How Can Conscious Parents Create
and Keep Life Balance with Children? by Jody Johnston Pawel, LSW, CFLE
In your life B.C., Before Children, it seemed easier to get and stay in balance. You could get plenty of sleep, make time for self-care, and meditate every day, if you wanted. Most of the time, you felt grounded and centered, in the present moment, and in a space of calm inner peace. As a conscious parent, you still have good intentions, but creating and keeping balance seems to take more effort and it feels like you are always one step behind. For example, most mornings go like this: You wake up tired, because you stayed up late for some me-time and got up extra early to meditate. As you sit there, you either doze off or your mind runs through the list of all you have to do. You’d like to work out, but get interrupted so often you give up and resolve to just take the stairs and do squats and stretches throughout the day. After getting kids on the bus, you work hard all day at the office or at home with the little ones, barely taking breaks. After school, you drive each child to their after-school activities. Dinner is rushed and bedtime is too chaotic and late to accommodate calming, snuggly pillow talk. You wouldn’t trade your children or your life, but do feel guilty that you aren’t more calm, centered and present. You don’t want to be one of those perfect super-hero parents, or let your kids run wild while you zone out in the lotus position! You just want to live a more balanced life with children. Well you can, and the first step is to get into the “Balanced” zone with your parenting style. A parenting “style,” is your overall way of parenting, based on your belief system about what parents are “supposed” to do and be, which then drives your decisions, thoughts, words, and actions. Over the past 75 years, as recently as 2016, parenting styles research has identified five parenting styles
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and their predictable outcomes. Two are controlling, two are permissive, and the one that gets exclusively positive long-term results is what The Parent’s Toolshop® has called the “Balanced” parenting style for over 25 years. Human evolution has not changed much in that time. Children still go through the same developmental stages, in the same order, from simple to complex, in eight domains (i.e. cognitive, emotional, social, etc.) at their own rate and style. Still, the most important factor in their development is having involved, responsive parents. So it’s wise to avoid being too hands-on, controlling and interfering and too hands-off, chanting, “All they need is love,” and leaving children to “figure things out for themselves,” with too little guidance, boundaries, or structure. The Balanced parenting style is a holistic, integrated approach that uses common sense logic, emotional intelligence and intuition to parent. For example, Balanced parents: • Provide love, guidance and support, without taking over or over-controlling. • Respond to children’s needs without coddling, spoiling, or over-indulging. • Build self-esteem, not egotism or people pleasers, and engage cooperation, by fostering self-motivation, without bribes, stickers or threats. • Offer choices to children within bottom-line limits, so they don’t become spoiled or demanding. • Teach children skills and provide some freedom, within structure and routines, so children can practice the skills safely and feel secure having consistency. • Acknowledge children’s feelings and ask openended questions, so children learn how to solve their own problems and make decisions responsibly. • Understand the cause of misbehavior, show children
Centennial Celebration 2021-2022
