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Do People See Jesus in

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by Jill Briscoe

LOVING SOMEONE STRUGGLING WITH DEPRESSION

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Prescription for

by Elizabeth Murphy

FINDING FRIENDS TO DO LIFE WITH 5 SIMPLE WAYS TO FLOURISH IN PRAYER SHE LOST HER SON ON 9/11

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MORE AT JUSTBETWEENUS.ORG

Explore the Virtues of

F aith, Hope, & Love

welcome from the editor SHELLY ESSER

Hello Friends, It’s hard to believe we’ve already hit the halfway mark of the year.

And what a glorious time of year this is, at least in Wisconsin, when God’s creative masterpiece of color fills the landscape and sky. What a blessing to know that every step we take on this journey of faith yesterday, today, and tomorrow is always in companionship with the God Who is crazy about us—and with a sisterhood that spans across the world.

Think about that! You and I are never alone, not for one moment. It can feel like we are on some days, but the truth is God never leaves our side.

The great C.S. Lewis said, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What? You, too? I thought I was the only one.’” It’s my prayer that throughout this issue you will have lots of “You Too” moments. That you will feel a heart connection with the authors who write for the sole purpose of encouraging you! Of lifting you up! Of refreshing you! Of walking alongside you through the printed word. All to point you to the Jesus who loves you.

AVAIL AB LE S E P TEMB E R 2021 • Hundreds of highlighted Bible verses relate to the key themes of faith, hope, and love • 52-week guide, rotating weekly through the key themes • Reading plans for a month or a year • Full-color art & journaling space throughout

beautifulwordbible.com

As we continue to focus on flourishing, our word for the year, I can’t help but think that when we shine, we also flourish, and help others flourish. I love what Mother Teresa said, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.”

It’s my prayer that you will go out into this broken and needy world shining the love of Christ through your face, your eyes, your smile, and your actions—and that the hurting people all around you will see Jesus in you!

Keep Shining for Jesus,

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When we picked our encouraging word SHINE for the issue on page 9, we hadn’t selected our features yet.

On page 30, Greg Asimakoupoulos interviews Peggy Beamer in She Lost Her Only Son on 9/11 as we remember the attack on our nation 20 years ago. If you don’t remember, you’ll read how Todd shined for Jesus in a big way before the whole world in his last moments on this earth.

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FAITH, HOPE, AND LOVE—the three virtues found in 1 Corinthians 13—are at the heart of the NIV Radiant Virtues Bible. Discover how these themes are woven through both the stories of the Bible and your own life.

There have been many times in my 30 years as editor that God has pulled out just the right article, word, phrase, Scripture, experience, or story that I have needed to make it through a tough day. The Holy Spirit knows exactly what you need and in what area of your life you need it. I’m trusting Him to do His work in your heart with this issue and that as you read down to the last word, you can say, “I’m not the only one. They get me. They understand me. They feel my pain. They know my joy. They know me!” We all need those kinds of friends in these days. And it’s my hope that you will find that friendship here in these pages every quarter.

And it wasn’t until I was editing this issue, that I discovered how the Holy Spirit weaved shine in big and small ways throughout the magazine.

What an incredible opportunity we have as God uses us to shine the love of Christ in a dark and broken world. Jill Briscoe’s article, So Little Redeemed on page 14 is challenging to that end. Do the people around me see Jesus in me? Do the words that I speak and write on social media and other places shine with the love and kindness of Jesus? When we let Jesus shine in and through our lives 24/7, our world becomes a flourishing place.

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contents

The friendship of Mary and Elizabeth has a lot to t each us about finding friends to do life with throughout all of our ups and downs.

by Lisa Elliott

30 She Lost Her Only Son on 9/11

Todd Beamer’s mother reflects on his

courageous death twenty years later.

by Greg Asimakoupoulos

34 Why Christian Love Matters in Depression

Breaking down the misconceptions so often associated with depression, so you can be Christ’s love to someone struggling through the darkness.

by Dr. Kathryn Butler

37 5 Simple Ways to Flourish in Prayer

When we flourish in prayer, our intimacy with

Laughing at the Days to Come 28

You can trust God to support and change you through the transitions of life.

by Sandy Mayle

The Art of Helping 32

What to say and not to say when someone is hurting.

by Terri Foster

faith chats

18 Experiencing God in Uncertain Times

Your Soul

Outside Your 44 Front Door

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Between Friends

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s the world emerges from the pandemic, Eda A Esilaba shares wisdom about holding onto joy in the midst of pain.

by Marilyn Pritchard

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Advisory Board Anita Carman Pam Farrel Judy Briscoe Golz Nancy Grisham Pam MacRae Elizabeth Murphy Jackie Oesch Stephanie Seefeldt

Just Between Us (ISSN 1069-3459) is published quarterly by Just Between Us, 777 South Barker Road, Brookfield, WI 53045-3701.

Christ grows. Try these five steps and watch what God does!

by Ginger Harrington

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Creative Director Julie Krinke

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42 Discovering the Word 43 Strengthening

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16 Flourishing Friendships

happily-ever-after fairy-tale ending doesn’t happen.

by Julie Kulp

columns 38 Journal Your Heart 39 Intentional Faith 40 Living Well Minutes 41 1in5 the Word

Director of Mission Advancement/ Social Media Ashley Schmidt

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about your faith?

by Jill Briscoe

Imperfectly Perfect

One woman’s story of healing when the

Marketing Julie Santiago

Web Director Mary Ann Prasser

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What is your life saying to a watching world

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Renewals & Software Support Specialist Rebecca Loesche

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A variety of women of all ages share ideas, tips, and wisdom about going back to school.

compiled by Ann Cook

in every issue 3 Welcome from the Editor 6 Meet Our Team 7 Between Us 8 Happy Home 9 EncouragingWORDS 10 Heart to Heart 11 Transparent Moments

General Manager Mary Perso

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Have you been feeling blah? Discover how to pursue and enjoy life again.

by Elizabeth Murphy

features

22 It’s Back to School Time!

Administrative Specialist Sharon Vaught

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun

12 on the cover 12 A Prescription for Joy

Editor Shelly Esser

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Circulation Manager Suzan Braun

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CREDITS

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BETWEEN US

meet our

Our Just Between Us team is made up of incredible women with hearts to see you flourish in every area of your life, especially in your life of faith. They bring their collective gifts to make sure you don’t feel alone and that you are continually encouraged, so you can grow closer to Jesus and make an impact in His world.

team

A Script to Preach to Myself

JILL BRISCOE Founder

SHELLY ESSER Editor

MARY PERSO General Manager

Lysa TerKeurst

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’ll never forget the first time a girl in elementary school told me I was ugly.

It felt like the world stopped spinning and, suddenly, everyone was looking in my direction nodding in agreement. Red-hot shame filled my cheeks. I ran to the bathroom. I stared at my face in the mirror. I didn’t bother to wipe away the tears. I just stood there wishing I could cover up whatever it was that made that girl determine I wasn’t acceptable.

SUZAN BRAUN

Circulation Manager & Assistant Editor

It wasn’t just a part of me that she thought was ugly.

It was the sum total of me. Not just my hair or my nose or my body… it was all of me. The saddest part of all… I agreed with her.

It’s been decades since that incident that said way more about that other little girl’s issues than mine. I can still find myself staring into the mirror agreeing with statements that are so opposite of God’s truth.

We know the enemy is the father of lies (John 8:44).

But where I get tripped up is when my insecurities make his lies feel like the loudest truth in my head.

Creative Director

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Congrats to JBU’s design and editorial teams: Suzan Braun, Shelly Esser, Julie Krinke, Mary Ann Prasser, and Ashley Schmidt!

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“If only you were…”

“You aren’t enough…”

“If God really loved you…”

“People think you’re so…”

“Why can’t you just…”

“Why does she always get…”

Don’t help the enemy get you into a state of defeat by believing and repeating his scripts. God will lead you with love and conviction, but never accusation or condemnation. He isn’t measuring you by what

Let’s start preaching God’s truth to our hearts in the midst of whatever insecurities are taunting us today.

It is the most powerful way to help us fight the lies and accusations of the enemy. We will defeat him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11, paraphrase). Oh, how I love that last verse.

God’s message of hell-defeating hope is often most powerfully preached from the lips of those whose pain has been turned into the purpose of telling people about what God has done in their lives. Jesus has brought the blood. We can bring the words of our testimony.

Never forget who is the “accuser of our brothers and sisters” (Rev. 12:10) and that his vicious lies will always go after your most vulnerable insecurities and doubts.

We must let God’s words become the words we live by. Let’s change the scripts begging us to believe anything opposite of God’s truth.

Right now, in the middle of the pain you didn’t cause, the change you didn’t want, or the reality you didn’t know was coming—your life can still be beautiful. Gain healthier ways to process your pain and learn to see your situations through truth-based perspectives with Lysa’s new devotional, Seeing Beautiful Again: 50 Devotions to Find Redemption in Every Part of Your Story. Order your copy today at seeingbeautifulagain.com.

Lysa TerKeurst is a #1 New York Times bestselling

author and president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her book, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, will help you discover what the Bible really says about forgiveness and the peace that comes from living it out right now. Find out more at ForgivingWhatYouCantForget.com. Lysa lives with her family in North Carolina.

LysaTerKeurst.com LysaTerKeurst Lysa TerKeurst

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For the last 30 years, Just Between Us has been part of the Evangelical Press Association, the world’s leading professional organization of Christian print and digital publications. For this year’s EPA awards there were over 1,900 entries. JBU received two first-place awards. In the Awards of Excellence, JBU was given the top award in Most Improved (Print). And in the Higher Goals Awards, JBU received three awards: First Place: Publication Redesign; Fourth Place: Shelly Esser for RX: Soul Medicine: Laughter Can Help Heal Life’s Most Difficult Times; and Fifth Place: Table of Contents (Design).

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Here’s a cheat sheet to remind you how he whispers in your ear:

He loves and wants your heart. Reject the lies and start listening to the One who knows you completely and loves you fully.

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JUST BETWEEN US WINS AWARDS!

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The enemy wants you to stare and compare in all the ways you already feel inadequate. He wants you to doubt God’s goodness in how He made you. If you start hearing the enemy’s script, recognize it for what it is: false accusations.

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That’s why we have to set our minds and our hearts on the absolute truth of God’s Word. When our insecurities beg us to believe “we aren’t beautifully and wonderfully made,” we must look to the hope-filled pages of Scripture to remind us of the difference between lies and truth.

JULIE KRINKE

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Just Between Us is a vibrant not-for-profit ministry that continues to transform the lives of women around the world. Our heart-focused and biblically-based content in the print magazine, on the website, in the weekly digital mini magazine, on social media, and other products—all help women find hope and encouragement while growing their faith and deepening their love for Jesus.

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ABOUT OUR MINISTRY

Renewals & Software Support Specialist

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Director of Mission Advancement/Social Media

REBECCA LOESCHE

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Web Director

ASHLEY SCHMIDT

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MARY ANN PRASSER

you are or aren’t accomplishing, what size your jeans are, how your kids are behaving today, or how much money you have in your bank account.

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encouraging WORDS

HAPPY HOME

Meet Officer Justice and Officer Mercy

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Arlene Pellicane

t’s against the law to drive and talk on your cell phone without a hands-free device in California. A few years ago, as my husband James was driving our family down the freeway, he was jabbering away, phone held to his ear, and driving 70 miles per hour. A motorcycle cop pulled up, staring at James eyeball to eyeball. James couldn’t be more busted.

“You know you were using a cell phone,” the officer said matter-of-factly.

“Yes, Officer. I was using my cell phone, and I didn’t have my headset. I am very sorry,” James confessed.

What happened next was quite unexpected. The officer said, “Thank you for being honest. Not many are these days. Your honesty is going to get you off.”

He let James go!

James and I always joke about the time before we had kids when he was pulled over for speeding and the officer’s name was, no joke, Officer Justice. And he did mete out justice that day. On the day with the kids in the minivan, we met Officer Mercy!

There are days when your kids need to meet Officer Justice. There are other days when Officer Mercy is a better fit. Zechariah 7:9 says, “This is what the LORD Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.’”

How can you tell when your kids need more justice and when they need more mercy? Knowing your child’s heart helps, along with asking the Holy Spirit to give you guidance as a parent.

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“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

—Matthew 5:16

Get familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book The Five Love Languages and learn how to speak in your child’s primary love language: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or quality time. Are you communicating to your kids in a way that’s connecting with them?

Am I encouraging obedience? You don’t want to exasperate your child by being inconsistent with discipline. He’ll grow up with a disdain for obeying authority and that may translate into problems in his walk with God. Your child is learning the habit of obedience or disobedience primarily from his relationship with you.

“Sometimes it’s through our cracks and broken places God’s light shines through the brightest.”

—Holley Gerth, You’re Going to Be Okay

“Don’t shine so others can see you.

Shine, so that, through you, others can see Him.” —C.S. Lewis

Do I have more than just good intentions? We can think about correcting our child about a failed math test. But until we actually do something, our good intentions don’t amount to much. We tend to judge ourselves by our good intentions but others by their behavior. Be a mom of action.

Am I giving my kids enough Vitamin No? No is not a dirty word that will squash your child’s spirit. It’s a beautiful word that allows your child to learn character (“No, you can’t watch that”), safety (“No you can’t ride your bike without a helmet”), wisdom (“No, you can’t join the team because we don’t have the time right now”), and respect (“No, because I said so”).

Since that encounter with Officer Mercy, my husband James has always used his headset when driving. Sometimes we do need the arm of the law, or something else equally jarring, to get us back on the right track. Both Officer Justice and Officer Mercy are useful in parenting.

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker, the host of the Happy

Home podcast, and author of several books including: Screen Kids, Parents Rising, and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Wall Street Journal, FamilyLife Today, and Focus on the Family. She lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband James and their three children.

arlenepellicane.com ArlenePellicaneAuthor ArlenePellicane ArlenePellicane

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“The light of His face shines upon her.”

—Psalm 4:6

“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace.”

—Numbers 6:24-26

“Let your light shine so brightly that others can see their way out of the dark.”

—Katrina Mayer

“Choose to shine.”

—Anonymous

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How’s my delivery? Is your tone usually harsh, sarcastic, wimpy, or stressed? Or is it loving, gentle, or happy? If my child were to describe me, would they picture me smiling or scowling? Make the conscious decision to smile when you greet your child in the morning, pick them up from school, when they tell you about their day, at mealtime, and at bedtime give your kids the courtesy, comfort, and brightness of your smile.

—Corrie Ten Boom

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Here are a few questions you can ask yourself when it comes to disciplining your kids:

“Let God’s promises shine on your problems.”

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TRANSPARENT MOMENTS

HEART TO HEART

The Best Way to Pray

COVID-19 Didn’t Stop God

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I flourish on prayer, not simply prayer for my physical well-being. I am always asking friends to follow my 20%/80% way of lifting needs before the Lord, 20% for physical needs, and 80% for spiritual needs: increased faith, fresh courage, an embrace of Jesus’ promises, bright spirits, a singing heart, enlarged hope, patience, and greater concern for others in need. I want to be always thinking on things that are pure, noble, right, just, praiseworthy, and true.

It’s the way I live. Sure, I could ask people to lift up my physical needs: prayerfully bolstering my strength, mobilizing amino acids, proteins, white blood cells, keeping my oxygen levels up, and so on. These are good and specific requests about physical health.

But God knows far more about quadriplegia than my friends or I do: “your Father knows what you need even before you ask him” (Matt. 6:8). The way I see it, God can do miracles with our 20% prayer focus on physical needs.

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It’s what we should do when our health goes south.

We show the world that Christ is our treasure, no matter how life threatening our condition. Psalm 84:11 (ESV) is a great elixir for any ill, assuring us that “No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” There is nothing sweeter than being bolstered with good courage, good endurance, and confidence in our good and great Savior.

Consider using the 20%/80% matrix in your prayer life. It’s a good way—perhaps the best way—to strengthen your heart, your soul, your faith, and your physical well-being this fall.

Joni Eareckson Tada is an esteemed Christian

author, artist, and a respected global leader in disability ministry and advocacy. Although a 1967 diving accident left her a quadriplegic, she emerged from rehabilitation with a determination to help others with similar disabilities.

Joni serves as CEO of Joni and Friends, a Christian organization which promotes support services for thousands of special-needs families around the world. She and her husband, Ken, live in Calabasas, Calif.

joniandfriends.org

% response@joniandfriends.org

I was reminded of Ps. 16:7 where King David said, “I will praise the LORD, who counsels me, even at night my heart instructs me.” Instead of indulging self-talk filled with doomsday forecasts, the counsel of the Lord will serve as instruction to our hearts. And His counsel is always given from a place of confidence and authority.

As I reflected on my own journey with God, I was reminded of how He led me when the odds were against me as a child growing up in Hong Kong.

When my parents attempted to emigrate to America, we were told there were ten thousand in line ahead of us and that it would take seven years before even getting an interview. In spite of the odds being against us, we persevered.

When I received my visa to America, I remembered thinking, God must want me in America. I did not know then that God’s plan for me was to one day become the Founder and President of Inspire Women in Houston, Texas. For that to happen, I had to first relocate to America.

When God grants our dream it is more than getting what we asked for. We step into a plan He has already designed for us. He doesn’t bend to our plans, but walks us into His. I pray for my son to experience this in his personal walk as well.

Although my son grew up witnessing God part the waters for the ministry, he had not been in a situation that impacted him so personally. He was asking God to defy the odds and all reasonable probability to

“…my heart rejoices in the God who has walked with me through many seasons in my life. ” Then the miraculous happened. My son called to say, “Something unexpected has happened. The president of the company in Houston asked to hire someone for the Houston office. My name was offered as someone already working in the company in Japan, who had expressed a desire to return home to Houston.” Defying the pace at which the company normally processed changes, my son experienced an onslaught of interviews one after the other until he received his employment offer letter. I could hear in his voice a sense of awe combined with peace in knowing God had confirmed his time in Japan was coming to an end. He was coming home!

As I count the days to his return, my heart rejoices in the God who has walked with me through many seasons in my life. He instructs us with His voice and reminds me that when there is a mountain in His way, He will move it. He defies our own human reasoning and silences any winds that attempt to usurp His authority to predict our future.

Anita Carman arrived in America at 17, after her mother’s tragic suicide. Today, she is a walking billboard of how God transformed her pain into passion to build Inspire Women, a non-profit that unites thousands of women of all races and invests in their potential to change the world. She has an MBA from SUNY and an MABS from Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita has authored several books and lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. She has two grown sons. Visit her at inspirewomen.org

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I take Proverbs 17:22 quite literally: “A cheerful heart is good medicine.” I follow the Holy Spirit’s prescription in Phil. 4:8, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Whether I listen to audio pages of Christian classics, or watch Bible study videos on YouTube, I keep feeding my spirit and starving the sinful nature that chooses fear and anxiety.

“I want to be always thinking on things that are pure, noble, right, praiseworthy, and true.”

When my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer and undergoing radiation treatment, I felt the panic knowing it wasn’t easy for my son to visit. I recycled all the “What ifs” of life to my detriment, until God reminded me to live in the “Even ifs” of life. I had to trust that His grace would be there for us when we needed it.

make a way for him to return home. I said to my son, “When God comes through for you, please don’t go around saying you were lucky, but remember to give God the credit.” Meanwhile, I rallied prayer partners and felt the power of prayer being lifted up as a chorus to the heavenlies.

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It’s that 80% part that’s critical. In the middle of the night when I feel congestion rising, I need peace of heart, patience, and confidence in God’s promises.

When I become weary and overwhelmed from lack of sleep, I need perseverance. When my thoughts turn dark and morbid, I need fresh courage, bright hope, and mental focus to remember, “Come on, Joni, God will never leave you nor forsake you. His strength is made perfect in your weakness.” These virtues are just as important for physical health, for I know that “a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (Prov. 17:22, NLT).

There’s one more thing for which I ask my friends to pray. Should I become ill this fall, and should I need to go to the hospital, the pharmacy, or to doctor appointments, I want to remember others. It’s what followers of Jesus are called to do, focus on others.

Sickness or disability does not give us time off from the call of Phil. 2:4 to not “look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” Ken and I take an ample supply of gospel tracts wherever we go—blessing doctors and nurses in the name of Jesus, stopping to pray for them, and speaking words of Spirit-blessed encouragement.

n the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, my son was working in Japan. When he inquired about employment back in our city, he received the consistent feedback from headhunters that COVID-19 had adversely impacted companies who were reducing staff or freezing employment.

Anita Carman

Joni Eareckson Tada

he flu season is upon us once again, and with it, the specter of strange new forms of COVID-19. As a quadriplegic with fragile lungs, I’m always asking friends to pray for me, plus I’m jumping on an early regimen of meds and supplements.

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I have found joy most recently in a hula hoop, a coloring book, and a candle. It sounds silly, but when I heard in a recent podcast about the idea of writing a prescription for joy, I tried it.

Finding Life Again

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How a hula hoop, a coloring book, and a candle changed everything.

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When Your Spirit Grows Faint

Spiritually speaking, joy cannot be lost, or even stolen, but it can be set aside which happens when we forget how we were created. God designed us to abide in His presence through prayer, worship, and the study of His Word which is where the quiet confidence comes from, but He also put in our hearts particular “joy sources” that are very personal. For some, joy can be sparked back to life by nature and beauty, for others it is physical activity, artistic creativity, and music.

…we have a creative God who gave us creative souls planting deep within us the desire to live the abundant life He promised… the table, but this was off limits. I needed to ask who was willing to receive food from my kitchen instead.

Friends and loved ones left this life with sadly scaledback opportunities to grieve. It’s been rough for everyone. In the midst of the heavy losses, a heaviness of heart had settled in and as the psalmist said, “My spirit grew faint within me.” What I needed, and what many of us need, is permission to pursue life again, a prescription for joy to begin the slow process of recovery.

We may never return to life as we knew it, but we have a creative God who gave us creative souls planting deep within us the desire to live the abundant life He promised, the question is how.

The Prescription for Recovery

1. Remembering was the first step for my own prescription. Remembering what filled me up, sparked my energy, and lifted my mood. In my case, that meant moving more, creating beauty, and connecting deeply. For example, my granddaughters are learning to hula hoop.

It looked like fun and seemed to target all my problem areas, so I tried it. We laughed so hard we cried and one weighted hula hoop later, my abs are sore but I discovered a new form of movement! My goals used to be measured in miles walked and now they are much simpler—hula hoop through every commercial on TV. It is a small step that feels like being kind to myself.

2. Restoring what I could. I used my creativity to sew masks and painted almost every room in my house during what I thought would be a brief time of quaran-

4. Releasing is probably the most important on my personal list. When the world turned upside-down, it felt as if we had dropped things that can never be picked up again, but the truth is we have. Who knows what our work lives will look like going forward? Who knows if we will ever need lipstick again when masks stop being a kind necessity and if elbow taps will permanently replace handshakes? Who knows what the post-pandemic world will look like and where our joy will come from? God does.

He is not just our Creator, He is our Re-Creator. His infinite imagination combined with His deeply personal love and care for us is what gives us the hope to move forward into a future that has always been uncertain.

Our future is God’s presence and what reminds me anew to trust Him is lighting a candle on the table as I sit with God in the morning. It flickers in my peripheral vision saying to my joy-starved soul, “I am here, always near.” “[I] will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy” (Job 8:21, emphasis added). It gives me the comfort of knowing real joy is never far away and God alone knows what it looks like for me.

Elizabeth Murphy is an author and speaker who longs

to connect what we know of God to how we live for God. She has spent years in various ministries and at this phase is writing, learning from those recently released from prison, mentoring younger women, teaching God’s Word, and enjoying an empty nest with Mike, her husband of 36 years. They live in Brookfield, Wis., and have four adult sons, one daughter-in-law, and three granddaughters. Visit her website at elizabethmurphyspeaks.com.

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is turning green, kids are back in school, and the plane I flew on last weekend was packed. I see hopeful glimpses of normal, and yet I feel stuck. Not bad just not good. As I poured my heart out to a friend recently, her response was, “the word is languish.” It sounded scary until she explained it as the blah I am feeling—the void between depression and flourishing— the absence of well-being. Now it sounded perfect!

When I picture languishing, I see a landscape that is not dark, just dull; not cloudy, just foggy; not lush, just less than—and I see the same in many around me. It seems to be the absence of joy.

Joy, used many times in the Bible, is a combination of calm delight and inner gladness. Another definition is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation. In the face of words like “quiet confidence” and “determined choice,” it is awfully hard to languish.

So many things in this last year have been hard and lonely. I love people better in person, so Zoom has been a lifesaver for keeping in touch, but has provided such a less-than version of life. I enjoy exercise, but my dog gave up walking long before I did in the early days of isolation, and the gym or a class were no longer an option. I love to cook for people and break bread around

3. Renewing things I had let go of in the midst of so much change. My love language is words of affirmation so efficient things like texts and emails were soul-soothing, but handwriting somehow speaks with so much more feeling. Renew means “to begin or take up again,” so I started writing notes and letters—real ones with stamps! It was a new version of a constant thing—communication—only rediscovered. To my joy, I started receiving notes back in return.

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was looking for a word to describe the state of my spirit as we begin to move forward post-pandemic. Flowers are blooming, grass

When a doctor prescribes antibiotics, he often says to take every pill in the bottle even if you begin to feel better. Don’t stop too soon. I think that is what happened to my joy. I continued to be faithful to my prayer and study of God’s Word, sought worship in new ways, but had forgotten God wanted me to enjoy not only Him, but also the life He had given me.

tine, but time dragged on and creating beauty needed a new look. Then my sister showed me a tablecloth that is also a coloring book. Who knew? I met a future family member while socially distanced at opposite ends of the table, wearing masks, and coloring. It was creating beauty in a way I never imagined and relaxingly restorative. I sent a coloring book for adults and colored pencils to my mother-in-law whose comment was, “I was always so good at coloring and had forgotten how much I loved it.” My restored joy sparked a joy in her and hope had a new home.

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So Little

Redeemed What is your life saying to a watching world about Jesus?

by Jill Briscoe

O

ver recent years, I have collected old,

devotional Christian classics. The one I

was reading on this particular day, The

Prayer that Spans the World, was a wonder-

ful book on the Lord’s Prayer written by Helmut Thielicke, a Lutheran pastor and theologian in

mid-twentieth-century Germany. In it he mentions being “so little redeemed.”

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“When you read a new book, it’s a good idea to read an old one!” He said.

He didn’t answer at once but pointed out a passage in Thielicke’s book; the very one that had caught my eye.

The Prayer that Spans the World is a record of a series of sermons he had preached against a background of falling bombs towards the end of the Second World War. By the seventh sermon only the choir loft of his beautiful church in Stuttgart was left standing. But he didn’t give up. (That’s what makes this book so incredible.)

So little redeemed, So little like Him, So little I’ve changed from what I have been.

So little like Jesus so people can see His power and His glory Living in me.

So little redeemed, So my friends cannot see The Risen Lord Jesus Living in me.

Why then should they listen When I tell them of Him? When I’m so little changed From what I have been?

So little redeemed I’m ashamed of myself, I want transformation And spiritual wealth.

So I’m going to surrender, So that people can see The living Lord Jesus Living in me!

It made riveting reading. He talks of the human race being like a child lost in a forest calling out, “Father, are you there?” Then Thielicke writes, “God is always there.

And you can call Him Father.” His wartime congregation, suffering and dying, must have hoped fervently that he was right about the Father part.

There was also a man in Germany called Nietzsche whose writings and philosophy were a great influence on both Hitler and Stalin. One day Thielicke went to talk to him about Christ redeeming the world.

Nietzsche responded, “You Christians will have to look a lot more redeemed for me, Thielicke, to believe in your redeemer!”

“What a devastating thing Nietzsche said,” I commented.

“Yes!” “I wonder if he would have listened to Thielicke if his experience with Christians who, apparently, had not practiced what they preached, had been any different?” I mused.

Then He and I talked about the cross and what it cost Him to die in my place. Overwhelmed, I was on my knees again, asking Him to forgive me for being one of those “so little redeemed” people.

“How dare I be so little redeemed, Lord?”

If I understand what redemption means, I will realize I am not my own, I am bought with a price—the blood of Christ! 1 Peter 1:18-19 says, “For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.”

Lord, are there those who would say I have stopped them from considering the gospel because I am “so little redeemed?” Forgive me. Remind me I am watched by others! Amen.

Jill Briscoe was born in Liverpool, England. She has partnered with her husband in ministry for over 60 years, written more than 40 books, and traveled on every continent teaching and encouraging ministry leaders. Jill is the founder of Just Between Us. She can be heard regularly on the worldwide media ministry called Telling the Truth. She and her husband, Stuart, live in southeast Wis.

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“I have been reading an old book, Lord.”

He didn’t answer and I cried then, not for me (which is usually why I cry), but for Jesus and what my sin caused Him to suffer. Then He left me and for the first time that morning, I looked at my watch. It was about time for the world to get up, but before I left to do my work I wrote Him a note and posted it through the prayer mailbox. It said:

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The phrase riveted my attention. I wanted to talk to Jesus about it, so I went to Him early, before the day began. “Early” is precious time. But the older I get, the harder “early” becomes! Unfortunately, I had written in a book about prayer that, “Sleep deprivation is better than God deprivation,” so now I had to follow my own advice; I had to do without a little sleep to go to the Deep Place where nobody goes, before the Shallow Place where everyone lives got moving at the light of day. I was so glad I went!

We were sitting on the steps of my soul by this time, and I was excited. I knew we would have a wonderful time reading from the greatest book of all, the classic of classics, the Golden Book. He had been underlining Scriptures that talked about redemption for me with a Majesty marker. After I had read these verses I murmured, “Thank You for redeeming me.”

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Connection (Luke 1:39). Mary knew exactly who she

Empathy (Luke 1:44). Mary and Elizabeth understood each other on a level that not everyone could. They didn’t only feel sorry for one another, they empathized with one another as they related to one another. They spoke it aloud to one another. Verse 41 tells us Elizabeth experienced it, and then she declares it rather than keeping it to herself. We need those who will mourn with us in our mourning and rejoice with us in our rejoicing (Rom. 12:15).

It could be that you’re connected to a person because they’re a family member. Or you’re at the same age, stage, and season of life. Life’s circumstances could connect you to each other. Perhaps your children attend the same school or you live in the same neighborhood, are on the same committee. Or you could work together. Perhaps you connect at the heart with someone who’s “been there; done that,” someone who understands you and your circumstances. The important thing is to find someone with whom you connect.

Affirmation (Luke 1:45). Elizabeth proclaims, “Blessed

needed to run to for encouragement and support, and she didn’t waste any time getting there. The angel had already given her a clue in verse 36. Elizabeth and Mary were cousins. However, their connection deepened when they both found themselves pregnant in a miraculous way. Their relationship started out as a blood connection, but it turned into a divine connection through the Holy Spirit’s intervention in their lives.

Acceptance (Luke 1:40). Elizabeth greeted Mary with

flourishing

friendships Sisters by heart.

t

by Lisa Elliott

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The friendship we share reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible: the friendship between Mary (Mother of Jesus) and Elizabeth (mother of John the Baptist). We, too, can harvest a budding and blossoming friendship when we consider some of the qualities that provide a fertile environment in which to flourish:

Blessing (Luke 1:42). Elizabeth didn’t just whisper a

welcome to Mary. She belted out her blessing. “In a loud voice she exclaimed…” Can’t you just hear her? Can you see the look on Mary’s face after having been virtually exiled and outcast due to her predicament? Couldn’t you use someone like that in your life?

Mutual Vulnerability (Luke 1:43). To me, there’s nothing worse than opening my life up to someone who stares at me through their zipped-up life. I call it “The Snowsuit Effect.” Elizabeth was “well along in years” (Luke 1:7). She was to be respected and looked up to by Mary. Yet Elizabeth esteems Mary by considering herself “favored” that Mary would choose her to confide in. She didn’t simply look at Mary as the one to be favored or blessed. They were both in a miraculously vulnerable condition. What a gift it must have been to enjoy the mutual love and affection that came along with their friendship.

Accountability. While there is no mention of the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth after their contact in Luke, they were both equally aware of the high calling God had extended to them. I can imagine that they held each other accountable to that calling.

They were looking to each other to pray, challenge each other in spiritual things, and keep them accountable in their walk with Him. Like the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth, a flourishing friendship is one that brings out the best in you while living through the worst with you. It’s someone who believes in you when you don’t believe in yourself.

It’s someone who hears you out when the world shuts you out. It’s someone who speaks truth into you when all you hear are lies. It’s someone who doesn’t merely tolerate you, but challenges you to be all God created you to be. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

Lisa Elliott is a gifted speaker and award-winning author of The Ben Ripple and Dancing in the Rain. Her passion is sharing God’s Word, straight from the heart. She and her pastor-husband, David, live in Ottawa, Canada. They have four adult children (three on earth and one in heaven), a son and daughter-inlaw and four grandchildren. Contact Lisa at lisakelliott22@gmail.com or follow her on Facebook: LisaElliott-StraightfromtheHeart.

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We were two bleeding hearts, living hundreds of miles away from each other in two different parts of God’s vineyard. It was evident we had a heart-to-heart connection although we’d never met face-to-face. It didn’t take long before our hearts were entwined and our friendship took root and grew into a beautiful, aromatic, flourishing planting of the Lord.

She watered my pain with her own tears. She nurtured my heart with care. She loved me right where I was. She helped bear my burdens. She prayed for me, encouraged me, and spoke truth into me in ways that cultivated a safe environment for me to bloom and grow in my relationship with God. She faithfully walked alongside me, and as our mutual love and respect for each other grew, our friendship took deeper root. Many seasons later, she continues to cause me to flourish in my life and in my ministry—as a mom, a wife, and in my relationship with our heavenly Father.

Understanding (Luke 1:41). When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby leaped in her womb and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. I’m not saying that we can’t be encouraged by those who aren’t in the faith, but how much more significant when you are like-minded and united in spirit? These women can pray for and with us, challenge us in spiritual things, and keep us accountable in our walk with Him.

Loyalty (Luke 1:56). Mary stayed with Elizabeth for three months! Can you imagine the hormones flying around that household or the grocery bill with pregnancy cravings? Three months is a long time, and a lot of life invested in a person. That’s a lot of life shared in the dailies. Many confidential moments were shared between the two of them. However, there’s no doubt in my mind that while living under one roof created its challenges, they appreciated each other more than ever, knowing that what they shared was something special.

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he seed of our friendship was sown in a season in which one wouldn’t expect it to survive, much less thrive. While it was summer outside, it was winter in my life. I came to find out that she, too, was experiencing a winter season. The ground in my heart was cold and hard, but her warmth and care furrowed deeply nevertheless.

not only an open door, but with open arms and an open heart. That’s hospitality. It’s vitally important to provide a non-judgmental, caring environment where inner healing and hope can be experienced in their fullness. Likewise, we need to seek out others who will love us and accept us and value us—warts and all.

is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” One obvious thing is that Elizabeth believed in Mary when there was a chance that nobody else did—including her betrothed, Joseph. Likewise, we need others who, not only believe in us because they see God in us, but they believe in us because they see God’s potential in us.

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faith CHATS

T

he past two years brought upheaval, isolation, and grief caused by COVID-19, broad social issues, and personal challenges. Through it all, Eda Esilaba drew on lessons God had taught her about waiting on Him—resting in the assurance that God is working even when He seems silent.

Eda had a strong heritage of faith growing up in Kenya. Her grandfather biked from village to village, sharing his faith and planting churches. Her parents were part of a revival that swept East Africa from the 1930s to the 1960s, and Eda gave her life to Christ when she was just nine.

Eda’s faith was deepened when she got involved in a local youth ministry. She took part in many of the same things American teenagers do: mission trips, Christian camps, Bible studies, and corporate worship. This community became like a second family to her, and through it, she acquired the skills to grow in her faith.

Before starting college, Eda felt a clear call to ministry.

Unsure how to follow, she continued her plans to study science at a public university in Kenya—those four years were the perfect training ground for ministry. In her final year, God called again. She answered by taking an internship in student ministry at Nairobi Chapel in Nairobi, Kenya, where she met her husband, Albo.

She subsequently attended graduate school at a local seminary, studying Christian education.

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by Marilyn Pritchard

Photography: Emily Otwell (eckrohn.myportfolio.com)

As the world emerges from the pandemic, Eda Esilaba shares wisdom about holding onto joy in the midst of pain.

Just Between Us spoke with Eda about how her past experience of waiting on God helped her navigate the pandemic—and how God used the lessons of the pandemic in her ministry, family, and faith journey.

JBU: How did your recent move challenge and grow you and your family?

Eda: The move showed Albo and me how God has been at work in our marriage. We are in such a good place in this season. Fault lines from the past have been tested, but God has done deep work in both of us.

I’m extremely grateful for my husband—how he leads,

JBU: How do you deal with the pressure to be productive even during uncertain times?

Eda: When the pandemic hit, it felt providential, like God was speaking to the entire globe, inviting us to trust Him on a whole new level and bursting all our delusions of control. I remember asking Him repeatedly, “What are You doing?” I wasn’t upset; I actually leaned into it.

I had been running hard in the preceding months, so I got to slow down, see my kids, and get to know our new home. We needed the pause.

Soon the monster called Busy morphed, and we got sucked back into it worse than before. The schools figured out this was for the long haul, so online school became more demanding; at work, we had extra meetings to restructure and do new projects. We kept pivoting in a new direction only to be shut down, as we understood more of our reality. The hardest thing for me was supervising online learning while working fulltime and managing my home—with everyone in it!

I felt like I was failing at all of it: work, home, and parenting. The rhythms that had fed me were choked by our change of rhythms as a family. I couldn’t listen to that podcast on the drive to work because I wasn’t going anywhere. A group of girlfriends I had connected with right when we arrived drifted away. With people in my face all the time, my devotional life wasn’t what it had been. I had to reconstruct my life to restore life-giving things, to go on prayer walks, read my Bible at a different time in the day, let the family know when it’s Mommy Time, and find life-giving content, or just sit in a bath listening to worship music.

In ministry, we had to seek God and what He wanted, because no “strategy” was going to work. Nobody had been here before, so there were no experts to call. We just had to be on our faces before Jesus. That’s the only strategy.

I HAD TO RECONSTRUCT MY LIFE TO RESTORE LIFE-GIVING THINGS…

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IN UNCERTAIN TIMES

The boys handled the move well initially, but when we moved to our own house and COVID-19 happened, the isolation was hard on one of our boys. He was still getting to know the other students, and now everything was virtual—Zoom is awkward for building community if you’re a teenager. However, initially it was a sweet time of family bonding. We played games, I made elaborate Kenyan meals from scratch, and we went for walks, and got to know our new neighborhood. It was wonderful.

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GOD EXPERIENCING

In 2014, God called Albo to a pastoral position in the U.S. The couple again experienced a time of waiting and preparation. What they thought would be a three-tofive-month wait for visas became a year, during which time Eda gave birth to their third son. In fall 2019, another move turned into a period of waiting for their house to sell. Almost as soon as they moved into a new home, COVID-19 happened, which made Eda wonder how God would use it. Eda and Albo now serve at a church in Ann Arbor, Mich., Eda as student director and Albo as campus pastor.

loves, and pursues Jesus. It makes these adventures Jesus sends us on that much more welcome, because I get to do this with Albo.

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Fasting. We started 2021 with a fast that became a shock absorber when we lost my mother-in-law in January. I have returned to fasting occasionally.

boxes. We are raising three Black boys in this America, and they will form how they see themselves in this context, so I need to be engaged.

Worship music. Sitting in the truth of Who God is through worship has been deeply refreshing.

There are questions I need to ask my boys that I don’t even know to ask. We have had great conversations about how they perceive themselves, how they feel growing up here. I need to have these conversations more, and I’m trying to do it naturally when something comes up in a show we’re watching or as they talk about their day at school.

Sabbath. The rhythm of stopping, delighting in God, and resting in Him is powerful. When work, school, and home were in the same place, it became a lifeline. And taking a day off every week has been restorative.

JBU: How can we build bridges in the church and surrounding communities as we face monumental issues like divisive politics and racial injustice?

In Africa, not having the resources of a developed country, you do not have delusions of control. So much is unpredictable that it grows your dependence on Jesus because you pray about everything. When we moved to the U.S., I had to relearn what dependence on God looks like when I have a sense of predictability, even for something small—I can leave the house at a certain time to drop my kids off for soccer and not gamble on when I’ll arrive. I realized I wasn’t praying on the go as much, so God and I had long conversations about that.

The pandemic restored that dependence. Nothing is predictable; it’s almost impossible to plan. I realized that was a familiar place for me. I didn’t like it, but it was good for my faith. I had come to enjoy the “delusion of control,” that comes with living here, but I know it wasn’t good for Jesus and me.

JBU: How do you refresh and restore your soul?

Eda: Reading Scripture. On days when Scripture is like honey and on days when it’s like bitter herbs, I must consistently be in God’s Word. Remembering how faithful God has been and that I can trust Him through this has helped a lot. It feeds my faith and identity, even as they get attacked by a COVID-19 reality.

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Build real relationships with real people. Across tables, over coffee, break bread with people you don’t understand. Ask them questions, learn, and die to self. We need Jesus to do it well. Truth be told, we need Jesus to do anything well.

JBU: As an African woman of color raising three boys in America, how are you navigating life and conversations around these issues?

Eda: This is a tough one for me. Growing up as part of a majority in middle-class Kenya, I never thought about how being Black would limit my goals or dreams. My president looked like me—so did my teacher, bank manager, and pastor. I haven’t carried the weight of blackness in the same way as my African American brothers and sisters. I came to the U.S. in my thirties and was already formed in how I see myself as far as race goes.

I must say, the weight of blackness has gotten heavier with every passing year, and I feel a responsibility to understand the issues. I can’t afford to check out and say this is not my battle. Before people hear my African name, they see a woman of color and assign all the

I pray for spiritual revival for myself and for my family.

With all my heart I pray that my boys would know God— that they would have a deep, intimate relationship with their Creator and be all God is calling them to be. I pray for my students in youth ministry—that they wouldn’t just survive but instead would deepen their faith and become powerful, hope-filled, life-giving voices in their generation—that many, many people would know Jesus because of them.

In mid-January, we woke to the devastating news that my mother-in-law had suddenly died. We quickly organized to go home to Kenya. Even in this devastation, I felt like my mother-in-law had given me one last gift—a chance to go home. We were going to celebrate her life, and we were going to see dear family and friends we had not seen in a year and a half. Again, grief and joy held hands together.

In Lam. 3:18-23, the author names his devastation and proclaims, because of God’s great love, that he is not consumed. Both are true. The Psalms are full of this structure. The psalmist talks about his tears being his food and yet he hopes in the Lord. In Ps. 42:5, he speaks to his soul: “Why are you so downcast?...Put your hope in God.”

I PRAY FOR A REAWAKENING—THAT WE WOULD HUNGER FOR GOD LIKE NEVER BEFORE, THAT HE WOULD DO THINGS WE WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THOUGHT TO ASK HIM.

JBU: How can we sit in both pain and joy and still move forward in faith and everyday life?

Eda: One of my favorite movies is Inside Out, which features the emotions inside the mind of a preteen girl navigating a move to a new state. The characters in her mind—Fear, Anger, Disgust, Joy, and Sadness—are navigating this transition. Joy has been the main character in her story so far and is somewhat irritated by Sadness, but there’s a moment in the story where Joy realizes we can’t move forward without Sadness. They begin to make memories together, Joy and Sadness holding hands. That is such a powerful picture of what the past year and a half has been: the excitement of living through a global phenomenon that makes the whole world stop, juxtaposed alongside the trauma of a deadly disease that has robbed so many of so much.

We can talk to God openly and honestly. He can handle it. Something happens as we sit in His presence: we’re able to move through our pain and embrace Who He is. Our circumstances may not change, but our perspective does. Hebrews 12:2 says that Jesus, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross. He had the power to get off that cross, but He endured it because of where His focus was. Perspective is powerful. Did the nails still hurt? Yes! But with His eyes on the prize, He got through it. So He invites us to fix our eyes on Him, the author and perfector of our faith.

He’s writing this epic story, and we can trust Him.

Marilyn Pritchard is a freelance writer. She has served in women’s ministry in her local church and currently serves on the boards of two nonprofit organizations. In addition to growing in her love for Jesus and other people, Marilyn is passionate about baking, blogging about baking, and chatting with her three adult daughters whenever they call. She and her husband of 31 years live in southeast Wisconsin.

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Community. We love having people in our home, and that was impossible for a while, so staying connected to women who pray for me and let me pray for them was a lifeline. Technology became a huge blessing. I reconnected with my girls in Kenya on Zoom and engaged in women’s ministries online.

On another note, people have lost their minds on social media. Don’t hide behind the internet to say things you would never say to someone’s face. That builds walls and is extremely costly. As a youth pastor, I have apologized repeatedly to students for the way Christians in my generation behave on social media.

It’s appalling and unacceptable, and not becoming of a Jesus-follower.

Eda: I think COVID-19 has gutted some things, and as painful as that is, it feels like preparation. I have experienced God move in inexplicable ways on my journey with Him. I pray for a reawakening—that we would hunger for God like never before, that He would do things we wouldn’t even have thought to ask Him.

The grief was real and the things God had done were real. One didn’t negate the other. They both held hands and helped the students navigate a hard year.

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Prayer. I love getting outside and talking to Jesus.

There’s something about nature that makes me worship, and we are blessed to be in a neighborhood with gorgeous trails. Walks are especially powerful for me.

Eda: This year felt like a discipleship audit for the North American church. What or who defines you—your political affiliation or the kingdom of God? The structures we build around ourselves and the ways we intertwine them with the “Evangelical Church” have been deeply tested and found wanting. I am convinced more than ever that we meet at the cross. It levels us all, exposes us all, and invites us to a reality where we all look more like Jesus.

JBU: Looking to the future, how do you see God working in your life and faith walk?

At the close of 2020, we asked the students in our ministry to name their losses and allow themselves to grieve. We had them write down their laments on a white board. They wrote about lost friendships, lost sports seasons, unceremonious transitions. We then asked them to look back and see what God had done.

They talked about how God had drawn them closer, how He had given them a break from their crazy schedules, and how they had celebrated family time and bonded with siblings in a completely new way.

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Whether kids attend public, Christian, or home school, what advice do you have for helping your child maintain their Christian faith in a school setting?

Making faith their own is a parent’s ultimate hope, no matter which school option is chosen. Ways to encourage passing of this baton are modeling a vibrant, daily faith yourself along with welcoming questions while giving thoughtful, biblical answers. Praying for and with your children will help them as their personal faith and love for Christ grows. Participating as a family in service or missions opportunities allows you to see God work firsthand and is a great way to “catch the vision” of the faith. Be aware this journey is a marathon, not a sprint!

— Cindy Kirkpatrick

IT’S TIME! Words of wisdom to get your school year off to a great start. compiled by Ann Cook

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he beginning of fall includes many activities for getting ready to go back to school. Back

to school sales, classroom supplies, first day of school outfits, deciding how to set up a

dorm room, and maximizing the last few days of sum-

mer vacation are some of the things we’re figuring out.

How can we prepare children of any age to lay a great foundation for the beginning of school so they can

agement for getting our children and ourselves ready for the beginning of a new school year.

As an elementary school girl, I remember my grandmother sewing a white blouse and a patterned “broom stick” skirt using farm feed sack material for the start of a new school year. When my grandchildren started school, I carried on the family tradition! My approach was to set a shopping date, which included a couple of clothing items, some school supplies, and most importantly, LUNCH! The discussions became the highlight as feelings and anxieties were shared about new and old friendships, assigned teachers, and other matters. This connecting time helped build confidence and created a special bond with each grandchild that remains with me today.

— Carma Bowerman How did you prepare your kindergartener and yourself for the start of school?

Getting your kiddos ready for kindergarten can be very emotional. To help on the first day we created a special “brave spray.” As we said Phil. 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” we sprayed a light mist of water on our kindergartener (and on Mom). My child instantly smiled and I could tell he was ready to go. We packed the spray in his backpack so he could spray it anytime he needed God’s strength. Kindergarten was a total joy!

— Ashley Schmidt

Going off to college is an exciting time for the high school graduate, but may be a nerve-wracking time for the parents! What have you done to help lay a good foundation for the start of college?

I have taught my daughter, hopefully by my example, to be intentional about spending time with Jesus each day in Bible reading and prayer. To make her relationship with God a priority and to apply the Bible to her everyday life. I've encouraged her to view the world through the lens of Scripture. And when her life is different from those around her, to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Many of the challenges of college will fall into place if her walk with the Lord is a priority.

— Tara Furman The time has come and you’re now an empty nester!

How have you navigated this new season of life when fall comes around?

After years of being so busy, my husband and I find we appreciate the calm of simple routines. We spend more time in prayer. We eat differently (sometimes better, sometimes worse) and enjoy hobbies that had previously been set aside. With intention, we continue traditions like going to the apple orchard and taking fall drives. And of course, we visit our kids in their new homes when we can, trusting that God has them right where they should be.

— Jean Cook

Ann Cook is a retired RN and nursing instructor. She and her husband Randy live in Waukesha, Wis., and they have three grown children, a son and daughter-in-law, and five grandchildren.

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and friends share some insight, wisdom, and encour-

As a grandmother, what have you done to help your grandchildren get off to a good start of the school year?

How has Dad played a role in getting the kids ready for school?

One year my husband took our kids shopping for school supplies to help me out. This turned into a wonderful yearly tradition of each child shopping for supplies with Dad along with a fun activity of their choice.

This continued through college as they each loved this time with Dad; it became a favorite for everyone, especially me!

— Ann Cook

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between 2021 between 2021 ȷust usus fall fall ȷust

flourish all year long? Some of our Just Between Us staff

The first week of school can be stressful. What routines have you done leading up to school starting to help get everyone off on the right track?

Predictable routines can help eliminate anxiety for children. Start a school year sleep schedule as the summer winds down. Drive by the school and, whether your child rides the bus or is in the family car, practice saying goodbye to each other. Check your child’s selfhelp skills and independence with shoes, outerwear, and in the bathroom. Allow your child to practice using their lunchbox and backpack at home so they know what to expect at school.

— Jane Bylsma

Many women go back to school themselves later in life or when they have small children. What tips do you have for someone in this situation?

Make sure your family is 100% on board. You need a strong support system because going to school will challenge you! Set realistic expectations for yourself and others. Create a weekly calendar that includes homework, chores, and fun. Most importantly, show yourself grace and realize things won’t be perfect.

Always remember the sacrifice and investment in yourself will be worth it!

— Jean Cook

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I IMPERFECTLY

Perfect

A story of healing.

by Julie Kulp

n a single moment, everything I knew about my past, present, and future changed. What I stumbled across on the computer screen, I could not un-see.

It solidified the insecurities that were daily etched in my mind. It fed the fear of not measuring up and being alone. The picture I thought my now ex-husband and I were both building, a family committed to honoring and loving God above all else, was altered and distorted.

that my happiness should not be dependent upon happenings, because “if your happenings don’t happen to happen the way you happen to want your happenings to happen, you are unhappy.” When unhappy, one often looks for happiness in all the wrong places. Rather, happiness, joy, and meaning result from knowing that God is in control of every situation, and that He walks through pain, suffering, fears, and stress with us.

For months, I would find myself trying to suppress the reality of the truth from permanently impacting our lives. I let shame rule through the tapes of inadequacy, isolation, and hopelessness as they replayed in my head. Attempting to protect what little I could salvage, I tried to hold the pieces of our broken circumstances together. Graciously, God did not allow me to continue functioning this way. As more and more information surfaced, my heart broke further. The only thing I had left to hold onto was the only thing I ever needed. Only then did I recognize God as my story’s Author.

Healing Comes Through Pain

The Author doesn’t write our story for the purpose of a happily ever after. That fairytale notion limits God’s intended purposes to the world’s definition of truth, love, hope, and way of living. No, God writes our story for something so much better, that we might experience the fullness of God's intended order in a world just as it should be. Our stories are written to teach us, to cleanse us, to restore and transform us, all the while driving us closer to the only One who can satisfy, even if it means we have to add a few gray, ("wisdom hairs") to our head.

Once Upon a Time

I thought that my definition of happily ever after would mean that God had redeemed my story. That is, God had intervened in the ways that I had wished or expected Him to. Then and only then would He bring wholeness into my life. Yet, as I sit and reflect on my life and all that God has done within the past six years, I was unaware that I was limiting God’s sovereignty and my hope for what was to come. Today there is healing, today there is wholeness, today there is a deeper understanding of my need for God, and a deeper knowledge that He is God and I am not.

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It was then when a bright yellow and red striped book caught my eye, What Works When Life Doesn’t by Stuart Briscoe (who just happened to be my pastor growing up). The title grabbed my attention and the author was a pleasant and trusted surprise. Throughout his book, Stuart reminded me (in the classic Stuart sort of way),

A New Identity

There were days when I had nothing, unsure how the lawyer, utility, and grocery bills would be covered. In God’s provision, a friend would randomly show up at the front door with a check, or an exorbitant check would happen to find itself wedged in a box of Christmas chocolates, or my mom would graciously allow us to call her home our home. In the moments of despair, His comfort was made known, through texts, letters, hymns sung at bedtime, and answers to my journaled prayers.

His peace washed over in new priorities, new lessons, and a richer understanding of dependence. God centered within me a new image rooted in His definition: His beloved daughter. The more I sank into His arms with real vulnerability and questions, the more I would find the answers. He would create in me a new identity.

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The Next Chapter

Our stories are written to teach us, to cleanse us, to restore and transform us, all the while driving us closer to the only One who can satisfy…

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I remember stumbling into Half Price Books, heading straight back to the “Christian Self-Help” section, since I was a Christian in need of some serious help. I stared overwhelmingly at the stuffed shelves thinking, “God, what is it that I actually need?”

This book launched a new way of perceiving my circumstances. Despite the grief and loss that I had known way too soon, wholeness was possible. I had access to the Sovereign Father who comforts, the Son who restores and reconciles, and the Holy Spirit who empowers and would cleanse me from my own mess.

As I laid curled up in a little ball on a makeshift bed, ugly crying, I remember my best friend Megan sitting with me. She gently pushed back my hands so she could see my face and said, “You can navigate this season well; God will help you.” In the midst of deep pain, she reminded me of hope. My life became less about the unknown and discovering what was yet to be uncovered and more about rediscovering what remained true, allowing the pain to be a process through which healing would come.

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God is Sufficient

As a single mom of two boys, I struggled to be okay with not being able to be both Mom and Dad. I could not fulfill both roles, I could not duplicate my number of hands, and my not-so-intimidating disciplinary voice would have to be good enough. When I finally recognized wholeness would never come for the boys through me, life became less about actualizing my “Mom” title and all about connecting them to the Sovereign Father, the gracious and generous Son, and the empowering and cleansing work of the Holy Spirit. All my “titles” began to shift. Titles were not given to me for me, but they were the opportunity, the platform, the occasion through which God was asking me to encourage others into His arms.

God is making us complete, He is making us whole. The tears of our story have not been wasted, they have been the very thing we have always needed.

God is Writing a New Story

Often people look at me and assume it’s a fashionable trend, A gray streak that travels down my hair, each piece from end to end.

Although culturally relevant, physically it’s premature, those who earn the crown rightfully, often find the cure.

It’s not about a statement, it’s not about the look, But my Author’s words written, in my story’s book.

Of grief and loss known too soon shattered hopes, broken dreams.

A hidden life then revealed, reality not what it seems.

To the pit of deep despair my heart and soul did sink.

Yet into my Savior’s arms comfort, peace, living water to drink.

RECONCILIATION

CONSULTING

Start Here

From lessons learned and stories heard, growth found in the pain, All from knowing who God is and was and always will remain.

Provision in the have not, Truth amongst the lies, Wholeness in the waiting, And joy in the midst of cries.

Some say cover it up, it’s socially acceptable to do, But I say “let’s rock it,” His faithfulness is true.

Ode to my gray hair, dear friends.

Embrace where He is leading you, you’ll be changed, restored, made new, even if you are gray at 32. ©2021 Julie Kulp

Julie Kulp is a newlywed mom of three boys, ministry professional, mental health counseling student, and story-teller. She believes in the active power of God's grace as it intersects within each individual's story allowing us to be advocates of healing, encouragers of hope, and sharers of the gospel of Jesus Christ with others. Julie lives with her husband, Jessie and their three boys in Waukesha, Wis.

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TRAINING

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Let’s navigate your conflict together.

Each day, each month, each passing year, their number they would grow.

New image, new priorities within me the Gardener, He did sow.

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Today, I have a lot more gray hairs than I did before life happened. I mean a lot. Even so, they remind me each day of God’s faithfulness. My story isn’t pretty. It’s unconventional, painful, and confusing to navigate.

My family is now blended (step-dad, half-brother), my kids will always have questions, and restoration does not look like a return to what I thought it should be, and yet it is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. I now live in the reality that things are not “as they should be,” and they won’t be until Jesus comes again. So, we wait for perfection by seeking wholeness, thanking God for sweet, unexpected blessings. This restored reality my family is living each day, while imperfect, is what I believe I would have asked God for since the beginning, if I would have known all that He knew. God is making us complete, He is making us whole. The tears of our story have not been wasted, they have been the very thing we have always needed.

Ode to My Gray Hair

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So I began to pray for a generous spirit, for grace to be: • Generous with my physical space and my “things.”

Sharing time on the computer or yielding space in our small kitchen.

• Generous with my time. Merging schedules. Accepting interruptions (I planned to continue writing).

Adapting to changes of plans.

Laughing at the

Days to Come

Only God can transform our reluctant hearts.

by Sandy Mayle

• Generous with my solitude. Flexible with my habits of reading, taking walks, and going on personal retreats.

• Generous with my conversation. Making small talk (especially first thing in the morning). Discussing dilemmas. Exchanging views on current events.

• Generous in my thoughts. Checking negative mental commentary and fostering gracious thoughts instead. Being more Dave-conscious and less self-centered.

Giving meant I'd lose something; giving generously meant I'd lose a lot, on purpose. But as I yielded my rights, and comforts to God, He promised blessing: "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously" (2 Cor. 9:6).

2. Dread to Eagerness

The apostle Paul said of the Corinthians, “I know your eagerness” for the upcoming collection (v. 2). What did I have to be eager about as my own “offering” loomed?

What could I anticipate? I started a list:

T

he COVID-19-wracked holidays of late 2020 were upon us. Shutdowns, social distancing, and economic uncertainty had turned a festive season on its head. At the same time, my husband and I faced another once-in-a-lifetime event: shortly after the new year: Dave was retiring.

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Our Father wants to support us through these upheavals and transitions. We’re invited to “approach

1. Grudging to Generous

Paul arranged for the Corinthians to prepare in advance “for the generous gift you had promised. Then it will be ready as a generous gift, not as one grudgingly given” (2 Cor. 9:5).

I was being asked to give in to retirement, not reluctantly but wholeheartedly. Yet I could think of areas where I felt begrudging: opening my daily life, surrendering much of my cherished solitude, bearing with Dave’s few foibles (I have more), and honoring his preferences 24/7.

With all those perks to look forward to, I could already feel God answering my prayer for an eager spirit watching for places to give readily and enthusiastically.

3. Sorrowful to Cheerful

“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver” (v. 7).

I wanted to give gladly. Even in the face of unexpected interruptions and changes of plans. When I’m not at my best, exhausted, or feeling down and beyond ready to take a break from giving. That’s when intentionality would prove vital. “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give” (emphasis mine). It would be much easier to remain cheerful when I’d predetermined to, with God’s help, to give as the Spirit led. And for those times when my heart wasn’t in it, Heb. 4:12 urged me to send up that silent prayer in the middle of my reluctance, to persevere until grace once again made gracious giving possible.

“Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness” (v. 10).

I could freely give because God was my Faithful Supply whose resources are infinite and whose storehouse is never depleted. God wasn’t guaranteeing good health, overflowing bank accounts, or perpetually high spirits in the coming years. He was simply asking me to trust Him as my Source and prove out verse 10 in retirement by leaning on two promises: Promise #1: God Supplies the Seed. In fact, God was already supplying me with spiritual seed through promises and insights (2 Cor. 9), meditation (listening to the Spirit), and prayer (talking His Word through and letting Him apply it).

Promise #2: God enlarges the harvest. My prayers of surrender and petitions for grace, my weeks of Bible study, and those precious moments of communion with God would result in a harvest. Exactly what it would look like, I couldn’t yet know. But I was certain that if my heart would sprout peace, kindness, and joy, my life would bear a greater likeness to Jesus, and our marriage would testify to God’s grace.

Dave’s last day of work finally arrived. Spirit-inspired, I prepared a homecoming with a table arrangement of helium balloons sporting witty retirement sayings, his slippers with the daily newspaper, and the new little coffeemaker he’d been wanting.

I felt ready. On my own, I would have had misgivings and been mourning as I watched beloved routines disappear. But trusting God made all the difference! I truly could laugh at the days to come!

P.S. Months down the road, as I write this, I’ve seen that God’s lessons from 2 Cor. 9 were just what I needed for this season. Not that it’s been all roses. We occasionally got on each other’s nerves. Sometimes I had to repeat to myself, “Generous. Eager. Cheerful. Out of His Supply.”

Those four heart adjustments will help to ease just about any of our life transitions. Giving of ourselves generously, willingly, cheerfully, and out of God’s abundant supply frees us to anticipate the future. To expect God’s enabling power.

To laugh at the days to come.

Sandy Mayle is a freelance writer.

She has also served in music, prayer, and women's ministries in her church. She and her husband, Dave, live in Erie, Pa.

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Only God could fully prepare me for the days ahead.

Only He can fully equip any of us for the life-changes we face right now, such as relocation, illness, job loss, bankruptcy, divorce, ministry crisis, empty-nesting, or even welcome transitions like marriage, a promotion, a newborn child, or retirement.

One early December morning, God directed my thoughts to 2 Cor. 9, where Paul prepared the church at Corinth for an upcoming collection for Jerusalem’s needy saints. God applied those verses to the offering of my attitude, time, and energy in retirement calling me to four heart adjustments:

4. Scarcity to Supply

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I loved my hard-working husband and deeply wanted to help him relax and enjoy a retirement that blesses our marriage and fulfills God’s mission for us in our senior years together. I also loved my daytime solitude and my comfy, quirky schedule of freelance writing, ambling walks, and afternoon tea.

God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” (Heb. 4:16).

• God’s presence there to greet me at every point.

• Quiet times becoming precious oases with Him. • Being Spirit-led into new discoveries and new growth.

• Learning new aspects of God as the Holy Spirit applies the Word in fresh ways.

• Growing closer to Dave.

• Growing closer to other retired family and friends.

• Enjoying a more relaxed, varied schedule.

• Proving God’s promises and His supply.

By that grace, I could be cheerful in the face of change.

As a result, I, like that the well-prepared Proverbs 31 woman, could “laugh at the days to come” (Prov. 31:25).

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Over the past two decades, as a chaplain, I have become a friend of the Beamer family. The following interview reveals some interesting insights about a young husband, father, and Christ-follower whose legacy is rooted in a mother’s love.

SHE LOST HER ONLY

SON ON 9/11 Todd Beamer’s mother reflects twenty years later.

by Greg Asimakoupoulos

P

rior to September 11, 2001, we associated 911 with the three digits to call for an emergency response. But that all changed when two highjacked airplanes flew into the World Trade Center.

“I had no reason to think that Todd might be on one of the planes,” Peggy recalls. “As far as I knew, Todd and his wife were still in Italy enjoying a vacation he’d won with his company.”

Twenty years ago next month, 9/11 took on a whole new meaning. In addition, the events of 9/11 introduced us to two-word phrases that called to mind a tragic day we will never forget. Twin Towers. Ground Zero. Flight 93.

“Let’s Roll!”

Todd hadn’t informed his mom that he and Lisa had returned the day before and that he was, in fact, supposed to be in California later that day. Only when Lisa called after the accident did Peggy realize how the events of September 11 would be so deeply personal and forever change her life.

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Knowing he and the other 43 passengers were about to die, Todd attempted to call his wife. When he couldn't reach her, he called a GTE Airfone operator who later relayed his conversation and words of farewell to Lisa.

Peggy learned that Todd asked the operator to pray the Lord's Prayer with him. Ironically, the home Bible study that Todd and Lisa belonged to were in the process of studying the Lord's Prayer. But that was not the first exposure Todd Beamer had to that remarkable model prayer. It was at his mother's knee that Todd first learned to approach a holy God as a loving Father and request His daily provision and forgiveness.

How would you encourage our readers in their ongoing prayers for our country?

Peggy: With each anniversary of September 11, the call to remember is heard by fewer and fewer. The passage of time and changes in culture have that impact. It causes me some concern as people forget. David and I feel that we are still vulnerable as a nation to influences that are in opposition to God’s plans. America was asleep and had a horrific awakening on 9/11. Sadly, it seems we have fallen asleep once again. We need to ask God to awaken us from our slumber.

As a nation we have sought to not only “cancel" culture but cancel God. We pray every day for our elected representatives to seek God’s truth as a guide for their actions and the laws they seek to enact. We also pray that we will become more reliant on God and His Word and look to His truth as a guide for how to live.

What do you and David do to keep Todd’s legacy alive?

Peggy: Todd attended Wheaton Christian Grammar School and Wheaton Academy, private Christian schools near where we lived at the time. Each year, Wheaton Academy conducts the Todd Beamer Benefit Golf Tournament as a fundraiser for the school. Even though we now live in Ohio, David participates often.

We still have many friends (fellow Wheaton Academy parents), and the tournament provides us an opportunity to catch up face-to-face.

Of course, we also share many memories with Todd’s children about their dad.

How and what are Todd’s wife Lisa and the children doing?

Peggy: Lisa and the kids are all doing fine. Lisa has done a great job as mom. Lisa and Todd met at Wheaton College. Their education supported their faith-based worldview and reinforced that foundation for their life together. That wonderful Christ-centered institution

How will you be spending September 11 this milestone year?

Peggy: On the anniversaries of 9/11 we have generally kept a quiet day together choosing not to participate in large media and memorial events. This year we are making an exception. David and I will be traveling to the Seattle area and speaking to students at a public school named after our son. Following the assembly at Todd Beamer High School, we will be traveling to the 9/11 Memorial in Cashmere, Washington, for their twentieth anniversary ceremonies. David will be the keynote speaker.

What would you like people to remember most about Todd's life and faith?

Peggy: Todd was a man of faith, a man of God, and a man who consistently did his best to do the right things.

These were mostly small daily things, but important things noticed by his family and friends. He was consistent to the end. He prayed, doing the right and important thing on his last day—this time noticed by many.

One of Todd's favorite verses was Micah 6:8, "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

What words of hope or encouragement would you give someone who has just heard the worst news of their lives?

Peggy: They can be assured that God cares. His permissive will has allowed man to disrupt His perfect creation. Our world is a fallen place and sometimes bad things happen to good people. In my worst day, 9/11, and the days following I prayed for strength and comfort to help carry on each day. The blessings promised in Is. 26:3 are real, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in you” (NKJV). In whatever tough circumstance you face, look to the one true God, who deeply cares about you and will give you help for each day.

Greg Asimakoupoulos is the full-

time chaplain at Covenant Living at the Shores (a Christian retirement community in suburban Seattle). He is the author of twelve books including Sheltering in Grace; Hopeful Insights for Uncertain Times. Greg and his wife Wendy live on Mercer Island.

SCAN ME

Scan this code with your mobile device to find additional resources on 9/11.

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Todd’s mother Peggy, a housewife in Potomac, Maryland, was running errands when she heard the news on her car radio about the attack on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. Her to-do list no longer seemed important. Upon returning home, she learned of the fourth plane that had crashed in rural Pennsylvania.

After receiving confirmation that Todd had indeed perished in the doomed flight, Peggy discovered how her son had lived out his faith to the very end. It was a faith she and her husband David had modeled for him.

Peggy: It has brought us closer to God and made us thankful for the trust we have in Him. We, along with much of America, have been inspired by our son’s example. He set an example for freedom-loving people by doing the right thing at the right time. David and I have had increased opportunities to share our faith and encourage people about the hope we have in Jesus.

The three kids and Lisa are great people, and that is not just a grandmother talking. They continue to be very much a part of our lives, and we are blessed.

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“Let’s Roll!” was the phrase uttered by a 33-year-old Christian businessman on Flight 93. Todd Beamer and his fellow passengers charged the cockpit of an American Airlines plane being flown toward the nation’s capitol. The flight had left Newark airport bound for San Francisco before terrorists killed the pilots, took control of the plane, and diverted it from its original destination. As a result of the courageous act of Todd and the others, it failed to reach its target. Flight 93 crashed into farmland outside Shanksville, Pennsylvania, killing all on board.

Looking back on the past twenty years since Todd’s death, how has your walk with the Lord been impacted by his death?

continues to play a huge role in our extended family.

Their three children have all followed in Todd and Lisa’s footsteps to Wheaton College.

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A

friend’s son tragically, unexpectedly dies. You want to extend sympathy, but you’re at a loss for words.

“

Someone in your neighborhood is battling cancer. You want to convey support, but what should you say?

Finding ways to express ourselves in difficult situations seems daunting. So much so, we may avoid the suffering person altogether. Or we may give cliché or insensitive responses that add unintended insult and injury to someone already in physical or emotional pain.

Your quiet, compassionate, willingness to listen is enough.

3. Pray. Silently pray as you listen to a hurting person, asking God to comfort them. Remember the Lord is faithful, near to the brokenhearted, able to work in every circumstance. He knows this person and situation thoroughly. He isn’t threatened by their anger, confusion, doubts, or questions, and neither should you be. Ask, “Would you like me to pray with you now? How would you like me to pray?” Include their wording and concerns in your prayer. If you offer ongoing prayer, keep your commitment. Drop a note after your visit letting them know you’re still praying.

4. Offer Additional Help. Your presence and listening is a gift. If you’re unable to be there, send a handwritten note. Facilitate meeting practical needs. Dr. Haugk’s research participants responded with the most helpful offers of practical assistance they received. The top five included: providing or preparing meals, caring for children, doing household chores, providing transportation, and shopping or running errands. Ask what would help most and make a plan. Check back as time goes by, especially after three months.

In his book, Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart: How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering, Dr. Kenneth C. Haugk shares perspective he gained during his wife Joan’s 41-month fight with cancer that ended with her death.

“We learned what helped and what didn’t,” Haugk says in the book. “We cringed at the remarks of some and glowed with warmth at the quality of caring and relating by others … In the face of someone else’s great need, everyone intends well. No one plans to add to another’s hurt.” And yet, unfortunately, we’re capable of doing exactly that.

“All of us have room to grow in this area,” Haugk says.

With that in mind, here are some suggestions:

1. Keep it simple. “Hello. It’s good to see you,” is a

HELPING What to say and not to say when someone is hurting.

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A pastor who went through a heart-wrenching season of suffering put it this way, “I had people around me who kept showing me tangible, real, felt acts of a faithful, trustworthy God. Because of their faith holding me up, I was free to struggle, wrestle, fight, and finally, make peace with God.”

Terri Foster is a freelance writer whose

work has been published by Focus on the Family, HomeLife, Today's Christian Woman, and The Upper Room. She is a chaplain on a rapid response team, providing spiritual and emotional care to survivors of natural and manmade disasters, and lives in South Carolina.

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2. Things to Avoid. Don’t try to fix the problem, give a pep talk, or share your own suffering story. Steer clear of the following: “I know how you feel,” “Time heals all wounds,” “This was God’s will,” “You need to be strong for ________,” “Well, at least ________.” Allow the hurting person to express whatever words or emotions come out without criticism or judgment. Haugk says, “Your ability to take bad news as well as good is such a gift to a suffering individual. Your openness to that person’s truth— whatever it might be—gives them permission to be honest, to share freely, to save valuable energy."

Scripture cautions us about extending false cheeriness that glosses over another's suffering (Prov. 25.20).

Instead, prayer, carefully chosen words, and actions provide a comforting, healing balm to the wounds of someone else.

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by Terri Foster

good start. Your next move may not be words at all, but a touch on the arm or shoulder. Then maybe, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” or “I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.” You’re there to be a comforting presence, open to conversation, or accepting their desire not to speak. If it seems fitting, ask, “How are you holding up?” this open-ended question acknowledges the inherit difficulty of the situation, and invites the hurting person to share information or feelings. Haugk says, “Your immediate goal is simply getting them to talk about what is concerning them right at that moment.” Your quiet, compassionate, willingness to listen is enough.

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come depression without medication. Others fear that depression reflects a puny faith, an imperfect acceptance of the gospel. The implicit fear is that depression and faith are incompatible. “Real” believers hope in the gospel, and so they don’t get depressed.

Further observations suggest that the church can worsen, rather than assuage, such feelings of guilt. In her article recounting her experience with depression, Alicia Cohn writes: Unfortunately, many of us who have spoken up in church communities have been told to “pray harder” or “have more faith.” These suggestions might be well-intentioned, but they often discourage and isolate.

Why

Christian Love

Such comments demonstrate a faltering in love for our neighbors, a widening crack in the foundation of Christian empathy. As Christ’s followers we gladly leap into the mission field, cook meals for the destitute, and embrace the grieving; but when depression strikes, misconceptions can deteriorate this spirit of compassion.

At best, we practice silence and avoidance. At worst, we blame the sufferer and disregard the depressed as too lax in faith to pull themselves from the depths.

Matters in Depression

Walking alongside the depressed with love and support.

More Than Feeling Down

Clinical depression differs from grief and sadness, which are appropriate responses to a broken world.

Our tears are God-given. As they dampen our faces, they provide a balm for our wounded hearts, and point to our need for a Savior.

by Dr. Kathryn Butler

T

he first day I ventured through the church doors, no one knew I fought the compulsion to throw myself off a bridge.

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Unfortunately, misconceptions about depression seep into the church, tainting our words. While the Bible urges us to open our arms to those crushed in spirit, too often sufferers of depression find the church to be a home for ridicule, rather than truth and love.

Real Christians Aren’t Depressed

In my experience of writing and teaching about depression, dialogue with other Christian sufferers has revealed an unsettling theme. As they strive to contextualize their illness within a biblical framework, they worry that depression reflects a deficit in their faith.

Some chastise themselves for being unable to over-

Translated into everyday language, major depression is a pervasive disorder of mood and thought that deadens joy. The mundane tasks of getting up in the morning, getting dressed, and going to work feel impossible—with 60 percent of sufferers unable to perform these simple daily activities.

Research over the past decade reveals that the neurobiological underpinnings of this experience are intricate. These changes create profound disturbances in mood, motivation, focus, and the ability to engage in the stuff of life. Those with depression suffer from a bleakness they can neither comprehend nor control.

And even when the depressed seek out help for a single episode, another descent into darkness often lurks months or years ahead.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a shadow descended over my heart again. The urge to cry thrust me into silence while my friends and family sang praises to God. As joy drained away, my most fervent thoughts dwindled to monosyllables. Help me, I prayed. Lord, please.

Not this. Not again.

As it so often does, the darkness had returned.

Depression is often a lifelong burden. Following recovery from a single episode, up to 40 percent of sufferers have recurrent symptoms within two years (Kang).

After two episodes, up to 80 percent continue to have recurrences (Burcusa, Bulloch).

Challenges in treatment compound the problem. Many people who suffer from depression don’t receive adequate therapy, either because guilt and stigma discourage them from seeking help, or because healthcare disparities limit services (Thornicroft). Even when sufferers do seek help, treatment is an inexact science, and cure elusive.

The mainstays of therapy include antidepressant medications, which increase concentrations of serotonin in the brain, and psychotherapy. Although antidepressants can provide crucial stability, when used alone they facilitate full remission in only about 50 percent of cases (Papakostas, Gartlehner). Efficacy increases when antidepressants and psychotherapy are combined (Cuijpers).

When sufferers muster the courage to pursue therapy, they can face a plodding and debilitating course.

Although some feel better within one to two weeks (Uher, Posternak), full remission usually requires six to 12 weeks of therapy (Papakostas, Trivedi, Romera). The delayed effectiveness of treatment can worsen feelings of guilt. As Zack Eswine writes, “Because of this slowness of cure, sufferers must daily withstand voices of condemnation. After all, Shouldn’t you be over it by now?” Fellow churchgoers hold the power either to fan that condemnation into flame, or to snuff it out. Our words matter (Matt. 15:18; Eph. 4:29). With them we may trample the downtrodden for the glory of our own lofty opinions. Or, we may embrace the suffering with open arms and hearts, and in so doing embody the love of Christ.

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Fellow churchgoers noticed I neither lifted my voice in song, nor bowed my head in prayer. Many rightly deduced that church was foreign to me. No one, however, could perceive the severity of my groaning, because like other mental illnesses, clinical depression is a hidden disability. It skulks behind everyday routines.

We go to work and pick up our kids from school, but

“The flesh can bear only a certain number of wounds and no more, but the soul can bleed in ten thousand ways, and die over and over again each hour.”

Nine years after my initial steps through those church doors, my suicidal compulsions had receded into memory. As I sat in the pews with a toddler clinging to my hip and an infant fussing on my lap, I called those around me my dearest friends. I had accepted Christ into my life and knew the church as a beacon of fellowship and respite.

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I had drifted about for months with a shroud draped over my mind. Joy had vanished. As a physician, I understood my anguish and could describe its chemical mechanisms with precision. I could define clinical depression and deconstruct it. Yet as I sat there that day with the Bible heavy on my lap, despair crowded out my will to live. Never before had living felt so much like dying.

struggle to breathe. We force a smile, while our regard for life erodes away. As Charles Spurgeon described,

Depression, on the other hand, differs from this God-given sorrow. In major depression, our tears flow for too long, and for reasons we can’t pinpoint. They persist long after wounds have healed. No matter how earnestly we strive to free ourselves from the depths, each day dawns bleaker, since depression originates not from the will, but from changes in the brain.

Lifelong Affliction

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Medical Problem with Spiritual Ramifications

Sufferers desperately need reminders of Christ’s love.

When we dismiss depression as an affliction of faithlessness, we crush believers during their moments of dire need. We also ignore the refining work God may accomplish through our moments of despair. Pastor Todd Peperkorn shares the following: Overcoming depression is not a matter of “cheer up!” or “just have more faith and joy!” or some pious version of “get over it!” I knew the gospel. I knew all the right answers. I had it all figured out and preached it Sunday after Sunday. But our Lord, in his mercy, chose to crush me, to cause me to suffer with him, so that the faith he gave me… would be stronger, clearer, and more focused. By traveling down that dark road, I have come to understand what the light of Christ is all about.

As Christ’s followers, we’re called to reflect His light.

We’re called to remind one another, as the Psalms constantly reassure us, that those who know and love God also struggle through seasons of despair (Ps. 13:1–2; 38:6–8; 42:1–2). David was a man after God’s own heart, with a faith so vast it steeled him against a giant. Yet in the Psalms he laments. Seasons find him in agony, crying out to the Lord whom he cherishes, but who he fears has fallen silent (Ps. 22:1–2). In their deep longing and poetic imagery, the Psalms give a voice to our own suffering. They reveal that even those rich in faith are prone to despondency.

Hope in Christian Love

When I awkwardly stepped into that church building more than a decade ago, those present couldn’t discern my agony. But they saw me. They beheld me as another image-bearer of God, worthy of love, won

by Christ. They offered table fellowship. They opened their homes and their lives to a stranger. They shared books, baked pies, and offered unconditional embraces. They inquired. They listened.

Adapted from the gospelcoalition.org/article/responding-depression/.

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Websites: www.hope4mentalhealth.com A ministry of Saddleback Church featuring Pastor Rick and Kay Warren. www.nami.org National Alliance on Mental Illness— Helpline: 800-950-NAMI (6264) www.penetratingthedarkness.com A ministry of Terry Powell, a Christian professor who has spoken and written about living with depression.

Books: Grace for the Afflicted: A Clinical and Biblical Perspective on Mental Illness by Matthew S. Stanford, PhD Grace for Children: Finding Hope in the Midst of Child and Adolescent Mental Illness by Matthew S. Stanford, PhD. Is Your Teen Stressed or Depressed? A Practical and Inspirational Guide for Parents of Hurting Teenagers

by Dr. Arch Hart & Dr. Catherine Hart Weber Out of the Cave: Stepping into the Light when Depression Darkens What You See

by Chris Hodges & Rick Warren Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church Mission by Amy Simpson When the Darkness Will Not Lift by John Piper National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Help is available. Speak with someone today.

Hours: Available 24 hours. Languages: English, Spanish.

800-273-8255

5 Simple Ways to Flourish in Prayer

by Ginger Harrington

P

rayer is a vital part of our intimacy with God, a way to communicate and be present. Too often, I prayed to “get something” I wanted or needed. As we mature in faith, our prayer needs to include both asking for God’s help and seeking to know His heart. To flourish in prayer, we need to reach beyond request-driven prayer as we deepen our relationship with God. Living in communion with God, we learn to pray as a way of enjoying one another. Seeking more of God is the heart of prayer, and it is a practical aspect of abiding in Him. When we flourish in prayer, our intimacy with God is increased.

We Don’t Need a Formula to Flourish in Prayer

Flourishing in prayer isn’t a matter of getting a formula correct. It's living in authentic connection with God, trusting that He listens to us. Be honest and real with God. Pour your heart out to Him in prayer. Abide in Him and trust in His Word.

— Ann Cook

Simple prayers often best convey our true thoughts and needs in the moment.

Dr. Kathryn Butler (MD, Columbia University College

• • • • •

of Physicians and Surgeons) is a trauma and critical care surgeon who recently left clinical practice to homeschool her children. She has written for Desiring God and Christianity Today, and is the author of Between Life and Death (Crossway, 2019) and Glimmers of Grace: A Doctor's Reflections on Faith, Suffering, and the Goodness of God (Crossway, 2021). She also blogs at Oceans Rise.

SCAN ME

Scan this code with your mobile device to find additional resources on depression.

“Help me, Lord.”

“I trust You, Father.”

“I love You, Lord.”

“Help me to pray.”

“What do You want me to learn in this situation?”

Prayer connects our hearts with God. When we believe God is good, faithful, and present, we begin to trust Him even when we struggle to understand our circumstances.

How to Flourish in Prayer

Make the choice to live a prayer-filled life. In the fastpaced life we live in, we need to seek God wholeheartedly, trusting Him with our every concern. Practice some of these steps to help your prayer life flourish.

1. Pray in the moment. Keep a continuous conversation with God. Talk with Him throughout the day (Eph. 6:18; 1 Thess. 5:17).

2. Pray with confidence, trusting in God's grace and mercy. God has invited you to come confidently whenever you have a need. Take Him at His Word by praying with the assurance that He welcomes your prayer (Heb. 4:16; 10:19-22).

3. Pray with a thankful heart. Gratitude changes our perspective, shifting our attention from our problem to God's power and presence (Phil. 4:6-7; Ps. 100:4, Col. 4:2).

4. Ask God to help you pray when you're not sure what or how to pray. The Holy Spirit helps us to pray in a variety of ways. Prayers don't always have words and we don't always know what to ask for. Trust the Spirit to help you pray (Rom. 8:26).

5. Watch to see what God does next. Pray with anticipation that God will work through your prayer.

Surrender your desires by trusting that God will give the best answer (Ps. 5:3; Hab. 2:1-3; Col. 4:2).

Lord, thank You for the gift of prayer. Teach me how to flourish in prayer. I want to know You more, sharing my life with You in prayer. Amen.

This adapted article first appeared at Planting Roots: Strength to Thrive in Military Life. https://plantingroots.net/5-simple-ways-to-flourish-in-prayer/.

Used with permission.

Ginger Harrington is author of Holy in the Moment and publishing director for a military nonprofit. Additionally, she equips women to thrive in a deeper life with God. Connect with Ginger to get your free guide to overcome negative thinking and other resources at GingerHarrington.com.

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Their efforts didn’t chase away the darkness. They didn’t cure my depression, or jolt my mind awake with a burst of hope. But they did reflect Christ’s love, and in so doing, buoyed me through turbulent seas. They reminded me, even while I was steeped in hopelessness and shame, even when I couldn’t believe their words, that Christ lived and died and rose for me. And like a shaft of light glittering through inky waters, that truth—that love—penetrates through.

If you or someone you know is suffering from depression, we encourage you to seek out help. Spend some time with the following resources to begin the journey of getting the help you need for yourself or someone you know who is struggling with depression. You don't have to suffer alone.

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When years later, I finally divulged the episodic tumult within my soul, they still loved me. The table fellowship continued. The books still exchanged hands.

The embraces just lingered a bit longer. The house visits increased in frequency. The prayers became more fervent. They didn’t reprimand me. They simply partnered with me, holding on to me while the waves of grief ebbed and flowed.

Depression Support and Resources

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INTENTIONAL FAITH

JOURNAL YOUR HEART

“

Journal Your Heart is designed with you and your relationship with God in mind—and to use this issue as a devotional. Take a few moments and let God speak to your heart and you to His through the articles you read.

Instant Jesus

WHAT BIBLE VERSE OR QUOTE STOOD OUT TO YOU AND WHY?

by Jen Allee

W

hen was the last time you called into a radio station to win something? I’m betting, like me, you were a kid—hopeful, optimistic, and naïve. I have a 15-yearold and he recently heard a DJ announce $1,000 to caller number 12. Determined to win, he whipped out his phone.

WHAT ARTICLE DID GOD USE TO SPEAK TO YOUR HEART TODAY AND WHAT DID HE SAY?

After quickly dialing, his brow furrowed in confusion.

“Mom, what’s this sound?” He put the phone to my ear, and I heard what you always hear when you try to be the lucky caller in a radio contest: the busy signal.

FOR TODAY

PRAYER

He is a product of our instant culture. The culture where any movie can be found, any information can be Googled, and any message can be emailed or texted—in an instant.

Technology has transformed how we communicate, learn, work, and play. The effects of speed have impacted our relationships, our workplaces, and our free time—and often for the better. There is one area, though, where speed doesn’t help us—our faith.

The concept that faster is always better has translated into our spiritual lives. We assume if we pray for something in the morning, it should be answered by noon. Five minutes of Bible reading on Monday should provide enough wisdom to last all week. If we face a difficult situation, Jesus better have it resolved quickly.

We refuse to wait, persevere, or suffer. We want instant results, instant change, and instant happiness.

Jen Allee

We are not puppets that He manipulates. We are humans that are deeply loved, that He has proudly created with high expectations. Expectations to live for a greater purpose.

Entertainment, communication, and hot food are available at the push of a button; healing a hurt, changing an attitude, or ceasing a bad habit are not.

They require walking closely with our heavenly Father: asking questions, listening, obeying, surrendering, and believing, just to name a few.

Allowing Jesus to transform our lives takes effort. But it is so worth it! Nothing compares to knowing at the core of our being that we have let go of bitterness, walked away from a destructive habit, or been healed from a wrenching disappointment.

For that to be our experience, we must come to Him. Sit with Him. Listen to Him. And follow His lead. We can’t settle for a push-of-the-button experience with Him and expect our lives to be different. Faith is not instant, but it is also not overwhelming or unreachable.

It’s intentional.

Are you ready for more in your life? Don’t settle for an instant Jesus. He doesn’t exist. Instead, join me in the coming issues to live intentionally. In fact, let’s start right now!

Be Intentional

Put a daily reminder on your phone to pray. Ask God, every day, to help you in that one area you need it most, even if it seems impossible!

is an author and a speaker who believes a strong faith is built one intentional step at a time. For encouragement in taking your next step, visit her at Living Intentionally at jenallee.com.

jenallee.com

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Then it hit me. He has never called someone and not gotten through! My blessed firstborn knows nothing of being told “not now, you have to wait, or try again later.” Those concepts are not in his vocabulary.

But Jesus is not a vending machine. We don’t tell Him what needs to happen, and then tap our foot until He does it. We don’t bark orders or make demands. And you know what? Neither does He.

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REFLECTION

MY TAKEAWAYS

Me: “That’s the busy signal.”

Son: “What’s a busy signal?”

Me: “What’s a busy signal? You have never heard this before?”

If we don’t get it, we arrive at these conclusions: Jesus doesn’t affect our daily life, prayer doesn’t work, the Bible isn’t relevant, Jesus doesn’t care, or He isn’t strong enough to alleviate our pain.

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LIVING WELL

The Golden Key of Forgiveness

You Flourish When You

By Dorie Etrheim

by Gail Goolsby

M

y lovely client gazed out the windows and said wistfully, “I just want the relationship with my brother-in-law to change. I need to get over the past four decades of offenses.

I feel stuck.”

you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Another client on the phone reported, “My mother is driving me crazy with her constant demands. I have two young teens to supervise with online schooling, a husband working from home, and chronic health issues of my own. Every day I hold back anger and wish she lived somewhere else.”

All the situations described above require forgiveness to move forward, not just once, but perhaps repeatedly as in the “seventy times seven” answer Jesus gave in Matt. 18:22. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a heroic act of the will.

I opened an envelope and looked at three pages of uninvited words. After a ten-year silence, a former boss—who fired me, humiliated me, and shattered my confidence as a leader—wanted to reconnect. I thought I was done with that chapter of my life.

What power, what action, what key will release these locked up situations?

Forgiveness is a Powerful Key

When a hero is acknowledged by a certain community, it is tradition to give them the key to the city.

This is illustrated in Jesus’ life and sacrifice. Because we could not live sinless lives, Jesus paved the way to God, paid the required debt, and unlocked the door for all of us. Revelation 1:18 tells us this heroic achievement afforded Christ the “keys to death and hell,” authority over human life and our eternity.

Wise people recognize and seek the key Christ offers, gaining access to God’s kingdom on earth and ultimately in heaven forever. This is freedom from the slavery of sin’s power and the fear of death and eternal judgment.

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Gail Goolsby,

Forgiveness brings in God’s holy light to dissipate the grip of bitterness. Our enemy loves to heap additional paranoia and vain imaginations upon the original pain. In our confession, we can find a way out of the darkness.

Sometimes the person we need to forgive is ourselves.

The same steps apply to acknowledge our shortcomings, sin, offenses against another and going to that person or if not possible, straight to God, asking humbly for forgiveness.

Turning the powerful key of forgiveness by choice, begins to change us. We may need to repeat the process again. Forgiveness unlocks the door to possible reconciliation, although this is not a given or requirement by God. We are mandated to find peace with others as we are able (Rom. 12:18), but not necessarily restore a prior, perhaps unhealthy relationship.

Grab the keys of the kingdom Christ offers. Gain power to forgive, live in peace with others, and look forward to heaven. It is truly a golden opportunity.

MA, MEd, ACC is an author, speaker, and career educator, including serving overseas as detailed in her recent book, Unveiled Truth: Lessons I Learned Leading the International School of Kabul. As a life coach, Gail believes there is support and encouragement in God’s Word to help us all learn to live well. She is a mom, grandma, and lives in south central Kansas, with her husband of 43 years.

gailgoolsby.com

% gail.goolsby@gmail.com F Gail Wettstone Goolsby T Gail Goolsby

WORD

Ponder this union—this intimate fellowship, security, and oneness of life we have in Christ, in the Father, sealed with the Holy Spirit. This is where we remain!

What areas do you need to remain in Christ?

Jesus says in John 15:5, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

Have you ever tried working hard to produce fruit for Jesus? Or tried to earn your relationship with Him? Jesus reminds us that in our strength, apart from Him, we accomplish nothing.

Circle “remain/abide,” in John 15:4-11. List what Jesus says about abiding. How many times is this word repeated?

We are to remain in Jesus and remain in His love.

Notice the result in verse 11.

What does Jesus say about Himself, the Father, and the Holy Spirit in John 14:15-23. Who initiates this relationship?

Digging Deeper Remain/abide in the original language means “to remain in the same place, to be one’s lifestyle, to make this place your permanent home.” In other words, stay where you already are. He will keep us, grow us, bear fruit through us, and give us everything we need to flourish!

While nothing can separate us from Jesus, we can disconnect from Him and stop growing. Too often fears, insecurities, and busyness distract me and disconnect me from Jesus. I forget Who is in me and I begin striving in my own strength. There is no striving in abiding.

Abiding is a place of restful trust and dependence upon Jesus to do all He has said. Our role is to live in His presence, making Him the first person we turn to for direction and help.

For me, abiding starts in the morning, snuggled on the couch, wrapped in my blanket, picturing myself in the strong arms of Jesus. I sit there with Him, resting in His presence, soaking in His love.

Quieting your heart with Jesus and learning to just be with Him is a key to abiding.

For Your Journal Read John 15:4-11 in the Amplified version.

What does abiding in Jesus look like for you?

Jesus says, “I am in my Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you” (John 14:20).

remain

“ I Ifamyouthe vine, you are the branches. in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

JOHN 15:5

Name one practical way you can abide in Jesus and allow Him to love you today.

Journal how not adiding in Him keeps you from a flourishing life.

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Our response is clearly dictated by the Key-Giver in Matt. 6:14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive

The steps to forgive start with the heart’s earnest plea to want to forgive the offender. The next action includes acknowledgement of disappointments, offenses, broken promises, abuse, neglect, abandonment, whatever has locked up our hearts. A detailed list shared with a trusted friend or counseling professional can be exhausting, but is needed to fully release the pent-up feelings.

minutes in the

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Forgiveness is the Relational Key

We must forgive others or be in trouble with God. Sigh.

This is often hard work.

G

rowing up, my family planted a pumpkin patch. I tiptoed every day through the vines watching the pumpkins grow. In the fall and when we gathered the pumpkins, it was obvious which ones I had bumped and disconnected from the vine; they completely stopped growing.

Abide

15

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DISCOVERING THE WORD

STRENGTHENING YOUR SOUL

Passing the Baton of Faith

Fighting for Your Family

by Pam Farrel

by Melva L. Henderson

Y

ou and I want to be Christians who are able to hang tight with Jesus, to follow faithfully into our silver-haired days and be a beacon of hope and help to the generations who follow in our footsteps. But what do we do on the days when fears threaten to overtake our faith? The psalmist illuminates the way through these times: O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds.

So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come (Ps. 71:17-18).

In simple terms, the psalmist calls us to: Look back so we can move forward.

Look up so we don’t become downcast.

At one time, Bill and I faced a move to the inner city so Bill could attend seminary. I was so desperately depressed about the idea that Bill pleaded with me to talk with an older, wiser woman. I called Barbara, the mother of one of our close friends. She was a woman who had experienced tragedies, challenges, and obstacles; yet, she had a zest for life that I knew was empowered by her love for God and her hope in His Word.

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Pam Farrel

No matter what we face, Psalm 71 inspires us to express a legacy of joy and hope: “My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. And my tongue will talk of your righteous help all the day long …” (23-24).

Now, in my legacy-living days, I’ve added more ways to meditate on God’s goodness and share it. I turn to my art journaling Bible and draw passages in hopes that one day a grandchild or great-grandchild might be inspired in their faith. In every part of my life, I recount the faithfulness of God! You and I can join the psalmist in passing the baton of faith from generation to generation. Let’s stay true, creative, and faithful!

is an engaging and energetic leader who has impacted women's lives with her experience as an international speaker, director of women's ministry, radio co-host, newspaper columnist, pastor's wife, youth leader, and mentor. She is co-director of Love-Wise, and the author of over 52 books.

When she's not traveling, she and Bill make their home on a boat in southern California.

Love-Wise.com

You must stop him!

The family was the first institution ever created by God. Since the beginning of time, He established the family as the foundation for every person’s life, so the family is extremely powerful and vitally important to God. His ultimate desire was to have families that flourish and model His blessings throughout the earth.

God’s Word needs to be brought back to the forefront.

The Word of God is a family’s guidebook for day-today living. Help and guidance for our children should come from the Word of God in the context of daily family life.

All the wisdom and understanding we need is found in the Word of God. Deuteronomy 6:6–7 says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” His Word is to be central to all that we do. The connected promise says that God will bring our family into a place of great abundance when we obey.

The Power of Prayer

Today, we are losing what God purposed for the family and, as a result, the enemy has been granted access into the family. He works overtime, bringing division, separation, and destruction to a place God loves. It is one of the first places Satan strikes because he knows that a strong family unit is a powerful family unit.

Prayer and repentance are essential for regaining the ground that has been lost by the enemy. We need to ask God to forgive us for allowing “idols” in our lives and neglecting our first ministry: our family’s relationship with Christ. Pray for God to open your eyes to see what your priorities need to be to keep a Christ-centered home (see Eph. 1:18).

If Satan can get us preoccupied with our agendas, technology, work, and even ministry, he knows that we will waste precious time and miss opportunities to grow individually and as a family. Instead of drawing closer together, these things will eventually pull the family apart.

Prayer also invites God into the home and brings an awareness of His Spirit, creating an atmosphere of peace and stability. When a home is filled with the presence of God, our children will desire to be there, and visitors may never want to leave.

How can we protect our families against Satan’s attacks? For a family’s foundation to be lasting and strong, it’s essential that it is established in the Word of God and covered in prayer.

The Power of the Word of God

Satan is strategic. He works at the core of the family to stop any level of spiritual development. If he can keep the Word of God out of the home, those within it won’t include God in their day-to-day lives and relationships. At the heart of a dysfunctional family is the absence of God and a failure to live by the Word of God.

Melva L. Henderson

It’s not too late, no matter what the current condition of your family is. Today is a new day and God’s Word will never return void. Pray for those in your family who have gone astray, who have even abandoned their faith, or denounced your family. Prayer is powerful and effective, and God can use it to take your family from the grips of the enemy! Allow the blessing that belongs to the family to flow to yours.

is an author, speaker, and regular columnist for Just Between Us. She is also the founder of The Milwaukee Give, a humanitarian outreach, and co-founder and president of World Bible Training Institute, an accredited Bible college. She is wife to pastor Ervin, mother of five, and a grandmother.

melvahenderson.org

worldoutreachbtc.org

F Melva Henderson T Melva Henderson

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• Get to know God by digging deeper into His Word and mark passages as I learn.

• Journal and keep track of God’s faithfulness to me, so I can share it with others.

• Get in the habit of recalling God’s character and faithfulness so it’s natural to turn to God. • Get creative so my home reflects the truths of His Word.

Every mentor God has sent across my path has similar patterns of praise in their lives. Now I am the grayhaired grandmother. (Well, at least under the blond highlights I pay for!) And when times get tough, and they still do, I pull out my Bible and revisit the passages that have brought me hope!

I

t’s common in today’s families for children to spend countless hours gaming while parents are on the phone or computer, often leaving no time to read God’s Word or grow together spiritually. No longer is it common to see a family sitting around the dinner table enjoying one another’s company. We need to see this for what it is: a plot of the enemy. His goal is to isolate us from each other and destroy the family.

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This young, fearful newlywed sat at the kitchen table of this seasoned saint as she recounted to me the faithfulness of God. She took out her well-worn Bible and flipped from favorite verse to favorite verse, telling me stories of God’s faithfulness. I made a four-fold resolve that day:

To this day, I place myself in Bible explorations and look for leaders who challenge me—like those who write for Just Between Us magazine. I use colored markers to make notes alongside verses and display them in creative ways: I keep a “miracle scrapbook” to track all the blessings God has performed in my own life; I hang photos and paintings of special passages; I sketch, and I write prose and poetry capturing names and traits of God. And I bring the act of praise into natural rhythms of my life. For example, when I swim, I pray through the attributes of God, A to Z, recounting His character, and this gives me confidence. And before I get out of my cozy bed to face this often harsh world, I recall the names of God. My friend, Jill Savage, says, “Look at the mountain-mover, not the mountain.”

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OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR

Do it Scared

by Ashley N. Thomas “God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

M

uch of my life I have struggled with anxiety. With every bold and courageous step I have taken, comes countless hours of processing “What if” scenarios…and hoping I don’t mess up too badly, or worse yet, do harm to someone else.

The first time I drove down to Hope Street, the only context I had for the area or the organization was that it was on the wrong side of town. Numerous people shared the concern that I was going down alone.

I made the trek from my suburban church to the “hood” on the northside of Milwaukee.

However, looking back, the drive down wasn’t what caused me fear or anxiety. It was the people that I would come face-to-face with. It was not knowing what questions to ask, when to speak, or when to remain quiet. It was wrestling with the fact I knew nothing about addictions, severe mental health, or much of the trauma and abuse members had endured.

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The kicker? No one was asking me to have all the answers. There was no special manual to read and no quiz to pass. People were simply wanting to see how long I would stick around. Was I there to build up my resume or was I in it for the long haul—willing to be transformed alongside of them? No one wants to be someone else’s “project.” We just want to know it is safe to be a whole person alongside another whole person. To do this, we have to show up. As we are.

Agendas aside.

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Three words ring the loudest and most profound in my mind from my time at Hope Street: “thanks for coming.” Cassandra, a.k.a. Sunshine, spoke these words to me after a couple months of sitting next to her during community prayer.

I showed up. Beyond that, I'm not sure what I did beside shedding a few tears, and getting sucker punched with truth. Slowly, I realized the divide I was worried about was a man-made chasm with a Godsized bridge waiting for me to take the next step.

I had no idea what God had planned for me the first time I walked through Hope Street’s doors. I never could have imagined being in the role I am today some seven-plus years later. I can tell you He turned my fearful first steps into something beautiful. I have found healing, freedom, and a love like none other. He has never left my side.

LET YOUR FACETS REFLECT HIS LIGHT. DA C O S TA C O L L E C T I O N . C O M

Authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency trump any divide. They make us real, loveable, and relatable.

They allow grace to be continually exchanged. They don’t divide. They create unity, as they help us discover the inherit core longings we all have. The main one being—to belong.

I am simply telling you “Just Do It.” No, this isn’t an ad for Nike, but if we allow all of our fears, insecurities, limitations, and excuses to reign we will never get anywhere.

Where do you sense God is trying to walk with you?

Fear. Step. More fear. Next step. He is with you. Be bold.

Do it scared.

Father, Your Word says “fear not” over and over again.

Your power reigns in us, because of the sacrifice of Your son, Jesus. Help us to receive Your perfect love and to rest in Your truth, so that our mind, body, and soul can be fixated on You. Your will be done. Amen.

Ashley N. Thomas is the Executive Director of Hope Street ministry in Milwaukee, Wis. She enjoys speaking, writing, and being present with broken people as each discovers the grace that allows us all to be known and loved still.

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BETWEEN FRIENDS

When Discouragement Comes Knocking

by Shelly Esser

D

iscouragement has been relentlessly pounding at my door. Have you ever had days, even weeks like that? The more I tried to ignore it, the louder it got. At times it felt like discouragement was not only pounding at my door, but breaking the door down! Discouragement often makes us feel like giving up because of the hopeless feelings that most often accompany it. We can feel drained and it can even be difficult to have the energy to read our Bibles or pray or do anything that would be spiritually encouraging. It can completely deplete our strength.

I’ve had to really do battle in my mind as a result. And the only way I’ve been able to send discouragement packing, is to send God to answer the door.

As I’ve turned to God’s Word, I’ve had to focus on the truth that God has a good plan for my life, even when it doesn’t always feel like that, and even when I can’t see a hint of it on the horizon.

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fall 2021

Discouragement makes us vulnerable, and the enemy knows that, so he’s right there to slide into our minds and hearts with words that will keep us discouraged and down in the pit, causing us to doubt God’s goodness in our lives. And Satan always casts God as the bad guy for bringing us to this despairing place. He’s constantly whispering lies into our ears that over time just bring us down, down, down. Lies like: “God doesn’t love you,” “You will never make it through this,” “God isn’t listening to your prayers,” or “God doesn’t see your tears.”

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So how can we take heart when we are discouraged?

One author put it this way: “Filter everyday life through the truth of God’s Word.” In times when our minds are spiraling out of control with lies, we are to remember who we are in Christ. And part of the mix is remembering (thinking about) who God is: He’s our Comforter (Ps. 23:4), He’s our Provider (Phil. 4:19), He’s our Healer (Ps. 6:2), He’s our Relief (Matt. 11:28-29), He’s our Shepherd (Psalm 23), He’s our Refuge (Ps. 46:1).

When we meet discouragement head on knowing who we are in Christ and leaning into the promises of God, we’re going to view ourselves and our circumstances differently—we’re going to be able to become a godly, hope-filled thinker instead of letting discouragement take charge. We need to make a conscious effort to preach to our souls to “hope in God” (Ps. 42:5) and pray against discouraging self-talk. Ultimately, we are in charge of our thoughts, they are not in charge of us.

Here are some other truths from God’s Word to plant your mind on every time discouragement comes knocking: “I am forever faithful to you” (Ps. 146:6), “I am with you” (Is. 41:10), “I am holding you” (Ps. 73:23), “I am your hiding place” (Ps. 32:7), and “I am your strength when you are weary” (Is. 40:29).

I t’s our thought life that dictates our perspectives, our fears, and our view of ourselves and God. Philippians 4:8-9 gives us a whole list of positive things to think about, because we need to exchange the negative thoughts that the enemy uses to discourage us with the positive thoughts that keep our minds focused on Christ. “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. …And the God of peace will be with you.”

By focusing on the excellent and praiseworthy things in our lives, God will help us rearrange our negative thinking patterns. And as a result, He will transform our thought life and fill our hearts with God’s peace instead of discouragement.

What would happen if we took one of the things on the list in Philippians and made it the focus of our thoughts today? My guess is it would revolutionize the battle in our minds.

The next time you’re discouraged, “filter everyday life (your discouragement) through the truth of God’s Word.” And then send your discouragement packing by letting God answer the door!

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for 30 years.

Additionally, she has been involved with leading and nurturing women in Christ since college. She and her husband have four adult daughters, two sons-in-law, a new grandson, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

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