In Fashion by In Fashion

February 2010

The Magazine For The Discerning Jewish Household

Swine Flu:

What You Need To Know

When To Repair Your Wig

Purim Seudah Ideas Losing Your Baby Weight 2010 Wedding Trends

Websites 101:

How To Get Started With Your Own Site Pesach: Flour Free & Fabulous!

Feeding Your Baby In Style $1.75 Free Promotional Issue

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Published by: Marc Belsky Ltd Editor: Shani Belsky

Health Swine Flu: What You Need To Know [10] Losing Your Baby Weight [14]

Product Review Feeding Your Baby In Style [16]

Photography Babyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s First Portrait Session [18]

Fashion 10 Tips For A Successful Wedding [20] When To Repair Your Wig [24] 2010 Wedding Trends [28] Dressing Up - Purim Style [30]

Finance Why You Need Auto Insurance [32] Life Insurance In Retirement [34]

Interior Design How Much Will This Cost Me? [36]

Philanthropy An Ohel Camper Transformed My Life! [40] Charity Vs. Fundraising [42]

Web Websites 101: How To Get Started [46]

Food

Contributing Editors: Robert van Amerongen, M.D., Diana Braun, Miriam Eichenstein, Yisrael Friedman, Leah Helfgot, Moshe Kinderlehrer, Dayna Klinger & Cindy Merrill, Tova Marc, Martin Meisels, Tanya Rosen, Riki Wagh, Shonie Schwartz Design & Layout: Sam Belsky Marketing: Barry David Distribution: Victor Distribution Please submit all questions and comments to: Info@InFashionFT.com For advertising information please call

516-499-8356 or email Sales@InFashionFT.com In Fashion is published monthly and is distributed at 170 locations throughout the affluent communities of the Five Towns, Brooklyn, Queens, and Great Neck. Not responsible for typographical errors. The publisher and In Fashion do not promote or endorse any products or advertisers in this magazine. No editorial or art content may be reproduced without prior written consent from the publisher. All rights reserved. The publisher reserves the right to refuse any editorial or advertising content that does not fit our journalistic and advertising policy.

Setting The Perfect Table For The Purim Seudah [50]

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[ The Flu and You ] By: Robert van Amerongen, M.D.

his past spring, the world faced its newest infectious disease threat, the H1N1 Inﬂuenza pandemic. While the threat has mostly resolved, it is worthwhile to understand where it came from, why it posed such a challenge to health care, and what we should expect in the future.

Influenza viruses belong to a family of RNA viruses that come from one of 5 families, Influenza A, B, or C, Isavirus, and Thogotovrus. Influenza B and C have only one specie, but there are many types of Influenza A. The viruses are differentiated by the two types of glycoproteins located on their surface. One is a Hemagglutinin, of which there are 16 subtypes, and the other a Neuraminidase, of which there are nine subtypes. This is where the H and N in H1N1come from. The virus changes over time when the different subtypes recombine. This means there are 144 possible subtypes of Influenza A, but over 80 percent have not been found yet. Influenza A is the only type to infect humans and animals to any significant degree. The latest version of nature’s ability to recombine is the H1N1 virus. The Past: “Swine Flu” really began as the infamous Spanish Flu of 1918. In the fall of that year, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, hosted the annual National Swine Show. Farmers from all over the mid-west attended, bringing their herds of pigs with them. There they saw something they had never seen before. Whole herds of swine developed the same flu-like symptoms that were infecting humans. These animals developed respiratory symptoms like coughing and sneezing, as well as fever and muscle aches. When the pigs went back to their home farms they rapidly spread the disease to the healthy herds. The majority of the pigs recovered. J. S. Koen, a veterinarian for the federal government, 10

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coined the term “Swine Flu.” He realized that this in fact was the same virus as the Spanish Flu that was infecting hundreds of thousands of Americans. The virus had somehow jumped from one host, man, to another host, pig. It did this by mutating and becoming a slightly different virus that could now bind with receptors in the pigs’ lungs, thus causing the pigs to “catch the flu.” This would happen again, and spread in the opposite location with lethal consequences to man. In 1976, Swine Flu broke out at the Fort Dix army installation in New York. One recruit died, while hundreds developed typical flu symptoms. This virus was isolated and found to be a novel Swine H1N1 virus. Because the soldiers were kept isolated, the virus did not spread far. However, the fear of a widespread pandemic resulting in many deaths similar to the 1918 flu prompted the federal government to attempt to vaccinate the entire United States population. Emergency rapid vaccine production was a very new science in the 1970’s and, unfortunately, this vaccine resulted in over 500 cases of Guillain-Barre syndrome, a type of paralysis, and 25 deaths. This in turn led to Americans developing a skeptical view towards the government’s ability to deal with epidemics effectively. The Present: While no one can say for certain where it originated, scientists believe that the current H1N1 virus is a fourth generation descendant of the 1918 virus. Over the past 90 years, the virus crossed over from humans, to pigs, to birds (avian flu), and back and forth many more times, recombining and reemerging as a slightly different variation. So much so that even the term “Swine Flu” is a misnomer, in that probably half of the genes come from the bird influenza virus. In fact, the first two cases in the US F a s h i o n

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occurred more than a month before the outbreak in Mexico. The virus spread rapidly across North America and then around the world. The main concern scientists had was that the virus would mutate yet again into a more virulent form. Avian influenza virus finds it very difficult to directly infect nonavian hosts. The current virus attaches to receptors in the gastrointestinal tract of birds, or the lower part of human respiratory tracts. The virus just can’t seem to get down deep enough into our lungs to cause severe illness, yet. There are still children that are at greater risk for developing more severe illness and complications. The U.S. government responded to this pandemic by rapidly developing a specific H1N1 vaccine and promoting the vaccination of all high risk groups including the elderly, pregnant women, health care workers, and various categories of at risk children. Fortunately, the fears that the virus would reemerge as a more virulent form have not been realized, and the vast majority of people infected have had symptoms similar to that of seasonal influenza. There is no doubt that viruses will continue to evolve. They will spread from bird to swine, bird to human, human to swine, and back again, recombining their genetic material, making them more or less capable of harming mankind. There is no doubt that at some point, the viruses will once again emerge in a more virulent form, able to invade the human body better, get past our immune defenses, and attach to more receptors causing more severe illness. The best we can do is develop more precise monitoring of influenza illness in the swine and bird populations, and develop faster, more effective vaccines against them. We need better surveillance, investigation, research, prevention, and control. As one scientist noted, “Nothing microbes do should surprise us. It’s their world; we only live in it.” [IF]

Robert van Amerongen, M.D., FAAP, FACEP, FAAEM, is a board certified pediatric emergency physician and the Chief of the Pediatric Emergency Service, Dept. of Emergency Medicine at New York Methodist Hospital. He is also the founder and Medical Director of Priority Pediatrics located at 444 Merrick Road in Lynbrook, New York.

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[ Losing Your Baby Weight ] By: Tanya Rosen

ver meet someone who excuses their extra weight by saying: “I had a baby…thirty years ago!” We all do it, whether our baby is an infant, or old enough to have one. We use childbirth as an excuse for all the extra pounds. Now before I get attacked for saying having a child is not a reason to gain weight, I’ll clarify. Pregnancy is a reason (a very good one) to gain weight, but once that’s over (after some time, of course), it is not an excuse. Put it this way, if all you are left with after each child is just 5 pounds, and you multiply that by the average 5 pregnancies many frum women will have, that’s 25 extra pounds (and almost 3 dress sizes!). This is assuming that all that’s left is just 5 pounds (don’t we wish it was such a low number?). As I write this article, I have my newborn sitting right next to me, so this is a topic I am just as concerned and fascinated with as you, the reader. When I was pregnant with my ﬁrst child, I completely let myself loose and gained more weight than I want to share in a publication. With my future pregnancies however, armed with knowledge, I managed to gain the bare minimum and lose it all pretty quickly. My number one piece of advice is not to gain too much weight to begin with. I’ll restate the obvious: the more you gain, the more you’ll have to lose. So if you are pregnant (no matter how far along), start your healthy eating and exercising NOW. Here are my top tips for losing your baby 14

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weight, whether it’s 5 pounds or 50+ pounds: Do not wear maternity clothing a day longer than you have to: Just like you put your winter clothing away in the summer and your summer clothing away in the winter, think of pregnancy as a season. Once the “season” is over, change your wardrobe. By wearing (or trying to ﬁt into) your regular clothing, you’ll have a more realistic view of where you’re holding. Nursing is not a reason to “eat for two” again: Nursing moms require an average of an extra 500 calories a day. That’s 500 extra healthy calories, and not more. Change your attitude, and the number on the scale will change too: So often, I hear women saying they don’t think they can ever look the way they did before the baby, at their wedding, etc… My response to that is “Why not?” anyone at any stage or age can be in shape. In fact, many of my clients will say they look and feel better than they did before their baby. Monitor, monitor, monitor: In order to succeed, you MUST have a system of tracking progress in place. Some examples of monitoring include a weekly weigh in, monthly measuring of inches and body fat, tracking food in a journal, or ideally, all three.

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Stop waiting for it to come off on its own: Have you noticed that it’s not going to happen? Ok, there are VERY few lucky people that it will happen to. Chances are, you (and not me either) are not one of them. There are no shortcuts or magic to getting in shape. Don’t forget exercise: Dieting is important, and if you are eating right, you will see the results on the scale. However, if you want your “old body” (or an even better one) back, exercise is the key. Strength training, weight lifting, and Pilates are examples of workouts that will firm you up, help you lose inches, and get rid of that unwanted flab. Mazel tov to you on the birth of your baby (no matter how old). I’m sure you are doing a great job taking care of him/her. Make sure to take some time and take care of yourself. A healthy and fit mommy is a happy one. [IF] Tanya Rosen is the owner of Shape Fitness in Kensington and the co-owner of Shape Fitness in Flatbush. As a certified and experienced Personal Trainer, Aerobics Instructor, and nutritionist, Tanya offers these three services to the community. Tanya specializes in prenatal and postnatal fitness, and is best known for her personal and caring approach towards every member of the Shape Fitness family. Tanya can be reached at (718) 438-2400, or (718) 338-8700.

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[ Feeding Your Baby in Style ] By: Miriam Eichenstein

hen choosing a high chair, style is a big factor. Many people want something sleek and stylish, while other are still looking for that classic chair. Fancier kitchens often call for sleeker high chairs with features that make them easy to clean and simple to use without being an eyesore. Many companies have stepped up the plate and took on this feat. Below are my top picks: For an entire new take on High Chair design, the Boon Flair takes the spotlight. The Flair’s full range of features along with a great modern design and a pneumatic lift makes this high chair like none other. It includes a ﬁve point harness, washable seat pad, and a removable second tray making it safe, easy to clean, and convenient. This new pneumatic lift allows you to place the high chair at any desired height. You determine the height that is most convenient for you and your child. When your child has outgrown the high chair stage, remove the tray and move the chair over to the table. Your child can now sit at an appropriate height at the table with you and your family. The large, easy to clean, wide base serves as a cover for six castor wheels and adds to a sleek and easy-toclean design. The Bloom Fresco High Chair comes complete with an attractive design, sophisticated colors, and a very sleek look. Suitable for use as an infant sleeping pod, then as a baby feeding chair, and on to a child play seat makes this a great long term investment. When choosing the Fresco, you’re getting a high quality and 16

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attractive chair that looks great in any room. It features a multiposition recline, super sized adjustable removable tray, ﬁve point harness, vibrant color seat choices, multi position footrest, enclosed castor wheel base, and more. If you’re looking for something for a small space that has great style, take a look at the Bloom Nano Urban High Chair. This chair is a great choice for parents or grandparents who have little room to spare. The leatherette upholstery gives this chair a fabulous look and it cleans with a simple wipe. You can use this chair with the tray or at the table for an older child. If slim and sleek is something you are looking for, another great option is the Valco Astro High Chair. It has a large and super soft easy care leatherette seat and deep adjustable and removable tray, and it sits on a stable yet compact base. The Astro has a unique and compact fold that allows it to collapse ﬂat for easy storage and comes in four great colors. For style at mealtime, Inglesina came out with a winner and called it the Zuma. It has an amazing curved seat which keeps food from getting stuck in corners, and an extremely easy height adjustable seat that adjusts to eight positions. The seat has a removable washable seat pad that comes off quickly and cleans by easily wiping it off. The Zuma wheels effortlessly making it move easily from room to room. The large dinner tray comes with a removable snack F a s h i o n

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tray insert allowing additional space for keeping the mess more on the tray than on the ﬂoor. The Zuma folds small enough to store under a table when it’s not in use. The Peg Perego Prima Pappa High Chair is a classic. It’s been around for many years with minor upgrades and improvements, keeping it at the top of its game. The beautiful patterns and designs now match the sleek chassis making it highly fashionable. Its adjustable height and fourposition recline give it all the options you need. The removable dishwasher safe trays make cleanup time quick and easy. The Prima Pappa High Chair folds compactly allowing for easy storage and the swivel wheels allow for smooth movement between rooms. There are many high chairs out there to choose from, so pick a style you like with features that work for you. These days you can match your kitchen cabinets or your walls. Most high chairs come in so many color options with so many features that all you have to do is ﬁgure out what’s right for you. So have fun deciding! [IF] Miriam Eichenstein is the cofounder of Oh Baby! located at 1408 Coney Island Avenue, between Avenues J and K in Brooklyn, NY. She can be reached at 718-998-7373 or on the web at OhBabyGifts.com. If you have any questions or baby products you would like reviewed, please email miriam@ohbabygifts.com.

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[ Your Baby’s First Portrait Session ] By: Rina Schiffman An Inside Glimpse of the Mind of a One-Year-Old

ver wonder what’s going through your baby’s mind when you do certain things with them? For instance, when you give your baby rice cereal for the first time, there you are, all excited and emotional that your little baby is eating real food, and they’re probably thinking, “They call this real food?!?” and then they proceed to dribble it out of their mouth or distract you by flipping the bowl over while they spit out the horrible stuff. What about when you take them for professional pictures for the first time? It must seem really strange to them. Well, if babies could talk, this is probably what they’d say if you asked them about their experience getting their professional portraits taken for the very first time. Hey, I’m Avi and I just turned 1. I’m a big boy, and I just learned how to walk and my mom got me these two thingies I put on my feet. I’m not sure what they’re for, but I do know my mom cried the day we got them. When the scary man put these on my feet, my mom just cried like a baby— well, like me. (I was crying too because the man was so scary!) I’m not sure why she was crying though. Maybe she was scared of the man too. Anyway, since I’m so so big, my mom and dad are bringing me to “take pick-chers” today. (Do you know what pik-chers are? And once we take them, where do we put them?) Anyway, I guess I’ll find out soon, cuz we’re here. Ooh, I like this place! You know what else I like? Smashing mashed potatoes in my hair. It’s the most fun thing ever! Speaking of potatoes, I’m hungry. That bottle of milk I had on the way here was not enough to satisfy a big guy like me. I kept saying

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“Cookie! Cookie!” but Mom just kept saying “No, honey, you have to stay clean for your pik-chers!” Sheesh. That woman has got to relax a little. Oh, what’s that in the big room? I better go get a closer look. Hey, I wonder what will happen if I pull this long black cord thing…Mom! Put me down! I just wanted to see what would happen if I pull that thing! Gosh, it’s not like I was doing something bad like the time I grabbed your pocketbook off the stroller handle and emptied all those green paper things out onto the street. In the middle of crossing that really big street. On a windy day. Ok, now where are you taking me? Put me down! I wanna walk! Wow, what’s this cute little chair doing sitting in middle of the room. Wait, you want me to sit in this thing when there are so many interesting things lying around?! Oh, no way. I’m getting down this min...hey, why is that lady calling my name like she knows me or something? Snap! WHOA, that was bright! Do it again! Giggle, that lady is looking at this big black box, with her nose pressed right up against it! If she’s trying to see me, she really should move that thing away. Sigh. Adults can be pretty dumb sometimes. Now she’s putting a teddy bear on her head. I mean, is this lady normal? It is pretty funny to watch though! But wait a minute, wasn’t I in middle of doing something? Like, escaping for instance? I’ll just go have a quick look at that toy truck on the ﬂoor. See ya, funny ﬂashing lady! Mom, Dad! What’s all the complaining about? I just wanna go see that truck. Oh, thank you funny lady! See, was that so hard? All I wanted was this nice truck. Vrooom, Vrooom. What’s that, funny F a s h i o n

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lady? Did you just say I’m adorable? I can never resist a nice compliment. Oh great, now I’m blushing. You know what? How about you keep doing what you’re doing with that black box and save the compliments for later. How embarrassing! I think I’m ready for a break. Can we get an apple juice box drink and some Cheerios on set please? Sigh, what do I have to do to get some attention around here? Oh right, I gotta start crying or something. Waaah! Voila, instant maid service. Mom and Dad, I could use some snack right about now. And maybe a cuddle. This whole pik-cher thing is no walk in the park! No, no, no mom, I did not just ask to go to the park. I meant—oh forget it. Oh thanks, we’re ﬁnally seeing some juice box action around here! Ahh, my favorite. Sluuuurp. Ok, I think I’m ready for more of that funny lady entertainment thing we were doing before. Wow, would you look at that. Two huge teddy bears lined up on the ﬂoor, with a space between them. Guess where I’m heading right now? Yup, to that tall blue chair in the corner. I Just gotta see if I can get on that by myself. Mom! What are you doing? Why are you taking off my nice dark blue shirt? Didn’t you spend an hour tearing apart my closet for “something solid and simple” (whatever that means) before you settled on that shirt? Sigh. No way. They want me to between the teddy bears in my undershirt?! Is this legal?? How embarrassing! Think about how childish I’ll look! Fine. I’ll do it. But I’m gonna hold you to your word about the whole “special treat” thing. Not that I’m usually swayed by these things… Hey lady, do that stuffed animal on your head routine again! It’s pretty funny! Whoa, I didn’t say you had to jump up and down and shake a rattle. But ok, I like that too. Giggle giggle. Hey Dad, move over. You’re blocking my view of the funny lady! You know something, taking pik-chers is not so bad after all. Now if only Mom and Dad would just lighten up a bit… [IF] Rina Schiffman is the owner and photographer of Rina Schiffman Photography. She specializes in capturing natural, emotive portraits of babies and children. Her complete portfolio can be viewed at www.RinaSPhotography.com. Her home studio is located in Brooklyn, NY, and she can be reached at 917-750-3424 or Rinaschiffman@yahoo.com.

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[ 10 Tips For a Successful Wedding ] By: Joy Leiber

When you’re making a wedding, be sure to leave the key to your house (and the alarm code) with one of your neighbors before leaving the house for the wedding hall! People often forget something very important at home, and someone who is still near your house needs to be able to get into it and bring the item to you. For example, some things often left at home: the ring, the kesubah, the bride’s shoes, the list of kibudim, the checkbook…we even know a grandfather who refused to smile during the ﬁrst hour of pictures until it was discovered he’d left his false teeth at home!

Make a wedding schedule. Make ﬁve copies and give them to the 2 sets of parents, the caterer (maitre d’) the photographer and the orchestra leader. For the families, start in the morning, from 20

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the time the bride needs to have her hair and makeup done. Include everything. Most importantly, for the food, pictures and music, decide what time you’d like the main course served–and don’t let that be too late. End with the time that you’d really like the wedding to be over (don’t forget sheva brachos and time to change into other clothing). Check with all of your vendors to know when overtime charges begin and consider that when scheduling the end of the wedding. Many couples have no photos of their wedding sheva brachos because of this. Allow a maximum of 30 extra minutes from the scheduled slots. Your guests, as well as the bride and groom, will appreciate your keeping the wedding to a reasonable hour. When you rent or purchase a gown at bridal secrets, you can request a copy of a F a s h i o n

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sample wedding schedule we’ve prepared.

A little preparation–and a smartly packed emergency kit for the bride and family can make a world of difference. Safety pins (tiny & XL) - bobby pins - clear nail polish - extra pantyhose - hairspray emery board - Q-tips - baby powder - iron or hand steamer - Tylenol - needle & thread - white, black & any other color worn by the members of the wedding party - list of telephone numbers of all the vendors & service people (hairstylist, makeup artist, ﬂorist, photographer, video, orchestra, etc.)

After the wedding everyone is so busy remembering what they need for the wedding, they often forget to bring the appropriate items they may need for leaving or after the wedding. For example, the bride and groom will each (continued on page 22)

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need to pack a bag with all of the clothing they need when they leave the wedding hall (unless they leave in their wedding clothes) and for returning to civilization the next day. Among the forgotten items are often: the groom’s tallis and tefillin, his wallet with some cash and credit cards, and something for the bride to cover her hair, if she plans to do so. Also, unless they have a very special friend or relative who is kind enough to pack them a “breakfast basket” (hint! hint!) They should prepare one for themselves so that they don’t starve the next day–wherever they may be.

We strongly suggest a hair trial for the bride–with her headpiece. A makeup trial is a good idea too, perhaps on a day that you’re going to someone else’s wedding. It will save you a great deal of time on the day of the wedding because you’re more relaxed and you can make changes during the trial. At bridal secrets we lend you the headpiece and a veil to take to your trial, and we suggest you take a photo so that your hairdresser doesn’t forget exactly what you wanted. Be sure to tell the hairdresser exactly how the bride is going to dance so that she fastens everything very securely. In addition, if the bride is planning to wear a separate cathedral veil (a long one often used instead of a train), she should be sure to explain that she’ll be removing it before the dancing.

Putting on the wedding gown. You’re probably already aware of the fact that your wedding gown is unlike any other piece of clothing you’ve ever worn. Likewise, the way you put it on and maneuver in it is unlike the way you wear the rest of your wardrobe. Know this: getting dressed on your wedding day is at least a two-person job. Here’s how to get started: when getting dressed, the main goal is to keep your gown clean. You’ll need to have a few things ready: a clean white sheet or tablecloth and your shoes. Your hair and makeup have already been completed by this time so we recommend that our brides to step into their gowns. If your gown does need to be slipped over your head, be sure to have a scarf on hand to cover your face and hair. (If your gown is an heirloom and was made with lots of buttons or no zipper at all, make sure you have a crochet hook to help your dresser pull the loops over them.) You should already be wearing 22

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your undergarments and your hosiery. When it’s finally time to get dressed, place the sheet on the floor and set your shoes down on top of it. Then unzip or unbutton your gown all the way and position it over your shoes. Have your mother or an attendant hold the dress open and support you, as you slowly step into it, one leg at a time, placing your feet in your shoes last. Next comes your crinoline or petticoat, if you’re wearing one. Again, you’ll need help. Carefully hold up the skirt of your gown as you step into the crinoline. Have your dresser then lift the waistband of the crinoline, secure it, and then zip or button the gown. After it’s fastened, she’ll need to get down on the floor to make sure that every single layer of crinoline is flat so that there are no surprise bubbles under your skirt. Take a long look in the mirror–and don’t forget your beautiful smile !!

Remember not to change your shoes or sneakers without checking with your consultant or seamstress during your fittings. We’ve seen too many brides switching to flat sneakers or going barefoot during dancing, only to dangerously trip over their gowns. At bridal secrets we suggest that all of the women in the wedding party wear shoes/ sneakers of approximately the same height, all evening. We’ll even lend you platform sneakers !! We always hem the gown to the lower selection. When standing still, all ballroom gowns should be approximately one and a half inches off the ground. When walking, the gown skims the floor but doesn’t move dangerously under your shoes, causing you to trip.

Sitting in your bridal gown it’s time to go into the ballroom to sit on your throne before badeken! This is one of the most exciting moments of the wedding for the bride and her mothers - their grand entrance! All eyes are upon you. The photographer is snapping away and then he asks you to sit down. Now what? Well, you’re used to sitting in two-piece outfits or suits where you smooth down the back of your skirt before you bend. This is entirely different. If you did that, you may suddenly find that your neck feels uncomfortable. You need to gently lift the back of the skirt of your gown a few inches until it’s comfortable to sit down. If you find that wasn’t enough, stand up again and pull it up a bit higher. Then ask someone to stand in front of you F a s h i o n

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to pull down and even out your skirt to try to make sure that your crinoline isn’t showing. A very full skirt tends to ﬂy up when you sit down. Not what you’d want in your pictures.

Important word of caution! When selecting your bridal bouquet with the ﬂorist, be sure not to order extending branches that can rip or stain your skirt. In the case of the popular bouquets with exposed stems, do not let them touch your skirt. Be careful during pictures and especially when seated at badeken. If necessary, put a cloth napkin under the wet stems.

The coordinating wedding party. We often find that problems arise when the entire wedding party wears the same color. Give it some thought before you, the bride, chooses only one color for your immediate family and/or friends to wear. First of all, not everyone looks good in the same color. When you traditionally choose “your wedding colors” that should refer to your centerpieces, table linen, etc. Personal flowers for bridesmaids and flower girls should coordinate with their gowns and with each other, not necessarily with the centerpieces. Second, there is a cost factor involved. Unless you, the bride, are paying for your attendants’ gowns, requiring them to make or purchase a gown in a style and/ or color that they may never wear again is an unnecessary burden. You are b”h the bride, but don’t forget what it’s like being in the wedding party. And third, when everyone wears the same color, it’s often impossible to distinguish between faces in a group photo. Does your sister really want to be mistaken for your mother-in-law? Be creative! Choose a “color story” rather than just one hue. Pastels, autumn shades, jewel tones, or various intensities of the same color plus greens will give you stunning group photos. (P.S. I mention green, since Hashem felt it was appropriate to put green leaves and stems on every single color flower he created. Which just proves… green goes with everything!) [IF] Joy Leiber runs the Bridal Secrets Cedarhurst location at 415a Central Ave. She can be reached at 516-295-2062. For more wedding tips visit Bridal Secrets on the web at www.Bridal-Secrets.Com.

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[ When To Repair Your Wig ] By: Gitel Rosenzweig

ast issue, when I addressed pony wigrelated questions, I felt I was leaving out so much about wig construction that could help people understand their wigs better. If you know just a few key things, you can take better care of your wigs and make them last longer, or sometimes know that it’s time to give up and get a new one. All wigs need maintenance to care for the hair and for the cap. As a general rule, I tell my clients to expect to spend $100 per year, above the normal costs of wash and sets, on various repairs and maintenance. If you don’t have to spend it this year, then it may add up and you’ll spend it next year. If a three-year-old wig needs less than $300 worth of work, then you’re doing ok. Caring for the hair includes: proper washing, not too often and not too sparingly, deep conditioning and hot oil treatments, and timely dying and color maintenance. Maintenance on your cap is dependent on wear and tear, the age of the wig, and frequency of wear. Standard wear and tear can mean replacing clips, new elastics, and patching holes. More expensive, bigger jobs may mean adding hair when it gets too thin in certain spots or throughout the whole wig, or repairing larger tears. These bigger jobs can usually be prevented with proper maintenance, but if the wig is worth saving, it may be worth it to invest to keep it alive. How Often to Wash: As a general rule 24

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I give clients a “one-month, two-month, three-month” guide—wash it once a month for daily wear, once in three months for Shabbas-only sheitels, and two months for everything in between. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. If your own hair is oily, that will build up and add residue on your cap that should be washed a little more often than the average. People with dry, less oily hair may be able to go a little longer between washes. Also, there are different definitions of daily wear. For some, daily wear is only five days a week for six to eight hours, while for others it can mean eighteen hours a day, seven days a week. Whether you store your wig in a box or out on your dresser, in a dusty closet, on the styrofoam head, or rolled in a ball...all of these factors change the rules, so ask your personal stylist for her opinion too. The other general rule I give people is a little gross, but fairly accurate: you know that smell your hair gets when you need to shower? Well, your wig often smells like that at the end of the day, but after airing out overnight, it smells fresh again in the morning. Towards the end of the month, it will still smell like that in the morning, even after airing out. Then you know it needs a wash. If you wear your wig every day to work and work an eight-hour day, five days a week, you probably have it on your head for ten to twelve hours a day. Add on a couple of hours on the weekend too, and you’ve already racked up over sixty to F a s h i o n

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seventy hours a week. At that rate, you should deﬁnitely wash your wig once every four weeks, or even more often. I have some customers who live in their wig up to eighteen hours a day, seven days a week. Those people can wash their wigs as often as once every week or two, depending on their own hair texture. Under any other circumstances, once a week or two weeks is too often. No wig with natural hair should go unwashed for more than three months. If you’re wearing your Shabbas sheitel only once a week, or only to weddings and simchas, you should have it washed at least every three months, and plan it properly: wash it fresh for January and June (wedding seasons), and Rosh Hashana and Pesach (Yom Tov time). Everyone has to judge their wigs individually. There is obviously the fear that you are washing them too often, and it’s a valid fear. Every wash it may lose a little more hair, but wigs in general are made with much more hair than people, so it can usually spare a few extra. It causes damage to the wig to NOT wash it too, so consult a professional for your individual wigs and their care. When to Repair: As I mentioned, average repairs should add up to about $100 per year, in addition to your regular wash and sets. So once a year, you should evaluate whether or not your wig needs any maintenance. There are a few speciﬁc things you can check on by yourself (continued on page 26)

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without bothering your stylist. First is color: compare the layer of hair on the top of your wig (that are most directly exposed to the sun) to the layers of hair underneath, which are not as exposed, in a well lit area, and see if there is a significant color change from top to bottom. A significant difference in color means it’s time for a dye. Obviously if there are any holes in the net, visible inside the cap or from the outside, they need to be addressed immediately. Most of the time, it can wait until your wig needs a wash, but it never hurts to check with your wig professional. If you wait until you’re giving it in for a wash, make sure to tell your stylist before she washes it, as it may get worse in washing and may be best to repair it first. Another way to tell your wig needs some work is if it’s not lasting from month to month looking as good as it has in the past. This may mean that the hair needs a good conditioning, a little cutting, a dye, or you may need to add hair if it’s gotten too thin with age. If a wig used to hold a set for six weeks, but it now seems to need a wash every three, you definitely need to do some work. Obviously, visible bald spots also mean you need to add hair, but ask someone to check whether they are visible still when the wig is on your head, not just when you’re holding it up in the air or on the styrofoam head, because everything lays differently on your head than anywhere else. What to Repair: This is the kind of question that obviously has to be answered in person. Each wig has to be looked over by a professional to determine what kind of repair needs to be done. I will try to list a few of the minor repairs that everyone should be aware of, and of course define some of the major repairs that you must defer to a professional for. The first most obvious repair is color: check your color as I described earlier. All human hair gets lighter in the sun. If your wig is made of natural hair that has never been colored before, it will fade slower than already dyed, processed hair. The average daily worn wig will go about two New York summers before it needs a dye. (California, Florida, and Israel dwellers can expect only one year; further north than New York may get longer). If your wig had highlights in it before, you 26

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may need to pay for a dye and highlights separately if you prefer a multi-toned, highlighted look. Don’t let your wig get too oxidized (lightened by sun exposure) before you dye it, though. Overly oxidized hair may no longer take or hold color, and very different shades in the same wig will take color in very different shades, making the results of a dye very unpredictable. You may also want to consider relaxing, body waving, or perming your wig. This is recommended if you originally bought an expensive, untreated wig and the color hasn’t changed too drastically but you’re just bored of the style—it started out curly, but now you want something straight, or vice versa. You may also need to re-cut the wig in order to get a new style. I always advocate re-cutting a wig, but chemical treatments must be done very carefully. Ask your friends if they have ever done the treatment you are considering so that you know the results you can expect. Also be aware: straightening and body waving treatments do not combine well with dyes and highlights. If you’ve recently done any color related work, a relax or perm may strip your color. A dye may weaken a previous perm. And if color and texture related treatments are done too close together, it may irreversibly damage the hair beyond wear. Maintaining your cap, or foundation, is a little more complex. Clips and combs are quite obvious. Also, many wigs are made on stretchy fabrics. These stretch out over time, and may need to be taken in, have new elastic added or some other form of repair to make them smaller. When you start to see holes in the inside of your foundation, you should have them stitched or patched immediately. The most common places for a wig to tear are alongside your clips and combs, or down by the nape of your neck, where you may tug on the wig when you put it on. When left unattended, these little tears can spread and eventually compromise the hair that is sewn onto the outside. Once hair is involved, the repair will get much more expensive, so address these problems as small holes before they get out of hand. If you seem to be getting too many holes too often, you may want to ask about a new lining. Make sure to ask that the wig will not get too tight with the new fabric added in though, unless it is already too large. Finally, the most complicated types of F a s h i o n

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repairs involve adding hair. They can range from adding just a few short hairs to cover a small bald spot ($50-$150) to removing and replacing an entire multidirectional top ($550-$850) or adding a couple of ounces throughout the whole wig ($250$600). Adding hair to add length to the bottom of the wig is probably the most expensive, and often not recommended ($400-$800). When these hair-related repairs are combined with other repairs too (such as dyes, re-cutting, or lining) and it adds up to several hundred dollars, it’s time to evaluate if the repair are worth the original value of the wig, or if it’s more prudent to take that money and use it as a deposit for a new wig. How to Decide Whether Or Not to Do a Repair: I hate telling people to throw away a wig, so I often try to help find one way or another to try to salvage an old wig. I use the $100/year rule first, then also consider the original cost of the wig and what condition the wig is currently in. If the repair is more than half of what the wig originally cost you and you could replace it for that price again, I usually advocate getting a new one. I try to find a way to do only part of the repairs so that you can continue using the old one, either as a fall or under hats. If the hair is in good condition though, but the cap needs a major repair, that is a good investment. If the cap is holding up nicely and is in no danger of falling apart but you need several hundred dollars worth of hair, that would also be a worthy investment. When the foundation, hair, and color of the wig are all in need of repair, it may be time to part with that particular wig. If it’s been your favorite wig for years and you’re too emotionally attached to it to let it retire from active daily wear (yes, this does happen, and I am sympathetic when it does...), I strongly suggest doing only part of the repairs long enough to keep it alive so that you can find, and hopefully fall in love with, a new one all over again... [IF] Gitel Rosenzweig, a wig stylist with 12 years experience, is the owner of Gitel Wigs located at 3708 Avenue S in Brooklyn. For any questions or comments to be addressed in future articles, she can be reached at 718-758-1022 or via email at: gitelrosenzweig@yahoo.com.

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Invitations: Laser cut printing is the latest trend. The actual pattern and design is cut directly into the paper and creates a stunning and unique look. Another must is being very personal. Instead of the standard invitation text, be unique and write the text yourself in the form of a letter and it should be signed by the bride and groom. Guests love receiving unique and personalized invitations.

[ 2010 Wedding Trends ] By: Tova Marc

oday’s brides-to-be have lots to look forward to. Here’s a list of the 2010 trends that will keep your wedding on trend!

Décor: Don’t go overboard with flower variety and color. Sticking to two or three flower varieties and no more than three colors is ideal. Toss the old flower ball and sculptured arrangements out the window, because 2010’s trend is all about smaller and shorter vases, and more of them. Place two to three glass or silver vases on the table instead of one large and gaudy monstrosity. Trees and branches are also 28

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popping up everywhere. You can add trees or branches to line just about any wall or isle, but don’t overdo it. Colors: How can we plan a wedding without choosing the color scheme? We can’t…that’s why we spend days and weeks ﬁguring out what’s the hottest color. So, here are the biggest color combinations of 2010: Apricot and Platinum, Pale Yellow and Hot Canary, Antique Gold and Plum, Deep Auburn and Classic Gold, Georgia Peach and Light Ivory, and Midnight Blue and Kiwi. F a s h i o n

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Cakes: Color! Color! And more Color! 2010’s wedding cakes are all about adding color to that yummy delight everyone waits for. Make the cake coordinate with the colors of your wedding party. Or if you’re afraid of color, then just add touches of your color scheme throughout the cake. Big and Bright is the way to go this year. Top cake colors: Brown, Red, and Peach. [IF] Tova Marc is the designer and owner of Couture De Bride by Tova Marc. Her showroom is located at 406 Cedar Lane in Teaneck, NJ, and she can be contacted at 201-357-4877 or contact@couturedebride. com, www.tovamarc.com.

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Gypsy: Wear your funkiest colors. Layer skirts and shirts with a peasant blouse and lots of gold clunky jewelry. Throw on a pair of boots and top it off with a scarf around your hair or a fun thick headband.

[ Dressing Up: Purim Style ] By: Shira Michelle

he new hair trend predicted by many professional hairstylists for 2010 is versatility. We’ve grown accustomed to change and living through a myriad of styles and fads. This year, we’ll want to make our hair conducive to transform and adapt to any occasion on a moment’s notice. We want to experiment with all styles and try a new one each day, making sure it’s appropriate for the situation. What better time to experiment than on Purim! Dressing up can be fun and exciting; you can make yourself into whomever you desire just for a day and then switch back to your former self within hours. We have the opportunity to alter our appearance and replace our 30

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regular clothing with a costume. Why not take this opportunity to explore a new look, for a new you and a new 2010? Bust out a costume that allows you to pile on a bit more makeup than you are used to, or cut off your locks or add extensions to your otherwise short hairdo. Better yet, throw on a cute headband that ampliﬁes your entire look. Look in the mirror; see if you feel like a million bucks and notice a brighter, more conﬁdent you. The worst that could happen is that people think you are just dressing up for the holidays. Here are some fun ideas for playing dress-up with the clothes you already own! F a s h i o n

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Cowgirl: Everyone owns a denim skirt. Throw on a plaid or ﬂannel button down, which happens to be very in style this season, so even if you do not have one, you should invest in one. Grab rope for a lasso and add a vest, bandana, and cowboy hat, or your husband’s black hat if you’re lacking in the cowboy hat department. Catwoman: Black everything. Draw on whiskers and a cat nose. Pin on a black rope for a tail and make sure you highlight your eyes. Superwoman: For this one, all you need to do is wear your nicest outﬁt in the closet and tell everyone you are Superwoman. No one will deny. [IF] Shira Michelle is the CEO and Co-Founder of The Michelle Mara Collection. Visit MichelleMara.com for Sophisticated, Fun & Wearable Headbands.

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[ Why You Need Auto Insurance ] By: Phil Berkowitz

ach year, more cars and drivers hit the highways. With so many vehicles on the road, crashes will happen. Automobile insurance can be the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major hassle. But why do you need insurance, and just how much should you buy? Auto insurance protects you by paying for damage or injury you cause others while driving your car, damage to your car or injury to you or your passengers in your car from a crash, plus certain other occurrences, such as theft. Auto insurance is required by law in all states and provinces. Without insurance, you risk having to pay the full cost of any harm you cause others or of repairing or replacing your car if it is damaged or stolen. Coverage requirements vary by state/ province but usually include the following: Liability: It pays for damages due to bodily injury and property damage to others for which you are responsible. Bodily injury damages include medical expenses, lost wages, and pain and suffering. Property damage includes damaged property and loss of use of property. If you are sued, it also pays your defense and court costs. State laws usually mandate minimum

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amounts, but higher amounts are available and usually recommended. Personal injury protection: This is required in some states and is optional in others. It pays you or your passengers for medical treatment resulting from a crash, regardless of who may have been at fault, and is often called no-fault coverage. It may also pay for lost earnings, replacement of services, and funeral expenses. State law usually sets minimum amounts. Medical payments: This coverage is available in non-no-fault states (New York is a no-fault state); it pays regardless of who may have been at fault. It pays for an insured person’s reasonable and necessary medical and funeral expenses for bodily injury from a crash. Collision: This pays for damage to your car caused by collision. Comprehensive: This applies if your car is stolen or damaged by causes other than collision, including fire, wind, hail, flood, or vandalism. Uninsured motorist: This pays damages when an insured person is injured in a crash caused by another person who does not have liability insurance or by a person who cannot be identified (usually a hitand-run driver). F a s h i o n

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Underinsured motorist: This pays damages when an insured person is injured in a crash caused by another person who does not have enough liability insurance to cover the full amount of the damages. Other coverage, such as emergency road service and car rental, is also available. What you pay for auto insurance will vary by company and will depend on several factors, including: •

What coverage you select.

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The make and model of the car you drive.

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Your driving record.

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Your age, sex, and marital status.

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Where you live.

Many people think of auto insurance as a necessary evil, but it can save your ﬁnancial wellbeing. Evaluate your needs, do your research, and with the help of your insurance agent, make the decision that best suits you. [IF]

Phil Berkowitz is the office manager of State Farm Insurance, specializing in all lines of Personal & Business Insurance and located in Hewlett, NY. He can be reached at 516-374-2100.

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[ Life Insurance in Retirement ] By: Martin Meisels

y the time you reach retirement, you know a lot more about life insurance than when you bought your ﬁrst policy in your 20s or early 30s. Speciﬁcally, you know: 1.

A primary role of life insurance is to protect the ﬁnancial security of your dependents. This need usually is not as important in retirement as when you are raising a family. Retired people have a higher risk of dying than younger people, and so their life insurance coverage costs more.

These points are well known facts. So, an intelligent discussion about using life insurance solutions during retirement should begin where these points leave off. 1.

For most retired people, there is no reason to consider life insurance until a specific need for it has been identiﬁed in personal retirement/ estate planning.

That need probably will be different than it was earlier in life.

When life insurance is used by retired people, it must make costeffective sense by saving money in areas such as probate court, federal income tax, or federal estate tax.

“Retirement Phase” Needs Met By Life Insurance There are four major needs that life insurance can help retired people meet: 1.

Leaving assets to heirs on a taxefﬁcient basis without going through probate.

Planning for and pre-paying estate taxes and settlement costs.

Arranging the transition of a business to a partner or successor owner.

Generating additional retirement income

Leaving Assets to Heirs: Many retired people want to leave some money to their family members. But do they also want to leave their families taxes and other 34

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expenses to pay? Often, this is a question that most retired people don’t address until after it is too late to do serious planning. Life insurance isn’t the only way to leave assets to heirs with tax advantages, but it can be one of the best. The death benefit in a life insurance contract passes to the beneficiary income tax-free. By purchasing the life insurance inside an irrevocable trust, it also is possible to pass assets to heirs without federal estate tax consequences. Other important considerations include simplicity, privacy, and probate. Unlike many other types of property, life insurance does not pass through probate court and isn’t subject to probate’s public scrutiny or fees. Planning for and Pre-Paying Estate Taxes and Settlement Costs: Fifty years ago, a large part of the life insurance sold in the U.S. was designated for “burial costs.” Today, funerals cost far more than they did then, but burial is a small part of the cost in wrapping up affairs of a deceased. Despite recent changes in the law, estate taxes remain uncertain and potentially costly for some people. Other costs include state inheritance taxes, payment of the deceased’s debts, probate and executor fees, preparation of the deceased’s final reports and tax returns, and final tax payments. Life insurance can be useful in planning for and pre-paying these costs. Arranging the Transition of a Business to a Partner or Successor Owner: It’s common to find business owners in their 50s whose goal is to retire in the next ten years or so. But years later, they still have not let go. Why? They don’t know how. Specifically, they can’t find a way to extract the market value of the business and turn it into liquid cash. Life insurance can be one component in a plan of “business continuity and succession.” That usually means phasing out the boss while protecting what the boss has built for his/her own retirement, family, and heirs. The business owner’s life is insured. F a s h i o n

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If the owner dies, the death beneﬁt allows the business itself or the successor owner to buy out the owner’s interest, paying heirs the fair market value in cash. Generating Additional Retirement Income: Most people don’t think of life insurance as the best source for obtaining retirement income. But it is often used to generate supplemental retirement income that “tops off ” amounts generated by Social Security, pensions, and retirement plans. Most types of permanent life insurance allow retirement income to be obtained from two sources: •

Low-cost loans that are often taxfree and may be repaid at any time.

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Withdrawals of cash value that are allowed often without withdrawal charge, and are received tax-free (as a return of premium) up to the total amount of premium paid in.

Look at Life Insurance Through Different Eyes: When you were in your 20s, 30s, and 40s, life insurance was a critical part of your financial foundation; if you had dependents to feed and shelter, you needed life insurance—whether you wanted it or not. Once you approach retirement, your needs have changed. Life insurance is not a necessity, but it can be a viable planning option for meeting specific needs in a cost-effective and taxefficient way. It also can increase your peace of mind, create the income you need to afford special opportunities, and keep your heirs from squabbling. What doesn’t change from your 30s through your 60s and beyond is the need to shop wisely for strong life insurance companies, with the help of a qualified financial professional. [IF] Martin Meisels is a Registered Representative and Financial Advisor of Park Avenue Securities LLC (PAS), 355 Lexington Avenue, 9th Floor, New York, NY 10017, (212) 541-8800. Securities products/ services and advisory services are offered through PAS, a registered broker/dealer and investment advisor. PAS is an indirect, wholly owned subsidiary of Guardian. Wealth Advisory Group is not an affiliate or subsidiary of PAS or Guardian. PAS is a member FINRA, SIPC. • 254 South Main Street, Suite 310, New City, NY 10956 martin_meisels@parkavenuesecurities.com 845.634.7300 ext. 317

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exhaust fan; and new vanity light and mirror. Everything to connect to existing plumbing in existing locations.

[ How Much Will This Cost Me? ] By: Diana Braun “You’ll forget about the price you paid long before you’ll forget about a bad job that you have to look at every day.” Planning a Home Renovation Project—A Guide to Average Pricing for the NY Metro Area Before you embark on your home renovation project, getting an idea of cost is the first step. The following is a list of average pricing for renovation projects. Keep in mind that pricing will vary depending on your specific area and the skill of the contractor being used. Basic Kitchen Upgrade—Private House or Apartment: $25,000 and up If the layout of your kitchen is essentially okay, you may only want to replace your cabinets, countertops, sink, and flooring. Add a fresh coat of paint to the walls and ceiling and maybe add new average appliances. Basically everything would stay in the same location. This would include lower end stock cabinets (depending on the amount of cabinets) and custom plastic laminate tops. Based on a small kitchen Minor Kitchen Remodel—Private House or Apartment: $45,000 and up Your kitchen may be in need of a more extensive renovation involving relocating some of the appliances and sink. Included in this would be a new layout design, updated electrical and lighting on existing circuitry, stock to semi-custom cabinets (depending on the amount of cabinets), existing wall and ceiling plaster or drywall would remain, custom plastic laminate tops, maybe new flooring and paint, maybe new average appliances. Based on a small kitchen Major Kitchen Remodel—Private House or Apartment: $75,000 and up 36

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Your kitchen may be in need of a more extensive renovation involving a complete “gutting” where we would remove everything including the wall and ceiling finishes, exposing the framing. In addition to a new design, also included would be all new electrical, lighting, and plumbing within the kitchen, new wall and ceiling finishes, tile or hardwood flooring, semicustom to custom cabinets, and solid surface or stone tops. High end appliances will most likely add to the cost. Based on a medium sized kitchen. Simple Bathroom Upgrade—Private House or Apartment: $15,000 and up Basically remove and replace certain contents of an average sized, three-fi xture bathroom including the toilet, sink, faucet, vanity, and pre-manufactured solid surface top; installing new tile flooring; paint walls and ceiling; and add vanity light and mirror or surface mounted medicine chest. Everything to connect to existing plumbing in existing locations. All of the wall and ceiling finishes would stay intact, meaning the tub and shower body shall remain, all wall tile shall remain; no demolition except for removal of floor, toilet, vanity, sink, faucet, light, and medicine chest. Complete Bathroom Remodel, Private House or Apartment: $25,000 and up Basically gut an entire, average sized, three-fi xture bathroom and replace all contents including new tub/shower, toilet, sink, faucet, tub/shower valve, vanity and pre-manufactured solid surface top; installing new tile flooring and paint; new F a s h i o n

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Simple Bathroom Addition— Private House: $25,000 and up Simple 5’ x 7’ bathroom addition, crawl space foundation, cedar or fiber cement siding, one small window, electric and plumbing to connect near addition in basement with easy access, easy tie-in to existing home, basic bathroom finishes and fi xtures. Upgraded Bathroom Addition— Private House: $40,000 and up Basically the same as above but larger at 10’ x 12’ with separate shower, whirlpool tub, two sinks, separate room for toilet, linen closet, custom vanity and tops, higher end finishes and fi xtures. Finished Basements—Private House: $48–$150 per square foot Basements can provide some very nice living space relatively economically when compared to an addition or adding another level. We can transform your basement into just about any type of space you desire. The three biggest concerns with basements are adequate headroom, moisture control, and egress. The more basic the space, the less it will cost. Likewise, the more amenities you add like an added bathroom, kitchenette/ bar area, added windows and/or doors, and more ornate trim details like coffered ceilings and wall panels, the more it will cost. Finished Attics—Private House: $30,000 to $50,000 and up Attics too can provide some very nice living space relatively economically when compared to an addition or adding another level. We can transform your attic into just about any type of space you desire. Adding some skylights or dormers can really make the space feel larger. The more straightforward spaces cost less than the more complicated ones do. A simple space might include insulation, electrical/ lighting, extending HVAC, adding a skylight or two, drywall, carpeting, trim, and painting. [IF] Diana Braun is the owner and lead designer of Cosmopolitan Kitchen & Bath located at 291 Burnside Avenue in Lawrence, NY. She can be reached at 516-569-8453.

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[ How an OHEL Bais Ezra Camper Transformed My Life ] By: Tova Nachman

fter carrying Rivkah up the hot stairwell, my arms felt like they could fall out of their sockets. But as I looked into Rivkah’s eyes and saw her dazzling smile, I knew my experience in working at an OHEL Bais Ezra camp was becoming priceless. While working to help others, I found that I have enriched my life. My End-of-Summer camp counseling experience has changed my whole view and perspective of self and life in general—from learning increased patience to appreciating all that life has to offer and overcoming whatever challenges we may face. What is an OHEL Bais Ezra Day Camp? I did not really know so much about it other than it was a camp for kids with disabilities—until my ﬁrst day of work. I soon realized then that it was not going to be as simple of a job as I thought. I had learned that I would need to change diapers of all age campers, and since I was going to be working with low functioning kids in wheelchairs, there would be a lot of lifting. We would be doing many different activities to help them with their ﬁne motor skills and sensory motor skills. Getting into this routine was not easy, but it taught me to have more patience, and through this I was able to transform such tasks from a sense of aversion to a chance for opportunity and accomplishment. Every day I came to work, I knew that whatever the physical or emotional challenges, I would have a good day. I knew that because every day I left, however 40

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exhausted, I did not want to say goodbye to Rivkah—and I knew Rivkah did not want to say goodbye to me. Can things be stressful? For sure. Addressing her many needs at one time naturally could prove very difﬁcult. One example I found especially trying was when I needed to sit and feed a camper for over 45 minutes. But I knew that I had provided much more than just food to my camper. In those very special 45 minutes, a camper had received much more than the basic nutrients. I hope I had provided comfort, love, and friendship—things not found in a bottle or can. Things only I, as a volunteer, could provide. How we take our motor skills for granted. One day at an OHEL Bais Ezra camp will teach you a lesson for a lifetime. We take our bodies for granted. The complex workings of our bodies—our joints, our bones, our nervous system—instantaneously and effortlessly communicate with our brain. It seemed so easy to lose my cool when Rivkah just wouldn’t grasp the building blocks hard enough, or when she couldn’t seem to put the puzzle piece it its correct spot when it seemed so obvious. These were trying experiences, but by working on my own patience, my love for Rivkah grew stronger. From taking Rivkah off the Ambulate in the morning to putting her back on at the end of the day. From changing her diaper, to feeding her to helping with her ﬁne motor and sensory motor skill activities—all these experiences taught me to appreciate the smallest tasks that Rivkah could accomplish. F a s h i o n

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Every morning when I wake up I realize the beauty of each day and how fortunate I am to be able to perform simple functions without the necessary help of others. I was one who took this all for granted. That I can stand on my own, breathe on my own, eat on my own, go to the bathroom on my own—how I appreciate such basic abilities that are far from basic. They are such profound blessings we all have. At the same time I realize that while I do not need such help at every junction of life, I can be “at a loss” in believing I need no one. My time with Rivkah taught me how each moment with someone is a time of opportunity to nurture the best in another—and when doing so, we realize the best in ourselves. I can’t wait for the next OHEL Bais Ezra camp! [IF] OHEL Bais Ezra is a pioneering social services agency that delivers a breadth of innovative programs and services for individuals and families at risk, and individuals with developmental or psychiatric disabilities, in both residential and out-patient settings. Founded in 1969 and with close to 100 residences and apartments, and over 30 diverse programs, OHEL services have been consistently ranked #1 by New York City. Touching the lives of thousands of individuals at every stage, and every day, OHEL’s professional services are available throughout New York and New Jersey. These services include Housing, Foster Care, OutPatient Counseling, At Home Based Services, School Based Services, Abuse Services, and Camps.

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[ Charity vs. Fundraising ] By: Moshe Kinderlehrer No Contest…Not Even Close!

else. No one can say a bad word about the mitzvah of charity. There are just no negative connotations associated with the word at all.

From an early age, we are all taught to value the act of charity almost above all

Something’s Wrong With Fundraising: But when you hit the flip side of tzedakah, you get fundraising. Fundraising, as Wikipedia says, is defined as “the process of soliciting and gathering money or other gifts in kind.” Simply put, it’s what gets people to give. But for some reason, fundraising does not have as positive a connotation. Fundraising is often seen as messy, difficult work, fraught with failure, tension, and complex issues. It’s a business that people often don’t want to know too much

delivered a shiur in my shul a few years ago entitled “The Torah Fundamentals of Fundraising.” At the beginning, I remarked upon a peculiarity that has been apparent to me for some time. We view charity and philanthropy as one of our highest, most esteemed goals and avocations. In fact, it is probably one of the few things that all Jews agree upon as a religious, personal, and even national imperative. It’s a Torah-ordained mitzvah, and it’s completely nonpolitical (at least the act of giving tzedaka or philanthropy is…who and what you’re giving to is another story entirely).

about and is even looked down upon at times. It sometimes even has a whiff of the unsavory about it. This dichotomy is something I’ve never understood fully and still struggle with today. Sure, we read often in the media about different fundraisers and fundraising organizations that are dishonest or cheat donors…but I believe and know that they are more the exception and not the rule. So here we are, working in a highly complex, challenging ﬁeld with constantly evolving opportunities and dynamic relationships, and all with lofty goals of supporting our community’s most critically (continued on page 44)

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important institutions—our schools, shuls, social service organizations, outreach agencies, etc. —and yet we don’t see our community’s best and brightest sons and daughters ﬂocking to become professional fundraisers (or to put it euphemistically, going into development or advancement).

is always asking others for money, regardless of the tremendous cause or institution they represent.

I do believe this partially accounts for the issue of why fundraising isn’t one of the top 5 or 10 or 15 (or 150) full-time career choices of our best and brightest. I understand that some of our most tal- And I don’t think this is going to change ented members prefer the for-profit world anytime soon. for the relatively higher salaries and upside So now that I’ve accepted this reality, potential. We certainly need our bankers, what’s left? Obviously I need to deal with hedge fund managers, real estate moguls, it and at the same time have some fun. I business owners, doctors, lawyers, and sometimes joke that the quickest way to accountants. But I know also that many make a board member or lay leader turn people, young and old, are intensely interwhite is to ask them to ask a close friend ested in the nonprofit sphere and are willfor a major gift. I also tell ing to become rebbeim, teachers, social people that half of my job workers, program managers, etc. I meet at times is following up more and more people in mid-career lookand just getting people to ing to transition to the nonprofit world. do what they say they are going to do (which often We Have an Image Problem: But I don’t involves them asking their hear too much about people running to close friend or family membe fundraisers for those very same orga- ber for a favor or gift and is nizations. Fundraising, or development, exactly the reason why they or whatever you want to call it has a deep aren’t so excited about doseated image problem. ing it so quickly). Let’s take it a bit further. I challenge you, I used to try and tell my readers, to identify any successful non- people who I’d delegated profit professional who finished college or the task of asking someone yeshiva with a solid plan to go out into else for a big gift or an important favor “development” as a full-time avocation. that the worst response they could get was Many, if not most, of my close colleagues a “no.” What could be so bad if the worst ended up in fundraising by accident or be- thing you hear is “no”? But I saw that this cause they got involved with an institution didn’t really do much to persuade people, they helped start or loved and ended up as some just did not want to risk their rehaving to shoulder the fundraising bur- lationship at all and could not handle the den. Many want to go into the nonprofit possibility of hearing a no from their good world in some shape or form because they friend, neighbor, or family member. feel that they are helping their community, society, or the world…but few enter the The Legendary “Greenmailed” Dinner nonprofit world specifically to fundraise Honoree: In a related vein, a prominent full-time. half-myth in the philanthropy world is of the would-be honoree, who upon being Why is that? What’s so bad about what asked to serve as an honoree (and being we do? And can we do something to forced to hit up his/her friends for support) change it? There are many answers to simply makes a substantial gift instead— those questions above, and this column is far in excess of what they would normally not the appropriate venue to solve all of contribute—just to ensure that they aren’t the honorees. This type of honoree is them. known as the “Greenmail” honoree. For whatever cultural and social reason, I’ve heard stories from other colleagues it’s clear that many in our community do suffer from an aversion to asking people— swearing that this species of prospective especially their close friends and neigh- honoree does actually exist and I do adbors—for money. I believe people also mit that there is strong evidence indicatdon’t want to be perceived in the eyes of ing this might be true…but I need clearer close friends and family as someone who proof. 44

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No Such Thing in Israel: Interestingly, I will conclude by noting that our cultural aversion to asking people for money does not seem to exist across the ocean in Israel. I am told that successful fundraisers there are considered almost national heroes and are widely respected for their ability to travel abroad and return home with the sums they and their institutions need to survive and thrive. And judging by the volume of the collectors and fundraisers who regularly visit our communities from Israel, it is clear that fundraising is not a difﬁcult profession to get into nor is it one that is to be avoided like the plague.

There exists there, from what I can perceive, a widespread culture of acceptance and positive thinking towards the need to fundraise both personally and for the institutions that cannot survive solely on local or government support. Although I won’t debate the merits that all this signiﬁes here, what I will say is this: it gives me hope…if only here. [IF]

Moshe Kinderlehrer is currently the Director of Development of American Friends of Leket Israel (formerly Table to Table Israel—Israel’s Food Rescue Network as of Jan. 1st). Prior to that, he was a nonprofit and fundraising consultant with over a decade of experience working for and with a wide variety of nonprofits. He is also an ordained Orthodox rabbi (Yeshiva University/RIETS) and holds an MA in Politics from NYU and may one day get a Ph.D in Political Economy. He resides in Bergen County, NJ, with his wife and four children. Although a fundraiser, he tries hard not to solicit people in his shul or neighborhood (too much, that is).

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[ Websites 101: Getting Started ] By: Leah Helfgott By the ‘90s, we all had computers. By the ‘00s, we all had email. What’s the next trend? This will be the decade of the Website.

f you work in any kind of business, you know how important the company website is. It’s just as important as your street address. If you’re just starting a business, we’re sure that, by now, you know you need a website. But websites aren’t only for businesses. A website is a place to share information, resources, and thoughts, and can be used for any number of purposes. In fact, the websites of the world cover just about every topic in the human experience. What’s my website about? Whether your site is for your company, your non-proﬁt, or your football friends, ﬁrst make sure you know what you’re talking about and can reasonably write in English. There is nothing worse than going to a website that makes no sense. Talk about material that you feel most comfortable with, or get someone else to write the more technical page about “how it works.”

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Whatever your topic, your most basic goals are twofold: to spread your key message, and to offer a next step. In the simplest way of thinking, your key message might be something like, “We are the best,” or “We can help you.” The next step may be, “Contact us,” “Read these articles,” or “Buy now.” If your website isn’t doing these two things, then you need to rethink your site and its goals. Sometimes, a website is doing these things, but the key message is hidden in some link somewhere, and the next step is confusing. You always want to make sure that your key message and the next steps are clear. I have a topic, but what should I write? The best way to think about content is to start with the structure. The most basic website typically has a set of 5–7 tabs or menu items at the top, with no drop downs F a s h i o n

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or sub-categories. Even if you think your website will be more complex (or you think you have more things that deserve their own page), it’s best to start your thinking with those 5–7 items. More than 7 is not recommended, as it will overwhelm the user with too many options. Even the most complex sites with hundreds of pages keep the main menu short and simple. Once you have those 5–7 page titles, start to prepare what would go on each of those pages. One of the best ways to do this is to start a document in Microsoft Word and create a placeholder heading for each of your planned webpages. Then start ﬁlling in the text. Your content may come from the brochure you did last year, or maybe it’s from the new business plan, or maybe it just comes from your own head. But this Word document will keep your site well organized from the get-go, and believe us when we say it’s well worth the initial planning. (continued on page 48)

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For more complex sites, consult a web professional to help plan your site’s architecture. Any planning you do upfront will save you lots of confusion and sorting out later on. I have my content, but how do I create the site? Have you ever gone to a website that looks all weird and is missing images, and you’re thinking, “Huh? Is this site broken?” Chances are, it is, and the site was not built by a professional. It could have also been built using one of those online web design packages, and the person didn’t know what they were doing. But no, you’re not just seeing things. It is a bad site. As in all things in life, you get what you pay for. If you pay for part of the job, you will get part of the job. If you hire a web designer, you will get the whole job: a beautiful custom design and a working website that you can immediately be proud of. Using a web designer will mean no glitches, bad links, wrong margins, or faulty HTML. Plus, you will be able to add in some of those nice features you may have seen on other sites. For instance, you may want a favicon, that little symbol in the browser tab. Or maybe you want an animated ﬂash banner. Or maybe you need a custom-designed form. These are things web designers are great at, and can easily add to your site. So, before you botch the header and spend hours trying to ﬁ x it, consider using a professional designer. It is important to differentiate between several types of professionals. There are Graphic Designers who specialize in designing the look of print materials— brochures, newsletters, posters, and the like. Unless they are also trained in web design, you should probably not hire them for more than your logo. Then there are Web Programmers who are trained in coding. You will need a programmer if your site has complex features, such as a custom database. However, you do not want a programmer designing your site, as they are typically focused on code and are not that artistic. Lastly, there are Web Designers who have both the graphic skills and the programming skills. Some may have started out as graphic designers, programmers, or even something else entirely, but based on the combination of services they offer, they are now called Web Designers. 48

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Web designers may work at firms or agencies, or may freelance from a home office. Firms or agencies offer multiple skill sets, as they typically have both designers and programmers on staff. If you have a very full-featured complex website, you may want to consider using a design firm, even though it will cost more. If your freelancer can do what you need though, you may prefer the freelancer, as they are usually more available to help their customers and are typically less expensive. Also, freelancers frequently work together on projects that require more than one skill set. How do I select a web designer? First and foremost, pick a designer you feel comfortable working with. For several weeks, you will be sending material back and forth, making changes, and commenting on their work. You should like the designer as a person, and feel confident in their abilities. In addition, you should be able to tell them about your work or cause and feel like they understand and appreciate what you do. It is not entirely necessary to meet with the designer in person, and many successful websites have been created without any face-to-face meetings. However, if you feel it would make a difference to your relationship, most designers, if they are local, will be willing to meet with a client. Second, make sure you see a web portfolio showcasing the designer’s work. Check to make sure the sites they did are both functioning and attractive. Ask about their process, time frame, and of course, price. Usually, a designer will listen to your needs, give you a very rough estimate, and then prepare a proposal for you with exact prices. Keep in mind that proposals take a long time to prepare, so don’t ask for one if you aren’t serious about using the designer. Lastly, make sure your needs are being met. The proposal should state exactly what you are getting, and what you are not getting. Don’t let a designer tell you vaguely over the phone, “Don’t worry, it’s all included.” Make sure every included item is in written text and signed on. Everybody should be on the same page. What’s the process? When you sign with a designer, you make an initial payment F a s h i o n

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and they begin your project right away. Depending on the technologies used, and the amount of content your site has, it usually takes at least a few weeks until launch. During that time, you may be asked to approve of design work, and you may be commenting here and there. As a client, you don’t want to be annoying, but you do want to make sure you are getting the website you envisioned. The trick is to provide well-written and well-prepared materials the first time around. This will help you avoid much aggravation and extra charges. When the site is completed, it will be posted live on your website and you will make your final payment. What about domains and hosting? Every website needs a domain name and a hosting account in order to actually post to the web. The domain is what gives your site its URL or web address (www. example.com). The hosting is your server space—the place where you store your website’s fi les. Without server space, you are not actually on the World Wide Web. Most web professionals can help you get set up with a domain name and a hosting service. What about maintenance? Because websites are based on a number of different technologies, and clients have different levels of computer skills, it’s hard to say whether the site will be easy or difficult to update. However, the best thing is to ask your designer upfront how easy the site will be to update and/or if they have maintenance plans. Most designers will offer several options, depending on how often you think you will want to update the site. They may even create the site using specific technologies based on your needs. So it’s always a good idea to ask this first. Now that you know what you need to do, go get cracking on that content! [IF]

Leah Helfgott is a Designer and Social Media Specialist at i-Point Web Design (i-pointwebdesign.com). She may be contacted at leah@i-pointwebdesign.com or at her newest twitter account: @ipointwebdesign. More information is available on her blog, i-pointwebdesign.com/blog.

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Dynamic Ohr Naava speakers & thought-provoking lectures, including special guest speaker Rabbi Benzion Klatzko Innovative cuisine at every meal Full day camp and babysitting Reputable shadchanim will be available the entire Shabbos to meet girls followed by a 1-on-1 shidduch networking program Luxurious Hotel with unique and inspiring castle-themed property: Complete ﬁtness center and separate swimming in the indoor pool Relax and get reacquainted with old faces and make new friends at the “living room’s” roaring ﬁre bofmjt!eftjho!boe!dpnnvojdbujpo!829/485/6335

Lipa Shmeltzer, Dovid Stein and The Mezamrim Choir will be with us ALL Shabbos AND at our extraordinary

-OTZEI 3HABBOS -USICAL -ELAVE -ALKA where The Yaakov Chesed Band will join us as well!

Adult in a 4-person room

Sponsorship Opportunities $249 per person Special $500 sponsorship for 2 girls

Adult in a 2-person room

$349 per person

Child age 3-12 in parents’ room $169 per person Child under 3 in parents’ room

FREE

Bus service round trip

$25 per person

A 9% tax and gratuity charge will be added to the total

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$1,000 includes your accommodations for 2 adults PLUS sponsorship for 1 girl $1,800 includes your accommodations for 2 adults PLUS sponsorship of a full ROOM (4 girls) $2,500 full sponsorship of 10 girls $3,600 includes your accommodations for 2 adults PLUS sponsorship of a full TABLE (10 girls) $3,600 sponsor a Shiur at the Shabbaton (i.e. Corporate, In Memory of, In honor of, Refua Shelema) $5,000 sponsor a Meal at the Shabbaton (i.e. Corporate, In Memory of, In honor of, Refua Shelema) Other sponsorship opportunities are available. All sponsorships will receive special mention in our program.

For more info and registration visit ohrnaava.com 718.OHR.NAAV(a) info @ ohrnaava.com

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[ Setting The Perfect Table for the Purim Seudah ] By: Shonie Schwartz

urim day…what do you think of? Mishloah manos! But what happened to the Purim Seudah? Everybody is so involved with preparing and delivering their mishloach manos, they neglect the meal later in the day. The Purim Seudah is such a nice and fun meal to prepare—you should all give it a try! Why not invite your family to your house this year? You can get really creative and festive for this meal. One idea is to have a theme by itself. The same way many people have a theme for their mishloach manos, you can have a theme for your table. You can either have it match your mishloach manos if you had a theme for that, or your kids costumes, or one all its own. For example, you can just pick a color… use that color as the tablecloth, as the plates and cutlery, or even as your centerpiece. 50

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Assume you choose the color blue, you can purchase flowers that have been stained blue, or make blue paper flowers and tint the water blue with food coloring. You can also use blue jelly beans to fi ll the vase, or use blue lollipops in small votive vases scattered around the table. You can even have blue fruit punch by each seat and use blue toothpicks in some finger foods.

nother idea would be to set it up to resemble the seudas mitzvah from when the neis of Purim happened. You can set up the two seats at the head of the table as king/queen chairs and let the rest of the table have a royal theme. You can even have your family dress up like the characters of the Purim seudah. Have place settings written out in fancy letters, and make paper crowns to spread throughout the table. You can even do the table “v’nahapoch hu” and switch around F a s h i o n

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the cutlery, and put things upside down. The clincher would be if you served dessert first and the appetizer last! You can also just pick a random theme of something you like. You can do Chinese and set up the table with red streamers and gold accents. Even your food can fit with this theme by serving wontons and egg rolls and sesame chicken. Dessert will be a snap if you serve fortune cookies. Don’t forget to have chopsticks at the table and those little umbrellas as an extra way of sprucing up the plates. “Around the world” or any specific nationality/geographic area works well too. This would include Israeli, Hollywood, Mardi Gras, Hawaiian luau, Mexican, Western, or a combination of all of them. These themes can be lots of fun—both for you setting up and for the guests who are invited. Should you plan enough in (continued on page 52)

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advance, you can even send out invitations that go along with the theme. Whatever theme you choose, try to connect everything from start to ﬁnish. Try to plan in advance so you can really make it a special meal. Tie all the pieces together…the table settings, centerpieces, costumes, and menu for a really spectacular feast. Even if you don’t have guests or extended family at your table, it is nice to make this meal exceptional and out of the ordinary so it’s not just another meal, but a seudas mitzvah that you will remember for the whole year through! Don’t be afraid to try new recipes that ﬁt with your theme. Here is a delicious recipe for a Mexican menu. The really nice thing about this recipe is that is can be made in a slow cooker (aka crockpot) so you can put it all in there and forget about it while you are delivering your mishloach manos. I called it a Mexican Masterpiece since it can be served so many different ways as you will see below. Enjoy! Mexican Masterpiece 1 lb. ground beef 1 ½ T olive oil 2 large onions, chopped 1, 6 oz. can tomato paste (plus 3 cans water) 1 jar salsa 2 fresh tomatoes, chopped 4 cloves garlic, chopped 2 green bell peppers, cored and chopped 1 t sugar 2 t Taco Seasoning, such as ortego ½ t oregano •

Heat olive oil in large pan. Add onions.

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When onions start to soften, add the beef. Let the beef brown until mostly cooked through.

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Add the peppers and garlic.

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When the beef has completely browned and all the vegetables have softened, add the tomato paste.

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Thin it out by adding water—ﬁ ll your empty can about 3 times with water (or vegetable broth) and add it to the pan. Stir in the jar of salsa, seasoning, oregano, and sugar. I n

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Simmer for about 30-45 minutes on low.

You can also prepare this dish in a slow cooker by just throwing everything in there and letting it cook on low for a few hours. Here are some great ways to serve this dish: As an appetizer on baby hamburger rolls. Buffet style–Put it in the middle surrounded by bowls of pareve sour cream, guacamole, shredded lettuce, chopped onions, salsa, and cut tomatoes, and have a plate of taco shells; let everyone ﬁ ll their shell as they please. Serve it on a baguette as a sandwich. Serve over rice or pasta. Use it as a topping for nachos–In a greased baking dish, place wonton wrappers or tortilla chips. Top it with the above recipe and pareve cheese. Add jalapeno rings and olives if you like and bake it until the cheese is bubbly. Stuffed Peppers–Mix the recipe with equal parts of cooked rice and stuff into large halved green peppers and bake on 350 until the peppers are soft and tender. The next recipe is an easy dessert that can be adapted for any occasion. It can be made in any color you want by simply adding food coloring to both the cake batter and butter cream. Then decorate it with candies in your color choice. Classic Cake 3 c cake ﬂour 2 ½ t baking powder ½ t salt 1 ¾ c sugar ¾ c margarine 2 eggs 1 ½ t vanilla 1 c coffee rich (or soy milk) ¼ c orange juice Optional: Food coloring, sprinkles, etc. •

Preheat oven to 350.

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Grease two 8-inch round cake pans

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Sift together dry ingredients and set aside.

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Cream sugar and butter together until light.

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Add eggs and vanilla to creamed mixture and beat until well mixed.

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Add dry ingredients alternately with milk and juice, beating well after each addition.

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Divide batter evenly between the two pans and bake 30 to 35 minutes.

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Let it cool frosting.

completely

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Easy Butter Cream ½ c shortening ½ c margarine 1 t vanilla 4 c confectionary sugar 2 tablespoons Coffee Rich (or any pareve milk) Food coloring •

Cream together the butter and shortening.

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Add vanilla.

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Gradually add sugar, one cup at a time, beating well as you add more.

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When icing appears dry and all the sugar is mixed in, add the milk (and color) and beat it until it’s light and ﬂuffy.

Put it all together… •

Frost the top of one of the cake layers.

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You can add nuts or candy pieces onto the frosting for a surprise when the cake is cut.

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Place the other cake layer on top.

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Cover entire cake with frosting and top with any decorations or candy you desire. [IF]

Shonie Schwartz is the owner of Balabusta Basics and Sweet Regrets. She was recently featured in the Fall 2009 Bridal Section of the New York Times. Shonie trained at the French Culinary Institute in NY. She used her education to create the Culinary Arts program at Manhattan High School for Girls. She also teaches at many local cooking schools and does demos for all occasions. Shonie can adapt a cooking class to any age or occasion—birthday party, bridal shower, fundraiser, bat mitzvah, etc. Classes are usually given in her (glatt kosher) home kitchen in Woodmere, Long Island, though she can travel for personal or group lessons. Those who want to give a kallah something truly useful should consider a gift certificate for a cooking class. Visit her site: www.BalabustaBasics.com.

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[ Pesach: Flour Free and Fabulous! ] By: Sharon Beck

or many of us, Pesach is a holiday full of delectable foods and decadent desserts. Most resorts offer fivecourse meals, unlimited buffets, roundthe-clock tearooms, and poolside dining. For those of us who are not fortunate enough to travel to a deluxe hotel for Pesach, the challenge is to create original and satisfying dishes your family will love, while being able to enjoy your Yom Tov company. The complaints I hear most often are, “We feel like the meal is missing something” or, “There are only so many ways to cook a potato.” How can we come up with dishes that excite and satisfy at the same time with limited ingredients? For those of you who eat matzoh meal (Gebrokts), there are a lot more choices. I was once in the kitchen of a friend who was cooking for Pesach, and out of her oven came a batch of blueberry muffins, followed by a heap of pancakes and even hamburger buns!! Didn’t taste like Pesach to me! Cooking free of matzoh meal is a whole other story. Let’s discuss our options… Potatoes are an extremely versatile food. They can be mashed, baked, fried, and boiled. But what do you do when you’re potatoed out? There is a wonderful, fairly “new” food called quinoa (pronounced keen-wa); it actually grows on a plant in the earth (the Bracha is haadomah). It has a wonderful chewy, grainy texture and flavor. There are many uses for quinoa. It can be cooked and served cold in a tasty salad. I like to sauté lots of onions and exotic 60

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mushrooms and cook it like farfel. Or it can be used as a stuffing forr nd poultry and eally meat. It really n! tastes like grain! re noodles Then there are otato flour. made out of potato While terrible when eaten plain, with vity you will be shocked at a little creativity how delicious they taste. Pineapple upside down kugel is a favorite—it’s noodles ots of brown sugar, honey, mixed with lots anilla, and eggs baked it cinnamon, vanilla, in a pan lined with pineapple slices and cherries. When you flip the kugel, it looks fabulous as the sugar caramelizes and the pineapple forms a beautiful pattern. I also like sautéed cabbage with onions and bow tie noodles. It tastes even better if you add a little shredded cooked brisket. Believe it or not, you can also make Pesach lo mein, made with wide noodles, sliced veal, chicken and beef, and sautéed Chinese vegetables. Serve with a little duck sauce and chopsticks, and have an Asian themed night at home just like at the hotels!! Crepes are most popular, because they present beautifully as a plated appetizer or main course. Some nice fi llings are: creamed spinach, sautéed wild mushrooms, chopped liver, or chicken in cream sauce. Serve them with mushroom gravy for that elegant touch. You can even make them for dessert with sautéed peaches, apples, or berries. They are heavenly served with F a s h i o n

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ice cream, w h ipp e d cream, and chocolate sauce! Other tasty (potato free) ideas are: parevee eggplant parmesan, made with fried eggplant dipped in egg batter and marinara sauce, breaded cauliﬂower coated in Pesach crumbs, zucchini pancakes, or portabellas b l mi garlic rli sauce. in balsamic With Pesach just around the corner, it’s time to get in the kitchen and experiment. I hope these ideas will inspire you to broaden your menus and try some new dishes at your Seder this year. [IF] Sharon and her husband Jay are the owners of Culinary Creations. Sharon is a chef trained at the prestigious Culinary Institute of America (CIA) in Hyde Park, NY. Jay is the Executive Chef at Pomegranate Market in Brooklyn. Together they have been preparing gourmet Pesach menus for ten years. Their menus are prepared with the finest ingredients and homemade touch. They are also available for small dinner parties, travel meals, low-fat meal replacement, and outstanding Shabbos food. They can be reached at 917-734-1659 or Sharon75ny@aol.com. References are available upon request.

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to him/her? (You thought he looked like a movie star after the ﬁrst date, but now he’s looking more like that homeless guy who panhandles in front of the subway.) Is he frum enough for me? What’s that pimple that’s starting to ﬂower on his nose? Can that be removed? Obviously most of these botherations are irrational, emotional, and is the satan’s way of shterring by convincing you that you can always do better. As a parent, it is your job to be your child’s voice of reason. Weed out the invalid from the legitimate. I can tell you dozens of stories of shidduchim that fell apart for reasons of “cold feet,” while months later even the young people involved couldn’t understand why they said no. One girl I was dealing with was so uncomfortable with the idea of switching over to Nusach Sferad after marriage, and somehow the shidduch dissipated. I had another boy who didn’t like the girl’s pitch when she laughed, and he felt “forced” to call it off. These may sound like extreme examples, but you’d be surprised how relevant these situations can become.

[ Ask The Shadchan ] By: Yisrael Friedman My 19-year-old daughter was dating a boy for the last few weeks. It was going really well until about the fifth date, when the boy started showing a real interest in finalizing the shidduch. After that, everything went downhill. My daughter started having real doubts and sfeikos, and eventually decided that this boy was just not exactly what she was looking for. Much to his and our dismay, she ended it, letting him know that it’s just not for her. It has been a week, and now my daughter is not so sure anymore if she made the right decision. What would you advise? –Parent in Distress, Lawrence, NY

his is probably one of the most relevant questions I have received for this column thus far. Obviously I have no idea what your daughter’s sfeikos are, so it is hard to answer it in a personal way, but I will give it a try. I will start off by saying that there are many psychological implications that go on when the dating starts to get serious. On the ﬁrst few dates everything is fun, ﬁne, and dandy; it’s the courting period—going to lounges, eating in restaurants, playing arcades etc. It can be tons of fun. Once you get past those great times and you see that your personalities are somewhat compatible, 66

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the conversation becomes more focused and requires some serious thinking. This stage brings on a period of somber and demanding life-changing decisions, which puts tremendous stress on the young couple. You will ﬁnd your son/daughter pulling their hair out, pacing through sleepless nights, sometimes crying, and at other times a bit withdrawn, or on the contrary, obsessing and wanting to talk things over and over. It can create a great deal of anxiety. This is perfectly normal. In other societies people date for months or even years before committing to marriage. In our circles, though, couples are expected to make decisions in a matter of a few dates. If you speak to any dating coach or mentor, they will tell you that usually when one side starts to “fall” for the other, the other side will subconsciously or consciously “pull back” and not allow themselves to be drawn into a process that seems like it is happening too fast, too powerfully. The Gemarah talks about the concept of “Pas Bsalo”—translation: Why is this guy falling for me? Am I getting the raw end of the deal? Can I do better? And slowly but surely, that creates senseless quandaries that quickly go into full blown self doubts: Am I even attracted F a s h i o n

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I say that many people need to reverse their theory about shidduchim. In secular societies, dating is about finding Mr. Perfect. This concept is adapted from the world of movies and fantasy, where everybody is perfect and we are all going to live happily ever after. Any married person will tell you that marriage is about making it work. Shalom Bayis, says Rabbi Zev Leff, is not about a peaceful, harmonious home where no one ever fights or disagrees. It’s about where everyone can have a voice, even conflicting voices and opinions, as long as everyone wants what is good for both partners. It’s not about ME, it’s about US, and often it takes compromising and negotiating to find the Good for Us. So it’s not Mr. Perfect we are looking for, but Mr./Ms. Good for each other or Good Together. Not “Am I better than she,” nor “Can I do better than him,” but “Are we good together in spite of being two different people?” [IF] Yisrael Friedman is a full time shadchan for Connections, the Shidduch division of Gateways. For questions or interesting and funny dating stories to be published in future articles, please email yfriedman@gatewaysonline.com. For all shidduchim inquiries, email connections@gatewaysonline.com.

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