Page 62 & 63 - The Motoring Review_Double Page Editorial 10/05/2021 11:58 Page 1
Just
Drive..
The Basics
Model: Range Rover Sport D350 HST Price: £85,995 Engine: 6 cylinder diesel engine Pictures: media.landrover.com
It began with the smoke signal. A column of dark smoke beyond the trees bordering my extensive domain. "I wonder what that is?" I thought. Surely not a smokey exhaust. It's possibly the spontaneous combustion of some alternative energy source. Or could it be a pipeful of O'SHAUGHNESSY'S RICH DARK IRISH MIXTURE? Or maybe a millionaire with a conscience burning all his money before adopting sackcloth and evangelical environmentalism. I wasn't kept in suspense for long. Trudging towards me with all the inevitability of a wet day in Wigan was a striking figure of a man. This is a car review not a short story by Tolstoy so I'll not dwell on descriptive details except to say that he was very tall and in matters of girth, almost as wide. He still retained a vestigial Mohican haircut, although it was now greyish compared with the strident cerise of his heyday. He wore a downcast expression. I knew him from old. This was none other than BILLY TALL PINES, former all-in wrestler of repute, now all in: six feet four inches of pure flab and pinkcheeked breathlessness. I greeted him cheerily. "Hello Squire! Could that smoke signal be connected with your arrival here?" "Too right mate" he gasped, pausing after his efforts in order to collect his breath. "My Sinclair C5 has gone up in smoke. It caught fire the moment I sat down on it. "I wonder why" I responded, glancing at his trouser seat which seemed mercifully unscorched. His weight presumably had precipitated some sort of fusion of sub atomic particles, prompting an inferno. I kept this surmise to myself. Can you give me a lift to my health farm in Wolverhampton? I'm booked in for a socially distanced Abyssinian Massage in an hour"
62 Motoring Review
