read through these pages, and in reminding me of the Purpose he has served both his own ends and mine.

But the Purpose is not an easy thing to explain however great its im­ portance has been in getting this issue published. Mere overflowing of lit­ erary zeal or naive ambition to see oneself in print, the joy of self expres­ sion or the sense of power which itches in the hand of the wielder of the blue pencil—these things compel but they are not enough. There has been a deeper desire to provide something which is needed by every institution where youth on the verge of manhood and womanhood is gathered together, a vehicle for the expression of youthful idealism. This may seem to be a sentimental saying, and I can well imagine that many a College cynic will sardonically make merry over the suggestion of idealism as he turns over these pages. But cynics are always thus. Suffice it be that here is the opportunity, and given opportunity Youth will not be denied. This is an ex­ perimental number unavoidably drawing for its contents upon a very small group of contributors. Rome was not built in a day. There will be other numbers, not more honourable than this, the pioneer number, but each in turn marking an advance in the quality of its contents, the excellence of its humour, the beauty of its poetry and prose, and the idealism of its policy.

Youth has a great deal to say to the world—to Britain—to Huddersfield. e

Youth Sacrificed her millions in the W ar on the altars of the gods of the past, to answer for the bungling and cynicism of those who had denied her the right of speech. This day is over, and Youth movements are growing up throughout the world, whose perfectly justifiable business it is to stick pins into politicians, and professors, and schoolmasters, and employers, whenever they are in danger of forgetting that their business is to build a better world.

‘The Mock T urtle’ is setting out not only to stick pins into people, (though it intends to do that), but to show our Elders what the Youth of Hudders­ field, so far as it is represented in the various departments of the College, has to say concerning the durable satisfactions of life out of which the more beautiful and more noble citizenship of Huddersfield and its surrounding town­ ship may be built. These satisfactions are straight thinking, self-forgetful laughter, inspired nonsense, constructive idealism, and the production of those things of beauty which are a joy for ever. To this end the support is need­ ed of students of all departments, and of those members of the staff who are young in spirit whatever their years. Be you delvers in the Mining De­ partment, sparking electricians or commercial pen pushers, dealers in “ stinks,” weavers of cloth, or makers of puddings—you are all builders of the future and ‘ The Mock T urtle’ is going to voice your common aspirations. Rally round, make this number widely known, and help to establish it as as a permanent institution in the life of the College and the community which supports it. The Purpose should be treading on your ta il!

TO

ALL

WHO

WISH

US

WELL.

It is proposed to hold a meeting in January, (the date and time will be an­ nounced later), to discuss the policy and editorial personnel of ‘The Mock Turtle.

To this meeting the members of the staff, and the students of the College are urged to come. Criticism of this number will be freely invited, and any sug­ gestions for improvement will be carefully considered. The present editorial staff does not consider itself in any way permanent, and at this meeting it is hoped that a permanent staff will be democratically appointed. We hope that a large and successful meeting will take place, at which ‘ The Mock T urtle’ will receive public recognition from the student body. Do your best to attend.

Send this copy to your grandmother, and buy another.

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T he Y outh M ovem ent of Germany.

[Lest we should make the mistake of devoting the whole of our first number to ourselves I have included this account of a great movement among the Youth of Germany, a movement which cannot fa il to be of interest to students in every land.—Editor .]

UR English ideas of Germany are only slowly recovering from the effects of War-time journalism.

We have gone a long way along the road of friendship, it is true, during these last eight years, hut the dust of War-time propaganda is still in the corners of our eyes.

Germany still connotes Prussia, and Prussia Prussianism.

The philosoply of Power we still regard as essentially German; the philosophy of Goethe, of Beethoven and of Wagner we are still at a loss to associate with the Germany of our preconceptions.

It is true that the former philosophy has been ascendant in Germany during the greater part of the last forty years, and this is a partial justification of our attitude.

But we should not he blind to other features of German life which owe more to the master musicians and poets than to Nietsche and the lesser ones who have purveyed their several distortions of his teaching. The re-action has set in, and it may mean a great deal for the world.

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Nothing expresses the temper of the i€-action from Prussianism and militarism in post-war Germany more notably than the “ .Tugendbewegung,” the German “ Youth Movement.”

This movement has been described enthusiastically by a modern German Professor as “ the snowdrop oil the hard German winter snow.

Iti announces the German spring.”

He goes on to show us what it means for Germany and the world— “ I t is a real consolation for every German who was ready to doubt whether the German soul would ever escape from the enchantment in which its pursuit of power seemed to have inextricably involved it. That, in the midst of anger and hatred, misery and despair this German flower could bloom is not only a glad hope for those to whom true Germanism is their spiritual home, but for other countries which feared that a de-Germanised Germany had come to stay. Away from the sins of the Fathers! Away from the pedagogy of tutelage, coercion and police!

That has always been my message, and the struggle for self-responsibility is the fulfilment of my dream.

Authority, discipline, order, obedience, reverence are needed ; but they produce their ripest fruits when individuality and conscience are fully respected.

The Jugendbewegung is a moral rejuvenescence of the German people, the return of the German soul to its best traditions.”

The movement which has stirred this eloquent enthusiasm is not a child of the war, though it is since the war that it has swept the Youth of Germany with its idealism.

So long ago as 1896 the seed was planted by Karl Fischer, who gathered round him a number of scholars attending a Gymnasium (High School) in Berlin, who felt the need of a larger freedom than that provided by German institutional methods.

In 1904 Fischer founded a society called the “ Wandervogel ” (literally, “ wandering-bird” ) and formed a council of parents to aid him in his efforts.

He encouraged his students to escape from the stuffy atmosphere 6

of the class-room and city, to enjoy the healing influences of nature, to make acquaintance with the peasants, sing Volkslieder (folk-songs), and learn folk-dances.

As a result of his teaching the habit of country rambles, not only for a few hours but for days or even weeks, spread rapidly, and within a few years it became a common experience in Germany to see groups of students tramping through the countryside, singing, playing instruments, dancing and camping out.

But the movement was more than an experiment in recreation, it deveoped a philosophy of life which re-acted against materialism, commercialism, artificiality and the idols of power, pleasure and wealth which were becoming the gods of Germany, and indeed the whole of Western civilization.

The progress of the new movement was rudely interrupted by the War, but purified and deepened by the experiences of the great struggle it has revived to rescue the German soul from the ashes of Prussian Imperialism.

I t aims not at concrete results, but at the expression of human personality and the realization of spiritual freedom in place of the machine-made life and conscience of Imperial Germany.

I t is the protest of the younger generation against a civilization which threatens to smother the individual under “ technique,” “ organization,” “ regimentation,” “ tidiness.”

I t is very loosely knit as a movement. Students of all creeds and parties form their groups along the lines of religious and party divisions, for the common bond is not programme but spirit.

Nationalists, Socialists, Catholics and Protestants are all part of the great movement, and they draw upon it for the inspiration which helps them to pursue their sectional ideals in the spirit of tolerance.

Meanwhile the country-side still calls them.

The tramps, the wayside fires, the dancing and the violins, the comradeship of camp and the open-air friendship of men and women—these things unite the Youth of Germany in a glorious idealism.

And what of England?

Out of Defeat sometimes comes Victory, and out of Victory maybe Defeat.

But the truth of the latter half of this saying is in our own hands.

ABERGLASLYN. YY7 E came to Aberglaslyn ” Light-hearted, happy-eyed, With the noisy note of a song we knew On our lips, as the shadows longer grew A t the end of a long day’s ride.

We stayed at Aberglaslyn, Soul-stirred, and wonder-still.

A t the purple cliff and the clinging pines And the Glaslyn where twilight softly shines, A t the foot of the dusty hill.

We went from Aberglaslyn Light-hearted, happy-eyed.

But the song we sang was something more Than the empty staves th at we sang before, A t our camp on the mountain side.

—A.D.K.O. 7

A D issertation U p on M ock Turtle.

(With apologies to the gentle Elia).

UR ancestors, particularly those who had the blighting misfortune to live in the Middle Ages, are much to be pitied, indeed my heart almost bleeds for them, in that they were entirely unaware, nay, even in their wildest dreams, never imamned the existence of that succulent adjunct to the dinner tables of our nineteenth and twentieth century civilisation, the mock turtle.

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Curiously enough, it is to the Church that we owe our knowledge of that charming animal, and here let me remark en passant, that our cooks are woefully backward in giving praise to those goodly brothers of Fountains, Kirkstall and kindred communities for the firm foundation upon which they have built our culinary art.

But it is to the Church of a latter day that we owe this discovery, and I see an interesting field of conjecture opened if we were to assume that Friar Tuck and not his brother of the nineteenth century had made that momentous, that world-shaking journey to Wonderland, and had brought back with him, specimens of its fauna in the shape of the Mock Turtle. Henry V III. would never have turned out of house and home those good brothers, who he knew possessed the magic art of converting this delicious creature into soup, and there is no doubt that all the monarchâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s difficulties with His Holiness at that period would have been smoothed away by means of an embassy of a tan* of mock turtles and a contribution to the Vatican Library in the shape of that centuryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s edition of Mrs. Beeton.

But now a word in regard to the creature, after having paid homage to the intrepid discoverer who brought him to our knowledge.

He is of a mild and gentle disposition, which indeed fits well with his characteristics when cooked, and much given to the singing of sweet little ballads, but his qualities as a table delicacy far outshine his moral excellency.

Speak not to me of his half-brother, the turtle proper; there may be some, nay indeed there are (for gross taste lurketh in high places, and the Mansion House is not always a Court of Justice), who sing the praises of that graceless bastard and revel in the joys of green fat, but your epicure will have none of these things, the true delicate flavour is only to be found in the mock variety.

Mark him, how equably he boils down to furnish this succulent liquid nourishment, worthy to rank with the ambrosia and nectar of highest Olympus, or, again, though I cannot impress upon you too much the fact that his forte is that of a soupmaker, fry him in steaks, with butter, parsley and pepper.

He sizzles gently upon a moderate fire, and sends up a grateful incense to the nostrils, and wit 1 new potatoes and cucumber is indeed a dish to set before the King of Hearts.

Consider also, I pray you, his sauce.

A few bread crumbs, parsley and the egg of his dutiful mate, but dear Mrs. Beeton, no onion, for remembci lie is indeed the violet of his species, a delicate growth--a flower.

Dear brother 8

trencherman, forget not, I beseech you, that his life was meant to end in the soup.

Beautiful soup, so rich and green, Waiting in a hot tureen, Who for such dainties would not stoop?

Soup of the evening, beautiful soup, Soup of the evening, beautiful soup.

Beautiful soup, who cares for fish, Game or any other dish, Who would not give all else for two Pennyworth only of beautiful soup, Pennyworth only of beautiful soup?

— A rthur W a d e.

A Legend.

HEBE was a young engineer named Green One, who spent many days and nights in deep meditation at this noble college. Now it came about that this Green One was filled with a burning curiosity which did trouble him greatly, and as time passed his life became unbearable.

So he sought a certain engineer, who was a man of great skill, being a student of the third year, and said to the man “ Tell me, I pray thee, the meaning of Entropy?”

But when the engineer heard the words of the Green One he cursed him and swore mightily in seven different tongues, and no two of his words were the same. Neither did he cease from swearing throughout the day.

When Green One heard these things he was cast down, and he tore his hair and put ashes in his shoes and wept sorely.

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Now there came seven fair damsels from the Arts Dept, and tried to comfort the Green One. For they sang to him for three days and three nights, and their songs told of the glories of isotherms, of hyperbolas and of differentials.

But, in spite of these things, the Green One would not be comforted, so the seven fair damsels departed from him and wrent their way; and the noise of their singing -was hear no more.

Then there came a certain old man who was a Chief Scribe, and he, being merciful, comforted the Green One saying, “ Behold now within this spacious College there lives a man of most profound thought, who is named the Great Thinker, for he doth teach the art and science of Maths.

Go thou to him and he will tell thee all.”

So Green One girded up his loins and set out, and came before the great Thinker, and said " I pray thee tell me what is Entropy?”

And the Great Thinker said “ Be seated and hearken to my words.” Then he spake, and forth­ with there fell a great silence upon the College, even the damsels were hushed, for in his words was much wisdom.

For seven days and nights did the Great Thinker preach, and he rested not.

And the Green One sat at his feet and acquired knowledge, but even as his knowledge increased his stature grew less.

And when the seven days and nights were accomplished he was no larger than a grain of mustard seed.

But his spirit cried out in a loud voice “ Beware all ye seekers after knowledge, for in all the world there is no such thing a s ‘ Entropy.’ ” And straightway he vanished.

G. B rayshaw .

9

Poetry.

THE

APPLE TREE.

D RIGHT sunshine, droning bees that slowly pass ■*“' The blackbird on the ivy covered wall, The tree, and there beneath it on the grass, White petals fall.

Those years ago the moon alone gave light, Between the blossoms scarce one ray shone through, And there beside me in the fragrant night Beloved, you!

So close dear heart, so close I held you there, The night was crying what no tongue could tell, And on the shining softness of your hair White petals fell.

Bright sunshine on the blossom ladened tree.

And over that white clouds against the blue, The blackbird’s song and memories for me, But what of you!

— M ona H ir s t .

MOUNTAIN

BOY.

T TALKED with a lad from the City,

His eyes were bright and glad: But I knew not the way of the City, My heart was sad.

I drank with a lad from the country, His eyes were big and slow: Though he bade me stay in the country My heart said No !

I strode with a lad from the mountains, His eyes were dreamy blue: And he sang me a song of his mountains, That my heart knew.

I went with that lad to the mountains And found his eyes were tru e : There was peace in the mist of the mountains For my heart too.

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THE

SEEKER.

was a man who walked the shadowed vale T HERE Of doubt, and sought to ease his aching soul By murmuring his anxious questionings To beautiful unanswering stars, As men have done of old and have no answer heard.

His were the roads of twilight dim before dawn, Loneliness was his, and the grey cold way Spectred by broken hopes. He sadly eyed The falling temples of his youth-dreamed world, And vainly sought from the unhelpful sky another dream.

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But as he trod his heart-bewildered path Along the valley ways his youth had known, He chanced upon a once forbidden way, And, sighing softly, sought its company, Until it hid him on the hills that hid the dawn.

—A.D.K.O.

THE

MINUET.

(Pronunciation a la France.) minuet a graceful dance T HEFirst saw the light in “ La Belle Franoe,’

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And grandiose Louis people said I t took completely off his head.

Soon in fair England t ’was the vogue— T’was danced by Lady, Lord, and Rogue, Who' tripped the measure daintily In that romantic century When all the world was young and fair And dimpled cupids filled the air With roses, roses, everywhere.

When Gainsborough limned sweet beauty’s grace, And all did wear a painted face.

When Fragonard and young Watteau Made Heaven in a fair grotto— And Ronsard sang of happy days, And sentimental comedies Were all the rage upon the stage In this gallant and flowery age.

When all the world played Cupid’s game And scandal hung on every name— And Turpin gaily robbed the mails And clergymen wrote naughty tales.

T’was never danced by village churls, But in the stately homes of Earls I t was the fashion of the day To tread the graceful minuet.

—T.M.

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O n M odern Curiosity.

HERE has been a significant development in human curiosity during the last few years.

Soured and disillusioned by the contemporary public house with its curtailed hours, and the modern picture house, no longer the hall of perfect darkness since the advent of those dim shaded lights which never go out, men and women are turning their attention to the investigation of obscure points in natural and social science. They are beginning once more to ask questions— a long forgotten habit, save in woman, where it has been confined to queries of the most personal order.

Some of you will remember the earliest manifestations of this development in those popular ballads of four or five years back which voiced the widespread anxiety, which was so remarkable at that time, concerning the hibernatory quarters of the common house-fly. Recall how one year the question was raised—

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Where do flies go in the Winter time I

And the following year, the reward of patient research, again poetically expressed in rhymed verse with a musical setting (Feldman’s 6d.)— I know where the flies go.

As ever, it is in the folk-song that the deepest feeling and intensest pre­ occupations of mankind are expressed.

A happy, and comparatviely recent instance of this is to be found in an almost Darwinian lyric, expressing with moving directness of appeal the questionings of the plain man (and his pretty wife) concerning certain physical deficiencies of the ordinary guinea-pig. I t opens tunefully and feelingly, but with scientific precision— How does the guinea-pig shoiv it’s pleased When it hasn’t got a tail to wag I

Still more recently many of us have been moved to the most painstaking investigation by the lyrically expressed curiosity of the masses in such songs as— ‘‘ Have you ever seen a straight banana?” and ‘‘ Do shrimps make good mothers ? ’’ I t would be impossible in an article of this character to explore the full implications of this development in English intellectual life.

The subject demands space and time for further reflection.

It will be sufficient to point out here that the movement has already influenced contemporary poetry.

A verse has only to-day come to my notice pregnant with the new spirit of inquiry, as the first lines will show— Do oysters wear dress ties I Yes, they do.

Yes, they do.

Purely prose literature is, of course, by this time, infused by the spirit of the new movement.

Where it will lead to nobody can tell.

We are standing on a peak in Darien; a new world lies before u s ! On all sides the questioning voices rise—‘‘ Do barmaids eat their young?” ‘‘ Do Hindus use bath-chairs?” ‘‘ How does the elephant manicure its nails?” “ W hat can we do with our safety-razor blades?” ‘‘ Who is William?

What is He-ee?” “ Why did you . . why, why, oh why?

— C urio .

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THE STAFF. r P H A T teachers are a funny crew Our students all agree; And as for that, why, so must you When what’s below you see.

Professor Specs, the very wise, Has books and books and books, In which, with antiquated eyes, He looks and looks and looks.

The mystic Mathematics Man Is master of the art Of twisting sums he only can Contrive to take apart.

To teach the budding engineer We’ve several on the staff.

If they could one another hear My goodness ! How they’d laugh !

Upstairs the cute commercial men Go on their wicked ways.

They dare not teach folk all they ken, A little caution pays !

In Physics we have talent too, I ’m sorry to relate.

I t ’s wasted there: ’tis sad but true To help it’s now too late.

The Chemists are the queerest lot, They make such horrid smells; They think it clever, but it’s not.

Like Mr. H. G. Wells.

A work of reference like this Could not be called complete, Without alluding to the bliss Of those across the street.

They never know the need to say:— “ Dear William, if you please, Do let me have some heat to-day Or certainly we’ll freeze!”

I ’d like to go on making fun Of friends unmentioned yet, But I ’m afraid it can’t be done Because of etiquette!

—D.S.S. 13

C oncerning a Strange M onstrosity. one day much disgruntled as a result of perusing of my household and BEING business accounts and the alarming expense shown thereby, I did take counsel of my worthy friend Peter Clutchpenny, as to what I should do in order that there might be some abatement thereof.

Peter, whom I would have you know is of a somewhat zoological and ornithological turn of mind, did thereupon inform me of a wondrous creature, to wit, a bird, which had given him much help upon this matter, which species of bird was to be consulted at certain places of business in the City.

Now this did seem to me to be monstrously like necromancy, and at first I would have none of it, but upon reflection and urged by the persuadings of Peter, I did resolve, nevertheless with many misgivings, to consult this same oracle, which was known to science by the name of Aud Itor.

So taking a good stout oaken cudgel, I waited upon Peter, and we repaired unto a certain house of business in the City where the creatures had their habitations.

These same were enclosed in a chamber somewhat like unto an office, and were not of a fearsome aspect, being for the most part of a quiet demeanour, and were doing of things which did mightily astonish me. For some wrote with pens, others were continually going up and down ladders, which ladders were quaintly fashioned after the manner of rows of our numerals, and yet again others performed upon the trapeze and did balancing feats. Doubtless the creatures were in surroundings much like unto those in which they exist naturally, and T was hugely diverted withal and enquired of Peter more detail of the manner of living of this species, who expounded as follows:— “ You must know,” said he, “ that these strange creatures are of a great usefulness unto our men of business and that great pains are taken by them to reproduce their natural surroundings, to which end you see these strange appliances, these ladders and these swings and trapezes, for the creatures divert themselves thereupon, and doing so, do much labour for their masters.”

I did here observe that one of the birds, having missed his footing upon one of the ladders fashioned like unto a column of figures, did tumble down to the bottom with a great noise, and, picking himself up, with a rueful countenance did com­ mence to climb the ladder again somewhat laboriously. Scarcely had the creature commenced his ascent again, when another of the species endeavouring to perform a feat of balancing mightily intricate and precarious to ray untrained eye, with much clatter fell from his high perch to the floor. The others, with croakings as of sympathy, did immediately gather round, and some did endeavour to give assistance to their fellow, which he received with a somewhat gloomy and sullen cast of countenance.

Peter, seeing the astonishment writ large nj>oii my physiognomy, did continue his exposition thus:—“ These quaint tricks,” quoth he, “ are the natural amusements of these diverting birds, and by means of their fondness for doing of these things, their owners make much profit with them Especially mark you their tricks upon the trajieze.

I t is said that some man, wishful to keep these creatures, did indeed obtain some, but neglecting to provide them with a trapeze they did all pine and eventually died of a gradual atrophy.

Indeed it is to be kept continually in remembrance that these birds must have 14

something upon which to perform feats of balancing, and it may be said that their whole existence is a mighty effort to strike a balance."

A t this point I also observed other of these birds that were very intently grubbing among many papers, vouchers and the like in a compartment unto them­ selves, and upon inquiry ascertained that oftentimes their searchings and grubbings had strange results, as the finding of wanglings in the petty cash.

Upon the unearthing of such matters as wanglings or spoofings, the keepers do reward them with an especial tit-bit, which at times taketh the form known as “ a hearty vote of thanks," and they do thereupon betake themselves to their digging and searching with the more vim. ‘‘ I t is said," remarked my worthy friend at this point, “ that a certain learned legal luminary hath likened them unto the faithful canine friend that watcheth our houses lest the marauder come suddenly and depart with the family plate, and it is most certain that it possesseth an olefactorv nerve most sensitive to the smelling of rats; nevertheless it is not deemed to be possessed of the characteristics of the bloodhound.

It hath a painstaking and tender conscience, and hath been known to suffer from a most violent fit of the megrims and jim-jams, where, although despite much digging and balancing, some error hath crept in.” “ My worthy Peter,” I said, after hearkening with much care to this discourse, “ tell me how these creatures gave thee aid with thy business and house­ hold accounts, for I am mightily puzzled thereby."

"T hey took my accounts with them up their ladders and upon their trapezes, performing many balancing feats therewith, and as a consequence did put them into better order and condition for the carrying on of my business.”

Now, out upon thee,” I cried, upon hearing this monstrous long-bow, “ thou must indeed consider me an addlepate, if thou thinkest I believe such a fanciful tale,” and I thereupon left him in much dudgeon, for I am firmly convinced that diverting though the Aud Itor may be as an example of Dame N ature’s humours, it is of all things too fanciful to suppose that this creature hath been trained unto such a marvellous pitch of excellence as Peter would have me believe, with which opinion I beg leave to close this most curious narrative.

— S cribeo .

“ If bread is the staff of life, what is the life of the staff ?” (see page 18).

15

A n Evening Tryst.

HE Cherry Tree stood in the South corner of a quaint old world garden. All through the winter she had remained hare and insignificant looking, save when the Frost had clothed her with silvery tracings of fantastic form; but now th at May had come she was garbed in the ethereal tints of rosy pink, and was acknowledged by the rest of the flowers to be the debutante of the day. Proudly the Cherry Tree lifted her blossom-laden branches on high, blushing a deeper pink in the consciousness of her own beauty.

T

I t was three o’clock in the afternoon. All through the day the sun had shone high in the heavens. A curtain of haze enshrouded everything, and not a breath disturbed the heavily perfumed atmosphere.

The Cherry Tree heaved a sigh of weariness which set her branches a-quivering, She languished under the oppressive heat and was growing faint with longing. She awaited the coming of her lover.

Would he fail to keep the tryst on this of all days? Slowly the hours dragged by on leaden wings. Innumerable bees filled the air with their droning: more than one stopped to praise her loveliness, but she heeded them not.

At last her patience was rewarded, for as night rose up out of the west and trailed her dusky robes, star inwrought across the darkling heavens, and the hush of twilight encircled the dewy land, she became conscious of his approach.

Her every fibre quivered with nervous expectation, and her blossoms gave of their jierfume with a two-fold strength as she felt his cool breath on her heated faoe.

Long she swayed in his embrace, listening to the crooning of his v o ice ................

Weeping big tears for very joy.

Soon she fell into a stupor of delicious ecstasy.

Next day with the coming of dawn the clusters of violas, planted along the edge of the tiny flagged path, opened their eyes on a sea of pink.

The Cherry Tree stood bereft of her glory; and the shy-faced blossoms heaved sighs of regret that they would no more be able to gaze on her loveliness.

But the Cherry Tree and the Wind kept their secret.

F lo ren ce T atters .u .l .

A FRAGMENT. beloved’s eyes W HYFilldomemyalways with surprise ?

Cause me ever to surmise What new wonder in them lies?

What old passion from them dies?

O my love is fickle, she— Will never keep true faith with me.

—T.M. 16

r

M urderer!

U

R. JONATHAN MUDGKINS came down to breakfast at the usual time.

Looking in the square gilt-framed mirror which had been the newest thing at the time of his marriage, he saw a round-figured contented-looking man of fifty-two summers.

But the frown which greeted him would have told a perceptive person that all was not serene in the mind behind the harmless pale blue eyes.

No one could have told though that this product of Mincing Lane’s centuries’ old conservation was really a striver after Romance.

In his heart he knew he should have been a Cavalier, a Highwayman, a Crusader, anything but the apathetic little man he was.

But he was soon to come back to earth.

His ruffles, masks, swords and other figments of his imagination fell off in a twinkling.

For out of the cosy little scullery came his affectionate wife’s voice “ Nearly caught on whilst it was being kept warm for you . . . . Mantle and Dressiere have some lovely new tittle hats in this morning’s paper . . . Did you put on that nice little chest protector, I made you . . . . That robin’s coming quite near the house this morning!”

Here it was again:—no one realised the real brave heart, the dashing nature beneath what he realised—alas ! was a too mild exterior. “ Um ” was all he said—or rather grunted at this sudden hotch-potch of ideas with which he was greeted.

As they breakfasted together his wife was watching him anxiously. “ I hope he’s all right—perhaps he forgot to have his milk last night.” A little of what he now knew was his old false manner returned as he replied to the utterance of her thoughts:—“ Yes, Celia, I had my milk. Of course I wouldn’t forget th a t !”

He stepped into the road making for the little station, his feelings becoming more and more overpowering, making his nostrils quiver and his eyes sparkle and glisten. “ Morning, Mr. Mudgkins,” came a neighbour’s voice. As he replied to this salutation, he felt that such a show of respectability was so much gall to him.

Why should he have been recommended for the post of office boy at Rembridge, Thompson and Rembridge’s establishment thirty years ago, why had he been in a groove and eventually become a small shareholder in the business?

He fell in a reverie. Life was so placid.

^

Mr. Mudgkins entered the train which was to take him citywards.

Only another passenger in the far corner, he reflected, as with a sigh he opened the paper. “ A h!” his mind shrieked, “ just the thing. Here is something worth while the reading.” No, it was not tea prices!

A murder!

And this little rather stale man was revelling in the account of the murderer, and the wholesale manner in which he worked was actually arousing in him a frenzy of admiration.

Even if murder was a wicked crime one could envy anyone who shattered this placidity and respectability of tame civilisation, he thought.

But there is no understanding the innermost feelingsof your nearest friends.

Here was a man of just the type- who looked most hurt if he shrugged against one in the street, the type one always selects if one is collecting for some beneficient purpose.

It seemed the man was a train murderer, and for the sake of interest and advertise­ ment the newspaper offered a prize for anyone who could help the police to track him down.

His blue eyes lighted up as in his reverie he followed the views of beauty spots served by the railway towards the far window and realised he was not alone.

17

The man was of medium height, had a peculiar smudge on his left cheek, and was wearing a black bowler hat. His eyes had a wild look; his nose was cruel; and his heavy eyebrows denoted a sullen nature, Mr. Mudgkins turned back to the murder.

The murders had been three in number, performed without any obvious motive, and had all been done in trains within five miles of London. Only one person had seen the murderer, and had described him as five feet four inches in height and as having a mark on his left cheek.

He had a black hat, but the thoughtful newspaper reminded you that that would probably be changed for a cap by this time. Mr. Mudgkins thought it “ Rather nasty to be alone with the murderer, for he wasn’t one of the pay out of income sort, not a ‘ Drage-ite,’ but one of the wholesale type, one who selected a victim and was soon looking for another.”

The man in the far corner moved uneasily, coughed, leered.

Mr. Mudgkins stared . . . ‘ Mark on left cheek, black h at,” Jove! just like the murderer.

He measured the distance between the window and the track outside. He wasn’t quite as daring as when he made his first acquaintance with tea thirty years ago.

What a peculiar bulge!

His goggling eyes observed the man’s left pocket.

The swelling was round at one point and at the other end narrow. How had the murderer killed his victims?

His terrified eyes looked on to the printed sheet, which by now seemed a jumbled mass of type.

All the dead had been shot.

Plow would his wife take it in the quiet little eventless neighbourhood? All the heroes of fiction met their deaths fearlessly, almost enthusiastically, but somehow he felt just like he aid when the dentist had said “ No, you’ll never feel much,” and then, he remembered, he died five times—once for every tooth.

The man was looking at him from his eye-corner—a sneaky glance.

His hand was groping for his pocket, his left pocket.

A tunnel, Mr. Mudgkins remembered, was a few hundred yards ahead.

Minutes became hours.

The man was awaiting his chance. No, lie dare not jump out of the window.

The bump would he hard.

The tunnel!

Now he was lost.

But good! His brain acted quickly.

He would put off the fatal moment.

Under the seat! A scramble, for at fifty-two one is not alert after years of easy ledger marking.

His breath came in little gasps.

Guy! guy!

He musn’t make a sound—or else death!

The railway company were not fastidious about a collection of dust being left beneath the seats of their coaches, and this sample was about as fine a sneeze-producer as snuff! “ A _tish —oo!”

Now for it.

Well he’d take it calmly.

All he heard was a gurgle, and he saw daylight.

The train was out of the tunnel.

He looked for the man with the black hat.

The man looked confused and was trying to shove a whisky bottle into an already well-filled pocket. The truth was plain: far from being a murderer, the man was merely a sly lubricator of his throat with whisky —internally, of course.

How was Mudgkins to explain his behaviour. ‘‘ Lost my collar-stud,” lie mumbled, flushing to the ears. “ Nasty job about this ere murder, his companion said. „ „ _ E d w ard

An answer to the query, (see page 15). “ One long loaf ! ” —D.S.S. 18

R,

S w if t.

D ancing with the Engineers.

T T N D E R the supervision of Mr. H. Shires, of the Brown Bread League, the turnstiles were clicking merrily at the College on Saturday evening, December 4th, on the occasion of the Engineers’ Dance.

The ball was set rolling by a burst of harmony from Mr. J. T. Riley’s Man­ hattan Dance Band as several couples took the field (or, at any rate, the floor) on all fours. Messrs. Cryer and Stockley as Masters of the Ceremony had no difficulty in getting the engineers to describe floor parabolics (see “ Charleston ” ) for four hours or more.

Noteworthy among the distinguished company was a gentleman of tall stature boasting eleven whiskers on either side of his upper lip.

He appeared to be in very exuberant spirits, despite the fact that he had lost his studs once or twice whilst donning his regaiia.

He was always first in the field (or on the floor) for the fray, and much to the distress of those of the company who had neglected to bring their shin-pads, it was evident that he had completely lost the control of his legs.

Supper was a great success!

Mr. Riley maintained the joyous flow of cacophony and rythmic melody, while in the Common Room murky deeds were done.

Buns by the dozen and couples by the score disappeared, while Brother Eastwood, a further fraternal friend of the Brown Bread League, amused the remaining company by anointing himself with coffee ! I t has been unofficially stated that Mr. Herbert Brooke spent the whole night at supper, but this report is not cor­ roborated either by Reuters or the Press Association. I t is possible that the fact that he did not dance can be accounted for by the slight mishap which he suffered in a crater in the floor on which the engineers had utterly failed to exercise their engineering instinct.

I t is said that there were nails left sticking up in the floor which could rival the pillars at the back of the h all!

The evening closed merrily as it had begun, but it would be incomplete to close this account without alluding to the bust which bust with envy at the success of the Paul Jones, and unaccustomed to boasting as I a m .............

2 J oe S t r u t ,

II El

~72~ [Really, we can’t have any more of tliis.—E d.]

19

T he Poppy D ance.

STUDENTS’ ANNUAL EFFORT IN AID OF THE ‘ EARL HAIG’ FUND. (In response to the appeal made by the Mayoress of Huddersfield.)

N Saturday, Nov. 6th, the students made their annual effort in aid of the “ Earl H a ig ” Fund. This took the usual form of a Concert, Whist Drive and Dance.

Mrs. Hudson again kindly acted as Hostess, and the total proceeds, including the sale of poppies, amounted to over £20.

Early in the evening a short concert was given by some of the students. Miss Nellie Vickerman delighted the audience with her rendering of solos, as did also Miss Kathleen Brown with her skilful interpretations at the piano.

Mr. Thomas Mercer and Miss Florence Tattersall, members of the H.T.C. Dramatic Society, obliged with an impromptu but clever sketch.

O

A t 7 o’clock, on the termination of the concert, Whist commenced in the Old Reading Room and dancing began in the Large Hall A t first there was a little hesitation on the part of some of the more bashful students “ to take the floor,” but the popular “ Paul Jones ” soon dispelled this, and everyone entered into the spirit of the dance.

At 8-30 the Fancy Dress Parade took place. There was a regrettable absence of competition here, the majority of the students being in ordinary dress. At the conclusion of the parade an interval was called, when the prizes were distributed by Mrs. Hudson.

The prize-winners for Whist were:— Miss Edna M. Haig and Mr. E. Walker, while the consolation prize, which could only be presented on the condition that it was opened on the platform, and which proved to be a veritable “ black diamond,” was carried off by Miss Emily Broadbent.

The Fancy Dress prizes were awarded to Mary Kaye, for a tasteful and original costume “ Superstitions” ; Doris Barratt, who presented a startling appearance as “ Mephistopheles,” and Thomas Mercer, ■who was sumptuously attired in 18th century costume.

Mr. Wilcox then offered votes of thanks to Mrs. Hudson and her helpers.

Upon Mrs. Hudson rising to reply there was a rousing cheer.

After thanking the students for the splendid welcome accorded to her, Mrs. Hudson expressed her pleasure at being once again present at the Memorial Effort of Remembrance Day which meant so much to us all.

The Flanders poppies which the students had been selling had served to remind us of those other poppies growing out in “ Flanders Fields,” where many of our loved ones were lying. “ However,” she went on to remark, “ It is only for the older ones to look back on the past. Youth, * the hope of the world,’ must ever look forward, must dream dreams and see visions of a future made great through its effort.”

She gave the warmest praise to the Students’ Committee for its splendid organisation of such a successful evening, arranged at a week’s notice.

Thanks were also due to the orchestra who had so generously come forward with offers of assistance, and to the members of the College Staff who had so kindly acted as M.C.’s.

Lastly, Mrs. Hudson expressed her delight that another attempt was being made to run a -College Magazine.

The continued circulation of the original “ Technical College 20

Magazine ” had been rendered impossible some years ago by the intervention of the War, when the Senior men-students responsible for its publication had enrolled for service with the Colours.

However, she saw no reason why another should not be run with the same success, and she wished “ The Mock T u rtle ” long con­ tinued prosperity—(loud applause).

Refreshments were then served by the men students, after which, dancing was resumed until 10-30, when a most enjoyable evening was brought to a close.

Correspondence.

The Editor, “ The Huddersfield Whatyoumaybegoingtocallit.” (“ The Mock Turtle ” —thank you.—E d .)

Sir,—On first coining to the College, filled with zeal for learning, I hied me to the Library and sought the shelves allotted to my principal subject, Anthetics.

Here I beheld the sacred volumes, all hallowed by the hand of time—so long a time it seemed profanity to touch them—and I gat me hence. But in course of years —during which I passed none of my exams.—chance revealed that the College possessed also mere modern works on Anthetics—what number I know not—ah safely concealed among the archives of the learned Dr. Wyzebean, the Head of the Anthetical Department.

Moreover, seeking light one day on the early history of the Mustard Club, T found, in the Library, but one ancient booklet on this important subject. Quoth 1, “ Is this all?”

To which, in measured tones, leplied the Lady of the Tomes. “ Senor Spaghetti (the lecturer in Condiments) has all the books on Condiments that are any good.”

By “ good” was meant “ m odern!”

Grieving for her taete I went sorrowfully away.

And fellow students, pursuing an advanced course in Palmistry, tell me they cannot get the books they need, which are all locked up. They too, I may say, are low' fellows desiring mere modern epliemeridae.

By these presents, Sir, it would seeir that this Hall of Learning somewhat lacks the respect due to age; in that all the ancient tomes, at which, in greater libraries, one peers, through locked steel grilles, are here found lying upon open shelves; while modern publications, worth no whit more than their published price, are guarded so closely that none even know what they are.

And if one may not hope to see the leopards change their spots, and take the antique volumes to their bosoms, it might at least add to the satisfaction of those mean minds that scorn to walk in ancient ways were the recent books permitted to lighten the Library shelves with the brightness of their covers. Or can it be that, loving the student rather than the script, the learned seek our weel by taking from our reach such modern trash as a prodigal Education Committee forces upon the College 1 trust it may be thus.

Yours, O. C m d jt .

31

Student A ctivities.

THE DEBATING SOCIETY. We note with pleasure the formation of a College Debating Society. Silence is golden, but silver is a very pretty metal!

Two very successful debates have already been held. The first—on the motion " That women ought to have an equal place in industry with men ’’—was held on Wednesday, November 24th, under the chairmanship of Mr. A. D. K. Owen.

Misses Ethel Bailey and Jean Maffin upheld the motion in interesting speeches, the former explaining that many women could never be housewives, the latter lamenting that, though Nature ordained marriage, there were not enough men to go round! In masculine opposition Mr. Schofield maintained that men were more resourceful and reliable than women, while women—of whom the supply obviously exceeded the demand—needed the constant supervision of men.

Mr. Swift supported these arguments, and asked us to contemplate “ home” without a m other! The debate which followed the opening speeches was interesting, but scarcely as bright and brisk as the occasion deserved.

On the vote being taken the motion was defeated by 16 to 13.

It is only fair to state that the ladies took it very well.

The second debate was held on Friday, December 10th, on the motion “ That Jazz is better than highbrow music.” Mr. Quarmbv was in the chair.

The proposer, Mr. Biley, claimed that Jazz or, as he preferred to say, “ syncopation” adhered to the rules of music, and was therefore not on the wane, whereas Sir Thomas Beecham’s private fortune was. Miss Pitcher, in seconding, pointed out to us that Jazz came from a “ land of progress and modernity,” to wit, America!

The opposers of the motion took different liues of attack.

Mr. Lindley concen­ trated on the subject matter of Jazz songs (chiefly fruit or an American State), the unfair competition of the overpaid Jazz musicians and the lowness of the passions which (so he said) were hidden in Jazz.

Miss Sykes reminded us that good music required high thinking, whereas Jazz did not bear thinking about, though its noisiness made it inescapable.

The open debate which followed was keen and bright, many rising to take part often at the same time!

The vote on the motion resulted in its defeat by 19 to 8.

THE DRAMATIC SOCIETY. The College Dramatic Society has been revived once again, and is already busy at work on two plays which are to be presented on January 22nd, 1927. The plays are Sheridan’s “ St. Patrick’s D ay” and a shortened version of Goldsmith’s “ She Stoops to Conquer.”

I t is hoped that everyone will back up the Society in its first performance.

Tickets will shortly be issued, and will be obtainable from all members of the Society.

A date has been fixed in April for the second production, which will probably be a play by a modern writer.

All students anxious to join the Society should communicate with the Secretary, Miss Kathleen Johnson.

THE SKETCH CLUB. The School of A rt Sketch Club exists to encourage the pursuit and appreciation of A rt quite apart from class-room work at the School. A rt is not confined to any class-room, it is an essential part of life, and ita cultivation leads to a fuller realisation of the joy and meaning of living.

To further these ideals 22

the Sketch Club holda meetings every month, at which papers are given on some branch or aspect of Art. Competitions are held monthly, and the entries are exhibited at each meeting and criticised by a member of the School of A rt StafT, Further, tea-hour classes are held each Friday evening in drawing from life. The Sketch Club also holds an annual dance, produces a play, and holds a public exhibition of work done at the tea-hour class, entries for the Monthly Competitions, and so on.

On Friday, December 17th, the Club’s annual dance passed off very successfully in the Princess Cafe, Northumberland Street.

— M .S .

THE ASSOCIATION FOOTBALL CLUB. The record of the College A.F.C. for this term is as follows:— The results of the matches have been—

College „ „

v v v

„

v

„

v

Played Won Drawn 9 2 0 Paddock A.F.C. Lost 5-6 Raistrick O. B. Lost 2-7 Bradford T. C. Won 14-1 Old Hansonians Lost 2-4 Headingley Albion Lost 2-5

Lost 7 College „ „

„

Goals Goals for against 28 30 v Old Collegians v Bradford T. C. v Bramley Athletic v Cleckheaton O. B.

Lost Won Lost Lost

0-3 3-1 0-2 0-1

The team is not so strong this season as it was last, many of the old members having left.

But a number of good matches have been played, the match with Cleckheaton Old Boys being the last this term. This match was one of the most keenly contested, the Old Boys scoring their only goal two minutes from time.

After Christmas the Club has fixtures with the Old Almondburians and Huddersfield College, and return games with Headingley Albion, Old Hansonians, Cleckheaton Old Boys, Bastrick Old Boys, Bramley A.C., Old Collegians, and Paddock A.F.C. —J.E .H .

THE HOCKEY CLUB. A t the beginning of the season it was decided to form a Ladies’ Hockey Club, but, owiug to a few mixed hockey fixtures, we have not been able to wholly follow out the plan.

The matches played so far are:— November „ December „

13—Bradford Mixed 27—Penistone Old Girls.

4—Penistone Old Girls.

11—Hopkinsons Mixed.

Won. Lost.

Drawn.

Lost.

3-2 1-4 2-2 2-6

Home.

Away.

Home.

Away.

The match against Bradford was played under drenching circumstances, and that against Penistone under a heavy mist, so that the goalkeepers could only just recognise their goal posts, which was more than the rest of tire field could do.

The return match proved an excellent game on December 4th.

The match on the 11th was less successful, and there were many faults during the game which passed unnoticed.

The fixtures for the remainder of the se-aon are:— December 16—Brighouse Old Girls.

January 8—Holme Valley. „ 15—Brighouse Old Girls.

February 12—Bradford Mixed.

March 19—Holme Valley.

Away.

Home.

Home.

Away.

Away.

The team wish to give their thanks to those girls who have kindly arranged about teas after the matches.

W. T redgold (Capt.).

23

Staff N o tes.

R. W illia m R. B ow er, Head of the Physics and Electrical Engi­ neering Dept., retires at the end of this term. Mr. Bower came to Huddersfield in October, 1896, as Lecturer in Physics and Mechanics, to which Electrical Engineering was added the following year. For 30 years Mr. Bower has been greatly esteemed by his colleagues, who, with generations of students, will wish him health and happiness in the year s to come. His Department has now been sub-divided, or might be said to have given birth to twins. The sturdy youngsters, “ Physics ” and “ Electrical Engineering” will each have a separate existence though the family ties will be great. MR. HARRY LOWERY, M.Sc., has been asked to supervise the education of “ Miss Physics.” Mr. Lowery comes from Bradford Technical College, and was previously with Prof. W. L. BRAGG, F.R.S., at Manchester University. Everyone will wish Mr. Lowery suc­ cess. Mr. WALTER. M. W ilc o x , B.Sc. M.I.E.E., will have charge of “ Master Electrical Engineering.” Mr. Wilcox is quite familiar with the work, having been at the College since 1913. Long life and prosperity to the tw ins!

In September last, MISS RlTA MclLROY resigned from the Biology Dept., to take up similar duties at Belfast University, and where she will also be nearer home. Her place has been taken by MISS ElJSTICE, B.Sc., daughter of Prof. Eustice, of Hartley College, Southampton.

MR. W. A. GAULD, M.A., Lecturer in History and Geography, has left for further study at the London School of Economics. MR. JAMES WALKER, M.A., (Liverpool), comes to us from Doncaster Grammar School to fill Mr. Gauld’s position.

CAPT. D. Kitchen , after a single session in Huddersfield, has left for Secondary School Work, in Sheffield, and is succeeded by Mr . A. D. K. OWEN, B. Com., (Leeds), Mr. Owen has shewn wonderful zeal in at once undertaking the Editorship of ‘ The Mock Turtle,’ and everybody will hope that he may long be able to devote his energy to so worthy a cause.

M

THE COLLEGE A N N U A L

DINNER.

will be held on Saturday, February The will SIR JAMES P. HlNCHLIFFE, W .R. County Council), and MR. JAMES II. HUDSON, M.A., M.P. Musical items will be rendered. It is hoped that this year a larger number of present students of the College will be able to be present in addition to the usual complement of past students and staff. The tickets will be fiveshillings each. _____________ HE FOURTH ANNUAL D i n n e r

Large Hall of the Technical College, at 6-30 p.m.

T 19th, in the guests include (chairman of the

We are sorry to have to hold over our news concerning past students until our next issue.—Editor.

24

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