FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT
PRESCRIPTION FOR DANGER TEENS TAKING DRUGS FROM YOUR MEDICINE CABINET
SHOULD I BE READING MY TEEN’S TEXTS? OUR EXPERT ADVICE
PROM LOOKS YOU’LL BOTH LOVE
APRIL/MAY 2017
MAYIM BIALIK’S BIG THEORIES ON GIRLING UP AND RAISING BOYS
inbetween APRIL & MAY 2017
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INSIGHT
PRESCRIPTION FOR DANGER
5 RAISING DAD What I learned
about my teens from shock jocks 7 10 MINUTES WITH...
Yohance Myles, father of five and star of the new series Shots Fired
INFORM 10 HEALTH & LIFE NEWS 12 ASK THE EXPERT
Kimberly Moffit on whether or not it’s Ok to read your teen’s texts
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TEEN SPENDING
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13 PRESCRIPTION FOR DANGER
Should you be concerned your teen is stealing your medication?
PERFECT FOR PROM
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WHEN GIRLS DUMB IT DOWN
17 WHEN GIRLS DUMB IT DOWN
Why, instead of reaching for academic success, smart girls are playing dumb
INSPIRE 21 PERFECT FOR PROM
Three trends to make her shine on the biggest night of high school 26 COVER STORY
Big Bang Theory’s Mayim Bialik on Girling Up and raising boys
INDULGE 30 FINAL THRILL
A perfect Mother’s Day retreat at Ste. Anne’s Spa
INBETWEEN
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Meet the Team APRIL & MAY 2017
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
RACHEL NAUD ART DIRECTOR
Contributors
CAROLINE BISHOP KIMBERLY MOFFIT is one of Canada’s most experienced relationship experts. On page 12, she answers a question plagued by many parents: Should I read my teen’s texts?
FASHION EDITOR
JORDANA HANDLER EDITORIAL INTERN
BRIANNE STEPHEN CONTRIBUTORS
PETER CARTER JORDANA HANDLER LINDA MILLAR KIMBERLY MOFFIT SHAUNA POMERANTZ REBECCA RABY AGNES WYWROT Copyright© 2017 INBETWEEN Magazine. All rights reserved. All images, unless otherwise noted, are from iStockphoto and Pexels. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher accepts no responsibility for advertisers’ claims, unsolicited manuscripts, transparencies or other materials. FOR ANY QUESTIONS, SUBMISSIONS OR COMMENTS, PLEASE CONTACT INFO@INBETWEEN.CA.
LINDA MILLAR is a contributor for Drug Free Kids Canada, a nonprofit organization that supports parents in preventing teen drug use. On page 13, she writes about a dangerous trend that’s seeing teens steal prescription medications from their parents.
REBECCA RABY AND SHAUNA POMERANTZ During their research for their book, Smart Girls: Success, School, and the Myth of Post-Feminism, authors Rebecca Raby and Shauna Pomerantz discovered that teen girls are purposely dumbing down in class. Ready why on page 17. April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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From Rachel
EDITOR’S LETTER
MAKE SMART CHOICES I REMEMBER when I was in high school, the boy I absolutely loved struggled in English class. While I couldn’t solve an algebra equation to save my life, there was one subject I was pretty confident in and that was English. I could whip up an essay like nobody’s business. When the day of the exam came, I could see the worry on his face, so I did what any lovestruck teen would do—I sat as sideways as I could at my desk so my crush could see my paper from behind. Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have let him cheat off my test (I mean, it’s not like he ever asked me out), but I certainly didn’t hide my intelligence for the subject. If anything, I thought he would be impressed by my aptitude to make a Margaret Laurence novel sound as interesting as a cafeteria-chat synopsis of the latest episode of 90210. (He wasn’t. Whatever.) Still, despite my lack of love connection, it stunned me to hear that some of today’s teen girls are sacrificing their grades and dumbing it down to gain popularity with their peers. Read why on page 17. Speaking of bad decisions, our teens are
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INBETWEEN April & May 2017
making dangerous—if not catastrophic—choices by raiding our medicine cabinets to find their next high. At parties sometimes called “pharm parties” or “skittle parties,” teens pool the pills they steal from home to add to a community “punch bowl” to share with their friends. Read how you can protect your child from this dangerous trend on page 13. One trend to love right now is the hot fashions for prom. If you’re about to hit the mall with your teen to find that perfect dress, check out our fashion spread on page 21. It’ll be sure to lighten your mood and your stress level as you shop for her most important night of high school. Congratulations. You both made it. ■
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS rachel@inbetween.ca PHOTO BY AGNES WYWROT/VYV PHOTOGRAPHIC
insight
Raising Dad
ADVICE AND INSIGHT FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS
RAISING DAD
RADIO SIGNALS
What a couple of lame shock jocks taught me about my teens. by peter carter
TRUE CONFESSION TIME. When my twin daughters, Ev and Ria, were in Grade 9, I drove them to school whenever I could because: A) I firmly grasp any time I get with my kids; and B) their high school was between my house and my job. I just loved listening to them talk about school, their friendships, and hearing what sort of music they liked. What they didn’t know was, after they climbed out of the van, I frequently April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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Raising Dad
“At their age, you still kind of hope you can protect them from a lot of stuff.” changed the radio station to hear a local “shock jock” show, in which a couple of wildly immature deejays played a game where callers were asked to describe the most embarrassing thing they ever did. They especially favoured sex stories. The juiciest story won. I’m not sure what the show was called, but it might have been “WHAAAHAPPEN?” That’s how the jocks asked the callers to fess up. “We got Brittany on the line from Keswick. So... Brittany… WHAAAHAPPEN?” OK, maybe the shock jocks weren’t the only immature ones. But, at least I waited until the girls were out of the van. Some hungover sophomore talking about her drunken, horny weekend at Crystal Beach is not something you want to share with your 14-year-olds. At their age, you still kind of hope you can protect them from a lot of stuff. The real world of serious relationships is directly in your line of sight and—with all due respect to any “niners” reading this—they’re still kinda young. Plus, I’ve never been comfortable talking about sex with my kids. I remember once when their younger brother, Michel, was in Grade 6 or 7, my wife, Helena, insisted I take him aside for “the talk.” Michel was taking an after-school gymnastics class and so it was en route, in the same van in which I drove the girls to school, where
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INBETWEEN April & May 2017
“the talk” happened. It went like this: Me: “Michel, Mom says you and I should have a talk. Ok with you if I say we did and leave it at that?” Him: “Yup.” That was that. I’m not prudish as much as I am efficient. And far as I know, Michel’s done ok in the sex department. My feeling? Your kids already know way more than you think they do. My proof? I whisk you back to the Carters’ breakfast table, 15 or so minutes before the twins and I piled into the van to head out. I forget the actual contents of the conversation, but I remember the tone very clearly. It was scandalous. Ev was about to share something that happened to one of her schoolmates; something embarrassing. I was sitting across from her and her sister and, seconds before she started the story, Michel bounded downstairs and over to the table. She hesitated, but Michel sensed what was going on. He then started up in a voice that could only have been learned in one place— “WHAAAHAPPEN??” I told you they know more than you think. ■ Peter has four brothers, four sisters, one wife, two daughters and a son, the last three of which all recently graduated from teenagehood with all their limbs and sanity intact.
TEN MINUTES WITH
YOHANCE MYLES by rachel naud
photo sean richardson
In the new Fox limited series Shots Fired, Yohance Myles plays a father trying to do what’s best for his son in an environment that is filled with racially charged injustice and shootings. At home, the father of five is juggling Hollywood with fatherhood— raising teens and toddlers under the same roof. Myles sat down with INBETWEEN for a frank talk about fatherhood, what it means to raise strong African-American teens and how he’s helping start an initiative to help other youths succeed.
Can you tell us about your new series, Shots Fired? Shots Fired is a new Fox limited series that opens the dialogue in navigating viewers into one of the world’s most pressing issues, which continues to plague our very own country… racially charged injustices and shootings. I play a character named Leon Grant, the father
of Cory Grant, who is an eyewitness to a tragic shooting in the series. Although Leon’s family resides in a community housing project called Gateway Station, it’s Leon’s duty to provide his family with the necessities of maintaining a suitable lifestyle. Leon is a hard-working father who believes in providing an honest way of living. He is a man of April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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spiritual belief and family values. Leon Grant is faced with a difficult decision to do whatever it takes to protect his son. How can you relate to your character on the show? I share similar concerns to those of Leon Grant’s character in that I face my own personal fears of fulfilling my purpose as an AfricanAmerican father in today’s evolving society. I always like to say, “In order to WIN, one must recognize that there is a RACE.” There are challenges in today’s world with parenting young African-American men to become productive leaders and successful citizens. I embrace and relate to Leon Grant’s goals to provide his family stability through work, education and value. The balance is to provide our sons with how to take ownership of one’s own identity, while identifying with the world’s view of racial profiling and inclusion. In addition to acting, you’re a father of five kids—ages 15, 14, 12, 1 and a newborn. What is it like raising teens and toddlers together? It is very exciting. I get a chance to let my older sons witness the challenges and joys of being an active father. The goal for me is to guide my sons in completing high school and eventually pursuing college/university life. The hope is that they consider creating their own family, one day, after establishing a stable life for themselves. My home always feels like experimental theatre because you never know what you are
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INBETWEEN April & May 2017
going to get on a daily basis from all of the different personalities residing under one roof. What are you dealing with these days with your teens? I know what you are thinking…girls! Well, the beauty of my conversations with them about girls and how you treat them, view them, and/ or communicate with them, seems to hit home pretty easy whenever I ask the boys one question… “How would you want your sister to be treated?” My oldest just turned 16. We’ve already established trust-building conversations about sexual intercourse and the understanding of its pre-adult life consequences: teen
10 Minutes With...
pregnancy and parenting, drugs, alcohol, choosing good company to have as friends, scholastic excellence, protecting the family name and image, and other important topics. Each of my sons is uniquely different, so establishing open and honest communication is always a priority. You are involved with the mentoring program, Go to High School; Go to College, where you help high school graduates transition into an academic institution of higher learning. Why is it important to you to do this? What have you learned through participating in this program? What I have learned from Go to High School; Go to College is that there is a great number of students who are prepared and are excellent achievers, but there is still more work to
be done for those who could get lost in the shuffle. It takes a village to raise a family…that family includes our youth…and that youth is the generation for tomorrow. What is your advice to parents on supporting their own teens in their future endeavors? I am an advocate of being very careful with understanding the interest and talents of our teens’ endeavors. We (parents) can either make or break their dreams. God has blessed us to be guiding lamps for them as they discover what their true path of existence and purpose might be. Always encourage and support them. ■ Shots Fired airs Wednesdays at 8 PM/7c on Fox. April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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inFORM
Raising Dad
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FOR YOUR TODAY AND THEIR TOMORROW NEWS BRIEFS
TEEN spending Today’s teens are a part of “Generation Z,” a generation that puts a high value on spending time with friends. This could be why, according to a recent study by investment bank and asset management firm Piper Jaffray, teens spend most of their money on food, accounting for 21 per cent of their expenditures. Spending time and money with friends at coffee shops and fast-food restaurants are a way in which teens can bond with friends outside of school.
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April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
news
News Briefs
MONEY MATTERS Grade 10 students across Ontario are soon to get a lesson in money management. The pilot project, which will run until June, will start teaching financial skills to some 700 students in 28 high schools. Their feedback, as well as the teachers’, will be important to restructuring the course in time for fall 2018. These changes come in response to a campaign by the Toronto Youth Cabinet that argued teens have little knowledge about things like credit cards and filing tax returns. According to Mitzie Hunter, the Education Minister of Ontario, the goal is to build money-related skills like budgeting, planning and saving for students to move forward with when they apply for postsecondary schools and at the workplace.
SUICIDE RATES RISING Suicide rates among teenage girls are on the rise, according to recent findings from Statistics Canada. According to a study done by Kids Help Phone, one in five teens have seriously considered suicide in the last year, and girls are twice as likely to consider suicide than boys. Social media can play a role, says Dr. Suzanne Petroni, the senior director for gender, population and development at the International Centre for Research on Women, who argues the medium can enforce harmful stereotypes about how girls are supposed to look and act, which has put high pressures on teenage girls.
SWEET NEWS
Pancakes in the morning may become a little less of a guilty pleasure. According to Navindra Seeram, an assistant professor of pharmacy from the University of Rhode Island, even though real maple syrup is calorie-heavy, it also has health benefits. In 20 litres of maple syrup from Quebec, 20 antioxidants were found, which reported to have antibacterial, anticancer and anti-diabetic properties. April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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by kimberly moffit
My 14-year-old daughter just got a cellphone. I feel like I should be reading her texts to see what she is sharing with others. While she may think it’s private, we all know kids can take screenshots and share on social media, etc. I feel like it’s my job to guide her when it comes to texting and what she shares with others. Or is this a breach of privacy? It’s not like it’s her diary... what should I do?
Kimberly Moffit is one of Canada’s most experienced relationship experts and provides practical advice about parenting and psychological topics. She’s a regular speaker for Queen’s University’s MBA and Women in Leadership Programs, and a frequent lecturer at the University of Waterloo.
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WOW! WHAT A GREAT QUESTION! You’re completely right that social media and sharing information through text CAN present true dangers! It’s crucial that your child is at a high enough level of emotional maturity to actually be trusted with a cellphone in the first place. If your teen doesn’t have the ability to make safe decisions, in my opinion, they shouldn’t have a cellphone. Although this may sound harsh, your role as a parent is to protect them and to prepare them to become responsible adults. If you didn’t believe your teen could make safe decisions while driving a vehicle, would you let them drive a car? Some parents choose to monitor their kids’ texts, but this does infringe on their privacy. (Can you imagine how you would feel if someone checked your cellphone?) This can also prevent them from freely expressing themselves with their friends on normal and embarrassing teen issues that they need peer support on. Monitoring your child’s texts is also ineffective in many cases—if a teen really wants to find a way around the rules, they will! When you think your teen may be ready for a phone, try giving them a “pop quiz.” Think of this as the driver’s test of getting to have a cellphone in your household! You can structure the test however you like and even use references to modern day apps and situations as questions. Be creative! The idea is to determine if they properly understand the dangers of social media and texting and are ready to use it in a responsible way. The excitement and reward of being trusted with their own device is such a positive experience. Enjoy! ■
INBETWEEN April & May 2017
Drug Use
PRESCRIPTION FOR
DANGER “One in 10 teens (Grades 9-12) reported non-medically using at least one prescription drug during the past year, and 59 per cent of those said they obtained it from home.” Should you be concerned? by linda millar
April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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AS
parents, we do everything we can to protect our children.
We install baby gates, put covers over electrical outlets and store our caustic substances away from small hands. As our children navigate their way through their growing years, we teach them about traffic signals, stranger danger and making smart choices. We do our best to help our sons and daughters mature into healthy, happy contributing citizens. That is our job and, for the most part, we are good at it. Why then, are we feeling challenged when it comes to talking to our teens about abusing prescription drugs?
A DISTURBING TREND Many pre-teens and adolescents are ‘borrowing’ our prescription drugs from the medicine cabinet at home. Some are just looking for something to help them stay awake to study, to try out a sleeping pill or to take an anti-anxiety pill when they feel overwhelmed. Others say they begin to experiment with prescription drugs because they think they are safer than street drugs, are accessible and, lets face it, they are free. Some adolescents have the misguided perception that prescription drugs are not addictive and, in their search to find their place in the world, they often turn to their peers for advice. During the preteen and adolescent years, our children are undergoing rapid changes in their physical, emotional, social and intellectual development, and peers play an influential role in their decision-making. A scary emerging trend, sometimes called
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INBETWEEN April & May 2017
“pharm parties, pill parties, skittle parties or trail mix parties” entails raiding medicine cabinets and bringing in various prescription medicines as the price of admission to add to a “punch bowl” and share with peers. These parties are surfacing across Canada and have medical and pharmaceutical professionals extremely concerned. It is important that we remind our young people that medical prescriptions are designed only for the patient on the label and can result in serious complications if used in combinations or quantities other than those directed by the health professional. Mix these drugs with a little alcohol and the outcome can be devastating—even deadly.
WHICH PRESCRIPTION DRUGS ARE MOST OFTEN ABUSED? The three types of drugs most commonly lifted from medicine cabinets are opioid painkillers, such as Codeine, Fentanyl, and Oxycodone; sedatives and depressants, such as Diazepam and Zolpidem; and stimulants, such as Dexedrine and Ritalin. WHERE ARE TEENS GETTING THESE DRUGS? Look no farther than your own medicine cabinet. Do you count your pills? Are they stored in a locked cabinet? Have you ever had “the drug conversation” with your teens? Before we go any further, this is not about guilt or sensationalism. Are all of our teens using drugs? Absolutely not. Some kids may not have even heard about these get-togethers. Many young people are well aware of the dangers
Drug Use
associated with using medications to get high, but as parents, we can never assume that our children will not be at risk.
SO, WHAT CAN WE DO TO PROTECT OUR TEENS FROM THIS ALARMING TREND? Here are some suggestions: • Keep all of your prescription drugs in a secure and locked cabinet. • Take your expired or unused prescriptions back to the pharmacy for safe disposal. • Talk to friends and relatives about this alarming trend and share your strategies for keeping your drugs out of the hands of teens. PERHAPS THE MOST IMPORTANT SUGGESTION IS TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Set the stage for open, honest communication about your concerns. Explain the facts. Go online with your pre-teens and teens to the Drug Free Kids Canada website (drugfreekidscanada.org/secureyourmeds/) and explore what the experts are saying. Remind your son or daughter that you are always available to listen, to talk or to come and get them if they are sensing danger in any way. You are the first and most influential teacher your child will ever have. You have the ability to help shape their choices now and in the future. ■ Linda Millar is a contributor to Drug Free Kids Canada, and an education consultant with over 30 years of experience. She has authored several teacher resources in the fields of substance use prevention, media literacy, childhood obesity, and mental health. April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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Raising Dad
Taking the #HIGHway... Get it
If teens are talking about driving high, you should too. Start a conversation on their terms with TheCallThatComesAfter.com
April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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Dumbing It Down
WHEN GIRLS DUMB IT DOWN
When Rebecca Raby and Shauna Pomerantz went on a search to discover what “smart” looks like in today’s schools, they discovered a disturbing trend: Girls were sacrificing their grades in exchange for popularity. Here’s why. by rebecca raby & shauna pomerantz
April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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ERIN
WAS SHOCKED when her friends told her to dumb it down if she wanted to fit in better at school. The Niagara, Ont.-based 12-year-old was mystified as to why her friends would recommend she take a hit to her grades in order to achieve popularity at school. We learned that Erin was not alone—other girls were also finding it hard to be the “smart girl” and the “popular girl” at the same time. Over the past 20 years, media outlets and popular psychological books have circulated the idea
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that girls are thriving in school while boys are failing. Gender inequality is not only over, as these stories suggest, but now boys need the support, not girls. While some girls do well in school, we wondered about the story that wasn’t being told. For our book, Smart Girls: Success, School, and the Myth of Post-Feminism, we interviewed 57 girls and 17 boys in southern Ontario to learn more about what being smart looks like for girls. We found that girls’ everyday experiences of being smart and trying to fit in complicate the argument that girls no longer face challenges in school.
Dumbing It Down
WHEN GIRLS DUMB DOWN Throughout our research, we chatted with girls who dumb down or stay quiet in class in order to gain friends and attract boys by conforming to popular femininity. Girls talked about the need to look attractive and trendy, noting that boys “go for pretty over smart.” They also talked about the need to be seen as nice rather than outspoken in the classroom. Younger girls worried about being seen as teachers’ pets while smart boys could be more positively positioned as class clowns. Some girls did not dumb down. There were girls who seemed able to excel at everything: they were smart, pretty, athletic, popular, and involved in extracurricular activities. But most of these girls were bolstered by privilege, and went to schools that supported diversity and girls’ high academic achievement. There were also some girls who focused on the future, believing that being smart was more important than fitting in. Yet, others still hid their intelligence, careful not to be too open about their academic skills.
GENDER INEQUALITY In our research, we discovered that girls wrestled with sexism, narrow expectations of popular femininity, and worries about their future in an unequal job market. Their response was often to be nicer, to hold back, and to also work hard. While the boys we talked to faced different challenges, like ensuring they were not seen studying—an uncool trait for boys— dumbing down and worrying about the future
Girls talked about the need to look attractive and trendy, noting that boys “go for pretty over smart.” were simply not as prevalent in our conversations with boys.
IF YOUR DAUGHTER DUMBS DOWN Parental support plays a huge role, helping girls to negotiate the challenges involved in being smart and driven. Dr. Joanne Foster, co-author of Beyond Intelligence: Secrets for Raising Happy, Productive Kids, suggests that parents should keep an eye out for shifts in their behaviour: a drop in grades, less focus on past interests, a new social scene, unusual excuses or pulling away. “They can respond by talking with their daughters, including asking about whether there is a place for smart girls at their school,” says Foster. She also says that parents can further support their daughters by maintaining routines, teaching self-advocacy, and keeping expectations manageable. “We can also praise girls for being cool, interesting, creative, athletic, and yes, smart too,” she says. ■ Rebecca Raby and Shauna Pomerantz are faculty in the Department of Child and Youth Studies at Brock University in St. Catharines, Canada. They coauthored Smart Girls: Success, School, and the Myth of Post-Feminism (University of California Press). April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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If you’re not talking to your kids about alcohol, Raising
WHO IS?
Be the Influence. Kids are exposed to messages about alcohol every day. As a parent, you are the biggest influence. Get our free resource guide to help start the conversation. Find it at: mbll.ca/BetheInfluence
Dad
inSPIRE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE
PERFECT FOR
TRENDS TO MAKE HER SHINE ON THE BIGGEST NIGHT OF HIGH SCHOOL. With the end of the school year comes prom season. Shopping for prom is a rite of passage for every parent and teen girl; and to make the task stress-free, we’ve done a bit of shopping for you. by jordana handler
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BLACK IS THE NEW Every year, we are struck by the beautiful colours available for prom season, and while it’s true that this is a great night to really sparkle and shine, black is still a go-to every time. Try playing with the traditional LBD with glitter or a twopiece skirt and crop top. Bonus: a great black dress will last beyond prom, just in case she has more formal events coming up! On the accessory front, play up the drama with a red shoe or up the sparkle with a glitter clutch.
FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: David’s Illusion Neoprene Crop Top and Tulle Skirt, $160, davidsbridal.com; H&M Sequined Dress, $70, hm.com; HBC Topshop Sequin Pleated Midi Dress, $250, thebay.com; Le Chateau black dress $170, lechateau.com.
MAKE HER
Prom Style
If dark shades aren’t her thing, look to the opposite end of the spectrum. Blush and nude pinks are fresh and perfect for spring—plus, they are very trendy right now. The trick with blushes is to make sure that the dress doesn’t match her skin tone too much. If she is pale, try a richer blush hue and if she has darker skin, play with the nudes and light colours. When it comes to accessories for this dress, less is more. Stay away from dark colours (black is a big no-no) and opt for simple silver or gold instead.
FROM LEFT: David’s Embellished Tulle Ball Gown, $280, davidsbridal.com; Express Pink and Tan Lace Corset Sheath Dress, $98, express.com; Le Chateau Blush dress, $140, lechateau.com.
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Prom Style
YES Bored with black? Try a subtle change to navy. Navy dresses are all over the racks this season and with good reason; navy is a true power colour and a great way to show off her strong self. If she goes with navy, add some shine to her getup with metallics. Look for some fun shoes, bags and accessories in either silver or gold to finish off her look.
FROM LEFT: David’s Off-the-Shoulder 2-Piece Dress, $130, davidsbridal.com; Le Chateau Strapless Dress, $250, lechateau.com; HBC Adrianna Papell Two-Piece Sequin and Tulle Gown, $300, thebay.com
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HER
BIG
BANG THEORIES MAYIM BIALIK ON ‘GIRLING UP’ AND RAISING BOYS by rachel naud photos james banasiak
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April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
Mayim Bialik
AT
THE TIME OF WRITING THIS, a post by Mayim Bialik has gone viral with more than 8.5 million views. It’s not a video about her hit show The Big Bang Theory or a re-enactment of her role as CC Bloom in Beaches or even one of her bringing back her Blossom dance moves—all of which can be found with a quick Google search of her name. Instead, this vlog, originally posted on her site, GrokNation, is of Bialik speaking frankly and candidly about calling women “girls” and the implications of doing so. The attention (and often times, scrutiny) Bialik has received for her unapologetic stance surrounding equality, feminism and attachment parenting is only rivaled by the amount of fame she has achieved by starring in the No. 1 comedy on TV today, The Big Bang Theory. In addition to acting and posting viral videos, Bialik also released her new book, Girling Up: How to be Strong, Smart and Spectacular, all the while raising two tween boys—ages 11 and 8. She sat down with INBETWEEN to chat about her hit show, her new book and why it’s important for her to raise her boys as feminists. © CROWN MEDIA UNITED STATES, LLC, PHOTOGRAPHER KATIE YU.
THE BIG BANG THEORY Already on air for 10 seasons, The Big Bang Theory, one of primetime’s highest-rated series, has been renewed for an additional two seasons, extending the show’s lifetime to an astounding 12 seasons. “I think we have very interesting and talented writers who write stories that resonate with people who are on the outside,” says Bialik. “I guess all of us in some ways are on the outside at some point in our lives—some of us more than others. I think that’s a lot of it.” Bialik, who plays Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler on April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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“I think the challenges of being female are special and different.” what attracted publishing powerhouse Penguin Books to come to her with a request: write a book for teen girls.
the show, says she connects with her character because they’re both scientists (Bialik is also a neuroscientist) and both can be well…awkward. “Obviously, she’s (Amy) created by our writers but they incorporate different parts of me or different parts of female scientists that we all know,” says Bialik. “She’s socially awkward, kind of late to the game socially. She speaks her mind.” In fact, Bialik often writes about her experiences as a late bloomer—both on TV and in real life—on her popular website, GrokNation. Her candid conversations about being awkward was
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GIRLING UP Girling Up: How to be Strong, Smart and Spectacular is a comprehensive book, a sort of complete map to being female—including everything from puberty and dating to how our brains work and how we grow and how we matter in the world, says Bialik who adds, “it’s especially needed in the climate that girls are growing up in today.” “I think the challenges of being female are special and different,” she says. “Every female is different and that’s something I talk about in the book but, for sure, globally, we have a very different type of experience as women than men do and that’s something I also talk about. I talk about education around the world and lack of access to education. I also talk about different cultural
Raising Mayim Bialik Dad
expectations about what’s expected of women.” Other hot topics in the book include sex, hormones and body image. And while the book is geared to teen and tween girls, that didn’t stop Bialik from sharing it with her 11-year-old son. “He was my first editor,” says Bialik. “He actually read through the book to see if the tone was right. Meaning, did he understand the words that I was using and the way that I was using them. He blushed through a lot of it. But I think it’s absolutely important for boys to understand things about girls’ bodies, and in the book I also talk about boys’ bodies and the hormones of boys and stereotypes of the masculine gender. So, I think it’s very important for not only girls to read this book, but for the people who love them to read it as well.”
RAISING BOYS Bialik, who is an advocate for attachment parenting (a philosophy that promotes the attachment of mother and infant and continual bodily closeness) says she still believes in the parenting theory as her boys venture into the tween and teen years. “The number one unifying principle of attachment parenting is gentle discipline,” says Bialik. “As kids get older, that continues to mean not using punitive discipline and not hitting them. Not screaming or yelling at them and not intimidating them with fear or pain. It means keeping lines of communication open with your child, it means a lot more talking—and
not talking at them —talking with them. It can be exhausting because sometimes you just want to scream ‘Because I said so!’ but the principles of attachment parenting encourage us to continue building the relationship in any way possible.” One of the ways in which Bialik continues to build her relationship with her sons is to raise them with the values of feminism. “The definition of feminism is the belief in the equality of women and the rights of women to make decisions and be equal parts of society and their lives,” she says. “The true movement of feminism and, particularly second-wave feminism, is to empower people of all races, classes and genders, and that is the set of values I instill in my boys.” Bialik, who admits she’s a strict parent, says she also loves to show her fun-loving side to her kids. “I’m also a fun mom. I love to sing and dance with them. I think it’s very important for them to be silly with me. We went to a home school dance (our kids are home schooled) and their dad and I were out on the dance floor trying to get them to dance with us. It was fun. I was screaming, ‘Turn down for what’ to my 11-yearold and he thought it was hilarious.” ■
Find Girling Up in bookstores on May 9. It’s also available for pre-order at amazon.com. April & May 2017 INBETWEEN
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Final Thrill
this MOTHER’S DAY
Make a day of it at Ste. Anne’s Spa (steannes.com) in scenic Grafton, Ont. and indulge in the hourlong signature facial. A “spa gem,” this treatment uses all-natural products to soothe and hydrate dry, tired skin—the perfect pick-me-up for spring. While you’re there, soak in the hot tub, enjoy a delicious high tea and get lost in all the decadence this destination spa has to offer.
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escape and give back to yourself this spring... AT C A N A D A’ S FA V O U R I T E S PA
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32 April & May 2017 INBETWEEN FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT