Imagine Issue 16

IMAGINE

OCTOBER 2015 FREE

ADVICE TRICKS OF THE TRADE

4 DATING TIPS FOR THE NEWLY see inside for details DIVORCED

HOW TO DANCE THE TANGO IN 8 MOVES WHAT DO THE DANCERS SAY?

7 INCREDIBLE WAYS TO RECONNECT WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND?

FOR BETTER ROMANCE

UNCOVERING HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE LOOKING AT WHAT YOU CAN DO

Top Nosh from The Italian Lady

Mia Kitchenette Page 1 of 20 imaginemagazines.com

FEATURES 04.

4 Dating Tips For The Newly Divorced

Food & Nutrition 07 La Mia kitchenette offers Fig Cake

LIFESTYLE 10 How To Dance The Tango in 8 Moves

Wellbeing 11 7 Incredible Ways To Reconnect with Your Husband or Boyfriend 16

Tricks of the trade

IMAGINE magazine is published by CBT in the City and is provided free due to the donations of others

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FROM THE EDITOR

Welcome to the October edition of IMAGINE the easy coffee table read. These articles have been donated along with the photos and art work. If you want to donate then please send your donation to me at matt@imaginemagazines.com. Last year has seen the launch of this magazine and it has been an interesting journey since it started its life as a newsletter for the CBT in the City clinics back in 2006. The function is very different now with it being light, bright and breezy read with a few top tips along the way.

The direction of it is one that has a team perspective rather than just me as it was back in 2006. I hope that this year has proven to be good for you as it has been for me and in this issue the topics are to deal with life in the next chapter of your life using what is within you to make the change. Being resilient is not an easy task but then fear is always present when we take the courageous step forward. Its important to not mull over the past but get up and rub the dust of your knees deciding to take the journey into something that cannot be planned or control as you have your path already mapped out, just trust who you are and it will work out better than you controlled for!

Editor In Chief Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com

Associate Editor Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com

Contributing Writer Ingrid Michaelson

Contributing Writer Beverleigh H Piepers

Art Director Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com

Graphic Artist IDJ Photograpy

Circulation Officer Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com

Sales Officer Joe O'Brien

Matt

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4 Dating Tips for the Newly Divorced

by Beverleigh H Piepers

who are really hesitant to get back into the dating.

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When someone is newly divorced, they can have various reactions to the idea of dating. Some people are ready to get right back out there and see what kind of people they can meet, especially if they have been married for many years. It can be an adventure to say the least. However, there are other people who are really hesitant to get back into the dating world, so they hide from any kind of social activities.

Here are a few dating tips for the newly divorced... also be targeted by prejudice.

 

it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.

1. First, make sure that you are

You need to make sure you are

should be first and foremost in your

really ready to date. If you are still

ready to date - body, mind and

mind. Many parents put o dating

having a lot of emotional feelings

spirit.

until their children are older - simply

towards your ex, you might not be

for this reason. It's about making

ready to jump back into the dating

3. The third thing you can do is to

sacrifices that will help your

pool just yet. The last thing you

make a list of what you would like in

children remain well-adjusted even

want to do is to carry a bunch of

a potential new partner. Draw from

after they have felt the eects of

negativity into a new relationship.

what you didn't like about your

their parents' divorce. If nothing

You might be painting all potential

previous relationship so that you

else, don't bring potential new

partners with the same broad brush

don't make the same mistakes

dating partners around your

due to nagging feelings that you

again. The last thing you want to do

children until you are really sure

have about your ex.

is to jump back into a relationship

they are going to be a long-term

that has the same or similar

fixture in your life.

2. The second thing you need to do

problems you just dealt with in your

is to take care of yourself first. You

divorce. No one is going to be

The solution is not in the endless

likely went through some emotional

perfect, so don't try to search out

volumes of information you find

turmoil during the divorce, so it

someone who will meet all of your

across the internet, or the advice

makes sense to get yourself back in

needs.

your friends give... it's in yourself;

order first. You might need to...

the thoughts that make you who 4. Finally, you really need to think

take a vacation,

through your dating plans if you have children. Remember your

start an exercise program, or seek

children didn't ask for their parents

personal counselling.

to get divorced, so their needs

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you are.

6

imaginemagazines.com

Imagine•

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La Mia Kitchenette

TORTA DI FICHI FRESCHI - fresh figs cake This is a beautiful and scrumptious cake, made and decorated with fresh figs bought this morning from my local market. When mature, fresh figs are a delicious accompaniment to savoury dishes as well as used in desserts. Make jam with them or eat them on their own, add them to cakes and in salads. Whichever way you wish to use them, they are just a delightful fruit and very nutritious.

For a 20cm diameter cake: 6 figs 120g caster sugar 4 large eggs 40ml milk 250g self raising flower 1 tsp vanilla extract icing sugar to dust

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Preheat the oven to 180C. 1. Beat the sugar and eggs till light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time alternating with two spoonfuls of flour each time 2. Add the milk and vanilla extract and continue to beat 3. Transfer the mixture into a previously greased and lined (base only) cake tin

4. Peel four figs and quarter them.

Place them in the mixture in a circular shape. With a spoon, cover them with a little mixture

5. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes.

Test if ready by inserting a skewer which should come out clean if the cake is ready. If still wet, bake for a further 10 minutes

6. Decorate with the remaining figs previously quartered and generously sprinkle with icing sugar Tip: This cake is delicious served warm with a drop of cream.

by Elisabetta

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Best Ski Slopes in France for Beginners Skiing is a wonderful sport and a very

only fantastic views but also a wide

popular activity with both thrill seekers

range of terrains for beginners,

and those simply seeking to enjoy an

amateurs, and experienced skiers.

invigorating and fun winter experience.

While many of the best ski slopes are

The many different varieties of slopes to

targeted towards the advanced skiers,

navigate and the sheer pleasure of

Tignes has a ski school in which first-

speeding down the best ski slopes in

timers, including family groups, can

the world are more than enough

enrol and have fun learning the sport.

reasons to make a holiday like this so

There are also nursery slopes, which are

enjoyable. If you're planning on coming

generally wider, so beginners will feel

to France for a winter holiday, you'll

more comfortable and relaxed when

have plenty of choice - no matter what

tackling the sport for the first time.

your level of skill. Beginner skiers don't

Another appeal of Tignes is the

need to embark on a difficult slope

women's only course offered in the

immediately. There are many fantastic

resort; lessons provide a more focused

slopes for beginners, which will allow

approach to teaching women how to

them to gauge their own skill and then

ski, since there are certain differences

determine how far they want to push

between men and women when it

their abilities. Those heading to France

comes to skiing - who knew? The

should check out the following slopes to

courses are taught by experienced

make the experience of skiing for the

women instructors.

first time an unforgettable one.

La Plagne Les Arcs Perhaps the resort with the best ski The reason Les Arcs can claim to have

slopes for first-timers is La Plagne in

some of the best ski slopes in France is

Paradiski. There are plenty of free lifts

because of its ability to cater to different

set up in the area for beginners and

levels of skiers - with something to offer

62% of the slopes in the resort can be

everyone. For instance, first-time skiers

categorized as easy. Aside from the very

will be able to appreciate Arc 1800, one

easy slopes, La Plagne also has special

of the villages in the resort with the

slopes for slower skiers; these are

most variety of slopes. Les Arcs also

perfect for those who want to try the

has beginner's lift, which will be able to

sport but are a little concerned about

aid novices as they try the sport for the

picking up too much speed. Moreover,

first time. Moreover, as beginners

those who want to seriously want to

progress in their skill, they can choose a

learn how to perfect their skills can

different slope to match from the wide

enrol in formal courses. There are

range available in the resort.

several excellent schools within the resort, so holidaymakers can select a

Tignes Tignes has one of the highest altitudes in Europe, which means it offers not

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course they are most comfortable with and be whizzing down the slopes in no time.

by Danielle Hodges

Les Arcs also has beginner's lift, which will be able to aid novices as they try the sport for the first time.

Moreover, as beginners progress in their skill, they can choose a different slope to match from the wide range available in the resort.

How To Dance The Tango In Eight Moves By  Ingrid Michaelson

After all, what good is the tango without the emotion?

If there's one dance that people consider romantic and

4. Switch sides and mirror his movement.

sexy, that would be the tango. It comes as no surprise that many people show a lot of interest in learning the

5. As he pivots his right foot to the left, do the same with

famous moves they've seen in movies. Not to mention

your left. The leading leg should pull your body weight.

the sultry dresses women wear! As they swing and move their legs to the beat of the earthy and dramatic music, the swish of the skirt is a mesmerizing site indeed.

Unlike the other ballroom dances, the movements involved in tango can either be slow and smooth, or sharp and strong. It is distinct in its own right and is easy on the eyes. A quick leg flip and a head snap usually signals the beginning of the dance.

Tango is a dance

made for lovers. While it has the same circular flow as most other styles have, there is a sense of need emanating for both the man and woman. It seems as if they crave for the touch of the other person while their feelings of passion radiate all throughout the dance. And although it looks very complicated, the basic choreography involves alternating movement of the feet.

The man starts and the woman mirrors what he does.

Some people prefer to learn the tango with the help of the instructor. While studios can be found practically anywhere, you can equip yourself ahead of time by learning the most basic steps: 1. Stand up beside your partner and hold him close.

2. As he moves his right foot back, you step forward using left foot. The foot moves to where the body leans.

Keep your heel o the ground while your leg trails smoothly. Avoid bouncing at all costs. Allow your heel to touch the floor only when you take a step back.

3. As he brings his left foot to the side, do the same with your right. This lateral movement begins with the leading foot extending to either direction that is quickly followed by shift in weight. Your feet come together soon after.

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6. Switch sides when he does.

7. Add toe-taps and a variety of other movements only when you've grown comfortable and familiar with the dance.

8. Think like a cat and try to move like one all throughout. And remember, some people believe that it is actually the women who do the first move. However it will be for you, you shouldn't act like a ragged doll being dragged around.

Tango is very much like walking with your partner. The major distinction here is that you face and hold each other close as you traipse your way through the floor.

For those who feel the need to challenge themselves, the dance does get complicated. As for those who live in a world of self-reliance, there are those who believe that you can add your own personal movements to the dance. Just know that as an active participant, you must exude passion. After all, what good is the tango without the emotion?

7 Incredible Ways to Reconnect With your Husband Or Boyfriend

By Cucan Pemo

At least once a week, you and your partner need to get out of the house and on a date

There are times in every relationship when other

their relationships if they take the time to make

commitments take priority over your husband or your

themselves look good. Something as simple as getting

boyfriend, but these times can hurt a relationship. When

out of sweatpants and tee shirts at the end of the day

you start to notice that you haven't been as close as you

and into nice jeans and a well-fitting top can help you

once were, you will want to start taking steps that will

feel more confident and thus, more attractive to your

reconnect you with your partner and re-establish the

partner. You don't have to look like a model, but taking

strong relationship that you once had. Realize that the

care of your appearance can help you feel like one.

mess can wait. Some women believe that they are being

Create a date.

constantly judged by how their house or their living

partner need to get out of the house and on a date. Too

space looks. However, this is far from the case. Instead

often, long relationships think that they are 'past' that, so

of making cleaning the majority of your free time, why

they settle into a dull life of staying at home. When you

not allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the

were first dating, you went to the movies and out to eat

day to make room for your relationship? Instead of

why not try to do that more now? Sure, you won't be able

having the laundry always done and the kitchen always

to do it every week, but if you try, you will both have

shining, isn't your relationship worth the time? Take time

something to look forward to.

for yourself.

Many women will feel more connected in

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At least once a week, you and your

 

Stop your thinking.

Many times, a woman can become frustrated by

everything that she is handling, especially when she's a mom as well as a career woman. When this happens, you might feel as though you could scream at your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic enough, etc.

But is this really going to reconnect your relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few seconds before you share these kinds of feelings.

You might find that you're actually feeling something else that's not directed at him. Put the spotlight on him. When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to feel special. When you can't get away It's time to be creative if you're unable to get away from the house. Maybe you can create date night at home, or work together on some goals that you've wanted to accomplish. Play board games do whatever you both like to do together. If you have a home remodeling project, don't leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple time.

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When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well


Extensions To You and Your Life

iPads, iPhones Therapy However it can prove difficult to take time off work to see a specialist due to the growing pressures of working in a recession and extensions to you and your life. Bosses are trying to juggle many aspects of the business and simply can’t afford to allow team members to take time off. Or you could be a stay at home parent who is struggling with a problem and don’t know how to manage or cope. Whatever the problem video online therapy will help and be a source of support and encouragement. But why suffer in silence when technology now is better than before and you can contact a specialist via a smartphone, ipad, laptop and desktop through using online service

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Available now payment for therapy from your phone, iPad, s m a r t p h o n e www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/

The sense of all is ok and good with me now. I am a fallible human being

14 • Imagine•

cbtinthecity.com

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Buying a gift of therapy to help the friend in need. Go to www.cbtinthecity.com

City living comes with its stresses, slow down and look around what do you notice? Be like a tourist and describe what you notice

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Imagine• cbtinthecity.com• 15

Tricks of the trade

By Matt Broadway-Horner

Negative assertion rule is a great one when dealing with criticism and so can be used to great effect. e.g brother states “your always late when I need you” and he says this as I walk in the door 45 minutes late. I could chose to respond in an unhelpful negative way and just dismiss him and tell him to shut up or I could use the helpful method by agreeing with him. And saying “ yes it is true that I am late today but I was not late before or any other time, I am here now lets talk…..With this Negative assertion rule you agree with the grain of truth to keep the channel of communication open but then swift to get to point and use the time to talk about the purpose of the meeting.

Broken record is simply saying the same thing over and over until the other person hears it.

This is useful when dealing with other aggressive people and they don’t listen.

Tip: F Fair to myself and others A No Apologies for being alive S Stick to values (not do anything I'll regret later) T Truthful without excuses or exaggeration

Use the ‘I’ when dealing with discussing how you feel about a difPicult situation. I might say “ I felt disappointed with the way the exam turned out” may open up the conversation to others.

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Instead of “You made me fail because of your snoring” which would not have a constructive conversation and just be counter-­‐productive. No one can really argue with how you feel when using the ‘I’ method but they can argue if you are accusing them and then the walls go up and nobody gets heard. Never use demands as this is a sure way of hitting the wall. “You must or You should “ is never a good idea when negotiating as this will lead to you losing every time as the other person will not listen. Delay the response is a good way to giving you time to respond. This is particularly useful if you feel pressured to give an answer but an instant way rather than a meaningful one. This will provide you with space to think about options and consider the best one. So the typical responses here are “Can I think on that…..” “I will get back to you” “When can I discuss it with you again”, “leave it with me and I will get back to you”

4 step Tip for dealing with anger Top tip Follow a Anger 4 step approach 1. walk away-decide to come back to situation in one hour and then make an excuse to walk away e.g. need to make a call or I am late for an appointment must dash!

2. Get calm- go for a slow walk or another activity which slows you down 3. Rethink- How do you want others to think about you? How do `I want to think of myself? Am I fostering/nurturing (looking after) the relationship with myself and the other person 4. Come back with a response- this can be a response to self ‘I am annoyed about……but now it’s ok and life goes on’ or a response to the other person to say “lets agree to disagree” or “ I am sorry”

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The Anger 4 step approach is tapping into the idea of hindsight is golden and “I wished I had acted differently and if so then I would act like this…..”

Well the 4 step just helps to create a pause button while you collect your thoughts and decide a course of action.

Pause and rewind can cause you to feel hot with anger and Pause and fast forward can help you see the potential consequences before they occur and help you to salvage the situation before it becomes a problem. Ask yourself this question, Do I need to waste my energy on this? Is it really worthwhile in upsetting myself and others to get something that I need this desperately and demanding stance? If no then give it up and move on…..life is just too short for drama and tantrums

Being comfortable communicating Another motto is needed here, Practice makes permanent and so try using your new found skills over and over.

Remember that task conPidence is developed when you practice. Secondly you trouble shoot when you develop task conPidence along with an enjoyment as the conPidence grows. Remember that your conPidence level will begin low but then it will grow. We all have to learn and start somewhere. We as human beings are social by nature and so you will Pind your style and way to communicate that will rePlect your strengths and personality traits.

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Just say what comes to mind and leave it to others to pick it up and respond. Try not to imagine how it sounds or view yourself with your minds eye from another side of the room as this will create unnecessary anxiety.

Tip: G Gentle manner without attack or threat I Interest in the other person V Validate the other person without judging E Easy manner (with a little humour?)

Don’t fulPill fear’s need to rehearse over and over! Just say IT! And I am sure with your spontaneous stance the occasion should bring you some pleasure in the short and long term

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This will often be the logical or practical words that will sought out the issue

!

Make the journey’s end its a promise

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