imagine July 2015 FREE
DIVORCE: 4 TIPS FOR THE NEWLY DIVORCED
DATING BUZZ
7 INCREDIBLE WAYS TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND
EXERCISES FROM A NEW BOOK OUT AND AVAILABLE NOW EXPLORING SHAME
SRI LANKA-THE JEWEL IN THE INDIAN SEA LOOKING AT WHAT YOU CAN DO
BEST SKI SLOPES IN FRANCE FOR BEGINNERS FOR BETTER HOLIDAYS
La mia kitchenette TOP NOSH FROM THE ITALIAN LADY
FEATURES 04
4 Tips for the Newly Divorced
07
Best Ski Slopes in France for Beginners
09
Sri Lanka-The Jewel in the Indian sea
FOOD 13
La Mia Kitchenette
LIFESTYLE 11
7 Incredible ways to Reconnect with your Husband or Boyfriend
WELLBEING 17
Exercises from a new book out and available now
19
Exploring Shame
FROM THE EDITOR Welcome to July issue of IMAGINE. There are many exciting articles in this month including some top nosh from La Mia Kitchenette. The clinic now offers clients many treatment options like group therapy, course like De-Press focusing on depression as well as of course mindfulness and ACT courses looking at the triad of anxiety, stress and depression. Also the clinic specialists offer therapy via, telephone and video online to fit into your busy schedule and child care arrangements, so help can literally be at hand at any time and any where! Remember we are here to help with not just mental health issues and physical health as well, try out our well being clinics which specialise in helping people with Long Term Conditions. For this issue there is focus on travel and depression which is a disabling condition for all but instead of seeking help they suffer in silence because it may appear trivial. Seek help today and don’t suffer in silence. I hope you are ready for the summer and have lots planned but if not and this year is not going the way you planned and need some help then why not call and speak to a specialist today and get more info about our services. There is no obligation its just a chat.
Editor In Chief Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com
Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com
Also a new book is out on depression with mindfulness tackling issues like sexuality, culture and shame using mindfulness along with ACT and Compassion Focused Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner
Contributing Writer
Our therapists can help with rehab from medical problems as well as the main bread and butter stuff like anxiety and depression, hoarding and obsessional problems. Call Matt or Susie on 02074671508. Or if you wish to then make a payment and then the staff will respond to you with the next steps to booking an appointment time. If you visit our online shop then say hello to the shop assistant Pradeep who appears in the bottom right hand corner
Elisabetta Ludica
http://www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/coaching-consultation.html
Shannon Edwin
Contributing Writer
Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com
Graphic Artist Jaie Miller
Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com
CBT in the City app via iTunes & Googleplay
Sales Officer Rosangelie
Your Magazine • website.com • 3
4 Dating Tips for the Newly Divorced However, there are other people who are really hesitant to get back into the dating world,
When someone is newly divorced, they can have various reactions to the idea of dating. Some people are ready to get right back out there and see what kind of people they can meet, especially if they have been married for many years. It can be an adventure to say the least. However, there are other people who are really hesitant to get back into the dating world, so they hide from any kind of social activities. Here are a few dating tips for the newly divorced...
4 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
1. First, make sure that you are
or seek personal counselling.
dren didn't ask for their parents to
really ready to date. If you are
You need to make sure you are
get divorced, so their needs should
still having a lot of emotional
ready to date - body, mind and
be first and foremost in your mind.
feelings towards your ex, you
spirit.
Many parents put off dating until
might not be ready to jump back
their children are older - simply for
into the dating pool just yet. The
3. The third thing you can do is to
this reason. It's about making sacri-
last thing you want to do is to
make a list of what you would like in
fices that will help your children
carry a bunch of negativity into a
a potential new partner. Draw from
remain well-adjusted even after they
new relationship. You might be
what you didn't like about your pre-
have felt the effects of their parents'
painting all potential partners
vious relationship so that you don't
divorce. If nothing else, don't bring
with the same broad brush due
make the same mistakes again. The
potential new dating partners
to nagging feelings that you have
last thing you want to do is to jump
around your children until you are
about your ex.
back into a relationship that has the
really sure they are going to be a
same or similar problems you just
long-term fixture in your life.
2. 2. The second thing you need to
dealt with in your divorce. No one is
do is to take care of yourself
going to be perfect, so don't try to
The solution is not in the endless
first. You likely went through
search out someone who will meet
volumes of information you find
some emotional turmoil during
all of your needs.
across the internet, or the advice
the divorce, so it makes sense to
your friends give... it's in yourself;
get yourself back in order first.
4. Finally, you really need to think
the thoughts that make you who
You might need to...take a vaca-
through your dating plans if you
you are.
tion, start an exercise program,
have children. Remember your chil5 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
1 session treatments for phobias and insomnia : Anytime Anywhere Info 00442074671508
Best Ski Slopes in France for Beginners Skiing is a wonderful sport and a
with the most variety of slopes. Les
very popular activity with both thrill
Arcs also has beginner's lift, which
seekers and those simply seeking to
will be able to aid novices as they try
enjoy an invigorating and fun winter
the sport for the first time. Moreover,
experience. The many different vari-
as beginners progress in their skill,
eties of slopes to navigate and the
they can choose a different slope to
sheer pleasure of speeding down the
match from the wide range available
best ski slopes in the world are more
in the resort.
than enough reasons to make a holiIf you're
Tignes-Tignes has one of the highest
planning on coming to France for a
altitudes in Europe, which means it
winter holiday, you'll have plenty of
offers not only fantastic views but
choice - no matter what your level of
also a wide range of terrains for be-
skill. Beginner skiers don't need to
ginners, amateurs, and experienced
embark on a difficult slope immedi-
skiers. While many of the best ski
ately. There are many fantastic
slopes are targeted towards the ad-
slopes for beginners, which will allow
vanced skiers, Tignes has a ski
them to gauge their own skill and
school in which first-timers, includ-
then determine how far they want to
ing family groups, can enrol and have
push their abilities. Those heading to
fun learning the sport. There are also
France should check out the follow-
nursery slopes, which are generally
ing slopes to make the experience of
wider, so beginners will feel more
skiing for the first time an unforget-
comfortable and relaxed when tack-
table one.
ling the sport for the first time. An-
day like this so enjoyable.
other appeal of Tignes is the Les Arcs-The reason Les Arcs can
women's only course offered in the
claim to have some of the best ski
resort; lessons provide a more fo-
slopes in France is because of its
cused approach to teaching women
ability to cater to different levels of
how to ski, since there are certain
skiers - with something to offer
d i ff e re n c e s b e t w e e n m e n a n d
everyone. For instance, first-time
women when it comes to skiing -
skiers will be able to appreciate Arc
who knew? The courses are taught
1800, one of the villages in the resort
by experienced women instructors.
Les Arcs also has beginner's lift, which will be able to aid novices as they try the sport for the first time. Moreover, as beginners progress in their skill, they can choose a different slope to match from the wide range available in the resort.
7 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com 7
Aside from the very easy slopes, La Plagne also has special slopes for slower skiers; these are perfect for those who want to try the sport
La Plagne-Perhaps the resort with the
Aside from the very easy slopes, La
who want to seriously want to learn
best ski slopes for first-timers is La
Plagne also has special slopes for
how to perfect their skills can enrol in
Plagne in Paradiski. There are plenty
slower skiers; these are perfect for
formal courses. There are several
of free lifts set up in the area for be-
those who want to try the sport but
excellent schools within the resort, so
ginners and 62% of the slopes in the
are a little concerned about picking
holidaymakers can select a course
resort can be categorized as easy.
up too much speed. Moreover, those
they are most comfortable with and be whizzing down the slopes in no time.
Sri Lanka
by Shannon Edwin
the jewel Known as the jewel of the indian sea Sri Lanka is an island nation locat-
Malay and other minority inhabi-
ic to the island, such as the Sri
ed on the Indian Ocean, neighbour-
tants all coexisting peacefully and
Lankan Elephant and the Sri
ing India and The Maldives. This
in harmony. Due to this, colourful
Lankan Leopard. Due to this Sri
country was formerly known as
festivals respective to each religion
Lanka has become a popular holi-
Ceylon, until its independence in
and culture are celebrated with
day destination with cheap flights
1948 from British rule. It has a rich
gusto annually. This includes the
to Sri Lanka available year round.
history that dates back to Pale-
Sinhala and Tamil new year, Vesak,
olithic times, and prior to the
Maha Shivaratri and Eid.
Sri Lankan cuisine typically includes dishes made of rice, co-
British, had been colonized by the Portuguese and the Dutch. Despite
The natural beauty of this teardrop
conut milk and rich spices such as
it being a small island, its populari-
shaped nation has resulted in it
the native cinnamon. The cultural
ty has resulted in a direct flight to
being known as The Pearl of the
diversity has resulted in a number
Sri Lanka operating daily from
Indian Ocean. The lush greenery,
of dishes that are quintessentially
most countries worldwide.
It is a
the flora and the fauna all con-
Sri Lankan,
culturally diverse country, with its
tribute to this factor. There are a
Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Burgher,
number of species that are endem-
9 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
If you wish to pay this beautiful, sunny island a visit and escape the dreary British weather, flights to Sri Lanka from London can be booked
such as kiribath which is rice infused with co-
amongst the top garment producers in the
conut milk and kotthu roti which is a delightful
world. If you wish to pay this beautiful, sunny
concoction of roti, chicken or meat and vegeta-
island a visit and escape the dreary British
bles.
weather, flights to Sri Lanka from London can be booked through your travel agent or directly with
There are a number of fruits that grow in Sri
the many airlines that fly to the country.
Lankan conditions that are not widely available. These include the passion fruit, star fruit, wood
About the author. Shannon Edwin and writing is
apple, durian, rambutan and mangosteen to
my passion. I love my puppy my pet dog and she
name but a few. This tiny island is an important
is my best friend, an adventurous girl who loves
producer of not only cinnamon, but also high
to take risks to enjoy such as white water raft-
quality tea that is famous the world over due to
ing. Presently writing articles about cheap flights
its distinct taste and aroma. Other key items Sri
to Sri Lanka, direct flight to Sri Lanka and flights
Lanka exports are coee, coconuts, rubber and
to Sri Lanka from London.
gemstones. There are also many garment factories present in the country, and it is
7 Incredible Ways to Reconnect With your Husband Or Boyfriend
By Cucan Pemo
There are times in every re-
isn't your relationship worth the
lationship when other com-
time?
mitments take priority over
Many women will feel more con-
your husband or your
nected in their relationships if they
boyfriend, but these times
take the time to make themselves
can hurt a relationship.
look good. Something as simple as
When you start to notice
getting out of sweatpants and tee
that you haven't been as
shirts at the end of the day and
close as you once were, you
into nice jeans and a well-fitting
will want to start taking
top can help you feel more confi-
steps that will reconnect you
dent and thus, more attractive to
with your partner and re-
your partner. You don't have to
establish the strong rela-
look like a model, but taking care
tionship that you once had.
of your appearance can help you
Realize that the mess can
feel like one.
wait. Some women believe
least once a week, you and your
that they are being con-
partner need to get out of the
stantly judged by how their
house and on a date. Too often,
house or their living space
long relationships think that they
looks. However, this is far
are 'past' that, so they settle into a
from the case. Instead of
dull life of staying at home. When
making cleaning the majori-
you were first dating, you went to
ty of your free time, why not
the movies and out to eat why not
Take time for yourself.
Create a date.
At
allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the day
try to do that more now? Sure, you won't be able to do it
to make room for your relationship? Instead of having
every week, but if you try, you will both have something
the laundry always done and the kitchen always shining,
to look forward to.
11 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
Many times, a woman can become frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially when she's a mom as well as a career woman.
Stop your thinking. Many times, a woman can become
to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch
frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially
or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to
when she's a mom as well as a career woman. When this
help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to
happens, you might feel as though you could scream at
feel special.
your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic
creative if you're unable to get away from the house.
enough, etc. But is this really going to reconnect your
Maybe you can create date night at home, or work to-
relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few
gether on some goals that you've wanted to accomplish.
seconds before you share these kinds of feelings. You
Play board games do whatever you both like to do to-
might find that you're actually feeling something else
gether. If you have a home remodeling project, don't
that's not directed at him.
leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple
Put the spotlight on him.
When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer
time.
When you can't get away It's time to be
Orange polenta cake A lovely and moist gluten-free cake, with a subtle orange flavour. This cake is ideal for an afternoon tea. For a 20cm/8inch cake: 200g unsalted butter – softened 200g demerara sugar 3 eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract 200g ground almonds 100g polenta 2 oranges – zest 1 tsp orange blossom water 1tsp baking powder For the syrup: 100ml orange juice – freshly squeezed 10ml orange blossom water 75g golden caster sugar
13 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
Preheat the oven to 160C. 1. Beat butter and sugar in a large bowl 2. Beat in the eggs one at a time and the vanilla extract 3. In a separate bowl, combine the ground almonds, baking powder, polenta, orange zest and orange blossom water 4. Transfer the dried ingredients into the butter and eggs mixture and mix well 5. Grease the base and sides of a 20cm/8inch cake tin and line the base with baking paper 6. Transfer the mixture and spread evenly 7. Cut thin slices from 1 of the oranges you used for the zest and lay them flat around the top of the mixture 8. Bake for 50-60 minutes. Check if ready by inserting a skewer in the middle which should come out dry
Tip: Add roughly chopped pistachio nuts into the mixture before baking, if you wish.
9. If not ready, bake for an additional 8 minutes and check again 10. When ready, remove and set aside to cool 11. For the syrup, pour the fresh orange juice, orange blossom water and sugar in a small bowl and stir well 12. Prick the cake in several places and drizzle the syrup over with the help of a spoon
Oder book from amazon.co.uk
New book available to order from amazon: Managing Depression using Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy by Matt BroadwayHorner
Dare to be authentic
15 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
速
Slow down in this stressed free world and try developing self compassion rather than self esteem? For info call Matt 02074671508
LIFE Style
Exercises from the new book: Managing Depression Using Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner 17 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
1.
Meditation Using the Eyes: I want you to open and close your eyes very slowly. Start from a squint, then relax the muscles around your eyes gently and very, very slowly. Begin to open your eyes fully, and then close them
again as slowly as you can manage, even- tually returning to the squint.
2.
Meditation Using the Mouth: I want you to do the same with your mouth as you just did with your eyes. Slowly open your mouth until you stretch it as wide as is possible and then
very slowly close it again until your lips are close together. Repeat until you feel a sense of calm and peacefulness.
3.
Attention-Training Exercise: Keep your eyes focused on an object, then pay attention to the first sound you hear. What have you noticed? Describe it
5.
Meditation in Action: This is about doing a simple task in slow motion and paying attention to the movement, sensations, and senses it creates.
simply. For instance, “I can
Many people choose to do this
hear a ticking clock and the sound it makes is a tick-
while brushing their teeth, for example. Really taste
tock sound.” Now move to sound two for a moment,
and smell the toothpaste. How does your mouth
and then move to sound three. The aim is to focus
react to the taste of toothpaste? Let a task that
on three sounds over the course of three minutes. If
takes two minutes normally last for many more.
a sound you focus on disappears, then focus on another sound that will last for the duration. Once you have heard all three sounds, listen to them all at once for a moment. Then returning to listening to them one at a time again for a second cycle.
4.
Mindfulness of the Breath: Make sure you are seated comfort- ably, with your spine straight. Now focus on the belly. For the full duration of each inward breath and outward
breath, focus on its movement of the belly. If your mind wanders many times, gently remind it to come back to the belly. Many distractions and preoc- cupations may pop into your head, but say “I will return to that later,” and then focus on the belly again. Do this exercise for three minutes. Try to build up to ten minutes daily. Research shows that doing this simple exercise for ten minutes daily for six weeks can significantly change a pessimistic stance on yourself, others, and the world to an optimistic one.
18 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
Exploring Shame Sample taken from a new mindfulness book: Managing Depression using Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy by Matt BroadwayHorner
The emotion of shame is one that people from all differ-
out” and declaring to the world “I am here and I have a
ent societies and cultures battle. In many countries, if a
right to live the life that I was born to live!!” many people
young women is raped, for example, instead of punishing
have experienced a lightening of the load.
the rapist sometimes the family is shamed into forcing
Shame grows when these three ingredients are present:
their daughter to marry the rapist. Shame forces the fam-
◆ Secrecy ◆ Silence ◆ Judgment
ily to act in an unnatural way to maintain the social cur-
Nelson Mandela said that no single population of people
rency of family honor. Shame is also prevalent in UK. As
is in posses- sion of the full truth. He suggested we unite
recently as the 1960s, for example, unwed mothers would
to bring the strands of truth each group possesses to-
be forced to give up their children to the government
gether to benefit all. But first, of course, the truth needs
and, unbeknownst to the mothers, their children be
to be out in the light. Are you living true to yourself?
shipped away to another country so no one would know
Are you a gay man struggling in silence and pretending
or find out. But even Australia was not far enough, it
to be a straight man, even going so far as to marry a
turns out, and the silence surrounding this secret policy
woman instead of a man? Are you a victim of abuse who
has now finally been broken. Let me show you some
has not shared that devastating history with someone
common thoughts associated with shame. When the
close to you? Or are you a perpetrator of violence, beat-
mind experiences shame, it will tell you things things like:
ing up your wife or husband and trying to get rid of the
◆ Who do you think you are? ◆ You’re not good enough.
feeling of shame that causes you by hitting him or her
◆ Others will find out how bad you are.
even more?
◆ Everyone will see you fall.
I would like you to take a risk. Tell someone close to you
Shame flourishes and thrives in the dark. The antidote to
why you feel ashamed. Rid yourself of the three deadly
shame is em- pathy. To blast it away, you must break the
ingredients of shame. Your reason for feeling ashamed
silence and secrecy surrounding it. The sense of judg-
may not be as serious as the issues listed above, but
ment shame makes us feel is deep and heavy, and it
your sense of shame may still be strong. Be courageous
takes away joy from you on a daily basis. But by “coming
and tell someone.
19 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
Being empathetic means putting
you. Both, however, are powerful
yourself in the position of trying to
expressions of love, caring, and at-
understand someone else’s pain,
tention that help us connect to other
offering statements like “me too,” or
human beings.
being able to imagine walking in another person’s shoes. Sympathy is
Book available on amazon.co.uk
slightly different—it’s to show con-
£8.99
cern but not to fully feel someone else’s pain as it has not happened to
offering statements like “me too,”
20 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com
OUT NOW
Checking Symptoms of Sadness, Misery and Depression The symptoms of sadness, misery and depression are often confused. To help you identify the experience that applies to you, take a look at the following list: • Sadness is an emotional response to experiencing life events that awaken a melancholy, sorrowful or heavy-hearted feeling. • Misery is also a response to life circumstances and is best thought of as a prolonged state of sadness that occurs when people find themselves in negative circumstances for a long period of time. • Depression is a psychological and emotional state of prolonged sadness accompanied by physical symptoms such as appetite changes, sleep disturbance, low energy, aches and pains and poor concentration, along with feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and loss of motivation
BOOK: MANAGING DEPRESSION USING MINDFULNESS BASED COGNITIVE THERAPY BY MATT BROADWAY-HORNER AVAILABLE ON AMAZON
The book explores topics like shame, anxiety and low worth all part of the experience of depression. Thinking of depression as a warehouse containing many things that you struggle with. In this book ACT, Mindfulness, Compassion focus therapy are combined to help the ready find new inspiration in overcoming depression!