Volume 11 Spring 2015
Michael Dadashi Sizzles Robin Williams By Jana Greene
I was Ready
By Tanya Brown
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The A-Word By Austin McLellan
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OUR INDIVIDUALIZED PURPOSE Learning the importance of responsibility while in our program, we teach young men how to resolve their most problematic challenges in a positive way through those times, communication and healthy relationships. We teach our clients a different way of being, a healthy way out of conflict and turmoil through making new alternative decisions. We specialize in: • Entitlement Deactivation • Affluenza Dissolution • Humility Practice • Goal Accomplishment • Self-Reliance • 5 Year Goal Planning • Recovery Support • Leadership Guidance • Social Justice Immersion • Independent Living Skills
• Practical Life Skills • Financial Competence • Problem Solving • Vocational Training • Work Ethics • Coping Skills • Spiritual Expansion • Self Esteem • Peer Relationships • Urban Wilderness Therapy
After working several years in drug and alcohol addiction treatment, I couldn’t help but realize that the majority of our clients were suffering with severe entitlement issues. These issues were often times more harmful than the addiction itself. I feel that leaving this issue unresolved will result in chronic drug addiction or an insufficient quality of life. Clint Richards
1201 W. Iron Springs Rd., Ste. 7, Prescott, AZ 86305
928-899-6766 • www.practicaldevelopment.net
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DETOX AND RESIDENTIAL ADDICTION TREATMENT CEDAR SPRINGS HOSPITAL leading mental health facility in Colorado Springs, CO. We provide both acute and residential inpatient psychiatric treatment. The facility is at the foot of beautiful Cheyenne Mountain and is a short drive from Denver and surrounding areas. We have been treating patients with mental health and substance abuse issues since 1924. Our programs treat all ages including children, adolescents, adults, and seniors.
Admissions & Evaluations We have qualified, mental health professionals’ available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to: • Facilitate free, comprehensive needs mental health assessments • Discuss treatment options • Provide confidential crisis intervention • Assist in determining the most appropriate level of care and/or referral Confidential assessments are free of charge. Please call (719) 633-4114 or access our website at www.cedarspringshospital.com
Hospital Services Cedar Springs offers a full range of services for patients from across the country: • Acute Inpatient Psychiatric Treatment for Children, Adolescents and Adults • Reactive Attachment Disorder Treatment for Children • Psychiatric Residential Treatment for Children and Adolescents • Residential Substance Abuse Treatment for Adults • Dual Diagnosis • Women’s Program • Military-Specific Programming for Active Duty and Military Veterans • Detox & Chemical Dependence • Acute Psychiatric & Complex Trauma Partial Hospitalization Program for Adults To learn more about program-specific admissions criteria, please visit our website.
Insurance Accepted We accept most major insurance, including TRICARE®, Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Cigna, UBH, Value Options and most other private insurances. Cedar Springs Hospital Representatives work closely with managed care companies and social service agencies and experienced in resolving funding issues.
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Solutions in Recovery 2015 EDITION
Start Fresh Program
See below for clinic locations PHONE: See below for clinic numbers, WEBSITE: StartFreshProgram.com
From the Publisher Kim Welsh
S
Distinction: With our breakthrough 20-minute naltrexone implant procedure and follow-up support, patients receive effective and confidential treatment.
publisher@inrecoverymagazine.com
pring is the season where everything, including people, seem to come to life. It’s this time of year that nature reveals her beauty and power. From thunderstorms to late snow falls to seedlings pushing wholeheartedly through frozen ground. The determination of the natural wonder of it all is truly awe-inspiring.
GIFTS ANON
One Stop Shopping For Your Recovery Needs • Literature • Over 150 Daily Reading Books • Specialty Medallions • Exclusive Sons Of Ebby T-Shirts • Jewelry, and more
People are no different. As I travel through these various circles of society, from the newly recovered to the old timer, from the people like you and me to the famous - I am again, awe-inspired. People of Interest is such a vague topic really. I mean aren’t all people interesting in their own way? Doesn’t everyone on this journey of recovery deserve to be celebrated? I believe so … so just wait, you might just be the next person to find yourself between the covers of In Recovery Magazine.
Kim Welsh
From the Editor Janet A. Hopkins
S
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 4th Edition 12 Steps Quick Reference
Step 1: .................... Pages 59-60 Step 2: .................... Pages 59-60 Step 3: .................... Pages 60-64 Step 4: .................... Pages 63-71 Step 5: .................... Pages 72-75 Step 6: ............................Page 76 Step 7: ............................Page 76 Step 8: .................... Pages 76-84 Step 9: .................... Pages 76-84 Step 10: .................. Pages 84-85 Step 11: .................. Pages 85-88 Step 12: ................ Pages 89-103
BOOKS • GIFTS
TWO LOCATIONS: 5817 N. 7th Street Phoenix, AZ
602-277-5256 10427 N. Scottsdale Rd., Ste A Scottsdale, AZ
480-483-6006 WE SHIP
Photo by Casey MacKenzie Editor and her favorite Person of Interest
editor@inrecoverymagazine.com
pring is sprung, the grass has riz. Now I know where the interesting people is! Poet Ogden Nash loved putting new endings on this familiar, silly poem, and so do I. Recovery personifies the spring season – as seemingly hopeless lives are renewed in strength and beauty.
Beds: Outpatient Gender: Both Age: Adults 18+ Detox: Yes Sliding Scale: Yes Insurance: Yes Hospital Affiliated: No Average Stay: Outpatient Price: Call for more information Treatment Focus: Treatment of alcohol, prescription drug, and opiate addiction
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The Start Fresh Program is a unique outpatient program. It includes a new procedure that places a long-lasting naltrexone implant under the skin. Combined with behavioral support, the program can virtually eliminate physical cravings for alcohol, prescription drugs, or opioids. As reported by patients, many experience relief from cravings for up to a year after undergoing this minimally invasive procedure. With this new treatment, patients are relieved to find that they have the ability to continue their lives without lengthy time away from work or home. Start Fresh Program believes in treating the whole person, so patients also work with certified addiction specialists who provide support in identifying and managing “triggers” to ensure long-term sobriety. Many patients who have been unsuccessful in traditional treatment programs have found success with the Start Fresh Program. This comprehensive approach is defining the Start Fresh Program as a leader in the future of treating addiction.
WHAT IS START FRESH?
With our breakthrough 20-minute naltrexone implant procedure and follow-up support, patients receive effective and confidential treatment. Current Office Locations: Midwest: Chicago (847) 410-9777 The START FRESH PROGRAM is a unique outpatient program. It includes a new procedure that places a longOklahoma City (855) 219-3681 lasting naltrexone implant under the skin. As884-1221 reported by patients, many experience relief from cravings for up Omaha (402) Northeast: Connecticut (855) 242-0330 to a year after undergoing this minimally invasive procedure. With this new treatment, patients are relieved to (800)their 533-4040 Northern find California: that theyFresno have the ability to continue lives without lengthy time away from work or home. START San Francisco (800) 614-0123 FRESH PROGRAM believes in treating(770) the 515-9500 whole person and provides support in identifying and managing Southeast: Atlanta “triggers” to ensure long-term sobriety. Many patients who have been unsuccessful in traditional treatment Southern California: Los Angeles/Orange County (800) 916-1099 Southwest: Phoenix (855) 393-4673 programs have found success with the START FRESH PROGRAM. This comprehensive approach is defining the
START FRESH PROGRAM as a leader in the future of treating addiction.
“A Start Fresh Success Story
“My name isSTORY Jeremy Miller, and I struggled with alcoholism for over 15 years. Before I SUCCESS found the START PROGRAM, I had tried almost every program out there; and Getting Down toFRESH Business I couldn’t make them work. That overpowering craving always seemed to win out. I My name Jeremy Miller, and I struggled Program my life. Within hoursThe of my felt weakisand worthless. I had truly lost hope thatsaved I would ever recover. START with alcoholism for over 15 years. Before procedure, the cravings were nonexistent. I FRESH PROGRAM saved my life. Within hours of my procedure, the cravings were I found the Start Fresh Program, I had was no longer being bombarded with that nonexistent. I was no longer with tried almost every program out therebeing and I bombarded overpowering need I had fought for so long. that overpowering need I had fought forI so wasto get down to the business couldn’t make them work. That overpowerwaslong. finallyI able finally ablealways to getseemed downtotowin theout. business mylife for the better with a ing craving I felt ofofchanging changing my weakfor and worthless. I had atruly losthead. hope For me, clear For me, the Start Fresh Program life the better with clear thehead. START that I would ever recover. The Fresh miracle. was”an absolute miracle. FRESH PROGRAM was anStart absolute
In this issue, we sample the stories of just a handful of the many, many beautiful people in recovery around the country. I hope you enjoy the impelling accounts of life in recovery’s trenches – from Richard Buckman’s look behind the scenes of Faces & Voices of Recovery’s recent painful reorganization, to John Shinholser’s story in “We Ran Out of Couches,” an inspiring chronicle of a man on a mission. These are people just like you and me. Our cover story, “Snap! Crackle! Pop! Michael Dadashi Sizzles,” chronicles a personal genesis, a rise from the ashes of heroin addiction to the CEO of one of Fortune 500’s fastest growing private companies. But that’s only part of the story – what truly shines is Michael’s passion for giving back what was freely given to him. That passion echoes throughout each of the stirring essays included in this issue. If you’d like to submit your story, please take a look at our “Call for Stories” on page 78. I’d love to hear from you.
”
We are leaders in the future of treating addiction.
Contact Start Fresh today!
38 Psychology Today SOLUTIONS IN RECOVERY January/February 2015
SCOTTSDALE/PHOENIX, ARIZONA 855-393-4673(HOPE) www.StartFreshAddictionRecovery.com 86-139 REVISED 120214.indd 80
PT139 SIR PT139 SIR 86-139 REVISED 120214.indd 112
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS 847-410-9777 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
SANTA ANA/LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 800-916-1099 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
OMAHA, NEBRASKA 402-884-1221 www.StartFreshRecoveryToday.com
NORWALK, CONNECTICUT 855-242-0330 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA 702-919-0000 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
WEST HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT 860-521-5252 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
OKLAHOMA CITY, OKLAHOMA 405-608-8806 www.StartFreshRecoveryToday.com
ATLANTA, GEORGIA 770-515-9500 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
DALLAS, TEXAS 972-943-0757 www.StartFreshRecovery.com
Spring 2015
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Table of Contents
Cover Story
Columns 21 |
Meditation: The Gift of Sobriety By Michael Lyding It’s helpful to look at recovery as a gift received and accepted.
P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, AZ 86304
8 | Snap! Crackle! Pop! Michael Dadashi Sizzles By Janet A. Hopkins Thirty-year-old Dadashi is the CEO of MHD Enterprises, a multi-million dollar electronics recycling and resale business in Austin, Texas – he’s also a recovered heroin addict.
On June 12, 1994, my sister, Nicole Brown Simpson, was brutally murdered. The murder and the subsequent trial put our family in the spotlight for years.
16 | The A-Word By Austin McLellan
The Manor was not like other places, other jobs. The men here – our customers – came addled and lost, descending from various highs, drunks and altered states.
20 | We Ran Out of Couches
By Janet A. Hopkins After 32 years of recovery, John M. Shinholser is a tempered combination of wisdom and enthusiasm, all wrapped up in the courtesies of a southern gentleman. His life reads like a story from the back of the Big Book.
Articles
36 | Healing with Magic By Andrea Abad
He spent the weekend skirting the edges of the arena fence. Now, as we entered the arena, the black pony turned to face us. He looked intently at us with head raised, ears pricked forward.
38 | Sacrifice Your Addiction By Elizabeth Davies
Have you sacrificed your time, energy or even your sleep for something that was important to you? Would you consider sacrificing an unhealthy habit?
Advertising Sales Outreach & Marketing
As a person in long-term recovery, I have witnessed firsthand the rise of the modern recovery community advocacy movement. By Joe C. The AA gateway is a wider and more colorful tapestry than could have been imagined in the basements of New York and Akron in the late 1930s. More has been revealed.
Layout/Design Graphic Artist/Ad Design
54 | Spring Cleaning By Holli Kenley
56 | The Oldest Approach to Recovery By Michael Neylon
Larry had been living a life of self-will, drinking and drugging. He thought he was “Lord Larry” until it came crashing down on him. He lost his wife, his daughters and his home.
By Kim Welsh IRM’s first annual Gratitude Gala was a smashing success. In addition to the magazine’s surprise donations to six non-profit organizations, the annual fundraiser provided a night of glitz and glam. The celebration included everything but a red carpet.
I recently saw an image of Joan Crawford swinging an ax. There she was, in her 1940’s hairstyle and thick eyebrows, looking like she was going to land that sucker right into someone’s living room couch. I immediately said to myself, Been there, sister.
46 | Tragedy Transformed By Seth Born
70 | Chalk It Up! Prescott By Deborah Thurston
BodyTalk
An interactive community art festival that attracts participants of all ages, with no judgment about artistic ability.
48 | Vulnerability: A Beautiful Word By Jennifer Sobel
It is my belief that without vulnerability, meaningful relationships cease to exist. Scratch that. They exist, but something vital is missing.
Recovering Artists
The last words my father said to me before he died were, “I want you to continue to help people with your words and your writing.” As a poet and a man in recovery, it is my purpose to help others find freedom.
Write a dream list of travel ideas, put them in your God box and turn them over. Then, cinch up your spiritual seatbelt and get ready for the ride!
Patricia Mastrobuoni
60 | BodyTalk: Read the Label By Victoria Abel
Food labels were supposedly created to help us with our food choices. But many of us don’t really know what we should be looking for.
62 | Dr. Deb: Sex Addiction By Dr. Deb Laino
Stephanie Moles Lena H.
While the public is quite familiar with the terms alcoholic and drug addict, many are puzzled by the term sexoholic.
Michael Lyding
64 | Recovery Tech: Videoconferencing By Ashley Loeb
The brave new world of videoconferencing can provide the personal connection you want when sharing your step work long distance.
Deb Laino Bill W.
66 | Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls By Terrance Shulman
Are you still digging out of debt and/or the stuff you acquired during the holiday season? If so, you are not alone.
Bob Kocher Victoria Abel
Recovery Tech
Ashley Loeb
Cluttered Lives
Terrence Shulman
73 | Everyday Miracle: Not By Chance By Dwayne Arbizu
I walked away from my loved ones, a wife and my daughter – the dearest one to my heart. I threw all my morals, values and ethics out the window.
76 | CrossTalk By Mollé
After several frustrating, confusing decades, Alexander finally surrendered and accepted that her “career” is her inner work.
No part of this magazine or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted without the prior written consent of the author and/or publisher, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials. Materials contained in this magazine are subject to copyright and other proprietary rights.
88 | James Donald Welch
Welch is a watercolorist who believes that recovery always has an impact on the creative process. Because creating is a progressive process, just as addiction is progressive, the degree and nature of that impact develops over time.
In early recovery, my eyes began to see things with an intriguing simplicity and lucidity. I was excited about my sobriety and this newfound sense of awareness. Photography became my vehicle.
Decades of recovery and its application to life and how to get over it, into it or through it with spunk, levity and a good dose of reality.
In Recovery Magazine reserves the right to editorial control of all articles, stories and Letters to the Editor. In Recovery Magazine assumes no responsibility for errors within its publication. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the policies of In Recovery Magazine and should not be construed as endorsements. Furthermore, In Recovery Magazine will not be responsible for any claims, losses or damages (whether direct or indirect) arising out of or relating to the use of or reliance on the contents of this magazine.
86 | A Knock at the Door By Z Lu Alexander
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52 | Travelin’ Sober Man: Your Dream List By Bob Kocher
Correction: In her December 2014 article entitled Addicted and Homeless, author K. Lanktree’s name was inadvertently misspelled in both the article headline and the table of contents. Our apologies!
84 | Truth or Dare By James “Bucky” Buchmeyer
90 | Gwen Henderson
We celebrate so many things with this beautiful young couple. The best way to do this is over a good meal.
Kim Welsh
Kay Luckett
Travelin’ Sober Man
40 | Kay’s Kitchen: Dogs, Service, Sobriety and Love By Kay Luckett
Jaye Lene Long
Kay’s Kitchen
From Peer to Peer
32 |
From Peer to Peer: On the Road from Al Kut By Bill W. In part two of this interview, Iraqi War veteran and friend in recovery, Rob Ziarnick speaks candidly about his experience with PTSD.
Seth Born
Jeff Wilson
Dr. Deb
Recovery is the subject of countless books. Here are some titles worth a look.
John Schuderer
Cover Photo
Meditation
23 | The BookStand
Peggi Bird Barbara Schuderer Seth Born
John C. Hopkins
Book Review
Nic Sheff’s second memoir, We All Fall Down: Living with Addiction, comes on the heels of several opiate relapses and stints in rehab. As the book begins, the author is still on that furious addiction roller coaster.
Rebecca (Becca) Fields
Web Design
CrossTalk
With winter coming to a close and spring on the doorstep, it is time to do some personal preparation for growth.
42 | 2014 IRM Gratitude Gala: Glitz, Giggles, Gratitude and Giving 58 | The Forgiveness Intersection By Sheryl Cruse
The little red convertible sat in the driveway. It was a Sweet Sixteen gift to herself – a gift that, she liked to acknowledge with a wink, she’d “saved for her whole life.”
Janet A. Hopkins
Subscriptions
By Jana Greene It was only weeks before that I had offhandedly posted on Facebook about his June treatment in rehab. Go, Robin! I think I wrote. Go, Robin – get well!
34 | Unbelievers Unabashed
Editor in Chief
Copyeditors
27 | Robin Williams
30 | Faces & Voices: The Journey Continues By Richard Buckman
Kim Welsh
Senior Copy/Proof Editor
Features 12 | I was Ready By Tanya Brown
CEO/Publisher
22 | Book Review By Lena H.
80 | Hank Edwards
Edwards is a self-taught artist from Austin, Texas. Although well-versed in all paint mediums, his primary focus is acrylic on canvas.
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
The publication of any advertisement is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered unless it is specifically stated in the ad that there is such approval or endorsement. © In Recovery Magazine 2012. All Rights Reserved. The magazine is a nonpartisan publication published quarterly by founder and publisher, Kim Welsh. In Recovery Magazine is distributed by Disticor.
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Snap! Crackle! Pop!
closing six-figure deals.”
Michael Dadashi Sizzles
Unfortunately, Dadashi couldn’t show up for work on a regular basis. He was fired, rehired and finally fired for good. Out of work and going through cash fast, he moved back to Austin and set up MHD Enterprises in his mother’s garage — his own electronics recycling and wholesale redistribution company. His plan was to support his heroin addiction without being under the watchful eyes of employers – and this worked as long as he worked. “Unfortunately,” says Dadashi, “I’d relapse and just disappear.” In 2006 at the age of 23, Dadashi decided he needed to get clean and sober. He threw himself into work. “I was a workaholic.” He was attending meetings; but as he put it, “I was a poser. I thought I was better and more important than anyone in the rooms.” Yet nothing he did filled the void he felt inside.
Photos by David Hoy
By Janet A. Hopkins
M
Adil Boussemha, Sandy Hollier, Michael Dadashi, and his mother, Gail Zorne
eeting Michael Dadashi is an experience. Freshfaced and energetic, he is the embodiment of the proverbial boy-next-door – but underneath that fresh face is an entrepreneurial dynamo. With business savvy beyond his years, this 30-year-old is the CEO of MHD Enterprises, a multi-million dollar electronics recycling and resale business in Austin, Texas. According to Inc. magazine, MHD was the 28th fastest growing private company in the US in 2012 and the 61st in 2013.
Swisher Sweets cigars purchased by an older high school friend. Once Dadashi was in high school, he found alcohol, “The first time I drank, I blacked out. I was 15, and I was an alcoholic from that day on.” And something new and more profitable to sell appeared – drugs. “It made me feel powerful,” he recalled.
It wasn’t long before his good grades were out the window, and he was skipping school. A few months later he began using heroin. “I fell into that black hole of drugs, smoking But it wasn’t always like this for Dadashi – he’s also a recov- marijuana and doing prescription pills. I barely graduated ered heroin addict. high school.” He really did start out as an enterprising boy-next-door in a After graduation and unable to keep a job, Dadashi bounced quiet, kid-friendly Austin neighborhood. “There were kids around. He had a serious addiction problem by that time – on skateboards and bikes everywhere,” he remembered. As a even his mom would no longer allow him to live with her. ten-year-old, Dadashi would have an adult buy candy from Friends and family feared he would not live. At one point, Costco; then he would recruit a sales force of younger kids a combination of drinking, heroin and pills put him in the to sell the candy door-to-door. His crew would ask whoever hospital for two months. Though shaken, it wasn’t enough answered the door if they would to stop his downward spiral. like a discounted candy/car wash Success requires no explanations; bundle. Who could resist those With the drive and talents not innocent faces? The answer was failure permits no alibis. – Napoleon Hill unusual in addicts and alcoalmost always, “Yes.” His older holics, Dadashi’s flair for sales friends would wash the cars for a nominal fee; and he’d pay the was already setting him apart from the crowd. While living six- and seven-year-olds in candy, which left Dadashi with in Southern California, he was hired as a salesman for an a tidy profit and happy friends. e-waste recycling business. “I would cold call all day, but I’d be high on cocaine and prescription pills,” he says. “I would In sixth grade, Dadashi graduated to tobacco sales, reselling just pick up the phone and start calling people, and I was 8
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Spring 2015
He had put together six months of clean time in 2008 when, “The screw popped,” says Dadashi. “I relapsed and went on a month-long spree doing IV cocaine. Nothing crazy happened, but this time I hit rock bottom.” After an overdose on July 20, 2009, he had a spiritual awakening that changed his life. He’s been clean and sober ever since. “My Wharton, my Harvard Business School turned out to be a rehab facility in Texas. When you are an addict, you are nowhere; and time is a stunted clock that runs between high and next high. I began to climb out, thanks to local successful guys who also knew the geography of addiction.
a local rehab facility, and doing other community service. “I was taught that the solution is service. It’s what brings us together. I knew I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for my recovery.” Defying just about every possible convention on who to hire and how to grow a business, Dadashi began hiring friends in recovery, as well as family members. “People are my passion; MHD is the tool. I focus on why I am doing what I am doing, not what I am doing,” says Dadashi. “My businesses are driven by extraordinary people who share the same definition of what it means to be successful – to live life with complete purpose and passion for all you do personally and professionally.” In 2013, Dadashi opened Infinite Recovery, an intensive outpatient clinic, and several high-accountability sober living residences. Infinite Recovery, a spacious and comfortable facility in an Austin strip mall next door to a local Twelve Step meeting hall, offers the recovering alcoholic and addict safe, ongoing care while providing the tools and support necessary for a successful second chance at life. “Recovery and redemption are possible no matter how far down you have gone,” says Dadashi. “No matter what the outcome, we planted the seed; we make a difference in people’s lives. The hardest parts are knowing that not every client will stay sober and then witnessing the suffering and devastation experienced by families.”
So what does the future hold for this talented young entrepreneur? Dadashi’s irrepressible nature, compassion and positive outlook promise more good things to come. MHD Enterprises is poised to expand I knew [sobriety] would Michael Dadashi and Janet Hopkins interviewing over Tex Mex. worldwide and is broadlead me to a better place. My only hope was that I would ening its market share every day. After hiring a new CEO stay sober. I couldn’t have fathomed or even dreamed that out of Newport Beach, California, this year Dadashi will be I would be where I am today. I have since exchanged my mother’s garage for a 25,000-square-foot office in Austin, moving to the position of chairman of the board. “I want to new warehouse facilities in Australia and more than 25 do [MHD] on a large scale, and I need to be open-minded. Right now I am putting 120 percent into both businesses.” employees.” This would make a great ending for a “hometown-boymakes-good” story. But for Michael Dadashi, it was just the beginning of his story. From early sobriety, Dadashi’s sponsor, Chad, encouraged him to do service work. He began working with other alcoholics and addicts in his Twelve Step meetings and at Spring 2015
He clearly defines his mission in recovery. “I believe we have a responsibility to speak up about recovery. People need to know there is a solution,” says Dadashi. “Anonymity is sometimes misinterpreted by people in Twelve Step programs. The most powerful testaments to recovery are the recovered addicts themselves.” He went on to say, “[Twelve Step programs] are not just about sobriety; they are 99 percent about service.” Dadashi is a man who walks his talk.
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The Austin recovery community benefits daily from his commitment to service. In a 2013 interview for Fast Company magazine by Tony Castle, co-founder and lead producer for BFD Productions, Dadashi shared the motivation behind his beliefs. “I’ve been given a second chance over a hundred times,” he says. “People have really believed in me. I’ve let them down. They believed in me again, and I let them down again. It paid off because in 2009 I finally got sober . . . what talks to my heart is giving people a second chance.”
My brief meeting with Dadashi left an indelible impression on me; his enthusiasm was infectious. Over dinner, he shared more about his spiritual life; his eyes glowed as he talked of the amazing “coincidences” he has experienced in sobriety. “The best thing about recovery is that I am awake, free and have an answer to all my problems.” Dadashi offered a few closing words for his fellow recovered addicts and alcoholics – “Dream big! Keep desire and persistence at the top of your vocabulary. Say positive I am statements daily. Surround yourself with winners in life and in recovery. There is no ceiling to success.”
Michael and his family working together to make MHD a success, Azam Safari, Sean Dadashi, Michael, Katelyn Westfall, Michael’s father, Dari Dadashi and Janine Westfall
Infinite Recovery provides an unparalleled level of therapeutic support. Our mission is to empower clients to heal, learn, and discover. The primary goal is to help people stay sober and enjoy life in recovery, while integrating into independent living. We provide a variety of continuing care services designed to help those in recovery manage their spiritual, emotional, and social aspects of a sober lifestyle.
• INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT PROGRAM
• AFTERCARE PROGRAM
• SOBER LIVING
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I Was Ready By Tanya Brown I hope my story will inspire and offer you a new perspective on mental health issues and concerns. I am the baby of four girls and wanted to be like my sisters: the supermodel, the valedictorian and the famous wife – who I thought had it all. Instead of embracing my own uniqueness, skills and abilities, I aspired to be like my sisters. Rather than following my own life’s compass, I followed those of others.
My life challenges began in high school. I was the person who everyone wanted to be around. My joy was contagious. I did not have the face of a depressed child. However, during those formative high school years, I buried eight friends. No one was available to help me process my pain. I thought I had coped with their deaths, but time eventually proved me wrong. Two years out of high school, my best friend was killed by a hit-and-run driver. I had lied to her the night before she died; and as a result, I was overridden with guilt and depression. It was my first major bout with depression. I was visibly and significantly depressed for two years. Nothing could lift me out of my despair. My mother posted positive affirmations everywhere she knew I would look. These notes reminded me that I was loved; I was beautiful; I was special; I was unique. But nothing, nothing moved me out of my despair. Then one day, I discovered FOOD! My inability to eat because of the depression soon turned into an overeating disorder. My happy face was back on – I hid my pain behind food. I hid my food like an alcoholic hides their alcohol – in coat pockets, under the bed, under the car seat. To get rid of any evidence, I even hid the food wrappers. No one knew about my addiction. Food had become my grieving outlet, giving me the comfort I needed to stay above water – and it worked well for awhile. Most of the people around me had no idea I was in the depths of depression. I had my ‘happy face’ on for everyone to see. My weight ballooned to 195 pounds. Then one day my mom cleaned under my bed and found wrappers, dishes and empty boxes of food. With her encouragement, I went to my doctor and was prescribed diet pills. I also tried every weight loss diet under the sun. Nothing worked. I continued to overeat. My lack of selflove and neglect of my feelings of pain and loss continued spiraling downward. Yet, my façade was so successful that no one really knew what was happening inside of me. My problems and my pain traveled with me to the University of California, San Diego (UCSD). I fainted my first day at 12
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Spring 2015
Spring 2015
school. I felt like a little fish in an enormous sea. At times, jumping off the Coronado Bridge was appealing to me. On the afternoon of Christmas Eve 1992, while still attending UCSD, I was sitting in my townhome living room with the curtains drawn, the fireplace on, drinking a glass of wine and watching Casablanca. I was at the beginning of my second bout of deep depression. It was then I decided I needed to withdraw from UCSD. This was a very difficult decision, but one I needed to make. My sister, Nicole, called to share a saying with me, “Delete the need to understand everything. We don’t need to understand everything; some things just are.” Two years later, on June 12, 1994, Nicole was brutally murdered. The murder and the subsequent trial put our family in the spotlight for years. Our private lives were ripped from us. My life irrevocably changed – my pain was indescribable and insurmountable. I was having difficulty experiencing a healthy grieving process. I stuffed my emotions, remained quiet and again, became a master at concealing my feelings. In October 2004, my third bout with devastating depression began. I was engaged to be married; but four days before the big day, my fiancé cancelled the wedding. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was so depressed; I found it impossible to get out of bed. I numbly moved forward like a wind-up doll. At the time, I did not know that this event would be the trigger I needed to begin the grieving process and to finally face my pain and myself. For about a month I became self-destructive – drinking and popping pills. I was horribly angry. I felt as though every nerve in my body was exposed and the wind was constantly blowing on me; it was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt. I was paralyzed – spiritually, mentally and physically. I had no idea I was filled with so much anger. Anger had been so foreign to me. Even when I was depressed, I had always been the girl who lifted other people out of despair. But now it had all caught up with me. I was in that dark abyss, and I did not know what to do. One afternoon, all the emotions I had been stuffing for so long came pouring out. I held nothing back. I lashed out at my loved ones and devastated some of the most important people in my life. Later, in the solitude of my bedroom, I found myself holding pills in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. I just wanted the pain to finally end.
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I did not want to face my demons, but hope stopped me from taking that final step. I knew in my heart I was here for a greater good. I knew I had love to give and to receive. Thank God, I paused. At that very moment, one of my sisters walked into my room. With all the strength I could summon, I said, “Get me away from here.” She took me to a friend’s house and called me the next morning. She asked, “Are you ready?” “Yes.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. I needed to be in a safe place, or I might hurt myself or someone else.
I could cry and divulge the secret angers and pain that had been festering inside me. This was my classroom for the next two and a half months. Every day from 9:00 am to 3:00 pm, I sat absorbing all the information I possibly could. I took it “one day at a time.” I was frightened to be discharged, but I knew I had to learn to survive in the real world. After my last day of the program, I came home. No one was there. I felt so lost, alone and scared. I was not sure I knew how to live life. I thought I needed a coach, counselor or liaison by my side to help me transition from treatment to living life on my own. I was fortunate; I survived. I finished my graduate degree in Counseling Psychology and wrote my memoire about those difficult days, Finding Peace Amid The Chaos: My Escape From Depression and Suicide. I learned that prevention begins with self-awareness.
Before I could change my mind, I was in the care of South Coast Medical Center’s Behavioral Health (now known as St. Joseph’s Behavioral Health Center). Their inpatient program saved my life, but only because I was willing to do the work. I began doing whatever I was told to get better. I was a student of the program rather than a patient or victim of circumstance. I attended all of the classes, listened and took action on every suggestion. To me, it was The University of Life. There was not one class or assignment I missed. I learned life skills, coping strategies and other tools necessary to live a productive life, and learned how to maintain optimal mental health.
FINDING PEACE AMID THE CHAOS My Escape from Depression and Suicide
TANYA BROWN
No one is immune to an emotional breakdown. As a society, many of us are overextended, overwhelmed and don’t want to feel feelings. Most people plow through the pain and do what it takes to make it all happen. They live behind a happy face until they cannot do it any longer. I have dedicated my life to speaking, coaching and advocating for those who suffer from mental illness. I hope to help families find peace in chaos and remove the stigma associated with a mental illness diagnosis.
I forced myself to face the anger, darkness and loss I had Sister of Nicole Brown Simpson never coped with properly. WITH WILLIAM CROYLE I needed to express all of these My journey inspired me to feelings in a healthy way. It create Bridge of Hope Life was a difficult process, but I found journaling to be partic- Coaching to help people transition from early recovery ularly helpful. to real life. Relapse happens. But personal accountability and coping tools will encourage healthy habits to continue One day as I was looking out at the Pacific Ocean, I asked growing. Healthy self-care gives us permission to love ourGod in desperation, “What is so beautiful about all of this? selves and enables us to be at our best as we serve and care I don’t see anything beautiful here.” At that moment my for others. eyes opened, and I began to see the magnificent world Tanya Brown has been featured in People Magazine (USA and Australia) and around me. Through journaling, I continued exploring the seen on The Katie Couric Show, Dr. Drew, Larry King Live, Anderson Cooper (AC360), CNN with Don Lemon, The Early Show, The Insider and Inside Edition. beauty of life. After ten days as an inpatient student, I moved into the outpatient program. While there, I felt safe and productive. 14
SUPPORT WITHOUT QUESTION. GUIDANCE WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. ACCEPTANCE WITHOUT RESERVATION.
Brown is the author of Finding Peace Amid the Chaos: My Escape from Depression and Suicide. For information about her speaking and coaching services, book, webinars, teleclasses, visit Tanya at tanyabrown.net or via email at tanya@tanyabrown.net.
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Spring 2015
(928) 642-7077
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Our mission is to absolutely insist on doing GOD’s work to compassionately provide a therapeutic 12-step community to support those seeking life in recovery.
Spring 2015
In Recovery Magazine
15
By Austin McLellan
I
’m a temp. That means I live a fragile, insecure existence, never far from the unemployment line or worse. But I don’t complain. In fact, I’ve held a number of interesting positions: secretary, bartender, car salesman, baseball coach, census taker – all of them respectable occupations, but the pay is lame. To make ends meet, I’ve bounced around, often ending up in strange situations. Recently my money ran out, and I needed work. At the unemployment office, a woman handed me a job lead... Tr a n q u i l i t y Manor, a rehab center, needed counselors. Yes, the Manor kept doctors and nurses on staff, but they also needed counselors to watch the clients who came there to recover from alcoholism and drug addiction. Little experience was required. That afternoon, I drove over to Tranquility Manor on my last gallon. A man interviewed me. Looking over his glasses, he said, “Well, you’ve got to be able to deal with difficult people.” “Okay, but they’re voluntary, right?” I said. “I mean the patients choose to come here for the 16
treatment?” “Yeah, they’re all real happy to be here,” he replied. I shuddered. But like I said, I needed work. So when could I start? “Tomorrow.” ** ***** I was apprehensive during my first days at Tranquility Manor. I kept quiet and tried to learn the ropes. This was a 30-day residential facility; the men actually lived there dormitory style. The other counselors and I supervised – kept them on schedule for meals, therapy sessions and Twelve Step meetings – and generally cared for them as a parent, babysitter and drill sergeant. I received no training or direction, so I simply tried to get along with everyone. I thought that was the smart thing to do. “Go along to get along,” right? That mantra had always served me well in life. Why not now? But the Manor was not like other places, other jobs. The men here, our customers, came addled and lost, descending from various highs, drunks and altered states. They had abused
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
of substance, alcohol, narcotics, prescription drugs, weed. You name it. A simple dose of abstinence in rehab, while not easy, could earn most of them clean pee tests in a few days, and to some extent, clear heads. But abstinence also shone a harsh light on the mind and the conscience; the men soon became aware of their situation – what they had become. Sobriety opened their eyes; now they could see. And this light, this awareness, could be stunning. Often, they blinked. And so did I. One of my chores was to take roll every few hours. I simply counted the men lounging in the TV area, smoking on the patio or chillin’ in their rooms. I did this quietly, unobtrusively, just trying to get along with everyone. Frankly, I wasn’t paid to do much more. However, one day while taking roll, the word asshole fell on my ears. I knew it was for me. And I knew who said it – patient Burns D. Burns D. had practiced law in Georgia, farmed cotton and drank bourbon for fifty years; then he checked into rehab to, as he put it . . . get his life back on track. But the truth was, Burns’ life had never been on track. His family was so exhausted with the man and his drinking that they purchased him a one-way ticket to the Manor. Almost 60 years old, Burns D. was overweight and suffering from high blood pressure. A large wave of still-dark hair crowned his head like foam, a comb-over, but still thick and bushy. A pair of heavy glasses framed his face. The man retained some vestiges of his honorable profession, but not many. Loud and officious, he possessed a deep, rich voice he had cultivated into a formidable weapon during years of practicing law and drinking sour mash. So, when he bellowed “Asshole!” at me that day, I winced. At that moment, I was in the hall with another patient, Scott G., explaining why he could not phone his girlfriend, since it was against the rules. I tried to ignore Burns, who stood nearby. “But I gotta tell my girl I’m okay,” Scott complained. “I think she knows that, Scotty.” I patted him on the shoulder. “You don’t understand,” he continued. “If she’s not sure, she might do something crazy.” I knew a little of Scott’s story – how he’d been hooked on cocaine, how this girlfriend had dumped Scott at our front door one night then drove off in a hurry without even a good-bye. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Burns lurking and watching us. I said, “Scott, your girl will be fine. Don’t worry about it, man. You need a cigarette?” “I just wanna talk to her for a minute,” Scott pleaded. “One second!” “Dude, you know we don’t allow phone calls ‘til Sunday. If I let you, I’ll get in trouble. Now . . . just . . . please . . . relax!” I could see that Burns was still hovering nearby. “Why can’t you let me?” Burns growled, “Maybe because he’s an asshole!” Spring 2015
At this, Scott retreated, leaving the field to the lawyer and me. We stared at each other in the hallway. Portly, with a slight limp, Burns D. was not an intimidating opponent. I wasn’t afraid, but the little training I received at Tranquility Manor insisted we not argue with patients. Many are in withdrawal or under medication, only barely responsible for what they do or say. So when Burns hit me with the A-word, I let my breath out slowly. I gently said, “No, sir, I am not an asshole.” Burns flustered at my calm reply. His lips parted, but no words came forth. He seemed disappointed. Then he turned and limped down the hall. I let him go.
The Manor was not like other places, other jobs. The men here – our customers – came addled and lost, descending from various highs, drunks and altered states, including abuse of every type of substance . . . alcohol, narcotics, prescription drugs, weed . . . you name it. I congratulated myself on my restraint, though I had narrowly escaped an incident. My job was to care for the patients, not provoke them – though refusing to argue with some of these guys made them even angrier. I don’t know why, but a modest reply was like throwing gasoline on a fire. Did they take my polite manner as condescension? Did they think my silence harbored an insidious plan? After a while, I saw that conflict was their normal way of relating to the world; contrariness was a way of life, their default setting, who they were. If one didn’t accept their challenges, they were pissed. After they calmed down, they became profoundly confused when not engaged in these little dramas. They simply didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t me. It was them. I would stay cool, calm, professional, above it all . . . maybe. The next day, my boss asked me to monitor the daily chores. We assigned each patient a small job to do each morning or else they’d lose phone privileges. I didn’t enjoy this part, walking around with a clipboard checking their work. It felt petty and small. Burns’ assignment was the coffee counter, and he attacked it with relish each day – one of the few things that made him happy. Losing phone privileges didn’t scare him. But this morning, as I went to check the coffee area, Burns was waiting for me. He glared at me and sneered, “Think you’re reeaal important with that little clipboard.” I tried to ignore him. Burns couldn’t accept the fact that I actually reviewed his work. He didn’t mind doing chores, only that someone held authority over him, however small. “Just checkin’ off the chores, Burns,” I easily replied “How are you doing this morning?” “Give a little man a little power . . . now he’s a big man – a reeeaaal big man.”
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“Just doing my thing,” I sighed heavily, as if I took no pleasure in my responsibility. “Your coffee pot looks good, Mr. Burns.” “What’s so good about it? When a man can’t even do his chores without some asshole looking over his shoulder.” “I ain’t looking over your goddamn shoulder!” I regretted this as soon as the words crossed my lips. I smiled through clenched teeth, my mind racing to find a way to escape the situation. “Big man, big man, reeaal big . . .” Burns continued. Then he turned, snorted and stomped down the hall, muttering in summation, “Asshole.” Again I winced, but he was out of range, too far away for me to say anything without screaming. I let him go. To heck with this guy! But I wondered how much longer I could handle the work at Tranquility Manor. Burns and I remained at bay for a couple days. I checked the coffee area when he wasn’t looking. I wasn’t afraid of him; he simply wasn’t worth it. Burns wasn’t going to be happy with me no matter what I did, so I left him alone. I also knew that disengaging was my secret weapon. Simply backing off and letting a man spend some time with himself could do wonders. I suspected it began to work on this broken-down attorney. As I took pains to avoid this patient, another day passed. I noticed he began to struggle. He paced slowly up and down the hallways, showing up later and later for meals, refusing to join in group therapy. As I withdrew, other men also shied away from Burns. The audience for Burns’ dark commentary dwindled, until no listeners remained. That’s when the light comes on for many in rehab – when they’re finally, completely, alone. At long last, the truth can surface, maybe after decades of denial and evasion. Of course, the main person who needs to hear the truth is the patient himself; but he won’t listen to anyone else. He needs to hear it from his own heart. Burns was now finding he had no one to be mad at, no conflict to keep him intoxicated with anger and passion, no way to avoid the emotional consequences of his behavior. Maybe now he could face the causes of his behavior, which actually lay deep within, hidden away, waiting for a moment of illumination. Sadly, some never find that light, that awareness, that peace – whatever you want to call it – when all the little games come to an end. It’s painful, sure; but it’s a gift at the same time. I wasn’t sure if Burns had arrived at that place, but something was happening to him. And I couldn’t do a damn thing to help. Over the next few days, Burns’ clothing became disheveled, and I think he stopped bathing. I passed him once in the hall and offered a greeting, but he wouldn’t acknowledge me. On Sunday, I asked him if he wanted to call his family; he declined. He sat alone smoking on the patio. Finally, his coffee area became dirty and disorganized. I let the man 18
be. I was fearful, but what could I do? The next day, I escorted everyone to lunch, part of my routine at Tranquility Manor. The cafeteria was noisy as about 50 men and a few dozen women filled the room. I rarely ate much, but moved among the tables chatting with everyone. I suddenly became aware that I couldn’t see Burns anywhere. I looked around, but couldn’t find him. Finally, way at the end of the room, I saw the lawyer sitting alone. Strangely, he was talking as he ate. I couldn’t hear him across the big room as he mouthed words between bites. Though he had his quirks, mumbling wasn’t one of them. If Burns was speaking, he wanted people to hear him. He didn’t make conversation; he made speeches. I knew something was wrong. I looked again. His monologue continued. The drink dispenser stood near his table, so I surreptitiously eased my way to it, not looking his way, disguising my intent. I drew an iced tea and sipped while observing Burns out of the corner of my eye. As he chewed slowly, he peered down at his food; but I knew something was wrong. I sipped at the tea, watching. Finally, he looked my way. Tears welled up in his deep-set eyes. I put down my tea and moved to help him. I didn’t know what to do or say, but it was my duty to aid any patient in trouble. As I drew closer, Burns stopped eating. Tears filled his eyes. A few dropped into his spaghetti. He opened his mouth. Then he spoke . . . there it was again . . . Arsh-hole! I stopped in my tracks. Yes, the patient was hurting; but I was done. To hell with Burns. Yet in that instant, something was different. Something about how he called me that name . . . the tone, the inflection, I wasn’t sure. Then I got it. I saw it. It wasn’t me! I didn’t know what ailed this man, but he wasn’t calling me the asshole. I took my tea back across the room and sat down with some other guys, watching as Burns sobbed between mouthfuls. After all the men had finished lunch and returned to the residence, I stayed until the cafeteria staff began cleaning up. Finally, Burns rose. He tottered over his plate for a moment, and then moved toward the exit. Alone, he walked slowly back toward the dormitory. From a window, I watched him as he stopped halfway and leaned against a tree. I wasn’t sure he could make it; then suddenly he started moving again. It seemed as if it took the man a half hour to cross the 50 or so yards to the residence. Perhaps my withdrawal strategy had worked, but it didn’t look good for this patient. I wanted to help . . . and I didn’t. It was my job; but like I said, I’m a temp. Later, I asked my boss about the situation. He laughed. I didn’t see much of Burns the next few days. He stayed to himself, reading in his room, smoking alone on the patio, taking his meals in solitude. I was busy with new patients and let the other counselors keep an eye on the lonely lawyer. Often this was the best way to deal with a problem; just let someone else take care of it. One never
In Recovery Magazine
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knew what kind of personal vibe resonated with a man. If a patient found me disagreeable, he might warm up to a different counselor. There was little rhyme or reason to it. I accepted it. I didn’t care about winning anyone over – especially Burns. On Friday I came in early. A few older guys stirred about. They had likely been up since dawn. I saw Burns puttering about the coffee, polishing the counter top. I nodded a few “Mornings” to the men, but ignored Burns, assuming he preferred it that way. I took my seat behind our front desk that was similar to a hotel reservation counter and started in on a little paperwork. It was a boring, mechanical chore; and I wanted to get it done; so I plowed into it, ignoring the patients for a while. But after a few minutes I noticed a curious silence. Light chatter normally rustled up from the men in the dayroom, except now. I could feel something awry. I looked up to see what was wrong. Burns D. stood directly before me. “Uh . . . hey Burns,” I said meekly. “Hey, sir, how are you?” he replied. He sounded cordial enough, but his words came at me hard and grim, like a slow brick. I braced myself, expecting the A-word. “I’m all right, Mr. Burns. How’s it going?” “Coffee area’s all straightened up. Chores discharged for the day.” “That’s good,” I said weakly; but Burns still looked angry. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to break the ice or break my head. I eyed him. He was nervous, shuffling back and forth, looking up at me, then looking down at the floor – his hands clenched in his pockets. Then I noticed his shirt was tucked in, his belt was pulled tight, he’d bathed. “Gonna be a great day,” he observed. He tried to add enthusiasm to this, but it fell flat. “Great day . . .” he said blankly. His voice drifted off as he stared at his shoes. He withdrew his hands from his pockets, jammed them in again. He coughed, trying to speak. “Great day,” I assured him. Then his face turned red. He inhaled deeply and blurted, “Hey, I just wanted you to know . . .” But he couldn’t finish. I said nothing. He looked around the room, as if searching for something, someone. Then he wiped his face, scratched his head and resumed. “Just wanted you to know . . . Uh, I just wanted . . .” Something was definitely happening, I just wasn’t sure what. Burns was trying to get something out. I don’t think he even knew what it was. Maybe he was going to curse me again, but it felt different. I decided to help. No, it wasn’t a decision, just a reaction, a reflex to whatever Burns was trying to do, to say. Clearly he couldn’t do it alone. I wasn’t afraid. The lawyer continued, “Uh, like I said. I just wanted you to know . . .” “Know what?” Spring 2015
“Uh . . . well, you know. That I’ve been k-k . . .” I kept quiet, steady. “Kinda, kinda . . . you know, kinda . . .” Finally, I looked at him and said, “Hard?” His eyes flickered. He whispered, “Kinda hard.” I gave a little nod, but mostly watched him. The man’s body gave up a little tremor, as if he was trying to shake something off. He coughed again and said more firmly, “Kinda hard on you.” Then his face relaxed. He grew quiet. For the first time, I could see his eyes. They were clear, but he wouldn’t look at me. He added, “And there warn’t no need for it.” During my employment at Tranquility Manor, I’d seen a number of apologies. Many of the drunks and junkies there had plenty to be sorry about and yet had very little practice at making amends. They simply had no skills in this area of life, which few enough folks have anyhow. So I helped them. I didn’t want to, but that was my job. I wasn’t great at it; and I didn’t get paid much; but at least I could hear them out. I’m a temp. That’s what I did. “All right, Mr. Burns.” “Just no need,” he said, brightening. His back straightened. “No need,” I agreed. I wanted to add, And no need to call me an asshole ever again, but I stood pat. Burns reached across the desk and offered me a thick, sweaty hand. I gave it a squeeze. He trembled, but held firm. Then he turned and strolled down the hallway, shaking his head and repeating “no need, no need” as if this had been a terrible ordeal he never had to endure again. Later that day, Burns appeared on the patio, smoking and laughing with the other men. A week later, Tranquility Manor laid me off. That was okay. New patients – angry, confused men – check into rehab every day, and I wasn’t sure I had the patience for that kind of work. I was ready for another gig. I said good-bye to Burns D. He didn’t thank me. I wasn’t sure that he could express thanks or that he was ready for gratitude yet. But he said good-bye. And he didn’t call me the A-word.
Austin McLellan, © 2014
Austin McLellan is a friend of many Twelve Step groups. His debut novel, Twenty Grand, A Love Story, will be published in April 2015 by Harvard Square Editions. He has published fiction at Akashic.com and in the Bangalore Review, Stepaway Magazine, and Monarch Review. His drama King Henry, Mayor was a finalist in the 2014 Tennessee Williams Play Contest. Austin has taught English and writing at universities in Asia, Europe and the US. Currently he lives and writes in Memphis, Tennessee, where he develops real estate in the inner city. More about Austin and his work may be found at austinmclellan.com.
In Recovery Magazine
19
We Ran Out of Couches
Meditation
The Gift of Sobriety
By Janet A. Hopkins
J
ohn M. Shinholser’s life reads like a story from the back of the Big Book. After 32 years of recovery, John is a tempered combination of wisdom and enthusiasm, all wrapped up in the courtesies of a southern gentleman. Over the years, both his couch and his heart have accommodated drunks of all descriptions. Since early sobriety, John has been involved in twelve step work; and he’s never looked back.
Coincidentally around this same time, Carol began lobbying for the issue she and John cared deeply about – recovery. She became involved in the development of a new national organization called Faces and Voices of Recovery – an organization run by and for people in recovery. When she started leaving materials out about this new movement, she noticed John was reading every word – even though he really didn’t enjoy reading.
Born and raised in Richmond, Virginia, John was one of ten in a good Catholic family. Growing up, there was family chaos and drama. John’s addiction began at the early age of eleven, when he started smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. While in middle school he discovered that if he had cigs, alcohol, pot, pills or LSD, he would be accepted by others. He had “found his people.”
They were running out of couches, but John became increasingly convinced that it was his life’s work to continue helping people recover. He said, “We needed to do something for the people who didn’t have money.” At the same time, Carol was learning how great it was to be married to someone doing what he believed he was meant to do – someone who was following his dream.
Twice before finishing high school, John found himself in jail. After graduation, he became a good tradesman. He traveled the country for several years working commercial jobs and blowing his pay as quickly as he received it.
In 2004, around a campfire at a weekend Twelve Step retreat, John and Carol discussed their thoughts and ideas. Carol was unsure whether her political work in Washington mixed well with the hand-to-hand combat version of recovery she saw her husband doing in Richmond. Despite Carol’s trepidation, the following Monday John went straight to an attorney. Within weeks, the Henrico County, Virginia-based McShin Foundation was born, a non-profit organization dedicated to “Healing Families and Saving Lives.”
One Wednesday, John got drunk and joined the Marines; by Friday he was in boot camp. After two and a half years, the Marine Corp discovered that John was an addict. They gave him the choice of the brig and a bad conduct discharge or rehab. He’d been in jail twelve times by then, so he quickly chose treatment. On August 10, 1982, he walked into the base treatment center; he has remained clean and sober ever since. John admits his recovery life has not always been a piece of cake; it has been full of the normal ups and downs of life. Along the way, he became wealthy, married, divorced, went bankrupt, remarried, became well off again, had a beautiful child and developed a wonderful relationship with God . . . and the list goes on. But today, just as back then, he suits up, shows up and demonstrates recovery in action in all his affairs. A painter by trade, John owned a successful painting company in Richmond, Virginia. With the addition of his tireless work with recovering drunks, he felt he had found his calling – that is, until he met Carol McDaid. Carol was a lobbyist on Capitol Hill; and she, too, had a heart for recovery work. It was a match made in, well, Twelve Step heaven. They quickly realized they both shared a passion for helping down-and-out alcoholics and addicts. Though Carol notes, “There were plenty of betting folks who said John and I would never make it – period.” But they did. Carol had been used to guests arriving only when invited, so she would be ready for them with clean sheets and towels all laid out. That all changed when she and John married. Many times with no advance notice, someone seeking recovery would be sleeping on their couch or up in the guest room until they got their feet on the ground. 20
After the foundation’s first board meeting, Carol resigned. “I’d rather stay married than try and talk sense into John.” Despite that, from the beginning she’s been a staunch supporter of the foundation and her husband’s work. The Foundation started in a 56-square-foot office rented from the Rubicon Treatment Center. They had no money, a telephone donated by a sponsee and, of course, a coffee pot. John was still painting to make ends meet. People began to come. Within a short amount of time, the McShin Foundation moved to a church basement; first they had to clear it out and clean it up. In 2005, just one year later, John received the prestigious America Honors Recovery Award from the Johnson Institute – one of six individuals recognized. This award honors those who have been affected or afflicted by alcohol and other drug addictions and who have given back to their communities to ensure future generations may know the possibility and power of recovery. In 2013, the McShin program implemented in the Richmond City jail system was featured in the documentary, Anonymous People. Today with an annual working budget of $850,000, the program has taken over the 15,000-square-foot west wing of the Hatcher Memorial Baptist Church in the Lakeside neighborhood of Henrico, Virginia. They have over 2,000 social support groups a year open to the public – about 800 are scheduled Twelve Step meetings – and respond to about 100,000 recovery support calls a year.
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Spring 2015
Using a social model recovery program, they implement Peer Recovery Support Services. They offer interventions and recovery support services at no charge, in addition to 55 treatment beds in Caroline and Henrico Counties. Over half the residents that have come through McShin are still in recovery. For some, clean dates have changed; but they’re still engaged in recovery. David Rook, an intake specialist at the McShin Foundation and a recovered heroin addict who got clean with the McShin Foundation’s peer-to-peer model, said of the group’s support and accountability, “They offered an instant community of people. People do recover. It’s not all drunk driving and shootings. There’s another side of recovery, and we’re it.” Their alternative correction referral program alone saved Caroline County over a million dollars in jail costs in the first three years of operation. It now saves the county in excess of a quarter million dollars a year. Because of the savings to the taxpayers, the county reimbursed them $30,000 last year and The Foundation anticipates a reimbursement of $60,000 this year. This program has an astounding 95 percent success rate. All of this came from one man’s vision and desire to pass along the gift of recovery he had received – a story repeated across the nation about countless other visionaries in recovery. John’s tireless work continues. He travels the country providing recovery coach training using a manual he co-wrote with the McShin Foundation’s executive director, J. Daniel Payne. In recent years he has shared the organization’s model with groups from Alaska all the way to the United Kingdom. Carol McDaid explains their success this way, “Without reservation, we can say our progress must have the hand of God in the mix because, left to our own devices, we could never have progressed to where we are today.” In his own humble way, John adds, “There would be no McShin Foundation without the Foundation co-founder, my wife, Carol. She’s the Mc in McShin and is, by far, the best recovery coach I have ever known. (Yes, I love my recovery coach!) Simply put, there would be no McShin without her.” You may find more information about the McShin Foundation at mcshinfoundation.org. The Recovery Coach Manual is available at no charge from the mcshinfoundation.org/node/175.
What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 85 By Mike Lyding
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ecovery is a gift, received and used – if we choose. It is helpful to reflect on what kind of gift sobriety is. To do this, let’s look at two different gifts, each enjoyable in their own right. Consider the gift of a candle. It smells nice, looks pretty and complements the room. We smile when we receive it. After a while, we display it unlit or put it away for a special occasion. The candle is not enjoyed to its fullest. Now, consider the gift of flowers. The flowers smell good, look pretty and complement the room. Here comes the difference. When we receive flowers, we stop everything we are doing. We find a vase and fill it with water. We unwrap the flowers and arrange them in the vase. Staying in the present moment, we immediately display the gift. The flowers won’t last long; but if we are to enjoy them, we must do so now. Many people treat the gift of recovery like a candle – unlit and tucked away, not fully appreciated. Twelve Steppers who treat the gift of recovery like a gift of flowers enjoy the gift fully in the moment. We are told in recovery that we will receive another gift tomorrow – more flowers – so we can and should enjoy today’s gift to the fullest. Is my recovery a candle or a bouquet of flowers? Mike Lyding was born in 1945 in Phoenix, Arizona. Since becoming sober in December 1993, he has been drawn to prayer and meditation. At age 58 while meditating, he discovered he had a desire to write. So far, the result has been two daily meditation books primarily for the recovering communities, Grateful Not Smug (2006) and Gratitude a Verb (2009).
Book Review
We All Fall Down
The Bookstand
Recovery is the subject of countless books. Below are some titles worth a look. If you are an author and would like us to include your book, contact me. — Editor, editor@inrecoverymagazine.com
By Nic Sheff
Then the roller coaster rumbles upward. Nic grabs hold of some sanity, flushes the drugs, detoxes himself through sleep and admits, “Uh, yeah, things are better.”
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By Lena H.
ic Sheff ’s second memoir comes on the heels of several opiate relapses and stints in rehab. As the book begins, the mid-twentyish author is still on that furious addiction roller coaster. Banished by his parents to yet another rehab facility, this one outside Phoenix, Arizona, he pretends to “talk the talk” and “walk the walk.” But he’s angry that the program won’t allow him to play guitar or write his first contracted book. He resents and lambastes the place and its Twelve Steps and despises most of the counselors. He reminisces how “the rush of crystal meth exploded in me like thousands of cupid’s arrows shot up and down my whole body.” Without drugs, his life is meaningless. He contemplates suicide. Nic still dreams of the poisonous Zelda, a famous Los Angeles beauty twice his age, with whom he fell into a sick relationship and shared raging addictions. He and Zelda were “relapsing – shooting heroin, cocaine, crystal – popping pills till we couldn’t even feel them anymore – smoking crack.” They sold everything, fought violently, turned to theft for drug money and destroyed their health and relationships. Read the grizzly details for yourself. As Nic recounts his story, it’s easy for a reader to become addicted to the fast fall of frenetic words running down the pages: I needed something – something to take it all away. And then I found hard drugs. After that, man, pot seemed like baby aspirin. And I went down. I mean, down, down, down. Sleeping in the devil’s bed. With his graphic descriptions, Nic swept me onto his roller coaster. I take the crazy ride with him, following him down – into a relationship in rehab with this girl Sue Ellen, which gets him kicked out; down even further as he runs away from an even stricter rehab in New Mexico to join Sue Ellen in South Carolina; then into failure at his attempt to be content there with a boring job, off-and-on writing and his faltering relationship. I sit with the author in his anxiety as he waits for something to change his wretched life. I’m with him as he plunges back into addiction to alcohol and pot, and then comes close to suicide via cocaine, Tylenol PM and vodka. 22
Things become better yet when he meets a scroungy, scabby, homeless hound with whom he identifies. He takes her home, cleans her up and shares her with Sue Ellen. They call her Tallulah. Soon he can say, “I feel content. My life is good.” Drinking coffee, smoking pot and cigarettes, Nic finishes his first book. He leaves South Carolina to tour with his father, who’s written his own memoir about living with his son’s addiction. They stay in glitzy hotels and give talks in big cities in the US and Canada; they’re featured on NPR and Oprah. Things are good – though Nic feels guilty espousing sobriety in public while he’s still smoking pot.
With Vigilance: A Woman in Long Term Recovery (Christine Campbell, Smashwords, May 28, 2014, $14.99) A raw and honest story of struggle, abuse, family insanity, life in the music industry fast lane and finally, surrender after numerous consequences and treatment centers. A spiritual – not biological – family was the key to finding and maintaining this addict/alcoholic’s sober life, as well as love of self and others.
May I Be Frank (Frank Ferrante, North Atlantic Books, January 2015, $16.95) At fiftyfour years old, former addict Frank Ferrante’s host of medical issues was rivaled only by his long list of failed relationships. His new memoir recounts his humbling, inspiring and often hilariously told journey from obesity and drug addiction to vibrant health. Frank calls it “a blue-collar, working-class male version of Eat, Pray, Love.”
Trauma and the Twelve Steps: A Complete Guide to Enhancing Recovery (Jamie Marich, Cornersburg Media, July 13, 2012, Amazon, $13.04) A guide for counselors, sponsors and those who help others in recovery. The book endorses the merits of Twelve Step recovery, yet points out some of the drawbacks when working with traumatized clients. Learn some simple accommodations based on the latest traumatic stress knowledge that can enhance the Twelve Step recovery experiences of trauma survivors.
The Addict’s Loop (Rene Eram, CreateSpace, June 7, 2014, Amazon, $11.68) This book is based on the author’s own journey through codependence and addiction, as well as the guidance he has provided others over decades as a trained drug and alcohol abuse counselor. Detailing Eram’s theory on codependence and addiction as it shows the way out through an in-depth counter-conditioning process, the book addresses key questions as it presents a wealth of exercises, tools and solutions.
Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering the Peace Within (Holli Kenley, Loving Healing Press, December 15, 2009, Amazon, $17.92) A self-help book for anyone who has experienced or is experiencing betrayal in any form. Utilizing self-paced assessments and cognitive-behavioral exercises, readers are invited to take part in an interactive healing process tailored specifically for recovery from betrayal injury.
Recovery 2.0 (Tommy Rosen, Hay House, October 21, 2014, Amazon, $13.23) This isn’t your average self-help book or a mock-up of the Twelve Steps. With over 20 years of recovery, noted yoga teacher Tommy Rosen has learned much about what works and what doesn’t work. For many, AA and the Big Book are the invisible hands leading them through the first stages of sobriety. But what comes next? Many still feel a lack of purpose and loss of self. This book will help you want to live a life of sobriety and find meaning in recovery.
Back in South Carolina things aren’t great with Sue Ellen, but Nic feels he owes her. When she receives an artist’s internship in LA, Nic moves with her and Tallulah. In California he has a couple of short, secret flings, one with his old flame Zelda – but until his therapist convinces him he doesn’t have to, Nic sticks with Sue Ellen. Near the book’s end, the roller coaster is at the top. When Sue Ellen goes back east, Nic breaks up with her and stays in LA with a support group, the good therapist and friends. He writes, fixes up an apartment and walks Tallulah. He’s off pot, popping in on Twelve Step meetings for the clean-and-sober camaraderie, and . . . Holding on. Not giving up. Fighting. Fighting for the life I have today. ‘Cause I do . . . I fight for it. Through his book’s free fall of thoughts, young Nic Sheff has cracked open and exposed this monstrous disease for what it is. He’s laid bare the struggles of an up-and-down, ultimately successful campaign for personal recovery. His story delivers great insight into addiction and, in the process, offers grounds for extending compassion to the afflicted.
Pocket Sponsor, 24/7 Back to the Basics, Support for Addiction Recovery (Anonymous, Day By Day, $7.95 also available as an app or ebook) This 31-day recovery meditation book, put together by those who created Day By Day for Hazelden, has a reflection and affirmation for every hour of the day. Compiled from the wisdom of the old-timers and meant for those HALT moments, you don’t want to be without this one. Contact PocketSponsor.com.
We All Fall Down is a fantastic, fast-paced read. It’s a wild ride from beginning to end – one you won’t regret taking. We All Fall Down: Living with Addiction By Nic Sheff Little, Brown; Reprint edition (April 10, 2012) Amazon – Kindle, hardcover, paperback, audio
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Spring 2015
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For more information or sponsorship opportunities, call Kim at 928.533.7032 In Recovery Magazine Spring 2015 or email her at publisher@inrecoverymagazine.com
Spring 2015
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Robin Williams
By Jana Greene
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he news of Robin Williams passing hit me hard last summer. I was checking my texts while walking out of a Twelve Step meeting when my daughter messaged me. “Mom, Robin Williams died!” My tears were immediate.
Only weeks before, I had offhandedly posted on Facebook about his June treatment in rehab. Go, Robin! I think I wrote. Go, Robin – get well! Whether from his addiction or depression, I wanted him to heal. After all, I felt like I knew him. Didn’t you? Didn’t he make you believe in interplanetary rapport as an alien in Mork and Mindy? Didn’t he inspire you as the wartime DJ who brought smiles to soldiers in the midst of misery in Good Morning, Vietnam? Didn’t he make you secretly wish he was your father-slashnanny as Mrs. Doubtfire? Didn’t you just swoon at his prose-loving, word-weaving portrayal of John Keating in Dead Poet’s Society? (Okay, maybe that was just me.) Even as he made flawless comedy, there was a distinct sadness behind his laughing eyes – a palpable melancholy. Flowing from the same mind as such beautiful and authentic art, there lay the dormant specter of depression. Several news sources stated that his last stay in a rehabilitation facility “came too late for him.” Every time I read that sentiment, it broke my heart anew. I am not sure I believe that. It is never too late for hope to take hold, and I wish Mr. Williams had been in a state of mind to realize that. Didn’t he know that things always, always get better? It is a law of nature – things get bad. And then they get better. But his spirit just ran out of patience waiting for the better to arrive. He was, by all accounts, a good person. Unfortunately, being a good person has precious little to do with suffering depression and addiction. If anything, sufferers of both struggle mightily since they are generally sensitive to those around them, attuned to sadness and anger and joy – all
Painting by Kevin Goff 26
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Spring 2015
of the empathetic humours. Addicts and alcoholics often self-medicate with booze and/or drugs in a futile attempt to stop feeling hopeless. Of course, more hopelessness ensues as the addiction surges like a dragon, breathing more fire on the already-scorched earth of one’s spirit. I’ve never attempted to take my own life, but I have battled depression a few times – deeply enough to consider death by my own hand. At one point, I remember thinking – very nonchalantly – that I just didn’t want to exist anymore . . . that I would honestly be doing my family a favor if I just ceased to exist. The most terrifying thing about these thoughts was the aplomb with which such thoughts present themselves. I was all cried out, all screamed out, all worn out . . . and really tired of being disappointed. I could not imagine ever being in a non-exhausted state and living with an ability to get up in the morning and dress myself without resentment for having to do so. It is a dark, lonely place. I hated living in this flawed body, with chronic pain – both physically and emotionally. The flat, casual tone of my suicidal thoughts alarmed me enough to seek help. I cannot tell you what would/should/could have worked for Robin Williams. Or for you. I can only tell you what works for me. (Notice I didn’t say “worked.” Mental illness is often not a “one-trick pony” – depression can and does recur.) When the demon of severe depression rears its fiery head, I employ the same Twelve Steps that saved my life when I got sober . . . particularly those steps that focus on faith, surrender, soul-searching, acceptance and a willingness to get well – that willingness to press on for one more day. Even though things seem pretty crappy in the moment.
Take one single day at a time, because the law of nature is that things do get better. You just have to ride out one more day and rely on the God who tells you He loves you even in those times – especially in those times. No matter who you are, He has a plan for your life that would just blow you away if you knew about it ahead of time. You know the old platitude, “Don’t give up before the miracle happens”? There is truth in it.
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Don’t give up before your miracle arrives, and take one single day at a time. Hopelessness is an illusion. There is always hope. The world needs me, and it needs you. It needs your message and your energy – that fingerprint of your love influences the lives of those who love you and the world around you. God knows we could have used more of Robin Williams on this earth. Rest in peace, Mr. Williams. I feel I knew you. Rest in peace, knowing you brought joy to millions of people . . . knowing you endeared yourself to countless people in your 63 swashbuckling years on earth. The world needed more of you. Even so, rest now. God be with you and give you Shalom everlasting. Go, Robin – and be well. Jana Greene is a Jesus freak, wife, mother, recovering alcoholic, author and blogger at thebeggarsbakery.com. In 2001, she surrendered her will to Jesus and is still surrendering on a daily basis. She writes to let others know where to find the Bread of Life. She lives with her husband, daughters and kitty cats in North Carolina. To see the Twelve Steps and their Biblical comparisons, go to celebraterecoverygabc.com/12-Steps.html.
Restoring Men’s Lives Since 1988 Our commitment is providing a nurturing and therapeutic environment to our clients compounded with clinical care and services that serve to build a foundation for long-term recovery. This commitment comes with a firm foundation of belief in recovery of the mind, spirit, and body.
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The F&V board members sought ways to improve the organization and to attract younger advocates to this essential work. To this end, we decided to explore a merger with Young People in Recovery (YPR), the one-year-old national movement with the mission of “[changing] the world so all young people in or seeking recovery are given the opportunity to become empowered.” The merger was a natural fit. YPR staff members are now available to assist with the workload currently handled by our talented and committed board (most of whom juggle full-time jobs) and a single staff person. A youthful presence in the recovery movement is an absolute necessity and blessing. The explosion of overdose deaths among young people across America has finally gotten our country’s attention. This epidemic has been attributed to the rise in prescription drug misuse, as well as a related shift to heroin – tighter laws governing prescriptions caused prices in the illicit opiate pill underground market to skyrocket. By Richard Buckman
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s a person in long-term recovery, I have witnessed firsthand the rise of the modern recovery community advocacy movement. There has been no bigger contributor to the growth of this grassroots movement than Faces & Voices of Recovery (F&V), a nationwide recovery community organization (RCO) based in Washington DC. In January 2000 on Long Island, New York, 50 or so advocates – people in recovery, friends and family members – gathered to initiate a recovery advocacy movement that would give a voice and a visible presence to our nameless and voiceless constituency. In the past, this community has been overlooked and discounted by policymakers and others in positions of power. Our goal was to level the playing field for those we represent. Since emerging on the scene in 2001, Face & Voices of Recovery has steadily grown into the best known and most widely respected RCO in the world. Our celebration of the many pathways to recovery has opened doors and removed barriers, and has welcomed many who were in recovery previously cast aside by traditional recovery purists. After helping to launch the Long Island Recovery Advocates (2000) and Friends of Recovery New York (2008), I decided to join the board of Faces & Voices of Recovery in the spring of 2013. I had been called to this work about 15 years before by my personal belief that discrimination, if not civil rights violations, were preventing thousands of people from accessing resources and finding a path to recovery from addiction. Charged with organizing and mobilizing individuals in recovery from addiction, their families, friends and allies, F&V has expanded efforts to reach those seeking or in need of recovery, along with the voices of families who have lost a loved one to addiction. Addiction is a top public health crisis. 30
The program had a tumultuous year in 2014. Pat Taylor, Executive Director, left F&V in February. Tom Hill, Director of Programs, followed suit a couple of months later. Both Pat and Tom were institutions in their own right. They were tremendous leaders and advocates who helped put F&V on the map with their irreplaceable individual and collective contributions. We are deeply indebted to these two recovery giants. With the departures of Pat and Tom, a cloud of uncertainty emerged around the future of F&V, including questions about the continued existence of the organization. In late June 2014, the board convened for its annual retreat in Washington DC. The future of the organization was front and center in our discussions. Though the board immediately circled the wagons, we could have done a better job communicating with our friends and supporters during this transitional period. On behalf of the organization, I acknowledge that oversight and take responsibility for the extended silence. Our board retreat has become a tradition tacked on to the annual America Honors Recovery (AHR) Banquet, which is hosted by and an important fundraiser for F&V. In 2013, we honored some prominent recovery leaders, including former NBA player Chris Herren and highly respected researcher Tom McLellan. At the AHR gala, other board members and I were urged by many people to ensure F&V’s survival – the organization is too important, and its work and legacy must endure. To quote Tom McLellan in his acceptance speech, “Faces & Voices is the most important organization in our field.” While the departures of Pat and Tom set the organization back, we have rallied the troops in an all-out effort to move forward. We found consensus around developing an environment of collaboration with like-minded organizations.
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As a person in long-term recovery, I have witnessed firsthand the rise of the modern recovery community advocacy movement. We envisioned a natural mentorship process. Recovery advocates and leaders with decades of long-term recovery and executive leadership experience would work alongside the YPR team, who command direct access and insight into the world of our nation’s young people. We want to establish a pipeline for future leadership by sharing skills, contacts and experiences with our young leaders, who bring eagerness, dedication and technological skills, along with connection to an identified community sorely in need of outreach and positive role models. It is a natural relationship with a built-in mechanism for leadership succession, remembering that today’s young people in recovery will someday no longer be young. The contributions of several people have helped F&V stay the course and navigate the choppy waters of these transitional months. Jerry Gillen, Director of Operations and lone remaining staff member from the Pat Taylor era, as well as many of our board members stepped up to help meet organizational responsibilities, deliver work products, respond to requests for technical assistance and generate sorely needed revenue. Current YPR staff members, most notably Ann Herbst, have played a pivotal role in keeping F&V moving forward. We are indebted to our young friends for their assistance and willingness to help. Thanks also to our friend Greg Williams, creator of The Anonymous People film and a staunch F&V supporter, for his significant fundraising efforts. Greg recruited supporters and helped make the 2014 America Honors Recovery event a success. The Anonymous People movie continues to inspire a new wave of advocates from coastto-coast. Spring 2015
In November 2014, F&V hosted the fourth annual Executive Directors Leadership Academy (EDLA) in Denver, Colorado. More than 65 advocates and leaders from our Association of Recovery Community Organizations, representing 25 states and the District of Columbia attended. There were training sessions, technical assistance and educational workshops to equip them for the changing landscape in recovery support services. As merger talks continued into December, both YPR and F&V staff agreed that additional collaborations with our friends and related organizations must begin, so that wherever possible we can streamline our efforts and messages to encompass like-minded forces. To help stabilize Faces & Voices and further bolster the merger possibilities, our board unanimously voted to hire Patty McCarthy Metcalf, a current F&V board member, after an exhaustive search for a new Executive Director. Patty is a well-known and widely respected advocate and recovery community leader. The goal of a unified presence and voice remains within our grasp. It will raise our profile to attract dedicated resources and enable future growth. We are excited about our future prospects, including some major announcements related to National Recovery Month in September 2015. We are part of the recovery revolution as we continue to build the recovery infrastructure across America and align with existing advocates. As a powerful addition to our cause, we welcome the many families who have lost a loved one to addiction. They are a force to be reckoned with. I am humbled by the selflessness, courage and dedication they embody. As they harness unimaginable grief into advocacy on behalf of other families with similar losses, they give a great gift to others impacted by addiction. Their efforts are a tremendous tribute to their departed loved ones. We continue our dedication “to organizing and mobilizing the over 20 million Americans in recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs, our families, friends and allies into recovery community organizations and networks, to promote the right and resources to recover through advocacy, education and demonstrating the power and proof of long-term recovery.” I hope you will join us!
Richard Buckman is the Director of the Labor Education and Community Services Agency’s Employee Assistance Program in Hauppauge, New York. He is a founding member (2000) and current President of the Long Island Recovery Association. He is the Founding President (2008) and current board member of Friends of Recovery New York, and the current Chairman of the Board for Faces & Voices of Recovery. For more information about F&V, go to their website at facesandvoicesofrecovery.org.
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From Peer to Peer
attention away from whatever is going on around me by getting in my face, licking me or lying on top of me. It makes such a difference. Another thing I’ve heard some guys say is that they feel uncomfortable when their backs are turned – the paranoia thing. Trainers teach the dogs to face the opposite direction from their owners – to watch their backs. The dog will let the veteran know if there is something going on behind them, so the vet can turn around and check it out. Overall, it’s just a comforting feeling to know you have a companion with you.
By Bill W.
You have already shared that you’ve tried to kill yourself several times. How have other veterans helped you deal with those impulses when you get them? I’ve talked to Drew Dix a couple of times. He was a Green Beret during the Vietnam War and is a Medal of Honor recipient. He told me something that really struck a chord about PTSD and suicide. He said, “Think about suicide like this. You weren’t going to let the enemy kill you when you were overseas and fighting them; then why the hell would you let them kill you now?”
Bill W. brings his life experience to print in a series of articles dealing with the many aspects of recovery. In a sequence of personal reflections, interviews and round table discussions, he shares with the reader, peer-to-peer, his effective and helpful insights into the world of addiction and mental illness recovery.
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n the Winter 2014 issue of IRM, I interviewed Rob Ziarnick about his experience with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Rob was in the 3rd Battalion, 1st Marines from 2002 to 2005, just “doing his job.” He started in the infantry as a regular grunt, but quickly rose to the rank of corporal by going to sniper school, where he graduated high shooter in his class. During Operation Iraqi Freedom One, he served two tours and developed PTSD. I am pleased to pick up our discussion where we left off. Rob, as you know, problems within the Department of Veterans Affairs have been a big issue. What has your experience been with the VA? Overall, my experience with the VA has not been great. They can be a hassle to deal with. Sometimes they’re really on the ball, and they get stuff done. At other times, they don’t seem to know which way they’re going. They’re pretty good about the mental health stuff though, but I think they have been slipping on the physical health side. It really depends on who you are working with. I’ve had good experiences, too. Sometimes they’ve gotten me in for an appointment quickly, and the doctor was on the ball. Do you have any suggestions for other veterans working with the VA? 32
I guess figuring it all out is the trick. They don’t do a good job of explaining what tools are available to us. It’s not as though there is anybody within the VA who can sit you down and help you get it done. It is very difficult to get your benefits. If you do the paperwork yourself, you’re going to get turned down – you really just can’t do it on your own. You have to find someone from another organization to help you, like the American Legion or the Disabled American Veterans (DAV). Otherwise, it typically won’t get pushed through. Of all the tools you use to live with your PTSD, which is the most helpful? I think my most helpful tool is just talking about my situation. I’m not afraid to tell people what is going on. It helps to talk. It helps to reveal the demons you’re hiding without worrying that people are going to judge you. You’ve got to tell someone what you’re going through, even if it’s just your friends or your family. Somebody has to know. If you don’t, it just stays in there, festers and eats at you. It’s like an acid that slowly corrodes away a little part of you each day. What do you think about the use of PTSD service dogs? Service dogs are great. Mine can sense if I am anxious or irritable. If I’m not having a good time, she will take my
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Spring 2015
There comes a Point in time when making a Decision for recovery outweighs the decision to stay in the pain and suffering of an addiction and the co-occuring issues that may come with it. We are here for you and your family to help move you Forward and in the Right direction.
How has your understanding of PTSD evolved over the years? During my early treatment in the Marines at a place called Warzone Reactions, I was in group therapy with other veterans. I couldn’t relate with anybody there. They were all a bunch of truck drivers and the like. I’m thinking, How the f– –k does this guy have PTSD? He just drove a truck. I was killing people. I was the only one there who had any kind of specialized combat training at a completely different level. I had a difficult time relating with those guys because our experiences were so different. I didn’t understand PTSD then. I now know I can relate to anyone with PTSD, whether it is from a car accident, sexual abuse or whatever. The symptoms are the same and what you’re going through is the same. It doesn’t matter what caused it. Maybe the combat stuff is different, but I now have some empathy and understanding that it’s not just combat veterans who go through this. A lot of people have it. Rob, I want to thank you for your service to the US and for taking the time to share your story with me and our readers. You’re welcome.
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By Joe C.
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id Alcoholics Anonymous’ (AA) new pamphlet, Many Paths to Spirituality, usher in a time for unbelievers to be unabashed? AA isn’t in denial about atheists. The Vicious Cycle, a biography of AA pioneer Jim B. of Washington DC, doesn’t include conversion to believing in a prayer-answering, sobriety-granting deity as part of his happy, joyous and free recovery. Jim outlived both co-founders and did as much to help AA grow as any pre-Big Book member. The Jim B.s are given equal status in AA pamphlets for professionals, the clergy and newcomers. The AA flyer A Newcomer Asks poses the question, “There is a lot of talk about God, though, isn’t there?” The conference-approved answer is: The majority of AA members believe that we have found the solution to our drinking problem not through individual willpower, but through a power greater than ourselves. However, everyone defines this power as he or she wishes. Many people call it God, others think it is the AA group, still others don’t believe in it at all. There is room in AA for people of all shades of belief and nonbelief.
A new pamphlet, Many Paths to Spirituality, approved at the 2014 General Service Conference, made its way onto home-group library tables last fall. The pamphlet never tries to reach a consensus on what spiritual means.
A new pamphlet, Many Paths to Spirituality, approved at the 2014 General Service Conference, made its way onto homegroup library tables last fall. The pamphlet never tries to reach a consensus on what spirituality means. In Many Paths, religious members and nonbelievers describe spirituality in their lives. In the July 1965 Grapevine, Bill W. emphasizes: . . . individual liberty to practice any creed or principle or therapy whatever should be a first consideration for us all. Let us not, therefore, pressure anyone with our individual or even our collective views . . . Let us always try to be inclusive rather than exclusive.
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diversity, it does not satisfy this unmet need of stories by and for nonbelievers. An anonymously authored internet report, History – Proposals to Create a Pamphlet for the Non-Believer/ Agnostic/Atheist Alcoholic, by a member of the AA Area 17 (Hawaii) chronicles the history of the pamphlet proposals. GSO considered or recommended such a pamphlet in 1976, 1981, 1988, 1995, 1997 and 2001. According to this report, the 1976 committee concluded that: This pamphlet is vitally needed to carry the message to both newcomers and old timers. More material is needed to assure non-believers that they are not deviants, but full, participating members in AA, this pamphlet will help the God-believer in AA understand his/her own spiritual values better and tolerate and understand newcomers. It would emphasize that our founders never considered an alcoholic’s spiritual beliefs to be relevant to the achievement of healthy and happy sobriety.
Curious about this compelling case, I have been invited by GSO to review the GSO archival notes to verify this history. What is factual is that the sentiment allegedly expressed in 1976 is alive and well in 2015.
Joe C. is a radio host and writer of financial, music and recovery lifestyle feature articles. Sober since 1976, Joe wrote the first daily reflection book for nonbelievers, freethinkers and everyone else – Beyond Belief: Agnostic Musings for 12 Step Life distributed by Rebellion Dogs Publishing. Joe was among 300 who attended the We Agnostics & Freethinkers International A.A. Conference in Santa Monica, California in November, 2014. The next such conference will be in Austin, Texas, in 2016.
While Bill Wilson wrote in AA’s Big Book fourth edition, page 53, “God either is, or He isn’t. What was our choice to be?”; Dr. Bob infamously closed his story on page 181 with, “If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you.” I would not put words in a dead co-founder’s mouth; but today, possibly Bill W. or the good doctor would not speak in such binary language. Today, if one is relying on this 1939 authority to persuade another member, this could be seen as bigoted, condescending or unwelcoming. While overcoming close-mindedness is essential to recovery, believing “there is one who has all power,” is not a requirement for membership. AA promulgates unity – not uniformity. Most unbelievers don’t consider their worldview to be an intellectual holdout. For me, belief is more like a favorite color than a right or wrong answer on a game show. I don’t defend my favorite color nor do I care what someone else’s preference is. Purple would be a rare favorite, but hardly unhealthy or stubborn. Today’s humanists, atheists and secularists want to see their stories told unabashedly. While Many Paths to Spirituality is a great look at AA
Some AA unbelievers are frustrated with this pamphlet and others are outraged, feeling “We Agnostics” (referring to a chapter in AA’s Big Book) have been thrown under the bus. Why the disappointment? The talk around the coffee urn is that a 2010 advisory action directed the AA Literature Committee to share atheistic and agnostic stories about success in AA. Reverend Ward Ewing, General Service Board Chair at the time, travelled to regional forums in celebration of the 2010 initiative. The AA General Service Office (GSO) invited members to write their stories, and hundreds were submitted. Women, LGBTQs, visible minorities, young and old members – all had their stories told in their own language. That’s what nonbelievers want, too. It was thought Many Paths to Spirituality, like pamphlets for other minorities, would be the stories of atheists and agnostics told in their own words – not someone speaking on their behalf. Like drug talk in meetings, rewriting the Big Book or other controversies, GSO received letters for and against having atheists and agnostics recognized as rights-bearing equals in AA. In the final version of Many Paths to Spirituality, the voice of the unbeliever was relegated to just a few 34
one-liners. The one-liners aren’t stories; stories have a beginning, middle and end. We agnostics in today’s AA identify as skeptics, Pantheists, apatheists, Buddhists, humanists, secularists, realists, freethinkers, doubters and anti-theists. While most of us disagree with the Big Book tenet, “God could and would if He were sought,” what we do believe is as diverse as the differences among religious folks. Google “the83problems” and you will find definitions of distinct worldviews that don’t identify with “God as we understand Him.” The AA gateway is a wider and more colorful tapestry than could have been imagined in the basements of New York and Akron in the late 1930s. More has been revealed. Demographics shift. The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life released a report called “‘Nones’ on the Rise” (pewforum.org/2012/10/09/nones-on-the-rise/) which shows fewer people are convinced there is a God than five years ago. Among youth – AA’s future newcomers – one third of American respondents don’t believe in an intervening Higher Power. Attitudes outside the rooms are changing. Some hope that GSO can better reflect today’s AA than our decades-old literature has done.
Spring 2015
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He spent the weekend skirting the edges of the arena fence. Now, as we entered the arena, the black pony turned to face us. He looked intently at us with head raised, ears pricked forward. Based on its success, Jenkins now offers EMDR International Association-approved workshops and a best practice training to share this innovative protocol with other therapists. In order to receive a certification in EquiLateral™, practitioners must have EMDR basic training and be a master’s level, independently licensed counselor or social worker, psychologist or psychiatrist. There are currently only about 20 certified facilitators in the United States. This cutting-edge therapy is typically facilitated by a psychotherapist who focuses on the client and an Equine Specialist who provides feedback about the horse and its behavior. In both group and individual EAP, horses teach individuals about themselves – define healthy relationships and identify dysfunctional patterns of thinking and behaving. This experiential therapy provides a safe environment in which inner healing is nurtured and optimal growth is encouraged.
By Andrea Abad
H
e spent the weekend skirting the edges of the arena fence. Now, as we entered the arena, the black pony turned to face us. He looked intently at us with head raised, ears pricked forward. He took a few steps forward as if to say, “Me, me, pick me!” I did. I moved toward the black pony. In that instant, he nonchalantly turned his rear to me. I thought, Oh my God, that’s her. That’s my daughter disconnecting from me. So began my personal experience with Equine-Assisted Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EA-EMDR). And yes, you will hear the end of this story . . . all in good time. Developed in 1987 by Dr. Francine Shapiro, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidencedbased treatment for trauma. It is recognized as a recommended treatment for trauma by numerous organizations worldwide, including the American Psychiatric Association (APA), Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), the Department of Defense and the Department of Veterans Affairs. EMDR theory is based on the Adaptive Information Processing Model – what one saw, felt, heard, smelled, tasted or believed about oneself, others or the world is “stuck” unprocessed in the nervous system in the precise way it was experienced. These unprocessed past experiences are triggered in the present as a collection of dysfunctional behaviors, thinking patterns and beliefs. Symptoms can manifest in the form of flashbacks, anxiety, depression, anger, fear, hypervigilance or body sensations. In a three-pronged approach, EMDR processes past traumatic material, present triggers and anticipated future challenges. Utilizing bilateral stimulation through eye-movements or alternately tapping both sides of the body, the brain naturally rewires itself and processes the traumatic material it was unable to handle at the time of the event. As a result, the power and intensity of the event is minimized, as if “unplugged” – there is no longer an attached emotional charge. Sarah Jenkins, MC, LPC, is the equine-assisted therapist who created EquiLateral™. Through her experience in both EMDR and Equine-Assisted Psychotherapy (EAP), Sarah created the first EMDR protocol for integrating the two therapies. Utilizing this protocol, psychotherapists with certification in EquiLateral™ maintain integrity with the eight-phased EMDR therapy model as they integrate it with EAP. 36
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EAP assists individuals in learning problem-solving skills, healthy risk-taking, communication and social skills. For the client, it promotes personal exploration and recognition of feelings, as well as providing solid clinical information for the therapist. Horses are expert at confronting behaviors and attitudes because of their innate ability to observe and respond to nonverbal communication. The horse often becomes the object of a participant’s projected and unconscious fears or anxieties, which provides an opportunity to explore emotions in a controlled environment. Participants walk away with new methods of managing frustration, challenges and fears. Other benefits often include: relationship-building skills; limit-setting and consequences; processing of grief and loss; the positive experience of pleasure, affection and appropriate touch; play and laughter; and anxiety reduction. The fact that EAP is facilitated outdoors adds enormously to the experience. Time spent in nature enhances one’s sense of well-being and increases the feeling of connection between an individual and the world. So . . . back to my story. There I was in that arena in Oregon, completing the practicum part of EquiLateral™ training. It was my good fortune to be the client in the practice of Phase IV Desensitization, but I had agonized over just how vulnerable I was willing to be during the session. With Sarah Jenkins as the therapist, I was much more comfortable taking the risk to apply this work to something significant. I decided to confront the day 19 years ago when my then 15-yearold daughter went to live with her father because of my drinking. This event was the foundation of a wall that went up between my daughter and me. It had left me feeling like the worst mother in the world. As the session progressed, that black pony began to turn toward me a few steps at a time. By the time the processing was complete, he was almost facing me again. I felt light, as if a weight had been lifted from my soul. The image I had focused on at the beginning of the session had simply no negative emotional charge anymore. About two weeks after I completed the practicum, I spent five amazing days with my daughter. I was finally free of the shame, tight chest and stream of negative self-talk that typically characterized our visits. It was as if that traumatic event had happened to someone else. I am so grateful to have had this catharsis and to now be able to share my experience with my clients. As I have worked with my clients, I have seen the power and successes of EA-EMDR; but personally experiencing the magic was a horse of a different color. EA-EMDR is available in Northern Arizona from Andrea Abad, LPC of Equi-nections, PLLC and Bonnie Ebsen Jackson, ES, CC-CTA at T.H.E. Ranch in Skull Valley, Arizona. Send inquiries to equi.nections@gmail.com. Sarah Jenkins may be contacted at dragonflyinternational.com for information about therapy. For more information about EquiLateral™ certification visit eaemdr.com.
Spring 2015
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By Elizabeth Davies
H
ave you ever sacrificed your time, energy or even your sleep for something that was really important to you? Would you consider sacrificing an unhealthy habit or substance in exchange for something more important to you? Rituals are integral to the human psyche and are usually quite important to the participant. There are rituals for weddings, funerals, anniversaries, birthdays, religious practices, significant dates and experiences. The ritual of sacrifice dates back more than 20,000 years. People from cultures all over the world have sacrificed animals, plants and even humans to the object of their worship or religious veneration to honor or appease a deity and to sanctify their offerings. Many years ago, I sacrificed my addiction for something more important to me – being a better me. I drove many miles from home to a deserted area. Once there, I made a stone altar, put marijuana on the altar and burned it. As the smoke rose, I exclaimed, “God, I sacrifice my addiction to you. Release it from my life. Things that seem impossible for me are not impossible for you.” After that ceremony, I walked away from the altar to a life free from marijuana dependency.
I recently had attendees at my addiction workshop participate in a Sacrifice Your Addiction ritual. They were invited to either bring whatever they were dependent upon or something representing their habit or addiction that caused negative consequences. I suggested they create and recite their own intention, affirmation or prayer as they sacrificed their habit or substance. I also gave them the option of using one of the sample prayers in my workbook, Good Things Emotional Healing Journal: Addiction. In the courtyard outside my office, I set up a portable fire pit and rocks for an altar. Attendees chose to burn their addiction or place it on the altar. As we gathered around the altar and the fire, I explained how a sacrificial ritual symbolized releasing the power you gave your addiction or dependency in your life. As I stepped back from the fire, Peter, one of the participants, came forward first. Peter, 35 years old, had been sober from alcohol for two years. He had also smoked cigarettes since the age of 14. His doctor had recently found a spot on Peter’s lung and warned him to stop smoking. Despite using a nicotine patch, he continued to relapse with cigarettes. Peter threw half a pack of cigarettes into the fire as he prayed, “Dear God, today I ask you to take my cigarette 38
Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals mentioned in this article. In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
addiction from me. I sacrifice these cigarettes to you and release them from my life. Things that seem impossible for me are not impossible for you.” Charlotte went next. Charlotte was an 18-year-old who had struggled with binge eating and bouts of bulimia since age 13. She also experimented with marijuana. After a bad experience with alcohol, she quit drinking over a year ago. Charlotte placed a significant amount of candy on the altar and read the following prayer, “Today, I leave my candy on the altar to symbolize leaving my food addiction behind me to take steps toward a life free of unhealthy dependency. I thank you in advance for taking this addiction from me. Amen. It is done.” She stepped away from the altar as Kevin stepped forward. When Kevin was 17 years old, he was beaten by several young men and taken to a hospital with a severe eye injury. When he was released from the hospital, his doctor wrote a prescription for Percocet. Shortly thereafter, Kevin became addicted. In an attempt to get off the Percocet, he tried Suboxone which worked temporarily; but then he began using heroin. Kevin now visits a methadone clinic every day. As Kevin threw a Percocet into the fire, he said, “Today, I sacrifice Percocet and move forward to a life free from addiction.” He stood there for a minute or two, then stepped away from the fire. Lacy went next. Eighteen months ago, Lacy had been involved in a threemonth relationship with Marco before he was deployed overseas with the military. She had fallen in love and had become obsessed with Marco. She wrote letters and texted him, but he did not respond. When he returned on leave, she was hopeful they would reconnect; but he did not visit her. This caused her many tears and blocked her from moving forward with other relationships. Lacy stood in front of the altar with a piece of paper with Marco’s name written on it, started to cry and said, “I thought I was ready to let go of him, but I’m not. I’m afraid to let go.” Slowly she stepped away from the altar. We went back inside to contemplate and share our experiences with the ritual. Kevin felt it would have been better if he had sacrificed his needle, too. Peter experienced a strong release and felt he was not only going to give up cigarettes, but the patch as well. Charlotte appreciated that she had been in a “circle of non-judgment.” She openly shared her past struggles with bulimia and unhealthy food choices. Lacy was tearful and did not share. I assured her we often think we are ready to release and let go of something, but then realize we are not. The week after the ritual, the group returned to report on their progress. Peter had not smoked or used the patch in four days. Charlotte had not practiced bulimia and was making better food choices. Kevin reported that a longtime friend in recovery had overdosed on heroin. He went Spring 2015
on to say that he himself had relapsed, but had been clean for the past two days. Unfortunately, Lacy did not show up. Fears may arise when you consider giving up your habit. Concerns arise such as “How will I cope with difficulties?”, “How will I distract myself when I feel overwhelmed?” or “What will I do when I get a craving?” It is important to find answers to all your questions about addiction-free living. Answers can be found through many means, including: • Reading self-help, spiritual and recovery books. • Interviewing others who have overcome their addictions. • Working with a good counselor and sponsor. • Building a support system of people who encourage your progress and never shame you for setbacks. • Asking questions in prayer and listening for answers in the stillness of meditation. • Journaling thoughts and feelings to deepen selfdiscovery. • Attending support group meetings with others who have the same recovery goal. If you relapse, you can repeat the sacrificial ritual of your addiction to reinforce the process of letting go. Recovery is about progress, not perfection. When you successfully sacrifice or give up something significant, it is important you reward yourself for that accomplishment. This can help you maintain your motivation. Above all, be gentle with yourself. As you journey through recovery, remind yourself that you have recovery tools to help you with all that life presents. Elisabeth Davies is a counselor with over 24 years experience helping people manage addiction, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, trauma, abuse and relationship problems. Her book, Good Things Emotional Healing Journal: Addiction, was published in 2011. Davies is a writer for Arizona Health & Living Magazine and Together AZ. She has been writing self-help articles since 2010. Davies may be reached at 602.867.6988 or Elisabeth@GoodThingsEmotionalHealing.com or her website at GoodThingsEmotionalHealing.com.
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Kay’s Kitchen:
was a home filled with lots of love and fur.
Dogs, Service, Sobriety and Love
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
By Kay Luckett
S
adie was chronically ill and perpetually drunk. The stray 20-something-yearold woman was troubled and heading nowhere fast. She had suddenly quit her job in Utah without notice, bailed on her lease and headed toward South Dakota’s Wind Cave National Park in search of her parents. Finally living out their hippie dream, her parents were camping and randomly traveling west into the sunset to a yet unknown destination. Sadie was able to find them and moved into their campsite. But soon, she was overcome by the same allergies that had made her so sick while growing up in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. She could barely breathe. The family broke camp and headed to the Southwest with the hope that Sadie’s allergies might subside. As the family was rambling through Arizona, they stopped to let their dog out at the Courthouse Square in Prescott, Arizona. They were so enamored with the town, they decided to rent a cabin and stay for the summer. Through that summer and into the fall, Sadie tried numerous times to quit drinking, but without success. A year later, Sadie’s parents decided to move on. Sadie was unable to continue the journey; so she stayed in Prescott, bottomed out on alcohol and pills. She knew she was powerless over her addictions, and her life had become completely unmanageable. Despite relapsing three more times, Sadie eventually got sober in a Twelve Step program on January 23, 2011. She began living a solid, sober way of life; she found a sponsor, worked the Steps and began service work. Her priorities became the young people’s recovery community and the Arizona State Conference of Young People in Alcoholics Anonymous.
a Utah wilderness treatment program. He then was sent to a sober living home in Prescott, Arizona. He stayed a month, whereupon he proclaimed himself cured – he was sure he was not an addict or alcoholic afterall. Taylor’s journey into addiction continued. He eventually ended up in his hometown of Tallahassee, Florida. He was homeless – he had burned all his bridges and had exhausted all his resources. His parents would not let him move home, so he made a home in an abandoned truck in downtown Tallahassee. In a moment of clarity one night, Taylor decided enough was enough. He called his counselor at the sober living home in Prescott, who welcomed his return. The most unique resident at the home was Rose, a golden retriever who became Taylor’s buddy. There were many days when Rose was his motivation to continue his life of sobriety. Unknowingly, Taylor’s life was paralleling Sadie’s. He gradually became involved with the young people’s sober community in Prescott. Once again, this community saved a life. In this small town in the mountains of Northern Arizona, Taylor learned how to love and to be of service. Like Sadie, he found a sponsor, worked the Steps and honored his service commitments. He became a house manager for a recovery home for young men. At the 2011 Rocky Point Roundup in Mexico, Sadie and Taylor met. It soon became apparent that they had much in common: a love for dogs, nature, sobriety and service. It didn’t take much for their romance to blossom.
After a time, Sadie became a full-time house manager at a local recovery home. While working there, she fell in love with and adopted Billie, a little mixed-breed puppy.
On their third date, they made a commitment to each other as they shared their goals and dreams. Taylor told Sadie about his passion for dogs, including his loving experience with Rose, the recovery house retriever. In that moment, the idea for Rose’s Ranch was born.
***** By the age of 20, Taylor was alone and addicted to drugs. Desperate, he finally entered and successfully completed
Eventually, the lovebirds moved into a house in the beautiful pine forests surrounding Prescott and soon found themselves parents to three dogs: Billie, Mama and Charlie. It
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One day at her hotel job, Sadie received a call telling her to wait for her boss in the lobby. She had a terrible feeling she was going to be fired. As she nervously sat in the lobby with her back to the door, she heard some commotion and turned – there was Taylor on both knees with an engagement ring in his hand. He popped the question as her boss, co-workers and guests witnessed his romantic proposal.
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
Sadie and Taylor
They married in an outdoor ceremony at the Groom Creek Schoolhouse in June 2014. Both Sadie’s and Taylor’s parents and many sober friends watched the couple walk down the aisle accompanied by all their dogs. They immediately began to make their dream of Rose’s Ranch a reality. The Ranch was to be a warm, safe, inviting home for recovering alcoholics and addicts. Clients could experience healing and refuge as they learned how to live a purposeful, sober life. The property would be amply fenced with space for ten foster dogs to run and play. Clean, warm kennels would provide cozy homes for each dog. It would be a place where both residents and dogs could help and encourage each other in their new lives. All the finances, business logistics and legal issues are in place, and a board of directors has been assembled. With only one task left to complete, Sadie and Taylor are searching for the perfect piece of property; their dream is about to come true. They hope for a grand opening this year. We celebrate so many things with this beautiful young couple: dogs, service, sobriety and love. In my opinion, the best way to do this is over a good meal. I invite you to try this Beefy Bolognese over Penne Pasta adapted from a Cooking Light recipe.
Bolognese over Penne Pasta (Adapted from a Cooking Light recipe)
3 uncooked bacon slices, cut into bite-sized pieces 12 oz. lean ground beef 1 cup onion, finely chopped 1 cup carrot, finely chopped 1 cup celery, finely chopped 2 garlic cloves, minced ⅓ 6 oz. can tomato paste ½ cup unsalted chicken broth ⅓ cup unsweetened apple juice mixed with 2 tbsp. red vinegar (This alcohol substitute works well!) 14 oz. can diced tomatoes, undrained Salt and pepper 12 oz. uncooked penne pasta 1. Over medium-high heat, place bacon in a heavy pot or Dutch oven; sauté 5 minutes or until bacon begins to crisp. Add ground beef to pan; cook 6 minutes or until partly browned, stirring to crumble. 2. Remove mixture from pan. Add onion, carrot, celery and garlic to pan; sauté 4 minutes. Add tomato paste and sauté 1 minute. Add juice mixture; bring to a boil. Cook 1 minute, scraping pan to loosen browned bits. Return beef mixture to pan; stir in tomatoes, pepper and salt. 3. Cover; reduce heat to low and cook 1 hour, stirring 3 times to prevent sticking. (I prefer putting the mixture into a slow cooker and cooking it on low for 6 hours.) 4. Cook pasta according to package directions. Top with Bolognese sauce. Enjoy!
Kay Luckett has been in recovery since 1997. She formerly owned Memorable Occasions, a catering company in Los Angeles, where she produced and catered events for over 20 years. Her biggest thrill was catering for Julia Child. She is currently working in the recovery field and is a student at Yavapai College majoring in counseling. She may be reached at kayskitchen@inrecoverymagazine.com.
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2014 IRM Gratitude Gala: Glitz, Giggles, Gratitude and Giving By Kim Welsh
I
n Recovery Magazine’s first annual Gratitude Gala held November 14, 2014, was a smashing success. In addition to the magazine’s surprise donations to six nonprofit organizations, the annual fundraiser provided a night of glitz and glam for the hard-working people of our recovery community. The celebration included everything but a red carpet. Participants arrived amidst the flash of cameras before being seated for an elegant meal.
The evening was an opportunity for In Recovery Magazine to give back to the recovery community that has so generously supported the magazine. Kim Welsh, publisher of In Recovery Magazine, awarded six $1,000 scholarships to various non-profit organizations. These programs epitomize the spirit of this magazine as they selflessly give back to their communities and demonstrate a deep gratitude for the gift of recovery.
Sponsors, Karen and Bob Morse of Chapter 5 Recovery
Sponsors, Amy and Curt Fackrell of Viewpoint Dual Recovery
The world-renowned sober comedian, Mark Lundholm, provided a hilarious and heartwarming performance. A recovering addict and trauma survivor himself, Mark kept the sold-out crowd of nearly 250 in stitches as he poked fun at the insanity of his past, swinging from comical highs to emotional lows.
LCI’s Steven Sanchez, Clint Richards and Jericho Richardson
The first scholarship of the evening was presented to Last Chance Intervention’s (LCI) owner, Clint Richards. This agency’s sole mission is “bounty hunting the homeless.” LCI’s staff and volunteers visit skid rows across the country looking for addicts and alcoholics desperate for a new way of life. Once a candidate is identified, LCI guides the prospect through the treatment continuum.
Keith Welsh (Kim’s Brother), Kim Welsh and Mark Lundholm
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Other recipients included: Stepping Stones, a domestic violence shelter for women; Steps to Recovery, a non-profit sober living home; West Yavapai Guidance Clinic’s Hillside Alumni Program, a low-income addiction treatment center; Deva Healing Center, a holistic community-based center dedicated to helping women and girls achieve their best through the practice of yoga, enjoying the outdoors and other activities; and The John Percin Memorial Scholarship Fund, a fund established by Chapter 5 to provide financial In Recovery Magazine
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IRM’s own Barbara and John Schuderer
IRM’s editing team, Janet A. Hopkins, Barbara Schuderer, Becca Fields and Peggy Bird
assistance to individuals seeking treatment. The fund honors fallen Hotshot and Chapter 5 alum, John Percin.
Eric and Gwen Henderson from Chapter 5 Recovery
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Welsh also had the pleasure of giving special recognition to the hard-working people behind the scenes of IRM. Without the talents of the IRM editorial team, the magazine might just be another pretty picture book. Publisher Welsh presented recognition awards to Copyeditors Peggi Bird and Barbara Schuderer, Senior Copy and Proofing Editor Becca Fields and Editor-in-Chief Janet A. Hopkins. John Schuderer, manager of the IRM subscription department and king of the magazine’s database, was also recognized for his indefatigable efforts to keep both the printer and IRM customers happy. Continued on next page
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The 2014 Gala celebration included everything but a red carpet. Guests enjoyed glitz and glamour in true Hollywood style. The evening kicked off with a reception hour where guests received the star treatment — beginning with complimentary photos as they mingled over glasses of sparkling cider. The excitement built as guests waited to enter the Grand Ballroom and be seated for an elegant meal and a night of entertainment. Join us for the 2015 Gratitude Gala later this year. Don your Mardi Gras masks and have some masquerade fun with other
IRM’s Senior Copy Editor, Becca Fields and Will Hepburn of Hepburn Capital
friends and supporters of In Recovery Magazine! Sponsors Jourdan Wheeler and Brian Moss of JVapes and their dates enjoy sparkling cider.
Jolene and Rick Baney of Premier Recovery Options
Ann and Damien Browning of Steps to Recovery
Kathleen and Roy Thomas of The Bridges Network
Rick and Suzanne Franz
Jo Bainbridge of Destinations to Recovery and Jason Bordenaro of SpringBoard Recovery
Thanks to all who made this first annual Gratitude Gala a fabulous success. Don’t miss other upcoming In Recovery Magazine events. Tickets for the IRM December 2015 sober cruise, with special guest Mark Lundholm, are selling fast!
Jamie Born and IRM’s advertising sales rep, Seth Born
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If you were unable to attend our 2014 Gala, never fear; Mark is scheduled to perform again for our 2015 Gratitude Gala and Masquerade Party later this year. Don your elegant masks and enjoy some masquerade fun. We have many delightful surprises in store for our expanded November 13 and 14, 2015 event, including the addition of an Exhibitors’ Expo, showcasing recovery programs and businesses from around the country.
IRM publisher, Kim Welsh with Joy and John Nemanich
In Recovery Magazine
Jean Paul and Janie Munoz
Spring 2015
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Tragedy Transformed By Seth Born
T
he little red convertible sat in the driveway. It was Brittany Rose’s Sweet Sixteen gift to herself – a gift that, she liked to acknowledge with a wink, she’d “saved for her whole life.” Summer jobs, allowances, birthday gifts – they’d all gone into her savings account toward this one goal. Brittany was not a typical teenager – she surpassed typical in every way. She was smart, funny and beautiful. She worked hard and excelled in school, besides being kind, compassionate and caring. Her confident aura gave those around her a sense of ease and comfort, a quality which drew people to her and a natural attraction that made her a beloved friend to many. Growing up in an affluent area of Boulder, Colorado, her life was on track. Even her career path was set. Brittany knew from an early age she was going to be a veterinarian. She wanted to help animals who couldn’t fend for themselves and especially loved the noble qualities of horses. She wanted to share with others the grace of life she had received. Even at this young age, Brittany’s primary focus was helping others – all creatures – less fortunate than herself. This was a trait she shared with her mother. Brittany’s mom, Marcie Chambers, was an inspiration to her daughter. She was a single, working mother who pursued her educational aspirations while raising Brittany Rose. When she discovered she was to become a mother, Marcie began her recovery from alcoholism. Coming from a long family history of addiction and alcoholism, especially among the women in her family, Marcie wanted life to be different for her daughter — for Brittany to flourish in a nourishing environment, one without the constant drama of an alcoholic household. Before Brittany was old enough to understand, Marcie separated from
her husband, who did not share in Marcie’s recovery and refused to change his own drinking patterns. Sobriety gave Marcie the inspiration to pursue a psychology degree from the University of Colorado (UC). Her love of this subject, particularly abnormal psychology, motivated her to continue her studies, eventually earning both a master’s and a doctoral degree. Marcie began a career as a clinical psychologist, counseling teens and young adults.
Her mother, Marcie, experienced devastating pain and grief, compounded by the blame she placed on herself for Brittany’s death. She sank into a deep depression and flirted with the idea of using alcohol to ease her pain. The fingers of culpability pointed at her incessantly. How could I have let this happen? If this could happen to Brittany Rose, could it happen to my other child? Why was I not able to save her? Therapist and counselor to so many children, Dr. Marcie Chambers couldn’t save her own. Marcie felt her life had ended. In her guilt, Marcie closed her practice. She told herself she was incapable of helping anyone. Fortunately, the universe would prove otherwise. With the help of her faith and her Higher Power, Marcie was eventually able to work through her grief and loss. She began to teach at UC Boulder; however, requests for her therapeutic services were eventually too much for her to deny. Young women who needed her guidance were placed in her path. She heeded the call of the universe. The experience of her tragic loss was put to use helping women with addictions. Although Colorado has many excellent addiction treatment centers, including Jaywalker Lodge for men, the Harmony Foundation and The CeDAR Center for Addiction at the University of Colorado Hospital, the area lacked a facility specifically for young women – a place to address trauma, love addiction and other co-occurring disorders which are often at the root of their substance abuse and dependency.
Brittany respected and admired her mother. She knew the ROSEHOUSECOLORADO.COM story of her mother’s past and how it led her mother to C O N T A C T T H E Marcie’s R O S E H personal OUSE rebirth resulted in the birth of The Rose where she was now. Brittany had always said that drinking House. Marcie opened The Rose House in 2008, with the Located in and drugs would not be mistakes she would make. support of Bobby Ferguson, the founder of Jaywalker B o u l d e r C o u n tLodge, y C o l o r aand d o other members of the treatment community. But all that changed one fateful day when Brittany pulled up She named the program after her daughter, thinking that 720.352.1623 in front of their house in her little red convertible, unloadthough she couldn’t save Brittany Rose, she might have ing a car full of friends for her 16th birthday party. It was 6 1 7 . 3 0 8 .a8 hand 6 8 3 in helping save the lives of other young women. to be an innocent Sweet Sixteen party. A few friends were Fax 303.494.1783 invited – good kids who didn’t drink. Some movies, music Today, The Rose House provides outstanding P. O . B o x 2 7 0 4 1 6 and laughs, all with Brittany’s mother just upstairs. evidence-based, long-term treatment for women. Nestled L o u i s v i l l e , Cin O the 8 0 0 2foothills 7 east of Boulder, Colorado, the facility is One of the guests brought Brittany a birthday present – r o s e h o u s e c o l osituated r a d o . c o mon a beautiful “prairie” estate in the shadow of a ‘harmless’ tablet of Ecstasy (also known as MDMA). It Longs Peak. A spirit of compassion, comfort and ease greets was a drug new to these kids, and they were unaware of its clients as they pass through the doors. It is a safe place – dangers. They thought they could harmlessly “roll” as they a place for healing, a place for miracles and a place that enjoyed the night’s dance music. The last sounds of this saves lives. party, however, were not dance music, but the wailing sirens of an ambulance. C O courageously N T A C T T H E R Otransformed SE HOUSE One woman’s loss has been into hope, harmony and recovery. “I had a vision of being able Located in Ecstasy users typically drink enormous amounts of water, to help women. I had no idea B o uor l d e thought r C o u n t y C oof l o r the a d o fulfilling, which may dilute the sodium in the body to dangerous levjoyful and challenging life The 7Rose has given me,” says 20.352.1623 els. After taking the hit of Ecstasy, Brittany Rose drank too Marcie. “Who knew that out of the tragedy of losing my 617.308.8683 much water. As her body’s electrolytes became unbalanced, daughter, such a blessing could be born.” Fax 303.494.1783 her body systems started to fail, causing her brain to fatally Located east of Boulder, Colorado, The Rose extended-stay P. OHouse . B o x is 2 7a0 16-bed, 416 swell. Tragically, she died that night – ending the dreams of residential treatment center devoted to young adult women suffering from Louisville, CO 80027 a special kid who had everything to give and a beautiful life addiction and co-occurring disorders. The Rose House program also includes s e h oRose u s e cPetal o l o r aand d o . cThe o m Rose Cottage. step-down facilities: The Rose Garden,r oThe before her. Additional information may be found at rosehousecolorado.com.
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S ipfi er i tt uhael y w a n t f o r t O U R P R O G R A M W H A T lW E DO OU
Vulnerability: A Beautiful Word
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By Jennifer Sobel
y parents didn’t teach me vulnerability. Honestly, in their alcoholic, co-dependent marriage, I never saw an ounce of vulnerability between them. I witnessed nothing more than the “ism” of their disease expressed in an extremely passionate way. Their marriage ended and off they went into other dysfunctional relationships. The practice of vulnerability was introduced to me through the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and has helped me find the real meaning of life – relationships that are deep and meaningful. It is my belief that without vulnerability, meaningful relationships cease to exist. Scratch that. They exist, but something vital is missing. Alcoholics and addicts crave connection. They crave an environment where they feel safe being who they are. In previous lives, most of them tried to find this in a bottle, a pill, a needle, a ‘something’, as they isolate themselves behind walls and doors. In recovery I have found safety surrounded by like-minded individuals – in meetings, during fellowship, after meetings, running into a friend at a coffee shop or in that sweet time spent with my sponsor wading through a vast pool of rigorous honesty, her life preserver holding me steady. I have pondered the ability to express vulnerability – what holds me back, what I put in front of it and how I respond to it. It saddens and sometimes angers me when the people close to me choose another way. What gets in the way of my vulnerability may be summed up in one tiny, but necessary, little word – ego. My ego often presents itself in defensive behavior, justification or a simple shrug of the shoulder that implies, “Oh well, get over 48
it. It is what it is.” Such behavior does not allow for deep, authentic relationships. For me, the only way to get vulnerable is to break through my ego and to examine my own behavior. In recovery, I was taught that it is never about the other person, it is always about me. This does not diminish other’s responsibility for their actions, but helps me stay focused on my own behavior.
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This simple task is not easy. I constantly return to the ping-pong game in my head. If only they; why don’t they; when will they; it’s my fault; I could’ve done this instead of that; why didn’t they; etc. Sometimes it takes me only minutes to get to the final round of this game; other times it takes me several days. What I invariably realize is that the longer it takes me to reach it, the longer I suffer. I jeopardize my sanity, my peace and my ability to move on and detach myself from the problem. I experience freedom only when I choose to stay vulnerable and accountable for myself. The pay-off is well worth the effort. I want deep and meaningful relationships filled with authentic love – a love that is deepened through personal vulnerability. I want to discover the facets of myself which either separates me from you or God or – here’s the gift – brings me closer to you and God. The depth of personal relationships I find in my Twelve Step program keeps me coming back and keeps me on my path of spiritual discovery. So be vulnerable. Share those insecurities that make you human. Get closer to yourself and those you love; watch your life change in wonderful ways. I dare you. Jennifer Sobel is a 200E-RYT yoga instructor in Prescott, Arizona, with a degree in addiction counseling. She teaches private yoga classes at area treatment centers and at BlackBird Yoga where all Namaste Sober Yoga classes are donation-based. Through her work, she shares her love of yoga and the gift of recovery.
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Spring 2015
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In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
Travelin’ Sober Man
By Bob Kocher
If you have travel questions or stories, write us or email us. If I include your question/experience in my column, you will win an upgrade and shipboard credit on one of our sober cruises. The In Recovery Magazine Cruise, December 5-12, 2015, round-trip from Houston, Texas, to the Western Caribbean, is a great place to use this cruise prize. For more information, check out travelsober.com.
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ecovery is about many things. In my first 30 days sober, I heard a recurring message that resonated with me, “Write a list of hopes and dreams. Look at it on your first birthday and see how much more has come to you than you imagined.” This was one of the unofficial promises that came true for me. The more time and energy I invested in my recovery, the more gifts came back to me.
was the first Áman resort in North America and evokes the atmosphere of the American West. Amangani is an all-season resort. The winter highlight is skiing; while in spring, summer and fall, the surrounding wilderness areas of Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks are among the many attractions. amanresorts.com/amangani
Moab Under Canvas, Moab, Utah. “Glamping” (luxury camping) is here to stay, and Moab Under Canvas proves why. Just north of Moab, Utah, and minutes away from the entrance to both Arches National Park and Canyonlands National Park, this is no traditional campsite. Luxurious tents offer guests the opportunity to enjoy Utah’s spectacular desert without giving up the comforts of home. The camp blends into dramatic surroundings where deep canyons and towering plateaus create a raw landscape of immense power. This is camping as it should be. moabundercanvas.com
My thanks to Condé Nast Traveler, TripAdvisor and Travel Sober staff, Steph F. and Beth Denham for contributions to this article. Be safe, be well and travel sober.§
So take a look at the list of beautiful destinations below, write a list of your dream destinations and put it in your God box. Then cinch up your spiritual seatbelt and get ready for the ride!
Blue Lagoon, Iceland. Reykjavik, Iceland, is a fascinating place to visit. Flights are reasonable, and the people are friendly. Blue Lagoon is located smack in the middle of the road between the international airport of Iceland and Reykjavik. Ethereal blue lagoons embrace this hotel and spa. The spa is at a perfect 100°F year-round. Bright blue geothermal water makes it a heavenly place to relax. Go to the Blue Lagoon before or after exploring the rest of magical Iceland; either way, you’re sure to emerge in a Zen state of mind. The hotel has breathtaking views of the surrounding lava fields. All rooms are equipped with private bathrooms and a shower. bluelagoon.com
Suites of the Gods Hotel, Santorini, Greece. Located on the magical island of Santorini, Suites of the Gods offers a reasonable price for one of the most beautiful settings in the world. Scenes of the Greek Islands with whitewashed buildings and blue-domed roofs are often filmed from the view you will see right outside your hotel room. This hotel is located on the crater top of the caldera with a view toward the unforgettable landscape of the neighboring volcano across the bay. The views are breathtaking. The breakfasts are healthy and delicious. After a two-day minimum stay, you will receive a complimentary massage. suitesofthegods.com Amangani Resort, Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Amangani (peaceful home) clings to the crest of East Gros Ventre Butte and affords magnificent views of the Grand Tetons and Snake River Valley below. It 52
Aranwa Sacred Valley Hotel and Wellness near Cusco, Peru. Enjoy an unforgettable stay at the Aranwa built on the route to Machu Picchu on a 17th century colonial hacienda by the Vilcanota River. Just one hour away from the city of Cusco and 30 minutes from Ollantaytambo train station, this hotel has been rated one of our travelers’ all-time favorites. The hotel offers rooms in colonial as well as modern minimalist decor. Let yourself be carried away by its mystical atmosphere in the Sacred Valley of the Incas. In one of the most beautiful landscapes in the world, it is the magical meeting of two eras – ancient Inca cultures and colonial tradition. aranwahotels.com/pdf/sacred_valley/hotel/fact_sheet_sacred_valley
Fogo Island Inn, Canada. “This unexpected journey is about making the future in a way that is tangled up with the past.” The Inn is a trust whose mandate is the economic well-being of the local community. Fogo Island is accessible from the northeast coast of Newfoundland by ferry. As far as remote locations go, this one’s definitely at the top of my list. Contemporary rooms with floor-to-ceiling views of the North Atlantic Ocean prove far more entertaining than any flat-screen TV. fogoislandinn.ca/ Hotel Daniel, Vienna, Austria. Visitors are awestruck at the sight of this hotel’s witty Erwin Wurm sculpture of a boat dropping off the hotel’s rooftop – and the fact that you can spend the night in a classic American Airstream trailer is the cherry on top of the cake. This trailer is the epitome of timeless chic, with a luxurious free-standing bathtub and a sleek gray tile interior with deluxe cream linens – undeniably living up to the hotel’s promise of “smart luxury.” hoteldaniel.com/en/vienna
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
At Oasis Recovery Centers you will find... • Skilled and experienced counselors dedicated to helping others through the process of recovery.
El Cosmico, Marfa, Texas. Are you one of those outdoor types who doesn’t like the idea of traveling abroad? Do you like vintage trailers, yurts, safari tents or teepees? Well, you’ll find them all at the El Cosmico nomadic hotel and campground. From the interesting abodes, to the communal bathhouse, to the wood-fired hot tubs where you can bathe beneath the starry sky, El Cosmico embodies the belief that life should be a balance of adventure and do-nothingness. In addition to the annual fall Trans-Pecos Festival of Music + Love, El Cosmico hosts concerts, movies, art and cultural events throughout the year, as well as an evolving program of workshops and retreats which includes building, cooking and art classes, songwriting workshops and more – all this while you access the majesty of the high plains desert. It is a second home to intrepid travelers and wanderers from all corners of the planet. elcosmico.com Bob Kocher has spent over 22 years in the travel industry as an agency owner, group planner, guide and salesman. He has led more than 125 groups worldwide – in Russia, South America, the Caribbean, Alaska, Greece and the Mediterranean. For information about all aspects of sober travel, visit his website at travelsober.com.
Spring 2015
• 12 step process combined with our Intensive Outpatient Program focuses on education of addiction, recovery and relapse prevention, group processes, and holistic wellness. • Gain long term sobriety. Our Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) works well with our gender specific, structured sober living in Prescott, AZ
• Great alternative to costly residential treatment.
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Arizona State Licensed Outpatient clinic with structured sober living.
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By Holli Kenley, MA, MFT
F
or several decades, my dad maintained an extraordinary garden filled with an assortment of scrumptious melons, colorful chili peppers, various beans and mouthwatering tomatoes. After enjoying several months of delicious delights, the cool temperatures of autumn would bring change. My dad would meticulously remove all the dead plants from the garden boxes, roll up the watering hoses, turn off the drip system and methodically secure his plethora of tools in his neatly-arranged garden shed. The garden soil remained dormant until the warmth of spring signaled the arrival of planting season. Then my dad would begin his yearly ritual of tending to his garden boxes, inspecting them to be sure they were solid and secure. Then he checked and rechecked the drip system. My dad spent days cleaning out the remnants of plant debris in the gardens, turning the soil and feeding it nutrients from a nearby compost pile. Then with his hands, he tenderly removed any remaining rocks and weeds. Upon completion, the garden bed’s raked surface showed its readiness for replanting. Today, with winter coming to a close and spring on the doorstep, it is the perfect time to do some personal preparation for growth. I begin this process by identifying aspects of my life that are healthy and those that are not. 54
Just as my dad reaped the benefits of deliberate preparation of his garden, I experience personal renewal through deliberate spring cleaning. In other words, by letting go of unhealthy behaviors, I give back to myself. Three Steps for Spring Renewal Step One: Take an honest inventory. I ask myself the following questions; • What is working for me? What or who is contributing to my well-being, augmenting my recovery, enhancing my sense of self-worth and supporting me in healthy ways? • What is not working for me? What or who is depleting me, draining my resources or diminishing my capacity for inner peace, balance and joy? Who or what is not supportive of my recovery? Spending as much time as necessary, I thoughtfully answer the questions, acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects in my life. Step Two: Implement specific strategies for letting go. Once I have identified my negative behaviors, I begin the process of letting go. For me, this is not a one-time event. I take my time and move forward only after I have experienced success letting go of each unhelpful behavior. Removing detrimental behaviors arising from obsessive negative thoughts and feelings is difficult work. I find I must have specific exercises which interrupt and arrest them. The following five-part cognitive-behavioral exercise was adapted from Arthur Freeman’s Clinical Applications of Cognitive Therapy (1990) and David L. Watson and Roland G. Tharp’s Self-directed Behavior: SelfModification for Personal Adjustment (2013).
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
1. On an index card, I take a baseline count of how many times a day I fall into the identified unhealthy behavior. I do this for at least three to four days, until I have an average daily count. 2. I set a goal of reducing this behavior over the next several weeks or months. For the first week, my goal might be to decrease my baseline by two each day for one week, then by three, and so on. I do not move to the next problem until this goal is reached. If I am not meeting my goal, I lower my daily expectations and keep at it. I then incorporate the following strategies into my everyday life: 3. I place a rubber band snugly around my wrist; I snap it every time I start to fall back into self-blame or any negative thought. Yep, I snap it! And I stop that thought. 4. I immediately replace the negative thought with something pleasing, positive and productive. Sometimes I use a verse from a favorite song or prayer, a few words of affirmation or a meaningful quotation. If the negative thought returns, I repeat the process as necessary. 5. When I have reached a daily goal or a weekly goal, I reward myself in healthy ways. It can be anything from a tasty iced mocha to an extra night at the gym or to lunch with a good friend. Letting go might also mean releasing unhealthy relationships and friendships, as well as unhealthy places and things. • I review the significant people, places and things in my life and specifically identify and describe any negative or unhealthy aspects related to them. Is it a behavior? An attitude? Does this person or thing trigger me? How? When I am unsparingly honest, I usually know what boundaries I need to implement. • Although boundary work can be challenging, I remind myself that boundaries are not about pushing people away; they are about protecting my recovery. I set realistic boundaries that specifically address these issues. • As I set boundaries, I clearly communicate my priorities and expectations. Then, I make certain my actions support my words. • Lastly, but equally as important, I release any unhealthiness to my Higher Power. I continue to do so as often as needed. Step Three: Preparing myself for new growth. After my dad cleaned out the garden boxes, sifted through the layers of earth and nurtured the soil with nutrients, he
watched and waited. By not rushing the process, he gave the soil time to recover and ready itself for planting. Just as my father waited after a period of cleaning out his garden before planting, I am learning to wait. In the past, I found myself quickly refilling those empty spaces and falling back into the same unhealthy patterns I had worked so hard to release. This step guards against regressing or relapsing by preparing me for new growth.
Today, with winter coming to a close and spring on the doorstep, it is time to do some personal preparation for growth. I take time, both during and after the process of letting go, to rest and reassess. I allow myself to feel what it is like to be free of the weightiness and heaviness of my adverse behavior. I slowly and mindfully examine my readiness to accept the lessons from my past. As I consider new and healthy behaviors, I remind myself that there is no rushing growth. Rushing new behaviors without a solid foundation can jeopardize permanent change. Each spring, as my dad returned to his gardening rituals, he respected the earth and honored its process of renewal. As a result, under his tender care the soil gave back . . . season after season. By regularly returning to and embracing the practice of letting go, I respect myself and honor my process of renewal. Under my deliberate cultivation, my mindset of wellness gives back to me . . . time and time again. © 2014 Holli Kenley, MA, MFT
Holli Kenley is a master’s-level California Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has authored numerous articles and four books, including Breaking Through Betrayal: And Recovering the Peace Within; Cyber Bullying No More: Parenting a High Tech Generation; and Mountain Air: Relapsing and Finding the Way Back . . . One Breath at a Time. Visit Holli at hollikenley.com or Facebook.com/AuthorHolliKenley or contact holli@hollikenley.com.
Spring 2015
In Recovery Magazine
55
By Michael Neylon
M
y wife had been to a few rehabs and had experienced a number of relapses. She was desperate to find longterm recovery. Primarily due to the compassion she found at The SOBER Project (Service, Obedience, Bonding, Education and Relationship) in Tucson, Arizona, my wife now has several years of sobriety. I am writing this article to share my gratitude to the Project for making both of our lives better. Despite my wife’s guilt and shame after several relapses, the fellowship of The SOBER Project embraced her. She first came in contact with The Project while in a rehab program where she was allowed to leave the premises to attend their meetings. The Project is a church with all the services and ministries as other churches; but in addition, it specializes in recovery. Pastor Larry Munguia, a recovered addict, founded The SOBER Project in 1997. It is a fellowship created by addicts, for addicts, where addicts help each other not only in recovery, but in all aspects of life. Larry had been living a life of self-will, drinking and drugging. He thought he was “Lord Larry” until it all came crashing down on him. He lost his wife, his daughters and his home. He was in poor health, and he had little respect from his family or at his job. His whole life came to a halt. He was lost without his family and could see no way out. Then one day, his brother offered him a chance to go to a Promise Keepers convention in Los Angeles. All Larry knew was that it was a Christian men’s group. He uttered these immortal words, “I’ll try anything.” So Larry went to Los Angeles in search of a new way and found an old way, the way of Jesus Christ. Actually, he had known Jesus all his life, but had never become friends with Him until 8:40 pm on May 2, 1997. That is the exact time and date he asked Jesus to come into his life. Larry was 56
sitting in the LA Coliseum with over 60,000 men. Those present witnessed Larry’s conversion, but only a few would see the significance and the results of his decision. Larry had been delivered from his addiction and now needed to show his wife that he was a changed man. He returned home from Promise Keepers with a renewed spirit, but with the same old body. He did not look any different, but he knew he had changed. He told his wife, Bobbi, that he was now a born-again Christian and that he needed to be the leader of his home. She had known Larry since they were in grade school and knew every con, scam and lie he had ever tried. She said, “That’s great! You don’t live here; you can go be the leader of your apartment.” This Larry did, and he began praying for God’s mercy. He prayed that God would reunite him with his family. It took months before Larry got his wife, his children, his home and the respect of his family back. As Larry and Bobbi grew closer to God and each other, they were drawn to a new church – The Church in the Desert. Pastor Jay Moore welcomed them and saw something special in Larry. Pastor Moore began mentoring and encouraging Larry to become a youth pastor. Within a short time they built a youth group of over 40 kids and four adult leaders. Larry enrolled in classes at Tucson’s Pima College and later graduated with a degree in social services. Pastor Moore continued to teach Larry how to minister. When Moore was called to a church in Northern California, Larry began to contemplate starting his own church – and The SOBER Project was born. Now, years later, Pastor Larry Munguia and the fellowship of The Project continue helping people recover from all types of addictions every day of every week. People travel from afar to hear Larry and receive help from the fellowship. Larry knew when addiction is lifted, a void remains. If this void is not spiritually filled, the demons of addiction
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
come back – stronger than ever. At The SOBER Project, this is well understood. Their Twelve Step meetings have a strong focus on God, not on the mistakes of the past or the relapses people have experienced. At these meetings people receive crosses made of silver marking different lengths of sobriety: red for 24 hours, green for one month, brown for two months, purple for three months, blue for six months, silver for nine months and black crosses bearing a small faux diamond for yearly anniversaries. These handmade, engraved crosses are prayed over before being handed out on anniversaries. To connect with The SOBER Project, visit TheSOBERProject.com. You may just find what you are looking for – maybe one of the silver crosses will be something you can hang onto if you become desperate. . .
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recently saw an image of Joan Crawford swinging an ax. There she was, in her 1940’s hairstyle and thick eyebrows, looking like she was going to land that sucker right in someone’s living room couch. I immediately said to myself, Been there, sister. One of the biggest hurdles in my recovery process has been the anger/forgiveness issue. Forgiving those who have hurt me doesn’t exactly make me jump up and down with giddy glee – forget about forgiving myself for bad choices, including my addictions and compulsions. Embracing rigorous honesty, facing real life issues, apologizing and changing behaviors isn’t fun. They involve work – consistent, tedious and sometimes painful work. Recovery encourages us to do that very work. Refusal to do so threatens our progress, our relationships and our health. Anger gets a bad rap. That’s where some of the confusion starts. Whatever our addictions or issues may be, most of us tend to inaccurately assess our anger – what it should be and what it costs. As a kid, I was thoroughly indoctrinated in the belief that anger was bad. Whenever I expressed it, I was a bad girl. Girls were supposed to be “sugar and spice and everything nice” – pleasing and accommodating. Just try to meet that mandate when you live in an abusive environment – then add addictive tendencies and unmet needs. It is the perfect equation for self-destructive anger. My dad was controlling and verbally and emotionally abusive; he isolated my mother and me. We couldn’t come and go freely. We certainly couldn’t speak our minds. If he ever caught so much as an eye roll or a frustrated sigh, there would be hell to pay; and he’d start throwing things. I learned that keeping his standard of peace was paramount. By doing so, I could keep some of his rage at bay. In this excerpt from my book, Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder, I noted the following: For three years in a row, I did not miss one day of school, knowing that I would win a perfect attendance certificate, tangible proof on paper that I was worthwhile . . . So for the next few years, I went to school with colds, sore throats and influenza. When I reached junior high, I once became so sick I had to stay home . . . Three days at home, according to my dad, was enough . . . He decided he would take me to school . . . I got up the nerve to ask him, “Do you still love me?” His answer? “If you do this again, I won’t.”
By Sheryle Cruse 58
That launched my anorexia. Food, weight and body image issues had been brewing for years. But this was the activation moment. If I’d had an ax, I would have swung it. Swing I did – not with an ax, but with my anorexia. By age 19, I swung all the way down to a two-digit weight. By age 20, I had made a bulimic 100-pound weight gain. I struggled for years looking for love, inner peace and meaning in my life. When I arrived at the doorstep of recovery, I was confused. I thought anger was power. Not a good thing to run with if you want true peace and healing in your life. When it comes to a life in recovery, the Twelve Steps have much to say about both. There was no sign of an ax anywhere in the Twelve Steps. And trust me; I was looking. My disordered eating behaviors became my outlet for anger. I wasn’t interested in recovery; I just wanted to rage! It took God’s grace, love and mercy for me to heal. He loves me in spite of me being a flawed human being. Human beings become angry. It happens. But for those of us riddled with bitterness and resentment, anger is right up our ax-wielding alley, isn’t it? Fortunately, this was not the end of my story. When I first sought therapy years ago, I learned the concept of the swinging pendulum of emotions. In my attempts to cope with dysfunction in my family, I slightly In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
overreacted. Okay, let’s get real – I got ver-r-r-r-y angry. Me, the nice girl. I realized that my inaccurate assessment of anger caused me to often over-correct and swing things in the other direction. If the pendulum swung in the direction of “anger is bad and unacceptable for me to express,” then, of course, the opposite swing was, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore! Gimme that ax!”
I recently saw an image of Joan Crawford swinging an ax. There she was, in her 1940’s hairstyle and thick eyebrows, looking like she was going to land that sucker right in someone’s living room couch. I immediately said to myself, Been there, sister. Ideally, the goal in recovery is moderation – finding a healthy balance between those two extremes. However, if one is unskilled at being appropriately angry, getting there can be messy. I have had my share of embarrassing meltdown episodes, but have learned that these rages had nothing to do with others. They were always about me. In those moments of rage, when I found myself at the forgiveness intersection, God was there coaxing me to forgive. But just as with my anger, I had an incorrect understanding of forgiveness. In short, forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a decision. In life, we have many opportunities to practice making this decision. I saw how my self-destructive decisions, including my refusal to forgive, were messing me up. Anger and its evil twin, refusal to forgive, both eat away at our lives. But they’re difficult to get around. Spiritually, forgiveness is a necessity. As the Lord’s Prayer states, “And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” For years I believed lies that did nothing but dig me deeper in the hole. • Anger + Bitterness + Resentment = Power. I need power to avoid getting hurt. • People who hurt me in the past fully deserve my wrath. • To survive my pain and anger, I need to turn to my addictions. • My addictions help me function; I cannot be without them. • I don’t want to let go of my anger. I just want more of my addictions.
forgiveness. C’mon, God! Shallow end of the gene pool here! After a lot of arguing, rebellion and pouting, I finally forgave my dad. Did I feel all “forgive-y?” Nope. But I did eventually start feeling peace. Did it help in my recovery? Yes. It’s not instant or perfect; but forgiveness has become a tool for me to support, not sabotage healthy choices. That doesn’t mean all my anger cancelled out. I experience it; I feel it. Sometimes, I express it in less than noble ways. But today, anger is a “check engine” light for me. I have to be real and honest about its presence. I have to deal with it, preferably without an ax. Although I don’t always respond perfectly, my anger is relevant to my recovery. Denying it or suppressing it does nothing positive for my wellbeing. I try to remember – even in the middle of my angry “ax-y” Joan Crawford moments – there’s no anger too difficult for God to handle. Thank God for that! Copyright © 2014 by Sheryle Cruse
Sheryle Cruse of St. Paul, Minnesota, found healing with the help of therapy, the Christian community and – most importantly – God’s patient love. Her recovery experience is chronicled in her book, Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder. Cruse writes, speaks and ministers to others about the underlying causes and issues of eating disorders. For more information, visit her website freewebs.com/daughterarise.
I flailed and seethed. I tried to get beyond the pain. But God kept bringing me back to the forgiveness thing. I didn’t want to go back to that. Nevertheless, God kept nudging me to forgive my dad. Not only that, God wanted me to ask my dad for Spring 2015
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BodyTalk:
Read the Label
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By Victoria Abel
ood labels were supposedly created to help us with our food choices. But for many of us, the reality is that we really don’t know what we should be looking for. Some people may look at calories, others may look at fats – but there are other more important things to consider first.
grams for men. Most processed foods have very little fiber, if any. Sprouted grains and beans of any kind are high in fiber, but the best form of fiber is found in fruits and vegetables. Dietary fiber is usually listed toward the bottom of the food label.
The most important part of a food label is the serving size. On most labels, the serving size is at the top. The serving size influences the data for the rest of the food label. For example, on a package of Asian noodle soup the serving size is two; but most people eat an entire package by themselves; so as you read the label, you must double the indicated amounts. Many energy drinks are two, sometimes three servings in one can – who drinks only a portion of a can? Pay particular attention to the nutrition facts on foods such as salad dressings, baked beans, cookies, cereal and highly processed foods. When you do, the food label will be helpful and can assist you in more accurately assessing the size single serving and the nutritional values of the serving. Another important listing on a food label is the amount of protein. You may not think there is a huge difference in protein amounts among bagels, but there is. A plain white bagel may have as little as one gram of protein. Sprouted bagels, such as those found at Trader Joe’s, have 12 grams of protein, which is as much protein as found in two eggs. Remember to be moderate with protein in your diet, keeping in mind a goal of 20 grams per meal. Most diets lack adequate fiber. The recommended daily intake of fiber is approximately 25 grams for women and 38 60
Excess sugar intake can be very dangerous for those new in recovery and for people suffering from anxiety and depression. Keeping an eye on sugar in prepared foods is an essential recovery strategy. Remember that four grams of sugar in a food equals one teaspoon of sugar. Just one 20 ounce soda product has 77 grams of sugar, which equals 19 teaspoons of sugar. Imagine sitting down and eating 19 teaspoons of sugar! In addition, the label on that same 20 ounce bottle of soda claims it contains two and a half servings per bottle. I have rarely seen two and a half people sharing a bottle of soda!
“Healing relationships with food.” Develop and present nutritional programs and educational lectures at treatment centers. One on one nutritional consultation, meal planning, weight management, and assessment for disordered eating. Nutrition and supplementation to ease detox, stabilize mood and reduce cravings. Instruction on budgeting, shopping and cooking.
TESTIMONIAL
Keep your eyes off the calories – calories refer to the energy available in the food and don’t tell the whole story. It is more important to pay attention to the nutrients found in the food you eat. Focus on the serving size, protein, fiber and sugar in every serving.
“Victoria helped me to manage the daily struggles of meal planning and grocery shopping - the mundane tasks we all must do. I am grateful for those things but am mostly grateful for the caring way in which she operates. I have lived in so much shame for as long as I can remember regarding anything to do with food. Victoria let me cry and was always genuinely interested in what was going on with me. We would talk about the things that seemed to have nothing to do with food but in fact were leading me to binge, purge, or starve myself. Victoria has been an incredible light in my life - she was always so accepting of me - no matter if I had a “good” or “bad” food week.”
Of course, as a nutritionist, I strongly encourage eating foods such as fresh vegetables, fruit, fish and beans – foods that don’t come with a Nutrition Facts label.
See the last February issue of the New York Times and the Summer issue of In Recovery Magazine for more informaton on CAN Nutrition and Recovery.
Victoria Abel, MA, MNT, is the founder and owner of Center for Addiction Nutrition. She has worked in the addiction counseling field for 20 years as a family, primary and trauma therapist. She is also a nutrition and eating disorders therapist working with people healing from addiction, mood disorders, cancer and other chronic illnesses. She teaches at Prescott College in Prescott, Arizona, and lectures nationally on addiction nutrition.
In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
Victoria Abel MA, MNT, CAN
vabel@cannutrition.com www.centerforaddictionnutrition.com
Sex Addiction Viewpoint
By Dr. Deb Laino
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here is debate over whether or not sex addiction exists. Both professionals and the lay public have their own divergent opinions about the topic. This debate is likely due to the constant evolution of the sexuality continuum. However, it is difficult to argue the point of whether sex addiction exists when one sees the destruction that uncontrollable sexual behavior can have on people’s lives and families. To be clear, we know that sexual appetites vary from one person to the next and can fluctuate over a month, as well as over a lifetime. While the public is quite familiar with the terms alcoholic and drug addict, many are puzzled by the term sexoholic. An often asked question is, “How can someone be addicted to something that happens naturally?” This question may also be raised when discussing food or exercise addiction. After all, if eating, exercising and sex are generally healthy behaviors, how can one be addicted to them? Let’s start with some basics. Sex addiction is somewhat of an old school term. Those in the fields of psychology, sexology and sex addiction more often use the terms compulsive sexual behavior or hypersexuality. While this may seem of little relevance to the lay person, it is actually very important. These terms more accurately describe the high level of sexual compulsivity and impulsivity which may occur with uncontrollable sexual behavior. The term “sex addiction” doesn’t capture these aspects and can make it difficult for anyone to view this problem as an actual disorder. That said, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Health Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) currently does not recognize compulsive sexual behavior as a psychiatric disorder. The term “sex addiction” was, however, in the DSM-III, but was removed in 1994 due to lack of causal research. The DSM task force did not feel the condition had been successfully identified as analogous with substance addictions, as the name implies. The diagnosis of Hypersexual Disorder was proposed for inclusion in the DSM-5 in 2010, but was ultimately rejected because there was no specific theory attached to a cause or causes of the behavior. Due to lack of research, the question of whether or not compulsive sexual behavior or hypersexuality are legitimate psychiatric disorders continues to dog professionals in the field of sexology. We live in a world where such theories must be proven by research in order for them to have merit. Many who are identified as having compulsive sexual behavior continue to be accused of using the diagnosis as an escape or a convenient excuse for bad or 62
morally wrong behavior. Seemingly, a diagnosis of compulsive sexual behavior would identify individuals who are experiencing repeated sexual urges, fantasies and behaviors not attributable to medical conditions, substance abuse issues or medications, and which are affecting other areas of their lives in a negative way. The diagnosis is not about tallying the number of sex partners one has; rather, it is about identifying the level of impaired functioning in a person’s life. Some examples of impaired functioning are: not practicing responsible sex; inability to maintain a healthy intimate relationship; and, in some cases, losing employment as a result of unacceptable sexual behavior. Individuals exhibiting compulsive sexual behaviors may also end up with legal issues because of sex offenses such as lewd behavior in public, indecent exposure or other illegal sexual behaviors. People who are sexually compulsive often have poor sexual boundaries and social skills. For them, social and sexual interactions may be awkward. Most require education and training to identify appropriate sexual behaviors, as well as to create intimate sexual relationships. With such training they can begin to build successful relationships with others and, perhaps more importantly, with themselves. Frequently, a major focus of treatment is to break through denial and to manage the crisis that often brings someone to the point of seeking treatment. The therapist must explore the origins of the compulsivity, as well as the individual’s sexual history. Perhaps the most difficult aspect of treatment is teaching the concept of sobriety as it applies to sexuality. Unlike compulsive drug and alcohol use in which the goal is most often to completely stop the use of the substance, compulsive sexual behavior patterns need to be identified, understood, accepted and essentially changed. This is often accomplished through an integrative approach to therapy with the goal of achieving a commitment to specific behavioral changes, not necessarily sexual abstinence.
Debra Laino DHS, M.Ed, MS, ACS, ABS, is a board certified Clinical Sexologist, sex therapist in private practice in Wilmington, Delaware, and an adjunct instructor at Wilmington and Philadelphia Universities. She is president and co-founder of the Delaware Association for Sexology, and author of several books including Eleven Reasons Why Women Cheat. She may be contacted through her website delawaresexdoc.com.
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By Ashley Loeb
Videoconferencing
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he AA triangle is a familiar symbol to those of us in a Twelve Step program. Each side of the triangle represents the Twelve Step community’s key values of unity, recovery and service. Implicit in the equal length of each leg is the concept of balance.
If you are working a gazillion hours, finding time to meet to do step work may have become lower on your To Do List than you’d like to admit. A perfect solution might be setting up a videoconference after work to meet with your sponsor and talk about that amends list you have been working on.
Oasis Behavioral Health offers a full psychiatric continuum of care including Acute Psychiatric Hospital, Residential Treatment Center, and Outpatient Services to meet the needs of adults and adolescents. Oasis hospital provides a safe, stable, and secure environment for clients to heal in times of crisis so that they may move forward with the recovery process. Oasis residential programs promote recovery using evidence based therapeutic interventions. Oasis outpatient programs provide intensive therapeutic interventions while exercising real world applications as the person maintains routine activity. Oasis staff members strive to offer hope to clients who are often suffering from depression, emotional pain, or trauma. Hope is the recognition that the future can be different and is the fuel for recovery. Oasis works with clients to define their purpose outside of addiction and mental illness and develop discharge plans that emphasize client strengths, goals, and desired purpose. At Oasis we approach each client with optimism about their future and recovery, addressing each roadblock independently and using setbacks as growth opportunities.
Of course, many of us are a bit heavy on one side of the triangle or the other. (What? Such balance doesn’t come naturally to all alcoholics? Who knew?) In our modern fast-paced lives, it can be difficult to find the time necessary for balance. I hear many people in meetings say something to the effect of, “I need to see my sponsor more, so I can work the steps.”
So let’s assume I have convinced you that videoconferencing is worth a shot. The next question I typically get is, “Ashley, what technology do I need to use videoconferencing?”
Programs
I have discovered during my day job at Lionrock Recovery that there’s more than one way to “see” your sponsor or sponsee. I help people all around the world obtain substance abuse treatment via videoconferencing. I can say with the utmost confidence that the personal connection you want when sharing your step work can be found using videoconferencing. During online Twelve Step meetings, some people are able to become even more vulnerable because they feel safer while sharing from their own home. In my opinion, the longer a person has been sober, the more useful online meetings with a sponsor/sponsee can be. That’s because the longer a person is sober, the better and more full life becomes. When life is filled with good, it can be tough to find time to focus on recovery — meet up with your sponsor or sponsees, go to meetings, be of service and continue step work. If you have children, videoconferencing can be a godsend. While baby is napping or kids are in the next room playing, you can be online doing step work with your sponsor. You then have the babysitting problem solved.
There are so many affordable options you can use. A great and relatively inexpensive option is using a 2nd generation or newer iPad. I prefer the iPad mini. You can download any number of videoconference apps, including Skype, GoToMeeting, Google Hangouts, Camfrog and Tango. If you are concerned about the security of the videoconference technology, you can sign up for a GoToMeeting account, which offers encrypted (secure) videoconferencing for a monthly fee. Each videoconferencing program will have a way for you to send an invite to the person you wish to meet. If you want to use your computer, you can use the built-in webcam or buy one from outlets such as Amazon or Best Buy that plugs into a USB port on the side of your computer. If you are videoconferencing from your computer, you would likely access a videoconferencing program via the program’s website, instead of an app. So now that you know how to videoconference, next you need the willingness to try it. Don’t forget, when Dr. Bob and Bill W. founded AA in 1935, it was uncommon to find a telephone in many American homes. Today, we use our cellphones all the time to talk with our sponsor and sponsees. The moral of this story is that technology can be used successfully and easily to enhance our recovery.
Ashley Loeb grew up in Silicon Valley during the dot-com boom. She is a co-founder of a tech startup called Lionrock Recovery, a Joint Commission accredited online substance abuse treatment center. In recovery herself, Loeb is passionate about sharing her experience, strength and hope with others. While she enjoys what she describes as “a life beyond her wildest dreams,” Loeb lives in Southern California with her fiancé and two large dogs.
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ACUTE PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITALIZATION
Oasis Behavioral Health Hospital serves the inpatient crisis and stabilization treatment needs of children and adolescents 11-17 and adults 18 and over who are experiencing psychiatric or substance abuse problems. We provide a safe, stable, and secure environment for the promotion of
stabilization and recovery.
RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT CENTER
Oasis Behavioral Health Residential programs are Level 1 RTC/ BHIF providing services for adolescents ages 11 -17 experiencing emotional/behavioral and substance abuse difficulties. OBH provides a nurturing environment for adolescents to address psychiatric, chemical, trauma, and family issues while working with our highly qualified staff to achieve academic goals and prepare for a successful life in the community.
OUTPATIENT SERVICES
Oasis Behavioral Health Outpatient Services address a variety of psychiatric and substance needs including Intensive Outpatient Programs that address mental health, substance, trauma, and other co-occurring disorders.
SUICIDE PREVENTION
Oasis Behavioral Health is partnered with The Jason Foundation, Inc. to provide free suicide prevention education to teachers, clinicians, and community members. OBH is committed to the education, prevention, and support of community members affected by suicide.
Therapeutic Support Services
Evidence Based Practices
RECREATION, ART, AND MUSIC THERAPY
OBH is dedicated to the development of our clinical programs and practices. We pride ourselves on staff education programs and using current, evidence based practices. All of our programs are based on a person centered approach that includes harm reduction and self-directed recovery practices. Some of our evidence based interventions include Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Crisis Prevention Intervention (CPI), Living in Balance (LIB), Trauma Informed Care, Trauma Specific Care, and 12 Steps.
Oasis Behavioral Health uses recreation therapy to support the clinical services in our programs. Art expression, yoga, music, team sports, and aquatic recreation are among some of the activities used to promote healing, social and cognitive functioning, build confidence, develop coping skills, and integrate leisure skills into treatment.
OASIS RECOVERY SCHOOL
Oasis boasts an onsite world class learning institution that is proud to graduate many high school seniors and help children in treatment recover credits that they have missed due to legal and health complications. The Oasis Recovery School addresses the special learning needs of our students through individualized curriculum and alternative teaching methods and accommodations.
2190 N. Grace Boulevard CHANDLER, AZ 85225 • Acute Psychiatric Hospitalization • Residential Treatment • Suicide Prevention
1120 E. 6th Street CASA GRANDE, AZ 85122
1-800-844-6435 • OBHHospital.com Spring 2015
TWO LOCATIONS
In Recovery Magazine
• Residential Treatment • Suicide Prevention
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Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls By Terrence Shulman
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re you still digging out of debt or the stuff you acquired during the holiday season? If so, you are not alone. You may have noticed over the past few years, the ever-increasing media coverage of the currently popular disorder, hoarding. Several cable networks have focused on hoarding and garnered big ratings and endless fascination: A&E’s Hoarders, TLC’s Hoarding: Buried Alive and Storage Wars, Animal Planet’s Animal Hoarders and OWN’s Enough Already! These TV programs highlight the most extreme cases of hoarding; they emphasize that either hoarding is on the rise or we are just beginning to recognize the extent of it. Statistics are sketchy, but the latest research indicates that hoarding affects from six to fifteen million Americans. There are over 75 US national hoarding taskforces (Time Magazine, 2010) and personal consumption expenditures and storage unit rentals increased over 20 percent since 1980 (US Chamber of Commerce). Have you or someone you know ever had a problem with hoarding or excessive cluttering? Hoarding has been connected to obsessive-compulsive and anxiety disorders; however, it is a distinct disorder with its own diagnostic classification. Hoarding is not only the excessive accumulation of objects, but also the extreme distress which discarding items causes the hoarder. In addition, the individual may experience difficulty in relationships due to the impaired movement and use of space caused by the hoarding.
over little things. Social anxiety and phobia, isolation and protection. Poor sense of self and over-identification with objects. • Problems with: • Attention and organization. • Processing information and categorizing. • Making decisions. • Memory (too much/too little). • Attempts to experience safety, security, control. • •
Tips for Dealing with Hoarding Admit you have a problem and that you need help. For some this might include seeking professional, specialized counseling or therapy. You can read books and watch TV programs on this subject or visit the websites hoardingtherapy.com and hoardersanonymous.org. There are support groups available, including Messies Anonymous and Clutterers Anonymous. You might also consider hiring a professional organizer. Seek help categorizing items: trash, keepers, recycling, gifts and items to sell. Then maintain order and cleanliness through ongoing support and accountability. Some have found it helpful to set aside a certain amount of time per day, set a timer and go for it – categorize, sort, toss and clean. If you are trying to help a hoarder, don’t move or throw out their possessions.
People hoard a variety of different things, including: newly purchased items; used items (from garage sales, flea markets, discount stores); junk (picked out of garbage, the side of the road, etc.); food; animals; newspapers, magazines, bills, other papers; scraps and parts for artistic or utilitarian projects; and digital intangibles such as email, DVR recordings, etc.
While professionals are still unlocking the puzzle of what causes hoarding, it appears to have biological, genetic and socialized components. Theories as to the etiology of hoarding include: • Getting a high from accumulating; feeling pain and anxiety when discarding. • Reaction to change, trauma, loss, stress – control In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
The Shulman Center – Hoarding Disorder Assessment If you believe you or someone you know may have a problem with hoarding, take this quiz.
Billie, a 65-year-old homemaker, wife, mother and grandmother, began overshopping and hoarding 15 years ago after moving to a new home and raising three kids while her husband worked all the time. She began having flashbacks to sexual abuse she had experienced as an adopted child. She began accumulating things while working a part-time flea market business. She filled her entire basement with knick-knacks she couldn’t seem to part with. This caused stress for her husband. After therapy and support group attendance, she began to move forward and heal her underlying abuse issues.
• • •
Mark, a 40-year-old single father with a ten-year-old son, had been orderly and meticulously clean before his son’s birth. After his son’s birth, Mark began buying excessive amounts of toys for his son and developed a hoarding disorder with food, papers, coupons and various other items. He worried his son would become a hoarder and experienced a great deal of anxiety over his stuff. Mark procrastinated endlessly, which kept him stuck in menial jobs and unsatisfying relationships. Since addressing his hoarding and underlying issues, he has gone back to school to learn a new trade for which he has a true passion and recently graduated with the highest grade point average in his class.
• •
• • • •
•
Do you have trouble controlling urges to acquire things? Do you have trouble controlling urges to save things? Does the clutter in your home prevent you from using some of your living space? Do you have trouble walking through areas of your house because of clutter? Do you have trouble throwing away or discarding things? Does the clutter in your home interfere with your social life or everyday functioning? Do you have strong urges to acquire things for which you have no immediate use? Does the clutter in your home cause you or others distress? Do you have trouble making decisions about what is really useful or valuable? Does the clutter in your home prevent you from inviting people to visit?
Most hoarders will answer “yes” to at least five of these questions. Terrance Shulman Copyright 2014
Ralph, a retired husband, father and grandfather in his 60s, lived a middle-class life. Recently when his wife and children discovered a myriad of secret lives he’d been living over the last several years, his life unraveled. He’d embezzled tens of thousands of dollars from his church where he’d been a volunteer bookkeeper for many years. With this money he bought all sorts of things which he stored in public storage units close to his home. By the time the church confronted him, Ralph’s wife was on the verge of leaving him; Ralph became suicidal. It took several months of individual and family therapy to clarify what triggered Ralph’s erratic behaviors. Ralph’s decision to work on this issue helped his wife and family decide to stick by him. Sabrina, a 50-ish married woman, still feels the effects of her deceased parents’ hoarding. She felt shame, anger and powerlessness. When she was a child, she was embarrassed to have friends over to their house. When her father died nearly ten years ago and left her with tons of junk to clear out before she could put his house up for sale, she became resentful. She admits that she has to watch her own hoarding tendencies and has to discipline herself to regularly go through her house and clean, donate and throw things out.
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Can you relate to any of these case studies?
Spring 2015
Terrence Shulman is an attorney, therapist and consultant in Detroit, Michigan. He is the founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding. Shulman has authored four books, including Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls: Compulsive Stealing, Spending and Hoarding (Infinity, 2011). For further information, he may be contacted at theshulmancenter.com.
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1201 Iron SprIngS rd., Ste 9, preScott AZ 86305 • (928) 515-2358 3050 WIndSong drIve, Ste 106, preScott vAlley, AZ 86314 • (928) 379-6783 3924 n. AcAdemy Blvd., colorAdo SprIngS, co 80917 • (719) 694-8985
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A Movement that Focuses on the Facts of the Harms of Marijuana
With God, all things are possible. A structured, faith-based, 12-step program for men Affordably priced between $475 and $600/Mo. Free cable Laundry facility Case management In house groups No deposit Free phone service 34 beds available 928.925.3455 Structure and support Great central location www.prescottsoberliving.net
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Chalk it up!
The grant committee, made up of representatives from the arts community, local business leaders and the Arizona Commission on the Arts, unanimously decided Chalk It Up! Prescott was a grant-worthy event. History was made, and now it is in its seventh year. With an annual attendance of more than 4,000 people, Chalk It Up! Prescott has a reputation as one of Prescott’s premier festivals. The West Yavapai Guidance Clinic (WYGC) Foundation recently gained Chalk It Up! Prescott as a fundraiser for their local mental health clinic. The Foundation will maintain Nordyke’s original vision of an inclusive, free community chalk art festival. Tina Blake, Development Coordinator for the WYGC Foundation, remarked, “As a participant in Chalk It Up for several years, I noticed how much fun people were having as they sat on the ground drawing. Using your creative side can facilitate joy and awareness. It was a perfect fit for community mental health, and I am pleased to now have it as one of our annual events.” Creative arts encourage people in recovery to relax without drugs or alcohol. I’ve noticed it’s often easier for recovering individuals to reveal deep thoughts and feelings through art – emotions which may be a struggle to express in conversation.
By Deborah Thurston
M
y introduction to Chalk It Up! Prescott came seven years ago while I was serving on the Prescott Area Arts and Humanities Council, City of Prescott Arts Grant Committee in Prescott, Arizona. Sharon Nordyke, an innovative philanthropist of community art and music, approached the committee with her plan for the creation of Prescott’s first chalk festival.
Nordyke presented the event as an interactive community art festival that would attract participants of all ages, with no judgment about artistic ability. I imagined families and people of all ages and walks of life with a huge range of creative abilities using chalk as their medium while transforming our local plaza into a temporary art gallery.
Last spring as part of an art therapy group, I encouraged several clients to participate in Chalk It Up! Prescott 2014. The result was an opportunity for five young women to appreciate the value of participation in a community event, while expressing in colorful chalk drawings their grief over the death of a friend and their gratitude for a new life in recovery. Please join our community for Chalk It Up! Prescott on Saturday and Sunday, April 19 and 20, 2015, at the National Bank Plaza on the corner of Sheldon and Montezuma Streets in Prescott, Arizona. More information may be found at prescottchalkart.com.
! p tu
i k l a h
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Deborah Thurston is a graphic designer who has participated in the local arts community for many years. She leads a series of motivational groups for those seeking recovery. She creatively adapts her methods to individual learning styles. Groups include thought-provoking exercises and meditation, as well as art, eco and exercise therapies. Thurston is active in her own recovery and is pursuing a degree in Addictions Counseling at Rio Salado College.
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Not by Chance
E V E R Y
D A Y
M I R A C L E
By Dwayne Arbizu
Travel Sober Presents
Tour & Cruise of Rome and Greece with
Fr. Tom Weston, Anne Lamott, Fr. Jim Harbaugh & Dr. Claudia David, MFT
8-night cruise & Optional 3-day Pre-Cruise Rome tour Sept. 21 Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines ‘Rhapsody of the Seas’
September 25 to October 3, 2015
From Rome to Mykonos, Kusadasi-Turkey, Santorini, Athens, and Katakolon-Olympia, Greece
Speaker Meetings, 12-Step Meetings, Entertainment, Archeological Sites and Some of the Best Scenery on Earth - Plus Great Cuisine and Lots of Fun & Fellowship! ITL Value Added Private Tours in Rome, Greece, and Turkey
Cruise Prices start at: Interior $989* Includes port charges-tax Oceanview $1,095* & govt. fees, pp/dblocc Balcony $1,999*
Deposit of $500 pp plus *Conference Registration Fee, $165 required to hold your space. Optional Rome tour departs US on September 21, 2015 - Cruise departs September 25, 2015
Exclusive Booking Arrangements made by In This Life Travel, LLC www.travelsober.com 805-927-6910 or 1 800-531-7578 inthislife@aol.com Royal Caribbean International builds ships that are destinations unto themselves! When it comes to pioneering firsts at sea, there is only one rule - anything is possible. Royal Caribbean pushes the limits of imagination to exceed your expectations each and every time you sail. They take you to a destination that can’t be found on any map known as Destination WOW! The incredible experiences you will enjoy will build lifelong memories and keep you coming back! Royal Caribbean has 23 ships sailing to 272 destinations with world class shore excursions to help you enjoy the fabulous ports of call. In This Life’s very first cruise conference at sea was hosted by Royal Caribbean on the Viking Serenade in 1995. The speaker was Dr. Earle Marsh, whose story, Physician Heal Thyself, is still in the AA Big Book. Since then we have had groups with Royal Caribbean to the Baltic and the Caribbean and a special experience to the Holy Land and Jerusalem from Istanbul.
I
am a person in recovery. I have not had a drink or drug in five months. I was lost in my addiction for 20 years; this is the longest amount of time I have ever been able to stay clean. I had been through four treatment centers, but it was only through finding what does work for me that I have been able to clearly identify what does not work for me. To me, treatment seemed to be too simple of a solution for the addiction that plagued my life; it was something you went through to fix a problem that would eventually go away by itself. This belief allowed me to think I could submit to a predetermined amount of time in a lockdown facility where clinicians would observe, diagnose and medicate me. I would be rushed through their program. If and when the Twelve Steps were incorporated into my treatment, I neither took them seriously nor worked through them with rigorous honesty. Often I was told that if I wanted to change badly enough, I would. Rarely was a Higher Power mentioned. When it was, the concept presented was usually based on the beliefs of others. This was unappealing to me. As a result, I was unwilling to seek the spiritual connection necessary to make sustainable recovery a reality. Treatment can and does work for some people, but I’m not one of them. For me, addiction was a passionate romance novel. Drugs were the most intimate relationship in my life. This toxic partner would settle for nothing short of the sacrifice of everything to maintain our connection. I put my blood, sweat and tears into it. I willingly walked away from all my loved ones, a wife and my daughter – the dearest one to my heart. I threw all my morals, values and ethics out the window and slowly became a useless, hopeless, black stain on the planet – willing to do anything for my addiction. I’ve heard it said that some are sicker than others; and looking back, I realize I was sick, sick, sick. At the age of 35, I finally hit my bottom. I knew something had to give. Either I was going to lose my life, or I had to find a new way to live. I always wanted to maintain sobriety, but nothing I tried worked. I took a long look at the word “recovery,” and arrived at this thought, I had to relearn everything I had been taught up to this point and make some drastic changes. I had no idea where or how to begin this process, especially because my previous experiences with treatment had ended in failure. By the grace of God, my mother found the place I now call home, SerenityStar in Smithville, Texas. I can’t explain why I agreed to go, except to say that
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everything about this place felt different in a good way. In the back of my mind, I had already convinced myself that in the worst-case scenario, I would complete 90 days, then pick right back up where I left off (maybe feeling a little bit healthier). However, after only two weeks, I asked to stay for at least a year. It was here that I found tools and a brandnew model of recovery that works for me. This recovery community usually consists of about 45 men, women and children, creating a sense of family. The love I received here resulted in significant healing. In this close-knit setting, I embraced the unknown. A life in addiction is the complete opposite of a life of recovery, and I had zero experience with real recovery. My journey began with a sincere commitment and desire to change. Right behind that came the embracing of the three indispensable principles required in recovery: honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. In order to honestly work my Twelve Steps and to gain the most out of this life-changing process, the staff continuously stressed the need to be patient with myself. Pacing my progress helped me integrate what I was learning into my heart. I healed old wounds through inner child work, participated in yoga and practiced prayer and meditation. I dug deep as they helped me find the core issues that drove me to use in the first place. I was paired with a peer in the treatment program who became a close friend. He patiently walked me through the mental and emotional baggage I had carried for so long. He encouraged me to be my “authentic self ” – whatever that might look like. The Twelve Step founders and program staff have all walked this walk before me. They understood addiction and had discovered what it took to maintain their sobriety. I am learning that service work, doing something for someone else, is the best way for me to get out of myself. Most importantly, I had to go within and determine my own personal Higher Power. I felt free to experiment until I found the right fit. Today my Higher Power is my best friend. I hit my knees every morning and night in surrender. I talk with him throughout the day. The key to a sustainable recovery for me is making that connection to a Higher Power and working to create the most intimate relationship possible. I believe that finding my way out of addiction is my purpose and path in life. I don’t have this disease by chance. A life of recovery was offered to me so that one day I could share my experience, strength and hope with others. It is my sincerest wish that this article will touch someone and perhaps help them find a way to recovery. §
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ADVERTORIAL
Mendi Baron
Helping Teens Harness Their Passion
J
ust after high school, Mendi Baron, the son of a rabbi and the eldest of eleven children, went to live in Israel – the land of milk and honey. His time in Israel was transformative. Though he was only a teen, he demonstrated an ability to listen and offer words of comfort to his friends, many of whom were troubled, lost and at-risk teens. The effect he had on them was powerful. Baron instinctively counseled his friends and helped many of them change their lives in positive ways. On returning to the US, Baron began his freshman year at the University of Maryland, where he earned a BA with honors in psychology and social work, and later a master’s degree in social work.
Ward have created and launched six successful adolescent residential and outpatient programs in Southern California.
Today Baron is fully engaged in his life’s mission to help adolescents struggling with addiction and mental health issues. He supports their search for the passion and purpose in their lives, and helps them start down a path to become the complete individuals they were meant to be. A clinically-trained therapist with extensive experience counseling adolescents in various settings and treatment centers, as well as an expert in starting conversations about the critical issues impacting today’s teens, Baron knew he could design and implement a definitive adolescent treatment center.
Treatment is based on the premise that young people between the ages of 13 and 18 are in a time of flux. It is a time of physical and identity development during which teens can learn to be proactive in making their life choices, setting goals and forming a vision for their future. For youths struggling with addiction or mental health issues, it is crucial to show them how to overcome obstacles and inspire in them a sense of self-worth and purpose. With the appropriate support and direction, Baron believes their lives can be completely turned around.
Not yet 30, Baron is the founder and CEO of Evolve Treatment Centers, a strength-based, solution-focused program that empowers struggling teens to become the engines for their own recovery. He and educator Gryphon
The team at Evolve believes they have a responsibility to be positive role models for teens, as they assist them in developing a clear set of personal values. Whether in the residential, partial hospitalization, intensive outpatient or
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Evolve is the realization of Baron’s vision. Baron and the Evolve treatment team recognize every adolescent as a wellspring of possibilities. An integral part of teen recovery is facilitating maximum personal potential by helping them identify and harness their passions, set healthy goals and create their own vision of happiness. The program is built on the teens and their discoveries: who they are, what they want to do and where they want to go. In essence, the teen drives the treatment.
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outpatient treatment programs, the team is committed to equipping teens to evolve successfully on their own terms while maintaining healthy relationships with their families. Success occurs when teens leave the program in harmony with themselves, their families and the world around them. The Evolve program works. Baron recently received a note from a parent saying, “Thank you for believing in our son and saving our entire family. Know that you will always be the superheroes that came into our lives when we needed you the most.” A teen graduate of the program wrote, “I am so thankful to be where I am today. I couldn’t have done it without the team that you put together for me. When I first got to [Evolve], I was in complete shock. The support you provided immediately put me at ease. With your help, I now have options where I previously had none. I have a great relationship with my family again. I’m in charge of my life, and it feels great! Life is good. I can’t thank you enough for believing in me and showing me I was worth saving.” Though it is not uncommon for those in recovery to find jobs in treatment centers or non-profit organizations to help others on the path to recovery, this is not Baron’s path. His desire is to be a voice for teens beyond Evolve. Keep an eye on him as he continues his passionate advocacy for teens in trouble.
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A Journey of Mind, Body & Spirit Transforming Early Sobriety into Life Long Recovery p 90 Day Extended Care p Relapse Prevention p 12-Step Based p Co-Occurring Disorders p Trauma/PTSD p CBT/DBT/MI p Evidence Based Therapeutic Interventions p Physical Fitness and Outdoor Activities
In Recovery Magazine
CARBONDALE, COLORADO
970-445-0320
www.aspire-recovery.com
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CrossTalk
Dear OMG, First, when people are that taken aback about you not drinking, it may be more about their drinking than your not drinking. Alcohol is a magical elixir that many think they need to feel comfortable in social settings. It doesn’t mean they are alcoholic, but I find it interesting that people try to make it about you and do not respect your choice not to drink. Hopefully, you have sober friends to spend the majority of your time with – if not, find some. Mollé: Lately, I’ve been hearing people share that they have a sponsor of the opposite sex. I thought that was against the rules? I’m a 34-year-old man. There is an older woman – I think about 60 – who has really good sobriety, and I want to ask her to be my sponsor. But, I am also afraid of what people will think of me. Not Hot for my Sponsor Dear Not, First, there are no rules in AA. We have guidelines and experience, and that’s it. History shows that recovery tends to be less risky when men work with men and women work with women. That’s it? No. Of course, there are always exceptions. But many of us come into the rooms with deep emotional wounds, and war-torn bodies and minds. Who are we to say what is best for anyone else?
CrossTalk is based on the premise that recovery life is polytely: frequently, complex problem-solving situations characterized by the presence of not one, but several, endings. This writing represents decades of recovery and its application to life and how to get over it, into it or through it with spunk, levity and a good dose of reality. What? You want more than happy, joyous and free? Get over it. Just sayin’. – Mollé
Dear Mollé: I am three-and-a-half years sober and one year without making myself vomit. With God and a good sponsor, I’ve managed to find a career path that has nothing to do with my old life in the fashion industry. In New York, I lived in turmoil and insanity every day. I rarely, if ever, took a sober breath. I had to leave the state to get sober. I don’t miss the fashion glamour I left, but I do miss the man who left me. He taught me about the finest of everything; we traveled internationally; and the sex was outstanding. I can get over the fashion, but maybe not over him. I tried to contact him earlier in my recovery, but he didn’t return my calls. I am now a clinically certified yoga instructor and work at an internationally renowned organization teaching yoga, meditation and a peaceful way of life. I have traveled domestically, but now I am getting ready to fly to London for work. I am scared. London is where he and I spent a lot of time together and the last place I know he lived. Should I go? My sponsor says to trust God. But, I need more than that. Heart Still Hurts Dear Not Enough, You need more than what? You have what you need. Kudos for doing what it takes to stay clean and for the time and diligence it takes to find a new career. If you stay sober, trust God – I mean the “let go” kind of trust (ask your sponsor what that means) – you will be fine. Going to London in sobriety is like going to a bar in sobriety; if you have a purpose for being there, then go, attend to your business 76
and leave. Be sure to find the number for the Twelve Step Central Office and locate a meeting near your hotel. I’m serious. If something goes wrong, call in your support and exit stage left. It sounds like you do trust God and your sponsor. Now put that trust into action. About the-one-that-got-away . . . I have a sneaking feeling there is some unfinished step work related to that anxiety. I am not a therapist; I am not your sponsor; but I am a woman in recovery who hasn’t forgotten the crazy drama we can create, wailing about the righteous pain of being abandoned. Then wallow in self-pity as we told everyone – over and over again – about “the amazing life we had, until he left me.” There is an odd, morbid sense of relief from reliving the pain — whether it was true, or whether it was only in our minds.
Second, if the intended sponsor is solid in the Steps, balanced emotionally and long enough in sobriety to have good judgment, then who am I or anyone else to judge? With that said, I’ve also seen same sex sponsors hit on their sponsees. Really? I personally don’t recommend having a sponsor of the opposite sex. Anything that puts sexuality and recovery together in the same sentence is, again, risky. Rarely does it work, though it can. Make sure your motives are sound. Get spiritually centered and rigorously honest about your motives, then make the best decision you can. If she says “No,” well, there you go. And remember, don’t take it personally. The viewpoints shared or any implied actions suggested by Mollé are the opinions and ideas of the author only and do not represent those of In Recovery Magazine. The implied action is offered openly and is never intended to replace the advice of a health care professional. To submit a question, contact crosstalk@inrecoverymagazine.com.
Alcohol can make the ugly beautiful and the beautiful ugly. The stained glass of wine and money is really hard to see through. Get your step work done. There may be another side to the story. Dear Mollé: Why is it when someone asks if you would like a drink and you say, “No thanks, I don’t drink,” people always act as though we sober humans are doing something wrong? Like, “Oh my God!! You don’t drink?! Shame on you!” What’s up with that?
In Recovery Magazine
Discover the Mysteries of Nature and the Human Psyche Mindful Retreats for Joyful Sober Living Taking “the step” into the Wilderness
www.earthbasenow.org 949-929-8880
OMG
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Call for Stories We fill up fast! While writing, art and photography submissions must be received by the following deadlines, we must assign your work to a specific issue at least one month before the deadline.
Spring Issue (published March 1st) Summer Issue (published June 1st) Fall Issue (published September 1st) Winter Issue (published December 1st)
Deadline: November 1st Deadline: February 1st Deadline: May 1st Deadline: August 1st
Submission guidelines at inrecoverymagazine.net/go/magazine/submission-guidelines. Email queries to editor@inrecoverymagazine.com.
Fall 2015 - Al-Anon/Family/Adult Children
Did you grow up in an alcoholic family? Have you learned something in Al-Anon or other support groups that you would like to share with others? Are you currently living with an addicted person? Are you a professional working with families in recovery? Tell us your story in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative. Deadline May 1, 2015.
Here at Triple Point, peers help peers understand the three points of life;
The Past, The Present, and The Future.
Through working a strong Twelve Step program we work together to understand the conflicts of our past and present situation. Then we begin to plan for our future, one day at a time.
Winter 2015 - Winter Sober Fun
Two Locations Specializing in:
Do you have some great ideas for sober fun during winter? How about holiday tips and ideas for gifts and parties? Twelve Step craft ideas – in twelve easy steps, of course? Or that all-important exit plan when those holiday occasions become uncomfortable? Send us your Christmas stories and ideas in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative. Deadline August 1, 2015.
PRESCOTT
Structured and Transitional Sober Living
Are you a newcomer to the Twelve Step programs? Do you have an interesting story about being or working with a newcomer? How about some tips and tools for the newcomer? Share your story or information in a 900 to 1,000 word narrative. Deadline May 1, 2015.
Structured Sober Living
For information contact:
Spring 2016 - International Edition Fall 2015 - The Twelve Step Newcomer
COTTONWOOD
BILL ORICK at 928-899-2699
So what does recovery look like in other countries? What are Twelve Step meetings like? What are public opinions and attitudes towards recovery? What treatment opportunities exist in those countries? Do you have an interesting story about recovery in another country? Share your story or information in a 900 to 1,200 word narrative. Deadline November 1, 2015.
bill.triplepointhomes@gmail.com
If you are willing to be honest, open minded and want to change your life, we can help.
Practicing in Prescott Since 2003 Accepting court-ordered, self referrals and, in most cases,major insurances.
A
comprehensive outpatient treatment program, consisting of three phases of treatment, each of which are tailored to suit the individual’s needs and goals, rather than tailoring the individual to meet the program. At Taylor Counseling Services, we are committed to treating the whole person.
Contact us at
(928) 445-0744 78
1660 Willow Creek Road, Suite A Prescott, AZ 86305
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Recovering
Artists
Hank Edwards
Something shifted after that moment. For once in my life, willingness was much stronger than fear. While a resident at Any Length Sober Living in Austin, I began to paint small pieces at the kitchen table. During that time, I visited an alumni function at a treatment center in the Texas Hill Country. While chatting with a friend with close to two decades of sobriety, I mentioned that I wished I could sell my art and be successful enough to make a living; but I really didn’t see it as a possibility. He then said to me something that forever changed the course of my life, “How big is your God?” Within a month, I had sold my first piece of art. Soon after, I received a request to craft a piece of art in trade for designing a website for me. As I developed my signature style, I created new pieces. I also began donating my artwork to various charity events here in the Austin area, which I do to this day. As I continued to show up every day, my commissions increased. People actually liked my style of creative work. The recovery community was a considerable portion of my client base, and they certainly were the launching pad for living my childhood dream. I have clients throughout the US, and last year one of my original pieces even made it to China. In October 2014, I had a very successful solo opening here in Austin and have another opening scheduled for March 2015. I want to make clear that all of the success I have had to date has come directly to me in one form or another. I have not had to chase my dream. I just show up every day, do what I do and leave the results up to something much greater than myself.
Today Edwards spends the majority of his time painting commissioned pieces in the Austin area. He donates his art to charitable auctions and shares his gifts with people in the greater Austin area recovery community.
Hank Edwards is a self-taught artist from Austin, Texas. Although well-versed in all paint mediums, his primary focus is acrylic on canvas. Hank has developed a unique style by mixing acrylic pouring techniques with realism and portrait work, concentrating on vibrant, contrasting colors. Edwards’ creative side exhibited itself in early childhood as he realized he could escape while drawing and painting – even during church services. Throughout his high school years, Edwards felt art would have a prominent place in his adult life. However, within a short period of time after graduating, he found himself caught up in the rat race of life. With the exception of a few doodles here and there and the occasional tattoo flash design for a friend, his artistic endeavors all but ceased. For nearly two decades, the drive for success had Edwards firmly in its grip, smothering his flame of creativity to a flicker. But, as Edwards often says, “God had different ideas for me.” In June of 2012, I arrived in Austin, Texas, with a duffel bag, having left a recovery center in Dickinson, Texas. It was all I had left after losing a successful 13-year career as the sole successor to a freight brokerage company in Temple, Texas. I had no idea what my life would look like from this point forward. The only option I had was to follow direction. It was suggested that I begin to utilize morning prayer and meditation. Shortly after my arrival in Austin, I simply asked one morning, “What do you want me to do?” The answer was direct and very simple, “Buy some paint.” With the $40 I had left to my name, I did just that. 80
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Hank Edwards
God gave me this gift from birth. It was just not time for me to experience and share it until now.
– Hank Edwards
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Truth or Dare
Then, someone tapped me on the shoulder. Ohhhh, how could I forget the little man who sits on my shoulder? No, not the bearded man who pushed away that boulder, his nemesis – PURE EVIL! E-V-I-L, now put a “D” in front of those letters and go straight to Hell! Go through the fire and take a right at the fork in the road and that’s where I dwell, where my eyes are filled with tears.
By James “Bucky” Buchmeyer
Now, I need something to fix me, my solution to life. Maybe play some games with the opposite sex – get a wife?
I sat there quietly in an empty room across from the dealer and rubbed my hands gently on the green felt before him. Hit me! Ace on top of the one-eyed jack, facedown was the suicide king. I flipped my card, the fluorescent light bounced off my ring. 21, but I’m not done.
Been there; done that. My heart is still mending. It shouldn’t be this hard. I’ll try gambling; pull that handle on the slot machine. I tried that, too. I hate losing all that green. I’ll resort to what I know best. Doing drugs till my heart beats out of my chest. I question myself. Should I drink? Should I use?
The dealer reached into his pocket and pulled out his gun. I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop. I was blind, but I could see. The dealer cocked back and pointed the barrel straight at me.
No I can’t. Yes I can. I won’t. I will. I must, and I already have. Goddamn! It happened again! The drugs are inside of me, controlling my mind.
I started to run. I can’t die tonight; I’m my mother’s only son. This wasn’t a game of cards. It was a game of discards. I was about to be discarded, thrown in the trash. I thought I took my last breath; I was close to death.
The Devil leaped from my shoulder, made his way into my nose. The Devil was a shape-shifter. I had nowhere to hide. I’ll never forget the look in his eyes as he stripped me and bound me with industrial-sized zip ties.
I was spun from all the meth; the despair had already begun eating away my insides like a rotting apple core.
What have I got myself into? This is causing so much stress! Where is God to get me out of this mess?
Four months later, I was still begging for more. More! More! MORE! I was trapped in a four-cornered room, darkness slipping through the cracks. I whistled in the dark to find my way, to find my way back to the drug that took my life away. It was a night like any other, confined to my own self-constructed prison.
Dear God, I don’t know if you’re there. Can you please, please end this game of truth or dare? Save me from taking my last gasp of air? If you’re reading this poem, something answered my prayer.
I was left all alone – no mother, no father. Where are you Mom and Dad?! It’s me Bucky! I have my mind and my drugs, and it’s getting real bad. 84
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The last words my father said to me before he died were, “I want you to continue to help people with your words and your writing.” As a poet and a man in recovery, it is my purpose to help others find freedom. But if nothing else, I want to honor my father’s legacy. – James “Bucky” Buchmeyer
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A Knock at the Door By Z Lu Alexander From deep in the quiet, Love knocked on the door
Distortions exposed, illusions dispelled,
of the heart I’d been wanting to set free to soar.
by the sword of discernment, each fear-thought was felled,
Apprehension aside, I chose Love within,
‘til Beauty’d been given enough room to grow.
to trust my own heart as authority again.
And then, in that moment, I came to KNOW
It was scary to trust (I’d been hurt so much!)
what Love had been saying to me from the start:
But defenses melted in the light of Love’s touch.
“Let go! Choose Trust –Trust in your Heart!!”
Self-confidence grew, day by day . . .
So I did! I re-opened, acknowledged my worth;
The bulwark I’d constructed began breaking away,
and as I did, my Beauty sprang forth!
and as it did, I came to discover
Angels were singing! They rallied around!
both demons and gold I had put undercover.
And speaking through me? Heart’s authentic sound!
Out into Love’s light came those parts of my being
I conquered the demons; I said no to fear.
I’d staunchly protected anyone from seeing:
I embraced the joys and delights I hold dear.
my hopes, my needs, the depth of my feeling,
In the light of self love, strength was felt.
my secrets and fears, all came up for healing.
I found my Source. I found . . . my Self.
Expansion continued, Love pervaded the depths;
From a small knock on the door, the fear paradigm died . . .
each dusty crevice uncovered, then swept.
Now, my whole life’s ascending – choosing Heart as my guide.
I confronted the fears; Mind put up a fight.
Z Lu Alexander c 2014
But none matched the Power – the Power of Light.
After several frustrating, confusing decades, Alexander finally surrendered and accepted the fact that her “career” is her inner work. Through many changes in her outer life – downsizings, firings, deaths, moves and the loss of jobs, income, parents, sister, husband, extended family, long-lived dogs and cats, home, car, identities, friends and lover – her inner work never let up. The only thing constant, truly reliable and the creator of it all, abides inside her Heart. Ultimately, Alexander came to trust her Higher Power and to love and accept herself.
As fears dissolved, the Beauty emerged. The Beauty of my Truth, too long submerged, came forth with a vengeance, determined to live! (Oh! Who could have known I’d have SO much to give?) Not until I was ready – ready to see – could I possibly know of the Beauty in me . . . But Love knew, and constantly urged me to look, steadfast and unfailing with each step that I took, guiding me through every thought, every feeling, from the floor of my Will to the top of its ceiling. 86
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James Welch
Taos Pueblo II Crow Series I
Twelve Steps into the Light Flowers at Squibb House
The Old Road Yard at Moonstone Beach
Piedras Blancas
While studying for my English literature PhD, I specialized in the 19th century, a period in which the art of watercolor achieved maturity – J.M.W. Turner and John Singer Sargent top the list of great masters of the medium. While I was living in Houston, Texas, during the 1970s, my interest in both art and watercolor intensified. In both words and images, my development has gone from theory to practice. I got sober in 1984. Other than going to Twelve Step meetings, I had free time on my hands in the evenings. I was living in Washington DC, so I registered for figure drawing classes at the Smithsonian. After completing several of their courses, I enrolled in a watercolor class at the Alexandria Art League in the old Torpedo Factory down on the waterfront in Old Town Alexandria, Virginia. In lovely places such as the Catskills and Santa Fe, New Mexico, I began taking week-long watercolor classes from artists whose work I admired.
Recovery’s impact on the creative imagination is part of that restoration to sanity promised in Step Two. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” (Alcoholics Anonymous) James Donald Welch’s work may be seen at his online gallery, JamesWelchStudio.etsy.com.
Piedras Blancas
In 1994, my work was exhibited in a one-man show at the Galeria Apeiron in Caracas, Venezuela. My paintings have been in open exhibitions of the Taos Watercolor Society (1995) and the Georgia Watercolor Society (1996). 88
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Low Tide, North of Little Pico Creek
Addiction is a complex and little understood disorder of one’s personality that distorts the ability to process emotions in a normal manner. Recovery, I believe, always has an impact on the creative process. Because creating is a progressive process, just as addiction is progressive, the degree and nature of that impact develops over time. The progress of addiction is unpredictable – and so is the progress of recovery.
Pico Creek
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Gwen Henderson I became startlingly aware of clarity more than 17 years ago; and in that moment, I wanted an intimate connection between my spirit and all that was around me. I was sober from the inside out for the first time in my life; and, at age 42, I was perceiving the world as never before. In early recovery, my eyes began to see things with an intriguing simplicity and lucidity. I was excited about my sobriety and this newfound sense of awareness. The problem was how to capture my profoundly personal vision of the world in a tangible medium. Photography became my vehicle. The only camera I’d ever used was a disposable one I’d bought at a drugstore. Even at this infant stage of photography, I was able to capture some
IN THE PM DESIGN is the official graphic designer for IN RECOVERY MAGAZINE. If you like what you see in this issue, and are thinking of creating an eye catching look for your business, call us today. With over 35 years experience in the commercial printing and advertising industry, we can give you the image you have been searching for. From business cards to brochures, presentation folders to business signage, logo design to promotional design, advertising to image branding, IN THE PM DESIGN can service almost all of your advertising needs. Call today and we’ll help you take your image to a whole new level.
wonderful glimpses of the world around me. Then I stepped up to a smart phone. With this incredible technology, I was able to take some of the most amazing shots; yet, the intimacy I was seeing with my eyes was still missing in the images. Despite being a true novice to photography, my desire propelled me to capture moments, sights and feelings with simplicity. Finally armed with a Nokia camera, the clarity of my inner vision is beginning to emerge in my photos. Recovery has given me more than just sobriety. It has given me familiarity with my own spirit, courage to dream, hope to inspire others and faith that God is leading me closer to my true self. Recovery has shown me the light that shines within me. I share this light with others through the medium of my photography. 90
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Spring 2015
PATRICIA MASTROBUONI Graphic Designer
CELL: 949.887.4071 OFFICE: 928.379.6820 inthepmdesign@gmail.com
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In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
Spring 2015
In Recovery Magazine
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Maintenance Special
Tire Special
10OFF $20OFF
$
Announcing: Gender-Separate Residential Treatment Programming and Housing
ANY OIL CHANGE ANY SET OF TIRES Most cars & light trucks. See store for complete details. Expires 4/15/15.
Set of 4 tires. See store for complete details. Expires 4/15/15.
JORY WISOCKI 928-899-8076
JAY WISOCKI 928-899-3882
WILDERNESS FIRST RECOVERY, LLC • SOBER LIVING FACILITY
2215 East Calvery Lane, Prescott, AZ 86301 Wilderness1st@yahoo.com • WildernessFirstRecovery.com
At The Sundance Center, holistic addiction treatment isn’t a catch phrase. Our program is overseen by a fulltime, onsite naturopathic physician and a team of master’s level clinicians that take a truly integrative approach to healing. Utilizing traditional and complementary medicines, our clients go on to live sober, satisfying lives.
• • • • •
Dual Diagnosis TreaTmenT inTegraTeD PsychiaTry equine anD roPes course emDr anD DBT skills grouPs yoga, meDiTaTion anD BoDy awareness grouPs • mulTiPle inDiviDual sessions weekly • insurance accePTeD
SundanceCenter.com 866-945-7083
(Individuals pictured are models used for illustrative purposes only.)
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In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
Spring 2015
In Recovery Magazine
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In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015
Spring 2015
In Recovery Magazine
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PUTTING PROFIT INTO PRACTICE - Specialists in Behavioral Healthcare Billing - Experts in Insurance - Partner in Profitability
855-552-2455 www.billingsolutions.net
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In Recovery Magazine
Spring 2015