Imagine Issue 21

IMAGINE MARCH 2016 FREE

SPECIAL WHY RELIGION EDITION:

IS LGBTi month in LOOSING OUT TO London and the UK CELEBRANTS

MIND & BODY

EXPLORING COMMUNICATION

MAKING THE CEREMONY PERSONAL

TIPS FOR THE PERFECT HOLIDAY LIVING

BEING BAD ISN’T THE END OF THE WORLD!

FOR BETTER LIVING

LOOKING AT WHAT YOU CAN DO

A SAMPLE FROM A NEW BOOK ON PANIC OUT AND AVAILABLE SOON

BY DR STEVEN HARRIS & MATT BROADWAY-HORNER

La mia kitchenette TOP NOSH FROM THE ITALIAN LADY

PERFECTION GUARANTEED! Looking for beauty

FEATURES 04 Why Religion is Loosing Out to Celebrants 07

Tips for the Perfect Holiday Living

09

Mind and Body

FOOD 13

La Mia Kitchenette

COMMENTARY 11

Perfection Guaranteed!

WELLBEING 17

A sample from a new book on Panic out and available soon

19

Being Bad isn’t The End of the World!

21

Advertisement space for sale

O rd e r b o o k f ro m amazon.co.uk

FROM THE EDITOR Welcome to the March issue of IMAGINE. There are many exciting articles in this month including some top nosh from La Mia Kitchenette. The clinic now offers clients many treatment options like group therapy, course like De-Press focusing on depression as well as of course mindfulness and ACT courses looking at the triad of anxiety, stress and depression for all including Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered and Intersex people (LGBTi). Also the clinic specialists offer therapy via, telephone and video online to fit into your busy schedule and child care arrangements, so help can literally be at hand at any time and any where! Remember we are here to help with not just mental health issues and physical health as well, try out our well being clinics which specialise in helping people with Long Term Conditions. For this issue there is focus on mind and body with particular focus on successful dating and PLUS an extract taken from the Director of CBT in the City Clinics Matt Broadway-Horner in collaboration with Dr Steven Harris on Panic. Seek help today and don’t suffer in silence. I hope you are ready for the spring time and have lots planned but if not and this year is not going the way you planned and need some help then why not call and speak to a specialist today and get more info about our services. There is no obligation its just a chat.

Also a new book is out on Anxiety with mindfulness tackling issues like sexuality, culture and shame using mindfulness along with ACT and Compassion Focused Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner Our therapists can help with rehab from medical problems as well as the main bread and butter stuff like anxiety and depression, hoarding and obsessional problems. Call Matt or Susie on 02074671508. Or if you wish to then make a payment and then the staff will respond to you with the next steps to booking an appointment time. If you visit our online shop then say hello to the shop assistant Pradeep who appears in the bottom right hand corner http://www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/coaching-consultation.html

Editor In Chief Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com

Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com

Contributing Writer Carmel M Audsley

Contributing Writer Elisabetta Ludica

Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com

Graphic Artist Images from iStock

Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com

CBT in the City app via iTunes & Googleplay

Sales Officer Rosangelie

Your Magazine • website.com • 3

Why Religion is Loosing Out to Celebrants Carmel M Audsley

There are Celebrants - and there are Celebrants. The person you want to conduct your important Wedding Ceremony should be interested in providing what you want, and ensuring that all legal documents are prepared and lodged. The Bride and Groom may understandably be a little nervous on the big day, so you want your Celebrant to be a mature, calming presence - someone who can make sure that all the plans you have made will be put into action to your satisfaction.

At your first meeting with the Celebrant, find out if he or she will be conducting any other ceremonies on the day of your Wedding and make sure there's a comfortable buffer of time between engagements, just in case you have any unexpected time delays. You don't want your Wedding Ceremony to be an 'off the shelf' experience. If you have some rituals that you would like to include in your Ceremony, but the Celebrant doesn't seem fussed about including them,

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You need to feel comfortable with the person who is taking on this very important role on your Big Day, and be confident that all of your needs will be taken into consideration and met.

look for another Celebrant. It is your

ings to be held to prepare the doc-

importance of strong and respectful

right to choose your day, your way,

uments and to find out a little about

family relationships.

and it is the Celebrant's job to en-

each of you to help her craft the

sure that you get what you pay for

Ceremony.

You need to feel comfortable with the person who is taking on this

by delivering on your requests.

As well as face to face meetings,

very important role on your Big Day,

The Celebrant should be prepared

the Celebrant will be in contact with

and be confident that all of your

to take the time to research any

you by phone and email to ensure

needs will be taken into considera-

religious, cultural or social rituals

that everything will be organised to

tion and met.

you require and, together with your

y o u r r e q u i r e m e n t s , a n d fl o w

expert knowledge of these rituals or

smoothly on your Wedding Day.

It is your day, to be experienced

customs, create your perfect Cere-

Your Marriage Celebrant must main-

your way. Ensuring that you are

mony. Your Celebrant will spend

tain a high standard of service and

happy with the Celebrant from your

many hours in preparation for your

recognise the social, cultural and

first meeting will take a lot of stress

Big Day. There are legal documents

legal significance of Marriage and

out of what should be the happiest

to sight, prepare and lodge, meet-

the Marriage Ceremony, and the

day of your life.

5 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

1 session treatments for phobias and insomnia : Anytime Anywhere Info 00442074671508

Tips for the Perfect Holiday Living Benga Erdogan

A lot of people are put off from buy-

and if there are any payments that

ing a villa abroad because they are

you need to make. Some countries

scared that they don't know the cus-

have taxes or they charge for land

toms or the language. That is such a

rental and things like that. You don't

shame because having a holiday

want to find the villa of your dreams

home somewhere else is a sound

and then not be able to afford it be-

investment. You can rent the place

cause you haven't budgeted for

out when you are not using it, or it

some things. You need to be aware

might be somewhere that you fall in

of everything so that

love with and you end up moving there yourself. One thing is for sure,

you don't get any nasty shocks when

if you are thinking about buying a

you get there. 2. Maintenance - You

villa, you should not settle for any-

need to know if there are any

thing less than what you want be-

charges for maintenance plans. If

cause you will never feel settled

you are not going to be there for the

there if you do. If you are

majority of the time, you will need to

One thing is for sure, if you are thinking about buying a villa, you should not settle for anything less than what you want!

pay someone to look after the villa. thinking about buying a villa abroad,

You might need the pool to be clean,

then you should read on for some

the lawn mowed and if you have

tips on how to get the perfect villa. 1.

guests, you might want the interior of

Research - First of all you should do

the villa clean. Some companies who

some research into the place where

sell villas will have a maintenance

you want to buy the villa. You need to

plan for you to pay into so that you

know about the customs of the area

can afford to hire staff.

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Once you have found a company, make arrangements with them to make a trip over there to look at their villas You might even pay the sales compa-

some reviews on their website and

You will probably have an idea in your

ny and they will sort everything out

look for some external review sites.

head about how many rooms will suit

for you. Some villas that are in hot

You could also ask for some refer-

your family. If you want to make mon-

places will need painting often be-

ences from people who they have

ey o the villa, you should aim to

cause the paint will fade in the sun.

already sold to. A company with a

double the amount of rooms that you

You need to be aware of everything

long history in the industry is a lot

originally wanted. This is so you can

that you will need to pay for on top of

better because they know everything

hire the villa out to bigger groups. If

the mortgage for your villa. 3. Sales

there is to

your villa is small then you will be

Company - You should choose a

restricting yourself to smaller groups

sales company that you can trust.

know about the area. They will know

and therefore, smaller payments.

There are so many cowboys out there

the good areas and they will know

Once you have done your research,

that they give the legitimate sales

about all the charges. Once you have

found a company that is trustworthy

companies a bad name. Find a com-

found a company, make arrange-

and decided what you want for your

pany that specializes in the area that

ments with them to make a trip over

villa, you should be able to find a villa

you are looking at. See if they have

there to look at their villas. 4. Rooms -

that you want without too much fuss.

Mind

by David Blanchard

and Body Is the communication there?

Thousands of years ago the Ancient Greeks understood the benefits of exercising both their minds and bodies! Unfortunately, today some people are picking one over the other. Some schools have cut back on gym classes and/or recess time in order to gain more academic seat time. And some students are concentrating their efforts on sports at the expense of their studies.

The mind and body are like a twolane road. Traveling on only one while ignoring the other might leave you stranded somewhere far away without any way of getting back home. Focusing on only one, not only neglects the other, but also causes the one you're focus-

9 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

ing on to receive a lot of inefficient attention!

In order for either side to get the most productive attention one has to combine the two and utilize the mind and body link together. Can you feel what I'm saying yet? Good!

Believe it or not the mind will help out in any physical endeavor if you give it a chance to work its genius, and likewise the body will help out in any intellectual endeavor as well if given the chance to perform.

If you athletes learn how to train your brain you'll get that mental edge that will give you a leg up on your competition in sports. And if you intellectuals discover how to use your body to put yourselves in the "zone," your mind will be

sharper and quicker than you've ever previously experienced.

Train your brain and feel your body move, and you're sure to become a smarter, faster, and better you. Just look at Alexander the Great, who loved to physically dominate and destroy his competition as much as he loved to read a good book and study under Aristotle.

Now teens, go learn, lead, and lay the way to a better world for all of us. Remember, the Ancient Greeks knew the benefits of the mind and body link thousands of years ago!

Be balanced. Be successful. Be happy. And once again, thanks in advance for all that you do, and all that you will do...

Perfection Guaranteed!

By Carmel M Audsley

Congratulations on deciding to formalise your love for each other by getting married or having a commitment ceremony. Your wedding can be a grand occasion or a simple event, held at a corporate venue or at home in the backyard, in a park or on the beach. It can be as traditional or as original as you want it to be - but most of all it has to be meaningful and memorable for you. There are two elements to organise for your big day - the wedding ceremony and the reception.

While a lot of planning goes into the reception, it is the ceremony that is the most meaningful part of the day when you become husband and wife, or partners, and start your life's journey together. The ceremony is the formalisation of your love for each other through the vows that you make. Some people have difficulty expressing their love and putting their feelings into words, but it is the vows you make and the words you say when exchanging wedding rings that will stay with you forever.

Blessings or readings delivered by family members or friends, and the music and rituals you choose all add to the emotion of the day. The key to a happy and stressfree wedding ceremony and reception is planning.

Whether you decide to have an intimate wedding for a few close family and friends or a huge extravaganza, the work you do before the day will ensure everything comes together. As a marriage celebrant, and as a guest, I've attended all types of weddings from lavish affairs for 400 people in top hotels, to intimate events on the beach

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with just close friends and family.

If money is no issue then the sky is the limit with what you do.

However, cost has nothing to do with the beauty of the day. Even on a limited budget you can create the wedding of your dreams and look back on it as the happiest day of your life. The idea is to create a unique ceremony and to make sure it is a memorable day.

Everybody loves a wedding and friends and family will want to help you with the planning, so let them - but ensure that each person is assigned a particular responsibility. Even if you have a wedding planner it is good to let family members feel involved in your celebration. This will take some of the pressure off, and you can concentrate on arranging your dress and shoes, hair and make-up and, most important of all arranging your dream wedding ceremony, and making sure it flows smoothly. If you have children from a previous relationship, they can be included in the ceremony. Some couples like the idea of a themed wedding ceremony based on their favourite movie or musical or adding a spiritual or cultural aspect to their marriage.

There are lots of rituals that you can include in your ceremony such as a ring warming or lighting a unity candle.

Your celebrant will ensure that all the legal requirements of the marriage are taken care of, and you can tailormake your wedding ceremony to your own style. After all, it's your day. I wish you many happy years of love and laughter together.

Don’t Miss Out

By Mark Gatland

Having read "A Letter from a Working Mother to a Stay-

When they were born, society didn't support you with

At-Home Mother, and vice versa" I thought all the great

time away from work, if you're lucky you got to spend

dads out there deserved similar. A lot of the media talks

two weeks with them before you had to go back. I know,

about mothers as if they are the only people doing a hard

although you probably didn't say it at the time that it

job as a parent, they seem to enjoy putting dads down

broke your heart that day when you had to leave your

and suggesting that their life is easy and that they don't

two week old baby and go back and sit in your oďŹƒce. I

do a worthwhile job. I'm not saying anything bad about

know that those around you joked about how it must be

the wonderful mothers, wives and partners out there be-

a relief to get away from the house and as a man you

cause they do an amazing, often thankless job that de-

probably joked along with them but deep down inside

serves all of our respect but I want to acknowledge all of

you knew how much you were missing them and how

you good dads, because I know you also do your very

much you wanted to be there with them. I know how

best, never being certain what's the right thing to do,

scared you are, how you have nightmares and wake up in

sacrificing so much just to provide for your family and

the night praying that you will be good enough as a dad. I

making a commitment that you will be there and do your

know how much pressure you put on yourself to provide

very best for them, through good times and bad, for the

for this family of yours and to ensure that they have all

rest of your life. I know how hard it is, how much drive it

that they need and the best start possible in life. I know

takes to carry on fighting for your family and how at

that you are willing to sacrifice time that you would love

times, perhaps because you're a man and don't really

to spend with them in order to make sure you can

talk to people about such things, you struggle with the

achieve all of this for them because you know that it is

weight of pressure, having to deal with it all in your own

part of your duty and I know that you also feel guilty that

head. I know these things because I'm also a dad, father

you can't spend a lot more time with them. I know that

to an amazing 18 month old boy that I love dearly and for

whilst you have to be away from your family, working to

whom I hope I can always be the amazing dad that he

ensure their future, you are thinking about them all the

deserves. So this is to you good dads, not the bad ones

time and wishing you could be there with them. I know

that the media likes to portray but the ones that work

you would do anything for them and will always put their

hard, love their children and just try to do their absolute

needs before your own. I know that alongside this new

best.

found responsibility of being a dad you also want to be

FACT CORNER.

the best husband/partner you can be. You probably don't Sacrificing so much just to provide for your family and

always make the best job of it and you probably make

making a commitment that you will be there and do your

mistakes but if you're honest did you ever profess to be

very best for them, through good times and bad, I know

perfect. What you do is try your hardest, sometimes it's

you respect the fact that your partner has made many

not good enough but I know how hard you try. I just

sacrifices to have your children, to look after them as

wanted you to know that I understand how you feel and I

much as she does and that it has aected her career

think you're great.

(whether she is a working or stay at home mum) but I also know that you also had no choice, you had to carry on working when you would dearly love to be able to spend more time with your kids.

ARROSTO DI POLLO E VERDURE IN TEGLIA Roast chicken and vegetable traybake

This is a one-pot roast traybake, easy and quick to prepare without the need to brown the pieces of chicken first. The meat and vegetables will become succulent and very tasty whilst roasting together. A wonderful meal for the whole family.

For 4 people: 4 tbsp paprika 1 tbsp sea salt 1 tsp pepper 2 tbsp mixed Italian herbs 4 chicken quarters - halved 16-20 cherry tomatoes 1 large aubergine - cut into thick slices 150g new potatoes - unpeeled 1 red onion - cut into wedges 50g black olives

Preheat the oven to 180C fan/200C/Gas 6.

1. Put the paprika, salt, pepper and herbs in a bowl and mix well 2. Place the chicken and the vegetables into a large roasting tray

4 tbsp Extra Virgin olive oil 3.Sprinkle the herb mixture, add the olives, drizzle the oil over and rub everything with your hands so everything is evenly coated

5. Make sure the vegetables are well tucked in between the chicken pieces 6. Cover with some foil or parchment paper and place in the pre-heated oven for 45 minutes 7. Remove the foil/paper and cook for an additional 20 minutes until the chicken is well browned and cooked through

8. Remove and serve immediately Tip: The chicken will be ready when the meat falls o the bone and the juices run clear if pierced with a skewer.

Dare to be authentic

速

Slow down in this stressed free world and try developing self compassion rather than self esteem? For info call the team 02074671508

1.

What is a panic attack?

You are having a panic attack if you are suddenly experiencing a feeling that something terrible is about to happen to you (impending doom)

along with at least four of the following physical and cognitive symptoms: breathing difficulties, racing heart, sweating, difficulty swallowing, difficulty concentrating, dizziness, tingling sensations; you may also feel like you are removed from the situation and that things around you are not real, or that you are losing control.

LIFE Style

Exercises from the new book: The Pocket Book of Panic

by Dr Steven Harris & Matt Broadway-Horner

17 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

Panic attacks may also sometimes be associated with agoraphobia which is a fear of being in a situation where there is no easy escape. Panic attacks typically last a few minutes, but may continue for longer; they are not dangerous and do not cause physical harm.

Panic attacks are very common in both men and women, and across all cultures, with one in twenty people having experienced at least one panic attack during their lifetime.

Many people experience multiple episodes; termed as a ‘panic disorder’.

2.

Common Examples of panic attacks People have panic attacks about many different things, from physical symptoms (faint-

ing, vomiting, choking) and conditions (heart attack, stroke, seizures) to losing control or being made to look like a fool.

However, the most common form of panic is ‘panic about panic’ where the person experiences panic attack symptoms in anticipation of his, or her next panic attack.

3.

Causes of panic attacks The exact cause of panic attacks is not known. Anyone can experience a panic attack

5.

Medication for panic attacks Medications may be obtained from your GP, mainly for short-term relief. These include beta-blockers,

at any time. Studies involving

anxiolytics or antidepressants.

twins suggest that genetics may play a role and

Beta-blockers such as propranolol work on the heart to

there appears to be a correlation with environmental

slow down the heart rate. Anxiolytics such as alprazolam

factors such as stress. The symptoms of panic are

and antidepressants such as citalopram work on the

identical to the ‘fight or flight’ response which is a

brain to modify neurotransmitters, such as serotonin,

mechanism in the nervous system designed to pro-

which helps reduce symptoms of panic attacks. Side

tect us from danger, such as an intruder. The re-

effects can range from irritability to sedation and de-

sponse involves a surge of adrenaline to prepare us

pression. Antidepressants may cause exacerbation of

to either fight or to flee. However, during a panic at-

symptoms during the first two weeks of use and may be

tack there is no real intruder, only a perceived one.

coupled with an anxiolytic to offset this effect. Taking

4.

Treatment of panic attacks There are many different treatments for panic attacks, ranging from psychological therapies to medication. While certain med-

ications can be very effective in the treatment of panic attacks, they tend to be used more for short-term relief because of potential side effects. Psychological therapies can offer both a short-term and long-term solution. On occasion, both medication and therapy may be used together with a good outcome.

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Being Bad Isn’t the End of the World!

Sample taken from a new mindfulness book: Managing Anxiety using Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner

Parents will be very familiar with this concept. When a child wants something and the parent denies their request, the child will often lash out in disappointment and say, “I hate you! I wish I had a different father!” That sounds like a heavy blow on the surface, but we are able to acknowledge that it is generated in anger and frustration, so we quickly move on. The parent can see that this is part of a child’s development—he or she is simply expressing what they think in a safe environment.

It’s OK for adults to be bad sometimes, too, as long as we are able to remember who we truly are and remain certain in that knowledge. Sometimes we get caught up in the idea of looking good, for example, because we fear disapproval from others.

We would do better to try out the attitude “let me try my best to look good.” Healthy adults try something and then, if they fail, they try another route next time. Some people may think of you as being “bad” in the moments when you do fail, but this is a small price to pay for overall happiness

19 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

and a feeling that you are achieving growth.

Being empathetic means putting yourself in the position of trying to understand someone else’s pain, offering statements like “me too,” or being able to imagine walking in another person’s shoes. Sympathy is slightly different—it’s to show concern but not to fully feel someone else’s pain as it has not happened to you. Both, however, are powerful expressions of love, caring, and attention that help us connect to other human beings.

MOTTO: Don’t be defined by one moment. Falling into the trap of defining your whole nature because of one experience is not useful for successful living. Accept the mistake, apologise if necessary, and move on.

Stepping Back to Take a Good Look The mind can get caught up in the obsession of chasing perfection. This can only lead to being angry with yourself, and if you beat yourself up constantly, you’re sure to lower your mood and self-esteem.

Pause: Look back over times when you beat yourself up. Think what you would do if a visitor came to your house and, once you opened the door, he slapped you in the face! Would you ever open the door again? I can hear you saying “Yes, repeatedly.”

Well, try keeping the door closed and look for a positive twist on your situation or, if you cannot find one, then delay opening the door or even just let the doorbell ring—it won’t kill you!

The mind has many habits, like keeping hold of happy thoughts and pushing out threatening ones. Emotions may come and go like a wave, or they may flood over you. Looking at what the mind does when you experience thoughts/images and feelings is looking at the bigger picture. When you begin to develop your mindfulness practice, you will naturally be in the beginner’s mind. At times you may find it difficult to stay with difficult thoughts and feelings, but as you continue you will move towards the wise mind and this will become easier. This is good news—it means the obstacles you placed in front of yourself are slowly melting away and you are beginning to realise your potential.

Finding Fault with the Concept of SelfConfidence We are not wired to be superhuman. Look at your talents and see them as a great embellishment to being alive. As with self-esteem, the self-confidence concept risks jumping into the selfrating game, and we know now that can be perilous and can reinforce negative or unhealthy attitudes. Once you start saying “I must be able to do all these things to be complete,” not being able to do them will be a recipe for disaster.

“he slapped you in the face!

Would you ever open the door again?,”

Book available on amazon.co.uk £8.99 20 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

OUT NOW

NEW BOOK ON ANXIETY

Available on Amazon

Managing Anxiety using Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy This book by Matt Broadway-Horner uses 3rd wave therapies like Compassion Focus Therapy, ACT, and mindfulness to help you move forward in your life. Tried and tested ideas with a large focus on mindfulness. Matt writes in a coffee table read style as if talking to you in person with lots of pit stop exercises to help to become vivid