Imagine Issue 17

IMAGINE

NOVEMBER 2015

FREE

ADVICE ROMANCE AND THE CITY

WHY DO I WORRY SO inside for details MUCH?!

see

TOP TIPS FOR DEALING WITH WORRY

SRI LANKA THE PEARL OF THE INDIAN OCEAN!

HOW TO DANCE, DANCE, DANCE! WHAT DO THE DANCERS SAY?

Stuffed partridge TOP TIPS FOR DEALING WITH WORRY Page 1 of 20 imaginemagazines.com

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FEATURES 04.

Romance and the City

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Food & Nutrition 07

Stu!ed partridge with Foie Gras and black Tru"e

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LIFESTYLE !

08 # Sri Lanka the pearl of the Indian Ocean!

10 # Dance, just dance!

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Wellbeing 12 # The breathe, close look at mindfulness!

16 # Why do I worry so much?!

18 # Top tips for dealing with worry

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FROM THE EDITOR What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness has been recommended as a treatment for depression in the NICE guidelines (UK Institute of Clinical Excellence).

Paying attention moment to moment to whatever arises without making judgments: Increases awareness, trust, and self acceptance and can aid the development towards developing compassion for self and others.

The journey to Unconditional Self Acceptance is one which is continuous but one that can be started here at Mindfulness and the City Clinic groups. To maintain and live with the demands of daily life can be hard and can bring us down, the groups here focus on developing and/or strengthen mental well- being. So recharge your batteries and go back out into a busy and hectic life but stronger knowing that life’s di!culties will not overcome you again, but that you have mind over mood.

Mindfulness notices detail and teaches people how to recognise the warning signs of depression, anxiety, stress. People learn to identify, accept and notice their negative automatic thoughts, emotions and sensations.

Editor In Chief

Mindfulness is the ability to sit back and observe our thoughts without judgement, this leading to stress reduction, e"ective use of anxiety, aid in pain management and overcome depression longer.

IDJ Photograpy

The team is dedicated to aid your journey call us if you have any questions.

Matt

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Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com

Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com

Contributing Writer Ingrid Michaelson

Contributing Writer Beverleigh H Piepers

Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com

Graphic Artist

Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com

Sales Officer Joe O'Brien

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Romance in the city The romantic onslaught by Mark Vernon

Romantic love is widely celebrated as the pinnacle of love. It is marketed as the peak experience without which you cannot say you have lived. The signs of its allure are everywhere, not just on Valentine's Day. Take the cost of the average wedding. It has rocketed in recent years, now easily topping ÂŁ20,000 in the UK. It is as if couples make a direct link between romantic value and cash value. Or think of the cinema, where romantic comedies are big box o%ce. If you get the formula right, of lovers finally falling into each others' arms, you net hundreds of millions of dollars. Or again, there are the dating websites that are recession proof - 60% growth in spending last year, according to reports. The power of the myth is demonstrated in the fact that most people would say that they don't believe it. They would protest that such a story shapes the plots of romantic novels and movies, and the advertising blurb of online dating sites, but is not real life. And yet, is it not precisely this dream that drives so many to glossy magazines, to cinemas and online?

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I suspect that the desire for a peak experience of love has eclipsed the fact that love is primarily about others. The romantic myth would have us fall in love with love,

It is telling that the top question

eye, relationships have a chance to

the romantic myth. The number of

asked of Google last year was: What

thrive when it does not seal the

people living on their own has risen

is love? Malign myths are at their

deal. In Romeo and Juliet romance

by 50% since the mid-1990s. Many

most powerful when we presume

grips the couple's hearts - with

report that singleness means they

we are not in their grip. Might such

tragic results.

More darkly, have

enjoy more freedom and have time

romance be, in part, a driver of

you ever wondered why romance is

for other relationships, like

divorce figures.

It is striking that

so closely associated with death?

friendship. It is as if these

remarriages appear to work best

Think of Romeo and Juliet. It

individuals are bearing witness to

when they have outgrown hyper-

appears to teach that it is better to

the tyranny of the exclusive

romance. A recent review study

marry in haste, without thought,

twosome that meets freedom and

listed three top success factors -

because that is what it means to be

friendship with powerful feelings of

couple consensus, social support

star-crossed, to be passionate, to

jealousy and suspicion. So why has

and financial stability.

These

be authentic. Although note that

romance become so distorting? I

couples, perhaps having learnt the

when Shakespeare told the story he

suspect that the desire for a peak

hard way, are now able to talk

called it a tragedy. He saw a deeper

experience of love has eclipsed the

rationally about their di%culties, rely

truth in what happened, namely that

fact that love is primarily about

on the love of family and friends as

a tragedy arises when the

others. The romantic myth would

well as of their partner, and feel

pernicious action of romance seizes

have us fall in love with love,

materially grounded, not rushed o!

young lovers' hearts. There are

their feet. If romance first draws the

signs that individuals are rejecting

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paradoxically not with another. This twisted love whispers that it does not much matter who you fall for, only that you fall in love. There is a spiritual dimension to this romantic addiction too. The philosopher Simon May has proposed that while many have given up on God in the West, we still long for the unconditional love that God used to o!er. But godless, we seek instead unconditional love from our fellow humans. We make them gods, and of course they fail us. And then love turns to hate. It's a desire that, because of the excess, destroys love. People kill the thing they love, lamented an observant Oscar Wilde. The true art of loving is to navigate the shift from falling in love to standing in love, to borrow the psychologist Erich Fromm's phrases.Falling in love, the stu! of romance, is the intoxicating sense of possessing someone and/or being possessed. And it just can't last, because possessiveness crushes liveliness.The risk is that you then feel that love has died because, following the romantic myth, you measure love by its felt intensity.Standing in love, though, is the capacity to be with someone and be free with someone. It too feels good, though for di!erent reasons. It can allow more subtle qualities to come to the fore, such as commitment and generosity, honesty and openness. It welcomes life. Standing in love is, perhaps, a healing notion as we face the romantic onslaught of another Valentine's Day. About the author, Mark Vernon has an exciting new book out on the subject of love and Romance

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Food Stuffed partridge with Foie Gras and black Truffle

By Oliver Sanchez

We can only agree that winter is still

and bring to a simmer. Pre-heat oven

upon us, and comfort food may still

(200 & c) Put lid on top of the pan and

be our first choice for dinner. I

place the pan inside oven and

propose to you one of my favourite

reduce temperature to 160 & c. Cook

comfort food, a stew, but with a

for 1h45. Do not let stew to dry. Add

twist. First, it is made with Game

a little more hot stock (or water) if

meat, deep red wine, lardons and

necessary. Once, cooked, add the

Foie Gras, to give a smooth texture

Foie Gras, little by little, and let it

and rich flavours, then covered with

melt gently. Move the dish very

a crust to keep all of those flavours

gently to incorporate the Foie Gras

locked inside. Cut Chunks from

to the stew - do not stir. Taste and

Game Meat, or ask your butcher to

add seasoning if necessary. Let to

do it for you. Place in a clean cloth to

cool at room temperature. You can

p a t d r y. L e t t o re s t a t ro o m

refrigerate for 24 hours, it will allow

temperature. Chop Onions and crush

the meat to relax and be much

Garlic roughly, then place in a pan on

tender, and more flavourful. Take the

medium heat together with the

dish out from the refrigerator and let

Herbes de Provence. Let to melt with

to rest at room temperature for at

lid on for about 10 minutes. Set heat

least an hour. Pre-heat oven to 180 &c.

on high and add Lardons. Stir until

Roll Pu! Pastry to half-a-centimetre

Lardons are nicely coloured. Be

thickness. Whisk yolk, a little of the

careful not to burn Onions - lower

white and 1 Tsp of water, then brush

heat if necessary. Then, add Game

side of the casserole dish. Place

mix. Stir gently, until all meat pieces

neatly the Pastry over and tap the

are cooked. Once, nicely coloured

edges to make it stick to the dish.

add tomato paste and fry a little

Do not let the meat to touch the

more. (Set heat higher if meat gives

dough, and carefully make a hole

juices - you do not want to boil the

with a sharp knife in the middle, to

meat. If it happens, pour the meat in

let air escape during cooking. Brush

a chinois, keep the juice and place

with Eggwash. Place in oven and

the pan on high heat again and fry

cook for 25 minutes (or until crust is

until cooked.) Add a little seasoning

golden brown and crispy) You can

(Do not over salt as it will get

serve this fantastic dish with sautéed

stronger as the stock reduces) Pour

wild mushrooms with cracked

the flour over the meat and stir

roasted chestnuts, some steamed

gently, then, pour wine, and let it to

French Beans, and Mash Potato -

reduce over medium heat for 15

and the left over wine.

Ingredients for 4: 2 Larges red onions 2 Cloves Garlic 1 Tbsp Herbes de Provence 100 g Unsmoked Lardons 600g Game mix (Mallard, Partridge, Pheasant, Pigeon, etc...) 1 Tbsp Tomato Paste 1 Tbsp Plain Flour 1/2 Litre Chicken Stock 1/2 litre Rich Bordeaux Wine (Merlot) 50 g ‘Block de Foie gras’* Pu! Pastry 1 Egg Sides: 200g Wild muchrooms 300 g Potato for mash 50 g Chestnuts

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Sri Lanka Pearl drop

by Shannon Edwin

Sri Lanka is an island nation located

It is a culturally diverse country,

flora and the fauna all contribute to

on the Indian Ocean, neighbouring

with its Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu,

this factor. There are a number of

India and The Maldives. This country

Burgher, Malay and other minority

species that are endemic to the

was formerly known as Ceylon, until

inhabitants all coexisting peacefully

island, such as the Sri Lankan

its independence in 1948 from

and in harmony. Due to this,

Elephant and the Sri Lankan

British rule. It has a rich history that

colourful festivals respective to

Leopard. Due to this Sri Lanka has

dates back to Paleolithic times, and

each religion and culture are

become a popular holiday

prior to the British, had been

celebrated with gusto annually. This

destination with cheap flights to Sri

colonized by the Portuguese and

includes the Sinhala and Tamil new

Lanka available year round.

the Dutch. Despite it being a small

year, Vesak, Maha Shivaratri and

island, its popularity has resulted in

Eid.

Sri Lankan cuisine typically includes dishes made of rice, coconut milk

a direct flight to Sri Lanka operating daily from most countries

The natural beauty of this teardrop

and rich spices such as the native

worldwide.

shaped nation has resulted in it

cinnamon. The cultural diversity has

being known as The Pearl of the

resulted in a number of dishes that

Indian Ocean. The lush greenery, the

are quintessentially Sri Lankan,

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The natural beauty of this teardrop shaped nation has resulted in it being known as The Pearl of the Indian Ocean.

such as kiribath which is rice infused

amongst the top garment producers in

with coconut milk and kotthu roti

the world.

which is a delightful concoction of roti,

beautiful, sunny island a visit and

chicken or meat and vegetables.

escape the dreary British weather,

If you wish to pay this

flights to Sri Lanka from London can There are a number of fruits that grow

be booked through your travel agent or

in Sri Lankan conditions that are not

directly with the many airlines that fly

widely available. These include the

to the country.

passion fruit, star fruit, wood apple, durian, rambutan and mangosteen to

About the author. Shannon Edwin and

name but a few. This tiny island is an

writing is my passion. I love my puppy

important producer of not only

my pet dog and she is my best friend,

cinnamon, but also high quality tea

an adventurous girl who loves to take

that is famous the world over due to its

risks to enjoy such as white water

distinct taste and aroma. Other key

rafting. Presently writing articles about

items Sri Lanka exports are co!ee,

cheap flights to Sri Lanka, direct flight

coconuts, rubber and gemstones.

to Sri Lanka and flights to Sri Lanka

There are also many garment factories

from London.

present in the country, and it is

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Dance, just dance !

By deepak Rajput

You love yourself and believe in you then there's nothing you should afraid of

Life is full of variations and has its good and bad times.

experienced choreographer or dancer can help you to

But what can be consistent is your beliefs. You love

learn it. Bollywood movies dances - such dances are

yourself and believe in you then there's nothing you

very popular now days in Hindi movies. Bollywood

should afraid of. Live life as it comes to you and keep on

movies mostly prefer to keep one item song to temp

making e!orts to achieve the targets. Cheerful moments

audiences. Remember the success of "kajrare kajrare"

are always greetings but what to do if soreness comes

song of movie "Bunty Aur Bubbly"..

with it. Face them and try to learn from them so can be avoided later. What else you can do to overcome it.

Think Dancing. Dancing is good stress buster. It's an art and has many benefits. Apart from dancing as profession it helps you in living a healthy life. It makes you fit and happy for life. Dancing has sequence of steps which should be followed. The best source to learn dance steps is to join dancing academies. You can join any professional dance school or hire a choreographer to take dance classes at home. Dancing schools provide other benefits of group dancing, solo dances, stage shows, participating in competitions, new gatherings and environment which help you in many phases of social life. You can learn any dance from any accredited dancing school like NDM Bollywood Dance School. This is the First Bollywood Dance School in the United States, located in Little India in Artesia, California. This academy dance school is well known for bollywood dance classes and its bollywood dance troupe for its award winning performances. There are dances for every occasion.

Separate dances for festivals, marriages, parties.

Performing any particular dance has sequences and an

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It is so eye pleasing and attracts everyone.

Girls and boys both love dancing, it is not restricted to anyone.

You wanted to dance, then just dance!!

Performing dance is an art and it gives you pleasure but

About the Author, Deepak Rajput is the author & co-

looking a dance performance is also enjoyable. Whether

creator of e-commerce websites and information

you can dance or want to learn dance steps, whoever

products. His involvement in developing, marketing and

you are, you will love to see dance performances in

other online businesses for himself and clients is

parties, movies, stages etc. It is so eye pleasing and

noticiable since 2002. He writes bollywood dance theme

attracts everyone. Girls and boys both love dancing, it is

articles & press releases for http://www.ndmdance.com

not restricted to anyone. You wanted to dance, then just dance!!

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Breathe What to do

By Matt Broadway-Horner

Take the breath, for instance. We take it so much for granted. Unless, that is, you have a bad cold or can’t breathe easily for some reason or another. Then all of a sudden, the breath may become the only thing in the world you are interested in. Yet the breath is coming in and going out of your body all the time. The fact is that we are being breathed. We drink in the air on each in-breath, giving it back to the world on each out-breath. Our lives depend on it. Suzuki Roshi referred to its coming in and going out over and over again as “a swinging door.” And since we can’t leave home without this vital and mysterious “swinging door,” our breathing can serve as a convenient first object of attention to bring us back into the present moment, because we are only breathing now—the last breath is gone, the next one hasn’t come yet—it is always a matter of this one. So it is an ideal anchor for our wayward attention. It keeps us in the present moment.

This is one of many reasons why paying attention to the sensations of breathing in the body serves as the first object of attention for beginning students in many different meditative traditions. But attending to the feeling of the breath in the body is not only a beginner’s practice. It may be simple, but the Buddha himself taught that the breath has within it everything you mindfulness for beginners would ever need for cultivating the full range of your humanity, especially your capacity for wisdom and for compassion. The reason, as we shall see shortly, is that paying attention to the breath is not primarily about the breath, nor is paying attention to any other object that we might choose as an object of attention primarily about that object.

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Objects of attention help us to attend with greater stability.

Gradually we can come to feel what the attending itself is all about. It is about the relationship between what seems like the perceiver (you) and the perceived (whatever object you are attending to). These come together into one seamless, dynamical whole in awareness, because they were never fundamentally separate in the first place. It is the awareness that is primary.

Skill called: Breathing into the tension. Settle into a comfortable sitting position, either on a straightbacked chair or on a soft surface on the floor, with your buttocks supported by cushions or a low stool. If you use a chair, it is very helpful to sit away from the back of the chair, so that your spine is self supporting. If you sit on the floor, it is helpful if your knees actually touch the floor; experiment with the height of the cushions or stool until you feel comfortably and firmly supported.

Allow your back to adopt an erect, dignified, and comfortable posture. If sitting on a chair, place your feet flat on the floor, with your legs uncrossed. Gently close your eyes. It may help to imagine a light thread attached to the back of your scalp pulling your head gently

upwards and allowing your spine to lengthen.

Bring your awareness to the level of physical sensations by focusing your attention on the sensations of touch and pressure in your body where it makes contact with the floor and whatever you are sitting on. Spend a minute or two exploring these sensations.

With a sensation comes an experience and a common experience is to exhale in exacerbated manner but this time try something different. Instead breath into the tension and hold for a moment and then breath out slowly. Repeat this with thoughts or emotions that the mind holds now and breath into the tension. This is particularly good with a thinking style call Low Frustration Tolerance which has the experience of “ I cannot bear it” “I need to have all boxes ticked before I move forward” instead with watchful waiting breathe into the tension and see. As weeks goes by can you bear it and can you step out not knowing all the facts and live a little?

About the author, Matt Broadway-Horner is the Clinical Director of Mindfulness and the City clinics and wrote a book called Managing Depression using CBT

breathe into the tension and see

As weeks goes by can you bear it and can you step out not knowing all the facts and live a little

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City living comes with its stresses, slow down and look around what do you notice? Be like a tourist and describe what you notice

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Worry Why worry so much?

1.

Have I turned the iron off? Why’s my son late home from school? Do my friends hate me? It’s true we all worry to some extent but do it too much and it can colour your whole life, leaving you strung out, unhappy and constantly anxious.

It’s not unusual

e i t h e r. A r o u n d 1 i n 2 0 o f u s experiences excessive worrying – called Generalised Anxiety Disorder(GAD) – at some time in our lives. Anxiety UK says GAD is chronic and inappropriate worrying that lasts many months.

It’s a debilitating and

distressing condition but you can learn

By Siobhan Harris

to overcome it through a whole range of worry-busting strategies.!

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2.

Emma’s story Emma has experienced GAD. "I would get locked onto a worry and spend hours going over it in my head, always with the worst case scenario prevailing over any logical explanations. This would then lead to panic attacks, where at one point I was experiencing up to three a day."!

She says she worried about anything and everything: "From convincing myself that I have cancer because I have a cough or a tummy ache to thinking that my younger brother has been knocked down by a car because he hasn't arrived home at the time that he said he would."!

"When trying to list what makes me worry I think it tends to be based on a few common themes, those being illness, loved ones and selfrelated things such as whether I deserve to achieve anything, whether I am a good person, whether what I said to an acquaintance was stupid or offensive.!

3.

So why do some people worry?!

Some people fret over the smallest things and others don’t seem to have a care in the world. Is this just down to their innate personalities or do other factors have a bearing? There’s some suggestion that there may be a genetic component to worry or at least an early environmental link.

Over protective parents may tend to raise worriers or if you worried about your parents as a child you may continue to worry into later life.!

"Worry is a learned pattern of behaviour which can come from your family or peers," says cognitive behaviour therapy practitioner Mark Addis. Emma says her worrying started when she was around the age of 8: "I think I have always had a sort of temperament that allows me to worry about things a little too much, as it has been a common problem since childhood due to low selfesteem."!

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4.

Patterns of worry

"There are two types of worrying," says Matt Broadway-Horner, Clinical Director of Mindfulness and the City clinics. www.mindfulnessandthecity.com "Current worry and hypothetical worry. If you are an excessive worrier you put them all into one bag and cradle them like a baby, constantly carrying them around with you." He says, "The reasons that people worry are to stop bad things happening, to show care, to protect and to stay motivated."!

"Worrying is a form of superstition," says life coach and author Liz Wilde. "The reason we're afraid to stop worrying is because by stopping, it feels as if we're taking our eye off the ball.""

Worriers believe that the act of worrying is a positive force. If you are constantly fretting over your daughter’s exams or your dad’s health tests it shows you care and are protective and it’s your responsibility to worry. So to stop worrying would therefore have negative connotations in the worrier’s mind. Excessive worriers also worry about the effect of worrying on themselves, that it may be making them ill.!

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How to curb worrying?

There are occasions when worrying is natural and a good thing: If you are standing precariously at the top of a cliff; if a wild animal is about to chase you; or if a small child is about to run into the road. Those are legitimate worries where your own, another’s safety, is at risk.!

Generally, worriers don’t fall into that category and if you have GAD, or excessive worrying, half the battle is understanding that it doesn’t actually achieve anything to worry and it’s OK to let go.!

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Worry Top tips

By Siobhan Harris

Top Tips to curb worrying: 1. Make a list and identify your worries.'

Liz says: "Write down your worries, which will help you make sense of them, and then decide on one small step you can take towards a solution."

2. Ask: can you fix them?#!

"Either work out the cause of your worry and take steps to fix it or decide there really is nothing you can do to fix the problem, and wait until you can," adds Liz. "If you still haven’t stopped worrying your brain has decided it doesn't want to take the risk."

3. Deferment of worry.# Matt suggests writing all of your worries onto a piece of paper, fold it up and put it in your pocket and come back to it later if you can .

4. Have worry time.# Give yourself allotted periods in the day to worry and try not to worry in between. If you feel a worry coming on think to yourself I’ll worry about that in an hour or whenever. Mark says, "Allow yourself specific worrying times and then build up to not worrying for a number of hours at a time.""

5. Think about your behaviour. "If you manage not to worry for say 6 hours, then assess what’s happened and that nothing bad has happened in the time you weren’t worrying," says Mark, "It’s all about trying to change behaviour patterns.""

6. Accept that some things are out of your control.#Once you have identified worries that you can do absolutely nothing about, like accidents and acts

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of God, try to focus on things you can have some degree of control over. Worry comes up because we realise we can’t control events and predict what’s around the corner. The unknown is a scary place for some people."

7. Live in the present. Be mindful about the here and now. Try to appreciate where you are in a single moment in time rather than thinking about the past or the future. Concentrate on a beautiful flower or bird in the garden or a piece of music. Think about what you are grateful for.

8. Put yourself in awkward situations. #If you know you’ll find a situation uncomfortable, for example speaking at a work meeting, force yourself to do it.

You’ll be less inclined to worry about it in the future if you’ve experienced and coped with it already."

9. Talk about it.#Cognitive behaviour therapy techniques can help change troublesome behaviours.

Talk therapy can also help chronic worriers to worry less by getting to the root of their issues.

10. Exercise and relaxation.Aerobic exercise won’t make your worrying go away but it will help clear your mind and often helps in the treatment of GAD according to Anxiety UK."

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More and more the benefits to our mental health of physical activity are being realised.

Relaxation techniques and meditation are also recommended to help with feelings of anxiety.

Why not combine the two with yoga or Pilates?!

Worry is debilitating and tiring.

You can overcome it though. Your GP will be able to suggest avenues of help.!

About the author, Siobhan Harris is the writer for Boots WMD self help website for easy to access and read articles for daily living!

You’ll be less inclined to worry about it in the future if you’ve experienced and coped with it already.!

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