Volume 9 Fall 2014
Mackenzie Phillips She’s All About Service
Young at Heart Today!
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From Street to Recovery
Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
Letter from the Publisher
P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, AZ 86304 CEO/Publisher
Kim Welsh
Editor in Chief
Janet A. Hopkins
Executive Assistant Senior Copy/Proof Editor Copy/Proof Editors
Subscriptions Advertising Sales Layout/Design Graphic Artist/Ad Design Cover Photo Kay’s Kitchen CrossTalk Book Review Meditation Dr. Deb Peer to Peer Travelin’ Sober Man BodyTalk Recovery Tech
Julie Jaquette Rebecca (Becca) Fields Peggi Bird Barbara Schuderer Sarah Andrews John Schuderer Seth Born Kim Welsh Patricia Mastrobuoni Stefani Welsh Photography Kay Luckett Stephanie Mole Lena H. Michael Lyding Deb Laino Bill W. Bob Kocher Victoria Able Ashley Loeb
Kim, age 3
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oughly two years ago, I changed the direction of my life. With the help of God and my sponsor, I realized my true calling as the first issue of In Recovery Magazine went to print in August of 2012. It was an almost weightless publication, with more heart and hope than quality in its 32 pages; yet people read it. I knew then that I was onto something – and that I needed to continue this journey into the world of recovery. Since that flagship issue, the magazine has grown tremendously. Now into our ninth issue, we have just taken another leap of faith as we move into the newsstands alongside the likes of People Magazine, Cosmopolitan and Psychology Today. In Recovery Magazine might even end up as a household name. Why shouldn’t we be on the porch with the big dogs? Isn’t recovery at least as important as celebrity gossip, fashion and new trends in psychology . . . if not more so? Mackenzie Phillips, a woman I so admire, has placed her personal recovery in the limelight as she shares her experience, strength and hope with our readers. She has devoted her life to doing something positive about the horrible disease of addiction and the people who are dying from it each day. In my book, she’s a hero. As she readily admits, she’s just one of many recovering heroes out there – the heroes who fill the pages of In Recovery Magazine each and every issue. As you thumb through the pages of this “Young at Heart” issue, I hope you find the way to your inner child, as Stephen Nachmanovitch described, “[that] most potent muse of all . . .” Unleash your inner kid – run outside and play, laugh and frolic. If anyone looks askance at your antics, just smile and ask them if they would like to play, too.
Kim Welsh Kim Welsh
In Recovery Magazine reserves the right to editorial control of all articles, stories and Letters to the Editor. In Recovery Magazine assumes no responsibility for errors within its publication. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the policies of In Recovery Magazine and should not be construed as endorsements. Furthermore, In Recovery Magazine will not be responsible for any claims, losses or damages (whether direct or indirect) arising out of or relating to the use of or reliance on the contents of this magazine.
Publisher, In Recovery Magazine publisher@inrecoverymagazine.com
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No part of this magazine or any of its contents may be reproduced, copied, modified or adapted, without the prior written consent of the author and/or publisher, unless otherwise indicated for stand-alone materials. Materials contained in this magazine are subject to copyright and other proprietary rights. The publication of any advertisement is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered unless it is specifically stated in the ad that there is such approval or endorsement. © In Recovery Magazine 2012. All Rights Reserved. The magazine is a nonpartisan publication published quarterly by founder and publisher, Kim Welsh. In Recovery Magazine is distributed by Media Solutions, Inc.
Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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Contents - Fall 2014
Young at Heart
pg 6 Cover Story
Mackenzie Phillips
She’s all About Service Photos by Stefani Welsh photography
She’s All About Service . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 6
Perspective: The New Sober . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 46
A Sense of Joy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 10
A Man Walks into a Bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 48
The Teen Project . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 12
A Family’s Road to Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 50
Rise Together. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 14
Meditation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 51
The Street to Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . pg 18
Travelin’ Sober Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 52
Mindful Meditation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 22
BodyTalk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 54
CrossTalk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 24
Happy Endings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 58
Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 26
Young and Behind Bars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 60
The Opiate Epidemic and the Young Addict . . . . . . pg 28
Teens Teach Us . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 62
The Heart of a Child . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 30
Book Review . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 64
The Law of Sobriety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 34
My Dance with Addiction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 70
Teen Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 36
Recovery Schools: An Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 72
Reach out Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 38
Recovery Tech . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 78
The Parent Blame Game . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 40
Dr. Deb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 80
A Youth in Recovery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 42
Recovering Artists . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 81
No Stranger to Trauma . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 44
Letters to the Editor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 89
Peer to Peer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 45
The Pulse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . pg 90
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In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
Letter from the Editor Janet, age six
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ith this issue we enter our third year of publication. I can hardly believe it! The time has flown by as we have learned better ways to do this thing we’re doing. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I think I can safely say for both Kim and me that we are still feeling “young at heart” about the magazine – thanks to the support and encouragement from all of you. Our letters to you, our readers, are a chance for us to make a personal connection with each of you, to tell you what is on our minds as we ship yet another magazine off to the printer. Though I do admit to having just a touch of gray, I believe what Tom Robbins said in Still Life with Woodpecker, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” With your help, we are doing just that – happily enjoying the opportunity to reveal to you the lives and talents of your fellow “trudgers”.
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As usual, all our writers have done an excellent job translating in various ways our fall theme of “Young at Heart”. It’s always inspiring to read the many perspectives people have on any given subject. We are so fortunate. As Sophia Loren so aptly said, “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.” In this issue we hear from writers all across the country who have clearly tapped into their talents and creativity. With candor and wisdom they share their stories of tragedies averted, of hope, of recovery schools and of families in recovery, to mention just a few. We also introduce two new columns we think you’ll enjoy – Ashley Loeb of Lionrock Recovery shares her expertise with technology and recovery, and Bob Kocher of In This Life/ Travel Sober imparts some helpful travel tips. We know you have something to share with others. We invite you to send us your stories or letters expressing your thoughts and suggestions. Tell us about your experiences in recovery. In other words, feel free to become involved in the production of future issues of In Recovery Magazine. We look forward to hearing from you!
Learn more at
schickshadelflorida.com/irm or call
1-844-CRAVING (1-844-272-8464)
Until next time,
Janet A. Hopkins Editor, In Recovery Magazine editor@inrecoverymagazine.com
5960 SW 106th Avenue | Cooper City, FL 33328 * Based on results of a verified, independent survey of former Seattle patients (success measured as total abstinence for one year and assessed by self-evaluation), against published success rates from verified, comparable studies of other medical institutions.
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In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
She’s All About Service A beloved actress whose life was once deeply troubled by drug and alcohol abuse, Mackenzie Phillips is now clean, sober and committed to sharing her recovery with others. By Kim Welsh
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n February 2014, I attended the annual Writers in Treatment Experience, Strength and Hope award ceremony at the Skirball Cultural Center in Los Angeles. This year the award went to Carrie White for her book, Upper Cut: Highlights of My Hollywood Life. Numerous celebrities turned out to celebrate with her. To my excitement, I found myself sitting at the same table with Mackenzie Phillips, former star of the hugely popular ’70s sitcom One Day at a Time and daughter of John Phillips, who was a member of the 1960s rock and roll band, The Mamas & the Papas. I did my best to appear nonchalant and confident, but inside I was giddy as a school girl. As I eavesdropped, intent on learning what celebrities talk about, I was surprised to hear recovery talk. Mackenzie was talking about sponsorship and working with others. I realized she was a woman in recovery just as I am, and I felt myself relax. As I listened to Mackenzie, I was reminded of my early life, a time of innocence before I became a prisoner of my disease. I knew I wasn’t the only one who would find a connection to a lost youth through this beautiful lady. Her conversation gave me the courage, the nudge, to ask her if she would consider sharing her story of recovery with our In Recovery Magazine readers. I was thrilled when she said, “Yes, I’d love to.” A month later at my mother’s house in Malibu, I’m preparing to do a photo shoot and interview with Mackenzie. She’s about to arrive and I’m not even nervous . . . I don’t know why, but I’m relaxed and at ease. It’s a beautiful day, and I feel as though a friend is coming to spend the day with me. As she watches me and my niece, Stefani, owner of Stefani Welsh Photography, bustling around getting ready for the shoot, my mother is as calm and cool as ever. Christina Rivera, a recent graduate of the California Beauty Academy, listens to my last minute instructions for hair and makeup. Mackenzie, known to her friends as Mack, and her publicist Valerie Allen, arrive precisely on time. Introductions are made; and within moments I begin to become better acquainted with Mack. She’s open and warm, and I feel as though I’ve known her my whole life. Fall 2014
There is no shortage of articles written about Mack, so I decide to talk program with her – a language we are both comfortable speaking.
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While you are known around the world for your acting career and for the incredibly talented family of which you’re a part, I’d like to know more about your personal recovery. What makes your recovery work? I live and breathe recovery. I love alcoholics and addicts; they’re my people! We make the best friends; we’re the hardest workers; and we truly care about one another. I’m passionate about recovery and my commitment to the Twelve Steps. I absolutely love being clean and sober. I don’t believe it’s necessarily about the amount of time a person has, but it is the quality of time [in recovery] that matters. As I was driving here, I had to laugh. I looked in the back seat of my car, and all I could see back there was recovery literature and chips. It’s about service. I have a home group. I have the most amazing sponsor; I love that woman! I experience insecurities and self doubt. Do you ever go through that? Are you kidding? Of course, I do. Alcoholism is a disease that lives below the realm of consciousness. It is an inner dialog that tells me, “You’re not good enough; people won’t like you.” How do you cope with these insecurities? I pray to God to remove these thoughts from me. After all, they’re not real; they are creations of my mind. I also try to stay in the moment. As long as I focus on the present, right here, right now, I’m good; I’m happy; I’m fine. The Twelve Steps are my cure for a healthy stream of consciousness. I no longer suffer from the drinking; it’s my thinking I’m always working on.
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You have faced many issues common to alcoholics and addicts, and a few which most of us were fortunate to have missed. How did you protect your sensitive inner child as you walked through the difficult events of your early recovery? How did you maintain your sanity?
In a January 2014 article for People Magazine, you were quoted as saying, “The more people that laugh and giggle and make fun of a wasted celebrity who’s in handcuffs, the fewer people are going to go out and find recovery for themselves . . .”
EMDR [Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing] therapy helped a lot. I now have less emotional attachment to the experiences of my past. I can talk about the past without melting into a heap of hysteria. I’m in touch with my inner child today. In the beginning, I wasn’t. I haven’t done much work around my inner child, but it’s because of my recovery that I can have fun today. I’m shocked by my chronological age. It’s hard for me to believe I’m in my 50s. I still feel like a kid. I wake up each day in awe and wonder about the world and what life has in store for me.
Because it sells, addiction is vilified and sensationalized in the media. Recovery seems to happen behind the scenes. How do you see protecting the Twelve Step tradition of anonymity and yet letting those still suffering know there is help readily available – especially for high-profile people?
Even though celebrity opens doors, being one can be difficult. Bill Wilson spoke about this and about his depression
and anxiety as a result of not being able to be just “an ordinary member of AA”. People would break his anonymity or stand up and clap when he visited meetings. Do you find this an aspect of your own recovery? How do you deal with it? Sometimes that happens to me. On occasion someone will ask me for my autograph in a meeting. I tell them if we happen to run into each other at the store or out and about, sure. But that’s not why either of us are [at the meeting]. I’ve been going to my home group for many years now, and everyone knows me. There, I’m just one of many. 8
That’s the question for the ages. If we are going to de-stigmatize recovery, we need to, so to speak, come out of the closet. What worked in 1935 may not be what’s best for 2014 and beyond. With so many in need of recovery today, how do we expect people to find recovery if they can’t find us? We are on the precipice. Anonymity is a personal choice.
I want to be of service; not being anonymous lets me do this at a higher level. Don’t get me wrong; I respect the Twelve Traditions, but it doesn’t mean I always want to. You work with Pasadena Recovery Center (PRC). There are so many other things you could be doing. Why do you take the time to support the work at PRC as a recovery and treatment advocate? Because of my time on Celebrity Rehab, I came back to PRC to speak on a panel. Afterward, Michael Bloom [owner and
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
president of PRC] called and asked me out to lunch. He said, “I have an idea . . .” I hoped he was getting ready to offer me a job. He did, and I haven’t looked back.
[post-production movie], North Blvd [completed movie] and Blackout [completed short film]. I keep as busy with acting as I want to be.
I work part-time so I still have time to pursue other things, such as watching Game of Thrones with my son. I’m passionate about the work we do at PRC. Michael really cares about the clients. It gives me joy to see their transformation from when they arrive with their heads down, looking defeated; then within a couple of weeks they start becoming curious and asking questions [about addiction and recovery]. Sharing my experience, strength and hope with them helps me stay sober.
In September 2009, my first book, High on Arrival: A Memoir, was released, which I co-wrote with author Hilary Liftin. I am working on a new book deal, but I can’t share the details yet.
Can you tell me about your monthly speaker series?
Are there any final words about addiction and recovery you would like to leave with our readers?
I have so much fun at these events. It’s free to the community; we have fellowship, lunch and some amazing speakers. We enjoy bestselling authors, such as [actress] Kristen Johnston, and experts in treatment modalities like Bob Forrest [program director at Acadia Malibu, drug counselor, vocalist and lyricist] who appeared on Celebrity Rehab and Sober House. It shows our clients more of what’s happening outside in the world. What are you working on now? I hear there might be a new book on the horizon?
I am also very excited to be a student at the Institute of Chemical Dependency Studies (ICDS) - Sober College, completing the educational requirements to become a Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor (CADC) in California.
Addiction is not just a Hollywood problem; though we still hear so much about addicted celebrities. What about the boy down the street? What about our sons and daughters? People everywhere are dying from this disease. My people are dying from this disease! We have to smash the idea that recovering addicts and alcoholics should remain in the shadows. It’s exactly where the disease wants us to stay. And it’s exactly the mindset that will keep recovery from the people who need it most.
I have several acting projects in the works, including The Sparrows [TV Series, pre-production], The Secret Place
“I live and breathe recovery. I love alcoholics and addicts; they’re my people!” Mackenzie Phillips
A Sense of Joy By Todd Branston
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n June 12, 2014, I celebrated 34 years of sobriety. While I had found my own path to recovery, support group meetings were a regular part of my sobriety for the first ten years of my new life. I have occasionally attended meetings during the past 24 years. When I was about 20 years sober, I was approached by a woman at a meeting who told me she resonated with what I had said and wanted to get sober. She also wanted to continue taking opiates. I am not familiar with any agency that allows a patient to decide their own detox protocol. I was curious about her background. She told me she was 49 years old. I was floored, as she looked 85 years old. She had given up on life, and her emotional age had yet to catch up with her chronological or apparent physical age. Several times she went out of her way to tell me that she was “old”. Not old in the sense of being in the sunset of her life, but old because she couldn’t find a way to experience any joy and was essentially “done”. It was important to her that I understood she felt “old”. I have worked with older adults for a significant part of my clinical career. While supporting them in their continued sobriety, I have developed ways to assist them in increasing joy in their lives, as well as to help them develop a sense of ease in their recovery. These same folks, essentially housed in nursing homes or assisted living facilities, found ways to connect with others and engage in pro-social activities. Before we began our work together, they felt “old”. But after meeting other people and doing what they loved to do, they were able to move beyond the confines of their physical limitations and their self-imposed prisons to a place where they felt young again. They found joy in their lives, and I felt honored to see them blossom.
Some believe that a system comprised of energy centers, known as meridians, runs through the body and stimulates Chi, or the life force, and promotes youth and longevity. The martial arts connect these meridians. I neither know if this is true, nor do I understand the mechanics behind how this works. But I don’t need to. The various martial arts, including Tai Chi and other energy practices, have been followed by millions of people for thousands of years. Many people who practice Tai Chi on a regular basis insist that their practice keeps them young and has staved off dementia. It is difficult to argue with the anecdotal evidence of so many people. Many years ago, I spoke with one of my mentors about my fear of getting old. I was concerned I would become like one of my relatives – someone who hated being alive. My mentor explained I have a choice in the kind of old person I will become. She was right. At nearly 50 years old, I am convinced that my commitment to recovery, my practice of the martial arts and my own personal work has kept my spirit young. I hope you, too, find a way to remain young, even if it is just being young at heart. I wish you good luck as you follow your path to joy and happiness. Todd Branston is a Seattle therapist who has worked in inpatient and outpatient addiction settings for over 29 years, as well as in the Department of Corrections and as the director of counseling for a large chemical dependency hospital. Branston is currently providing in-home chemical dependency engagement with (mostly) seniors. He believes that sobriety is a skill which can be taught, and each person’s recovery path is unique. tbranston@gmail.com, askanaddictioncounselor.com
My path to personal growth centers on the martial arts. At first I practiced various forms of karate and gung fu (a form of kung fu). During the following 18 years, I was involved in Aikido; and during the last 11 years, I’ve been engaged in the practice of Judo. When I work out I feel more alive. I like the martial arts, especially Judo. Judo is particularly interesting to me because it requires takedowns, a significant knowledge of grappling (techniques and counters applied to an opponent in order to gain a physical advantage), a willingness to be thrown and a commitment to participate until the completion of the technique. 10
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The Teen Project By Lauri Burns
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eople ask me all the time, “How do you do it? Work a full-time job an hour commute from your home, run a charity, have foster kids, work out, go to meetings and sleep?” I usually reply, “A few shots of espresso and a carpool sticker.” However, the truth is it’s because 13 angels crossed my path at different times in my sobriety. All were ordinary people delivering extraordinary messages. In 2010, I published my memoir, Punished for Purpose, to give to the world what I had learned. Little did I know at the time, my amazing journey was just beginning. Many years ago someone said to me, “You can settle for an ordinary life, or you can be unreasonable and live an extraordinary life.” At first, “unreasonable” sounded like a negative thing; but he explained he meant I had to quit coming up with reasons why I can’t do something; and I had to create the possibility that I can do anything! A few years later I crossed paths with an elderly woman who possessed a great deal of wisdom and psychic intuition. She looked at me with seriousness in her eyes and said, “Lauri, one day you will be a young girl swinging on a swing, and the next day you will be an old lady.” As she snapped her fingers loudly, she continued, “Your life will go by just like that. Make sure you do what you are here to do before your life is over!” For reasons I can’t explain, I knew these and the other messages I received from my angels were of paramount importance. At the beginning of my sobriety, I started a women’s meeting at my home because I was afraid if they didn’t come 12
to me, I might stop going to them. One night a new girl attended. She shared with the group that she and her daughter were living in a crack house. She said she wanted to get into treatment, but couldn’t leave her daughter at the crack house. Being a single mom with a seven-year-old daughter myself and working on being unreasonable, I offered to watch her daughter for a month. People in the program had given me so much; I wanted to pay it forward. After two months had passed, the woman hadn’t returned for her child. I called her sober living home only to learn she had relapsed. Here I was: twenty-six years old, a single mom with a seven-year-old and now, in addition, a twelve-year-old. Little did I know that this was just the beginning of an amazing journey! Over the next several years the flood gates opened. By the time my biological daughter left for college, I was a foster mom. My daughter had seventeen foster sisters and one amazing brother. Currently I have thirty children, ten grandsons and one granddaughter. People always ask me, “How big is your house??!!!” The kids usually came to live with me by age 15 or 16, grew up and moved out. They were not all there at the same time. I have always worked full-time, mostly in the computer field. I worked for a large firm for many years where I was a network engineer, a sales consultant and a project manager. I left this job for a fabulous position as Director of Information Technology for a new firm with an annual salary of $90k. Thirty days after I started my new job, I reported unethical
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Fall 2014
behavior and was subsequently fired. Although I understood at some level that I was the new person and my employer had no reason to believe me, I found myself unemployed and devastated. Standing outside that office I thought about everything I had learned from my angels over the years. I said to myself, “You’ve put together networks, sold contracts and managed projects. What does any company really have to offer you that you can’t do yourself?” I had about two months worth of savings in the bank. I said to myself, “Lauri, all you need is a fax, a phone and a computer; and you can start your own company.” I made a deal with God that if in one month it didn’t work out, I would get a job. I figured since I could do almost everything myself, I wouldn’t need a lot of administrative staff; but I would need engineers. I called five of the best engineers I knew. These guys worked for $45 per hour, the company they worked for charged $150 per hour for their services. So I asked them, “What if I charge my customers $125 per hour, pay you $100 per hour; and then I keep $25?” They loved it! I sold my first deal, and the engineers joined me. The next year I made $320k. While the money was nice, the ultimate lesson was stepping out into unknown territory in faith. After launching several businesses, I decided to create an acronym for the methodology responsible for my success to include in my book, so I could teach it to others. The acronym is MASTER: Maintain the belief that you can do it, Add something every day, See the results in your mind as if it already exists, Talk about it with everyone, Eliminate negative people who do not support your goals and develop Relationships with successful people who can help. In 2007, I started waking up early every morning. I would wake up and look at the clock; it would be exactly 3:00 a.m. I thought my sprinklers were going off and waking me; but I checked, and they weren’t. One night after sharing this at a meeting, a Native American man approached me and said, “You know, my people believe the spirits talk the loudest at 3:00 a.m. God may be trying to tell you something.” I started praying and listening. Within a month’s time, I had accepted a volunteer position on the local foster care advisory board. At the first meeting I attended, two men reported that they had been following a few kids who had left foster care, but they had lost track of them. I was shocked! Fall 2014
Lost them? Did they die? They mentioned the word “emancipation”. I rushed home from the meeting and Googled the word. Tears rolled down my face as I read the stats. There were 25,000 kids turning 18 each year and aging out of foster care. Sixty-five percent of them were homeless. They walked straight out onto the streets to homelessness. I was devastated. The next day, with the help of Legal Zoom, I started a charity. Talking to everyone I knew became the core of my project. Within one month, I had $400 in donations; less than a year later I had raised $180,000. Within two years, I had over 100 volunteers and donors. We created a sober college home, a street outreach, a drop-in center and an online National Shelter Database. We established a national text service, so any kid could text the word “shelter” and his/her zip code and find a shelter within 30 seconds on the phone’s GPS. And remember, I still worked full-time. It was easy because everyone I asked for support gave it. We all put in a little and created something really big. Last November, two men in the program came to me and asked if I knew of a project manager who could launch a charity. They had a vision for a place called Freehab where the poorest people could get free treatment. One man envisioned a huge warehouse with a barracks-type situation. The other wanted to find a closed treatment center. I told them I thought I might be able to help. I immediately began MASTERing their dream. Within three months, God led me to a treatment center with an attached warehouse that had closed. It was all great until the two men backed out. There I was with a huge facility and little to no money. However, as I thought of the possibility of having a huge facility for aged-out foster youth, I knew what I had to do! I had to begin MASTERing my dream. I recently opened a free drug and alcohol treatment center and on-site trade school (in the warehouse) for 100 kids. Just this week, I gave notice at my full-time job. I know now, more than ever, that our God has extraordinary plans for the most ordinary people. The truth is that my greatest triumphs rise from the ashes of my darkest days. Listen to God when He whispers. Dream big, and never say, “This is a bad day”, as it may be the first day of your new, extraordinary life.
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Rise Toget By Anthony Alvarado
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n June of 2013, Anthony Alvarado and Douglas Darby began talking with each other about their histories and downfalls with drugs. They decided to step up to the plate, to own up to their past mistakes and together to share their stories to help decrease drug overdoses and the use of heroin, as well as other drugs throughout Wisconsin and beyond. With that in mind, they started a movement they called Rise Together. For both founders, the road to sobriety started about the same time. Looking back, it would be hard to say whether that was a coincidence or a miracle. These two addicts were both traveling on a path of destruction. Darby, now 29, saw the worst come out of him. He was a liar, a manipulator and a desperate addict. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do to get his next fix. At one point when his heroin ran out, Darby lost control of himself and robbed two drugstores; nothing could stop him from getting high. His bottom came on the day he decided he would be better off dead. “I thought my life was over,” said Darby. “I wanted to fall sleep and have the pain stop.” The pain finally stopped when he became willing to say, “I just want a new way to live.” With those words, he took his first step into recovery.
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After spending almost three years in prison, Darby found himself in the worst of places, and yet he continued to find things to smile about. Drugs no longer controlled his life. He dove into sharing his story with other addicts. His life mission became giving back to the community he once hurt. He took his fight against drugs into the local schools, believing the way to curb drug abuse was through education and awareness. Darby continues his fight against drug abuse through Rise Together. Alvarado, now 30, is no stranger to the damages caused by drug addiction. Despite living in a rural area, by the age of 14 he was already experimenting with alcohol and various drugs. For the next ten years heavy drug use in all forms filled his life. His days were riddled with lying, stealing, depression, anger, deceit, shame, bitterness and loss of self worth. Overdoses and suicidal thoughts were common during his last few years of drug use. Alvarado knew his drug abuse would most certainly lead him to death. The using lifestyle of dealing drugs, getting into trouble with the law and spending time in jail began to lose its charm for Alvarado. Nearly seven years ago, toward the end of his drug use, Alvarado’s three-year-old son squeezed his
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
ther father’s cheeks, looked into his eyes and cried, “Don’t die, Daddy. Please don’t die. I love you!” The lights finally turned on, and he started on the road to long-term recovery.
of family, friends and the Twelve Step fellowship, Luedke became clean and sober.
Now clean and sober, Alvarado believes his drug use made him who he is today. As a full-time father, his family and children are top priority. Much of his life has improved. “I have a new sense of motivation in life,” says Alvarado. “I truly believe I was put on earth to help others. The story I tell today may help someone make it to tomorrow. That’s beautiful; it’s what miracles are about.”
Now a substance abuse counselor with Libertas Treatment, Luedke carries the message of hope and recovery for those still suffering from addiction. Through Rise Together, he hopes to help strengthen the recovery community, as well as those affected by addiction. Hate the addiction; don’t hate the addict. Recovery does work, and Rise Together’s success proves the power of putting a face to recovery and helping end the stigma of addiction.
Rise Together has grown so quickly that Darby and Alvarado recently welcomed a new partner, Tyler Luedke. Luedke, age 28, notes his drug of choice was the word yes, because he had difficulty saying no to anything. On June 7, 2008, when he nearly killed two children one block from his home, his life changed. He was driving with a blood alcohol content of .41, which was nearly five times the legal limit.
Today these recovering addicts enjoy sharing their mission and stories with people. Between 2011 and 2012, their home state of Wisconsin has seen a nearly 60% increase in opiate-related overdoses. There is also a rising epidemic of pain medication and other street drug abuse, together with the criminal activity directly related to this drug abuse. These problems are found in both inner cities and small towns.
Luedke also struggled with marijuana and other drugs. From an early age, he enjoyed the way substances made him feel part of the crowd. His only means of coping with the pain of losing close friends and the deaths of loved ones was found in the bottom of a bottle or with the lighting of a drug pipe.
These three men believe now is the time to take action. They carry their message to high schools, middle schools, prisons, rehab facilities and prevention groups throughout their community. They coined the term “social intervention”, taking their counseling and peer-to-peer mentor services to social media platforms such as their Facebook page, facebook.com/weallrisetogether, and other online platforms to reach young people in their communities and guide them to helpful resources.
He ended up in jails and institutions, unsure of the nature of his problem. At the age of 18, Luedke attended his first Twelve Step meeting. That day he came to understand that he had a drug and alcohol problem. He broke down and told his grandfather his troubles. Unfortunately, it took another six years before he stopped using. The progression of his disease, the pain he caused his family and his suicide attempts were not enough to stop him; but God’s plan did. Following his third Operating While Intoxicated (OWI) arrest and subsequent jail time, he made the decision to get his life in order. Through the grace of God and with the support Fall 2014
By bringing awareness about the drug abuse plaguing not only Northeast Wisconsin, but the entire nation, they feel strongly that their Rise Together enterprise will educate youth and the general public. Their work also helps them stay accountable to their own sobriety as they address the important issues impacting communities all over the country. They hope to positively influence the choices made by young people facing difficult situations.
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•
Rise Together educates, mentors and guides local youth to appropriate resources so they can receive the help they need.
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They deliver services to public schools, residential treatment centers, private groups and numerous outpatient and inpatient programs.
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They challenge adolescents to solve social problems they often face.
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Rise Together founders share a wealth of personal experience with behavioral management, having had severe behavioral problems themselves.
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They are, in a sense, an accountability treatment program, providing a relationship-based, peer-to-peer service.
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They offer one-on-one consultation and training to public schools and families regarding substance abuse and associated mental health issues.
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They help adolescents develop the self-management and problem-solving skills necessary to be successful.
Rise Together brings a face and voice to recovery by sharing personal recovery stories and building advocacy. They actively mobilize the recovery community to help prevent youth from going down the same path they did. They bring hope to still-suffering addicts and alcoholics.
The Str
a damage control survey. However, even though I hadn’t worked anything out yet, one overpowering thought loomed – I wasn’t very far away from badly needing another drink. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stand upright without one, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out the front door if I didn’t drink something. Somehow I got to work, driven at my wife Clare’s request by Heather from a Twelve Step program. Always punctual, this day I could not get out of the car. Even though Clare had left me, Brian Parks, the producer of Coronation Street, insisted she come in. He told her he was shocked at how sick I seemed to be. He explained the studio had booked me into the Priory Hospital nearby, so I could recover properly. This was to be no short-term “drying-out”, but the full package of rehabilitation. They needed Clare’s assistance to get me there. Also, they had plans to write me out of the storyline for six months. Brian Parks saved my life. He chose rehabilitation rather than sacking me. This “American” approach to alcoholism was purely good business because in the end they would get back a better product. I knew, though I was non compos mentis, that this was it . . . the end. As I was helped over the threshold and into rehab, I could never have imagined that it was the beginning. Kevin Kennedy, who played Curly Watts from the world’s longestrunning soap, Coronation Street, was so popular he drew in 22 million viewers for his TV wedding. Kennedy has now been sober for 17 years. He shares his experience of alcoholism, rehab, recovery and hope for the future.
PROLOGUE: A Friday in August of 1998
S
ometime in the morning, I came round. I’d blacked out from drinking, with no memory of the night before. As soon as I opened my eyes, before I’d even focused on the room around me, I knew I had done it again. After all the promises, even swearing on the Bible and all the pleas for second chances, I’d still gone ahead and lost it. The four hideous horsemen – shame, remorse, self-disgust and, the worst of all, fear – had found me again. The sickening realization that yet again I’d let down the people closest to me flooded through me. Mentally I started
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DAILY SUICIDE: What It Was Like Over my 20 years on Street, I never fell out with anyone on set. The intense working conditions and the pressure that comes with being a Coronation Street actor didn’t really allow for feuds or prima donna behavior; there simply wasn’t enough time. I loved being on the show, and I genuinely loved the people I worked with. Actors are very protective of each other, both on stage and on set. People were aware of my drinking long before I was, and I was looked after by the actors and crew. I’m grateful for that. If I wasn’t too shaky, I’d be fine; and I’d manage a few scenes before lunch. A pint or two at lunchtime was legitimate. In the afternoon, with maybe no more than three or four lines in each shot, I could get away with it. When I heard the word “Action!”, my professionalism and adrenaline took over.
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Fall 2014
reet to Recovery By then, I was drinking a lot. I would end up feeling awful after a night out. As the drink took hold, some days all I wanted to do was say my lines with some sort of emotion and then go to the pub. I really didn’t care by that point. I can’t watch any episodes from that time. WALKING TALL: What Happened People in recovery often talk about their final days of drinking as a time when the writing was on the wall, and it was just a matter of time before they accepted who and what they were –that they needed help. The car pulled up outside the Priory on Friday, August 14, 1998. Because I couldn’t stand up, I had to be helped to the front door. I was wailing and sobbing by this point; I was totally defeated, lost and in a dreadful state.
I later found out that Clare had given a statement to the papers about me going into rehab. Brian had added, “We agree that, given the continuing difficulties, the only solution is an intensive period of treatment for his condition.” After that, the papers left me alone. I didn’t know that at the time, though; and it just added to my total despair. How could I ever work again? Who would want me in their lives? Everything was gone. No feeling of hope whatsoever. Everything in me had collapsed – mentally, physically and spiritually. In a daze, I got through the first week. When I awoke at the start of the next week, I was told to go to a meeting. Because I knew without truly understanding that this would help make me better, I meekly went along with what I was told to do. I surrendered to them, whoever they were. With six other inmates, I went into a small room and was welcomed by a woman who introduced herself as Win Parry. Win’s opening gambit was, “You’re here because you are ill. You’re not here because you’re bad or wicked – you’re here because you are ill.” The heavy cloud hanging over me for the past few days shifted a bit.
My overriding emotion was massive, horrible shame. My old friend, Kevin Lloyd of The Bill, had died three and a half months earlier after he choked on his own vomit. Nobody wanted the same thing to happen to me. When I awoke, there was someone sitting by my bed. I recognized him. He used to run a pub. I even worked for him years ago when I was in drama school. “Hi, I’m Phil. Remember me?” I must have nodded. “I’m a counselor here now. You’re going to be okay. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“This is the beginning,” she continued. “This is not the end. Rather, it is the end of a certain chapter of your life, but the beginning of another.”
All I could feel was my dreadful shame. Now everyone knew I was an alcoholic. Paranoia is common among alcoholics; less common was my egotistical view that everyone was interested in learning about my addiction. After all, not long ago, we had a press conference about my drinking; surely the press would be hovering outside my room. Fall 2014
She went through what was going to happen in the days and the weeks ahead, and how they were going to help rehabilitate us by changing our thinking. “Honesty is the key. You all have shameful stories. You can’t afford to go into denial anymore; you’re in it together. You’re part of a group, and in that group there is strength.”
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This is how mad and deluded I was. I thought, I’ll do this course, come back with my brilliant idea, the scriptwriters will love it – Curly goes through rehab. It would be a great story; I could see awards. Win continued, “What we’re doing today is talking about how you feel. British people don’t talk about how they feel. You go up to someone in the street and ask how they are. They’ll say they’re fine, but that’s a lie. This whole experience, this recovery, is all about you expressing feelings honestly. It’s about how you feel.” I felt a bit rejuvenated by everything so far. As Win talked, the little pinprick of light that had shone on me when she’d explained I was ill had expanded. She finished by reminding us all that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and thinking the outcome will be different. On Wednesday night, we were all told we were going to a Twelve Step meeting and were ushered into a minibus. This was the first time I’d been outside the front door; and as the van drove out of the gates, I nearly ducked to avoid photographers; but no one was there. I didn’t know whether to be relieved or insulted. In the minibus on the way back to the Priory, I said, “I don’t understand any of that. They’re all mad, these people – very nice, but all crazy. Not like us.” I thought the others would agree with me, but they didn’t. I think they’d started to grasp what the process was about more quickly than I. When we arrived, it felt like the evening had brought us all together a bit more. Instead of all heading back to our rooms, we went down to get a hot drink. I chatted with a couple of people. Talking with them made me realize I did have things in common with them after all. We went to three evening Twelve Step meetings a week. Eventually I started to listen to the stories, the human side; people who’d lost their jobs, wives, everything; yet these people looked happy. They were laughing, and I thought, This is quite attractive, I could live like this. These people are happy, not miserable. The process of the Twelve Steps is abstinence; and while I didn’t like that, I was starting to think about it. During the second week, I had a bit of a breakthrough. We were in a group talking about the Twelve Steps. Win asked me, “Do you understand this?” I said I didn’t, and a huge smile came across her face. She said, “That is the first honest thing you’ve said since you came in here.” Something clicked inside me. I’d heard them talk about being honest, but I didn’t know what it meant. When she put it like that, I understood. Until then, I’d felt that what they were talking about had nothing to do with me. At that moment, the penny dropped. When she smiled at me for being honest, I found myself wanting more of that reaction.
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There’s a moment in all alcoholics’ lives – the crisis point, I suppose – where they are confronted with the reality of their lives and their futures. It was my turn, and it certainly hit hard. Stop drinking or die. Your addicted brain will try anything to soften the blow, but there’s no way round it. That’s the worst of it, knowing the choice to live will lead to recovery; and recovery will be hard. Eventually, I had to decide to just do it – to stop drinking and live. Clare came to see me. She’d stopped drinking and was going to Twelve Step meetings. She was happy that I was in the right place. I explained to her what I thought the program was all about. There was a light in her eyes. SOME JOYS: What Its Like Now Before I became sober, my goal was merely to drink like a normal person. I returned to Coronation Street with a sponsor, and people were kind to me. I recorded the Bulldog Nation record with Simon Cowell. I qualified as a scuba diver. I coped with being written out of Coronation Street, but then returned earlier this year. In between, I toured as the narrator in The Rocky Horror Show; sang in Chicago; acted in pantomime; starred in a TV show, Spanish Capers; played the Child Catcher, then Caractacus Potts in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang; and starred at London’s Dominion Theatre as Pop in the Queen musical, We Will Rock You, written by Ben Elton. Clare and I have had the good fortune to pursue sober interests through several projects, including Addiction Management UK Ltd. (AMUKL), a professional advice service to the business sector; and Kennedy St. & Co. (#TheDryBarBrighton) an alternative social space for people to meet, eat and be entertained. Behind the scenes are abstinence-based, recovery-oriented services including, retraining and self-employment opportunities for young people. We also are beginning the Discover Recovery program. There is a distinct difference between an individual being abstinent from drugs and alcohol and an individual living a life in recovery. This program addresses the difference. We focus on physical, emotional and spiritual growth, with an emphasis on responsibility. In recovery, Clare and I have had two children. We were given another chance in our marriage. I should have gone insane or been dead, but instead I was given another chance. The Street to Recovery by Kevin Kennedy may be purchased through Amazon. If you would like more information on Kevin Kennedy and his work, please contact Clare Kennedy at KennedyStreet@me.com or at uk.linkedin.com/in/kennedystreet.
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Fall 2014
Practicing in Prescott Since 2003 Accepting court-ordered, self referrals and, in most cases,major insurances.
A
comprehensive outpatient treatment program, consisting of three phases of treatment, each of which are tailored to suit the individual’s needs and goals, rather than tailoring the individual to meet the ‘program’. At Taylor Counseling Services, we are committed to treating the whole person.
Contact us at
(928) 445-0744 1660 Willow Creek Road, Suite A Prescott, AZ 86305
• Parole and Probation Departments
Drug & Alcohol Screening Employee Testing
• Treatment Providers • Recovery Homes • Child Protective Services • Employee Assistance Programs
• Employers (both pre-employment and random employee screening)
PRESCOTT AREA SCREENING SERVICES
Delivering quality drug testing services designed to provide immediate and accurate results
• Therapeutic Courts • Self-referrals
1040 Whipple Street, Suite 205, Prescott, AZ 86301
928-445-PASS (7277) Fall 2014
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www.passprescott.com 21
Mindful Meditation By Susan Rubio
I
entered into the world of recovery in September of 1982, 34 years ago. Although I have had a few life-changing experiences, none have transformed me as much as the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Not only did I surrender many substances and behaviors, but I finally got the instruction book on how to do life! The Twelve Steps rocked my world. Since then, the journey has been long and winding – definitely not linear. Even before being in recovery, I knew something wasn’t quite right with me. Growing up, my life felt so out of control. As a result, I was anxious most of the time and tried to manage and control everything. Substances and compulsive behaviors helped me cope with life until these same substances turned on me and added to my anxiety.
my life. Even in recovery, I continued to struggle with the idea of surrender. Still managing and controlling much in my life, I was fighting a losing battle that could lead me back to my addictions. Buddhists believe pain in life is inevitable. However, they also believe that the suffering around that pain is optional. Our mental chatter creates our pain and suffering because we believe our thoughts and our stories. For example, you are stuck in traffic and late for a job interview. Your mind starts running with all kinds of thoughts: What if they think I’m always late? I should have allowed more time. I probably won’t get the job. If I don’t get this job, I won’t have medical insurance for my family! And on it goes. Soon your mind is racing, your emotions are escalated, your body is tense, and you are basically stressed out. That’s the suffering! You began with the pain of being late and ended with the additional suffering around all your thoughts that were not based in the reality of that moment.
While in college, and before entering into recovery, it occurred to me that meditation might help my runaway train of a mind and subsequent anxiety. I had learned Transcendental Meditation in the early ‘70s when it was quite popular. It was a nice relaxing practice, but my mind still raced. I hadn’t found tools to help me deal with the com- With mindfulness meditation, we learn to pay attention to the moment in a particular way – without judgment or critiplexities of life. cism, but instead with a sense of curiosity and observation. After being in recovery for about ten years, I began teach- We’re invited to come alongside the moment and just be ing yoga and was introduced to Vipassana Meditation. with it. When I pay attention to the moment with a sense of Vipassana Meditation, known in this country as mindful- noticing and openness, I can begin to let go of my attachness meditation, comes from the Buddhist way of treasur- ment to my thoughts and feelings, and become an observer ing each moment because, well, it’s really all we have. The of them instead of mindlessly letting my thoughts control past is just a memory and the future is a fantasy. Although me. mindfulness has its roots in Buddhist practices, it has successfully been used and adapted to western psychology This practice is not about changing anything or anyone. in the treatment of anxiety disorders, addictions, post-trau- Through observation I begin to see the reality of the moment. I notice my resistance if I am struggling to surrender matic stress syndrome and depression. to it. If I’m in a situation I can do nothing about (e.g. sitting As an addict, I wasn’t much interested in the present in traffic), I do have a choice about how I respond. What moment, thank you very much. But, as I walked the road of can I do to take care of myself in this moment? I can breathe recovery, I learned that I had to make friends with the pres- deeply, relax my body, put on some soothing music, or perent if I wanted to be free of my addictions. haps call a friend for support. I can put the moment, just as it is, into perspective and surrender to it. The word Vipassana means to be with things as they are, not as I want them to be, not as I’m trying to make them be, If I am in a situation that is toxic for me, through awarebut as they are! This was certainly not the way I approached ness, I may find I need to remove myself or perhaps speak 22
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
up about my thoughts or feelings. I’m not trying to change anyone or change the situation; rather, I am being more authentic in it. When I do this, my anxiety subsides and I find peace. I don’t have to escape the moment by using or otherwise distracting myself. I don’t have to fix it. The best news is that I am not alone in this process! In Twelve Step recovery I have a Higher Power. Mindfulness mediation helped me with Step Eleven: “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” That’s the power I need. Not the power I was trying to manifest on my own. I have direct access to my Higher Power’s power and will for me. This practice works well with addicts because we can use the tools of our mindfulness practice not only when we are meditating in a “formal” practice or “sit”, but anytime, anywhere. If we’re having a conversation with a friend and our mind wanders, we bring our attention back. Facing a stressful situation, we can return to the reality of the moment instead of allowing our mind to run away with our fears. Even if we are in a joyful situation and feeling sad that it will end, we can let go of our attachment, be thankful for this moment and trust we will have more joyful moments.
If you haven’t tried mindfulness meditation, please do. It’s the best technique I have experienced in close to 40 years of learning and studying meditation. Jon Kabat-Zinn, author and professor of medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, states the following in his book, Wherever You Go, There You Are: “There is nothing weird or out of the ordinary about meditating or meditation. It is just about paying attention in your life as if it really mattered. And it might help to keep in mind that, while it is really nothing out of the ordinary, nothing particularly special, mindfulness is at the same time extraordinarily special and utterly transformative.” You and your life are worth it! Susan M. Rubio, a yoga and meditation instructor since 1993, has taught in Oregon, Washington, California and Arizona. She attended retreats and completed numerous courses in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) at the Susan Samueli Center, University of California, Irvine. Rubio uses mindfulness meditation to help her students deal with addictions, stress, anxiety and depression and has taught mindfulness eating workshops.
Modern Day Stress People are stressed by this competitive and very busy world in which we live. Electronics have made our lives busier, not simpler. As a result, we have become more skilled at multitasking rather than giving our attention to just one activity. It has almost become a “sin” to do just one thing at a time. Unfortunately, multitasking is simply dividing your attention. You only have so much attention to bring to the present moment. If you are driving your car, eating lunch and talking on the phone, well, I hope I’m not on the same road as you! I have witnessed a wave of interest in yoga over the last twenty years, and am beginning to see a similar movement emerge with mindfulness. Nowadays, it’s a “buzz word” we often encounter. Congressman Tim Ryan of Ohio, a longtime practitioner of meditation, wrote a book called A Mindful Nation. He organized a group of senators who meditate together before going into session. In some schools, teachers and children are meditating at the beginning of the day. Other schools even have “mindful rooms” where students and teachers can go for quiet time to be reflective and responsive to their circumstances instead of reactive. Mindfulness meditation is a practice whose time has come. I know what you may be thinking. I don’t have the time to meditate. I’ve tried it in the past and it just didn’t work. I don’t really get what mediation is. It’s boring. Put it into perspective, it’s only 5-20 minutes out of your day. Fall 2014
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CrossTalk is based on the premise that recovery life is polytely: frequently, complex problem-solving situations characterized by the presence of not one, but several endings. This writing represents decades of recovery and its application to life and how to get over it, into it or through it with spunk, levity and a good dose of reality. What? You want more than happy, joyous and free? Get over it. Just sayin’. – Mollé
Ms. Mollé: I am having fun in Alcoholics Anonymous; and for the most part I love my life. My kids are wrecking it. I really like playing on a softball team, going out to dinner after meetings and having friends over to the house. There is even a girl I want to ask out (sponsor says wait awhile); but my kids are so resentful, I don’t dare. I feel badly about wanting to go out and do stuff. I don’t want to feel guilty, so why do I? Should I feel guilty? It makes me angry at my kids. What am I supposed to do? Just stay sober and shut up until they leave home? Guys Jus’ Wanna Have Fun Dear Mr. Fun, I hear you! This may not be as bad as you think. It sounds like you’re in your first year of recovery and starting to come alive – maybe for the first time, right? Sounds like you’re also a single dad. Well, you are right on target. Often times we’ve been in the dark with addiction so long that we feel like the walking dead. Then sobriety brings in the sunshine, and we want to run and play like a kid. It’s exhilarating, but not always practical. Because of our selfcenteredness, some of us have children who have been neglected. Of course, they are resentful; wouldn’t you be, too? Dad is gone due to drinking; now Dad is gone due to Twelve Step meetings and socializing. I am thrilled to hear your recovery group is so active – many are not. Talk openly to your fellows about your brewing resentment. Find ways to bring the kids with you. And when 24
you do spend time with them, pay full attention and learn to have fun with them, too. There are ways to bring together both the desire to have fun and the desire to be a good dad. Watch the other dads; talk to them. They found a way; and you will, too. You can play like a youngster and still be responsible. It works; it really does. How old are you, Mollé? People in the meetings constantly talk about their “inner child”. It makes me want to puke. Sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes I just want to bolt from the meeting. I was told this is not group therapy. I can’t take the psych talk. Dear None of Your Business, I am not a therapist, and Twelve Step meetings are not therapy. With that said, many people in recovery seek outside help for emotional and life needs which cannot be adequately addressed in meetings, through the Steps or with a sponsor. The Steps help us become honest enough to more accurately address any underlying issues with a counseling professional. Many of us were raised in an alcoholic, abusive home, or worse. Growing up in harsh environments can cause us to put aside the “little kid” in us because we had to survive life rather than live it. When we start recovery, the world opens up and we come alive for what feels like the first time. Unfortunately, we may be emotionally stunted. Learning to “let the kid out” can be exhilarating and threatening all at the
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same time. I encourage you to view your fellows as individuals who are growing up. Some need more help than others. Another option is to find other meetings that better meet your needs. You might want to seek outside help yourself. That’s okay, too. Whatever works – just don’t drink. Hey, Mollé: “Young people in AA.” I hear those words, but I don’t see ’em. The ones I have met are strung out meth addicts, and I didn’t do drugs. Or they are just plain boring. I’m like stuck cuz I can’t leave, but don’t feel good staying. I don’t want to leave or get drunk, but old people don’t get me either. Young and Not Feelin’ So Good Dear Young, I see you in my meetings all the time. You will find your way as long as you stay sober. “Seek and ye shall find.” Not every town has an active young people’s group, but many do. You obviously have a computer, so use it. Try doing a search for “young people in AA” or “young people in recovery”. As with any online search, beware of predators.
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That said, I dare you to ask for your Higher Power’s help as you seek out others your own age. When you find them, maybe you could put together a young people’s group yourself. Use the Twelve Steps and Traditions as your guide, and you can have an absolute blast! Please stay in touch with me. I’ll be happy to help you find your people. Until then, there are great stories and helpful information in the Twelve Step literature about young people in recovery (see below). Peace out. I know, old people are so weird. Link: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-37_tooyoung.pdf Link: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-4_youngpeopleandaa. pdf
The viewpoints shared or any implied actions suggested by Mollé are the opinions and ideas of the author only and do not represent those of In Recovery Magazine. The implied action is offered openly and is never intended to replace the advice of a health care professional. crosstalk@ inrecoverymagazine.com
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Cluttered Lives, By Terrence Shulman
Cluttered Lives, Empty Souls is a quarterly series with information and practical advice about compulsive buying, spending, theft and hoarding. Terry Shulman’s down-to-earth approach to these addictions comes from his own life experience as well as his extensive experience as a treatment professional. He was featured in The Truth about Shoplifting, recently aired by CBC and CNBC.
Have you ever committed employee theft? I have. How would you define employee theft? Is it only the blatant embezzlement and/or stealing of valuable assets from work? Is it a matter of degrees? Be honest, have you ever done any of the following without the expressed permission from an employer? •
Fudged your time card?
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Padded an expense account or report?
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Made personal phone calls on company time?
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Used company postage?
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Used office supplies for personal use?
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Took office items home?
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Borrowed funds for personal use?
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Made personal copies on the copier?
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Failed to report accounting or payment errors in your favor?
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Used the company car for personal business?
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Run errands on company time?
Dr. Anjan Chatterjee, a neurologist at the University of Pennsylvania, who has conducted research into the use of prescription drugs to boost intellectual performance, says cheating is easier to justify “. . . when you cast yourself as the victim of some kind of unfairness, then it becomes a matter of evening the score.” He explained, “You’re not cheating; you’re restoring fairness.” Similarly, Richard Hollinger, professor of Criminology at the University of Florida, recently wrote:
According to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, chances are you are in the 75 percent or more of all employees who have stolen from the workplace. The American Society of Employers estimates that retailers lose more than twice as much from internal theft as from shoplifting and that 55 percent of employee theft is committed by managers and supervisors. Time theft or loafing costs U.S. employers nearly $500 billion per year in lost productivity. The FBI calls employee theft “the fastest growing crime in America”. Fox News Chicago aired a news story a few years ago estimating that employee theft had doubled since the recent recession began. In a Detroit Free Press article, “When All Feel Cheated, Who’ll Play Fair?” (Brian Dickerson, April 28, 2011), the 26
author begins, “Social scientists who study dishonesty have observed that people who cheat often harbor a deep-seated conviction that they themselves have been cheated.”
“Based upon numerous research studies, an economic downturn is precisely the time that loss prevention managers need to be most vigilant for dishonesty. These declining conditions foster an atmosphere in which even those employees still working can be easily tempted into dishonesty. The reason is based upon the social-psychological principles found in equity theory. This theory posits that when inequitable situations arise, individuals take immediate action to restore equity in their lives. When retail sales associates feel unfairly treated and poorly compensated, they will take action to rectify the situation by working less productively, quitting or stealing from the workplace.”
It is difficult for most company owners and managers to fathom that employees who steal think of themselves as the victims. However, in my 15 years of specialized counseling with theft offenders, I can report that this is often what they think and feel. For most, their grievances weren’t so much with their employers as with their families of origin, significant others, early perpetrators or abusers. In a passiveaggressive manner, they had taken their revenge at work against these presumed wrongs. This displaced anger and stress is not uncommon in life. Think about how one might yell at their spouse or kids after a tough day on the job. The feelings of unfairness, victimization and insecurity are apparently becoming global. I sounded the alarm about this in my 2005 book, Biting the Hand that Feeds: The Employee
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
Empty Souls Theft Epidemic. In my book, I noted these workplace trends, such as: layoffs, downsizing, outsourcing, salary/benefit decreases and dramatic increases in executive compensation. The recent corporate bailout of banks and investment firms has made people cynical. If that wasn’t grand-scale theft and fraud, what was? Few were punished or held accountable. If anything, many culprits continue to reap bonuses. Such widespread fraud poisons the psyche of the workforce. By comparison, at least the Enron-era frauds over a decade ago resulted in hundreds of prosecutions and prison terms. Nowadays, many employees don’t even see theft as theft. If they do, they justify it with, “They owe me!” Why do people steal from work? One reason is that there are poor controls in the workplace. Most people don’t think they will get caught. It’s the same reason most people speed when they drive their car. They don’t think they will get caught.
Good guys don’t always finish first. At some point, most of us learn not to be so naive about life. We learn that things aren’t always one- or two-dimensional. Laws, rules, commandments and guidelines are meant to give us some direction and assistance. Giving up on honesty is a dangerous decision. Honesty promotes trust, self-esteem, positive relationships, admiration, respect, spiritual connectedness and serenity. Most importantly, it encourages others to be honest with you. Honest is the best policy. Terrence Shulman is an attorney, therapist and consultant in Detroit, Michigan. He is the founder and director of The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending and Hoarding. Shulman has also authored four books, including Biting the Hand that Feeds: The Employee Theft Epidemic (Infinity, 2005). For further information, he may be reached through his website, theshulmancenter.com.
For most employees who steal, a trigger, stressor or event puts them over the edge. A bad economy or a perceived or real pattern of unfair practices may provide the spark. As with shoplifting, employee theft usually starts off small, then escalates into a habit and, often, into an addiction. Because company owners, managers and supervisors are hard-pressed for time and human resources, it is becoming more difficult to identify pre-employment and post-hire employees who might lie, cheat or steal. Studies suggest only 15 percent of applicants may have criminal records which show up on background checks. Besides, it is sometimes the star employee who is led out in handcuffs. Paraphrasing the assertions of the Twelve Step program’s Serenity Prayer: We may not be able to change the culture of honesty in the world around us or the hidden attitudes our employees have adopted. However, we can change the culture of our companies by modeling honesty and integrity, by treating people with dignity, by “trusting, but verifying” and by doing our best to walk the fine line between carelessness and micromanagement. Many of us were brought up to believe the old saying, “Honesty is its own reward.” Somewhere along the line, things went awry. If honesty is so great, why do so many people tell lies and keep secrets? Fall 2014
TERRENCE DARYL SHULMAN JD,LMSW,ACSW,CAADC,CPC Founder/Director Writer for In Recovery Magazine
The Shulman Center for Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding PO Box 250008 Franklin, Michigan 48025 Phone/Fax: 248-358-8508 www.theshulmancenter.com
In Recovery Magazine
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The Opiate Epidemic and the Young Addict By Marc Leach
A
s recently as the 1990s, men and women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s were the primary clients in substance abuse rehab centers across America. These baby boomers had an affinity for traditional drugs such as alcohol, cocaine and speed. Many were workingclass people seeking a reprieve from their addiction. Today, however, the nation’s substance abuse rehab centers have a vastly different and younger clientele – anywhere between the ages of 16 and 27 – and with a taste for pharmaceutical drugs, benzodiazepines such as Xanax, or poppyderived opiates such as oxycodone or heroin. “It’s a different world out there today,” said Allison Dean, Program Director at Chandler Valley Hope, a rehab center in Chandler, Arizona. “We are in an era where prescription drugs are readily available to young boys and girls in the medicine cabinet. This generation of addicts doesn’t have to work hard to get their hands on opiates or scripts [prescriptions]; and when these drugs become too expensive, they turn to something much cheaper and more deadly – heroin.” Dean, who is pursuing her doctorate degree in chemical dependency, says that researchers studying addiction can hardly keep up with the opiate abuse epidemic among young people. “[It] now borders on being pandemic.” Dean said, “We are stumped. We’re searching for ways to stem the tide of opiate addiction among these young addicts.”
new generation of addicts restore their lives and reconnect with their families; however, these centers are challenged by managed health care systems that determine the number of days an addict can stay in treatment. “We should not put a cap on treatment when it’s a life or death matter.” Dean explains, “Ten or 20 days of treatment are hardly enough to prevent the addict from relapsing after discharge.” Ardavin notes that one of the primary reasons for launching Carla Vista Sober Living seven years ago was to provide a safe environment for young people who didn’t have enough money to pay for rehab once their insurance provider stopped paying for their treatment. “We offer an economical sober living [environment] for these young men and women to develop their life skills so they may eventually re-enter society as sober and productive citizens. Carla Vista is not a treatment center; rather, it is a recovery residence that helps individuals gain the discipline needed to become part of the fellowship of recovery – by attending Twelve Step meetings, as well as getting an introduction to the principles behind each Step, highlighting the program’s effective design for living a better life.”
Tom Fay, Vice President of Carla Vista, is proof that the sober living environment is a feasible alternative for those unable to afford extended rehab treatment. Upon completion of treatment at The River Source, Fay knew he needed more time to ensure his recovery. A shortage of funds forced him to consider other options. He and his counselor determined that his best opportunity to stay sober would be to check into a sober living environment. On that recommendation, he entered Carla Vista.
According to Gonzalo Ardavin, CEO and President of Carla Vista Sober Living in Gilbert, Arizona, “It’s mind-boggling to see the number of young people who are hooked on opiates today. The average age of our clients is 24.” He continued, “It’s rare to see someone older than 30 in any of our Approaching four years of continuous sobriety, Fay reflects sober living homes.” on where he was prior to treatment and where he is now – Rehab centers around the country are seeking to help this a leader in the recovery field. 28
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
“I can honestly say that I was willing to quit 16 years of popping pills and using heroin in order to get sober and stay sober. I got sober at The River Source rehab; but I stayed sober because I took the suggestion of my River Source counselor and checked into Carla Vista where I was able to build on my recovery foundation. Here, I learned responsibility, accountability and how to interact positively with others. I haven’t looked back since, and today I am blessed to be part of this sober living organization.”
MORE THAN A HOUSE
For more information about Carla Vista Sober Living, contact Gonzalo Ardavin at 745 N. Gilbert Road, Suite 124, PMB 147, Gilbert, Arizona 85234. Ardavin can also be contacted by phone at 888.591.4555 or by email at Info@CarlaVista.com.
Interesting Information about Opiates (Source: Rehab International - Drug & Alcohol Rehab Guides)
•
•
•
•
Opiates make up 83 percent of rehab admissions for intravenous drug addictions. Second in line is methamphetamine, followed by cocaine. A National Institute of Drug Abuse survey shows a little over a decade ago (2001), an estimated 16 million Americans ages 12 or older were using illicit drugs at the time, i.e., had ingested drugs within a month of taking the survey. Such a figure does not take into account survey responses that were untruthful (a proportion of respondents are inevitably inclined to lie about the scope of their drug use). Young adults ages 12 to 17 report that the number one way in which they access opiate drugs (in this case, prescription drugs) is through family members or friends, either directly or indirectly. An indirect example is a teenager who may steal prescription pills from a parent’s medicine cabinet, unbeknownst to that parent. Young adults perceive prescription pills, such as opioid pain relievers, to be less dangerous than illicit drugs, primarily because they are available by legal prescription within the US. Because of the stigma attached to drugs purchased on the black market, young adults think they are choosing a “safe” alternative to illicit drugs when they opt for prescription drugs.
ABOUT US Carla Vista Sober Living provides a safe and sober environment free from drugs and alcohol based on the 12 steps of recovery. We provide comfortable housing that anyone would call home where genuine life-long friendships are created. The key to success is in a structured program with support from people that understand. You can do it. Your life is waiting.
OUR HOMES When we chose our Carla Vista Sober Living homes, we made sure that they were places anyone would want to call home. We closed 2013 with over 20 homes in Arizona and Colorado. We offer a safe, comfortable, and beautiful environment for you to work on your recovery, reclaim your life, and rediscover your dreams.
LOCATIONS More than 25 homes exclusively for men and women in the following cities: Arizona: Chandler, Gilbert, Mesa & Scottsdale
FREE p ym Membershi
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Colorado: Aurora & Colorado Springs
for all current residents!
AMENITIES Fully furnished living and dining rooms
House telephone with local calls included
Fully furnished bedrooms
Washer/Dryer
Bedroom linens and bathroom towels
Barbeque and Outdoor patio Storage and parking
Fully-stocked kitchen
Paid Utilities
Cable television and Blu-Ray player
Walking distance to bus lines and close to 12 Step meetings FREE Gym Membership for all current residents
Wi-fi internet access House computer
www.carlavista.com 480.612.0296 | 888.591.4555 facebook.com/carlavista
Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
29
The Heart of a Child Give me the heart of a child, and the awesome courage to live that out. – Elene Loecher
By Bill Alexander
J
une 4, 2014 - Early Morning According to Willie Stark, the cynical southern governor in All the King’s Men, “There is always something.”
True. But I doubt Willie was counting spiritual experiences or love or lemonade on a warm early summer morning in his listings. Truth be told, I learned long ago not to be concerned about having spiritual experiences. I was as cynical as Willie probably was about love – romantic love, anyway. First off, I can’t create those spiritual experiences and would most likely be disappointed if I tried. Secondly, my history in romantic love is tattered, and for a period of three years, it was merely addiction wearing its most cynical mask. But lemonade? As I write this, with a mug of lemonade close by, that’s as close to whimsy and delight as I can reliably get right now. Writing to you, sitting in the sun, I recall that I will soon have left behind my 72nd year of living and my first 30 years of sobriety. I’m content. Forty-eight hours ago I was not. As Chuck C. writes in A New Pair of Glasses, I was living in “conscious separation”. I was edgy, angry, depressed and wondering how the hell I had found myself back in a painful situation I thought was behind me. Hadn’t I worked hard at dealing with it? Maybe, but I had overlooked being cared about and loved. It’s true, however, that the past is not past. We need the past to become the present and to remind us of regret and empathy. No past, no opportunity for awakening. It is my long experience that awakening unfolds. It is not an event, magically achieved when you do the Twelve Steps perfectly. My Zen teacher has been a practicing Buddhist and has lived clean and sober for many decades. She continually deepens her practice. I do, too. 30
I used her example to lead me to this plastic chair by the bird feeder, on the lawn by my tiny yellow house, with this fresh lemonade, and with a new story to tell. A spiritual awakening that does not awaken us to love has roused us in vain. Forty-eight hours ago, in response to my frustration over the cynical reminder of this heartbreaking event of my past, my friend and lover, Lenore, said she didn’t know what to say and didn’t know how she could help me. Then she said, “I love you.” The awakening began to unfold, yet again. June 1992 When we speak of listening with compassion, we usually think of listening to someone else. But we must also listen to the wounded child inside of us. Sometimes the wounded child in us needs all of our attention. That little child might emerge from the depths of your consciousness and ask for your attention. If you are mindful, you will hear his or her voice calling for help. At that moment, instead of paying attention to whatever is in front of you, go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child. – Thich Nhat Hanh
In 1992, I spent the summer in Plum Village in France, the home of Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen monk, peace-activist, poet and healer. Deep into that peaceful summer of 1992, one day during the daily walking meditation practice, Thay, the affectionate name for Thich Nhat Hanh, walked up to me very slowly, and offered his left hand. I took it, and we walked together. On his right was a child, perhaps six years old. Hand-in-hand, we walked with Thay, for 20 minutes or so. Then we sat by a creek in dappled sunlight, in silence, in joy. For a moment, I was back on my childhood farm in west Tennessee, sitting as I did nearly every day by a quiet stream as my horse, Whitey, stood by; and the insects and minnows did their insect and minnow things all about in the air and
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
hand. He crawled on my lap and put his head on my shoulder. I told him I was sorry, so very sorry for the awful places I had taken him and I was sorry to have abandoned him so many years ago. His hand patted my back. We cried. I have not cried so happily in a very long time. water. I consider that moment to be one of spiritual awakening; an awakening to who I was then and who I could be now, any time I chose to invoke it. I had awakened, not to a memory of my childhood, but through it, to a deep knowledge of who I am right now when I choose to stop keeping score, to give up trying to figure it all out and to be a rascal and practice whimsy, maybe with a heart filled with gratitude and laughter and my fingers sticky with lemonade. June 2011 The only way through suffering is to go into it entirely. That is where the angels wait, in quiet and hidden places, pockets full of compassion and joy. And everything in us, in me, rebels against that idea. The only way out is through – but don’t linger. On a dark tropical evening, in the words of Bill Wilson, I was in a state of anxious apartness, or more broadly, chronic depression. I was lost in bewilderment and selfloathing. I bellowed, “What the hell am I supposed to notice here?” Without fanfare or preparation or conscious volition or even wild imaginings, something emerged from the dark fog of my suffering and bewilderment. Billy. A little boy in shorts, a green shirt and funny shoes, and on his face I saw bewilderment and just a shadow of hope. I had turned my back on him for many years. Finally my bewilderment was so great and echoed so perfectly Billy’s own voice, only he could be my teacher – a teacher who must be cared for himself, loved recklessly and listened to very deeply. I spoke to him. He came closer. I told him I was sorry for all the suffering I had caused him. It was a long conversation, one-sided, as he listened raptly. He came closer and took my Fall 2014
I am a very fortunate man to have met this little boy. He is my greatest teacher, and I am his great hero. And he has been there all along. I called my friend, Elene, that night and told her of Billy’s return. There was a silence for a moment. Then she said, “I was praying that would happen for you.” She told me not to forget him. I assured her that I wouldn’t and she came back and assured me that I would. She said to take Billy out once in a while, to dinner, or to play in the stream next to my house, whatever he wished. (It seems he likes to go out to lunch, especially when I’m having a tough day writing, and to have a cheeseburger and fries and a chocolate shake. I go along with him, silly fellow.) We are too old to rewrite our childhoods. We are never too old to recapture the heart of the child. Simply ask. In times of bewilderment and fear, simply ask. What does the child have to say? How may I serve the child? There’s more: Frolic. Be reckless. Giggle in church. Be a rascal, a fool, a classic clown. The Monkey King job is open, I’m told. Go for that one! (I have his likeness tattooed on my right rib cage.) Here’s the most important thing I’ve learned from Billy. Let go, lighten up, move on. And the compassionate form of KISS – Keep It Spiritually Simple. Or heed Pogo: “Don’t take life so serious, son . . . it ain’t no how permanent.” June 4, 2014 - Noon Two nights ago, when Lenore said, “I don’t know what to do,” and “I love you,” Billy, decidedly the non-grown-up, took the lead. Over the next few hours, I realized I’d forgot
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Have You Seen This Man?
ten a vow I had made a few years ago: “I vow to become that person in whom those who are seeking awakening and freedom will see that what they are seeking is real.” I said a phrase from the Third Step Prayer, rewritten for the situation: “. . . Relieve me of my difficulty that victory over it will serve to show others the power, the love and the Way.” Here is an exercise to help you meet the child within you: First, take some time and remember some moment in your own life when there was awe and wonder and a sense of belonging to it all. Second, without pausing, without even lifting your pencil, make a list of the qualities of that innocent child – nouns, verb, and adjectives, whatever. Allow yourself to be playful. Here are several to start with: Awe. Wonder. Compassion. When you have finished, read them over. Then ask yourself, “How did I know?” Here’s one answer: Because it’s who I am. Not, decidedly not, who I was. Who I am.
This is Will Hepburn, a nationally known investment expert who lives and works in Prescott, AZ. If you want a proactive investment manager who is known for dodging significant market declines, see this man. See Will’s website for his free newsletter. Grateful since April 19, 1983.
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Hold onto that list. I think it’s a description of a spiritual experience. We turn our backs on such experiences when we are determined to live in that “conscious separation”. Don’t fret, my friend. Being born once was quite enough for me, thank you. So this is not some epic of redemption at the mercy of a separate god of some kind. Even I lack that much drama or superstition. I’d rather say, in the language of my peers in Haight Ashbury, over 40 years back, that my consciousness expanded to include undreamt-of wonders and horrors. You can’t have one without the other. We must bring forth what is within us. That is, we must make it conscious. I believe we must endeavor to make the material of the unconscious, conscious.
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Billy and I are on a good walk together, I think. I’m on his right and holding his hand. His hand is so little, while mine is gaining in gentle strength for his, as it must, with every step we take. Someday we might find a stream, in dappled sunlight, a quiet, peaceful place, where we can sit in silence and joy.
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Then I’ll take out the trash. Yet again. William Alexander is the author of Ordinary Recovery: Mindfulness, Addiction, and the Path of Lifelong Sobriety, considered a recovery classic. He’s a poet, story teller and co-founder of Awakening to Love – The 12 Steps for All of Us.
FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO OUR WEBSITE:
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OR CONTACT: Vicki Jo B. Chair - vbigelow@vercodeck.com - 623-322-1775 Mickey W. Co-chair - mickey.white@gm.com - 602-763-1450 Nikki K. Registration - prcnana@cableone.net - 928-710-7202
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Fall 2014
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The
By Sherry Gaba
Law
Psychotherapist Sherry Gaba, author of the book, The Law of Sobriety (2010) and the go-to expert for life coaching matters on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab, asserts there is more to successful recovery than conventional Twelve Step programs. Here she explains how uniting the concepts of the Law of Attraction with one’s authentic self can create a powerful recovery.
you set for yourself.
n the Law of Sobriety I take the principles found in the Law of Attraction and put them to work for the specific purpose of helping individuals recover from their addictions, whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, food, co-dependency, love, shopping or any other substances or behaviors. To understand the Law of Sobriety, you first must understand the Law of Attraction, a tenet of the New Thought Movement of the twentieth century. It is a belief that one’s life is shaped by one’s thoughts – both conscious and unconscious. Thoughts are a type of energy. The energy of thought each person puts out into the world, positive or negative, is the energy they will receive or attract back into their lives.
2. Living a life that is true to your values
I
My book encourages you to take action in your recovery. The positive steps you take will attract peace, joy and serenity into your recovery process. It is so important that your thoughts and actions align with your path of recovery. According to the Law of Attraction, thoughts of fear, rage and discontent will not only keep you from fulfilling your recovery goals, but these negative thoughts will also be attracted back to you. If you live in fear, you might be afraid to try a new career or move on from a bad relationship. Your fearful thoughts will keep you frozen in misery and anger. If you are living with resentments, you are sure to attract people, places and things that will cause you to be resentful. The Law of Sobriety is a program of seven steps which can be combined with your Twelve Step practice or utilized on their own to not only assist you in living a clean and sober life, but also to assist you in living a life with meaning. You will begin to experience a more joyous and free life, and you will find clarity and purpose. You will identify what brings you fulfillment. Existential questions such as “Why am I here?”, “What is my calling?”, “Am I living an authentic life?” or “Do I hide under a false façade?” will be resolved. As you tap into your unique wisdom, you will accomplish the goals 34
of
In short, these seven steps empower you to do what you were put on this planet to do. They include: 1. Finding your purpose with intention
3. Living a life of authenticity 4. Learning to live in appreciation, forgiveness and compassion 5. Living a life of right action 6. Living with awareness and mindfulness 7. Learning to let go of resistance and attachment In the first step, “Finding your purpose with intention”, we put our passions into practice. We share our gifts with others. If we are meant to be writers, we write. If we are meant to be chefs, we cook. We follow our purpose, without purpose, staying sober can be next to impossible. If we are not living a life that resonates with our true selves, relapse is likely. When we know what we desire, our intention allows us to go after it. I remember watching the first season of Celebrity Rehab several years ago. I told myself I would be on that reality television show no matter what. Through a series of events, I landed spots on four seasons of Celebrity Rehab, Sober House, and Celebrity Rehab’s Sex Addiction as Dr. Drew Pinsky’s go-to expert. Because of my work at some of the Malibu rehabs with high profile clients, I knew I had gifts to offer the clients on these television programs. My persistence paid off, and I made it happen. The second step, “Living a life that is true to your values”, means identifying what we stand for and are willing to defend. These values guide our actions and keep us grounded. We might release negative belief systems we learned in our families of origin and create values that resonate with who we are now. For example, if sobriety is one of your values,
In Recovery Magazine
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Sobriety but you are in a toxic relationship that could cause you to relapse, then you might step away from that situation. Step three, “Living a life of authenticity”, allows our true selves to emerge. Celebrities often have a false persona they portray to the media and their fans, but on the inside they are frightened children. By being honest about who we are, we can heal that frightened part of the psyche. Often our true selves emerge in the midst of crisis. If you have lost everything and are contemplating sobriety, do it now. You will begin to embrace the true essence of who you are meant to be.
Finally, “Learning to let go of resistance and attachment” relieves us of the need to have things turn out exactly as we want them to be. We learn to be open and willing to accept whatever comes our way, so we do not live in perpetual disappointment when life doesn’t go as we planned.
My fourth step, “Learning to live in appreciation, forgiveness and compassion”, explores the interrelatedness of appreciation and forgiveness. Finding our purpose is much easier once we learn to forgive ourselves and others, and to release the shame we have been carrying. This step leads us to a profound appreciation for our sobriety. We open a space in our hearts for true compassion. When our hearts are open, anything and everything is possible. Positive changes are possible when we release our resentments towards other people, places and things. In step five, “Living a life of right action”, we align ourselves with our essence. We are here to follow our own path. If people, places or things are taking us off that path, it is important to get back on course by removing what causes us to stray. If our addiction is taking us away from what we truly want, then it is time to embrace the Law of Sobriety and attract what we want and deserve. In the sixth step, we learn “living with awareness and mindfulness”. This means living your life one moment at a time. The divinely inspired founders of the Twelve Steps knew that living “one day at a time” was all an addict or alcoholic could tolerate. A typical personality characteristic of someFall 2014
one with the disease of addiction is their inability to stay out of the past or future in their thoughts. It is easier to be nonjudgmental of yourself if you are living in the moment. There is nothing to worry about in the moment, is there? The moment is perfect, just as it is.
When I graduated from my social work program, I envisioned I would be working with single parents. I had no idea I would end up working in the field of addiction. Once I became open to wherever my career was taking me, more opportunities became available. When I entered graduate school, I never dreamed it would be possible to have a book of mine published. I am so grateful that I have remained open and let the Law of Sobriety work miracles in every area of my life. Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and life, love and recovery coach in private practice and at Soba Recovery Center in Malibu. She is featured on VH1’s Celebrity Rehab. She offers a ten-week certification at wakeuprecovery.com for psychotherapists, coaches or anyone wanting to deepen their understanding of the Law of Attraction as it applies to recovery from any addiction. She is also a contributor to Chicken Soup for the Soul: Tough Times, Tough People, Conscious Entrepreneurs and to several e-books: Empowerment Manual: Finding Purpose with Intention and Filling the Empty Heart: 5 Keys to Transforming Love Addiction. Her e-books Relapse Prevention and Eliminate Limiting Beliefs can be downloaded free of charge at sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements.
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Teen Recovery By Leah Hunt
M
We would go over to one of my friends’ homes, claiming we were just having a sleepover and watching movies. But as soon as the parents left or were asleep, the liquor or drug stash was opened.
Years passed and I hardly gave alcohol or drugs a second
By the time I reached seventh grade, I was trying small sips of different kinds of alcohol. I soon progressed to drinking anything I could find. Before I knew it, I was dabbling in drugs with my friends. My parents had no idea I was using drugs and drinking. I came from a good home, did very well
y earliest memory of having an inclination toward alcohol was when I was around six years old. My dad let me taste some of his beer. He told me I wouldn’t like it; adults really don’t like it either – it’s just something they drink on occasion. To this day, I remember taking that first sip of alcohol and hating the taste; but for some unidentifiable reason, I found it amazing and I knew I wanted more.
thought. Throughout elementary school I sat in all the D.A.R.E. and Kids and Cops classes. I listened as they told us horror stories about what these substances could do to me. I thought I would never ever do drugs; and if I drank, it wouldn’t be on a regular basis. While in middle school, my friends and I decided it was time for us to start experimenting with alcohol and drugs. 36
in school and was a member of the school’s soccer and track teams. Unfortunately, my addiction took off quickly. As a freshman in high school, I could barely function without a pill, drink or whatever else I thought would get me through the day. Intoxication was all I thought about. Before long, I partnered my addiction with an eating disorder. Suicidal
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ons
thoughts were a regular part of my life. As my addiction reached its peak at the beginning of 2011, I realized something needed to change. If I didn’t act now, I was either going to commit suicide, binge as much as I could until I died or try to stop. Because I didn’t think I could, I wasn’t ever interested in trying to stop on my own; and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to. So I decided to tell my parents about my addiction problem, and we began searching for inpatient treatment facilities in the Houston area. A few weeks later, on March 8, 2011, I went into treatment; I was 14 years old and at the end of my rope.
with my future absolutely blows my mind. In the past few years, I’ve gone through a lot of hard times, dealt with a lot of loss and been more fearful than I’ve ever been in my life; but the process and my progress have been amazing. Today I am grateful for the disease of addiction and all the doors that have opened for me as a result. I have my whole life ahead of me.
n a l P g n i t e k Mar
e Year okie of th met other young people my age who soon o R s I immediately a d e ogniz
became a major part of my recovery. Treatment was simple. roupI in During stay, stuck mainly to myself but had a small he G ed Tmy in jo y n n d n o Kra c e group of girls with whom I became close. s , cation
s, relo in rs, retiree and sellersto four Alternative Peer Groups (APGs), yersintroduced uwas b I h it w g n which are recovery programs for young people that help na. d tion ansystem them build support to use until they are old enough habilaita re , s ic d e orthop
e our Hom Y g n e i t s i ls in L t your hom a e o g G o t y le M ib to transition to the adult Twelve Step recovery programs. tim poss d to go on t position e s e e I also joined a group called Cornerstone Recovery, which n b / t e n h t a in uw u in consists of about 100 other young addicts and alcoholics be- Put yo where yo hile reduc u w o y le t ib e s g s o o T as p tween the ages of 13 and 22. s smooth a n io t c a s an abuse. ke your tr Cornerstone d to childgave me the opportunity to find friends my Maage
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and just hang out. I met people my age who would pick up the phone at all hours of the night to drive to my house to have nd theIywas beeewith afraid I would res awhen eartme th w s the l schoo lapse. Thwiseapproach er lured worked better for me th a Warm mix of who was twice gwoman in on, D.C. than talking EXPERIENCE FULL SERVICE FOR YOUR z to a a m a s an videage they to which she , s n my about problems fa orado pro r e k ac BUYING AND LISTING NEEDS... edicated P peace onsin. Dcouldn’t relate. ere will be ivision, th
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Through Cornerstone, I was given the opportunity to attend Archway Academy, the utdoors. largest sober high school in the nation. At first I was skeptical; but after returning to public school for half a day, I was positive there was no way I could stay sober there among all my old friends and enemies, as well as the exposure to all the drugs and alcohol that environment offered.
I began attending Archway in the 2011 fall semester. Although I have graduated from the school, my experience there and the personal growth I made while I was there will stay with me for the rest of my life. I literally grew up in the program. ny.com I made ww.kranwhich w • friends and connections have powm o .c gmail yspaeth@ erfully impacted me in a positive way. Graduating with three years sober, having a group of incredible friends and the opportunity to do whatever I want to do Fall 2014
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Reach out Recovery I am very proud of our work, but it is also vital to my sobriety because it keeps me close and connected to the program. I need that. I need it every day to stay on this path. I’m grateful I am able to do the work we do.
By Lindsey Glass
M
y name is Lindsey Glass and I am a screenwriter and documentary filmmaker. I am also a person in recovery. I’ve been working on my recovery since I was 21, but more about that later. As a media professional, there came a moment when I realized I didn’t like the way alcoholism and other addictions were portrayed in the media. In 2011, I produced a TV movie documentary, The Secret World of Recovery. That project took me to places all around the country, from inside jails to Congress. I saw recovery working everywhere I went, but also saw people and families suffering terribly. I realized I couldn’t go back to doing nothing about it. I decided that apart from our work as advocates, filmmakers and writers, we had to do more. I am a third generation social activist. I was taught positive change is always possible if you stand up for what you believe and demand change by stating the facts. As a result, my mom and I co-founded the non-profit organization, Reach Out Recovery (ROR), in 2012. At ROR, we put our efforts toward removing the stigma from alcoholism and addiction. We support teen education and prevention as well as other such causes. We make documentaries on these topics for PBS. We have a website that provides information on all things recovery, and we collaborate with other organizations in whatever ways we can to ensure that as many people as possible are getting the information they need.
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After my second documentary, The Silent Majority (2012), received a national airdate from PBS, we decided to put together a teen empowerment curriculum as a supplement to the film. With the help of a teen counselor, we created a fascinating and fun curriculum to take into the nation’s schools and after-school programs. This enables teens to talk about drugs and alcohol in an open and healthy way. If that had been available to me, I might not have made the choices I did in my youth. Had I known in high school the damage I was doing to my body and my brain by using drugs, I do not believe I would have made the choice to use them. I might have looked for help sooner. I am from New York, the second child of a good family; and I have an excellent education. While I come from decent American stock, that didn’t prevent me from having the disease of addiction. Though I looked right, I felt different from the beginning. To cope with an anxiety disorder, I began to smoke pot at an early age. I progressed to other drugs, then for a decade battled prescription drugs and pot. For years I suffered in silence. I was afraid to tell people how I really felt or how I abused drugs simply to feel normal and comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t understand I had a disease. When I finally understood, I was ashamed that I had the disease of addiction. I was terribly anxious and unhappy as a teenager, but didn’t get the help I needed. That led to years of addiction, accompanied by shame and other negative consequences. While I didn’t stick needles in my arm, steal from my parents or live on the streets as many addicts do, I nevertheless suffered terribly. I did witness other people doing those awful things. I buried beloved friends from overdoses and I held the hands of parents who lost their teens, I didn’t understand why they had lost their kids while I had survived. We at ROR want people to know that recovery from addic-
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
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tion is possible. The media doesn’t always show the bright side. We’ve seen lives lost to addiction, but we’ve also seen miracles – millions of successful, clean and sober people all over the country living wonderful, productive lives, many of them spending their time helping others improve their lives. Yes, we have a drug problem in this country; but that’s not our main concern. Our main concern is to keep our young people off drugs to begin with. If teens begin using drugs and alcohol before their brains have fully developed, their chances of having a normal life drop dramatically.
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My life was changed drastically by the disease of addiction, but it was not in vain. Because of my addiction, I am now in a position to do something positive about it. If it means talking about my own experience, so be it. That’s how much I care about ensuring that other young people don’t succumb to the devastation of addiction. Because of our personal experience with the negative results of drug abuse, we at ROR care about making the world a better and safer place. I am proud of the work we do and am grateful that it helps me stay close to the realities of my disease. Addiction is preventable; but if it occurs, recovery is possible. Lindsey Glass is the daughter of veteran author, playwright and director Leslie Glass and the granddaughter of Milton Gordon, producer of Lassie and other beloved early TV series. She attended Johns Hopkins University, then received a Masters Degree from NYU. As of 2014 she is working with PBS on a documentary series and writing with musician, writer and director Chris Jaymes on several film projects. She splits her time between Florida and New York where Reach Out Recovery and Rehab Productions both have offices. She may be contacted through her website: reachoutrecovery.com.
Here at Triple Point, peers help peers understand the three points of life;
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Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
39
The Parent Blame Game By Shelly Marshall mother for my alcoholism, so why were they blaming me for my daughter’s alcoholism?
M
y seventeen-year-old daughter’s face looked ashen. Why wasn’t she happy to see me after two weeks in a treatment center? Her crestfallen demeanor concerned me. “Honey,” I asked, “what’s wrong? I know addiction treatment isn’t fun.” “No, it’s not that. I like it here . . .” she hesitated. “It’s just that you wrote the book they gave us here in treatment.” “And that’s a bad thing?” “Well, the psychiatrist called me in, and said it was a joke on you – that you wrote the book, and now your daughter is an alcoholic.” “Repeat that. He said the joke’s on me?” She nodded. Alcoholism and addiction runs in our family. In fact, it is very aggressive within the Marshall family. My mother, father, uncle, brothers and cousins all suffer from this destructive brain chemistry disorder. Today, most of us are clean and sober. The few who aren’t are in the process of destroying themselves or have already died from the disease. After becoming sober at the age of 21 in 1969, I wrote a book for young people entitled Young, Sober and Free. Gathering stories from around the country, I put together workshops for clean and sober young people. We wanted to help others our age. Adolescent treatment centers sprang up everywhere, and I was an advocate for them even though I had never been in treatment, nor had I been a parent struggling with the addiction of a child. I had to rethink my many years of supporting adolescent treatment centers when I heard, “The joke’s on you.” Then the counselors told me how sick I had become because my child was an alcoholic. The staff actually told me that it was I who had the greater problem; and if she had been raised correctly, my daughter would not be in this condition. I didn’t blame my mother for my alcoholism. If addiction is a disease, as propounded by most professionals, then how would raising my daughter correctly keep her from having it? She was born to a sober mother, never exposed to my drunkenness. I certainly didn’t blame my
40
It was several months before I realized the professionals at the adolescent center were wrong. Every single young person who went through treatment with my daughter began using again within 30 days of discharge. My daughter managed to hang on for a few months before she, too, went back out. I listened to the tortured self-blame of the other parents in my therapy group, as one child after the other went back to what they knew best – using with their peers. Nuts to this. I knew we were not bad parents as the group leaders would have had us believe. I did not then, nor do I now, believe that “addiction is a family disease”, meaning everyone in the family is sick. Addiction certainly affects everyone in the family. As with juvenile diabetes, it is not the parents giving ice cream to kids; rather, it is that the cells needed to break down carbohydrates are missing which causes the disease. Young alcoholics have messed up brain chemistry (see pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/). I am not saying that parents can’t aid in the prevention of drug abuse among their children. However, saying that eating too much sugar results in getting diabetes is just as inaccurate as saying drug abuse results in being an addict. This is an important, but often blurred, distinction. Who is responsible for addiction? I began reading the work of Phyllis and David York, founders of Toughlove. To my amazement, I found that they, too, felt professionals had it all wrong. Phyllis wrote: “The therapists who assume that kids’ parents are responsible for their teenagers’ behavior are dramatically reducing the chances that the kids will change for the better. Why should they bother to change when the therapist has excused them and blamed their parents? Let Mom and Dad change. It’s their fault.” – Toughlove Solutions, pg. 24 At this point I decided parents needed an advocate in the field of addiction recovery. My brother, Dr. Michael Marshall, a research psychologist in private practice who is now teaching at West Liberty University, and I designed several studies to assess recovery and treatment for teens. We found some interesting results published in four peerreviewed journals. Young people treated with adults in adult centers had a re-
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
covery rate equal to the adults, whereas young people treated in teen centers generally used more drugs coming out of treatment. (Shelly, federal law prevents this . . . are you sure it is even possible?) Professionals from teen treatment centers gave less stringent recovery plans to young addicts than those given to older addicts. Professionals in multi-generational centers tended to prescribe similar plans to both groups. Young people with parents in recovery or other self-help groups were more likely to respond to treatment than those with parents who were not in community support groups. So my advice to parents with addicted kids is if you have a choice, put them in a center that treats adults and young people in the same setting. Additionally, consider learning to “sober coach” them when they get out. You are not responsible for the bad choices made by your son or daughter; but given the right training, you can help them make better choices. Without the right training, you may become an enabler and may make the problem worse. You are not responsible for the brain chemistry of your addicted child, although allowing them to use drugs of any kind at a young age increases the likelihood of addiction in at-risk children. You are responsible for seeking help for children in trouble with mind-altering chemicals, just as you would be if they had juvenile diabetes. If the health care professional you choose doesn’t recognize the difference between abuse and addiction or excludes the disease merely on the basis of a young age, find another health care professional. If the health care professional you choose tells you that you are the cause of your son’s or daughter’s choices and/or their disease, find another health care professional. Why? Because if addiction is a disease, then it may strike anyone at anytime. Addiction isn’t “infectious”, and your kids won’t “catch” it from you (although your DNA may have passed along the predilection to addiction). Addiction is a functional disease (see the graph) which means a part of the body doesn’t function properly and causes dis-ease, such as heart disease or COPD. So does this mean you can’t help them? Not at all. There are many things a parent can do to help their addicted child, but taking the blame isn’t one of them. So find the right health care professional, educate yourself about the disease, don’t buy into the blame game – or as I was told, the “joke” will be on you. Shelly Marshall, a Hazelden author and small publisher, has dedicated her life to working with young recovering addicts and their parents. Her books Day By Day, Young, Sober, & Free and Pocket Sponsor are recovery classics. This article is based on her method for teaching parents to sober coach their young addict: See SoberCoachingYourTeen.com. Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
41
A Youth in Recovery By Gonzalo de la Torre
I
got sober at 23 years of age. You don’t typically choose to get sober at that age; it’s more like being forced. But when you live on the streets, spit on the floor as a continuous habit and live off panhandling at gas stations, there are very few options in your life. The insanity of waiting for the sun to rise to find a place to sleep so that it isn’t apparent you are homeless, forces your hand. Addiction as a young adult is a hard situation. Society kindly accepts substance use and abuse as long as you manage to either study or hold a job. Thing is, occasionally there exists an individual like me who simply does not tolerate drugs or alcohol in any form or amount without losing the control to stop. I don’t do stop. I do green light and crash pretty darn well. But once the incarcerations build up, college denies enrollment for the next semester and the family says that dreaded, “No”, one of two things becomes obvious – either the whole world is against me, or I have a serious problem with addiction. I have scars on my body from those escapades, none of which are obvious in my brand-new polo shorts. Today I am married, with the adoration of a little bundle called “our baby”, and an entrepreneur, working in the field of recovery, specifically same-gender sober living housing. Cliché? You bet. In recovery, I actually went back to college to study psychol-
42
ogy. Not as a way to see if I could help others, but as a way to make sense of the clutter that danced between my ears in those early years of recovery. Because of my depression during my early recovery, my dreams were fading and I did not want to finish school. But you know how those special people called “temporary sponsors” and “sponsors” act – they push you to do the things they wished they had done. So I did. I found out I was broken, but I actually had the capacity to learn and grow. I could place those fragmented pieces back into a life collage and create a piece of art. Once homeless, now I have a Bachelors degree. That’s enough, right? Not for my sponsors. God bless those souls who saw what I didn’t: potential, strength, dedication and backbone. A history teacher in my senior year of college said I had a gift for writing. Writing? Didn’t he realize I was dumping everything I had inside my mind? Didn’t he know I was just trying to survive in class? Hustling my way through another credit before I was kicked out, found out or placed in the bright light of reality – that addicts can’t amount to much and sobriety is a hard walk toward a life of endless blah? But you see, life is full of light and love. Even though I have been to plenty of funerals of people I know had just as much desire to stop using as I did, I know there is a reason why those who are deemed to be hopeless sometimes make it.
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
Our stories save lives. Our paths, both in darkness and coming into the light, make sense. They are stories of redemption, stories of second chances and of grace. Not only did I finish college, but I did so with honors. I continued to study for a Masters in Psychology and finished. A great accomplishment? Try a miracle! Once diagnosed as hopeless by psychiatrists and psychologists who had EEG and CAT scan proof, today I have two diplomas and the trust of family members who, back in the day, would not accept my calls. Some twelve years into recovery and deep into a career in songwriting and recording (what? you thought I was a shrink?), I met my wife and realized touring and living with no schedule in Los Angeles was not a life I wanted to lead. No matter the awards and media exposure, I had become bored with playing and singing in Hollywood studios all the way until midnight, with my only enjoyment the relief of laughter from sharing my stories with newcomers and midnight Twelve Step meetings in Hollywood and the “meeting-after-the-meeting” at diners ‘til late mornings (California recovery is amazing). Many of the newcomers I sponsor live in sober living homes, just like the one I was placed in13 years ago: unsafe, lacking good management or structure and just as scary as the motels I lived in back in my addiction. I made a decision to begin a new journey and create an amazing environment for early recovery. I designed a place where men could become accountable, be supported in finding a job or re-entering school and be drug tested often, all within an aesthetically pleasing surrounding. This home was to be the way I could heal all those many failed attempts at recovery. Young people need more than treatment. They need a strong group. They need to have nice things to learn how to take care of them. They thrive with good leaders. They cannot follow those who haven’t lived a life of purpose and joy. Today I share with young people the hope that no matter how dark their lives have become, they are here to leave a legacy, to do something greater than themselves. They are here to release the voices in their minds and become attuned to their dreams as they work towards them. That was one and a half years ago. Today at By the Sea Recovery in San Diego, we lead the field of sober housing for young adult men. My dream for all recovery houses and sober living homes is that in the not-too-distant future, they will live by the standards we have set. My dream is that when my son reaches the age of 18, it will be cool to be sober in our society. Young people will know there are options to live their dreams without succumbing to a culture of addiction, past traumas, other people’s idea of who they should be, the weightiness of life or anything against their momentum to thrive and blossom into the amazing humans they were born to be. As you are reading this, I hope my inspiration resonates with you. Recovery is a movement that is stronger than ever. We know the Big Book inside and out, but we know we need more. We need life skills. We need motivation. We need each other. Above all, we need your story to be shared. Your story may save a life where another’s may not.
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No Stranger to Trauma By Bethany Willyard
I am no stranger to trauma. When I was a young child, a relative began sexually abusing me in my home. The abuse lasted for eleven years. To escape the abuse, I ran away from home at the age of 14. As soon as I found myself on the streets, I began using drugs. My addiction to methamphetamine lasted 20 years. Consumed by meth, I threw away my family and my life. My addiction caused my entire family, including my children, to turn their backs on me. Through this journey into drug addiction and homeless, I was in and out of mental institutions and, finally, in prison.
Before
I was completely lost. Just take a look at my “before” picture, which was recently featured on the CBS 60 Minutes program’s website slideshow: Before and After: From Homeless to Hopeful. You may visit the slideshow at: cbsn.ws/1mwhylb. I began to turn my life around in prison. I finally began to take a hard look at myself. I confronted my addiction and my past, and I reflected on my relationships with my family and God. I also became involved with Criminal Justice and Mercy Ministries (CJAMM) out of Tulsa, Oklahoma. During my time in prison, I went through an intense drug rehabilitation program, which drastically reduced my sentence. When I was released on February 1, 2013, many people helped me save my own life. With their support, I was recently able to graduate from the Exodus House, which is a sober living home in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
After
Today, thanks to the Mental Health Association Oklahoma, I have a career working at a peer-run drop-in center for people battling mental illness and overcoming homelessness. Because I’ve been there, I have a unique perspective on helping clients rebuild their lives. Through the love and support of those around me at work and in my personal life, I have been taught many life lessons. I know I can always turn to my support system no matter what the case may be. Through hard work and reflection, and with the support of everyone who loves me, I have learned how to live a healthy life, to stay sober and to give things over to God. Today, instead of using drugs to run away from my feelings, I face them head-on in sobriety. I have also become a good mother and have enjoyed reconnecting with my three children. In fact, I recently regained custody of my 13-year-old son. I am becoming someone people look up to. I have been sober since January 24, 2012, and am excited about my life now. I am able to give back what was freely given to me. I am privileged to work with the homeless on a daily basis, help them with housing, job searches and many more services; so they can better themselves, just as I have. Many doors continue to open for me, and I can’t wait to find out what is on the other side.
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In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
By Bill W.
From Peer to Peer
Bill W. brings his life experience to print in a series of articles dealing with the many aspects of recovery. In a sequence of personal reflections, interviews and round table discussions, he shares with the reader, peer to peer, his effective and helpful insights into the world of addiction and mental illness recovery.
I
am a blessed man. At age 40, I was badly in need of recovery and was one of the fortunate ones who received the help I needed. Granted, I met the prerequisites of being ready and willing to make a change; and in my situation, the resources were there for me in every way. I had hit a low bottom. I immersed myself in groups, meetings and classes with the vengeance of a man in need of another chance. I worked and lived the Twelve Steps of anonymous meetings and Double Trouble in Recovery (DTR). I studied and practiced the principals of both Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I attended basic life skill courses such as Problem Solving, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Mindfulness, Anger Management, Assertive Communication, Empathy Training and Man’s Search for Meaning. I also took classes dealing with mental illness: Signs and Symptoms, Suicide Awareness, Distress Tolerance, Crisis Survival Strategies, Responding to Failure, Cognitive Distortions, Emotion Management and Self-Control. Because the skills I learned are now so important to me for successful living, I wonder why I didn’t have some of this education in middle school. I believe if I had, I would have had less trouble with mental health, substance abuse and all the tough issues that go along with being dually diagnosed. Why was I spending hours memorizing all the rivers in Europe, only to forget them the day after the exam? Why did I need to know the kingdom, phylum, class, order, family, genus and species of a bullfrog? I am no expert on education; and, of course, we need people who know these things. It makes more sense to me, however, to teach children the basic principles I learned in my recovery process to help them avoid tough predicaments. Some of these difficulties affect not only those who have mental and substance abuse diagnoses, but affect their family, friends and society to one degree or another. Let’s face it; most of us have some characteristics of these very human diagnoses, if not the full-blown illness. Most all of us wind up recovering from one thing or another. Have you ever heard this joke? If you don’t have some features of
a personality disorder, you probably don’t have a personality. Now, I don’t use all of what I’ve learned as I negotiate through my life. That’s way too much for me to remember. What that training did, though, was provide me with a toolkit of ten to fifteen concepts – concepts that specifically resonate with me and help me trudge through circumstances that used to throw me for a loop and send me on a bender or into mental and emotional turmoil, which eventually led to bad outcomes. For example, earlier in my life, relationship conflicts easily caused my emotions to soar. The interpersonal effectiveness training I received helps me negotiate my personal relationships so that clashes do not occur as often. The distress tolerance I now have helps me with upsetting emotions when the inevitable conflict happens. The concept of living life on a rigorously honest basis, so fundamental to Twelve Step programs, builds trust with my family and friends that is needed to maintain strong bonds. Empathy training taught me to be sensitive to what it is like to walk in another person’s shoes. Back in my partying days, booze and drugs were my primary excitement in life. I could not imagine having any fun without them. When I cleaned up, I needed the ideas from the Man’s Search for Meaning class to find activities to replace that artificial happiness. It is so important to my mental health to have meaning which gives me a positive sense of worth and which motivates me to move my muscles on difficult days. In addition, I cannot forget to mention the necessity of balance that Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) taught me. I must have equilibrium between work and “easy does it” time to keep stress and anxiety manageable so relapse episodes will not be triggered. These examples could go on and on, but I think you get the idea that recovery treatment improved my life and has been helpful in many ways. Exposing people to this type of education at an earlier age could help de-stigmatize mental illness by bringing the topic out of the closet. A trip to a mental health professional for a check-up would not be considered “abnormal”. This education could also decrease substance abuse among young people by giving them coping skills to deal with issues that so often drive them to drink and drug. It might even decrease bullying in schools. Another positive effect of this education might be that our jails and prisons would not be as overcrowded with people afflicted with these illnesses who wind up getting into trouble with the legal system. Hopefully, a suicidal teenager bent on killing his fellow classmates, then himself, would get the help he needed before a tragedy occurred. I know I would have benefited tremendously if I had been exposed to these concepts at a younger age. As a society, we must develop better and earlier interventions. As the old saying goes, we need to close the barn door before the horse gets out!
Perspective:
The New Sober
A different take on what it means to be sober and how strict abstinence-only treatment approaches can be stigmatizing and detrimental to addicts in need of help. By K. Lanktree
W
hen it comes to addiction treatment, achieving sobriety and a functional life is, of course, the ultimate goal. However, depending on where treatment is sought, definitions and views on sobriety can vary tremendously. A new ideology, which disregards the strict and sometimes alienating abstinence-only approach and replaces it with a more controversial definition of sobriety, is gaining traction. Here is one such definition of sobriety: “Sobriety is really a psychological or emotional state of self-management – not really having to do with abstinence. Sobriety is available to drinkers and non-drinkers alike and is seen when people relate to their world in a rational, calm, and mature manner.” – Addiction Alternatives Effective and safe treatment options are needed more than ever because drug abuse and addiction are rising to epidemic levels. Unfortunately, many treatment centers and support groups may actually deter some addicts from seeking treatment by defining successful treatment as nothing less than 100 percent abstinence. This approach to sobriety may give addicts the false idea that complete abstinence is the only way to a sober life. This is most certainly not the case, as there are other effective treatment options which focus on the difference between abstinence (the avoidance of consumption) and sobriety (the condition of control). This definition of sobriety emphasizes self-management and avoiding excess. Speaking from personal experience, the traditional recovery options focusing on abstinence can be limiting. When I initially sought help, I entered a rehab center that gave the option of detoxification and subsequent abstinence from all drugs. Methadone was not considered an option for someone seeking a life of sobriety. Guess what happened? I failed, miserably. Barely two days after check-in, I was already checking out and heading right
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back into a life of addiction, one that spiraled even further out of control. Prior to entering rehab, I was only snorting pills. Not long after leaving, I had become a full-blown IV drug user. My complete and utter failure at sobriety made me feel a million times worse. I felt absolutely pathetic and totally out of options. I was beginning to think I was trapped for good in my addiction. I did not believe I would ever be able to stop using. Whether I went cold turkey or naively tried to wean myself off, it always ended in failure. I just could not manage to kick the habit. With each failure, I saw the possibility of sobriety slipping even further away. I came to a point where I truly believed sobriety was completely unreachable. On my trips out to get dope, I remember seeing people out for a jog, biking or playing sports. I would think to myself, I will never again be able to do those things. I was aware that I was a complete and utter slave to the needle. Sadly, I felt this was just the way it was going to be. I couldn’t get myself out of bed in the morning without dope, let alone do anything other than find money for drugs, get the drugs and then do said drugs. That was my life. It was a hell I thought I would be stuck in forever. Then I found methadone, and it saved my life. Methadone is a good example of a non-abstinence based treatment option, and one that generates controversy. Methadone, like heroin or oxycodone, is in fact an opiate. Therefore, many hold the view that an addict participating in methadone maintenance treatment is simply swapping one addiction for another, and is by no means sober. They may have stopped using needles, snorting or abusing their drug of choice; but they are still on an opiate; and therefore, they are dirty. No ifs, ands or buts about it.
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
If I compare the state of my life when I was using to where I am now, there is no way you can tell me I have not achieved sobriety. The changes in my life are astonishing. I am free of IV drug use, drug abuse and the pain of an active addiction. The meaning of sobriety will always be debated. People hold conflicting views about it, and are often quite passionate about their positions on the matter. The strictest definition appears to be the belief that abstinence from any and all mindaltering substances is necessary to hold the golden title of sobriety. But in all honesty, is that even a realistic expectation? Absolutely no altering substances? None? Think about that for a second. By that standard, only a very small group of people would be able to consider themselves sober. Do you drink coffee? Take any medications at all? Smoke? Drink? According to this stance, you’re all just as dirty as I am. Not everyone agrees that moving away from an abstinence-only definition of sobriety is a good idea. Methadone maintenance, treatment of alcoholism through daily regulated dispensing of booze and various other harmreduction approaches are still viewed as controversial by many people, even though reports indicate they can have a positive impact. When alternatives are available that may help addicts get their lives back, they should not be dismissed out of hand. For those who desperately need treatment, but are unable to achieve total abstinence, an abstinence-only approach may hinder them from seeking the proper and necessary help. Other effective treatment methods are available with the potential to change the lives of addicts in positive ways. Whatever you believe to be the true meaning of sobriety, hold yourself to that standard, not everyone else around you. Let’s stop shaming and guilting people away from accessing lifesaving treatment options that may give them hope that a sober, functional life is within reach. K. Lanktree is a NewsOK contributor, freelance writer, former IV drug user, methadone patient and harm reduction advocate. For more information, check out her blog at www.studioLonline. weebly.com. Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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A Man Walks into a Bar... By Jana Greene
He doesn’t know how to stop. How do you stop? Someone, somewhere has to know how.
A man walks into a bar. No, wait. That’s the wrong story. A man walks out of a bar. The establishment has been his “safe place” for years. He knows the owners, and they keep a seat waiting for him at the end of the bar where the bartender can lean in to listen when he talks without knocking over the highball glasses. They know his story and keep pouring, and those two things have always made the man feel understood, loved. He went to the bar every day because he wanted to be cared about and just to be left alone. Drinking is a funny thing; it makes both seem possible simultaneously. He was incredibly brave, he thought, to work so hard and provide for his family, to deal with all the drama and dealings of life. Wasn’t he due this time? Didn’t he deserve it? He had always planned to keep drinking. Very recently, however, it became obvious that his safe place was a dangerous place. His wife was leaving him for the last time, and he had not been willing to follow her. He had not been willing to ask for help. The path to help was a rocky, treacherous road. The way to the bar was paved with familiarity. As he slowly became more lost, lost, lost, it became increasingly clear that pouring did not equal understanding; that having someone lean into you and listen did not equal love. Over the years, he had chosen this seat in the bar over relationships, over passions. Everybody knew his name here, but not a single soul knew his heart. He is sick in mind, body and spirit. 48
There must be a magic pill to stop the drinking, and there was. There were lots of pills, all supposed to make him better; but in time, they only made him worse. Perhaps he needed another diversion? A few days without drinking made possible by strange women and dirty, secret deeds. Then drinking - again. What about sheer willpower? Alone in his room, shaking and sorry, he had no one but himself for company. Nothing is working. He asks God for help, if God is real . . . if He exists at all. “Love me and leave me alone,” he wanted to tell God. But instead, he searched for a support meeting nearby. Because, at the end of himself, he had no other choice. Before the first meeting, he sat in his car, debating with himself about going in at all. Because the rooms are full of “those people” and once you walk in, you are one of them . . . no turning back. But he knew he already was. He thought of the bar, but he made another choice and stepped into a new place. Worship music filled the space inside the building. He filed past others – men and women of all ages, all races. The stereotype represented was very specific: the Human Race. As he took his seat and the speaker began to share her experience with substance abuse and recovery, he leaned in. “I am lost, lost, lost,” he said in his spirit. In that most-alone place, God made his presence known. There were relationships among hurting people in those rooms. There was a passion for living. He took small glances
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
around the room as the meeting wrapped up. Over cups of coffee, there were tears, but laughter, too. There was palpable joy, something he’d forgotten existed. Nobody knew his name. Nobody knew it until the men gathered alone for small group . . . there, in a small circle of men, he shared his name. When it was his turn, he told a little of his story. At the end of the meeting, all of the others knew why he was there and why he didn’t want to be at the bar anymore. No one turned away from him. His eyes met with love. There was a pouring-out of himself and all of his drama and dealings; and he filled up that space with hope for a future, because here, “those people” have one – a future. The God he had doubted helped him stop drinking when he couldn’t do it himself and gave him people who loved his heart when he was at the end of himself. He had been incredibly brave to walk through the door. He was due this time; he had it coming – this life raft, this safe place. “Keep coming back,” they said. “Your seat will be waiting for you.” A man walks out of a bar . . . and into a meeting. He keeps coming to meetings because he feels cared about there, and he knows he cannot be left to his own devices. The road he is on – to recovering his life – is well-worn by others.
“If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity, and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. “Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.”
It is paved with hope. Jana Greene is a Jesus freak, wife, mother, recovering alcoholic, author and blogger at thebeggarsbakery.com. In 2001, she surrendered her will to Jesus and is still surrendering it on the daily. She writes to let others know where to find the Bread of Life. She lives with her husband, daughters and kitty cats in North Carolina. Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
– Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, p. 83-84
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By Jacque Miller
A Family’s Road to Recovery
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ever in my life did I expect to be working in the substance abuse industry. I grew up in the Midwest in an upper middle class family. My parents had a stable marriage. I had two brothers and a large extended family as well. I graduated high school in 1964 during the Vietnam War. Many of my classmates served in the military during this time. Some of the guys I graduated with came home from the war smoking marijuana and experimenting with LSD. This was my first exposure to drug use.
When I was diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal cancer in 1986, I became interested in the nutrition field. The doctors told me if I lived another 18 months, I might make it to five years. I immediately had the attitude, “You are not going to tell me when I am going to die; you are not in charge; God is!” I knew that God had created my body with the ability to heal itself. I just had to get my immune system working at an optimum level. While the doctors put me on an experimental chemo-therapy protocol of very high doses of drugs for three treatments a month apart, I began my study of the immune system. I went back to college and earned my Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees in Holistic Nutrition. Sixteen years after my diagnosis, I started my private practice. It wasn’t long before a local therapist asked me to work with a recovering addict to help improve his health and reduce his cravings. One thing led to another, and I soon found myself working with many clients in recovery. I discovered a passion for recovery nutrition and for the clients who so desperately needed my help. I was personally introduced to addiction in the late 1980s, when a close family member became a meth addict. The family handled it all wrong. We didn’t realize then that the drugs were the problem, not the person. After all, he was scary and violent toward other family members. Not understanding that it was an addiction and thinking that he could just stop, the family kicked him out, believing he would “get it together” pretty quickly and straighten up. At the time, there were not many resources available. The internet was not what it is today. We found ourselves speaking with total strangers in other states who were trying to explain a problem we couldn’t begin to comprehend. We did not understand the treatment he needed or how he could 50
get it. Unfortunately, he disappeared for five years. He was off the grid, and we didn’t know if he was dead or alive. It was horrible! In the late 1990s, we again found ourselves dealing with addicted family members; this time heroin addiction. By that time, the Web was a better resource for substance abuse information, but finding help was not much easier. The biggest issue my family had was admitting that we could not fix our beloved teens by just loving them. We could see their behavior was more and more unacceptable, and their health was declining. We wanted to believe all the lies they told us. We made excuses for their behavior; after all, they were teenagers! Deciding what to do and how do it was an almost debilitating decision-making process. We didn’t have the money to send them to treatment. We didn’t know how to get them the help they needed. When substance abuse becomes a problem in a family, the effects can be devastating and life-altering for both the nuclear and extended family. Without realizing it, our family became part of the problem. Eventually we learned about the following negative coping mechanisms: Adaptation: When substance abuse affects a family, the family may try to adapt and change their relationships by accommodating the addicted family member in an effort to preserve the family unit. In my family, we built our life around the abuser’s behavior. Denial: The family is in denial about substance abuse in much the same way the abuser is in denial about their addiction. Substance abuse is often a problem long before the family recognizes it as such. Even though we found drug paraphernalia and signs of abuse, the abusers always offered excuses we readily accepted. Estrangement: The abuser centers his life on obtaining and using the substance, and then diverts his energy away from family and friends. The result is a deterioration of relationships and eventual estrangement from their significant others. Home Environment: Drug abuse is corrosive; it dissolves
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Fall 2014
cohesiveness within the home. The abuser may grow secretive and suspicious; he may isolate himself from other members of the family. Expectations are not met, trust and accountability are compromised and communication with the abuser is very difficult. In my family, communication and family outings ceased. Some of us believed if we ignored the problem, maybe it would just go away. Co-Dependency: Co-dependency is one of the more serious side effects of substance abuse. Family members become conditioned by the abnormal relationship with the substance abuser. They may adopt emotions and behaviors that impede their ability to participate in other relationships. Family members, especially children, may experience depression and anxiety or exhibit eating disorders and make suicide attempts. The family may have unrealistic expectations of the addict, and focus on how can I fix this? By the grace of God, my family reunited. Everyone is in recovery and healthy now. We didn’t lose anyone to this insidious disease; we are the lucky ones. Family recovery is a slow and sometimes painful process. Regaining family cohesiveness and sanity takes time. Substance abuse affects everyone in the family, and they all need help and support. While the effects of substance abuse on a family may not be identical from home to home, one thing is constant – the cycle of addiction must be stopped. Families need to get help for the abuser and the other family members. If you or a family member is addicted, take action now. Find nearby reputable family treatment options. You can make a difference. Treatment saves lives.
Meditation By Michael Lyding When we get here, with any luck we get to set back the odometer. – Jim H.
T
here are so many ways to express the truth of Jim’s insight. I am many years older than I was when I got here, and yet I feel many more years younger. I know what it’s like to be responsible, and I also know what it’s like to be cute – the way a youngster is cute. There is a huge difference between a youngster’s cuteness and what I now feel like from time to time. The young girl or boy learns to assume that people will respond to their cuteness with smiles and joy. I now know my feelings are miraculous, though I am still surprised when people respond to me with pleasure. The passage of time, my experiences, everything I wanted as a youngster but did not get – all these are not enough to explain the difference between the cute youngster and me. Let me suggest that my youngster’s assumption of cuteness has matured into a sense of gratitude. These feelings of amazement and wonder at others’ responses to me are more than just an assumption. They are an underlying recognition of a gift – one that I have always wanted. I am now no longer angry about my earlier losses; I have dealt with those. Now I am joyful, sometimes tearfully so. Gratitude makes that possible. Gratitude turns back the clock and enriches the new/ old experience.
Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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Travelin’ Sober Man
By Bob Kocher Bob Kocher has spent over 22 years in the travel industry working as a guide, group planner, salesman and agency owner. He has led more than 125 groups worldwide – in Greece and the Mediterranean, Russia, South America, the Caribbean and Alaska. Check out the blog page at the agency website travelsober.com for updates on travel tips.
W
elcome to my new travel column for In Recovery Magazine. Each issue will offer you tips on destinations, how to find good deals, dos and don’ts for shopping vacations and other travel information. All questions and suggestions are welcome. If you have one, you may send it directly to bob@inthislife.com. The most important thing for any travel shopper to know is to work with an experienced travel agent. It will usually save you time and money. Shopping for Airfares The best example of this is illustrated by questions most frequently asked of a travel agency: “How can I get a better airfare, and when should I buy the ticket?” Most agencies charge a fee for booking air tickets these days. The reason is simply that most airlines have not paid commissions to travel agencies for years. Airlines have sold the idea that buying air tickets on the internet is the best way for a consumer to save money, which is often not true. They change ticket prices based on inquiries as well as supply and demand, so they want you to use the internet. In addition, the public is discouraged from calling an air carrier to check prices because of the long waits to get through to a real person. A recent article in a popular travel publication offers some helpful suggestions. First, when buying your tickets, avoid shopping when internet traffic is heaviest. As a general rule, buying after 4:00 p.m. until bedtime and on the weekends or holidays is the worst time to shop for airfares. Second, the article goes on to say that Thursday is the best day to shop, closely followed by Wednesday and Tuesday.
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Over the years, I have learned a secret that is very helpful. When shopping for airfare, use a website such as kayak. com. Kayak displays prices from major sites, like Priceline, Expedia, Cheapo Air, Airfast, etc. Not all third party sites include taxes. By using this site you will avoid that problem. People unintentionally create a problem by comparing prices on multiple sites in a short time span. Just one person doing this can raise prices in an instant. Inquiries are simultaneously transmitted to the air carrier’s sites and to third party engines. Prices go up, and people panic and buy, fearing the price will go up yet again. The problem is compounded when a friend or family member tries to help by checking fares in the same timeframe. This raises prices even faster. It’s a vicious cycle. It used to be that a round-trip ticket was less costly. This is no longer true. I fly from both the San Francisco and Los Angeles area airports because we live almost in the middle of the state. So I shop all the airports in the departure city and at the final destination. Try different combinations of one-way routes at departure and arrival airports. It might save you money. So, remember to shop Thursday, Wednesday or Tuesday. Avoid spending more than ten minutes at a time looking for fares. Don’t get others involved in the discovery process at the same time. Kayak offers price-trend information. You can find it in the upper left corner after you have made your flight inquiry. You need to enter a round-trip itinerary, so use a beginning date and add a week for return to get the trend information. I have had 85 percent success using this information. I shopped a return flight from Miami a while ago and followed the trend suggestion to wait. I did, and the Miami to Los Angeles flight I needed dropped by $275! Shopping for Hotels Shopping for hotels is much easier than shopping for airfares because the multiple inquiries do not change the prices. You can check multiple sites without fear of raising the price. Hotels are motivated to fill rooms, and the deals can be amazing. I have had the most success with hotwire.com. Before I check prices on their website, I go to hotels.com or booking. com and input my preferences. Do you want to be near an airport; would you like breakfast included; is Wi-Fi free and shuttle service available? Once you find location and amenities, Hotwire will give you a range of several properties and place you in one of them. You might not know which hotel you are getting. If points from a particular chain aren’t vital, savings can be substantial. Other good tips come from Jason Steele, who wrote The Inside Scoop on Hotel Stays From a Front Desk Supervisor for the online travel blog, The Points Guy. He tells us that calling a hotel on the morning of arrival and asking for upgrades and early check in is smart because the hotel system
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Fall 2014
will start pre-assigning rooms each morning. You can also ask not be near a service closet or for rooms away from the elevator (unless you need to be close to one – they’ll give those rooms easily upon request). This is where the upgraded rooms are usually situated. Jason shares that it doesn’t hurt to ask for an upgrade when you get to the hotel front desk. Staff is often paid a commission to “upsell” you to a better room, so don’t be afraid to negotiate. Ask for what you want. Travel safe, travel well and travel sober! – BK
And
PRESENT
A Recovery Conference @ Sea For Recovering People and their Friends To the Western Caribbean from Houston to Cozumel, Harvest Caye, Belize, Banana CoastTrujillo, Honduras
Join us for a fabulous 7-day cruise vacation on the Norwegian Cruise Lines Norwegian Jade December 5-12, 2015 For more information go to travelsober.com or call 805.909.2170 Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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BodyTalk By Victoria Abel
O
kay, the title sounds a little corny – but it’s really true! Most people realize that protein gives us energy and helps build muscles. What most people don’t know, however, is that one of protein’s most important roles is to produce the chemicals that help us feel happy, calm and less stressed. There are 22 major amino acids in the body. Of these 22, nine must come from the protein in your food. The body needs these amino acids for hundreds of functions, one of which is to make the neurochemicals serotonin and dopamine. These two brain chemicals help us feel happy, tolerate stress and experience pleasure. In other words, if we are not eating enough protein, we might not feel happy about a new experience or manage our anxiety well. We need our protein! Unfortunately, depression and anxiety can be a large part of early recovery from substance addiction. Drugs and alcohol deplete serotonin and dopamine. Eating well throughout recovery can help. A balanced diet providing protein, fat and complex carbohydrates gives the body a natural “mood support” and can keep sugar cravings in check. So how much protein do we need? The usual range for protein is between 40 and 60 grams per day. Some examples of foods containing protein are: Three ounces of meat – approximately 21 grams (fish has a little less) •
One cup of black or white beans – 15 grams
•
One cup of cooked lentils – 18 grams
•
One egg – 7 grams
•
One half cup almonds – 10 grams
•
One cup of Greek yogurt – between 12-24 grams
•
One cup of quinoa – 8 grams
•
One-half cup of tempeh, a soy product – 15 grams
•
Sprouted bread, such as Ezekiel brand – 8 grams per slice
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It’s very easy to eat enough protein – overly processed protein shakes and bars are not necessary. Save those protein bars for emergency snacks when you can’t get real food. Let’s look at a menu for a typical day. Breakfast – Two eggs, a piece of toast and fruit (15 grams), or quinoa hot cereal and nuts (20 grams) Lunch – Turkey and cheese sandwich (15 grams), or a salad with black beans (15 grams) Dinner – Three ounce salmon filet, brown rice and broccoli (24 grams), or stir-fried tempeh (15 grams) TOTAL: First set of meals (54 grams) or second set of meals (50 grams) If you eat meat, it is important to buy the healthiest meat you can afford. That means buying meat with no added hormones or antibiotics and processed meats without nitrates. If you are a vegetarian, be sure you do not depend too heavily on “meat alternatives” such as veggie burgers. Get your protein from other great sources, such as lentils, nuts, kale and quinoa. Start your day with protein. Continue eating protein in meals and snacks throughout the day. Including protein in each meal and snack will help to keep your mood and blood sugar stable. But don’t overdo a good thing. Your body cannot process large amounts of protein in one sitting, especially when new in recovery. Aim for approximately 15 to 20 grams of protein per meal, and five to ten grams per snack. Your body and your mood will thank you! Victoria Abel, MA, MNT, is the founder and owner of Center for Addiction Nutrition. She has worked in the addiction counseling field for 20 years as a family, primary, eating disorders and trauma therapist. She is also a nutrition therapist working with people healing from addiction, mood disorders, cancer and other chronic illnesses. She teaches at Prescott College in Prescott, Arizona, and lectures nationally on addiction nutrition.
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“Healing relationships with food.” Develop and present nutritional programs and educational lectures at treatment centers. One on one nutritional consultation, meal planning, weight management, and assessment for disordered eating. Nutrition and supplementation to ease detox, stabilize mood and reduce cravings. Instruction on budgeting, shopping and cooking.
TESTIMONIAL
“Victoria helped me to manage the daily struggles of meal planning and grocery shopping - the mundane tasks we all must do. I am grateful for those things but am mostly grateful for the caring way in which she operates. I have lived in so much shame for as long as I can remember regarding anything to do with food. Victoria let me cry and was always genuinely interested in what was going on with me. We would talk about the things that seemed to have nothing to do with food but in fact were leading me to binge, purge, or starve myself. Victoria has been an incredible light in my life - she was always so accepting of me - no matter if I had a “good” or “bad” food week.” See the last February issue of the New York Times and the Summer issue of In Recovery Magazine for more informaton on CAN Nutrition and Recovery.
Victoria Abel MA, MNT, CAN
vabel@cannutrition.com www.centerforaddictionnutrition.com
Sharmyn Townsen, Certified Life Coach at The River Source
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harmyn started drinking at 14 years old. “I found myself feeling very alone and miserable at 14 years old and so I took a drink and it was like a spiritual experience, it took it all away and I spent the next 20 years chasing that effect, that first high.” When Sharmyn was 22 years old, she found heroin. “I had a 12-year relationship with it and it took everything, my dreams, my goals, my relationships, my self- respect, self-esteem and my selfworth. I was a slave to my addiction and it owned me… I loved the people around me but I was so powerless that I couldn’t consider them long enough to do anything different.” “What’s so sad about that is I didn’t know what was happening and I really thought that the reason I couldn’t stop was because I was just a bad person. I believed I was choosing to put heroin first above my family, above my dreams, above my relationships, above my friends, above my goals, above my life, and I carried that belief around for a very long time until I got to The River Source back in 2007. One of the first things somebody told me was that I wasn’t a bad person trying to be good, but I was a sick person trying to get well. That gave me some hope that things could change for me.” “A big part of my addiction was running from life and any kind of conflict, any sort of pain and just spending all of my time and energy trying to numb that out. What happened was I numbed out the joy and the happiness, and the connection and the love as well, and I didn’t have anything. A big part of my recovery has been realizing and coming to appreciate and respect the fact that I don’t get to experience one without the other. For a long time I used my past and the things that happened to me as an excuse for my inappropriate behavior. I used it as an excuse to be abusive to the people around me and to be cruel… and I realized when I got sober, that I wasn’t a victim, I was a participant.” Photo: TJ Evans
At 33 years old, after an almost 12-year run with heroin, Sharmyn was diagnosed with a brain disease called toxic leukoencephalopathy from smoking it. She ended up going in and out of hospitals, detoxes and finally ended up in a nursing home because she could no longer take care of herself. She thought this was the end for her, but it was actually the beginning of her path to freedom. When Sharmyn was released from the nursing home she quickly got high, but something had changed and it just wasn’t working like it used to. Fortunately for Sharmyn, when she was in detox, two people (who she will never forget) brought a 12-step meeting in and shared what it had been like for them, what
See full story on The River Source YouTube channel 56
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Fall 2014
happened to them and what their lives were like today. Unbeknownst to her, this had planted a seed; everything started to change and the fear of not getting sober became greater than the fear of getting sober. She realized that something was horribly wrong and that she needed help. “For a very long time I lived in the shame of what I had done to myself and the people that loved me while living in my addiction, I never thought I was worthy of happiness, love or forgiveness. Today, I know that the shame I lived in was a lie and that I AM worthy of all the gifts I have been given in recovery, and that awareness came as a direct result of taking the suggestions given to me at The River Source. The solutions that The River Source introduced to me back in 2007 healed my shame and transformed my dark past into one of the biggest gifts I have today. It’s a past experience that I get to share with others in order to help them find a way out of the darkness they live in, into a life of happiness and freedom. Everything that I GET to do today makes all of the pain and suffering that I went through worth it.”
The River Source philosophy is that recovery from addiction is a lifelong process and thus the focus is on healing the whole person including the Mind, Body, and Spirit. MODALITIES USED: • Nutritional IV vitamin therapy helps put the essentials back into your body (Vitamin C, B-Complex, B5, B6, B12, Folic Acid, Calcium, Magnesium, Zinc and Selenium)
• B-12 shots • Amino Acids therapy • Homeopathic remedies • Infrared sauna helps remove toxins out of your body (chemicals, heavy metals, waste...) • Acupuncture • Massage therapy • 12 Step • Meditation • Yoga • Gym visits (Monday-Friday) • Individual Counseling • Family Counseling • Small groups and educational workshops • Neurofeedback (BAUD Therapy) The River Source is a 12-step holistic program with treatment centers for drug and alcohol dependency located in the Downtown Historic Mesa (20 minutes from Phoenix International Sky Harbor airport) and Santa Cruz Valley (45 minute drive south of the airport). They offer a 30, 60 or 90 day inpatient treatment (detox included), as well as a 5 and 10 day detox only program.
www.TheRiverSource.org • info@theriversource.org
Call 1-855-440-4030 to learn more
Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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Happy Endings
Kay Luckett has been in recovery since 1997. She formerly owned Memorable Occasions, a catering company in Los Angeles, where she produced and catered events for over 20 years. Her biggest thrill was catering for Julia Child. She is currently working in the recovery field and is a student at Yavapai College majoring in counseling. She may be reached at kayskitchen@ inrecoverymagazine.com.
By Kay Luckett
I
am writing this column on the cusp of my 69th birthday and in my 16th year of sobriety. As I didn’t really prepare for this sort of longevity, my age is a bit of an issue for me. The issue is simply that there is no way I could possibly, really be 69 years old, though I can’t argue with my birth certificate! Fortunately, I have never felt better or younger in my life. For this, I give total credit to my life in recovery.
There was nothing “young at heart” about this picture. My situation became worse as I vacillated between abusing drugs and alcohol. I was shut down, defensive and dishonest. I continued to drink and steal well into my teens and twenties; somehow I stayed out of jail.
It was the 1960s. These were the dark ages of recovery treatment, and no one seemed to understand the source of my Speaking of which, my program of recovery began 21 years problems. I was a burden to everyone and always in some ago with the guidance of several Twelve Step programs, kind of trouble. My alcoholic parents had neither the acwhich ultimately helped. After working the Steps twice, my cess to, nor the desire for their own self awareness; so no chemical dependencies were miraculously lifted, and my real help came from them. I lived through 40 more years of “childhood”, coupled with the disease of active alcoholism. obsession to drink disappeared. Those years included failed marriages, single motherhood, Those addictions were replaced by other issues, perhaps less two abortions and plenty of therapy. severe, yet still capable of making me feel miserable. My situation was clear to me. I no longer had substances, distracTo share your weakness is to make tions and chaos between me and my feelings. The intense emotions I was experiencing were awful, though they were yourself vulnerable; to make yourself familiar. With the assistance of others, I dug into these senvulnerable is to show your strength. sations, fighting and kicking all the way. I emerged realizing there were two things I had been running from all my life Criss Jami – shame and vulnerability. I had no connection whatsoever with my personal power or my divinity. Since then, sobriety and miracles are at the core of my life. I grew up experiencing fear, insecurity and shame. As I am living the happy ending of the story. Sometimes I wona preteen, I had tremendous self-loathing about being a liar, der what my life would have been had I recovered in my cheat and thief; but it was the only way I knew to survive. teens or twenties. I felt considerable guilt about the mistakes I thought I was During the past six years, I have had the joy of being friends making. with a group of young people between the ages of 20 and 30. What was worse was the shame that told me simply that They met when they came to Prescott, Arizona, for recovI was the mistake; and because I was fundamentally un- ery. They were as desperate and lost as I had been at that age. worthy, my behavior really didn’t matter. This separated me from knowing and revealing my true self. It was the mak- As time went by, these young men and women became my good friends in recovery. They support each other, and grow ings of a teenage alcoholic. 58
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Fall 2014
and work in service together. They gather often for fun, sober times. Here is a story told to me by one of these friends: I was well liked in school, had good grades, played softball, rode horses and was on the dance team. Everyone knew my parents. My double life started when no one was around – I was sneaking out, hanging out with the wrong crowd and getting high before and after school. I became a junkie. No one could believe how far down I had gone. I was unrecognizable. In 2007, I was arrested a couple times, and then arrived in Prescott, Arizona, to get sober. I relapsed and slipped further down the scale of moral values I thought I lived by, but didn’t really. I got sober again on August 11, 2009. When the God of my understanding smashes my ideas of “self-will run riot”, I am mostly happy, sometimes joyous and as free as possible. The Step Nine promises have come true in my life, though not the promises of material BS that some people talk about. I have a healthy relationship with my husband, reunited with my family, a job in the treatment field for the last four years that has truly blessed me, true friends. This summer I completed my last class for certification in medical billing and coding. My God is good if I take the action. I turned 30 years old on July 30th of this year. – Katy J.
One of my birthday gifts this year has been my continuing friendships with Katy and other sober young friends. I have attended their weddings, baby showers, college graduations and watched them receive sober medallions every year. They have been a great example to me of what “young at heart” truly means. The promise of being “happy, joyous and free” applies to us all. At this milestone, I am almost a grown up. I am selfsupporting, have a great job in the recovery field; and I am able to have sober fun. I have the privilege of being there for other women as they grow up and regain their lives. I dance to Pharrell Williams’ song “Happy” everyday, walk in the pines and have a heart filled with gratitude for my life today. Now that’s a happy ending. Let’s keep celebrating our happy endings, birthdays and being young at heart by eating something healthy and de-lish. Here is my recipe for Braised Chard.
Braised Chard with Cilantro
(Adapted from the Purloined Recipes/Whipstone Farms)
Don’t be put off by the long cooking time. In the end the flavor goes far beyond what’s possible with a cursory blanching. Ingredients 2 large bunches chard, about 2 lbs, leaves sliced into 1 inch wide ribbons 1½ cups of chard stems, trimmed and diced 1 onion, finely diced 1/2 cup chopped cilantro 1/3 cup olive oil 1 tsp paprika 4 garlic cloves, smashed Salt and freshly milled pepper Directions Place all ingredients in a wide, heavy pot with a few pinches of salt. Add 1/4 cup water, cover tightly and cook over low heat for 45 minutes. Check once or twice to ensure there’s enough moisture. If anything is sticking, add a few tablespoons of water. When done, taste for salt and season with pepper. The chard should be silky and very fragrant. Be happy!
“Ah, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.” Bob Dylan
Fall 2014
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Young and Behind Bars By Charles ‘Joey’ Byers
M
y name is Charles Joseph Byers; everyone calls me “Joey”. I am 22 years old and was only a few steps from permanently ruining my life.
I am serving time in the Virginia Beach Correctional Center for using drugs and smoking pot while on probation. I saw the address for In Recovery Magazine and decided it was an opportunity to help others before they make the same mistakes I’ve made. I started using drugs in ninth grade; although before I started high school, I had been against using drugs and alcohol. But it wasn’t until I began hanging out with the “in crowd” that I started smoking and drinking quite a bit. Before long, it was every weekend; soon my use turned into an everyday occurrence. My life began to spiral downward; I was spinning out of control. Marijuana and alcohol shortly became cocaine and heroin, though alcohol remained my main drug of choice. I made dumb decisions when I was drunk, which then led me to using other drugs. After being arrested and put in jail, I enrolled in a drug program so that I could begin work on recovery. I wanted to correct my life habits and better myself. I am happy to say that I am three months sober and have never felt better. I do not ever want to go back to my old, reckless way of life. If I can do it, anyone can! The program I’ve been working while incarcerated has helped me so much and changed my life for the better. Going to jail sucks, though for me it has been a blessing in disguise. When I am released in early September, I plan to live a great life. Besides being proud of myself, I know my family and friends will also be proud of me. I’ve seen how addiction can ruin a life. If you can admit you have a problem, you are only a step away from living a positive, clean and healthy life. “My name is Joey, and I am a recovering addict.”
marijuanaharmlessthinkagain.org / A Movement that Focuses on the Facts of the Harms of Marijuana 60
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Fall 2014
Fall 2014
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Teens Teach us Okay, there was obviously some work to be done. I was up at bat. The teen team was waiting. By Susan Rothery
Strike One
It was 2003, and many teens were dying.
I called to ask both Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous if they could bring a program to our school. I was told the meeting would have to be after school, in an insured building, with kids who would have to be insured and, of course, a lot of information about parental permission.
I was working in Phoenix, Arizona at an alternative school as a crisis consultant when a group of our students asked me for help. One of them said, “Many of us won’t graduate; and even if we do, we can’t hold a job, get into the military or even make it on our own. Our parents tell us that we have to be out of the house when we turn eighteen. There isn’t any hope. We aren’t going anywhere. We need help.” To my surprise, they also had the answer to their request for help. “We decided we want our own Twelve Step meetings right here on campus. We’ve heard that it’s the best program out there, but we want it here – just for us, no one else. No old people, just kids. Can we do that?” Was I surprised? More like shocked! In my 20 years of working with teens, I had never had a single student ask for this program. I usually had to bribe them to work on even simple survival skills. My phone started ringing, so I stored the question on a mental shelf for another day. I was off the hook for the moment and went back to work. This would all be forgotten by tomorrow. You know how kids are, right? Wrong. The next day they were waiting at my door. “Did you find out anything?” They and their question were here to stay. I told them I would research other Twelve Step meetings in public high schools and report back to them at our recovery support group the next week. All I needed was a model. A few nods. That was enough for them. Their simple request eventually became a lifeline which opened doors, brought communities and families together and offered our young people a second chance. These teens created a place where every teen could belong. Where was I to begin? I could neither find Twelve Step programs offered in Arizona public high schools, nor in the nation or the world. Isn’t everything on the internet? 62
I would have to find the Twelve Step district approval, leaders and sponsors; and no, there weren’t any “models” available at this time. Everyone was gracious, helpful and somewhat unsure as to how we could cover all the bases to make this happen. I admit, I was right there with them. Strike Two I looked online. First of all, Twelve Step programs use the word “God” in some of the steps. This program could not be part of the public school day because of the Supreme Court decision which prohibits teachers, counselors or administrators from promoting, inhibiting or establishing religious beliefs. Not even up for discussion. Why hadn’t I thought of that? No wonder we couldn’t find a model for this program in a public institution. Strike Three There are many philosophical commentaries on Twelve Step programs and teen recovery. Teens in behavioral health clinics frequently respond very positively to Twelve Step meetings. These young people are in a confined setting with few choices. The real concern is what will happen to them after they complete a 30- or 60-day stay and return to the same family, the same school and the same neighborhood where they had been using drugs prior to treatment? How would they be able to stay committed to the program? Many try a few adult Twelve Step meetings; but the reality is for most teens, adult meetings aren’t a good fit. Research has shown that teens seem to respect the process; but unfortunately, “Everyone is just too old.” For our adults readers attending Twelve Step meetings, please don’t be offended. Most teens consider anyone over the age of 21 to be “over the hill”. They often think that the best years of life are over, and there will be little joy in life
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
when you have a full-time job and a bunch of bills. The result? After treatment the same addictive behavior continues and frequently escalates. Recovery is unlikely without support systems which help them transition into real life. Some theorists do not support teens being labeled as addicts and/or alcoholics. Could this create a lifetime prediction? Besides that, psychologists assert that full maturation doesn’t take place neurologically until the age of 25. The lack of maturity through these years and the inability to make these profound decisions result in few teens making successful commitments to sobriety. I respected both of these points. Three Strikes. Twelve Step meetings were out. I had done my duty. Once again, I was wrong. Never underestimate the vision and courage of a teen. Testing was taking place at my school that week, so the availability of rooms for group meetings was limited. The principal offered to let us use his office. It was a bit tight in terms of space; but the kids were flexible, filling every corner and sitting on tables before the meeting began. Present that day were 17 teens between the ages of 16 and 19. “Some of you asked about having Twelve Step meetings here at school,” I began. Then I explained the conflict between Church and State caused by using the word “God” in the Twelve Steps. A hand went up. A student asked, “Couldn’t we just take the word ‘God’ out? Couldn’t we use ‘higher power’ or any other word we want instead of ‘God’?” It was so simple, so brilliant. I later wrote the AA World Services about the changes in our steps. They wrote back with “no objections”. I raised one last question. “Experts out there don’t believe it is possible for you to commit to the Twelve Steps because you are teens and aren’t really ready to stop partying. Do you think sobriety is a reasonable goal for someone your age?” A few seconds passed. A humble question arose from the group. “Don’t we have the right to work on an addiction which is really hurting us? Maybe as we get better, we will learn how to work on other things that are causing us problems. Don’t we have the right to work on our own problems?” I could say nothing but a resounding, “Yes!” In that moment, the Teen Addiction Anonymous Program was born. Teen Addiction Anonymous (Teen AA) continued to develop over the next five years, as teens made choices about Fall 2014
the program’s basic structure and format, which included the rules of the group, the readings and themes, the ability to have crosstalk and the importance of reading both the Serenity and the Confidentiality Pledges. The objective was to create a safe place for all teens, one that would be easily recognizable by teens. Each year since, support has increased; and participation has been stronger – one teen at a time. They decided not to discuss addictions, but to discuss life. The program would be open to all teens willing to offer unconditional mutual support. Participants followed the highly structured format, which includes questions for discussion and readings for each meeting. No one can use any labels. Each meeting begins with participants sharing, “Hi, my name is___. I’m here to work on my addictive behavior. A positive thing that I did this week was . . .” The passionate commitment of these few teens has since touched thousands of lives. They created a program they knew would be specific to their journey, one that would offer empowerment through their own leadership and facilitation of meetings. Teen AA continues to forge a path to recovery. Today you will find Teen AA meetings offered in numerous detention programs and 17 high schools throughout Arizona. Meetings are also offered at Arizona’s Adobe Mountain School - Department of Juvenile Corrections, which houses 1,400 teens each year. Community coalitions are trained in the Teen AA program as an educational and communal effort working together to promote teen success. The Teen AA program educates individuals about the universality of addictive behavior, the Twelve Step program, recognizing one’s higher power and personal recovery and outreach on behalf of others. Teen AA training is possible wherever there is an organization dedicated to youth outreach with qualified leadership and a safe place for teen meetings. What about the millions of teens who have not heard about Teen AA? Teens out there waiting for answers? Our hope is to reach them all. Teen AA offers training for treatment facilities, youth support agencies and high schools. They hope to address the needs of this very specific population by making the program available in communities across the state and the country. Indeed, if Twelve Step programs are one of the greatest opportunities for healing and recovery, why wait to use the Twelve Step concepts with our children, possibly providing them with lifelong healing and support? The time is now. We need to listen to the voices of our teens. Teen AA is the answer! Donations are gratefully accepted and will be used to further the training and outreach of the Teen Addiction Anonymous program. Donations may be made at teenaa.org. §
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BOOK REVIEW
beautiful boy By Lena Hubin
A
gainst this book’s 300-some stark pages, writer David Sheff has deftly flung the guts of his son’s dramatic, deadly addictiveness – and the gray matter grappling of a panic-stricken parent struggling to cope. Candid and informative, this book held me rapt – if sometimes frustrated – to the end. Nic Sheff is a talented, likeable child with the advantages we’d all like for our kids: loving family, nice home, good schools. Nic grows up consumed with hobbies and interests, a seemingly happy boy. Outside of a few harmless pranks, young Nic is never in trouble. When father David learns his middle-school-age son has smoked tobacco and then discovers marijuana in Nic’s backpack, he’s reassured these are just phases kids go through. But when cops come to his home one day, handcuff Nic and haul him off to jail, David decides his son needs help. He decides to bail Nic out. After high school Nic starts college at Berkeley, his dad’s alma mater; but Nic soon drops out, depressed. David suspects drugs and is concerned. Nic moves home, agreeing to house rules. But he breaks curfew and begins to disappear. Once, he calls his dad to meet him in an alley where, looking awful, Nic admits that he’s done crystal meth. Nic’s hellish descent into addiction sets off his father’s own rollercoaster feelings of anxiety. David blames himself for divorcing Nic’s mother and the resulting split custody, for his own youthful drug use and for telling Nic about it.
When David finally hears the “three C’s” of Al-Anon – didn’t cause, can’t cure or control – he can accept two of the three: He feels he did cause Nic’s addiction, at least in part. Thus begins his struggle to “help” his son. Through most of Nic’s ten years in and out of rehabs, his relapses, his downward spiral into loss of health and sanity, David researches. He 64
consorts with well-known doctors and therapists, listens to other parents’ stories, writes and publishes on addiction and his experience – and worries. This reviewer, a grateful member of Al-Anon, begins to find herself impatient with the writer’s constant struggle. Sheff says he’s “hooked on worry”, can’t sleep, keeps “trying to fathom”. When his adult son goes missing, he calls the police, emergency rooms and jails. This father won’t let go. And he generalizes: “Parents of addicts don’t sleep,” he says, and “How can any parent [detach]?” “Speak for yourself,” I want to say. Many of us in Al-Anon do sleep; we do detach – at least often. We surrender to guidance outside ourselves – to help ourselves, and in so doing, have sometimes helped our addicts. David prays, but in desperation; he can’t surrender to a Higher Power – though he tries futilely to feed Nic words that help Nic do just that. David continues to rack his brain for the one thing he hadn’t thought of that might reach Nic – until David himself has a brain hemorrhage and nearly dies. He’s hit his own bottom. To recover, he must lighten up. Through Al-Anon and therapy, the author finally learns there’s nothing to be done. He realizes, “My addiction to his addiction has not served Nic or me or anyone around me.” He begins work on himself, in earnest. In the end, both father and son are in recovery; and the reader is relieved. Here’s more proof that drug addiction can be turned around, and that families can be cured. Beautiful Boy by David Sheff - Paperback, hardback, Kindle: 336 pages. Mariner Books: Reprint edition (January 6, 2009)
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
The Bookstand Recovery is the subject of countless books. Below are three titles worth a look. Contact me if you are an author and would like us to include your book. Editor, editor@inrecoverymagazine.com
Sober Coaching Your Teen (Michael J. Marshall PhD, Day By Day
Recovery Resources, 5th edition – workbook, 2013. $17.95) “This book is a direct, straightforward and concise manual for parents. Strongly recommended reading before choosing to confront your child regarding their known or suspected substance use.” – Harold Jonas, PhD, LMHC, CAP, President of Sober.Com, Inc.
My Last Rock Bottom (Sara Berlesman, World Branch Publishing,
2014, $14.99) Sara liked to drink – at parties, at home, on the way to pick up her kid from kindergarten. Then Sara discovered she was an alcoholic. This is her story as she finds sobriety and finds herself – battling her demons and overcoming addiction.
Welcome to My World: A Week in the Life of a Substance Abuse Counselor (Mary Crocker Cook, Robertson Publishing, 2014,
$12.95) Cook answers the question, “What really happens in rehab?” from a counselor’s perspective. This is the first of two novels following a warm and talented staff. You will find yourself rooting for them and their clients as they take on this challenging and deadly disease.
Fall 2014
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AN UPSCALE HOME FOR WOMEN IN RECOVERY
Sabino Canyon, Tucson, AZ
A warm, caring and compassionate home environment in the exquisite desert surroundings of Southern Arizona
Contact us today to see how we can make a difference in your life!
www.TOPArizona.us • 520.425.3020 • Like us on Facebook
OUR VISION Our vision is to provide recovering women with a structured, caring compassionate home environment and to make their personal journey in sobriety more than just a possibility! Recovery can be achieved one day at a time.
Taste of Peace Sober Living Home provides women who have completed a residential treatment program with a sober home environment as a prelude to a successful transition back into society. Our goal is to assist women in achieving and maintaining long-term sobriety in a positive, productive and spiritual home, while practicing the principles of the Twelve Steps through a Twelve Step program.
Taste of Peace Sober Living Home provides women the opportunity to live in a safe environment while learning
to incorporate their recovery into real-life situations. It is the perfect environment for women transitioning from treatment back into their community or for women needing a supportive residence while participating in intensive outpatient programs. At Taste of Peace Sober Living Home, while surrounded by like-minded recovering individuals, women are connected with the robust recovery community of Tucson, AZ. Recovery takes effort. The staff of Taste of Peace knows how to balance the work of recovery with the pleasure of living in sobriety. We absolutely insist on enjoying life!
Don't just count the days, Make everyday count!
WHO IS TASTE OF PEACE Taste of Peace Sober Living Home maintains a warm and supportive home for women in recovery where they can
learn life skills, personal responsibility and the habits of long-term, healthy living. Residents of Taste of Peace benefit from being part of a culture of wellness, surrounded by a community of people who share similar goals. With the help of support staff and peers, residents are given a balance of structure, support and increasing freedom to assist in living their lives to the fullest. The home is beautifully furnished and designed to accommodate the needs of our residents. It is nestled in the canyons outside of Tucson, AZ, in a peaceful setting which allows relaxation and a focus on wellness. Taste of Peace is in close proximity to the University of Arizona and Pima Community College, as well as to a variety of other activities and attractions.
WHAT IS MY FIRST STEP? Your first step is admitting to yourself and to others that you have developed an addiction to alcohol and/or drugs. You must have recently completed a drug or alcohol addiction treatment program or be actively involved in an approved intensive outpatient program. Your second step is to call our house manager to schedule a tour of our home and make an intake appointment. We look forward to helping you on your journey of recovery.
WHAT WE OFFER Taste Of Peace Sober Living Home employs a multidisciplinary staff that also helps women recovering from eating disorders. Whether guests are learning to live healthy lives free from eating disorders or simultaneously dealing with alcohol or drug addiction issues. Whether you are overcoming bulimia, anorexia nervosa, or a compulsive eating disorder, we assess and offer ongoing support for your relapse prevention plan and offer continuity of care, which is crucial to women in early recovery. We can help you embrace and live out values and self-esteem you acquired during your inpatient eating disorder rehab program.
Guide my path, that my footsteps may not slip.
MISSION STATEMENT Taste of Peace Sober Living Home’s mission
is to create a safe, nurturing, positive, spiritual environment and program structured for women ages 18 and older who are recovering from alcoholism and/or drug addiction.
Amenities included are: • A breathtaking location near Sabino Canyon Park, one of Tucson’s most beautiful hiking areas • Partnership with some of the best intensive outpatient programs in the area • Leadership provided by individuals with many years of sobriety • Cardio exercise equipment • Panoramic views • Local transportation arranged • Bi-weekly events or outings • Owners who are well-known in the recovery community • Weekly client schedules • Fun in sobriety
“If you want to leave behind people, places and things, and take time off from work to focus on your recovery, our sober living home is the place for you. Contact us today to see how we can make a difference in your life!” Leilonne Neylon Director
www.TOPArizona.us
520.425.3020 Like us on Facebook
My Dance with Addiction
By Elana P.
I
EVERYDAY MIRACLE
grew up in a loving stable home in Milford, Delaware. My early childhood was fairly normal until I started taking dance classes at the ripe old age of nine. It didn’t take long for the dance instructors to notice my talent. Soon afterward, I found myself training on a full dance scholarship at the School of American Ballet (SAB) at Lincoln Center (New York City Ballet). After studying ballet at SAB for three years, I made the decision to leave New York City and to attend the University of the North Carolina School of the Arts (NCSA) in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, on another dance scholarship and to finish high school. Because NCSA schooled and housed both high school and college students on the same campus, an assortment of drugs was readily available at all times.
Because I wasn’t fond of the new director, I decided to leave the San Francisco Ballet Company in October of 1986. Instead of joining another ballet company, I decided to move to a small ski village in Bear Valley, California. I married the following year and gave birth to my eldest daughter. Ten months later, I discovered I was expecting another little girl. Eight months into my pregnancy, my husband decided that he wanted to date and see other women. He moved out the following day and abandoned us. Because I was trying to rebuild my life, I married again within a year. Shortly thereafter, I discovered that my new Prince Charming was mentally and physically abusive; so I divorced him immediately. In order to provide for my two little girls, I took on a full-time teaching job with a dance school in Jacksonville, North Carolina. There I met my third husband. By this time, I was drinking rather heavily to help numb the lingering pain in my life. The man I married was a Specialized Assistant U.S. Attorney in the Marine Corps. I overlooked the fact that he was a very heavy drinker.
By my sophomore year, I was experimenting with drugs on a weekly basis. You name it, I tried it. After finishing my junior year of high school, I started dancing professionally with the North Carolina Dance Theatre; The Basler Ballet Company in Basel, Switzerland; American Ballet Theatre II; The San Francisco Ballet Company and Atlantic Dance Theater in New Bern, North Carolina. 70
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In August of 1995, my husband left the Marine Corps and took a job with a well-known law firm in Pikeville, Kentucky. I cried for two months after arriving in Kentucky. Fitting in was very difficult for me. During this period of time, the Appalachian region in eastern Kentucky was being nationally targeted for its narcotic abuse and drug overdoses. If you had the money to buy them, pain pills were easy to come by. It didn’t take long before my husband was abusing both drugs and alcohol with his buddies. I managed to stay sober, barefoot and pregnant. I gave birth
to the Hope Center for Women in Lexington, Kentucky. I remained in treatment for nine long, but necessary months. Sadly, I lost custody of my children, lost the respect of my sisters, lost my dignity and lost a large part of my soul, and lost many talented friends to addiction. Today, I am grateful for my sobriety. My personal recovery continues to be a long journey. I learn something new and inspiring each and every day. I continue to pray for forgiveness, not only for all of the people whom I have harmed over the years, but for all of the harm I caused myself. I can honestly say that I lead a very simple yet fulfilling life, and I like myself more and more these days. I continue to teach dance at a nearby studio and stay active within the community. Today, I am extremely grateful to be living a very productive life in sobriety. Elana P. teaches ballet in Wilmore, Kentucky. She received her college education from the University of Pikeville. She also attended nursing school at the Bluegrass Community and Technical College in Lexington, Kentucky and received a BS in Business Management/ Ethics from Asbury University in Wilmore, Kentucky in 2013.
to three awesome sons. For the next seven years, I dedicated all my love and time to my family and to my college education. In April of 2000, I ran into some medical complications from an epidural that was given to me during the delivery of my youngest son. I was prescribed Vicodin for the resulting severe spinal headaches, but nothing seemed to relieve the pain. Then one day, my husband handed me a small yellow pill and said, “Here Elana, take this pill. It will knock your headache right out!� In desperation I took it. It worked! At the time, I was grateful. Later that evening, I asked my husband what kind of pill he had given me. He told me that it was OxyContin. It only took two months before I was addicted to the drug. Realizing I was in serious trouble, I started buying methadone from a local drug dealer to try to get off the OxyContin. Unknowingly, I was trading one addiction for another. By 2002, my life had spiraled out of control. I received two D.U.I.s, managed to wreck two vehicles, was jailed on several occasions and was an embarrassment to my children. Finally, I was no longer in denial. My life was entirely unmanageable, and I needed help. Realistically, I could no longer care for myself nor my children. After spending over two months in jail, I was court-ordered
Recovery Schools: An Introduction dies were still attending. This is the equivalent of sending an alcoholic straight out of treatment back into their old neighborhood bar. We all can guess how well that will turn out, can’t we?
By John Schuderer
I
n this hypothetical scenario, Jennifer was in the seventh grade when her parents divorced. Her mom didn’t handle it well, falling into alcohol abuse and multiple shortterm relationships with men. Her dad had a new girlfriend. Jennifer felt abandoned by both parents. During eighth grade, Jennifer was introduced to alcohol and discovered that drinking helped alleviate her emotional pain. However, drinking only worked temporarily. She quickly found herself progressing from alcohol use to marijuana to cocaine and finally to methamphetamine. During this time, her school performance plummeted. By the end of her sophomore year in high school, Jennifer realized she needed help. Her parents withdrew her from school and placed her in a substance abuse treatment program. During her six weeks in treatment, she gained her sobriety and learned specific coping skills. After her discharge from the treatment facility, she returned to her home and school. Although it was difficult, she was able to maintain her sobriety for a short time using the new coping skills she had learned. Unfortunately, she felt alienated from both her old friends with whom she had used drugs, and from the “normie” kids to whom she couldn’t relate. She wanted desperately to fit in. It wasn’t long before she slipped back into using again just to feel accepted. When she was caught on campus with marijuana in her purse, she was expelled. Jennifer never returned to school. Why Didn’t Treatment Work? In a scenario like Jennifer’s, many people are quick to blame the treatment program. “If only they had done a better, more thorough job of treatment.” Granted, not all treatment programs are created equal, but let’s assume this one utilized an effective, evidence-based, cognitive behavioral approach that helped Jennifer change both her thoughts and her behaviors as they related to her substance abuse and her self-esteem. A glaring problem with this scenario is that after treatment, Jennifer went back to the same school where her using bud-
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In his preconference presentation, Partnering with Recovery High Schools to Strengthen Adolescent Continuing Care, for the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers, Andrew J. Finch referred to the following studies: According to Tomlinson, Brown & Abrantes1 (2004), 35 to 75 percent of all teens who have attended a treatment program return to drug and alcohol use after leaving treatment. Winters, et al (2000)2 found that 77 percent of adolescents had used at least once and that 47 percent of all students returning to non-recovery high schools resumed full-blown drug use. What Are the Alternatives? School-based recovery support services were first introduced at Brown University in 1977. Since then, the concept of recovery schools has expanded. Without a working model, the first recovery high schools opened in 1987. These programs were developed somewhat by “the seat of their pants”. What is a Recovery School? The Office of National Drug Control Policy website describes recovery schools in this way: “Recovery high schools provide a service-enriched and supportive school environment for students recovering from drug and alcohol problems. These schools offer standard academic courses combined with continuing care and/or recovery support services. Generally, recovery schools do not provide substance use or mental health disorder treatment. In the U.S., there are approximately 35 recovery high schools. The Association of Recovery Schools (ARS) website, www.recoveryschools.org, provides additional information on these schools. Collegiate recovery programs can be found on the campuses of community colleges, major state universities and private institutions of various sizes. There are approximately 18 programs nationally.”
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
According to Andrew J. Finch, PhD, author of Starting a Recovery School: A How-To Manual, the Association of Recovery Schools (ARS) has developed five basic criteria of a recovery school, summarized as follows:
the individuals who attend them, but also to their families, friends and communities. It is my hope that you will both promote and support the recovery school concept in your area.
1. Operate as state-recognized high schools or colleges with programs or departments specifically designed to support abstinence and recovery for chemically dependent students.
1 Tomlinson, K. L., Brown, S. A., & Abrantes, A. (2004). Psychiatric comorbidity and substance use treatment outcomes of adolescents.Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, 18(2), 160-169.
2. Operate primarily in support of academic services and recovery support (aftercare), but not necessarily as a mental health or substance abuse treatment agency. 3. All students must work a recovery program (negotiated between student and school) and maintain their sobriety while enrolled.
Winters, K. C., Stinchfield, R. D., Opland, E., Weller, C., & Latimer, W. W. (2000). The effectiveness of the minnesota model approach in the treatment of adolescent drug abusers. Addiction, 95(4), 601-612. Retrieved from http://dx.doi.org/1 0.1046/j.1360-0443.2000.95460111.
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John Schuderer MA, LPC, LISAC, is a licensed mental health and substance abuse counselor in Prescott, Arizona.
4. Academic studies are provided which allow credit toward a diploma and offer services to assist student transition into either a career or other educational institutions. 5. Plans are in place to address the crisis and therapeutic needs of students. Plans may include referrals to state licensed and/or certified on- or off-campus professionals. Utilization of substance abuse professionals is preferred. Locating a Recovery School
01 rumi > Words that Empower< 'contemplations' VIII
The two primary ways to locate a recovery school are through the ARS website, recoveryschools.org, and the Association of Recovery in Higher Education website, collegiaterecovery.org. If there is no recovery school in your area and you want to support this kind of school, consider starting one. Finch’s book is a great resource which addresses all of the areas to consider. Another Ending to Jennifer’s Story Following Jennifer’s six weeks in substance abuse treatment, her aunt heard about a local recovery high school and suggested that Jennifer attend. Although reluctant to give up her “friends”, Jennifer realized that their continued drug use would be a threat to her sobriety and recovery. She decided to give the recovery school a try. Jennifer had some periodic challenges with anxiety and depression as part of her newfound sobriety, but the school staff worked with her and collaborated with her outpatient therapist and other support. The school not only held Jennifer accountable, but also helped her catch up academically. She surprised herself by graduating from high school. Because of her participation and success in a recovery high school, she decided to attend a local community college which also had a recovery support program. Consider for a moment where Jennifer would have ended up given the two very different endings to her story. I think you’ll agree that recovery schools are beneficial not only to Fall 2014
Kate Ellis www.empowerpuzzles.com
D Y E H O Q U Y U Z I E A M O T Y
E P P J K U R Q W O R M V E G H O
L L I F E B O T Y D A E L U O S R U O Y N I K K D W U A V W E D I O V A S Q P I Y L E M T K X R U F N W F Z E J R U O R H B N H Z B B R D O I T K V T E R E I S A C A N D L E U F E E L I T O E H P W
There Is A Candle In Your Heart Ready To Be Kindled There Is A Void
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R R E A D Y T O B E K I N D L E D
Z V L V G D Z G V P T U W U R T A
Q S L R D Z T R A E H R U O Y N I
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RecoveryTech In Recovery Magazine columnist, Ashley Loeb, grew up in Silicon Valley during the dot com boom. She is a cofounder of a tech startup called Lionrock Recovery, a Joint Commission accredited online substance abuse treatment center. In recovery herself, Loeb is passionate about sharing her experience, strength and hope with others. Ashley currently lives in Southern California with her boyfriend and two large dogs, while she enjoys what she describes as “a life beyond her wildest dreams”.
By Ashley Loeb
T
echnology has been a regular part of my daily life for as long as I can remember. As the co-founder of a Silicon Valley startup that merges technology with recovery, I am even more intertwined with the tech revolution than ever. As a recovering person, I use tech tools as weapons in the battle against my disease. I feel compelled to raise awareness about technology as it relates to recovery. Welcome to Recovery Tech. If you are in recovery and have a Facebook account, you may have experienced friend requests from people you don’t know, but who have 47 mutual friends, all of whom are in a Twelve Step program. What about the cryptic status update, “five”, informing you that your friend is celebrating five years sober today? Maybe you are part of a “secret” Facebook group for Twelve Step women (or men). You may have been invited to a Facebook event titled “Sarah Celebrates Four Years Sober!” to which you’re expected to RSVP electronically. All of these examples raise questions about anonymity, one of the guiding principles of all Twelve Step programs. Because they believe online anonymity is virtually (ha-ha) impossible, I have heard old-timers warn against the use of electronic social media to connect and share information. While anonymity can be tricky when using various online media platforms, it is not impossible. Thus, I invoke a popular quote from Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) literature: Thou shalt not commit “contempt prior to investigation”. Let’s investigate! AA has published an article called AA Guidelines: Internet, which addresses at length some great topics about the intersection between AA (or other Twelve Step programs) and the internet. With regard to the use of social media sites, the AA internet guidelines explain that AA will figure out the guidelines by utilizing the group conscience. I say, brilliant! There is no sense in throwing the baby out with the bath water. As technology evolves, so will its uses. While some of these uses may not be valuable to those in recovery, many will be.
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The guidelines make it clear that individuals are responsible for their own anonymity. Just what you wanted – another responsibility! So if anonymity is an individual concern, individuals must take action on their social media pages to shield themselves from unwanted personal exposure. What does this look like? Well, it depends on how worried you are about your personal anonymity. To protect your anonymity, let’s look at some of the basic steps: Check your Privacy Settings. If your profile is public, nothing you publish is even remotely anonymous. If you need help with Privacy Settings, ask for help! Be cognizant of what type of information your share on your page. If you share information about being sober or sobriety, most people will believe you to be out about your recovery. They may think that it’s okay to tag you. Require that all pictures, statuses and wall posts in which you appear be approved by you before they are published. This means that you have to say it is okay for anyone to include your name in anything or to post on your page. (See Privacy Settings on your Facebook page.) Limit your Facebook name to your first and middle names or use an alias. This will add another layer of protection to your anonymity. Communicate with others that you wish to remain anonymous about your recovery. Despite the fact that this may seem obvious to you, these days it’s not obvious to many people. People cannot read minds. Be clear with others about your needs and wants (channeling Pia Melody)! If you like, these basic steps will start you on your journey to retaining your anonymity online without having to abstain from your online presence. Again, I invoke a Twelve Step adage: “Take what you need and leave the rest.” There are many anonymous ways to connect online with
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
other people to discuss recovery and seek support, including online forums, pamphlets, chat rooms, social networking sites, video meetings, online sponsorship, workshops, etc. All of these resources are just a click away. We can easily connect with recovering people all over the world. What a gift!
lost. We are required to learn to safely operate a car before we can use it. The same principle can be applied to modern internet technology.
Before cell phones, a recovering person had to be home to make or receive a call from their sponsor. The cell phone allows instant access to support from any location. Before the internet, you had to speak with a person who had a meeting list or had to have access to a printed list. Now you can easily download a meeting list for Twelve Step groups anywhere in the world.
A growing number of people chose not to remain anonymous about their recovery and who regularly post comments on the internet that reveal their membership in a Twelve Step program. I believe there are many benefits to allowing others to know I am sober. I have found that revealing my group membership has strengthened connections with others. Because people realized that I am in recovery because of my social media presence, I have had private correspondence with those who have reached out to me for help.
Technology makes it possible to reach more people and to help each other maintain continuous sobriety. Imagine technology as the vehicle that connects individuals who otherwise might never meet. Like a car, internet technology can be used to safely transport people from one place to another or can be used dangerously, even causing lives to be
While some, such as I, are comfortable with this disclosure, others are not. It is easy to forget about othersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; anonymity when tagging friends in posts and photos. Because we follow the guidelines and principles, the Twelve Step way of life works. It is of great importance that we respect the right to anonymity as an integral part of a sober lifestyle for many people. §
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Dr. Deb
By Dr. Deb Laino
Dr. Debra Laino DHS, M.ED, MS, ACS, ABS Board Certified Clinical Sexologist/Sex Therapist Private Practice/Wilmington; DE, adjunct instructor at Wilmington and Philadelphia Universities; president and cofounder of Delaware Association for Sexology; and author of Eleven Reasons Why Women Cheat and other books. She may be contacted through her website: delawaresexdoc.com.
As I reflect on youth . . . The time of life when someone is young: the time when a young person has not yet become an adult; the time when something is new and not yet established. – Merriam-Webster Online When we hit a certain age in adulthood, we humans tend to reflect back to our youth. Many people miss the carefree feelings, exploration and simplicity of youth. As we become older, we wonder why life seems to go by so fast. Our reflections often go back to the long summers of childhood when summer vacation seemed to last all year. Others of us could hardly wait for September so we could get back to school to see our friends. For some, youth was a time they would like to forget – the teasing; the embarrassing physical developments; the pain of puppy love; not understanding what was going on around them or making mistakes that, in some cases, caused problems that lasted for many years or even a lifetime. For some, this was a time when lifestyle choices that were made which eventually led to addiction. It is also interesting to reflect on current youth drug use statistics. While it appears that overall drug use remains steady, there are some alarming problem areas. One such area is sedative abuse. Many young people in our society continue to use drugs as a way to cope with life. It is easy to see that we must bring the numbers down. There is much preventative work to do in this area. One such source of study could be Coping Methods 101, which appears to be a neglected course in many schools across America. It is also interesting that many adolescent addiction centers are popping up around the country. A revolutionary byproduct is the recovery school. When I heard a few years ago about recovery schools, I wondered how well they work. In my mid-twenties I worked as a therapist in what is called an alternative school. These schools are for troubled teens with behavioral problems. Of course, many of these kids were using drugs or were at minimum-to-high risk to start using drugs. On learning that recovery schools were becoming more common, I decided to research how they work. So of course, I did what any esteemed social scientist would do – I Googled it.
state, Delaware. Lo and behold, there was one on the front page of my search called The Bridge Way School in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I contacted the school for an interview, but received no response. I can only imagine how busy they must be! I did more research and found out more than enough information for my purposes. Students at the Bridge Way School were required to be working an active recovery program, to have at least 30 days clean and sober, and to be seeking a college preparatory school to be considered as a student. How incredible! The Bridge Way School offers counseling and requires Twelve Step program attendance. They also have a teacherstudent ration of 1 to 10 and a six-hour school day. I couldn’t help but think what an amazing, supportive environment for teens who need help. At Bridge Way, it appears that a student’s personal needs come first. In addition, the school promotes a challenging academic education. The support seemed astonishing. The school’s literature states, “We recognize that our students need time during the school day to develop tools and strategies for maintaining sobriety.” I couldn’t help but wonder, in this day and age, with so much worrisome adolescent drug use, why it is that every school isn’t offering at least one class on tools and strategies for maintaining sobriety? Are we doing a disservice to our youth? I was amazed at the amount of positive information I found on recovery schools. These schools are phenomenal in so many aspects. What if all schools taught courses covering such topics as: drugs and alcohol, sexuality, business development, self-esteem, self-worth, coping skills and others? These are lessons young people often do not learn in school, yet they are topics required for success in life. While some of our most valuable lessons are learned through trial and error, others could be discussed and perhaps better understood beforehand by the students. The result might just be better life-educated individuals. I ask, by not adding life skills to our general academic programs are we doing our youth a disservice?
My Google search resulted in a large amount of information, but I wanted to narrow my search for one close to my 80
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
Recovering Artists Christopher Coll was born and raised on a steady diet of art. He has spent his life involved in one form of art or another – from graffiti to pencil drawing to painting to tattooing. Since Coll’s sobriety date of January 5, 2009, he has not taken any alcohol or mind-altering substances into his body. He feels blessed that he has the privilege of focusing on his love for art, specifically tattoo art. After diving into the traditional aspects of tattooing, he expanded to painting with watercolor and liquid acrylic. Coll plans to continue creating his art with an open mind and a positive outlook. “I am certain being sober has afforded me the freedom to grow as an artist.” Email him at christophercoll@icloud.com
By Christopher Coll By Christopher Coll
If you would like to see your work published in the pages of In Recovery Magazine, send high res photos to art@inrecoverymagazine.com along with a short bio and headshot of yourself. We will consider all submissions.
w
Jewelry By Kay Luckett Photos by Ezra Kaplan
Kay Luckett, in recovery since 1997, is a featured columnist for In Recovery Magazine. In addition to her passion for writing, Luckett enjoys making beaded creations. She is the former owner of Memorable Occasions, a catering company in Los Angeles where she produced and catered events for over 20 years. Luckett’s biggest thrill was catering for Julia Child. She currently works in the recovery field and is a counseling student at Yavapai College in Prescott, Arizona.
Ezra Kaplan’s photographs are really stories. In each image, he captures a single moment of a person’s life and cherishes it. His photography is not about the pure shock and awe presented by a dramatic moment. Rather, Kaplan attempts to capture time itself in a still image as he immerses himself in the setting. Also a journalist, he effectively uses the written word to create a historical context for his images. “My work is driven by a passion for communication and the dissemination of knowledge.”
You can email Kay at kayskitchen@inrecoverymagazine.com
Fall 2014
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Photography By Chet Davis My name is Chet Davis, and I am 47 years old. Since October 21, 2007, I have been in recovery from the disease of addiction. Since November 1999, I have been employed by a water utility department in Palm Beach County, Florida. When I was only 13 years old, I started using drugs. I used off and on, progressing until eventually addiction began to take over my life. My employer decided to have me take a drug test. As a result, to keep my job, I was required to attend Twelve Step meetings. I was nervous at my first meeting, but soon I started hearing people share feelings that I had thought were only in my head. I left that first meeting with hope and was excited to attend my next meeting the following night. Something happened at that next meeting. For the first time, I realized I was an addict and didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to use again. I left that meeting in tears. I recognized then and there that I was done. I met my wife, Shari, after I had been clean for about six months. We were going to the same home group, and would show up early to set up chairs and do other service work. We started emailing and texting each other, and soon we became friends. We began dating about two months later and married after each of us achieved one year clean and sober. Though our relationship has had its ups and downs, Shari is not only my wife, but also my best friend and support. We just celebrated five years of marriage. I believe I am the luckiest guy in the world. I have a 24-year-old daughter from a previous marriage who will soon graduate with a degree in English from Florida Atlantic University. My daughter and I have remained close even though her mother and I divorced when she was only three years old. When my disease was at its worst, my then 16-year-old daughter began to notice. She sent an email to me stating how angry and embarrassed she was by my behavior. Unfortunately, that only gave me a reason to use even more. After I had about 18 months clean, my daughter came to live with my new wife and me. It was a miracle! About a year ago, I realized I was overweight and unhappy with myself, so I decided to go on a diet and to start hiking. Right across from where I live, there is a beautiful nature preserve with many trails. Soon after I started hiking, I was taking photos with my smart phone and posting them on my Facebook page. People began to take notice of them and to comment on how nice they were. I decided to get a digital camera. After a short time, the digital camera wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t producing the results I wanted, so I decided to spend some money and buy a digital single-lens reďŹ&#x201A;ex (DSLR) camera. My photos were turning out so much better that I started taking more and more pictures. I continued to receive many compliments on my photographs. Sharing my passion and my images with my friends and other people made me feel so good.
Friends have asked me to photograph them and their special occasions. I was recently asked to photograph a wedding early next year. One day I hope to travel, take photos and, perhaps, make a living doing both. Today, not only am I married to the love of my life and have a great relationship with my daughter, but have also found a true passion I am able to share with others. If not for the Twelve Steps and my Higher Power, none of this could have happened. I am forever grateful for both. Davis may be reached chet102107@gmail.com.
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â&#x20AC;&#x153;If not for the Twelve Steps and my Higher Power, none of this could have happened. I am forever grateful for both.â&#x20AC;? - C. Davis
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Letters to the Editor Jazzmin’s Journey Thanks for including my senior sobriety story in Volume Six of In Recovery Magazine. It was a good opportunity for me to reflect on recreation and fun in sobriety. If I were still teaching high school English, I would have students read, discuss and write about their reaction to Jazzmin’s Journey. Every high school student in America should read this story. R.S. Prescott, Arizona
An Outlet for Our Talents I continue to carry copies of In Recovery Magazine with me when I can, so I can pass them on to others. I value the possibilities this magazine has for helping those of us in recovery. As long as the focus remains on individuals having fun in recovery and is an outlet for our many talents, it will continue to grow. We all want to know there is hope in our future. God bless all of you working so hard to make an exciting future for us living this life of recovery. John Nemanich Prescott, Arizona
Anything We Can Do Thank you for the wonderful work you are doing! We recently launched a new program called Adventure Recovery. Our mission is to cultivate a passion for lifelong recovery, learning and adventure. If there is anything we can do to help promote the good work of In Recovery Magazine, please let us know! Tim Walsh
THE TEEN ADDICTION ANONYMOUS PROGRAM was created by teens for unconditional peer to peer support addressing all addictive behavior, meaning any behavior that causes personal harm. Eating disorders-depression-drugs/alcohol abuse-relationshipsgrief-bullying/anger/violence-disconnect with self and others, and any reason that a teen chooses to join the meetings. TEEN LEAD MEETINGS Teens developed a structured, interactive format AA World Services has ‘no objections’ to the Teen Addiction Anonymous steps as used within the format of this program Training seminars are available to certify and license organizations, high schools and youth support services to run Teen Addiction Anonymous Meetings. This program integrates: the universality of addictive behaviorthe 12 step program as edited by teens for state supported agencies-the challenge of recovery-10 Life Challenges, inclusive of: addressing depression, grief, listening skills, co-dependency and abusive relationships, others-Empowerment through Outreach to Others Thousands of meetings held since 2008 Thousands of teens committed to healing and recovery Teens came up with a plan for all teens looking for a “better way”. Teen Addiction Anonymous has been proven.
Great Barrington, Massachusetts timw@adventurerecovery.com
We welcome your comments. Send them to In Recovery Magazine, P.O. Box 11176, Prescott, Arizona 86304 or email editor@inrecoverymagazine.com. Tweet us @@InRecovery_Mag. Submissions may be edited.
Several two-day training plans are available. Contact: SUSAN ROTHERY, CEO at: srothery@teenaa.org Website: www.teenaa.org
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InRecovery magazine Helping people around the world hooper’s Guide was born on a Saturday afternoon recovery started when we finally accepted we had to do whatin August 2009, on Pemaquid Beach in New ever it took to stop because dying was our most likely alternawww.inrecoverymagazine.com Two guys, Tim Cheney and Adrian tive.” FindHarbor, the ME. right treatment for you! Hooper, who collectively had been in over 45 substance abuse Find the right treatment for you!For Tim Cheney, addiction took hold by age 15. “I took the treatment centers, mental hospitals and detox programs for drug, and the drug took me,” he said. Cheney’s recovery work www.sobernati on.com InRecovery magazine alcoholism and drug addiction during their former lives, initially involved long-term methadone treatment and evenon.com decided www.sobernati that too many drug addicts and alcoholics die or tually progressed to abstinence (1981) with an avid commit1.855.436.1159 Helping their disease progresses because: ment to a Twelve Step program and extensivepeople therapy with around the world 1-(855) • They can’t find a bed in 436-1159 a local detox. psychiatrists, psychologists and drug counselors. • They are misdiagnosed. Hooper’s addiction roared www.inrecoverymagazine.com down the runway at age 30.
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They can’t find the right rehab center offering appropriate treatment for their needs. Their co-occurring mental illness is not treated concurrently with their addiction. • They are given inappropriate referrals by clinicians, medical personnel and other addiction professionals. • They face a host of other roadblocks placed in their paths by the social stigma and shame associated with the disease of addiction. “To say our respective recoveries from addiction have been a journey is an understatement,” shared Adrian Hooper. “Like most drug addicts and alcoholics, we have our war stories: periods of homelessness, lock-downs in mental institutions, jail, inand-out of detoxes and rehabs, stays in therapeutic communities, long periods of methadone maintenance, near-death overdoses, $500/day heroin habits and treatments for hepatitis C, among others. “Like most drug addicts and alcoholics, we kept try- Tim Cheney and Adrian Hooper ing, over and over and over again, to get a grip on our drug addiction and alcoholism, believing this time really would be the last time we’d go that far off the rails. For both of us, •
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hooper’s Guide was born on a Saturday afternoon in August 2009, on Pemaquid Beach in New Harbor, ME. Two guys, Tim Cheney and Adrian Hooper, who collectively had been in over 45 substance abuse treatment centers, mental hospitals and detox programs for alcoholism and drug addiction during their former lives, decided that too many drug addicts and alcoholics die or their disease progresses because: • They can’t find a bed in a local detox. • They are misdiagnosed. • They can’t find the right rehab center offering appropriate treatment for their needs. • Their co-occurring mental illness is not treated concurrently with their addiction. • They are given inappropriate referrals by clinicians, medical personnel and other addiction professionals. • They face a host of other roadblocks placed in their paths by the social stigma and shame associated with the disease of addiction. “To say our respective recoveries from addiction have been a journey is an understatement,” shared Adrian Hooper. “Like most drug addicts and alcoholics, we have our war stories: periods of homelessness, lock-downs in mental institutions, jail, inand-out of detoxes and rehabs, stays in therapeutic communities, long periods of methadone maintenance, near-death overdoses, $500/day heroin habits and treatments for hepatitis C, among others.
recovery started when we finally accepted we had to do whatever it took to stop because dying was our most likely alternative.” For Tim Cheney, addiction took hold by age 15. “I took the drug, and the drug took me,” he said. Cheney’s recovery work initially involved long-term methadone treatment and eventually progressed to abstinence (1981) with an avid commitment to a Twelve Step program and extensive therapy with psychiatrists, psychologists and drug counselors. Hooper’s addiction roared down the runway at age 30. “I used drugs to self-medicate my PTSD, and eventually the drugs and the PTSD took me,” he said. Hooper’s recovery initially involved a long-term stay in yet another rehab center, along with a great deal of Twelve Step program work. But eventually his recovery required having time-release Naltrexone embedded in his abdomen and extensive therapy with psychiatrists, psychologists and drug counselors. For both Cheney and Hooper, the most significant problem back then was that the treatment field itself did not have access to the brain- and addiction-related research which is now available. As a result, the disease was not understood for what it is – a chronic and often relapsing brain disease. This, in turn, led to repeatedly experiencing incomplete diagnoses and, therefore, incomplete and/or ineffective treatment protocols for their individual symptoms. In the 1960s, for example, treatment consisted of a stay in a mental hospital because addiction was thought to be a psychiatric disorder. In
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“I used drugs to self-medicate my PTSD, and eventually the drugs and the PTSD took me,” he said. Hooper’s recovery initially involved a long-term stay in yet another rehab center, along with a great deal of Twelve Step program work. But eventually his recovery required having time-release Naltrexone embedded in his abdomen and extensive therapy with psychiatrists, psychologists and drug counselors. For both Cheney and Hooper, the most significant problem back then was that the treatment field itself did not have access to the brain- and addiction-related research which is now available. As a result, the disease was not understood for what it is – a chronic and often relapsing brain disease. This, in turn, led to repeatedly experiencing incomplete diagnoses and, therefore, incomplete and/or ineffective treatment protocols for their individual symptoms. In the 1960s, for example, treatment consisted of a stay in a mental hospital because addiction was thought to be a psychiatric disorder. In the late 1970s, alcoholism and drug abuse were legally viewed as “volitional acts of misconduct”. Additionally, the treatment field did not have the latest research which is currently helping all of us understand the
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Our Mission is to provide a safe environment, free from any illicit drugs or alcohol, for people with substance abuse issues. We focus on behavior modifications and are dedicated to consistency, structure, and direction in our homes.
Call Anne at 928.821.3526 or Damien at 928.592.2603 stepstorecoveryhomes@gmail.com www.stepstorecoveryhomes.com
With God, all things are possible. A structured, faith-based, 12-step program for men Affordably priced between $475 and $600/Mo. Free cable Laundry facility Case management In house groups No deposit Free phone service 34 beds available 928.925.3455 Structure and support Great central location www.prescottsoberliving.net
PSL
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• Recovery Coaching • Family Coaching • Treatment Placement • Aftercare Services We serve clients nationwide. Call us today for a complimentary 30 minute consultation.
recoveryconsults.com
866-444-7272
ART of RECOVERY EXPO 2014
Saturday, September 20
Inspiring Success on the Road to Recovery
FREE to the PUBLIC Keynote Speaker 2006 Miss USA
Tara Conner Offering the “Whole Family” prevention & treatment options, educational workshops and recovery resources helping people of all ages realize they can and do recover. 10 a.m. - 5 p.m. Phoenix Convention Center | Hall G 111 N. Third Street, Phoenix, AZ Over 100 Exhibitors!
www.artofrecoveryexpo.com Fall 2014
In Recovery Magazine
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When it comes to Addiction, There’s no Discrimination
PROGRAMS FOR: Children - Pitch4Kids Adolescents - Teen Leadership Young Adults - My Destiny Mature Adults - Senior Serenity Multiple Program Components ACT Locations: • PHOENIX 602-569-4328 5010 Shea Blvd. Ste 202 • GLENDALE 623-931-2350 4480 W. Peoria Ave. Ste. 203 • CHANDLER 480-827-2406 325 E. Elliot Rd. Ste 29
JORY WISOCKI 928-899-8076
Intensive Outpatient Program for Chemical dependency and Gambling Recovery
INSURANCE ACCEPTED
www.actcounseling.com
SOBER LIVING • SOBER ADVENTURES 2215 East Calvery Lane, Prescott, AZ 86301 (928) 899-8076 Wilderness1st@yahoo.com WildernessFirstRecovery.com
JAY WISOCKI 928-899-3882
SUBSCRIBE TODAY INRECOVERYMAGAZINE.COM Acute Psychiatric Hospitalization Adults 18+ Adolescents 11-17 Residential Treatment Adolescents 11-17 JFI Suicide Prevention & Education Professionals & Community members of all ages
TWO LOCATIONS 2190 N. Grace Blvd. Chandler, AZ 85225
1120 E. 6th Street Casa Grande, AZ 85122
Acute Psychiatric Hospitalization Residential Treatment Suicide Prevention
Residential Treatment Suicide Prevention
1-800-844-6435 OBHHospital.com
Bring in this coupon for an extra
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with a minimum of $50 loan
offer expires September 1st, 2014
Need Cash?
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Steve Todd 703 E.Gurley Prescott, AZ 86301
928.776.4653 928.227.0565 96
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014
PUTTING PROFIT INTO PRACTICE - Specialists in Behavioral Healthcare Billing - Experts in Insurance - Partner in Profitability
855-552-2455 www.billingsolutions.net
JVAPES LOUNGE • www.jvapes.com
1201 Iron Springs Rd., Suite 9, Prescott AZ 86305 • (928) 515-2358 3050 Windsong Drive, Suite 106, Prescott Valley, AZ 86314 • (928) 379-6783 3924 N. Academy Blvd., Colorado Springs, CO 80917 • (719) 694-8985 98
In Recovery Magazine
Fall 2014