In Fashion by In Fashion

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[ If I ate a box of cookies and no one saw,

does it count? - The Power of Acccountability ] By: Tanya Rosen

ou know the saying: “If a tree falls in a forest...” So if you cheat on your diet or sneak into a bakery for a cheese danish and no one sees you, does it count? Well obviously, yes. Just somehow, many people feel that it almost did not happen if no one knows about it. On a certain extreme diet, you have to call your “sponsor” every night to go over your entire day’s food intake. Amazingly, this works. There are no punishments from the sponsor if you cheated; they are not even allowed to tell you that you cheated. Their sole job is to be there for you to be accountable to and list your food. So why does this work? Because you know that you have someone to be accountable to each and every day. The Power of Accountability When people come to me for their weekly weigh in, just as important as the weigh in part is going through their food log for the week. I sit with a red pen and make notations and circle all the “extras.” The way I used to do my weigh ins was just to see the number on the scale and have an open ended discussion/question and answer. Although that too was some form of accountability, it was not as powerful as the actual reading and analyzing of the food log. Although I lost all my weight several years ago, I still to this day track every single thing I eat in a notebook. I have an entire drawer at home full of 6

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these notebooks. Although no one reads my logs, it still gives me some form of accountability. The Jewish Version Cheshbon Hanefesh is a similar kind of accountability, although you are counting not calories but rather mitzvos and aveiros. Some very disciplined and admirable people do this every single day. New Habits Are Hard to Acquire The concept of tracking every single thing you eat may sound like a very difficult and tedious task. It is, but only until you get used to it. If you do it enough, it becomes almost second nature, like brushing your teeth, or checking your email. This month I started tracking every single thing I spend money on, as challenged to do by my husband. I am finding it difficult and tedious, and now I understand how people have a hard time tracking food (something that’s second nature to me). But a challenge is a challenge, and I am determined. It has been 15 days of my doing it and I have to say, it IS becoming more and more a part of my routine. It also really does make me more aware of my spending.

nice notebook and simply start jotting down what you eat. You could do this throughout the day, or at the end of the day. To help yourself remember, put this notebook somewhere where you can see it so that you don’t forget (kitchen table, nightstand...). If you prefer the computer, you can make yourself a spreadsheet, or even find a site that allows you to track your food. For even more accountability, have someone ELSE read your log and give you an honest and objective analysis. This does not have to be a nutritionist. The only criteria is that this person be honest, know something about portions and healthy eating, and want you to succeed. So does that box of cookies count even if no one saw? Absolutely, but it counts even more if you write it down! [IF] Tanya Rosen is the co-owner of Shape Fitness in Flatbush. As a certified and experienced Personal Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, and nutritionist, Tanya offers these three services to the community. Tanya specializes in prenatal and postnatal fitness, and is best known for her personal and caring approach towards every member of the Shape Fitness family. Tanya can be reached at (917)9131523, or (718) 338-8700.

Practical Implications So what can you do today? If you’re pen and paper person, get yourself a F a s h i o n

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all enjoy and reap the benefits of a Zumba class.

• The pulsating music and heart

pounding workout release positive hormones (endorphins), which make people feel exhilarated and more positive throughout the day.

• Many Zumba instructors also keep their classes fresh and exciting! In a single class you can get a taste of Latin, hip hop, and African dance styles, as well as cultured music from around the world! And no two Zumba classes will ever be the same!

[ Let’s Zumba! ]

Zumba Events

By: Dina Kraiem

ou hear the beat; the music is pumping; your blood is rushing; your heart is racing; sweat is dripping; you see people around you dancing in sync... What could it be? This is ZUMBA!!! Zumba is a fitness program that fuses international rhythms and easy-to-follow moves, while toning your body and burning fat! People who take Zumba classes say they don’t feel like they’re working out, they feel like they’re at a party!! And yet, they are losing weight and feeling great!!!! Many burn 500+ calories per hour! All it takes is a handful of classes to master routines and build confidence. For me the greatest part of Zumba is how it brings a melting pot of people TOGETHER—all kinds of women, in all different stages and ages, dancing, laughing, and having a blast. Real friendships have been formed for both instructors and students. History of Zumba Columbian born, Beto, is the founder of this Latin-inspired fitness program. He stumbled on this concept accidentally. One day, he walked into his aerobic class and realized he forgot to bring his music. Thinking quickly, he grabbed whatever tapes he had in his backpack. These tapes were comprised of songs that Beto loved— mostly Latin tunes. Beto improvised his class and the students loved it...from there, this revolutionary concept was born!

• You learn by watching the instructor;

the instructor does not shout out instructions. Each song has about four steps, which are repeated over and over—but you are not expected to instantaneously pick up the moves. As long as you’re moving, you’re doing great!

• Zumba requires you to move just

about every muscle of your upper and lower body in many different directions.

• Once you forget to be self conscious

and start having fun, you barely realize that you are actually working out!

Why is Zumba the fastest growing fitness workout ever?

• The moves are simple and repetitive—

all you have to do is follow the instructor; you don’t need to be a dancer to keep up!

• Zumba really shows results—Latin dance moves specifically target the abdominal area...therefore, people notice their waists shrinking only after a few weeks of taking classes regularly.

• Zumba helps people lose weight. I

What’s the difference between Zumba and a regular aerobics class?

personally know many women who have lost up to 70 lbs by adding Zumba to their schedule three times a week. For many women it is the first workout that they can actually stick to because they enjoy it so much!

• Zumba is more of a dance party than

• Zumba works for a wide spectrum of

a structured exercise class.

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There is nothing like Zumba parties and events! This month we had two parties, each one better than the next! First we had a Chanuka Zumba party—an hour-anda-half of a mix of dozens of songs we’ve done over the past year! The girls danced till they dropped, reminiscing the routines from the past year...and not to mention ALL IN THE DARK...with glow stix.... lighting up the room! The next party was the AFROLATINA WHITE PARTY! I (Dinalatina as I’m often called) partnered up with my super close friend and awesome instructor Afroshirl (aka Shirley Catton) to create a super special night. We brought our classes together and created West Side Story-themed Zumba! We danced until we could sweat no more—and we had special lighting to keep the whole room dark, while all our white clothes lit up! We even had our 6-year-old daughters come as special guests and lead a couple of routines…among some other surprises! The energy for both parties was insane!!! I feel lucky and privileged to be able to do what I do! [IF] Dina Kraim is a ACE certified & Zumba Certified fitness instructor who has been providing the community with fitness classes for two years, and runs a successful Zumba class for women four times a week in “The Dance Studio” on Kings Highway in Brooklyn, NY. Still hesitating?! Well just “ hold your nose and take the plunge!” Come on over and join the fitness party! For schedule, more info, or to sign up for a class, please text Dina at: 646-327-4255. *NEWCOMERS: FIRST CLASS IS FREE WITH MENTION OF THIS ARTICLE.*

people—middle age women, teens, fit women, and less fit women can

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[ Winter Wig Care ] By: Gitel Rosenzweig

t’s finally cold, and everyone is suffering—the kids are getting sick, your skin is dry, and your lips are chapped—but did you expect your wig to suffer, too? Dryness, extra frizz, static, knotting, etc... Here are a few tips to help take extra care of your wig during these months, to reduce the additional wear and tear that the winter dryness may cause.

Coat Shopping One of the most common causes of excess knotting during the winter months is the extra layering we wear around our necks. Fur coats, collars, lined hoods, scarves, and even cashmere sweaters and turtlenecks are the biggest offenders. Natural fur has a microscopic texture that is similar to human hair and may cause even more damage than faux fur (why this causes knotting is an entire article in itself). In my experience, anything bulky at the neckline can cause the hair to behave badly, with bunching and knotting at the neck. No matter what the cause of your knotting is, you have to take care of the hair on your wig. The first rule about dealing with any and all knottiness is to brush it out! Never allow natural hair wigs to stay knotted for more than a few hours. Brush out any knots that may accumulate at least once a day, if you can’t brush them out during the day too. Hair that gets left sitting in a knot will accumulate more hair into the knot and cause your knotting issue to expand. 18

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Also, the hairs left in the knot may crack and break, and those broken hairs can cause more knotting and more breakage. I’m not going to tell anyone to throw away an expensive coat based on how their wig is behaving, but seriously consider what coat and clothes you are wearing, and when. You want to protect your wig, which may also be expensive. If you have an affair coming up and want to wear your wig curly, having to brush it out daily or even hourly may ruin the style. Get your wig freshly styled as close to the event as possible and avoid wearing it with your bulkiest sweaters and coats. Also, if you have any fur on your collars, try tucking your wig into your neckline when you put that particular coat on. While this may flatten your style a bit, it won’t damage the hair as much as the knotting that may happen because of the fur. It may also be an option to try wearing your wavy/curly wig styled a little straighter, since you’ll be brushing it out more often and the curls won’t last anyway. Check with your stylist and see if she is willing to try it or thinks it will work for your look.

Static Prevention Another common complaint during the winter months is all the flyaway static in the hair. This is not a defect in the wig at all, because it also happens to natural hair while still on your head. Your wig may be more static-y though, because there is an extra layer of dry fabric (the foundation of F a s h i o n

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the wig) added to the piles of clothes you are wearing. There are a couple of common solutions people use on their clothing that work just as well on your wig. They just have to be used with caution, because they all leave some sort of residue on the hair, which may also cause knotting. The first choice for your clothes may be fabric softener, and not just in the dryer. Many clients have told me that they rub a dryer sheet on their clothes when they get extra static cling. This works on your wig too, but you may not want to walk around with your hair smelling like “spring fresh” or Snuggle the bear. There is at least one brand of fabric softener sheets out there that is made now without perfumes (marketed to use for allergic households), so hunt for it and invest in a single box to keep just for your wigs. Keep one in your travel box, with or without your wig inside, to keep the box from adding to the problem. Rub it on your own hair before putting on the wig for the day, and also on your clothes—whatever top you’re wearing, and any outerwear you will put on when you leave the house. (All these other items that come in contact with the wig will probably get washed more often than the wig and be a little less costly to clean than the wig, so you don’t have to worry about residues left behind on them.) Run these dryer sheets over the wig itself as sparingly and infrequently as possible to avoid leaving excess residue on the hair, on your clothes—whatever top you’re wearing, and any outerwear you will put

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(continued on page 20)

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on when you leave the house. (All these other items that come in contact with the wig will probably get washed more often than the wig and be a little less costly to clean than the wig, so you don’t have to worry about residues left behind on them.) Run these dryer sheets over the wig itself as sparingly and infrequently as possible to avoid leaving excess residue on the hair. Another perfect solution for excessive static is Static Guard (or any other brand anti-static spray you can find). Almost all the same rules apply to the static spray as to the dryer sheets. Spray the inside of your box before storing the wig in there. Spray all of your clothes before they come in contact with you wig. Never spray the wig directly, but you can spray your brush gently (don’t soak it) from a distance (about a foot away) and then run the brush over your wig, being careful not to leave greasy looking streaks of the product in your wig.

Deep Conditioning Treatments A proper deep condition or hot oil treatment can help with your knotting and static problems too. There is a common misconception among wig wearers and stylists that a deep conditioning treatment means leaving your wig in conditioner overnight. This will not do anything to improve the hair, and if you’ve read any of my past articles, you know that excessive amounts of conditioner can loosen the 20

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knots holding the hair in place and cause irreversible damage to your wig. Warming or heating the hair or the conditioner allows it to absorb properly and when correctly done, these treatments can last through multiple washes. Ask your stylist three questions: how much they charge for such treatments (it shouldn’t cost too much more than your regular wash and set), whether or not it will help your particular issue (knotting or static or both), and how they do it (warming the hair or not) before you spend money on it.

Dye Season Winter is the best time to dye your wig. Many people are under the impression that dyeing can damage the hair on your wig, but sometimes dyeing your wig can even improve the appearance and manageability of the hair. The chemicals used to open the hair strands to absorb the color are also capable of smoothing out the individual strands when they are washed out properly. It’s not a guaranteed cure to solve all knotting and static problems, but if your wig is already due to be dyed, it’s likely to improve once it’s done. The dryness that comes along with overexposure to the sun is definitely going to disappear, and it’s a great way to update an old wig.

day mean more exposure and oxidizing. As soon as the sun starts to set earlier, it’s time to dye your wig. October through February are the best months, because the days start to get longer already in March. Whether or not to dye the wig and if it will help your particular issues is a lengthy decision though, and should be based on the age of the wig, original quality of the hair, and current condition that it’s in. Keeping it clean is the most important solution to all your wig’s problems. Just because your own hair doesn’t need to be washed as often in the winter as it does during the summer, doesn’t mean the same for your wig. I know I repeat myself and mention the effects of residue in every article, and it’s for good reason: residue can also be the source of your knotting issues, so if you’re not sure, just check with your stylist to see if she thinks it’s time for a wash or any of the other solutions here. [IF] Gitel Rosenzweig, a wig stylist with 12 years experience, is the owner of Gitel Wigs located at 3708 Avenue S in Brooklyn. For any questions or comments to be addressed in future articles, she can be reached at 718758-1022 or via email at: gitelrosenzweig@ yahoo.com.

Dyeing a wig during the summer months is often a waste of money, because the extra-strong sun and longer hours of the F a s h i o n

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[ Don’t Buy Into Beauty ] By: Sylvia Hamowy

hat is beauty? Beauty is the property or state of being that which pleases, merely by being perceived, that which is attractive. Someone who has beauty is pleasing or good looking, attractive. An excellent or egregious example of something. Beauty is studied as part of aesthetics. Beauty is a characteristic of a person.

to believe that every woman should wake up without wrinkles and younger than their age. Actresses and actors are terrified to lose their looks in a world where the physical is the most important thing. So many mainstream men now have plastic surgery just to look younger for their work, afraid to lose their jobs to younger men. This is a reality they have to live with.

That “beauty” thing as far as I am concerned is a trap!!!!!! When you buy into the looks and the beauty, you are selling yourself short. Of course there are many different kinds of beauty—beauty within, sweetness, kindness, etc. But I am now addressing beauty as in your looks. If we buy into that beauty, we are heading for a great fall. In my opinion, most women do. I know that I can have a hard time with it too.

IT IS A FACT THAT EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL, AD, AND PHOTO THAT HAS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN OR MAN IN PRINT HAS BEEN AIRBRUSHED AND RETOUCHED.

We see models and actresses and love to read beauty magazines. The movies we see have fabulous makeup artists and trick photography, and the models are photographed in special flattering lights. Many models have it written in their contract about being filmed at certain angles. What about the movies and commercials? We are inundated about how the media wants us to look and act for that matter. The media would like us 26

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In the fake world of beauty, we do not age. We look the same or younger. We would commit a cardinal sin if we did actually look our age, and when we fall short of that, somehow we’ve disappointed everyone, especially ourselves. It is very tough to age in America, period! Physical appearance seems to be the most important thing- that is, if you buy into beauty. Why are we trying to have a teenage body with a teenager’s face? GET OVER IT!!!! What is more beautiful than realizing who you are? If you just think about the ads and the way we are bombarded with what we are supposed to look like and who we F a s h i o n

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are supposed to be in the world, it is like propaganda to ourselves in many ways. That kind of beauty is a trap and it takes a lot of work. I am not saying I won’t groom myself and try to look as beautiful as I can. I am just saying I won’t buy into THEIR kind of beauty. Beauty will go away, but I know I am much more important. True beauty is happiness and knowing what your true values are and standing by yourself, who you are and who you want to be. Don’t you have to become a certain age to feel this way and be able to do that? That is why people who are older get wiser. The great thing about aging is that you do get wiser and you do get more certain within yourself. We are lucky to be living in a culture where we can live longer. Look in the mirror and love yourself, love your values and stand by what you want. What is more beautiful than realizing that? [IF] Sylvia Hamowy is the owner of Reflections Cosmetics. She is a professional makeup artist, beauty editor, and former radio show host. She is featured in the Internationl Who’s Who of Entrepreneurs. For more information check out:

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P A O IE UA CE ELI BLE ION PQ RVI CTI BEL A T E O A N V N S C F E E S LI TIO LE UT S AT I SEL Q NBE NC FA C LES ICE US S Y R O I OP I O T P Y S IS E AT S IT T RM C L E L N E B O S L A E R N Y CE QU TY EVA FA URR T ST PRI N OP ELI ALI N E B O TIS U E I L A N Q R T B N S R P A C O E U O IEV S S FA CTI RIC TY I BEL YLE EP AT I ES ON ALI L N T I C U S I B T REC Q R A C T Y V P E P N T E S L E I E I O L LE ON RR S SE ABL UAL NBE STY ES CTI OU IEV PQ T C UT A L M I O F N E R R S IS P O NC RE E NB T N E O R L S A I L U E IS STY O E VAB RIC REC NT ITY LIE VIC ON EP E I L E R L R T A B E B R C S S U N A N U E E V Q IO IE BLE SEL RIC OP ES ACT AT LIA US ON EP L I F E L O Y S T S B I T M C E A T S R E C Y V A IE IT NT NO PRI SEL UT Y BEL UAL LE RRE NC T N B E Q U I A O C L P I I V A O IS N RV S N LIE QU TIO REC E SE YLE TIO OP ES NBE C L T C C A B S E I A T SF S PR NC SEL ELI AT I LES REN ICE LE SIO US Y R B R I O T A P U C S V RM IE UT RE ITY NT BLE NO BEL ION EVA UAL RRE N N I BLE T U Q L O C I E P E LIA T B CE L O I E S C N E V E S R ION YL S FA S US CE UT ES AT I ICE ECT MO T ST L R L R N RVI Y NC P E O E E T S O S E S N R I S Y IS UR IT ABL OU BLE ENT REC IEV UAL LIA IO ICE N L Q URR E V E O I P R T E O ACT N NB S C F O N E S I T E I O L S CU AT ES ABL ACT S SE N YLE RIC ELI ISF ION OU T P Y T S S M I T E A S I T R C L E L N E B E R NO YL UA Y VA CUT URR PQ LIT LIE T ST PR N O E E A N B C O U E I I N Q T BLE N S RR RV P A C O E E U V I O A S C SF LIE ES LE ECT PRI AT I ES AL LE NBE TYL ION SEL C S I B T S QU R A C T U Y V P E P N T O E S L E O LI LE SE BLE ALI ORM URR US S NBE QU STY EVA E O I P T C ACT L M I O N E BE ON S ISF PR OR I R E N T N E T R L S A U Y CE ABL LEC Y T ST ES PRI N IEV ICE RE N L L V O E E I Y LIT E R L R T T A B E B S R C S U N A N U E T V Q IO BLE SEL LIE OP REN ES ACT LIA US ON L I F NBE E O Y S T S ST UT RM CE AT I LEC S NO NC PRI UT ENT O S SE E YLE C R I Y L U R S N I O U IT CE BL VAB RM REC ISIO UAL RVI LIA N LIE E Q E NO E O S I P B REC E O N ON ECT ABL UT S S CTI AT I SEL E ON ELI E A I C S NC F L I T U S Y R O C I I O T P Y A IS AT IT TS RM LE UT ISF REC NO Y UAL Y NC VAB REN Q T E R O I I I U P T ST N IS O E EL AL N C B C O U E I I E N Q R V R ON ES UR OP ACT SER IE CTI RIC ES ISF LE E P L T N B S L BEL Y E A E A E O N I L T I S C (from now until January 18, 2011) S L I B T S E T Y VA PR EC OU ES LE LIT LIE REN SEL C RM B A E R S A O B U U TYL V U S N N Q E O I ION T P S L M N O I N E R E O ES NB T, NO ICE REC URR CTIY AN Y PR ECU E TYL CES LEBU I S E E S R N T S C N E N L O IO VI T EP I E Y US UT, R T REC L U E T FRE R A T O E GET B C C S R M UWIGS NC VA FA ES $129 ELE ENT LIE TSI SBELOWC$129 S I O9 ABL 9 & ABOV S SE I TY GHT E N A I HLI WIG HIG U B L O URR DYE OR I O N EYEAR-ROUNDM ALI (OUR T RE SAVING S) U Y C R Q T E I WIG) N L NO ES D TOWARD N OP AL SSEANY UT L(GOO EN QU US TIO E NC S STY P O C C E URR O O I T A M I C V F I N S R I S R E R P NO SE N S RR AT I REC N ICE BLE TIO BLE R A CE C I A Y V P E I V T E N S L L E I I R E E E O L L L E I S A YL ES CT VAB US NBE QU T ST LIE UT MO S FA OP N I E R C RIC E T B S O N A RECUT NOT AVAILABLE IN CEDARHURST LOCATION. OTHER RESTRICTIONS MAY APPLY. N SEE STORE FOR DETAILS. E N EP RR O L S L I U Y E B S I ST S RIC ITY EVA CE REC EP ENT ION YLE ELI RVI L R T T ALI B E B S R C S N A U T V QU E ON LE E N L I P I E E B T S L O A C US ON LES URR NBE ELI S MO CTI ES STY R E AT I L T S O RIC T E E N N P S U L E S LE NC TY STY E OU URR VAB ALI NT SIO RM VIC E I I U E R O N C L R E Q N IO RE UR ES OP NBE ECT ABL ICE L I N S V E L S S E R O LAKEWOOD: 250UCEDAR BRIDGE AVE . 732-534-9976 . ISUN 10-5, MON-THURS 9-5 E S LE TI SE R C STY MO T FA C EP BLE T R S L U A I I N B O C L BROOKLYN: 2713 AVE NE . 718-692-2831 E . SUN N AT N VA 10-5, MON-THURS 9:30-5 TUESDAYÊ URR ISIO E ELI C B C I E N LATE-NIGHTSÊ V N R R CEDARHURST: 499 CENTRAL AVE . 516-612-2666 . SUN-THURS 10-5 TIO INÊBROOKLYN!ÊÊ E SE ES LEC ABL E I 7:30-10:30 TYL S Son L S Visit us E www.ChayasPrecuts.com T the web for surprise savings! U OI n 29 F a s RhEN i o n • 7 1 8 - 6 7 6 - 1 1 8 6 M R UR NO N O

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[ How to Shoot A Large Group (And Get Away With It!) A Guide to Getting The Perfect Group Portrait ] By: Rina Schiffman

fter spending extended amounts of time with lots of annoying family members over the holidays, some of you might be tempted to take the title of this article literally. However, I am not about to instruct you how to shoot anyone, as my knowledge does not extend to handguns or the intricacies of the United States legal system. What I will do is give you some tips for getting great group portraits so that whatever the situation, be it a birthday party, family get together, or class reunion, you will be confident you got the shot.

A) Light it Right: As with all good photos, proper lighting is essential. When planning a group portrait, choose a location where there is enough light, and make sure no one’s face will be left in shadow. If the picture is being taken outdoors, try to choose a spot out of direct sunlight so that the group members are not squinting and their faces don’t end up overexposed in the photo.

B) Be Prepared: Make sure to have everything you need for the shot ready before you bring all the participants to the location. This includes 36

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setting up benches or chairs and preparing your camera with a memory card and fresh battery. You don’t want to be fumbling around with your camera settings while 15 little boys at your son’s birthday party start to fidget, pick their noses, and eventually begin flinging cupcakes at each other (not necessarily in that order). Rather, have everything ready to go and only then bring in the people that are going to be photographed. If the shoot involves both small children and adults, have the adults pose first and once all the adults are ready, bring the kids in. This way the children will have to be in one spot for the least amount of time and this will improve your chances of getting a successful shot.

C) Pose Smartly: Depending on the size of the group, different posing strategies should be used. For large groups consisting of over 15 people, simply have everyone line up in rows. Create different heights by having some rows sit and others stand. Have people stand and sit in height order, so that the tallest people are at both ends, with the shortest people right in middle. When photographing very large groups, you want to make sure that no one’s face F a s h i o n

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is blocked and that every person is visible. A good line to use is, “If you can see the camera, the camera can see you.” For smaller groups, such as a single family, try to create a visually pleasing shape within the photograph. A popular and classic shape is the pyramid, in which the front row of people form a wide base, with the next row being slightly narrower (meaning fewer people), and the very top row narrowing to a point with only 1-2 people. A general rule of thumb when posing groups is to have everyone’s faces at different height levels and to avoid simply lining everyone up in a single row.

D) Take Control: When taking a group photo it is very important that you are in control and that you communicate well with the group. Don’t be shy about directing people to move into different positions, and make sure you get everyone’s attention so that they are all looking at the camera at the same time. There is no disappointment like looking at a family photo and finding out that while Miri and Leah were looking at the camera and smiling prettily, Dovid was scratching a mosquito bite, Sara was

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yawning, and Nachum was pointing down at the baby, who was eating his sock. A handy tip for getting the attention of multiple people at once is using a loud noisemaker such as a squeaking rubber chicken (or an air horn if it’s a particularly difficult group).

E) Fill in the Blanks: When photographing large groups, there is always bound to be someone missing. Cousin Joe thought he was too cool to be in the picture, Great Uncle Moish was in the bathroom again, and two-year-old Dina crawled out of the shot a split second before the shutter snapped. In those cases, Photoshop is your friend. It is fairly simple to add a person into a photo; however, if it beyond your abilities, simply ask a friend who is experienced in Photoshop to do it for you.

F) Get Natural: A great photo is one in which the subjects look natural, happy, and at ease. To achieve this, do a quick scan of the group before snapping the photo and see if anyone looks stiff or uncomfortable.

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Telling them to take a deep breath is a good way to relax them. Cracking a joke or having everyone repeat a funny phrase can also ensure that everyone in the group looks relaxed and happy. In addition, remaining calm and cheerful yourself will help keep everyone else relaxed. If your subjects see you sweating and stressed out, they’ll start to stress too. There you have it! Follow these guidelines the next time you need to take a group photo, and you’ll be really happy with the results. Just don’t annoy your subjects too much (Ok everyone, look here! Ok on the count of three—one, two…no no, Shira’s not looking…Ok one, two…Michael,

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move over, you’re blocking Grandma, etc.), or you risk making them want to shoot you—and I don’t mean with a camera! Rina Schiffman is a professional photographer specializing in creating beautif ul, emotive portraits of babies, children, and families. Her studio is located in Brooklyn, NY. To schedule a portrait session or for more information, she can be reached at 917-750-3424 or RinaSchiffman@yahoo.com. Check out her website at www.RinaSPhotography.com , and follow her on Facebook to be part of really cool contests and free giveaways.

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[ Renters Gain by Pursuing Home Ownership ] By: Yael Ishakis, First Meridian Mortgage LLC

uying a home vs. renting is a big decision that takes careful consideration, as most mortgage consultants will agree. But the rewards of home ownership are great. For many years, purchasing real estate has been considered an extremely profitable investment. It is an achievement that offers a sense of pride, financial stability, and potential tax advantages. Yes, there are certain responsibilities associated with owning a home. Landlords will often argue the benefits of renting, and for obvious reason. If you are renting, you’re helping them make their mortgage payment. The numbers are staggering if you look at it this way. If you are paying $1,000 per month for an apartment, and you know your rent will increase 5 percent every year, then over the next five years you will pay your landlord $66,309. If you are currently renting a house, you may be paying much more than that each month. Either way, you gain no equity by shelling out this monthly housing expense and you certainly won’t benefit when the property value goes up! However, if you were to purchase your own home or condominium, you would be well on your way toward building equity within that same five-year period. By choosing a fixed-rate loan program,

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you can have the comfort of knowing that your monthly mortgage payment will never go up. In fact, you would have the option of refinancing to a lower interest rate at some point in the future should interest rates drop, and this would cause your monthly mortgage commitment to go down. In addition to building equity, there are tax advantages that come into play with home ownership. Depending on your tax bracket, owning a home is often less expensive than renting after taxes. Interest payments on a mortgage below $1 million are tax-deductible, and your mortgage consultant should help you evaluate the tax advantages of various loan scenarios, and share this information with your tax consultant to glean feedback on your behalf. To find the loan program that is right for you, your mortgage consultant will need to evaluate your monthly household income, current assets, and savings, as well as any monthly obligations you may have for credit card payments, car payments, child support, etc. These prequalification factors, along with the report of your credit score, will determine how much house you can afford and what interest rate you will pay for financing. It is also important to let your mortgage consultant know what your future goals are, because this will help narrow down which loan option is F a s h i o n

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the best fit for your long-term needs. There are many different types of loan programs available, including “low” and “no” down payment mortgage programs. These types of programs require the borrower to provide less than 3 percent of the loan amount as down payment. FHA lenders rule that the mortgage payment, including principal, interest, taxes, and insurance (PITI), should not exceed 31 percent of your gross income, and the PITI plus other long-term debt (car payments, etc.) should not exceed 43 percent of your gross income. Housing is an expense that takes a big bite out of the monthly budget. If you are a renter and feel that “home” is more than just someplace to hang your hat, think about the advantages of purchasing real estate. It may be time to take the step into building your personal net worth as a home owner. [IF] Yael Ishakis is affiliated with First Meridian Mortgage LLC, a Licensed Banker, NY Department of Real Estate. Yael Ishakis hosts Home Buyer’s Seminars which are open to the public on the first Tuesday of each month at 2607 Nostrand Avenue, Brooklyn, NY, from 7:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Seating is limited. To reserve your seat at the next event, call 718-732-0309 to RSVP and obtain a free copy of Ishakis’s Home Buyer Handbook.

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[ Philanthropy Takes Many Shapes] By: Norman B. Gildin, Chief Development Officer, OHEL Children’s Home & Family Services

n today’s world, flexibility is paramount as we adjust to all forms of change. The economic climate in which we find ourselves has caused major corporations and even governments to undergo great self-examination about the way they go about doing business. Flexibility is the word. So, too, in the notfor-profit world, our task is to help those with charitable intent to find different ways in which they can comfortably adjust their philanthropy. At OHEL Children’s Home & Family Services, we always seek ways for our friends and supporters to make their giving self-fulfilling and satisfying. The Torah teaches us: “V’chi yamuch achicha…v’hechezakta bo.” If your brother is in need…lift him up (Vayikra, 25:35). Those who contribute to the work OHEL undertakes understand this very well. But, in order to do so, OHEL offers different ways for donors to achieve the same goal.

Annual Campaign Each year there are numerous opportunities for our supporters to enjoy the pleasures that tzedakah bestows upon us aside from the obvious tax advantages that come with a charitable contribution. OHEL’s Annual Campaign takes on many forms ranging from events such as the Annual Dinner, the Benefit Concert, the Young Leadership Big Apple Bash, the Shloime and Libby Dachs BBQ, 50

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and the OHEL golf events that bring thousands together for a singular purpose to those who respond to our mail or Web campaigns. A Wall of Honor and a Shomrei OHEL Mezuzah Wall adorn our Brooklyn office and the Elly and Brochie Kleinman OHEL Regional Family Center respectively and give folks opportunities to honor someone or an occasion, as well as to memorialize someone with an endearing tribute. A special campaign, such as the Thea and Naftali Jeret Simcha Fund, help make possible brissim, upsherins, and Bar Mitzvahs for foster care children, as well as weddings for those who have reached adulthood. Call our Development Office for more information.

Camp Kaylie Capital Campaign With the advent of OHEL’s new Camp Kaylie, a fully integrated camp in Wurtsboro, serving children with and without disabilities, there are a multiplicity of ways to support OHEL through a “once in a lifetime” gift to the camp. While the camp in upstate New York came to us in virtually pristine condition, there are a number of buildings that must be built to accommodate various needs unique to our anticipated camper population. Among those structures to be built are the Elly and Brochie Kleinman Shul, the Mel and Phyllis Zachter Health & Wellness Center, and a Sports & Performing Arts Center that will complement the existing well-appointed facilities in our F a s h i o n

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picturesque setting. A list of dedications and commemorations is available through the OHEL Development Office.

Endowment Fund Campaign & Challenge Gift The Mel & Phyllis Zachter OHEL Endowment Fund was established in 2008 through the generosity of an anonymous donor. Endowment Funds are generally created with the purpose in mind of having funds available for any contingency. These are essential funds that would be available, if necessary, with the approval of the Board of Directors for a “rainy day.” In our case, the anonymous donor has issued a magnanimous challenge. For every $2 that you contribute, it will be matched by an additional dollar made possible through the generosity of the anonymous donor up to $500,000. This is an amazing opportunity for OHEL’s friends to leverage their gift into an even larger one. For more information about the Endowment Fund and this incredible challenge gift, you may call the OHEL Development Office.

Gifts of Stock & Securities If you own stock, it may be tax-wise to contribute stock more than cash. This is because a gift of appreciated stock generally offers a twofold tax saving. First, you avoid paying any capital gains tax on the increase in value of the stock. Second, you receive an income tax deduction for the full fair market value of the stock. Gifts

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the personal circumstances of the donor and can be addressed with a personal consultation with a representative from OHEL’s Development Office.

Who Will Benefit

of appreciated stock are fully deductible up to a maximum of 30 percent of your adjusted gross income.

Planned Giving Campaign There are a myriad of ways that supporters can help OHEL in a big way now during their lifetime, or even after. A legacy can be established through a bequest in one’s Last Will & Testament to be released to OHEL after one’s lifetime. A bequest can be a lump sum gift, or a percentage of an estate, or even the residuary or remainder of an estate after all expenses have been paid. All bequests can be in accordance with a Halachic will. A charitable gift annuity, on the other hand, has definite advantages for a donor in his or her lifetime including a steady income for the rest of his or her lifetime, tax savings, and tax deferrals on appreciated assets. Another well accepted mode of giving is through a gift of life insurance which takes effect after one’s lifetime and has the capacity to bolster an institution with a large gift that would not have been possible during that person’s lifetime. Different types of charitable trusts also can be devised that have positive tax consequences for a donor. All of these depend highly on

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OHEL has been elevating the lives of thousands of children, adults, and families—right in your neighborhood— for more than 41 years. OHEL foster children are safe and are loved living with foster families in all five boroughs. Women and children fleeing domestic abuse live safely in an OHEL Domestic Abuse Shelter. And the Holocaust survivor who needs assistance accessing critical social services finds the help he needs. There are more than 100 residences for adult men and women with disabilities in Brooklyn, Queens, Manhattan, and all around the Five Towns. You see our residents shopping alongside you or davening in your local Shul. There are three Day Habilitation Centers operated by OHEL Bais Ezra and two out-patient clinics—the Tikvah Out-Patient Clinic in Flatbush and the Elly & Brochie Regional Family Center serving the communities of Queens and Long Island. Hundreds of campers from every New York community attend OHEL Bais Ezra’s year-round “camp” and recreation programs including Shabbatons.

How to Go About It So now you are faced with the dilemma of too many good choices. The Talmud teaches us: “Shekula Tzedaka K’neged Kol Hamitzvos.” Giving tzedaka outweighs all other mitzvos. Tzedaka is a very important

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aspect of our lives. There need be no dilemma how to give. With the plethora of ways that you can invest in people and change their lives, there is no shortage of flexible methods to give back and make our society a better one. As the calendar year is coming to an end, there are many end-of-the-year offers and opportunities for tax advantages. It’s the right time to make a gift to OHEL. If any of the above are to your liking, please call me at (718) 972-9338 and we can engage in a conversation that will satisfy your philanthropic needs now and in the future. “Aser B’shvil Shetisasher.” Enrich the life of an OHEL child today, and your own life shall be enriched as well. [IF] OHEL Children’s Home and Family Services, which incorporates Bais Ezra and The Lifetime Care Foundation, is a pioneering social services agency that delivers a breadth of innovative programs and services for individuals and families at risk, and individuals with developmental or psychiatric disabilities, in both residential and out-patient settings. Founded in 1969 and with close to 100 residences, apartments, and over 30 diverse programs, OHEL services have been consistently ranked #1 by New York City. Touching the lives of thousands of individuals at every stage, and every day, OHEL’s professional services are available throughout New York, New Jersey, and South Florida. These services include Housing, Foster Care, Out-Patient Counseling, At Home Based Services, School Based Services, Abuse Services, and Camps.

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[ Light, Laughter, and Love: An Epic Evening in the 5 Towns ] By: Samantha Hainhots

Photos By: Jerry Meyer Studios

proarious laughter filled the chic ballroom as guests of the highlyanticipated Elon for Ilan event enjoyed the knee-slapping, laugh-till-youcry comedy of famed Tonight Show with Jay Leno regular Elon Gold. “He is like this generation’s Jackie Mason—totally hysterical. He is one of us,” said Alana Schulman of Hewlett, who belly laughed her way through jokes on kashrut, longwinded Chazans, and sedar plates. “You don’t ever hear someone going into a restaurant saying, ‘I’ll have the shankbone with a side of bitter herbs,” joked Gold, who mused about what it would have been like had the Jews been trying to bake chocolate chip cookies instead of bread before the exodus from Egypt. “Instead of matzoh, we could have been forced to eat cookie dough for a week…Cookie doughball soup…Cookie dough brie…” While the hundreds of guests thoroughly enjoyed the lighthearted show held inside the spectacular ballroom of Temple Israel in Lawrence, they all came out in the cold for a much more meaningful purpose, which was to support fellow community member Ilan Tocker. Tocker, a 33-year-old father of four, suffered a traumatic brain injury this past summer after fainting in Atlantic City, hitting his head and cracking his skull on a marble floor. After immediately exhibiting aggressiveness, a common sign of severe injury, Tocker was rushed to a local hospital where he proceeded to undergo two major surgeries, the last one carrying with it little chance of survival. News of Tocker’s accident resounded throughout the 5 Towns as well as the

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Beaver Lake bungalow colony upstate where his wife and young boys were during the time of the fall. Tehillim groups began emerging throughout both communities and a massive challah baking campaign led by friend Sarah Rosenberg reached all corners of the world, with women from here to Israel baking in the merit of a refuah. Tocker lived through the surgeries and was awakened from a medically-induced coma only to go on to exemplify that miracles can happen! Within months of the accident that nearly took his life, Tocker began walking with minimal assistance, speaking full sentences, playing games of logic, and partaking in minyan, even receiving an aliyah followed by an entire congregation singing out “Tov Lehodot,” accompanied by tears of joy. From the start people were touched by Tocker’s heroic tale and wanted to help the family in any manner possible. A foundation called The Ilan Tocker Foundation was set up specifically for raising funds for Tocker’s much-needed rehab, which his insurance does not cover. “It started with our Beaver Lake Cookbook. People were so eager to submit recipes. The book was a sell-out. And it just kept growing,” said Michal Weinstein of Woodmere, one of the masterminds behind the super successful event that raised over $50,000 for The Ilan Tocker Foundation. The evening itself was a spectacular event like no other, falling on the last night of Chanukah as a way to celebrate Jewish F a s h i o n

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miracles as distant as those inside the reclaimed Temple to contemporary ones such as Ilan Tocker himself. “Tonight we celebrate Nes Gadol Haya Po…the miracle that happened HERE,” said Weinstein in a touching speech that encapsulated the themes of the evening, which were thankfulness, unity, and celebration. Guests arrived to the palatial synagogue where behind the velvet ropes stood scores of waiters handing out wine and champagne to toast the festivities. Fireplaces, waterfalls, and custom lighting, along with upscale decor helped set the vibe for a fun night out, having Gold later joke, “Is this a shul? It looks more like a W Hotel.” Seats in the “theatre” were lined with bona fide Playbills designed by committee member Toby Shwartz, and in true V.I.P. fashion, guests received Kiss and Makeup swag bags filled with a beautiful candle as well as a designer cookie by Le Cake Chic. “It was classy and funny and very moving…I felt proud to have been there,” said Schulman, who used one of Gold’s own lines to describe the night. “Elon Gold was so right when he said Jews love using the word ‘some’ as a descriptive adjective... ‘That was some bris. That was some spread.’ Well, all I can say about Elon for Ilan is: That was some night.” For more information about the event and donations, please visit IlanTockerFoundation.com. [IF]

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[ Remembering Moshe Berkowitz ] By: Tova Ross

n his lifetime, he was a positive influence on so many, always inspiring others to be better while at the same time, working on his own character. In his death, Moshe “Mo” Berkowitz continues to inspire, leaving a lasting and indelible mark of goodness from a life that was cut short. Mo was part of a rare breed, one that did not let the difficulties he faced as a youngster negatively affect his positive nature and bright outlook on life. His compassion for others, especially children, knew no bounds. Shua Zitron, a close friend from high school, said he and Moshe “clicked right away” in Mir High School when they were paired as chavrusahs. “We found that not only did we have the same style of learning, but similar interests in almost every aspect of our lives,” explained Zitron. The two, both passionate about physical well-being in addition to their spiritual health, regularly frequented the gym and played sports after school. In fact, Zitron and Mo learned so well together that the two approached their rebbe to ask if they could be excused from a certain class to learn a mesechta in which they were both interested. That mesechta, Perek Chelek from Sanhedrin, speaks about Mashiach, and what precedes it and what happens afterwards. It is a testament to the duo’s 64

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seriousness in learning that they were granted full permission to skip class and do so.

meaning for his father, who would bury his son alongside his brother just weeks later.

Dan Berkowitz, 22, confirms his older brother’s true sincerity in religious observance. “We both had somewhat of a hard childhood,” says Dan, referring to his parents’ divorce when the two were young, “but Mo never let it get him down or shake his faith. He was constantly making lemonade out of lemons and being consistently positive.”

A close friend of Mo’s, Aron Avadyaev of Brooklyn, remembers Mo as not only a serious learner, but a serious worker as well. Mo began working right after high school, and right before he was killed, was juggling a schedule of impressive feats. He spent mornings learning at Yeshivas Ohr Yitzchak, and then went to teach at Bircas Shmuel, the yeshiva’s junior high school for younger talmidim, where he taught all secular subjects. He also went to night school in Brooklyn College, where he was studying for a BA in psychology. In addition, he worked part-time at a home healthcare agency, and spent countless hours with his students, engaging them in healthy outlets and activities so that they wouldn’t turn to more troubling pursuits. “He always kept himself busy,” said Avadyaev. “If he wasn’t learning, he was doing something else constructive.”

After the boys’ parents divorced, their mother moved to Israel, where she was from originally and where the family had lived for a couple of years when Moshe and Dan were younger. Moshe and Dan, who did not want to leave the United States, moved in with their aunt and uncle— doubly close relations, as their aunt was their mother’s sister, and their uncle, too, their father’s brother. Devastatingly, Mo’s uncle died from a heart attack just a few weeks before Mo did. A friend of Mo’s related that he and his father, after the shiva, walked around the block to signify the end of official mourning. Mo and his father were discussing the reason for doing so, and Mo said he thought it was because it showed that Hashem wanted mourners to see that life continued, even after such a loss. Mo, of course, had no way of knowing that these words would take on a different F a s h i o n

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Friends said Mo took particular pride in being mesameach chasan v’kallah at weddings, and used his impressive breakdancing skills and footwork to great acclaim. His sole motivation, they said, was not to show off but to bring joy to the newlyweds. They mentioned how Mo was looking forward to his own wedding one day, and that his primary goal in life was to marry

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(continued on page 66)

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and start a family. He was in constant discussion with his rebbeim about the timing of dating and which kind of woman to seek out, making sure he had rabbinical advice every step of the way. “I remember he came to me a couple of days before my wedding and said he would be my shomer, and I asked him if he was certain, as he’d have to stick with me the whole day,” recalls Zitron. “He said ‘for sure I’ll do it, you’re my close friend.’ He then told me I can repay the favor by being his shomer when the time came. Little did I know that I would never get a chance to be a shomer for his wedding, but rather for his body before his levaya at such a young age.” Mo’s job at Bircas Shmuel, however, perhaps speaks most to his true nature. A school in Brooklyn for children who don’t fit into mainstream yeshivas, many of them with issues at home and other areas of difficulties, it was a natural fit for Mo, with his background and deep sense of compassion and patient nature. Mo would sit with the boys, and talk with them, said Zitron, and mentor them. He

would walk them home to ensure they got there safely, and spend hours outside of school, on his own time, chatting with them and giving them advice if they asked. Mo recently began working with NCSY teens as well, given his sincere desire to mentor others who might need guidance. The Bircas shmuel students first came up with the idea for a sefer Torah in Mo’s name, to extend his legacy and love of learning Torah, and to serve as a melitz yosher for his name—especially because he died before getting the chance to have any progeny who might carry on his name. Rabbi Aaron Groner, a longtime rebbe at Ohr Yitzchok and the yeshiva’s director, said, “Moshe is moving people in so many ways from Gan Eden, as many in the yeshiva and elsewhere have taken on middos to refine and work on, such as refraining from lashon hara and learning all of Shas by his first yartzheit. Most importantly, everyone is banding together for the campaign for the Sefer Torah, created especially in his name, which will serve as an illui for his neshama.”

would surely repay Mo’s avid dancing at their weddings, when they will dance like they’ve never done before at the Hachansas Sefer Torah in his name. Moshe Yehuda Berkowitz, lovingly called Mo by most of his friends and family, was brutally mowed down by a speeding car just after 11 p.m. on November 29, on his way home from a weekly bowling game with his young students. The allegedly drag-racing driver, Anal Kolenovic, was driving at 45 mph when he blew straight though a red light. He was initially found to have twice the legal level of alcohol in his blood limit, thought those charges were later dropped. He was released on $200,000 bail. [IF]

Zitron said that he and all of Mo’s friends

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[ Fashionably You! ]

By: Atara Malach, Psychotherapist

hy would a psychotherapist write an article about fashion?? Why would I, a lecturer and therapist working with thoughts and ideas and issues and relationships, feel I have something to contribute to the world of clothing, colors, textures, and accessories? If you think about it, there are many similarities between the world of fashion and the world of relationships and therapy. In both worlds, we strive to present a positive image; we are on the lookout for the newest ideas, trends, and options; and we want to LOOK our best and FEEL as good as we can. In making our constant choices of what we wear and how we behave, we create an impression of who we are, how people view us, and how we impact those around us. In both our internal and external worlds, cohesiveness, creativity, and flexibility are the hallmarks of beauty and success. How can you become fashion savvy? How can you revamp your wardrobe and create a suitable color-palette, which will bring out the best in you? Which accessories will minimize the “problem areas” we are usually so sensitive about and emphasize the areas we are proud of? I will leave the actual fashion advice to the eminently capable experts in their fields, but I will share with you some of my perspectives, which have created beauty and harmony in the lives of so many. The first rule of success in improving our “internal fashion sense” is to be aware of the situation. Most decisions begin with a good look into the mirror. Let us look into ourselves, our lives, and our relationships and take stock. Let us ask ourselves what

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do we like about what we see? What bothers us? What would we like to change? Once we have a clear idea of what we are dealing with—what our strong points are and which areas need improvement—we have completed the assessment stage and can continue on to creating a goal and implementing a plan that works for you! This is the part I love most in my work. When I see clients excited about new goals, when we work together to structure change, and when we persevere and receive feedback of appreciation and amazement…it makes it all worth it!!! Being dedicated to fashion means being open to new ideas and being committed to making them work for you. That is what we do when improving ourselves and our important relationships. I usually start this stage with recognizing and maximizing the strengths that already exist. If you have beautiful eyes, you learn to play them up; if you pride yourself with your small waist, you can emphasize that with an eye-catching belt. So too, in our therapeutic work, I first suggest making the most of what you are already good at, as a first confidence-building step. This is what I call an accessible doable—it’s there, it’s clear, and it’s easy to do. If you enjoy giving compliments, do more of that consciously and see how that affects your work environment/marriage/ parenting. If you are a good listener, make the time and create opportunities for those around you to share their feelings and concerns with you, and reap the benefits of strengthening bonds and initiating deeper communication. F a s h i o n

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Being fashion conscious first means knowing what you have and knowing the best ways to make it work for you. It doesn’t always necessitate rushing out and buying something new. First investigate the treasures in your closets (vintage is IN!!!) and learn how to mix and match, surprising yourself and delighting those around you. My first suggestion to my clients is to become aware of what they CAN do to notice what you are already good at. Let me help you make the most of that and then we can go on to the other stages of creativity and change and explore options that you weren’t aware of or comfortable with before. Fashion needs confidence. Fashion is flair. Fashion demands you take certain risks. Let us take this opportunity to leave our comfort zones and dare to make things better…to make things more beautiful in every area of our lives.[IF] Mrs. Atara Malach is a renowned psychotherapist, author, and international lecturer. She has just opened a new office in Cedarhurst and has over two decades of practical experience, making each of her clients feel unique and empowered. She is trained in individual and couples therapy as well as play therapy for children. For information about appointments and registration for parenting and FASHIONABLY YOU groups, she can be reached at 516-6683014, or at ataramalach@aol.com.

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[ FAQs About Life Coaching ] By: Esther Mishkowitz

1. What is a Life Coach? A Life Coach works one-on-one with a client to support personal growth, behavior modification, and goal setting. Based on the principle that most people can achieve their goals if properly guided, a life coach will act as a mentor, assisting the client in the process of taking the life-improving actions necessary to take control of the future. Through a series of attainable steps, a life coach helps clients overcome fears and achieve balance in both their personal and professional lives.

Others might choose a coach for help in the short-term with a specific task or project, empowering them in dealing with a specific challenge. Examples may include empty nest syndrome, relationship challenges, dieting, exercising, returning to the work force, and employment related issues.

3. How might a Life Coach help me?

By eliciting your best thinking, allowing you toâ&#x20AC;Ś

Esther Mishkowitz is certified as a professional coach by Darco Coaching School, Coaching for Excellence program. As a coach, Esther specializes in helping people overcome obstacles and realize their full potential. Her areas of specialty are empty nest syndrome, weight loss, and fitness. Acquaint yourself with Life Coaching by signing up for a free introductory session. Contact Esther at 917407-6539 or eglm78@gmail.com. Sessions are available in person or by phone.

2. How is Life Coaching different from therapy? A Life Coach does not focus on reviewing past events or analyzing previous failures. Generally, people seek a therapist when they experience psychological pain that interferes with the conduct of their everyday lives. Coaching begins where therapy leaves off. People turn to coaches when their lives are generally going well. Often they are high-functioning individuals who want to expand their lives, their businesses, or their general outlook. They tend to be successful people who employ a coach to empower them to accelerate their growth, maximize opportunities, and achieve their goals. 72

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[ Ask The Shadchan] By: Yisroel Friedman

hould I hesitate to consider a shidduch with a person who has had a broken

This obviously depends on many different variables. Like everything else in shidduchim, one must weigh out these variables and see if this is worth pursuing. How long ago did he/she break the shidduch? Was there a shtar mechila? Were there bad feelings between both sides? Generally speaking, I find people with broken shidduchim are much easier to set up for the reason that they usually know exactly what they’re not looking for and that gives them focus to make a decision right away. 74

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The common attitude in shidduchim (especially from the mother of the boy’s perspective) is that every shidduch that is redt is guilty until proven innocent. She’s too tall, she’s too short, the family is too balabatishe, the family is too yeshivishe, broken engagement…out of the question! Unfortunately, many times the only way to change this stigma is to have a child who has a broken shidduch and suddenly the attitude is different. What’s wrong if a person made a mistake and thought he/she found the right one and realized a F a s h i o n

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few weeks later this is not their basherte? We all make mistakes. Why does this take away from this wonderful boy/girl’s middos or characteristics? [IF] To submit questions for an upcoming article, please email yfriedman@gatewaysonline. com. For all shidduchim inquiries, please contact Gateways Shidduch Office at connections@gatewaysonline.com.

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