August/September 2017 by INBETWEEN Magazine

FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT

TALKING TO YOUR SONS ABOUT

SEX AND CONSENT

BUILDING HER FUTURE

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER 2017

GARCELLE BEAUVAIS ON RESPECT AND RAISING BOYS INTO MEN

WHY YOU SHOULD SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER TO GO FOR A CAREER IN THE TRADES

BACK TO SCHOOLCHECKLIST 31 IDEAS FOR THE DORM,

THE CLASSROOM AND MORE

inbetween AUGUST & SEPTEMBER 2017

INSIGHT 7 10 MINUTES WITH...

ETâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Cameron Mathison on lessons he learned teaching his son to drive

9 RAISING DAD What my childhood

home taught me about raising teens

INFORM

YOUNG WOMEN IN TRADES

11 HEALTH & LIFE NEWS

30 25

14 ASK THE EXPERT

Kimberly Moffit on how to handle your teen choosing to live with your ex over you

GARCELLE BEAUVAIS

15 CONSENTUAL MATTERS

How to talk to your son about sexual consent 19 BUILDING A FUTURE IN THE TRADES

BACK TO SCHOOL CHECKLIST

How to encourage your daughter to get into the trades

INSPIRE 25 BACK TO SCHOOL CHECKLIST

31 items your teen needs to start school in style 30 COVER STORY

Garcelle Beauvais on talking to her boys about respect, sex and more

TEACHING YOUR SONS ABOUT CONSENT

INDULGE 34 FINAL THRILL

Love every moment cover photography josh williams INBETWEEN

AUGUST & SEPTEMBER 2017

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

RACHEL NAUD ART DIRECTOR

CAROLINE BISHOP

Contributors JOSH WILLIAMS is a New Orleans-based photographer who has shot celebrities including Audrina Patridge, Nick Carter and Laura Marano. For this issue, Williams travelled to L.A. to shoot our cover girl, Garcelle Beauvais. “Garcelle and I have known each other for a few years, which made it fun on the shoot because she was game for anything.” See the pics on page 30.

FASHION EDITOR

JORDANA HANDLER EDITORIAL INTERNS

STEFANIE PHILLIPS BRIANNE STEPHEN CONTRIBUTORS

PETER CARTER REBECCA GRIMA KIMBERLY MOFFIT STEFANIE PHILLIPS BRIANNE STEPHEN JOSH WILLIAMS AGNES WYWROT Copyright© 2017 INBETWEEN Magazine. All rights reserved. All images, unless otherwise noted, are from iStockphoto and Pexels. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. The publisher accepts no responsibility for advertisers’ claims, unsolicited manuscripts, transparencies or other materials. FOR ANY QUESTIONS, SUBMISSIONS OR COMMENTS, PLEASE CONTACT INFO@INBETWEEN.CA.

INBETWEEN

BRIANNE STEPHEN is a freelance writer and editor from Toronto and is an editorial intern with INBETWEEN. In this issue, Stephen tackled the tough topic of how to talk to your teen sons about sex and consent. Read all about it on page 15.

STEFANIE PHILLIPS, editorial intern for INBETWEEN, is currently finishing her final year of study at the Ryerson School of Journalism in Toronto. Back in the city, after six months in Asia, Phillips’ first assignment back was interviewing actress, Garcelle Beauvais. Don’t miss it on page 30.

Raising From Rachel Dad

EDITOR’S LETTER

RESPECT LIFE’S LESSONS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS THIS FALL, it’s important that we teach our teens a valuable lesson about respect. With many teens moving away for school and about to embark on alcohol-fuelled frosh weeks and frat parties, it’s important to send them away packed with the knowledge of how important it is to respect other individuals, and what they can do to ensure a healthy, happy school year ahead. Don’t miss our article on page 15, where writer Brianne Stephen chats with experts about how you can broach the tough topic of sex and consent with your sons. It’s a conversation actress and cover girl, Garcelle Beauvais doesn’t shy away from. She gets real with us about the open talks she has with her sons about sex, respect and more. Don’t miss “Boys to Men” on page 30. But it’s not all serious! Back to school is a fun time of year! That’s why we’ve handpicked 31 items your teens will need to keep them in style in the classroom and dorm all yearlong. PHOTO BY AGNES WYWROT/VYV PHOTOGRAPHIC

Got a pen? Go over our checklist on page 25 and circle your favourites. If there’s one thing we’ve learned for certain, buying any of the items in our guide will score you some serious cool cred with your teens— and even a little respect, along the way. ■ Until next time,

SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS rachel@inbetween.ca

August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

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insight

ADVICE AND INSIGHT FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS

TEN MINUTES WITH

CAMERON MATHISON

7 things I learned while teaching my son to drive.

August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

Professionally, Cameron Mathison is an actor and host and correspondent for Entertainment Tonight. Personally, he’s a kid at heart who loves cars and spending time with his family. So, when his teen son, Lucas, wanted to learn how to drive (in Mathison’s fancy Maserati, no less), Mathison was more than happy to help him get behind the wheel. During their driving lesson, on an early Sunday morning in an empty parking lot, Mathison also learned a thing or two himself. Here, he explains.

#2 #3

I wanted to make the moment special. Lucas is a huge car and driving enthusiast (he even has his own Instagram account dedicated to cars @pricey_exotics) so this was a big deal for him. My main objective was to make it fun. This is a memory that he’s going to remember his whole life, so I wanted to keep it light and not too instruction-oriented. I’m a huge pushover. I was planning on teaching him in our Dodge Durango, but he talked me into letting him drive my Maserati Ghibli. My son is more conservative than me. Lucas was nervous at first and he started off going super crazy slow. I never thought that I would have to encourage him to go faster. I wanted to try and get him a little closer to real driving speed—even 25 to 30 miles an hour, which is still not fast, but closer to what you would go on side streets. I learned he was more cautious than adventurous. I needed patience. I found that I needed to use patience with him when it came to getting a little more speed. We were really crawling along there for a long time. I kept waiting and waiting and he was still super slow. I didn’t need patience for things going wrong; I actually needed patience for him to kind of speed things up a little bit, which was a surprise for me. INBETWEEN August & September 2017

I learned that it was a great way to bond. As a dad, I try to really have one-on-one time with both of my kids. This is something that he and I really bonded over. We go to car shows together, I see pictures of cars and send them to him. Cars are something we have bonded over. So, the first time driving is right up there with the first time riding a bike. It was a very memorable experience. My son has great taste. Lucas already has his car picked out. When he finally gets his license, he wants an Audi. He has the rims picked out and everything. I told him my first car was a lime green Mazda 626. I don’t know the year, but it was old! I told him he’s lucky if he gets a Honda Civic! And that’s still a better car than what I had!

It’s important to focus on the positive. I didn’t nitpick his mistakes behind the wheel. I laid out the basics, but I really wanted to focus on the positive and reinforce what he was doing. I wanted to be as uplifting and positive as possible, because I wanted him to feel comfortable to do it again. ■

Watch Cameron Mathison on Entertainment Tonight on CBS. He is also appearing in the TV movie, “At Home in Mitford,” which premieres on the Hallmark Channel on Aug. 19th. You may also see him on the roads with his son, Lucas, in his fancy Maserati, going very, very slow.

Raising Dad

THIS

OLD HOUSE

What my childhood home taught me about raising teens. by peter carter MY PARENTS HAD 10 KIDS and lived in a 1.5-storey, three-bedroom home in Sudbury, Ont., and I’m thrilled to report that I’m writing this story sitting in the front room of that same house. What’s more, even though I’ve lived in Toronto for 30 years and my three kids are grown and well launched, because I’m here—staying with my older single sister,

Mary, in the house we were raised in—I’m still learning a thing or two about bringing them up. My son, Michel, and I arrived last night at about 9 p.m. There’s a family wedding later today. After some late-evening KFC, we went upstairs to bed. I was given the back bedroom, which we called the boys’ room; and Michel was across the narrow hall in the girls’. August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

Raising Dad

In both, there’s one twin bed that pretty much takes up the entire space. But before going to sleep last night, I pointed out to Michel how—when I was a kid—the boys’ room had one set of bunkbeds for my brothers, Ed and Alex, across from a twin bed, in which I slept with my brother, Tom. By the time of my earliest memory, my oldest brother Pat had already moved out. The girls pretty much had the same setup. My parents slept on the main floor, immediately off the kitchen. Quarters were tight. As I type, I can hear Michel’s shower going upstairs. In the kitchen, I can tell when Mary opens a drawer or moves cutlery. The whole place smells of bacon. I just heard Mary turn on the kitchen tap so I’m thinking Michel’s shower just got a little less comfy. Meanwhile, Mary’s hairy cat Alpha (sheesh!) is taking offence at the fact that I’m on his chair and using the opportunity to remind me how allergic I am to his species. (Growing up, we had so many cats and dogs I can’t even name them all. And a lot of us were allergic.) While I type, I have YouTube on. “Best Epic Soundtracks” makes terrific writing music, fyi. And I’m also carrying on a conversation with Mary about the double-yolk egg she just found in her fridge. “Does that mean the hen gave birth to twins like [my wife] Helena?” Mary: “Having twins was a big yoke on you. Haha.” My brothers and sisters and I, we don’t converse, we compete. Of course, Mary and I don’t have to raise our voices to hear each other. That’s how small this house is.

I just heard the shower turn off and a toilet flush. Another thing: When we were teenagers, my genius mom had mirrors set up, so if her bedroom door was open, she could lie in bed and see, via two strategically arranged looking-glasses, exactly what was happening in the living room, at any hour of the day or night. Here’s the thing. Growing up in this noisy and crowded house in which every footstep could be heard and every motion sensed—we teenagers actually believed we could (I hope you’re sitting down)—get away with stuff. Like sneaking in drunk, for starters. Or sneaking in a date. Or making a private phone call. Or wreaking of who knows what kind of smoke. We really believed our mom and dad didn’t notice. This house overflows with happy memories. The wedding that’s happening today? It’s my nephew Peter’s. My sister, Norma, actually named a son after me, her spoiled baby brother. All my brothers and sisters like nothing more than to get together and party. (An acquaintance once said this: “You Carters are weird. You all seem to like each other.) I believe the whole thing worked because even though my parents knew—how could they not?— everything their herd of teenagers did, they had turning a blind eye down to an art. Picking only really important battles. Best example of teen raising I’ve ever had. ■ Peter has four brothers, four sisters, one wife, two daughters and a son, the last three of which all recently graduated from teenagehood with all their limbs and sanity intact.

inFORM

Raising Dad

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW FOR YOUR TODAY AND THEIR TOMORROW NEWS BRIEFS

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August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

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news

APP

News Briefs

TEENS AND INTERNET CONNECTS ADDICTION PARENTS TO TEENS

A new app has emerged teaching parents how to reconnect, understand and relate to their teenagers. The TEEN Toolbox, an informational app based on Cai Graham’s book, The Teen Toolbox: Equipping Parents and Teenagers with the Tools for Navigating Adolescence, includes a wealth of informational pointers, from building confidence to helping with last-minute studying. It uses YouTube videos to teach teen-friendly exercises and bring insight that will develop strategies for better communication and techniques to overcome family issues. The app, in conjunction with the book, sets out to bring families back together during the unpredictable and sometimes difficult period of adolescence.

As Internet addiction among adolescents becomes a growing concern, a team of researchers at Central China Normal University tried to determine which children are at higher risk. The study, released in Computers in Human Behaviour, found that 59 per cent of the 998 adolescent participants interviewed were at moderate to high risk of Internet addiction. The study asked questions, such as “are you happy with your relationship with your parents?” and “how many times have you been teased or picked on in the last 12 months?” to determine if the participants were at risk. From their study, the researchers concluded that different factors determine who is of higher risk, so they suggest that treatment facilities use a multipronged approach to treatment.

SCOUTS HONOUR SECURITY EDUCATION The Girl Scouts of the USA has teamed up with security company, Palo Alto Networks, to roll out a new cyber security education program. While younger scouts will earn their security badges by dealing with issues including cyber bullying and data privacy, older scouts will focus on coding skills and creating firewalls. The organization’s goal with these badges is to nurture interest in science, technology, engineering and mathematics. August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

Expert Q&A

by kimberly moffit

My 17-year-old daughter didn’t like my rules so she moved out of my house and went to live with her father

(we’ve been divorced for about five years). I don’t want her to think she can play the two of us and just live in whatever house has the most lax rules, but I also never want her to think she can’t come back home. How do I navigate this situation?

Kimberly Moffit is one of Canada’s most experienced relationship experts and provides practical advice about parenting and psychological topics. She’s a regular speaker for Queen’s University’s MBA and Women in Leadership Programs, and a frequent lecturer at the University of Waterloo.

LATE ADOLESCENCE CAN BE SUCH A TOUGH TIME, as teens struggle to find more independence, become their own person, and navigate the relationship with their parents. It’s not uncommon at all for teens to think that things are “too strict” in one parent’s home, that they don’t like the rules, and/or that they need a break from your relationship. A teen’s decision to move out to the other parent’s house can be very hard on the primary caregiver—especially if the other parent hasn’t been all that involved in raising the child. The hard part is, most adolescents lack the maturity to appreciate the years of dedication you’ve put into parenting them from a young age, and they usually lack wisdom to know that rules are usually a good thing. As a result, they typically take the “grass is greener” approach in decision-making, seeing only the negatives in their current situation and only the positives in an alternative. This continues no matter what situation they are in, which results in flip-flopping back and forth in their decisions. For example: “Mom’s too strict, I’m going to live with Dad. Oh wait, Dad nags me about my homework, better go live with Mom instead.” The most important (and loving) thing you can do for your daughter is to be open and honest about your feelings, while giving her options. Saying something like, “Making a move is a serious decision, and I know how important it is for you. I want you to know that if things don’t work out with Dad, I would be open to having you back here IF you can prove to me that you are serious about following my rules and that you’d put serious thought into the decision.” Letting her know that she’ll have to work for the opportunity to live under your roof again sets the tone for the relationship—you’re open, willing, and caring, but you’re not about to let her walk all over you. Good luck! ■

INBETWEEN

Teen Sexuality

CONSENTUAL

M AT T E R S Talking to your sons about sex and sexual consent can be a tough topic to tackle. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s how to navigate the conversation. by brianne stephen

August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

AT 14 YEARS OLD, DONNA WAS DATE RAPED. AS A RESULT, SHE FELT IT EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO START THE CONVERSATION ABOUT SEX AND SEXUAL CONSENT WITH HER OLDEST SON WHEN HE WAS JUST 13— A DISCUSSION THAT LASTED WELL INTO HIS TEEN YEARS.

EVEN WITH MY SITUATION, telling my son that my first time wasn’t the way I wanted it to be… I had to tell him because you have to be emotionally ready, too,” she says. Unfortunately, what Donna experienced is a reality for many young women. According to the Canadian Sexual Assault website, sexassault.ca, about 60 per cent of sexual abuse/assault victims are under the age of 17 and statistics have shown that one in five women will become victims of oncampus sexual assault. The Canadian Federation of Students states that most incidents happen within the first eight weeks of post-secondary school. This includes student orientation week, a high-risk environment for sexual assault because of the increase of celebrations, alcohol consumption and new students who become targeted. In three-quarters of these assaults, the woman knows her attacker. The severity of these statistics is all the more reason for parents to talk to their sons about consent—especially as many parents will be sending their sons away to start college and university this fall. Understandably, it can be a difficult conversation to have, but here’s how you can navigate it.

INBETWEEN

LOCKER ROOM TALK In Donna’s opinion, respect means cheering women on and giving them support, rather than putting them down, as language is one of the most powerful contributors to violence against women. Sexist, misogynistic or violent comments directed at women are a problem in our society and one of the places they appear in is locker rooms—also referred to as “Locker Room Talk.” Locker rooms are seen as safe spaces for high school and college-aged boys to be themselves and joke with each other, but many of these jokes are violent and degrading towards women. White Ribbon is the largest movement of men and boys fighting violence against women. Trevor Mayoh, a gender-based violence prevention project manager at White Ribbon, outlined two major issues with locker room talk: “One, just because there is a physical wall does not mean that those attitudes and behaviours stop at that locker room door… [and] the other really problematic issue is you are essentially programming other guys in that environment to subscribe to [those attitudes and behaviours] as a way to feel accepted and that they belong in those male environments.”

Teen Sexuality Mayoh explains, “it’s important to recognize that social capital for young people is the No. 1 currency they have.” The pressure to feel accepted by friends overwhelms their sense of right and wrong and can put them into unsafe situations. Some boys feel that if they do not subscribe to this way of thinking, they will be the targets of degrading comments similar in nature to those about women.

HOW TO INVOLVE YOUR SON IN THE SOLUTION From parent to parent, Donna says to “be open and honest with your child as much as you can.” When speaking to her son, Donna focused on the emotional elements of sex, telling her son to not only be safe by using a condom and getting tested, but to also make sure that both he and his partner were emotionally ready to have sex. Being mature and responsible was a key point that Donna made with her son. Gary Direnfeld, an internationally known social worker, says, “it’s important to understand there is no such thing as good timing for these conversations.” Even though it is difficult to bring up this conversation, parents must make the time for it, and he advises parents to be nonjudgmental. “Resist preaching to your teens,” he says. “Let your teen speak....your teen needs to feel heard and respected, even if you disagree with anything you hear.” Direnfeld’s advice for starting the conversation? Try starting with something as simple as, “I’ve been reading on the Internet about issues with sexual consent. What does that mean to you?” If your teen shies away from the conversation, sympathize with the awkwardness, but let him know you would like him to hear your point of view. Emphasize that this

“Let your teen speak… your teen needs to feel heard and respected even if you disagree with anything you hear.” is a conversation, not a demand. White Ribbon recommends using a strength-based approach. They recognize that some boys put up barriers because they don’t want to be labeled as part of the problem. Mayoh recommends that parents encourage their sons to recognize the role they have to play in terms of preventing violence. Instead of lecturing your son about what he shouldn’t be doing— which can cause him to put up those barriers—you should focus on telling him what he can do to help. Mayoh recommends parents say, “Here are the things you can do, personally, that have a really positive impact. Here are the things you can do in your group of friends… here are realistic steps you can take to change that culture.” For example, letting your son know that if he sees something happening that shouldn’t be, he can report it to someone to reduce the threat or he could talk to a teacher or a coach about an issue such as locker room talk. It’s important for parents to have this conversation with their teens because “in the end we want happy kids. This is best achieved by helping them to be responsible,” says Direnfeld. Talking about sexual consent helps teens take responsibility for their sexual behaviour, and it also helps them to take responsible action in harmful situations. ■ August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

HELP THEM LIVE THE SKILLED LIFE

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FIND OUT HOW AT

EARNWHILEYOULEARN.CA

Women Raising in Trades Dad

BUILDING A FUTURE IN THE

How Sherry Holmes is encouraging young women to look into a career in the trades and how you can support your daughter at home. by rebecca grima

August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

WOMEN IN SKILLED TRADES

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Women in Trades

SHERRY HOLMES

photo, the holmes group

is lending some serious girl power to the Holmes Make it Right team. The daughter of celebrity contractor Mike Holmes is paving the way, changing perceptions within the trade industry and using her passion to show that women can kick butt in a traditionally male-dominated industry. Introduced to the industry at the age of 16, Sherry started as a production assistant on the set of Holmes Make It Right, where she was exposed to the workings of a construction site. Yet, despite her early introduction to the world of construction, she still didn’t plan on following her dad’s footsteps. “When I was a kid with my father, I would build projects,” she says. “It was a fun hobby but I never thought of it as a career option.” That was until her dad encouraged her to take a leap of faith and try something new. “If I didn’t have my dad, I would never have considered it. Once I turned 21, I flew to New Orleans and worked on building a house following Hurricane Katrina.” Sherry admits she wasn’t always so confident, which is why she feels it’s so important to talk to other girls about the opportunities in trades.

OVERCOMING FEARS “As a woman in the trades, it’s scary. First of all, for most women you are the only woman in the room. I think the most stressful aspect of it can be self-doubt: I don’t know enough. I can’t lift as much. What if they are better? I learned all it takes is effort and to put yourself out there. You’re good at whatever you put your heart into, but it takes hard work.” A work ethic shared by another young woman challenging the norm is 19-year-old Mackenzie Braun from Winnipeg. A recent graduate from Red River College’s four-month Cabinetry and Woodworking Certificate program, this intense curriculum taught Braun about cabinet construction, understanding shrinkage and August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

With Child Without Alcohol

Women Raising in Trades Dad expansion of different wood species, different methods of finishing projects and drafting. Like Sherry, Braun credits her family for supporting her along the journey in discovering the trades. “When I was in high school, business and finance and other careers that involved sitting at a desk were pushed into our minds,” says Braun. “Although I contemplated career paths in these areas, I remember my step-mom telling me I needed to find something that ‘blew my hair back’ and I loved woodworking. I realized I didn’t want to sit at a desk. I wanted to build them.” Through taking the course, Braun uncovered her own passion that set her on a career path. “I went through the course and discovered my passion for custom furniture design and crafting,” she says. “My dream is to design and build custom furniture.”

DRILLING IN THE MESSAGE As MacKenzie’s journey begins, Sherry continues to build. She’s not only a valued team member with the Holmes Make it Right team, but she has also been chosen to be the ambassador for Habitat of Humanity’s Women’s Build and is an active member in the industry doing various speaking engagements educating on the benefits of the trades, mentoring other women to help move past their own barriers. One of those barriers is dispelling the stigma of what it means to be a “blue collar” worker. “People look down on trades and tradespeople,” she says. “It is really irritating. I think it is a stigma from Hollywood movies where blue collar workers, like a plumber, have been portrayed as a ‘bigger’ man with low intelligence. Everyone needs to get over that. It’s a complete falsity.”

SHERRY HOLMES’ TOP 7 REASONS WHY YOUNG

WOMEN SHOULD PURSUE A CAREER IN THE TRADES:

• DIVERSE CAREER OPPORTUNITIES • EDUCATIONAL ASPECT • LUCRATIVE • DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENTS • DOORS & OPPORTUNITIES OPEN UP TO YOU • GREAT EXPERIENCES • PERSONAL GROWTH

Sherry also adds that another misconception about working in trades is that it only involves construction or landscaping. “It’s makeup artistry, nails, baking and cooking,” says Sherry. “There are many diverse job opportunities and it can be a very lucrative career. We need more youth in the industry.”

THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY Sherry’s advice to parents who have teen girls curious about what it’s like to grab a hammer and a nail is to be open-minded. “Encourage your daughter(s) with anything she might be interested and have a feel of what she can do. Educate her on different opportunities. She needs a strong support system, so really be behind her.” Braun echos the sentiment and tells other girls to “Do it. You won’t regret a single thing. You being there and striving for success will shape the industry and reform many minds and many opinions about women in a male-dominated industry.” ■ August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

inSPIRE LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

photo, pexel

31 ITEMS YOUR TEEN WILL NEED TO START HIGH SCHOOL AND COLLEGE IN STYLE AND SET THEM UP FOR A SUCCESSFUL YEAR AHEAD.

BACK TO SCHOOL CHECKLIST August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

Raising Dad

MUTED MUST-HAVES Colourblocked Mini Backpack Grey, $50, chapters.indigo.ca, Mermaid Vibes Sweatshirt, $68, spiritualgangster.com, Rose Gold Beats Solo3 Wireless On-Ear Headphones, $330, apple.com, The Future Is Female t-shirt, $68, drakegeneralstore.ca, Large Spiral Notebook Dreamer Extra Smoke, $14, chapters.indigo.ca, Small Spiral Notebook UGH Grid Lines Black, $10, chapters.indigo.ca, Seagate Ultra Slim Portable External Hard Drive, $130, bestbuy.ca, Sencor Electric Toaster, $60, walmart.ca

Back to School List

COOL TRENDS

I Vote Vacation Marquee, $49, urbanoutfitters.com, Foldable Coffee Table, $79, ikea.ca, Blue Gingham TIMEX, $70, timex.ca, Antimicrobial Clarifying Cream, $60, zyderma.com, IGLOO Retro Bar Fridge, $200, staples.ca, LED 32â&#x20AC;? Monitor, $380, bestbuy.ca, RCMP Water Bottle, $32, drakegeneralstore.ca, Ninja Nutri Blender, $140 , bestbuy.ca.

SMART STUFF

Micro Backpack, Farore, $48, aldoshoes.com, 13.5” Microsoft Surface Laptop, $1,300, bestbuy. ca, Torino Jacket, $635, parajumpers.it, Peace. Love & Aloha Shirt, $74, spiritualgangster.com, Casper Mattress, $725 - $1,275, casper.com/ ca, Zebra Bean Bag chair, $100, walmart.ca Multifunctional Coffee Maker, $110, bestbuy.ca

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BRIGHT IDEAS Block-Out Blind, $30, ikea.ca, Sunnylife Neon Flamingo, $40, drakegeneralstore.ca, 10.5-inch iPad Pro, $869, apple.ca, Emoji Phone Case, $59-$65, swarovski.com, iPhone 7, $900, apple.ca, I Canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Even Motto Frame, $30, chapters.indigo.ca, Silver Star LED String Lights, $22, walmart.ca, Rocking Chair $349, ikea.ca

BOYS MEN

by stefanie phillips photography josh williams

photos, josh williams / jbw photography, www.joshwilliamsphotography.com; makeup, kym nicole oubre, www.kymnicolebeauty.com hair, robear landeros for robear/hair; stylist, jenny dayco, www.jennydayco.com; assistant, chandra brice

WHEN IT COMES TO RAISING HER BROOD OF BOYS, GARCELLE BEAUVAIS DOESN’T SHY AWAY FROM THE TOUGH TOPICS ABOUT RESPECT, SEX AND MORE. HERE’S HOW SHE TACKLES IT ALL.

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YOU

MIGHT RECOGNIZE GARCELLE BEAUVAIS as the lovely, gorgeous and naïve wife of a winged-villain, The Vulture in the summer blockbuster, Spider-Man: Homecoming. The 50 year-old, Haitian-American actress scored the role in what is being called the most diverse Marvel movie in history. “It is exciting! It’s getting good reviews so I think it’s on its way.” But starring in a Hollywood blockbuster isn’t the only thing this mother of three has got going on. She’s also awaiting the release of Lola’s House, a film about sex trafficking that this super-mom executive produced. In her busy household in the Valley of Los Angeles, Beauvais lives with her twin boys, Jax and Jaid Nilon, 9, and her oldest son from a previous marriage, Oliver Saunders, 26. It’s under this roof that she’s built a home based on respect. “I think being kind to one another is really important,” she said over the phone from L.A. “I think you want to show kindness, even if you disagree with someone...I hope that’s what my boys are getting (from me), that you can say

anything you want, as long as you respect the other person.” It’s the lessons on respect that Beauvais credits to raising respectful and confident men. “I’m trying to inspire my kids to one day walk that walk.” Beauvais opened up to INBETWEEN about raising boys into respectful men and how she’s ready to have the tough talks all over again with her tween twins. August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

Raising Dad

“You want to show kindness even if you disagree with someone...I hope that’s what my boys are getting from me.” RESPECT IS KING The bigger conversation of respect is what Beauvais is using to lay a foundation for the conversation about sex and consent with Jaid and Jax. “If somebody, anybody says ‘no, stop,’ they need to understand that and just do it. They need to respect the other person’s wishes,” she says. Beauvais already had the conversation with her oldest, Saunders, when he was 15. She remembers it clearly because she was caught by surprise when Saunders brought it up to her, instead of the other way around. The night before their talk, Beauvais caught Saunders writing a letter to his girlfriend’s mother. The next day in the kitchen, the teenager explained that he was writing a letter to profess how much he cared about his girlfriend and apologized for having sex with her daughter.

INBETWEEN

“I was happy that he was taking responsibility and being kind and loving towards this girl by addressing her mom,” Beauvais said. “But I was stopped in my tracks because I was so shocked.” But because they had previous, more casual conversations about dating and sex, this one wasn’t hard or traumatizing for either of them. “I don’t think you should have a big talk with

Garcelle Beauvais

your kids and make it so serious. I think you should talk to them throughout [that stage].”

ONE-ON-ONES As a single mom, her favourite time to have oneon-one talks with her boys is right before bed when they’re getting ready to say goodnight. “I’ll talk about something they did that day that I didn’t like or something I did that I wish I had done differently. I think if you keep the conversation open then you don’t have to have the big talk where everybody’s so serious.” Even if the talk isn’t serious, Beauvais stresses the importance of talking about consent. “It is of the utmost importance because boys need to understand that no means no. It is about respecting someone’s wishes, no matter what.” REAPING THE REWARDS While being a mom of three boys has its challenges, it also has great rewards. The biggest being the random phone calls from her boys to say, ‘I love you.’ They were at their dad’s when Jax called her to say those three magic words. Thinking he wanted a new video game, Beauvais braced herself for the request that would follow. But the pre-teen just said, “Okay, bye!” DEALING WITH DIVORCE This twice-divorced mother says dealing with divorce is not easy, especially in the beginning. Beauvais admits that it took more than one therapy session to be able to co-parent with the

kids’ dads. But it led her to realize that putting the kids first and not bashing the other parent are the two pillars on which co-parenting depends on. “Divorces are about the adults, not about the kids,” she said. “That’s their parent no matter what.”

BALANCING ACT Beauvais believes that the best goal a parent can have is to always try to do the best they can. Sometimes meeting that goal means finding the right balance between me time and family time. “I have my kids a week at a time. So when I don’t have them, I try to focus on the things I want to do and focus on me. When they come back, I try to give them all the attention. [Parenting] is a balance.” She’s also a pro when it comes to balancing her work life with her philanthropic activities. Whether she’s starring in a movie or producing another one, Beauvais always makes time for one of her favourite organizations, the Step Up Women’s Network. The non-government organization helps urban teenage girls, living in underserved areas to graduate high school with the confidence they need to join the next generation of professional women. “I love their message,” Beauvais said. So much so, she wishes there was something similar when she was growing up. “I had a sister, but that’s not the same thing,” she said. “Women are great together and I don’t think we should be pitted against each other.” ■ August & September 2017 INBETWEEN

Final Thrill

love

EVERY MOMENT Take those kisses while you can. Teenagers can tend to run low on affection.

YOUR TODAY. THEIR TOMORROW.

FOR PARENT S CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF RAISING A TEEN &

TALKING TO YOUR SONS ABOUT

YOUNG ADUL T

AUGUST/SEPTE MBER 2017

SEX AND CONSENT

GARCELLE BEAUVAIS ON RE SP T AND RAISEC ING BOYS INTO MEN

BUILD HER ING FUTURE W

HY YOU SHOULD SU YOUR DAUGPPORT TO GO FO HTER A CAREER R IN THE TRADES

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36 & September 2017 INBETWEEN FOR PARENTS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLEAugust OF RAISING A TEEN & YOUNG ADULT