 
imagine Issue 5 • November 2014
Assertiveness and Resilience: the keys to coping Part 2
La Mia kitchenette offers fresh figs cake
4 Dating Tips For The Newly Divorced!
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FEATURES 04.
4 Dating Tips For The Newly Divorced
" Food & Nutrition 07 La Mia kitchenette offers Fig Cake
" LIFESTYLE " 10 How To Dance The Tango in 8 Moves
"
Wellbeing 11 7 Incredible Ways To Reconnect with Your Husband or Boyfriend 16 Assertiveness and Resilience: the keys to coping Part Two"
IMAGINE magazine is published by CBT in the City and is provided free due to the donations of others
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FROM THE EDITOR
Welcome to the November edition of IMAGINE the easy coffee table read. These articles have been donated along with the photos and art work. If you want to donate then please send your donation to me at matt@imaginemagazines.com. This year has seen the launch of this magazine and it has been an interesting journey since it started its life as a newsletter for the CBT in the City clinics back in 2006. The function is very different now with it being light, bright and breezy read with a few top tips along the way. The direction of it is one that has a team perspective rather than just me as it was back in 2006. I hope that this year has proven to be good for you as it has been for me and in this issue the topics are to deal with life in the next chapter of your life using what is within you to make the change. Being resilient is not an easy task but then fear is always present when we take the courageous step forward. Its important to not mull over the past but get up and rub the dust of your knees deciding to take the journey into something that cannot be planned or control as you have your path already mapped out, just trust who you are and it will work out better than you controlled for!
" Matt
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Editor In Chief " Matt Broadway-Horner, matt@imaginemagazines.com "
Associate Editor" Susie Smith, info@imaginemagazines.com
Contributing Writer" Ingrid Michaelson
Contributing Writer" Beverleigh H Piepers
Art Director" Pradeep De Silva pradeep@imaginemagazines.com"
Graphic Artist" IDJ Photograpy
Circulation Officer" Brian Morton brian@imaginemagazines.com"
Sales Officer" Joe O'Brien
 
4 Dating Tips for the Newly Divorced
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by Beverleigh H Piepers
" When someone is newly divorced, they can have various reactions to the idea of dating. Some people are ready to get right back out there and see what kind of people they can meet, especially if they have been married for many years. It can be an adventure to say the least. However, there are other people who are really hesitant to get back into the dating world, so they hide from any kind of social activities. Here are a few dating tips for the newly divorced... also be targeted by prejudice.
 
it's in yourself; the thoughts that make you who you are.
1. First, make sure that you are
You need to make sure you are
should be first and foremost in your
really ready to date. If you are still
ready to date - body, mind and
mind. Many parents put o dating
having a lot of emotional feelings
spirit.
until their children are older - simply
towards your ex, you might not be
for this reason. It's about making
ready to jump back into the dating
3. The third thing you can do is to
sacrifices that will help your
pool just yet. The last thing you
make a list of what you would like in
children remain well-adjusted even
want to do is to carry a bunch of
a potential new partner. Draw from
after they have felt the eects of
negativity into a new relationship.
what you didn't like about your
their parents' divorce. If nothing
You might be painting all potential
previous relationship so that you
else, don't bring potential new
partners with the same broad brush
don't make the same mistakes
dating partners around your
due to nagging feelings that you
again. The last thing you want to do
children until you are really sure
have about your ex.
is to jump back into a relationship
they are going to be a long-term
that has the same or similar
fixture in your life.
2. The second thing you need to do
problems you just dealt with in your
is to take care of yourself first. You
divorce. No one is going to be
The solution is not in the endless
likely went through some emotional
perfect, so don't try to search out
volumes of information you find
turmoil during the divorce, so it
someone who will meet all of your
across the internet, or the advice
makes sense to get yourself back in
needs.
your friends give... it's in yourself;
order first. You might need to... take a vacation,
the thoughts that make you who 4. Finally, you really need to think
you are.
through your dating plans if you
" "
have children. Remember your start an exercise program, or seek
children didn't ask for their parents
personal counselling.
to get divorced, so their needs
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imaginemagazines.com
Imagine•
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La mia kitchenette
TORTA DI FICHI FRESCHI - fresh figs cake"
"
This is a beautiful and scrumptious cake, made and decorated with fresh figs bought this morning from my local market. When mature, fresh figs are a delicious accompaniment to savoury dishes as well as used in desserts. Make jam with them or eat them on their own, add them to cakes and in salads. Whichever way you wish to use them, they are just a delightful fruit and very nutritious. "
" For a 20cm diameter cake:" " 6 figs" 120g caster sugar" 4 large eggs" 40ml milk" 250g self raising flower" 1 tsp vanilla extract" icing sugar to dust"
"
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Preheat the oven to 180C."
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1. Beat the sugar and eggs till light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time alternating with two spoonfuls of flour each time"
"
2. Add the milk and vanilla extract and continue to beat"
"
3. Transfer the mixture into a previously greased and lined (base only) cake tin"
" "
4. Peel four figs and quarter them. Place them in the mixture in a circular shape. With a spoon, cover them with a little mixture"
" "
5. Bake in the oven for 30 minutes. Test if ready by inserting a skewer which should come out clean if the cake is ready. If still wet, bake for a further 10 minutes"
" "
6. Decorate with the remaining figs previously quartered and generously sprinkle with icing sugar "
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Tip: This cake is delicious served warm with a drop of cream."
"
by Elisabetta
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Best Ski Slopes in France for Beginners Skiing is a wonderful sport and a very
only fantastic views but also a wide
popular activity with both thrill seekers
range of terrains for beginners,
and those simply seeking to enjoy an
amateurs, and experienced skiers.
invigorating and fun winter experience.
While many of the best ski slopes are
The many different varieties of slopes to
targeted towards the advanced skiers,
navigate and the sheer pleasure of
Tignes has a ski school in which first-
speeding down the best ski slopes in
timers, including family groups, can
the world are more than enough
enrol and have fun learning the sport.
reasons to make a holiday like this so
There are also nursery slopes, which are
enjoyable. If you're planning on coming
generally wider, so beginners will feel
to France for a winter holiday, you'll
more comfortable and relaxed when
have plenty of choice - no matter what
tackling the sport for the first time.
your level of skill. Beginner skiers don't
Another appeal of Tignes is the
need to embark on a difficult slope
women's only course offered in the
immediately. There are many fantastic
resort; lessons provide a more focused
slopes for beginners, which will allow
approach to teaching women how to
them to gauge their own skill and then
ski, since there are certain differences
determine how far they want to push
between men and women when it
their abilities. Those heading to France
comes to skiing - who knew? The
should check out the following slopes to
courses are taught by experienced
make the experience of skiing for the
women instructors.
first time an unforgettable one. La Plagne Les Arcs Perhaps the resort with the best ski The reason Les Arcs can claim to have
slopes for first-timers is La Plagne in
some of the best ski slopes in France is
Paradiski. There are plenty of free lifts
because of its ability to cater to different
set up in the area for beginners and
levels of skiers - with something to offer
62% of the slopes in the resort can be
everyone. For instance, first-time skiers
categorized as easy. Aside from the very
will be able to appreciate Arc 1800, one
easy slopes, La Plagne also has special
of the villages in the resort with the
slopes for slower skiers; these are
most variety of slopes. Les Arcs also
perfect for those who want to try the
has beginner's lift, which will be able to
sport but are a little concerned about
aid novices as they try the sport for the
picking up too much speed. Moreover,
first time. Moreover, as beginners
those who want to seriously want to
progress in their skill, they can choose a
learn how to perfect their skills can
different slope to match from the wide
enrol in formal courses. There are
range available in the resort.
several excellent schools within the resort, so holidaymakers can select a
Tignes Tignes has one of the highest altitudes in Europe, which means it offers not
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course they are most comfortable with and be whizzing down the slopes in no time.
by Danielle Hodges
Les Arcs also has beginner's lift, which will be able to aid novices as they try the sport for the first time. Moreover, as beginners progress in their skill, they can choose a different slope to match from the wide range available in the resort.!
"
How To Dance The Tango In Eight Moves By  Ingrid Michaelson
After all, what good is the tango without the emotion?
If there's one dance that people consider romantic and
4. Switch sides and mirror his movement.
sexy, that would be the tango. It comes as no surprise that many people show a lot of interest in learning the
5. As he pivots his right foot to the left, do the same with
famous moves they've seen in movies. Not to mention
your left. The leading leg should pull your body weight.
the sultry dresses women wear! As they swing and move their legs to the beat of the earthy and dramatic music, the swish of the skirt is a mesmerizing site indeed. Unlike the other ballroom dances, the movements involved in tango can either be slow and smooth, or sharp and strong. It is distinct in its own right and is easy on the eyes. A quick leg flip and a head snap usually signals the beginning of the dance.
Tango is a dance
made for lovers. While it has the same circular flow as most other styles have, there is a sense of need emanating for both the man and woman. It seems as if they crave for the touch of the other person while their feelings of passion radiate all throughout the dance. And although it looks very complicated, the basic choreography involves alternating movement of the feet. The man starts and the woman mirrors what he does. Some people prefer to learn the tango with the help of the instructor. While studios can be found practically anywhere, you can equip yourself ahead of time by learning the most basic steps: 1. Stand up beside your partner and hold him close. 2. As he moves his right foot back, you step forward using left foot. The foot moves to where the body leans. Keep your heel o the ground while your leg trails smoothly. Avoid bouncing at all costs. Allow your heel to touch the floor only when you take a step back. 3. As he brings his left foot to the side, do the same with your right. This lateral movement begins with the leading foot extending to either direction that is quickly followed by shift in weight. Your feet come together soon after.
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6. Switch sides when he does. 7. Add toe-taps and a variety of other movements only when you've grown comfortable and familiar with the dance. 8. Think like a cat and try to move like one all throughout. And remember, some people believe that it is actually the women who do the first move. However it will be for you, you shouldn't act like a ragged doll being dragged around. Tango is very much like walking with your partner. The major distinction here is that you face and hold each other close as you traipse your way through the floor. For those who feel the need to challenge themselves, the dance does get complicated. As for those who live in a world of self-reliance, there are those who believe that you can add your own personal movements to the dance. Just know that as an active participant, you must exude passion. After all, what good is the tango without the emotion?
"
7 Incredible Ways to Reconnect With your Husband Or Boyfriend By Cucan Pemo
At least once a week, you and your partner need to get out of the house and on a date
There are times in every relationship when other
their relationships if they take the time to make
commitments take priority over your husband or your
themselves look good. Something as simple as getting
boyfriend, but these times can hurt a relationship. When
out of sweatpants and tee shirts at the end of the day
you start to notice that you haven't been as close as you
and into nice jeans and a well-fitting top can help you
once were, you will want to start taking steps that will
feel more confident and thus, more attractive to your
reconnect you with your partner and re-establish the
partner. You don't have to look like a model, but taking
strong relationship that you once had. Realize that the
care of your appearance can help you feel like one.
mess can wait. Some women believe that they are being
Create a date.
constantly judged by how their house or their living
partner need to get out of the house and on a date. Too
space looks. However, this is far from the case. Instead
often, long relationships think that they are 'past' that, so
of making cleaning the majority of your free time, why
they settle into a dull life of staying at home. When you
not allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the
were first dating, you went to the movies and out to eat
day to make room for your relationship? Instead of
why not try to do that more now? Sure, you won't be able
having the laundry always done and the kitchen always
to do it every week, but if you try, you will both have
shining, isn't your relationship worth the time? Take time
something to look forward to.
for yourself.
Many women will feel more connected in
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At least once a week, you and your
 
" Stop your thinking.
Many times, a woman can become frustrated by
everything that she is handling, especially when she's a mom as well as a career woman. When this happens, you might feel as though you could scream at your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic enough, etc. But is this really going to reconnect your relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few seconds before you share these kinds of feelings. You might find that you're actually feeling something else that's not directed at him. Put the spotlight on him. When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to feel special. When you can't get away It's time to be creative if you're unable to get away from the house. Maybe you can create date night at home, or work together on some goals that you've wanted to accomplish. Play board games do whatever you both like to do together. If you have a home remodeling project, don't leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple time.
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When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well

Extensions To You and Your Life
"
iPads, iPhones Therapy However it can prove difficult to take time off work to see a specialist due to the growing pressures of working in a recession and extensions to you and your life. Bosses are trying to juggle many aspects of the business and simply can’t afford to allow team members to take time off. Or you could be a stay at home parent who is struggling with a problem and don’t know how to manage or cope. Whatever the problem video online therapy will help and be a source of support and encouragement. But why suffer in silence when technology now is better than before and you can contact a specialist via a smartphone, ipad, laptop and desktop through using online service
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Available now payment for therapy from your phone, iPad, s m a r t p h o n e www.cbtinthecity.com/shop/
"
The sense of all is ok and good with me now. I am a fallible human being
14 • Imagine•
cbtinthecity.com
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Buying a gift of therapy to help the friend in need. Go to www.cbtinthecity.com
City living comes with its stresses, slow down and look around what do you notice? Be like a tourist and describe what you notice
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Imagine• cbtinthecity.com• 15
"
Assertiveness and Resilience: the keys to coping part 2 By Matt Broadway-Horner
" " "
There can be many barriers to being assertive, 3irst of all is the de3inition itself. Many believe assertiveness to being all about demanding yours rights but this is missing the whole picture. Assertion is about opening up the channels of communication without pricking the defense mechanicism of others on purpose. Always use ‘I’ when talking about your feelings and never use ‘You made me feel’ “its because of you” as this then will cause the other persons wall to go up. When the wall goes up then nothing worthwhile will happen only lack of communication. Instead try it like this;
"
Chintha says “ I felt disappointed when you did not wait for me at the bus stop as I was looking forward to having a girly chat on the way to the birthday party”
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Dilanthi says “I am sorry but I needed to get to party earlier to meet Walter and Lahiru for 12pm and I was already running 20 minutes late”
"
Here the channels of communication are open with a conclusion which may not make both parties happy but does show that life is unpredictable and fun. Other barriers can be historial like growing up in a family where negogiating your own journey in an event may appear to be sel3ish. Sel3ishness is de3ined as taking the whole cake with crumbs left for other to use. Self-‐ interested is when you divide the cake equally taking your own slice.
"
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Being self-‐interested is important for all aspects of living from looks, appearance, taste of food, cooking etc. This is how identity is developed and displayed. Others will get to know you more clearly when they can see what you do and don’t like. Keep on eye on your demanding thinking. This can be an obstacle especially when demanding your rights. Remember that demands have the characteristic of being rigid, in3lexible, and inconsistent with reality. Flexibility is the way forward and this will bring you to a better position when being assertive. Resilience needs to have 3lexibility as a core ingredient for bouncing back and wiping the dust from the knees each time you fall down and get back up.
" Motto: Its not the falling down that counts but getting back up " " "
Recognising your rights
"
This is a great tool for recovery and some use the term “I have rights” in a manner like “ I have the right to be treated with respect” and there is nothing wrong with that but instead lets use it in a different way and lets look at how to use it. Now let me use a question: Is it you or the Depression talking? Can it be useful to view Depression as a separate entity well a great English Prime Minister Winston Churchill once thought so and indeed he called his Depression ‘the Black Dog’. Is it me or the dog deciding? Now many reading this will be dog owners and lovers. If we allow the dog to lead then this can be a disaster. No structure leads to an unhealthy dog. Well then why let Depression lead and live with no structure? Pull back the dog and be a pack leader! And lets take a look at the bill of rights
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Bill of Rights I have the right to lead a Depression free life!
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I have the right to have a ful3illing sexual life and not let Depression rob me of this!
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I have the right to not withdraw and be with my friends!
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I have the right to enjoy my work
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I have the right to be a great father to my kids!
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I have the right to be a great husband to my partner!
"
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Many who use this have said that it is like a call for war against Depression and activates action. I hope this can do the same for you and then once you activate and do then the motivation will follow.
"
Discovering you already know how to do it
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Knowing your rights is also about knowing the importance of balance. Knowing when and where to exercise your rights is key when negogiating with other people. Demanding thinking mixed with asserting your rights is aggression but preferential thinking mixed with asserting your rights is being self interested with balance. When exercising your rights with people it is important to look at the bigger picture and see if you can take your slice of the cake now or later. Relationships are key to the recovery of the Depressed person and so a n y m e t h o d w h i c h a i d s y o u r communication with others is always good.
"
Top tip-‐It is important to not get angry with others but get angry with the Depression moving towards the IFL friendship and when thinking of this the 3irst behavioural goal that pops into his mind is he has set to answer the phone the next time it rings.
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" The difference between Passive, Assertive and Aggression
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Passive is typically characterized by the following : moaning, self sacri3icing but wanting acknowledgment in a form that no body knows as you need to read the manual of Fred Bloggs! Who has the time to read a m a n u a l ? T h i s a p p r o a c h i s h i g h maintenance and energy draining.
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Assertion is keeping the channels of communication open in order to negotiate. Keeping the walls of defence down are important which the assertive person would maintain.
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Aggression is the demanding stance taken when negotiation has gone. In negotiation there has to be the possibility of losing the discussion and accepting this with humilty. Aggression does not allow the other to win. The various forms of aggression are divided into 2, direct and indirect aggression. Direct aggression is invading body space, verbally attacking to the other person, with raised voices, physical aggression by use of physical force.
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Indirect aggression is the back biting, sarcasm, using wit to pull the other person down with the direct intention of harming and having vengence. Aggression as a whole as well as passivity is left to the rule of assumption and that open and understandable communication is not part of the package. People who suffer from passivity and aggression never really test out what has
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been said but left with the assumption and then react. So why leave it like that! Try taking a risk and 3ind out the facts! Finding out the facts is key when knowing how to communicate e.g Sorry can you repeat that? Or did you says? Or forgive me if I am wrong but I thought you said…..
"
These are just simple but effective ways of testing out what had been said and then once you have discovered what has been said then says what 3irst comes to mind. This will often be the logical or practical words that will sought out the issue. If left to brooding or worrying then the aggressive or passive reactions will come into play. It can be quite draining on energy being passive or aggressive and so try to be assertive and compare energy levels as this alone will give you a practical reason why assertion is the way forward
This will often be the logical or practical words that will sought out the issue
!
Make the journey’s end its a promise
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