i-am magazine March/April 2015 WOMEN by i•am magazine

celebrating NATIONAL WOMEN’S MONTH finding your OWN TRUE VOICE THE

POWER OF THE

FEMALE MIND TAKING TIME OUT to REJUVENATE

MARCH~APRIL 2015 • WOMEN

Here’s reasons to advertise on this page... statistics show that women control 85% of the household spending!

To INCREASE YOUR PROFITS, you need to REACH these WOMEN! To SPEAK DIRECTLY to these women, YOU need to be WHERE THEY ARE LOOKING. i•am magazine is the only local magazine devoted to women, offering articles that touch upon women’s interests and concerns. i•am magazine is mailed to over 45,000 residences in The Woodlands and over 500 area businesses that have customer waiting rooms, with an estimated readership of more than 200,000 people. CAPTURE THIS AUDIENCE with your ad space in i•am magazine. Call 512-739-0596 or email us at adsales@i-ammagazine.com. Let us help you grow your business!

TABLE of CONTENTS | women 2015 • • •

What ’s Inside nurture 9

The Power of the Female Mind We explore fascinating research with interesting implications for understanding why men and women are so different .

11 Giving Hope to Children with Autism Early detection and intervention are crucial.

15 Feeling Beautiful Again A local organization, The Breast Cancer Charities of America, helps women with breast cancer feel good about themselves after chemo through their Feeling Beautiful Again program.

inspire 12

Fate Is in Your Own Hands How thoughts can impact what you believe and what you achieve.

protect 14

How Well Do You Know Your ABC’s? A women’s guide to essential vitamins.

31 22

17 Turn Financial Lemons into Lemonade Women are at a disadvantage, compared to men, in making money last a lifetime. We share some tips to help ensure a brighter financial future for women.

18 Bio-identical Hormones: A Safer Alternative? One holistic physician shares her perspective.

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achieve

connect

Finding Your Own True Voice There’s a quiet voice inside telling you something really important. Here’s how to start listening.

Who Are You? Forget Labels and Redefine Yourself

Identity Theft A personal story of one woman’s loss of identity after leaving the career that she thought had defined her.

Lessons in Strength and Beauty from Lady Hercules As we honor Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day, we take a look at a few extraordinary women who changed the course of history.

25 From Dream to Reality A spotlight on several local female entrepreneurs.

indulge 31

Grab Your Girlfriends and Go! Whatever you choose as your ideal vacation destination, make a plan and go travel – with or without your significant other.

relax 26

Me Time...It’s Not Selfish, It’s Self-Respectful With all women have on their plate these days – work, kids, chores, errands, volunteering, friends, etc. – it’s important to remember to take time out for yourself.

the woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. the woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before. ~ Albert Einstein

Welcome to i•am magazine

magazine Suzanne Hirayama Founder & Publisher Editor In Chief Creative Director Patricia Ostholm Dianne C. Witter Copy Editors Catherine Law New Business Development Carma Lee Sales Executive CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Cathy Brown Amy French Dr. Angie Hays Carma Lee Dr. Mila McManus Patricia Ostholm Dr. Domonique Randall Nina Shadi Anna Stevenson Dianne C. Witter CONTACT

6700 Woodlands Pkwy., Ste. 230-281 The Woodlands, TX 77382 EDITORIAL INQUIRIES

info@i-ammagazine.com ADVERTISING INQUIRIES

adsales@i-ammagazine.com i•am magazine is a bi-monthly publication of Yama Media, LLC and is distributed, complimentarily, to residents within The Woodlands, TX. If you are not within our distribution area but would like to have i•am magazine delivered to you, subscriptions are available for $18.00 (six issues annually). To subscribe, send a money order for $18 payable to Yama Media, LLC, along with your full name and mailing address to Yama Media, LLC; 6700 Woodlands Pkwy., Ste. 230-281, The Woodlands, TX 77382. Please allow up to 8 weeks for delivery of first issue. Readership: 200,000+. ©2015 Yama Media, LLC. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without the Publisher’s consent is strictly prohibited. The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the positions or views of the Publisher. The publication of any advertisement or advertorial in this issue does not constitute an endorsement of the advertiser’s products or services by this publication.

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ur mission for i•am magazine is to enhance and celebrate the incredible lives of women through a beautiful “better living” publication that serves as a prominent source of advice, knowledge and inspiration.

Within each issue you will find numerous articles pertaining to health and wellness, fitness and activities, personal finances, travel, religious faith and more. Each of the 6 issues will be devoted to a theme. We begin the year with WELLNESS (Jan/Feb), which is the perfect time to set your goals for the year and chart a course for a healthier and happier 2015. We will then follow with the WOMEN’S issue in March/April, which coincides with National Women’s History Month, a celebration of women’s contributions to history, culture and society. This thought-provoking issue will reflect on who we are and what we want as women. It will aim to inspire, motivate and educate on so many topics important to women. Our May/June issue is the ever-popular FAMILY & HOME issue. We will be highlighting various topics including diverse philosophies for your children’s education, healthy eating for all ages, enhancing family

relationships, and more. This exciting issue (July/Aug) is the DISTINCTIONS issue. It will feature unique or innovative products or services that can make your life easier or more enjoyable. We’ll also highlight fresh and creative ideas for the home and explore intriguing places to visit and interesting things to do for fun. CELEBRATIONS are the focus of our fifth issue (Sept/Oct), whether it’s a formal special occasion or a less formal social gathering. This issue will be loaded with helpful planning tips and recommendations to make your celebration a stress-free success – and to preserve memories of the big day. And last but not least, we close the year with our HOLIDAYS issue (Nov/Dec), where we’ll share creative ways to show your love or personalize your home for the holidays and show you how to make healthier holiday treats or find innovative gift ideas. We’ll also provide inspiration to honor family traditions or create new ones, advice in dealing with the loss of a loved one, and ideas to get into the spirit of the season. So get ready for an amazing year of better living with i•am! And remember, this magazine is for you – an intelligent, amazing, modern woman!

I AM.

Two of the most powerful words; for what you put after them shapes your reality. ~ Unknown

I A M T H E I N T E L L I G E N T, A M A Z I N G , M O D E R N W O M A N

magazine

from the publisher

| women 2015 • • •

i am

hat an incredible start for i•am! With the launch of our premier issue in January, I have been truly amazed and INSPIRED by the support and praise we have received from so many individuals. Your comments tell me we are on the right track in creating a magazine that is of value to women in our community. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post on our Facebook page, send an email or share your thoughts in person. Here are just a few of the comments we received about our first issue:

inspired.

only did it make it into my house (and not into the recycling bin with most of what else came with the post) but I read it cover to cover. Thank you for the wonderful and unexpected treat!” ~ Kimm “Thank you for creating something so perfectly named and much needed to expand the light of awareness that is awakening and illuminating all over the planet. It’s wonderful to see that right here in my home area.” ~ Sheryl

“I love this magazine because it is not just about helping women to be their best on the outside, but also on the inside. And for me, that’s what better living is all about!” ~ Patricia

With so many appreciative words to motivate me, I am pleased to present the second issue of i•am. This issue was INSPIRED by the many local women I have met who bravely went after their dreams of entrepreneurship. Whether they know it or not, they are part of a nationwide trend toward the growth of women-owned, women-operated, and women-founded businesses. According to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, womenowned businesses have grown by one and a half times the rate of other small enterprises and they account for almost 30 percent of all businesses. In addition, the 2013 State of Women-Owned Business Report concluded there were 8.6 million firms owned solely by women – that is INSPIRING!

“Love this new magazine that arrived unexpectedly yesterday in my mailbox! Not

Since March is National Women’s History Month (and March 8th is International

“Of all the years that I have been living in The Woodlands your community magazine is the only one so far that I want to keep as my everyday reference! The rich quality and unbiased content is what we need for our community!” ~ Marriana “Thank you for a magazine that has REAL content, not just fancy ads. I usually just throw out all the magazines that come to the house...i•am is a breath of fresh air.” ~ Indrani

Women’s Day), we have dubbed this our Women’s Issue, with an aim to celebrate the contributions of ALL women, both past and present, both in business and in society. Our special feature highlights how much we have accomplished as women, and puts a spotlight on a few trail-blazing women who have inspired and empowered countless others (pg. 22). Also in this issue is a fascinating article about the female brain and what makes us different from men (pg.9). On the health front, we reveal the specific vitamins essential to women’s health (pg. 14) and discuss the hot topic of bio-identical hormones (pg. 18). We also share some important advice to remind us that – even though we have a “can-do” attitude – we should take time out to rejuvenate ourselves (pg. 26). One way to do this is through travel, whether we travel with family or other female friends (pg. 31). I hope you’ll enjoy our Women’s Issue, and you’ll support our advertisers, as well. When you patronize these businesses, please let them know you saw their ad in i•am magazine. We depend on their support to produce this complimentary publication for our community – and for that, we are truly grateful. Wishing you all the inspiration and empowerment you need to achieve your goals and realize your dreams,

Suzanne

Suzanne Hirayama Publisher

In Buddhism, the bud of the lotus symbolizes potential And the lotus flower represents an awakening, spiritual growth and enlightenment. “The lotus flower is the most beautiful flower, whose petals open one by one. But it will only grow in the mud. In order to grow and gain wisdom, first you must have the mud — the obstacles of life and its suffering.... The mud speaks of the common ground that humans share, no matter what our stations in life.... Whether we have it all or we have nothing, we are all faced with the same obstacles: sadness, loss, illness, dying and death. If we are to strive as human beings to gain more wisdom, more kindness and more compassion, we must have the intention to grow as a lotus and open each petal one by one.” — Goldie Hawn

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• • • the female brain |

nurture

The Power of the Female Mind Are women hard-wired with certain mental aptitudes and vulnerabilities? Neuroscientists are getting closer to some definitive answers about how we tick. story | Dianne C. Witter

isten in on the conversation of any group of women enjoying girls night out over a bottle of wine and you’re likely to hear a lively but exasperated real-world discussion of one of the perennial questions plaguing science and humanity: “What is the deal with men?” Or, in more gender neutral terms, why is it that men and women seem to be cut from completely different cloth? A group of friends and I dubbed our weekly happy hour get-togethers “Whine on Wednesday,” the perfect setting for getting away from stress and venting about men, kids, jobs and life in general. Our wide-ranging discussions invariably brought us back to puzzling out why men are so often perplexing – and perplexed by us in return. As tends to happen when women get together and address the deeper problems of the universe, our insights could have filled a book. It’s a topic of legitimate scientific inquiry, one researchers have been studying for years. Are key parts of our behavior scripted in – things like communication, maternal instinct, fidelity, empathy, spatial reasoning, aggression, multitasking or mathematic ability? Are men and women hard-wired completely differently? Ask our girl’s night out philosophers – or anyone who’s ever lived with a member of the opposite sex – and you’re likely to get a resounding, “YES!” Psychological researchers and neuroscientists aren’t as unified or as definitive in their response. It’s well known that there are structural differences between male and female brains, and a fair amount of research showing differences in the way men and women think, problem-solve and communicate. But the age-old question remains: Are our differences due more to the biological hardwiring of our brains or to the cultural influences of our upbringing? Even with today’s technology, it’s a controversial question and the answers won’t be black and white. At the end of the day, our behavior and abilities are almost certainly born of a complex intertwining of the influences of the two interrelated contributors – biological sex and the gender socialization process. The problem arises when we attempt to connect the dots between brain structure and male / female behavior and make definitive assumptions about what behavior is hard-wired from the start.

Researchers are careful about the inferences they draw for good reason: Statistics and facts out of context can often be misconstrued or used to support pre-drawn conclusions. Consider the fact that male brains, even after adjusting for men’s overall larger size, are on average 10 to 15 percent larger than women’s brains. A hasty assessment of that information could lead to the sexist conclusion that men are biologically smarter than women. (Spoiler alert: They’re not.) That said, there is a lot of fascinating research with interesting implications for understanding why men and women are so different – and in what ways we are similar. For instance, according to science writer Mo Costandi in a 2013 issue of The Guardian, studies have found that “men tend to be more aggressive and outperform women on mental tasks involving spatial skills such as mental rotation, whereas women tend to be more empathetic and perform better on verbal memory and language tasks.” WOMEN MAKE BETTER TEAMMATES Some particularly compelling research has shown that women may be the secret ingredient to boosting a group’s effectiveness.

Looking at factors affecting what they call the “collective intelligence” of work groups, researchers made a surprising finding: Forming a group of members with high IQs didn’t necessarily make for more effective groups, but when groups were weighted with more female members, collective intelligence rose. Perhaps this finding isn’t so surprising after all. Co-author of the 2011 study Anita Wooley explained in Harvard Business Review, “What do you hear about great groups? Not that the members are all really smart but that they listen to each other. They share criticism constructively. They have open minds. They’re not autocratic.” So it’s not the loudest or the strongest or even the most intelligent that make the best groups, but those that are best at collaboration and team building. The study also found that members in the “smart groups” scored better on the ability to identify others’ emotional states from complex visual cues. A recent follow up study showed that these principles translate to online work groups as well. “We wanted to see whether… social ability would matter as much when people communicated purely by typing messages into a browser,” noted Wooley and her collaborawww.i-ammagazine.com

i•am

nurture |

the female brain • • •

tors in a New York Times article in January. “And they did. Online and off, some teams consistently worked smarter than others. More surprisingly, the most important ingredients for a smart team remained constant regardless of its mode of interaction: members who communicated a lot, participated equally and possessed good emotion-reading skills.” And for whatever reason (our brains or our upbringing), that just tends to be women. These findings could have some pretty important implications for the future of business and government. After decades of competing for “a seat at the table,” compelling evidence suggests stacking the deck with female leaders just may be the key to success. LIGHTING UP THE BRAIN Another area generating a lot of interest (and drawing a fair amount of controversy) is brain imaging research done by Daniel Amen, M.D. In the largest study of its kind to date, his team used single photon emission computed tomography (SPECT) scanning to compare blood flow and activity patterns in the brains of 46,000 men and women, developing a rich database of information. They found that women’s brains “lit up,” or showed more activity in 70 out of the 80 areas they tested. According to Dr. Amen, “These differences help us understand some of the unique strengths and vulnerabilities of the female brain and give us important clues as to how to optimize it. “We found that females have stronger activity in an area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which is involved with planning, judgment, empathy, and self-control,” reported Dr. Amen, in an article titled “Five Ways to Unleash the Power of the Female Brain.” “Researchers have also found that females have more activity in the part of the brain responsible for

gut feelings and intuition and…in the limbic or emotional and bonding areas of the brain.” He hypothesizes that these differences mean women tend to have strengths in some specific areas: empathy, intuition, collaboration, self-control, and “appropriate” worry (versus risk-taking behavior). He notes that these strengths can also have downsides, making women more more vulnerable to things like anxiety, depression, insomnia, eating disorders and pain. In his clinic, Dr. Amen uses SPECT scans in determining a patient’s therapy for many different conditions, and this is where many experts disagree with his approach. Sophisticated brain mapping is a valuable research tool and will undoubtedly play a big part in leading to advances, but many authorities stress that it is simply too soon to translate those findings into patient treatment and that doing so isn’t supported by scientific proof as yet.

BRAIN 2025: THE VISION That may be changing soon, however, thanks to the federal government’s $46 million commitment to accelerating advances in brain research through the BRAIN Initiative (Brain Research through Advancing Innovative Neurotechnologies). Compared in scope to the original space mission or to the sequencing of the human genome, this project aims for no less than to capture the first dynamic view of the human brain in action, mapping it in real time and transforming our understanding of depression, brain injury, addiction, Alzheimer’s and a host of other conditions. The human brain is a universe unto itself, one proponents of the BRAIN Initiative are calling “the last frontier.” Inside this modest-looking organ some 100 billion nerve cells make over 100 trillion connections at, well, the speed of thought. It takes some sophisticated microscopic circuitry to serve as the originator and conduit of every human thought and endeavor, and mapping its machinery is a complex endeavor. Challenge Your Brain! Perhaps, these studies will lead as well to a better understanding of who we are, Watch BRAIN GAMES, on the National why we are the way we are, and what Geographic Channel, to put your brain to the test. we can do to optimize our particular The show is an interactive series, discussing and gifts. Maybe they will even answer the exploring the components of the human brain. thorny question of the differences beHosted by Jason Silva, Brain Games uses experts tween men and women and whether in cognitive science, neuroscience and psychology those are inborn or learned. In the and encourages viewers to participate in interactive end, we may never know for sure, but experiments, or “brain games”, that emphasize the maybe it’s time to start changing the main points presented in each episode. You’ll be questions. After all, the female species is much amazed by what you see and learn! more similar to males than it is different, and there are wide ranging differences among individuals that aren’t limited to any biological dictate. Our brains also have extraordinary plasticity, meaning when they encounter roadblocks, they are adept at developing new

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Interesting Brain Facts • NO PAIN: There are no pain receptors in the brain, so the brain can feel no pain. • STRESS: Excessive stress has shown to “alter brain cells, brain structure and brain function.” • FOOD & INTELLIGENCE: A study of one million students in New York showed that students who ate lunch that did not include artificial flavors, preservatives, and dyes did 14% better on IQ tests than students who ate lunches with these additives. • PAIN AND GENDER: Scientists have discovered that men and women’s brains react differetly to pain, which explains why they may perceive or discuss pain differently. • DECISION-MAKING: Women tend to take longer to make a decision, but are more likely to stick with the decision, compared to men, who are more likely to change their mind after making a decision. • MEMORY: Memory is formed by associations, so if you want help remembering things, create associations for yourself. source: www.nursingassistantcentral.com

neural pathways around them. We have always had more potential than we’ve realized. Predisposition can only go so far. Ultimately, we exert the most influence over the symphony of our lives, and we can do that best by unearthing our unique strengths, making the most of those gifts, and using them in concert with others’ strengths. Meanwhile, those of us hoping for answers to things like, “Why won’t men ever put the toilet seat down?” might have to wait awhile. The best prescription for that may just come from one of those girls nights out. After all – and, come on, we already knew this, didn’t we? – having more women in your problem solving group makes it smarter and more effective.

•

Dianne Witter is a Houston-based freelance writer with BAs in psychology and religion. She believes girl’s night out is empirical proof that many of the world’s thorniest issues could be solved by women and wine.

• • • hope for autism |

nurture

Giving Hope to Children with Autism story | Domonique Randall, BCBA-D

s parents, there seems to be an endless list of things to worry about when it comes to our children. Those concerns start the day a baby is born, with parents constantly tracking their child’s developmental path, concerned whether or not they are hitting their age-appropriate milestones. A major developmental concern amongst parents is autism spectrum disorder (ASD), which is a range of complex neurodevelopment disorders characterized by social impairment, communication difficulties and restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) 2014 Community Report on Autism, the new estimate of autism prevalence is 1 in 68 children. That can be a scary statistic for parents, but there is hope through early detection and proven evidence-based approaches, including applied behavior analysis (ABA). ABA, which is the recommended treatment for ASD by several federal and state agencies, including the U.S. Surgeon General, is an evidence-based treatment approach. ABA is focused on understanding how behavior is affected by the environment. The scientific principles of learning are applied to behavioral deficiencies and excesses associated with ASD. The sooner a parent or physician can identify the signs of ASD, the better! Some research has identified risk factors for ASD as early as a child’s first birthday. Early intervention yields the best outcomes as far as developmental gains and increased IQ are concerned. Studies show early intensive intervention, such as ABA, improves learning, communication and social skills.

Appropriate screening can determine whether a child is at risk for autism. The following early detection signs may indicate that your child is at risk for ASD. If your child exhibits any of these signs, please do not hesitate to contact your pediatrician: • No big smiles or other warm, joyful expres sions by six months or thereafter • No back and forth sharing of sounds, smiles or other facial expressions by nine months • No babbling by 12 months • No back-and-forth gestures such as pointing, reaching or waving by 12 months • No words by 16 months • No meaningful, two-word phrases (not including imitating or repeating) by 24 months • Any loss of speech, babbling or social skills at any age Once parents are faced with an autism diagnosis, so many questions run through their heads – one of them being, “What do we do now?” While there is currently no single known cause or cure for autism, there is a way to improve the everyday struggles, but time is of the essence. Choosing the best treatment and getting started early is critical. First, make a commitment to choose only evidence-based treatments, such as ABA. It can be overwhelming when you search the Internet, so a good starting place is the First 100 Day Kit available on www.AustimSpeaks.org. Next, be sure you have a support system in place with family and friends that will support you in your efforts to start and maintain ABA treatment. Often times the focus of ABA

treatment will require that you, family and friends change your responses to the child’s behavior to support his or her learning. Third, find quality ABA treatment programs that will focus on your child’s needs as well as your family’s needs. Here are some key components of quality programs: 1. Qualified Professionals - this includes Board Certified Behavior Analysts and Behavior Technicians 2. Data-driven treatment decisions 3. Individualized assessment and treatment based on your child’s strengths and weaknesses 4. Several forms of teaching to promote acqui sition and generalization of skills, naturalist training, structured teaching, and social learning opportunities 5. Parent training and support in ABA principles and techniques 6. Teaches replacement behavior through the use of positive reinforcement Finally, consider the commitment in terms of resources and time. Depending on where a child falls on the autism spectrum, intensive ABA training can consists of 30 plus hours per week for multiple years. A total of 38 states now require some coverage for diagnosis and treatment for autism. To learn more about this mandate and other resources for parents, visit. www.AutismSpeaks.org. Being your child’s advocate is important. Just remember, early detection and intervention are key. The sooner the signs of autism are identified and evidence-based treatment such as ABA can begin, the better the outcome for your child.

•

Domonique Randall, BCBA-D, is the founder and CEO of The Shape of Behavior, an ABA clinic for individuals with ASD and other disabilities. She has over 17 years of experience in autism treatment. As a mother of four, Dr. Randall has both professional and personal expertise in tending to the developmental needs of children. To learn more about The Shape of Behavior and its services, visit www.shapeofbehavior.com.

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inspire

| your fate • • •

Fate is in Your Own Hands “When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~ Honore de Balzac

story | Nina Shadi, MS, LPC

hat are your thoughts on fate? Do you believe in it? Do you believe in a divine plan, or do you believe that you hold the path to your own destiny in your hands? Perhaps your beliefs are not so black and white. Take a moment to ponder this topic before reading on. The following is a short Buddhist parable with a beautiful ending: Once upon a time, there was a general who was leading his army into battle against an enemy ten times the size of his own. Along the way to the battlefield, the troops stopped by a small temple to pray for victory. The general held up a coin and told his troops, “I am going to implore the gods to help us crush our enemy. If this coin lands with the heads on top, we’ll win. If it’s tails, we’ll lose. Our fate is in the hands of the gods. Let’s pray wholeheartedly.” After a short prayer, the general tossed the coin. It landed with the heads on top. The troops were overjoyed and went into the battle with high spirit. Just as predicted, the smaller army won the battle. The soldiers were exalted; “It’s good to have the gods on our side! No one can change what they have determined.” “Really?” said the general, and he shows them the coin--both sides had heads.

After reading this, what are your thoughts on fate? Take a minute to think about what this means to you. What did this story teach you? Write down your thoughts in this moment. Take it in, then continue reading. I know for many, this is a touchy subject. Some people believe wholeheartedly that fate, and God’s plan, are a real thing that do in fact impact the ways in which our lives unfold. Others however, believe that we, and we alone, control our ultimate fate. No God, or outside force does. Even within this story, you see the divide; the General believed in his army, while the army believed in the gods. But in the end, it was the strength and power of the army that defeated their enemy, not God. The difference was simply that the army believed in the gods, rather than themselves. This goes to show how our thoughts can truly impact what we believe to be true and what we achieve each day. Self-deprecating thoughts become beliefs, which then become self-fulfilling prophecies, and ultimately become the truth we seek. Our decisions lead us down a road that will only fulfill that belief. Fate, therefore, can often lead us to the belief that we have no control over our lives, experiences, or choices. However, that belief in itself can be very self-defeating and deprecating to personal growth and success. It’s okay to lean on spirituality sometimes. Much like the army, having others around you, working with you, and believing in what you’re working towards is a strength. Use spirituality and your support system as tools for strength and perseverance, but know that you yourself are fully capable of achieving your own destiny.

You must learn to focus on personal strength and believe in yourself each day. Positive beliefs are critical to accomplishing goals, and achieving the life you want. If you can’t believe in yourself, what else do you have going forward? You don’t need outside forces behind you when you believe in yourself. Knowing your own strength gives you power and freedom to follow your heart and create your own destiny. REFLECTION: • What thoughts do you have on fate? • Do you believe that your fate is determined or that you have the ability to design your own fate and future? • Are there things you want to do, but don’t believe you have the personal strength to do so? What would need to change for you to believe in yourself? • Are there things you want to do, but don’t believe it’s in the cards for you? Where do these beliefs stem from? How does this sort of thinking hinder you? • Now, take all of the self-defeating thoughts you wrote down and reframe them to be strengths. Write down three positive affirmations to build mental and spiritual strength and repeat them to yourself each day this week. After a week, write down what has changed.

•

“if you can imagine it, you can achieve it. if you can dream it, you can become it.” ~ William Arthur Ward

Nina Shadi holds a BA in Psychology, MS in Mental Health Counseling and is a Licensed Professional Counselor currently working as a therapist with families and children in Minnesota. Nina is also the author and creator of With an Open Heart, a blog dedicated to creating moving content related to psychology, well-being, self-awareness, mindfulness, purposeful living, personal growth, transformation and more. For more information about Nina or With an Open Heart, please visit www.withanopenheart.org.

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Helping Families Make Sense of the Puzzle At The Shape of Behavior, we understand how much the little things matter. It is our mission to provide treatment based on empirically validated ABA principles and shape behavior by celebrating small, everyday successes. The Shape provides ABA Behavioral Therapy to children with autism and all other special needs. We work to help improve the quality of life for the children and the families we serve.

Proudly serving children and their families since 2000.

Autism Services and Behavior Therapy

In Clinic Treatment Social Skills Shadowing Diagnostic Services

26315 Oak Ridge Dr., The Woodlands, TX 77380

832-358-2655

www.shapeofbehavior.com

protect

| essential vitamins for women • • •

How Well Do You Know Your A WO MAN’S G U I D E TO E S S E N T I A L V I TA M I N S

itamins are an essential part of life. Without them, our bodies could not function and do all the awesome things they do. When nutrients are deficient, we are often left feeling lethargic, can have a loss of concentration, can become ill, or worse. Supplements can help in getting your recommended allowance of vitamins, but it’s ideal to gain them from whole foods as much as possible. Here is a list of some of the top vitamins and the sources they can be found in. VITAMIN A Function: • Acts as an antioxidant. • Development of healthy skin, teeth, bones, soft tissue, muscle membranes, skin and nerve tissue. • Aids in building up resistance to infection. • Warning: Toxic in large doses (supplements only). However, it is nearly impossible to consume too much from eating a healthy diet. Best to get from a beta-carotene whole food source such as carrots or canteloupes. Sources: Whole milk, cheese, cream, chicken, liver, beef, fruits and vegetables including apricots, guavas, peaches, watermelon, cantaloupe, tomatoes, carrots, pumpkins, broccoli, sweet potatoes and all green leafy vegetables.

To ensure you get all the antioxidants and essential nutrients you need daily, include a minimum of 5 servings of fresh fruits and vegetables each day.

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VITAMIN B • Vitamins B6, B12 and folic acid (B9) are the 3 most important B vitamins for women. • B6 and B12 are crucial for healthy brain function and proper cell development. They are particularly important for pregnant and menopausal women by helping to increase energy and reduce mood swings. • One cup of a fortified cereal offers enough vitamin B to meet your daily requirements. Vitamin B6 Function: • Helps in making antibodies. • Aides the immune system. • Helps maintain nerve function. • Keeps blood sugar levels in normal range. Sources: Avocado, banana, legumes, meat, nuts, poultry, fish and whole grains. Vitamin B9 (Folate or Folic Acid) Function: • Essential for red blood cell production and brain function. • Guards against cancer and birth defects. Sources: Green vegetables,fruits, peas, dried beans, nuts, cereals, enriched breads, and other grain products. If you plan to become pregnant, taking an additional folate supplement is critical to the health of your unborn child.

AB C ’s? Vitamin B12 Function: • Important for metabolism. • Helps in the formation of red blood cells and in the maintenance of the central nervous system. Sources: Organ meats, shellfish (clams) meat, poultry, eggs, milk and other dairy foods. Not found in fruits and vegetables. Many women are at risk for vitamin B12 deficiency – after 50 years of age, some of us lose the ability to absorb this vitamin from food. And many follow a vegetarian or vegan diet which offers no vitamin B12. Also women after weight loss surgeries or who have digestive disorders like celiac disease, Crohn’s disease or gluten intolerance may not absorb enough. VITAMIN C (Ascorbic acid) Function: • Acts as an antioxidant. • Helps facilitate wound healing by helping to produce collagen. • Aids in production of new red blood cells, which are necessary for delivering oxygen to your brain and other cells in the body. • Helps to fend off wrinkles! • Helps support the immune system. Sources: Citrus fruits, berries, kiwi, red and green peppers, tomatoes, broccoli, leafy vegetables and potatoes. One orange or one cup of broccoli will provide you with all the vitamin C you need for the day. Keep in mind – eating fruits and vegetables raw will provide the best source of vitamin C as cooking reduces the potency of the vitamin C. VITAMIN D Function: • Essential for the proper utilization of vitamins and minerals, especially calcium and phosphorus, which are needed to produce healthy bones. • Regulates blood pressure, reduces stress, improves complexion, and promotes heart health. • Is believed to reduce the occurance of breast cancer by as much as 50%. • May offer protection from ovarian cancer and diabetes. • Warning: Too much can cause a number of health problems (supplements only).

• • • breast cancer |

Sources: The best source is from the sun. Try and get 30 minutes of sunshine daily. The U.K. Food Standards Agency recommends that older adults, people with darker skin, and people who do not get adequate sunlight each day take extra vitamin D from vitamin D-fortified foods or supplements. It is also found in most dairy products such as fortified milk, butter and cheese, as well as fish and egg yolks. However, the best food source is fatty fish, such as salmon, tuna and mackerel. But with vitamin D found in small doses within food sources, it’s best to add a supplement to your daily regimen. And because vitamin D and calcium are linked, it is important for menopausal women to take an additional calcium + vitamin D supplement. VITAMIN E Function: • Acts as an antioxidant • For normal cell reproduction • Important for heart health and immune function. • Helps in reducing the aging process. • Warning: too much can cause increased bleeding (supplements only). Sources: Wheat germ oil is the richest source of this essential vitamin (1 tbsp = more than 100% of daily value). Also found in cereal grains and wheat germ, nuts and seeds, peanut butter, pumpkin, tomato, mango, kiwi, spinach and broccoli. SO, WHAT’S CONSIDERED A SERVING ANYWAY? Deciding how much is one serving can be tricky. For fruit, one serving is typically considered as one cup of fruit or 100% fruit juice, or half a cup dried fruit, and for vegetables, one cup of raw or cooked vegetables, but not all fruits and vegetables fit nicely into a one cup measurement. So here are a few additional examples: • One small or half of a large apple • One large banana • 32 seedless grapes • One medium grapefruit • One large orange • One medium pear • About eight large strawberries • One small 1” thick wedge of watermelon • Three 5” spears of broccoli • Two cups raw or one cup cooked leafy greens • About 12 baby carrots • One large raw whole tomato • One large sweet potato • One large ear of corn source: USDA

•

Feeling

Beautiful

nurture

Again

After losing a breast to cancer, countless women have shared that the experience is equivalent to losing your femininity and sexuality all at once, leaving patients to deal with issues of body image and self-esteem. Accepting a post-cancer body is often very difficult. But simple sensitive acts of care and kindness can help. This is the focus of The Breast Cancer Charities Feeling Beautiful Again Project. THE SOLUTIONS Just as with any psychological issue, women with breast cancer can benefit from engaging in an honest conversation about their cancer-related body image issues. In addition to just “getting it out there,” women can do several things to take charge of improving their self-esteem: Partners can go a long way to be loving and supportive in regards to a woman’s changing body image. Expressing acceptance and encouragement, as a woman makes changes in wardrobe and hairstyle, can help her make the transition from a pre-cancer to a post-cancer body easier. The Breast Cancer Charities of America recommends breast cancer survivors strengthen their self-image through everything from wise nutritional choices, daily exercise, getting treated for signs of depression and improving communication with family and friends. The organization is also the leader in helping breast cancer patients understand the power and importance of self-image in the recovery process. A completely new outfit, make-up, a manicure, and even jewelry can help women feel good by looking good. Self-esteem and body image are critically important and highly personal issues to breast cancer patients. The Breast Cancer Charities of America’s Feeling Beautiful Again Project leads the way for women with breast cancer to get well and stay well. WHAT IS THE FEELING BEAUTIFUL AGAIN PROGRAM? BCCA has created an amazing program service called Feeling Beautiful Again where we provide women going through breast cancer a beauty basket of HOPE! Included are items that make women feel like a woman again. Think how a simple touch of lip gloss makes you feel pretty, or how blush would help the pale complexion of a cancer patient feel brightened. The program service was started after a story from our board member, Theo Cox, a 20+ year breast cancer survivor. When she was in the hospital, a friend of hers who had also gone through breast cancer, brought her a small bottle of perfume and said, “Spray this every morning on yourself…you’ll want to feel beautiful again sooner than you think.” That scent of perfume was a turning point in Theo’s life and the more we started to share small gifts of kindness like a bag of beauty, women going through breast cancer were all reacting the same…they looked in the mirror or painted their nails and that little bit of beauty made them feel pretty and realize there was hope to move forward. HOW CAN YOU HELP THESE WOMEN? We’re constantly looking for donations of new beauty, cosmetic and fashion items to include in these kit. Donations can be dropped off at 8505 Technology Forest Place, Suite 604, The Woodlands or financial donations through www.iGoPink.org. Our “Shopping List” includes the following items we’re in need of/are demanded the most: Lip Gloss Nail Polish Blush & brush Necklace or bracelet Eye Shadow & brush Scarves Fuzzy socks or slippers Head Wraps Sleep Caps Magazine subscriptions Journals Queasy Pops Throw Blankets Kleenex (travel size) Netflix or DVD rental subscriptions (to watch in hospital bed) Gift cards to a restaurant or movie theatre (many single moms request this so they can take their kids out to dinner/movie and try to show them that life can still be “normal”) You may request a Feeling Beautiful Again Kit through www.thebreastcancercharities.org/ feelingbeautifulagain/. For more information about this program or The Breast Cancer Charities of America, visit www.iGoPink.org or call 936-231-8460.

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• • • finance for women |

protect

Turn Financial Lemons into Lemonade story | Patricia Ostholm, CFP®

s a financial planner for nearly 15 years, I have helped numerous clients prepare for retirement. And whether my client was a man or a woman, the principles of saving and long-term investing have always remained the same. But whenever I sit with a female client, I know – statistically speaking – that her risk of running out of money in retirement is much higher than that of a male. This may come as a surprise to some women, but unfortunately, it’s true: women, as a group, have been dealt some serious lemons when it comes to securing our financial future. Whether by nature or nurture, women are at a disadvantage compared to men in making our money last for our lifetime. Consider these challenging facts: • Women live, on average, five years longer than men. So women need their money to last that much longer. • Because women live to older ages, they are more likely than men to need end-of life care in a nursing home, which is expensive. • Unfortunately, women tend to have smaller Social Security checks than men because they earned lower wages and worked fewer years while raising children, caring for elderly parents or both. • With fewer years employed and lower wages, women also have fewer dollars saved in an employer retirement plan such as a 401(k) account. And countless women who work part-time have no access to an employer plan. • And finally, numerous research studies have shown that women who have saved in a retirement plan tend to be invested much more conservatively than men (par tially due to biologic and gender- social ization reasons). In the long run, this results in lower annual investment returns. I won’t sugarcoat these facts; these are definite financial challenges for women to overcome. But we can overcome them – making lemonade out of lemons – by educating ourselves on investing in capital markets and understanding our own strengths and weaknesses that either help or hinder us as investors. Here are several opportunities for women investors to use their strengths (and guard against

their weaknesses) to ensure a brighter financial future… BALANCE RISK AND REWARD Researchers agree that investing too conservatively is likely the biggest mistake women make in saving for retirement. Retirement investments should be selected for long-term growth that stays ahead of inflation after subtracting taxes and investment fees. This generally means that the majority of a retirement account should be invested in equities (a.k.a. stock investments) versus bonds or fixed annuities. And the further you are away from retirement, the larger that majority equity percentage should be. MAINTAIN DISCIPLINE Interestingly, experiments have found that women are less likely than men to get emotional over an investment (something to do with testosterone and men equating investment return to winning or losing). And it turns out that a woman’s calm demeanor actually keeps her from making hasty investment decisions when investment values rise and fall. So ignore those TV investment hucksters who want you to buy or sell today to “time the market;” instead, maintain disciplined investment processes, such as keeping investments diversified, investing at regular intervals, and regularly rebalancing investments to avoid excessive risk.

DON’T BE SHY ABOUT ASKING FOR DIRECTION It’s probably not a surprise that women tend to ask more questions before investing and they are more likely to hire a professional for advice. And since communication is key to getting the result you want, women investors are more likely to be satisfied with their investment choices. In addition, women tend to rely on their network of friends for referrals to investment advisors. FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE And here’s one more reason why women can be successful retirement investors despite the income and expense challenges they face: because we are more apt to focus on the big picture. Surveys have shown that qualitative financial goals (such as feeling secure or becoming independent) are more helpful in staying on track with retirement savings plans than setting a specific monetary goal. That’s because chasing a dollar figure with account values moving up and down can bring emotion back into decisionmaking. Here again, women have figured out a way to make lemonade.

•

REMEMBER THAT PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE In addition to keeping emotion out of investment decisions, research has concluded that women have the edge on men in their commitment to long-term investing. And this has led to higher overall returns for women, given the same portfolio risk. Women, apparently, are more likely to be “buy-and-hold” investors, which means fewer trading decisions to potentially get wrong and fewer trading fees, which results in more net return over time. The fact that women are more patient in making important financial decisions – and sticking with those decisions – also works in their favor. So the tortoise beats the hare at times.

Patricia Ostholm, CFP®, is a personal financial advisor, a teacher of financial education, and a freelance financial writer.

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| bio-identical hormones • • •

Bio-Identical Hormones: A Safer Alternative? Natural, or bio-identical, hormones derived from plants are gaining popularity as an alternative to drug treatment, but their use is controversial. Here, one holistic physician shares her perspective. story | Mila McManus, MD

ebate has raged in recent years about the safety of hormone replacement therapy for menopausal women. In my practice, when I work with someone whose body isn’t producing the level of certain hormones necessary for optimal health, I prescribe bio-identical hormones. These natural hormones, derived from plant products like soybeans and yams, are biologically identical to the ones our bodies produce. Synthetic hormones produced by drug companies are not bio-identical because they have different molecular structures than the body’s own hormones. They are similar enough to bind to the hormone receptors in our cells, but they don’t signal to the cells in the same way. In addition, synthetic hormones are not easily broken down and removed from the body, so it can take months for them to be cleared. These factors may contribute to some of the common side effects associated with using synthetic hormones, including headaches, migraines, mood swings, fluid retention, weight gain, depression and loss of libido. They are also associated with an increased incidence of breast cancer, heart disease, strokes and blood clots to the lungs. These hormones also affect the production of our own natural hormones. Synthetic hormones include those hormones commonly used by mainstream medicine for hormone replacement therapy, infertility treatments and birth control. You might be wondering why synthetic hormones exist and why most doctors only prescribe synthetic hormones. Bio-identical hormones cannot be patented because you cannot patent things that occur in nature. Drug companies are in the business of making money and, therefore, want to fund studies into drugs they can protect with patents. This is why bio-

identical hormones, like many other natural or alternative treatments, often don’t get the funding necessary to become part of large clinical trials to prove their efficacy - and subsequently can’t apply for FDA approval. A very large part of mainstream medical training is related to learning how to prescribe pharmaceutical drugs. I never heard the term ‘bio-identical hormone’ during my medical training. I didn’t know such a thing existed until my first year in private practice. Due to the lack of education in our medical training, the vast majority of physicians aren’t familiar with bioidentical hormones, don’t know how to prescribe them, and don’t realize their potential safety profile compared to synthetic hormones. While hormone replacement therapy during menopause is probably the best-known example, bio-identical hormones can also benefit men, women and teenagers at any age. Here are some examples: • A person, young or old, with chronic fatigue might need cortisol and DHEA to support adrenal function. • A teenage girl or a 40 year old woman with PMS can be easily treated with progesteone. • A woman with gynecological issues such as heavy or painful periods, ovarian cysts, and fibrocystic breasts may need progesterone, as these symptoms are usually related to a condition called estrogen dominance. This means that the body has too much estrogen relative to the amount of progesterone. Estrogen dominance can occur, for example, in relation to adrenal stress, poor diet or toxin build up in the body. • A menopausal woman having hot flashes, night sweats, decreased sex drive, insomnia and mood swings may benefit from bio identical hormones. She might need proges terone only, or may need several hormones to treat these symptoms. • A 50-year-old man with mood swings,

decreased mental sharpness, decline in sex drive, decline in muscle mass, and weight gain likely needs to have his testosterone level optimized. My colleagues and I feel that bio-identical hormones are generally safe at any age, when used properly, and can be used to treat a wide array of symptoms, including fatigue, depression, anxiety, insomnia, menstrual abnormalities, sexual dysfunction, weight issues, headaches and brain fog, just to name a few. Keeping hormone levels balanced and optimized is also thought to have anti-aging benefits. Most, if not all, of the studies indicating dangerous side effects of hormones were conducted using synthetic hormones. A notable study was published in 2005 in the International Journal of Cancer. The goal of the study, which included over 50,000 women, was to determine side effects and disease over a long period of time in women taking synthetic hormones versus bio-identical hormones versus no hormones. When looking at the incidence of breast cancer, the researchers found that women on synthetic hormones did have an increased incidence of breast cancer compared to women on no hormones. But they also found that the women on bio-identical hormones actually had a lower incidence of breast cancer compared to women on no hormone replacement. Be not afraid to replace what’s been lost in the body over the years. Along with addressing issues such as stress, environmental toxins, sleep deprivation, side effects of prescription drugs, and lack of adequate nutrition, I feel bioidentical hormones can play an important part in helping people achieve a good quality of life for years to come.

•

* Note: The above information is for educational purposes only and should not be construed as medical advice. Mainstream medicine and holistic practitioners often have differing approaches. At this time, bio-identical hormones are not FDA approved, but practitioners are legally allowed to prescribe them.

Mila McManus, MD is a board-certified physician in Family Medicine and also has certifications through the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine and the American Academy of Biologically Identical Hormone Therapy. She has also been voted “Best of” in local competitions for the past 4 years. She has been featured on episodes of Great Day Houston and The Business Makers Radio Show and published her book Highway to Health: A Nutritional Roadmap in 2008. She sees patients at her private practice, The Woodlands Institute for Health & Wellness, in The Woodlands, TX.

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ditch the new year diet. all you need is a plan. Follow Your Dreams ~ by Carma Lee

If we redefine how we view success, perhaps it would help to reduce our stress. The hustle and bustle of everyday life could yield more peace and much less strife. What makes you happy? What brings you peace? Do more of “that” and your joy will increase. It matters not what others will say, I mean…whose life is it anyway? Pursue YOUR passion. Shine YOUR light. The time is NOW. The time is RIGHT. As you uncover this hidden treasure, allow it to guide you to your next endeavor.

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• • • follow your bliss |

achieve

Finding Your Own True Voice

There’s a quiet voice inside telling you something really important. Here’s how to start listening. story | Anna Stevenson

e’ve all heard we should “follow our bliss,” and I got to a point in my life when I really wanted to do that. The only problem was, I had no idea what my bliss was or where to find it. I read every Oprah magazine article on the topic; I read books, consulted the stars, took personality tests, but couldn’t find the answer. Instead, I had a constant whirling of thoughts and emotions going full steam. Why did everyone else seem to have it together? Did I measure up? Was I productive enough? I thought I wanted to find my bliss, but instead I was stuck on a treadmill, trying to maintain a fixed idea of who I thought I should be and what my life should look like. It took me some time to figure out that I had invested my life and my self-worth in being who I “should” be or what others expected me to be, and in doing so, I had become lost to myself. When my still, small, true voice tried to speak to me, I hadn’t listened; I had stuffed my desires and gifts down until I lost the ability to hear my true self at all. I had traded my bliss for expectations and “shoulds.” Eventually, I couldn’t tell the difference between my own voice and that of my parents or the experts or successful people who wrote books. It left me feeling depressed, bored, mediocre and exhausted - the opposite of what I was going for! WAKING UP Eventually I had an epiphany that I would only feel truly alive again if I got off the hamster wheel of “have tos” and “shoulds” and started paying attention to my deepest, truest voice. I think Dante put it best when he said, “Midway through my life I awoke to find the true way wholly lost.” I set out to find my true way, and now, as a life coach, I help others find theirs. So how can you tune into your true voice and know it is your own? Here are the first three things I had to do:

1. Really want to know and be ready to hear the answer. Sometimes you have to get desperate before you can stop and listen to the clear, authentic voice at the center of yourself. I knew I was ready when I finally didn’t care what anyone else thought, I… Just…Wanted… to… be… Happy. I let go of my fear that I would be disappointed in my true nature and so would everyone else. When I really wanted to know, I finally met myself for the first time since I was a child. And amazingly, I really loved what I found! TRY THIS: Ask yourself, “What would happen if I let go of all my fixed ideals and got curious about the real me? What’s the worst that could happen?” Remember that any fears that come up may be attached to old ideals that aren’t really serving you. 2. Quiet your mind and emotions. Once you’ve silenced the litany of “shoulds,” it’s time to focus on honing your higher thinking abilities and do some self discovery. Our talents, desires, values, and dreams are always calling out within us to be used in our lives. Sometimes it’s a “positive” voice drawing us forward toward something; other times it’s a “negative” voice that is urging us to pay attention to something. When I was lost, negative thoughts and feelings filled my mind with noise and confusion, but now I’ve learned how to discern what these thoughts mean. For example, envy used to flare up in me every time I encountered a college professor. I had no idea why but, my thoughts would get revved up with comparison and frustration. Now I know envy was my brain’s way of saying, “There is something important here that relates to who you were born to be.” After extensive research and testing, I found I have an innate set of talents in adult education and life coaching, but I hadn’t been using those talents. With practice, you can learn to figure out what your negative thoughts and feelings are trying to tell you about your true self. You can welcome both positive and negative because they no longer put you on the treadmill of confusion; instead they

give you access to all your intuition and wisdom. TRY THIS: Name a negative feeling or thought you are having. See if you can track it to something your true voice is trying to say to you. 3. Notice. When I began tuning in to my inner voice, I became more present in my own life. I began to catch little thoughts at the back of my mind, like, “Mmm, the sun looks warm, I would like to take a walk and feel it,” or “I would like to curl up on my bed and rest,” or, “I would like to turn the news off and have some peace.” Even when part of me felt I “shouldn’t,” I followed that voice until I could hear my authentic desires more and more clearly. Then I began to notice the bigger desires that would bring me the answers I was seeking in life. “I would like to spend my time being a life coach,” and “I would love to adopt a child,” and “I would love the adventure of walking the Camino del Santiago.” It took practice, but the more I listened and allowed myself to follow what I heard, the more life made sense. I felt alive, fulfilled, connected, and happy in my own company! TRY THIS: Today, see if you can notice a thought about one small thing that would be enjoyable or comforting to do. Instead of suppressing the thought, try giving yourself permission to do it. After taking these steps, you may be ready to learn more about tapping into your true beliefs and abilities - also known as following your bliss! A life coach is a professional who can help guide you in this journey. Through creative exercises, personality assessments, deep questions, and helping you apply your insights to practical reality, a life coach works with you to help you define your real values and set yourself on a course with true meaning and direction - in work, in play, in relationships, and in all facets of your life. No matter how insignificant, vulnerable, or impossible what you discover seems – consider trying it out. Listening to your own true voice is the first step to finding yourself, your way, your bliss.

•

“be bold enough to use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart, and strong enough to live the life you’ve always imagined.” ~ Author Unknown Anna Stevenson is a Certified Transformational Life Coach, President of Authentic Core Life Coaching LLC, and creator of the Decision Genius, Live with Clarity and Confidence coaching program. She is a decision coach, mentor, and speaker who enjoys helping women and students find their clarity, confidence, and a life they love. Contact Anna at Corelifecoach@yahoo.com for a free discovery session.

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women’s achievements • • •

Famous Firsts by American Women 1795 1809 1849 1853 1866 1869 1873 1879 1887 1896 1916 1921 1925 1932 1933

Lessons in Strength and Beauty from Lady Hercules

Anne Parrish establishes, in Philadelphia, the House of Industry, the first charitable organization for women in America. Mary Kies becomes the first woman to receive a patent, for a method of weaving straw with silk Elizabeth Blackwell receives her M.D. story | Amy French degree from the Medical Institution of Geneva, N.Y., becoming the first woman his month of March, we wholeheartedly accept and pass along to i•am readers an invitain the U.S. with a medical degree. tion to take a walk through women’s history – to ponder the importance of stories too Antoinette Blackwell becomes the first often unknown, and to envision where we want to go from here. American woman to be ordained a minister Our first stop? The circus. in a recognized denomination (Congrega The year was 1912. That’s almost a decade before the 1920 ratification of the Nineteenth tional). Amendment which gave all U.S. women the right to vote. But suffragettes were gaining traction Lucy Hobbs becomes the first woman to faster than ever before. California was OK-ing full voting rights for graduate from dental school, its ladies. And Oregon, Kansas and the territories of Alaska and the Ohio College of Dental Arizona weren’t far behind. Surgery. Arabella Mansfield is granted The place was New York. The Greatest Show on Earth had admission to practice law in brought its animals, wire walkers and clowns to town, each vying Iowa, making her the first for the spotlight. But the full force of the Barnum & Bailey publicfemale lawyer. ity machine and the public’s adoration were focused on a different Ellen Swallow Richards, the sort of spectacle, an attraction for changing times: Katie Sandwina. first woman admitted to the Also billed as Lady Hercules. Massachusetts Institute of Sandwina was a “strongwoman” – far from the first to Technology, earns her B.S. hit the circus circuit, but possibly the strongest, and by far the degree. She becomes the first most enthusiastically received. Crowds loved watching her as she female professional chemist in lifted three average-size men at once up to her shoulders. She also the U.S. juggled 30-pound cannonballs. Broke horseshoes with her bare Belva Ann Lockwood becomes hands. And lay serenely on a bed of spikes while her troupe hamthe first woman admitted to practice before the U.S. Supreme mered an anvil on her chest. Court. Impressive feats, to be sure, and the list goes on and on. Susanna Medora Salter becomes But what seemed to excite people most about Sandthe first woman elected mayor of wina in 1912 – and what’s most exciting about her in retrospect an American town, in Argonia, – is not her physical strength. It’s that she was recognized as a Kansas. mesmerizing amalgam of strength AND beauty, symbolic of a new kind of power. H.H.A. Beach’s “Gaelic Symphony” is the The press was in love. first symphony by a woman performed in “Lo! These eyes have beheld the Superwoman …,” opened one write-up. the United States, and possibly the world. Others raved about Sandwina’s charm, calling her a goddess. Publications cited her 6-foot Jeannette Rankin, of Montana, is the first height and 200-pound weight, her 44-29-43 figure and her 16-inch biceps with the same breathless woman to be elected to the U.S. House of admiration that they called her “the most perfect specimen of womanhood that has ever been seen.” Representatives. It is said she met her husband, a 5-foot-6-inch acrobat named Max Heymann, when he anAmerican novelist Edith Wharton swered a regular call for an audience volunteer to wrestle Sandwina – and promptly got knocked out. becomes the first woman to win a Pulitzer Prize for fiction. She wins the award for In another example of her excelling in competition with men, Sandwina earned her stage her novel The Age of Innocence. name – a feminization of famed strongman Eugene Sandow’s surname – when she bested him by Nellie Tayloe Ross becomes the first woman raising a 300-pound barbell high above her head. He could only get it to his chest. to serve as governor of a state, in Wyoming. And yet men did not seem threatened by Sandwina’s persona. Likewise, women embraced Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman both the conventional and unconventional aspects of her appeal – remarking on her grace and to fly solo across the Atlantic, traveling seeking her advice on child-rearing. Her first son, Teddy, reportedly weighed a robust 50 pounds from Harbor Grace, Newfoundland, to and could lift a 25-pound weight by the age of 2. Ireland in approximately 15 hours. The same year, Hattie Wyatt Caraway, SANDWINA THE SUFFRAGETTE of Arkansas, becomes the first woman Here, let’s pause to appreciate the hyperbole that runs gloriously rampant through elected to the U.S. Senate. writings about circus performers. It’s hard to know how far the exaggeration went in Frances Perkins is appointed Did You Know? Sandwina’s case. Accounts vary. Could she really bend iron bars and pick up horses? secretary of labor by March is National Women’s President Franklin D. Who cares? History Month and March 8th Roosevelt, making her In Sandwina, womanhood was a state of being large enough to encompass is International Women’s Day. the first woman contrasting ideals of femininity without apparent conflict. For more information visit member of a presiden The political implications weren’t lost on her. Also dubbed Sandwina the www.history.com/topics/holidays/ tial cabinet. womens-history-month or Suffragette, she was vice president a of circus group that called for women to get

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voting rights nationwide – using her popularity to further what historians call the first wave of 20th century feminism.

• • • women’s achievements |

The sung and unsung heroines of subsequent feminist waves have continued to challenge perceived boundaries, perpetually redefining strength and beauty on their own terms. THE POWER OF POETRY Behold Maya Angelou, another 6-foot female. Her life, from 1928 to 2014, overlapped Sandwina’s and tends to defy firm classification. But we’ll call Angelou a “strongwoman” of the second wave. This was a time of broader social consciousness and professional and personal liberation. Women were openly questioning authority, protesting war, pursuing careers outside the home, and participating in a sexual revolution. Angelou made the most of it – exploring herself as a dancer, singer, lover, mother, journalist and world traveler. But she is best known as a writer who took the center ring in 1969 with I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, a memoir of her childhood and the first nonfiction best seller by an African American woman. Through that book, readers met Angelou as a little girl rising above racism, rape and years of trauma-induced silence to find her voice and an insatiable lust for life. In later works, particularly her poetry, Angelou continued to impart the empowering tingle of individual truth and infinite potential. Her legacy renews itself each time a human with two X chromosomes looks inward and owns Angelou’s words: “Phenomenal woman / That’s me.” POLITICAL MUSCLE AND “THE HILLARY EFFECT” The 19th Amendment gave women nationwide the right to vote in 1920. But almost a century later, no woman has ever secured a major party’s nomination for president of the United States. Hillary Clinton in 2008 came closest, and many expect another try from her in 2016. If she runs and wins, it could be the capstone in a life of feminist firsts that makes her a “strongwoman” in the circus of politics. As one of America’s most influential first ladies, as the first U.S. senator for New York, as secretary of state under President Barack Obama, and as an author, she has had a direct impact on such issues as healthcare, child welfare, and recovery efforts after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. But during Women’s History Month, perhaps the most important aspect of her service to note is something increasingly called “the Hillary effect.” In broad terms, the phrase refers to the way Clinton’s prominence has helped to pave the way for other women to pursue political careers – both in the United States and abroad. Most specifically, “the Hillary effect” has been cited as a factor in other nations’ decisions to send female ambassadors to the United States – more women were named to those posts during Clinton’s time as secretary of state than ever before. In many cases, the ambassadors were the first women dispatched in that role from their respective countries, including several where women rarely rise to positions of official leadership. As Clinton has said, “It is past time for women to take their rightful place, side by side with men, in the rooms where the fates of people – where their children’s and grandchildren’s fates – are decided.” THE THIRD WOMEN’S REVOLUTION Women have long pushed for opportunities to prove that they can perform as well as men in the workplace – that they are not the “weaker” sex when it comes to professional competence. But taken to extremes, the desire to appear strong can be crippling, and costly. It’s time for a newer, bolder type of women’s revolution. It’s time to admit that modern women – and men – are working too hard. That’s the view of Arianna Huffington, the hard-working head of the Huffington Post Media Group. According to Forbes magazine’s 2014 rankings, she is the 52nd most powerful woman in the world. Since collapsing from exhaustion in 2007, Huffington has been using her professional power to encourage individuals and employers to make respite a priority. Among her top recommendations: Eight hours of sleep a night, naps when needed, regular meditation, care with nutrition, and time away from the technology that keeps people connected to work when they should be recharging. One way Huffington has put her own advice into practice is by installing “sleep pods” where Huffington Post employees can nap on the job. Apart from improving the quality of life, making time for respite makes business sense, Huffington holds. Unchecked stress ultimately hurts creativity and productivity, not to mention driving up the incidence of health problems, such as heart attacks, ulcers and even suicide. Huffington’s campaign for balance is part of what she calls the third women’s revolution. The first involved winning the vote, she told New York Magazine last year. The second involved creating access to leadership roles in all fields – a work in progress. “It’s not enough to just say, ‘I want to be at the top of this world,’” Huffington said. “The need is to change this world, which was created by men, and they’re going to love it when we change it.”

•

achieve

Famous Firsts by American Women 1934 1964 1967 1970 1972 1981 1983 1984 1990 1993 1997 1999 2000 2006 2007 2008 2010 2014

Lettie Pate Whitehead becomes the first American woman to serve as director of a major corporation, The Coca-Cola Company. Margaret Chase Smith, of Maine, becomes the first woman nominated for president of the United States by a major political party, at the Republican National Convention in San Francisco. Muriel “Mickey” Siebert becomes the first woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange and the first woman to head one of its member firms. Diane Crump becomes the first female jockey to ride in the Kentucky Derby. Sally Jean Priesand is ordained as the first female rabbi in the United States. Sandra Day O’Connor is appointed by President Reagan to the Supreme Court, making her its first female justice. Dr. Sally K. Ride becomes the first American woman to be sent into space. Geraldine Ferraro is the first woman to run for vice-president on a major party ticket. Dr. Antonia Novello is sworn in as U.S. Surgeon General, becoming the first woman to hold that job. Sheila Widnall becomes the first secretary of a branch of the U.S. military, where she is appointed to head the Air Force. Janet Reno becomes the first female U.S. attorney general. Madeleine Albright is sworn in as U.S. secreatry of state. She is the first woman in this position as well as the highest-ranking woman in the United States government. Lt. Col. Eileen Collins is the first female astronaut to command a space shuttle mission. That same year, Nancy Ruth Mace is the first female cadet to graduate from Citadel, the formerly all-male military school in South Carolina. Hilary Clinton is elected to the U.S. Senate, becoming the first First Lady ever elected to national office. Effa Manley, becomes the first woman elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Nancy Pelosi becomes the first female Speaker of the House of Representatives. Hilary Clinton wins the New Hampshire Democratic presidential primary, becoming the first woman in U.S. history to win a presidential primary contest. Kathryn Bigelow becomes the first woman ever to win an Academy Award as best director. The Senate confirms Janet Yellen as the chairwoman of the Federal Reserve Board. She is the first woman to hold the position. Source: www.infoplease.com

Amy French is a freelance writer, editor and communication consultant based in Memphis, Tennessee.

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• • • from dream to reality: female entrepreneurs |

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i•am magazine proudly shines a spotlight on a few local women entrepreneurs who have bravely set out to accomplish their dreams of becoming successful entrepreneurs. They have shared a few words of wisdom for others who may be contemplating entrepreneurship. We congratulate these women and wish them much success! Angela Anton, DDS and her husband, Christopher Anton, DDS have opened CREEKSIDE PARK FAMILY & COSMETIC DENTISTRY, their private cosmetic and family dentistry practice located in the Village of Creekside Park. They are excited to be able to bring their knowledge and care to their friends and neighbors in The Woodlands. 26400 Kuykendahl Rd., Ste. C210, Creekside Village Green, The Woodlands 281-351-2055 • www.dentistryofcreeksidepark.com

“Follow your passion and the money will follow. If you start a business and you just keep your eye on the money, you are setting yourself up for failure. Sit with yourself in silence. Allow your heart to speak to you and then trust your intuition. It will always lead you on the right path. ~Anjali Gadre

~Nishma Shah

“Develop a support system—a person or people you can talk to when things are tough and then share with when you have successes. You can’t feel like you are completely on your own or you can end up being overwhelmed.” ~Laura Landesman

Nishma Shah, a health coach who specializes in children’s health and mother’s wellbeing through her new business, ESSENTIAL HARMONY, has just published her first book, Optimize Your Child’s Mind, Body and Soul. Her book is a wealth of information, advice and exercises that will help you conquer the many issues we are faced with when raising children in the 21st century (available through Amazon). For more information about her new book or Essential Harmony, contact Nishma through her website at www.essentialharmony.net.

Samantha Gillespie of Conroe has debuted her first book, The Kingdom Within, a young adult (13+) fiction fantasy-romance. Set in a medieval style canvas, the story depicts the life of young Princess Meredith, who upon her coming of age must marry a complete stranger to prevent her kingdom from falling into the hands of a powerful enemy. Just as she finds herself fighting to survive against attempts to take her life to decimate the alliance her marriage would seal, she is blindsided by an unexpected encounter with love. This journey will cause her to question everything she has prepared for, including her purpose in life. Published by Mystic Harbor Press and available for purchase wherever bookd are sold. For more information, visit www.thekingdomwithinseries.com

•

~Dr. Angela Anton

Anjali Gadre, LMT has realized her dream of opening a yoga and massage studio, INNER BLISS. She specializes in integrative therapies (massage therapy/myofacial release/craniosacral therapy), yoga and meditation for the benefit of those suffering from chronic pain. Anjali uses her 19 years of experience as a physical therapist to bring pain management through specialized massage therapy, and has undergone extensive training in myofascial release and craniosacral therapy with specialization in women’s health. 25420 Kuykendahl Road, The Woodlands • 832-610-5564 • www.innerblissstudio.com

Laura Landesman and her husband Greg have ventured into franchising, by opening SHOWHOMES OF THE WOODLANDS. With her 23 years experience in marketing and a desire to establish relationships with people throughout the community, Showhomes seemed like a natural fit. Services offered: traditional staging of vacant homes, home makeovers of occupied homes, home updates, and home manager staging. For more information, contact Laura at 832-943-1813 or llandesman@showhomes.com • www.showhomesthewoodlands.com

“What is your WHY for setting up your business? Let this be your guiding star for every decision you make. Now decide what you need to do today to make this a reality.”

“Being completely honest, I could not have balanced work / life / family without my husband, who is also a dentist (and coowner). We do it together and share most of the responsibilities at work and home.”

Samantha embraced her love of writing and completed her first novel “The Kingdom Within” to share, encourage and foster reading —without borders—to young adults. She hopes to inspire in young adults that striving to read and write are key components in all aspects of life. www.i-ammagazine.com

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| me time • • •

Me Time...It’s Not Selfish, It’s Self-Respectful

story | Angie P. Hays, PhD

’m excited this evening. The baby went down without trouble at all. And I’m eager to boot up my laptop and grab my phone, because I’m interviewing Helen L. Coons, Ph.D., ABPP, a clinical health psychologist who specializes in women’s health and mental health. We belong to a mutual organization. She is graciously taking time to talk with me for my article on the importance of “me time.” She asks me to explain a little bit about myself. “Well, I’m a mom to a one-year-old girl, I’m 12 weeks pregnant, I have a part-time private practice working about 24 hours a week, and my husband is in the oil and gas industry and won’t get home until 10:00 tonight.” And then it hits me. I am the person who needs to be reading this article, not writing it! Dr. Coons chuckles. She immediately goes into psychologist mode saying, “You are exactly the person who needs to be practicing good self-care!” I explain to her that I’m probably a great representative example of The Woodlands’ woman. Like so many of my neighbors, we moved here for my husband’s job. We are working on building our family and our livelihood here. The hubby works long hours and I don’t have any family here. I enjoy working, so while I could stay home, I want to continue to use my degrees in some way. And all of the above means that I’m performing numerous roles and jobs as though my life is one of those Trivial Pursuit pieces with the little colored pieces of the pie, each one representing a different facet of my life. I go to bed each night exhausted, but happy.

i•am 26 www.i-ammagazine.com

And thinking about the next day and all the different pieces of the pie and what I will be. Dr. Coons, President and Cinical Director of Women’s Mental Health Associates (offices in Denver and Philadelphia), points me towards the 2012 Stress in America survey by the American Psychiatric Association, where she states that women are more likely than men to experience fatigue, nervousness or anxiety; to feel overwhelmed; and to express decreased motivation, energy, and interest in daily activities. They also report feeling more depressed or sad, feeling like they want to cry, and feeling more physical symptoms such as headaches and changes in sleeping, such as insomnia or oversleeping. I ask Dr. Coons if women are more burned-out in today’s society than in the past. She says that it’s a difficult question to answer, but explains that it’s more about the roles of women in daily life and that women have to carry more complex roles in modern society. She mentions Maria Shriver, who in January, 2014, published The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Pushes Back from the Brink. This report co-authored by Shriver and the Center for American Progress reported that 42 million are living at less than 200 percent of the federal poverty line – equivalent to an annual income of $47,000 supporting a family of four. It also found that over 50 percent of women are single, either because they haven’t met a partner or be-

cause they are separated, divorced, or widowed and supporting dependent children and possibly caring for family members across the lifespan. These women are working out of financial necessity. Multiple roles indeed. It’s now 8:30 in the evening and hearing how exhausting it is to be a woman is making me tired and anxious simultaneously, so I pose the question, “What are the signs of burn-out in women?” (This question really was on my list of questions but now I’m asking out of a need to self-check.) Dr. Coons rattles off a list, “Increased or persistent fatigue, higher stress levels, irritability, stress-related eating, smoking, drinking wine…you will interview so many women who drink way too much wine.” I take a moment to ask specifically what is “too much” (thinking that I’m glad I’m pregnant and don’t have to worry about hitting that category). Moderate drinking is defined as more than four drinks a week and just moderate drinking alone is associated with increased risk of breast and anal cancers in women. Moderate drinking can also affect mood, sleep, and a host of other problems. She adds that other signs of burn-out include making plans with girlfriends and constantly cancelling them. She notes that women are also “constantly ruminating and timetraveling to things in the future and things in the past. Ruminating is associated with increased anxiety, depression and decreased problem

• • • me time | solving ability.” She refers me to an esteemed researcher and psychologist, Dr. Susan NolenHoeksema, Ph.D., who authored several books, among those, one poignantly titled, Women Who Think Too Much. In it, Dr. Nolen-Hoeksema challenges the popular notion that everything should be overanalyzed and says that women particularly suffer from “overthinking – getting caught in torrents of negative thoughts and emotions that overwhelm us and interfere with our functioning and well-being.” She points out that many of our thoughts “ebb and flow with our rapidly shifting moods, but we seldom reach any conclusions which leads to wrecking our emotional health and increasing our chances of becoming anxious or depressed.” I probe Dr. Coons for what is probably the Holy Grail for all problems related to this topic, “Why is it so hard for women to practice good self-care?” She is ever-ready with the answer. “Self-care in women, you know, it’s not selfish; it’s self-respectful. It’s an important shift that women [become] better able to set selflimits, to take better care of themselves, [when they do] they have more energy and they’re more present in all the varied roles of our life, whether with children, with adults and family members of all ages, in our work, and in our community.” She gives me the airplane analogy of putting our oxygen masks on first and not confusing self-care as selfish. “By putting our oxygen masks on first and not running on an empty tank all the time, we’re actually able to not only feel better about ourselves but be more present and more giving.” So what are the keys to practicing good self-care? I tell Dr. Coons my husband is getting ready to travel heavily, leaving me to shoulder the home front alone, knowing this is a situation almost every mom up and down my street faces way too frequently. She tells me “It’s all about strategies. If you were my patient…we’d be talking about how to proactively minimize your stress when you have less hands-on support. We’d be talking about things like pre-scheduling dinner one or two times a week with others families, even if it’s grilled cheese. We might have you pre-schedule babysitters several days or week so that even if it’s an hour and half, you get out for a workout or to get work done.” She explains to me that women are “highly effective planners with incredible executive skills that we need to use on our own behalf and not just on behalf of our family and work.” She explains that to practice self-care, we need to problem solve with short, realistic steps and

realize that not everything must cost a lot of money. One of her favorite strategies to ensure that women are able to have time for self-care, especially when they have limited financial resources, is to talk and team up with other women in your neighborhood or church and arrange reciprocal child care. For example, you and your neighbor agree that you watch the kids for an hour while your neighbor goes for a walk or runs an errand and then when she returns, you trade off. The same, Dr. Coons explains, can be done for date-night with your spouse; you and your spouse watch the families on Friday and your neighbors take Saturday. Each couple gets a night out. Such strategies, Dr. Coons explains, “Give everybody more time for self-care versus thinking we all have to do it alone. What we’re doing is creating a community around moms and couples, children and families.” She adds, “It’s also important for children to grow up having trusting relationships with other adults.” Another strategy is having realistic expectations. Dr. Coons recalls encountering women who feel like they have to bake cupcakes for their child’s kindergarten class when a quick stop to the bakery would be just as effective. It’s important to watch the perfectionistic expectations and know that “just because mother made it from scratch doesn’t mean we need to.” As I’m listening to Dr. Coons, I’m absorbing her words like a sponge. She mentions that if a woman feels she can’t execute these steps in her own life but wants or needs to have better self-care, then it’s important to seek out a mental health provider with expertise in women’s health and mental health “who can help her understand what is getting in the way of improving her health and wellbeing.” I ask Dr. Coons for any last thoughts of self-care and again, she is ready with an answer. “It’s really about improving our health and wellbeing. That might be emotionally, physically, relationally, financially, professionally, spiritually, in any dimension of our life. If you find yourself stuck, having gone from anxious and overwhelmed to depressed and distressed, it’s important to reach out for help and find what’s getting in the way of taking small but consistent steps to improve your well-being.”

•

Angie P. Hays, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist. She lives in The Woodlands with her husband and daughter. She enjoys her family and friends, her Louisiana heritage, Saints and LSU football, and most of all being a mom.

relax

Make Self-Care a Habit Managing stress and all that life throws your way will be more manageable when you make self-care a habit. Here are a few ideas to get you started: SENSORY ACTIVITIES • Listen to music • Get a spa treatment • Soak in a hot bath • Walk barefoot in the grass or sand • Sit in the sun and read a book • Cuddle with a pet • Burn scented candles or incense • Go exploring • Go to an art studio and create • Do some gardening • Treat yourself to something special • Go see a movie or show SPIRITUAL OR EMOTIONAL ACTIVITIES • Attend church or pray • Read or write poetry • Read inspiring quotes/book • Meditate • Write a journal • Spend time in nature • Cry when you need to • Laugh a lot – go to a comedy club or watch a funny movie PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES • Exercise • Dance • Go on a bike ride • Go for a hike and explore SOCIAL ACTIVITIES • Go to lunch with friends • Phone someone you haven’t talked to in a long time • Write a letter to a long distance friend or family member • Join a club You may already be doing many of these, but if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or stressed, start including more or different self-care activities until you find the right balance.

“We should cultivate the ability to say no to activities for which we have no time, no talent, and which we have no interest or real concern. If we learn to say no to many things, then we will be able to say yes to things that matter most.” ~Roy Blauss www.i-ammagazine.com

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| who are you? • • •

Who Are You? Forget labels and redefine yourself story | Nina Shadi, MS, LPC

ho are you? Have you ever really thought about this question? Who are you as a person? I’m not talking about how others define you. I mean, how do you define you? What makes you who you are, internally? Sadly, the definitions we hold of ourselves tend to be defined by external circumstances. For example, you fail a test in school, the definition you hold changes to, “I’m a failure.” One day you get married, and suddenly you define yourself as a “wife.” The problem with this type of thinking is that the vast majority of us do not suddenly transform into a new self immediately after we get married, or divorced, or become rich, or lose a job, etc. Pretend you were employed in the morning as a bank teller, but by the end of the day you were laid off. You’re no longer a bank teller, but are you a different person? No, you’re not. These external labels do not define you. Inside your soul, you are so much more than these labels. How many times have you been introduced to someone and the first thing they say to you is, “So, what do you do?” immediately implying that they want to know what you do for a job. How often do you respond with something other than your job? I’m guessing hardly ever, yet I’m sure most of us do much more than what’s in our job description. DEFINE YOURSELF What if, instead of asking, “What do you do?” when you meet someone new, you ask, “So, who are you?” What do you think their response would be? Would they take a minute, baffled by your question, to reflect on it? Would they simply ignore it and describe their job as if on autopilot, unsure of how to answer such a question? Think about it for a minute. If some-

one asked you this question, how would you answer it? This is your opportunity to reflect on your deeper self, who you are inside, not outside; not tasks or duties you complete each day. This is not what society says you are either, but who you feel you are. We’re given labels our entire life (popular girl, jock, rich kid, student, CEO, stay-at-home mom, breadwinner, volunteer, etc.). But you don’t have to adopt these labels as your personal truth. You can refuse these labels as a definition of self, and instead embrace your authentic self; the person you are deep within your heart and soul. Why is it important to let go of these identities? Perhaps you like the label of “wife” or “business owner” and truly feel you identify with it. Matthew B. James, Ph.D. of Psychology Today, puts it like this: As human beings, we are quick to identify ourselves using our circumstances; how others perceive us, our behaviors, and/or our positions in life. It’s somehow comforting to clothe ourselves in these identities. But none of those are really who we are. And the problem with latching onto these identities is, in addition to limiting our growth, it leaves us lost and confused when they are stripped from us.* Knowing who you are doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate the many roles you may play. It simply means you’re not attached to the label, as you’re able to recognize, on a deeper level, the meaning behind these labels and roles. Furthermore, in the event that one of these labels is stripped from you, you aren’t completely lost as to who you are. You may identify strongly in the label of being “a mother.” You likely relish in it, as so many parents say it is the best thing they’ve ever done. However, to detach from the label means that although you recognize you are a mother, you know that it is who you are inside that makes you this wonderful being, not the label alone. And it is these same qualities that

likely make you a wonderful wife, friend, cousin, neighbor, employee, teacher and more. It’s the internal qualities and external behaviors that define us, not our circumstances. You’re not just a mother. You’re a woman with children. You’re not just a teacher; you’re a woman who teaches. If detaching from the labels still seems difficult, think of it like this: if you were diagnosed with cancer, you wouldn’t suddenly introduce yourself as, “I am cancer.” No, you are a woman who has been diagnosed with cancer. You are so much more than any diagnosis or label. Awareness of labels and detaching from them can give you great freedom from your circumstances. There are positive qualities that many labels carry, but the negative labels that people become attached to can hinder a life of happiness and fulfillment. Unfortunately, many of these negative labels emerge early on in life and become deeply entrenched in the vulnerable minds of children and youth, and often cement themselves in who we become as adults. It is these labels that become self-fulfilling prophecies. A child who is a slow reader and struggles through school may eventually internalize the belief that she is a bad student, or not smart. This is especially true if parents, siblings, or people who have a high influence over her reinforce this belief. As she grows, she continues to do poorly in school arguing, “I’m just stupid! I’ve always been this way!” As an adult she takes the same attitude, which undoubtedly impacts every decision, job, relationship, and experience she has going forward. There are endless examples of self-fulfilling prophecies, and they can present themselves in a multitude of ways. But the main theme is that labels drive them – some good and some bad. However, they are just that, labels or incomplete truths. There is a new realm of counseling and psychology which is gaining increased attention related to the topic of individual labels as

“life isn’t about finding yourself. life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw Nina Shadi holds a BA in Psychology, MS in Mental Health Counseling and is a Licensed Professional Counselor currently working as a therapist with families and children in Minnesota. Nina is also the author and creator of With an Open Heart, a blog dedicated to creating moving content related to psychology, well-being, self-awareness, mindfulness, purposeful living, personal growth, transformation and more. For more information about Nina or With an Open Heart, please visit www.withanopenheart.org.

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Identity theft

well. As individuals reach retirement, they find themselves at a loss for who they are now that they are no longer working and defined by their job title. Adjusting to such a sudden change can be incredibly difficult for some people and can lead to depression, anxiety, decreased satisfaction in life, and mental health issues. It is time we start redefining ourselves from the inside out, rather than the outside in. Maybe then, when we lose one of our labels, as we all will in time, we will not feel stripped of our identity and have to spend significant time and energy searching for who we were all along. In the reflection below, you will be asked to answer some questions to help you rediscover who you are without labels. It may be difficult to exclude labels, and it may take a while to relearn how to think about your roles and identity, but it will be rewarding to reflect on each role at a deeper level. Do your best to avoid labels that others have given you as well. If you find yourself struggling with this exercise, reflect on this: Imagine your child is being bullied and the kids at school labeled him/ her “the poor kid.” You explain that your child is much more than an economic status by listing talents and attributes. This is how you should think of yourself as well, more than just the incomplete truth of a label.

story | Cathy Brown

I loved, loved being a mom and wife but I didn’t know how to be a person. It was like my identity had been stolen.

I have been a stay-at-home mom now for 8 years. Prior to this I was a career woman. I

got my first job when I was a ju nior in high school and, except for a brief 4 month period in college, have always had a job. I worked very hard in high school. College was a different story. My first few years were hit or miss…mostly miss. I was exploring my freedom du ring that period. However, after being put on academic probation at a 4 year insititution, I got my act together. I worked my way through college paying for books, tuition, etc. After the third year it occu rred to me that since my hu sband and I (we got married after my ju nior year in college) were paying for this, it would be stupid not to get ou r money’s worth.

After college I moved into consulting in the marketing research indu stry. My first client was

Procter and Gamble. I learned early on the value of hard work; the value of stepping in and doing a job that nobody else wanted to do. I think becau se I wasn’t a natu rally ‘high IQ’ person, I grew to quickly u nderstand that I could compensate for any lack of knowledge by hard work. I loved the validation this kind of work gave me. I slugged it out and slowly moved up the corporate ladder.

I was diagnosed with MS and fou nd myself pregnant three months later. After my son’s birth,

due to a demanding job, I became terribly afraid of missing out on his life. To that end, I discu ssed quitting my job with my hu sband and we financially set ou rselves up to be a single income family. In truth, I was only too happy to quit. Consulting can be a tough bu siness. There’s always somebody out there that wants you r client and you’ve got to be willing to go fu rther and do more than anybody else while still maintaining you r reputation. A tough dichotomy.

I don’t know how to describe the first few months after I left. Elated that I was home with

my son but awkward becau se, in an odd way, I didn’t really know who I was any longer. For several years after leaving, when people would ask me what I did, I would always tell them I u sed to be a consultant. It ju st seemed like the label stay-at-home mom wasn’t very important. I would like to

REFLECTION

say that I quickly stepped into the role of mommy-homemaker. That would be a lie. I loved, loved

• How do you spend your time each day? Week day vs. weekend? • What do you enjoy doing in your spare time? • What roles do you play in life? (e.g. teacher, mother, friend) • Looking deeper, what do these roles entail? • What do these roles mean? • If you had to describe how you act out these roles, what would that look like? • If someone asked you “So, who are you?” how would you respond (without using labels)? • Who are the people in your life and how do you impact them? • What different roles have you had throughout your life? In work, education, friendships, etc.? • Looking back on your childhood, how did you label yourself? How did your family label you? How have these labels changed, if at all? If they haven’t, try hard to reframe them with out using labels. • If you were to pass away, how would you want others to remember you? What would you hope they would say about you at the funeral?

being a mom and wife but I didn’t know how to be a person. It was like my identity had been stolen.

•

*Reference: www.psychologytoday.com/blog/focus-forgiveness/201212/

I have been in situations where family or friends are introducing people in the room along

with what they do or where they got their graduate degree and when they get to me…I politely state my name and we move on to the next person. I cannot find accu rate words to tell you how pathetic that u sed to make me feel.

Only in recent years have I come to see how radical my life cu rrently is. I u sed to think

that being a stay-at-home mom made my family’s life a little more “convenient.” I also u sed to think that I was a coward for not sticking it out in Corporate America. That I should have pu shed my body a little bit harder. The truth is, the work I do at home has afforded me a depth of relationship with my son and hu sband that I would’ve never known by any other means. There are no promotions in my present line of work. There is no VP anywhere in my name…for that matter, I don’t even have a title. I don’t attend any lu nch-and-learns…unless you count meeting my son in the school cafeteria for a PB&J. I have a degree… but beyond that there are no other “shingles” I hang on my wall. Instead, my fridge is covered in pictu res my son has drawn, his school lu nch calendar, his homework schedule, and my hu sband’s travel schedule.

Although I have no desire to rejoin Corporate America, I struggle with feeling like “less” of

a person for not working outside of the home. However, something inside keeps whispering that’s not true. That what I do is an important piece of the bedrock in my family’s fou ndation. In the gentlest of ways, my Lord reminds me that, although I felt my identity crumble away when I was diagnosed and left the professional world, I am being restored to what He intended for me all along. My awkwardness is changing & becoming His rhythm. His rhythm is becoming His completeness in me. My identity is becoming grace.

•

who-are-you

Cathy Brown is a wife and stay-at-home mom to one son. She was formerly a consultant in the market research industry until being diagnosed with MS and leaving the corporate world behind. Today Cathy enjoys blogging about her passions and beliefs through her site www.deepbreathes.wordpress.com.

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• • • women-only travel |

Grab Your Girlfriends and Go!

indulge

Travel. as much as you can. as far as you can. as long as you can. life’s not meant to be lived in one place. ~ Gentlemen’s Wisdom story | Patricia Ostholm

ouldn’t it be nice to hop a plane to the islands, read a good book by the crystal blue sea, and indulge in a flowery buffet of tropical fruits while listening to the rhythmic sounds of a Caribbean band? Or maybe you’re dreaming of an inviting Italian hill town with winding pedestrian lanes of quaint shops, homemade pasta to die for, and peaceful countryside views from the old castle with a an evening social hour on the town’s main square. Not cosmopolitan enough for you? Imagine shopping the Champs-Elysees in Paris, enjoying Broadway musicals in the Big Apple or sampling authentic Asian food in San Francisco’s China Town. Whatever you choose as your ideal vacation destination, make a plan and go travel, ladies – with or without your significant other! RECHARGE & RENEW And that’s a relief – literally. Because travel can temporarily relieve us from our daily grind, our weighty responsibilities as women, and the stress and pressure associated with commitments, deadlines and managing priorities. It can be a way to relax, rejuvenate or refresh both mind and body. So when you return to reality, you’ll be better able to take on the day.

Featured: Seljalandsfoss, considered one of the most beautiful waterfalls in Iceland, located on the south side of the island.

ACHIEVE & GROW Another benefit of travel is the mirror image of rest and relaxation: travel can be productive and invigorating! It can excite the senses, expand our minds or challenge our bodies. And that, too, can get our creative juices flowing and help us excel at work or make improvements in our daily lives. And as an added bonus, after a stimulating adventure filled with new people and places, you might find new appreciation for your familiar surroundings, and – like Dorothy – realize there’s no place like home. Ready to travel, but not sure where to go or who to go with? Turn the page for a few ideas… www.i-ammagazine.com

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indulge |

women-only travel • • •

Napa Valley vineyards, Califo

rnia

Travel Tips for Women CUTTING COSTS: An easy way to cut costs is to share a cruise cabin or hotel room. If you’re going solo, consider tour companies that cater to women – many will find a roommate for you. For better prices, travel off-season or on “shoulder season.” If you can’t plan ahead or don’t want to, look for last minute deals online for cruise vacations or hotel rooms. On a shoestring budget? Pile your friends into the car and head to a nearby city or beach. KEEPING PEACE: Your vacation will be more enjoyable if you choose a compatible travel companion. If you’ll be sharing a room, find out if she is a night owl or early riser, tidy or messy, and whether she shares at least some travel interests. Cruises with multiple excursion choices allow for different preferences in activity level and sights visited. Also, if you’ve never traveled with this person, start with a short trip. SHARING INTERESTS: If you don’t already have a travel partner with the same interests, pick a tour itinerary that strikes your fancy and you’ll be in the company of other women who share your travel taste. Particularly for the solo traveler, tour package vacations make seeing the world (and making new friends) a snap. STAYING SAFE: Western and Northern Europe are generally at least as safe for women as the United States. But if safety is a concern, consider a cruise ship or a group tour. Cruises and tours are an especially good way to see third-world countries or any place where English is not spoken. You also could opt for travel companies that specialize in women-only travel, such as www. women-traveling.com. The online women’s travel magazine www.wavejourney.com has a list of recommended companies on their Tips & Tours tab. And with no men around, you might just let your hair down! If you’re traveling independently, do your research and avoid destinations that are known to be risky (www.travel.state.gov for U.S. alerts and warnings sorted by country). Also consider booking hotels online in advance so you can read visitor reviews and check out the surrounding neighborhood. Good sites to check are: www.lonelyplanet.com, www.tripadvisor. com, and www.booking.com . PLANNING AHEAD: The more you can plan ahead and know what to expect, the more likely you are to have a satisfying, stress-free vacation. Get helpful tips for women travelers at: www. wavejourney.com, www.wanderlustandlipstick. com, and www.journeywoman.com. MAKING TIME: Don’t wait for the perfect time to travel – it will never happen! And be sure to allow adequate time to unwind and enjoy. That means spending more time on vacation than traveling to the vacation. i•am 32 www.i-ammagazine.com

Key West, Florid

GET AWAY

Want to get away, but not too far away? Just far enough for a change of pace, a change of scenery or a change of attitude? There are plenty of great destinations in the States or points south in the Gulf or Caribbean. Here are a few that might be just what the doctor ordered… Trip Duration: 4-5 Days With Whom: Friends or Family Where to Go: New Orleans: New Orleans (or NOLA) is the perfect get away on so many levels. There is an abundance of live music, delicious food from several cultures, and great energy in the compact and very walkable French Quarter. You and the ladies can also hop a vintage streetcar to visit historic neighborhoods or learn how to make Cajun or Creole dishes at one of NOLA’s cooking schools. Visit in the spring to catch the Jazz & Heritage Festival or the French Quarter Festival. And with one hour non-stop flights from Houston, you’ll get your party started in no time!

tinis – all in one place? And since Vegas never sleeps, it’s the perfect place for night owls. Not a gambler? You could literally spend weeks enjoying different types of entertainment, from Cirque du Soleil acts to comedy club acts and from magic shows to dinner shows. And don’t miss touring the Vegas hotels; many are designed like an adult fantasy land of dancing fountains, pirate shows or roof top roller coasters. For some European charm, consider staying at the Paris hotel or the Venetian hotel, and if you don’t mind the heat, visit in summer for discounted prices. Non-stop flights from Houston can put you in the center of this entertainment mecca in just three hours.

Key West: If laid-back is your style, look no further than Key West for a great girlfriend getaway. Pack your flip-flops and bathing suit and catch a flight to the Conch Republic to enjoy the marine activity of your choice. You can swim with the dolphins, kayak the mangroves, snorkel the reefs or rent a boat to explore on your own. Later in the day, peruse the shops, bars and restaurants on historic Duval Street and toast your friends at sunset with a tropical drink in hand. Then sleep like a baby at a Key West guesthouse or inn. Before you know it, you’ll all be chilling on island time.

Santa Fe: This New Mexico town of adobe and Spanish Colonial architecture is the perfect blend of art, culture and Southwestern scenery. You and your friends can spend a leisurely day exploring the many art galleries and museums, where you’ll find interesting Indian folk art, as well as modern art. Then cap the evening with delectable culinary arts creations of award-winning Santa Fe chefs. Discriminating shoppers will also enjoy the hunt for exquisite natural turquoise jewelry, which is prized in the Southwest. And if you love folk art, visit in July when Santa Fe hosts the world’s largest market for these handicrafts. For a little relaxation, visit a local spa or head out on a hiking trail or bike path to take in the beautiful mountain scenery. You’ll return home refreshed – and with some new art or jewelry, to boot.

Las Vegas: For glitz and glamour with the girls, Vegas is where it’s at. Where else can you take in a show or concert, eat at a celebrity chef ’s restaurant and try your hand with Lady Luck in a posh casino while drinking specialty mar-

Feel like indulging in something lovely, something decadent or something magical? You can find what you’re seeking in many large cities, as well as some upscale resort towns. Here are several that might fit your fancy…

INDULGE

• • • women-only travel |

indulge

Sedona, Arizona

Trip Duration: 5-7 days With Whom: Close Friends or Family Where to Go: California Wine Country: You don’t have to be female to enjoy wine, but it seems to help. Maybe there’s something about the lovely scent, the beautiful shades of golden yellow or ruby red, and the heavenly taste on the palate that can range from vanilla to mocha and from apricot to cherry. Whether you are already passionate about wine – or you’d like to see what wine tasting is all about – gather some girlfriends and head for the world-renowned wine regions of Napa or Sonoma Valley near San Francisco or the up-and-coming wine region of Santa Barbara near Los Angeles. Both regions offer quaint B&Bs and resort hotels, a variety of excellent restaurants to choose from, and enough wineries, wine tours, and wine seminars to keep you entertained while you enjoy the rolling vineyard landscape. If you have time, add horseback riding and a hot air balloon ride, and if you’re in Santa Barbara, hit the beach for some sun and surf. New York City: The Big Apple has it all when it comes to indulgences. If shopping is your passion, you and the girls could shop until you drop in this fashion capital of the world. Browse the luxurious boutiques of Madison Avenue and stroll the cobblestone streets of fashionable SoHo. Check out the specialty shops in Greenwich Village and the bohemian shops in East Village. Shop big-name design-

ers on Fifth Avenue then catch a bite to eat in popular Union Square. For real foodies, skip Union Square and head to the hottest new restaurant of your choice, the most interesting ethnic eatery, or a legendary fine dining establishment. You could spend several days critiquing Italian restaurants and pizza joints, looking for the best Jewish deli or sushi bar, and sampling Middle Eastern, Thai or Indian food. Not sure where to eat? There are a number of companies offering foodie tours (which include dessert, by the way). The tours also provide a fascinating glimpse into the history and culture of the immigrants who made New York City the melting pot that it is. How about indulging in the performing arts? The city’s Theater District offers a mind-boggling array of Broadway musicals, shows, and plays. Off-Broadway, you can find smaller productions where you can see the actors up close. At the Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, you can also enjoy opera, ballet or classical music. And while you’re here, why not check out the city’s museums and fine art galleries? New York really is a great place for the ladies to indulge. Arizona Spa Resorts: For many women, a spa vacation is the ultimate indulgence. What’s not to love about getting a massage and facial, soaking in a healing bath, and being enveloped in an environment of beauty, tranquility and serious pampering? Lucky for you, some of the

best spas in the country are just a short plane ride away in Arizona. So grab your daughter, mother, sister or girlfriend and book a spa vacation in one of the big three areas: Phoenix/ Scottsdale, Tucson or Sedona. You’ll find numerous resorts to choose from, as well as various spa packages. If intense fitness and nutrition is not what you’re aiming for, choose a spa that focuses more on beauty and relaxation. Many Arizona spas also feature casita-style guest rooms and deliciously healthy spa cuisine. For incredible red rock scenery (and the chance to experience energy vortexes) stay in lovely Sedona, which is only a two hour drive north from Phoenix. For more information on choosing a particular spa, go to Spafinder.com.

EXPERIENCE

Itching to experience a place that takes your breath away, awakens your senses or inspires you to live life to the fullest? You don’t have to travel overseas for a fulfilling experience, but the world offers a smorgasbord of choices. Here are some foreign destinations that you might find intriguing… Trip Duration: 7-10 days minimum With Whom: Like-Minded People Where to Go: Iceland: This temperate island near the Arctic Circle has been aptly described as “out of this world.” Indeed, some parts of Iceland look like www.i-ammagazine.com

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women-only travel • • •

ABOVE: Sapa, a major tourist destination in Vietnam, is an old French hill station nestled among the Hoang Lien Son Mountains near the Chinese border. ABOVE RIGHT: Panorama on Barcelona city from Columbus monument. Barcelona, Spain LOWER RIGHT: Reykjavik, Iceland

the surface of the moon – and there is no place else on Earth like it. Iceland is rugged, wild, beautiful, and almost spiritual. From its glaciers to its hot springs and geysers, and from its volcanoes to its fjords and waterfalls, Iceland is a travel destination with stunning scenery that’s perfect for a unique and all natural experience. And with its friendly people (most of whom speak English), very low crime rate, and the midnight sun in summer, it’s a great place for women to travel together. In fact, travelling within Iceland couldn’t be easier. Rent a car at the airport, then follow the Ring Road around the entire island, and end up in the modern capital city of Reykjavik a week to 10 days later. Along your trip, you can hike a glacier, watch for whales, raft a river, soak in a geothermal spa, ride a horse, and check out a lava field. And in this outdoorsy country with sparse population, you’re free to leave your make-up bag and high heels at home! Barcelona: If you love the sights and sounds of the city, Barcelona will definitely impress and will make you want to stay longer. While a major Spanish city, Barcelona considers itself Catalan first – and it embraces its distinctive culture through its own language, food, architecture, and traditions. With that said, Barcelona is definitely lively and cosmopolitan. It boasts great shopping and restaurants, late night tapas bar hopping, and grand plazas (called placa in Catalan) with magnificent fountains and monuments. To be in the middle of everything, stay on or near the long, treelined pedestrian street called La Rambla – it’s i•am 34 www.i-ammagazine.com

perfect for strolling, people-watching and hanging out on warm summer evenings. And did I mention Barcelona’s beach on the Med, its tantalizing public market, and the city’s unusual architecture, compliments of native son Antoni Gaudi? See all the sights with the “hop-on hop-off” tourist bus, or whiz across town on Barcelona’s modern subway. Plan to spend at least five days, and for a longer trip, board a Mediterranean cruise from Barcelona’s busy port. Vietnam: Ready to get out of your comfort zone with a completely different culture – but one where the locals make you feel immediately welcome? Then cross the Pacific to Vietnam, where the people are as warm as the tropical sun! Vietnam is fast becoming one of the hottest new travel destinations for both culture and natural

scenery. And it certainly helps that the locals are friendly and eager to talk to foreigners. By all accounts, Vietnam is a safe place for women to travel, and women are treated with respect under widely held Buddhist beliefs. It’s also easy to get around, so you can explore every corner of its unparalleled scenic beauty. You’ll be awestruck by the limestone islands of Ha Long Bay and you’ll marvel at the spectacular underground caves of Phong Nha-Ke Bang. Enjoy the amazing flora in the lush tropical forests and witness the endless green rice terraces that support the Vietnamese diet. And everywhere you go, you’ll be immersed in fascinating culture, from the thought-provoking temples and pagodas, to the ancient traditions of ethnic minorities. Bring an adventurous friend (or book a tour) to see Vietnam for yourself – you’ll find it’s an amazing experience.

•

Patricia Ostholm’s passion for writing grew from her first career in marketing and communications. Today, she writes in her spare time, with a focus on women’s interests and issues. She and her husband, Chuck, live in Florida – but they visit family in The Woodlands as often as they can!

— A 6 S ta r U n i w o r l d E x p e r i e n c e —

Venice & the Gems of Northern Italy Uniworld Luxury River Cruise • 8-day round trip from Venice, Italy July 26 – August 2, 2015 aboard the River Countess Cruising the Po River of Venice

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* Does not include airfare. Photos courtesy of Uniworld Boutique River Cruise Collection

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