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JUNE 3, 2021 | The Jewish Home
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OCTOBER 29, 2015 | The Jewish Home
Dating Dialogue
What Would You Do If… Moderated by Jennifer Mann, LCSW of The Navidaters
Dear Navidaters,
When my son was in yeshiva high school, recently, he was friendly with a neighborhood girl whom he had known since elementary school. He frequently went to her home, and she came to ours. They talked, played games, and sometimes walked in the neighborhood. The friendship continued through high school. My son’s yeshiva had a strict “no girl” policy. Boys were not allowed to be with any girls anywhere, at any time, for any reason. One Shabbat, my son and his friend were walking in the neighborhood. It seems that one of the school rebbes saw the two and reported him to the principal who told my son and me that he disobeyed the school policy and the next time this happens, they will expel him from the yeshiva. I was furious. I explained to the principal that all the kids are doing are talking and walking down the street. We know the girl and her family for years. My son and the girl are good friends, and we were hoping that, perhaps, down the line this would lead to a long-term more serious relationship, possibly a shidduch. My pleas fell on deaf ears. The yeshiva would not budge from their policy. We had to be extremely discrete and hide their contacts from the yeshiva and any neighborhood “snoopers.” When they dated, they did so outside the neighborhood lest someone find out. I hear this similar situation from current yeshiva parents. What would you advise parents on how to handle this policy? Why should kids have to choose between friendships and getting expelled from a yeshiva because of a strict no-girl policy?
Disclaimer: This column is not intended to diagnose or otherwise conclude resolutions to any questions. Our intention is not to offer any definitive conclusions to any particular question, rather offer areas of exploration for the author and reader. Due to the nature of the column receiving only a short snapshot of an issue, without the benefit of an actual discussion, the panel’s role is to offer a range of possibilities. We hope to open up meaningful dialogue and individual exploration.
