Genuine Happiness
j4gmagazine.com
“I started high school as a confident, kind, and fun girl. I had my crew and the four of us conquered freshman year together. I felt secure in who I was—but my friends did not. They wanted popularity and started making decisions I didn’t agree with. I stood my ground and told them I wasn’t willing to do certain things to seem cool. My friendships with them began to feel like a rollercoaster. I never knew if they liked me or wanted me out of their sight. Sometimes they’d want to talk with me and other times I was given the silent treatment. Mostly, they pointed out how to ‘fix’ me and how I was ‘such a drag’ to them. It shattered my confidence. I couldn’t imagine losing my only high school friends. I began being willing to do or say anything to remain friends with them. I had a choice to put up with them or choose to be alone. Loneliness in high school was my ultimate fear. Shortly after, my friends asked to meet with me and told me that, behind my back, they had agreed to “throw me out” of our friend group. All of a sudden, I was given a new set of rules. No longer could I speak with them, sit with them at lunch, or hang out with them outside of school. I felt betrayed. It worsened when they began to bully me, spread rumors, and even turn classmates and teachers against me. My worst nightmare had happened—I was all alone and people were believing all sorts of lies about me. What could be worse? I felt the urge to lose myself in relationships with boys and superficial things to mask the pain. I wanted to show everyone they couldn’t get the best of me. I was desperate to be accepted because I had been so hurt. Thankfully, I eventually realized that if I chose to hook up with boys because of the pain I was in, the effect of those decisions would last far beyond high school. They’d be reminders I’d carry with me all my life from this broken time. With this perspective, I felt the courage to persevere through this tough time. I didn’t want it to ruin the life I was just beginning! Instead of losing myself in things that would bring me further down, I channeled the pain and loneliness into an opportunity for something new. I courageously made new friends and found genuine and supportive people that allowed me to be myself. I dove into hobbies I always loved: photography and cooking. I even turned my photography into a business. I became grateful I was no longer with my old friends. I learned that friends who tear you down aren’t real friends. And the loneliness I was terrified of? Well, it wasn’t as scary as I thought. To my surprise, it opened unexpected doors. I also learned how resilient, brave, and strong I was through that experience and it made me a more confident woman.”
Dear Livvy...
—Naomi
Dear Livvy, I have a new boyfriend and I’m nervous he will try something I’m not ready for. What should I tell him if he pushes me? –Not Ready Dear Not Ready, There’s no reason to be ashamed for not being ready to send nudes, have sex, or do anything you aren’t ready for! This shows good self-awareness on your end. Before you get in a situation, I recommend setting boundaries about sex. Be upfront with him and talk about it. I recommend saving sex for marriage, and you’re not alone if you want to. Waiting to have sex will make it better not worse because your relationship will be on solid ground when you do. Having sex early on will decrease your chance of a successful relationship. If he isn’t willing to agree on the same goals and boundaries as you, let him go. It’ll hurt, but if he really loves you he won’t just wait for you, but join you. He isn’t worth it if he compromises your goals and boundaries. Dear Livvy, A random guy contacted me through social media and started telling me how beautiful I am. I have no clue who he is. What do you think of this? What should I do? –Randomly Beautiful Dear Randomly Beautiful, this is a red flag, and you should not respond, just delete his message. It’s scary, but this could be an online predator trying to meet up with you in order to kidnap, assault or sell you into human trafficking. Predators convince young girls and even guys that their beauty will land them a modeling job, only to find themselves victims of prostitution, pornography and slave labor. If he continues to contact you, tell your parents or teacher. If he sends you a sexually explicit image, report him to the authorities. Dear Livvy, It seems like all the girls at school have a boyfriend besides me. I can’t help but feel a little jealous and well, to be honest, desperate. I can’t help it. I just really want a boyfriend! What should I do? –Really Want a Boyfriend Dear Really Want a Boyfriend, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s a natural part of being a girl to want a guy to choose you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It’s an illusion that everyone has a boyfriend! As you wait, I have a couple of ideas. Concentrate more on developing into the right kind of woman you want to be. Spend time on the things you enjoy. Develop solid friendships. This is by far the best thing you can do in this time. Friendships aren’t just for the waiting. They are important to have at every stage of life! It can be easy to find someone and become infatuated to the point where your identity is wrapped up with them, causing breakups to be even more painful when you lose your own identity.
Have more questions for Livvy? Write to her at j4gmagazine.com!
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