h
THE fU R T L E
SEPTEMBER, 1931.
PRICE, 6d.
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AND OLD STUDENTS.
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THE MOCK TURTLE A
R e n •icw ol tfie L i f e , and
rr Iio u g n f
H u m o u r ol (iac
H u d d e rs fie ld
1 e o im ie a l C o lle g e
CHARLESRECORD
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:
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NUMBER THIRTEEN.
SEPTEMBER, 1931.
Wheatley, Dyson & Son SUPPLY
ALL REQUISITES FOR STUDENTS ON VERY ADVANTAGEOUS TERMS.
EXERCISE BOOKS
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I te
IV Io d ern
F re n d
HEN 1 handed the Assistant Editor a pseudo-humorous article, he reminded me that the Mock Turtle was a review of the Life and Thought of the Technical College, as well as the Humour. To this 1 have heard the reply that the Life is all Humour, and the majority of the thoughts aren’t fit to be printed. This statement is typical of the free spirit that pervades the Youth of to day, and which is the cause of much sighing and sermon-reading by our fathers and grandfathers. The personification of this spirit can be seen in our College. But is this attitude symbolic of degeneration, as we are often told that it is? We are told that the youth of to-day thinks only of the pleasures and not of the realities of life. I maintain that he thinks as much, and gives as much, if not more, consideration to his future than his father before him. This attitude is the sugar that coats the pill. “ You die if you worry and you die if you don’t,” says our up-to-date student. “ So why should you worry at all.” I admit that there are times when this attitude seems a bit overdone, and so 1 can forgive the railing of the older generation; but, after all, it is only a spirit of optimism which generations of proverbs and the musichall songs of our fathers have persistently tried to instil in the human race. To see a dozen students singing “ Steamboat Bill,” with syncopated effects, five minutes before an important exam., creates a bad opinion, but why should it? A three hours’ grind in an exam, room is not a thing to look forward to for even the best of students; so why not forget it? As for swatting, that ought to have been done long ago, and is no use done at the last minute. This optimism is a thing to be admired rather than belittled. If only the old folks would give up judging the sausage by its skin ! One of the most talkative students in the Tec., who makes up weird jokes on any subject under the sun, gives one the impression that he would be the last person in the world to take life seriously; and yet no one could be more concerned about their chance of making a success of life than he is; but he sees no reason why he should make a song about it or mope because trade is so bad that his chances of getting a really good job are practically nil; and neither do I. Another thing I claim is that the youth of-day has a greater knowledge than the youth of yesterday. I do not mean just a better acquaintance with the three R’s. This, with the greater advance of education, is to be expected, but in general knowledge of the essentials of life, and the things which are dependant on his own observation. He shows a greater interest in his work. How many of our fathers gladly spent a Saturday afternoon to visit another firm’s works and thereby improve their minds and broaden their knowledge? And, moreover, he is more willing to be taught a diversity of subjects whose usefulness is not readily apparent. Father points to the big men of to-day who have overcome great obstacles and risen to the top of the tree. “ These,” says he, “ are men that the nation can be proud of . Go thou and do likewise.” But for every man of this type, and some of these men have not known a day’s real happiness in their lives, I can point to thousands who have no interest whatever outside
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their own job, and whose interest in that has fallen almost to zero. These men are the so-called failures of the past generation; they are finishing their lives grumbling at the misfortune they have had, and throwing cold water on the optimism of to-day. The modern youth, in his persistent optimism and variety of interests, possesses the key to happiness in whatever circumstances he may be. He strives no less hard to reach the top, but will not be cast down if he fails. The youth of to-day realises that happiness depends less upon the financial or social triumphs giving prizes for life’s eventide, than upon the little bits, may I say delta-x’s, of happiness gained from each day. —PETIT.
H is t o r ic E v e n ts a t D u c k e m - m - tlie - O a te ll My dear Readers, This week 1 want to tell you about Henry. Henry is the village post man, and thinks his last name should have been Ford. It isn’t, but that doesn’t interfere with his interest in mechanics. Henry has a keen interest in mechanics; in fact he has been interested in this greasy profession ever since he fished a Meccano out of a bran tub at the local church bazaar. That was six years ago, and since then he has constructed many weird and won derful mechanical contrivances. Now he has attained the age of 56, and thinks his brain is worthy of dealing with more intricate mechanism; so after weeks of study he decided to purchase a second-hand car, and attach a few of his own inventions, which he declared would convert it into a Super Silver Bullet. Money was at a premium, so Henry promoted two or three grand Christmas draws, and had soon raised a sufficient sum to pay the first instalment on a car that had seen service during the French Revolution. The dustman brought it direct from London and left it in the wood shed behind Henry’s semi-detached. Henry immediately applied for, and was granted, his annual holiday, to commence on Monday; and that same evening he was reported missing from the “ Dun Cow ” for the first time in twelve years. Mystery gripped our little village, and locals reported that Henry spent most of the day in the wood shed, during which time many strange clanking noises could be heard, variated with phrases of a foreign nature. This went on for a week, and 1 began to fear Henry had murdered someone and was dissecting the body in that shed. However, Henry sent for me on the Saturday. As I had been second-in chief to many of his early inventions, I was expecting this. So, after making my will and bringing my insurance instalments up-to-date, I toddled forth to answer duty’s call. Upon reaching the shed I warbled “ Henry ! ” and the door was opened a few inches by a figure dressed up like an Arctic explorer. “ Ah ! It’s you, is it?” it mumbled. “ Come in; I’ve got to be very care ful with so many spies about.” Half amazed, I shoved my way in; and the figure immediately slammed the door to and locked it. Then it removed the goggles and about four 4
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wrappings of cotton wool from its face. And it was only then I discovered it was Henry. “ What’s the matter?” I asked. “ Have you got toothache?” “ No ! this is my motoring outfit,” he explained. “ Well, where’s the car?” I ques tioned. Henry pointed to a partition at the far end of the shed, and, throwing open the door, he pointed proudly at what I took to be a half-completed American battleship. “ That’s it,” he said, with a superb grin. “ And if you’ll just open the doors we’ll go for a trial spin.” 1 climbed cautiously into tne contraption and took the seat beside him. Henry’s hands hovered over the switches that decorated the dash-board. “ Just watch how quickly she responds to the self-starter,” he murmured, jamming down one prominent button. Nothing happened. After ten minutes Henry told me the S.S. wasn’t working. Which just shows you how brainy he is. Henry dismounted, seized a 21b. hammer in one hand, lifted the bonnet of the car with the other, and disappeared. Two hours later he emerged and told me everything was O.K. Henry resumed his seat and pushed another switch; this time the thing jumped about like a cat on hot bricks; Henry yelled, “ Doesn’t it just run smooth?” “ Now accelerate a little,” he babbled on, depressing a foot lever; this made it rattle like the dickens, and Henry’s voice was just audible above the din. “ Depress clutch; engage forward gear; and off we go.” Henry made a few swift movements, and with a loud clanking noise the thing shot back ward, throwing me on to the floor. Three seconds later we stopped, and I opened1my eyes cautiously to find blue sky above; then 1 located the wood shed in the front of me, and noticed it now had a back entrance as well as a front. Whilst 1 was wondering what I had done to deserve all this the debris on my right parted, and Henry emerged. “ Wrong gear ! ” he groaned. Then with a murderous gleam in his bloodshot eyes he started the thing up again; jammed a switch down and we leapt forward, straight through the woodshed, the garden fence, and into the road. Henry swung his car round and pointed its nose toward the main street, at the bottom of which P. C. Puddlefoot was on point duty. He put up his hand as a sign to stop, and Henry told me he had better brake. I quite agreed with him; so he pushed his foot down on one of the many levers that filled the floor boards. A few seconds later we stopped, with the village constable firmly fixed between the car mascot and the main entrance of the local fish and chip saloon. After we had seen poor old Puddlefoot away in the ambulance, and given our names to the baked potato merchant, we were ready to try again. So we remounted, and, amid loud cheers from the onlookers, shot off down the London road at a terrific speed. Half a mile further on the road turned suddenly. Henry swung the wheel in the same direction; and according to all his calculations the car should have done the same; but it didn’t; and as we hit the wall, I dropped into the ditch; scrambling out just in time to see Henry and his car goring a passage through Farmer Giles’ cow shed, and making a bee-line for the horizon. That was a month ago, and I have only just received a post card from Guy’s Hospital, London, which states Henry will arrive home to-morrow, and hopes to receive a civic welcome. No doubt he will, comprised chiefly of Scotland Yard and the Town Council. More next month. Yours, —UNCLE GEORGE. 5
I lie K n i f e G r i n d e r WAS just finishing a meal in a little restaurant somewhere in Guyenne. The room was empty save for two men in the opposite corner who were half asleep. Except for the monotonous buzzing of innumerable flies and the ticking of the clock above the bar there was silence. Suddenly there entered a man, a very shabby man, with a dirty face and a drooping moustache. His matted hair showed beneath the rim of a battered bowler hat. Looking round the room he sniffed at the two men dozing in the corner and then, in a very loud voice, he cried: “ Bonsoir, Messieurs ! ” We answered him sleepily while he sat down at a table, placed before our eyes a collection of knives and scissors, and rapped imperiously on the marble-topped table with a small bronze coin. When the proprietor appeared he ordered a small glass of white wine, and seemed quite annoyed when told there were no knives to grind. Then he looked at me and seemed to find something queer about my attire. “ German?” asked he very quickly. “ N o!” “ Dutch?” “ No, English.” He sighed deeply. “ English ! Plenty of money?” “ Unfortunately not.” “ Touring?” “ Yes.” “ Do you travel by train?” “ No, 1 am cycling. You can see the machine there at the other side of the road.” He paused for a moment, then asked: “ Do you understand what I say?” As he had not said very much, 1 was able to answer that I did. “ Do you know why you can understand me?” was his next question. “ No !” This was somewhat mystifying. “ Because I speak the best French in France. None of the jargon they speak round about here------” he lowered his voice and jerked his thumb in the direction of the two men. “ None of the jargon they speak in Paris, or Normandy, or Toulouse. 1 don’t say ‘ les chevals ’ like I once heard in Perpignan !” “ You seem to have travelled a great deal,” I ventured. “ Travelled? With my little cart I have made the Tour de France three times. I am influenced by no one region; my speech is the pick of all the provinces. Yes, I have travelled and------” he added, looking at my road map of France spread out on the table —“ I have no use for maps.” He said this with the greatest contempt. Then he paused a moment to pull at his dirty moustache. “ Besides I speak Spanish; I know that ‘ caballos ’ means horses.” He banged on the table until the landlord came in. “ Do I or do I not speak good French?” shouted the knife grinder. “ Very good French !” answered the proprietor, winking. 6
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“ Didn’t I tell you !” shouted the former, triumphantly. Then 1 asked him if he had been to Calais. This would test his geography. “ Calais? Yes. A lot of cliffs. I was there last year.” “ Quimper?” “ Quimper? Yes. Soup, lots of soup.” “ Soup?” “ Yes, they live on soup in Brittany; you can’t get a decent meal.” Although somewhat of a boaster he was sharp witted. He proceeded to question me as to my mode of travel, how I spent the night, and how much it cost me. I told him I was able to get a decent room in a country town for ten francs a night. “ And you say you have not plenty of money? I cannot afford that 1” said the knife grinder, leaning over the table and continuing to stroke his moustache. Suddenly he drew himself up, emptied his wine glass and cried: “ If I tell you of a decent, clean place where to spend the night not far from here will you buy me a glass of wine? 1 know every village and town in France; you are talking to a man who has had practical experience.” I consented. He ordered the wine, drank it off, and then began to laugh heartily. “ Well?” “ Sleep in a field like I do !” he answered. * * * That same night 1 followed his advice. Wrapped up snugly in a mackintosh I sat in the corner of a field watching the sun sink behind the vineyards. The birds ceased their song and there fell upon the earth a glorious silence. About midnight I heard the rumble of wheels on the road and the distant sound of singing. Pushing his cart under the light of the stars went the knife grinder making for the “ cheap hotel ” which he knew so well. And so he passed out of my life. As for myself, I spent one of the most delightful nights of my existence. —ROBERT P. LITTLEWOOD.
BOOKS OF THE MONTH. The following represents a selection of the best technical publications for the past quarter:— “ Pippin,” or “ The House at Poo-Bah Corner,” by J. Mills. This is a delightful mathematical treatise suitable for all students of biology. “ An Introduction to Machine Drawing and Design,” by W. Heath Robin son. “ Theory of Strictures,” by Morley. “ Brewing for Bakers,” by J. J. Helliot. The formulae in this book will make you see double and feel single. —G. H. B. 7
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By HORACE GOULDEN, F.L.A., Librarian, Huddersfield Public Library.
FO R EW O R D . HE “ Mock Turtle ” should be, and is essentially, a students’ magazine. At times it serves as an efficient medium to poke fun at members of the staff. This in itself is not a bad thing. The staff then may be pardoned when they seek to introduce material which is regarded as useful and beneficial to the student. Early in student life the art of using a library should be cultivated. Lectures and textbooks are but the expressions of one particular viewpoint, which should be amplified by reference to several books. By this means the critical faculty is developed, the field of vision is broadened, and the power of sifting the essential and important material is early acquired. To know all is impossible, to know a great deal is frequently a cumbersome possession, but to know where to get the knowledge and information which one requires, with the minimum expenditure of time and energy, is a real asset. This is obtained by early initiation into the use and functions of a library. In general a student leaves his college with a certificate or diploma. This he regards, and rightly regards, as evidence of a certain standard of educa tion. But what is this standard? It is not difficult for a student to realise how limited the range of the training has been. To what extent has it pre pared one to appreciate, benefit by, and enjoy the daily experiences and events of life? Has it been able to indicate clearly that the process of education is gradual and extensive, and that the end of a course can only mean the beginning of another; the extent, diversity and nature of which will be largely of one’s own making. The progress made and the profit gained now depends, more than ever, on the intelligent and effective use of a well-equipped library. As the training in the use of a library during the so-called student period has no doubt, from the nature of things, been largely accidental, I think it was a wise step on the part of the Board of Studies to get one who speaks with authority to contribute an article to your magazine, and a gracious step on the part of the editor to willingly accept it. All students of all stages I earnestly hope will read and retain the article by Mr. Goulden. In addition I trust the magazine will receive a wide circula tion and so allow many, outside the student body, to learn of the manifold benefits to be derived from a library and how to apply the methods necessary to gain maximum efficiency in its use. —D. McKERRACHER.
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n p H E commonest experience of modern librarians is that an enormous i proportion of the general public, not excepting the more studious and intelligent, are not aware of all that libraries contain, or that books contain, and, even when they have some apprehension, do not know how to get what they are in need of. Few have the knowledge and skill required to extract the very best out of any kind of library. 9
An eminent bibliographer recently inserted in a list of works not to be found in the library of the British Museum a number of rare publications that were there all the time: he had looked for them in the wrong place, not having mastered the cataloguing rules of a library he had used for half a lifetime. This is not an isolated case; and one of the most familiar experi ences of librarians is to see people, hard up for information, going away empty handed; a circumstance which could have been avoided had they accustomed themselves to the cataloguing and indexing methods employed. A library is a machine that requires a certain amount of skill to handle, and if you are to elicit the best results; the larger and more varied its con tents, the more it is needful that readers should be familiar with the library arts, the uses of catalogues and indexes, the meaning of classification, and, above all, the functions and scope of books of reference. These are the levers that set the machine in motion. Consider first what a library is and then what it is not. The term is used vaguely, often enough, for any aggregation of books. People acquire books more or less haphazard, and talk glibly about their library, when they should speak merely of their book shelves. When on the other hand, they have collected them, not accidentally, but with care and a method, then they may call the result a library. The library in the research department of a large industrial corporation seldom contains more than a few thousand volumes; but these are so scienti fically chosen that they contain all the essentials requisite to answer the many urgent daily questions of hundreds of engineers, mechanics, chemists and others engaged in many departments of a complex industry. A good general library might be regarded as a grouping of such special collections, properly co-ordinated so as to strengthen and amplify each other without wasteful overlapping. But in most general libraries there will be no such pressing reason to apply the rigid principle of excluding all but the absolutely best. The needs to satisfy which libraries exist are too multi farious, and sometimes too incapable of precise definition, to be summed up in any rigid formula. It follows, having first a clear idea of what he is going for, the reader should go straight to that kind of library that is best adapted to satisfy his wants. First, then, a library has one purpose or several purposes, acquaintance with which enables us to surmise beforehand what it contains, and to under stand that we must go elsewhere for books outside its purview. Secondly, it is an organised collection, that is to say, its contents have been gathered together according to plan, and have moreover been arranged according to plan, so that readers may easily find what they are in search of, and can also see what other works are there, should they wish to pursue the subject further. The first step in acquiring the ability to use a library to the utmost profit and with the smallest expenditure of time and trouble is to grasp the principle on which it is organised. The underlying system will be exposed to view in the catalogue, which will probably have two forms, or rather there will usually be two catalogues, one alphabetical, of authors, or, in the case of anonymous books, of titles; the other, a subject catalogue. An author or alphabetical catalogue pre supposes, of course, that we know the very book we want, and can remember 10
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the author and the title. We do not always know this. Hence the peculiar value of the other species of catalogue. The subject catalogue may be what is described as systematic. In the systematic catalogue the entries of books are arranged on the plan of a logical classification of knowledge, so far as this can be applied to such entities as books, some of which are much too nondescript for strict classification. This method has the advantage of grouping works on allied subjects in close proximity, so as to help in drawing up schemes for further reading or research, or in referring quickly to other books for the explanation of specific points. A dictionary catalogue is like a gazetteer; but a large library well laid out on a systematic plan is more like an atlas. Just as a map shows the 'lie of the land, the relative situation of regions and places, so a bird’s-eye view in a classified library enables the enquirer to seize the relations and connections of a subject or subjects in a visual way that serves much more than his immediate wants. The dictionary catalogue is not arranged in this systematic way, and does not lead so directly from one topic to those which are logically its neighbours. In this form of catalogue the subject-headings are simply set forth in the order of the alphabet. Thus you will find Mathematics followed by Mechanics, Medicine and Mendelism—topics with nothing in common except that their names begin with the same letter. All frequenters of libraries ought to be familiar with these two main types of subject catalogues, and with the devices employed to make up for unavoidable deficiencies in either. Every reader is aware of the immense advantage, when in search of information or merely looking for something to read, of being able to pick up and compare a number of books. When the library itself can be explored, provided that it be systematically arranged, the reader is independent of catalogues; although he must not forget that even so a page of a catalogue is a map on a convenient scale and may still be useful. For the purpose of allowing readers this privilege, and with the gratifying result of educating them in the use of libraries and training them in the art of judging the points of a book, a very large proportion of the medium-sized libraries have been thoroughly rearranged, and the books classified on a logical system that the reader can grasp. Thus the books on the shelves correspond in position to the titles in the catalogue if this is a subject catalogue of the systematic type. The system adopted in the majority of libraries is the Dewey decimal classification, which may or may not be superior to some other systems, but has two conspicuous virtues: it is expansive to any extent, division being possible to any number of places after the decimal point, thus being adaptable to the simplest or the most com plex division and sub-division; and the decimal numbers are easy to remem ber, and tend after much use to become as familiar as the number of your house in the street. Let us now suppose that the library to be consulted is a closed library; in other words that the public are not admitted to the bookshelves; also that the only catalogue is an author catalogue. This answers only one direct question, whether a given book by a given author is in the library or not. To make up your mind what book or books will probably serve your pur11
pose, you will have to resort to other means of guidance. Such assistance is afforded by two sorts of books: the bibliography, which is a more or less exhaustive list of the works dealing with a subject or subjects, or of the works by or about a person or persons, or the works produced by a certain press, body of persons, town, nation, and so on; and the regular guide-book to books. The latter may be of divers kinds, adapted to readers of various needs and capacities. It is selective in principle, its purpose being to direct the reader to the best books for his particular purpose, that is, the most suitable books for him at any given stage in a course of reading or research. No subject, nowadays, however out of the ordinary or however un important, is unprovided with a bibliography or a guide to books of some sort. No student or worker in any subject whatever should flatter himself that he has a grip of that subject until he is acquainted with its bibliography. But until he has reached an advanced stage he will discover biblio graphical information enough in the second kind of aid, the guide-book to books. Of these, also, there are a smaller number of general guides and a large number of guides to particular subjects; and some are small and highly selective, others large and almost as comprehensive as a bibliography. But readers or students, especially when they have read widely in the standard works on their respective subjects, will want to peruse the results of the latest research, and here, where guidance amidst the innumerable books, pamphlets and articles incessantly pouring from the press is most urgently needed, trustworthy advice is hardest to obtain. All libraries of standing take in a selection of periodicals, including the transactions of the learned societies. Heedful students will naturally try to keep abreast of modern scholarship by scrutinising these as they appear, and constantly referring to back numbers. The “ Subject Index to Periodicals ” is an excellent guide and puts at our disposal a wealth of material accumulated by contemporary research. For, of course, the user of a good library will soon find that it is not only the periodicals on the table that he requires, but also, and in a degree of import ance that increases with the increases of his knowledge, the files of periodi cals on the shelves. To these, a store which the expert worker may value higher even than the books, the “ Subject Index ” is a key. The best managed libraries keep ahead of this, and in fact put their readers into touch with periodical literature as it comes out. The average reader has a great deal to learn before he can regard himself as fully conversant with the multi farious aids put at his service by the modern librarian. A library that is not a mere working collection of books for quick refer ence contains roughly two kinds of books, those we go to for information wanted at a given moment, and those we want to read. It is on the former class that I have laid stress as pre-eminently the time-savers and the savers of labour. If there is any benefactor of the species that deserves a monu ment for performing services of more than national importance, it is the maker of a first-rate book of reference. But do we avail ourselves of the fruit of their indefatigable labours in a way that is worthy of our debt? I would exhort all students and intelli gent readers to make more use of reference books. It will not be time lost, but time saved, to make sure that you know the precise meaning of every 12
word that you meet with in your reading or employ in writing and speaking; that you are not content with a hazy idea of the whereabouts, and relative importance of the persons, or the nature and meaning of things, ideas, or events to which you come across allusions. This brings us to a department of a library which has not yet been men tioned, the collection of books for lending out. To read a book, as distinguished from merely consulting it for information, means that we must either possess it ourselves or borrow it. Lending libraries, fortunately, are numerous to-day, and some advice on the best way to make use of the books allowed to circulate will accordingly not be out of place here. The lending and the reference library are com plementary to each other, and the way to get the best out of each is to use the one to illustrate the other. Enough has been said to make evident what is the first requisite, if we are to read with discernment and pleasure or profit—a general awareness of the manifold resources of books. The second requirement is method. The student with a definite object in view must needs take pains to map out his course some distance ahead. One of the most valuable things to know in life is what things can safely be neglected. If a book is going to yield us nothing, if the time spent in reading it would have been more profitably devoted to another book, evidenty it is one to avoid. The most important use of the reference library is in conjunction with one’s continuous reading. If the volume we are studying is not sufficiently provided with maps or portraits or other illustrations, seek these valuable aids on the reference shelves. Books that contain them, if they are really desirable, and books equipped with a proper complement of notes, introduc tion, and other editorial matter, should always be preferred for one’s private reading. And, again, do not overlook the advisability of reading the preface, the table of contents, and other introductory items; the date and other infor mation given on the title page is usually of the first importance to the intelligent reader. At the other end of the book there may be other valuable things^—appendixes, a bibliography, and index, and, in new editions of a classic and in other cases, a series of critical or explanatory notes. A library organised on modern lines provides the means for enabling us to direct ourselves efficiently, and knowledge gained through the free and intelligent use of libraries is as much superior to knowledge assimilated from the text-book, as knowledge which we have found and tested and experienced for ourselves is superior to that which has been merely memorised. Genuine knowledge is not to be acquired through any patent system of mnemonics. The usefulness of libraries rests on the opposite principle—the exercise and strengthening of the understanding rather than the memory. Converse with many books and all sorts of books leads not to bookish ness, but gives us fuller experience of the world, the world as seen by many minds, in every conceivable aspect, as a solid living thing. If there is any originality in us, it will not repress but develop it, encouraging the mind to rethink problems, to weigh and judge, to make decisions and truths one’s own, to observe facts for oneself, and so make our knowledge secure. [A student of the College is entitled, as such, to become a borrower at Huddersfield Public Library, whether resident in the borough or not.—Ed.] 13
1 o^ciay s F a i r y
S to r y
y p H E R E was once a student who did not sing, joke, lounge in the corrij dors, play the fool, or smoke. He always arrived before 9-0 a.m., and always went straight into his class when the bell rang. And when he got there the lecturer said, “ I am sure you will be tired getting up so early and walking so far. We will have a few minutes’ rest before we start.” But all the other students were like the first, and they were anxious to start; so they began at once. And when the lecturer dictated notes he spoke at such a speed that even the slowest of them could take them down in copy-book handwriting, with out difficulty. And after what seemed to be only a few minutes, the lecturer said, “ I think we have done sufficient now for this morning. It is five minutes past ten; you had better be getting along to your next class.” And the students rose from their seats very reluctantly and left the room; giving in their homework as they went out. And they spent the spare ten minutes quietly preparing their notes for the next lecture. —C. L.
C o rre sp o n d e n c e THE DESTRUCTION OF EVIL. Dear Mr. Editor, I do so hope you have not yet gone to press, and, even if you have, I hope you will stretch a point and insert in your truly marvellous quarterly the latest discovery with which one may hope to ring in a brighter future by playing on the music of the spheres. I am informed on the most credible authority that a highly-skilled hydraulic engineer has succeeded in proving by a mathematical process, which my skill cannot effectively criticise, that the root of all evil is the elusive “ root minus one.” [It may be that your typographical resources would be strained by the symbol, so I have written in the words.] Now this logical proof is so important that it amounts almost to a discovery. How ever, the engineering mind, being ever practical, seems to have shied at carrying the matter into those realms of speculation where the truth really dwells. I would like to put before the public, so admirably served by your gay and courageous periodical, my own little addition to this wonderful step forward. Put briefly, it is that “ root minus one ” is an imaginary quantity. (Nothing new in that, of course). But, if the root of all evil is an imagin ary quantity, where does evil (qua evil) come in? And so we all breathe again and usher in the pure bright light of a fearless world ! On with the game ! Yours most gratefully, “ WE BREATHE AGAIN.” 1, Loopy Lane, Ravensknowall. P.S.—I am enclosing card as requested. 14
'W l i a t W e
H ear
THAT in a recent Test set for a certain class each student received a different question paper. THAT this was not an accident but a diplomatic move to prevent the answer papers from being all alike. THAT the results of the said Test read like efficiency values for our steam engine. THAT one Saturday morning a young lady was found on the floor of one of the Labs, and, after being severely mauled, was pinned on the notice board to be claimed by anyone. THAT the youth responsible for this disgraceful exhibition is courting. We hope she gets to know about it. THAT the youth who “ clicked ” on a Tec. visit to Bradford, only to be beaten at the post by a “ cheeky bloke ” on a motor-cycle, found consolation in the local Woolworth’s. Nothing over sixpence. THAT the quiet but persistent rumours, circulating in the Eng. Dept., regarding the decease of “ Steamboat Bill,” are unfounded, and that in consequence an increase in the marriage rates of railroad workers in the near future is not to be expected. THAT the admiration shown by a “ mob of hooligans ” for a certain lecturer’s plus fours was not appreciated. THAT the price of Tec. paper has not fallen with the cost of living. THAT in spite of the increase in the number of drawing pins on the notice boards, due to the deluge of Exam, results, a student actually wanted to borrow two recently. THAT there are only two students in the Eng. Department who do not put in regular attendance at a Church or Sunday School. This is not a joke—it’s a shame ! THAT the spire of St. Paul’s is 170ft. high. Comparing this with the Tec. we begin to think that our artists may be as much above us as they try to appear. THAT, in connection with Einstein’s theory of space curvature, it is better to go straight than to move in the best circles. THAT what a visitor mistook for a student going in for a doctor (because of his white coat) was only a painter going out for a pint. THAT our students are not in favour of the increase in the number of lamps which has recently taken place in Queen Street South. As one ardent courier remarked, if the idea spreads they might easily put them where they are not wanted. THAT up to going to press no Eng. student has been “ had up ” this term. THAT a coming Electrician spent the best part of a morning designing the arms for a gear wheel, and then discovered that it was too small to have any. THAT a coming Mechanical Engineer beat this by testing a transformer and finding it to be 102 per cent, efficient. 15
THAT “ Gertie ” is advertising for an original joke, since a knowledge of Economics and all the jokes in existence seem to go hand in hand. THAT 98 per cent, of our Maths, will be of no use to us after leaving Tec’. Then we shan’t need to know our 12 x table after all. THAT the men who get on in the engineering world are those with a sound knowledge of Mathematics. THAT several copies of last term’s “ Mock Turtle ” were paid for. THAT the Business Manager went on the “ Broads ” for his holidays. THAT we know of people who hope he has taken the opportunity offered to him by such large expanses of water. —PETIT.
^ ^ W liile of U nsound M m d ’Tis dusk, and as the twilight creeps Athwart the grimy quay, The last red bars of sunset fade Far o’er the misty sea. The dockside lamps light one by one, And shine, a fitful row , Upon the water smooth and black, Lapping the wall below. ’Longside the wharf a dingy tramp Awaits the flowing tide. Her masthead lights peep through the gloom; Her funnel smokes broadside. A rancous song sounds through the dark, Now loud, now soft, as blown Upon the night-wind, here and there; Mournfully sad and lone. Beside a crate a dark shape stirs, And in the lamp’s pale rays A man’s fantastic silhouette Upon the wan wall plays. The ghostly arms rest on the crate; The drooping head is bare; And, fierce and low, a poignant voice Breathes through the thin night air. “ My God ! and is this all life means, Only a sordid span, Aimless and vain?”—like fire the words Break from the distraught man. 16
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A shudder shakes the huddled form, The low thick voice sears on. “ It’s hopeless—I can stand no more; Oh God !—I—I—I’m done.” The shadow hand upon the wall Slides swiftly up and on; Then comes a sobbing, gurgling cry, A splash—the shadow’s gone. A hoarse voice bawls; a whistle shrills; Feet clatter in a boat. Again the shout, “Quick ! there he is, The damn fool’s cut ’is throat.” With gurgling bow the wherry cleaves Across the placid swell, Towards the bubbles streaming up, Red as the spout of Hell. Slowly the dim white face appears Behind the bloody train; Ghastly and drawn, with starting eyes Glaring, and dark with pain. Strong arms reach down and gather up The dripping, crumpled form Into the boat, and lay it there, Upon a great-coat warm. On bended knee the saviour peers Into the wet still face; Then turns and speaks: “ It’s over, Dave, This poor bloke’s run ’is race.” Gently he draws the heavy coat Around the wounded head; As with slow strokes his comrade rows Back with the silent dead. From out the darkness close above Breaks forth a wild, sad cry; And, looking up, the seamen see A ghostly gull glide by. With outspread wings it wheels around; Pausing now in its flight, Ere, like a spirit lost, forlorn, It merges with the night. Silence again reigns o’er the dock; The rising wind blow's chill. Far, far away the wild, sad cry Sounds once; then all is still. 17
—L. R. G.
iN e x i “ Be seated, sir,” said the distinguished practitioner. The man who had entered the doctor’s office a few moments before, in obedience, sank into a luxurious chair. The doctor looked at him casually, and,touching an indicator at the side of his desk, said: “ What a pleasant day.” “ Yes it is.” A nurse appeared at the door. “ Turn on number 231,” said the doctor. “ Very well, sir.” The doctor turned to the patient. “ 1 heard a most amusing story the other day,” he said. “ B u t-------------” “ Just a moment. 1 am quite sure you will be interested in hearing it.” He told the story. The patient stirred in his chair, although he laughed at the amusing story. “ By the way,” he began, looking at his watch. The doctor got up. He turned off the switch at his desk. “ It is all right, sir. You may go now.” “ But I came in to see you about---------” “ Yes, the operation has been performed. I should be a little careful for a few days if I were you. Don’t play golf or walk too much.” “ You mean to say that----- ” “ Your appendix has been removed in accordance with your symptoms.” The patient smiled incredulously. “ When did you do it?” he asked. “ While you were sitting there. Perfectly simple. It was absorbed.” “ How did you know what was wrong with me?” “ That chair sends a record of your symptoms to the laboratory. All you needed was to have your appendix removed, and by turning on number 231 it was absorbed in three minutes. Nothing strange, sir. Quite usual, I assure you.” The man got up. His face grew rather pale as he advanced to the desk. “ How much do I owe you?” he asked. The doctor smiled again. “ That has all been arranged, sir.” “ What do you mean?” “ Oh, while you were being operated on, your property was transferred to me. Good morning, sir. Call again.” —J. SWALLOW.
BLAZERS and BADGES. The new College Blazers, blue and white, complete with badge, are now ready. Badges are also obtainable separately. These are supplied by Messrs. Washington, Cloth Hall Street. 18
A Day on Bleaklow Hill HEW VALLEY is no longer regarded as the test of a Spartan rambler. Any rambler who wishes to be called a real Spartan must spend at least one day trespassing over Bleaklow Hills in misty weather. The mist is essential, not merely to add to the severity of the test, but to hide the hardy rambler from the watchful eyes of the keepers, who patrol this area with great regularity. In case the name Bleaklow conveys nothing to my reader, let me, first of all, explain the position of this mountainous stretch of peat-bog. It lies N.N.E. of Kinder Scout, mid-way between the summit of Doctor’s Gate and Woodhead. It is, as its name suggests, a bleak, dark stretch of moorland. It is not, however, low-land, for it is Peakland’s second highest summit, and the rambler will be able to roam for nearly two miles at an altitude of 2,000 feet. Roam is the only word that can be applied to this part of the tramp, for on this peat-trenched plateau a direct route is im possible. I attempted to revisit Bleaklow on Midsummer Day, but, alas, the mist was too much for me and, when about a mile from the summit, I had to turn off into the higher Derwent Dale after resolving that on my next free Sunday I would make the crossing, mist or no mist. Consequently, a few weeks later, I arose at an early hour and boarded the first train to Penistone. Leaving the train at this latter village I caught a bus, which took me to the Flouch Inn, a starting point of many happy moorland rambles. Three miles of road work along the main Manchester road brought me to a point mid-way between Saltersbrook and Fiddlers Green, the real start of the ascent. As the mist limited visibility to about 30 yards, I took out my compass and clutched it firmly in one hand. I dare not think of the consequences of losing one’s compass on Bleaklow. My direction for the first three miles was to be S.E. across the rough, sodden, untracked moor. Have you never experienced that peculiar feeling of being mist-bound on the open moor, with not a landmark in sight and only a sense of direction as given by a compass to guide you safely across? Under these condi tions you feel to be really at grips with nature and entirely dependent on your own resources. After toiling and stumbling along rising ground for the best part of two hours, I decided that it was time for a rest and a smoke. While puffing at my “ gasper,” and wondering how far I had really travelled, the mist in front of me melted as if by magic, and I was able to get a good, though short, view of Bleaklow Stones not half a mile away. What good fortune ! That last half-mile was soon covered, and again I was able to scramble over the rock-strewn summit at an altitude of 2,060 feet. A short rest, and again I was off. Now I changed my direction and followed the parish boundary stakes across the peat-trenched plateau leading to Bleaklow Head, a distance of about one and a half miles. This is claimed to be one of the hardest stretches of peat-trench jumping in Derbyshire. It certainly lives up to its reputation.
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At iBleaklow Head fortune favoured me, for the mist had lifted, and away in a direction N.N.W. I could see the Crowden entrance to the Chew Valley walk. This was my guide for the next mile until I hit into the higher reaches of Wildboar Clough. Now my task was simple. A mile and a half down this steep dough and the GIossop road back to Woodhead. I would warn any intending trampers to avoid Wildboar Clough unless they are used to a little rock-climbing, and advise them to descend by Torside Clough, which is N.W. from Bleaklow Head. A huge meal was quickly dispatched at the “ George and Dragon ” at Woodhead, and then at an easy pace 1 set off along the road over Holm Moss to Holmbridge, feeling happy and content in the fact that 1 had again crossed Derbyshire’s second highest peak. —JOSEF.
S tu d «y✓' "by P ost aS OUR SHORTENED GENERAL COURSE. N these days of rush and bustle there is no time for the enterprising young person to acquire a good all round general education. Rather does he specialise in one branch of the world’s learning. To remedy this deplorable state of affairs we have, at the expense of much time, thought and physical exertion in reaching down large and dusty volumes from inaccessible shelves, compiled the following pocket education, which should prove of use to all those desirous of attaining a broad and cultivated outlook on things.
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Latin and Greek. These are languages which were spoken by Romans who lived at Rome and Greeks who lived at Greece. They are said to be dead because the Romans (of Rome) and the Greeks (of Greece) were absolutely unable to think of any more tricky points for the discomfort of future generations. Several phrases, however, are still in constant use, e.g., “ Et tu Brute ” (Oh you brute) and “ Nil desperandum ” (no score at half-time). Question—If Julius Caesar had been the father of the Duke of Welling ton, do you think gold would have been discovered in the Klondike? Mathematics. This consists of Algebra (x, y and z), Arithmetic (if 3^ men can dig 436 23-43 yards of trench in 11 3-5 days, etc.), and Geometry (the angles at the base of a Roman nose, etc.). Its main use nowadays is to make the Matriculation Examination more difficult. Question—If 4x = l|lb s. tripe and 3y — lib. onions, what do you deduce? Chemistry. This consists of smells and is carried on in basements. The main idea is to see how many test-tubes you can smash in the smallest possible time. (N.B. 1 large flask = 17 test-tubes). Advanced students endeavour to discover to what degree of potency a smell must be brought before the un fortunate on the floor above are driven from their classrooms. 20
Geography. This is carried on with the aid of bits of coloured chalk. The more chalks you have the more countries you can discover. In this subject a certain amount of nervous tension is caused by wondering if the globe will or will not fall off the table. Physics. A highly interesting subject and carried on by the aforesaid Romans (of Rome) and Greeks (of Greece). An important name in the study of this subject is that of Ike Newton, who discovered (to his great astonishment) that apples fell down hill. Question—If Newton had not discovered the law of gravitation, do you think apples would fall uphill? History. This consists of dates (inedible). Before one is allowed to enter upon the study of this subject one must be able to say ten times before breakfast, “ Battleofastings tensixtysix ” (not to be confused with “ Honisoitquimalypense ” ). The main aim is to discover exactly how many wives Henry VIII. did have. Questions— (1) If Henry VIII. had six wives, how many did Henry IV. have? (2) Write not more than three lines on “ The religious revival asso ciated with Wesley and Whitfield may be described as a moral and senti mental revolt against the barren futilities of Deistic Christianity.” We feel confident that anyone studying the above will be able, after a few days, to surprise his friends by his broadened intellect, wider culture and knowledge of the world. If not quite satisfied money returned under our two years’ guarantee. —F. W. P.
S ta f f
N o te s
ATTEMPTED MASSACRE. The Staff celebrated the end of last session in accordance with ancient custom, by taking a hike. (We were expert hikers before that sport was invented !). The route was from Honley to Kirkburton, and thence, after tea, to Almondbury. Only six miles to tea, “ as the crow flies,” we were assured; but the Biological Department did not supply the bird, so the route was tortuous, and tea was not overhauled until 6 pan. For this, we gather, the gentleman responsible for the walk is to have his salary reduced by the Government. As the party passed an innocent-looking hole in the road two men therein, disguised as navvies, fired a number of dynamite charges. Being clearly unused to the job—probably students in disguise—only they were struck by the flying rocks. What a pity ! We suggest that future conspira tors should take some lessons in shot firing (consult Mining Dept.). After tea the Biological representative was presented with a jam jar on 21
a string, alleged to contain fish. If not yet fried these will doubtless be added to the College menagerie this term. A distinguished Chemist discovered what he asserted to be an ancient Cuneiform inscription, proving, we under stand, that the prehistoric arm of the sea on whose shores Huddersfield stands (vide Tolson Museum) was visited by the Phoenicians trading for tin. Origin of Yorkshire love of brass (consult History Dept.). The temporary collapse of a Mathematician added further excitement to this memorable “ summer holiday.” * * * Our good wishes go with Miss Taylor in her retirement, and with Miss Schippers, who has left on her marriage to Mr. N. Culley. We extend a hearty welcome to Mr. H. W. Izzard, B.A., who comes to us as a Lecturer in the Department of Humanistic Studies, and to Miss Doris W. Lee, A.R.C.A., who joins the staff of the Art School. Miss Sheard, of the Commerce Department, will in future lecture only to evening classes, as she is now responsible for increased work in the Secon dary Schools of the Borough.
O l d S tu d e n ts
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Hon. Secretary: KATHLEEN C. BROWN. Dr. DOWNEY.—It is with deep regret that we learn of the death of Dr. W. E. Downey, who was killed by a fall while descending the Jungfrau on August 19th. Congratulations to— The Rev. Jack Ashton, recently ordained and appointed to a curacy at St. Paul’s, Morley. Mrs. D. Compton, nee Clarice Kahn. Phyllis Kahn, B.A.; Cecil O. I. Jones, B.Sc. (Hons.) (Civil Eng.), and Gerald S. Laycock, B.Sc. (Elec. Eng.), on their successes at Leeds University. Cyril B. Shore, on his appointment at Coventry School of Art. Mrs. George Walmsley, nee Jean Gilmour. EXCURSIONS.—On Easter Monday we went further afield than usual for our outing. From Bolton Abbey we wandered off past the Strid and on to Barden Towers, where tea was very much appreciated. Easter Tuesday. A small party took the road from Holme over the moors in the direction of Chew. Easter Wednesday. The carnival in aid of the Lads’ Club. In response to the appeal made to us by Lieut.-Colonel Wood Hill, a good num ber of our members turned up to help at the fair. Old students’ voices were heard on all sides crying the merits of brandysnap or exciting the crowds to have cocoanut shies for sixpence, whilst others were employed scooping in the money with evident enjoyment. —“ ONE OF THE OLD CROWD.” JOIN THE O.S.U. TO-DAY.
THE ANNUAL SUBSCRIPTION IS 1/-. 22
The SiiicJeiii Christian Movement HE fact that the Technical College does boast a number of free thinkers was revealed at the first meeting last term, when Mr. H. Bentley, a student, gave an address on “ What is G od” ? The response to his provocative speech was so great that we marvel that the discussion is not continuing yet. On April 24th, we had an interesting address by the Rev. Canon Baines, Vicar of Huddersfield, on “ Creed and Conduct.” At the next meeting, held on May 15th, the Rev. Sebastian Dunn addressed a good assembly on “ The Church and Criminals.” The subject was one which could be put down for further debate. At the last meeting, on May 22nd, Mr. James Walton spoke on “ The Deluge.” Mr. Walton’s address was very well rendered and the subject discussed thoroughly. It is hoped to recommence the meetings at the beginning of the new session, and we shall welcome all who are interested. —CONSTANCE E. ARM1TAGE.
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Swanwick Swanwick is a little village in Derbyshire, where the Student Christian Movement holds conferences every year. Those who attend these con ferences are for the most part ordinary students from all parts of the British Isles, including always a number of “ coloured ” students, and many speakers, guests and others are present. The Huddersfield Technical College managed to muster up two young men who desired to attend the conference, and who are now faced with an impossible task. It is impossible to bring Swanwick back to Huddersfield, although that, in a sense, is what these two must try to do. One of them is writing this note and doesn’t know how to begin to present a fair account. It must be sufficient, here, to say that it can only be done by the help of all students who are in any way interested. It is an important question. If you care anything about your College and its social life the S.C.M. can, and will, help you. We shall be interested in any ideas you may have on religion, whether you are a Christian, Atheist, Agnostic, Buddhist or anything else. We are anxious to hold sincere discussions on almost any subject that concerns the life we have to lead in College, and this, of course, affects all students. The two above-mentioned “ Swanwickers ” came back home all too soon, after a glorious holiday, bubbling over with great and “ new ” ideas which they cannot help but share with somebody. It will only be with the greatest difficulty that they will refrain from collaring people in the College and saying, “ Look here, I’ve been to Swanwick.” So, as an act of self-preservation (and of mercy to them), will you please come and ask them all about it at some S.C.M. meeting in the near future? 23
I n tiie W a s l i b u r n \ a lle % y/ f y U IT E a large party turned up for the Washburn Ramble on Whit ) Monday, but, sad to relate, many were left behind and failed to pick
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Nv_ up the party at Leeds. The only really punctual people were two young ladies who had the greatest difficulty in reaching Huddersfield so early in the morning, a visitor “ The Viking,” and a Newcomer, a delightful mem ber of the Y.M.C.A. These conscientious persons set us a good example, for the slogan of the old crowd now appears to be “ Any old time will do.” However, any old time did not do, for we spent a long time grilling in Leeds waiting for a bus, afterwards going by train, and the sorrowful ones missed us and spent a weary day seeking a quiet spot in Roundhay Park. On alighting at our destination the first thing necessary was to procure a ball. The youngest and athletic members had spent the better part of an hour dashing into Leeds shops which should have sold balls, but which did not, and shooting out again. In Otley they managed to procure one of these necessary articles, and for some time the time honoured game of ball pro gressed very enjoyably. Further in the village we discovered that the famous walk from Bradford to some other place was being held, and that the “ walkers ” were expected any moment. And so we stayed and saw the weary entrants make their appearance. The youngest members of our party were fired with enthusiasm, and, in their anxiety to practice professional “ walking,” forgot the game of ball—and then we began to really get on. The weather was not too promising, rain of all varieties, gentle, drizzle, sharp showers and torrential thunderstorms accompanied with vivid lightning (for tunately we were under cover), followed by intense cold, but everyone thoroughly enjoyed the beautiful scenery through which we passed. The strenuous ones finished the day rowing on the beautiful Wharfe the more envious ones watching from the bank, whilst the Weary Willies re turned to the station. After the most enjoyable day in the history of the O.S.U., we returned, as usual, in several detachments to Leeds, and finally to Huddersfield. —V. P. SWIMMING CLUB, 1931. The Club has had a very successful season, considering the member ship for this term has been only 18. This is too low a number for the H.T.C., and we hope it will be increased next season. The Club Championship Race was held on June 29th. This race tests the swimmer for all round ability. The length to swim was 104 yards, or four lengths, using 1st length, breast stroke, 2nd length, back stroke, and 3rd and 4th lengths, free style. The winners were: 1st, T. Mellor (Textile); 2nd, D. Whalley (Dyeing). We hope all students who are swimmers will join the Club next season, when the new baths will be available. —B. METTRICK, Hon. Sec. Smith, Hodgson & Co. (Printers) Ltd., Park Row, Brighouse.
IS YOUR FAVOURITE WINTER SPORT SKATING, NAP, ’OCKEY, SOCCER, RUGBY, EXCITING, MEDITATIVE, MAKING WHOOPEE. Or is it an ENIGMA? Whatever it is, just turn this list upside down. Look at it through the wrong side of a magnifying glass, and you will see the name of THE HUDDERSFIELD PEOPLE WHO SPECIALISE IN SPORTS AND PASTIMES. Here it is:
EMMERSON BROS., ’Phone 1371.
BROOK’S YARD, MARKET STREET.
Like BEER and SKITTLES, and GORGONZOLA and MAGGOTS, SPORTS OUTFITTING and EMMERSON’S are inseparable.
FOR EVERYTHING ELECTRICAL CONSULT
GUY V. LAYCOCK, LTD. ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS and CONTRACTORS,
12, CLOTH HALL STREET, HUDDERSFIELD. TELEPHONE 1023. H.T.C. EFFORT IN AID OF THE “ EARL HAIG” FUND. The ANNUAL POPPY DANCE will be held on SATURDAY, NOV. 7th. HELPERS WANTED ! Students willing to help, and sell tickets, are asked to give in their names at the Library. FOR THE REALLY BEST WATERPROOFS, RUBBER FOOTWEAR, IN FACT RUBBER FOR ANY PURPOSE,
E. HELLEWELL CARTER & CO., Ltd. THE RUBBER STORES, 2, BUXTON ROAD.
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