Imagine issue 13

imagine July 2015 FREE

DIVORCE: 4 TIPS FOR THE NEWLY DIVORCED

DATING BUZZ

7 INCREDIBLE WAYS TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND

EXERCISES FROM A NEW BOOK OUT AND AVAILABLE NOW EXPLORING SHAME

SRI LANKA-THE JEWEL IN THE INDIAN SEA LOOKING AT WHAT YOU CAN DO

BEST SKI SLOPES IN FRANCE FOR BEGINNERS FOR BETTER HOLIDAYS

La mia kitchenette TOP NOSH FROM THE ITALIAN LADY

FEATURES 04

4 Tips for the Newly Divorced

07

Best Ski Slopes in France for Beginners

09

Sri Lanka-The Jewel in the Indian sea

FOOD 13

La Mia Kitchenette

LIFESTYLE 11

7 Incredible ways to Reconnect with your Husband or Boyfriend

WELLBEING 17

Exercises from a new book out and available now

19

Exploring Shame

FROM THE EDITOR Welcome to July issue of IMAGINE. There are many exciting articles in this month including some top nosh from La Mia Kitchenette. The clinic now offers clients many treatment options like group therapy, course like De-Press focusing on depression as well as of course mindfulness and ACT courses looking at the triad of anxiety, stress and depression. Also the clinic specialists offer therapy via, telephone and video online to fit into your busy schedule and child care arrangements, so help can literally be at hand at any time and any where! Remember we are here to help with not just mental health issues and physical health as well, try out our well being clinics which specialise in helping people with Long Term Conditions. For this issue there is focus on travel and depression which is a disabling condition for all but instead of seeking help they suffer in silence because it may appear trivial. Seek help today and don’t suffer in silence. I hope you are ready for the summer and have lots planned but if not and this year is not going the way you planned and need some help then why not call and speak to a specialist today and get more info about our services. There is no obligation its just a chat.

Editor In Chief Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com

Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com

Also a new book is out on depression with mindfulness tackling issues like sexuality, culture and shame using mindfulness along with ACT and Compassion Focused Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner

Contributing Writer

Our therapists can help with rehab from medical problems as well as the main bread and butter stuff like anxiety and depression, hoarding and obsessional problems. Call Matt or Susie on 02074671508. Or if you wish to then make a payment and then the staff will respond to you with the next steps to booking an appointment time. If you visit our online shop then say hello to the shop assistant Pradeep who appears in the bottom right hand corner

Elisabetta Ludica

http://www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/coaching-consultation.html

Shannon Edwin

Contributing Writer

Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com

Graphic Artist Jaie Miller

Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com

CBT in the City app via iTunes & Googleplay

Sales Officer Rosangelie

Your Magazine • website.com • 3

4 Dating Tips for the Newly Divorced However, there are other people who are really hesitant to get back into the dating world,

When someone is newly divorced, they can have various reactions to the idea of dating. Some people are ready to get right back out there and see what kind of people they can meet, especially if they have been married for many years. It can be an adventure to say the least. However, there are other people who are really hesitant to get back into the dating world, so they hide from any kind of social activities.

Here are a few dating tips for the newly divorced...

4 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.

1. First, make sure that you are

or seek personal counselling.

dren didn't ask for their parents to

really ready to date. If you are

You need to make sure you are

get divorced, so their needs should

still having a lot of emotional

ready to date - body, mind and

be first and foremost in your mind.

feelings towards your ex, you

spirit.

Many parents put off dating until

might not be ready to jump back

their children are older - simply for

into the dating pool just yet. The

3. The third thing you can do is to

this reason. It's about making sacri-

last thing you want to do is to

make a list of what you would like in

fices that will help your children

carry a bunch of negativity into a

a potential new partner. Draw from

remain well-adjusted even after they

new relationship. You might be

what you didn't like about your pre-

have felt the effects of their parents'

painting all potential partners

vious relationship so that you don't

divorce. If nothing else, don't bring

with the same broad brush due

make the same mistakes again. The

potential new dating partners

to nagging feelings that you have

last thing you want to do is to jump

around your children until you are

about your ex.

back into a relationship that has the

really sure they are going to be a

same or similar problems you just

long-term fixture in your life.

2. 2. The second thing you need to

dealt with in your divorce. No one is

do is to take care of yourself

going to be perfect, so don't try to

The solution is not in the endless

first. You likely went through

search out someone who will meet

volumes of information you find

some emotional turmoil during

all of your needs.

across the internet, or the advice

the divorce, so it makes sense to

your friends give... it's in yourself;

get yourself back in order first.

4. Finally, you really need to think

the thoughts that make you who

You might need to...take a vaca-

through your dating plans if you

you are.

tion, start an exercise program,

have children. Remember your chil5 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

1 session treatments for phobias and insomnia : Anytime Anywhere Info 00442074671508

Best Ski Slopes in France for Beginners Skiing is a wonderful sport and a

with the most variety of slopes. Les

very popular activity with both thrill

Arcs also has beginner's lift, which

seekers and those simply seeking to

will be able to aid novices as they try

enjoy an invigorating and fun winter

the sport for the first time. Moreover,

experience. The many different vari-

as beginners progress in their skill,

eties of slopes to navigate and the

they can choose a different slope to

sheer pleasure of speeding down the

match from the wide range available

best ski slopes in the world are more

in the resort.

than enough reasons to make a holiIf you're

Tignes-Tignes has one of the highest

planning on coming to France for a

altitudes in Europe, which means it

winter holiday, you'll have plenty of

offers not only fantastic views but

choice - no matter what your level of

also a wide range of terrains for be-

skill. Beginner skiers don't need to

ginners, amateurs, and experienced

embark on a difficult slope immedi-

skiers. While many of the best ski

ately. There are many fantastic

slopes are targeted towards the ad-

slopes for beginners, which will allow

vanced skiers, Tignes has a ski

them to gauge their own skill and

school in which first-timers, includ-

then determine how far they want to

ing family groups, can enrol and have

push their abilities. Those heading to

fun learning the sport. There are also

France should check out the follow-

nursery slopes, which are generally

ing slopes to make the experience of

wider, so beginners will feel more

skiing for the first time an unforget-

comfortable and relaxed when tack-

table one.

ling the sport for the first time. An-

day like this so enjoyable.

other appeal of Tignes is the Les Arcs-The reason Les Arcs can

women's only course offered in the

claim to have some of the best ski

resort; lessons provide a more fo-

slopes in France is because of its

cused approach to teaching women

ability to cater to different levels of

how to ski, since there are certain

skiers - with something to offer

d i ff e re n c e s b e t w e e n m e n a n d

everyone. For instance, first-time

women when it comes to skiing -

skiers will be able to appreciate Arc

who knew? The courses are taught

1800, one of the villages in the resort

by experienced women instructors.

Les Arcs also has beginner's lift, which will be able to aid novices as they try the sport for the first time. Moreover, as beginners progress in their skill, they can choose a different slope to match from the wide range available in the resort.

7 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com 7

Aside from the very easy slopes, La Plagne also has special slopes for slower skiers; these are perfect for those who want to try the sport

La Plagne-Perhaps the resort with the

Aside from the very easy slopes, La

who want to seriously want to learn

best ski slopes for first-timers is La

Plagne also has special slopes for

how to perfect their skills can enrol in

Plagne in Paradiski. There are plenty

slower skiers; these are perfect for

formal courses. There are several

of free lifts set up in the area for be-

those who want to try the sport but

excellent schools within the resort, so

ginners and 62% of the slopes in the

are a little concerned about picking

holidaymakers can select a course

resort can be categorized as easy.

up too much speed. Moreover, those

they are most comfortable with and be whizzing down the slopes in no time.

Sri Lanka

by Shannon Edwin

the jewel Known as the jewel of the indian sea Sri Lanka is an island nation locat-

Malay and other minority inhabi-

ic to the island, such as the Sri

ed on the Indian Ocean, neighbour-

tants all coexisting peacefully and

Lankan Elephant and the Sri

ing India and The Maldives. This

in harmony. Due to this, colourful

Lankan Leopard. Due to this Sri

country was formerly known as

festivals respective to each religion

Lanka has become a popular holi-

Ceylon, until its independence in

and culture are celebrated with

day destination with cheap flights

1948 from British rule. It has a rich

gusto annually. This includes the

to Sri Lanka available year round.

history that dates back to Pale-

Sinhala and Tamil new year, Vesak,

olithic times, and prior to the

Maha Shivaratri and Eid.

Sri Lankan cuisine typically includes dishes made of rice, co-

British, had been colonized by the Portuguese and the Dutch. Despite

The natural beauty of this teardrop

conut milk and rich spices such as

it being a small island, its populari-

shaped nation has resulted in it

the native cinnamon. The cultural

ty has resulted in a direct flight to

being known as The Pearl of the

diversity has resulted in a number

Sri Lanka operating daily from

Indian Ocean. The lush greenery,

of dishes that are quintessentially

most countries worldwide.

It is a

the flora and the fauna all con-

Sri Lankan,

culturally diverse country, with its

tribute to this factor. There are a

Buddhist, Muslim, Hindu, Burgher,

number of species that are endem-

9 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

If you wish to pay this beautiful, sunny island a visit and escape the dreary British weather, flights to Sri Lanka from London can be booked

such as kiribath which is rice infused with co-

amongst the top garment producers in the

conut milk and kotthu roti which is a delightful

world. If you wish to pay this beautiful, sunny

concoction of roti, chicken or meat and vegeta-

island a visit and escape the dreary British

bles.

weather, flights to Sri Lanka from London can be booked through your travel agent or directly with

There are a number of fruits that grow in Sri

the many airlines that fly to the country.

Lankan conditions that are not widely available.

These include the passion fruit, star fruit, wood

About the author. Shannon Edwin and writing is

apple, durian, rambutan and mangosteen to

my passion. I love my puppy my pet dog and she

name but a few. This tiny island is an important

is my best friend, an adventurous girl who loves

producer of not only cinnamon, but also high

to take risks to enjoy such as white water raft-

quality tea that is famous the world over due to

ing. Presently writing articles about cheap flights

its distinct taste and aroma. Other key items Sri

to Sri Lanka, direct flight to Sri Lanka and flights

Lanka exports are coee, coconuts, rubber and

to Sri Lanka from London.

gemstones. There are also many garment factories present in the country, and it is

7 Incredible Ways to Reconnect With your Husband Or Boyfriend

By Cucan Pemo

There are times in every re-

isn't your relationship worth the

lationship when other com-

time?

mitments take priority over

Many women will feel more con-

your husband or your

nected in their relationships if they

boyfriend, but these times

take the time to make themselves

can hurt a relationship.

look good. Something as simple as

When you start to notice

getting out of sweatpants and tee

that you haven't been as

shirts at the end of the day and

close as you once were, you

into nice jeans and a well-fitting

will want to start taking

top can help you feel more confi-

steps that will reconnect you

dent and thus, more attractive to

with your partner and re-

your partner. You don't have to

establish the strong rela-

look like a model, but taking care

tionship that you once had.

of your appearance can help you

Realize that the mess can

feel like one.

wait. Some women believe

least once a week, you and your

that they are being con-

partner need to get out of the

stantly judged by how their

house and on a date. Too often,

house or their living space

long relationships think that they

looks. However, this is far

are 'past' that, so they settle into a

from the case. Instead of

dull life of staying at home. When

making cleaning the majori-

you were first dating, you went to

ty of your free time, why not

the movies and out to eat why not

Take time for yourself.

Create a date.

At

allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the day

try to do that more now? Sure, you won't be able to do it

to make room for your relationship? Instead of having

every week, but if you try, you will both have something

the laundry always done and the kitchen always shining,

to look forward to.

11 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

Many times, a woman can become frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially when she's a mom as well as a career woman.

Stop your thinking. Many times, a woman can become

to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch

frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially

or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to

when she's a mom as well as a career woman. When this

help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to

happens, you might feel as though you could scream at

feel special.

your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic

creative if you're unable to get away from the house.

enough, etc. But is this really going to reconnect your

Maybe you can create date night at home, or work to-

relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few

gether on some goals that you've wanted to accomplish.

seconds before you share these kinds of feelings. You

Play board games do whatever you both like to do to-

might find that you're actually feeling something else

gether. If you have a home remodeling project, don't

that's not directed at him.

leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple

Put the spotlight on him.

When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer

time.

When you can't get away It's time to be

Orange polenta cake A lovely and moist gluten-free cake, with a subtle orange flavour. This cake is ideal for an afternoon tea.

For a 20cm/8inch cake: 200g unsalted butter – softened 200g demerara sugar 3 eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract 200g ground almonds 100g polenta 2 oranges – zest 1 tsp orange blossom water 1tsp baking powder For the syrup: 100ml orange juice – freshly squeezed 10ml orange blossom water 75g golden caster sugar

13 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

Preheat the oven to 160C. 1. Beat butter and sugar in a large bowl 2. Beat in the eggs one at a time and the vanilla extract 3. In a separate bowl, combine the ground almonds, baking powder, polenta, orange zest and orange blossom water 4. Transfer the dried ingredients into the butter and eggs mixture and mix well 5. Grease the base and sides of a 20cm/8inch cake tin and line the base with baking paper 6. Transfer the mixture and spread evenly 7. Cut thin slices from 1 of the oranges you used for the zest and lay them flat around the top of the mixture 8. Bake for 50-60 minutes. Check if ready by inserting a skewer in the middle which should come out dry

Tip: Add roughly chopped pistachio nuts into the mixture before baking, if you wish.

9. If not ready, bake for an additional 8 minutes and check again 10. When ready, remove and set aside to cool 11. For the syrup, pour the fresh orange juice, orange blossom water and sugar in a small bowl and stir well 12. Prick the cake in several places and drizzle the syrup over with the help of a spoon

Oder book from amazon.co.uk

New book available to order from amazon: Managing Depression using Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy

by Matt BroadwayHorner

Dare to be authentic

15 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

速

Slow down in this stressed free world and try developing self compassion rather than self esteem? For info call Matt 02074671508

LIFE Style

Exercises from the new book: Managing Depression Using Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner 17 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

1.

Meditation Using the Eyes: I want you to open and close your eyes very slowly. Start from a squint, then relax the muscles around your eyes gently and very, very slowly. Begin to open your eyes fully, and then close them

again as slowly as you can manage, even- tually returning to the squint.

2.

Meditation Using the Mouth: I want you to do the same with your mouth as you just did with your eyes. Slowly open your mouth until you stretch it as wide as is possible and then

very slowly close it again until your lips are close together. Repeat until you feel a sense of calm and peacefulness.

3.

Attention-Training Exercise: Keep your eyes focused on an object, then pay attention to the first sound you hear. What have you noticed? Describe it

5.

Meditation in Action: This is about doing a simple task in slow motion and paying attention to the movement, sensations, and senses it creates.

simply. For instance, “I can

Many people choose to do this

hear a ticking clock and the sound it makes is a tick-

while brushing their teeth, for example. Really taste

tock sound.” Now move to sound two for a moment,

and smell the toothpaste. How does your mouth

and then move to sound three. The aim is to focus

react to the taste of toothpaste? Let a task that

on three sounds over the course of three minutes. If

takes two minutes normally last for many more.

a sound you focus on disappears, then focus on another sound that will last for the duration. Once you have heard all three sounds, listen to them all at once for a moment. Then returning to listening to them one at a time again for a second cycle.

4.

Mindfulness of the Breath: Make sure you are seated comfort- ably, with your spine straight. Now focus on the belly. For the full duration of each inward breath and outward

breath, focus on its movement of the belly. If your mind wanders many times, gently remind it to come back to the belly. Many distractions and preoc- cupations may pop into your head, but say “I will return to that later,” and then focus on the belly again. Do this exercise for three minutes. Try to build up to ten minutes daily. Research shows that doing this simple exercise for ten minutes daily for six weeks can significantly change a pessimistic stance on yourself, others, and the world to an optimistic one.

18 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

Exploring Shame Sample taken from a new mindfulness book: Managing Depression using Mindfulness based Cognitive Therapy by Matt BroadwayHorner

The emotion of shame is one that people from all differ-

out” and declaring to the world “I am here and I have a

ent societies and cultures battle. In many countries, if a

right to live the life that I was born to live!!” many people

young women is raped, for example, instead of punishing

have experienced a lightening of the load.

the rapist sometimes the family is shamed into forcing

Shame grows when these three ingredients are present:

their daughter to marry the rapist. Shame forces the fam-

◆ Secrecy ◆ Silence ◆ Judgment

ily to act in an unnatural way to maintain the social cur-

Nelson Mandela said that no single population of people

rency of family honor. Shame is also prevalent in UK. As

is in posses- sion of the full truth. He suggested we unite

recently as the 1960s, for example, unwed mothers would

to bring the strands of truth each group possesses to-

be forced to give up their children to the government

gether to benefit all. But first, of course, the truth needs

and, unbeknownst to the mothers, their children be

to be out in the light. Are you living true to yourself?

shipped away to another country so no one would know

Are you a gay man struggling in silence and pretending

or find out. But even Australia was not far enough, it

to be a straight man, even going so far as to marry a

turns out, and the silence surrounding this secret policy

woman instead of a man? Are you a victim of abuse who

has now finally been broken. Let me show you some

has not shared that devastating history with someone

common thoughts associated with shame. When the

close to you? Or are you a perpetrator of violence, beat-

mind experiences shame, it will tell you things things like:

ing up your wife or husband and trying to get rid of the

◆ Who do you think you are? ◆ You’re not good enough.

feeling of shame that causes you by hitting him or her

◆ Others will find out how bad you are.

even more?

◆ Everyone will see you fall.

I would like you to take a risk. Tell someone close to you

Shame flourishes and thrives in the dark. The antidote to

why you feel ashamed. Rid yourself of the three deadly

shame is em- pathy. To blast it away, you must break the

ingredients of shame. Your reason for feeling ashamed

silence and secrecy surrounding it. The sense of judg-

may not be as serious as the issues listed above, but

ment shame makes us feel is deep and heavy, and it

your sense of shame may still be strong. Be courageous

takes away joy from you on a daily basis. But by “coming

and tell someone.

19 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

Being empathetic means putting

you. Both, however, are powerful

yourself in the position of trying to

expressions of love, caring, and at-

understand someone else’s pain,

tention that help us connect to other

offering statements like “me too,” or

human beings.

being able to imagine walking in another person’s shoes. Sympathy is

Book available on amazon.co.uk

slightly different—it’s to show con-

£8.99

cern but not to fully feel someone else’s pain as it has not happened to

offering statements like “me too,”

20 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

OUT NOW

Checking Symptoms of Sadness, Misery and Depression The symptoms of sadness, misery and depression are often confused. To help you identify the experience that applies to you, take a look at the following list: • Sadness is an emotional response to experiencing life events that awaken a melancholy, sorrowful or heavy-hearted feeling.

• Misery is also a response to life circumstances and is best thought of as a prolonged state of sadness that occurs when people find themselves in negative circumstances for a long period of time.

• Depression is a psychological and emotional state of prolonged sadness accompanied by physical symptoms such as appetite changes, sleep disturbance, low energy, aches and pains and poor concentration, along with feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and loss of motivation

BOOK: MANAGING DEPRESSION USING MINDFULNESS BASED COGNITIVE THERAPY BY MATT BROADWAY-HORNER AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

The book explores topics like shame, anxiety and low worth all part of the experience of depression. Thinking of depression as a warehouse containing many things that you struggle with. In this book ACT, Mindfulness, Compassion focus therapy are combined to help the ready find new inspiration in overcoming depression!