Imagine Issue 20

IMAGINE February 2016 FREE

SPECIAL EDITION:

MIND & BODY

EXPLORING COMMUNICATION

LGBTi month in London and the UK

DATING BUZZ WHY PERSONALITY COUNTS WHEN DATING

BEING BAD ISN’T THE END OF THE WORLD!

STARTING THE DAY RIGHT FOR BETTER LIVING

LOOKING AT WHAT YOU CAN DO

La mia kitchenette TOP NOSH FROM THE ITALIAN LADY

PSYCHIATRY FRIEND OR FOE? Looking at the legacy

FEATURES 04

Why Personality Counts When Dating

07

Starting the Day Right

09

Mind and Body

FOOD 13

La Mia Kitchenette

COMMENTARY 11

Psychiatry Friend or Foe?

WELLBEING 17

Exercises from a new book out and available now

19

Being Bad isn’t The End of the World!

O rd e r b o o k f ro m amazon.co.uk

FROM THE EDITOR Welcome to the LGBTi issue of IMAGINE. There are many exciting articles in this month including some top nosh from La Mia Kitchenette. The clinic now offers clients many treatment options like group therapy, course like De-Press focusing on depression as well as of course mindfulness and ACT courses looking at the triad of anxiety, stress and depression for all including Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered and Intersex people (LGBTi). Also the clinic specialists offer therapy via, telephone and video online to fit into your busy schedule and child care arrangements, so help can literally be at hand at any time and any where! Remember we are here to help with not just mental health issues and physical health as well, try out our well being clinics which specialise in helping people with Long Term Conditions. For this issue there is focus on mind and body with particular focus on successful dating and PLUS an extract taken from the Director of CBT in the City Clinics Matt Broadway-Horner. Seek help today and don’t suffer in silence. I hope you are ready for the spring time and have lots planned but if not and this year is not going the way you planned and need some help then why not call and speak to a specialist today and get more info about our services. There is no obligation its just a chat.

Also a new book is out on Anxiety with mindfulness tackling issues like sexuality, culture and shame using mindfulness along with ACT and Compassion Focused Therapy by Matt Broadway-Horner Our therapists can help with rehab from medical problems as well as the main bread and butter stuff like anxiety and depression, hoarding and obsessional problems. Call Matt or Susie on 02074671508. Or if you wish to then make a payment and then the staff will respond to you with the next steps to booking an appointment time. If you visit our online shop then say hello to the shop assistant Pradeep who appears in the bottom right hand corner http://www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/coaching-consultation.html

Editor In Chief Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com

Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com

Contributing Writer John Holt

Contributing Writer Elisabetta Ludica

Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com

Graphic Artist Images from iStock

Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com

CBT in the City app via iTunes & Googleplay

Sales Officer Rosangelie

Your Magazine • website.com • 3

Why Personality Counts When Dating John Holt

Did you ever wonder why you found chemistry with some people while leaving others behind? Visible traits are easy to identify by visual means. You process visually the stimuli that draws pleasure and attracts or you repel the stimuli and reject. Personality is harder to see and define. My feeling as professional Matchmaker is that unless you are willing to invest time in being with someone you likely will never get an accurate measure of them in terms of their real personality. It requires great judgment to discern what personality traits a potential match has. I often have seen compatible singles reject one another because they never got to the level of deeper inquisition of one another. It takes time and in this we must have it now microwave society, over time less judgment is used.

Many singles often opt for superficial stereotypical thinking to make rash decisions on who to see again. Valid observation skills are not easy to learn. I suggest many singles decide to learn how to be effective in observation.

4 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

If you are a cavalier player in dating then only superficial aspects matter to you.

I believe the process of closer ac-

ingful relevance takes place. The

with the same person. People send

quaintance requires greater serious

more you see someone, the more

various cues. If you want someone

commitment. If you are a cavalier

you learn about their personality. If

to know the real you, do not be self

player in dating then only superficial

you date in different settings your

conscious about your personal in-

aspects matter to you. On the other

more likely to get a well rounded

teractions. You can be who you are,

hand you seek the vast rewards of a

view of the person you are on these

not fake. Allow the free flow of per-

close relationship with such special

dates with. I suggest you look for

sonal interaction with all the cues,

advantages then you will be better

the following in discovery phases of

flirtation and projection of free flow-

at predicting closeness by investing

dating. Vocabulary that shows intel-

ing personality.

longer periods of time in getting to

lect that matches your intellect. Re-

come from perceptions are either

know someone. There is more value

sponses in conversation that reflect

real or false. Too many times a great

in ten dates with one person than

what makes you feel closer to the

compatible single person was re-

ten dates with ten different people,

person you are with. Make mental

jected by poor judgment due to

what I call one and done drive by

notes over a period of dates that

perception gone awry. Many social

dates. You would think people were

detect who you are dealing with in

psychologists have studied percep-

driving through the fast food drive

terms of values and how these val-

tion and it's relevance to logical

through. Dating is not shopping it is

ues reflect the personality. I further

decision making.

a complicated process and the per-

suggest those that have a great

mate the power of personality. As

sonality connections will determine

charm or charisma that is genuine

professional Matchmaker with

the possibilities for long lasting

will draw you closer, measure these

twenty three years of experience I

connections. Personality relevance

traits for sincerity.

It can be very

will tell you that matches became

will account for wide array's of hu-

difficult to be accurate when judg-

dates which then became relation-

man behavior. Making personality

ing personality. I suggest you do it

ships based on connection in per-

judgments occur best in a relaxed

over a great period of time in nu-

sonality.

setting where small talk with mean-

merous settings on numerous dates

The ideas that

Never underesti-

5 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

1 session treatments for phobias and insomnia : Anytime Anywhere Info 00442074671508

Start the Day Right!

Gregory Gomez Rise and shine, surprising as it

be able to get another REM cycle of

sounds it's morning time again! That

sleep so it is basically just wasted

wonderful sounding alarm clock has

time. If you are trying to improve your

just gently - or maybe not so gently -

health, do yourself a favor and simply

stirred you awake from your peaceful

pop out of bed and get on with all the

slumber and it's time to get the day

things you need to accomplish that

started.

day.

Before you get into your typical

Morning Routine #2: Drink A Large

morning routine, how about making

Glass of Water

a slight change in what you may usually do and try out a few, or better

Once you make it out of bed, pour

yet each one of these 5 healthy ways

yourself a tall glass of water to drink.

to start your day? By doing so you

Remember your body has likely not

can make the most out of the time

had any nourishment in 8 to 12 hours

you have before heading out and

so it's a bit dehydrated. If you want

increase the likelihood of sticking

to take this healthy habit one step

with healthy living habits for the bet-

further, buy a bottle of Metamucil

ter part of the day.

which is a fiber supplement that

Before you get into your typical morning routine, how about making a slight change?

aides your digestive system. One 5 Healthy Ways to Start Your Day

spoonful in a glass of water will not only help reduce your cholesterol,

Morning Routine #1: Don't Hit the

but the additional fiber will actually

Snooze Button

make you feel more full so when it

You set your alarm the night before for a particular time you wanted to

comes time for breakfast you won't have the desire to overeat.

wake up so stick with that plan. Hit-

Morning Routine #3: Eat A Healthy

ting the snooze button can easily

Breakfast

turn into 10 - 30 more minutes of time taken away from what you could

As you likely know, breakfast is the

possibly accomplish in the morning

healthiest meal of the day and should

before leaving for work. During that

never be skipped. Again keep in mind

additional snooze time you will not

your body has been without any food 7 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com 7

By having a To-Do list, that gives you specific things to focus on and will increase the likelihood of accomplishing them or drink for 8 to 12 hours so one of

"To-Do" list can include any immedi-

tire time you're away from home.

the first things you need to do is put

ate goals you want to finish that par-

Guess what that means? You won't

some fuel into your engine. Try to

ticular day. These goals can be in re-

have to resort to going out and get-

keep your breakfast as healthy as

lation to your work, home, children, or

ting a fast food meal or vending ma-

possible. Eating breakfast does not

weight-loss efforts. By having a To-

chine snacks all of which offer entire-

mean you should go through the Mc-

Do list, that gives you specific things

ly too many calories with little or no

Donald's, or any other fast food drive-

to focus on and will increase the like-

nutritional value.

through since often their breakfast

lihood of accomplishing them and in

meals can easily total near 1000 calo-

turn you'll be more productive.

Conclusion

meal. If you stock your refrigerator/

Morning Routine #5: Pack a Lunch

Hopefully you take these five healthy

kitchen with healthy options there's

With 2 Snacks

morning routines to heart and start

ries. That is far too much for a single

no reason why you won't be able to quickly whip together something appropriate to eat at home.

Morning

Routine #4: Write A To-Do List.

An-

other morning routine to get used to is while you're eating your breakfast, jot down a few things on paper you want to accomplish that day. This

using them on a daily basis - at least Finally, if you leave your house for

during the work week to start with.

work or for a lengthy amount of time,

You'll find that once these become

pack yourself a lunch along with two

habits, your days will become much

appropriately portioned snacks. This

more nutritious and productive which

is of utmost importance if you are on

will lead to weight loss success. The

a weight loss mission. Having a lunch

decisions you make with the choices

handy along with two snacks will

you're faced with everyday will be the

keep you properly nourished the en-

difference.

Mind

by David Blanchard

and Body Is the communication there?

Thousands of years ago the Ancient Greeks understood the benefits of exercising both their minds and bodies! Unfortunately, today some people are picking one over the other. Some schools have cut back on gym classes and/or recess time in order to gain more academic seat time. And some students are concentrating their efforts on sports at the expense of their studies.

The mind and body are like a twolane road. Traveling on only one while ignoring the other might leave you stranded somewhere far away without any way of getting back home. Focusing on only one, not only neglects the other, but also causes the one you're focus-

9 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

ing on to receive a lot of inefficient attention!

In order for either side to get the most productive attention one has to combine the two and utilize the mind and body link together. Can you feel what I'm saying yet? Good!

Believe it or not the mind will help out in any physical endeavor if you give it a chance to work its genius, and likewise the body will help out in any intellectual endeavor as well if given the chance to perform.

If you athletes learn how to train your brain you'll get that mental edge that will give you a leg up on your competition in sports. And if you intellectuals discover how to use your body to put yourselves in the "zone," your mind will be

sharper and quicker than you've ever previously experienced.

Train your brain and feel your body move, and you're sure to become a smarter, faster, and better you. Just look at Alexander the Great, who loved to physically dominate and destroy his competition as much as he loved to read a good book and study under Aristotle.

Now teens, go learn, lead, and lay the way to a better world for all of us. Remember, the Ancient Greeks knew the benefits of the mind and body link thousands of years ago!

Be balanced. Be successful. Be happy. And once again, thanks in advance for all that you do, and all that you will do...

Psychiatry friend or foe?

By Matt Broadway-Horner

Psychiatry and religion have been in logger heads at battle for the minds of LGBTI communities. The history started well with Sigmund Freud when in a written response to a anxious mother of a gay man in 1930’s america provided much needed relief and support that her son was not disordered but normal! Unfortunately the voices of Freud and Havelock-Ellis were not heeded and the psychiatric community decided on the road to psychiatric terrorism. Transphobia, homophobia, biphobia and interphobia was born taking on the form of barbaric psychiatric techniques like, lobotomy, electro-convulsive therapy, aversion therapy, chemical castration to name a few which were sought by psychiatric and psychoanalytic colleagues to control LGBTi people and shut up their voice. Many LGBTI older people have for a long time being conditioned to live hidden lives for fear of being treated medically or criminalised. Confessing sins now changed from that of the priest to the psychiatrist / psychoanalyst but in 1973 was when the homosexuality was decriminalised and in 1983 it was demedicalised from the doctors bible of disorders

11 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

the DSM 3. So what is the legacy? Well there was no narrative established with either side of psychiatry or LGBTi people.

There then was a void which HIV filled for a while. Gay / bisexual men could not escape the shadow of HIV when acknowledging their sexuality during the 1980’s and 90’s. But now the problem is old age where the conversation has got to be about normal everyday items like, personal care, relationships, mental health in a manner that respects the individual and not in a whitewash of ‘treat all the same’ manner.

This is the age of enlightenment when gay marriage is made legal, LGBTI people can adopt children, equal opportunities in the workforce and pension rights changing the course of peoples lives for the better. Health services are currently looking at this topic of how to best serve the LGBTi communities and establish a discussions to bring walls down and help nurture a meaningful relationship that will aid satisfaction for the older LGBTi communities. For the first time they are seeking to look at the person from many lenses including sexuality, old age, and mental health. Why not be a part of it and see what your services are doing in your area! Lets work together for an inclusive society!

Fact Corner: Time line of key events Since 1960’s 1967.

Sexual Offences Act came into force in England

and Wales and decriminalised homosexual acts between

ϖ

336 MPs voted in the House of Commons, an

overwhelming majority vote for an equal age of consent.

two men over 21 years of age and ‘in private.’ ϖ 1974. Campaign for Homosexual Law Reform (Northern

Gregory Woods appointed the first Professor of

Lesbian and Gay studies in the UK.

Ireland) appealed to the European Court of Human Nick Brown MP became the first British Cabinet

Rights to force the UK to extend the 1967 Sexual Of-

ϖ

fences Act to them.

minister to come out publicly as gay while in post.

APA No longer recorded as a medical and psychiatric

1999.

condition in the seventh edition of DSM-II

should be treated as family and have the right to suc-

House of Lords ruled that same sex partners

ceed a tenancy.

1977. Lord Arran’s Bill to reduce the gay age of consent to 18 defeated in the House of Lords.

ϖ

Law Commission proposed that partners of

same-sex couples should be able to claim damages in 1980.

Male homosexuality decriminalised in Scot-

fatal accident cases.

land.European Commission ruled unanimously that the The first Bi Visibility Day was held on 23 Sep-

British government was guilty of breaching Article 8 of

ϖ

the European Convention on Human Rights by refusing

tember to celebrate bi people and challenge biphobia.

to legalise consenting homosexual behaviour in Ulster.

1982.

Male homosexuality decriminalised in Northern

Ireland with the passing of law reform in the House of

2000. Government lifts the ban on lesbian and gay men serving in the armed forces.

Commons.

2001. Age of consent reduced to 16.

1986.

2004. Civil Partnership Bill introduced.

London Borough of Haringey's Lesbian and Gay

Unit wrote to all school headteachers in the borough urging them to promote positive images of homosexuality to their pupils. A vicious backlash was provoked.

1988.

Section 28, preventing the ‘promotion’ of homo-

sexuality by local authorities, came into force on 24 May with backing from Local Government minister Michael Howard. 10,000 protested in London and 15,000 in Manchester.

vey results.

Lisa Grant challenged South West Trains for em-

ployment discrimination. ϖ

ϖ

Inland Revenue published new guidelines recog-

nising same-sex partners in pension schemes.

1998. Two more British Labour MPs, David Borrow and Gordon Marsden, came out as gay.

FACT CORNER.

Sexual Offences Act abolishes the crimes of

buggery and gross indecency.

Stonewall sets up partnerships with Friends and

Families of Lesbians and Gays (FFLAG) and Lesbian & Gay Youth Scotland to discuss homophobic bullying in schools. ϖ

1996. Stonewall produced ‘Queer Bashing’ report & sur-

ϖ

ϖ

Civil Partnership Act passed in November, giving

same-sex couples the same rights and responsibilities as married heterosexual couples.

2011. The Department of Health lifts the lifetime ban on gay men donating blood. It is now possible for gay men who have not had sex in the last year to donate 2013. The Marriage (Same-Sex Couples) Act is passed in England and Wales. ϖ

Daniel Kawczynski becomes the first MP in

Britain to come out as bisexual. ( Timeline reproduced with the kind permission of Stonewall Charity )

TORTELLI DI CARNEVALE Tortelli are deep fried fritters, resembling very much some mini round donughts. They can be empty or filled with cream and coated in sugar. Traditionally available during Carnival, like ‘chiacchiere’, also called ‘castagnole’ or ‘fritole’.

For 6 people: 225g flour 00 – sifted 200ml milk 200ml water 75g unsalted butter 35g sugar 4 large eggs zest of 1 lemon a pinch of salt 1 litre sunflower oil 50g white sugar for coating

1. Put a medium size saucepan on a a medium heat and add the milk, water, butter and pinch of salt. Bring to the boil and stir to make sure the butter has melted

2. Remove from the heat and add all the flour at once, mixing energetically with a wooden spoon to blend the ingredients 3. Place the saucepan on the heat again and continue to stir till you hear a sizzling sound and the mixture looks lump free and smooth, coming away from the sides of the saucepan. Remove and let it cool

4. Once cooled, add the sugar, lemon zest and the eggs one at a time, stirring well between each addition. This will require a little bit of work. You can use an electric stand mixer with a paddle attachment for this last step 5. Take a walnut size amount of the mixture with a spoon and with a second spoon, scoop it out a couple of times to form a round shape. Deep fry the tortelli in previously heated oil to 170C, for a few minutes till the look brown

6. Remove and coat them in sugar. Top Tip: Tortelli will pu up nicely during frying and will remain hollow in the middle. You can either leave them empty or fill with crema pasticcera.

Dare to be authentic

15 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

速

Slow down in this stressed free world and try developing self compassion rather than self esteem? For info call the team 02074671508

LIFE Style

Exercises from the new book: Managing Anxiety Using Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy by Matt BroadwayHorner 17 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

1.

Meditation Using the Eyes: I want you to open and close your eyes very slowly. Start from a squint, then relax the muscles around your eyes gently and very, very slowly. Begin to open your eyes fully, and then close them

again as slowly as you can manage, even- tually returning to the squint.

2.

Meditation Using the Mouth: I want you to do the same with your mouth as you just did with your eyes. Slowly open your mouth until you stretch it as wide as is possible and then

very slowly close it again until your lips are close together. Repeat until you feel a sense of calm and peacefulness.

3.

Attention-Training Exercise: Keep your eyes focused on an object, then pay attention to the first sound you hear. What have you noticed? Describe it

5.

Meditation in Action: This is about doing a simple task in slow motion and paying attention to the movement, sensations, and senses it creates.

simply. For instance, “I can

Many people choose to do this

hear a ticking clock and the sound it makes is a tick-

while brushing their teeth, for example. Really taste

tock sound.” Now move to sound two for a moment,

and smell the toothpaste. How does your mouth

and then move to sound three. The aim is to focus

react to the taste of toothpaste? Let a task that

on three sounds over the course of three minutes. If

takes two minutes normally last for many more.

a sound you focus on disappears, then focus on another sound that will last for the duration. Once you have heard all three sounds, listen to them all at once for a moment. Then returning to listening to them one at a time again for a second cycle.

4.

Available on Amazon

Mindfulness of the Breath: Make sure you are seated comfort- ably, with your spine straight. Now focus on the belly. For the full duration of each inward breath and outward

breath, focus on its movement of the belly. If your mind wanders many times, gently remind it to come back to the belly. Many distractions and preoccupations may pop into your head, but say “I will return to that later,” and then focus on the belly again. Do this exercise for three minutes. Try to build up to ten minutes daily. Research shows that doing this simple exercise for ten minutes daily for six weeks can significantly change a pessimistic stance on yourself, others, and the world to an optimistic one.

18 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

Being Bad Isn’t the End of the World!

Sample taken from a new mindfulness book: Managing Anxiety using Mindfulness based Parents will be very familiar with this concept. When a child wants something and the parent denies their request, the child will often lash out in disappointment and say, “I hate you! I wish I had a different father!” That sounds like a heavy blow on the surface, but we are able to acknowledge that it is generated in anger and frustration, so we quickly move on. The parent can see that this is part of a child’s development—he or she is simply expressing what they think in a safe environment.

It’s OK for adults to be bad sometimes, too, as long as we are able to remember who we truly are and remain certain in that knowledge. Sometimes we get caught up in the idea of looking good, for example, because we fear disapproval from others.

We would do better to try out the attitude “let me try my best to look good.” Healthy adults try something and then, if they fail, they try another route next time. Some people may think of you as being “bad” in the moments when you do fail, but this is a small price to pay for overall happiness

19 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

and a feeling that you are achieving growth.

Being empathetic means putting yourself in the position of trying to understand someone else’s pain, offering statements like “me too,” or being able to imagine walking in another person’s shoes. Sympathy is slightly dif- ferent—it’s to show concern but not to fully feel someone else’s pain as it has not happened to you. Both, however, are powerful expressions of love, caring, and attention that help us connect to other human beings.

MOTTO: Don’t be defined by one moment. Falling into the trap of defining your whole nature because of one experience is not useful for successful living. Accept the mistake, apologise if necessary, and move on.

Stepping Back to Take a Good Look The mind can get caught up in the obsession of chasing perfection. This can only lead to being angry with yourself, and if you beat yourself up constantly, you’re sure to lower your mood and self-esteem.

Pause: Look back over times when you beat yourself up. Think what you would do if a visitor came to your house and, once you opened the door, he slapped you in the face! Would you ever open the door again? I can hear you saying “Yes, repeatedly.”

Well, try keeping the door closed and look for a positive twist on your situation or, if you cannot find one, then delay opening the door or even just let the doorbell ring—it won’t kill you!

The mind has many habits, like keeping hold of happy thoughts and pushing out threatening ones. Emotions may come and go like a wave, or they may flood over you. Looking at what the mind does when you experience thoughts/images and feelings is looking at the bigger picture. When you begin to develop your mindfulness practice, you will naturally be in the beginner’s mind. At times you may find it difficult to stay with difficult thoughts and feelings, but as you continue you will move towards the wise mind and this will become easier. This is good news—it means the obstacles you placed in front of yourself are slowly melting away and you are beginning to realise your potential.

Finding Fault with the Concept of SelfConfidence We are not wired to be superhuman. Look at your talents and see them as a great embellishment to being alive. As with self-esteem, the self-confidence concept risks jumping into the selfrating game, and we know now that can be perilous and can reinforce negative or unhealthy attitudes. Once you start saying “I must be able to do all these things to be complete,” not being able to do them will be a recipe for disaster.

“he slapped you in the face!

Would you ever open the door again?,”

Book available on amazon.co.uk £8.99 20 • IMAGINE • www.imaginemagazines.com

OUT NOW

NEW BOOK ON ANXIETY

Available on Amazon

Managing Anxiety using Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy This book by Matt Broadway-Horner uses 3rd wave therapies like Compassion Focus Therapy, ACT, and mindfulness to help you move forward in your life. Tried and tested ideas with a large focus on mindfulness. Matt writes in a coffee table read style as if talking to you in person with lots of pit stop exercises to help to become vivid