The Mock Turtle - Vol 1. No. 2 by Heritage Quay

THE M ock T urtle s.

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MARCH, 1927.

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T he M ock T urtle A Review of the Life, Thought, and Humour of the Huddersfield Technical College. E d ito r: Mr. A. D. K. O W E N , B.Com. (Staff). A ssistant E d ito r s : Miss

FL O R E N C E

T A T T E R SA L L .

Miss M. W IN SOM E TR ED G O LD . Miss E T H E L BAILEY. Business M anager: Mr.

“

VOLUME

W H EELH O U SE.

There’s a Purpose ju st behind me, and he’s treading on my tail.”

ONE.

NUMBER MARCH

1927.

TWO.

CONTENTS PAGE

EDITORIAL

...

A REVIEW OF THE TERM

...

"MOCK T U R T L E ": YES, BUT NOT FOR SUPPER

...

E.E.

THE ALBANIAN SWORD DANCE (Illustr.)

...

BELGRADE, A CITY OF CONTRASTS

...

Mr . C. B. H owdill

PAVAN

...

HIGH ON THE HILLS

...

A. C. T odd 12 Mona H irst12

THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS ...

...

NIGHT PLAY

...

GLORIOUS DEVON

...

F lorence Tattersall 14

ON AUTO-SUGGESTION

...

E. Quarmby

A GARDEN OF DOGGEREL

...

A.O.J.

DRAMATIC CRITICISM

...

A.W., R.L.

CORRESPONDENCE

...

...19

CONCERNING PAST STUDENTS

...

STUDENT ACTIVITIES

...

JOIN THE

“ MOCK TURTLE ” J j g ) ) CLUB. fo

A. C. T odd 13 A.D.K.O,

... 20 ...21

Editorial. I \ K r i I i' \ X \ fl A HA I L — m M V /X J I\ l / \ \ w t i v

H E MOCK T U R T L E ” has m ade his bow, a n d his first issue h as found over five hundred of the six hundred friends he hoped to m ake. Now he re-appears as an old s friend to m any, and in anticipation of finding acceptance a t the hands of m any more. K ind w ords have been said, and great deal of helpful advice vouchsafed concerning the Pioneer num ber. Criticism —sometim es w antonly destruce , but in most cases happily suggestive—has been received and to some extent m et or acted upon. But the critics are a m any opinioned l o t : the M agazine is both too ‘ heavy ” an d too^ light ; too “ dry ” and too “ sloppy ” ; too “ stodgy ” and too “ frivolous too serious ” a n d too “ s illy ” ! A w ondrous beast, this “ Mock T u r tle ” ! T he E ditor would prefer to choose a B roadcast Program m e w ith a view to popularity than to build up an “ ideal ” contents sheet. But he has a little more to say on this m atter to his readers. T his “ Mock T u rtle ” is a College M agazine, not a safetyvalve for the bottled up literary urge in a few bright souls. Students of all departm ents are invited, nay, beseeched, to contribute to its pages. T he voices of the Chem ists, the E lectricians, the Dyers, the W eavers, the Miners, the Butchers, (aye, even they) and the rest of great unheard, these are aw aited w ith eagerness, because their contribution is necessary if the m agazine is to be truly repre sentative of our College life and thought. W riters of _the College, U nite! — so let us translate the ancient class-w ar cry. A ll th a t is necessary for a con tributor to do is to address his (or her) MSS to_ the E ditor of _The_ Mock T urtle,” and as unobtrusively as he (or she) thinks fit, deposit it w ith the letters in the office. A brief accom panying note will be gladly acknow ledged. It is not necessary to interview the E d ito r : allay such f e a r s ! T here is one more point, an d th a t a doleful one. A t its present price “ T he Mock T u rtle ” cannot pay its w ay unless its circulation (five-hundredand-thirty copies of the last num ber were sold) is very greatly increased. If six-hundred copies are sold a pound is lo s t; if seven-hundred copies are sold the loss w ould be roughly ten s h illin g s ; a circulation of eight-hundred w ould probably yield a m argin of profit. But an increase in revenue would also result if we were to include advertisem ents. So far we have hesitated to take this s te p : the absence of advertisem ents from the first num ber lent it a certain distinction am ong College a n d U niversity journals, and a goodlooking m agazine is greatly to be desired. But it is highly propable th at advertisem ents will have to appear in future issues if our circulation cannot be raised appreciably. There is no reason, of course, why advertism ents should not be m ade a very attractive feature of the m agazine. T he M anchester Uni versity “ R ag R ag,” and the Leeds U niversity “ Tyke,” have both shown us the possibilities w hich lie in this direction. W h at we w ant is w hat our A m erican friends w ould call a “ 100 per cent efficient ” advertisem ent m an a ger, w ith a keen sense of hum our an d an eye to w hat w ould be appropriate in a m agazine of the character of “ T he Mock T urtle.” Surely the m an exists who can take on this job. T he E ditor would like to have hirn in for te a ! M eanw hile it is earnestly hoped th a t the students of the College will do their best to support this issue in every possible w ay. T here is no reason w hy a thousan d copies of this num ber should not be s o ld : there are over three thousand students in attendance every week. Buy it and read it, and insist on others buying it. D ays are com ing w hen these early num bers will be sought after as rare things—the m uch-prized first issues of w hat will then be a perm anent institution w ith a long and splendid tradition. A t least we can try and m ake it so. A little more general interest, a little m ore encouragem ent, and great things m ight be done. Do your bit.

A Review of the Term “ ’Tis so,” said the Duchess ; “ and the moral of it is Oh ! ’tis love, ’tis love,’ that makes the world go round ! ” “ Somebody said,” whispered Alice, “ that it’s done by everybody minding their own busines ! ” “Ah, well! it means much the same thing,” said the Duchess.

Alice’s A dventures in W onderland.” N two occasions this term have representative gatherings of the staff and students of the College taken place. Some may cavil at the adjective “ representative,” and indeed it is by no means strictly applicable to either the Prize Distribution in January, or the College Dinner last month. But on both occasions were gathered together as large a number of the members^—learned and learning—of the various departments which together make up this institution as it seems possible to hope for without adding to the inducements offered the seductive charms of a dance band! Of the two gatherings, the former was an official public function: but it was held oil all sides to be very successful. Sir William Raynor contributing very largely to its success by the spirit in which he carried out his task of distributing the prizes. A few happy remarks go a long way to brighten what may otherwise become a very tedious business.

The College Dinner was almost exclusively a staff function, though a small group of students, past and present, joined the company. We spent a very interesting, but scarcely exhilarating evening. The arrangements were excellent (unless the undue prominence of the kitchen and they that toiled therein, at the time of the reception, could be objected to), and the organizers deserve abundant praise. But as the one annual social function organized for the College as a whole the Dinner was disappointing. A function of this kind is very desirable, but apparently the form it is to take if it is to be a real social success requires further deliberation. The fact is the staff and senior students as a whole—not a small group as a t present—will have to take a live interest in the organization of the function and back it by their attendance to the tune of a great deal more than the seventy who attended the Dinner this year if it is going to succeed. A dull lot we are if we cannot come together and genuinely enjoy ourselves in each other’s oompany on one occasion in the year! *

The Dancing Season at the College seems to have spent itself early this winter. Since the Commerce Department held its annual party at the end of the Christmas term the strains of “ J a z z ” and the noise of revelry have never invaded our portals. The full engagement list of the Large Hall no doubt has much to do with this. Even the Mock Turtle was driven from home to hold his dance in the Princess Cafe. This was a jolly little affair which deserved a better financial fate. Socially it was a great success: as a means of clearing a deficit it proved to be a sorry business. It is to be hoped that the next time the Mock Turtle chooses to entertain the students of the College in this way a much larger number of them will avail themselves of his invitation. 4

We must congratulate Mr. J. R. Gauld on the exhibition of his work to which we have been treated in the A rt Gallery during the last few weeks. I t lends no mean distinction to the College and the School of A rt to have an artist of Mr. Gauld’s ability on our staff. His water-colours appeal strongly to the lover of meadow, hill and dale: the freshness and simplicity of his style finds scope for ample expression in his choice of subjects. North Wales, particularly the neigh bourhood of that noble hill Cynicht, Teesdale, the Ribble Valley j and places that are blessed in our part of Yorkshire have inspired most of the landscape work—so clear and direct in its appeal. The studies of street scenes in old world Caudebec present further examples of the same style, while the quaint charm of Whitby and unsuspected beauty in our own grey town have provided subjects which have lent themselves to a more delicate tonal treatment. For the rest Mr. Gauld has shown us several striking oil paintings—two or three particularly so^—and a number of effective chalk and sanguine drawings and lithographs. We have every reason to be grateful to Mr. Gauld for providing us with so satisfying an exhibition and to the authorities who have made it possible for us to see his work in the Public A rt Gallery. * * * * * * * * Twelve hardy ones challenged the dismal elements on Shrove Tuesday afternoon, and rambled their way from Honley by a devious route to an excellent tea at Wood Cottage, not two miles short of the misty “ Isle of Skye.” There was eating and drinking; and making of speeches; athletic exercises with chairs and bottles and tapers and brooms; and a fine feeling of friendliness after the walk and rest together. I t rained hard on the way back to Meltham, two of the twelve were given up for lost (though they unaccountably popped up later on), and the stage was re-set for misery. But there was no misery or even flagging of high spirits. Brother S----- proved to have an amazing repertoire in prose and verse, and one young lady very adequately made it her business to prevent any gaps in the conversation. Fair weather rambling may be a very fine thing, but there is much to be said for a murky sky and a watery outlook. It is the company that makes the day then, and it usually makes a pretty good thing of it too. I t did on Shrove Tuesday. *

We note with pleasure the revival of the Christian Union at the College. Two very successful meetings have already being held and others are being arranged. It is to be hoped that the C.U. will concentrate on the discussion of the problems of religion as they affect the student. The true function of a C.U. is not to hold meetings after the style of those organized by the Churches; it is to provide opportunity for the discussion of the religious difficulties which do (or ought to) perplex students. Outside speakers should be invited to lead discussions rather than to give addresses, and the topics chosen for discussion should be vital and practical. An effective C.U. is an admirable institution for presenting relig ious ideas in ways which will appeal to young people whom the Churches leave cold or apathetic. This is very necessary to-day, and we wish our new C.U. well in the hope that it will make this its chief business. —A.D.K.O.

“ Mock Turtle” ; Yes, but not for Supper AISY PYE, a hopeful young stenographer of sixteen summers (oalculate the number of winters yourself), stepped lightly into the ladies’ cloakroom of th at highly-reverenced knowledge-imparting architectural blot situated on the East side of Queen Street South, which we will call the “ House of Lore,” donned her coat, powdered her tip-tilted nose, carefully arranged her “ bits ’’ under her “ Picador ” hat, and was proceeding on her way, when, placing her hand in her pocket, she discovered the loss of a highly-prized, crooked, threepenny bit, with a hole pierced through the middle. Which, though having brought Daisy nothing more profitable than constant games of “ Hide and Seek,’’ as threepenny bits are wont to do, must certainly bring good luck in the end. So, back to the cloak room Daisy turned, to search for her troublesome luck-bringer. Now, it unfortunately happened that this particular evening Daisy was very late leaving class, being so knowledge-thirsty that two hours would not satisfy h er, indeed she was so late that the cloakroom was empty, quite void of people, clothes, or threepenny bit, and whilst Daisy was still searching, out went the lights, and she shrieked to find herself in total darkness. Leaving the threepenny bit to take care of itself, she ran out of the cloakroom, pelted down the steps, flung herself at the door, but all in vain; she was locked in the “ House of Lore.’’ No light to guide her, no ears to listen to her cries for rescue, and nobody, no, not a soul knew where she was. After drumming on the great heavy door, and clamouring in vain for help, for a frenzied five minutes, our young hopeful remembered the existence of that sidedoor leading into Princess Street. Oh joy! perhaps that would be left unlocked. Feverish with hope and excitement, she groped her way in search of this object of escape, but ere she reached it a class-room door opened, and a flood of light crossed her path. She quickly turned, her eyes dazzled with the sudden issue of light, to go cold with fright, for, coming towards her, out of the classroom, was a tall grey spectre, his body composed of machinery and engineering apparatus, a dark cowl covered his head, through which glared two great flashing eyes, like electric bulbs. In one hand he waved an examination paper, whilst with the other he made a grab at Daisy, who stood trembling, her knees knocking in true Charleston style, and struck dumb with fear. Then in a voice which growled and clanked as a great machine room the oracle spoke: “ Fear not, my zealous knowledge-quester, I, the ghost of the Engineering Examination, will harm thee not if thou hast read, marked and inwardly digested each book on the science and theory of Engineering; then, will I bring thee Glory. Come let me test thy capacity of Engineering lore.” With this he pressed the examination paper into Daisy’s trembling hand, by fear rendered too useless to hold it, so it dropped to the floor, and the ghost stooped to pick it up, thus giving Daisy a chance to dart wildly away. On and on she ran—where she knew not—all she was conscious of was that a great clanking form was quickly pursuing her, and all she cared was to get as far away as possible from it. When she paused for breath, she detected by a mysterious odour (which you, dear readers, may have ofttimes reeled from) that she had reached the chemists’ region. 6

Hearing a clank, clank, clank behind her she ran on again. Whew! the odour grew stifling. Daisy stood still—a greater horror seized her, as she beheld floating in the air before her, a ghastly white face, with hooked nose, deep sunken bloodshot eyes, a grinning acidly-looking mouth, its body being lost in a midst of yellow vapour, from which protruded a long bony arm, holding aloft a a examination paper. With Engineer behind, and Chemist before, what could Daisy do? She stood trembling and panting like a little grey mouse in a trap. Then, as the Engineer approached, his electric eyes illuminated the corridor, and as a little grey mouse seeing a loop-hole of escape she saw she was at the foot of a flight of steps and darted wildly up them.

But, as the saying is, “ it never rains but it pours,” such was the case that night, for the Commerce ghost was also on the prowl, and in her blind rush Daisy flung herself right into his grasping hands, and when she recovered her senses she was astonished to find herself seated at a desk, pencil in hand, a blank sheet of paper before her, and her captor, an alert looking little business man, bodily composed of typewriters, ledgers, invoices, cheques and files, yelling dictation at her in a highly-pitched, stentorian voice, at the rate of 2,000 words per minute. Our little heroine clenched her teeth, gripped her pencil and frantically scribbled away, but as she did so, in rushed her two pursuers. Each clutched her trembling form, each heaved at her, and each thrust an examination paper before her. Then the Commerce ghost, alarmed at the possible loss of his victim, also made a grab and pulled in the opposite direction, still screeching dictation, increased now to 3,000 words per minute. Daisy, like a little grey mouse, now the plaything of three merciless cats, shut her eyes, never hoping to see daylight again, and so consigned herself to her fate. She felt her captors above her, she felt herself tossed from hand to hand like a hurricane tossed ship on the rocks. Then, above their angry voices, she heard a bell in the distance, ringing sudden and shrill, rending the air with its cutting metallic tones. As it rang on, she felt her captors grip relax; their voices grew dim and gradually faded away; but still the bell continued its monotonous peal. Opening her eyes, she heaved a sigh of relief, for not a ghost was in sight; she was sitting up in bed, the bed-clothes scattered around her, whilst on a table by her side an alarm clock was just ringing its final notes. Later on that day, I overheard Daisy Pye telling an intimate friend that never again would she have Mock Turtle Soup for supper and then try to study “ Theory of Commerce.” E.E., C o m m e r c e D e p a r t m e n t .

SWORD DANCEâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;ALBANIA.

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Belgrade. A City of Contrasts. <<

LLAH alone is great.” “ Mahomet is His Prophet.” “ Come to prayer,” were the words which floated down five times a day from the minaret of the solitary Mosque still lingering in Belgrade. The sound and sight of the quaintly garbed muezzin or priest high overhead, as he sonorously chanted his call to the faithful, reminded us of Turkish domination broken and rolled back East more than a century ago. This last out-post of Mohammedanism was a sign that we were amongst those classed as “ dogs of infidels.” Here East met West, and in the clash, the latter eventually prevailed. As we left the station at midnight, we were greeted by a frog on the side walk, the sole sentry of thousands busy with a concert in the marshes hard by. A curious welcome to this city of many contrasts! The breakfast was French—so far as the coffee and the rolls—but where was the butter ? By dint of gesticulation. acting, and sketching, the idea was conveyed that something was missing. The waiter bounded off, possibly across the Danube to Hungary. By and by he reappeared with a plate of butter. We smiled recognition and approval, and spread the specially imported mixture on our roll. A t the first bite our teeth were set on edge. Sea-salt or sand had been used as seasoning. Butter was taboo for the rest of the journey. The mid-day meal was run in three heats. The first at the Cafe Balkansche, soup, and then a mysterious dish of sarma, mince-meat cooked in vine leaves. We crossed the road for the second, to the Austrian confectioner’s, Pantich, and sampled some of his range of twenty or so chocolate confections. The final was run off in the Lounge of the Grand Hotel, and consisted of coffee and cigarettes to the accompaniment of a Tzigani Band. For coffee a la Serbie, the berry is reduced to a fine flour, boiled with sugar in a small pan, and without being contaminated by passing through a strainer it is tipped into your cup. Allow the mud to settle, the result is coffee fit for Paradise. Not an auto-suggestion! Cigarettes are a State Monopoly. You do not select by brand but by the diameter in millimetres, to fit your cigarette holder. The system is the delight of the decimalist. You lean back on the divan in anticipation of bliss. You strike a match, also a State Monopoly. It “ goes off.” The “ Jinnee of the m atch” appears. In a kind of trance you are immediately whisked off and find yourself in the dear old corridors of the College. There is no mistaking the atmosphere which envelopes you. As you wipe your eyes and splutter, you realise the students in the “ Chemi L abs” are having a good time. They are issuing free gr(e)atis their Famous One-day Influenza Specific!! * * * * * * * * Recovering from our trance and coming out into the streets, the signs of western civilisation are readily recognisable. The roads are pulled up for a new drainage scheme—by the way—the first in Belgrade. That section being finished, the Electricity Department of the Municipality commence their attack on the passive street. Another trench is excavated for a new set of cables. These periodic onslaughts are not quite such a serious matter in their streets as in ours. There is no reinforced concrete to contend with. The cobbles or sets are simply bedded in sand and earth. A short, sharp shower of rain speedily stirs up a sea of sand and mud in the streets. * * * * * * * * As the electric oars attempt to hurry along the main streets, they are hindered by the ox-drawn carts, slowly plodding along, loaded up with furniture of the 9 A

eleventh century, solid, substantial, and stodgy. We are again non-plussed with the name plates at the ends of streets, and also the signboards of the shops. To us they are undecipherable, being in Slavonic characters. Well balanced, very decorative, but puzzling. The names of the stations are equally enigmatical. This is more serious, as we may be taken beyond our destination. We must not criticise on that count. Look at home. L — s New Station was built and finished sixty years ago. I t is only within the past eighteen months that boards have been erected displaying the city’s name in large letters. During the whole of the preceding period there has never been any indication of the name in any form, or on any form, in the station buildings. No doubt many stories have been told by emigrants, who pass through L—-s by the thousand, on their way from Northern Europe to God’s own country. Midway in their journey across England they have gone through a large and smoky city, the name from their passing point of view not marked on any railway map. Some say it was called Oxo, others maintain it was Lemco, whilst another section would be equally certain that Bovri.1 was correct; the latter being so lavishly displayed. As the train left the city and went West, all doubts were dispelled. The thoughtful municipality had taken the matter in hand. Assurance had been made doubly sure The broad ends of block after block of houses in the middle distance had been emblazoned with the magical title. Incoming and departing travellers now know the great city is—BEEC'HAM’S PILLS!! * * * * * * * * Turning to the lighter side of life. The National Dance of Serbia or Jugo slavia is the “ Kolo.” I t is always acceptable to a crowd of Serbs. I t is a dance in which either one or a thousand can take part. No special floor is required. I t can be danced in the garden; it may, and often is, continued through the hedge into your neighbour’s garden. There is no trouble about trespass. He returns the compliment on a birthday or wedding being celebrated in his family. I t is a chain-dance, the links being of the same sex or intermingled with members of the opposite sex—it is quite immaterial, mixed or unmixed. On with the dance! You join up a t the end and so another link is added. The dancers may form an immense circle, or trail out into a long and sinuous line, serpentine in movement according to the inequalities of the ground or breaks in the hedge. They grip each others hands, or take hold of the waist girdles of their neighbours. Iu the centre is a Tzigani Band, possibly a scratch band, who will play all night and next day, so long as the collection box is patronised. They play with gusto and vim, and later tail off into a monotonous and melancholy strain. The chain of people turn slowly, move in ourves, at the same time hopping backwards and forwards as they move ahead in the procession of the dance. Such a holiday crowd, in the national dress, makes a pleasing and effective blend of colour. * * * * * * * * The Sword Dance is of a fierce character-. Warlike in conception and execution, it is a dance of exultation on the destruction of an enemy by your own prowess. In spectacular form, armed with yataghan and stiletto, the dancer shews by parries, passes, slashes, and vicious thrusts how he dealt death to his opponent. As the dance progresses, he becomes self-hypnotised. Turning and swirling, furious and frenzied, he cuts and stabs the air high and low. Spectators must practise “ safety first,” and stand at a respectful and respectable distance, or they may leave the peaceful demonstration, nicked here and there. They may even fare worse, and leave bits of clothing or flesh on the edge of the brilliant blade or the point of the dithering dagger. 10

On the Terrace overlooking the Danube a group of Macedonians amused a small crowd by dancing the Greek “ Horos.” During the' day they were choppers of wood, masons, and builder’s labourers. They had been rendered homeless in Macedonia by the Turks. Another savage looking group of Albanians, with mahogany coloured faces, entertained themselves with a version of the Sword Dance. The leader separated himself from the others and gyrated alone. With a spring and a spin he came down on his knees, only to rise again and repeat the movements. The whole series of hops and turns are in time to the beats of a big drum, which forms the foundation of the accompaniment. The top part is provided by sounds imitating the skirl of the bag-pipes, produced by a player pouring out his soul from the interior of a flageolet contraption. A weird air steals away from another instrument of the flute variety, thus completing the trio. The effect is fiendish. No wonder there is trouble in the Balkans!

We saw these dances on the Saturday night at a Kermes.se or Fete in Kalemegdan. Royalty was in attendance, and refreshments were provided by various people. A t the last Fete, the King had given nine dozens of champagne to enliven the proceedings. On the night of the Kermesse, the Park was closed to the general public. Half a dinar was charged for admission. The proceeds went to some charitable object; the relief of the villages in Macedonia which had suffered at the hands of the Turks, and been raided by Bulgarian Bands. The grounds were well adapted for such a function. Amidst the trees, preparations had been made for festoons of coloured electric lights. A gay crowd assembled; the ladies were beautifully gowned in the Paris fashion of the moment. The Crown Princess was present, and to a certain extent tried to be affable, but it was evident she was ill at ease. The shadow of the assassination of former royal personages was hanging round. The King did not put in an appearance. He felt safer inside Palace walls, than parading in faintly illumined glades.

Kalemegdan is the Greenhead Park of Belgrade. The hand of man is seen in the lay-out. Broad walks lined with the busts of savants. Sub-tropical plants and flower beds blazing with brilliant colour are relieved with shady nooks and avenues of trees. Leaving these in the background and advancing to the terrace, we see on the right the Old Fort. I t occupies an armed spur of rock jutting out at the confluence of the Save and Danube. No doubt impregnable in days of old. To-day, like an old bull-dog, more terrible in appearance than reality—toothless and harmless. * * * * * * * * A turn to the left and you gaze across the broad bosom of the sluggish Danube, to the far-off sun-scorched plains of Hungary, now hidden in a purple haze. As the sun dips, his last rays light up the watery expanse. The whole river is turned into a vast sea of molten gold, with the ridges of the ripples, burnished, as they lazily lap the rampart walls. ’Tis only for a moment or two. We are in a latitude where twilight is unknown. The blue mantle of night speedily falls, and, mingling with the distant mist, veils nature’s face. Immediately, as though by the hand of an unseen magician, like fairy lamps the stars appear-, fire-flies flicker. Night hem a thousand eyes, The d a y hut one. 11

C. B. HOWDILL.

Poetry. PA VAN. '"T IN K L IN G on their instruments, the minstrels stand in rings, -*• Twanging lute and virginal, tuning viol strings, And now with careful ease and skill, they draw a ringing chord. The ladies turn to curtsey to each low-bowing lord. W ith flash of sword and jewel, and fluttering of fan, My Lord, the Earl of Lindsey, and lovely Lady Anne, Step stately down the ballroom to lead the slow Pavan. A flickering of candlelight—the moonlight streaks the floor, A weary page in green and gold leans up against the door, The seven minstrels, plumed and pale, beat out the slow refrain, Ivy rustles weirdly, and taps the window pane. The dancers pause, now mingle, now part, now turn to bow, The ladies sweep a curtsey like flowers in a row, Their rustling skirts outspread, bejewelled heads bent low. How softly sings the music! The minstrels nod and sway, Their nimble fingers moving among the shadows grey. The tune now rises grandly—and in a startled chord, The ladies smile and curtsey to each low bowing lord. —A. C. T odd .

HIGH

ON THE

HILLS.

T H E wind is roaring loudly as he leaps from hill to hill, And down there in the valley all living things are still, But high up on the hill-tops is laughter loud and deep. For on the hills is madness, A wondrous wild moon-madness, High on the hills is madness, and in the valley, sleep. A great round moon is racing across a clouded sky, But down there in the valley, all creatures sleeping lie, For down there in the valley, they worship not the night. So in the vale is darkness, A stealthy, smiling darkness, The vale is wrapped in darkness, the hills are clothed in light. The great dark pines are bending in homage to the moon, While now the wind is singing a roaring, maddening tune. But down there is the valley, in quiet wrapped around. For in the vale is silence, A dark and sleeping silence, Down in the vale is silence, and on the hill-tops sound. The restless wind wings upward and cries his song aloud, As far across the heavens, he drives a silver cloud, And high upon the hill-tops is laughter loud and deep. For on the hills is madness, A wondrous wild moon-madness, High on the hills is madness, and in the valley, sleep. — M ona H ir s t . 12

The Midnight Express. (A Dream). HE twisted little man with the pale green face was shouting drearily, “ Mars and Saturn Express. First stop North Star,” and waving a bunch of tomatoes that sent forth a dull, red glow. As the clatter grew louder and louder, and the queer, hunch-backed, hook-nosed, bright-eyed, yellow-skinned people jostled and panted and scrambled in, a very old man in a red top hat, who carried a canary in a cage, hurried up, and, grasping my hand, said, “ Come along, my dear.”

He pulled me into a carriage, and the green-faced man shut the door. A clock struck twelve ; I heard a long bugle note, and we were whizzed into spaoe at a breathless speed. Brilliant blue lights blazed on each side of the track and lit up the faces and apparel of the occupants of the compartment. Opposite to me sat a large yellow balloon, who smiled idiotically and bounced in his seat at every jerk of the fastgoing tra in ; his thin legs reached but half way to the ground, and he wore a pair of white woollen gloves. He started talking to me about a stuffed white puppy whose ear was coming off, but the old man turned on him and snorted, “ Keep to yourself, stranger,” with such ferocity that he blew him out of the window, and we watched him floating about with his silly legs dangling in the air. Then a blue kite came along, and they went on together talking earnestly and nodding their heads. Suddenly a firefly darted out of the darkness beyond the lamps, riding on a holly leaf. There was a loud report. The firefly and the balloon were nowhere to be seen. The kite went off, wagging his tail and laughing and shouting something about a stuffed white puppy whose ear was coming off. —A.C.T.

NIGHT PLAY. Night-time—and the shadows, And the silvery moonbeams peep, Wind-songs from the mountains Telling tales of the land of sleep.

White-wings of the night sky, And the murmuring wind at play, Wild cries from the forest, And the lullaby songs of day.

These—these are my playmates, When the wanderer’s rest is won, When eyes shine with laughter And care lies asleep with the sun. —A.D.K.O.

Glorious Devon. T was a proverbial Novem ber day. To m ake m atters worse, a dull drizzle had commenced, covering the streets w ith a coating of black slime. I aw aited the arrival of a m uch-belated train, and w ith an aspect of funereal gloom was im patiently pacing the platform , when in the dim distance 1 caught sight of a poster blazoning forth summertide loveliness and bearing the inscription “ G lorious Devon.” My frow n slow ly relaxed into a smile. I was back in the dining-room of the old College a t S-------------where about a hundred of us had assem bled for the purpose of com bining a holiday w ith a certain amount of instruction. A rriving late on the S aturday night, after travelling for sixteen hours, we h ad driven seven miles from the tiny station through fra g ran t country lanes. I think I shall never forget th a t drive. T he hedgerow s were aflame w ith their burden of Guelder Rose and M ountain A sh w hich were in full bloom. M asses of taw ny orange and richest crimson interlaced w ith clinging festoons of honeysuckle. W e had not m uch time for investigating the country-side th at even ing, however, for we had to unpack and attend a rally m eeting in the Common Room. But four of us inw ardly resolved to do so on the follow ing day. Now it w as an inviolable rule of the College th at every one should attend the Sunday m orning service in the village chapel. B reakfast being over at 9-30, we attired ourselves in dress fitting for D ivine Service and set off down the road for a leisurely stroll. W e were in jovial spirits an d the time passed quickly. However, rem em ber ing chapel, we were on the point of retracing our steps w hen a sudden turn in the road revealed a tiny rustic gate, painted w hite and bathed in sunlight, and beyond w hich was the most tantalising lane im aginable. T all trees guarded the entrance to this enchanting w alk, seem ing to beckon us w ith their w avering fronds tow ards the moss-grown path. W e instinctively halted, L ------------ voicing our thoughts by suggesting th a t we should return to the College via this p articular track, adding th a t it was ap p aren t it would cut the fam iliar road. W e all assented w ith alacrity, an d through the w icker-gate we passed. It was a rem arkable lane, full of quaint curves and unexpected turnings, m eandering idly along for all the w orld like a schoolboy having nowhere p articular to go w hilst on holiday. How we congratulated ourselves on not having kept to the prosaic r o a d ! A sudden turn of the lane led us into a stretch of rough, luxurient growth. Flow ering grasses grew four feet high, a n d in their sheltered depths the bees were busy rifling the honey-bags of countless blossoms. It was as if we had stum bled on the spirit of Midsummer, brooding unaw are over the sun bathed land. O ur progress was difficult ow ing to the m atted undergrowth. To m ake m atters worse, there h ad evidently been recent heavy rain and we h a d to step w arily to avoid the swamp. A —-------•, glancing at his w atch, caused no small consternation by inform ing us it was 10-15. Service com m enced a t 10-30. W e surveyed the landscape. R ough pastur age stretched aw ay to the horizon’s brim, interspersed here and there w ith sturdy hedgerow s. T here was no sign of a p ath of any description. A nother difficulty now beset us in the form of a thick briar hedge, w hich brought us to an abrupt halt. Its expression clearly seemed to

say " N o road this w ay, trespassers will be prosecuted.” W e hesitated. Should we retrace our steps ? The truant lane h ad evidently been playing a joke on us. W e decided we would go on. In the distance could be faintly discerned a belt of tall trees, giving promise of a road. W e w ould aim for that. A t any rate we were not going to be daunted by a briar hedge, and tearing aside some of the stocky branches we struggled through. T he briars put out long prickly arm s to seize us, as if annoyed a t our intrusion on dom ains over which they evidently kept guard. O nce on the other side, L —— and I noted our silk stock ings w ith concern—the briars had certainly taken toll w ith a vengeance. D istance is apt to be deceptive at times, or so we found as we m ade our way through a very jungle of undergrow th and hedges. T he belt of trees appeared to recede as we advanced, taunting us as the briars had done. E ventually, however, hot and perspiring, we arrived w ithin reach of the conjectured road. H e ig h o ! W e had won in spite of everything. T hen S--------------, who w as w alking a little w ay ahead, suddenly gave a prolonged whistle of astonishm ent. He w as gazing at the belt of trees as though they had been a com pany of spectres. We hurried forw ard. F or a moment there w as aw e-stricken silence. Then, realising the hum our of the situation, we burst into peals of laughter. Instead of a road, we had m erely reached------------------a river. W e sat down rather lim ply. It was clear th at we had no option but to acknow ledge ourselves beaten and endeavour to retrace our steps. A t the thought of the hedges we experienced a queer sensation a t the knees, but im m ediately consoled ourselves, for, but for a fluke, we should have been sitting indoors instead of enjoying th at heavenly m orning of ra d ia n t sunshine and flower-perfumed air. A s for the briars—they h a d certainly supplied a touch of irony to the adventure. I ruefully exam ined my once dain ty kid shoes. A las ! They were utterly ruined, w hilst a pair of stout brogues were lying unsullied in my suitcase. A nd then the return. W hen we once more found ourselves on unfam iliar ground, and in desperation decided to branch out to our left after an eventful two hours struggle, a tiny path led us quite unexpectedly into the longedfor road. It w as then th at we became aw are of the rather galling fact th at we h ad been w alking in a circle, we, who had prided ourselves on our sense of direction. W e now began to be assailed w ith qualm s as to the result of our escapade. U p the road cam e a gentlem an and his wife, evidently re turning from service. O ur College badges instantly betrayed us, a n d noting our dishevelled appearance, they bestow ed on us glances of stern disapproval befitting truants. W e hurried on, p raying th at we m ight reach the College unseen. But it w as not to be. A turn in the road revealed a dozen of our party, a n d the follow ing conversation took place. “ A h, so this is w hat you’ve been doing, is it ? ” The meek r e p ly :— " W e ’ve been lost.” " Ju d g in g by your shoes and stockings, you certainly have.” “ But really, it was quite accidental,” we protested. " O h yes, we quite understand,” came the ironic response, and sardonic laughter follow ed us up the road, as footsore and w eary we lim ped into College. T he rum ble of an approaching train awoke me from my reverie. The rain still continued to drizzle, but I felt in the sublim est of moods. I must have m irrored som ething of my feelings, for an old lady peered a t me rath er curiously as though enquiring w hat in the w orld there was to look hap p y about on such a day. W hereupon I beam ed at her with such force th a t she sm iled a n d said, h a lf apologetically, It’s trying w eather isn’t it ? ” “ Beastly,” I cheerfully replied. is “

On Auto-Suggestion U R IN G recent years there has arisen amongst us something—call it a science, a cult, or what you will—which will rank as one of the greatest discoveries of this generation, which will lead the world to a new era of industrial and social development. N o ! This is not a review of the extravagant claims of Socialism—only a discourse on the merits of auto-suggestion. As students, we are most concerned as to what benefit we shall derive from this discovery. Think for a moment what auto-suggestion will mean to the student, burdened with books, and exercises, and rules, and exceptions. No more swotting, no more brain-racking geometrical propositions or French irregular verbs. The scholar of those enlightened days will be able to toss his books on to the rubbish heap, and accomplish his end by saying occasionally—say, thrice a day for a week before his examination—“ There is really no need for me to study or learn this. I know all about it.” Then he will simply walk over his examination. Of course this will do away with the schools and universities, with serious results to the teachers, who, deprived of their means of exhorting money from our taxpayers, will have no alternative but to work. In fact the gravity of the situation is so realised at L----- University, that at a secret meeting held recently to discuss how to deal with the situation, it was proposed (as I am informed from a reliable source) that some means ought to be devised of exterminating M Coue, thus nipping the mi chief in the bud. But as these means could not be decided upon, the meeting was adjourned. Again, think what a difference auto-suggestion has made to the national health of the people of our land. Look through the testimonials setting forth to the world the virtues of patent medicines. Mr. Gump has had rheumatism from birth, and has given up all hopes of relief. By a lucky chance he came upon a bottle of “ Mother Soothem’s Syrup,” and after the first dose he received new life and vigour. After the second dose he recovered full use of his limbs, and now he frisks about like a gay young lamb. Now, what has brought about this reformation? Is it Mother Soothem’s Syrup? Stuff and nonsense! I t was simply auto-suggestion. Mr. Gump heard from a friend of the remarkable healing virtues of this wonderful syrup. He saw it advertised again and again. Consciously there is formed in him the idea “ If I were to take this, perhaps I should l>e cured.” The “ perhaps” vanishes with frequent reiteration of this curative suggestion, and Mr. Gump speculates on a bottle of the marvellous concoction, confident that it will prove a salvation to him. Auto-suggestion will remedy all the ills of the universe. In the near future, when we feel out-of-sorts, we shall simply consult our family doctor, who will inform us as to whether we are suffering from an enlarged liver, inflamed kidneys, or disordered stomach, so that we may suggest to our various organs that they should not be enlarged, inflamed, or disordered. After a study of the principles of auto-suggestion, we shall be able, not only toawaken at any time we fix, but also to fall asleep at an appointed time. Who knows but that we may be able to combine the two ? How convenient it would be for one to be able to lapse into unconsciousness as soon as Professor Crumpet’s droning voice opens on one of his long lectures on the evolution of the spider family, and come back to earth just as the learned professor is re-packing his last spider. So join with me in drinking the health of M Coue, and wishing him every success in his philanthropic work. E. Quaumby.

A Garden of Doggerel WORKSHOP LIFE FOR COMMUNITY SINGING.

{To the tune of “Here we come gathering nuts in May.”) " T 'lS good to be an engineer, And if you have not got a mind, Engineer, engineer. Got a mind, got a mind. You are apprenticed it is clear, You join a Union of some kind, To fetch the foreman’s beer-o ! And share the foreman’s beer-o ! You get your pay on Friday night, When you have finished with the shop, Friday night, Friday night. With the shop, with the shop. And then you think you have the right You go and put your tools in “ pop,” To drink the foreman’s beer-o ! To buy the foreman beer-o ! Thus you become a foreman great, Foreman great, foreman great. And all apprentices on you wait, To fetch your can of beer-o !

I WONDER. Y Y /H Y doth the little engineer I wonder if the Chemist sings, ** Delight in oily rags, Because he works with benzene rings, I wonder does he use a wrench A-putting atoms off and on To crease his Oxford bags. A feat he does with great aplomb. I wonder at the Maths, man, who I wonder, do Commerce and Art Plays round with noughts and crosses. Imagine study makes them smart, His logic only proves to us At writing re their latest cult, Our gains are always losses. “ Ref. yours to hand of 20th ult. ’ I wonder—no it is no use, I have the ’flu or else my Muse Has basely left me in the lurch, Lest I should more departments smirch. TO

THE

P H Y S IC IS T : A N

ODE!

CA PH Y SICIST, pale physicist, Reflected from a galvo needle, Whose Lab. so cold is never kissed The while you try to coax and wheedle By solar rays. Results aright. Whose scientific mind so vast, The symbols that you throw about, W as full of ideas when you passed We have to con with head in clout, Your student days. To cool our brow. W hat is it that you ponder on ? And then you tell us with a smirk, X-rays, elusive electron, That Carnot’s needle will not work Are here to-day. A motor plough. To-morrow they may take afright, We try to grasp your views well aired, At quanta sent out overnight, On subjects like i mvs, Or alpha ray. Or else on ,u. Your days and nights laborious are, If you your speculations cease, With viewing through a tube afar, We may upon our bended knees, A spot of light. Give thanks to you ! —A.O.J. 17

Dramatic Criticism THE COLLEGE DRAMATIC SOCIETY. We are told that neither manners nor clothes make a man, but evidently Mr. Goldsmith was under the happy delusion that they make a play, and on Saturday night, the 22nd of January, Mr. Thomas Mercer aided and abetted him in his delusion by producing scenes from “ She Stoops to Conquer” under that play’s sub-title “ The Mistakes of a Night.” Mr. Mercer has an obvious “ flair ” for costume drama; he has an instinctive good feeling for all the elaborate courtesies, customs and clothes of the elaborately picturesque 18th century, and his best work, both as a producer and as an actor, has been amongst the plays of this century. I t was, therefore, with a pleasurable feeling that our eye would be delighted, if not our intelligence, that we sat back in our seat and awaited the rising of the curtain. “ The Mistakes of a Night ” was inclined to be ragged, and obviously suffered from being c u t: with neither of whicii defects such a play as Mr. Goldsmith’s could afford to be handicapped. Mr. Mercer as ‘‘Tony Lumpkin” and Miss Alice Livesey as “ Mrs. Hardcastle” were, however, delightful; particularly in the garden scene. But it was unfortunate that Miss Livesey, after having been dragged through a horse pond, should have appeared in a cloak of such virginal purity that we were tempted to wonder whether or not “ Mrs. Hardcastle” was as mistaken in the horse pond as she had been in mistaking her own husband for a highwayman. Mr. Ilildred Harpin was good as “ Mr. Hardcastle,” and Miss Florence Tattersall’s “ Constance Neville ” was a charming piece of work. Mr. W. B. Hanson as “ Hastings ” had an excellent appearance, but his acting was inclined to be stiff. “ St. Patrick’s Day,” bv Sheridan, is a slight story full of impossible situations, but Miss Black is to be congratulated on her excellent production of so poor a play. The acting of the entire cast was consistently good. Miss Audrey Todd and Mr. Philip Booth are to be particularly commended for their very fine acting of the respective parts of “ L auretta” and “ Dr. Rosy.” Mr. Frank Richardson made an excellent “ Justice Credulouse,” and Miss Rita Lawson as “ Bridget Credulouse ” was all a wife ought to be. “ Lieut. O’Connor ” was well played by Mr. Fred Jenkinson, and Miss Daisy Hulme did not allow the fact that the part was small to deter her from presenting to us a finished study of the maid. On the whole, the members of the College Dramatic Society have proved themselves justified in reviving a body which has languished long in obscurity, but one is inclined to regret that such excellent talent should be wasted upon such poor plays. —A l i c e W i b b e b i . e y .

THE

SKETCH

CLUB

EXHIBITION

AND

PLAY.

Two very enjoyable evenings were spent in the Large Hall of the Tech nical College on Friday and Saturday, February 4tb and 5th. There was a fairly large gathering on both evenings. An exhibition of students’ work was on view, and it was evident by the many clever drawings, posters and caricatures that some good work was being carried on in the School of Art. During the evening a play was performed, “ Cupid and Commonsense,” by Arnold Bennett. This the audience enjoyed immensely. Some good acting by Miss Edith N. Hardy, Miss Ella Schippers and Miss Louie Wilkinson, was seen. The last of the three was the amusing youngster of the piece. 18

Mr. Jack Lindley had a somewhat thankless task in playing the part of the old Yorkshireman, but his clever adaptability of tongue, and his dry humour, made for him a great role. Mr. Cyril B. Shore played the part of the hero-lover, in a very charming and natural manner. Mr. Hildred Harpin's acting reached a high level, Miss Marjorie Parkin and Miss Enid Smith were both good, and the cast was completed by Miss Alice Livesey. Mr. Joe Carruthers was stage manager. The performance and the exhibition were quite a success and everyone enjoyed them. The proceeds, however, were unfortunately not as high as was anticipated. R ita L aw son .

Correspondence The Editor,^ “ The Mock Turtle.”—Dear Sir, Since " T h e Mock T u r tle ” is to be the organ of College opinions, thoughts and humour, I m ay perhaps be perm itted to express an opinion in its colum ns. It seems to me a pity th a t though we are m em bers of a large staff, we have very little opportunity of m eeting other m em bers, and exchang ing our views on “ shoes a n d ships and sealing wax ” with them. A fter sp en d in g four evenings a week in the College buildings, it is pleasant to spend the rem aining ones at home, but couldn’t som ething be done to increase the social life am ong the staff ? I rem ain, Yours faithfully, “ THE SNAIL.” The Editor, “ The Mock Turtle.”—Dear Sir, M ay I be perm itted to voice an old cry through the medium of your columns, nam ely an appeal for a club room for m ale students. This, I feel to be an urgent need for m any reasons. A t the present time visitors to the college are usually confronted w ith a wondrous array of students festooned about the corridors and draped gracefully against the walls. They are usu ally to be seen puffing surreptitiously a t half concealed cigarettes. ’Tis a strange and sad sight, but one m ust adm it th at it is inevitable w hilst there is no place w here m ale students m ay consort together and legitim ately consume the fra g ra n t weed. T here are however more im portant grounds for the provision of a club room th an mere facilities for smoking. W as not a fam ous band recently turned into the streets for attem pting to beguile the passing hours w ith a little jazz ? Surely a harm less pastim e. C annot som ething be done to dispel the horrible clique system at present in vogue betw een the various depart m ents ? Shall it alw ays be said th at one departm ent know eth not w hat another one doeth ? A club room if reasonably inviting would have, I think, a very im portant effect on the attendance of the various College social activi ties, such as the D ebating Society and C hristian U nion meetings. These latter are generally held at 5-30 p.m., doubtless for good and sufficient re a so n s; but the arrangem ent is exceedingly inconvenient for the average student, since it m eans an uninteresting w ait of three-quarters of an hour. T he result being th at m any would-be attenders depart, If, however, a little inducem ent w as offered in the form of com fortable quarters am ongst con genial com panions, the recalcitrant m em bers m ight rem ain. The inevitable discussion which such a social meeting place would foster could not but react favourably on all forms of College activities. Yours faithfully, G. S. BRAYSHAW. is

Concerning Past Students. E hope to devote a page in future numbers of “ The Mock Turtle,” to the doings of past students of the College, and to this end we shall welcome any notes concerning past students, their activities and suc cesses, which our readers can give. Past students themselves are cordially invited to write to us, and also to contribute to our pages.

Meanwhile it will be of interest to many of our readers to learn of the following past students :— Miss Mavis Green, B.Sc., Mathematics Mistress, Market Drayton Secondary School. Miss Doris Dora Kahn. B.A., Classical Mistress at the Keighley Grammar School. Miss Elsie Kaye, now at the London School of Economics, preparing for the B.Com., degree Miss H. L. C. Rawson, B.A., Mistress of Method, Leeds Training College. Miss Constance M. Roebuck, B.A., B.Litt., late of Somerville College, Oxford, now at Leeds University. Miss Evelyn Norah Wade, B.A., Classical Mistress at Holt Secondary School, Liverpool.

Mr. Peter Anderson, B.Sc., Chemist at the Brookfoot Works, Brighouse. Mr. Ivor Clarke, in charge of the Enquiry Bureau, British Chamber of Commerce, Paris. Mr. E. Dinkel, has won the Owen-Jones Travelling Scholarship, and has gone to Italy for further study. Mr. W. E. Downey, B.Sc., Ph.D., has been appointed Research Chemist with the Gener al Electric Company. Mr. H. Dunnill, engaged with Messrs. McAlpine, Civil Engineering Contractors, (Birm ingham district). Mr. T. P. Frank, M.I.C.E., has been appointed City Engineer for Liverpool. Mr. H. H. Goldthorpe, B.Sc., A.I.C., has been awarded the Diploma of Petroleum Technology, and the degree of D.6s. Sc., of the University of Strasbourg. Mr. Alec Haining, B.Sc., engaged with Messrs. McAlpine, Civil Engineering Contractors. Mr. G. F. Hinchcliffe has been appointed Design Master at the Leicester School of Arts and Crafts. Rev. J. S. Hollingworth, B.A., L.B., in charge of St. Michaels’ in the Hamlet Church, Liverpool. Mr. F. Lee, B.A., B.Sc., now at Balliol College, Oxford. Mr. J. Hector Maclean, engaged with Messrs. McAlpine, Civil Engineering Contractors, (Birmingham). Mr. F. H. Moore, B.Sc., A.I.C., Ph.D , Research Chemist at the Fuel Research Station, East Greenwich. Mr. K. Oldroyd, Master Dyer, in charge of the new plant at the Luton Dye Works. Mr. F. Rice, B.Sc., Assistant Chemistry Master at Royds Hall Secondary School, Huddersfield. Mr. Percy Taylor, holds a Travel Studentship, at the British Chamber of Commerce in Paris, which has been renewed for a second year. Mr. J. M. Tyas has been appointed Drawing Master at Manchester Chorlton Municipal High School for Boys. 20

Student Activities THE DEBATING SOCIETY. Twenty-five members were present at the only debate of the term, which was held on Wednesday, February 16th, on the motion “ That tradition is an enemy to progress.” Mr. J. Milnes, B.Sc., was in the chair. The motion was defended by Mr. A. D. K. Owen, B.Com., supported by Miss Kathleen Johnson, while Mr. Charles Record, B.Sc., seconded by Miss Agnes Wright, opposed. The proposer spoke of the tyranny which tradition exercised over the minds of people, obscuring their vision, and hindering creative thought and action. The notable figures of history were those who had broken with tradition and had advocated new ways of life and thought He instanoed Christ, Socrates and Joan of Arc. Miss Johnson, seconding, dwelt upon the influence of tradition on casteridden India, and backward China. She deplored the way in which tradition stood in way of the League of Nations and Peace for men, said fighting always had been and always would be. Mr. Record, presenting the case for the opposition, suggested that progress was a doubtful benefit. The ease with which men could blow each other to bits had undubitably increased: and it had now become possible to travel between incredibly dirty towns in amazingly short times! The towns of the past, like Athens, were built on noble traditions and were glorious. No one wanted to leave them in a hurry. Architecture was steeped in tradition: and (expressing gratification at the absence of the lecturer on building) Mr. Record suggested that decent architecture was a thing of the past. Christianity was not a break with tradition, it was the fulfilment of the best features of Judaism. Miss Wright concluded the opening speeches with a devastating wealth of mathematical argument which was keenly enjoyed by the Chairman. The open debate was distinctly poor, two speeches only being made; and it was left to the speakers to sum up their cases before the vote was taken. This resulted in the motion being defeated by 18 votes to 3. —E.R.S. T H E D R A M A T IC S O C IE T Y . The Dramatic Society’s first performance this session took place on January 22nd, when two plays, reviewed on another page, were presented. Financially the evening yielded little satisfaction, the attendance being distinctly disappointing, but the performances were greatly enjoyed by both those who witnessed them and those who took part. The thanks of the Society are extended to Miss Dorothy Black and Mr. Thomas Mercer, who produced the plays and assisted in making our opening programme such a success from the acting point of view. The members of the Society^ are now rehearsing The Heir-at-Law, an eighteenth century comedy, by George Coleman the younger. This bright little play was performed with brilliant success some weeks ago by the Leeds A rt Theatre, and it is confidently expected that it will be keenly enjoyed at the College when it is performed on the evening of Saturday, April 2nd. The Society has recently affiliated to the British Drama League. This affiliation oarries with it a number of privileges, of which the society hopes to take jr T advantage. xv.u. 21

THE CHRISTIAN UNION The College Christian Union, affiliated to the Student Christian Movement of Great Britain and Ireland, has undergone its annual revival and has already held two meetings this term. On February 9th, Canon Baines paid his second visit to the College and addressed a meeting of the Union. Dr. Woodhead was in the chair, and very capably introduced the speaker to his audience. The Vicar’s subject was “ The World Call,” and, after just mentioning the importance of the Student Christian Movement, he proceeded. He emphasised the urgency of the call of lands as yet only struggling in the awakening of ideas, and urged that we should not deny to them what we ourselves had been given. He outlined the qualifications needed for servioe in the Mission Field, and said that although many volunteered, many had to be refused on the grounds of physical unfitness. He related several stories illustrating the need for service in the Mission Field, and the courage and bravery required in that service. The Vicar was thanked for his address, which all enjoyed, and he expressed his pleasure at being shown round the School of A rt prior to the meeting and thanked those responsible for the tea given. On March 3rd, the Reverend J. B. Middlebrook addressed a second meeting of the Union, his subject being “ The Function of the Church.” Captain Smith took the chair. Mr. Middlebrook said he was not of the opinion that- the preaching from the pulpit ought not to be challenged. He was in favour of criticism from members of the congregation after the service. Further, the youth of to-day should be educated in the Church so that they may solve their own problems. After the address Mr. Middlebrook invited criticism, and he certainly got it, particularly from the chair. He ably replied to all, though, and was voted a hearty vote of thanks. E.B.

REMEMBER APRIL 30th! On April 30th, a cricket team, representing the Staff of the College, will combat one representing the Students, and the struggle will take place on the ground of the Huddersfield College, Highfields, Mr. H. E. Atkins having very kindly consented to lend us the field, pavilion and cricket tackle on this occasion. Book the date, keep it open, and come and watch the match. A collection will be taken on the field, and the proceeds devoted to the purchase of tackle for the Technical College Cricket Club. What they have is badly in need of repair, and could be quite profitably added to. Have you already an engagement on April 30th? Then pop into the Chief Clerk’s Office some time and give the undersigned your collection. To the Staff:—Can you afford to stand aside and see your students starve physically ? To the Students:—The Lord helps those who help themselves. To All:—See I Corinthians xiii., 13. — II. W

heelh o u se.

THE MIXED HOCKEY CLUB On Thursday, March 10th, a College Mixed Hockey Club was formed. The previous week had evidenced a sudden outburst of enthusiasm for hockey amongst the male members of the College. Then it was found that there was not a club in existence of which they might become members. Hence the formation of a Mixed Hockey Club. Up to date we have played one match, that against Hopkinson’s on March 12th. We lost by a margin of four goals to one. The first half of the game saw our men, though new to the game, quite the equal of our opponents; but in the second half they tired, and a half-time score of 1-1 became a final score of 4-1. We play Slaithwaite Parish Church away on March 26th, and we hope to be able to arrange two teams for April 2nd so as to play Slaithwaite at home and Halifax away on that date. Owing to the unexpected foreclosure on our tenure of the playing field by the owner, we shall be without a ground after Easter, and so we shall be compelled to cancel our fixture with Halifax on April 30th. May we appeal to the Staff of the College for their presence at our matches? The speed of Winsome is worthy of applause. The dexterity of Dora is worth a cheer. Eric has dash and Vernon vigour. Why do you stay away? The lead given by the Principal and the Vice-Principal on March 12th is a challenge. Take it up and frequent Glebe Road, not Leeds Road. —R. W h e e l h o u s e (Secretary). N .B .—Since writing this report, through the kind offices of Mr. Hudson, our tenure of the ground has been extended to cover the match with Halifax, on April 30th.

THE ASSOCIATION

FOOTBALL CLUB.

Since the beginning of the Lent term, the College team has steadily improved, and if only the football season would last till mid-September, no doubt there would be an increase in the percentage of matches won. The matches played since the beginning of the January term :— College v Almondbury O. B. ,, v Old Hansonians ,, v Cleckheaton O. B.

Lost. 2-7 Won. 2-1 Lost. 0-6

College v Huddersfield CollegeDrawn. 3-3 „ v Newsome L. T. C. Won 5-0 ,, v Old Collegians Lost. 5-4

I t is hoped that all the players of this season will rally round next year, and so keep the ball rolling towards raising the above-mentioned percentages. —J.E .H .

THE WOMEN STUDENTS’ HOCKEY CLUB. A number of matches arranged for this term have unavoidably been scratched. The results of the matches actually played are as follows:— February „ March „

12—Bradford School of Art Mixed

19—Y.W.C.A. I.

12—Hopkinsons Mixed 19—Holme Valley

Lost. 6-0 Away. Lost. 3-2 Away. Lost. 4-1 Home. Lost. 4-2 Away.

On March 5th an enjoyable practice game was played at Glebe Road, when a number of the staff and students of the School of A rt joined us. Of our remaining fixtures, those with mixed teams have been handed over to the newly formed Mixed Hockey Club. The following ladies matches remain to be played:— March 26th, Y.W.C.A. II. Home.

April 9th, Gledholt Ladies’, Home.

—M. W. T bedgold (Captain). 23

THE GYMNASIUM Most students of the College know of the existence in the far corner of the building of a well-appointed gymnasium, but few realise the advantages gained by its use. Some have unpleasant recollections of the bending, straining and jerking of that one hour per week, which was called gymnastics, in the Secondary School. In the classes here, Swedish drill is reduced to the bare minimum. (Even this can be avoided by arriving five minutes late.) Further, the classes are conducted in a free and easy manner, and the more proficient one becomes the more they are enjoyed. The instructor plays the part of an advanced student, who gives advice and renders assistance when it is required. It is hardly necessary to say that the object of gymnastics is the development of the muscles of the body and the perfecting of their concerted action. The use of the horizontal bar, the parallel bars and the other apparatus renders the attainment of this object less irksome and much more interesting than the old fashioned drilling. That considerable interest is taken in the displays is shown by the good attendance on conversazione nights, when the gymnasium is always a great attraction, but it seems that few are sufficiently enthusiastic to join the class. Possibly some have the idea that only the born acrobat can hope to perform apparently difficult stunts. This idea is quite wrong, for with ordinary strength, only practice is required, for the art of applying the force in the correct way, at the correct moment greatly facilitates the most difficult exercise. Of course there are exercises (called “ strong man tricks ” ) in which brute strength is the only requisite, but these are shunned by the majority of students. There has been a gratifying increase in attendance this session over that of preceding sessions, and on the principle that success breeds success it is hoped that this will continue. The day classes are held each day at 12-15 p.m., for about an hour, and are free to full time students of the College. — R. Sykes.

THE

CHEMICAL SOCIETY.

On a day in M arch there came an urgent request from “ The Mock T urtle ” for an article on the work, aims, and policy of the Society. W hereat, th e g re a tb ra in sin the Chem istry departm ent stirred mightily. The vapours of their thoughts rose to a high heaven, extinguishing all life in their passage. One ton of ice was sent for, and immediately consumed in cooling the fevered brow. After many weeks under a reflux, the product was finally dried over Calcuim Chloride, double distilled and crystallised from alcohol. And this is the fruit of their labours. The policy of the Chemical Society is expressed as follow s:— “ Not he who whispers down a well About the goods he has to sell Accumulates the shining dollars Like him who climbs a tree and hollers.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the Society is the only one in the College which has hollered without a break for thirteen years. The Syllabus for this session has just been completed. Eleven lectures have been given at fortnightly intervals, and the average attendance has been 28. Since Christm as, talks have been given by Mr. Gray, on “ Corrosion of M etals," Mr. Record, on “ Sources of Light,” ^Mr. Sykes, on “ Valency," Mr. Kershaw, on “ S pectra,” Mr. Jenkinson, on ‘ Fluorescence and Phosphorescence,” and Mr. Jones, on “ Explosives.” During the session two very successful dances have been held. The first, on D ecem ber 11th, was held in the large hall of the College, and about 130 dancers were present. On M arch 26th, the second dance was held, in the Oxford Cafe, when about 70 w ere present. The success of these dances is due to the great efforts made by Miss Gilmour, Miss Brown and Mr. Jenkinson. 24

—F. Wood, (Secretary).

Geo. Greenwood & Son, P rinters & S tationers, M arket St.,Huddersfield.