December/January 2018 by INBETWEEN Magazine

FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT

DECEMBER/JANUARY 2018

SCANDAL’S

GEORGE NEWBERN DOPE TALK

WHY YOU NEED TO GET REAL ABOUT MARIJUANA WITH YOUR KID

GIFTS THEY’LL LOVE

DISHES ON THE DOWNSIDE OF HOLLYWOOD FOR YOUNG TEENS

FACING HER FEARS

5 WAYS TO TEACH GIRLS TO TRY.... EVEN IF THEY FAIL

inbetween DECEMBER & JANUARY 2018

INFORM 6 HEALTH & LIFE NEWS 8 ASK THE EXPERT

Kimberly Moffit on how to spend more quality one-on-one time with your teenage kids

9 FACING HER FEARS

5 ways to teach your teen girls to try...and fail 12 POT TALK

POT TALK

NEW YEAR, NEW YOU

How to have a real conversation with your teen about marijuana

9 22

FACING HER FEARS

GIFTS THEY’LL LOVE

INSIGHT 17 10 MINUTES WITH...

Actress and philanthropist Kimberly Hébert Gregory 20 RAISING DAD Reflecting on

my own teen years is a great memo to myself

INSPIRE 22 33 GIFTS THEY’LL LOVE

From stocking stuffers to big-ticket splurges, here are gifts your teen will love this Christmas 28 COVER STORY

Scandal’s George Newbern on why Hollywood is no place for young teens 33 FINAL THRILL

Capture the holiday moments cover photography tj

manou

INBETWEEN

DECEMBER & JANUARY 2018

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

RACHEL NAUD ART DIRECTOR

CAROLINE BISHOP

Contributors ASHLEY GOOD is a failure expert and Always #LikeAGirl Ambassador from Toronto, Ont. She is the founder of Fail Forward, the world’s first failure consultancy. On page 9, she gives parents five tips on how to encourage their daughters to try new things.

FASHION EDITOR

JORDANA HANDLER CONTRIBUTORS

PETER CARTER, ASHLEY GOOD, LINDA MILLAR, KIMBERLY MOFFIT, AGNES WYWROT Copyright© 2018 INBETWEEN Magazine. All rights reserved. All images, unless otherwise noted, are from iStockphoto and Pexels. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher accepts no responsibility for advertisers’ claims, unsolicited

LINDA MILLAR is a contributor to Drug Free Kids Canada, and has authored several teacher resources in the fields of substance use prevention, media literacy, childhood obesity, and mental health. On page 12, she guides parents about how to talk to their kids about marijuana.

manuscripts, transparencies or other materials. FOR ANY QUESTIONS, SUBMISSIONS OR COMMENTS, PLEASE CONTACT INFO@INBETWEEN.CA.

CAROLINE BISHOP is the art director of INBETWEEN and a freelance designer specializing in editorial art direction, creative Powerpoint design and social media curation. She’s also a mom of three kids who still believe in Santa Claus.

December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

Raising From Rachel Dad

EDITOR’S LETTER

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. Was 2017 good for you? Did you share new experiences with your teen? Did you have those difficult sitdown conversations? Did you make memories that will last long past the strike of midnight into 2018? Or did the year simply get away from you? I’m sure parts of it did for all of us. After all, we’re only human. That’s why looking forward to the New Year, we’ve got you covered. Did you make a resolution to spend more one-on-one time with your kids? Expert Kimberly Moffit tells us how to plan family date nights that everyone will love on page 8. Do you have a daughter? Is she afraid to try new things because she’s afraid of failure? If so, she’s not alone. According to a 2017 study, seven in 10 girls avoid trying new things because they are scared of failure. So, this year, help her face her fears. We’ve got five ways to do just that on page 9. In Canada, what’s also coming up quickly in 2018 is the legalization of marijuana. That means the clock is ticking on that important PHOTO BY AGNES WYWROT/VYV PHOTOGRAPHIC

conversation you need to have with your teen. Don’t know how to start? Turn to page 12. But, hey, it’s not over yet. We still have the holidays of 2017! To make sure it’s the best yet, we’ve got 33 gift ideas your teen will love to receive on page 22. You may even score some cool parent points for knowing just what they wanted. Consider it our Christmas gift to you. Happy Holidays! ■ Until next time,

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS rachel@inbetween.ca December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

inFORM

Raising Dad

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FOR YOUR TODAY AND THEIR TOMORROW

NEWS BRIEFS

RIDING HIGH With holiday soirees in full swing, making sure your teen arrives home safely is of concern for many parents—and with good reason. According to a study commissioned by Drug Free Kids Canada, nearly one-third (32 per cent) of teens feel driving high (after marijuana use) is not as risky as drunk driving, while one in four high school seniors say that they have ridden in a car with a high driver. So, this holiday season, maybe spring for their Uber costs. It’ll be worth the peace of mind.

News Briefs

FLEXIBLE HOUSING FOR UNI STUDENTS Parents with teens enrolled at Niagara U might be the ones sleeping easier knowing the school is one of the first colleges in the U.S. to offer commuting students the experience of dorm living with overnight accommodations for short and longer stays. The program, named NU BnB, allows students to book overnight packages that include both sleeping rooms and food vouchers—perfect for those students who stay late at school studying and don’t want to drive home in winter weather conditions. Students can purchase a one-night package for $40, a 15-night package for $450 or a 30-night package for $810. niagara.edu/bnb.

According to The Statistic Brain Research Institute, losing weight and eating healthier was the No. 1 resolution Americans made last year. This was followed by life/self improvements and better financial decisions. While 72.6 per cent kept their resolutions for one full week, by the time well wishers made it to the sixth month mark, only 44.8 per cent of resolution-makers were keeping true to their word.

HOLIDAY CHEER Love a mug of eggnog while decorating the tree or simply sipping by the fire? Good news. Eggnog has some nutritional benefits. In fact, one cup of eggnog has 11.6 grams of protein and contains essential minerals, such as calcium, potassium and zinc. The Christmas concoction also has vitamins, such as riboflavin, B-12, vitamin A and vitamin D. But, be cautious before you chug with abandon. One cup of eggnog also contains 224 calories, nearly half of which are from fat. So be merry and drink in moderation. December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

Expert Q&A

by kimberly moffit

My New Year’s resolution is to spend more one-onone time with my three teenage kids— 13, 16, 19. They are all so different in their tastes and what they like to do! How can I approach them with this idea so they will actually want to hang out with me and not think that anything I choose will be lame?

Kimberly Moffit is one of Canada’s most experienced relationship experts and provides practical advice about parenting and psychological topics. She’s a regular speaker for Queen’s University’s MBA and Women in Leadership Programs, and a frequent lecturer at the University of Waterloo.

WHAT AN AMAZING NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION! Planning to spend more one-on-one time with your kids ALWAYS generates positive results and can help you build on existing individual relationships that don’t always get as much attention in the family environment. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of thinking about this and want to do it in the right way, so great start! My suggestion is to ask your kids to actually plan regular dates with you—and have them choose activities that they’ve always wanted to do! Let them be in the driver’s seat—this can help them feel excited and empowered about choosing their own hobbies or interests. Tell them that you’re willing to try anything they suggest, and make it a fun experience for them by asking them to keep it a surprise until the week of. Maybe it’s going to the trampoline gym, seeing a horse show, or going bowling together, but this way your kids will get to engage their unique interests in a safe environment—all while having fun, spending quality time with you, and showing you a unique side of themselves. Good luck! This is a wonderful way to show each of your kids that they’re special to you. Happy New Year! ■

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Fear of Failure

FAC I N G H E R

FEARS According to a 2017 study, seven in 10 girls avoid trying new things because they are scared of failure. Here’s 5 ways you can show your daughter that failure isn’t anything to be afraid of and, in fact, why it can be a good thing! by ashley good

THE NEW YEAR OFFERS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR SELF-REFLECTION AND GOAL-SETTING for the months ahead. But could this become an occasion to have an important conversation with our kids too? Getting teen girls to try new things can be challenging. They often prefer to hang out with close friends, chat online, watch their favourite shows, or stick to activities that they are very good at or comfortable with. In itself, this behaviour is not necessarily a bad thing, but if girls increasingly shy away from trying something different or new, it can lead them to have less confidence to challenge

themselves to try and reach for goals they really want, no matter what the risks are. According to a recent survey from Always #LikeAGirl*, a fear of failure leads seven in 10 girls to avoid trying new things, but if they felt that failure was OK, they would keep doing the things they loved, take on more challenges and grow in confidence. Furthermore, the study found that half of girls feel paralyzed by the fear of failure. To help girls overcome this, why not kick off the New Year with a conversation about what they really want to do, set their sights on great goals, and help them manage their fear of failure and ways to overcome it?

Fear of Failure

FIVE WAYS TO HELP YOUR TEEN FACE HER FEARS HELP IDENTIFY WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOUR CHILD Help her discover what she would find so important, interesting and fun, that even if she fails it would be worth it. Channeling her focus on what she’s passionate about helps create strength and energy to rebound, if things don’t go as planned at first. After all, we only truly fail when we don’t even try. Find out what is stopping her. Have her write down the goals or activities she’s afraid of doing and then take a few minutes to discover all the reasons and excuses she can think of to account for why she hasn’t done it yet. Next, encourage her to think of the most courageous person she knows—someone she looks up to, who doesn’t care what others think and does what they think is right. What would that courageous person say about her reasons and excuses? What would they tell her to do? How would they get her to try to overcome her fears?

BE REALISTIC ABOUT THE RISK OF FAILURE Show her that she’s probably overestimating the likelihood and consequence of failure as well as society’s expectation for perfection. Approximately, 85 per cent of Canadian girls feel pressure to please others and be perfect, but it’s important to remind her that she can be herself and not fear failure. Once she decides to go for it, do all you can to help her prepare. Who isn’t terrified of public speaking, or losing the big game? By practicing and

preparing she can know that she did her best and maximized her chances of being awesome.

KNOW THAT YOUR RESPONSE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE So she failed a test, didn’t make the basketball team, or just did something she regrets. Encourage her to use the experience to show her where she needs to focus her energies, how she can improve, or what she could do differently next time. Your reaction plays a huge role on how she perceives it. Think of failure not as a lack of success, but as a teachable moment.

TEACH HER THE TRUTH ABOUT FAILING Failures do not define who you are, they are important steps to keep learning and growing. Just because you failed, does not mean you are a failure. If you help your daughter understand this, she can beat the statistics and learn to Keep Going #LikeAGirl. ■ Ashley Good is a failure expert and Always #LikeAGirl Ambassador from Toronto, Ontario. She is the founder of Fail Forward the world’s first failure consultancy. Since 2011, they’ve helped hundreds of individuals and businesses harness failure in order to learn, innovate and build resilience. *The Always Confidence & Puberty Wave V Study was conducted by MSLGROUP using the Research Now Panel and surveyed a total of 1,000 Canadians. The survey was conducted among a sample of 1,000 females aged 16 to 24 year old. The survey was implemented between the dates of April 5, 2017 through April 12, 2017. The survey was also conducted in the US, surveying a total of 1,500 Americans (1,000 females and 500 males aged 16-24) between March 9, 2017 and March 24, 2017.

December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

P O T TA L K With marijuana on the cusp of being legal in Canada, and with more teens using it more than ever, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to have a real conversation with your teen about smoking pot. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how. by linda millar

Teens & Marijuana

THESE DAYS, MARIJUANA IS SPREADING LIKE, WELL, WEEDS, IN THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA. With Prime Minister Justin Trudeau vowing to

make it legal, pot shops growing on every corner, and new cannabis products hitting the market, teens are being exposed to the drug now more than ever. And, as with most things in life, the marijuana landscape is changing. Over the years, not only has the active ingredient (THC) increased, but the number of individuals using the drug and the circumstances surrounding their use have also changed (for example, medicinal marijuana is now used by many adults who are not using it as a recreational drug). This is why it’s more important than ever to have open and frank conversations with your teens about marijuana.

THEIR BRAINS ON DRUGS

❑ Marijuana (cannabis) is the most commonly used psychoactive substance in Canada.

❑ One in five teens aged between

15 and 19 have used marijuana in the past year in Canada.

❑ The rate of marijuana use in

Canada is three times higher among Canadian youth than adults.

CURRENT RESEARCH INDICATES that the parts of the adolescent brain that develop first are those that control physical coordination, emotion and motivation. The pre-frontal cortex is the part of the brain that controls reasoning and impulses and this part of the brain does not fully develop until about age 25. Scientific evidence confirms that during adolescent years, teens are particularly susceptible to the negative effects of all drug use, including marijuana. In addition to interfering with school performance, teens who choose to use drugs may exhibit negative behaviour, including:

❑ In Ontario, marijuana use

❑ Difficulty holding back or controlling emotions ❑ A preference for high-excitement

❑ At present, cannabis use is

and low-effort activities ❑ Poor planning and judgment (rarely thinking of negative consequences) ❑ More risky, impulsive behaviours

❑ Canadian youth have the second highest rates of cannabis use worldwide.

It is important to understand that some young people take drugs such as marijuana to ‘reduce stress, eliminate anxiety and help them cope.’ These are

increases with grade level, with 37.2 per cent of Grade 12 students reporting use. higher among males than females.

December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

really important aspects to consider when promoting positive mental health. The reality is that life is not perfect. Stress and anxiety is a fact of life, and if teens are looking to drugs to ease their tension, they are not learning how to develop the life-long strategies they will need to cope and manage stress as adults.

Developing stress management skills early in life and learning how to use tools to relax and control emotions is critical for everyone—particularly our young people who are navigating a new and exciting world approaching adulthood—and, as a parent, you can help.

Ask your teen how they feel about marijuana use. Discuss why they feel that way. Share your honest feelings about why you are having this discussion.

1. 2. 3. 4.

KEEP AN OPEN MIND. Try to be objective, open and non-judgmental.

BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR GOALS. Once you have identified what you want and need to say, try to stick to your plan. Too much at one time may be overwhelming and self-defeating.

BE CALM AND RELAXED. Maybe take a walk, a drive or do something that helps you relax before having that important discussion.

AVOID ‘THE LECTURE’ and the ‘because I said so…’ tactic. It is ineffective.

5. 6. 7.

STAY POSITIVE. As difficult as it may be, try to be attentive, curious, respectful and understanding. If you ‘lose it’ chances are your teen will too!

FIND A COMFORTABLE SETTING. Think about where you and your child like to relax. Avoid anxiety-evoking words such as ‘We need to talk after dinner.’

BE AWARE OF BODY LANGUAGE. You know the drill: avoid crossed arms, finger-pointing, standing over your child etc.

ABOVE ALL, let your child know that you care about them and about this topic. If the conversation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, or your child is getting defensive and ‘shutting off’, accept that it may take more than once to get through to them. Just don’t give up.

Teens & Marijuana

THATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S A QUESTION SOME OF US HAVE WRESTLED WITH. First of all, you know your child best, so if you used marijuana in the past, you have probably already prepared your answer. If not, experts suggest that you be honest, but that you also express that your experience with the drug is one of the reasons you want to have the conversation. If you felt it compromised your judgment, short-term memory or had any other negative impact on your life, share what happened if you feel comfortable doing so. Explain that you know now that marijuana, like alcohol, seriously impacts the ability to make clear decisions, and that really concerns you. Alternatively, if you chose not to use marijuana or other drugs growing up, tell your child why you made that decision. At some point, it may be helpful to discuss what goals and plans your teen has now and for their lives as adults and share the important fact that developing brains can be seriously impacted by drug use, compromising those dreams and aspirations. â&#x2013; Linda Millar is a contributor to Drug Free Kids Canada, and an education consultant with over 40 years of experience. She has authored several teacher resources in the fields of substance use prevention, media literacy, childhood obesity, and mental health. *For more tips related to talking to your children about drugs, see the Drug Free Canada website at: drugfreekidscanada.org

December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

insight

ADVICE AND INSIGHT FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS

TEN MINUTES WITH

KIMBERLY HÃ&#x2030;BERT GREGORY On screen, Gregory is helping Kevin (Probably) Save the World. Off-screen, her role is way more important. The actress and philanthropist gets real about raising a teen on the spectrum and what she wants others to know about autism.

PHOTOS COURTESY OF ABC TELEVISION GROUP

December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

Tell me about your character as Yvette on Kevin (Probably) Saves the World? Yvette is a self-described “warrior for God,” who is on a mission to help Kevin save humanity. She interestingly has decided to convince God to let 35 other God warriors go down to Earth and find the lost souls with her. When you think about it, that’s pretty gutsy. Why do you love playing the role? I am always interested in strong, humanly flawed characters. Yvette definitely fits that description. She is so well meaning and confident that she doesn’t always see her blind spots. I love how passionate she is about what she perceives to be her mission. I mean, she tells God that she can basically save the world without ever having been on the Earth. You can see how this kind of hubris, coupled with a lack of real experience, can be a set up for some real obstacles.

“My son is a constant teacher of flexibility and awareness.”

What other projects do you have coming up in the winter/New Year? At this time, Kevin (Probably) Saves the World is a full-time endeavor as we are working diligently to flesh out the characters and the larger mythology of the story. I am, however, finding time to continue working on writing projects that I have had coming down the pike for some time now. Another important role you play is mom to your 17-year-old son. What are some lessons you’ve

learned as a parent about raising a teen through your experiences with your son? My son, Chester Moore Gregory III, is a constant teacher of flexibility and awareness. Ushering another human being into independence is tricky and scary. As much as I want to be protective and protecting, I understand that he has to be given a measure of freedom to fully explore who he will be independently. I think many parents are warring with themselves in this way. With this and the previous generation, we have been ever-present parents and oftentimes stepping in as problem-solvers for our children. I am learning in these teen years that I do my son a great disservice if I do not allow him to understand from a benign mistake, if I don’t move out of the way so he can actually see HIS way.

10 Minutes With...

You’re a big advocate for autism awareness. Why is this issue important to you? I am a huge advocate for autism awareness because my son is on the spectrum. There are so many things to learn when he was diagnosed. I became keenly aware that had my then husband and I not been in a position to provide our son with services and interventions at an early age, his progress would have been even more halted. It made me wonder how marginalized families, for whom making rent and putting food on the table are the main concerns, are managing. There is a great deal more work that needs to be done for poor families of colour in underserved communities who are lovingly trying to usher their children into independence. What do you want others to know and understand about autism? Autism is a complex spectrum disorder, so individuals with autism are as varied as anyone else. It is a challenge for all of us to be more mindful as we encounter people who are different (i.e. race, gender identity, religion, etc.) to not treat them like prescribed checked boxes. Beyond all of those things, diagnosis included, is a human being who really only wants to be treated like he/she sees himself. How does having a son on the autism spectrum affect your parenting experience? I think there are commonalities among all parents. We tend to obsess about our children’s well-being and futures. Parenting my child and supporting him in his social and academic learning have provided me with more insight about who I am and the many things I need to unlearn about parenting and building human character. From observation, media, images and a troubled

public school system, parenting can sometimes look like a competition, and parents scramble to aggressively push their child ahead of the pack. That pushing can sometimes create an unawareness of the human being developing, because it focuses on the outcome. Parenting a child on the spectrum has helped me slow my thinking and projecting to see the human being in front of me, and love and respect him right where he is. What would you say are some of the challenges of raising a teen boy on the spectrum? My understanding is that raising ANY teen boy is a challenge, and THAT has been the challenge. Much of the behaviour that I am experiencing with my son is developmentally appropriate, which is a great reminder. Some things are true for everyone as they find themselves. The things that have been interesting to observe are his self-awareness and desires for his future self. It is a joy to get glimpses of the independent thinker and creative that he will be. What would you say are some of the biggest rewards of raising a teen son on the spectrum? I have said this many times, but my son is my master teacher. He has taught me to see everyone and welcome them as they are. His capacity for kindness and forgiveness are so huge it makes me expand my own. What is the biggest lesson you want your son to remember that you taught him as he grows into a healthy, happy adult? He is enough and there is nothing lacking within him. He has everything he needs inside him to achieve his goals. His place in this world is secure and his purpose is great. ■ December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

Raising Dad

MY BIG RED

TIME MACHINE My Dad’s chair reminds me of my own teen years but it also serves as a great memo to myself: Teens know it all (not really). by peter carter MAYA ANGELOU ONCE SAID, “People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” I sure recall how my entire family felt the year my mom spent the week leading up to Christmas in the hospital. Though it was decades ago, our house was gloomy and heavy hearted. Especially my dad. He loved my mom so much. We all wished we could figure

out how to cheer him up. And then one of my sisters and I decided to decorate the tree. Back then, synthetic trees were rare, and like most of the people we knew, we Carters had a tree that was neither balanced nor bushy. So my dad sat in “his” chair watching while we did our best to get the tree erect and decorated. Choosing

Raising Dad

the baubles and untangling the tinsel wasn’t nearly as challenging as simply making the thing stay standing. At one point, I tied a string from the top branches to a curtain rod. We wrestled with the branches, rotated the trunk and hung decorations, until finally, decided the tree was as good as it could get. We took a step back. And down she fell, angel and all, just clearing our Phillips cabinet stereo. Shiny ornaments, pine needles and tinsel littered the red wall-to-wall carpet, which suddenly had a big dark wet spot on it. My dad laughed. For what seemed like the first time in days, my father laughed hard and long and I knew immediately that our benighted Charlie Brown tree was the best Christmas gift ever. We eventually resurrected the tree; and my mom got out of hospital in time to spend Christmas day at home, but I’ll never forget the night the tree fell, as well as tons of other events from that same period of my life. And here’s why. I have a time machine. I keep it in the living room, right beside our fireplace. You wouldn’t know it’s a time machine by looking, but that’s part of its magic. I now own the very same red chair that my father was in, more than 40 years ago, when the tree tumbled down. When I sit there, it takes less than a second to travel back to my teen years. So it’s dead easy to recall, in painful detail, everything about being a teenager. Including what it was like knowing “everybody’s getting lucky but me.”

Or that I, and I alone, had perfect taste in movies and music. I also knew what our schools should really be teaching; indeed I knew, well, everything. As did my friends. Including the fact that mom and dad were so old they couldn’t understand squat. (I’d recommend that if you know a teen who doesn’t believe she or he is smarter than you, get them medical attention.) For example, my dad wasn’t smart enough to “get” long hair on boys. He didn’t understand that a sophisticated dude like me needed long hair. Lucky for me he wasn’t heavy-handed, so I kept my greasy hair as uncut as I wanted. But I must tell you, when I was 17, the anti-long-hair forces scored a huge victory. (That sound you hear? It’s the machine warming up again.) My older sister Charlene, who had already finished nursing school, gotten married and given birth to my nephew Allan, was visiting our family home. Allan was two. He and I were wrestling on the living room floor, and my dad was in his chair, watching. At one point, I was lying on my back and twoyear-old Allan was straddling my chest. He looked down into my eyes and asked, in all innocence, in his baby voice, “Peter, are you a boy or a girl?” Dad laughed as hard as he did as when the tree fell down. If you’re raising teens and looking for answers, you could do worse than a little time travel. ■

Peter has four brothers, four sisters, one wife, two daughters and a son, the last three of which all recently graduated from teenagehood with all their limbs and sanity intact.

December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

inSPIRE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

GIFTS THEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LL LOVE

FROM STOCKING STUFFERS TO BIG-TICKET SPLURGES, WE HANDPICKED A SELECTION OF GIFTS YOUR TEEN WILL LOVE TO GET THIS CHRISTMAS. by rachel naud

Best Raising Gifts Guide Dad

SHINING SURPRISES

Mermaid Pillow, $40, chapters.indigo.ca, George Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Plush Unicorn Slipper, $9, walmart.ca, Skinnydip Holographic Pencil + Eraser Set, $12, urbanoutfitters.com, Apple Airpods, $219, apple.ca, Mini Flamingo Neon Sign Table Lamp, $34, urbanoutfitters.com, HP Sprocket Photo Printer, $160, bestbuy.ca, Unicorn Snowglobe, $40, drakegeneralstore.ca, eos Vanilla Orchid Crystal Smooth Lip Balm, $7, walmart.ca

INSPIRED IDEAS

Brandy Melville Graphic Tees, $28-$32, brandymelvilleusa.com, Google Home Mini, $80, bestbuy.ca, Brrrr Expression Hat, $25, chapters.indigo.ca, Journal, $14.95 - $16.95, live-inspired.com, Epson Home Cinema 1060 projector, $900, Epson.ca, Aldo Umigodda, $55, aldoshoes.com

Best Gifts Guide

COOL COLLECTION

iPhoneX, $1,319, apple.ca, Arborist Toque, $20, drakegeneralstore.ca, Solar Onesie, $60, drakegeneralstore.ca, PlayStation 4, $380, store.playstation.com, Horizon Zero Dawn game, $60, store.playstation.com, YoSox, $12/each, yo-sox.com, Epson ProSense, $330, epson.ca, Roku Streaming Stick, $50, roku.com, Zyderma Clarifying Cream, $60, zyderma.com

Best Gifts Guide

GIFTS THAT ROCK Cineplex Gift Card + Free Holiday Bundle (not pictured) $40, cineplex.com, Sugar Lip Beauty Box, $54, sephora.ca, Crosley X UO Velvet Cruiser Bluetooth Record Player, $119, urbanoutfitters.com, Wooden Multi-Device Charging Dock, $44, urbanoutfitters.com, Taylor Swift - Reputation (CD + Walmart Canada Exclusive Magazine Vol 1), $25, walmart.ca, Justin Beiber and Drake enamel pins, $10/each, drakegeneralstore.ca, Skechers on the Go, City 2 Walking Boot, $110, skechers.com, Project Mc2 Pixel Purse, $80, toysrus.ca

GEORGE NEWBERN

HAS IT HANDLED THE SCANDAL STAR DISHES ON PARENTING AND WHY HOLLYWOOD IS NO PLACE FOR YOUNG TEENS. by rachel naud photos by tj manou

George Raising Newbern Dad

WAS 26 YEARS AGO when George Newbern played the perfect boyfriend, Bryan MacKenzie, on the hit movie, Father of The Bride, alongside Steve Martin and Kimberly Williams-Paisley. Fathers of daughters everywhere can surely remember and relate to that awkward scene when MacKenzie squeezes Paisley’s bare knee in front of (gasp!) her father. In fact, today, Newbern himself, a father of two college-aged daughters, says he relates to Steve Martin’s character now more than ever. “I have been relating to Steve Martin’s character since my oldest girl turned 13,” he says in a phone interview from his Los Angeles home. “I am more of that guy than I ever thought I would be. Right down to the barbecue wedding. I’m thinking, my backyard is really nice and I look at how much a wedding costs and I’m like, ‘We can just do it in the backyard. It’s really nice back there.’” From clean-cut boyfriend to contract killer, Newbern is now starring in Scandal, the Shonda Rhimes political thriller that has taken nighttime television by storm since it launched seven years ago. Newbern plays Charlie, a contract killer who tries to make things right, in his own unorthodox ways. “I’ve done a lot of nice guy parts my whole life and it’s great to have a part that is not that

at all,” says Newbern. “Charlie has a great edge to him. It’s fun to do things that are outside the norms of society.” As the show nears the end of its seventh and final season, Newbern isn’t worried about keeping busy as he has another—even bigger role—to take of—being dad to two teen daughters and a son.

FOR THE LOVE OF THEATRE Newbern started his acting career as a young teen in the theatre, something he encourages any young aspiring actor to do. “Hopefully young actors come to a love of acting through getting up on a stage and being completely vulnerable and completely exposed,” he says. “In movies and TV, you can do different takes if your performance isn’t right. But in theatre, if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to be exposed immediately. If you do theatre, you’ll know right away if you like it or not and if you’re good or not. It’s a way to test yourself quickly as to your level of passion and talent.” While he says his kids, as young tweens and teens, were impressed by his gigs in Disney movies, starring alongside some of their favourite actors, Newbern says his kids haven’t caught the acting bug. “I’m not sure they really want to do theatre,” December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

George Newbern

MY GENERATION OF PARENTS ARE ALL STRUGGLING WITH THE FREEDOM THAT CELLPHONES GIVES TEENS. he says. “They are welcome to do it, but I haven’t seem them really jump out to take the plunge. But I’m all for it if they want to do it.”

NO BUSINESS IN SHOW BUSINESS Newbern, while supportive of the arts and theatre, says he drew the line at exposing his young teenagers to the Hollywood scene. “I certainly wouldn’t take them to any TV or movie auditions. The opportunities have come up with both my girls and I just said, ‘When you’re 18, you can decide. But I’m not going to let you audition for a Disney Channel or commercial because there’s way too much downside for young kids in Hollywood.’ I wouldn’t want to expose my kids to that.” Newbern says the attention young teens get from being on a popular TV show or movie is often too much for them to handle at that age. “It’s really difficult for young kids and teens to handle all the stuff that that goes along with being on TV, before they’ve had

George Newbern

THERE’S A CERTAIN REWARD IN SEEING THEM AS THEY’RE MATURING. a chance to develop as an artist or a person. There’s so much attention not routed in anything other than you’re on a TV show. When it goes away and you’re back in regular high school, everything seems boring, and you still crave the high of being on a TV show or movie before you even understand what it is. My feeling is once you’re 18, then fine. Go for it. You’ve matured enough. But when you’re 12 or 13, you get dragged to auditions and on a set, it’s not a healthy environment by every measure.”

THE ROLE OF CELLPHONES At home, one of the toughest jobs Newbern says he has is dealing with his kids’ cellphone usage. While cellphones, undoubtedly contribute their own advantage—you can get in touch with them whenever, wherever—the hand-held devices give teens freedom, while simultaneously stripping away control from the people who often pay for them—the parents. “My generation of parents are all struggling with the freedom that cellphones gives teens,” he says. “In a weird way, it has taken parenting out of our hands, way too early. And I know we have control over the cellphones but it’s really hard. Knowing where my kids are makes

me feel better, but, at same time, that freedom has taken away some of our ability to keep tabs on them and know who they are talking to and what they’re doing.” And while Newbern admits he and his wife often fight the urge to ask ‘Who are you talking to?!’ every time his kids are on their phones, he says the best thing you can do is just learn to trust them. “You can put the security things on the Internet and on their phones and all that stuff. But at the end of the day, there is so much that you cannot control. And you just have to give it up and say ‘Man, I trust you and be careful and call me if you have a problem and all that stuff.’” In the meantime, Newbern says he’s simply enjoying this stage of life—parenting his kids from teenagers to young adults. “There’s a certain reward in seeing them as they’re maturing,” he says. “I can talk to them as an adult and not feel like I have to parent them in those moments. I’m starting to see instances of that, and it’s really gratifying to see them out in public and go out for dinner and talk about adult things and not, ‘Did you do your homework?’ It’s surprising and I can see down the road how gratifying it’s going to be.” ■ December & January 2018 INBETWEEN

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IN A FLASH Take a minute to capture those memory-making moments with your teens this season. It flies faster than the snow.

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36 & January 2018 INBETWEEN FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLEDecember OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT