imagine December 2015 FREE
STEPS: RELIEVING STRESS IN FAILED MARRIAGES:
HOW TO OVERCOME ANXIETY FROM HOMEWORK
DONT LET THE STRESS GET THE BETTER OF YOU!
WHEN DEALING WITH SETBACKS
see inside for details
TRICKS OF THE TRADE
RULES OF 6 PACK DATING
WAYS TO PLAN A BETTER WAY TO IMPROVE MENTAL HEALTH
LOOKING AT WHAT YOU CAN DO
12 STEPS IN CREATING A LIFE YOU LOVE FOR BETTER HEALTH
La mia kitchenette TOP Page 1 of 19 imaginemagazines.com
NOSH FROM THE ITALIAN LADY
FEATURES 04.
12 Steps in Creating a Life You Love
Business & Updates 13 CBT in the City and a brief look at why they are about
Food & Nutrition 07 La Mia kitchenette offers Sessional Delights!
LIFESTYLE 9 How To Overcome Anxiety from Homework
Wellbeing 10 Steps: Relieving Stress in Failed Marriages 11
Rules of 6 Pack Dating
16
Tricks of the Trade
Available now payment for therapy from your phone, iPad, smartphone www.cbtinthecity.com/ shop/ IMAGINE magazine is published for CBT in the City and is free publication due to the donations of others. IMAGINE is a company who works for other companies and one of which is CBT in the City
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FROM THE EDITOR
Welcome to the December edition of IMAGINE the easy coffee table read. These articles have been donated along with the photos and art work. If you want to donate then please send your donation to me at matt@imaginemagazines.com. Last year has seen the launch of this magazine and it has been an interesting journey since it started its life as a newsletter for the CBT in the City clinics back in 2006. The function is very different now with it being light, bright and breezy read with a few top tips along the way. The direction of it is one that has a team perspective rather than just me as it was back in 2006. I hope that this year has proven to be good for you as it has been for me and in this issue the topics are to deal with life in the next chapter of your life using what is within you to make the change. Being resilient is not an easy task but then fear is always present when we take the courageous step forward. Its important to not mull over the past but get up and rub the dust of your knees deciding to take the journey into something that cannot be planned or control as you have your path already mapped out, just trust who you are and it will work out better than you controlled for!
Editor In Chief Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com
Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com
Contributing Writer Marilyn Foreman
Contributing Writer Elisabetta Ludica
Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com
Graphic Artist IDJ Photograpy
Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com
Sales Officer Matt
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Joe O'Brien
 
12 Steps to Creating a Life You Love by Marilyn Foreman
Watch for the subtle and not so subtle improvements that start to come your way.
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Are you getting closer to where you want to be in your life? Do you have a clear vision, plan or a direction? Don't get frustrated, most people don't know they even have a choice let alone a have a clear vision and plan to create what you want. You are here reading this therefore you are way ahead of most people. Working your way through these 12 steps will have a huge impact on what you start to create for yourself in your life. Watch for the subtle and not so subtle improvements that start to come your way.
 
If you dug a little deeper, asked more questions, you would find a world of wonder underneath
Here are some things you can do to
listening to it or looking at all the
amazing gifts and talents and don't
make it happen are:
1. Surround
pictures you have gathered that
see what they have to oer. We
yourself with positive empowering
remind you of it. 10. Make a plan of
meet them out in the world but only
information and people. 2. Let go of
what you can do to support this in
see the surface and only what they
any beliefs that stop you from
taking shape.
11. Be open to
show us. If you dug a little deeper,
doing, having and being anything
continuously learning and improving
asked more questions, you would
you want. 3. Don't' think of the how
yourself in the areas you want. 12.
find a world of wonder underneath.
it will come about, focus on what
Do something everyday that moves
People have such amazing stories
you want. 4. Write down everything
you closer to what you want.
and life experiences. They are
you want to create in your life and
brilliant and the world is ready for
link an emotion to it like excitement,
Hold your vision in your heart, feel
those people, the world is ready for
peace.
5. Be outrageous in your
those great feelings everyday, do
your brilliance.
expectations. 6. Imagine having the
something to move closer and be
and be brilliant.
life you want as if it's already here.
open to what the Universe puts in
7. Turn that list into a visual
your path. Sometimes we send out
representation, gather pictures and
messages to the Universe and
phrases that will remind you of what
expect them to look a certain way
you're creating.
8. Record the list
and don't see them when they are
and the feelings that go with it into
handed to us is a way we least
your recording device or smart
expect it.
phone. 9. Remind yourself everyday what you are creating either by rewriting your list, reading it,
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Look for the solution and you will find it.
There are so many people
out in the world sitting on these
Let's go out there
 
Merry Christmas to everyone from all the team here at CBT in the City
6
imaginemagazines.com
Imagine•
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La mia kitchenette TARTELLETTE ALLA ZUCCA VIOLINA, RADICCHIO, CIPOLLA ROSSA E FETA
Tartlets with butternut squash, radicchio, red onion and feta. Although butternut squash, also called butternut pumpkin, is now widely available throughout the year in most food stores, the fast approaching Autumn season brings for me the desire of cooking a few dishes with it. With a similar nutty and sweet taste as pumpkin, it can be cooked in many different ways including roasting, for the preparation of soups, as an ingredient of bread and cakes, risotto and more. Those of you who have been reading my blog, know that I love making pies and tarts and that my favourite of all pastries is puff pastry. Also, very often, I cook with what I find in the fridge on the day so what I have at hand was a red onion, some radicchio and leftover feta. The recipes I have developed today was easy as all I did was to roast the vegetables and fill the tartlets, add some crumbled feta and finish off with some beaten egg. Job done! They didn’t last long in my house as they were devoured shortly after I took them out the oven!
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For 4 people – using 4 x 10cm non stick tartlet tins: 1 sheet puff pastry 1/2 butternut squash – peeled and diced 1 red onion – cut into wedges 1/2 radicchio – cut into wedges 3 tbsp Extra Virgin olive oil 50g feta – crumbled
3 eggs – beaten salt and pepper Preheat the oven to 190C. 1. Start by placing the onions, butternut squash and radicchio on an oven tray lined with baking parchment or foil 2. Drizzle the oil and season with salt and pepper. Roast for approximately 20 minutes, turning the vegetables once
3. In the meantime, roll the pastry and cut 4 circles a little larger than 10cm. Place in the tins and press gently. Cut the excess pastry with a knife 4. When the vegetables are cooked, remove and let them cool for 5-10 minutes. Then coarsley cut the radicchio and onions and with a fork mash the squash a little 5. Spoon some of this mixture in each tartlet, add even amounts of crumbled feta and pour a small amount of the beaten egg which has been previously seasoned with salt and pepper 6. Bake for approximately 20-25 minute, checking half way through baking that the tartlets’ filling is not overcooking 7. Remove, set aside and serve warm or cold. Serve with a nice side salad Tip: You can use the filling for one large tart instead of four small ones.
 
How to Overcome Anxiety From Homework There are many reasons why teachers assign homework,
rather than face their fears. If you think your child may have
even at a young age. Homework reinforces everything the
an anxiety issue when it comes to homework, allow them to
child learned during class, which gives them more
talk to you about it. Make sure that they know everyone has
opportunities to remember new concepts. Homework also
issues and that when you talk about them, you learn how to
teaches a child to become more independent while they
work together to get that problem resolved.
learn. Doing exercises and activities at home allows the child to organize their thoughts and recognize where they
Create a dedicated workspace - Your child may feel
really may need assistance. But oftentimes, they learn how
overwhelmed when they try to make decisions regarding
to discover answers to problems and questions on their
their homework. Things like where to sit, how to gather
own. Working on homework regularly during the early years
supplies, and what time to start can aect their study time.
of schooling helps the child develop good study habits. The
No one comes pre-programmed with study skills. Having a
child will get used to the idea of spending some time in the
dedicated workspace helps your child learn how to start the
evening learning. When the child starts to get good grades,
process. Ensure that the space is comfortable, stocked with
they will know that their studying has been successful. They
supplies, and is quiet.
will know the importance of keeping a schedule and being organized, and that hard work pays o. Homework allows the child to practice things and commit facts to memory,
Be flexible - Remember that setting a homework schedule is important, but you need to be flexible. Sometimes, people
such as multiplication or spelling.
need to relax for awhile after a stressful day at work.
How to overcome anxiety-Many children can get through
honor that need. Forcing a child to focus when they need to
their homework assignments quickly, but others need more
unwind is counterproductive. Downtime shouldn't be an
help to complete the work. Others may develop some
avoidance strategy, but having a short period to grab a
symptoms of anxiety when it comes to doing their
snack and relax before starting can be beneficial. Try using
homework. They may be afraid that they won't understand
a kitchen timer to give your child some free time, making it
what has been assigned, or that they will have to spend too
clear that when the timer rings, it is time to study.
much time to complete it. They may not be able to organize their thoughts or time, which leads them to try and avoid the
Children are the same way. It is important to recognize and
Talk to the teacher - Teachers at your child's private school
assignment.
or public school can be a very valuable resource. They may
No matter why your child feels anxiety, there are a few steps
can help you find ways to keep your child up to date and
you can take to make the process easier.
keep you informed on what happens in the classroom. This
have some insight as to why your child is struggling. They
allows you to fully understand the teacher's expectations. Talk to your children - Children don't always want to express that they have a problem. They may be embarrassed or think that their teachers or parents will be angry with them. This causes some children to shut down,
Steps: Relieving Stress in Failed Marriages By Dave Gosh
have positive feelings & you can definitely come out of the stress and create new hopes &
Marriage is a beautiful process that unites two people in
emotional support to fight the stress & depression. Take
love & makes their relationship permanent. Many
care to stay healthy - The stress triggered by breakup
relationships begin with a lot of excitement and look
might affect your diet routine & eating habits. Eat
forward to a wonderful future. A perfect marriage is a
healthy, follow your exercise routines & get good quality
mix of compromise and honesty & is a relationship that
sleep to energize yourself both physically & mentally.
requires due importance & commitment. And no
Think about the future - Putting across your feelings will
marriage is without a conflict. Though one puts so much
definitely help you in relieving stress, but it is important
efforts to sustain the relationship, there are times when
to realize that moving on is the ultimate goal. Think
they can do it no further and end up in a marriage
about your future, have positive feelings & you can
breakup. The very thought of breakup can affect ones
definitely come out of the stress and create new hopes &
mental & physical health. And with kids involved, the
dreams.
stress levels can go soaring high. A breakup is hurting
reassure them that their future will in no way be affected
because it is not only the loss of a relationship, but is an
because of the change. Spend extra time with them &
end to all future desires & dreams. It disturbs the entire
help them heal & relieve stress. Meet a counselor - You
routine & the future becomes uncertain. It affects the
might need professional help, when the stress levels are
relationship with other family members & also changes
unmanageable. Seek the help of an experienced
one's identity. The harmful dose of stress caused due to
counselor who will help you go through this phase of life
a divorce can lead to anger & anxiety. It is a great
with ease. Be optimistic by the fact that there is still a
challenge to deal with the stress associated with
future filled with new hopes & desires.
divorce. But stress can be dealt with & one has to believe that "they can" & "they will". Here are few steps that help relieve stress in failed marriages. One step at a time - Prioritize your decisions. There are some things that are to be done immediately after separation & there are many that can wait for a while. Just concentrate on the important things first. Take a break - It is perfectly okay to take some time to accept reality & cope with the emotional changes. You might not be able to work at the normal pace. But it is perfectly understandable. Time is the best healer. Take time to re-energize. Share your feelings - At this stage, everybody needs emotional support. Trying to deal with it alone can increase your stress levels & in turn will affect your work. It is better to share your emotions with trusted family & close friends. They can provide you
Reassure your kids - Talk to your kids &
Rules of 6-Pack Dating
Relationships! No one can keep in touch perfectly with all 6 guys. By Larissa Moore
I am very goal-oriented, and I
the time, right? Here are
read my aďŹƒrmations every
some invaluable tips I
morning. So, it was pretty easy
came up with to ease
for me to round up my perfect
the stress of the 6-pack
"6-pack." (This "round-up" story
dating.
will be told in the future posts.)
hang up the phone in
My only married friend (Mind
the middle of the
you, none of my friends are
conversation. It will
married. In fact, they are mostly
make them think you
all SINGLE without steady
have
boyfriends/girlfriends.) strongly
connection at home.
recommended that I date 6
T h i s w a y, y o u c a n
people all at the same time
always blame it on the
before I walk down the aisle.
bad connection for not
Why six? Because even God
answering the phone.
rested on the 7th day, right? I,
Text a question that
on the other hand, don't
requires him to respond
recommend this 6-pack dating
and wait until he texts
to just anyone since it is
back. Then call the next
extremely time-consuming and
day and ask him if he
physically/mentally exhausting.
got your first text at all?
If you have a demanding full-
He will say he did, and
time job, then you should
even texted you back.
downsize to a 2 to 3-pack
Ah ha, he will get the
situation. It takes a lot of energy
idea that your phone
to be quick with remembering
Sometimes
a
bad
cell
sucks and doesn't
things and/or acting like you accidentally forgot things in
receive all the texts (or his texts here). No one can keep
a very cute manner. However, trust me, the experience
in touch perfectly with all 6 guys. This gives you a way
alone was worth the try even though the whole ordeal
out when necessary. However, don't abuse this privilege!
lasted no more than 2 months. You can't have dessert all
WTF? First off, men should always ask you out first. Hence they pay. Do not mother them.
If you do not possess an eidetic memory as I do, or if you have a full-time job or something that takes up your memory bank, then you won't be able to remember every conversation you have with the guys. Get a notebook/diary and keep it around at all times. Write down important facts like his astrological signs, siblings, vegetarianism, blah, blah. Read the notes before seeing each guy so that you're refreshed on "who" is going on. He will feel like you really care about him. You always want to be remembered as the sweet girl who made him feel extra special. Never ever pay! Those are 3 nasty letters, PAY! This is one mistake I see girls/women make over and over again. WTF? First off, men should always ask you out first. Hence they pay. Do not mother them. We need to be taken care of, and that's the natural order. Who are you to fight God? If the guy really likes you, he will pay and ask you out again. Here's a little caveat: Do charm his pants off whenever possible, both figuratively and literally. As long as you're being safe, you can have as much fun as possible. Being considered a "slut" or promiscuous is so circa whatever's in the past. Passé! You don't keep that hideous sweater your grandma gave you when you're a kid. So why bother with the old ball and chain?
®
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The sense of all is ok and good with me now. I am a fallible human being
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Tricks of the trade By Matt Broadway-Horner Negative assertion rule is a great one when dealing with criticism and so can be used to great effect. e.g brother states “your always late when I need you” and he says this as I walk in the door 45 minutes late. I could chose to respond in an unhelpful negative way and just dismiss him and tell him to shut up or I could use the helpful method by agreeing with him. And saying “ yes it is true that I am late today but I was not late before or any other time, I am here now lets talk…..With this Negative assertion rule you agree with the grain of truth to keep the channel of communication open but then swift to get to point and use the time to talk about the purpose of the meeting. Broken record is simply saying the same thing over and over until the other person hears it. This is useful when dealing with other aggressive people and they don’t listen. Tip: F Fair to myself and others A No Apologies for being alive S Stick to values (not do anything I'll regret later) T Truthful without excuses or exaggeration
Use the ‘I’ when dealing with discussing how you feel about a difPicult situation. I might say “ I felt disappointed with the way the exam turned out” may open up the conversation to others.
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Instead of “You made me fail because of your snoring” which would not have a constructive conversation and just be counter-‐productive. No one can really argue with how you feel when using the ‘I’ method but they can argue if you are accusing them and then the walls go up and nobody gets heard. Never use demands as this is a sure way of hitting the wall. “You must or You should “ is never a good idea when negotiating as this will lead to you losing every time as the other person will not listen. Delay the response is a good way to giving you time to respond. This is particularly useful if you feel pressured to give an answer but an instant way rather than a meaningful one. This will provide you with space to think about options and consider the best one. So the typical responses here are “Can I think on that…..” “I will get back to you” “When can I discuss it with you again”, “leave it with me and I will get back to you”
4 step Tip for dealing with anger Top tip Follow a Anger 4 step approach 1. walk away-decide to come back to situation in one hour and then make an excuse to walk away e.g. need to make a call or I am late for an appointment must dash! 2. Get calm- go for a slow walk or another activity which slows you down 3. Rethink- How do you want others to think about you? How do `I want to think of myself? Am I fostering/nurturing (looking after) the relationship with myself and the other person 4. Come back with a response- this can be a response to self ‘I am annoyed about……but now it’s ok and life goes on’ or a response to the other person to say “lets agree to disagree” or “ I am sorry”
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The Anger 4 step approach is tapping into the idea of hindsight is golden and “I wished I had acted differently and if so then I would act like this…..” Well the 4 step just helps to create a pause button while you collect your thoughts and decide a course of action. Pause and rewind can cause you to feel hot with anger and Pause and fast forward can help you see the potential consequences before they occur and help you to salvage the situation before it becomes a problem. ask yourself this question, Do I need to waste my energy on this? Is it really worthwhile in upsetting myself and others to get something that I need this desperately and demanding stance? If no then give it up and move on…..life is just too short for drama and tantrums
Being comfortable communicating Another motto is needed here, Practice makes permanent and so try using your new found skills over and over. Remember that task conPidence is developed when you practice. Secondly you trouble shoot when you develop task conPidence along with an enjoyment as the conPidence grows. Remember that your conPidence level will begin low but then it will grow. We all have to learn and start somewhere We as human beings are social by nature and so you will Pind your style and way to communicate that will rePlect your strengths and personality traits. Just say what comes to mind and leave it to others to pick it up and respond. Try not to imagine how it sounds or view yourself with
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your minds eye from another side of the room as this will create unnecessary anxiety. Tip: G Gentle manner without attack or threat I Interest in the other person V Validate the other person without judging E Easy manner (with a little humour?) Don’t fulPill fear’s need to rehearse over and over! Just say IT! And I am sure with your spontaneous stance the occasion should bring you some pleasure in the short and long term.
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!