INBETWEEN December/January 2016 by INBETWEEN Magazine

FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT

DECEMBER/JANUARY 2016

SPIRITED PARENTING

A HOLIDAY PRIZE PACK WORTH $600+

THERESA CAPUTO

WAYS TO STOP UNDERAGE DRINKING SEXTING

HOW A SNAP DECISION CAN RUIN YOUR TEEN’S LIFE

DEE SNIDER FROM ROCK STAR TO ROCK BOTTOM

GIFTS THEY’LL

LOVE

inbetween DECEMBER/JANUARY 2016

INSIGHT

GIFT GUIDE

6 10 MINUTES WITH... Dee Snider 9 RAISING DAD Busted! My teen’s

computer browser exposed a porn site... but it was me who was looking 11 MODERN FAMILY Losing a job is scary. But, for this family, it ended up being a blessing in disguise

INFORM 14 HEALTH & LIFE NEWS

THERESA CAPUTO

16 ASK THE EXPERT Kimberly Moffit

on teen break-ups 17 LET’S PARTY! Here’s why it’s a good thing that your teen wants to play New Year’s Eve host 20 A SNAP DECISION Sexting can ruin your teen’s life in a flash 24 WAKE-UP CALL Why teens are turning to the morning-after pill 27 PUT A CORK IN IT How you can stop underage drinking

TEENS AND THE MORNINGAFTER PILL

INSPIRE 30 A WINNING WISH LIST

Items that any teen would love to receive this Christmas.

COVER AND CAPUTO PHOTOS: SHERWOOD-TRIART

35 THAT’S THE SPIRIT

Theresa Caputo on the hardest job of all—being a mom

INDULGE 40 GO AWAY! Reward yourself with

NEW YEAR’S AT YOUR PLACE!

a relaxing trip for two

44 THE TRUTH ABOUT WINTER SKIN

Skin care for the harshest weather 46 HEALTHY HOLIDAYS 10 tips 50 WINTER PEDICURE

INBETWEEN

THE FIRST SHOE THAT MOVES WITH YOU

ALL-DAY COMFORT TOTAL FLEXIBILITY GOGA MAT 速 INSOLE

INBETWEEN

ONTRIBUTOR

SHANDLEY MCMURRAY

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

RACHEL NAUD ART DIRECTOR

CAROLINE BISHOP FASHION EDITOR

Jordana Handler WEBSITE MANAGER

Victor Chard EDITORIAL ASSISTANT

Erin Hesselink CONTRIBUTORS

Based in London, England, Shandley McMurray is the newest addition to the INBETWEEN team! Last Christmas, Shandley and her family escaped the festive madness with a trip to The Seychelles; it was the most relaxing holiday they’ve ever had. Read her story on page 40 for ideas of where you can go to de-stress after the chaos has settled.

Peter Carter, Andrea Donsky Sandra Gonsalves, Jordana Handler, Erin Hesselink, Lara Hyde, Deven Knill, Shandley McMurray, Kimberly Moffit, Erik Putz, Alyson Schafer, Agnes Wywrot, Natalia Zurawska Copyright 2015 INBETWEEN Magazine. All rights reserved. All images, unless otherwise noted, are from iStockphoto. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher.

The publisher accepts no responsibility for advertisers’ claims, unsolicited manuscripts, transparencies or other materials.

For any questions, submissions or comments, please contact info@inbetween.ca.

SANDRA GONSALVES Sandra Gonsalves has written feature articles for various Caribbean magazines and was an associate editor for the Antigua Sun daily newspaper. After growing up in Antigua and living in England, she currently enjoys life in Toronto chasing her two young boys. In this issue, she gives tips on how your teen can host a safe and happy New Year’s party on page 17.

DEVEN KNILL Deven is a Toronto-based freelance writer whose interests include reading, writing and spending time with friends and family. In this issue, she tackles the serious topic of teens upping their usage of the morning-after pill. You won’t want to miss it on page 24.

INBETWEEN

from Rachel

PHOTO BY AGNES WYWROT/VYV PHOTOGRAPHIC

HAVING IT ALL IT’S CRAZY HOW FAST the holidays creep up on us, each year seemingly faster than the last. As the parties, the presents, and the festive obligations fill up our calendars and our lives, it’s important to take stock of what’s important. For me, this means soaking up time and memories with my family, my crazy dogs and my friends. It doesn’t matter what’s wrapped and waiting under the tree; for me having it all is having them. At the height of his fame, Dee Snider, frontman for rock band Twisted Sister, felt like he had it all. He was travelling the world, had fans falling at his feet and had more money than he could count. However, when he stopped to really think about it, he realized that he actually had nothing at all. His marriage was crumbling, he had missed many of his children’s important milestones and his family life was dangling by a thread. His redemption came in the form of something he least expected—failure. The result: He was forced to focus on what mattered most—his family. See how it changed his life for the better on page 6. Cover girl, Theresa Caputo, seems to have it all. She has one of the most successful shows on TLC, Long Island Medium. She packs theatres large and small across North America, has penned bestsellers and has her own jewelry line to boot. We asked her what she values most in her life. Her answer may surprise you on page 35. For some teens, hosting a New Year’s bash with all their friends means everything! While welcoming teams of teens into your house may sound like a recipe for disaster, it’s actually a good sign that your child feels

comfortable opening their home—and life—to their peers. To help them ring in the New Year in style (and without trashing your house), see our tips on page 17. What would a holiday issue be without a gift guide? We did the legwork and handpicked a selection of festive finds any teen would be happy to receive this Christmas. The best part? You can have some of them for free! Don’t miss our contest on page 30. Finally, this issue marks INBETWEEN’s second anniversary! We’re so proud to bring you a magazine that not only highlights the issues of raising adolescents into adults, but also takes the time to celebrate this phase of life. We want to thank you for supporting us over the past two years. We hope our articles have enlightened, entertained and inspired you. Our holiday wish is that you find reading INBETWEEN a rounded, enjoyable experience. After all, we want you to have it all, too. Happy Holidays. ■

rachel@inbetween.ca

INBETWEEN

insight 10 MINUTES WITH...

DEE SNIDER

As frontman for Twisted Sister, Dee Snider had it all—fame, fortune and a loving family. However, his months on the road and ever-expanding ego put his marriage in jeopardy. What saved it surprised even him.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF DEE SNIDER

by rachel naud At the height of Twisted Sisters’ stardom, you were living like the ultimate rock star. How did that translate to your family life at home? Terribly. I missed nine months of my oldest son’s first year. I wasn’t around. He was born in 1982 and that was when things started to take off for me. Also, fame and fortune made me into a monster; they made me self-absorbed, self-centred, egomaniacal, and megalomaniacal. I was just impossible to live with and it destroyed my marriage. We came as close as we ever came to breaking up, but we went for counselling and found out that it wasn’t her, it was me. We did therapy, we put it back together and we’ve been together now for 39 years.

INBETWEEN

10 Minutes With

How did the breakup of the band affect your life? The best thing that ever happened to me was to have my career completely derail. By 1987, the band had broken up and I was humbled. I was on top of the world and now I was at the bottom, in just five years. I lost every dollar and we were completely broke. We had three kids and we were literally starting from scratch. Grunge music had become popular and I couldn’t work playing that music so I had to figure out what I was going to do. Either I was going to end it all or pick myself up and take care of my kids and my wife and figure it out. So I did. We were broke in the ’90s and those were some of our best years as a family. We were forced to be more creative economically. We were doing things like going camping rather than staying in a four- or five-star hotel. We were trying to find inexpensive ways to do things as a family and I think we were better for it. My wife was saying when I was away and came home, I was very much there. I was very much a dad to the kids and they never complained that Daddy was never home. I’m pretty proud of that,

The Snider Christmas card.

considering how much I was away at the beginning. Was it hard to switch from rock star to dad? I never felt that at all. In my vision of my rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle, I was going to be a rock star and be married and have kids. I was disappointed to find out that many rock stars didn’t think that it was rock ‘n’ roll to be married and have kids, which sort of stunned me because I thought rock ‘n’ roll was all about being who you wanted to be and being true to yourself. That kind of pissed me off really. I also had the help of a very strong wife who wouldn’t allow me to act out when I came home. I would come home from touring

and walk into the house and scream, “I am a God!” and she would say “Yeah, well, go empty the Diaper Genie. It smells like sh*t.” And then my cool was left at the door and I was back to being a dad. How did you deal with the rebellious teenage years with your kids? It was tough for my kids to rebel. They tried or whatever but we weren’t really normal parents that way. So they couldn’t really sit there and claim, “You don’t know me” or “You don’t understand” “You’re not cool” or whatever. They would try sometimes and I would just look at them and go, “You’re kidding me right?” That’s a part of growing

INBETWEEN

10 Minutes With

“we understood the rebellion, but we demanded respect. say what you want, do what you want, but be respectful.” up—finding yourself and being the person you are. But if it’s at the expense of Mom and Dad being made out to be people who don’t have a clue, you’re going to have to do it differently than that. We understood the rebellion, but we demanded respect. Say what you want, do what you want, but be respectful. My father was epitomized in the “I Wanna Rock” video, where the dad screamed, “What do you want to do with your life?” He would just scream it at me. He would make fun of everything I was doing and it was brutal and I wasn’t allowed to say one word. So, for us, we said if you want to rebel and you want to find yourself, well, we’ve been there, done that. But don’t be disrespectful to your family or to us. Did you ever have the “Dad, but you did it” conversation? There’s a rule that all parents should know about, and that is don’t tell them the total truth about everything. It’s not a matter of what you did or the mistakes you made. You don’t have to tell

them when you lost your virginity. You don’t have to tell them you got high—especially if it’s going to make it more difficult for you to parent and control them. Just because you screwed up doesn’t mean you have to tell them so they can use that as a crutch when they screw up. So, enforce the rules and don’t be completely open with them. There’s a lot of time for that later in life. Now that your kids are grown at 27, 25, and 19, how has the relationship changed? It changed a lot. It’s gone from parent to friend. I have incredible respect for my kids and when I come up with creative stuff, they’re the first people I send my work to. They’re all writers and creators in different ways, whether it’s music or film or comedy. They’ve all become very educated. So yeah, the relationship has changed and it’s gone from parent teaching the child to adult child teaching the parent. And if you’re a smart parent, you’re going to recognize your child is smarter

than you. That’s the plan, isn’t it? To be smarter, wiser and, if you did your job right, they probably have something they could tell and teach you. You’re now on a different stage with your show, Dee Snider’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Christmas Tale. What is it about? The Dee Snider Rock ‘n’ Roll Christmas Tale was designed to create a family experience. One that, whether you’re seven or 70, you’re going to walk away from and say, “That was fun.” It’s a story of a struggling rock ‘n’ roll band that, in an effort to find fame and fortune, sell their soul to the devil. In their journey, they find the magic of Christmas. This band, from the minute they sell their souls, can’t stop breaking out into rockedout Christmas songs and think they’ve been possessed by the spirit of Christmas. So they try to get an exorcism. It’s a fun show. We had a great run in Chicago last year and I’m excited to bring it to Toronto. ■

INBETWEEN

Raising Dad

BUSTED!

A quick search of my teen’s computer browser exposed a visit to a porn site. My wife was furious and grounded my son immediately. But she didn’t know the half of it—my son was innocent. It was actually me. by peter carter

Peter has four brothers, four sisters, one wife, two daughters and a son, the last three of which all recently graduated from teenagehood with all their limbs and sanity intact. According to Carter: “If you can’t use your family as a petri dish for life, what else you gonna do with ’em?”

KNEW IMMEDIATELY upon entering the house that something dark and evil had happened while I was at work. My three kids and wife, Helena, were home and, even though the weather outside was bright and warm, inside the house was shrouded in a chilly cone of silence. You’ve all felt it. I walked into the kitchen and asked Helena, “S’up?” “Go ask your son,” she said. “He’s in his room. Grounded.” Up I went, dreading what I was going to hear. Michel, who was about 13 at the time, was sitting—dejected—on his bed. Me: “What happened?” Michel: “Mom says I was looking at bad websites and I wasn’t.” He said he was playing on the desktop computer fooling around on a totally appropriate website when Helena came by and asked to see his browser history. He clicked on the little triangle and down dropped Exhibit A: flashyourrack.com.

INBETWEEN

Raising Dad

“the porn episode was simply one instance in a never-ending series of challenges that have made me realize that anything my kids can do, i can do (and likely have done) worse.” Talk about busted. (Get it? Busted? Never mind.) Anyway, it’s very difficult to argue with a browser. Helena, I guessed, gave him a talking to and banished him to his room. There was just one problem. Michel hadn’t visitedflashyourrack.com. I had. The day before. I should add that I’ve told this story more than once, and, at this point, people usually ask, “So what’d you do next? I trust you ‘fessed up.” ‘Fessing up was indeed one option. Clearly it would have been the “right” thing to do. On the other hand, if I admitted the truth and told everyone that I was the porn watcher, what would that do to my credibility? What if my mistake led to Michel thinking it was OK to check out worse stuff online in the future? I was left to face door No. 2, behind which lay an easy escape hatch: I could let busted boys lie, tell Michel to never do it again and go downstairs for supper. After all, Michel’s sentence—a few hours in his room alone—wasn’t exactly a stint in Guantanamo. And we’ve all been unjustly convicted of small things, right? He might have even learnt something—like always remember to delete your recent history. I can hear your collective moans of disgust. At this point, you’re like, “Ugh! What kind of Dad thinks about letting his kid take the rap? What a horrible person.” Never mind what I thought. It’s what I did that counts. I went downstairs and told Helena the truth. She took it with a surprisingly straight face, told me to let Michel know he was paroled and that she was sorry for the mistake.

Well now, if this were a canvas instead of a magazine and I could paint you a picture of the smile that broke out on Michel’s little face when I told him it was me who had been looking at porn, this page would be so bright you’d need a pair of polarized Ray-Ban Wayfarers to look at it. He was one happy boy. Not only did he get sprung from the halls of wrongdoing, but his Dad got busted. What could be better? Here’s what: Learning an important lesson. Teachable moments go both ways. The porn episode was simply one instance in a never-ending series of challenges that have made me realize that anything my kids can do, I can do (and likely have done) worse. Whether it’s checking out boobs, drinking underage at a friend’s party, minor-league shoplifting, using the family car without permission or fibbing to the folks about where I’d spent a particular Friday evening, I’ve been there and done it all. Whenever I’m unsure of what to do in a parenting situation, I think back to when I was a teenager and how I hoped my parents would react to my misdeeds. That’s how I try to respond to my kids’ mistakes. The other thing I learned? My wife knows everything. When I told Helena it was me who’d been poking around on flashyourrack.com, I sort of hemmed and hawed, looking down at the counter instead of into her eyes. I felt like a pervie jerk. Helena didn’t even look up from the cutting board during my confession. She wasn’t surprised one tiny little bit. She knows me really, really well. ■

INBETWEEN

GROWINGUP GRATEFUL

Modern Family

NATALIA ZURAWSKA/JUDY INC. FOR TRESEMME HAIRCARE.

Losing a job is scary. But for this family, it ended up being a blessing in disguise. by erin hesselink

THE VAN HEERDEN FAMILY Andre, 44, Carolyn, 44, Ava, 16, Elise, 12, Soren, 8, Malin, 4

photography by erik putz hair & makeup by natalia zurawska INBETWEEN

Modern Family

This Ancaster, Ont., family always has something going on. Andre works as the director of communications for the Christian Labour Association of Canada, while Carolyn recently started a part-time job as the market manager for the Ancaster Farmers’ Market. The kids keep both parents busy with everything from dance, soccer and track to public speaking. However, when Andre was laid off for a short time, the family had to make cuts to extra activities. What they got in exchange? A lot of well-needed family time.

ON MANAGING SCHEDULES Andre: The area we live in is great for hiking, biking and sports in general. We get together and do something as a family every weekend. Because of soccer, we’re together almost every night. Monday night, it’s one person’s game, the next night, it’s two practices and so on. Our four-year-old comes with us too and she runs around and plays. Right now, it’s especially busy because the girls also dance ballet and it sometimes overlaps with soccer.

C: One of the reasons Andre coaches all three teams is so he can set the schedules for practices. We’re lucky that two of our kids go to school right across the road. That helps in terms of organization. A: I like the busy pace of our schedules. I also like the fact that we always have dinner together and go out afterwards to soccer or other activities. ON THE TEEN YEARS A: Ava is a special kid. We’re lucky that she’s the

INBETWEEN

Modern Family

“it’s hard to say no, because although we would like them to participate in everything they want to, we simply can’t afford it.” oldest because she’s phenomenal. She has good work habits, reads all the time, and is great with her siblings. She’s mature but still fun enough to play with them. We really haven’t had any of the typical teenage problems at all. She’s just starting to get interested in boys now. C: Even though Ava is in Grade 11 and Elise is in Grade 7, they get along as if there wasn’t an age gap between them. They both get down to work on their homework, but Ava will spend time on Instagram while Elise plays games on the iPad—she’s uninterested in social media. Ava has always been easygoing and mindful of others and we have not seen much drama in her friendships. Elise is also concerned for the feelings of others but is more emotional and opinionated. Going into the teen years, it will be a little more challenging with Elise since she has been keeping up with Ava by experiencing things at an earlier age, like reading more mature books and watching more mature movies at a younger age. She has had more independence. When Elise sets her mind to something, there is no stopping her, so there may be parental challenges ahead when there are setbacks and disappointments of not achieving what she sets out to accomplish. Elise also has a heightened awareness of feelings and takes things personally. This may be a challenge during the emotionally-charged teen years with friends and relationships. ON MONEY C: One of the challenges we’ve had with Ava is with

her dance. She wants to do more of it and, financially, we can’t afford to do that. We went through a time when Andre was laid off of work almost two years ago, so we had to tell the kids they could only do one activity each. That was hard because Elise had to choose between piano and dance. The kids don’t really understand that they can’t have everything, and it’s hard to say no, because although we would like them to participate in everything they want to, we simply can’t afford it. A: We’re doing more stuff now but, when I was laid off, it was definitely a challenge. It was a blessing, too, because when we weren’t doing all these things, we had extra time together in the evenings. We went for walks or bike rides and it was good. ON CONFLICTS C: If they have a conflict with each other, we always say to them, “Think about how you would feel if you were them.” We’re always trying to encourage empathy. We tell them that they always need to say sorry. A: We also try to teach them to appreciate everything and be thankful. A lot of times, the conflicts come because they’re not being grateful. In my mind, it’s impossible to be unhappy and thankful at the same time. We have so many things to be thankful for—where we live, our house and our family—and it really helps to take a step back and put things in perspective. We don’t have a lot of challenges that way and the conflicts are very short-lived. ■

INBETWEEN

inFORM

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FOR YOUR TODAY AND THEIR TOMORROW

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OBSESSED WITH THE

SCREEN Head down, eyes glued to a phone screen, thumbs tapping letters at the speed of light…it’s a familiar sight for any parents of a teen. And it’s more serious than you think. A new study from the Wales Institute of Social and Economic Research found that one in five teens wakes up in the middle of the night to check his or her phone. The result: an exhausted kid who has trouble focusing the next day. Even more worrisome are the results from a recent study conducted by Baylor University that found smartphones to be as addictive as drugs and alcohol. According to the study, this obsession is having negative effects on teens’ personal, social and work lives.

INBETWEEN

News Briefs

BODY IMAGE LINKED TO

BODY MASS Overweight teen girls with negative body images are more likely to gain weight than those who are happy with their shape, say researchers of a study published in the September issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health. According to the study, overweight teen girls with low self-esteem increased their body mass indexes by three more points than their more positive counterparts over a 10-year period. On the other hand, boys didn’t experience a significant link between body image and body mass index in the study. Lesson: Teach your teens how to eat healthy, stay active and feel positive about their shape.

THE GRANDPARENT CONNECTION

Time with Granny and Gramps is key to a teen’s healthy attitude. A study conducted in August in the American Journal of Orthopsychiatry found that teens who had close relationships with their grandparents had better relationships with their parents, worried less, experienced more stable emotions and had better social skills. However, if a teen’s relationship with his parents was bad, he was still at risk for adjustment difficulties regardless of his connection with his grandparents. Looks like it might be time to book a trip to Grandma’s!

DOES YOUR TEEN HAVE FOMO?

It turns out FOMO (the “Fear Of Missing Out”) is actually a real thing. A new study by the University of Glasgow found that teens feel enormous pressure to be available 24/7 and to reply to messages instantly, which, in turn, causes anxiety. Teens who had high emotional investment in social media reported worse sleep quality, lower self-esteem and increased anxiety and depression compared to those who spent less time on social media. Teens who checked in online before bed also appeared to be more vulnerable. The team of researchers proposed a “digital sunset”—disabling all devices in the evening to help teens sleep better.

INBETWEEN

Expert Advice

ASK THE EXPERT with Kimberly Moffit

My 19-year-old son just broke up with his girlfriend. He ended that relationship like he was ripping off a Band-Aid—fast and without hesitation. The problem? I am friends with the exgirlfriend’s mother, who keeps calling me saying her daughter is devastated by the breakup. I don’t know what to say. She’s my friend but he is my son. Is it possible for the friendship to be saved or should I let it fizzle out? Kimberly Moffit is one of Canada’s most experienced relationship experts and provides practical advice about parenting and psychological topics. She’s a regular speaker for Queen’s University’s MBA and Women in Leadership Programs, and a frequent lecturer at the University of Waterloo. Kimberly also makes regular TV appearances on shows including CTV’s Canada AM, CBC’s The National, City TV News and Global TV’s Morning Show.

CONNECT WITH US Have a question for kimberly? info@inbetween.ca

A. TEEN RELATIONSHIPS are

great experiences to learn and grow, for both teens and parents! Although many teens experience heartbreak (and your friend’s daughter may be devastated because the relationship simply ended), it’s a completely different story if she is devastated because your son started going out with someone else before breaking things off, was dishonest somehow or acted in a way that was perceived as insensitive. Having an open, non-judgmental discussion with him could help you (and him!) learn more about whether the situation was handled in an appropriate way, and even brainstorm ideas on how he could handle it better next time. If you’ve done your best and have already had these open and honest conversations, all you can do at that point is keep yourself

available and open for conversation and hope that you’ve taught him well enough to make the best decisions possible. Your friendship definitely does not have to fizzle out because of your kids breaking up though! You may wish to have a frank discussion with her while maintaining your son’s confidentiality. (Yes, gossiping and giving your friend information that she can share with her daughter is strictly off-limits!) Letting her know that you’re trying not to get involved, and that you’re a believer in allowing them to work through their issues on their own is likely the best approach. Your personal relationship is still a separate relationship from theirs, and you are still entitled to have a great relationship with your friend regardless of your teen’s relationship status. Good luck! ■

INBETWEEN

House Party

LET’S

If the ball drop is happening at your house (along with other New Year’s fun!) there’s no need to fret. Here’s why it’s a good thing that your teen wants to play host and what you can do to help them bring in 2016 with a bang! by sandra gonsalves

INBETWEEN

House Party

Every year it’s the same. Your teenag-

er asks if he can host a New Year’s party and you graciously say no. You’re tired, your wallet is much lighter than it was before the holidays, and you can’t bear the thought of a trashed house. Problem is, he’s been redrafting his list of invitees since April (of last year). Maybe it’s finally time to relent. After all, ringing in the New Year isn’t just for adults. Plus, according to Toronto-based parenting expert Alyson Schafer, the fact that any teen wants to have a party at home is a positive sign. “Not many kids want their friends to know where they live, what their furniture looks like, what their parents are like,” she says. “By wanting to party at home, your kid’s obviously comfortable in his relationship with you.” How do you host an epic New Year’s bash that’s fun for teens and won’t ruin your carpet? We asked Schafer along with Toronto-based event planner Karen Garscadden and California-based teen behaviour expert, Josh Shipp for their advice. MAKE THEM EARN IT Talk to your teen about what she needs to do to earn the privilege of throwing a party. Perhaps she could do extra chores, arrive on time for school or keep the TV room tidy, suggests Shipp. As long as she keeps up her end of the deal, the party’s on. SET GROUND RULES First thing’s first: say no to alcohol. You don’t want to be responsible for allowing underage kids to drink. Next, put limits on the timing (Garscadden suggests four hours tops), noise level (no one wants unhappy neighbours) and ban kids from sacred

spaces like your bedroom or living room. “[Your rules need] to be very clear, in writing, and signed by you and your teen,” says Shipp. “This way everyone is on the same page about what is acceptable, what is not and what will happen if a rule is broken.” PLAN THE GUEST LIST Nothing screams “let’s have a house-wrecker” like a teens’ get-together. Cap the number of guests at a reasonable level, depending on the amount of space you have, suggests Schafer. And make sure your kid tells his guests you’ll be home to supervise. This will reduce the risk of party crashers.

INBETWEEN

House Party

WHAT IF SOMEONE SPIKES THE PUNCH? “It is likely somebody will try to spike the punch or sneak something into the party,” says Schafer. Remind your teen that you don’t condone underage drinking and role play how she should react to different scenarios with her friends. That way she’ll feel confident about what to say (and do) if an incident does arise. “As parents, we can intercept a potential disaster by bringing the subject of alcohol up prior to the party,” she says. “Tell your teen beforehand that if anyone brings booze to the party, the alcohol and the offender will be removed from the festivities.”

FIGURE OUT YOUR ROLE No kid wants a parent supervising his every move at a party, but it’s important to let your presence be known. “You don’t want to hover but you don’t want to leave for the weekend,” says Shipp. Being nearby lets teens know they’ll be asked to leave if they’re too rowdy and encourages guests to abide by the rules. PARTY PLANNING Now for the fun part. Give kids a budget and let loose the reins. It is their party after all. Remind them of the ground rules than let them choose the decor, food and games. PLAN THE MENU Cut stress by popping frozen hors d’oeuvres in the

oven. No teen is going to care if you made them from scratch, nor are kids likely to be a fan of smoked salmon with capers or pistachio-encrusted brie with cranberries, so choose wisely. Salad, sandwich and pizza stations get kids involved with the food prep. Set out bowls of ingredients and let them choose. Got extra dough? Hire a caterer, suggests Garscadden. Your sanity will thank you. SERVE MOCKTAILS Avoid the temptation of underage drinking by offering party-themed, non-alcoholic drinks or mocktails. Schafer suggests using plastic cups that resemble wine or martini glasses. They give kids the feel and atmosphere of grown-up drinks without the alcohol. TURN ON THE TUNES Have your teen create a playlist on the computer, smartphone or MP3 player. If you have money to burn, hire a DJ, suggests Garscadden. They bring a sound system and extensive music library. Plus, if no one’s dancing, “They can feel out the crowd and see what music is working and what isn’t,” she says. PLAN AN ACTIVITY Avoid awkward moments by keeping everyone busy. “Boredom is cited as one of the No. 1 reasons why kids underage drink,” says Schafer. Get everyone involved with games like Guitar Hero, karaoke or a murder mystery. As midnight approaches, have your teen bust out the fake bubbly (fizzy apple juice), throw some confetti and pop a few balloons. When the last party horn is silent and the final streamer falls to the floor, you’ll be glad you said yes—especially once you put your kid on clean-up duty. ■

INBETWEEN

Sexting

SNAP

DECISION They may think they’re seizing the moment, but sexting can ruin your teen’s life in a flash. Here’s what you can do to stop it. by erin hesselink

INBETWEEN

Sexting

HEN APRIL* got a notification saying someone had tagged her in a photo on a crude revenge porn website, she was mortified. A photo she had sent to someone she was sexting almost five years ago, when she was 16, had ended up online. “It’s humiliating to have pictures like that of you seen by anyone, and what I did in high school was coming back to haunt me,” April said. As soon as April saw the photo, she contacted the police, who criminally charged the man with distribution of child pornography. “I’m now married and have a son. My husband was so upset.” April, who started sexting at 14 years old, says she started because of peer pressure from boys, along with her own desire to feel accepted. “It made me feel good to be called sexy and that was one reason I did it.” April admits that she knew sexting meant her photo could end up in the wrong hands, but, like many teens, she never thought it would happen to her. Feeling invincible is common among teens that decide to seize—and snap—the moment without thinking of possible future repercussions. Today, the consequences of sexting can be serious, and even devastating. That’s why it’s more important than ever to talk to your teens about sexting and why they shouldn’t do it. WHAT IS SEXTING? The act of sexting is to send someone sexually explicit photographs or texts that vividly describe sexual activities. WHO’S DOING IT Think your teen isn’t sexting? Think again. A 2014

study by Drexel University in Philadelphia revealed that 54 per cent of undergraduate students had sent a sext as a teenager. Of these, 28 per cent had sent sexual photographs. Another 2014 study from the University of Texas found that teens who sext only have slightly higher odds of being sexually active. So far, researchers have found no connection between sexting and other risky behaviours, like drug use or underage drinking. Unlike April, who used sexting as a way to get what

INBETWEEN

Sexting

the legal penalties can be harsh and devastating to the lives of young people. she then deemed as positive attention, many teens begin sexting just for fun. WHY THEY’RE DOING IT According to the Pew Research Center’s survey, Teens, Social Media & Technology Overview 2015, almost three-quarters of teens have access to a smartphone, making digital communication easier than ever. Social psychologist Elizabeth Englander’s independent research revealed that the most common reason for sexting is that a boyfriend or girlfriend wanted the picture. She found that 70 per cent of girls feel pressure to sext, but only 12 per cent of girls actually send a sext because of the pressure. Englander says that some younger girls think that sexting can get them a boyfriend, or that they’ll be perceived as daring and self-confident. Kathy Buckworth, author of six books including her latest I Am So the Boss of You (McLelland Stewart, Spring 2013), as well as mother to four children aged 13, 16, 22 and 24, says that the general stigma around sexting is part of what makes teens so interested. “Peer pressure, naturally, has always been a factor in teens engaging in risky behaviour…as well as the appeal of doing something that your parents wouldn’t necessarily approve of, but probably won’t find out about,” Buckworth says. There’s also the fact that adolescent brains are not yet fully developed. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and understanding consequences, is still growing throughout

the teen years. Without a mature prefrontal cortex, teens are more likely to take risks compared to adults, according to a study published in Current Directions in Psychological Science. THE DANGERS OF SEXTING On the surface, a sext can seem harmless, especially if one is sending it to someone she trusts. However, a 2014 study from Drexel University revealed that it’s anything but. The study found that 61 per cent of teens don’t fully understand that teen sexting is legally in the same category as child pornography. The legal penalties of which can be harsh and devastating to the lives of young people. Police can charge sexting teens with possessing and distributing child pornography, even if the photos are of the teens themselves. Until recently, there were no laws in place that treated sexting any different from pornography. Teens could do jail time and get a criminal record, destroying their reputations and potential careers. In April, Canada came up with Bill C-13—an anticyber-bullying law—making it illegal to share intimate photographs of a person without his or her consent. The outcomes are still decided on a case-by-case basis as our justice system figures out how to deal with the sexting phenomenon. Interestingly, according to the study by Drexel University, 71 per cent of teens reported knowing a teen that had experienced negative consequences because of sexting. Still, the rates are

INBETWEEN

Sexting

growing exponentially. HOW TO PREVENT YOUR KID FROM SEXTING Buckworth hopes teens will get smarter about sexting, especially since they see how quickly a private photograph can go viral. To start the conversation with your teen, she recommends drawing attention to a current news story to use as an example. Take, for instance, the 17-year-old girl in Victoria, B.C. who was convicted of distributing child pornography last year. She was found guilty because the person in the photographs she was sending was also a teen, making it child pornography—an offence that could land her in prison for five years. “Without asking your teen specific questions about their own behaviour, it can simply be a discussion about what the victims in the story could have done to protect themselves.” Buckworth stresses that parents should educate teens about the potential consequences instead of using a ‘See what could happen?’ tone. MONITORING THEIR SMARTPHONES Rowdan Messenger created TeenSafe, an app that allows parents to monitor everything on their child’s devices from deleted messages to call history to location and more. “I believe that every child has a right to privacy,” Messenger says. “However, these devices become such a fundamental part of our kids’ lives that if you don’t parent their digital lives with the same values as you do with normal parenting, then you’re not fully parenting.” He recommends monitoring your teen when they start using devices and slowly scaling back as they

earn your trust. At the beginning, you might be checking in every day. When your teen proves that they can handle being responsible online, scale back to weekly check-ins, then monthly. “It’s about building trust with your child,” Messenger says. Do it to ensure your teen’s safety, he adds, noting that many parents using the app have discovered things like sexting before they became bigger issues. WHAT TO DO IF YOU CATCH YOUR KID SEXTING Finding a sexual photo or scandalous texts on your child’s phone is every parent’s nightmare. But it can also serve as a wake-up call for teens who aren’t aware of the dangers of sexting. “You should call them out on it,” says Buckworth. Ideally, you have talked to your teen about sexting before this situation happens, so you can take the opportunity to remind your teen about boundaries and discipline. Buckworth suggests “grounding” your teen from the cellphone to some degree, even if taking the phone away entirely is not an option. “It also might be worth looking into finding out what your local police have to offer in terms of sessions and videos to watch that reinforce how quickly images can be spread virally on the Internet,” she adds. Parents need to use their best judgment to determine the appropriate punishment. Sexting is scary. A photo in the wrong hands can send a teen’s life in a downward spiral. That’s why instead of shying away from the topic of sexting, no matter how awkward the conversation is, it’s important to talk openly about it with your teens, before lives are ruined in a flash. ■ *Full name withheld for privacy reasons.

INBETWEEN

MorningAfter Pill

WAKE-UP CALL

Teens arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t getting the message when it comes to safe sex. Instead of being safe between the sheets, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re turning to the morning-after pill to prevent pregnancy. by deven knill INBETWEEN

MorningAfter Pill

When it comes to safe sex, teens

aren’t getting the message. Case in point: more teens are turning to the morning-after pill today than ever. In fact, one in five teen girls are using the pill as opposed to one in 12 who used it one decade prior, according to researchers at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The same researchers say that this increase in usage dates back to 2006 when the morning-after pill became available over-the-counter for teens 18 and older. Moreover, in 2013, the age restriction was lifted, allowing girls 17 and younger to obtain the pill without a prescription. “[Usage of the pill] may have increased because teens seem to be engaging in sexual activity and having sex earlier than those decades before,” says Sara Dimerman, psychologist, author and creator of helpmesara.com.

While the increase in the use of the morning-after pill means that teens are taking action to prevent pregnancy, it also means that they are using condoms inconsistently or not using more reliable forms of contraception such as birth control to prevent this use in the first place. Here’s what you need to know about the morning-after pill and how to talk to your teen about it. THE PILL, EXPLAINED The emergency contraception pill, more commonly known as the morning-after pill, contains the female hormone progestin, and can reduce the risk of pregnancy by 90 per cent if taken within 72 hours of unprotected intercourse. If it is taken within 24 hours, it is about 95 per cent effective. When taken in time, the pill works to prevent the implantation of a fertilized egg, delay or prevent

INBETWEEN

MorningAfter Pill

“as difficult as it is for most parents to think or talk about their daughter or son being sexually active…turning a blind eye or burying your head in the sand is not the best option.” ovulation and interfere with the fertilization of an egg. However, the pill does not provide protection against sexually transmitted infections or diseases. It will also not protect a woman from getting pregnant if she has sex after taking it. THE ADVANTAGES The advantages of the morning-after pill are that it’s an effective emergency contraceptive, is easy to obtain since no prescription is required and is easy to use. It does not have an effect on the long-term fertility of a woman and the hormones found in most types of the morning-after pill are generally safe for use. “For many, it may be an easier option than following the nightly routine of remembering to take [birth control],” says Dimerman. “It may also be the result of an impulsive act with someone that she is not in a committed relationship with.” THE DOWNSIDE Potential side effects in using the morning-after pill, such as Plan B, include: headaches, nausea, fatigue, dizziness, lower abdominal pain as well as causing a woman’s period to come early or late. There is also a possibility of experiencing unexpected bleeding, but that should go away by the time of a woman’s next period.

TALKING TO YOUR TEEN While many teens might prefer to take the morning-after pill in lieu of discussing other birth control options with their parents and/or doctor, this is exactly why parents should be talking to their teens about it. “If a parent would prefer that this not be the first option, then it is even more imperative that the parent take the time and interest required to speak about sexual activity and what the first options to prevent pregnancy would be,” says Dimerman, who adds that talking about contraception and condoning sex are two entirely different discussions. “As difficult as it is for most parents to think or talk about their daughter or son being sexually active…turning a blind eye or burying your head in the sand is not the best option,” she says. Her advice: Be open, be understanding, be interested to learn. Dimerman suggests starting off by saying that you are simply aware of the idea that your teen may be engaging in sexual activity sooner than you may have. And then talk about the importance of safe sex and different methods of birth control. Lastly, if the morning-after pill isn’t in your book of knowledge, study up. And bring your teen along as a learning companion. “Suggest to your teen that you do the research about the morning-after pill together,” says Dimerman. “That way, you can learn more together.” ■

INBETWEEN

Underage Drinking

CORK IN IT PUT A

The holiday season brings easy opportunities for underage kids to drink. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how you can put a stop to it.

by alyson schafer

INBETWEEN

Underage Drinking

THE

HOLIDAYS are here and we all know what that means: stress. We have to shop for gifts, cook (and clean up after) big meals and attend parties we don’t always want to go to—all while trying to keep an extra watchful eye on our teens. They’re off school, which means they’re lacking a routine and are more likely to become bored. Plus, they’re going to parties where alcohol may be free-flowing or at least easily accessible. They’ll also be around other teens who may add pressure for them to “take a sip,” or “have a bottle” all in the spirit of ‘tis the season! While we may like to believe our underage kids won’t be tempted by the spiked egg nog, the holidays present unique situations that make teenage drinking more likely. Parents are busy hosting parties and juggling holiday-related tasks. They may not notice their supposedly saintly teen has downed the rest of Granny’s Prosecco or snuck off with her older cousins to share a pint. And while it may seem harmless, underage drinking is actually the cause of 5,000 teen deaths each year, according to The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. What’s more: 1,200 of those deaths are from alcohol poisoning. While young people drink less often than adults, when they do drink, they they drink more, on an average of five drinks per occasion, which is the classic definition of binge drinking. What’s even scarier? A recent public opinion survey from Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and State Farm in the U.S. revealed that one in four teens

is willing to ride with a driver who has been drinking. The findings also discovered that, in the past year, one in three teens have taken rides from a driver who had been drinking. Also of greater concern: 22 per cent of the drivers who had been drinking were younger than 21 and friends with the passengers. In 2013, 378 passengers, ages 15-20, were killed as a result of riding with a drunk driver. Of those, 53 per cent were riding with an underage drunk driver. So, this holiday season, be smart and stay one step ahead of your teen with these tips to help prevent (and deal with) underage drinking and have a happy, safe holiday season for all. FOSTER A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Perhaps one of the most overlooked aspects of parenting is the shift in our approach as our children age. As our children move through the phases of being a child, teen and young adult, we are better able to maintain a healthy relationship with them by adapting our parenting style to match their stage of

INBETWEEN

Underage Drinking

development. Too often, parents take on the “teacher” role that works so well for kids until about age 11, and stick with the same style beyond its usefulness. Younger children are just learning about the world around them, so our job is to set clear boundaries and limits. Effectively parenting teens involves evolving into the role of “facilitator” because they have moved on from the concrete thinking of following rules, and are now making their own choices. Our job is to help them analyze the world around them and problem-solve. Later, when they reach the young adult years, we move into the “coaching” stage of parenting—when they have their own sets of values—and our role then is to help them transition into healthy and happy adults. When we shift our role as parent, we keep the relationship as tight as possible. That healthy relationship gives gravitas to our expectations for their behaviours. Our children will have more desire to do right by us. In short, it improves the likelihood that they will say no to underage drinking. BE OPEN It’s easy to feel hurt, frustrated and even exasperated when parenting a teen. Sometimes their silence can make them seem like clams that can’t be pried open to allow us access to their private lives. Usually, it’s because they’re afraid of our reaction—that we will judge, punish, not understand, think poorly of them, or do something they don’t want us to do—like get someone else in trouble. We have to take every opportunity to prove to our children that we’re non-judgmental and good listeners. Listening without “fixing” or lecturing can be difficult for parents. But it’s good to let kids process their own thoughts aloud, and gently guide them if they seek our opinions or ideas. Sentences that end in question

marks instead of exclamation marks are on the right path. For example: “What happened at the holiday party that made you decide drinking underage was OK?” versus “No child of mind will drink underage!” EXPECT GOOD THINGS Children behave in line with our expectations. If we tell our kids we expect them to act responsibly, they likely will. Explain to them that your family has key values that define it, and being law-abiding citizens is one of those. Talk about how underage drinking is illegal and you respect that law just as you respect laws on shoplifting or driving through red lights. Kids need to know we have faith in them to make good decisions. If you discover your child has consumed alcohol, they have made a mistake. They have broken the law and gone against your family values. The best approach for ensuring this occurrence is not repeated is to learn from it. Help your child process what happened by discussing the events that led up to it. If they felt they couldn’t say no to their friends because they didn’t want to seem “uncool,” help them create an out for next time. “I can’t drink tonight because I have a tournament tomorrow and I want to be in top form.” No one is perfect. Not kids, and not parents. So don’t be discouraged if you have some work to do in all three areas. It’s never too late to begin improving our relationships with our children and it’s time well invested. Research shows that the No. 1 reason children declined alcohol was because they didn’t want to upset their parents. When you care, they care. ■ Alyson Schafer is a therapist, TV personality, columnist, spokesperson, educator and consultant. She is the bestselling author of Breaking the Good Mom Myth (John Wiley & Sons) and Honey, I Wrecked The Kids (HarperCollins Canada) and her latest, Ain’t Misbehavin’ (HarperCollins Canada).

INBETWEEN

Gift Guide

THESE ITEMS IN A HOLIDAY PRIZE PACK WORTH MORE THAN $600! Enter at inbetween.ca/ contests

With fads that come and go faster than a winter blizzard, it can be hard to pick the perfect gift. To help, we’ve chosen some items that any teen would love to receive this Christmas. And better? We’re giving away some of these finds for free! Consider it our gift to you.

INBETWEEN

HIGH SCHOOL 1

GIRL

Gift Guide

1. Rose Gold iPhone 6S 16GB, $899, apple.com/ca 2. Helly Hansen Wool Knit Beanie, $38, mec.ca 3. Silver Necklace, $99, magnoliasilver.com 4. Oh You Pretty Thing Dish, $20, chapters. indigo.ca 5. Quo by Orly, $35, shoppersdrugmart.ca 6. AEO Slipper Bootie, $30, ae.com 7. Pink Beats Pill Speaker, $260, amazon.com 8. Joe Fresh 6 pc Lipgloss, $12, shoppersdrugmart.ca

5 8 7

INBETWEEN

HIGH SCHOOL

Gift Guide

BOY

4 1

2 1. Apple Watch Sport, $519, apple.com/ca (additional bands, $69) 2. UNCHARTED: The Nathan Drake Collection for PS4, $75, ebgames.ca 3. HB Jaybird Buds, $189, indigo.ca 4. Zyderma Skin Care $90, zyderma.com 5. Speedway Self-Balancing Scooter Hoverboard, $600, amazon.ca 6. Fitbit Surge Blue, $300, bestbuy.ca 7. Guitar Hero Live for PS3 and PS4, $130, ebgames.ca 8. Ultimate Ears BOOM 2 Bluetooth Wireless Speaker, $220, bestbuy.ca

8 7

INBETWEEN

COLLEGE 1

Gift Guide

GIRL

3 4

1. Hard Candy Eye Essential Collection, $10, walmart.ca 2. Canvas Heart Pouch, $11, westelm.ca 3. Gap Love Sweater, $55, gap.ca 4. Kate Spade New York Confetti iPhone Case, $45, bestbuy.ca 5. Joe Fresh Choker, $24, and Pearl Earrings, $10, joefresh.com 6. Metallic Tote, $28, oldnavy.com 7. iPad Mini4, gold, $439+, apple.com/ca 8. The First Pump, $138, bananarepublic.com 9. Ivory Cable Knit Hat, $25, chapters.indigo.ca

INBETWEEN

COLLEGE

Gift Guide

BOY

1. Victorinox Classic Knife, $23, mec.ca 2. Poker Set, $64, westelm.ca 3. Black Multi Texture Mix Leather Endeavor Backpack, $218, toms.ca 4. Wool Knit Socks, $35, bluegreystudio.etsy.com 5. Skechers GoRun4, $100, skechers.com 6. MacBook, $1,549, apple.com/ca 7. Sphero BB-8 App-Enabled Droid, $190, bestbuy.ca 8. Kobo Glo HD, $130, chapters.indigo.ca

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INBETWEEN

PHOTOS: SHERWOOD-TRIART

Theresa Caputo

THAT’S THE

SPIRIT

Theresa Caputo may talk to dead people for a living but the Long Island Medium says that’s easy compared to the hardest job of all—being a mom. by rachel naud INBETWEEN

Theresa Caputo

THERESA CAPUTO

is standing in front of an audience of 7,000 people who are all at the edge of their seats. They’re waiting for a message...any message. Her tiny frame is not swallowed up by the enormity of the arena; in fact, if anything, the medium from Hicksville, N.Y. seems larger than life. She’s lifted by shoes so sparkly they resemble Dorothy’s ruby slippers in the Wizard Of Oz—if Dorothy’s shoes were on steroids, that is. Her blonde locks are coiffed high above her head, hardened with heaps of hairspray and backcombing. And let’s not forget those nails. The evening starts with a speech—her signal to “Spirit” (i.e. the souls she’s about to channel) that she’s ready to get down to work. As soon as the speech is over, she walks off the stage and drifts into the audience, stopping in front of a young man. “Someone is a survivor from a car accident

and carries survivor’s guilt because the other people died in the car,” she says. “I’m channeling one of the boys who died.” Caputo’s looking straight at the young man who reluctantly came to the event, coerced by his mother and girlfriend. He admitted he was the same man she was talking about. Years ago, he was the driver in a car accident that killed three of his friends. The young man wanted to reach out to one boy’s mother but didn’t know how to go about it since they were more acquaintances than friends. He knew the boy from school but didn’t know him or his family that well. Caputo turns her head to the right and points upward. “The boy’s spirit is telling me his mother is in this section.” Ten rows up, a woman listens and watches the young man being interviewed on the jumbo tron. As the story unfolds, she realizes the dead boy that Theresa

INBETWEEN

Modern Theresa Caputo Family

before the show even aired, her client waiting list was two years long. is channelling is, in fact, her son. She stands up. “It’s me. I’m his mother.” The mother makes her way down to the young man and embraces him with the type of hug only a mother can give. “I don’t blame you,” she reassures him between sobs. “It was an accident.” It’s tear-jerking, emotional moments like this that have shaped Caputo’s career as America’s favourite medium. Her show, Long Island Medium, has been a ratings winner for TLC for six seasons. In addition, she’s penned two books: There’s More to Life Than This: Healing Messages, Remarkable Stories, and Insight from the Other Side (Atria Books, 2013), which debuted at No. 2 on the New York Times Bestseller List, and You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: Life-Changing Lessons from Heaven (Atria Books, 2014). She tours across North America and also has a jewelry line to boot. Most of her fans have come to know and love the quirky Caputo with her big hair and even larger personality through sharing their Sunday nights with her. Every week, these admirers are fascinated by Caputo’s ability to channel loved ones who have passed away. The messages, the healing, the OMGs, the gasps, the laughter and, yes, the tears. There are so many tears. But, this weekly hour is filled with more than just Kleenex-worthy moments. Viewers are treated to an inside view of what makes Caputo tick: her family. More than a medium, Caputo prides herself on being a wife to Larry and mom to Larry Jr., 25, and Victoria, 21. She let INBETWEEN into her other realm—her personal life—and opened up about how

she raised her kids, the toughest part about the teen years and what lies ahead for her and her family. MOM’S A MEDIUM Caputo’s career started way before Long Island Medium came to light. Larry Jr. was just five years old; Victoria a baby at just one. Caputo started with her gift, a business card and word of mouth, which proved to be more powerful than any advertisement. Before the show even aired, her client waiting list was two years long. (Today, the wait is rumoured to stretch as long as four years, although Caputo wouldn’t confirm.) Her children grew up knowing nothing else, just as if their mother was a secretary or teacher. “People would ask them, ‘What does your mother do?’” says Caputo. “The kids would say, ‘My mom talks to dead people’ and they didn’t know how to respond so they would just walk away.” Today, with the success of her show, books and tours, people are more likely to run towards Caputo and her family to get a glimpse of them than turn the other way. In fact, she says family outings more often than not include fans approaching the Caputo clan to spread their message of appreciation and adoration. “It’s amazing. We have the most respectful and wonderful fans,” says Caputo. “No matter where we go, everyone just says ‘I just have to say Hi,’ ‘I love what you do,’ ‘Don’t stop doing what you’re doing.’” Some of these encounters have been hilarious, especially when fans assume the Caputos

INBETWEEN

Modern Theresa Caputo Family

PHOTO COURTESY OF TLC

are impersonators. “They try to figure out if it’s really us,” she laughs. “One time someone accused my husband, Larry, and I of being impersonators, and then they proceeded to tell my husband that he was better looking than the guy on TV. Larry was like, “I know! We get that all the time!” FREE SPIRITS Despite having an exceptional life as a medium, Caputo is a typical mother in many ways. The years on the show have captured snippets of motherly moments that are familiar to most parents. We watched her get annoyed with her children for not being home on time for dinner or staying out too late. And any parent could relate to Caputo’s shock when Victoria brought home a new puppy without her permission. Today, however, now that her kids are grown and out of the house, Caputo and her husband are facing a new phase of life—that of the empty nester. “It’s a little strange. At first, I was like, ‘No this is terrible.’ But you know what? We kind of got used to it,” she says. “It’s sad at the beginning because you have to come to grips with reality that your kids have grown and it’s just so different. But I always say, my children have prepared my husband and I very well for them moving on to the next phase of their life. They’re just so ready to be on their own. And now that me and Larry have the house to ourselves... we’re like newlyweds!” Not that this means the kids don’t come home for family dinners. Those get-togethers are still plentiful and jam-packed with all the fun, frazzled moments that make the Caputo family so loveable. “My son just adopted this dog. So we’ll plan this big barbecue and we’ll be so excited that they’re coming to the house. But now they bring the dog, they

People who receive readings on the show are picked from Caputo’s waiting list.

bring their friends and it’s just crazy. I look at Larry and say ‘So...what time are they leaving?’” she laughs. “I never thought I would say that. But it’s always so nice to have them back.” According to Caputo, there’s another bonus to having an empty nest—it’s made her relationship with her children grow even stronger. “We talk all the time,” she says. “Actually, I know more about them now that they’re out of the house than ever before. I know that sounds weird. But I think we actually talk more.” GROWING PAINS Although her children are now young adults, Caputo still remembers the stresses and challenges of the teen years. “It’s not easy being a parent. It’s the hardest job in the world. You think talking to dead people is tough? No. Being a parent is way harder than talking to dead people!” One of her hardest parenting challenges: letting the kids drive. “It was the biggest stress for me, having them go

INBETWEEN

Modern Theresa Caputo Family

“i love watching how respectful my children are. that, to me, is the greatest reward.” out by themselves in the car,” she admits. “They said I had all these crazy rules like no radio allowed for the first six months. They were like ‘Ma, really?” But that was my rule.” Another anxiety-inducing moment: waiting up for them at night. “When we were kids, your friends called the house, right?” she asks, remembering the angst of when her teens were out at night with their friends. “They called the house and your parents knew they were calling. But now it’s so different with these cellphones. As parents, you don’t know anything. You really have to be on top of your kids more than anything.” Still, despite the new age of parenting, Caputo says she and Larry raised her kids in a very old school way. “My kids had to ask us permission to go out. In fact, Victoria still asks me if she can go somewhere or do something and she’s in Connecticut! For her to call and ask shows me that the kids really have respect for us and want us to know what’s going on in their lives.” Seeing the fruits of her labour, Caputo says, is one of the greatest rewards of parenting. “I love watching how respectful my children are,” she says. “That, to me, is the greatest reward. To see how loving and caring and nice they are to people. I’m just so proud of that.” WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS While Caputo is no psychic, one doesn’t need a crystal ball to see her future is looking bright. Currently in production with the sixth season of Long Island Medium, she also plans to continue touring and write a third book.

Plus, she has a jewelry line called Jeweled Moments (jeweledmoments.com) where people can get special keepsakes of loved ones that have passed or special moments in their life they want to capture forever. “Today, when people pass away, people are getting tattoos in their memory,” says Caputo. “We recently lost our dog, Petey, and my husband is having Petey tattooed on his chest. I love my dog. I don’t want him tattooed on me.” The solution: A jewelry line comprised of handmade custom pieces. Whether you take a sample of your loved one’s handwriting and turn it into a necklace (Caputo made one from a sample of her grandmother’s handwriting that says ‘Love Always, Gram”) or even a picture your child drew for you that you want to cherish forever, one needs to simply upload the image and transform it into a charm of their choice. Other than that, Caputo is focused on living in the moment—every fantastic ounce of it. “How crazy is my life?” she says. “I never thought I would be where I am, but I wouldn’t picture it any other way. It feels so right. It’s such a privilege learning to honour your soul and who you are meant to be in the physical world. That’s what I wish for my children. I want them to have that. I want everyone to have that.” ■

We’re giving away 10 copies of Theresa’s latest book, You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!” Enter to win at inbetween.ca/contests

INBETWEEN

inDULGE

FOSTERING YOUR HEALTH, BODY AND RELATIONSHIP

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GO AWAY! Survived the holidays? Reward yourself with a relaxing trip for two (no kids invited) to one of these soothing spots. by shandley mcmurray

Hilton Seychelles Labriz Resort & Spa

The holidays are wonderful, aren’t they? You spend oodles of money on gifts, a ton of hours slaving over the stove and even more time cleaning up everyone else’s mess. This year, treat yourself to a break. After the chaos has calmed, leave the kids at home (or with Granny and Gramps) and take a well-deserved time-out. These luxurious destinations will rejuvenate you in no time. INBETWEEN

Couple’s Travel

AUBERGE AUX NUITS DE RÊVE WHERE: SAINTE-AGATHE-DES-MONTS, QUEBEC WHY GO: Situated on the edge of Lac des Sables, a one-hour drive from Montreal, this quaint hotel is an ideal spot for a quiet retreat. Choose from eight themed rooms. For the spirited couple, there’s the Tarzan and Jane suite where you can enjoy a glass of Gewürztraminer while swinging from a fake vine or soaking in a bath next to a waterfall. Romantic couples can opt for the Romeo and Juliet room, complete with a double-sized tub surrounded by a fake balcony and walls made to look like the inside of a castle. PRICE: $ 278 to $418 (CDN) plus tax (for two people staying two nights).

SHANGRI-LA HOTEL WHERE: TORONTO, ONTARIO WHY GO: Warm your toes by the double-sided fireplace in the opulent Lobby Lounge while enjoying High Tea at this oasis in the heart of the city. The Asian-themed rooms are uber stylish and big by hotel standards (42 square metres or more). Famished? Dine at Bosk, where fresh, local ingredients make the impeccable dishes pop. PRICE: From $335 (CDN) Shangri-La Hotel, Toronto

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PHOTOS COURTESY OF ABIGAIL’S HOTEL, AUBERGE AUX NUITS DE REVE, SHANGRI-LA HOTEL

ABIGAIL’S HOTEL WHERE: VICTORIA, BRITISH COLUMBIA WHY GO: This 1930s Tudor Mansion is an adult-only haven, perfect for those seeking a bit of romance. A comfy bed-and-breakfast, Abigail’s boasts 23 rooms, many of which offer wood or gas fireplaces. Feeling frisky? Order the Sexy Sleepover package which includes a tray of “tantalizing toys,” a bottle of wine and breakfast in bed. PRICE: $199 to $349 (CDN) per night

Couple’s Travel

THE LANGHAM, CHICAGO WHERE: CHICAGO, ILLINOIS WHY GO: This luxury hotel is modern, airy and so clean the floor literally sparkles. The guest rooms feature floor-to-ceiling windows so you can relax while you admire the skyline and watch boats pass by on the river below. Book a couple’s treatment at the Chuan. You’ll thank us later. PRICE: From $395 (USD)

OCEAN KEY RESORT & SPA WHERE: KEY WEST, FLORIDA WHY GO: This vibrant hotel is an easy place to fall in love with—from the Sunset Pier restaurant where you dine above the waves to the picturesque pool and complimentary perks like frozen and coco-mango misted towels, fruit-infused waters and frozen fruit skewers. PRICE: $759 (USD) Ocean Key Resort & Spa

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PHOTOS COURTESY OF WENTWORTH MANSION, THE LANGHAM. OCEAN KEY RESORT & SPA

WENTWORTH MANSION WHERE: CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA WHY GO: Take a step back in time in this beautifully decorated 1886 mansion. Snuggle up by the fire in your cozy, antique-laden room or head to the rooftop cupola for a glass of wine while you watch the sunset over the city. Book a one-hour couple’s massage at the spa (housed in the Mansion’s old stables) to forget about that over-cooked turkey. PRICE: $440 to $785 (USD)

Couple’s Travel

WANT TO REALLY GET AWAY? HILTON SEYCHELLES LABRIZ RESORT & SPA WHERE: SILHOUETTE ISLAND, THE SEYCHELLES WHY GO: If the sun, sand and surf aren’t enough to sway you, how about your own personal pool on the beach? Behind you is a lush jungle and tall mountains peppered with volcanic rocks. During the day, you can snorkel right off the beach, enjoy a delicious meal in one of the seven restaurants or take a walk through Silhouette National Park. Pamper yourself in the outstanding Silhouette Spa where treatments take place in small huts at tree-top level in the jungle, overlooking the Indian Ocean. PRICE: From 995 Euros for a Garden Villa with breakfast HOTEL DANIELI WHERE: VENICE, ITALY WHY GO: It’s Venice! Why WOULDN’T you go? Beat jet lag with breakfast (or lunch) on your balcony while gazing at the gondolas. Don’t miss dinner at Restaurant Terrazza Danieli on the hotel’s rooftop. Both the panoramic views and mouth-watering food are unbeatable. The 14th century Palazzo Dandolo is a perfect spot to end your evening—grab a nightcap while unwinding to the live piano music. PRICE: From 415 Euros plus tax ■

PHOTOS COURTESY OF HILTON SEYCHELLES LABRIZ RESORT & SPA AND HOTEL DANIELI

Try one of these ultimate luxury destinations.

Hotel Danieli

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Winter Skin Care

As the temperatures drop, it can take a real toll on our skin. Here’s how to keep your complexion soft and supple during the harshest time of the year. by lara hyde

THE COLD TRUTH ABOUT

WINTER SKIN

ITH THE COLD WEATHER here to stay a while, a new skincare routine that is geared specifically to treating winter skin is a must. “Winter brings cold temperatures and harsh winds that irritate not only delicate and sensitive skin, but oily and normal skin, as well,” says Bella Veicshis, a medical aesthetician and the owner of Heritage Way Medical Spa in Burlington, Ont. But while the elements might appear to pose the greatest threat to our skin in the winter, Veicshis explains that it is the contrast in temperature between indoors and outdoors that really does a number on our skin. “The heat inside takes the moisture out of our skin, which is the reason skin often becomes very dehydrated in the winter,” she says. That’s why it’s more important than ever to take care of our skin in the winter months. Here’s how to get a soft, supple complexion in the harsh winter months.

INBETWEEN

Winter Skin Care

than the products we use the rest of the year in order to combat winter’s drying effects. Winter is also the perfect time of year to start using a night cream, if you’re not using one already. “Night creams are like food for the skin,” says Veicshis. “They are always richer and heavier than day creams and give so much comfort to our skin during cold and dry months.” If you already own both day and night creams and don’t want to invest more money in your home skincare routine, Veicshis suggests switching them up in the winter and wearing the heavier night cream during the day, when skin is more exposed. THE DIRT ON DEHYDRATION All skin types are susceptible to dehydration, even oily skin. “Dehydrated skin lacks water,” explains Veicshis, “while dry skin lacks oil.” During the winter months, skin becomes dry, dull, flaky and sometimes even reactive. “People need to change their skincare routine according to the weather, just like they change clothes every season,” says Veicshis. To start, she suggests choosing a more delicate and soothing cleanser in the winter, such as cleansing milk or cleansing oil. Natural products tend to be less harsh on skin, and are, therefore, a great choice when it comes to treating winter skin. TIME TO TONE The second step in anyone’s winter skincare routine should be toner. “A toner is a must after cleansing, especially during the winter,” says Veicshis. “It will rebalance and prepare your skin for the next skin product.” MOISTURIZING A MUST The moisturizer we use should be richer and heavier

EXFOLIATE In addition to using the right products to cleanse, tone and moisturize our skin, Veicshis also believes in the benefits of exfoliating to keep your skin from looking dull and flaky. “Exfoliate, exfoliate, exfoliate in the wintertime, and follow it up with a hydrating or soothing mask. Give yourself a mini home facial twice a week to keep your skin looking its brightest,” she says. STAR TREATMENT Finally, if your home skincare routine isn’t giving you the results you are looking for, Veicshis recommends an oxygen infusion treatment. This latest holistic celebrity facial trend involves using oxygen under pressure to deliver a combination of essential vitamins and minerals to the deepest layers of the skin, leaving skin feeling hydrated and refreshed, with the added benefit of immediately visible anti-aging results. “This should be everyone’s No. 1 facial treatment in the winter,” says Veicshis. Now that you have all the tools you need to keep your skin looking its best this winter, go outside and enjoy those rosy cheeks courtesy of Mother Nature! ■

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Healthy Holidays

TIPS FOR

HEALTHY HOLIDAYS Yes, it’s possible to eat, drink and be merry without gaining unwanted pounds. Here are 10 tips to keep you on track. by andrea donsky THE HOLIDAY SEASON is a time to eat, drink and be merry. Problem is, many of us end up a little too merry. We overeat. We overdrink. We stop exercising. The result of our transgressions: added pounds, feelings of regret and an uphill battle to get back on a good nutrition track. Now for the good news. Taking a few easy, precautionary steps before the festivities can help us eat and drink what we want without sabotaging our healthy goals. Here’s how.

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Healthy Holidays

1. PRE-EAT. Before heading out to your holiday party, eat a snack high in protein and fibre. Whether itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a hard-boiled egg or a handful of almonds, the protein and fibre in both will stave off the hunger pains and give you the willpower youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll need to resist those fat-filled holiday dips. Better yet, eat a salad topped with both protein and lots of fresh veggies to get the best of both worlds.

TWO

BUDDY UP. You are not alone; lots of people worry about slipping off the nutrition wagon during the holidays. And, according to the American Psychological Association, making a party pact with a friend is one of your best defences against those tempting holiday treats. In fact, researchers from Brown University found that people who had a diet buddy dropped significantly more weight after a year of effort compared to those who went it alone. So buddy up with your spouse, partner, or a friend who feels the same way and provide each other with emotional and moral support. Before the party, decide on the parameters (i.e. you can each have one alcoholic beverage and one piece of dessert). If one of you notices the other slipping during the festivities, gently remind them why they were trying to limit that drink or food in the first place.

MIX IT UP: Keep the following in mind when deciding which beverage to sip on: One pint of beer is equal to one large slice of pizza (197 calories), one glass of Champagne is equal to one chocolate digestive cookie (86 calories) and one large glass of wine is equal to one piece of sponge cake (195 calories). Instead, try adding some bubbly or sparkling water to your glass of wine to cut its calories in half so you can enjoy two glasses for the price in calories of one! INBETWEEN

Healthy Holidays

STAY FIT. It may be the holidays, but that doesn’t mean you should take a vacation from exercise. To fit in some fitness during the hectic holiday season, try walking to the party, opt for the stairs at work instead of the elevator or hit the gym before you head out. Not only will a workout arm you with some fat-burning metabolism but it will also increase your serotonin levels, putting you in a better mood to party.

4. KEEP BUSY. It’s easy to stand around at a party and shovel food into your mouth. Instead of constantly snacking, focus on other, nonfood-related activities. Strike up a conversation, play a game or help the host deliver drinks. The busier you are, the less likely you’ll succumb to an attack of the munchies. Another tip: hold a glass of sparkling water in your hand instead of a sugary drink or alcoholic beverage. Sip it when you feel hungry because you may be confusing hunger with dehydration so you can try to mitigate your hungry feeling before succumbing to an unhealthy snack.

SIX

7. ARRIVE BEARING GIFTS. When hosting your own party, it’s easy to provide guests with healthful fare. When you’re invited out, you never know what foods (or drinks) will be on offer. Instead of the traditional bottle of wine, bring a healthy entrée or low-fat dessert. That way you’ll have a guilt-free option to choose from and be seen as generous in the process.

GET ENOUGH SLEEP! During the holidays, we tend to stay up later but wake up at our usual time to get to work or school on time. A lack of sleep can lead to an increase in hunger and appetite, which can then lead to over-eating and indulging in sugary foods. According to research, people who sleep less than six hours a night are more likely to be obese than those who got between seven and nine hours of sleep, which is ideal. Having trouble catching some zzz’s? Try a sleep aid that contains melatonin, which can help you get a more restful night’s sleep.

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Healthy Holidays

8. BE CHOOSY. Before filling your plate, take inventory of what’s available. Don’t be pressured by Aunt Mabel to try her marshmallow surprise. (Just tell her you might try her dish later!) There’s no need to sample everything on the table. Instead, politely decline the foods you don’t need (or want) and place a small amount of protein (about the size of your palm) on your plate, and load up on veggies (cooked and raw). If there is a high-caloric side dish you just can’t resist, eye the smallest piece on the platter and take that one. Depriving yourself isn’t the answer. Moderation is.

NINE

HOST A HEALTHY PARTY. When it’s your turn to host, plan a healthy menu filled with nutritious, high-protein foods like chicken, turkey, organic tofu, quinoa and/or fish. Opt for healthier cooking methods (i.e. grill fish instead of frying) to cut down on fat and steam veggies to maintain their natural flavours and nutrients. Use good quality non-GMO oils like avocado, coconut and olive oil for cooking and drizzling. Sweeten desserts and beverages with xylitol (i.e. Xyla, a 100 per cent natural sugarless sweetener that contains 40 per cent less calories than sugar, doesn’t raise blood sugar levels, is safe for diabetics, and tastes, and bakes, just like real sugar).

BE REALISTIC. The holiday season is not the time to start a diet. It’s a time to relax, have fun and enjoy yourself. You don’t need to say no to every eggnog, fruit cake or chocolate flan to maintain your weight. You’d be miserable if you did. The key to staying healthy (and making sure your pants do up in January) is moderation. That and making healthy food choices. It is possible to get through the holidays without guilt or extra pounds. All it takes is a little planning, motivation, and making healthy choices.

FORTIFY YOURSELF

The holidays can sometimes bring unwanted gifts—like colds and flus. Protect yourself from germs and sickness with these quick tips. BOOST YOUR BODY. To help ward off the possibilities of indigestion, intestinal issues, and compromised immunity due to poor nutrition, lack of sleep, and exposure to crowds and germs, boost your body with a daily dose of greens (in either a supplement or liquid form) as they provide your body with essential vitamins and minerals. GET PROBIOTICS. Get adequate amounts of probiotics—either through supplementation (I recommend Bio-K+), or eating fermented foods like kimchi, tempeh, miso and sauerkraut. Probiotics help to improve digestion and boost immunity.

Andrea Donsky is a registered holistic nutritionist and founder of NaturallySavvy.com and The Healthy Shopper coupon book (thehealthyshopper.ca).

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Final Thrill

WINTER PEDICURE

Treat your feet this season with a relaxing pedicure. Beautify your toes in shades of dark purples, browns or greys.

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YOUR TODAY. THEIR TOMORROW.

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