In Fashion by In Fashion

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Published by: Marc Belsky Ltd Editor: Shani Belsky

Health Summer Fitness [10] Tackling Your Headaches Head-On! [16] Skin Care Q & A [22]

Fashion Designer Bridal Gown Trends [20]

Top Tips for Wig Wearing Problems [24]

Finance Seven Strategies For Saving [28]

Philanthropy On Boards…Aiming for Moshe’s Model [30]

Photogrophy 4 Fun Photo Projects For You & Your Kids [34]

Technology My Journey Into the World of Data [36]

Food The Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer [38]

Dating Ask The Shadchan [42]

Contributing Editors: Phil Berkowitz, Emuna Braverman, Yisrael Friedman, Leah Helfgot, Moshe Kinderlehrer, Elizabeth Kurtz, Tova Marc, Shimon Metz DC, Tanya Rosen, Gitel Rosenzweig, Rina Schiffman, Ilene Wellen Design & Layout: Sam Belsky Marketing: Barry David Distribution: Victor Distribution Please submit all questions and comments to: Info@InFashionFT.com For advertising information please call

516-499-8356

or email Sales@InFashionFT.com In Fashion is published monthly and is distributed at 170 locations throughout the affluent communities of the Five Towns, Brooklyn, Queens, and Great Neck. Not responsible for typographical errors. The publisher and In Fashion do not promote or endorse any products or advertisers in this magazine. No editorial or art content may be reproduced without prior written consent from the publisher. All rights reserved. The publisher reserves the right to refuse any editorial or advertising content that does not fit our journalistic and advertising policy.

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[ Summer Fitness ] By: Tanya Rosen

ith summer right around the corner and everyone wanting to look their best, here are some tips for easy outdoor workouts. At the Beach •

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so that you are in a vertical position. Kick your feet as fast as you can, for as long as you can. This is very intense and a great workout for your legs and abs. •

The boardwalk is great for jogging or walking. Make sure you’re wearing good sneakers with a thick sole to avoid splinters in your feet. The benches are great for tricep dips (to work the back of your arms). Sit at the edge of the bench, with your fingers and palms facing forward at the edge of the bench. Slowly take yourself off the bench, keeping just your palms on the bench. Dip down, making sure your elbows bend and then straighten as you come up. Repeat 12 times, rest, and then do another 12 times. Run or walk fast on sand. The sand is very hard to run or walk on because of its resistance. You will work harder, and burn more calories.

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Kick & Splash. Hold on to the edge of the pool and lay afloat the water I n

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Monkey bars. These are great for your upper body. Try to stay on as long as you can. If you need to get off and restart, that’s ok too. As you build your upper body strength, you will be able to stay on longer.

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Incline benches. Some parks (like Marine Park) have these. These are great for sit ups. Lie down on the bench, cross your arms over your chest and sit up as much as you can. Do 10-15, rest, and then repeat. These will work your abs.

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At the Pool My favorite thing about the summer is that I get to teach aqua aerobics in the pools upstate. This is a very fun way to work out. Some simple and fun things to try:

Pool races. Go as fast as you can from one end of the pool to the other end. If you’re alone, time yourself and aim to go faster each time. If you’re with a friend, race with each other.

elevate your heart rate, which will make you sweat and burn calories. It will also work your legs. Just make sure to be very cautious when stepping, and make sure your entire foot goes on the bench. Dangling feet cause sprains and falls.

The Hula hoop is a great workout, both in terms of calorie burning and toning your hips and midsection. Most people have more space outside than inside, and you don’t have to worry about bumping into furniture. Trampoline. Great for you and the kids. Just make sure you put something padded around the trampoline. Watching your kids play? Bounce on a stability ball while you’re doing that, and you get a workout too! Because the ball is not stable, it challenges your core.

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There are lots of benches. See above section for a description of tricep dips on the benches. You can also step on and off the bench. This will

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So no matter where you are, there is always a way to squeeze in a workout! Have fun! [IF]

Tanya Rosen is the co-owner of Shape Fitness in Flatbush. As a certified and experienced Personal Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, and nutritionist, Tanya offers these three services to the community. Tanya specializes in prenatal and postnatal fitness, and is best known for her personal and caring approach towards every member of the Shape Fitness family. Tanya can be reached at (718) 438-2400, or (718) 338-8700.

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[ Tackling Your Headaches Head-On! ] By: Shimon Metz, DC

ou can feel the headache coming on again...the pressure, the crushing pain. Why are you getting these headaches? What’s causing them? And what can you do about it? Headaches can develop for many different reasons, and knowing what’s causing them is the first step in treating them. There are many different kinds of headaches, and an in-depth examination of every single one would be beyond the scope of this article. But let’s look at headaches in general, and then explore several of the most common kinds, along with their remedies. There are three major categories of headache: primary headache, secondary headache (from an underlying illness or injury), and other cranial (skull) disorders and facial pain. For this article, we will discuss the most common primary headaches, which include tension 16

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headache, migraine headache, and cluster headache. Tension headache It’s not all in your head—it’s also in your neck! Your head is partly covered with a thin layer of muscle in certain areas, and the upper neck has muscles that connect from the spine to the skull. Researchers even recently discovered a tiny muscle that connects from the upper spine to the covering of the brain! Stress and poor posture can cause these muscles to tighten. This then causes a feeling of tension in the head. Tension headaches are often described as “feeling like your head is in a vise grip.” Pain is often felt around the head, like a band. The joints between the base of the skull and the spine are loaded with nerve endings. If there is abnormal muscle tension and the upper neck gets F a s h i o n

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stuck out of normal alignment, this can cause a tension headache. Treatments for tension headache include over-the-counter (OTC) medications (acetaminophen, ibuprofen, etc.), which are variably effective. But medications have side effects, and it is even more important to address the causes of the headache—stress, poor posture, neck misalignment, etc.—and remove them. Chiropractors play an important role in stress management and posture correction, and can help free up the movement of the head and neck to reduce tension by gentle adjustments, stretching, and exercises Migraine Migraine is a word that is derived from the Latin term hemicrania, or “half the head,” since migraine symptoms usually involve pain on one side of the head. A

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migraine headache is a very specific kind of headache, with several subtypes of migraine. Many people mistakenly use the word “migraine” when they want to convey that they just have a very bad headache, but this is incorrect. A migraine is specifically a vascular type of headache, affecting large blood vessels or arteries that travel to the brain. These arteries can overexpand, or dilate, stretching the delicate nerve fibers coiled around them. These irritated nerve fibers release chemicals that cause inflammation, which make the arteries dilate even more, magnifying the pain. In adults, migraines affect more women than men, possibly relating to hormonal influences. There are quite a few subtypes of migraines, each with slightly differing kinds of symptoms, but the most common type involves intense pain usually on one side of the head, near or behind the eye. Many migraines have warning symptoms that precede them, like irritability or fatigue, and there is often an aura that signals the beginning of a migraine, where one sees flashing lights, wavy lines, or a blind spot in their vision. Some migraines, depending on where in the brain the affected vessels are, can cause neurological symptoms like dizziness and weakness or speech difficulty, which can mimic a stroke and be quite alarming. During a migraine attack, there is often extreme sensitivity to light and sound. Treatments for migraines can be accomplished with medications, many of which are often very effective. Interestingly, though, often the medications are more effective when taken non-orally, such as by injection or nasal spray; this is because migraines activate 18

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the sympathetic nervous system, which is the “fight-or-flight” response that “gets your adrenaline going.” One of the things this does is delay emptying of the stomach into the small intestine, which can result in poor absorption of oral medication.

the nose on the affected side may become congested and runny. Cluster headaches tend to run in families, and are much more common in males than females. A headache may be triggered by a change in sleep pattern or certain medications.

Chiropractic treatment, particularly to the upper neck near the base of the skull, has also been very effective for migraines; I personally have been able to arrest the progression of a migraine in the early stages of an attack. This might be because the upper neck area is rich in nerve endings of the parasympathetic nervous system, which opposes the effects of the sympathetic nervous system we just talked about. Treating this area could help reset the balance and effects of the two nervous systems.

Treatment for cluster headaches usually involves a combination of one or more approaches, with medications often including steroids, migraine medications, and antidepressants. Sometimes oxygen therapy can be helpful, and caffeine, by itself or combined with other medications, is sometimes used. Cluster headaches may be very difficult to treat, and it may take trial and error to find the specific treatment regimen that will work for each person.

Many migraines also have certain triggers—hormonal fluctuations, certain foods (chocolate, alcohol, MSG, nitrites, sweeteners, etc.), smoke, bright lights, intense visual stimulation, etc. Knowing what your triggers are and avoiding them is important in preventing a migraine from happening. Cluster Headaches Cluster headaches are headaches that come in groups (clusters) lasting weeks or months, separated by pain-free periods of months or years. Headache episodes can last from 30-90 minutes and usually occur once or twice a day. Attacks tend to occur at about the same time every day and often awaken the person at night from a sound sleep. The pain typically is excruciating and located around or behind one eye, and F a s h i o n

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These are the most common types of headaches that people experience. If you have regular headaches, see your primary doctor and your chiropractor to determine what type of headache you may have and to utilize a combined treatment approach for the best results! Here’s to healthier, pain-free living! [IF]

Dr. Shimon Metz is a chiropractor with offices in Cedarhurst, NY, and has over fifteen years of experience with back and neck pain, headaches, accidents, and other painful problems. He can be reached at doctormetz@gmail.com or (516) 509-0126. Disclaimer: The above is not intended as specific medical or health advice or to replace or constitute the care of a physician. For any specific problem, you should contact your own doctor or health practitioner.

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[ Designer Bridal Gown Trends ] By: Tova Marc

t’s safe to say that just about every girl has her wedding dress designed by the time she is ten; however, the trends have changes since the 80’s and 90’s, ladies! Here are some of the runway trends that top wedding gown designers are incorporating in their beautiful gowns. Remember Princess Diana’s gorgeous but yet enormous ball gown dress? Well, now say hello to a slim silhouette because in the year 2010, simple and sleek is the new style for modern wedding dresses that are being sent down the runway. Think fitted A-Line, Sheath, Trumpet and Mermaid styles. Of course, if the Princess Diana ball gown wedding dress is still your dream dress, tradition never goes out of style. No more are wedding dresses only white or ivory, these days brides are throwing a dash of color into the mix. Often seen on the sash or in the appliqué detail, the color adds an extra oomph and also makes the bride herself look extra special and unique. Hello wedding gown trend setter! A lot of brides these days are opting for 20

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a tea-length wedding dress. Almost every single bridal gown designer has been debuting tea-length dresses on the runway. The look is perfect for a more casual wedding. Brides can also buy a tea-length wedding dress as their second dress for the reception and dancing. I think everyone can agree dancing in a dress down to the floor is not as easy as the movies make it seem to be! No bustling of trains to deal with. How many weddings have you been to lately where the bride was donning light-weight, fabrics such as taffeta, tulle, chiffon, or organza? I think the answer to that question is a lot. Especially with the summer right around the corner, a lightweight, soft dress is not only romantic, but it also ensures that you will not be sweating like crazy on your wedding day before the dancing starts. One last trend that is not only popular now but that has been around for a while is draping. It does not matter the silhouette of a F a s h i o n

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dress, draping can always be done. Whether gathering fabric to the side, or flowing in the back, draping adds a dramatic and stylish effect to any wedding dress as well as being flattering for most figures. So the next time you see the perfect dress that you just “see” yourself walking down the aisle in but there’s just something missing, try draping to make it more you! Hopefully these trends will steer you into the right direction when shopping for your wedding dress. [IF] Tova Marc is the designer and owner of Couture De Bride by Tova Marc. Her showroom is located at 406 Cedar Lane in Teaneck, NJ, and she can be contacted at 201-357-4877 or contact@couturedebride. com, www.tovamarc.com.

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[ Skin Care Q & A ] By: Ilene Wellen

The only safe tan is a fake tan. That means stay out of tanning beds too! A safe

I have tiny red bumps on the back of my arm. What are they and how do I get rid of them?

Those tiny red bumps which look like goosebumps are keratosis pilaris. It is a harmless excess of keratin within the hair follicle. To get rid of them I recommend exfoliating gently two times a week with Fresh Brown Sugar Scrub. This will help to slough off the dead skin cells. Apply a moisturizer daily. I love Laura Mercier Almond and Coconut Souffle Creme. At night you can apply a retinol cream such as Skinceuticals Retinol .05 to speed up the process. If this area is exposed to the sun during the day, wear a sunscreen, as retinols can cause photosensitivity.

Ilene Wellen has been a licensed Aesthetician for eight years. She offers her expertise in facial, laser hair removal and skin rejuvenation, airbrush tanning, and makeup at Kiss and Makeup, 492 Central Ave, Cedarhurst, NY. She can be reached at (516) 374-2666.

What is the safest way to tan?

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alternative is airbrush tanning, which lasts five to ten days. Another great option is using a self tanner. Two of my favorites are St. Tropez Bronzer Mousse or St. Tropez gradual tan—both are orange free. I also recommend wearing a sunscreen with a physical block daily. Skinceuticals Sheer Physical UV Defense SPF 50 and Laura Mercier Daily Face Sheild SPF 40 are great for the face, super lightweight, and will not clog pores. For the body, try Skinceuticals Physical or Ultimate UV Defense SPF 30. Physical blocks offer the ultimate protection against sun damage and hyperpigmentation, and are also great for sensitive skin. The key ingredient is Titanium Dioxide. Don’t forget your sunglasses! [IF]

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[ Top Tips for Wig Wearing Problems ] By: Gitel Rosenzweig

ith all the Lag Ba’omer weddings done, and June weddings approaching, I find most of my days and my mind filled with kallah-related issues and so you may find my articles are full of kallah-related information, too. I hope that sharing some of this information can help reduce the stress that kallahs go through with the transition to wearing something on their head on a daily basis. But not only kallahs go through tough times with their wigs. Many wig wearers go through their days “can’t wait”-ing to take their wigs off. So many women who have been wearing wigs for years are still uncomfortable daily. Since I have a pet peeve about fitting wigs

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properly, I have lots of tips to share on how to make the experience a little easier on everyone, from kallahs to seasoned wig wearers. Some of the most common complaints are: #1 “The clips and combs are killing me/pulling out my hair.” #2 “My wig is constantly sliding back/moving around,” (otherwise known as “I have to check the mirror all day to make sure it’s in the right place”). #3 It’s itching, and #4 reports of headaches and pressure. Often, some or all of these are connected issues. Below are a few tips and helpful hints to find, diagnose, and alleviate some of the discomfort.

Clips and combs issues: It’s a common misconception that if the clips and

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combs in the wig are bothering you, you have too many. My first recommendation when someone tells me that the clips are bothering them is to add more. If you have most of the weight of your wig held on by only one comb, it will grind into one spot on your head. Adding more clips across the front of your wig may distribute the weight of the wig more evenly across your head, and balance the pressure more gently throughout several spots. Also, you can try moving the clips and combs to less sensitive spots on your head. Sometimes just a half inch further back away from the front edge of your hairline, or further up or down from the center (closer to or further from your ears) can be a much less sensitive spot.

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I also recommend to some of my more sensitive customers, and to those complaining about bald spots from the combs to move their clips and combs occasionally (once a year or two) to give a specific spot on their head a break and a chance to recover and re-grow some hair. Some people even have the clips and combs in a slightly different position in each of their wigs so that they rotate the wear and tear and each spot of their head. These clients can wear a specific sheitel on a day when one spot is feeling particularly sore and another wig on a day when another spot is too sensitive. My final warning is NEVER to dig in the clips and combs, only to put the sheitel on a little too far forward, then slide the whole thing back a bit so that each comb grabs just a few hairs, just enough to hold on to your head. Digging the combs into your hair can cause added pressure and breakage at the roots of your hair, and the beginnings of a bald spot...

The solution to your wig slipping back all day is usually not about your clips and combs, but they often help. Before you go adding tons of clips, first have your fit checked by a professional. Often sliding is mistaken for the wig being too big, but I find it usually to be the opposite. If the foundation of the wig (the inside cap) is too short from front to back, it will pull backwards constantly, usually from the pressure of your own pony tail stuffed into the back. Adding clips and combs will make the wig stay in place better but add tons of pressure and start causing headaches. First try getting a haircut on your own hair: cut, thinning, layers; anything to lessen the amount you’re sticking into the wig. This may lighten up the load you’re putting on those clips that are already in, and cause less slipping. If that doesn’t work you may need an extension added to the back of the wig to make more room for your hair to fit in. Some types of hair are just slippery or finer than others though, and just have a hard time holding on to combs. Some people have a habit of making a small braid at the front of their hair for the comb to hold on to. I firmly believe that this causes the most breakage at the roots and that you’ll eventually have nothing left for the comb to hold on to, but some people are successful with it. Others try to 26

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clip their hair flat against the back of their head, but this doesn’t work for everyone either. For people with hairlines that come very low in the front of their face, clipping your hair flat against the back of your head can make the depth of your head too long a distance for the sheitel to cover. The way wigs are constructed, the bottom of the back of the sheitel has slack to hold onto your hair. Too much hair down in the back of your head though, will make the wig feel heavier. So if it’s at all possible for you to cut it and you’re no longer emotionally attached to the length, please help yourself alleviate pressure, pulling, and slipping by getting a haircut on your own hair frequently.

Itching is a much harder problem to diagnose. It may come from just being brand new, and as future washes soften up the cap and it gets broken in, all itching issues may just go away. But if it’s terribly intolerable, you may want to have your fit checked: if the wig is too tight, it may be rubbing you raw in certain areas. The most common areas to get irritated are at the clips and combs, at your temples, behind the ears or at the bottom of the nape of the neck. If it’s at the clips and combs, double check all of the above tips about clips. If all else fails, check if the enamel coating on the clips has worn off, or if the clips themselves are broken. You may be allergic to the metals in the combs: try re-coating them with clear nail polish, or maybe they just need to be replaced. If your itching is along the hairline, ask a professional to loosen up the cap for you a bit, until the first few washes have passed and the cap softens up. Usually if the wig is sitting on top of hair, it doesn’t itch, but in areas where your skin is a little more exposed (like at the temples where everyone’s hairline recedes naturally a little) your skin may be rubbed raw by the cap. This usually goes away, but if after several washes there’s no improvement, you might want to research having a silk or cotton lining added into the wig, or wearing a cotton liner/cap underneath. This could be an expensive proposition, so try your best to wait it out for a few washes first. Itching behind the ears and at the nape tend to mean the cap is a little too large or too long at the back. These particular areas of itching should be addressed by someone who is particularly good at fitting. (If the stylist who sold you F a s h i o n

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the wig cannot address the problem for you, you may have to go elsewhere and pay for the help, but these areas have a tendency to cause headaches, so address it sooner rather than later.)

Headaches and pressure problems are the hardest to solve, because they could both be caused by so many different issues. First go back through all the above mentioned solutions to the other problems. You might find that even though you don’t feel them directly, your clips and combs are the source of your pain and moving them can solve it very simply and cheaply. Getting a haircut on your own hair might also be the simple solution. Covering our hair often makes us forget all about it and neglect to realize that it can affect how your wig sits on your head, so make sure to maintain your own hair length so that is doesn’t cause you problems. (Keep in mind that during pregnancy your hair may grow super-fast or thick and may need to be cut more often than usual.) Itching issues listed above can also be the source of your headaches: that’s not to say that itching can cause you headaches, but your cap rubbing in certain sensitive places may also be causing headaches. Specifically, there are pressure spots behind the ears and on the neck that, if rubbed wrong, can cause headaches too, not just itchiness. Also if your wig is fitted too tightly, headaches and pressure are common. At the end of the day, it might pay to just see a professional (preferably the one who originally sold and fitted the wig,) as some of the services and repairs you need should be included in the price of the wig if it’s still under guarantee. Not every stylist will be able to diagnose and solve every problem, but be persistent and you may find someone who can figure it out. After all, it’s not worth wearing the wig if it’s causing that much discomfort. With the summer months coming, the discomfort has the potential to get worse in the heat. I always say it’s a mitzvah to cover our hair, but it’s never a mitzvah to suffer for it. Hatzlacha! [IF] Gitel Rosenzweig, a wig stylist with 12 years experience, is the owner of Gitel Wigs located at 3708 Avenue S in Brooklyn. For any questions or comments to be addressed in future articles, she can be reached at 718-758-1022 or via email at: gitelrosenzweig@yahoo.com.

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[ Seven Strategies For Saving ] By: Phil Berkowitz

re you doing your best to save for your future? It can be very challenging to begin a savings program. After necessities such as food, clothing, and housing, there can be little left to put aside for future goals. Unfortunately, failing to save could mean the difference between enjoying a comfortable retirement and giving up some basic needs. Often it is a matter of making the decision to begin saving now in order to buy a new home or car later. The goals you set are important to you. Making changes to prepare for those goals can make a difference.

takes to get the matching limit. It’s free money that can really help your bottom line during retirement. 3.

Pay yourself first. Think of your savings or investments as a bill you must pay on a regular basis, much the same as a car or mortgage payment. Be disciplined and make the payments according to a set schedule. For better results, establish an automatic monthly deduction from your paycheck or checking account to fund an investment or savings account.

Create separate pots of savings for upcoming life stages. Retirement may be an important goal for which to begin saving, but other goals or events need as much or more preparation. Don’t short-change other goals while concentrating on one thing. Whether it’s a home, car, or child’s education, it is important to give appropriate attention to each.

For that reason, State Farm has taken a look at various ways to get a person’s savings plan on track. We’ve come up with seven strategies that you can use today. 1.

Don’t splurge with your tax refund. Instead of spending your refund, use it wisely by paying down debt, funding an individual retirement account, or saving it for future financial goals.

Take full advantage of your employer’s retirement contributions. Your employer may match a percentage of the contributions you make to your retirement savings plan. It’s a good idea to do what it

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Start small and stay steady. The first word is the most important: start. You should begin as early as possible to get the most out of your savings plan.

If you have children, find the right education plan. You have a number

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of choices when it comes to saving for a child’s education. Finding the one that makes sense for your situation takes planning and information. This takes us to the seventh and, quite possibly, the most important point… 7.

Work with someone you know and trust. Everyone’s needs and goals are unique. Just as you go through many changes during your lifetime, your financial goals may change. You should work with a professional who not only knows about various plans and strategies, but knows you and will stay with you through the long haul. Most people feel the best guidance they receive comes from a financial professional they know and trust.

In the end, it all boils down to making a plan, getting started, and staying the course. When you make the decision to finally start, contact a financial professional who knows you and understands your needs. [IF] Phil Berkowitz is the office manager of State Farm Insurance, specializing in all lines of Personal & Business Insurance and located in Hewlett, NY. He can be reached at 516-374-2100.

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[ On Boards…Aiming for Moshe’s Model - Part 2 ] By: Moshe Kinderlehrer

y last article ended with a fervent promise to write more about the model of leadership exhibited by Moshe and how it applied to boards of modern-day nonprofit organizations. Put simply, I stated that I would explain in some detail the “how-to” of making board members feel like Moshe—a leader of the Jewish people. Since I wrote that first piece, I’ve been searching in vain for my old notes on a lecture I heard from a former boss of mine, who also happens to be both a Torah scholar and widely respected academic, who laid out some of these principles in a private talk we once had. Of course, I haven’t been able to find my notes....but thankfully I do remember a few bits and pieces. Just to note briefly: There are literally dozens, if not hundreds of divrei Torah,

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commentaries, essays, and even a few books that discuss Moshe’s leadership abilities and principles at length. And it’s for a good reason (actually many reasons) that Moshe is accepted by nearly all of the major religions of the world as a true spiritual leader.

in a way that best suits their strengths and talents. We—the nonprofit professionals who run the day-to-day activities—must figure out a way to fashion our boards into true “leaders.”

He is praised by nearly all for his unwavering faith in G-d, his foresight, his ability to relate to his people and defend and protect them, his firmness, his decisiveness, and his upstanding character. I can fill reams of paper looking at every leadership act and decision he made. But that’s not what I am here to do today.

Although Moshe certainly didn’t operate within a traditional 501-c-3 structure, he certainly led a big organization and enterprise called the Jewish People in our most critical phase of development.

I explained in the past that successful boards and their members need to feel that they are truly “leaders” as Moshe was in his day. They can’t just “sit” on a board and attend meetings but need to feel that they are serving the community and doing so

Well…he gave them real jobs, and hard jobs in fact. He appointed them to be judges. (Shemos 18:13 – 27).

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So How Did He Do It? Jobs

So how did he make his “board” members feel like they were leaders?

These weren’t just the make-work jobs that contemporary politicians sometimes use to curry favor or placate opponents.

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These were real jobs! The job of being a judge required each appointee to be a learned and active representative for the Jewish people that Moshe was trying to create. These judges not only had to know something about Jewish law but they also had to be “leaders” in the sense that their rulings would only have meaning if they exemplified on their own the Torah’s value system. It sounds like a tall order and it probably was. But it worked. Put Your Board To Work…Seriously I see the same thing with a board. One must give each board member a “job” to do. This job cannot be a minor task or simple assignment. It must be something much more. It must be year-round and not only

involve making a statement at a board meeting. The job must challenge them to do more than they might on their own as a casual or even as a major supporter of your organization. I recognize the difficulties with this. It’s not easy to find good “jobs” for board members of organizations who only ask their board to help raise funds. It’s certainly not easy for the boards of Israeli “American Friends of ” organizations to find its board members good “jobs” when the whole purpose of the organization is to raise funds and awareness for the Israeli organization. But it’s possible…and I’ve seen it firsthand so I know that this is not a fantasy. You have to get creative also. 32

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What I suggest is this: Invite your board members to as many program or internal staff meetings as possible. Share with your board as much information as you can. Bring them into as many internal discussions as possible. Encourage your board members to take an active interest in the workings of your organization. Making Thank You Calls A smaller, but related idea is the following: A number of successful organizations I know require their board members to make a minimum number of “thank you calls” annually to donors to their organization, whether they know the donors or not. What I like most about this concept is that it gives every board member a chance to participate in the “fun part.” (Who is going to be upset at getting a thank you call?) Making thank you calls also helps to remind the board member why they’ve joined the board in the first place. I am thinking about making this a mandatory board requirement right now for my current organization as well. If you’re finding it tough to get the board members interested, assign trusted and senior members of your staff to begin “adopting” selected members of your board to bounce ideas off, solicit advice, and even report to in some fashion. At the same time, assign your board members to different programs or areas within your organization. Encourage them to put their time and money where their mouth is and undertake different projects that will benefit the organization. It’s Worth the Risk! Are there risks associated with this approach? Will it take a lot of effort and time? Of course. Like many nonprofit leaders, we all share on some level the fear that having our board know “too much” or be “too involved” with the inner F a s h i o n

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workings of our organization will impair our own leadership or cause the board to be “turned off ” or disheartened in some way. But I believe strongly that these are risks worth taking. They have to be! Allow me to share a story. Earlier in my career, I led a board meeting for a start-up, smaller organization with a relatively new, untested board, and I included a number of important items on the agenda that the board had not known about prior to the meeting. The board felt a bit ambushed by all of the material I was throwing at them. As I weathered the storm of annoyed follow-up emails and phone calls, I had a revelation. Hey, this young board was now acting like a real board! This was a good thing! They were taking ownership of the organization (in a way that they had not done so previously) and would now have to be treated as full partners in every activity we undertook. I apologized to that board and resolved to never repeat that error, but I was secretly happy with the outcome. Of course, I never made that mistake again with this board and from what I hear, it continues to be a fairly active and successful board to this day. The bottom line is that we have to put our boards to work in a way that is meaningful for them and gives them the fuel they need to be our full partners. Giving our board members and volunteers important “jobs” to fulfill is absolutely critical for the success and growth of any organization. And we can say that Moshe taught this to us in the Torah. What better advice do we need? [IF] Moshe Kinderlehrer is currently the Director of Development for American Friends of Leket Israel (formerly Table to Table Israel)—Israel’s Leading Food Resource and Food Rescue Organization (also known today as Israel’s National Food Bank). Prior to that, he was a nonprofit and fundraising consultant with over a decade of experience working for and with a wide variety of nonprofits. He is also an ordained Orthodox rabbi (Yeshiva University – RIETS) and holds an MA in Politics from NYU. He resides in Bergen County, NJ, with his wife and four children. He can be reached at: moshe@leket.us or (201) 331-0070.

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turns turning two cards up to try to make pairs. If a pair is made, the player collects both matching cards and takes another turn. If the cards don’t match, they turn them back over and end their turn. The player with the most pairs wins! This is a really fun project and you’re left with a unique game that your kids will want to play with over and over.

[ 4 Fun Photo Projects For You & Your Kids ] By: Rina Schiffman

e are fast approaching that time of year that strikes fear, or at least a little bit of dread, in mothers’ hearts everywhere: the period after school ends, but before camp begins. After the novelty of being home the whole day wears off, the kids begin growing bored, and pretty soon you start hearing things like: “Ma, I’m bored!,” Ma, there’s nothing to do!”—and when it gets really bad, “Ma, did you know that when you flush lego pieces down the toilet they float back up again?” So because I wish to preserve not only the septic systems of homes everywhere, but the sanity and peace of mind of parents everywhere, I’ve compiled some fun and creative things you can do with your kids using one thing we all have plenty of— photos.

Photo Puzzles. Find a cute picture featuring everyone in your family. Make sure it’s reasonably sharp, and upload it to a site such as Portraitpuzzles. com. Choose a size, and based on the ages of your kids, choose how many pieces you would like your puzzle to be. For children aged 2-5, choose a 15-piece puzzle. For older children or adults you can choose a 1,000-piece puzzle so that it will really keep them busy for days. Not only is it really fun to put together a puzzle and watch the faces of your family slowly appear, a large photo puzzle looks adorable when framed and can be hung as a piece of unique artwork in a bedroom or playroom. The smaller puzzles can simply 34

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be dismantled once their done and put away to be played with whenever you need a quick, fun project for the kids.

Photo Books. There are so many websites that print adorable, good quality photo books using your own digital pictures. You can turn this into a great project for the family by just being a little creative. For example, have your children help you choose pictures to use for your book, and let them help you design the layout. For the more ambitious types, plan a specific photo shoot based on a theme, for example, “Our day at the zoo,” then go to the zoo and take photos specifically with your book in mind. (This kills at least two days—one at the zoo, and one spent creating the book!) Then upload your photos and choose the ones you’d like in the book. These books can be very cheap, especially using sites such as winkflash.com or shutterfly.com. Your kids will totally get a kick out of reading a book with their own pictures in it!

Memory Game. This is perhaps the simplest idea of all, but for the right ages, it can be a lot of fun. To create your memory cards, choose photos of different family members and print them in sets of two, in either a wallet or a 4x6 size. You can choose either 12 or 24 photos, just make sure they are the same alignment so that your cards look consistent. Attach decorative paper to the backs of the photos and trim. To play, shuffle the cards and place them face down in rows. Players take F a s h i o n

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Photo Shadowbox. If you or your kids have small sentimental objects that just don’t fit into a photo album, this project is for you! You will need to purchase a shadowbox (available in craft stores such as Michaels) and some small foam or wood blocks. Have some strong craft glue handy. Assemble the objects and photos you’d like to use in your shadowbox and plan where everything will go before you glue them in. An example of a good shadowbox idea is making a graduation shadowbox with your eighth grader. You would choose the graduation invitation, the corsage that was pinned on her graduation gown, and some photos taken at the actual event. You can also add some smaller embellishments, like the wallet-sized yearbook photos her friends gave her, or the “congrats” keychain her little brother bought her. If you want to add some dimension to your shadowbox, place some of the objects on the small blocks and this will push them away from the shadowbox’s back wall. Have fun placing all the objects and photos in your shadowbox, and when it’s done, assemble the glass in the front. You now have a beautiful piece of artwork that your children will be really proud of. When the inevitable “There’s nothing to do!” shouts start in your household, don’t panic. Just gather your clan, grab some family photos, and refer to this article for some fun ways to keep your kids busy. Use your imagination and come up with some other fun things to do with family photos. The possibilities are endless! [IF] Rina Schiffman is the owner and photographer of Rina Schiffman Photography. She specializes in capturing natural, emotive portraits of babies and children. Her complete portfolio can be viewed at www.RinaSPhotography.com. Her home studio is located in Brooklyn, NY, and she can be reached at 917-750-3424 or RinaSchiffman@ yahoo.com. Look for her on facebook and join exciting contests!

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[ My Journey Into the World of Data ] By: Leah Helfgott

magine this: You sit down to a meeting and take a look around. Every person at the table has placed a cell phone in front of them. Except you. You’ve put your phone on “silent” and it’s sitting in your bag. You ask yourself: Why are all these people leaving their phones on the table? Are they expecting calls during the meeting? Isn’t that rude? But the weird thing is that this keeps happening—meeting after meeting! Indeed, you are witnessing a big change in cell phone culture. In most settings, it is now completely acceptable to leave your phone out at meetings. You’re still confused, why is it all of a sudden ok? And then one day, you get a new phone, and it dawns on you. It’s all about DATA. This is my story. For years, I was a standard cell phone user. I never understood why anyone would need email on their phone. My thinking was, “Check your email once or twice a day and you’re fine.” Why do you need it everywhere you go? If you told me that you travelled a lot and might not have access to the internet, I might have said, “Ok, it’s worth it to pay for data.” But I never imagined that data would explode the way it did and that we would all be glued to our phones the way we are…. It all started a few months ago, when I dreamed of an iPad. For weeks, I followed the rumors of an Apple tablet’s release. And when it was finally unveiled, it was so beautiful that it didn’t matter that I had no use for it. I just wanted one. My husband, weighing his birthday gift options, decided to buy me a more practical gift: a new phone. The phone was a touch-screen Android Motorola Cliq from T-Mobile. It had great graphics, a nice qwerty keyboard, all kinds of apps, and best of all, it had email. 36

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And so began my journey into the world of data. I spent two months with this new cool gadget. I clicked it open and closed everywhere I went. I used the twitter and facebook apps. I took great photos with it. I played with the phone settings and added my email accounts. I even put it on the table a few times during meetings. There was just one problem. For some reason, I could never get the phone to download a copy of my messages. Instead, it would take my messages off the server, and they would never appear in my Outlook. And so I had a terrible problem. For the life of me, I could not keep track of my messages and I could not get them where I needed them to be. Emails got lost, replies got forgotten, and it was a huge disaster. I said there was just one problem, but in truth, there were many. The phone loaded everything slowly. It was as if simple buttons like “View Call Log” were actually searching a slow website. It would say “Loading…” for just about anything I asked it to do. The phone also had a lot of glitches. Out of nowhere, it would start calling people from your Recent Calls list. And it wouldn’t pick up the line when you touched the screen’s “Slide to Answer” button. You’d just miss the call. Then, it had this thing called “MotoBlur.” They were very proud of it. It was supposed to “blur” all of your contacts together—your phone contacts, your facebook contacts, and your twitter contacts. This made no sense. We all know that facebook is populated with many friends we barely keep in touch with, and that twitter is full of people we don’t F a s h i o n

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even know. I doubt anyone really needs all these random people in their phone’s main (and only) contact list. I discovered a way to filter out all the extra contacts, but it was several keystrokes each time, and the setting could not be saved. This was a big inconvenience when using the phone to, you know, actually call people. After several SOS calls to my friends at T-mobile, I had to accept that the Motorola Cliq was a cute phone for teenagers, but not a quality phone for anyone who is actually busy. Everything seemed “hit or miss” with it. And with my business relying on my phone, I just couldn’t afford “hit or miss.” And so I moved on to a Blackberry Bold 9700. This was a whole different breed. The phone had no loading time (except on the web browser). Settings and options were very intuitive and there were no glitches. With the Motorola Cliq, it had taken me two weeks to straighten out my email account settings. With the Blackberry, it prompted me for just two things: login and password. Nothing else. And it immediately started downloading my messages. Wow. After just two days with the Blackberry, I realized that my world had changed. I was now completely and totally “on” when it came to email. I got everything the second it came in—in fact, it came to my phone before going to my Outlook. (And yes, it came to both!) The pace of emails just got seriously faster. I had been working off the “respond within a day or two” model and I was totally outdated! I had no idea that the appropriate response time is more like “within an hour or two.” With the Motorola Cliq, I had liked getting messages wherever I was, but because I couldn’t rely on the phone’s email, it was just an amusement to keep me busy. Now checking email from my phone has become more important than ever. And my phone can’t sit in my bag any longer. It’s right there on the table—along with everyone else’s. [IF]

Leah Helfgott is Designer and Social Media Specialist at i-Point Web Design found on the web at i-pointwebdesign.com. She still dreams of an iPad. She may be contacted at leah@i-pointwebdesign.com.

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Cilantro Dipping Sauce 1 clove garlic 1 tablespoon black peppercorns 1 cup washed cilantro, including roots and stem 3 tablespoons lemon juice 3/4 cup coconut milk 2 tablespoons peanut butter 2 scallions, chopped roughly 1 red chili, seeded and sliced To make the sauce, grind together the garlic, peppercorns, cilantro, and lemon juice in a pestle and mortar or blender. Add the coconut milk, peanut butter, scallions, and chili. Grind finely. Transfer to a saucepan and bring to a boil. Leave to cool. Tomato-Basil Salad

[ The Lazy, Hazy Days of Summer ] By: Emuna Braverman and Elizabeth Kurtz

7 vine ripe tomatoes (medium to large), cubed (you can use yellow and red mixed together or different varieties of tomatoes). Use the ones from your garden if you have them. 4 tablespoons red onion, chopped

t’s that time of year again—the long, slow days of summer have arrived. Although the days may not be as relaxing as you anticipate (what with planning all those activities for the kids and schlepping them here and there!), the meals should be simple—and frequently prepared out of doors. Of course, nothing says summer like a nice, cool glass of lemonade. Try this traditional pink version; it’s a real crowd pleaser. Or for a more substantial drink, how about a peach-mango smoothie? Then, some grilled chicken or beef (if you’re ambitious, you can make the cilantro dipping sauce, but they’re perfectly good without it) and a salad made with farm fresh tomatoes.

and stir to dissolve the sugar. Add ice or refrigerate to cool. Serve in tall glasses poolside. Peach Mango Smoothie 1 peach, chopped ½ cup milk (use soy milk if you want to have this with your barbecue!) ½ teaspoon vanilla ½ cup orange juice Place all ingredients in a blender and purée until smooth.

2 cups sugar

8 large skinless, boneless chicken breasts or 5–6 rib steaks

9 cups water

1 bottle Italian salad dressing

2 cups lemon juice (fresh is best but not absolutely necessary) 1 cup cranberry juice Combine all ingredients in a large pitcher 38

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Place the chicken or the meat in a large freezer-strength Ziploc bag. Pour in all the dressing and marinate in the refrigerator for a few hours. Grill. This will be the juiciest chicken or meat ever! F a s h i o n

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2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar 4 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil ½ teaspoon kosher salt Pepper to taste

1 mango, chopped

Easy Grilled Chicken or Steak Pink Lemonade

¼ cup fresh basil, sliced in long strips (chiffonade)

Toss tomatoes, red onion, and basil in a glass bowl. Whisk balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and salt and pepper. Pour over salad and refrigerate for 30 minutes before serving. [IF] Emuna Braverman and Elizabeth Kurtz have together created GourmetKosherCooking.com, a new and exciting site where you will find over 900 great kosher recipes—with particular emphasis on ideas for Shabbos and holidays, the best new kosher products, gorgeous table top decor, articles on kosher wine and healthy eating, featured giveaways, travel, cooking with kids, and much more. Content is updated weekly so visit us often. Your family will be glad you did!

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[ Ask The Shadchan ] By: Yisrael Friedman

My son went out on four great dates with a girl. They both feel very comfortable with each other. Would you say this is an appropriate time to drop the shadchan? Please advise. For Reference: Dropping a Shadchan is defined as when the matchmaker’s role as a go-between is discontinued, thereby opening direct communication between a prospective boy-and-girl match.

n life, everything is timing. Dating is no different. Waiting to drop the shadchan can sometimes mean a lost opportunity to take the relationship to the next level. So many times I have had couples dating and everything was going terrific. The chemistry was right, the attraction was there, etc. And then like everything else, it came to a plateau. When involved in a platonic relationship, it is very hard to take things to the “next level.” One of the most significant steps in moving it along is dropping the shadchan. It is very hard to advise a specific time especially without reading deeply into both the boy or girls’ mind. Many mentors would suggest asking a girl out on the fifth date if everything is going smooth. Going smooth is a very loose term. I once had a boy who I sent out on four dates. Because the girl lived out of town, the dates were very compressed and the relationship was moving very quickly. I advised him that it may be a good idea to ask for her number at the end of the fifth date assuming 42

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the date was successful. The intensity of that date mixed with emotional and physical stress (from all the traveling) became too much for the girl. These factors suddenly brought on a pounding headache up to the point where she had to excuse herself in the middle of the date to go vomit! She came back and promptly asked to be taken home, for she was not feeling well. As the boy was pulling up to her house he was already prewired (based on my advice) to ask her for her number. He proceeded to profess his love and said,”Uhh, Rivka, I uh really think things are going well, and uhh I just figured uhh now would kinda be the right time in our uh relationship to maybe like drop the shadchan… uuum.” Needless to say, “Rivka” ran out of the car crying. It took two weeks off from dating and about 40 hours of counseling just to get everybody back to their senses. The end to that story is that today B”H the couple is happily married with a child. In summary, I would not pin a specific number on “when to drop the shadchan.” If you rush things, one party may not be ready, and if you wait too long, the shidduch may have already lost momentum. Still, I would give two pieces of advice:

Prior to dropping the shadchan, the boy should try to make sure that the girl is truly ready to take this step. The shadchan can try to find out this information before the date, to avoid awkwardness on the date itself. F a s h i o n

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Before dropping the shadchan, both the boy and girl should ask themselves, “Am I ready to say ‘no’ directly to the other side, if I do not want to continue?” This means that in order to drop the shadchan, the boy and girl must be willing to say “NO” to the shidduch to the person’s face (and not through the shadchan) once the shadchan is out of the picture. Dropping the shadchan is the beginning of a healthy relationship, but remember, don’t hesitate do drop the shadchan for fear of the unknown. The shadchan is always on hand if he/she is needed to be brought back in. Many times, the shadchan’s job becomes even more difficult after he/she is dropped for the many issues that come up and cannot properly be communicated amongst the boy and girl and even more so, the parents. In order to see if your son is ready to drop the shadchan, you will have to assess his particular relationship with the girl he is dating and see if they are ready. Hatzlacha! [IF] Yisrael Friedman is a full time shadchan for Connections, the Shidduch division of Gateways. For questions or interesting and funny dating stories to be published in future articles, please email yfriedman@gatewaysonline.com. For all shidduchim inquiries, email connections@gatewaysonline.com.

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